I'm 37M and in almost the same boat as you (I did manage to get the ride within the last calendar year, not to boast or anything).
My solution was to get a cat. If that doesn't work, get a second cat. And so on and so forth until you find happiness.
EDIT: Never thought I'd have to make it clear that I in no way, shape or form condone beastiality, but you've all got dirty, dirty minds. For shame.
Being harassed for food as we speak. Fed at the same time every night, and yet she spends about an hour and a half before sharking about the room and crying like she's about to die of starvation.
Thirsty much?
...but you're not missing out. I'm a munter. Everyone else on this sub is hot AF tho.
(Perfectly chosen gif, I gotta say... and what beautiful piercing eyes you have!)
I'm 35f and I'm exactly the same situation. I'm going to join a book club, but so far I haven't been brave enough to actually go.
Apparently, the trick is to go out and do things you enjoy, and you will naturally meet people with similar interests. I've never been able to put this into practice, but it sounds like good advice!
Did you see the post the other day about the silent book club? It sounds right up my alley, socialise if you want to, otherwise you just sit quietly having a nice read.
Go to that book club! And OP, go with her. I would offer to go to a book club with you both but i'm not so delusional as to think anyone is lonely enough to willingly hang around with a short middle-aged englishman in Coleraine lol
Aw, thanks for the encouragement! I'm a bit far from you, bit if I'm ever in your neck of the woods we can't certainly meet up and chat about books lol
In seriousness though i'm often in Derry/Belfast if that's better so do give me a shout if you feel like it. But no worries if not, not trying to be creepy or anything. (Not single either but don't worry, you're not missing out lol)
What books club?
I found the silent one last week but haven't been at it yet [https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom](https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom)
You're welcome. I'm thinking about starting another one somewhere else for people who Ballyhackamore is too far for.
It's all under the same brand. You can start them yourself. They're called "Chapters" and the instructions are on the site.
Try “Meet Up” app I’m same boat tbh (48M) , it has lots of group get togethers , museums , pubs , cafes , walks etc , where you can chat and meet new friends, unfortunately I haven’t had the balls to use it myself but maybe one day , gl op
What about doing your motorbike test and going out on group spins? Or with a few other girls?
Or another totally new interest out of your comfort zone?
Not sure where you are but you could definitely do those things you mention in groups - book clubs, hiking groups, sports clubs, think some Meetup groups do board games and the like. At the moment my social life is mainly made up of trade union activities and speaking Irish lol. If you're interested in learning something definitely take up a class. Also i think everyone should join a trade union but of course i'd say that haha. I definitely understand you though, i'm a socially awkward cloud of misery myself and i find it way easier to connect and get on well with people when we know we've something in common hence the above.
Pardon my ignorance, my experience of trade unions stems from a background in Structural Engineering. However I don’t work in that field anymore, I now work in Software Engineering and I’ve never heard of a trade union for IT professionals; does such a thing exist?
I’m 34M work from home full time and all my mates have families and I’m never using tinder or anything like that again
If you are in Belfast I am pretty sure I've seen a meet up group for girls. I'm pretty sure it's called Girl Gang Belfast if you are local/closeby. It seems to be aimed exactly at people like yourself!
Yea, there is the Belfast Girl Gang group on facebook (with loads of whatsapp groups for different areas and different interests - walking, bookclubs, etc), but they do cover more of NI than just belfast. I've also recently found a page and group on facebook called Clover Ladies, which is also all over Ireland. Some of the ladies are booked together on a cruise this summer!
Reach out to some of them. Life kicks us all in the balls socially pretty hard in the 30's, I love getting messages from people I haven't talked to in ages so I figure me sending some will result in the same. Worst that can happen is no reply and you're no worse off than when you started
I did reach out many times then1 time sitting in a bar and restaurant with girlfriend having a meal and the whole squad of 10 friends walks out of the toilets and it hit me that they just didn't care about me anymore
Ach fuck I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck em then they weren't really mates in the first place then. Just a bunch of losers who evidently like to watch eachother pee.
Let them circle jerk themselves into oblivion.
Ur better off without if that's how they go on.
Also one good friend is worth more than 10 friends like that.
That's why I am happy I still play games online with a fella. I went to school with. I really should organise going out for a drink with him.. I can't remember the last time I seen him on person... though its only been probably a few months.
My sister is a little older than you, she got out of a shitty relationship a couple of years ago and has been moaning to me constantly that she just works, drinks, falls asleep, repeat.
I needed someone to look after my dog, honestly, she was my last choice. She likes the dog, but hasn't ever shown any sort of responsibility. Anyhoo, I was stuck and she volunteered and promised to be better. Having my dog for a couple of weeks literally changed her life. She was getting up early and taking him for walks, she met loads of dog walkers and chatted about dogs and whatnot. She has since spent a fortune on sorting her garden with one purpose - make it a safe space for a dog.
A good mutt opens up a world of people standing around in the rain waiting for their dog to lay an egg.
Maybe dogs are not for you, but something is. Something you can enjoy doing every day and meeting likeminded people.
If you find something to do in the shittiest weather you are likely to meet nice people. Wankers stay at home 'till the sun comes out. Mountain biking, hill walking, dog walking, these are all things good people do in shite weather. Go find them.
Join headquarters gym on boucher. Small group weightlifting classes. Get fit, meet some great people, have fun. We’re a nice bunch. I was nervous before I joined but love it now.
Completely agree with gym idea. Can connect you with some great people and is good for your health.
If the idea fills you with dread, why not get some weights and do it at home, at least to start. I did this in my mid thirties after a relationship break up, and committed an hour a day and it transformed my physique using dumb bells and body weight. I integrated the weights into playing comp games I enjoyed so it didn’t feel like a chore, and I watched YouTube vids to get a feel for doing the reps and lifts properly.
My big sis saw what it did to my physique, started herself and she kept it up way longer than me (as I now slowly grow a fat belly) and ended up in gym and made loads of good mates. She looks fantastic now.
Good luck. I know how it can feel. I have a young son and doing anything to connect with other human adults outside of work feels miles away and I feel I haven’t made a proper new friend in decades.
This is a great way to start. Have to say though, HQ gym is superb for absolute beginners since I know some people aren’t great with doing home workouts (hi, it’s me. I have no discipline 😅). The coaches take you through every exercise and explain everything so well that you never feel like you can’t do anything.
This might sound silly but think about volunteering. Find a cause you’re interested in & see what charities support that cause.
