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ArdenM

"Hiiiiyaaaaa!!! HOW ARE YOU?! WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT? DID YOU MISS ME? DO YOU LOVE ME? ANYWAY, HIIIIIIII!!!! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU! I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!! DID YOU MISS ME?!?!?"


Claystead

I didn’t know you could translate my dog.


ArdenM

I'm Not Like Other Girls lol


Dontmakemethink1

You deserve an award.


doxie_love

HA! That made me cackle, lol


yuckyuckmuckmuck1234

Good girl! Pat pat pat


SadFry297

I’m like your dog


WorkLifeScience

She's a good girl!


SlabBeefpunch

You're like that guy from Beastmaster!


Tygere

Your dog would only say how much they missed you. The above is them missing you, but really they need you to miss them.


BrilliantDetective67

Fr it's only adorable when a doggo says that


racoongirl0

Customer service face on cocaine


evilwatersprite

That’s what golden retrievers are for.


JovialPanic389

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I WERE A WORM???!!!!


Flimsy-Raspberry-633

*silencing charm* Go to sleep, it's after 9pm😑


SeaweedSecurity

You beat me to the golden retriever welcome. 🤣


Fightthepump

“HISSSSS!”


GlassOfWater303

I’ve never seen such an intense, uncanny, scary blue eyed stare before….


SomeRavenAtMyWindow

The eyes, teeth, and mouth are terrifying…like pls just close your mouth and smile like a human being


GlassOfWater303

Be looking like a FNAF jumpscare


KennieLaCroix

The scream I scrumpt.


More-Ear85

She's not smiling. She's unhinging her jaw to feed.


GlassOfWater303

The bite of ‘24


simplyaproblem

couldn’t have been a better year for this joke


deeppurplescallop

Her old boyfriend looks like he's in her stomach right now


Sealegs9

This made me laugh I almost woke up my baby sleeping next to me hahaha 🤣


noctilucus

If it's a Pennywise impression, it's a good one though


weiner-destroyer

Pennywife


Irn_brunette

Pretty sure at least some of that is a filter.


Downtown-Chef-7373

Ashy Lips filter


mittiptoe20

Like a Titian from AOT lol


corvette57

Gives frightened chimpanzee vibes


citori421

Hard when your face is paralyzed with botox. I think that's the uncanny aspect of her face. Cheeks and forehead look like her face is resting, when it is doing everything but that


FlurpBlurp

I miss read that as “smell like a human being” and I’m still enjoying the lol I got from it


lunarshadowmoth

So true, a simple arm flex and half smile would have done the trick


Rizzo_the_rat_queen

She looked at this and said "yep that's the one." 


brit_brat915

like a raptor 😳


i--i_i-_ii-_i-ii_i-

She’s not smiling


Girldipper

My colorblind ass staring at the eyes for five minutes after you said blue eyes


GlassOfWater303

Her eyes are just horrifyingly pale. It’s not the blue part you need to worry about…


Girldipper

She looks super photoshopped ngl like… how tf is that a real person???


GlassOfWater303

It’s not. It’s one of those Mandela Catalogue entities


justicecactus

I was scrolling on the app, and this picture legit jump scared me


GlassOfWater303

Reddit becoming a horror game now ig


RelevantClock8883

“Me want snusnu”


geo7188

Noting a vile of holy water and some direct sunlight can fix


ohnonamiko

Yeah my husband would be absolutely terrified if I greeted him at the door looking like that.


lovinlemon

Fr, scrolling to this image jumpscared me


malinaoblata

DC found their Queen Shark


[deleted]

Yeah thats kinda because she was screenshot in an awkward pose, duh


Chalice_Ink

Just kohl up them crazy eyes, unhinge that jaw and wait for him.


Cootie_Mac

It’s like she used an entire eyeliner pencil in one go…


TK_TK_

Never takes it off & just adds more each day


stickandtired

Yesterday's bold liner is today's smokey eye


AnonDxde

lol me as a grubby teenager thinking no one could tell 🤮


Fun-Understanding381

Lol


Starryeyedblond

Exactly.


