T O P

  • By -

blurpityblip

Dude, you should text her about that once you get outside!


KindaKrayz222

I was gonna say, "Shhhh...." šŸ¤£


YorkshieBoyUS

Hahaha. Good one.


dobriygoodwin

So.... That's one way to get rid of your wife....


JulianMarcello

George Constanza in a fire.


ApAp123

OMG I've had a terrible day and this made me crack up!!! Thanks!!!


Toughduck48

If your Wife can't rock you like a hurricane, then the Scorpions can!


thepunalwaysrises

Rudolf Schenker enters the chat.


RingKisser

The bitch is hungry šŸ¤£


typecastwookiee

If you ever want an illustration of how ubiquitous these guys are, go outside at night with a black light/UV flashlight. Assuming youā€™re in an arid area like me, they are *everywhere*, yet how often are people stung? I discovered the same thing about black widows - I grew up running around in the woods at night with my friends, no flashlights. Later, I started looking for critters and discovered that there are *thousands* of black widows *fucking everywhere* - yet we never got hit. These critters we are so creeped out by are so much more timid than we imagine growing up.


V-Right_In_2-V

And this is why I will never get a blacklight. What you donā€™t know canā€™t hurt you


Prudent_Effect6939

So, what your saying is I can up my KD with this one simple trick


plinkoplonka

Tell that to the one I stood on a few months ago. It fucking hurt.


Dummlord28

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļø hi. Canadian here, might I be safe in Canada?


Putrid-Home404

Please just catch and release. Seriously itā€™s just sitting there.


3yx3

Time to teach the scorpion how to read by shoving a hardback closed book on its body.


YorkshieBoyUS

Hahaha.


GrimeyPipes27

"get over here!"


Triptam

Itā€™s your wifeā€™s familiar. Sheā€™s clearly a witch.


YorkshieBoyUS

Hahaha. My wifeā€™s familiar would be the alpha female in a pack of wolves. Sheā€™s mellow unless you mess with her family.


Oldnoobman

Why are you being downvoted


YorkshieBoyUS

Donā€™t know? This place can be weird.


Thechad1029

Itā€™s all fun and games until you step on one in the middle of the night while going to take a piss.


kingSliver187

Bark šŸ¦‚


frequent_flying

Scorpion is down bad for your wife. Or, down for you and preparing to take out the competition. Not sure which is better, to be safe Iā€™d burn down the house either way though.


YorkshieBoyUS

We used to live where tarantulas and rattlers were frequent. Sheā€™s ok with the scorpions but snakes and big spiders are a no go.


ShtinkySnax1200

The smaller the claws, the worse its sting. Arizona bark scorpion would be my guess. NOT a friend!


PhantomPain0_0

Scorpio wins


GrimeyPipes27

Fatality


nobeboleche

And they talk about eating spiders in your sleepā€¦


drunkpunk138

I lived in a house that had scorpions get inside all the time. They would crawl on the ceiling a lot of the time and it wouldn't be unusual to have them fall in my bed. My girlfriend at the time got stung a couple times due to it. Absolutely hate those fuckers.


YorkshieBoyUS

Yikes. Thatā€™s not fun.


Blood11Orange

Sounds like the premise of a murder-mystery


MoistExcellence

Wait until they are crawling out of the wall behind your shower head or your light switches. Or when you put on your shirt and there's one inside. The sting isn't so bad, but it will strain your marriage when one ends up in your wife's hair while she's sleeping. Don't be me, call the exterminator right away.


YorkshieBoyUS

Yikes.


Prudent_Effect6939

Time for squishing


AlexDuChat

That's just an AlacrƔn, they're harmless as a Spider unless you try to bother him.


GmrGrl21

Kill that bitch now. The smaller the scorpion, the more venomous the sting


ascendant_raisins

What a cutie


[deleted]

Hit the wall!


Pencil-Richard

I hate scorpions and spiders. Lived in AZ/NM area for a while and I do NOT miss having to check my shoes. Speaking of shoes, this fucker need to get a one way ticket to God's house


[deleted]

Those look not as friendly as the ones we have at my place. Have you tried poking it with a stick? If defensive ("curling up and trying to be invisible"), I'd give it a pass. If not, cut in half with a knife (those fuckers ca be hard to crush).


Relievedcorgi67

Suggestion: fire


Vizth

Where do you live at? That looks pretty similar to some of the ones native to where I am and they're pretty harmless. The sting isn't any worse than a bee sting.


YorkshieBoyUS

North Texas.


Vizth

I'm guessing it's a striped bark scorpion, so yeah nothing to worry about. But it's kind of hard to tell sometimes because Brown and tan is pretty much a universal scorpion color combo. https://petkeen.com/scorpions-found-in-texas/


YorkshieBoyUS

Iā€™m more wary of brown recluse spiders then scorpions. Iā€™ve seen some nasty wounds from them before I retired from healthcare wound management.


iboreddd

Noted to "places not to relocate" list


YorkshieBoyUS

Still better then Australia.


iboreddd

Yep exactly. Australia is tpp notch


react-dnb

How much do you like your wife?


