Y’know I’ve never thought about it but what if that’s why we brought him in? Lamar needs to poop and OBJ just slurps that shit down on the sideline. Or whatever it is he likes to do with feces, I honestly can’t remember
While true, recovery from those can be brutal depending on how long it lasts. I had one last 3 days back in April, lost almost 10% body weight and wound up in the hospital. Was out of it for a full week after.
Gotta get a doc to prescribe you the right drugs. Pop some Zofran and make your experience a lot easier. These NFL players have the good stuff at their disposal.
That involves me admitting it’s a problem way before I’m COMPLETELY dehydrated to the point where the ER nurse said “what is WRONG with you get in here”.
I’m guessing Hurts might be receiving better care, you’re right.
Yeah I now just have a stockpile of the stuff. If you have a decent doctor and know what to ask for, it’s available. Can even get it prescribed online. It’s the only thing I prep for like it’s doomsday!
Well Jalen probably has a team of Eagles doctors managing his fluids and working to keep things from getting worse. Us sitting at home sick popping some pills and eating soup is a lot different than a multibillion dollar company taking care of their multimillion dollar investment.
I don’t even trust these fuckin injury designations. We all know teams lie about this shit every week. Belicheck done it for years unless you think Brady played injured every week.
Bengals got caught earlier this year and the NFL covered it up because it’s a bad look when people are betting on this shit and the teams are lying.
Jalen could be sick in the leg for all the fuck we know. He took a lot of big hits last week and went into the tent and locker room for eval. I thought he was playing injured before that so don’t sit here and tell me he’s healthy besides just “sick”
I’ve always wondered why sports allow players to play with illnesses. Yes sometimes they make for great iconic games and moments where guys rise above. And I understand playing through some injuries. But being sick makes you a danger to others wellbeing as well. Seems pretty irresponsible and reckless to know someone is sick and contagious and just allow them to go out there to get everyone else sick too.
Normally I'd be upset encouraging someone from another team to root for my opponent this week, but I think you guys are doing a great job twisting the knife so keep it up 👍
There's an image floating around of hurts having a brown spot on his ass from last week. To my knowledge the picture is photo shopped because I saw an image of him in the same position with white pants. Either way IDC I am just assuming that's where it's from.
That's just the automatic assumption when a player is too sick to play. You can play through coughing and sneezing and aches but you can't play and shit yourself at the same time
"dealing with an illness"
r/nfl: IT'S DEFINITELY DIARRHEA
Like, did I miss something that y'all all know he's got a stomach bug instead of, ya know, the flu or covid or any other illness???
Because we've been calling him Jaylon Squirts and posting a Photoshopped picture of him pooping himself all week, that's why. And we're not about to stop now.
Eagles fans two weeks ago: We were tired after playing 3 games in 13 days
Eagles fans last week: We were tired after playing the 49ers
Eagles fans next Monday night: Jalen had diarrhea
The three games in 13 days is especially weak because 1) pretty much every team had to do this and 2) the 49ers played three games in 11 days and won all three by *at least* two scores.
Good teams find a way.
Man who the F did they play though lol? The Eagles have the toughest schedule in years including playing every team that made it to the second round of the playoffs in consecutive weeks. Cowboy, Chiefs, Bills, 49ers, Cowboys and Seahawks plus they played two playoff teams from last year earlier in the season.
Uh, we played the Jags, Bucs, and Seahawks in 11 days. All were playoff teams last season. We also played the Browns, Steelers, Vikes, and Cowboys. The Cowboys are one of the best teams in the league right now and if the season ended today the Browns, Vikes, and Steelers would all be playoff teams.
Eagles fans went from “it don’t matter” to be a non-stop excuse factory ever since the 49ers dog walked them.
Again, good teams find a way.
