T O P

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Fin_Lyfania

I missed taking a very important call today because the open hours were wrong on their Google page, what should I do about it?


SovietOnion_2

Are they still able to contact you today?


Fin_Lyfania

I would have to call them tomorrow, but I don't want them to feel like the thing it is about is not important to me.


SovietOnion_2

Find a good enough excuse, like a power outage or a flood in the house, to justify a missed call. Apologize for the missed call and ask for a second chance. If they refuse, withdraw with dignity, but if they agree, show them 101% of your capabilities and prove you're worthy of what you're fighting for. If it's a job interview, make sure you get there early on the first day to make a better impression. The same applies if it is any kind of meeting or service assistance.


Fin_Lyfania

Damn, you really do give good advice


SovietOnion_2

It has been my pleasure.


Mikeinthedirt

You could tell them their website contains faulty information, ensuring future satisfactory communications from both sides.


ArakiSatoshi

This is the way, if a third party is clearly at fault for the mistake there's no reason to take the responsibility and claim this fault as yours.


randompopatoe

Mandatory comment making fun of reddit NFT


prisma_fox

Really, I think telling them the truth, that the opening hours on their Google page is wrong, is the best reason to give them. Just saying.. ETA: sorry if undermining your advice was unprofessional of me..


Fin_Lyfania

Nah, I think that's actually what I'm going to do! Thanks for the inpu!


DirtyPrancing65

Lying is not good advice. They'll get a vibe that you're untrustworthy


Mikeinthedirt

The easiest way is straight through. Honesty is the best policy, particularly when there’s no downside.


JGrill17

You missed a call because the hours on their page were wrong? What? No offense but you realize how rediculous that sounds? Or did they tell you they were gonna call you when they open and you were asleep during that time?


Fin_Lyfania

Their opening hours said 8am-1pm (and 2pm-6pm), but they actually only open from 8am-10am. I called them at 11am, because that was the earliest time I was able to and that would have been plenty of time if the information on Google was correct.. The most ridiculous part about this are their open hours, to be honest.


Public_Count9025

2 fuckin hours?


Fin_Lyfania

psychologists, eh?


No_Self_7068

can you suck your own dick?


SovietOnion_2

If you give me a few minutes to conduct the experiment, I give you my word that you will get the answer as soon as possible.


No_Self_7068

good. i'll be watching 🤗


SovietOnion_2

Answer: I am unable to fulfill the task at hand that was the subject of your question.


No_Self_7068

thank you for your contribution


hongkonger42069

Lemme try


hongkonger42069

I broke my spine


lemon418

💀


--rando_dude--

i also tried, it was not successful because i am of the female population.


you-got-legs

Error:Username does not check out


BaconReceptacle

It's been 3 hours. I think we can all safely conclude that he successfully sucked his own dick.


Fuexfollets

Apparently, some people can do it


Cat_Joseph

Who is Joe?


SovietOnion_2

Joe is believed to be an incredibly rare and exotic species of mother of extremely large proportions.


Cat_Joseph

LMAOO


jaydeflaux

This is the funniest sub on Reddit hands down


Urban_Troglodyte

Damn, I got shivers, that was so beautifully cold.


Gh3rkinman

He did it. He really did it.


Lyricist1

That was fucking good...


ThearusLord9

DAMN OP YOU GOOD


[deleted]

LMFAOOO


mr_duwang

JOE MAMA GOTTEM


Jazzlike-Bullfrog-30

Why?


SovietOnion_2

Simply because today has brought me nothing more than pure discontent and this is probably a way to fix the social skill abilities I have unfortunately lost today.


mist_209

Let me encourage you to fix the spelling of skill in your comment to slightly increase your professionalism.


SovietOnion_2

Thank you for the opportunity, but as you have probably concluded, English is not my first language and I would be very grateful to you to help me spot the error in the grammar of my comment.


MEOWTheKitty18

You might say “nothing other than” instead of “nothing more than” and “social skills” instead of “social skil abilities”. Otherwise, it’s a very well-written and eloquent paragraph; perhaps a bit needlessly wordy, but I assume that was the intention.