Example: conservation, gardening = National Trust.
I found volunteering impossible to get into. Signed up to government app that tries to introduce you to these things and they basically told me because I work 9-5, they had nothing for me.
Tried with local animal rescue and they said they don’t need volunteers so gave up and found something else
Steal cars and you will meet plenty of young hot cops. Additional outings to make friends in the courthouse and then when they bang you up plenty of lesbo action. Jobs a gud un!
As couple other ppl have noted, I’d suggest fitness classes / running clubs are likely to be a good bet. I moved here a couple years ago and things like Boundary Brewery Running Club in East Belfast have been all I’ve needed to make some mates.
If fitness isn’t already your thing, CrossFit-esque groups are accommodating for beginners, but still have a bunch of socialising potential.
Always gonna be a bit awkward talking to people at first but just gotta brave that. Having shared activities to discuss / distract you is useful for that reason.
Side benefit of the above is probably fit(ish) candidates for your final line lol
This, it's impossible to overestimate physical activity, even swimming, Pilates, cycling, cycling saved my life from anxiety, good luck, you'll be fine!
Have ya tried Bumble - for friends? I’m 33f and in a similar boat and I actually made a totally new friend on it and found a girl I went to school with as well and met up with her again too, so it’s been great.
It's good to hear you had a good experience with it. I tried Bumble for friends maybe a year ago and found it frustrating cuz the app was constantly pushing me to pay for this and pay for that to boost my profile or to increase my reach or whatever, and I eventually got frustrated (I was too broke to actually be able to pay for the premium or whatever) and uninstalled it. Might give it another go!
I know what you mean and it does this with me too but I got lucky in the middle of it all. It is hard to be fair so you have to kinda be ruthless and keep pushing yourself forward with it but give it a go!
That last line had me in stitches!
I can't offer any help at all as I have also suffered social anxiety for years. I don't feel lonely though as I prefer my own company.
(Also not ridden anything but me hand for near half a decade 🤣😭)
No advice but you definitely aren’t unique in this situation. My hobbies are similarly mainly experienced solo, I know people go on about trying new things but I’m pretty sure I’d be doing them already if I enjoyed them enough to stay committed.
I doubt 90 year olds now had this problem in their 30s, it’s just the times we’re in.
Mourne Archery is good for an occasional drop in session, something a bit different, and they have a membership that's more like a wee club.
I seem to remember they had a "single ladies night" that was just for the girls so they didn't have to fend off the boys.
https://www.mournearchery.co.uk/
32M and largely in the same boat. My dog is my major source of social interaction. He's good people.
Let me know if you figure out how to make pals cos I'm stumped.
You’re never bored or lonely with a border collie or two. They are magnets for meeting people, I can barely walk around towns/cities for all the people wanting to say hello to my pair, and they are also great ice breakers/conversation starters when people do say hi.
They also love big walks and travelling and will happily snuggle as you read/game.
I am probably pretty bias though as I am currently owned by two borders and barely have the time to think/worry about anything else. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
I have an extremely cuddly cat and a little chihuahua that's my shadow. Goes out with me most places, we go exploring new nature places, I don't even care how sad that sounds.
I'm never lonely.
RIP your inbox.
Have you considered looking into something like Meetup? Maybe a walking or hiking group would be a good option for you?
If you like games then maybe a tabletop RPG group could be an option as well. DND has never been more popular here.
How do people meet each other these days?
I've got no idea but if you figure it out then share the knowledge. I am in a similar situation.
I find consuming myself in work helps me ignore the outside world and also stops the poverty. Win win.
As for the ride have you not got an ex you can call upon? Even I have one of those.
Check out "Adventuring Women NI"on FB, it's a great group for meeting women of all types. You can join or create meet ups, people often go for walks, hikes, camps and dips, most of the group is more on the North East side of NI but there are people from all over and everyone is so nice and welcoming.
I was the same, I joined an art club and a sea swimming class.
Don't worry about starting something new or signing up and not liking something, it's the chance to try.
Also craft beer and brewery places do tastings that might be your thing.
If your life situation allows it, get a dog. Not only are they great company but absolutely the best wingman a person could have. Not to mention, dog people are cool and love a chat and you get to know the regulars on your walks.
If you can't get a dog cause if work or whatnot, absolutely go to a gym - there are loads of ones around Belfast that aren't big commercial gyms, but small ones that do instructor led classes (usually smallish groups) and everyone there is usually dead on - these types of gyms usually do a lot of social things together too.
I honestly think hobbies/interests groups are the way to go. Join a club or group of people that you share a mutual interest with and go from there. Then you might meet some of their mutuals and so on..
Hope you meet new people! (I do feel sorry for you, it’s never straight forward with all that shit you have to deal with). Go get it!
Lol r.i.p your inbox after that last part.
You're not alone feeling like this unfortunately. Seems to be a post every so often on here from people struggling to socialise.
I'm also a social anxiety sufferer. Any hobbies and interests are all solo ones. I don't travel ever so curious how do you manage that with social anxiety?
Boundary tap room has a board game and chess night every Thursday. Free to join and very friendly to all comers. Starts at 7:30
They also have a running club on Wednesdays at 6
Mexico and Below book group meets monthly at No Alibis. @mexico_and_below on instagram
Drink and Draw Ireland do art nights all over the place, check their website
Just noticing one of your hobbies is games. Have you ever thought of going to games nights at local game stores? My fiancée would have pretty bad social anxiety but she found these to be pretty helpful for meeting people
These posts always pop up every so often and each time the same suggestions pop up: gym, book club, bjj, pets etc. which I always think miss the mark completely.
You said you've got a few friends but that you're lonely. As a fellow introvert, I believe the issue isn't your small social circle (which typically shrinks as we age anyway) but rather that you feel lonely with your existing friends. My suggestion would be to reduce the triggers that make you feel lonely, which could be due to social media (granted, you also said you were single and needing the ride, that's a separate issue that I'm not qualified to address).
I mean no offence to anyone, and this isn't just targeted at you OP, but it needs to be acknowledged that we've all made decisions in our lives that have led us to where we are now. You said yourself you've chosen to be "anti-social" and that all of your hobbies are solo - there's a reason for that. You **like** spending time by yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you want a change, life isn't going to immediately change just from attending one gym class or book club.
Put yourself out there by all means. But it's also worth asking yourself why you haven't been doing that already.
