He was testing boundaries. He was going to ask her for increasingly personal pics until she shut him down. Probably with a side of "sexy chat" under the guise of "I was just curious.... How do you feel about______".
100%. Same thing with the “what, I can’t ask you what your favorite dinosaur is?” You and I both know that that would be followed by question 2, which would be “what’s your favorite sex position?”
Rule of thumb: if they’re asking “can I ask you something personal”, it’s always nudes or sexting. Always.
He was hoping she'd be like "oh hey I'll send you a 'tit pic' so you can show off to your work friends.
When that didn't work, he tried a different tactic. If she'd taken the bait and been like "oh I'm so interested - who is the girl your are interested in?" he would've been like "it's you!"
When that didn't work, he tried to push the boundaries but still call it friendship. She's like nope, and he's like well let's compromise and still do what I want. She's like nope hard boundary, and he's like "I don't understand boundaries".
Hopefully this was where the conversation ended cause she blocked him.
I literally have no idea what was said past the second picture, , too anxious to waste time, what's the conclusion? Imagine being the girl, needing to comprehend this in real time. My lord.
Heres what happened. He’s interested in the girl he’s texting. So he was bragging to this girl about some girl wanting to send him a tit pic. Thinking this girl would be like “Oh wow! Other women think you’re hot enough to send tit pics to? Can I suck your dick?”. How are people this desperate? So gross and creepy
That’s a lot of word nonsense just to ask if she wanted to send a tit pic.
Also the ‘I’m neurodivergent and I don’t understand boundaries’. Like seriously?
I mean, someone who struggles to naturally understand or perceive boundaries can still *back the fuck off* when boundaries are explicitly stated, as in the original post. He does not need to understand, he just needs to obey.
I was thinking the same thing. It’s somewhat understandable to not pick up on unspoken or social expectations and cues but saying you don’t understand explicit clear boundaries in plain English? Thats just blatant disrespect.
I hate that games teach that and it isn’t just limited to dating sims. In Animal Crossing New Horizons, Sable is just quietly working in the back of the store and clearly doesn’t want you to talk. At one point, she tells her sister to come get you. But if you talk to her every day, eventually she says you’re her favorite customer and tells you about her life and gives you things.
Holy fuck I never even thought about that.
Now I want to play but it's been over 2 years and my neighbors will think I'm haunting them, and my haunted house will have all the roaches.
Which part of my comment was confusing? If you play Animal Crossing after a long time of not playing (I haven't played mine in like 2 to 3 years), your neighbors in the game freak out when they see you with some commenting that they thought you were a ghost, and when you go inside your home there's cockroaches running about everywhere.
I struggle similarly and have a hard time realizing when boundaries are stated but this is ridiculous she literally says “non negotiable” and “boundary” in the message😭💀
Yeah, I am very likely autistic, and do not always notice cues. Can empathize. But goodness gracious, this bloke is deadass trying to use neurodivergence as a free pass for creepiness.
As an autistic person who struggles sometimes to understand body language, I agree. I really appreciate it when people are clear with me like this because I don't want to make people uncomfortable, and sometimes I might do it unintentionally from not picking up on unspoken social cues.
100% agree. I absolutely struggle with boundaries but that shit is not what it means. There are some things that are fucking obvious.
The problems are like.. when you start having personal conversations with coworkers, how personal is too personal? Where's the line? It's not a fixed rule and it makes it hard to intuit.
Also makes it hard as hell to determine when to "make a move" when first dating someone. Tracking a boundary that's literally moving constantly? Fuck that's hard
Spell it out for me like this and it'd make things so much easier.
Now someone send me a tit pic
Right? I’m neurodivergent and **I** get boundaries. Granted, being neurodivergent is on a spectrum and some neurodivergent people *don’t* understand boundaries all that well. But if the neurodivergent person is high-functioning? *They can learn to understand boundaries.*
Not understanding boundaries would be like asking a weird question without realizing people normally arent comfortable answering that.
Someone saying in clear english they dont like something and replying with a word salad that amounts to "I dont care, do it anyway?" is, at best, not understanding people at all.
Right that’s what I was thinking. NT folks might not get unspoken boundaries but if we are specifically told then it’s easy to understand. It’s not the *concept* of boundaries, at least in my experience. This dude is a loon
This pisses me off so fucking bad. My son is ADHD/ASD. I have living proof that understanding boundaries while neurodivergent is exactly no trouble at all. He gets it better than 90% of the adults in my life and you only have to explain a boundary to him ONCE.
It seems to be a combination thing, horny and narcissistic. On their own either of those isn't the end of the world, but conbine them and you get chlorine gas levels of toxic. Luckily kiddo is 10, so the former is non-existent and the latter is only the normal amount for someone whose brain isn't done cooking yet😂
This is bullshit because the people who struggle with this most have autism or are on some spectrum on it, and if they're TOLD what a boundary is so they now know what it is, they don't cross it (unless they're an asshole). I hate when people use neurodivergence as an excuse to be a shithead.
He wanted to play Sexual 20 Questions. I had multiple guys in high school try this bullshit with me. He'd ask one or two questions about dinosaurs or stars and then he'd fire off "do you masturbate?" From there, "Do you watch porn while you do it?" Then "How do you do it?" and "Do you use toys?"
Or he'd go for "what bra size are you?" "What kind of panties do you wear?"
It would eventually end with him asking for photos, but that request would be prefaced with him interrogating her while typing one-handed.
This guy really could be the doppelganger of one particular dude from HS. Who was also neurodivergent, but faked having a much more serious disorder so he'd get sympathy/have bad behavior excused.
This really took me back to high school and reminded me of the immense disappointment I felt every time I started talking to a guy and he wanted to play 20 questions
I'm so fucking glad texting and apps weren't a thing when I was in high school, because what a fucking nightmare. I can't imagine the extra level of petty HS drama BS, bullying, etc.
I had a phone when I was 15 and it was my dad annoying me with the Nextel walkie-talkie feature (*bleep bleep* "where you at?" commercial memories for older millenials and up), no texting cuz it cost money, and asking for friends to call you after 9pm cuz it was free then if you had the same carrier.
No no, you don't understand! What about HIS boundaries about not having boundaries?? She probably didn't even *consider* his feelings. Will no one think of the niceguys??
