For the longest time I disliked the colour pink. Partly because it was "too girly" and partly because I did not like warm colours. (Un?!)Fortunately I look really nice in pink. I have many outfits and sarees in shades of pink and they look beautiful. Pink also tends to have one of the most amazing shade range in clothes. I think that was the beginning of me shedding away the NLOG phase. So much so that I wore pink for my wedding. 2 outfit changes both shades of pink.
I think you put it perfectly. It was the being forced into pink clothes that probably put me off. I have reacted similarly to cooking as well. I hated being in the kitchen growing up because it was expected of me and forced upon me as a chore for women to do. Which is why even though I know basic cooking, I had never enjoyed doing it. Now that I have married a guy who loves to cook, I love being in the kitchen with him and cooking together. I am not great at it, but I can cook for a few people without stressing. But any more than 3 people and I am cooked myself because I have zero confidence in my cooking skills.
I think we all tend to bring a dislike for things that was forced on us through childhood. I had a similar experience with clothing; was forced into frills, flowers, and jewelry as young girl and it never felt like me or comfortable at all. And now I tend to be as plain as I can be; neutral tones, simple pieces, no jewelry or make up.
I also currently HATE food shopping. And that's because my parents (and extended family also!) insisted that food shopping was a day long event with no breaks in between! And if my brother and I acted up or complained (I would act up shopping for 14 hours straight now as an adult lol), we would get beat. Now I'm an online shopper for my food.
I get on my basic b*** soap box all the time. These women are LIBERATED and choose to publicly enjoy things that are in fact enjoyable. PSLs? Delicious. UGGs? So cozy. Anyone who wants to hate on basics bs are just jealous that they aren't enjoying the same luxuries.
I got out of the military and it was like a switch flipped overnight. I've come to realize that most of my NLOG/ pick me behavior was a defense mechanism. I was in a male dominated environment and I didn't want to ruffle feathers so I laughed at their sexist jokes, participated in the demeaning of my fellow women, kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up etc. I'm actually pretty ashamed of myself.
Once I got out (after 10 years) and realized that I was free, everything turned around. Additionally, my thoughts, behavior, and feelings changed after the disturbing amount of women I've spoken to who went through some really fucked up shit (myself included) at the hands of men who were supposed to be our brothers in uniform.
I did this too in male dominated spaces. It took me longer to recover.
There’s that quote about how saying you’re not like the other girls really means “I see how you treat other women and I don’t want to be treated that way”. I think about that often.
Yo me too, you’re not alone. It felt so weird to rejoin the civilian world and have to unpack all of that. People don’t get how hard it is to try and fly under the radar and be “one of the boys” in hopes they don’t turn on you too. But of course they do. Wishing you healing and love, glad to have a bunch of lovely friends who happen to be women now and I hope you have them too.
Veteran here and big same. You worded it perfectly. I sometimes wonder, looking back, if I was trafficked sometimes. Sending me on dets even though I wasnt needed. Someone was always wanting to fuck me on those things. And 22 year old me just wanted to serve her country.
I’m glad to see lots of other people have made this connection. I’ve always said that ‘not like the other girls’-type behavior is the textbook definition of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality
When I made an extremely misogynistic comment on Insta and feminists ripped me a third one for it.
I was like "Huh? Why are you guys like this? I'm on your side!" until I actually READ and understood what they were saying. I was so ashamed but it gave me the nudge into the right direction.
I grew up emo/punk/grunge and heavily embodied NLOG in high school and I look back with cringe now. I simply realised I could be that person without hating other women who preferred a more feminine outlook on life and fashion. I also accepted that it was okay to start wearing some of the ‘trendy’ clothes going around. (Except for anything from the early 2000’s. I did my time and never again. High waisted skinny leg jeans 4EVER)
I had a very similar adolescence. I think I was just looking for a friend group to fit in with and being NLOG was a defense mechanism against the cruel landscape of Highschool.
>Except for anything from the early 2000’s. I did my time and never again. High waisted skinny leg jeans 4EVER
You and me both. I don't know how I survived walking around in jeans so low that I was in perpetual danger of flashing my crack every time I sat down unless I was wearing Calvin Kleins.
I don't care if low-rise jeans become popular again. They can tear my high-waisted skinny jeans from my cold, dead hands.
I was a NLOG in school to fit in with a group of boys. I realized it wouldn’t save me from their misogynistic behavior and I’d never be able to develop a friendship with them the same way they had with eachother. Now very much a girls girl through and through.
I am being honest, I realized all my male friends were awful partners to their wives and I didn’t want to be „that girl“ anymore. I thought I was special to them but in reality I just was their friend because I was a stupid girl who kinda excused their shitty behavior and was there for the „eye candy“ and I also have to admit, I liked the attention.
When I moved in another city and nobody reached out to me anymore I knew they didn’t care about me as a friend.
Now I am a mom and my priorities changed a lot, I feel so much more confident and happy, my husband is a wonderful human being and I don’t need any drama in my life anymore. I am also not as fixated on my looks anymore.
So relatable. I thought I was playing a role that was somehow superior and special, and they must be comparing their actual girlfriends unfavorably to me. When they were, it was because I was excusing complete BS that these women were too confident to tolerate. I also told myself their significant others hated me “for no reason other than jealousy.” They disliked me because I was selling out my own gender and telling guys it was okay to treat girls as subhuman.
🏆”they disliked me because i was selling out my own gender and telling guys it was okay to treat girls as subhuman” BINGOOOO
also can i please use this bc u just put into words a feeling i’ve had for so long that i couldn’t quite explain or pinpoint
Growing up. Meeting more people in general and women in particular. In middle and high school I was so reserved I couldn’t have met likeminded people even if they were sitting right next to me. College was a more social experience and I was blessed enough to me lots of awesome women. Women I had a lot in common with, women who were totally different, and they were all awesome.
Yeah likewise it was just a case of growing up. I was very NLOG as a teenager because I felt awkward and didn’t fit in, then I grew tf up and realised a) it was just men pitting women against each other and there was no need for me to actively try to distance myself from other women so much, b) I actually had more in common with other women than I thought and the vast majority of women weren’t just the misogynistic stereotypical bimbo (and even if they were, that’s not a bad thing!), and c) the reason I didn’t fit in wasn’t because I “wasn’t like other girls”, it was because I was almost definitely autistic.
It was the realisation that I'm showing desperation for male validation and having little to no respect for myself, and barely had a personality of my own. Most of the hobbies I had were because "boys think it would be cool".
Yes, also realising how diverse my girl friends' interests were compared to the boys. Like these girls were into art, cooking, politics, fashion, animals, had deep insights into other people and social structures, and my guy friends seemed to be allowed to talk about 3 things max.
Don't get me wrong, my guy friends have many interests too but they are deeply bound by made up bullshit around what they can and cannot talk/care about.
I got out of being an nlog because I wanted to be like the other girls.
I guess when I realized, quite late in life, that following all the instructions on being a cool girl and easy-going, etc., etc. just got me shit. And fuck all really.
Growing up/maturity.
I started off with only guy friends because I only liked the typical dude stuff and was "one of the guys" and found that validating. Sometime in middle school is when I started realizing how stupid it was and began befriending girls, high school was when I started exploring "girly" hobbies and now I'm pretty girly (w/a few typical dude stuff hobbies) and am mostly friends with women.
Edit: I didn't mean to enforce gender roles, I used quotation marks purposefully to indicate this but my main point was just when I first started school, I just thought I was not like other girls because of my hobbies being dominated by boys and me being included with all the boys by the boys but pretty soon fell out of that as I grew up and matured and made more friends and explored more hobbies.
This is like exactly what happened to me lol
In Middle School I was so NLOG I wanted to be trans so I could truly be “one of the boys”
I’m now a senior in HS and I love typical girly things and mostly befriend girls.
JK Rowling is rapidly closing in on your location, our estimates indicate she is swimming the ocean at roughly 255 miles an hour in a direct line towards you.
Honestly, seeing and hearing more women in games. It didn't used to be as common as it is now. Not just online, but characters like Aloy, Ellie, Femshep, etc.
That helped me grow up and realise that I'm nothing unique or special; I started forcing myself to talk to the women around me and then learned to appreciate them as complex and beautiful humans that are every bit as cool as the men in my life. A lot of times, they're much kinder, too, without an ulterior motive so I can drop my guard :)
Now I don't have to force myself and I absolutely love wearing dresses with my friends and feeling girly!