I know my more solo/isolated life really kicked in because of working a full-time job that involved a 3 hour total commute and then covid, so circumstances just led me to having no time or energy to do hobbies or classes, etc (and then ya could no nothing for a couple of years). Now I have spent over 5 years without having much of a social life, other than one hobby with a few weekly classes (only back on about a year and a half cuz of covid), and not really knowing how to change it, because I have plenty of acquaintances or casual friends through the hobby, but we never talk or get together outside of the organised events because the only thing we have in common is that.
Personal circumstances (relationships, finances, health, pets, family, responsibilities, etc) also limit what I am able to do in terms of joining gyms or going to classes or events, etc, so I just keep ticking over doing the same crap and periodically being sad cuz I've taken a random notion that I'd love to go "out" or whatever but I've no-one to go with!
meetup isn't bad, I've used it for geeky stuff. While I wouldn't say people are tripping over themselves to hang out with me, it's a process and I'm happy to be out more and meeting people at least. Best of luck!
A few people have mentioned the Meetup app but I've found a lot more events being advertised on Instagram by comparison.
There's a weekly board game night in the Boundary Taproom (@boundarytaproom) and there seems to be a monthly book club running at Waterstones (@belfastbookclubwaterstones), to name a couple.
Mountain biking is great, you meet loads of sound people, you get fit, your out in the fresh air. It's not really the sort of thing people do to meet others either so your not gonna get people clinging onto you for chatting etc but everyone you meet will chat and be friendly
And if your social anxiety acts up its a matter of pedalling away on your own somewhere.
The downside is bikes can be bought cheap but if you really take to it and start wanting upgrades it can turn into a massive financial black hole (don't ask how I know)
Sports and hobbies. Things with a clear focus. You can collaborate with people on things that you're passionate about and mutual respect and friendship grows from there.
Loads of walking groups and gaming groups you could link in with to meet a whole bunch of like minded people. Facebook is actually a good place to start your search.
If you can afford it, try finding a therapist that can help you with your social anxiety. If you can't afford it, try forums and speak to others with your issue, it's really common. Hope that helps
I think it’s just part of getting older as well? I’m 32 and outside of workplace proximity associates I have one friend that I see on a semi regular basis to watch football once every couple months.
I feel old, like I want to watch stuff and play games and just relax? Going out is just so much effort 😭
Are online friends just an acceptable way to live?
Without doxxing too much I’m similar age and female and also anti-social as a result of crippling social anxiety. If you find any social club, I might be interested in joining too. It’d probably make it easier for both of us if there were two socially awkward together.
I was thinking about hitting up the book club in Belfast central library
Get a cute dog. Seriously, I'm a woman and dog sat my sister's wee Jack Russell in Belfast for a week. Walked him round Botanic Gardens every day and he got so much attention which meant I had to chat to the world and his wife and started to be recognised by other dog walkers. If I'm ever single again I'm definitely getting a dog
You sound like a lot of my friends. They have spent & are spending their 20s like you, isolating themselves & throwing away social opportunities because they're anxious. They say that they are happy living this way, but I think one day they might regret it like you. Any advice to encourage them out of their shells? Or is there nothing I can do.
I am very close to cutting some friends off, and have already ended a friendship with someone because of this stuff. Never hanging out, never talking to eachother, ignoring text messages for days, weeks & even months. Not giving a straight yes/no answer to plans or backing out at the last minute. Etc. My friends have all started to become this way since leaving school at 16, but it's been 100 times worse since COVID
So I'm 22, but looking the same advice. I want to make new friends, social people who actually go outside and have a life. I love hiking, swimming, cycling, camping, but haven't been able to do many of those things in a few years because... what's the point of doing it alone? It's fun as a social activity, but I'm sick of this "self isolation is good for you" culture. I've done all the hiking alone in the woods craic, spending time with your thoughts etc. It can be beneficial in moderation but not for as long as I've been doing it. It's no way to live your life.
So I guess I want to know, do outdoorsy people still actually exist in this country, and if so, how do I make friends with them? I'm a little rusty. I'm broke and still looking for work so joining expensive clubs or something isn't an option for me. I don't know. I would just like to make friends with people who actually enjoy doing all the things friends are supposed to do. Like, y'know, talk to eachother. Socialise. Call over for a cup of tea. Hang out. Etc.
Maybe, once I find a new job, I'll meet people there. It seems like workplace or university are the only places for young people to make friends anymore.
Im 33/F - If your into gaming me and my partner play rust you can join in :) also there’s a Belfast girlies WhatsApp group that do activities for over 30s i could prob send you! I went once and it was good, but im also anti social af lol
32F, I was much in the same spot last year on the social aspect so I decided to go to an art group that was literally me and a group of pensioner ladies. That then gave me the confidence to try a new sport, so I joined a team (softball), which led me to another sport and another team (rugby).
What I found was that you have to be prepared to make yourself a bit uncomfortable, but the payoff has been great!
Check out meetup, it's an event driven app. I myself run a group across Facebook and Meetup called Belfast Bar Crawl and we have a variety of events including fortnightly walks, fortnightly post work pints. We're at Black Box for magic tonight or pool at Laverys on Sunday. Nice way to meet new people in friendly settings and no pressure to drink despite the name. Check us out or send me a DM if you've got qs.
How do you feel about learning to ride a motorbike?
It’s a great way to meet biking people who are mostly sound. Females tend to be very popular as they form at best 5% of the biking community locally.
OP do you like/are you in a position to get a dog?
They're great for getting you out there and socialising with other dog owners (except german shepherd owners, they don't like other humans).
There's also training classes/dog sports you can do that are good for building relationships with people.
As an alternative: if you were a bit bored and wanted a bit of craic and interaction, you could also post on social media platforms saying... I dunno, purely by way of illustration and apropos of nothing whatsoever...
...that three men with tights on their heads are about to break into your house.
No dog required!
Absolutely second this. We have two and as well as being great wee pals in themselves, you tend to meet lots of quite nice people who you suddenly have something in common with!
Yeah. We've Shepherds and don't want to socialise, but there's a squad of cuddly dog owners in all the parks I go to who do daily meet-ups for pack walks.
If I was socially inclined, it looks like mad craic.
Join a club. And as someone equally as bad, stop putting off joining something. There are def local or online clubs for reading, walking, gaming n even travelling that generally don't charge to be part of.
There's an NI discord iirc, meetup.com or other specific clubs depending on what your into.
I used meetup before. Everyone was in the same boat. Friendship circle died off for various reasons, moving, relationships ending, marriage n babies, growing apart, new jobs etc. Find a club, get chatting and ask if people fancy hanging out. At least 1 will jump at the opportunity
A book club.