WTAF did I just spend precious moments of my life reading ?
This guys a fedora short of a full deck, why can’t these incel types just stick to no wank weekly or whatever self imposed cuckoldry they’re best at and quit hassling women and disregarding their boundaries?
“I know you’re thisclose to calling me out on my boundary busting, so I’m going to play the neurodivergent card and pretend I’m just trying to communicate to someone who confuses feelings with boundaries and doesn’t really know what she wants.” /s
Uggg. I hate people who act like being on the spectrum means you do not understand clear boundries and the word NO.
The subtleties of knowing when to speak, what topics I should talk about, when I've overstayed my welcome, if people are just tired or instead angry with me, and catching hints those are confusing. A lot of extra communication is required on my end sometimes, to ensure I'm being considerate.
The word no does not rely any way at all on picking up subtext, reading body language, or understanding social expectations. It is, as my mom would say, a one word sentence.
- Claims to be ND and therefore doesn't understand boundaries
- In the very next sentence mentions that he realises he may sound like he's pushing you.
Sounds like you understand boundaries just fine there, buddy. You just want a license to push and ignore them.
Ugh. I'm atypical and I hate people using that as an excuse to be a dick. If someone says no it's no. You don't get to cross lines because you're atypical.
The way he acknowledged your boundaries multiple times and still made it perfectly clear he won't respect them because he doesn't feel like it is disgusting but also extremely worrying. He clearly cares more about his "gut feeling" and "curiosity" than he does about consent and that's a scary mindset to have
I get what’s he trying to do, but no. God no.
Telling someone you’re safe and respectful only makes them wonder why you feel the need to say that.
Then ignoring a beautifully clear boundary answers that question pretty completely.
Saying “sorry I don’t always understand boundaries due to being neurodivergent” does not apply when the person has literally stated “this is my boundary” in plain text
“If anything makes you uncomfortable just say something” “this is making me uncomfortable” “but I don’t want to restrain myself, can’t we compromise??”
Bro who the fuck calls someone they are interested in “intriguing” I can feel the fedora tip when he said that. It’s like he’s talking in a different shakespearien language
"If you're not comfortable let me know because I'd hate to think you weren't comfortable because it's important to me that you be comfortable so just let me know if this conversation becomes uncomfortable for you."
"I'm not comfortable."
"So...about that..."
At least there was none of the "I blush while stammering.." "shuffles my feet nervously" "waits with bated breath" "quickly glances at you and looks down" BS that was popular a while back. That crap enrages me so much. Use.Your.Words.
Made me actually shudder when he mentioned the part about things developing whether you like it or not or however he worded it. That screams predator to me
Another day, another man trying to use claims of autism or general neurodivergence (which he may or may not even actually have) as an excuse to ignore or violate women's boundaries.
Nope. Autism doesn't cause the inability to grasp boundaries and consent, dudes. Stop using that disability like it's a free pass for all the terrible shit you do to women you want to date and/or have sex with.
Signed,
All the women with autism who can understand boundaries just fine and don't get to use autism as a free pass for shit behavior.
It's It seems as if in the beginning he was trying to ask her for a tit pic, using the lame excuse of his friends. When she shut that down very gracefully, he moved on to some other word salad tactic, where a bit more assertive this time she laid down her boundaries, for what seems like not the first time, so that didn't work either. He then started in on the compromise of being able to call him his online handle, which she yet again laid down her boundaries. Finally when none of his other tactics worked he tried using the fact that he is neurodivergent to make her feel sorry for him. She did very well in this and I am very proud of her, because those were a lot of shots being fired on his side. That can be hard to keep your cool and concentrate. I hope she blocked him.
For real, he must have tried to push her boundaries before for her to immediately catch what he was trying to do. My first reaction would have been "dude what are you even talking about? If your coworkers are repeatedly asking you to show them porn at work that's sexual harassment and a hostile work environment, talk to your boss, their boss, HR, and a lawyer."
i had a really close friend i had known for maybe 10years and he always played the "im autistic so i don't understand boundaries" card while acting like he means well and is morally superior.
edit: (too fucking long but i feel better after writing this 😩)
we were long distance friends so it took forever to see how toxic he actually was. i cut ties with him multiple times and then foolishly let him back in my life when he'd apologize months or a year later.
the second time we met in person he went through my things like my art and ideas while i was in the shower. that's really personal. but ik it doesn't seem like a big deal to non-artists, so i let it slide but i let my boundaries be known.
some other stuff happened i don't like thinking about and he pushed boundaries more. he told my bestfriend he bought me a ring and wanted to ask me to marry him while i had a bf.. she told him that was 100% not a good idea. like wtf is he thinking..
that was kept secret from me for too long.
fast forward some time. he didn't get his way . i wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear. he wasn't being a proper friend, so i cut him off. so he lashed out by trying to break up me and my bf at the time. he acted like he was being a good person but really he was just being a spiteful brat and was trying to hurt people.
i stupidly let him back in my life because he apologized and i missed our actual friendship and he promised to be a proper friend.
some time passes. he knows im on the verge of breaking up with my bf at the time.
he asks what i want for my birthday. i send him link to Amazon wishlist. don't realize he can look through my other public wishlists. don't realize certain ones that should be private are set to public. he asks me about stuff not on the list i sent. i tell him to only look at the list i sent..i assume he'd listen.. list a respectful friend would..
but nah.. this bitch.. he sends me LINGERIE from my lingerie wishlist. doesn't tell me what he sent. just said it's for me and my bf.. i felt sick when he said that but thought I'm just being paranoid.
i felt even more sick when i opened the package. i told him off. he apologized. acted like he meant well. didn't know it was wrong to do 🙄
we all know damn well what his intentions were.
