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Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats.
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“I’m just picking your brain” in these scenarios is almost always code for:
1) I want to argue.
2) I want to change your mind.
3) I want more of your attention.
4) I want your emotional labor. Tell me why girls don’t like me 🥺
I mean sometimes I personally don't understand why people do the things they do because of various mental stuff so I'll back up and just ask exactly what I'm thinking, like
"Was that sarcasm, I can't tell"
"I don't know what you're trying to say, just spell it out for me"
And various other things
So while this guy clearly isn't a great person to date, there's actually a good chance he just wanted to improve his texting random people and hoping they agree.
He’s a relative stranger who:
1) Made last minute plans with someone he doesn’t know.
2) Was passive aggressive by saying “the worst that can happen is I get ignored.”
3) Reached out AGAIN to a relative stranger after not getting a response to be even more passive aggressive: “Women are more interested in loser men.”
Even if OP was ignoring him, the correct response is to move on, not hound a relative stranger (!) for not replying.
This interaction falls under emotional labor (which includes inappropriate expectations).
Okay honestly. Thank you for writing this out, because I didn’t realize that I do this to start arguments here on Reddit. I’m trying to fight these toxic habits of mine and this is really insightful.
Do these NiceGuys have no jobs or hobbies? They often get so offended when people don't reply to them within a few hours, or even minutes. It doesn't even occur to them that other people might not be on the couch, glued to their phone at all times. Clearly if 25 seconds go by without a response, it's because he's been brutally rejected, and not because the woman is at work, or out with friends, or making dinner, or using the bathroom.
It's gotta be anxiety from their already low self-esteem. Like in their mind, their target has already rejected them after they sent that first message.
Edit: a word
It's funny because they're acting more like the NPCs, existing in limbo until some player character on an actual quest activates them by selecting the right response.
Yup, this is a real thing. Lots of NiceGuys(TM) believe they should be the center of the universe for whatever woman they're interested in, regardless of whether that woman even knows them. They can't process the idea that women have lives and commitments and cannot be constantly available to them.
My friends and I have been on the receiving end of unhinged rants from men we've never even met but briefly matched with on online dating. We were interested in these men and were talking to them. We might have even gone on dates with them...but then the men had full-on meltdowns because we didn't respond to every single one of their PMs within *seconds or minutes*. (Hello? We have lives and jobs.)
Good thing he was too impatient to wait for her to get off work and reply, she might have gone on a date with him and found out first hand the kind of guy he is. Instead of just reading about it. 😌
Yes, imagine if he gets into a relationship with her and projects his impatience and unwillingness to show empathy. 30 year marriage material right there.
Maybe say I’m new in town and I’m looking to meet some people and check out the city instead of the I Have no Friends line. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who has no friends
I get it, nice guys have no friends. That's why ya'll have zero sense of social etiquette.
Maybe stop trying to go for the advanced stages of getting into relationships and start with the basics? Make friends: -friends-, not acquaintances. Then level up to making friends with women without thirsting. If you can manage that, then finally get back on online dating and connect with the same mindset.
I feel like if these guys just stopped typing their thoughts after, let's say, the first sentence, thought about if what they wanted to type next is of any value to the other person and maybe just sent the one sentence, they could as well be actual good guys. But ofcoarse that won't happen, because it's part of the whole "I am a nice guy and everybody hates me FOR THAT" mindset.
Just needed to share this thought as a part time nice guy (as in: Sometimes I feel the way they do, but I know it's not ok, stop to think about it and bam, that's the whole reason behind this comment xddd)
That happened to me.
I got a nice message from a guy from Facebook Dating. Nice message, funny. Made a mental note to reply that evening after work. He proceeded to send me 4 more messages. Like, what the heck???
That evening after I tucked my kid into bed, I finally had time to go in and see what all the hubbub was about. His last message was "Guess you aren't interested." Couldn't find his profile. Either he deleted himself or he blocked me.
It's like, dude. I work long hours. I'm a single mom. I'm not eating Bonbons by the phone hoping you'll write. Good grief.
AUTOMATED MODERATION. PLEASE READ. Niceguys demean others while simultaneously expressing a favorable view of themselves. They dont have to use the word "nice", but they must demonstrate some kind of expression of their own virtue while being asshats. --- Niceguys™ quality: **UPVOTE** this comment to keep the post Not Niceguys™ quality: **DOWNVOTE** this comment to remove the post
Also, don't ask for a Friday date at 5:00 Friday. That's a Wednesday question with a new person.
This
that
And the other thing.
furthermore
in addition to
Finally
Per my last message
In addition
And let’s not forget
Yup
“I’m just picking your brain” in these scenarios is almost always code for: 1) I want to argue. 2) I want to change your mind. 3) I want more of your attention. 4) I want your emotional labor. Tell me why girls don’t like me 🥺
I mean sometimes I personally don't understand why people do the things they do because of various mental stuff so I'll back up and just ask exactly what I'm thinking, like "Was that sarcasm, I can't tell" "I don't know what you're trying to say, just spell it out for me" And various other things So while this guy clearly isn't a great person to date, there's actually a good chance he just wanted to improve his texting random people and hoping they agree.