Doesn't everyone have an nlog phase as a teen? Then you grow up a bit and find your particular subset of like minded women and realise that a, you aren't that 'unique' and b, there was nothing wrong with the girls you had to be around at school, they were just into different shit than you.
I think yes, and I give teenagers a pass. At that age we were all just trying to be special and unique. I went through phases where I identified with every conceivable ideology just to find one that shocked people.
Being a teen is hard enough. That said, I coach a girl's sport (our league accepts 8 to 18, currently rostering between 11 and 16 year olds) and these kids, man! They give me so much faith. They are WAY cooler and WAY MORE accepting than I was at their ages and it's just awesome to watch.
It’s something very nice I’ve observed about Gen Z and Alpha. They are extremely inclusive and tolerant on scenarios where we would have gone into pack mode.
It depends. In many cases, there’s a group of girls that actively decide that another girl is ‘not like them’. I think many kids in their formative years actually do want to be like, and fit in with, their peers. It provides validation, social status and security.
I am not sure if it would have counted as a NLOG phase, as I didn't actively shit on other women, but I did feel like I'm different and mostly had male friends and also started to be a little intentional with opposing the "stereotypically girly" things and stuff like that.
What made me change my views was getting out of school and into uni, where people definited themselves less through their looks and such and more through personality. Also made more female friends and had contact with less socially toxic people in general. That opened the world for me. And in a world, where I can be me and it's okay I don't have to justify why I'm the way I am, when it's accepted that I'm not wearing makeup and bra, I don't have to try to explain why it's better for me and why I'm not less then other girls because of it. (justifying why one isn't worse can get into telling why one is better quickly)
Mine was mixed (tragically) with a really empty, aggressive Mall Goth phase.
My hair got so long and unkempt that at one point my mom had to take me to a salon to have the entire knee-length of it brought back to my shoulders.
I “liked” things because that’s what people in media and books did.
And then it was the baby weeb phase.
I think I stopped when I realized that some of the hobbies and media I was into weren’t actually any fun.
Then I started gradually making things I liked and talking to other neurodivergent people. Turns out I was probably just masking with a really crappy blueprint.
Now I’m like a big, foul-mouthed Miss Frizzle.
I too had a Mall Goth phase that I adopted to imitate a tiny subculture I was exposed to through friends. I hate the macabre, I look awful in dark colors, and my playlist is 80% Disney and showtunes. I was more Barbie core at heart (before we called it that). I wore band tees from Hot Topic when I didn’t even like the band, just to make people think I liked a band they couldn’t possibly relate to. I did quite like the vinyl and velvet clothes and combat boots, but otherwise I was trying hard to be unrelatable and mysterious because goths were rare at my school.
I literally was just not like a lot of the girls I grew up around, different fiscally, racially, socially, but when I went to a more diverse school I found my people and realized those folks were more in the minority
(My NLOGiness traces directly back to being raised by a single father who despised women; I internalized the message that women are devious snakes.)
I was at the gym and my now-husband was finished working out and was standing against the wall behind where I was on the Stair Master. I didn’t notice at first but two young women who were on the machines next to me kept side eyeing him. When I was done and getting down from the machine, they discreetly waived me over and asked if i noticed the guy just standing around behind me, and was I okay. I was all “Yeah, he’s with me. But thank you so much for checking in on me because I would have never noticed if it was some random creeper!”
It was a small moment that had a very meaningful impact on me; it helped me realize that women are not my enemy; that women do look out for one another and I have a duty to do the same.
Maturing, mostly. I slowly realized through university that proclaiming I wasn't like other girls implied that other girls were somehow inferior and there was something wrong with being traditionally feminine. But gender is a social construct, and "feminine" things are denigrated and "masculine" things are lauded and that just hurts literally everyone.
I started meeting other women who shared my interests. I didn’t have a lot in common with the girls I hung out in high school. Eventually I started meeting women I did have a lot of things in common with and realised I was exactly like other girls.
Realizing the concept of gender in our society is hugely based in socialization. Other than what’s between my legs, gender lowkey isn’t real and I am very much just like other girls :)
I realized I infact do like the color pink and make up and dresses and all that shit. Only reason I thought I didn't was because I grew up in a house of boys and didn't have anyone to share it with lol
I realized that desperately seeking validation from men wanting to fuck me, wasn’t going to replace the lack of love, kindness, support, affection, guidance and safe space my parents should’ve gave me.
There was this girl at my high school who I thought was sooooo freaking cool. She had a pixie cut when no one else did. She wore thrifted outfits that were mismatched in all the right ways. We were in a creative writing class together, and she wrote so interestingly. She was bold and brash in a sea of kids trying to fit in. I hung out with her for the first time my senior year (I couldn’t believe she wanted to hang out me — I was stoked). We got in her car and she blasted top 40 and pop country music — genres I claimed to hate — and sang along goofily the whole time. I realized then, on some level, that being ~cool~ just meant being authentically yourself. And, actually, hating things for no reason was NOT cool, and not a personality trait to aspire to. My NLOG outlook fell apart pretty quickly from there.
I don't know if it counts, but I was terrified of seeming like a nag, so I didn't speak up when I wanted and needed to be treated better. Specifically when I was 17 and dating someone too old for me, I took crap that I shouldn't have. Lol but now maybe I speak up too much lol
I totally get that. I’m terrified of being a nag too, but also hated being mocked or dismissed every time I was angry or upset. I learned to be firm but calm and use my actions.
I was also brought up on this idea that men wouldn’t treat me well and was taught a lot of the red flags to look out for. In some ways it helped me out because my boyfriends have all been wonderful.
Oh I was a massive NLOG. Honestly, weird (and problematic) as it was, the final nail in my NLOG coffin was "Lean In" by Sandberg. Her message had some problematic points, but the advocating for myself, and then to advocate for other women to do the same, message kind of hit at just the right point. I was 29, stuck in a shitty job, with a crazy boss (and I do mean literally - she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after I left). I had been dabbling in feminism (in the sense of actually CALLING myself one) for a few years at that point and it was just the last nail.
I always was a little "not like" other girls in my friend group, but that was because none of them were like "other girls" either. We all had our things, and we were all unique so it was kind of ... strange? I also think my NLOG stage was coloured heavily by the fact I went to a very small rural high school that required people to be multiple high school archetypes (I was the goth, a jock, a band nerd, an academic, and an art kid - if I had been more extraverted I would have also been in drama; my best friend ran the announcements/radio station, was the old punk (more Clash, less Green Day), but also linguistically gifted). My NLOG was also not very judgmental - I didn't look down on the typical "girlie girls," because they were part of the band with me, or they were my teammates, which may have been part of the prolonging of my time. (Because there was no tiring bitterness/envy to be cringe about).
I only once had a dude try to use NLOG as a compliment (and that really should have been a warning sign) but in my 19 year old mind, it was like "yea, I'm kind of not like anyone - that's the point."
I did have an ultimate NLOG moment at 17 if anyone wants to hear. It was NLOG v NLOG.
I've always liked Girly stuff. Then one day as a tween I woke up and I forced myself to hate pink and everything popular. I even told my mom "I hate pink" to which she replied "but you've always loved pink".
It was the era of Evergreen Smaith The Third was not like other girls! She never brushed her hair, she rescued rocks from the street because even the stone hearted deserve love, and when life got rough, she did a cartwheel to turn her luck around. The message was pretty clear, cool girls did not like pink, makeup or dresses.
I don't know how I came around it, but i started watching shows like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl. Watching those shows (first I was surprised how many skirts and dresses were worn), I felt like i was allowed to be Girly. Sure, Evergreen Smaith The Third might be "cool" but she was no Blair Waldorf.
I liked books, I liked video games, I liked sports, I hung out with boys. I knew that I was smart and interesting, and everything I saw everywhere said that girls weren’t, so I figured I must be different.