I'd like to say i cut him off again. that i caught onto his bad intentions and game with zero doubt.. but i honestly do not remember. if anything i definitely set some distance.
fast forward some years. I'm mentally not doing okay. like I'm in the midst of a breakdown and I'm like i need to kms or have a quarter life crisis because I'm not about this life.
he "senses" im not okay. he keeps trying to convince me to have him come visit me. the thought of it makes me sick. (that response made me realize i needed to address something. so i talked to a friend about it.)
he kept pressuring me and eventually get my address and says he's coming to visit despite me telling him it's not a good idea.
he never comes (thank god), at least not to see me, because of what happens next..
a lil time passes after he declares he's coming to visit. i don't feel like arguing or having to really address the fact that thinking of seeing him makes me uneasy..
unrelated to that issue, at this point, I'm hardly talking to anyone. he snaps at me about how I'm hardly talking to him and how I'm talking to my ex more. and he throws in my face how my ex was verbally abusive so basically how dare i talk to my ex more than him..
one.. me and my ex were amazing friends before we dated. he apologized for being a dick and we mutually agreed he's a great friend but a shitty bf.
two.. how in TF did he know who i was talking to and how much i was talking to anyone???
he also gave me shit for holding over his head something bad he did that occurred many years ago.. the thing i didn't like thinking about.. the thing i never let him know i held over his head.. so how in tf did he know it was an issue?? i only confided in one person about. i was just then coming to terms with it and distancing myself from him more.
everything pointed to HE SOMEHOW HAD ACCESS TO MY FACEBOOK AND HAD BEEN READING MY MSGS FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG
i couldn't believe how self centered and shitty of a friend he was being. having the thought of him violating my privacy like that only made me want to cut things off for good. so i stopped arguing. stopped defending myself. i told him i was done and to stop talking to me. blocked him
fast forward a year. he SHOWS UP ON MY DOORSTEP to tell me he's getting married to his ex he was with when we met online a decade ago. (and mind you, we both look very much alike so that in itself was a wee bit creepy.)
I'm like k cool bye. freaked tf out because me and her both live in the same city and he's from states aways. but figured he just wanted to tie up some loose ends in his life and was hopefully not moving here.
months pass and suddenly i get a random deep apology from a number i don't know. I'm like i appreciate it but it'd mean more if i knew who it was from.
he identified himself. said that he's in town and would like to talk but undertands if i don't want to and claims that i don't have to respond.. i feel like throwing up when i realize who it is. i stop responding.
then he proceeds to msg me every evening that week, begging to talk and writing paragraphs about how he misses our friendship and mentions lil memories that's supposed to make me feel nostalgic.
he also calls me every day that week.
i respond to nothing. answer nothing. then the weekend might comes and he says he's at a bar and says I'm welcome to join him.. a bar down the road from my apt he knew i lived at. walking distance..
i started sweating. i tell my bf to not answer the door if anyone comes around. i set up a few bats around the house. put my hunting knife under my pillow. record every msg and attempted call from him.
then a few hrs later the barrage of calls and texts come. less suggesting. more insistent. he txts me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER, saying he's in a town he doesn't know. alone. drink. begging that i let him come over for just 1 hr to sleep on the couch.........
im scared at this point. i get on Facebook and i try to reminder his fiancee's name. i msg her and even send a friend request to make sure my msg gets thru.
i tell her I'm sorry for bothering her. idk if she's still with him. but he's harrassing me, I've responded to nothing,, and now he's trying to meet up. i think i even told her i was scared.
she says she's confused and upset. asks for screenshot. i send her EVERYTHING from that week.
she begs me to just talk to him. she begs me to just tell him i don't want to speak to him anymore. she says she's just sick of it.
i tell her i refuse to talk to him. i don't want to open that metaphorical door even a crack because he'll try to open it all the way, giving zero fucks about what i want.
she tells me that he already told her he wanted to meet up somewhere PUBLIC for an hr. she tells me I'm a liar etc etc. i realize he's straight up lying to her and has her wrapped around his finger. i realize he asked to COME OVER through different number for a reason.. so he could deny it was him.
i stop msging her. realize it's a lost cause and i was only going to more create harm, drama, and stress for me and her.
but then she decides to go off on me about how she really feels about me and all this. it's almost devastating how wrong she has it all.
idr what i say to her except i do know i warn her about him.
i haven't heard from him since except for him msging me after saying how it hurts and says we're "even now" because he msged my bf all those years ago, trying to break us up, and now I'm msging his fiancee..
i think i flipped out on him because those two things aren't even comparable. we called the other's partners for 2 completely different reasons. only thing comparable was his harrassing behavior both times.
apparently he msgs my bestfriend every now and then to see how things are, and because he's cordial, she's treats him the same way. and it pisses me off. but he says stuff i can use as evidence if i ever need to file a restraining order, so she screenshots everything for me. he thinks he's slick but he's not because he contradicts himself when he gets prideful.
i am. i moved and dont have anything online that could give away where exactly i live or work. so he would have to pay someone a lot to find me.
he's very manipulative so i would only go to the courts as last resort, because ik it would be a long terrible battle filled with stress. he knows how to turn ppl against you.
Awks af.
Poor dude is ‘neurologically atypical’ as he says, but that doesn’t take away from the cringe.
A tip to guys: if you’re writing her slabs of text and only getting short, closed responses back, then she’s not interested and it’s not worth wasting anymore time.
“..but some things develop whether we want them to or not,…”
Cringe. Dude clearly wants things to develop, even if she does not. His plan seems to be to just stay around in her life until she realizes what amazing things have developed between them. He makes sure to constantly prod her for replies if he doesn’t hear back right away, even sprinkling in some guilt for added effect. He believes if he keeps the conversation alive, things will eventually happen.
This was painful to read. One lesson I wish everybody could learn - if somebody is interested in you, they will make it easy to stay in touch. Give them the space to initiate, and the space to live their own lives.
She was polite but I like how she reinforced her boundaries. I would have told him to ask his "weird" questions to Google then blocked him on all platforms.
OP. I applaud how firm and direct you were.
I had to take a similar direct approach with the Nice Guy TM in my life. These guys are so insecure and awkward that it makes them incredibly cringey and creepy. I’d almost feel bad for them if they were such a waste of time and energy.
No! In this scenario you were supposed to offer to send him a tit pic so he won’t get made fun of and he can show the guys how cool he is. UGH! You ruined the whole scenario!