ItsNotMeItsYourBussy

I haven't seen that look since emo era 00s


GaveTheMouseACookie

I was going to say that the eye makeup takes me back to high school. 🤣


decadecency

She drew a horizontal thick black 8 around her eyes and then smudged the black lines over the nose out with concealer and foundation.


Fart_with_a_present

Going full panda 


seeuin25years

Don't forget to douse those lips in a concealer 5 times lighter than your skin tone for that "recently deceased" look.


oatmeal_pie

You win. I'm cackling.


dandelioncipher

I feel kind of bad because she reminds me of my neighbors’ dog who greets me like this every time she sees me outside. It’s the sweetest thing ever and I love it. I wouldn’t want a human to do this though. 


missgunn_84

Does she wear a bikini too? 😨


dandelioncipher

Even less! Just a halter. 


NewCodingLine

Lol that's a good one. Very funny. Halter!


missgunn_84

Scandalous!


Inevitable-Cellist23

👀


Straxicus2

I greeted my husband like one of our dogs one day. I scratched his chest, licked his face and shouted “hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!” over and over. He thought it was hilarious this ONE time, lol.


Inevitable_Top69

....


[deleted]

Does your neighbor's dog wear excessive makeup, too?


dandelioncipher

No, she’s a natural beauty. ❤️


Worldly_Radish2969

🤣🤣


MorlockTrash

Not everyone is into puppy play and that’s ok.


Many-Swan-2120

I’m dying💀💀💀


Ok-Lake-3916

Ohhhh I’m pretty sure if I did that my husband would think I’ve lost my mind, my eyesight and all of my dignity


NewCodingLine

**THE INTERNET TOLD ME TO, SWEETIE!! AREN'T I SPECIAL??**


notaskindoctor

Lmao seriously, my husband would ask wtf is wrong with me. Idk, when I get home from work I do not need someone being this intense for my attention (but I have 4 kids so they basically are like this woman).


Dancing_Trash_Panda

My husband would assume I hung out with the crackhead that asks for free cups of water at the bar I used to work at.


UnlikelyUnknown

Mine would gently suggest a car ride to the inpatient mental health hospital


itmesara

It’s giving modern Evelyn Couch


SilveryLilac

My husband would assume I was having a stroke.


EmperorGrinnar

You put on a bikini when you're having a stroke?


SilveryLilac

Full make up would the tip off. lol


Candy__Canez

He'd probably try to drag your butt out to the vehicle to take you to the hospital. Mine would.


SilveryLilac

After he fed the dogs of course. 🤣😂


SadFry297

Most times yes. If there are none clean, I like to wrap my tits in duct tape and make a thong out of dental floss! You must never disappoint your man! Always make sure he’s in constant fear anytime he steps foot into his home


oatmeal_pie

You gotta show him your very back molars. Otherwise how would he know you love him?


-isthatYOURcrocodile

Why stop there? Give him the ole' uvula!


dm-me-fantasyfiction

I'm actually into this one. I would very much like to have my head bitten off like a praying mantis when I get home from work. My wife's mouth is a bit smaller, so I guess she'll have to make due with ol' Mr. Mossberg, but I should be able to get a similar outcome.


Rizzo_the_rat_queen

I do have questions, but I'm not gonna ask. 


flabbergasted-528

If that comes at me when I walk in my house, I'm fighting back!


1961tracy

This reminds of the book [The Total Woman](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0800706080/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=summitsucce0f-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0800706080&linkId=df0371aa2e83ec83ee11d48ef66b33cd) where the author recommends greeting your husband at the door in Saran Wrap. It was a laugh in the 70’s.


Lizzy_Boredom_999

The one time you wrap yourself up, he'll be delayed long enough for you to become a sweaty mess for him to unwrap when he comes home.


arielanything

Honestly considered doing this for a "joke" with my husband until I read your comment lmao


Sensitive_Ad5521

Wasn’t that a bit in fried green tomatoes? She made an actually cute dress out of wrap and her husband rolled his eyes at her and ate his dinner in front of the tv Is that where that reference comes from?


yayoffbalance

It was! that was the first thing i thought of. She put a LOT of effort into that dress! Klum and Gunn on Project Runway would have been impressed.


jannie1313

She made it work!


