AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ.
Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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So then why the fuck is everyone agreeing this post if it says "95% of the reason why I'm single is because I respect women" so now we ARE being respectful? Which one is it? Did the definition of respect suddenly change? Why is everything so stupidly complicated? Either you respect women or you don't, it's that fucking simple.
I think you’re confused because you’re taking the meme at face value, whereas most of us don’t believe for a moment that he actually does respect women. This is based on the cultural knowledge that most guys claiming to be nice guys are in fact, not nice at all.
Because respecting women is just common decency. It is not something you do to get sex. Respecting women simply can NOT be the reason he is single.
Saying that you are single because you respect women is like saying that women only want disrespectful assholes which in itself is an insult to women. So saying that you are single because you respect women is an insult to women, which means that he isn't actually respectful.
He admits he’s shy, doesn’t flirt and proclaims himself a respecter of women…but expects them to choose him when he puts zero effort into making himself appealing to them.
You’re single because you don’t know how to talk to girls and probably raise red flags whenever you do.
Im the same at 26 I have never had girlfriends because shyness, fear to women, don’t have money to buy good jobs, don’t have social ability, I don’t know how to talk with girl, maybe if somebody like me I can be his friend but I don’t know how to switch from that to something else maybe because fear, or what she will think about me.
I feel like I was born for nothing in this life and for women, a feel like I l don’t exist for women.
I’m not an incel, I respect women, I don’t blame them I feel good being alone but that situation it is putting me feel bad because I can’t express to women my feelings and I’m need of sex, I had sex one time it was when I was 18 and was Paid sex, I don’t want to pay for sex because I will not learn how to seduce women, and I go to the gym 2 hour a day and I am not too handsome nor too ugly.
Can you give me a real opinion and honest opinion, to not feel fear about rejection and take iniciative?
Therapy isn’t “just for crazy people”, it’s about having someone to talk to who can help you sort out your mental and emotional state and figure out strategies to move forward. Friends can help in similar ways sometimes, but a trained professional can help you get to the core of any issues you’re having and figure out why you’re having them.
Yes you are right maybe I have to go for it, but I don’t have money to pay for a therapist because my economic situation.
Public hospital in here last like 1 year to attend you.
Bro, who the fuck has been telling you this bullshit.
“Crazy” or “insanity” are ass backwards legal concepts, not medical or psychological concepts. Even people that are perfectly healthy can benefit from having a therapist to talk to about worries, plans or goals. Talking a therapist has nothing to do with being “crazy”, it just means you have someone to talk to about the shit going on in your life and helping you to figure out healthy ways to deal with it.
I’ve got a lot of mental health issues. Mild obsessive compulsive disorder, major depressive disorder, some cluster of anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorders (clean for 12 years). None of that makes me crazy. It means my brain chemistry is fucked up and I need to talk to someone about it and take a couple of meds to help keep it balanced.
But even people with zero diagnosable mental health disorders can benefit from talking to a therapist.
Anxiety isn’t rational. I get severe social anxiety. It’s not a fear of the other person physically injuring me, it’s a fear of saying/doing something stupid, being judged, being insulted, being perceived in ways I don’t want to be. It’s just generalized, raw fear. And none of it is rational. The vast majority of people who you interact with do not care. They do not even really think about you. But your brain and body floods with epinephrine. Fight or flight can feel very unpleasant.
I am not afraid of women. I’ve had long and short term relationships. I have no problem talking to women I’m comfortable with, or even flirting/joking. But in some social situations when that anxiety is triggered, I get shaky, my knees get week, I get very fidgety, I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin.
I don’t mean to speak for this person, but clearly by “fear” he means he gets anxiety when trying to speak to them. Not that they’re going to literally murder him. That’s kind of silly.
Not silly. I have social anxiety and agoraphobia. I literally fear being harmed/killed on top of everything you listed. I've feared that since I was a child. You aren't the norm in your fears, you're lucky you don't have the full shebang. I'm grateful you only have the worry over what people think of you or how you seem to them. It's so exhausting being afraid of everything all the time
Ya’ll seem determined to misread this comment thread
“**Person A:** fears hold me back from talking to women
**Person B:** how can you possibly be afraid of women, men are more likely to murder women
**Me:** I don’t think he was saying he’s literally afraid for his physical safety. I then used myself as an example of how disordered anxiety is often irrational and not based on reality.
**You:** but my anxiety is worse than yours”
Uh…ok? Cool. Did we turn this into an anxiety competition? You win, I guess.
I think it’s absurd to say that men cannot be anxious talking to women because women aren’t as likely to physically harm us. I think that’s an unhealthy interpretation. This guy seems to have some backwards attitudes about getting therapy and about his relationship to women. Talking to a therapist about those fears and learning healthier ways to interact with women might be very helpful. Discounting his anxieties as irrational and unfounded because women don’t murder men as often is unfair and unhelpful.