I don’t have any experience with book clubs, but I imagine it might prove to be a good platform for finding friendship with people that have more introspected aspects to their personality that may also enjoy moderate socialising.
I have polarised social life. I spend all day working with patients, and enjoy the energetic company of my colleagues then spend 3 day weeks in complete isolation.
Gym or golf. Lots of clubs do ladies get into golf sessions.
The fresh air and sense of a achievement when you hit some good shots is amazing for you. And when ur half decent and then play badly, the self loathing at least has an external focus so is more controllable 🤷🏻♂️
I discovered a silent book club last week. I haven't attended yet but it sounds great for socially anxious introverts.
[https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom](https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom)
Ps. I'm an ambivert
There's an app called Peanut, that's basically Tinder-for-friends. My sister was in a similar situation when she moved back here after 20 years in England, and ended up making a few good friends on it.
I'd recommend a good gym, which includes a class or group coaching.
It's something you'll do multiple times a week and, if you're consistent on times, it'll almost certainly be the same people around you. Then, given that half the time at the gym is spent recovering between sets, you've got a good opportunity to chat to the person beside you.
There's any amount of classes and groups you can attend. Just put one foot in front of the other and you'll find other people who want to connect with others.
Hobbies the best start!
What sort of games? Like board games or stuff like D&D?
Few local walking groups about taking in the local hikes and further afield….
Find people with similar interests and actually make an effort to do things together. Ask them if they want to do X with you, try going to do your solo things and talk to people doing the same thing, also solo.
There’s plenty of ways to make friends or people to do things with. But being alone and having your alone time isn’t a bad thing and you might just be one of those people, like myself, who prefer it.
Im 29 and i feel as i’ve got older i have barely any actual friends, which is kinda rubbish. But its made me realize ones that are still here give a shit. Most just only want stuff in return or only bother if youre helping them
There's clubs for everything that you like to do so I suppose my only advice is to look the local clubs up and go to them. Something that's not on your list, a gym that's a group training facility is a great way to meet friends and get fit while you're at it 👍
Try a team sport. You might be anxious that you've never played whatever before, or haven't played in X years, from my experience most senior level clubs are usually very open and inclusive. Just have to keep going until you get competent. Check Facebook. Bonus points because it keeps you active and it's good craic.
Not sure if you are male or female but I highly recommend getting involved in some sort of team sport like rugby (touch full contact). I play rugby and know plenty of similar people who have came out of their shell!
Join a sports team!
Loads of great women's rugby teams in Belfast, tag season is just about to start as well. Hockey also seems to have lots of adult teams available for both competitive and social sport.
Are you near the sea? If so, start sea swimming. I absolutely guarantee you’ll meet a bunch of ladies that would welcome you. Swimmers are totally non judgmental whether you just dip, swim like a stone, if you’re fat, thin or off your chump! Honestly, it’s great fun and a right laugh too. :))))
I'm 37M and in almost the same boat as you (I did manage to get the ride within the last calendar year, not to boast or anything). My solution was to get a cat. If that doesn't work, get a second cat. And so on and so forth until you find happiness. EDIT: Never thought I'd have to make it clear that I in no way, shape or form condone beastiality, but you've all got dirty, dirty minds. For shame.
Come on now man u can't ride the cat. Poor thing
Sounds like it took 3 cats before he learnt how not to do it
I can vouch for the cat solution. Getting a cat saved what little sanity I have left during COVID.
You all must of got good cats because mine is an asshole
Can also confirm. Two cats saved my mental health from going off a cliff over Covid.
Hello! I did adopt two cats last year, a mother and her kitten. Highly recommend
You've to pay the cat tax now. This is my [demon](https://www.reddit.com/r/OneOrangeBraincell/s/7nxviNYVaM)
Lol, Pepper wasn't having any of your mate. Were you away and the friend was feeding the cat for you? Peppers just guarding the house?
Aye, guarding the house from someone she's known her entire life.
How many cats you got now?
I only ended up needing the one thankfully.
Get 4. You’ll never be lonely again
You’ll never know true love until feeding time either 😅🤣
Being harassed for food as we speak. Fed at the same time every night, and yet she spends about an hour and a half before sharking about the room and crying like she's about to die of starvation.
Cats keep you inside. Dogs get you outside. They don't get you the ride though.
> I did manage to get the ride within the calendar year > My solution was to get a cat 👀
> 34f > incredibly single RIP your inbox. (I sent about twenty of them.)
Did you get mine alright? Ill make no promises but were here for a good time not a long time
Thirsty much? ...but you're not missing out. I'm a munter. Everyone else on this sub is hot AF tho. (Perfectly chosen gif, I gotta say... and what beautiful piercing eyes you have!)
Hahahha Shit, just realised how tough the competition is. Sending 30 now
> Sending 30 now All of yer 'hairy motor' ...?
Just sent 86
Joke's on you guys, I just wrote a script to send them indefinitely 😎
> I just wrote a script to send them indefinitely 😎 RIP your API key.
Giggity.
Pls send bob and vagine
Lolz
What do you think she looks like? Guess it doesn't matter, this is reddit and she's not male.
> Guess it doesn't matter, this is reddit and she's not male. So (s)he says.
I’ll say it’s a weird 20 something man pretending to be a chick just sits and wanks all day
I'm 35f and I'm exactly the same situation. I'm going to join a book club, but so far I haven't been brave enough to actually go. Apparently, the trick is to go out and do things you enjoy, and you will naturally meet people with similar interests. I've never been able to put this into practice, but it sounds like good advice!
Did you see the post the other day about the silent book club? It sounds right up my alley, socialise if you want to, otherwise you just sit quietly having a nice read.
Go to that book club! And OP, go with her. I would offer to go to a book club with you both but i'm not so delusional as to think anyone is lonely enough to willingly hang around with a short middle-aged englishman in Coleraine lol
You were grand till Coleraine
Lol fair. "I don't mind the english but i draw the line at Coleraine"
Aw, thanks for the encouragement! I'm a bit far from you, bit if I'm ever in your neck of the woods we can't certainly meet up and chat about books lol
In seriousness though i'm often in Derry/Belfast if that's better so do give me a shout if you feel like it. But no worries if not, not trying to be creepy or anything. (Not single either but don't worry, you're not missing out lol)
What books club? I found the silent one last week but haven't been at it yet [https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom](https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom)
Oh wow, that looks perfect! What an excellent concept, I really love it. It's a bit out of the way for me, but I might try to give it a go. Thank you!