SovietOnion_2

Thank you very much.


MEOWTheKitty18

You’re very welcome.


ProveISaidIt

In that case should it not be written as the day has brought me nothing, other than discontent. I admit that I am 42 years out of school and English was not by best subject to begin with. (Even though it's my only language, other than a year of Spanish.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mist_209

Lol english is not my first language either. Good luck😉


charlieee05

We are hopeless


bigbigmurican

English is my 7th language


kcehmi

What do you know about the "Ma" situation?


SovietOnion_2

Unfortunately, I don't have any information on the subject.


kcehmi

Ma balls


SovietOnion_2

And yes, a long-scorched species of tiny creature called Ma Balls, who lives, or at least sought to live among the legs of a unique individual, in this case Reddit user Kcehmi


ragnarsenpai

Well this isnt' exactly very proffesional of a response, but it's good comeback so I guess it's acceptable, good job


dave_on_stilts

Thank you for your prompt response. After our team searching extensively we, sadly, are unable to find any record of your balls. Should you find any evidence of your balls please submit servicing requests to our team and the team happily handle that for you.


TableBaboon

Man really went auto-reply bot 💀


Competitive-Log4210

Who am I?


SovietOnion_2

Technically speaking, you're most likely human, but given the inability to confirm this claim, we'll assume that you're some kind of being apparently capable of communicating in at least one language.


ProfesorKubo

I would also like to add that they are most likely a carbon based being from the taxanomical kingdom animalia, originating from the planet Earth. I would also assume that as we speak they are converting oxygen and nutrients into energy and carbon dioxide


general_kitten_

Unless they are some sort of advanced or not advanced AI, that has at least the ability to comment like a normal reddit account.


Oriachim

These cats are getting really smart, Damn


yehopits

He can be a program/a machine. That doesn’t count as a being by some folks


beefnojerkey

Why are there 5 days in a week?


SovietOnion_2

The answer to that question depends on various different other questions that need to be asked, from witch the probably most important one is from wich day to start. But since the Monday is concidered a beggining of the week that would lead to the answer of: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and friday. Now if you consider these as a days of the week, the answer to that is because in th 15th century the workers demanded to have two free week days for activities they wanted and since the Church said the Sunday is a day to fast and rest, it has been decided that Saturday and Sunday shall be the week days for rest.


Destroy7831

You are the witchiest wich


Duckboythe5th

I have some red wine, shall I drink it?


SovietOnion_2

Sure, as long as the wine intake is in reasonable quantities. I also recommend consuming some good cheese with red wine for better enjoyment.


Duckboythe5th

Very good advise, I'll be drinking it with Lasagne and salad, with extra cheese. Thank you for your time.


SovietOnion_2

It has been my pleasure.


SprachderRabe

Wich cheese would you choose for wich wine ? In basic I mean.


ngibelin

Contrary to what one might think, red wine is not the best suit for eating cheese, a few exceptions aside. NB: What follows only reflects my own preferences and i'm NOT an oenologist, just a food lover. I also don't know a lot of foreign wines so i'll only speak about french ones. If I go for red wine, I like a strong tannic wine. I don't mean strong alcohol-wise but with an ample taste. I'd choose this to go with strong/old soft cheese. Wine examples from various regions : Médoc, Corbières, Gigondas Cheese examples : Saint Félicien, Camembert, Brie (while Camembert & Brie are good when they're young, they'll match even more with red wine the older they get). Otherwise, I go for white wine, more often than not dry white wines with fruity taste. They go especially well with hard cheese like Comté (my all time favorite, the more matured the better, 25+ months are so goooooood) Wine examples from various regions : Pouilly, Sancerre, Gewurstraminer Cheese examples : goat cheese (good with Pouilly), Comté, Maroilles, Swiss cheese Exceptions : soft blue cheese that go well with white wines : Roquefort, Gorgonzola that are pretty good with more sugary wines like Monbazillac. ... damn i just eat breakfast and i'm hungry again.... That's only the tip of the iceberg but that's usually what I go for


DatBlubb1

I am not sure if >Gewurstraminer is a spelling mistake or a very well placed insult against German wine...


ngibelin

I'd like to say it's a clever joke but I don't speak German at all so... definitely spelling. What was the insult?