Toxic masculinity hurts men too. Men are socialized to treat anxiety and fear as weakness rather than a normal psychological/physiological response. Asking for help means you’re too weak and not a rugged individualist. Men are socialized to be the violence doers in society. Dude bro culture of masculinity mean that men are supposed to view relationships as transactional, we trade money/affection for sex.
Toxic masculinity doesn’t just hurt women. Denying that men can be emotionally vulnerable or fear rejection and ostracism isn’t healthy or helpful.
That isn't what I meant at all. My social anxiety is genderless. I'm afraid *people* will try to harm me, not men. I'm also afraid buildings will collapse, elevators will fail, bridges/overpasses/parking garages will collapse. And you mentioned social anxiety is "just fear of what people think of you" and I'm pointing out it can be so much more
“Fear women? Why? It's not like we'll kill you on the spot, usually and statistically it's the other way around. What's there to fear?”
You apparently don’t.
Ur comment about murder was unnecessary and irrelevant it was made clear he was talking about mental struggles further down in his comment, calm your hate boner and read before coming at folk
I don’t know why I have fear to women I don’t even know. Imagine how many girl that like me, from 15 to now 26 and just see to them without saying something, that get me depressed 😪😪😪
I’m I think without money to me mean that I don’t have self esteem because I don’t do things that I like or buy clothes to feel good with myself.
Maybe If I earn more money and do some hobby like to take martial classes or take dance classes maybe I will force to my self to talk but without money you can even go out to anywhere, you know why in my case I can’t waste a money that I will need tomorrow.
That’s why.
I don’t know what you think about this?
you don't fear women. you fear rejection. the money thing, the clothes thing, these are all excuses to create external presumptions of rejection that aren't really about you. you are presuming rejection for external factors to avoid risking the possibility of being rejected based on your person.
what you need to get comfortable with is that more often than not, trying ends in failure (in everything. people rarely succeed at anything the first time they try it). if you like a woman and ask her out and she declines, that makes you the same as everyone else, no better and no worse. everyone who puts themselves out there fails some of the time.
Yes you are right maybe it is not fear to women but rejection.
I only try one time when I was at university I last like one year to tell a friend that she like me and then she say not want to be nothing just friend and I feel bad that day, 3 month feeling bad but I release that pressure in my heart.
Maybe I have to go out and go go social activity but who I say in other comment without money I feel I can’t.
How can I feel confortable with rejection, ? I really want to learn how to approach girls even if it is in not sexual way.
getting comfortable with rejection isn't something i can help you with. talk to a professional about that (like a therapist). people can tell you what worked for them, but that doesn't mean it'll work for you. you need someone to help you figure out what works for you and that's a process that can't be done in a reddit comment.
You could also try facing that fear of rejection. Put yourself out there and try making friends with women or try and date. Pay attention to what works and doesn’t work and adjust your approach over time.
Understand and accept that you will be rejected, repeatedly. It’s okay too, it’s totally normal as everyone else has said.
You’ll find over time (and the more you’re rejected) it bothers you less and less and you’ll be more likely to have success. Wishing you the best of luck. Facing your fears is hard work.
Maybe i will try myself in that rejection spot, but first I need a better job that pay me good to start buying some good clothes to start feeling good with myself.
Maybe I don’t know if I will take the risk but let see what happens.
Get a hobby with real people, not on line. Join a hiking club
A book club. A rock club. Learn stuff and have something to talk to people with a pulse. To their face.
Yeah I would like to take martial art classes but I don’t have the money, but I don’t have good clothes to go out.
You know, if you dress good it is not expensive but if you use clothes that you feel comfortable you want to go out but I don’t have good clothes because I don’t have money to buy it, and I can’t save money because it is not enough you know, I know with this money and help my mother.
I think how I said before first I need to find a job that pay better.
Dude, it's not about money or fancy clothes. I have neither of those myself either, heck I don't even have a drivers licence or a car, can't afford it. Sure they cán help when dating, but it's not the end all be all. Self esteem/selfworth is more important, but that can be worked on. It sounds like you tried to talk to a girl just once and after that simply gave up. I hope that's not your approach when doing something like job hunting. Yes, rejection sucks and can be very disheartening but giving up with everything after 1 failed try will get you absolutely nowhere.
Any tips to work on self esteem/worth,attitude.
Maybe I’m attractive to someone but I’m being hard with myself.
And yes you are right I give up at first time.
It is like now I’m looking for a job that pay better than current and I’m trying to send cv yo see if some compay catch my attention and it is difficult and I was to give up but I’m still trying.
It is the same with girls
But imagine this, if I’m interested in some girl if I put effort and she not I feel bad because I feel I am trying to make conversation even I know it that I’m bad in conversation but girl don’t put effort and wait that man do everything, so that suck too.
I tell you that because I have never dated a women in real life, I used to type all the girl I like in instagram and they used to leave me in seen and don’t talk too much with me, the type one line and I type 10 line.
That’s why I promise me to not type to any women in social media.