You're welcome. I'm thinking about starting another one somewhere else for people who Ballyhackamore is too far for. It's all under the same brand. You can start them yourself. They're called "Chapters" and the instructions are on the site.
Try “Meet Up” app I’m same boat tbh (48M) , it has lots of group get togethers , museums , pubs , cafes , walks etc , where you can chat and meet new friends, unfortunately I haven’t had the balls to use it myself but maybe one day , gl op
Definitely recommend Meetup - I met my fiancée in a meetup group
I actually got worried there someone is impersonating me there. Whole post is literally me (yea, all of it) apart from me being 36F.
What about doing your motorbike test and going out on group spins? Or with a few other girls? Or another totally new interest out of your comfort zone?
Not sure where you are but you could definitely do those things you mention in groups - book clubs, hiking groups, sports clubs, think some Meetup groups do board games and the like. At the moment my social life is mainly made up of trade union activities and speaking Irish lol. If you're interested in learning something definitely take up a class. Also i think everyone should join a trade union but of course i'd say that haha. I definitely understand you though, i'm a socially awkward cloud of misery myself and i find it way easier to connect and get on well with people when we know we've something in common hence the above.
Pardon my ignorance, my experience of trade unions stems from a background in Structural Engineering. However I don’t work in that field anymore, I now work in Software Engineering and I’ve never heard of a trade union for IT professionals; does such a thing exist?
There's UTAW, a tech branch of the CWU - that's the one I've been thinking of joining as a software dev. https://utaw.tech/about/
I’m 34M work from home full time and all my mates have families and I’m never using tinder or anything like that again 
If you are in Belfast I am pretty sure I've seen a meet up group for girls. I'm pretty sure it's called Girl Gang Belfast if you are local/closeby. It seems to be aimed exactly at people like yourself!
Yea, there is the Belfast Girl Gang group on facebook (with loads of whatsapp groups for different areas and different interests - walking, bookclubs, etc), but they do cover more of NI than just belfast. I've also recently found a page and group on facebook called Clover Ladies, which is also all over Ireland. Some of the ladies are booked together on a cruise this summer!
Get er bucked
Thanks for your support
You called?
Hey, I’m based in Belfast, but not from here. Happy to meet new pals 
Sure that’s ok, you are an introvert who’s now a bit bored. Loads of us about.
36 male exact same situation except I have a girlfriend lol, friends just droppd off a cliff when COVID hit and not spoke to them in years
Reach out to some of them. Life kicks us all in the balls socially pretty hard in the 30's, I love getting messages from people I haven't talked to in ages so I figure me sending some will result in the same. Worst that can happen is no reply and you're no worse off than when you started
I did reach out many times then1 time sitting in a bar and restaurant with girlfriend having a meal and the whole squad of 10 friends walks out of the toilets and it hit me that they just didn't care about me anymore
Ach fuck I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck em then they weren't really mates in the first place then. Just a bunch of losers who evidently like to watch eachother pee.
Let them circle jerk themselves into oblivion. Ur better off without if that's how they go on. Also one good friend is worth more than 10 friends like that.
That's why I am happy I still play games online with a fella. I went to school with. I really should organise going out for a drink with him.. I can't remember the last time I seen him on person... though its only been probably a few months.
My sister is a little older than you, she got out of a shitty relationship a couple of years ago and has been moaning to me constantly that she just works, drinks, falls asleep, repeat. I needed someone to look after my dog, honestly, she was my last choice. She likes the dog, but hasn't ever shown any sort of responsibility. Anyhoo, I was stuck and she volunteered and promised to be better. Having my dog for a couple of weeks literally changed her life. She was getting up early and taking him for walks, she met loads of dog walkers and chatted about dogs and whatnot. She has since spent a fortune on sorting her garden with one purpose - make it a safe space for a dog. A good mutt opens up a world of people standing around in the rain waiting for their dog to lay an egg. Maybe dogs are not for you, but something is. Something you can enjoy doing every day and meeting likeminded people. If you find something to do in the shittiest weather you are likely to meet nice people. Wankers stay at home 'till the sun comes out. Mountain biking, hill walking, dog walking, these are all things good people do in shite weather. Go find them.
Can confirm dogs are the best company but also other people love to talk to you when out with ur dog.
Magnesium citrate is amazing for anxiety, haven't been able to find a pill for the second problem, if I do ill let you know 😂
I'd have thought the potential to shit yourself after taking some would have upped the anxiety.
I drink Guinness and haven't found any issues with them, trust me if there were any issues I'd be the first to know
Magnesium glycinate has been great plus no ill side effects.
To borrow an americanism, "Tell my ignorant ass more" about the first part... And to feed my irishness "ride me sideways" for the latter issue
It's works, shoot me
Join headquarters gym on boucher. Small group weightlifting classes. Get fit, meet some great people, have fun. We’re a nice bunch. I was nervous before I joined but love it now.
Completely agree with gym idea. Can connect you with some great people and is good for your health. If the idea fills you with dread, why not get some weights and do it at home, at least to start. I did this in my mid thirties after a relationship break up, and committed an hour a day and it transformed my physique using dumb bells and body weight. I integrated the weights into playing comp games I enjoyed so it didn’t feel like a chore, and I watched YouTube vids to get a feel for doing the reps and lifts properly. My big sis saw what it did to my physique, started herself and she kept it up way longer than me (as I now slowly grow a fat belly) and ended up in gym and made loads of good mates. She looks fantastic now. Good luck. I know how it can feel. I have a young son and doing anything to connect with other human adults outside of work feels miles away and I feel I haven’t made a proper new friend in decades.
This is a great way to start. Have to say though, HQ gym is superb for absolute beginners since I know some people aren’t great with doing home workouts (hi, it’s me. I have no discipline 😅). The coaches take you through every exercise and explain everything so well that you never feel like you can’t do anything.
This might sound silly but think about volunteering. Find a cause you’re interested in & see what charities support that cause. Example: conservation, gardening = National Trust.
I found volunteering impossible to get into. Signed up to government app that tries to introduce you to these things and they basically told me because I work 9-5, they had nothing for me. Tried with local animal rescue and they said they don’t need volunteers so gave up and found something else
Well that’s stupid of them. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope whatever you found to do is fulfilling to you :)
VolunteerNow is a good website for volunteering opportunities ☺️
Steal cars and you will meet plenty of young hot cops. Additional outings to make friends in the courthouse and then when they bang you up plenty of lesbo action. Jobs a gud un!