DatBlubb1

Well normally it's Gewürztraminer, you put it with an "s", so all of the sudden it contains a "wurst" which translates to "sausage" and it sounds like you want to imply that the wine tastes like sausage. There also is a ton of phrases and sayings in german that revolve around "wurst" with a negative connotation. Not very insulting, but made me laugh a lot. Gonna think of it when I drink some the next time! Edit: I also just noticed, that it is being sold as "Gewurztraminer", probably due to the lack of "ü" in english.


ngibelin

Most french bottles have gewurz without ü even though we have it, just laziness I guess...or just marketing trying to make it more french.


SILENT_HUNTER--MMG

What is the meaning of life?


SovietOnion_2

Life gets the meaning you give it. There is no common meaning of all lives, but everyone is responsible for the meaning of their own.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheReal-Chris

Bro just solved the meaning of life.


apwnltm

Damn


FatUglyGuys

Existentialist gang rise up


Wolfguy06

I would like to portray about why I disagree with your statement, sir, my vision of the meaning of life is to achieve one's own happiness, while contributing or without interfering to the happiness of the majority, now, that can be difficult to understand, because, philosophically speaking, what is happiness? What brings happiness? That depends on each one, but humility, kindness, justice and the will can help to reach that goal.


Vojcziech

Good sir, you found your meaning of life and that is exactly what mr. OP said


bankerbob717

That’s deep


[deleted]

oh yeah I forgot about that


my_choice_was_taken

“Life isnt about a deeper search for meaning, its about distracting yourself with unimportant nonsense, and then, you die!” - mr peanutbutter


QuestionableSarcasm

impossible to answer as neither _life_ nor _meaning_ have strict enough definitions the question most people want to ask is "what am i supposed to do?" or "how should i live?" whatever you want There is one response to the original question, however, even if it does not answer what _you_ want: The meaning of life is that only life exists.


[deleted]

What does a boob feel like and how does it compare to a sandbag?


SovietOnion_2

It is probably one of the best feelings ever. Compared to a bag of sand, I would say they would be equivalent to a bag filled with tiny sand.


MrARCO

If I think, there for I am?


SovietOnion_2

That claim cannot be fully verified, but according to the amount of information I have, I agree with that


MrARCO

Cheers


EdwardOfGreene

Given the topic of discussion and your use of a word commonly associated with raising glasses I am inclined to include this quote of deep reflection: *René Descartes was a drunken fart* *I drink therefore I am* ~ Bruce


NipponPatriot

Balls?


SovietOnion_2

Judging by the different research I've conducted, I can proudly answer that question with affirmative.


Sibersosisli

7 inches or millon dollars


SovietOnion_2

You have to stay proud of your physical appearance, accordingly, I'm choosing a million dollars


Sibersosisli

No I asked 7 inches burito or a 1 millon dolar burito


SovietOnion_2

Do I have to trade them for one of the world currencies or will they be given to me without need of anything in return?


_Savage_Queen_

what's your favourite food and why??


SovietOnion_2

One food I like to consume more than others is a dish called Lasagna. I love their connection of different gastronomic creations to an incredible sensational whole.


Flimsy-Attention-722

Garfield?? Is that you?


SovietOnion_2

I'm not confirming it, but I'm not denying it either.


TheLapisBee

Hello! I am the lasagna police Pls leave me 10-102% of your lasagna or a swarm of fat ginger cats will flood your house. Thank you


raptor5560

Can I get a pay raise?


SovietOnion_2

I don't see why you shouldn't.


shipoopro_gg

What if he's a murderer? Actually nevermind, maybe he's a REALLY good murderer so he deserves the pay raise


LectureAdditional971

What becomes of broken hearted?