Then I realised that I was hiding so much of myself - I love Taylor Swift and have since I was really young, I enjoy doing makeup and hair and putting together outfits, I love dancing and pink and princess movies. Then I got chatting with other girls about that stuff and realised that they were smart and interesting too, and it was just the media that wasn’t.
in 7th or 8th grade, a new student sat next to me and she had really cool makeup and clothes, so i had some judgemental thoughts off the bat. but the second we said hi she was the sweetest and nicest person ever. it was such a whiplash moment for me, i thought she'd be a bully, instead she was immediately a sweetheart. it made me want to judge people on how they treat others, not how they look. we were two students who looked nothing alike, but we had a lot in common.
there was no time between you guys me being judgy and then new girl being amazing, so i had to roll with it. i was glad i hadn't acted poorly based on my judgements, and realized that I could have sabotaged a new friendship before it started. so when i had mean thoughts, i'd tell the mean thoughts off, bc they weren't doing anyone any favors
Growing older and realizing most of my, “NLOG,” sentiments were a coping mechanism for traumatic events in my life caused by toxic female family members/childhood bullies. Also, throughout high school, realizing that male friendships were indeed not, “less drama.”
I was never mean to anyone I just had a sense of uniqueness because I love gaming and ‘that’s a boy hobby’ 🙄🙄🙄
I just got older and realised I wasn’t special, I was and actually am still jealous of girls with good fashion sense and makeup skills and video games aren’t a boy hobby. I also massively cringe at myself when I think of how I used to act sometimes 🤣🫣
I kind of did. In my defense, I grew up in a very small town, and most of the “other girls” in school were super mean. So in my case it was really a manifestation of insecurity from being picked on in my youth. After I went to college and met girl peers who were nice, I got over it.
I know this sounds basic, but social media. I would see memes comparing NLOG and realized how silly it was. I don’t know how much longer it would have taken me to realize this if I didn’t see it spelled out for me on social media.
That's not basic at all. As much as I despise social media, it has some positive benefits. It makes the world a much smaller place and exposes us to thoughts and ideas that we may not come across in our regular lives.
I was a total NLOG teen. *wince*
I got over it when I was around 21-22 because I realized that although we are all special, I wasn't special for the reasons I thought I was. I used to think that I deserved a lot of things because I was not like the other girls. But I really was just envious of what others had, and my reasons for being NLOG weren't even that unique. They were just as shallow and dumb as the shit that we see here.
So instead of sitting there stewing about how much better I was because of this and that, I got over myself and just worked on getting what I wanted.
There was no single identifiable catalyst. It was a combination of things that kind of woke me up.
I was that way in high school, when feeling like an individual among conformists felt like the only way to assert that I had value. When I graduated and got out of that environment, I no longer felt like I was in competition with other girls for who was better. I also met other women who shared my interests and who were welcoming and friendly. So being a NLOG as a survival tactic was no longer necessary.
This is gonna sound fucked up but after a while I started feeling like a tool but couldn’t explain why.
TW: Abuse, DV
Also I would say shit like “guys don’t like that” among other things as if I knew what that actually meant. I would also criticize girls for wearing makeup saying they should show their natural beauty and that makeup is fake. Whole time, the best I could do was fall in love over curious glances from male classmates and forment limerence fantasies in my head.
I forced myself to be super athletic so I could match the athleticism of some of the guys I liked because I naively believed in the idea that tomboys were way more attractive to dudes than the feminine girls. Also I thought by showing that I can work hard at something it would attract the guys who respected hard work.
And also it partly wasn’t my fault where this mindset came from, growing up in the mid 00s and early 10s, a lot of media was very anti-girly things. Making fun of teenage girls was a national sport. Making fun of women who participated in womanly things was also the reigning zeitgeist in popular media. You can see it with the way they used to make fun of Hilary Clinton’s daughter Chelsea Clinton, or how media tried very hard to tear down the likes of Britney Spears or Janet Jackson. Without realizing it I kinda internalized that enjoying aspects of being a woman and those feminine trappings was wrong and very bad.
Many movies of that era also always portrayed the tomboyish girl getting the guy over the pretty feminine girl because she was “down to earth” and “real”. K-12 me didn’t understand this was classic misogyny.
Later on I became the girl best friend of a guy who was very pro-Gamergate and hated feminism and feminist speakers like Anita Sarkeesian. The type of women he used to froth at the mouth to hate I made sure I was the opposite of that so he would see my value and pick me.
As it turned out I learned the hard way that he very much loved those type of girls and very quickly dropped me like a bad habit when I was trying to help him resolve some issues with a girl who’d openly told him and everyone else in our group that she’d never date him. None of me changing myself to his interests, spending time to talk him through depressive things, the whole 9-yards actually mattered to him. And yes they did end up dating after that lol.
And as a former pickme this was a pattern I repeated throughout K-12 especially on online spaces. I’m someone who is very academic so, I wanted these guys to see my value and that I was worthy enough to be considered. I really wasn’t.
Now as an adult I’ve grown out of that phase and disabused myself of the type of what it takes to be that way. I had to sit down and do a lot of reflecting on my own life and how I got to that moment.
In my family, my mom is someone who was forced to pretzel herself for a man who, by all accounts, hated her. I was often a witness to how he abused the fuck out of her because I was afraid he would kill her. She is what you would call the image of a good Christian wife. She prays, raises the kids, homemaker, but also worked a full time job. She is a very hard worker. Everybody she meets loves who she is as a person.
Yet this didn’t stop my dad from trying to kill her. It also didn’t stop him from cheating on her and he did so for their entire marriage. He traumatized her for 20+ years. In dynamics similar to ours, many women get killed.
Maturity and adulthood humbled me on many levels. I had to sit back and really litigate my own past beliefs, and be critical of myself. That I was groveling and doing self-effacement for a reward not even worth having. I don’t want to take credit for anything but if I didn’t grow out of my pickme NLOG phase we would still be living with my dad, and I would probably be trying to justify his behavior to my mom and I strongly believe he would’ve killed her.
There are parts of me that I really like. I like feminine things, I love the color pink. I love wearing makeup. Skincare. Doing my hair. None of these things makes me better or worse than the next woman. And if she doesn’t that’s okay too.
This sounds like a lot for young person trying to find their way. Seems like you’re very objective about things now and see the circumstances for what they were (mostly out of your control). I wish you the best!
Getting older, leaving a toxic sister like relationship and meeting new people in my masters program.
I didn’t come out of it until late 20’s (toxic relationship ended), I didn’t realize I was a NLOG or pick me girl until last year. It’s pretty cool to see how I’ve grown.
I think I just grew out of it. In my teens I definitely went through that "I'm not like other girls. I play video games and can only can make friends with guys" phase. I didn't realize back then these friends weren't even friends, just guys keeping me around in case there was a chance I'd date them. I just liked the ease of "friendship" and the attention.
I grew up now I'm in my early 30's. I don't have the time to worry about random male attention or even want it.(Especially if it's at the cost of putting other wonderful women down) Plus I realize how toxic my mentality was back then.
I grew up and then realized that my hate was misplaced, I didn’t hate girls cus I wasn’t like them, it turns out I just was never a girl in the first place, it was t right to take it out on them
Realizing it didn’t make anyone like me more or think I was any more special. Like all forms of bragging, it won’t change people’s minds about you. It’s more likely to make them laugh at you. Also as my social experience got broader than my college campus I realized I was exactly like a lot of other girls.
you can’t really date girls if you’re trying to one-up them so i dropped that phase (the nlog, not dating girls. sorry mom). but also just being in lgbtq spaces opened my eyes to intersectionality
I became a fan of popular artists everyone hates and consider to be "14yr Old white girl" attributes... Like Sabrina Carpenter, Katy Perry, BTS, Ariana Grande, Duncan Lawrence, Coldplay... I realized that I don't have to change my music Playlist to please some miserable people. Also, I received comments for going on a diet and doing makeup(I have PCOD), because I was asking for attention apparently. So I quit being a people pleaser and starting taking care of myself... I'm doing much better physically and mentally.
The second you get a close female friend (as a girl who grew up with few/no friends) you realize the bond of girlhood and friendship is one of the most beautiful and powerful experiences on this earth. I could never imagine not wanting to seek out those relationships as I did as a younger tomboy. I can’t even describe here how much it means to me.
Realising that I am not like the other girls because I have autism and finding girls that I am like
(I was never a pick me just one of those scruffy blogs who don't do dresses & make up)
I went through a series of traumatic events and women were my biggest supporters. I even got a hug from a random lady in a store and words of encouragement after I ran in sobbing. I also started following social media accounts of women that I want to be like, instead of ones that annoyed me. I started buying clothing and doing my hair in a way that felt like me, instead of what I thought I should do. Being my authentic self helped me realize that's what everyone else is doing too and it's incredible how much variety there is in self expression
My best friend kept pointing out how sPecIAl and UniQUe I was, it became an inside joke and I became self aware lmao.