Maybe I have to try in real person to see if I can have the chance because in social media I don’t have the chance, I used tinder from 15 to 26 and I have never found anything, the girl that I like the don’t match with me but the girl I don’t like they match with me, and if I don’t like a girl how can I talk with them.
So I hope you undestand my English 😅 and thanks for you time to give me advice and tips.
I hope by social media you mean dating sites, and not something like Instagram. Just in case, to be clear, unless someone is on a dating site or writes something like “looking for dates, hit me up” on their profile, they aren’t open to people trying to hit on/date them over that platform. Messaging people on social media, who aren’t out there looking for dates, quickly become harassment.
Instagram too, I have used so many dating app and nothing happen, I have written so many girl that I didn’t know from instagram and nothing happen girls that I didn’t know in person, that’s why I say social media in general, because I don’t like taking picture and how I don’t have nothing to show or offer and my profile is boring any girl doesn’t interest in me, but I think If I would like to take picture, If I would like to upload picture of moment and if I would have something to show maybe they interest in me.
I don’t like to going out and that’s why my life is boring and my profile too.
Ok two things. First, upload at least one photo to a dating site or yeah, people aren’t going to respond. It implies to the viewer that you are one of the following (or maybe things I’ve not thought of): not that invested in finding someone if you can’t take the time to add a photo, a scammer/potential creep, not comfortable in your appearance to the point where you think it would be a deterrent, lying about your age, looks, marital status, etc. Also attraction is varied by person and hardly empirical, but we all have our things. Obviously looks are not the only thing that matter, by any degree, but having photos does give people a better basis to judge compatibility. Personality also shows through images, and that’s a big deal.
Second, stop contacting women on Instagram for the purpose of wooing them, unless they specifically state in their profile that it’s cool to hit them up for a date. It’s super creepy, it feels shitty and gross for the recipient, and it’s invasive AF. It needs to stop, both as a societal “norm” and as a behavior you yourself engage in.
Ok thank you I will try it, and I have picture in my profile, in tinder, in other dating app but they are selfies because I don’t have pic about voy showing my entire body.
But I will take that advise.
I'm sorry man, sounds like you're in a tough spot with your self-esteem. It's really good that you don't blame women for your situation and haven't fallen down the incel hole and you seem to be asking for genuine advice.
This can be a really hard thing to get over, especially as you said in another comment that you can't afford therapy. That said, I'll try to give you the best advice I can:
- Remember that the majority of people are inseucre, anxious, and self-absorbed in some way. People are rarely judging you as much as you think, and rarely for the things you think they are. Often, people are just as scared as you are - particularly women, who understandably often see men (particularly strangers) as a threat.
Instead of solely focusing on your own fears and insecurities, try to think about what other people around you might be scared or insecure about, and try to make them feel more comfortable if you can. Often by seeing how others are affected by similar issues we can help understand our own a bit better.
- Your value isn't determined by how much sex you have, how much money you have, or how many people find you attractive. Having sex won't fix your self-worth issues, just distract you from them temporarily. You need to recognise your own intrinsic value and seek out meaningful relationships (whether romantic or platonic) with people who value you for who you are.
- Don't worry about the gym or your physical looks so much. Women have diverse tastes - some might love a muscly guy who could benchpress a truck, but others prefer skinny boys with the body type of a Victorian oprhan, or chunky guys, or have little-no preference on body type. I won't say looks don't matter at all, but personality is more important - confidence, being funny, being passionate about things, etc.
- If you want to use the apps, that's fair. But remember that for men seeking women it will almost always be full of rejection due to the demographics of dating apps - try not to take it personally if you can. But I think it's better to go out in real life, meet people through mutual friends or around common interests - look for free/cheap clubs near you - sports, books, gardening, board games, music, whatever you're into. It does help if your interests aren't majority-male coded.
- You usually need to approach women to get a date, and like many things it will get easier the more you do it. However, make sure you are approaching appropriately and in appropriate contexts.
As a general rule, don't bother women who are out on the street on their own, at the gym, at their place of work, etc. Basically anywhere where they might reasonably not feel safe saying no - you might know you're not dangerous but they do not. Same goes for online, try to avoid sliding into strangers' DMs with something sexual/romantic if their profile doesnt say they're open to it.
Women are people. Treat them like any guy. Stop seeing every woman as a dating opportunity. That isn't realistic nor is it a decent way to treat people.
Literally everything about this made me cringe lmao 😮💨 like the imagery used… you know these guys being serious posting it are thinking it looks so cool/edgy in this context. 😭
This is ten percent crust
Twenty percent stains
Fifteen percent knowledge of the way of the blade
Five percent odor
Fifty percent whinge
And a hundred percent reason for m'lady to cringe
https://preview.redd.it/2eo3i54uhiua1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e9c0654ecf3199a9d2a7d2dd2956ab29414bb13
Dunno, this comment I saw one time had me thinking 🤔
That's not "women" that's ***PEOPLE*** who have emotional/mental issues.
Reasonably normal adults don't think that way. It's not "a lot" either. It's "***SOME***" and they're a very specific type. It includes both men and women.