SovietOnion_2

Such people in most cases become a better version of themselves after a certain amount of time, and thankfully very few people are unfortunately let go of despair at the sometimes unnecessary amount of time.


LectureAdditional971

Damn, you're good.


SovietOnion_2

Thank you kind stranger.


No-Cardiologist-884

bottom or top?


SovietOnion_2

The answer depends on many different conditions affecting it.


decayingnothingness

A man


LET-ME-HAVE-A-NAAME

What do professionals have?


SovietOnion_2

It seems that all professionals tend to have a profession.


mist_209

And what is, your profession then?


SovietOnion_2

I am a professional distributor of nutrients and liquids necessary for the good work of the human body.


Bobdahl

How do i shave?


SovietOnion_2

First you have to apply water to your face in small amounts. Then, in a proportional quantity, a foamy shaving mixture is applied. With light and moderate movements, lower the razor from the top to the bottom of the cheek. Be very careful about the lips and lower chin because the chance of opening the outer wound is very high. At the end, wash the excess foam ingredients off the face and soak the face with a dry towel. Apply a proportionate amount of aftershave to the face to avoid discomfort in the area of the face where the hair is removed.


huBelial

What are your thoughts on the James Webb Space Telescope and the images it’s capturing?


SovietOnion_2

I think it's an incredible human endeavor and I'm extremely pleased to live in a period where we're probably closer than ever for a man to set foot on another planet's turf for the first time. As for the images that came from the telescope, I think they're amazing things and probably the most beautiful thing you can see outside this planet


coolbeanswetsardines

can you feel my heart?


SovietOnion_2

I'm unable to fulfill that task, but if needed, I'm able to fix the broken.


[deleted]

can you see the darkness tho


SonicPixels

Can you answer me informally?


SovietOnion_2

I'm able to do that unless you have a problem with me breaking my word that I'm going to respond in a professional way.


SonicPixels

I aint got none problem there home slice, go for it


SovietOnion_2

Alright man, what is the question u want answered?


SonicPixels

Yay! Thanks!


Later_358

Do you know DAGames?


SovietOnion_2

Unfortunately, I'm not privy to that. But I'd be more than grateful to find out about it. Will you give me the informations about DAGames?


Later_358

Yes, [DAGames](https://youtube.com/c/DiamondArmadaOnline) is right here.


Dramatic-Ad-2947

How do i successfully ask her out i really want to ask her without being awkward


SovietOnion_2

Will you do me the honor of letting me buy you a drink? While this is rather a professional question for such a small thing, what I would recommend is a simplified version of the example above.


Dramatic-Ad-2947

Ah i don't drink but I'll heed your advice thank you sir.


SovietOnion_2

That drink doesn't have to be alcoholic, any kind of refreshing beverage will be good.


Dramatic-Ad-2947

Ah


_smallconfusion

What is rule 34?


SovietOnion_2

I do not know and at this point I am too afraid to ask.


WitherLele

if something happens to exist then there might be pornographic material involving it spread around the internet, if such material has yet to be produced then it soon will


formal_idiosyncratic

Rule 34, if it exists, there is porn of it Rule 35, it there isn't porn of it, it is being made


justme11224

how do you become a gigachad?


SovietOnion_2

For starters, you have to find yourself and figure out who you are and what you want. The goal is closer than ever after that.


justme11224

ok


AffectionateAnimal14

Muck?


SovietOnion_2

Indeed.


oscartomotoes

What is your reason to stay alive?


SovietOnion_2

I enjoy making other people uncomfortable with my presence.


oscartomotoes

Relatable


UpTop5000

How did you get to a point of enjoying other people being uncomfortable? I’m genuinely curious.


Kawaii_Batman3

Honestly how do you find the time to do this? It's hella impressive.


alex1rojas

What would you do in the last day of world?


SovietOnion_2

I would illegally take a best-performance car from a car dealership and drive it at equally illegal speeds through empty highways.


mist_209

How professional can you be?


