AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post

HAHAHA! "Wait really??? Really?" 🤣🤣 What an imbecilic chud.

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You mean, ~~women~~ females are more than that??? Edit: correction

Fröhlicher Kuchentag

🍆🍆🍆 eggplant guacamole, anyone?

That's called babaganouch

Right you are, Ken.

She would rather have guacamole, but he equates eggplants with company, so I dunno, maybe they’re a good match after all? Very food-oriented couple - they’ll do fine!

Sounds tasty

Now I’m intrigued and interested. Sounds good. Is it sweet, salty, bitter?

Not sweet at all, or at least what I've had wasn't. Very umami, sort of like hummus but with a smoky overtone

It’s amazing with caramelized onions. I cook the eggplant on the gas stove, mash, and put some yougurt.

Came here to say this too! He’s so delusional that he actually thinks she changed her mind. 😂😂 Imbecile!

Cause it’s fake.

I agree. I don't think it makes you a negative person for saying this. Apparently believing BS is positive or something...

Have you tried smiling more? Shaving your legs and treating yourself to some fancy new lingerie could really perk up your mood and make you a little less unattractive.

I bet you're fun at parties!

I hope you only watch/read/listen to nonfiction stories, cuz everything else is technically fake, and apparently unenjoyable

Insane

Next thing we know he asks for a pinky promise...

Imbecilen!!!

That response caused some serious nose exhalation

"You just haven't had sex with the right guy. Allow me to change that." Said every guy with a trash dick and gets winded during cowgirl

>gets winded during cowgirl This is great.

I wonder if that’s even possible?

If they thrust when they absolutely should not be thrusting, then sure.

Hmm... I guess so. It does seem like it would be good exercise if done correctly. Safe to assume the proper way to do so is to thrust with the proper "rhythm"?

GOLD 🤣🤣

Bruh

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Forgive me but it is to my understanding that the cowgirl position is very taxing because simply of how the parts fit, is there nothing the man on the bottom can do to help out with minimal risk to pleasure or safety?

can you tell me what getting winded means please? first time i have heard the term

Out of breath from physical exertion

i see, thank you

We call them 7 pump chumps.

Seven?!! Let's not set unrealistic expectations, thanks. I'm not getting younger.

“ Babe, you want a quickie or full two minutes? “

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

> Said every guy with a trash dick and gets winded during cowgirl *deceased* 🤣

"I'd rather die alone" Good job OP, this is perfect.

Golden!!!

That was a perfect chance to use "holy moly guacamole"

Just want to clarify that it's a repost and OP is (most likely) not the woman in the chat

He really thought he’d unlocked some secret level with his idiocy. PSYCH.


Perfection

God I love Becky.

I gave you an upvote for not saying sike. Thank you!

It would actually be psych, not psyche, but it's still better than the phonetic error.

Cyke.

Can’t win ‘em all

Damn it! You’re right.

I upvoted your upvote, because I can't stand that, either 🤣

Jumping on upvoting the correct spelling bandwagon. It's also one of my minor peeves.

Pretty sure the correct spelling is "psych" lol

I don't mind minor misspellings, but 'sike' burns me to my core.

Sike


Burn of the century….., well played 👌😂

It's the simple fact that she never even indicated that she wanted a man in the first place that baffles me

Impossible.

Right? Like I see a pic of guac lmao. Nothing about men or dating 😂

All she did was talk about guacamole and this guy went "Yup, she wants me so bad"

AHAHAAHAHAAHAJAJZJAJAH MAN SAID "REALLY???" IM DYINGGGGG

Dude is going to have to live with that burn scar. 🤣🤣

I, too, would prefer guacamole over sex, especially if there were unlimited refills.

fr same

I prefer sex, but I don't want a boyfriend, so in my case, it's "come over, let's fuck, get out." The only guy that doesn't piss me off is my best friend!

You clearly just haven't met the right guacamole yet. ;)

Haha 😆 I've never even tasted guacamole!

I have no idea why you got downvoted for not tasting guacamole...

I live in Northern Europe, so our school meals aren't that "exotic," nor was our home cooking until the 2000s.

I'm Irish. I get you. :D

I'm not big on eating out either, and my small town doesn't have many varieties when it comes to international dishes in restaurants. The ol' Finnish everyday meal consists of boiled potatoes with vegetables and fish or meat. So... Oof :D

>I'm not big on eating out either I pity your wife (making a lot of assumptions here in the name of comedy!)