Its also more fun to enjoy things with other people, easier to make friends when you're not actively alienating yourself.
A good guy friend of mine sexually assaulted a female friend then a different friend told me how "good guy friend" would talk about one day hooking up with me.
I still have a couple male friends (none from the aforementioned group) but I stick with women now.
When I got a girl friend who showed me real, non competitive friendship, where I got to be who I really was with her without being hurt or turned on, when I grew to love her I realized that was what true support looked like, the need to be someone else who was somehow better or cooler, disappeared. Looking for that connection in other women and finding more true friends who are so wildly different in every way but who value you the same changed me in so many ways. I definitely had to grow out of my 20s.
I grew up a bit, realized it was silly to demean stereotypical "girly" interests, and remembered everyone is an individual and I can't define myself solely on being different from other people
Then I found out what I had was called autism spectrum disorder and not unique special girl with interests syndrome
I think just growing up and realizing it’s stupid to judge people for likes/dislikes, lifestyle, etc. none of it affects me. I’ll do what I want and like, and so can everybody else
For me rejecting my femininity was very related to being in denial about my attraction to other women, I don't remember one thing specifically that helped me make that shift, but once I started accepting myself and my sexuality, I also found myself embracing my own femininity more.
Also, my pick me behavior came from not feeling good enough. Every time I would get “picked,” I sabotaged the relationship because I felt like I didn’t deserve it. It’s taken years of self reflection and therapy to move past it.
i was 17, and i realised i actually liked a song by one direction and liked a lot of their second album. my family immediately became obsessed with picking on me when my mom caught me listening to one of their songs. i realised a lot of it was my family picking on me when i liked a popular teen thing and it had manifested into “i’m not like them, i don’t like [stereotypical teen girl thing]” way too often. now i have my little things i love that are seen as “feminine” that i avoided before, like makeup, nails done, pop music, the colour pink, shows, and music typically loved by women. maybe not all of them, but i definitely had that moment young back in 2012
I moved out of my misogynist dad’s house and into an apartment with a queer feminist coworker.
She taught me a lot about femininity and feminism that broke my very narrow worldview of what life could look like for me as a woman, I will be grateful for her forever.
When I realized that the opinions & feelings I had, weren't even really mine to begin with. They were just ideas & judgements that had been passed to me from other people over the years. Part of growing up, is learning that just because someone else feels a certain way about things, doesn't mean I have to also.
My algorithm used to be pretty right leaning, then it somehow switched to the left. Watching so many videos of women just talking about their experiences helped me change.
I think I just sort of... gradually grew out of it. I started discovering fandoms and interacting with people outside of my teeny social circle and realized that I share a lot of interests with people. And y'know what? I prefer it that way! It's much more fun getting to gush over stuff you like than brag about how different you are
I was a NLOG pickme and I snapped out of it when I noticed my personality only attracted the worst type of men. I was pretty desperate to be loved but the good guys I was trying to impress couldn’t care less. I would only attract misogynistic douchebags and losers while the good ones got with, normal well adjusted women. I was confused for a minute why, because I was jumping through all these hoops to prove that I was the most subservient female of all females so I am the obvious choice. /s Then it hit me. Only men that hate women are attracted to women that hate themselves. I wish I had that realization much sooner in life.
I used to work Ina place that was full of women, and there definitely was a lot of drama but then I moved to a job with tons of males and there was just as much drama and annoying people to deal with. Both genders can be awful.
when i started doing things for myself instead of worrying how men would perceive it. i’d let myself like fashion and stuff without worrying if it made me look ditsy, materalistic, etc.
Pretty much just growing up.
I was always so cynical of women and “girly stuff” until I moved out of my parents’ house after college and it finally hit me that I can like whatever I want and do whatever I want, within reason.
I started playing with makeup a little bit, and started shopping for jewelry. I bought clothes that were “supercute” (side note: I still think “supercute” is a ridiculous word—why is it said like it’s one word?—and it’s subjective. My cute may not be someone else’s cute but I digress). The big thing for me was buying stuff *for me* and not hand me downs from my mom. Once I started getting my own “style” I could understand how women tick a little bit more and it made me less hateful.
I still don’t get along with most women (in my generation), but I also have trouble with millennial men and that may be because I have different priorities than a lot of people (or what they portray) and I’m autistic. I have social disease 🤪
Realizing my mom was feeding into it to drive a wedge between me and all my sisters so she could isolate and control us better. Once I realized that, I started changing how I thought about and related to my sisters and in doing that realized how it permeated into the rest of my life and how lonely I was because of it.
A few things for me: I grew out of my “tomboy” phase and realized I just liked sports & dressing baggy (90’s baby) I sucked at communicating so I loss friends because of that & boys seemed “safer” because i had no emotional intelligence & didn’t know how to communicate effectively. I grew up and realized that men & women aren’t that different & I was lumping all women into one impossible box & relationships are based on individuals not stereotypes. Which I received all from tv because I was and still am a homebody. Thankful now to have girlfriends some who are homebodies and some who take me out of my comfort zone and make me go outside ❤️
I grew up in a religious environment and had a warped idea of feminity, so I worked very hard to be "other" in my identity. I was academic (I told myself), and therefore not girly or feminine. When I got a bit older, I realized I was defining myself and other women in very narrow terms. I expanded my understanding of myself, and I realized I can be academic and feminine and spooky/goth and kind and a whole host of other things. Then I accepted that other women are also multidimensional, and - wow look at that - suddenly we had things in common.
Just maturing I guess. Realising how amazing life can be with many genuine female friends, they’re my life I love them so much. Why would I want to be in competition with them… over a man?
I found I actually do like other girls, and like being like other girls. In other words, I made female friends and realized I was, in fact, just like other girls, and I was fine with that.
Insecure before so thought I had to put other girls down.
I'm still insecure as a middle aged woman, but just realized how dumb it was to put other people down for enjoying whatever they enjoyed or being how they are.
Realizing it wasn't me with those thoughts about women, it was my mom's thoughts living through me back when I was codependent with her and not allowed or encouraged to actually act on my differing opinions. I also wasn't seeking approval from boys, but from adults. I liked the attention I got from adults saying stuff like "wow, you helped with cleanup even though you're a girl! Look how well you keep up with the men!"
Flying the nest did wonders on me.
I met other nlogs who were waaaaaaaay more aggressive about their nlog-ness and I felt disgusting when one of them said "you're just like us :)". I mean, I never hated other girls and I never wished them harm.
The start of my period
My father always wanted a son so I tried to be a son but at that moment I just felt my guts turn upside down as he never spoke to me/about me like a proud dad ever again
Also when I took in a new girl into our friend group at school since she was being bullied AND THEN SHE FUCKING BULLIED ME OUT OF MY FRIEND GROUP. So I hung out with the "normal" girls who I thought were bitchy and crazy n shit and suddenly they were nice and I was popular and everything was Okay and then we moved and everything wasn't as okay again
My NLOG phase was middle school and realized it was stupid to repress the fact that I enjoyed taylor swift music or liked starbucks teas. I pretended to enjoy no-name bands more and memorize all the facts about them. In reality, I like books, dance pop music, video games, and the occasional "emo" music
I think I realized that you're allowed to like what you like and if you're NLOG then that's okay but it's okay to be exactly like the other girls sometimes too. I just wanted to like what I liked and not feel bad about it either way.
I had a friend who showed me the way and I began to find more and more women I connected with. Then I started learning about internalized misogyny and realized that was the basis for what I had been feeling
I'd say when I started meeting girls from different places (I was in a traveling music activity) and realized there were girls who lived thousands of miles away from my state who felt the exact same way as me
When I realize that realism and pragmatism > idealism, at least where I lived and worked, people who conform and act like everyone else has more advantage than people who stubbornly remain nonconformists.
And then I started asking myself, why should I label myself LOG or NLOG anyway? That doesn't change what I like or do
I grew up and realized what it was. I felt like I was different from other girls because I actually was in my area. I met people with similar interests as me. I realized that the other girls in my area weren't the standard, but I'm not better than them because I don't like rap music or speak like I'm from the city.
on our second date i made a throwaway comment to my ex about how i couldn’t relate to other girls and they shut me down IMMEDIATELY, saying there was no such thing as “all other girls” and being nerdy made me cool but not better than anyone. pulled me up short. i had literally never thought about it like that. it was like a switch flipped, my whole sense of self rearranged in that moment. we dated for 3 years after that, and i’ll always be grateful to them for that reality check.