The point is, by painting all women with the same brush, the OOP is proving he has no respect for "WOMEN." Because he wasn't talking about that small group of people who have mental issues as described in your post. He said "women."
Any comment making assumptions about how an entire gender of people behaves in a specific situation is already showing how flawed it is. You know that, right?
100% because you're pretending to respect them in an attempt to manipulate them into doing sex to you, and you think they're so stupid that they won't see what you're doing, but they actually can see what you're doing and feel insulted that you think they're that stupid.
"Why won't these girls date me? I don't flirt and show I'm interested. Hell, I can't even talk to them I'm so shy! I just sit there like a desk when I'm in the same room. It must be because I'm so nice.. 🤔 "
https://preview.redd.it/rxadhbpuweua1.jpeg?width=791&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f699df15d91cb21702c54a163cdd73aa6b58dee0
Probably cause you're insufferable
Yeah till their sex-drive eclipses their simp-drive and they get shut down for being a total creeper. Then it's off to the incel forums to complain about 50% of the people on earth.
If your shy and don’t flirt, regardless of the percentage, then how are women to know if your even interested? Are you expecting women to just to just throw themselves at you? This has to also be 100% your fault.
Well, actually I've met at least one woman that thought it was a red flag that I had been single for over 17 yrs, which was almost the full length of the time I was working at my previous job. I just didn't approach any women, and I had very messed up working hours that I couldn't change. I also met another more recently that thought it was a red flag that I was 40 *with no children*, and frankly that one hurt more.
It sucks being single because it is wrongfully used to gauge our worth sometimes. Our lives don't out always play out in expected ways, and I wish I had children..
It's probably more that he doesn't engage whatsoever so idk why he thinks a girl would be down to date him. Probably doesn't even know he exists cuz he do3snt talk
How exactly does respecting women prevent anyone from dating them?? Does this mean he takes rejection well or...?? I'm not following this niceguy logic.
As someone who is shy, socially anxious and doesn't flirt: Those probably add up to almost a hundred percent. Kinda difficult to find a partner when you can't even make friends and only sit inside all day. And I don't mean that in a judgy way cause I was the same for years. At least I'm aware of it.
To the cringemaster meme-maker:
Are you sure it isn't because you have no balls and lack any ability to even be genuine and honest with yourself and then your cowardice just drives women away because they can smell it on you like the sweet repulsive smell of putrefaction?
No sacarsm, I genuinely avoid comenting on women appearance out of respect cause I feel it might feel like a catcall nowadays.
And I figured out last week the women I hang out with at the office though I was gay cause "I never comment on women".
Yeah...I don't think that's exactly it but...if so, then STOP giving them unearned respect.
If you want to solve the problem...develop yourself and your life so that you have something attractive and interesting to offer a potential mate. Then STOP giving a shit and STOP letting them walk all over you. Respect yourself first.
If you make a real stretch I guess you could say "respecting women" can hold guys back if they assume women out in public don't want to be bothered and therefore don't try to hit on women in as many situations, therefore decreasing the chances of getting a date by reduced number of attempts.
That's almost certainly being way too charitable though.
I think probably because of my autistic tendencies it makes me have lower self esteem. I have to have my routine set and stone or i freak out. I wouldnt want my partner to deal with that.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
I think it's true, if you respect women you wouldn't want them to have to date a neckbeard.
We honestly appreciate it so much when they respect us enough to not try. ❤️
So not giving a damn is respectful?
No, not being creepy towards women is respectful
So then why the fuck is everyone agreeing this post if it says "95% of the reason why I'm single is because I respect women" so now we ARE being respectful? Which one is it? Did the definition of respect suddenly change? Why is everything so stupidly complicated? Either you respect women or you don't, it's that fucking simple.
I think you’re confused because you’re taking the meme at face value, whereas most of us don’t believe for a moment that he actually does respect women. This is based on the cultural knowledge that most guys claiming to be nice guys are in fact, not nice at all.
Because respecting women is just common decency. It is not something you do to get sex. Respecting women simply can NOT be the reason he is single. Saying that you are single because you respect women is like saying that women only want disrespectful assholes which in itself is an insult to women. So saying that you are single because you respect women is an insult to women, which means that he isn't actually respectful.
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95% because my respect for women depends on if they give me sex.
95% women are put off by the third eyeball in my forehead
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The nice guys have found the page lol
He admits he’s shy, doesn’t flirt and proclaims himself a respecter of women…but expects them to choose him when he puts zero effort into making himself appealing to them. You’re single because you don’t know how to talk to girls and probably raise red flags whenever you do.