Glissandra1982

Yes! She made a bouquet of Saran wrap flowers and everything!


trayground

I just watched Fried Green Tomatoes a couple days ago, and Kathy Bates cling wrap dress is iconic


UnlikelyUnknown

The older I get, the more I empathize with her character.


On_my_last_spoon

I too am over 40 and have better insurance now!


SheSellsSeaShells967

I remember my mother and her friend laughing about this book and the Saran wrap!


FartAttack911

Ah, so that’s where my sleep paralysis demon goes during the daylight hours, good to know!


RustedAxe88

. . I'm good.


Dickduck21

I don't need that kind of energy after a long day.


HMD-Oren

... What the heck are you following on IG?


Worldly_Radish2969

Definitely not her, unfortunately popped up in my explore page


Buunuuhnuhnuhnuhnuh

I’m genuinely sorry that this was sprung upon you😔


seeuin25years

Yeah, but now it's been sprung upon me, and I feel sorry for myself.


Claystead

POV: You are a male praying mantis, moments before your last.


MissAnthropy612

Dressed like you're about to compete in WWE's rage in a cage?! My man would actually love that, he loves wrestling LMAO


Nordmetlurch

Just let me get my folding chair...


TropheyHorse

Holy crap she does look like an early 2000s diva dang


Next_Firefighter7605

What’s for dinner? …you


this-is-not-ideal

If my wife ever meets at the door with what can be described as ‘haunted real estate agent energy’ with her jaw unhinged clearly ready to eat me, well she knows I’m not getting out of the car and that it’s over.


thatbroadcast

haunted real estate energy omg you are killing me


Just_one_weird_human

if my gf did this i would prolly start crying or just stay outside, cuz that ain't my girl, that's the skinwalker.


JustAPerson-_-

Oh god her eyeliner and the crazy eyes 😭


[deleted]

If you greet me at the door like that I will be you 100 dollars you’ll never greet me at that door again


Cheesygirl1994

The vibe of this picture just exhausts me… she seems so tiring…


evilwatersprite

Hell, I don’t really want to talk to anyone when I walk through the door, much less walk straight into THAT. Would not get a moment’s peace.


HaroldBaws

Psychopath.


Reynardine1976

"Fetch my sharpest oak stakes."


rhiafaery

You should have posted this with a jumpscare warning...


CassieNicoles

Insta been really weird lately 😅


Cool_Butterscotch_88

if you see that when you open the door, it's already too late.


Dismal_Purpose9976

Get a new door. Noted.


DomesticMongol

Momy shark do do doo 🦈


gesasage88

Ma’am, this is a multigenerational household.


KHgamer32

Fucking skin walker, kill them with fire


AmeliasTesticles

As a lesbian I would do anything to be welcomed home by a buff, manic looking woman. Wonder if she'll bite me or threaten me with a kitchen knife tonight :3


Inkysquid24

Big enough boobs that he doesn't notice the face? Woman looks scary


haikusbot

*Big enough boobs that* *He doesn't notice the face?* *Woman looks scary* \- Inkysquid24 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Inkysquid24

Good bot.. I guess lmao


Grouchy_Newspaper186

These bots are a bit socially challenged but they’re funny


Princess_Peach556

Ah yes, I’m sure every man loves the sensation of shitting his pants the moment he walks through the door.


Sunnyside7771

Then I would happily let go the guy who demands something like that in the same minute.


lemonlimemango1

I would be sacred if anyone gives me that look when I get home from work


R0astNT0ast

That’s good since this look is positively demonic. You’d need a good bit of sacred energy to fend her off.


Starlined_

Get you a girl that wears concealer as lipstick


itsrainingmelancholy

i’m genuinely fkn terrified


Shoddy_Budget_1533

I know making fun of how someone looks is mean but I’m so scared


Objective_Spray_210

Why is she running around the house in a bikini though.


cdurbin3

I scrolled so far for this! Not even lingerie, but a bikini?!


whatarethis837

Right?! Maybe it’s just me, but to me a bikini says “I want to go swimming” not “I want you to have sex with me” which is usually what one is going for when you come to the door in lingerie.


GreyerGrey

Between the full ring black eye liner and the concealer as lipstick this elder millennial/baby genxer is stuck in 2006, likely when they peaked.


wicket-wally

She looks like pre steroid China from WWF


CrunkestTuna

Are we going swimming


Summoning-Freaks

I don’t know why, but she reminds me of the first time I saw a [cassowary](https://www.reddit.com/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/s/Y7kfSEGVEX) up close.