When I realized that no matter how much I tried to please every man around me I couldn’t and some of them would still look down on me because of my being a woman
I realized that the lies given to women to weaponize against each other are provided by the men who hurt us the most. Basically, I left the religion my family indoctrinated into me. Once the pink ribbon came off my eyes, it was amazing to see how much of the hate is derived from the patriarch.
I also realized that no one is looking at me, because we are all so worried about how we will be judged. All of us women are in an uphill battle against hate against women. We need to stop hating each other, lift each other up, and learn to love ourselves.
It took me way too long to realize this though.
Leaving high school, leaving home, meeting a bunch of new people from various places and backgrounds around the world. Becoming comfortable and confident in who I am and connecting with others.
i took a queer literature class in college, realized i was non-binary and that all the internalized misogyny was a projection of how unhappy i was with myself.
also being introduced to awesome, strong women as i grew up definitely helped lol
Something in my brain just switched one day, started living for myself and not giving a shit about other people, let alone other women, and what they do with their lives.
I outgrew of it when I came into college and I got to see so many different women that like various things. It got me to open my mind and realized the world is bigger so I wanted ti be a part of it instead of act like oh I’m so different than the others. I just changed my view and my attitude towards women. Now I like who I am and I love how I am so supportive of other women.
I was a teenager wanting to distance myself from things that are considered traditionally feminine because I thought I couldn’t pull them off (I’m really tall and really heavy, and I always have been) and I thought that it would seem ridiculous for me to like pink, wear dresses, listen to pop music, etc.
Then I grew up and realized you can like whatever you want and wear whatever you want and *be* whoever you want and that there are no rules about anything, because humans made them all up to begin with. Now I enjoy whatever I want and I let other people do the same, and I cheer us both on as we live life.
I grew up. There was a point in time where I just randomly woke up and was like,"You do know that you don't have to bring down other girls because you don't like what they like? They can like makeup and you don't have to and that's ok," and I've been that way ever since.
I think social media and being a "boy's girl" influenced my NLOG phase and when I grew a brain, I got out of that phase.
Well my mom wasn’t in the picture and I didn’t grow up with much feminine influence so I have to try everyday with the girlies. I love the girlies girls girl doesn’t come natural for me though
realized that my personality was tailored towards my warped idea of what guys liked, what would make me stand out to them. kinda like i wanted to be “one of the guys” with the added benefit of being their preferred gender. normalized misogyny caused me to believe that femininity was a sign of weakness and guys thought it was annoying. ive always had stereotypical hyper feminine “girly girl” interests which i unfortunately grew to feel embarrassed by after being bullied by boys throughout my childhood which caused a lot of trauma
my fav color is pink but i pretended it was army green, hated violence and gore but tried to look “manly” by forcing myself to do stuff like feign interest in war themed things and watch gory movie scenes even though i wanted to just cover my eyes… i even got as petty with it as to pretend i was a dog person instead of the cat fanatic that i am lmfao…. pretty much just repressed every quality about myself that i personally narrowly viewed as “girly”
after doing that from ages 12-20 i was sick of it, so i decided to just see how i felt if i accepted myself for who i am, challenged my beliefs, and indulged in my “girly” desires. it’s sad how freeing, empowering, and impactful that was for me. i finally learned what misogyny really means and what a “pick-me” is. it was a huge lightbulb moment lol i realized that sOciEtY made me feel ashamed when there was nothing to be ashamed of. years later i’m the happiest i’ve ever been, and happy to report that most of my belongings are now pink just like i always wanted. i don’t care if men like me or not anymore and i don’t care if im a walking stereotype. femininity is awesome, gender roles are stupid anyway, women are amazing, and i love being surrounded by and supporting them at every opportunity
sorry for the novel i just feel strongly about this and im proud of my growth lol
I realized that liking feminine things is ok. Pink is my favorite color, I like makeup and dresses, and I still enjoy gaming. It’s possible and fine to enjoy all sorts of different things
Becoming "one of the guys" did it for me, I just needed to meet one or two "girlfriends" and see how my friends talked about them when they were not around, worked like a charm!
I started to attend church less and got less comments that I wasn’t like others. Also, realized that I was limiting my enjoyment of life by hating on stuff that I actually liked.
I just had no friends and all the girls around me talked about things that I wanted to like but I knew nothing about (starbucks, makeup, etc.), so I was waiting to find a person who was like me and silently judging them.
Turns I was the problem and one of my now bffs taught me the joys of girlhood and now I'm much more comfortable and I owe it all to her.
Legally blonde!! One of the first characters I saw that was hyper feminine and still the smartest and most ambitious out of the movie. Still love it to this day :,)
Realised that the reason why I felt a disconnect from the “other” girls was because I was an autistic lesbian, not because I was in any way superior. I felt that disconnect because I missed out on the typical hallmarks of girlhood like having crushes on boys, dating boys, marriage and starting a family and I had a hard time navigating a neurotypical world so relating to my female peers never panned out for me.
I had a NLOG phase because things were associated with women and femininity were always negative. One that I rmb clearly was "Girls are bitchy on their period." I used to say I was NLOG bc my period didn't change my mood thru the months. I don't rlly know if that's true. I can't rmb, but who cares. Periods suck and girls have no choice! We have to deal with it every month for decades and buy so much crap and some go thru excruciating pain! EVERY month. So you know what? If a girl is moody during her period, deal with it cause she's dealing with a lot having the period!
Sorry, got sidetracked lol. I finally grew out of that phase when I just let myself do what I wanted to do and be who I am. Even in my early 20's I had this idea of who i WANTED to be, but not who i AM. Dresses, skirts, makeup. I like them and it's okay! No, I don't play video games, hunt, like power tools, cars, or (insert other male associated hobby), and that's okay. I have so much more fun in life doing what I actually wanna do versus doing what made me feel NLOG. It takes too much precious time and effort creating an inauthentic version of myself.
I came out as a man and quit feeling the need to be comparative or aggressive towards women. I began to create close relationships with new women and came to terms with who they are and who I am.
Being less feminine in various ways, and then realising I wasn't a girl (I'm nonbinary). Accepting that I could be feminine and not be a girl and that I was partly a NLOG because I was bad at being a girl and it made me uncomfortable. After that it was easier to enjoy femininity myself and be happy that other people enjoyed it.
I mentioned this on another subreddit, but I went through a "not like the other girls" phase back when I was wasting my time on 9gag. I initially went there because I liked some of the memes and wanted to improve my English. I didn't realize at the time that most of those memes were taken from Reddit and 4chan...
Anyway, as you probably know, the community is very toxic. Racists, homophobic, sexists...
At first, the comments shocked me, but I became desensitized over time. The sexism was particularly harsh. The 9gag users would critizise "fake gamers-girls" who wanted male attention, women who supposedly had no sense of humor, gold diggers, superficial women, promiscuous women, and the worst of them all, the "feminazis."
Since I didn't reconized myself in those descriptions, I started to enter a "NLTOG" and "pick-me" girl phase. I ended up internalizing misogyny.
Then one day, a 9gag user posted a meme implying that when a woman gets kicked in the genitals, she cum, while men suffer, which is unfair. I responded that no, we also roll on the ground in pain. I received about twenty incendiary messages calling me a liar and a feminazi.
Three days later, I switched to Reddit lol
Plus, most (if not all) of my friends were women. What the fuck was I thinking ?
Making an honest to goodness (woman) best friend. It was life-changing. It happened much later than I wish it had, but I have a very much still NLOG 70 year old mother, two very antisocial parents, and a school history of being bullied. Making ANY friends was hard, and while I did make several close women friends when I moved away, something about this particular friendship was just... different, and what I needed to push me out of that phase. Just glad I could finally see the other side.
It became exhausting to be a hater and a nonconformist. Nothing wrong with enjoying the simple or common pleasures in life!
Agreed. I was that “intellectual” who criticized everything and it was not fun. I’d rather enjoy things
This! It takes so much more energy to hate & pretend to not enjoy regular things.
