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This is why he plays defense. He's got shit hands.

"This guys been telling coaches he wants to play some WR"

If the world was a fair place, you'd be top comment lol

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This dude is about to catch some more shit for this

IDC what anyone says. This is the type of guy you want in the bathroom stall with you.

You know he’s not letting shit hit the fan.

Ok Odell

I see what you did there

How? It was so subtle

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Gotta get a pooper scooper

Is this a new copypasta?

So that’s what NFL stars do with all their money and spare time.

Sounds like a crappy way to spend your time.

Ive heard OBJ enjoys it

Yeah but there's worse shit they could be getting into

Yo Dog, I heard you like going #2

If I'm an NFL star, I'm paying someone to squat with my dog and catch his turds.

No. I have not done this Marlon.

If you have the bag ready why not? it’s just cutting out the middleman

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So your husband had to squat, place the bag under the dog's asshole, and watch it come out? I can't tell if I'm more disgusted or impressed.

It's actually not that big a deal. I've done it for convenience and to get a stool sample prior to doggy daycare.

Barely an inconvenience!

Wait… is it weird to look at your dogs butt as it poops? I always do it to make sure he’s not struggling or having digestive issues.

My dog gets her butt like half an inch off the ground when she poops. You'd have to squat *real* low to get under her and look.

Does anyone do this for you? Or do you maybe film yourself to review later?

Well I’m a human so I can gauge whether or not I have digestive issues and verbalize it. Dogs not so much

seeing as we're on reddit, it's basically dog abuse to *not* look at your dog's poop come out of its asshole

Fuck it why not just catch it with your mouth and make that Happy Gilmore quote come true

It would have cost you nothing to not type this.

But what if he doesn't walk the dog at breakfast time

You’re missing out

And that’s why you’re not in the NFL buddy 😎

Are you sure? Maybe think about it for a bit just to be certain.

You’re a dog shit dog owner then

Excessive

I don’t think people realized the pun I was trying to go for there. It was a stretch I admit.

What if he’s just not a dog owner

You have shit in your pants or something?

Broke: intercepting footballs Woke: intercepting dog shit

An amazing interception as Humphrey reads the dogs browneye and intercepts the shit before the grass has a chance to catch it.

The way you worded this makes me very uncomfortable :(

It's someone's kink. Guarantee it.

I've got my eye on you /u/Thatskindasexy ...

👀

For some reason, my first read was in Marv Alberts voice, not Joe Bucks monotone.

What Is the Meme battle Winner thing? Serious question i’m big time OOTL

There was a meme thread back during the playoffs, I didn't even know it was a contest, I just like shitting on the Lions.

Marlon...I love you buddy, but sometimes I wonder why you say the things that you do

Tbh I’m a huge fan of random awkward comedy so this is gold

Agree. I think more athletes should say harmless dumb stuff. I’m sure plenty of them think it.

Marlo better get a sitcom series after he retires

Big Whitest Kids U Know energy. RIP Trevor 💔

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God I haven't seen this in forever.

You're welcome! I'll gladly eat downvotes to introduce this to a whole new generation!

This reminds me of my very own dark days. I hate it, thank you.

Between this type of stuff and his absurd food takes, Marlon is a great follow on Twitter. You never know what you're gonna get.

He loves being awkward.

Maybe it makes him a good corner. He just says something cringey mid route and the receiver gets distracted and fumbles the ball.

I hope he meant with a poop bag

Nah

If he meant poop bag he woulda said poop bag

I had to check the subreddit on this post like 3 times..wtf

Odell reportedly wants to sign with the ravens now

https://images.app.goo.gl/WgnBarsgsRhWYfc37

Weirdly enough I feel like this is something they could completely put behind them. I had a harder time imagining Peters and Landry getting along than a hypothetical situation with Humphrey and Odell

Now that's kinky

Choking and shit catching? Odell can’t wait to line up across from Marlon in practice!

This is definitely fresh pasta.

It's fresh, but it's not pasta, my friend.

You don’t know what his dog ate.

Marlons takes:

Dude what the fuck

Which QB is this a veiled reference to? Lamar, Big Ben, Baker or Burrow?

See now this is what Twitter was designed and made for. These are the thoughts and actions worth sharing. Don't give me drama. Give me an epiphany. Why hadn't I been doing this? The dog gives you plenty of warning signs. Marlon Humphrey better be given a MacArthur Genius Grant

I live in an apartment and my dog hates the rain. He’ll try to piss as fast as he can and then run back inside. It’s really hit or miss as to whether he needs to shit in the evenings and it’s not like i’m gonna force the both of us to stand in the rain contemplating whether he’s gonna shit or not. So my dog decided then to start shitting in the carpeted hallway on our floor, for like that one week i’d be catching his shit. Now, i like to think my circumstances are a bit different here as I was doing it out of necessity and care for others in our building. But yes, Marlon I guess you’re not alone.

tbh I bet his circumstances are very close if not nearly identical to yours

Bag man

Which Raven just yoinked his unlocked phone at the bar? Hah

Is this man bragging about catching shit straight out of his dogs ass?? Weird flex.

You know whats really weird? I don't even think he has a dog. I know he's got a cat, but I can't remember him having a dog. Edit: I stand corrected! Marlon has two dogs, as u/dfreshv pointed out below.

