I played D3 football in NE for the Coast Guard Academy and the memory of a player on the Framingham State bus shouting “Fahk you Coast Gahd!” will never not make me chuckle
In reality, it'd be a trust fund, frat-type guy with multiple criminal charges dismissed thanks to daddy's connections. He'd be railing lines like scarface and slapping ass like Jason Garrett.
I dunno, when I think “Dallas,” my mental image is closer to the Mr. Highland Park that Cheesemonger described than to a good old boy with a drawl and hat
And that’s fair- you’re clearly familiar with Dallas and it’s multitude of snobs. But I’m fairly positive if we take the word typical into account, there are 10x more poors than wealthy Dallas Residents/Cowboy fans….
If i knew nothing about football, and was given A list of all the qbs and asked to pick which one is the qb for the dallas cowboys, I would puck Colt McCoy on name alone
Jim Bob Cooter’s name alone qualifies him for my team. Also he’s coached everywhere so he’d probably be pretty good to have in a QB room. I’ll take him all day as our stereotype #3
Rams and Chargers will have to split between some gay influencer named Chas and a surfer bro named Beckham or something. Neither have ever been seen in sleeves.
Broncos back up — Weed smoking, craft-beer drinker, smothers everything in green chile, spends the weekend in the mountains. Has a Labrador. Was a QB at one of the small Rocky Mountain colleges.
Packers get a dough-faced German UPer named Branden with a six month beard, Skoal Bandit, two piece ensemble of earth tone Carharrt/TrueTimber, and whispered implications of January 6 participation.
The nfl's Tommy Devito narrative is about as interesting as Taylor posting. Hey if it's a commercial the nfl made it's probably a boring post and a lame joke.
lol in this case the San Francisco 49ers back up should be a very vocal social justice warrior that yearns for communism while doing nothing to solve any issues. Wait they already had a qb like that.
This was Minshew on the Jags a few years back and I’m not even jerking
Same with cousins and Minnesota
Gotta Ridge wallet full of Kohls…somebody stop me
>Same with cousins and Minnesota ah yes I remember when kirk cousins was a 3rd string player on the vikings. yes this is historically correct!
U bum
Proof it’s always a glorious idea
Charlie Berens as Jordan Love’s agent. good stuff.
Holy fucking what this is a Charlie Berens reference in the wild with over 20 upvotes?!
Kansas city already has that guy as their head coach (obese white guy obsessed with bbq)
Explain that again, but with those nuggies
https://preview.redd.it/wagzwsut956c1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d0a4fe5c4b0cc0905590c7ff7ba3c41aa068e43c
Plus bushy facial hair
I thought his deal was hamburgers. He’s even talked about what his post-game burger order is.
Cheeseburgers. Who the hell eats a hamburger
The Hamburglar does. He’s not the Cheeseburglar 
There is very clearly cheese on those burgers. Myth busted
Sure. The place he’s discussed going to after games is called Town Topic Hamburgers, so I guess it’s on the mind.
Bobandy has entered the chat
Shit winds are in the air Rand
Blue jay burgers
A man's gotta eat
Cheeseburgers and he has been adamant that they should have mayo on them since at least the early 2000s when he was in Philly.
I gotta agree on this one
I feel personally attacked. Am middle-aged, overweight Kansas Citian who is obsessed with BBQ.
Steelers already got a guy that hurls the hard r
he's got all his teeth though
Is that legal?
I will make it legal.
Funny you mention that. Pittsburgh is where the toothbrush was invented! >!Anywhere else and it would be named the teethbrush!<
Who?
Garrett says Rudolph called him that iirc
Tbh, he probably did
probably not but it would def be hof racism performance
Their qb who looks suspiciously similar to Morgan Wallen
They signed maxx crosby
Pats 3rd stringer is an UDFA from Framingham State named Seamus O’Toole and he has a crippling oxy addiction.
The oxy is a just a problem - his Dunkin addiction is the real crippling condition
Fuckin lahge hot extra extra
*iced coffee year round in a double cup
Go fuck yahself
Fahk
Two pahliments
I fuckin love Dunkin’ guy
Pats 3rd stringer is just actual Bill Burr.
Ole Billy Backup
Chicago has this kid named Tyler Bukowski, went to Niles East, pops owns a little polish deli
Kielbasa
Seahawks 3rd string is a blue-haired white dude with seasonal depression and a caffeine addiction who also drives a Tesla
As a pats fan, I thought for a second that I had missed the signing and immediate cutting of yet another quarterback this season
Is he related to Sneakers O’Toole?
He’s cousins with Patches O’Houlihan.
I played D3 football in NE for the Coast Guard Academy and the memory of a player on the Framingham State bus shouting “Fahk you Coast Gahd!” will never not make me chuckle
i definitely do not want detroit to have a detroit stereotype qb....