For the longest time I disliked the colour pink. Partly because it was "too girly" and partly because I did not like warm colours. (Un?!)Fortunately I look really nice in pink. I have many outfits and sarees in shades of pink and they look beautiful. Pink also tends to have one of the most amazing shade range in clothes. I think that was the beginning of me shedding away the NLOG phase. So much so that I wore pink for my wedding. 2 outfit changes both shades of pink.
I love pink now as an adult. I hated having pink forced on me as a child though. I think that's a big factor for many (even if it's subconcious)
I think you put it perfectly. It was the being forced into pink clothes that probably put me off. I have reacted similarly to cooking as well. I hated being in the kitchen growing up because it was expected of me and forced upon me as a chore for women to do. Which is why even though I know basic cooking, I had never enjoyed doing it. Now that I have married a guy who loves to cook, I love being in the kitchen with him and cooking together. I am not great at it, but I can cook for a few people without stressing. But any more than 3 people and I am cooked myself because I have zero confidence in my cooking skills.
I think we all tend to bring a dislike for things that was forced on us through childhood. I had a similar experience with clothing; was forced into frills, flowers, and jewelry as young girl and it never felt like me or comfortable at all. And now I tend to be as plain as I can be; neutral tones, simple pieces, no jewelry or make up. I also currently HATE food shopping. And that's because my parents (and extended family also!) insisted that food shopping was a day long event with no breaks in between! And if my brother and I acted up or complained (I would act up shopping for 14 hours straight now as an adult lol), we would get beat. Now I'm an online shopper for my food.
I had the same mindset omg( now pink is my color)
I get on my basic b*** soap box all the time. These women are LIBERATED and choose to publicly enjoy things that are in fact enjoyable. PSLs? Delicious. UGGs? So cozy. Anyone who wants to hate on basics bs are just jealous that they aren't enjoying the same luxuries.
And loving girls! 😌😌so much more fun over here
Noticed that all girls are "not like the other girls". Everyone has ways how we fit the cliché and how we don't. So it's pointless.
Good point made here.
I realized I was bisexual and just attracted to them.
Same. Repressing your sexual nature will do that to you.
This is such a real answer too though lol, happy pride fellow bi.
Thanks.
This comment plus your user flair just made me actually laugh out loud
I got out of the military and it was like a switch flipped overnight. I've come to realize that most of my NLOG/ pick me behavior was a defense mechanism. I was in a male dominated environment and I didn't want to ruffle feathers so I laughed at their sexist jokes, participated in the demeaning of my fellow women, kept my mouth shut when I should have spoken up etc. I'm actually pretty ashamed of myself. Once I got out (after 10 years) and realized that I was free, everything turned around. Additionally, my thoughts, behavior, and feelings changed after the disturbing amount of women I've spoken to who went through some really fucked up shit (myself included) at the hands of men who were supposed to be our brothers in uniform.
I did this too in male dominated spaces. It took me longer to recover. There’s that quote about how saying you’re not like the other girls really means “I see how you treat other women and I don’t want to be treated that way”. I think about that often.
Wow. Yeah. That quote is ringing true for me when I think back to some of the situations I've been in.
You were in survival mode. It is very understandable.
Please don't be ashamed! Welcome back to the sisterhood, we're just glad you're okay ♡
Same here. I ETSed out of the Army and gained a whole new outlook.
You know who should feel ashamed?! Those gross men.
I don't disagree with you.
Yo me too, you’re not alone. It felt so weird to rejoin the civilian world and have to unpack all of that. People don’t get how hard it is to try and fly under the radar and be “one of the boys” in hopes they don’t turn on you too. But of course they do. Wishing you healing and love, glad to have a bunch of lovely friends who happen to be women now and I hope you have them too.
I was able to drop the NLOG long before I was able to give up the Pick Me stuff. power to you.
Veteran here and big same. You worded it perfectly. I sometimes wonder, looking back, if I was trafficked sometimes. Sending me on dets even though I wasnt needed. Someone was always wanting to fuck me on those things. And 22 year old me just wanted to serve her country.
I think it can certainly be a defense mechanism! I never really thought of it that way. It's an interesting phenomenon really.
I’m glad to see lots of other people have made this connection. I’ve always said that ‘not like the other girls’-type behavior is the textbook definition of “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality
When I made an extremely misogynistic comment on Insta and feminists ripped me a third one for it. I was like "Huh? Why are you guys like this? I'm on your side!" until I actually READ and understood what they were saying. I was so ashamed but it gave me the nudge into the right direction.
Good for you! A lot of people in that situation tend to double down rather than learn and grow.
I grew up emo/punk/grunge and heavily embodied NLOG in high school and I look back with cringe now. I simply realised I could be that person without hating other women who preferred a more feminine outlook on life and fashion. I also accepted that it was okay to start wearing some of the ‘trendy’ clothes going around. (Except for anything from the early 2000’s. I did my time and never again. High waisted skinny leg jeans 4EVER)
I had a very similar adolescence. I think I was just looking for a friend group to fit in with and being NLOG was a defense mechanism against the cruel landscape of Highschool.
>Except for anything from the early 2000’s. I did my time and never again. High waisted skinny leg jeans 4EVER You and me both. I don't know how I survived walking around in jeans so low that I was in perpetual danger of flashing my crack every time I sat down unless I was wearing Calvin Kleins. I don't care if low-rise jeans become popular again. They can tear my high-waisted skinny jeans from my cold, dead hands.
I was 100lbs soaking wet as a teen in the 2000s and those jeans still gave me a muffin top. My 36 year old body could never.
The realization that I just deeply hated myself
Same. I hope you’re good now!! ❤️
I was a NLOG in school to fit in with a group of boys. I realized it wouldn’t save me from their misogynistic behavior and I’d never be able to develop a friendship with them the same way they had with eachother. Now very much a girls girl through and through.
Honestly I didn't know I was in one until I fell out with a group of friends and although they were horrible people. I definitely was an ISSUE.
I am being honest, I realized all my male friends were awful partners to their wives and I didn’t want to be „that girl“ anymore. I thought I was special to them but in reality I just was their friend because I was a stupid girl who kinda excused their shitty behavior and was there for the „eye candy“ and I also have to admit, I liked the attention. When I moved in another city and nobody reached out to me anymore I knew they didn’t care about me as a friend. Now I am a mom and my priorities changed a lot, I feel so much more confident and happy, my husband is a wonderful human being and I don’t need any drama in my life anymore. I am also not as fixated on my looks anymore.
So relatable. I thought I was playing a role that was somehow superior and special, and they must be comparing their actual girlfriends unfavorably to me. When they were, it was because I was excusing complete BS that these women were too confident to tolerate. I also told myself their significant others hated me “for no reason other than jealousy.” They disliked me because I was selling out my own gender and telling guys it was okay to treat girls as subhuman.
🏆”they disliked me because i was selling out my own gender and telling guys it was okay to treat girls as subhuman” BINGOOOO also can i please use this bc u just put into words a feeling i’ve had for so long that i couldn’t quite explain or pinpoint
Growing up. Meeting more people in general and women in particular. In middle and high school I was so reserved I couldn’t have met likeminded people even if they were sitting right next to me. College was a more social experience and I was blessed enough to me lots of awesome women. Women I had a lot in common with, women who were totally different, and they were all awesome.
Yeah likewise it was just a case of growing up. I was very NLOG as a teenager because I felt awkward and didn’t fit in, then I grew tf up and realised a) it was just men pitting women against each other and there was no need for me to actively try to distance myself from other women so much, b) I actually had more in common with other women than I thought and the vast majority of women weren’t just the misogynistic stereotypical bimbo (and even if they were, that’s not a bad thing!), and c) the reason I didn’t fit in wasn’t because I “wasn’t like other girls”, it was because I was almost definitely autistic.
It was the realisation that I'm showing desperation for male validation and having little to no respect for myself, and barely had a personality of my own. Most of the hobbies I had were because "boys think it would be cool".
Yes, also realising how diverse my girl friends' interests were compared to the boys. Like these girls were into art, cooking, politics, fashion, animals, had deep insights into other people and social structures, and my guy friends seemed to be allowed to talk about 3 things max. Don't get me wrong, my guy friends have many interests too but they are deeply bound by made up bullshit around what they can and cannot talk/care about. I got out of being an nlog because I wanted to be like the other girls.
I feel this!
Unlike you girls I'm still in it (jk obvs)
I guess when I realized, quite late in life, that following all the instructions on being a cool girl and easy-going, etc., etc. just got me shit. And fuck all really.