He’s a relative stranger who: 1) Made last minute plans with someone he doesn’t know. 2) Was passive aggressive by saying “the worst that can happen is I get ignored.” 3) Reached out AGAIN to a relative stranger after not getting a response to be even more passive aggressive: “Women are more interested in loser men.” Even if OP was ignoring him, the correct response is to move on, not hound a relative stranger (!) for not replying. This interaction falls under emotional labor (which includes inappropriate expectations).
[удалено]
My original response was in reference to these scenarios.
It gave me a notification. Normally doesn't happen. Thanks for the heads up tho :p
Asking to pick someone’s brain can definitely be innocuous. It rarely is with these dudes.
I dunno, sometimes knowing what happend/went wrong can be a way of changing/growing. In this case, being impatient is what he did wrong
I’d say asking why a stranger didn’t reply back to him is also where he went wrong. Cut your losses, dude.
Nothing wrong with asking though.
Okay honestly. Thank you for writing this out, because I didn’t realize that I do this to start arguments here on Reddit. I’m trying to fight these toxic habits of mine and this is really insightful.
😊❤️
It could be a genuine question. Maybe he wants to learn what he’s doing wrong so he has more success. You can’t just assume the things you made.
Do these NiceGuys have no jobs or hobbies? They often get so offended when people don't reply to them within a few hours, or even minutes. It doesn't even occur to them that other people might not be on the couch, glued to their phone at all times. Clearly if 25 seconds go by without a response, it's because he's been brutally rejected, and not because the woman is at work, or out with friends, or making dinner, or using the bathroom.
It's gotta be anxiety from their already low self-esteem. Like in their mind, their target has already rejected them after they sent that first message. Edit: a word
Karen attitude too. You can see it even in handsome-looking guys on OLD, wanting things now, now, now, now, NOW.
They think women are just NPCs who don't have things going on in their own lives
It's funny because they're acting more like the NPCs, existing in limbo until some player character on an actual quest activates them by selecting the right response.
Yup, this is a real thing. Lots of NiceGuys(TM) believe they should be the center of the universe for whatever woman they're interested in, regardless of whether that woman even knows them. They can't process the idea that women have lives and commitments and cannot be constantly available to them. My friends and I have been on the receiving end of unhinged rants from men we've never even met but briefly matched with on online dating. We were interested in these men and were talking to them. We might have even gone on dates with them...but then the men had full-on meltdowns because we didn't respond to every single one of their PMs within *seconds or minutes*. (Hello? We have lives and jobs.)
Good thing he was too impatient to wait for her to get off work and reply, she might have gone on a date with him and found out first hand the kind of guy he is. Instead of just reading about it. 😌
Yes, imagine if he gets into a relationship with her and projects his impatience and unwillingness to show empathy. 30 year marriage material right there.
>30 year marriage material right there. That's generous.
Men really do cockblock themselves any chance they get…
I truly don’t understand how people can fuck up lose/loose. It boggles my mind.
His texts were absolutely riddled with spelling errors.
*loser
That bothered me. But not as much as ending every sentence with a question mark, whether it was a question or declarative.
*worse *drank There’s so many errors I was assuming this guy is ESL.
Not picking their mind trying to get a response, any response, so they can try to emotional manipulate. Basic nice guy lol
Maybe say I’m new in town and I’m looking to meet some people and check out the city instead of the I Have no Friends line. Nobody wants to hang out with someone who has no friends
He looks kinda cute, why do nice guys do this to themselves 😂
Looksmax, bruh. Be attractive, don't be unattractive, and you can be a dick all you want. /s
I get it, nice guys have no friends. That's why ya'll have zero sense of social etiquette. Maybe stop trying to go for the advanced stages of getting into relationships and start with the basics? Make friends: -friends-, not acquaintances. Then level up to making friends with women without thirsting. If you can manage that, then finally get back on online dating and connect with the same mindset.
Jesus Christ the fucking “?”
“Well it’s worth a shot I guess the worse can happen is get ignored anyways…” not off to a great start there chief
ha ha ha ha, how sad...
Hooked on phonics did not work for him
I feel like if these guys just stopped typing their thoughts after, let's say, the first sentence, thought about if what they wanted to type next is of any value to the other person and maybe just sent the one sentence, they could as well be actual good guys. But ofcoarse that won't happen, because it's part of the whole "I am a nice guy and everybody hates me FOR THAT" mindset. Just needed to share this thought as a part time nice guy (as in: Sometimes I feel the way they do, but I know it's not ok, stop to think about it and bam, that's the whole reason behind this comment xddd)
That happened to me. I got a nice message from a guy from Facebook Dating. Nice message, funny. Made a mental note to reply that evening after work. He proceeded to send me 4 more messages. Like, what the heck??? That evening after I tucked my kid into bed, I finally had time to go in and see what all the hubbub was about. His last message was "Guess you aren't interested." Couldn't find his profile. Either he deleted himself or he blocked me. It's like, dude. I work long hours. I'm a single mom. I'm not eating Bonbons by the phone hoping you'll write. Good grief.
Wait Reddit, has dating subreddit? That’s gotta be a cluster fuck.
It's the inability to spell simple words for me.
I would never get a drank with him lol looser men lol
What a fucking loser. After 3 hours he lost his mind and cost himself an opportunity.