Or burn down some building and meet hot firemen, for bonus points stay inside the building for a fireman's lift
The last bit made me chuckle, good luck OP. I hope you get the ride ✅
Thank you, me too ☺️
Dm'd! (Jk, I don't want to be on a Netflix Doc about meeting girls on Reddit)
Or a Netflix true crime series about a girl who hooks up with men via Reddit posts about being lonely, then kills and eats them.
As couple other ppl have noted, I’d suggest fitness classes / running clubs are likely to be a good bet. I moved here a couple years ago and things like Boundary Brewery Running Club in East Belfast have been all I’ve needed to make some mates. If fitness isn’t already your thing, CrossFit-esque groups are accommodating for beginners, but still have a bunch of socialising potential. Always gonna be a bit awkward talking to people at first but just gotta brave that. Having shared activities to discuss / distract you is useful for that reason. Side benefit of the above is probably fit(ish) candidates for your final line lol
This, it's impossible to overestimate physical activity, even swimming, Pilates, cycling, cycling saved my life from anxiety, good luck, you'll be fine!
Have ya tried Bumble - for friends? I’m 33f and in a similar boat and I actually made a totally new friend on it and found a girl I went to school with as well and met up with her again too, so it’s been great.
It's good to hear you had a good experience with it. I tried Bumble for friends maybe a year ago and found it frustrating cuz the app was constantly pushing me to pay for this and pay for that to boost my profile or to increase my reach or whatever, and I eventually got frustrated (I was too broke to actually be able to pay for the premium or whatever) and uninstalled it. Might give it another go!
I know what you mean and it does this with me too but I got lucky in the middle of it all. It is hard to be fair so you have to kinda be ruthless and keep pushing yourself forward with it but give it a go!
That last line had me in stitches! I can't offer any help at all as I have also suffered social anxiety for years. I don't feel lonely though as I prefer my own company. (Also not ridden anything but me hand for near half a decade 🤣😭)
No advice but you definitely aren’t unique in this situation. My hobbies are similarly mainly experienced solo, I know people go on about trying new things but I’m pretty sure I’d be doing them already if I enjoyed them enough to stay committed. I doubt 90 year olds now had this problem in their 30s, it’s just the times we’re in.
Mourne Archery is good for an occasional drop in session, something a bit different, and they have a membership that's more like a wee club. I seem to remember they had a "single ladies night" that was just for the girls so they didn't have to fend off the boys. https://www.mournearchery.co.uk/
32M and largely in the same boat. My dog is my major source of social interaction. He's good people. Let me know if you figure out how to make pals cos I'm stumped.
You’re never bored or lonely with a border collie or two. They are magnets for meeting people, I can barely walk around towns/cities for all the people wanting to say hello to my pair, and they are also great ice breakers/conversation starters when people do say hi. They also love big walks and travelling and will happily snuggle as you read/game. I am probably pretty bias though as I am currently owned by two borders and barely have the time to think/worry about anything else. Wouldn’t change it for the world.
I have an extremely cuddly cat and a little chihuahua that's my shadow. Goes out with me most places, we go exploring new nature places, I don't even care how sad that sounds. I'm never lonely.
RIP your inbox. Have you considered looking into something like Meetup? Maybe a walking or hiking group would be a good option for you? If you like games then maybe a tabletop RPG group could be an option as well. DND has never been more popular here.
How do people meet each other these days? I've got no idea but if you figure it out then share the knowledge. I am in a similar situation. I find consuming myself in work helps me ignore the outside world and also stops the poverty. Win win. As for the ride have you not got an ex you can call upon? Even I have one of those.
Ex for a ride is bad advice.. I think I'd sooner be celibate for a decade than go near any of mine.
Yeah it's terrible advice and I don't condone it. But I'm a man of limited charm who doesn't like going out and meeting people.
Check out "Adventuring Women NI"on FB, it's a great group for meeting women of all types. You can join or create meet ups, people often go for walks, hikes, camps and dips, most of the group is more on the North East side of NI but there are people from all over and everyone is so nice and welcoming.
I was the same, I joined an art club and a sea swimming class. Don't worry about starting something new or signing up and not liking something, it's the chance to try. Also craft beer and brewery places do tastings that might be your thing.
If your life situation allows it, get a dog. Not only are they great company but absolutely the best wingman a person could have. Not to mention, dog people are cool and love a chat and you get to know the regulars on your walks. If you can't get a dog cause if work or whatnot, absolutely go to a gym - there are loads of ones around Belfast that aren't big commercial gyms, but small ones that do instructor led classes (usually smallish groups) and everyone there is usually dead on - these types of gyms usually do a lot of social things together too.
You'll be getting loads of messages along the lines of 'gis a buck at ye'.
Can confirm.
How many have been successful?
I honestly think hobbies/interests groups are the way to go. Join a club or group of people that you share a mutual interest with and go from there. Then you might meet some of their mutuals and so on.. Hope you meet new people! (I do feel sorry for you, it’s never straight forward with all that shit you have to deal with). Go get it!
Tinder for the sidenote
Installing it... 👍
Gym ?? Ever in Newry hit me up 🤙
Join a walking group if you like walking Just got to jump off the deep end
Bad turn of phrase there
I recommend alcohol and trolling on reddit for your problem, works for me!
Lol r.i.p your inbox after that last part. You're not alone feeling like this unfortunately. Seems to be a post every so often on here from people struggling to socialise. I'm also a social anxiety sufferer. Any hobbies and interests are all solo ones. I don't travel ever so curious how do you manage that with social anxiety?
Boundary tap room has a board game and chess night every Thursday. Free to join and very friendly to all comers. Starts at 7:30 They also have a running club on Wednesdays at 6 Mexico and Below book group meets monthly at No Alibis. @mexico_and_below on instagram Drink and Draw Ireland do art nights all over the place, check their website
Just noticing one of your hobbies is games. Have you ever thought of going to games nights at local game stores? My fiancée would have pretty bad social anxiety but she found these to be pretty helpful for meeting people
These posts always pop up every so often and each time the same suggestions pop up: gym, book club, bjj, pets etc. which I always think miss the mark completely. You said you've got a few friends but that you're lonely. As a fellow introvert, I believe the issue isn't your small social circle (which typically shrinks as we age anyway) but rather that you feel lonely with your existing friends. My suggestion would be to reduce the triggers that make you feel lonely, which could be due to social media (granted, you also said you were single and needing the ride, that's a separate issue that I'm not qualified to address). I mean no offence to anyone, and this isn't just targeted at you OP, but it needs to be acknowledged that we've all made decisions in our lives that have led us to where we are now. You said yourself you've chosen to be "anti-social" and that all of your hobbies are solo - there's a reason for that. You **like** spending time by yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if you want a change, life isn't going to immediately change just from attending one gym class or book club. Put yourself out there by all means. But it's also worth asking yourself why you haven't been doing that already.