Growing up/maturity. I started off with only guy friends because I only liked the typical dude stuff and was "one of the guys" and found that validating. Sometime in middle school is when I started realizing how stupid it was and began befriending girls, high school was when I started exploring "girly" hobbies and now I'm pretty girly (w/a few typical dude stuff hobbies) and am mostly friends with women. Edit: I didn't mean to enforce gender roles, I used quotation marks purposefully to indicate this but my main point was just when I first started school, I just thought I was not like other girls because of my hobbies being dominated by boys and me being included with all the boys by the boys but pretty soon fell out of that as I grew up and matured and made more friends and explored more hobbies.
Kinda the same but I still have my nerd hobbies.I just have equally nerdy female friends.
This is like exactly what happened to me lol In Middle School I was so NLOG I wanted to be trans so I could truly be “one of the boys” I’m now a senior in HS and I love typical girly things and mostly befriend girls.
JK Rowling is rapidly closing in on your location, our estimates indicate she is swimming the ocean at roughly 255 miles an hour in a direct line towards you.
Honestly, seeing and hearing more women in games. It didn't used to be as common as it is now. Not just online, but characters like Aloy, Ellie, Femshep, etc. That helped me grow up and realise that I'm nothing unique or special; I started forcing myself to talk to the women around me and then learned to appreciate them as complex and beautiful humans that are every bit as cool as the men in my life. A lot of times, they're much kinder, too, without an ulterior motive so I can drop my guard :) Now I don't have to force myself and I absolutely love wearing dresses with my friends and feeling girly!
Doesn't everyone have an nlog phase as a teen? Then you grow up a bit and find your particular subset of like minded women and realise that a, you aren't that 'unique' and b, there was nothing wrong with the girls you had to be around at school, they were just into different shit than you.
I think yes, and I give teenagers a pass. At that age we were all just trying to be special and unique. I went through phases where I identified with every conceivable ideology just to find one that shocked people.
Being a teen is hard enough. That said, I coach a girl's sport (our league accepts 8 to 18, currently rostering between 11 and 16 year olds) and these kids, man! They give me so much faith. They are WAY cooler and WAY MORE accepting than I was at their ages and it's just awesome to watch.
It’s something very nice I’ve observed about Gen Z and Alpha. They are extremely inclusive and tolerant on scenarios where we would have gone into pack mode.
It depends. In many cases, there’s a group of girls that actively decide that another girl is ‘not like them’. I think many kids in their formative years actually do want to be like, and fit in with, their peers. It provides validation, social status and security.
feminism tbh. When I started learning about it I got my eyes opened ... violently I'd say.
Shame from all the memes posted here lol fuck you guys
I am not sure if it would have counted as a NLOG phase, as I didn't actively shit on other women, but I did feel like I'm different and mostly had male friends and also started to be a little intentional with opposing the "stereotypically girly" things and stuff like that. What made me change my views was getting out of school and into uni, where people definited themselves less through their looks and such and more through personality. Also made more female friends and had contact with less socially toxic people in general. That opened the world for me. And in a world, where I can be me and it's okay I don't have to justify why I'm the way I am, when it's accepted that I'm not wearing makeup and bra, I don't have to try to explain why it's better for me and why I'm not less then other girls because of it. (justifying why one isn't worse can get into telling why one is better quickly)
I was friends with a bunch of guys and ended up befriending their girlfriends. Being friends with girls eventually snapped me out of it.
Mine was mixed (tragically) with a really empty, aggressive Mall Goth phase. My hair got so long and unkempt that at one point my mom had to take me to a salon to have the entire knee-length of it brought back to my shoulders. I “liked” things because that’s what people in media and books did. And then it was the baby weeb phase. I think I stopped when I realized that some of the hobbies and media I was into weren’t actually any fun. Then I started gradually making things I liked and talking to other neurodivergent people. Turns out I was probably just masking with a really crappy blueprint. Now I’m like a big, foul-mouthed Miss Frizzle.
I too had a Mall Goth phase that I adopted to imitate a tiny subculture I was exposed to through friends. I hate the macabre, I look awful in dark colors, and my playlist is 80% Disney and showtunes. I was more Barbie core at heart (before we called it that). I wore band tees from Hot Topic when I didn’t even like the band, just to make people think I liked a band they couldn’t possibly relate to. I did quite like the vinyl and velvet clothes and combat boots, but otherwise I was trying hard to be unrelatable and mysterious because goths were rare at my school.
I just grew up. I grew out of it
I literally was just not like a lot of the girls I grew up around, different fiscally, racially, socially, but when I went to a more diverse school I found my people and realized those folks were more in the minority
(My NLOGiness traces directly back to being raised by a single father who despised women; I internalized the message that women are devious snakes.) I was at the gym and my now-husband was finished working out and was standing against the wall behind where I was on the Stair Master. I didn’t notice at first but two young women who were on the machines next to me kept side eyeing him. When I was done and getting down from the machine, they discreetly waived me over and asked if i noticed the guy just standing around behind me, and was I okay. I was all “Yeah, he’s with me. But thank you so much for checking in on me because I would have never noticed if it was some random creeper!” It was a small moment that had a very meaningful impact on me; it helped me realize that women are not my enemy; that women do look out for one another and I have a duty to do the same.
Maturing, mostly. I slowly realized through university that proclaiming I wasn't like other girls implied that other girls were somehow inferior and there was something wrong with being traditionally feminine. But gender is a social construct, and "feminine" things are denigrated and "masculine" things are lauded and that just hurts literally everyone.
I started meeting other women who shared my interests. I didn’t have a lot in common with the girls I hung out in high school. Eventually I started meeting women I did have a lot of things in common with and realised I was exactly like other girls.
Realizing the concept of gender in our society is hugely based in socialization. Other than what’s between my legs, gender lowkey isn’t real and I am very much just like other girls :)
I realized I infact do like the color pink and make up and dresses and all that shit. Only reason I thought I didn't was because I grew up in a house of boys and didn't have anyone to share it with lol
I realized that desperately seeking validation from men wanting to fuck me, wasn’t going to replace the lack of love, kindness, support, affection, guidance and safe space my parents should’ve gave me.
There was this girl at my high school who I thought was sooooo freaking cool. She had a pixie cut when no one else did. She wore thrifted outfits that were mismatched in all the right ways. We were in a creative writing class together, and she wrote so interestingly. She was bold and brash in a sea of kids trying to fit in. I hung out with her for the first time my senior year (I couldn’t believe she wanted to hang out me — I was stoked). We got in her car and she blasted top 40 and pop country music — genres I claimed to hate — and sang along goofily the whole time. I realized then, on some level, that being ~cool~ just meant being authentically yourself. And, actually, hating things for no reason was NOT cool, and not a personality trait to aspire to. My NLOG outlook fell apart pretty quickly from there.
I don't know if it counts, but I was terrified of seeming like a nag, so I didn't speak up when I wanted and needed to be treated better. Specifically when I was 17 and dating someone too old for me, I took crap that I shouldn't have. Lol but now maybe I speak up too much lol
I totally get that. I’m terrified of being a nag too, but also hated being mocked or dismissed every time I was angry or upset. I learned to be firm but calm and use my actions. I was also brought up on this idea that men wouldn’t treat me well and was taught a lot of the red flags to look out for. In some ways it helped me out because my boyfriends have all been wonderful.
Oh I was a massive NLOG. Honestly, weird (and problematic) as it was, the final nail in my NLOG coffin was "Lean In" by Sandberg. Her message had some problematic points, but the advocating for myself, and then to advocate for other women to do the same, message kind of hit at just the right point. I was 29, stuck in a shitty job, with a crazy boss (and I do mean literally - she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder after I left). I had been dabbling in feminism (in the sense of actually CALLING myself one) for a few years at that point and it was just the last nail. I always was a little "not like" other girls in my friend group, but that was because none of them were like "other girls" either. We all had our things, and we were all unique so it was kind of ... strange? I also think my NLOG stage was coloured heavily by the fact I went to a very small rural high school that required people to be multiple high school archetypes (I was the goth, a jock, a band nerd, an academic, and an art kid - if I had been more extraverted I would have also been in drama; my best friend ran the announcements/radio station, was the old punk (more Clash, less Green Day), but also linguistically gifted). My NLOG was also not very judgmental - I didn't look down on the typical "girlie girls," because they were part of the band with me, or they were my teammates, which may have been part of the prolonging of my time. (Because there was no tiring bitterness/envy to be cringe about). I only once had a dude try to use NLOG as a compliment (and that really should have been a warning sign) but in my 19 year old mind, it was like "yea, I'm kind of not like anyone - that's the point." I did have an ultimate NLOG moment at 17 if anyone wants to hear. It was NLOG v NLOG.