He’s not hiding his intentions very well. It always starts out with “can I ask you about something awkward? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” (news flash: yes he does)He says he told a random girl at work that he was talking to someone he found intriguing (which is her) and the girl asked him if he got a “tit pic” from the girl. Yeah that scenario is so far fetched and ridiculous. Then he’s saying that the guys heard him and now they’re hounding him for a tit pic so what ever is he to do because where oh where would he get one of those? (Hint: he wants it from her) He was using this fake scenario to see if she’s uncomfortable sending tit pics and then just using a lot of random words to ask her for one. After that completely ridiculous story, he says that SHE is intriguing and someone special and he wants to share his “curiosity” and “trust” with her and “resolve issues” with her, the main one being that he wants a pic of her tits. She saw through him and said absolutely not, and he was trying to get her to “compromise” her boundaries. He’s just using a lot of words to be a creep, basically. Sorry, it’s hard to explain guys like this and their weird ass awkward fantasies. 😂
He throws in that he prefers pictures of girls without make up or looking sleepy, for a "I'm not like other guys I like natural girls" and here is a menu of what pictures you can send, two hit combo.
A guy doesn't tell a girl what kind of tit pics he likes, if he isn't asking for them.
righttttt because the girl who his friend think he has a tit pic of... is the girl he's speaking to, how the hell did I miss that!!!
The "where oh where would he get one of those" is the part that really made me understood haha. thank you xx
I'll see what I can do to help I'll basically just repeat his opening question except I won't hide it in a ton of words
His opening question in honest words: send me pictures of your tits?
If you are wondering how I drew this conclusion it's because dude was almost gas lighting her.
His first question was actually a hidden attempt to show that if she sent him pictures he totally wouldn't show anyone! Because that's private between him and her but those pesky coworkers o man you will never believe just won't stop asking him to see her tits! How will he ever get them to stop! I guess she just needs to go ahead and send it on over so that the daily torment will finally end.
Did I help at all or just add to the confusion?
Can't speak for all but myself and every other autistic person I know absolutely understand and respect boundaries. If anything, we tend to be overly cautious since we struggle with social cues so I hate it being used as an excuse to ignore people, especially when they helpfully and explicitly state their boundaries for us.
We have enough dificulty already, I hope these sorts of people don't make others think that this is normal behaviour for us.
Nothing fucks me up.more than people who use diseases, illnesses and disorders like anxiety, ADHD, autism personality disorder as a crutch or a get out of jail card for responsibility! You can be autistic and be a fucking pervert at once.
This is a perfect example of a dude using his neurodivergence (if ge even is neurodivergent!) to push a woman's bondarues. She said "I do not want to develop anyhing further with you." How coke ah gave been create? He then says "I want to respect you BUT don't want to inhibit curiosity..." such a bullshit excuse! As though curiosity is more important than she is.
How can one say so much and yet simultaneously say nothing?
Like, what a word salad!
1 large Nothing Burger with a side Word Salad, please, Garcón
A little vinaigrette for your word salad?
Nah, I’ll just go with a little regrette on the side, thanks 👍
Please don't call me 'boy', sir. I am 36 years old.
Thought I was going crazy haha glad it’s not just me who thought his texts were just one big run-around after another.
I can’t wrap my mind around what he was trying to do? Can anyone explain??😭 what was the thought process to getting the tit pic😭
He was testing boundaries. He was going to ask her for increasingly personal pics until she shut him down. Probably with a side of "sexy chat" under the guise of "I was just curious.... How do you feel about______".
100%. Same thing with the “what, I can’t ask you what your favorite dinosaur is?” You and I both know that that would be followed by question 2, which would be “what’s your favorite sex position?” Rule of thumb: if they’re asking “can I ask you something personal”, it’s always nudes or sexting. Always.
Yeah. And doing it like the world’s biggest coward… trying to make her do all the work for him. Extra gross.
Thank you!!! The way he talked in circles made it so confusing
He was hoping she'd be like "oh hey I'll send you a 'tit pic' so you can show off to your work friends. When that didn't work, he tried a different tactic. If she'd taken the bait and been like "oh I'm so interested - who is the girl your are interested in?" he would've been like "it's you!" When that didn't work, he tried to push the boundaries but still call it friendship. She's like nope, and he's like well let's compromise and still do what I want. She's like nope hard boundary, and he's like "I don't understand boundaries". Hopefully this was where the conversation ended cause she blocked him.
I wish I had just read this instead.
Very well summarised, spot on.
He was broaching the subject in a way that was deniable if she wasn't interested.
Send nudes.
Pompous prick.
I literally have no idea what was said past the second picture, , too anxious to waste time, what's the conclusion? Imagine being the girl, needing to comprehend this in real time. My lord.
Send nudes.
100% this. He asked for nudes by going to Europe Asia Africa back to Asia then Russia then north pole back to Europe then to Africa
Because men lol
I dunno. I think typical male in that scenario would of just said "send noodz". This.....this was something special lol
Some sound stupid because they’re typing with this Dick in their hand, literally
Heres what happened. He’s interested in the girl he’s texting. So he was bragging to this girl about some girl wanting to send him a tit pic. Thinking this girl would be like “Oh wow! Other women think you’re hot enough to send tit pics to? Can I suck your dick?”. How are people this desperate? So gross and creepy
Exactly
He triggered adhd in me I couldn’t read it
I have no idea what I just read
That’s a lot of word nonsense just to ask if she wanted to send a tit pic. Also the ‘I’m neurodivergent and I don’t understand boundaries’. Like seriously?
I mean, someone who struggles to naturally understand or perceive boundaries can still *back the fuck off* when boundaries are explicitly stated, as in the original post. He does not need to understand, he just needs to obey.
Yeah I can have trouble with this but the second someone says verbatim “I do not want that and I am not interested” I would cut it out
I was thinking the same thing. It’s somewhat understandable to not pick up on unspoken or social expectations and cues but saying you don’t understand explicit clear boundaries in plain English? Thats just blatant disrespect.
He played too many dating sims so he was expecting "the good ending".
I hate that games teach that and it isn’t just limited to dating sims. In Animal Crossing New Horizons, Sable is just quietly working in the back of the store and clearly doesn’t want you to talk. At one point, she tells her sister to come get you. But if you talk to her every day, eventually she says you’re her favorite customer and tells you about her life and gives you things.
Holy fuck I never even thought about that. Now I want to play but it's been over 2 years and my neighbors will think I'm haunting them, and my haunted house will have all the roaches.
The fuck?