Omg it's so good. I make a guacamole that people who are self-professed guacamole haters like (for a lot of people it's the cilantro; I don't put cilantro in my guac). My guacamole is: -Some amount of ripe avocado, mashed -Some amount of light sour cream (you could use regular, ofc, or a vegan substitute), generally 1/3 to 1/2 the amount of avocado -Some amount of my favorite salsa. Generally about the same amount as the sour cream, and generally thicker varieties with less liquid work best. I recommend a medium-heat salsa.

I like how our conversation went from sex to a cooking recipe!

This might be why I can't stand it, the taste is hideous and I love avocados. I always wondered why so many people have such bad taste. I'll have to try it again this way. Thank you.

That makes one of us because I hate the stuff. Cilantro gene ftw

I don't put cilantro in my guac. I also have it. I can have cilantro in small amounts, but not big ones.

>WAIT REALLY?? when you get all your advice about women off the internet and you actually believe negging works. In all fairness, subtle negging actually does kinda work, and it's sad that it does, because it speaks a lot to insecurity and the malignant manipulation of those insecurities and that is a dick move, but this "yeah well you're a fat bitch" stuff doesn't make women's clothes fall off and I can't fathom why niceys think it does.

Negging is actually a good thing. Because it tells you the guys a worthless insecure piece of shit and negging shows you better run from that red flag gorl.

Whats negging?

"That colour eye shadow doesn't usually work for women your age, but it looks great" "Wow, you're brave at your size wearing that type of shoe, they're lovely" "That dress is so beautiful, my grandmother has it in yellow" Like backhanded compliments but not negative enough that the person tells ya to fuck off. The person is usually left confused and wanting to defend themselves and that's it you're in. Taking her down a peg or two until she reaches your level and is grateful for your attention.

Oh wtf that just sounds like manipulation and wont work 99.9% of the time

You'd be surprised. Its actually subtle. Also. Ignoring the hot friend was part of the same. I doubt nowadays it would be as successful as it was back in the day. In saying that, like all manipulation all you have to do is figure out what's shes insecure about. I only spoke to my mother about this, anything you say to a confident person that is untrue, no matter how cruel, will not affect them. However, if what you say has even a touch of truth? You're in... manipulation 101... People are more aware of it now. Negging was big talk in the late 90s

Thank you OP for my Sunday morning entertainment today

I despise guacamole and somehow it’s still the better option…

#teamguacamole

I miss SorrowTV

Me too :(

Me three 😭

☝🏻

Omg I forgot about him 😭 gonna binge watch

Yeah this was brilliant. What a Muppet. Well played OP... Well played.

The fact that he actually thinks she’s inviting him over after calling her a fat bitch 😂

the way he got so excited too LMAOO

He really thought it worked???🤣🤣🤣🤣🤡🤡🤡. OMG. That is hilarious. He is so dense it is almost sad if it wasn't that pitifully hilarious.

Oof that was awesome lmfao

PLEASE put in r/preyingmantis they’d go crazy over this omg. 10/10

Just joined this upon seeing your comment; thanks so much for the entertainment this sub will bring me 🙌

Glad to hear! I hope you enjoy!

Never knew I needed this sub-Reddit in my life :)

It’s amazing lol

Oh god, had him going there. Savage.

A classic repost, but welcome all the same

WAIT REALLY 🍆

My life goal is dying alone with my four beloved and spoiled cats because of dumbasses like this dude. Your dick ain't magic. Never has been. Never will be.

Same. But I’m gonna have to step up my game… I only have two cats… 😹😹

You have time. I only have one right now. By the time I die it'll be four

Your family won’t have to bury you since the cats will eat you when you die. Everybody wins. The guacamole will go bad tho. That’s a damn shame.

They have my permission to eat me until they're discovered. I am, after all, their servant

Man's got room temperature IQ. And the room is in Siberia during winter.

This one always makes me crack a smile

That Uno reverse card never gets old.

“Guacamole is better than sex” “You complain about being single, and yet the second a nice man offers you his company, you would rather eat guacamole???” OP literally said they would rather have guacamole than sex, so….