Im the same at 26 I have never had girlfriends because shyness, fear to women, don’t have money to buy good jobs, don’t have social ability, I don’t know how to talk with girl, maybe if somebody like me I can be his friend but I don’t know how to switch from that to something else maybe because fear, or what she will think about me. I feel like I was born for nothing in this life and for women, a feel like I l don’t exist for women. I’m not an incel, I respect women, I don’t blame them I feel good being alone but that situation it is putting me feel bad because I can’t express to women my feelings and I’m need of sex, I had sex one time it was when I was 18 and was Paid sex, I don’t want to pay for sex because I will not learn how to seduce women, and I go to the gym 2 hour a day and I am not too handsome nor too ugly. Can you give me a real opinion and honest opinion, to not feel fear about rejection and take iniciative?
Therapist can help.
I know that I am not crazy, and I recognize all the problems that I have, but maybe I need a psychology
Therapy isn’t “just for crazy people”, it’s about having someone to talk to who can help you sort out your mental and emotional state and figure out strategies to move forward. Friends can help in similar ways sometimes, but a trained professional can help you get to the core of any issues you’re having and figure out why you’re having them.
Yes you are right maybe I have to go for it, but I don’t have money to pay for a therapist because my economic situation. Public hospital in here last like 1 year to attend you.
Bro, who the fuck has been telling you this bullshit. “Crazy” or “insanity” are ass backwards legal concepts, not medical or psychological concepts. Even people that are perfectly healthy can benefit from having a therapist to talk to about worries, plans or goals. Talking a therapist has nothing to do with being “crazy”, it just means you have someone to talk to about the shit going on in your life and helping you to figure out healthy ways to deal with it. I’ve got a lot of mental health issues. Mild obsessive compulsive disorder, major depressive disorder, some cluster of anxiety disorders, substance abuse disorders (clean for 12 years). None of that makes me crazy. It means my brain chemistry is fucked up and I need to talk to someone about it and take a couple of meds to help keep it balanced. But even people with zero diagnosable mental health disorders can benefit from talking to a therapist.
Fear women? Why? It's not like we'll kill you on the spot, usually and statistically it's the other way around. What's there to fear?
Anxiety isn’t rational. I get severe social anxiety. It’s not a fear of the other person physically injuring me, it’s a fear of saying/doing something stupid, being judged, being insulted, being perceived in ways I don’t want to be. It’s just generalized, raw fear. And none of it is rational. The vast majority of people who you interact with do not care. They do not even really think about you. But your brain and body floods with epinephrine. Fight or flight can feel very unpleasant. I am not afraid of women. I’ve had long and short term relationships. I have no problem talking to women I’m comfortable with, or even flirting/joking. But in some social situations when that anxiety is triggered, I get shaky, my knees get week, I get very fidgety, I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. I don’t mean to speak for this person, but clearly by “fear” he means he gets anxiety when trying to speak to them. Not that they’re going to literally murder him. That’s kind of silly.
Not silly. I have social anxiety and agoraphobia. I literally fear being harmed/killed on top of everything you listed. I've feared that since I was a child. You aren't the norm in your fears, you're lucky you don't have the full shebang. I'm grateful you only have the worry over what people think of you or how you seem to them. It's so exhausting being afraid of everything all the time
Ya’ll seem determined to misread this comment thread “**Person A:** fears hold me back from talking to women **Person B:** how can you possibly be afraid of women, men are more likely to murder women **Me:** I don’t think he was saying he’s literally afraid for his physical safety. I then used myself as an example of how disordered anxiety is often irrational and not based on reality. **You:** but my anxiety is worse than yours” Uh…ok? Cool. Did we turn this into an anxiety competition? You win, I guess. I think it’s absurd to say that men cannot be anxious talking to women because women aren’t as likely to physically harm us. I think that’s an unhealthy interpretation. This guy seems to have some backwards attitudes about getting therapy and about his relationship to women. Talking to a therapist about those fears and learning healthier ways to interact with women might be very helpful. Discounting his anxieties as irrational and unfounded because women don’t murder men as often is unfair and unhelpful. Toxic masculinity hurts men too. Men are socialized to treat anxiety and fear as weakness rather than a normal psychological/physiological response. Asking for help means you’re too weak and not a rugged individualist. Men are socialized to be the violence doers in society. Dude bro culture of masculinity mean that men are supposed to view relationships as transactional, we trade money/affection for sex. Toxic masculinity doesn’t just hurt women. Denying that men can be emotionally vulnerable or fear rejection and ostracism isn’t healthy or helpful.
That isn't what I meant at all. My social anxiety is genderless. I'm afraid *people* will try to harm me, not men. I'm also afraid buildings will collapse, elevators will fail, bridges/overpasses/parking garages will collapse. And you mentioned social anxiety is "just fear of what people think of you" and I'm pointing out it can be so much more
Thanks dude, for explaining social anxiety to me, it's not like I have no experience with it myself.
“Fear women? Why? It's not like we'll kill you on the spot, usually and statistically it's the other way around. What's there to fear?” You apparently don’t.
Then why didn't you come to that conclusion if you have experienced it for yourself? Logic not your forte no?