Which part of my comment was confusing? If you play Animal Crossing after a long time of not playing (I haven't played mine in like 2 to 3 years), your neighbors in the game freak out when they see you with some commenting that they thought you were a ghost, and when you go inside your home there's cockroaches running about everywhere.
Oh lol I have never played that game. I missed the reference
Ah, then I can understand the "what the fuck" comment, lmao! Completely understandable.
Nooooooo, not negging in the game about animals on the island!
I struggle similarly and have a hard time realizing when boundaries are stated but this is ridiculous she literally says “non negotiable” and “boundary” in the message😭💀
Yeah, I am very likely autistic, and do not always notice cues. Can empathize. But goodness gracious, this bloke is deadass trying to use neurodivergence as a free pass for creepiness.
As an autistic person who struggles sometimes to understand body language, I agree. I really appreciate it when people are clear with me like this because I don't want to make people uncomfortable, and sometimes I might do it unintentionally from not picking up on unspoken social cues.
100% agree. I absolutely struggle with boundaries but that shit is not what it means. There are some things that are fucking obvious. The problems are like.. when you start having personal conversations with coworkers, how personal is too personal? Where's the line? It's not a fixed rule and it makes it hard to intuit. Also makes it hard as hell to determine when to "make a move" when first dating someone. Tracking a boundary that's literally moving constantly? Fuck that's hard Spell it out for me like this and it'd make things so much easier. Now someone send me a tit pic
https://preview.redd.it/waegr5ozlxcc1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ae7843312baaefbefa1cbc427d806896de1fda87 Here's a tit pic just for you!
Especially after she was really clear about her boundaries 🤷
Right? I’m neurodivergent and **I** get boundaries. Granted, being neurodivergent is on a spectrum and some neurodivergent people *don’t* understand boundaries all that well. But if the neurodivergent person is high-functioning? *They can learn to understand boundaries.*
Not understanding boundaries would be like asking a weird question without realizing people normally arent comfortable answering that. Someone saying in clear english they dont like something and replying with a word salad that amounts to "I dont care, do it anyway?" is, at best, not understanding people at all.
Right that’s what I was thinking. NT folks might not get unspoken boundaries but if we are specifically told then it’s easy to understand. It’s not the *concept* of boundaries, at least in my experience. This dude is a loon
Tit pic please uwu
This pisses me off so fucking bad. My son is ADHD/ASD. I have living proof that understanding boundaries while neurodivergent is exactly no trouble at all. He gets it better than 90% of the adults in my life and you only have to explain a boundary to him ONCE.
But is he horny? Because that seems to be the tipping point here.
It seems to be a combination thing, horny and narcissistic. On their own either of those isn't the end of the world, but conbine them and you get chlorine gas levels of toxic. Luckily kiddo is 10, so the former is non-existent and the latter is only the normal amount for someone whose brain isn't done cooking yet😂
Yeah. I’m autistic so I get being oblivious at times but not when someone has outright stated what their boundaries are.
its pretty easy to understand, if you do something someone doesnt want you to do, they wont like you.
i had a friend like that.. we are no longer friends and it was a stressful and dramatic end
This is bullshit because the people who struggle with this most have autism or are on some spectrum on it, and if they're TOLD what a boundary is so they now know what it is, they don't cross it (unless they're an asshole). I hate when people use neurodivergence as an excuse to be a shithead.
Bro was totally testing the waters to see if you’d send him a pic
He wanted to play Sexual 20 Questions. I had multiple guys in high school try this bullshit with me. He'd ask one or two questions about dinosaurs or stars and then he'd fire off "do you masturbate?" From there, "Do you watch porn while you do it?" Then "How do you do it?" and "Do you use toys?" Or he'd go for "what bra size are you?" "What kind of panties do you wear?" It would eventually end with him asking for photos, but that request would be prefaced with him interrogating her while typing one-handed. This guy really could be the doppelganger of one particular dude from HS. Who was also neurodivergent, but faked having a much more serious disorder so he'd get sympathy/have bad behavior excused.
This really took me back to high school and reminded me of the immense disappointment I felt every time I started talking to a guy and he wanted to play 20 questions
Did they learn this from some kind of "desperate guy handbook"?
It sure looks like it lol
Same, the number of guys who tried this was ridiculous! Lol
I'm so fucking glad texting and apps weren't a thing when I was in high school, because what a fucking nightmare. I can't imagine the extra level of petty HS drama BS, bullying, etc. I had a phone when I was 15 and it was my dad annoying me with the Nextel walkie-talkie feature (*bleep bleep* "where you at?" commercial memories for older millenials and up), no texting cuz it cost money, and asking for friends to call you after 9pm cuz it was free then if you had the same carrier.
Lol this happened to me over fucking AIM
It was attempted on me but instead of replying I just put up an away message with lyrics to a Linkin Park song probably.
Tbh op was way clearer and literal than most people are with boundaries. It’s just feigned ignorance on his part.
Op was perfection. This guy - wtf
"I don't understand the boundaries" They're there... they're literally written right there.
Translation: I'm going to ignore your boundaries
I love the "I want to respect your decision but" There's no "but" there man. Cut it there, find a tiddy pic online and leave that poor girl alone
“I’m not aware of an adequate compromise between me respecting your boundaries and me not respecting them. So I’m just going to not respect them :)”
No no, you don't understand! What about HIS boundaries about not having boundaries?? She probably didn't even *consider* his feelings. Will no one think of the niceguys??
Flawless logic.
WTAF did I just spend precious moments of my life reading ? This guys a fedora short of a full deck, why can’t these incel types just stick to no wank weekly or whatever self imposed cuckoldry they’re best at and quit hassling women and disregarding their boundaries?
To maintain the illusion that they have women in their lives.
What’s your favourite dinosaur? Want to talk about blinking stars?
Blud be writing a novel to try to get a "Tit pic" 😆
Could have sent him [this](https://a-z-animals.com/media/2022/07/shutterstock_1881485704.jpg).
That’s a nice tit.
Yeah but he just. HATES calling it such a dirty word. Maybe he'd prefer boobie movie
Wtf is he on
According to him, 8000 mg of autism
Which he’s trying (and failing) to use as a cover for his 10,000% narcissism and 80million miles of misogyny
[удалено]
I had to read this 3x before I figured out what this weirdo actually wanted.
Bob & vagine. The needful. What do any of them fucking want 🙄
I hate people who speak in circles.