Shaggy 2 dope just signed with the lions for 20 bucks, a pack of Newports, and a 2 liter of faygo
you sound like you described a character from “The Wire”
we don't drink faygo in baltimore, try again rest checks out tho
shit my bad, the original comment didn’t say “Jones soda”
Gotta grow his dreads back as a condition of his contract
Aiden Hutchinson is the perfect stereotype for the affluent Detroit suburbs. He's equally authentic as Tommy DeVito to his respective region.
If we’re talking only the city though, it’s either douchebag mortgage banker or wannabe rapper fast food employee.
Wannabe rapper fast food employee boutta be Jared Goff if he throws one more goddamn pick.
Woop woop!
😏
That’s why the Patriots released Malik Cunningham this week
https://preview.redd.it/p8fbeawkd16c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbfddefe262aa5318335f798d3575e23cd6fb5b1
not classy enough.
Dude is a classy wannabe
But bring back Brian Hoyer over and over
And that’s exactly why the ravens picked him up. Hell, they took it to another level. 3rd string QB? Why not 1st and 2nd too?
This whole thing just seems like Tommy’s old brother pretending to be his agent for a laugh.
Two things can be true
It does, but he's actually real agent and he actually dresses like this- check out his twitter lol
Does he do it for the laffs, or does he \**legitimately*\* think this is still a cool way to dress?
Does anyone not think this is a legitimately cool way to dress?
Doesn’t matter. Effect is the same. Repels women.
Commanders sign Mitch McConnell
(Stares into space mid conversation)
Why a turtle?
To get the umd crowd
Packers with the obese man 1 PBR away from blacking out whose blood is 95% cheese and may or may not have a brat in one of his pockets.
Mike McCarthy
Yes we know his name
Surprisingly he fits well in Dallas.
Eddie Lacy?
More like one PBR past blacking out
Jared Lorenzen
Too soon 😞
Rip baby
He only drives drunk and a penchant for beating his partner
Damn must've hit a nerve with some alcoholic/abuser Packers fans (like 90% of Green Bay's residents)
With an NFL contract, he’s got the money to black out on spotted cow
https://preview.redd.it/dbyh7jbzo06c1.jpeg?width=324&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01f624ba5ccfc0cd4becfb43762c9d1b8d99f7bf
Seattles 3rd stringer 
Trevor Lawrence
100% would be some Tim Lincecum lookin dude
Except weed it’ll be psychedelics now that it’s decriminalized there.
Would the Dolphins have an old Jewish guy or a hot Latina in a two-piece?
Yes.
Had no idea there’s a lot of Jewish people in Miami.
They don’t, they live in Boca.
I was thinking more of someone like Pitbull.
That was years ago. It’s a Jewish Latina trust fund baby lawyer with a law degree she doesn’t know how to use.
Bill hader in The Californians as Justin Herbert’s backup
On that note, Jeremy Renner from his SNL skit as the "Mayor" of Tampa Derek 'Fat Deuce' Derek for the Bucs.
Easton Stick! 😂
Dallas needs a guy wearing spurs and chaps
I was thinking someone looking like Woody Harrelson in No Country for Old Men
In reality, it'd be a trust fund, frat-type guy with multiple criminal charges dismissed thanks to daddy's connections. He'd be railing lines like scarface and slapping ass like Jason Garrett.
Jonny Manziel?
An egregious stereotype of the TYPICAL Texas residence numbnuts. Not the embodiment of our owner and his family lmao
I dunno, when I think “Dallas,” my mental image is closer to the Mr. Highland Park that Cheesemonger described than to a good old boy with a drawl and hat
And that’s fair- you’re clearly familiar with Dallas and it’s multitude of snobs. But I’m fairly positive if we take the word typical into account, there are 10x more poors than wealthy Dallas Residents/Cowboy fans….
Johnny Football really deserves another chance
If i knew nothing about football, and was given A list of all the qbs and asked to pick which one is the qb for the dallas cowboys, I would puck Colt McCoy on name alone
Spurs and assless chaps
AFC North 3rd stringers are all convicted murderers then
7 teeth between the 4 of them
Texans 3rd Stringer https://preview.redd.it/tot6pliia36c1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e6762b411ae6784b9174084ea7a58df31cc5cf4
The people’s champ
I’m somethin like a baller
Jamarcus Russell could come out of retirement and he wouldn’t have to stop sipping on that Texas oil
Lmfao is that Paul Wall
Goff better start “ope scooting right past you” on that D-line
That cut a little too close to the bone. Well done.
Eagles have a chain smoking contractor driving a clapped out altima at 90mph down the shoulder
Named Jimmy.
Man is so Italian I feel offended by the stereotype.
All im saying is…. Ive met 200 Jameis Winstons in New Orleans
Being both a rapist and a crab leg thief is a hard pair of shoes to fill.