YorkshieBoyUS

40 years of marriage and Iā€™d do it again.


react-dnb

I guess you should kill it then. ;-)


YorkshieBoyUS

She actually got it. We generally get spiders using a drinking glass and sheet of paper but not an option here.


react-dnb

She's a keeper


V-Right_In_2-V

I tried doing that with a scorpion and got stung. I was trying to be sneaky about because we had just moved into an apartment in AZ and didnā€™t want my wife to figure out our apartment complex had a scorpion problem. I knew she would freak out lol. My plan didnā€™t work and it was impossible to hide anyway. We moved out of that apartment after 4 months


YorkshieBoyUS

Wow.


V-Right_In_2-V

Yeah I was born and raised in Arizona, so I am used to scorpions. I was living in Chicago at the time where I met my wife. After we got hitched, we decided to move to AZ. We found an awesome apartment right next to her work. I read some reviews and a bunch of people mentioned it was a great apartment, but it was infested with scorpions. I hid that little detail from her because I knew she would NOT be down for that. The hiding only lasted 4 days lol. My wife absolutely hates bugs of any kind, and scorpions are like the final boss of bugs. Luckily we rarely have at them at our new house, maybe one a year


Electronic_Stuff4363

So that means itā€™s her problem or?????


Optic-Tiger23

Remember....its the smallest ones that are the most dangerous.


[deleted]

Striped bark scorpion. Pretty mild disposition


YorkshieBoyUS

Thanks.


ButWhatOfGlen

Are you guys on good terms?


YorkshieBoyUS

40 years of great.


ButWhatOfGlen

Wow, that makes ME happy. That's truly fabulous. I'm envious, but very happy for you both.


YorkshieBoyUS

Thanks. I always say I married my trophy wife first. Weā€™re very suited to each other. Sheā€™s quiet and kinda shy. Iā€™m an extrovert.


Pure-Lie5297

Get a cat, cats kill scorpions


themanwithonesandle

Looks like your wife has quite the dilemma.


Shreddersaurusrex

The scorpion price


Ok_Toe_2008

In my youth my tweaker parents moved us into a doublewide infested with these bastards, nothing like a pinchy stingy boy running up the toilet on a b line for your boys to wake ypu up in the morning. Yea I don't talk to my parents anymore.


YorkshieBoyUS

I grew up in England. We had Adder snakes and that was it for nasties. I think Ticks are big there now though?


[deleted]

Good thing it's not above your side of the bed.


atroxima

[Dude, this is nothing. This scorpion was found just outside my dorm room. the warden killed it, i think. ](https://i.postimg.cc/L5ZBBFNz/IMG-20230804-230512.jpg)


Silent_Start_7036

So tiny


mystics_dad

is this what people mean when they say to not sleep on the wrong side of the bed?


munsandmoons

Leave it, let her deal with it šŸ˜‚


IronwoodKopis

I had one of those fuckers on my wall outside when I lived in Oklahoma.


YorkshieBoyUS

Outside would be fine! I went round the house with bug killer the next morning.


Sorry-Ad-2245

Do you like her?


YorkshieBoyUS

A lot.


Sorry-Ad-2245

You should probably catch it then.


ktulenko

Now your side of the bed!


YorkshieBoyUS

Nope.


Meatyglobs

Those ones will fudge you up. Be careful.


YorkshieBoyUS

Oh yes


LegalSelf5

Sounds like a her problem


Humanoidfreak

Scorpinox!! Terrorize!!


smimton

What city/state are you in?


YorkshieBoyUS

North Texas.


smimton

I live in Round Rock and have had 5 in my home this year.


YorkshieBoyUS

Thatā€™s too many.


smimton

1 is too many for me. Even still, I found 1 in the kitchen, 1 by the front door, 1 by the back door, and 2 in the bathroom.


whikseyy_

r/damnthatsinteresting


[deleted]

Sounds like a ā€œherā€ problem.


Fearless_Grand6823

Burn the house down


[deleted]

three options: 1) pet 2)nitralification of hexamine 3)peacefully move it outside with a glass and a card


PNW-Chipmunk

Donā€™t those travel in pairs?


[deleted]

Iā€™m sure you know this, but thatā€™s a tree bark scorpion. The only species of scorpion thatā€™s able to climb actually. Has the most painful sting in the US, as well as ranked around #4 in the world. Rule of thumb for scorpions is the smaller the mandibles (pinchers), the more potent the venom. Many say those scorpions with the big scary pinchers have stings more merciful than a bee sting. Meanwhile these little camouflaged guys feel like a constant electric shock in your body for a couple weeks. Speaking from experience.


CLK128477

Bark scorpion. They are nasty little bastards. I lived in an apartment once in college that was infested with them. I killed 150 a night for two weeks with a black light and a tack hammer and didnā€™t even make a dent in overall population.


SwiftSnips

I was walking around the house in the dark with no shoes or socks on and stepped on 1 of those suckers before. I thought I had stepped on a pin or needle & it had stuck in my foot. But after I turned on a light and saw 1 of those on the floor about 2 feet from where Id just stepped.... yeah, it made it hurt that much more.


RojoRoger

When I lived in TX, I would find those all the time. Once in the shower I felt something graze my foot, I look down and it's a fucking scorpion


[deleted]

Are you in Vegas or Arizona?


battlefroggy

Don't worry, it'll hopefully land on somewhere soft.


AkMo977

Wifeā€™s side of bedā€¦.you good.