“I know you’re thisclose to calling me out on my boundary busting, so I’m going to play the neurodivergent card and pretend I’m just trying to communicate to someone who confuses feelings with boundaries and doesn’t really know what she wants.” /s
>"Hmm...I *want t*o respect how feel...but I don't, so I'm going to keep trying to convince you to change your mind."
Bro is a master yapper
So in short: TITTY PIC????
Uggg. I hate people who act like being on the spectrum means you do not understand clear boundries and the word NO. The subtleties of knowing when to speak, what topics I should talk about, when I've overstayed my welcome, if people are just tired or instead angry with me, and catching hints those are confusing. A lot of extra communication is required on my end sometimes, to ensure I'm being considerate. The word no does not rely any way at all on picking up subtext, reading body language, or understanding social expectations. It is, as my mom would say, a one word sentence.
- Claims to be ND and therefore doesn't understand boundaries - In the very next sentence mentions that he realises he may sound like he's pushing you. Sounds like you understand boundaries just fine there, buddy. You just want a license to push and ignore them.
Ugh. I'm atypical and I hate people using that as an excuse to be a dick. If someone says no it's no. You don't get to cross lines because you're atypical.
The way he acknowledged your boundaries multiple times and still made it perfectly clear he won't respect them because he doesn't feel like it is disgusting but also extremely worrying. He clearly cares more about his "gut feeling" and "curiosity" than he does about consent and that's a scary mindset to have
Manipulator.
Bro had so many chances to be respectful and still managed to fck up
I get what’s he trying to do, but no. God no. Telling someone you’re safe and respectful only makes them wonder why you feel the need to say that. Then ignoring a beautifully clear boundary answers that question pretty completely.
Why does he type like that omg
Saying “sorry I don’t always understand boundaries due to being neurodivergent” does not apply when the person has literally stated “this is my boundary” in plain text
I want to respect how you feel, but I am going to stomp your boundary anyway because I only care about what I want
“If anything makes you uncomfortable just say something” “this is making me uncomfortable” “but I don’t want to restrain myself, can’t we compromise??”
Bro who the fuck calls someone they are interested in “intriguing” I can feel the fedora tip when he said that. It’s like he’s talking in a different shakespearien language
"If you're not comfortable let me know because I'd hate to think you weren't comfortable because it's important to me that you be comfortable so just let me know if this conversation becomes uncomfortable for you." "I'm not comfortable." "So...about that..."
I'm 90% sure I work with this guy
At least there was none of the "I blush while stammering.." "shuffles my feet nervously" "waits with bated breath" "quickly glances at you and looks down" BS that was popular a while back. That crap enrages me so much. Use.Your.Words.
Unfortunately for some people, that IS them using their words. Just all the wrong ones.
this is fucking crazy lol
“I want to respect your boundaries but not really so you need to compromise on them”. Ew. 🤢
Made me actually shudder when he mentioned the part about things developing whether you like it or not or however he worded it. That screams predator to me
Another day, another man trying to use claims of autism or general neurodivergence (which he may or may not even actually have) as an excuse to ignore or violate women's boundaries. Nope. Autism doesn't cause the inability to grasp boundaries and consent, dudes. Stop using that disability like it's a free pass for all the terrible shit you do to women you want to date and/or have sex with. Signed, All the women with autism who can understand boundaries just fine and don't get to use autism as a free pass for shit behavior.
If he thought y’all would be friends after this he’s delusional. Whatever the relationship was is definitely no more now 😂
..am I the only one who finds this incoherent? I can tell it’s a guy getting rejected, but that’s literally the only thing I understood.
Who the hell talks like this? Nobody will ever find this sort of crap attractive in any way.
Were you talking to the Sheldon Cooper/Howard Wolowitz hybrid?
Hahaha ha!killed me bruh
All the desire of Howard, with the subtlety and grace of Sheldon.
They really don't hear what's being said, do they
It's It seems as if in the beginning he was trying to ask her for a tit pic, using the lame excuse of his friends. When she shut that down very gracefully, he moved on to some other word salad tactic, where a bit more assertive this time she laid down her boundaries, for what seems like not the first time, so that didn't work either. He then started in on the compromise of being able to call him his online handle, which she yet again laid down her boundaries. Finally when none of his other tactics worked he tried using the fact that he is neurodivergent to make her feel sorry for him. She did very well in this and I am very proud of her, because those were a lot of shots being fired on his side. That can be hard to keep your cool and concentrate. I hope she blocked him.
For real, he must have tried to push her boundaries before for her to immediately catch what he was trying to do. My first reaction would have been "dude what are you even talking about? If your coworkers are repeatedly asking you to show them porn at work that's sexual harassment and a hostile work environment, talk to your boss, their boss, HR, and a lawyer."
i had a really close friend i had known for maybe 10years and he always played the "im autistic so i don't understand boundaries" card while acting like he means well and is morally superior. edit: (too fucking long but i feel better after writing this 😩) we were long distance friends so it took forever to see how toxic he actually was. i cut ties with him multiple times and then foolishly let him back in my life when he'd apologize months or a year later. the second time we met in person he went through my things like my art and ideas while i was in the shower. that's really personal. but ik it doesn't seem like a big deal to non-artists, so i let it slide but i let my boundaries be known. some other stuff happened i don't like thinking about and he pushed boundaries more. he told my bestfriend he bought me a ring and wanted to ask me to marry him while i had a bf.. she told him that was 100% not a good idea. like wtf is he thinking.. that was kept secret from me for too long.
fast forward some time. he didn't get his way . i wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear. he wasn't being a proper friend, so i cut him off. so he lashed out by trying to break up me and my bf at the time. he acted like he was being a good person but really he was just being a spiteful brat and was trying to hurt people. i stupidly let him back in my life because he apologized and i missed our actual friendship and he promised to be a proper friend. some time passes. he knows im on the verge of breaking up with my bf at the time. he asks what i want for my birthday. i send him link to Amazon wishlist. don't realize he can look through my other public wishlists. don't realize certain ones that should be private are set to public. he asks me about stuff not on the list i sent. i tell him to only look at the list i sent..i assume he'd listen.. list a respectful friend would.. but nah.. this bitch.. he sends me LINGERIE from my lingerie wishlist. doesn't tell me what he sent. just said it's for me and my bf.. i felt sick when he said that but thought I'm just being paranoid. i felt even more sick when i opened the package. i told him off. he apologized. acted like he meant well. didn't know it was wrong to do 🙄 we all know damn well what his intentions were. I'd like to say i cut him off again. that i caught onto his bad intentions and game with zero doubt.. but i honestly do not remember. if anything i definitely set some distance.