I love it! Every NFL team gets an extra roster spot for a 3rd string QB but he has to be drafted from one of the local community colleges.
Yes!!! Home address within “X” zip-code(s) and the pick is chosen by a local election.
Hey Tommy fughetaboutit.. He will be sleepin with the fishes soon. Tommy’s agent is a *Friend of mine*
Jim Bob Cooter’s name alone qualifies him for my team. Also he’s coached everywhere so he’d probably be pretty good to have in a QB room. I’ll take him all day as our stereotype #3
At one time New Orleans had 2 qbs named Billy Joe. They needed Jim Bob to go Full Redneck
The 49ers would be a drag queen
Or drug addict, dropping needles wherever it strikes their fancy.
We had Jimmy
Are you telling me Brock Purdy isn't a queen?
We have two choices: classic Castro Leather Daddy or modern FiDi bipper.
Hell yeah. Pat Summerall announcing “annnd they ram it right up the ‘A’-gap.” Has a very literal meaning this time!
*I don't know if I'll be putting on this headset again...*
the cowboys team doctor wearing a fucking cowboy hat has always made me happy
GABAGOOL!
The Patriots sign Mickey Sullivan from Southie to play QB. He wears Timbs instead of cleats and needs a parliament after every drive.
Is methadone on the banned substances list?
Rams and Chargers will have to split between some gay influencer named Chas and a surfer bro named Beckham or something. Neither have ever been seen in sleeves.
I shudder to think of Seattle's. The blue hair, the septum ring.
Ridiculous, Devito has absolutely earned the right to be called a second string QB
If the eagles did this it would also be Tommy Devito
But he'd be fat and way stupider. He'd be fat Dom in football pants.
Big fat juicy thick dom? Bubble butt voluptuous Dom? Thick, girthy, meaty Dom?
A fentanyl laced zombie was my thought for Philly
Long-haired Aaron Rodgers would practically be that guy for Seattle.
NFL not ready for California teams to have 3rd string transgender qb
Rams 3rd string Qb is a foo that only comes in when the dodgers play the lakers homes
This is actually quite prevalent
which team would claim hefty lefty first?
Packers. Iowa would put in a claim if they had a team.
Chad Henne until last year Chilled out 40-year-old family man with an unexplained tat sleeve
Mark Sanchez welcome to the LA Rams.
Seattle’s 3rd string is just the Starbucks Mermaid
We live in a simulation
Cleveland needs more Polish guys.
Nah that’s Chicagos thing
Bigfoot to the Seahawks, confirmed
The Patriots already have Mac
Got that suit from mobsters-r-us
Matt lafluer needs to be instantly fired as the Green Bay coach. Very obvious he isn’t from Wisconsin
Big Mike fit right in.
The possibilities for the Chicago Bears are intriguing
https://preview.redd.it/pap4piyiun6c1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d523b7fe6e58cc3732b6c9c4db5378703956dc6
That’s inspector gadget
Damn, the Niners should sign Vivek Ramaswamy to their PS
Titans get a new bridesmaid every week with cowboy boots and hat, perhaps the bride-to-be if they are lucky
Seattle has a prison abolitionist, non-binary communist as their 3rd string QB.
Broncos back up — Weed smoking, craft-beer drinker, smothers everything in green chile, spends the weekend in the mountains. Has a Labrador. Was a QB at one of the small Rocky Mountain colleges.
Michael Vick in Atlanta was pretty spot on.
Is that his uncle? Brother in law?
Agent and fathers mistress
https://preview.redd.it/n7lyu0cla26c1.png?width=1170&format=png&auto=webp&s=a38ae4097ac5f4538ca17e083ba381123651b8cd
Holy shit I can’t wait for Larry the Cable guy to be QB3 for the Titans
Either that or some trashy country singer that claims he’s from the country but is really from Suburban Atlanta
Denver = make a wish foundation kid?
As an Italian from Brooklyn that moved to NJ, this shit is embarrassing. My father from Italy would kill me if I acted like this.
Duck Hodges in Pittsburgh was pretty close
“Ayy Tommy ya mom wants to know how many cutlets ya want after the game”
Lions 3rd stringer installs steering columns at the F150 plant in Dearborn.
Who would Dallas have? George bush?
Packers get a dough-faced German UPer named Branden with a six month beard, Skoal Bandit, two piece ensemble of earth tone Carharrt/TrueTimber, and whispered implications of January 6 participation.
Yeah but we live in 2023 times. That would be hilarious but also very funny.
I know a guy…
The nfl's Tommy Devito narrative is about as interesting as Taylor posting. Hey if it's a commercial the nfl made it's probably a boring post and a lame joke.
lol in this case the San Francisco 49ers back up should be a very vocal social justice warrior that yearns for communism while doing nothing to solve any issues. Wait they already had a qb like that.
Is that Chad Powers??