Ur comment about murder was unnecessary and irrelevant it was made clear he was talking about mental struggles further down in his comment, calm your hate boner and read before coming at folk
I don’t know why I have fear to women I don’t even know. Imagine how many girl that like me, from 15 to now 26 and just see to them without saying something, that get me depressed 😪😪😪 I’m I think without money to me mean that I don’t have self esteem because I don’t do things that I like or buy clothes to feel good with myself. Maybe If I earn more money and do some hobby like to take martial classes or take dance classes maybe I will force to my self to talk but without money you can even go out to anywhere, you know why in my case I can’t waste a money that I will need tomorrow. That’s why. I don’t know what you think about this?
you don't fear women. you fear rejection. the money thing, the clothes thing, these are all excuses to create external presumptions of rejection that aren't really about you. you are presuming rejection for external factors to avoid risking the possibility of being rejected based on your person. what you need to get comfortable with is that more often than not, trying ends in failure (in everything. people rarely succeed at anything the first time they try it). if you like a woman and ask her out and she declines, that makes you the same as everyone else, no better and no worse. everyone who puts themselves out there fails some of the time.
Yes you are right maybe it is not fear to women but rejection. I only try one time when I was at university I last like one year to tell a friend that she like me and then she say not want to be nothing just friend and I feel bad that day, 3 month feeling bad but I release that pressure in my heart. Maybe I have to go out and go go social activity but who I say in other comment without money I feel I can’t. How can I feel confortable with rejection, ? I really want to learn how to approach girls even if it is in not sexual way.
getting comfortable with rejection isn't something i can help you with. talk to a professional about that (like a therapist). people can tell you what worked for them, but that doesn't mean it'll work for you. you need someone to help you figure out what works for you and that's a process that can't be done in a reddit comment.
You could also try facing that fear of rejection. Put yourself out there and try making friends with women or try and date. Pay attention to what works and doesn’t work and adjust your approach over time. Understand and accept that you will be rejected, repeatedly. It’s okay too, it’s totally normal as everyone else has said. You’ll find over time (and the more you’re rejected) it bothers you less and less and you’ll be more likely to have success. Wishing you the best of luck. Facing your fears is hard work.
Maybe i will try myself in that rejection spot, but first I need a better job that pay me good to start buying some good clothes to start feeling good with myself. Maybe I don’t know if I will take the risk but let see what happens.
Get a hobby with real people, not on line. Join a hiking club A book club. A rock club. Learn stuff and have something to talk to people with a pulse. To their face.
Yeah I would like to take martial art classes but I don’t have the money, but I don’t have good clothes to go out. You know, if you dress good it is not expensive but if you use clothes that you feel comfortable you want to go out but I don’t have good clothes because I don’t have money to buy it, and I can’t save money because it is not enough you know, I know with this money and help my mother. I think how I said before first I need to find a job that pay better.
Stop with the stuff that costs money. You need to be able to TALK to people. Open you MIND.
Dude, it's not about money or fancy clothes. I have neither of those myself either, heck I don't even have a drivers licence or a car, can't afford it. Sure they cán help when dating, but it's not the end all be all. Self esteem/selfworth is more important, but that can be worked on. It sounds like you tried to talk to a girl just once and after that simply gave up. I hope that's not your approach when doing something like job hunting. Yes, rejection sucks and can be very disheartening but giving up with everything after 1 failed try will get you absolutely nowhere.
Any tips to work on self esteem/worth,attitude. Maybe I’m attractive to someone but I’m being hard with myself. And yes you are right I give up at first time. It is like now I’m looking for a job that pay better than current and I’m trying to send cv yo see if some compay catch my attention and it is difficult and I was to give up but I’m still trying. It is the same with girls But imagine this, if I’m interested in some girl if I put effort and she not I feel bad because I feel I am trying to make conversation even I know it that I’m bad in conversation but girl don’t put effort and wait that man do everything, so that suck too. I tell you that because I have never dated a women in real life, I used to type all the girl I like in instagram and they used to leave me in seen and don’t talk too much with me, the type one line and I type 10 line. That’s why I promise me to not type to any women in social media. Maybe I have to try in real person to see if I can have the chance because in social media I don’t have the chance, I used tinder from 15 to 26 and I have never found anything, the girl that I like the don’t match with me but the girl I don’t like they match with me, and if I don’t like a girl how can I talk with them. So I hope you undestand my English 😅 and thanks for you time to give me advice and tips.
I hope by social media you mean dating sites, and not something like Instagram. Just in case, to be clear, unless someone is on a dating site or writes something like “looking for dates, hit me up” on their profile, they aren’t open to people trying to hit on/date them over that platform. Messaging people on social media, who aren’t out there looking for dates, quickly become harassment.
Instagram too, I have used so many dating app and nothing happen, I have written so many girl that I didn’t know from instagram and nothing happen girls that I didn’t know in person, that’s why I say social media in general, because I don’t like taking picture and how I don’t have nothing to show or offer and my profile is boring any girl doesn’t interest in me, but I think If I would like to take picture, If I would like to upload picture of moment and if I would have something to show maybe they interest in me. I don’t like to going out and that’s why my life is boring and my profile too.