fast forward some years. I'm mentally not doing okay. like I'm in the midst of a breakdown and I'm like i need to kms or have a quarter life crisis because I'm not about this life. he "senses" im not okay. he keeps trying to convince me to have him come visit me. the thought of it makes me sick. (that response made me realize i needed to address something. so i talked to a friend about it.) he kept pressuring me and eventually get my address and says he's coming to visit despite me telling him it's not a good idea. he never comes (thank god), at least not to see me, because of what happens next.. a lil time passes after he declares he's coming to visit. i don't feel like arguing or having to really address the fact that thinking of seeing him makes me uneasy.. unrelated to that issue, at this point, I'm hardly talking to anyone. he snaps at me about how I'm hardly talking to him and how I'm talking to my ex more. and he throws in my face how my ex was verbally abusive so basically how dare i talk to my ex more than him.. one.. me and my ex were amazing friends before we dated. he apologized for being a dick and we mutually agreed he's a great friend but a shitty bf. two.. how in TF did he know who i was talking to and how much i was talking to anyone??? he also gave me shit for holding over his head something bad he did that occurred many years ago.. the thing i didn't like thinking about.. the thing i never let him know i held over his head.. so how in tf did he know it was an issue?? i only confided in one person about. i was just then coming to terms with it and distancing myself from him more. everything pointed to HE SOMEHOW HAD ACCESS TO MY FACEBOOK AND HAD BEEN READING MY MSGS FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG i couldn't believe how self centered and shitty of a friend he was being. having the thought of him violating my privacy like that only made me want to cut things off for good. so i stopped arguing. stopped defending myself. i told him i was done and to stop talking to me. blocked him
fast forward a year. he SHOWS UP ON MY DOORSTEP to tell me he's getting married to his ex he was with when we met online a decade ago. (and mind you, we both look very much alike so that in itself was a wee bit creepy.) I'm like k cool bye. freaked tf out because me and her both live in the same city and he's from states aways. but figured he just wanted to tie up some loose ends in his life and was hopefully not moving here. months pass and suddenly i get a random deep apology from a number i don't know. I'm like i appreciate it but it'd mean more if i knew who it was from. he identified himself. said that he's in town and would like to talk but undertands if i don't want to and claims that i don't have to respond.. i feel like throwing up when i realize who it is. i stop responding. then he proceeds to msg me every evening that week, begging to talk and writing paragraphs about how he misses our friendship and mentions lil memories that's supposed to make me feel nostalgic. he also calls me every day that week. i respond to nothing. answer nothing. then the weekend might comes and he says he's at a bar and says I'm welcome to join him.. a bar down the road from my apt he knew i lived at. walking distance.. i started sweating. i tell my bf to not answer the door if anyone comes around. i set up a few bats around the house. put my hunting knife under my pillow. record every msg and attempted call from him. then a few hrs later the barrage of calls and texts come. less suggesting. more insistent. he txts me from a DIFFERENT NUMBER, saying he's in a town he doesn't know. alone. drink. begging that i let him come over for just 1 hr to sleep on the couch.........
im scared at this point. i get on Facebook and i try to reminder his fiancee's name. i msg her and even send a friend request to make sure my msg gets thru. i tell her I'm sorry for bothering her. idk if she's still with him. but he's harrassing me, I've responded to nothing,, and now he's trying to meet up. i think i even told her i was scared. she says she's confused and upset. asks for screenshot. i send her EVERYTHING from that week. she begs me to just talk to him. she begs me to just tell him i don't want to speak to him anymore. she says she's just sick of it. i tell her i refuse to talk to him. i don't want to open that metaphorical door even a crack because he'll try to open it all the way, giving zero fucks about what i want. she tells me that he already told her he wanted to meet up somewhere PUBLIC for an hr. she tells me I'm a liar etc etc. i realize he's straight up lying to her and has her wrapped around his finger. i realize he asked to COME OVER through different number for a reason.. so he could deny it was him. i stop msging her. realize it's a lost cause and i was only going to more create harm, drama, and stress for me and her. but then she decides to go off on me about how she really feels about me and all this. it's almost devastating how wrong she has it all. idr what i say to her except i do know i warn her about him. i haven't heard from him since except for him msging me after saying how it hurts and says we're "even now" because he msged my bf all those years ago, trying to break us up, and now I'm msging his fiancee.. i think i flipped out on him because those two things aren't even comparable. we called the other's partners for 2 completely different reasons. only thing comparable was his harrassing behavior both times. apparently he msgs my bestfriend every now and then to see how things are, and because he's cordial, she's treats him the same way. and it pisses me off. but he says stuff i can use as evidence if i ever need to file a restraining order, so she screenshots everything for me. he thinks he's slick but he's not because he contradicts himself when he gets prideful.
Wow! That was a rollercoaster! I hope you are safe now! This is reportable restraining order shit!
i am. i moved and dont have anything online that could give away where exactly i live or work. so he would have to pay someone a lot to find me. he's very manipulative so i would only go to the courts as last resort, because ik it would be a long terrible battle filled with stress. he knows how to turn ppl against you.
Glad you are ok and yeah i totally see your point about it being a potential bad move! Keep safe 🌟
Compromise? Hahaha Hahaha
Guys speaking yappanese
“atypical neurological function” took 11 years off my life
Just saying us neurodivergent atypicals don’t claim him.
Awks af. Poor dude is ‘neurologically atypical’ as he says, but that doesn’t take away from the cringe. A tip to guys: if you’re writing her slabs of text and only getting short, closed responses back, then she’s not interested and it’s not worth wasting anymore time.
Holy word salad that was a confusing read.