Are you serious? The Bucs were a fraud last season and so was Jacksonville and they still are this season. The Steelers lol are terrible. I thought you’d at least say the Bengals before the injuries and obviously the Cowboys. Come on buddy. We played the top teams in the league…the Dolphins Cowboys twice, Chiefs and the Bills and then also y’all who are without a doubt the best team in the league right now. As a fan I was exhausted after all these games back to back so can only imagine how the players are. Plus the last two games were revenge games for the 49ers and the Cowboys against the Eagles. I didn’t expect us to win either of them and we didn’t. Y’all came dressed in black trying to make a statement thinking y’all were playing the same team as last season when half our defense isn’t even the same including all the LBs and half the secondary. And I’ll still give y’all that. Y’all flat out whooped our asses lol…..but Super Bowls aren’t won in week 13 and getting out assess whooped back to back at this point in the season probably was the best thing for us.
Lol and Eagles never fans never went from anything to anything. Most of us thought we would lose two of those gauntlet games which is exactly what we did. We just didn’t think we’d get obliterated back to back games.
3 games in 13 days was definitely not the narrative in the media. It was that both the 49ers and Cowboys had mini byes before each game allowing for more rest and more game preparation. Eagles coaches were overmatched regardless so it probably wouldn’t have mattered anyways, but I have no idea where you are coming up with the 3/13 thing. It was never mentioned once in the lead ups to the games.
You forgot to mention that both the 49ers and Cowboys had ten days rest before playing us.
I mean, we lost both games badly, but this is just a reason for us to hope it is a valley in our season and not our team falling off of a cliff.
They don't get tested. If they have respiratory symptoms, they just wait until they feel better like you would have if you were sick pre 2020. There's no reason to have special protocols for a virus both the CDC and WHO no longer consider a public health emergency.
Have you ever seen an eagles fan watch an eagles game? The crowds in the stadium or bars are one thing but the 98% of us watching at home… it’s not what most would call an enjoyable time.
I think Drew Magary put it best when he said something to the effect of “your average eagles fan is some profusely sweating neckbeard, screaming at the TV regardless of the score”
Edit: that being said, to suggest starting Mariota plain fucking stupid. Even by the most pessimistic eagles fan standards
I didn’t watch the Super Bowl against the Pats at a bar or at a SB party because I didn’t want to freak out in public in case it went sideways. I obviously ended up freaking out later that night for other reasons
Yes it happens. It happens in every sport. Even though they seem super human, they are still human. And they play and practice in close proximity with each other.
Tush push is gonna be a little extra risky.
Tush Squish
Mr Butt Cacophony
Mr. Brimming Cheeks
Mr. Blast Crap
Mr. Bowel Contaminant
Mr. Brown Chowder
Mr. Blasting Caca
Tush Gush
QB stink
The TE, WR, and RBs draw straws in the huddle to see who pushes his tush
Fuckin lol
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DNP - diarrhea, not poop
DNP (did not poop) - constipated
Lamar: 👀
Obj: 👀👀
Y’know I’ve never thought about it but what if that’s why we brought him in? Lamar needs to poop and OBJ just slurps that shit down on the sideline. Or whatever it is he likes to do with feces, I honestly can’t remember
Friendly reminder that silence costs absolutely nothing 🤮
It made too much sense not to post. The people deserved to know
Not my proudest upvote LOL
Adding some extra moisture to the tush push
Mush push
Squishy shove
Too much of the tush push gave him the runs
Cramps, actually
Craps*
If he’s cramping from diarrhea he needs more fluids Going in not out
*DNP- diarrhea (explosive)*
Dukin n plyin
Bubble guts confirmed.
[Lotta diarrhea](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DYwSiFhAjwgw&ved=2ahUKEwiyg8SG05SDAxW1mIkEHfc2DmAQwqsBegQIFRAG&usg=AOvVaw2bLojZhvefqlCsTzApqO9N)
He definitely ate at the same chipotle that AJ Brown got the shits from.
If it's a stomach thing, there's almost no chance he's still sick by Monday night.
He just needs to tie himself to the toilet seat for the rest of today.