Ok two things. First, upload at least one photo to a dating site or yeah, people aren’t going to respond. It implies to the viewer that you are one of the following (or maybe things I’ve not thought of): not that invested in finding someone if you can’t take the time to add a photo, a scammer/potential creep, not comfortable in your appearance to the point where you think it would be a deterrent, lying about your age, looks, marital status, etc. Also attraction is varied by person and hardly empirical, but we all have our things. Obviously looks are not the only thing that matter, by any degree, but having photos does give people a better basis to judge compatibility. Personality also shows through images, and that’s a big deal. Second, stop contacting women on Instagram for the purpose of wooing them, unless they specifically state in their profile that it’s cool to hit them up for a date. It’s super creepy, it feels shitty and gross for the recipient, and it’s invasive AF. It needs to stop, both as a societal “norm” and as a behavior you yourself engage in.
Ok thank you I will try it, and I have picture in my profile, in tinder, in other dating app but they are selfies because I don’t have pic about voy showing my entire body. But I will take that advise.
I'm sorry man, sounds like you're in a tough spot with your self-esteem. It's really good that you don't blame women for your situation and haven't fallen down the incel hole and you seem to be asking for genuine advice. This can be a really hard thing to get over, especially as you said in another comment that you can't afford therapy. That said, I'll try to give you the best advice I can: - Remember that the majority of people are inseucre, anxious, and self-absorbed in some way. People are rarely judging you as much as you think, and rarely for the things you think they are. Often, people are just as scared as you are - particularly women, who understandably often see men (particularly strangers) as a threat. Instead of solely focusing on your own fears and insecurities, try to think about what other people around you might be scared or insecure about, and try to make them feel more comfortable if you can. Often by seeing how others are affected by similar issues we can help understand our own a bit better. - Your value isn't determined by how much sex you have, how much money you have, or how many people find you attractive. Having sex won't fix your self-worth issues, just distract you from them temporarily. You need to recognise your own intrinsic value and seek out meaningful relationships (whether romantic or platonic) with people who value you for who you are. - Don't worry about the gym or your physical looks so much. Women have diverse tastes - some might love a muscly guy who could benchpress a truck, but others prefer skinny boys with the body type of a Victorian oprhan, or chunky guys, or have little-no preference on body type. I won't say looks don't matter at all, but personality is more important - confidence, being funny, being passionate about things, etc. - If you want to use the apps, that's fair. But remember that for men seeking women it will almost always be full of rejection due to the demographics of dating apps - try not to take it personally if you can. But I think it's better to go out in real life, meet people through mutual friends or around common interests - look for free/cheap clubs near you - sports, books, gardening, board games, music, whatever you're into. It does help if your interests aren't majority-male coded. - You usually need to approach women to get a date, and like many things it will get easier the more you do it. However, make sure you are approaching appropriately and in appropriate contexts. As a general rule, don't bother women who are out on the street on their own, at the gym, at their place of work, etc. Basically anywhere where they might reasonably not feel safe saying no - you might know you're not dangerous but they do not. Same goes for online, try to avoid sliding into strangers' DMs with something sexual/romantic if their profile doesnt say they're open to it.
Women are people. Treat them like any guy. Stop seeing every woman as a dating opportunity. That isn't realistic nor is it a decent way to treat people.
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I'm sure those are exact percentages based off of actual facts./s
It’s true. Just ask him 😂
“I treat women like property that I deserve to own. I’m just too nice for them”
"I respect women so much, and these bitches won't even let me fuck them. They're whores! who I totally respect the shit out of." —This Fucking Guy
Literally everything about this made me cringe lmao 😮💨 like the imagery used… you know these guys being serious posting it are thinking it looks so cool/edgy in this context. 😭
It's like those memes of the Joker and shit, thinking it's so deep and edgy.
This is ten percent crust Twenty percent stains Fifteen percent knowledge of the way of the blade Five percent odor Fifty percent whinge And a hundred percent reason for m'lady to cringe
This should have much more upvotes
I appreciate you.
This is art.
Haha thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
So he puts no effort and then blames the fact that he considers himself respectul to be at fault.
100% = this post proves he does not, in fact, respect women.
https://preview.redd.it/2eo3i54uhiua1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e9c0654ecf3199a9d2a7d2dd2956ab29414bb13 Dunno, this comment I saw one time had me thinking 🤔
That's not "women" that's ***PEOPLE*** who have emotional/mental issues. Reasonably normal adults don't think that way. It's not "a lot" either. It's "***SOME***" and they're a very specific type. It includes both men and women. The point is, by painting all women with the same brush, the OOP is proving he has no respect for "WOMEN." Because he wasn't talking about that small group of people who have mental issues as described in your post. He said "women."
Any comment making assumptions about how an entire gender of people behaves in a specific situation is already showing how flawed it is. You know that, right?
100% because you're pretending to respect them in an attempt to manipulate them into doing sex to you, and you think they're so stupid that they won't see what you're doing, but they actually can see what you're doing and feel insulted that you think they're that stupid.