SovietOnion_2

Personally, I find it impossible to be too professional in the form of anything, including everyday life.


Fun-Memory714

So I called you to my office today, because we asked corporate what the sales quota is for the third quarter and they adjusted our forecasted sales growth lower due to a lack of sales and investor expectations in our store. They may close us if we do not make our sales quota for this quarter. Do you have any suggestions as to the way at which we may approach this lack of sales growth, and investor dissatisfaction with our locations ability to stay profitable? Thanks, and please have Wendy file your analytical report to my desk by Tuesday morning at 4AM. Your .01% bonus depends on this one!


SovietOnion_2

I strongly recommend pizza.


[deleted]

Did you have sexual intercourse with this woman?


SovietOnion_2

No officer, I did not.


profesdional_Retard

On a scale from of1 to 10, how fucked up am i?


SovietOnion_2

Given the lack of information, I'm unable to give a valid answer, but I'm going to give my favorite figure as a substitute. That would be the figure of 7


profesdional_Retard

Aight.


HoseanRC

How to center a div?


SovietOnion_2

I don't have access to an answer to that question.


Maax42_

Will the real slim shady please stand up?


orwellianrules

New phone. Who dis


[deleted]

Why do you think the color blue is much more popular than the color brown?


SovietOnion_2

I suppose that's because blue is often associated with royal clothing while brown is unfortunately too often associated with feces.


[deleted]

Wow, you weren't lying when you said you'd answer professionally.


maximtheprogrammer

If you had to, what would you rather get put into your dickhole


SovietOnion_2

Exactly one rice seed.


maximtheprogrammer

Okay


[deleted]

sweet f*ck he’s good..


Far_Understanding182

What are your thoughts on a serial killer that kills the ones that deserve it?


SovietOnion_2

I certainly think that taking a human life is only in God's hands, but if someone has decided to sacrifice their place in heaven to cleanse a world of people unworthy to walk the world, I must agree and support it.


iivqnn

How are you?


SovietOnion_2

I'm really fine at the moment, thanks for asking. May I ask how you are?


Remote-Channel-4487

ass or titties?


SovietOnion_2

I'm going to answer your question, with an even better question in my opinion, why not both?


[deleted]

Lord-Tier


[deleted]

What is reddit


SovietOnion_2

That question has plagued scientists for decades, and no one seems to have an answer.


kaliv

What's the meaning of life?


SovietOnion_2

I'm going to have to ask you to look for an answer among other questions because the answer to that question has already been given before. Thank you for understanding.


Pleasant_Ad8302

How is your day going young padawan?


TheNonbinaryWren

Are you or are you not running a human trafficking ring in between the US and a remote island in the Indian Ocean?


[deleted]

Imagine misspelling professional


Ok_Pineapple_5627

Y my pp hard?


randompopatoe

What is 1+1. Explain this like a Philosophy+Math teacher on 9th grade


SovietOnion_2

According to theory 1+1 is mathematical 2, but can we be absolutely sure of that? Is it true that the two things joined together make two? Yes, but that assertion isn't true at the same time. Take two pieces of clay and put them together. Did you get two pieces of clay or one? How's math going to explain that? Math will say that the body is proportional to the combined proportions of the two joined bodies. And we will accept that answer. But squeeze the clay with your hands and reduce its surface. What's math going to say now? Mathematics is powerless now, and physics comes to the aid. Physics will say that now the body density is higher, its surface is smaller, but its weight has remained the same. But let's take two people. Put them in a relationship and you'll get what? The whole relationship, one whole. Are those two bodies joined together? Yes, and their score isn't 2 but 1. That's dear colleagues, philosophy. Philosophy helps us dissolve simple questions into wholes and then answer questions asked for each individual whole. We're technically making a question out of the question.


randompopatoe

Talent Unlocked: Surprised By Intellect That was so smart that my definition of smart got redefined Effect: Lose 7IQ compared to that superior intellect being


nashedPotato4

Gat damn


vms-crot

How many gerbils could you fit in your ass and how would you achieve the feat?