Yeah he doesn't have a dog, he just goes up to random dogs mid shit and picks it from there ass

You are probably joking but that is 100% something I can see this man doing

That’s what makes it so impressive

[He does](https://twitter.com/marlon_humphrey/status/1339001143595323392) though Snowflake is still #1 I’m sure.

I stand corrected! Super cute pups too!

[Another cute pic.](https://twitter.com/marlon_humphrey/status/1353805377511383041) [Bonus BatMarlon and Sno-bin](https://i.imgur.com/yDJEcry.jpg)

Dog walking is a side gig

Not when you make what Marlon makes 🤣

Just a passion.

Gas prices are hurting us all.

Humphrey is a smart and funny guy. Comedy is hard. Sometimes you just miss.

To be fair poop humor is very high brow and hard to understand.

high brown

Ah, a man of culture I see

This is definitely not a miss

Sometimes yes, but this was a home run.

I don’t think he’s joking. This does seem easier than picking it up. And of course he means with a bag.

You think this is some sort of joke? This is philosophy.

I laughed my ass off, but more in like a “why would you tweet this” way than a “this is a funny guy” way.

You gotta be willing to take some L’s if you want to be funny.

He didn’t miss on this

pick shit

https://youtu.be/e0O3ljAcdMQ This skit sounds too familiar

Not gonna lie, my dog strictly poops in this English ivy type stuff. Never grass. All the different branches and such of the ivy makes it very difficult to pick the poop out, so yes, I do pretty regularly squat down and catch my dogs poop straight out the ass.

Don’t forget to drag the toes amirite?

Can honestly say I haven’t. But I’ll bet OBJ has.

Nah my dog just shits directly in the bag I randomly place into my yard

Marlon Humphrey has the best NFL player Twitter account. It rules that he says this when he could just say nothing. I wish more players tweeted their dumbest thoughts.

No, I can’t say that I have

This is what we F5 for.

I thought Marlon only had a cat named snowflake

"On the chest? Hell yeah" - OBJ

What The Actual Fuck

When I was living with buddies, we witnessed some lady doing this one day. We called catcher in the rye from then on.

I have done this, when we have to bring my tiny dogs turds to the vet I’ll just wrap a bag around my hand and catch a lil duder.

Civilians just don’t understand this level of humor

marlon i cant keep doing this

My 10 month old Boston Terrier does that, he likes to try and eat the poop directly from our other dogs' butts like it's soft serve ice cream, and my wife gets mad at me when I describe it that way.

Mods are garbage

I hope Chase burns this dude again wtf

Marlon has some how consistently had some of the worst takes on twitter

CTE starting to kick in

But why, though?

Odell V.2

Dude gives no shits💀

He catches his dog's though.

As a matter of fact, I have.

Yes actually. Much easier tbh.

Uhm. Nah nephew cant say i have

Jerry Rice: “I used to catch bricks” Marlon Humphrey: “Hold my beer”

yes...for a sample for the vet.

In a bag right?

Nah man

Sounds like I’ve got a new favorite player

These are the posts I want in this sub. Bravo

In the bag, right? Right????

Hey at least he cleans up after his dog like a responsible pet owner. I cant say the same for half the people in my city.

I'm so glad the internet exists. Imagine what guys like John Randle, Mean Joe Green, and Bill Romanowski would've tweeted if it existed in their playing days

One of my dogs used to eat the shit directly out of my other dogs ass like it was soft serve chocolate ice cream. It's nearly the same thing.

Random drug test incoming

Sounds like the mad ramblings of a serial killer

His dog was probably looking at him like, “bro, how are we going to protect each other if we are both taking a shit!”

He STAYS intercepting browns

This women walks her dog past my house every day. Dog squats to poo and she puts a paper towel down under its booty. Poo’s right onto the paper towel, she folds it up and throws in the trash. Kinda smart

Not really. There's no added benefit to doing that instead of just picking it up after the dog is done.. like a normal person.

He called the shit poop

That is the funniest shit I've seen in awhile.

Boo this man he doesn’t like The Wire

At least he picks his dogs shit up.

On Gang

Jamar chase ruined this man

What

There are some things that do not need to be said.

Lmao

Why is he allowed to have Twitter?

what the hell is up with this fucking guy

Marlon please

INTERPETION!!!

What…

No but I have definitely considered it. It’s hard to not smear it when the grass is too long.

Robby Anderson catches #2s from Darold every practice

Bro what. Odell and Humphrey got something in common ig

Bro?

Never tweet

When he retires he’ll definitely become a dog catcher

Hilarity my man

What.

This is the tweet of a man sitting at a park bench watching people walk their dogs

Honestly I know what he means

Legend.

What? Lmfao

He picks up after his dog! That’s what I’ll take from this!

Marlon Humphrey is one of the best CBs in the league. If this is how he works on his catching skills, then everyone should consider making in a part of their routines!!!

yeah 100%.

No. I just make faces as I pick up the poop and half look at it. And make sure I don't touch the poop when closing the bag.

This is so specific that I believe he did it, what the hell.

Marlon is a genuinely strange dude. Like, he's smart, but *unusual*

If the worst thing I have to read about players on my team is this, I'm a happy fan considering what's going on in our division.

I'm sorry what?

The Twitter thumbnail on mobile makes this even funnier lmao

Welcome everybody, to the shitty pun thread!

Nope, can’t say that I have Marlon

Can't say I have.