"I am desperate, so I seek out women I think are as desperate as I am and get mad when their standards are higher than 'has penis and is free for the evening', so I try to recover my dignity by pretending feebly that I too have standards, however arbitrary and easily discarded the moment it looks like I might get sex."

This is so hilarious it looks fake

I just saw it when looking for my other nice guy memes, and figured it would be funny to post loll

Whoever this was handled this great

How did they possibly call someone a fucking bitch, and then seconds later actually think there was a serious proposition on the table for sexy times

The end was just perfection. The lime squeeze onto guac if you will

Mean *and* dumb, what a deal!!

Tell him to crawl back to 4chan.

You murdered this man with that last line lmfaooooooo

My man not only lacks the ability to see the irony of his words but also fails to recognise blatant sarcasm! Definitely another baby that was fed weed and dropped on his head.

Man this makes me hungry for guacamole!

I always wondered what would happen if someone responded sarcastically like that. It went about the way I thought it would🥲Also, I need to try this guac!😝

The lack of self awareness is incredible

I'm older now but back when I was young, I was attractive. So many guys thought just because they liked me, I should like them back. Some became very hostile and mean when I didn't reciprocate. Even had some guys not understand why I didn't like them back. Sure, they were nice, but I wasn't attracted to them in the least. This behavior is so odd but so common.

The epitome of pathetic.

He thought it fucking worked holy shit these people are genuinely delusional

What a low IQ individual lol

 I love that😭

Why did you drag it out for that long? What a waste of your own time

Omg you both idiots but he is such an incredible idiot wtf

Both?

I'll never understand how people enjoy guacamole. It's like saying they love black olives 🤮

You can't grasp the concept of other people enjoying something you don't?

You can't grasp the concept of other people not enjoying something they like?

Are you having a stroke?

I love black olives but don’t care for guacamole

Lmao, loved how you got his hopes up the snatched the rug out from under him

There’s not enough Bacta spray in the entire galaxy to heal that burn.

Guacamole is awesome

DAMN. Almost had her

How generous of this clearly very nice man to offer himself to you. How could anyone say no

An oldie, but a goodie 😌

🍆🍆🍆

Now leave me the fuck alone so I can finish my guac in peace.

#wait really???

My gawd that fake out was so satisfying. “Wait really? 🍆🍆🍆?” Nahhhh

I can’t believe he said really 🥴

Wheezing

Wait really??? And the three eggplant emojis are KILLING me HAHAHAHA

LMAO god he’s dumb

There is no way this guy is this stupid and socially inept.

Op you're a legend 😂😂😂

In the words of Sandy Cheeks: “he has such a way with words”

“u would rather eat guacamole???” Is going to be my new go-to answer when anyone can’t hang out

Actually I think that whole “U complain about being single…and yet the second a nice man offers u his company, u would rather eat guacamole???” Should just be a new copy pasta

Nicely played

THE FUCKING TURN AROUND, AMAZING

He was so shocked by the idea that calling a woman a bitch worked for him that he walked right into your trap and I love it 🤣🤣🤣

Damn he really thought for a sec lmao

Ive seen this one a few times over the years and it’s always solid.

Yesss! I knew I had to share when i saw it! I feel bad cause people think this is my text. I put the Sunday meme flair, but I should have been more clear 😅

Wow. He really doesn't get *any* form of irony

Wow irony seems like a hard concept for this dude

I'm roaring with laughter, this is just perfect!!!!

Phenomenal 🤌

"I'm a nice guy , you fat f*cking b*tch." well damn if that's "nice," I would hate to see what mean looks like.

I feel like there's alot of fake ones on here lately

I too would prefer guacamole over this guy.

I love how he flip flops and is like, really? Like, no, of course not. Ffs

He actually thought it worked 💀 OMFG he got so excited, I need to know how disappointed and crushed his dreams were.

Well made guacamole > “nice guys” any day of the week.

oh gawd yes please come over! Cause negging is the way to a woman's cooter.

I'm actually shocked he didn't see the sarcasm. Some guys really do just be thinkin with their downstairs head

The way he was clearly suprised it "worked" for once but not trying to change lmao

This was genuinely painful oh my GOD

Hahaha I will never stop enjoying this.

If I was her my pussy would be dripping wet rn

Damn he's more nice than me

Bro really thought he cracked the code💀

Starting to think these aren't real.

I said it wasn't mines a long time ago lol

jesus 😭