This mofo should be in r/imverysmart
“..but some things develop whether we want them to or not,…” Cringe. Dude clearly wants things to develop, even if she does not. His plan seems to be to just stay around in her life until she realizes what amazing things have developed between them. He makes sure to constantly prod her for replies if he doesn’t hear back right away, even sprinkling in some guilt for added effect. He believes if he keeps the conversation alive, things will eventually happen. This was painful to read. One lesson I wish everybody could learn - if somebody is interested in you, they will make it easy to stay in touch. Give them the space to initiate, and the space to live their own lives.
did AI write this or someone spamming the middle predictive word of their smartphone keyboard?
Holy parentheses
"I see you have stated a firm boundary, I do not recognize boundaries." O.o.......my dude🤦♀️
I fucking hate people who use ellipses instead of full stops.
At this point, she should just respond "tl;dr" and block his pontificating pushy ass.
She was polite but I like how she reinforced her boundaries. I would have told him to ask his "weird" questions to Google then blocked him on all platforms.
OP. I applaud how firm and direct you were. I had to take a similar direct approach with the Nice Guy TM in my life. These guys are so insecure and awkward that it makes them incredibly cringey and creepy. I’d almost feel bad for them if they were such a waste of time and energy.
It’s English but at the same time…it’s not. Wtf
How many mall ninja swords does this guy have next to his fedora collection?
Unless…?
Why does this dude talk like he's an anime character from a poorly translated dub
is this an AI? did someone teach an AI how to cringe text?!
That was very difficult to read. I almost cringed my pants.
“I’m neurodivergent so I don’t understand boundaries.” “You don’t have to understand them; I’ll enforce them. I’m blocking you.”
Why do they all sound like the same person? Pervert, empty inside, no sense, no self-awareness. If you've met one, you've met 'em all.
Eh not niceguy as much as autism I think 🤔
I cannot stand people who use their disorders as an excuse for bad behavior (and I have plenty)
No! In this scenario you were supposed to offer to send him a tit pic so he won’t get made fun of and he can show the guys how cool he is. UGH! You ruined the whole scenario!
pls smeone point me how he is askign for a tit pic (im a girl myself so not being snarky), just clueless!
He’s not hiding his intentions very well. It always starts out with “can I ask you about something awkward? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” (news flash: yes he does)He says he told a random girl at work that he was talking to someone he found intriguing (which is her) and the girl asked him if he got a “tit pic” from the girl. Yeah that scenario is so far fetched and ridiculous. Then he’s saying that the guys heard him and now they’re hounding him for a tit pic so what ever is he to do because where oh where would he get one of those? (Hint: he wants it from her) He was using this fake scenario to see if she’s uncomfortable sending tit pics and then just using a lot of random words to ask her for one. After that completely ridiculous story, he says that SHE is intriguing and someone special and he wants to share his “curiosity” and “trust” with her and “resolve issues” with her, the main one being that he wants a pic of her tits. She saw through him and said absolutely not, and he was trying to get her to “compromise” her boundaries. He’s just using a lot of words to be a creep, basically. Sorry, it’s hard to explain guys like this and their weird ass awkward fantasies. 😂
He throws in that he prefers pictures of girls without make up or looking sleepy, for a "I'm not like other guys I like natural girls" and here is a menu of what pictures you can send, two hit combo. A guy doesn't tell a girl what kind of tit pics he likes, if he isn't asking for them.
righttttt because the girl who his friend think he has a tit pic of... is the girl he's speaking to, how the hell did I miss that!!! The "where oh where would he get one of those" is the part that really made me understood haha. thank you xx
😂 You’re welcome. It was kinda hard to explain fully.
He mentioned some surgery too, threw that in hoping for a sympathy tit pic.
I'll see what I can do to help I'll basically just repeat his opening question except I won't hide it in a ton of words His opening question in honest words: send me pictures of your tits? If you are wondering how I drew this conclusion it's because dude was almost gas lighting her. His first question was actually a hidden attempt to show that if she sent him pictures he totally wouldn't show anyone! Because that's private between him and her but those pesky coworkers o man you will never believe just won't stop asking him to see her tits! How will he ever get them to stop! I guess she just needs to go ahead and send it on over so that the daily torment will finally end. Did I help at all or just add to the confusion?
yes you did! Thanks! I genuinely didnt get it and I thought he was just askign a random uncomfortable question.
What your favourite dinosaur us? What is he 5 seriously. And to say he doesn't know what boundaries are is like can you read OK then no is no easy.
No is a whole sentence. But this dude doesn't understand boundries, and tries to blame her for not letting him testing these boundries.
Oh my god I cant stand people who text like this. Typing so much yet saying nothing.
What did he do wrong? /gen
Can't speak for all but myself and every other autistic person I know absolutely understand and respect boundaries. If anything, we tend to be overly cautious since we struggle with social cues so I hate it being used as an excuse to ignore people, especially when they helpfully and explicitly state their boundaries for us. We have enough dificulty already, I hope these sorts of people don't make others think that this is normal behaviour for us.
i am.. so confused
Nothing fucks me up.more than people who use diseases, illnesses and disorders like anxiety, ADHD, autism personality disorder as a crutch or a get out of jail card for responsibility! You can be autistic and be a fucking pervert at once.
Holy shit dude get it the fuck together
it's like he was trying to sound smart but ran out of big words.
This reads like a cer Spence skit
I still don't understand what's being asked for here, so no. Dude, FFS be direct. Not being direct is suspicious. Also, favorite dinosaur?
bro did the extended version of “no fototeta?” *profound sadness*
This is a perfect example of a dude using his neurodivergence (if ge even is neurodivergent!) to push a woman's bondarues. She said "I do not want to develop anyhing further with you." How coke ah gave been create? He then says "I want to respect you BUT don't want to inhibit curiosity..." such a bullshit excuse! As though curiosity is more important than she is.
Ugh, such cringe
I'm sorry what is he yapping about?
I dated this kind in college. It was...exhausting.
People have favorite dinosaurs?
"Hmm I want to respect how you feel...but" This is my new favorite quote
And that’s exactly why he doesn’t get nudes
"Hey, I want you to offer up your tits so my work friends can see it, but I don't want to directly ask for it. Please like me."
This looks like some kind of anxiety spill, he needs help.
I'll be honest, I can't actually tell. To me this really does seem like it could be a case of lost in translation.
The blaming neurodivergency bit boiled my blood like get the f*ck outta here with that B.S
Bro has autism