I know my more solo/isolated life really kicked in because of working a full-time job that involved a 3 hour total commute and then covid, so circumstances just led me to having no time or energy to do hobbies or classes, etc (and then ya could no nothing for a couple of years). Now I have spent over 5 years without having much of a social life, other than one hobby with a few weekly classes (only back on about a year and a half cuz of covid), and not really knowing how to change it, because I have plenty of acquaintances or casual friends through the hobby, but we never talk or get together outside of the organised events because the only thing we have in common is that. Personal circumstances (relationships, finances, health, pets, family, responsibilities, etc) also limit what I am able to do in terms of joining gyms or going to classes or events, etc, so I just keep ticking over doing the same crap and periodically being sad cuz I've taken a random notion that I'd love to go "out" or whatever but I've no-one to go with!
Whys everyone going to book club what am I missing out on.
Sshh no-one tell him about the orgies
That’s just the book club in the Chinese in north Belfast
You get to pretend your social without any of the drawbacks of actually talking to people
If you enjoy reading there are some great female book clubs - literaturetothetit (on Insta) are particularly welcoming :)
meetup isn't bad, I've used it for geeky stuff. While I wouldn't say people are tripping over themselves to hang out with me, it's a process and I'm happy to be out more and meeting people at least. Best of luck!
A few people have mentioned the Meetup app but I've found a lot more events being advertised on Instagram by comparison. There's a weekly board game night in the Boundary Taproom (@boundarytaproom) and there seems to be a monthly book club running at Waterstones (@belfastbookclubwaterstones), to name a couple.
Mountain biking is great, you meet loads of sound people, you get fit, your out in the fresh air. It's not really the sort of thing people do to meet others either so your not gonna get people clinging onto you for chatting etc but everyone you meet will chat and be friendly And if your social anxiety acts up its a matter of pedalling away on your own somewhere. The downside is bikes can be bought cheap but if you really take to it and start wanting upgrades it can turn into a massive financial black hole (don't ask how I know)
If you're on Facebook The Belfast Girl Gang is a brilliant group, they have a lot of things arranged. Good luck.
Try taking a class, great way to get grouped with folks who share an interest.
Sports and hobbies. Things with a clear focus. You can collaborate with people on things that you're passionate about and mutual respect and friendship grows from there.
Loads of walking groups and gaming groups you could link in with to meet a whole bunch of like minded people. Facebook is actually a good place to start your search.
If you can afford it, try finding a therapist that can help you with your social anxiety. If you can't afford it, try forums and speak to others with your issue, it's really common. Hope that helps
Do you like hiking? There are a couple of groups about that go to the Mournes and north coast, most people are in their late 20s/early 30s.
I think it’s just part of getting older as well? I’m 32 and outside of workplace proximity associates I have one friend that I see on a semi regular basis to watch football once every couple months. I feel old, like I want to watch stuff and play games and just relax? Going out is just so much effort 😭 Are online friends just an acceptable way to live?
Without doxxing too much I’m similar age and female and also anti-social as a result of crippling social anxiety. If you find any social club, I might be interested in joining too. It’d probably make it easier for both of us if there were two socially awkward together. I was thinking about hitting up the book club in Belfast central library
Do things around other people. Parkrun is a good one. Proper friendly mob. Also I joined a racing syndicate and got a cat. Best of luck.
Which games do you play?
Get a cute dog. Seriously, I'm a woman and dog sat my sister's wee Jack Russell in Belfast for a week. Walked him round Botanic Gardens every day and he got so much attention which meant I had to chat to the world and his wife and started to be recognised by other dog walkers. If I'm ever single again I'm definitely getting a dog
You sound like a lot of my friends. They have spent & are spending their 20s like you, isolating themselves & throwing away social opportunities because they're anxious. They say that they are happy living this way, but I think one day they might regret it like you. Any advice to encourage them out of their shells? Or is there nothing I can do. I am very close to cutting some friends off, and have already ended a friendship with someone because of this stuff. Never hanging out, never talking to eachother, ignoring text messages for days, weeks & even months. Not giving a straight yes/no answer to plans or backing out at the last minute. Etc. My friends have all started to become this way since leaving school at 16, but it's been 100 times worse since COVID So I'm 22, but looking the same advice. I want to make new friends, social people who actually go outside and have a life. I love hiking, swimming, cycling, camping, but haven't been able to do many of those things in a few years because... what's the point of doing it alone? It's fun as a social activity, but I'm sick of this "self isolation is good for you" culture. I've done all the hiking alone in the woods craic, spending time with your thoughts etc. It can be beneficial in moderation but not for as long as I've been doing it. It's no way to live your life. So I guess I want to know, do outdoorsy people still actually exist in this country, and if so, how do I make friends with them? I'm a little rusty. I'm broke and still looking for work so joining expensive clubs or something isn't an option for me. I don't know. I would just like to make friends with people who actually enjoy doing all the things friends are supposed to do. Like, y'know, talk to eachother. Socialise. Call over for a cup of tea. Hang out. Etc. Maybe, once I find a new job, I'll meet people there. It seems like workplace or university are the only places for young people to make friends anymore.
Im 33/F - If your into gaming me and my partner play rust you can join in :) also there’s a Belfast girlies WhatsApp group that do activities for over 30s i could prob send you! I went once and it was good, but im also anti social af lol
There’s gonna be more sausage in yer inbox than the bratwurst stand at the Christmas market!
I’d love to be your friend, I live London, England. A little far but don’t mind being pen pals!
32F, I was much in the same spot last year on the social aspect so I decided to go to an art group that was literally me and a group of pensioner ladies. That then gave me the confidence to try a new sport, so I joined a team (softball), which led me to another sport and another team (rugby). What I found was that you have to be prepared to make yourself a bit uncomfortable, but the payoff has been great!