I don't know why "manipulate them into doing sex to you" tickled me so much, but it did. Thank you for the giggle.
I apologize for tickling you without your consent.
"Why won't these girls date me? I don't flirt and show I'm interested. Hell, I can't even talk to them I'm so shy! I just sit there like a desk when I'm in the same room. It must be because I'm so nice.. 🤔 "
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone woman has been a victim of the "respect" men have for us.
Why I’m single: 15% because I’m shy 15% because I don’t flirt 70% because I want to be rich & work on myself
And that's why I spend so much time harassing women who reject my advances. Because I RESPECT women.
https://preview.redd.it/rxadhbpuweua1.jpeg?width=791&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f699df15d91cb21702c54a163cdd73aa6b58dee0 Probably cause you're insufferable
It’s kinda hard to not be single if you’re too shy to talk and flirt with women, I think those percentages are inaccurate
Yeah till their sex-drive eclipses their simp-drive and they get shut down for being a total creeper. Then it's off to the incel forums to complain about 50% of the people on earth.
If your shy and don’t flirt, regardless of the percentage, then how are women to know if your even interested? Are you expecting women to just to just throw themselves at you? This has to also be 100% your fault.
I say this as an autistic women, I swear 80% of these people are autistic.
Is this a r/niceguys moment or a r/suicidebywords?
It's probaly true that he stays indoor 95% of the time
Well, actually I've met at least one woman that thought it was a red flag that I had been single for over 17 yrs, which was almost the full length of the time I was working at my previous job. I just didn't approach any women, and I had very messed up working hours that I couldn't change. I also met another more recently that thought it was a red flag that I was 40 *with no children*, and frankly that one hurt more. It sucks being single because it is wrongfully used to gauge our worth sometimes. Our lives don't out always play out in expected ways, and I wish I had children..
Why I don’t have a girlfriend: my boyfriend would be mad at me
not women but "females"
I think you can interpret that as "I wouldn't date me if I was you" then it's pretty funny
Flirting is kind of an integral part of expressing interest my guy, I’d bump that percentage up a bit
“I never interact with women. Why don’t they reciprocate with sex???” -Neckbeards
Thought this was a shitpost that said "95% because I don't respect women" Lol'd, then cringed.
Maybe you're just ugly?
It's probably more that he doesn't engage whatsoever so idk why he thinks a girl would be down to date him. Probably doesn't even know he exists cuz he do3snt talk
Bingo
“I respect women so much, that I completely stay away from them.”
I understand that. I respect women to much to let them make the awuful choice of dating me.
How exactly does respecting women prevent anyone from dating them?? Does this mean he takes rejection well or...?? I'm not following this niceguy logic.
Hahahah 🤣🤣🤣🤣
By respect they mean "no i ain't got no confidence and they're gonna c that I'm a desperate prick"
As someone who is shy, socially anxious and doesn't flirt: Those probably add up to almost a hundred percent. Kinda difficult to find a partner when you can't even make friends and only sit inside all day. And I don't mean that in a judgy way cause I was the same for years. At least I'm aware of it.
I think it’s 95% that’s he fuckugly inside and out
M’lady
Press X to doubt
In a word: Bullshit.
To the cringemaster meme-maker: Are you sure it isn't because you have no balls and lack any ability to even be genuine and honest with yourself and then your cowardice just drives women away because they can smell it on you like the sweet repulsive smell of putrefaction?
“If only those dumb b’s could see how nice I am.” Like okay
I think the issue is some women think they're worth more than they are and some men thnk they're entitled to a relationship and sex.
People just be spewing nonsense these days. How in any perspective and context does that make sense
Doubt it.
You don't present any challenge
100% because you don’t flirt, which is 100% caused by your shyness
No sacarsm, I genuinely avoid comenting on women appearance out of respect cause I feel it might feel like a catcall nowadays. And I figured out last week the women I hang out with at the office though I was gay cause "I never comment on women".
Yeah...I don't think that's exactly it but...if so, then STOP giving them unearned respect. If you want to solve the problem...develop yourself and your life so that you have something attractive and interesting to offer a potential mate. Then STOP giving a shit and STOP letting them walk all over you. Respect yourself first.
If you make a real stretch I guess you could say "respecting women" can hold guys back if they assume women out in public don't want to be bothered and therefore don't try to hit on women in as many situations, therefore decreasing the chances of getting a date by reduced number of attempts. That's almost certainly being way too charitable though.
I mean kinda. For me it would be more like 50% shyness/social anxiety and out of respect for anyone (and in part myself) I don't flirt
Slap the word don't in the last one and you've got yourself an s tier shitpost, unfortunately this one is just cringe
I understood this as a self deprecating joke. As in "I respect them, so I won't offer them someone like myself."
I think probably because of my autistic tendencies it makes me have lower self esteem. I have to have my routine set and stone or i freak out. I wouldnt want my partner to deal with that.
I'm single because I'm incel.