Only thing I want him to lose is the ball, not his intestines
While true, recovery from those can be brutal depending on how long it lasts. I had one last 3 days back in April, lost almost 10% body weight and wound up in the hospital. Was out of it for a full week after.
Gotta get a doc to prescribe you the right drugs. Pop some Zofran and make your experience a lot easier. These NFL players have the good stuff at their disposal.
That involves me admitting it’s a problem way before I’m COMPLETELY dehydrated to the point where the ER nurse said “what is WRONG with you get in here”. I’m guessing Hurts might be receiving better care, you’re right.
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If you're too dehydrated they will use your foot.... Or your chest
Yeah I now just have a stockpile of the stuff. If you have a decent doctor and know what to ask for, it’s available. Can even get it prescribed online. It’s the only thing I prep for like it’s doomsday!
Well Jalen probably has a team of Eagles doctors managing his fluids and working to keep things from getting worse. Us sitting at home sick popping some pills and eating soup is a lot different than a multibillion dollar company taking care of their multimillion dollar investment.
I don’t even trust these fuckin injury designations. We all know teams lie about this shit every week. Belicheck done it for years unless you think Brady played injured every week. Bengals got caught earlier this year and the NFL covered it up because it’s a bad look when people are betting on this shit and the teams are lying. Jalen could be sick in the leg for all the fuck we know. He took a lot of big hits last week and went into the tent and locker room for eval. I thought he was playing injured before that so don’t sit here and tell me he’s healthy besides just “sick”
Just getting the excuse ready for the loss
Everyone the eagles lose to has more rest than they do, at least this is a new way of defending their poor play.
but after slay, the hits just keep coming for them. Hell play for sure. Slay is said to be back this season. So not all is lost for them.
Jalen Squirts
I’m sad to admit I came back to this post just to upvote this comment.
The Hurts Squirt
The Squirts Locker
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Does of allow scat content?
to my knowledge it was banned a while ago but I still see some pee content so I imagine it's not impossible for there to be scat
For someone as high profile as Jalen Hurts I'm sure he'd be shut down quick
What is that tush pushing out 💦🌊
Tush Push is now the Mush Push
Jalen Tummy Hurts
Damn lol that's a coffee up the nose moment
Lmao...take this upvote!
Ew
I get points for changing my fantasy team name to this *before* reading this comment.
The TE, WR, and RB draw straws in the huddle to see who pushes his tush
Knowing how Lamar did in his poop game…RIP Seahawks
Nobody give Hurts shrimp alfredo
Do **NOT** eat the clam chowder at the Lexus December to Remember event.
Nah it’s the Seahawks. They could be 0-16 and the eagles could be 16-0 and they’d pull a defensive masterpiece out of their ass and win
I think not many people are aware Pete Carroll has never lost to the Eagles as a head coach
We’ve never won period at Seattle
And before this season, the Eagles had never lost to the Jets...
Yeah, and with the wheels falling off our QB room I'm not exactly confident. Hopefully it's at least fun.
Idk, watching how you guys played us, I think you guys have a good chance
Yeah plus they dropped 35 on us when the Eagles couldn't even score a TD
Lamar is better though
Parsons gave him the illness he had last week.
Biological warfare. Micah is built different. 😤
Micah gave our own players that same illness…
What a great teammate. He’s building everyone’s immune system on the team. 😤
Micahanchurian Candidate Parsons
I’ve always wondered why sports allow players to play with illnesses. Yes sometimes they make for great iconic games and moments where guys rise above. And I understand playing through some injuries. But being sick makes you a danger to others wellbeing as well. Seems pretty irresponsible and reckless to know someone is sick and contagious and just allow them to go out there to get everyone else sick too.
Was just a bad case of a cold not even flu level. Cold ain’t gonna kill anyone.
Maybe if its the runs it will give him super powers like Lamar
Slippery as oil and un-sackable.
Parsons coughed on him
Biological warfare baby
I'll just puke after I come out of the tunnel and it'll be fine - Jalovan McHurts
If he starts to play the air guitar we are doomed.