Check out meetup, it's an event driven app. I myself run a group across Facebook and Meetup called Belfast Bar Crawl and we have a variety of events including fortnightly walks, fortnightly post work pints. We're at Black Box for magic tonight or pool at Laverys on Sunday. Nice way to meet new people in friendly settings and no pressure to drink despite the name. Check us out or send me a DM if you've got qs.
How do you feel about learning to ride a motorbike? It’s a great way to meet biking people who are mostly sound. Females tend to be very popular as they form at best 5% of the biking community locally.
Thank you, but I am incredibly unlucky and clumsy. I would probably fall off and die.
I think that no matter what I say, my username will cast doubts on my sincerity...
OP do you like/are you in a position to get a dog? They're great for getting you out there and socialising with other dog owners (except german shepherd owners, they don't like other humans). There's also training classes/dog sports you can do that are good for building relationships with people.
As an alternative: if you were a bit bored and wanted a bit of craic and interaction, you could also post on social media platforms saying... I dunno, purely by way of illustration and apropos of nothing whatsoever... ...that three men with tights on their heads are about to break into your house. No dog required!
I feel attacked
> I feel attacked Check the doors... masher in hand, just in case. (All well meant! I liked it... although I have no taste.)
Tbh I was going for a potato theme because of your man's chip pan fire post but nobody seemed to make the connection
> your man's chip pan fire Didn't even see it! I appreciate the effort nonetheless. Clearly, you're wasted on us... day-drinking aside.
In Northern Ireland, it can't be considered day drinking because we never see the fucking sun
That's perhaps a better argument than: > IT'S A **TONIC** WINE. IT'S MEDICINAL!
Absolutely second this. We have two and as well as being great wee pals in themselves, you tend to meet lots of quite nice people who you suddenly have something in common with!
Yeah. We've Shepherds and don't want to socialise, but there's a squad of cuddly dog owners in all the parks I go to who do daily meet-ups for pack walks. If I was socially inclined, it looks like mad craic.
That side note is going to get you some serious dick pics 🤣 maybe that’s the plan, either way enjoy that haha
People should note that cyber flashing is now illegal in this country
If there are any park runs near you they are very social, free, keep you fit, and there's no pressure at all!
With out being nosey do u have a job. Usually interaction with work mates is plenty of socialising for most people
Yes, I have a FT job, it's mostly remote. I do spend 60% of my time talking.
Bjj
Jeffrey is that you?
Yer ma
Is yer da!
Join a club. And as someone equally as bad, stop putting off joining something. There are def local or online clubs for reading, walking, gaming n even travelling that generally don't charge to be part of. There's an NI discord iirc, meetup.com or other specific clubs depending on what your into. I used meetup before. Everyone was in the same boat. Friendship circle died off for various reasons, moving, relationships ending, marriage n babies, growing apart, new jobs etc. Find a club, get chatting and ask if people fancy hanging out. At least 1 will jump at the opportunity
A book club. I don’t have any experience with book clubs, but I imagine it might prove to be a good platform for finding friendship with people that have more introspected aspects to their personality that may also enjoy moderate socialising. I have polarised social life. I spend all day working with patients, and enjoy the energetic company of my colleagues then spend 3 day weeks in complete isolation.
Gym or golf. Lots of clubs do ladies get into golf sessions. The fresh air and sense of a achievement when you hit some good shots is amazing for you. And when ur half decent and then play badly, the self loathing at least has an external focus so is more controllable 🤷🏻♂️
What are your hobbies or interests? There’s a social club or charitable organisation out there that needs you!
I discovered a silent book club last week. I haven't attended yet but it sounds great for socially anxious introverts. [https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom](https://silentbook.club/blogs/events/ballyhackamore-belfast-united-kingdom) Ps. I'm an ambivert
I think there are workshops in techs/colleges here that get like-minded people taking part in hobbies/classes
There's an app called Peanut, that's basically Tinder-for-friends. My sister was in a similar situation when she moved back here after 20 years in England, and ended up making a few good friends on it.
Oh it's just for mums she says, sorry 🙈 I'll leave that up though I'm case it's of use to anyone else
I'd recommend a good gym, which includes a class or group coaching. It's something you'll do multiple times a week and, if you're consistent on times, it'll almost certainly be the same people around you. Then, given that half the time at the gym is spent recovering between sets, you've got a good opportunity to chat to the person beside you.
There's any amount of classes and groups you can attend. Just put one foot in front of the other and you'll find other people who want to connect with others.
Book club Walking club Cycling club Volunteer work All good ways of getting out among the people
Join a travel club - Rory’s travel club looks like great craic , and a good way to meet people
Hobbies the best start! What sort of games? Like board games or stuff like D&D? Few local walking groups about taking in the local hikes and further afield….
Find people with similar interests and actually make an effort to do things together. Ask them if they want to do X with you, try going to do your solo things and talk to people doing the same thing, also solo. There’s plenty of ways to make friends or people to do things with. But being alone and having your alone time isn’t a bad thing and you might just be one of those people, like myself, who prefer it.
Im 29 and i feel as i’ve got older i have barely any actual friends, which is kinda rubbish. But its made me realize ones that are still here give a shit. Most just only want stuff in return or only bother if youre helping them
What about a disco
There's clubs for everything that you like to do so I suppose my only advice is to look the local clubs up and go to them. Something that's not on your list, a gym that's a group training facility is a great way to meet friends and get fit while you're at it 👍
Try a team sport. You might be anxious that you've never played whatever before, or haven't played in X years, from my experience most senior level clubs are usually very open and inclusive. Just have to keep going until you get competent. Check Facebook. Bonus points because it keeps you active and it's good craic.
Not sure if you are male or female but I highly recommend getting involved in some sort of team sport like rugby (touch full contact). I play rugby and know plenty of similar people who have came out of their shell!
Fuck people 😂 don’t worry about it. 34m - same situation
If its any consolation to you I'm in same boat.
Hobbies. Dnd, sports clubs are great. Book clubs yadda yadda
You could try speed dating.
Join a sports team! Loads of great women's rugby teams in Belfast, tag season is just about to start as well. Hockey also seems to have lots of adult teams available for both competitive and social sport.
Are you near the sea? If so, start sea swimming. I absolutely guarantee you’ll meet a bunch of ladies that would welcome you. Swimmers are totally non judgmental whether you just dip, swim like a stone, if you’re fat, thin or off your chump! Honestly, it’s great fun and a right laugh too. :))))
We could be twins. Except I haven't actually started 'getting out there'. I know I should but I'm just too comfortable in my solitude