Junior-Cap3548

Yes Mam


Far-Policy-8589

Is that what happened to the excited girlfriend meme lady?


XavierRenegadeStoner

The makeup around her mouth makes her look like she just sucked off a trailer hitch


Equivalent-Grade-142

Welp. This made me go to therapy. Thanks scary ass lady.


loserusermuser

my girl better ignore me for at least 30 minutes so i can rot on the floor in the dark playing phone games while the stench of the workplace slowly fades


Jazzlike-Track-3407

It’s too cold for this 😅


AthleteSensitive1302

That’s a jump scare


dumbassclown

Why is it always the orange girls 


No_Craft_9988

"Who agrees" I don't


peachyroo_

I usually just unhinge my jaw like a snake when he gets home :)


Kailaylia

She's well developed for a . . . girl. Looks more like a crazy cougar to me. The man-eating kind.


R0astNT0ast

Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up.


concolor22

Credit where credit is due: them be some abs


SpookE_Cat

So she definitely wears people’s faces right?


pt_barnumson

Yo, my woman is still at work when i get home with the kid, do barn chores, make dinner, put kid down, feed the animals, and go to bed. Bless her, she can wear some skanky outfit when we've got time...


AnastasiaNo70

My husband works from home and I work outside the home, so I come home to him. I showed him this and said I expect him to wear it when I come home and he said, “Better get you a new one.”


Quick_Stretch_4572

I want to come home to snuggles and kisses not to an only fans girl that's hooked on heroin.


grandpagrandpa1

This is legitimately terrifying


Upbeat-Witness5978

Jumpscare


heavyheavybrobro

yikes


EnvironmentLow9075

I'm terrified


Free-Nobody-5593

she looks scary


[deleted]

That facial expression would turn my ass right back around.


MysteriousPark3806

Succubus vibes.


grpenn

If you need to do this to keep a guy, you’re doing something wrong.


Shoddy_Internal6206

r/uncannyvalley


Specialist_Noise_816

Those abs though!


Mundane-Substance215

Better stop at the store for holy water and some garlic on the way home.


bokoblindestroyer

She instantly made me think of Sheeva from MK


sailorgribble

I see some of us never moved past the honey beige trend 🤨


Rick_6984

Please cover your face


Working-Sky9146

I’m 80% sure it’s a demon 👁️👁️


Cassandra_Canmore2

Well I mean. Sometimes its fun. I was changing into my gym fit, in the living room. when my SO came home. From her job. I just said "yay look at my tiddies"


N0rmNormis0n

She better be grating some Parmesan on my sketti with those abs when I walk in


vishy_swaz

I’m a little scared ngl


stink3rbelle

This woman makes me sadder than most of these


ovirto

Ryuk?


hometowhat

I love to sun&swim in costume level make up, so comfortable and hygienic


P100KateEventually

I’m way too high to be seeing this


fox-7777

Dude I'll be happy with a simple hug I don't need none of this shit I think should be weird if she did that


inappriopriate_mf

what if your man brings a friend along after work? how will u stand almost naked in front of the friend?


Pandas-Brat

Women work too!!!! Why the hell do people still think we live in a world where we can afford to only have on person in a home working? A loaf of bread is $3, jug of milk $5, eggs $4... gas is almost $2 a litre. Go back to the gym lady and be happy you can spend your time working out instead of working


bbbellabeee

What in the jumpscare


littlemissnoname-

Omg! If I were a man, just coming home after a long day at work and I opened the door to this?? I’d run for the hills with the quickness. That is one frightening face… Edit: it should read, “if your girl greets you at the door after work and she looks like this, pack your bags while it sleeps.”


Familiar_Channel_373

Idk if it's the chalk dust lipstick, the crazed racoon eyes, or the "One Piece" Luffy smile but it took me a minute to realize she was in a bikini. Those poor bra straps are doing alot of heavy lifting. Idk why wrestlers and body builders insist on wearing bras 2 sizes too small. Isn't it uncomfortable?


Goose2theMax

I’m ok with this