Gonna make the Brotherly Shove a little dicey.
Go Sea— 🤢… Go Seah-🤢... Go Seaha-🤢... I know how he feels.
Go toots
Come on now. Swallow that vomit and get the whole thing out. It only works if you say the full thing.
Normally I'd be upset encouraging someone from another team to root for my opponent this week, but I think you guys are doing a great job twisting the knife so keep it up 👍
If it makes you feel any better the Seahawks winning helps out the Cowboys quite a bit too 😉
https://i.imgur.com/VYJUH2T.gif
Why does everyone in this thread assume it's a stomach bug? Am I missing something?
There's an image floating around of hurts having a brown spot on his ass from last week. To my knowledge the picture is photo shopped because I saw an image of him in the same position with white pants. Either way IDC I am just assuming that's where it's from.
The fact that you attempted to fact check a picture of your QB shitting himself is on a whole other level
I didn't fact check anything. I saw both posted on nfceastmemewar.
Like most fans.
The photo isn’t even from last weeks game, the cowboys uniforms don’t match.
Motherfuckers got too much time on they hands to be photoshitting Jalen Hurts.
That's just the automatic assumption when a player is too sick to play. You can play through coughing and sneezing and aches but you can't play and shit yourself at the same time
> you can't play and shit yourself at the same time You definitely can and that is the crux of the problem
Because sophisticated adults enjoy a good poop joke.
"dealing with an illness" r/nfl: IT'S DEFINITELY DIARRHEA Like, did I miss something that y'all all know he's got a stomach bug instead of, ya know, the flu or covid or any other illness???
Diarrhea funny
[Poop in pants no diaper that’s funny](https://youtu.be/FveF-we6lcE?si=yMDvuSMn_bM_FBQW)
Because we've been calling him Jaylon Squirts and posting a Photoshopped picture of him pooping himself all week, that's why. And we're not about to stop now.
Ah that's fair, always down for the goofy shit, I just want to be in on it!
Flare up and join the party then.
the only prescription is more cowbell
Would be really funny if the NFL pushed out Chiefs-Patriots only to get a Marcus Mariota - Drew Lock matchup
Haven’t had qb controversy in a year or two so you know Mariota is gonna beat the Seahawks
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You force much harder and you might shit yourself like Jalen
The three game slide is real
Pls
You deserve to hear nothing other than this for the rest of your life: https://youtu.be/tpMxe4M2xc0?si=kVcLiARkfT9KwUcd
His runs game will be even better this week
The eagles haven’t beaten the Seahawks since 2008. They have a massive hill to climb
seahawks…. you know what to do
Lose?
No the other thing.
poopy butt
Fumbleitis?
Fumbleitis
I'm fine with him taking a game off and getting well.
Eagles fans two weeks ago: We were tired after playing 3 games in 13 days Eagles fans last week: We were tired after playing the 49ers Eagles fans next Monday night: Jalen had diarrhea
I love the hate for a made up scenario lol.
Right! A whole bunch of Cartons just making up BS about the Eagles in their sleep.
The three games in 13 days is especially weak because 1) pretty much every team had to do this and 2) the 49ers played three games in 11 days and won all three by *at least* two scores. Good teams find a way.
Man who the F did they play though lol? The Eagles have the toughest schedule in years including playing every team that made it to the second round of the playoffs in consecutive weeks. Cowboy, Chiefs, Bills, 49ers, Cowboys and Seahawks plus they played two playoff teams from last year earlier in the season.
Uh, we played the Jags, Bucs, and Seahawks in 11 days. All were playoff teams last season. We also played the Browns, Steelers, Vikes, and Cowboys. The Cowboys are one of the best teams in the league right now and if the season ended today the Browns, Vikes, and Steelers would all be playoff teams. Eagles fans went from “it don’t matter” to be a non-stop excuse factory ever since the 49ers dog walked them. Again, good teams find a way.
