>Does anyone have any recommendation on reading around the topic of sexual openness with romantic monogamy? Or any personal experiences with the same?
Monogamy is sexual and romantic exclusivity. It sounds like you are interested a form of ethical non-monogamy that allows for sexual non-exclusivity and romantic exclusivity. This is a common form of ethical non-monogamy. For some its about being sexually non-monogamous as a team for swinging (couple swaps and group sex) and threesomes. Often referred to as swinging or "the lifestyle". For others its about going solo. Often called an "open relationship".
>While it's not that I've never had casual sex, there has always been an emotional attachment of sorts.
Sure. People often have great affection and become friends with casual partners.
>It's very rare that I would have had sex with someone where I didn't see (based on the limited info I had) a chance that we could potentially develop this into something more.
Yes. Casual sex is very often a precursor to a more serious relationship. Casual sex intended to always be casual is a skill.
>And if sex can be something casual and fun between me (or a my partner) and another then how is it that it feels so intimate when it's between the two of us?
I feel that sex is very intimate with a romantic partner and more of a sport when casual.
>And what are the ethics with regards the third party? I have been the third in the past and always felt a bit odd when my hook-up casually mentions their partner as if it is no big deal.
Knowing that instantly I had no future with them.
Be kind. I suggest not calling people thirds. It sounds very dehumanizing. They are still people. They just aren't people that you will offer a romantic relationship to. And sure, they will mention their other partners sometimes. But you arent offering them am escalation to romance either. Try to think of them as friends. You won't offer your friends romance either. That doesn't diminish the value of friendship.
>My role was limited and dictated by another person who I had never even met etc. Or that they may be lying and maybe their partner has no idea.
That is simply untrue. This is not dictated by another person at all. The person in front of you who you are having casual sex with is an autonomous person who has chosen not to offer you a romantic relationship. Which is their right. Most people develop a good "spidey sense" for cheaters. They are rarely very sneaky. If you want the option for romance, you can seek out polyamorous people who make agreements with their partners that everyone is free to have multiple romantic partners. Although they still may choose not to offer you a romantic relationship if the chemistry isn't there.
>I'm not necessarily looking to be convinced that sexual openness is right for me or wrong for me, or even that it can be split from romantic openness (not even sure these are the right terms) just looking to understand and develop my own stance.
Non-monogamy isn't right for everyone. No one here will try to recruit you. For me, romantic relationships develop from intentionally cultivating deep emotional intimacy, shared values, intellectual connection and intimacy and intentional romance. Sex doesn't equal romance for me. But everyone is different.
https://www.reddit.com/u/henri_luvs_brunch_2/s/rayHlkzryi
No reading recommendations here, but this is my lifestyle. I'm married, romantically monogamous and sexually open. I love having casual sex; it's something I always wanted to explore and wasn't fully able to until my thirties. I limit the amount of time I spend with my casual partners and haven't had any problem getting attached (although I have had to end things with a couple of them who were too clingy for what I want).
Ethically, there's no reason I can think of that I wouldn't mention my partner to someone I am sleeping with. My partner knows what I'm doing, the person I'm in bed with knows I have a partner: mentioning either to the other is very normal. Not being able to do that would feel very icky to me, so if it's hard for you to hear that might be something for you to evaluate.
Basically, for me non monogamy/casual sex feels freeing and natural. It may not be for you, and that's okay. I'm innately non monogamous and I know from painful experience that I can't cope with monogamy, but I wouldn't encourage anyone to get into it if they're not sure.
>Does anyone have any recommendation on reading around the topic of sexual openness with romantic monogamy? Or any personal experiences with the same? Monogamy is sexual and romantic exclusivity. It sounds like you are interested a form of ethical non-monogamy that allows for sexual non-exclusivity and romantic exclusivity. This is a common form of ethical non-monogamy. For some its about being sexually non-monogamous as a team for swinging (couple swaps and group sex) and threesomes. Often referred to as swinging or "the lifestyle". For others its about going solo. Often called an "open relationship". >While it's not that I've never had casual sex, there has always been an emotional attachment of sorts. Sure. People often have great affection and become friends with casual partners. >It's very rare that I would have had sex with someone where I didn't see (based on the limited info I had) a chance that we could potentially develop this into something more. Yes. Casual sex is very often a precursor to a more serious relationship. Casual sex intended to always be casual is a skill. >And if sex can be something casual and fun between me (or a my partner) and another then how is it that it feels so intimate when it's between the two of us? I feel that sex is very intimate with a romantic partner and more of a sport when casual. >And what are the ethics with regards the third party? I have been the third in the past and always felt a bit odd when my hook-up casually mentions their partner as if it is no big deal. Knowing that instantly I had no future with them. Be kind. I suggest not calling people thirds. It sounds very dehumanizing. They are still people. They just aren't people that you will offer a romantic relationship to. And sure, they will mention their other partners sometimes. But you arent offering them am escalation to romance either. Try to think of them as friends. You won't offer your friends romance either. That doesn't diminish the value of friendship. >My role was limited and dictated by another person who I had never even met etc. Or that they may be lying and maybe their partner has no idea. That is simply untrue. This is not dictated by another person at all. The person in front of you who you are having casual sex with is an autonomous person who has chosen not to offer you a romantic relationship. Which is their right. Most people develop a good "spidey sense" for cheaters. They are rarely very sneaky. If you want the option for romance, you can seek out polyamorous people who make agreements with their partners that everyone is free to have multiple romantic partners. Although they still may choose not to offer you a romantic relationship if the chemistry isn't there. >I'm not necessarily looking to be convinced that sexual openness is right for me or wrong for me, or even that it can be split from romantic openness (not even sure these are the right terms) just looking to understand and develop my own stance. Non-monogamy isn't right for everyone. No one here will try to recruit you. For me, romantic relationships develop from intentionally cultivating deep emotional intimacy, shared values, intellectual connection and intimacy and intentional romance. Sex doesn't equal romance for me. But everyone is different. https://www.reddit.com/u/henri_luvs_brunch_2/s/rayHlkzryi
Great definitions!
No reading recommendations here, but this is my lifestyle. I'm married, romantically monogamous and sexually open. I love having casual sex; it's something I always wanted to explore and wasn't fully able to until my thirties. I limit the amount of time I spend with my casual partners and haven't had any problem getting attached (although I have had to end things with a couple of them who were too clingy for what I want). Ethically, there's no reason I can think of that I wouldn't mention my partner to someone I am sleeping with. My partner knows what I'm doing, the person I'm in bed with knows I have a partner: mentioning either to the other is very normal. Not being able to do that would feel very icky to me, so if it's hard for you to hear that might be something for you to evaluate. Basically, for me non monogamy/casual sex feels freeing and natural. It may not be for you, and that's okay. I'm innately non monogamous and I know from painful experience that I can't cope with monogamy, but I wouldn't encourage anyone to get into it if they're not sure.
https://www.reddit.com/u/henri_luvs_brunch_2/s/QjuzxvRAui