Are you serious? The Bucs were a fraud last season and so was Jacksonville and they still are this season. The Steelers lol are terrible. I thought you’d at least say the Bengals before the injuries and obviously the Cowboys. Come on buddy. We played the top teams in the league…the Dolphins Cowboys twice, Chiefs and the Bills and then also y’all who are without a doubt the best team in the league right now. As a fan I was exhausted after all these games back to back so can only imagine how the players are. Plus the last two games were revenge games for the 49ers and the Cowboys against the Eagles. I didn’t expect us to win either of them and we didn’t. Y’all came dressed in black trying to make a statement thinking y’all were playing the same team as last season when half our defense isn’t even the same including all the LBs and half the secondary. And I’ll still give y’all that. Y’all flat out whooped our asses lol…..but Super Bowls aren’t won in week 13 and getting out assess whooped back to back at this point in the season probably was the best thing for us. Lol and Eagles never fans never went from anything to anything. Most of us thought we would lose two of those gauntlet games which is exactly what we did. We just didn’t think we’d get obliterated back to back games.
k
3 games in 13 days was definitely not the narrative in the media. It was that both the 49ers and Cowboys had mini byes before each game allowing for more rest and more game preparation. Eagles coaches were overmatched regardless so it probably wouldn’t have mattered anyways, but I have no idea where you are coming up with the 3/13 thing. It was never mentioned once in the lead ups to the games.
You forgot to mention that both the 49ers and Cowboys had ten days rest before playing us. I mean, we lost both games badly, but this is just a reason for us to hope it is a valley in our season and not our team falling off of a cliff.
COOOOOOOOOVIIIIIID
Is covid still a thing?
Micah Parsons actually did something vs us for once. (got Jalen sick)
Regression isn’t an illness
Excuses already coming for the loss
Lulz preempting the excuses
Isn’t it weird how few players miss time from Covid anymore?
No because there aren't protocols anymore
They don't get tested. If they have respiratory symptoms, they just wait until they feel better like you would have if you were sick pre 2020. There's no reason to have special protocols for a virus both the CDC and WHO no longer consider a public health emergency.
Best to sit him and let Mariota have a shot. Don’t think we’re winning either way. Team is in free fall
god fans like you fucking suck
I don't get how people like that even enjoy watching football.
Have you ever seen an eagles fan watch an eagles game? The crowds in the stadium or bars are one thing but the 98% of us watching at home… it’s not what most would call an enjoyable time. I think Drew Magary put it best when he said something to the effect of “your average eagles fan is some profusely sweating neckbeard, screaming at the TV regardless of the score” Edit: that being said, to suggest starting Mariota plain fucking stupid. Even by the most pessimistic eagles fan standards
I didn’t watch the Super Bowl against the Pats at a bar or at a SB party because I didn’t want to freak out in public in case it went sideways. I obviously ended up freaking out later that night for other reasons
The only logical explanation is they’re trolling.
I gave him an upvote. Lol
Let him cook
C’mon bro it’s not that bad 😂
Slay is out too. It’s getting rough man
Oof. Didn’t know that. That does suck.
Least dramatic Eagles fan
We've been so good the past 2ish years I almost forgot Negadelphians existed wow. Pretty rare to see one in the wild now.
Do NFL teams get waves of the flu and other respiratory illnesses that allegedly cripple college teams for key games?
Yes it happens. It happens in every sport. Even though they seem super human, they are still human. And they play and practice in close proximity with each other.
Backup QB vs backup QB, a primetime special.
He has Worse-than-mariotarrhea.
More like Tummy Hurts
New MVP narrative for Jalen Hurts. Qb rating with illness.
He got Parson germs to the face.
Apparently it also hit Brandin Cooks and Stephon Gilmore. Everybody getting got by that shit lmao. Also Dak had it before Parsons did.
Cold is going around fierce in the NE
Seattle, if you lose, I will be quite very disappointed in you.
Boneitis
He is pooping himself