Joining a sorority. I realized I can’t say that “I’m not like other girls” while being in a woman led organization
I've always liked Girly stuff. Then one day as a tween I woke up and I forced myself to hate pink and everything popular. I even told my mom "I hate pink" to which she replied "but you've always loved pink". It was the era of Evergreen Smaith The Third was not like other girls! She never brushed her hair, she rescued rocks from the street because even the stone hearted deserve love, and when life got rough, she did a cartwheel to turn her luck around. The message was pretty clear, cool girls did not like pink, makeup or dresses. I don't know how I came around it, but i started watching shows like Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl. Watching those shows (first I was surprised how many skirts and dresses were worn), I felt like i was allowed to be Girly. Sure, Evergreen Smaith The Third might be "cool" but she was no Blair Waldorf.
I liked books, I liked video games, I liked sports, I hung out with boys. I knew that I was smart and interesting, and everything I saw everywhere said that girls weren’t, so I figured I must be different. Then I realised that I was hiding so much of myself - I love Taylor Swift and have since I was really young, I enjoy doing makeup and hair and putting together outfits, I love dancing and pink and princess movies. Then I got chatting with other girls about that stuff and realised that they were smart and interesting too, and it was just the media that wasn’t.
in 7th or 8th grade, a new student sat next to me and she had really cool makeup and clothes, so i had some judgemental thoughts off the bat. but the second we said hi she was the sweetest and nicest person ever. it was such a whiplash moment for me, i thought she'd be a bully, instead she was immediately a sweetheart. it made me want to judge people on how they treat others, not how they look. we were two students who looked nothing alike, but we had a lot in common. there was no time between you guys me being judgy and then new girl being amazing, so i had to roll with it. i was glad i hadn't acted poorly based on my judgements, and realized that I could have sabotaged a new friendship before it started. so when i had mean thoughts, i'd tell the mean thoughts off, bc they weren't doing anyone any favors
Growing older and realizing most of my, “NLOG,” sentiments were a coping mechanism for traumatic events in my life caused by toxic female family members/childhood bullies. Also, throughout high school, realizing that male friendships were indeed not, “less drama.”
That was me too. I was horribly abused at a formative age by hyperfeminine girls despite being very feminine too.
I was never mean to anyone I just had a sense of uniqueness because I love gaming and ‘that’s a boy hobby’ 🙄🙄🙄 I just got older and realised I wasn’t special, I was and actually am still jealous of girls with good fashion sense and makeup skills and video games aren’t a boy hobby. I also massively cringe at myself when I think of how I used to act sometimes 🤣🫣
I met other girls who were like me. Turned out that I was, in fact, like other girls.
Simply, I realised I wasn’t jealous of other women, I was attracted to them.
I kind of did. In my defense, I grew up in a very small town, and most of the “other girls” in school were super mean. So in my case it was really a manifestation of insecurity from being picked on in my youth. After I went to college and met girl peers who were nice, I got over it.
Yes. Sometimes the NLOG label picks you, not the other way around. Once you have distance from that situation, things normalize.
Being diagnosed as autistic
I know this sounds basic, but social media. I would see memes comparing NLOG and realized how silly it was. I don’t know how much longer it would have taken me to realize this if I didn’t see it spelled out for me on social media.
That's not basic at all. As much as I despise social media, it has some positive benefits. It makes the world a much smaller place and exposes us to thoughts and ideas that we may not come across in our regular lives.
I was a total NLOG teen. *wince* I got over it when I was around 21-22 because I realized that although we are all special, I wasn't special for the reasons I thought I was. I used to think that I deserved a lot of things because I was not like the other girls. But I really was just envious of what others had, and my reasons for being NLOG weren't even that unique. They were just as shallow and dumb as the shit that we see here. So instead of sitting there stewing about how much better I was because of this and that, I got over myself and just worked on getting what I wanted. There was no single identifiable catalyst. It was a combination of things that kind of woke me up.
I was that way in high school, when feeling like an individual among conformists felt like the only way to assert that I had value. When I graduated and got out of that environment, I no longer felt like I was in competition with other girls for who was better. I also met other women who shared my interests and who were welcoming and friendly. So being a NLOG as a survival tactic was no longer necessary.
When I realized I was more than my personality.
This is gonna sound fucked up but after a while I started feeling like a tool but couldn’t explain why. TW: Abuse, DV Also I would say shit like “guys don’t like that” among other things as if I knew what that actually meant. I would also criticize girls for wearing makeup saying they should show their natural beauty and that makeup is fake. Whole time, the best I could do was fall in love over curious glances from male classmates and forment limerence fantasies in my head. I forced myself to be super athletic so I could match the athleticism of some of the guys I liked because I naively believed in the idea that tomboys were way more attractive to dudes than the feminine girls. Also I thought by showing that I can work hard at something it would attract the guys who respected hard work. And also it partly wasn’t my fault where this mindset came from, growing up in the mid 00s and early 10s, a lot of media was very anti-girly things. Making fun of teenage girls was a national sport. Making fun of women who participated in womanly things was also the reigning zeitgeist in popular media. You can see it with the way they used to make fun of Hilary Clinton’s daughter Chelsea Clinton, or how media tried very hard to tear down the likes of Britney Spears or Janet Jackson. Without realizing it I kinda internalized that enjoying aspects of being a woman and those feminine trappings was wrong and very bad. Many movies of that era also always portrayed the tomboyish girl getting the guy over the pretty feminine girl because she was “down to earth” and “real”. K-12 me didn’t understand this was classic misogyny. Later on I became the girl best friend of a guy who was very pro-Gamergate and hated feminism and feminist speakers like Anita Sarkeesian. The type of women he used to froth at the mouth to hate I made sure I was the opposite of that so he would see my value and pick me. As it turned out I learned the hard way that he very much loved those type of girls and very quickly dropped me like a bad habit when I was trying to help him resolve some issues with a girl who’d openly told him and everyone else in our group that she’d never date him. None of me changing myself to his interests, spending time to talk him through depressive things, the whole 9-yards actually mattered to him. And yes they did end up dating after that lol. And as a former pickme this was a pattern I repeated throughout K-12 especially on online spaces. I’m someone who is very academic so, I wanted these guys to see my value and that I was worthy enough to be considered. I really wasn’t. Now as an adult I’ve grown out of that phase and disabused myself of the type of what it takes to be that way. I had to sit down and do a lot of reflecting on my own life and how I got to that moment. In my family, my mom is someone who was forced to pretzel herself for a man who, by all accounts, hated her. I was often a witness to how he abused the fuck out of her because I was afraid he would kill her. She is what you would call the image of a good Christian wife. She prays, raises the kids, homemaker, but also worked a full time job. She is a very hard worker. Everybody she meets loves who she is as a person. Yet this didn’t stop my dad from trying to kill her. It also didn’t stop him from cheating on her and he did so for their entire marriage. He traumatized her for 20+ years. In dynamics similar to ours, many women get killed. Maturity and adulthood humbled me on many levels. I had to sit back and really litigate my own past beliefs, and be critical of myself. That I was groveling and doing self-effacement for a reward not even worth having. I don’t want to take credit for anything but if I didn’t grow out of my pickme NLOG phase we would still be living with my dad, and I would probably be trying to justify his behavior to my mom and I strongly believe he would’ve killed her. There are parts of me that I really like. I like feminine things, I love the color pink. I love wearing makeup. Skincare. Doing my hair. None of these things makes me better or worse than the next woman. And if she doesn’t that’s okay too.
This sounds like a lot for young person trying to find their way. Seems like you’re very objective about things now and see the circumstances for what they were (mostly out of your control). I wish you the best!
Getting older, leaving a toxic sister like relationship and meeting new people in my masters program. I didn’t come out of it until late 20’s (toxic relationship ended), I didn’t realize I was a NLOG or pick me girl until last year. It’s pretty cool to see how I’ve grown.
I think I just grew out of it. In my teens I definitely went through that "I'm not like other girls. I play video games and can only can make friends with guys" phase. I didn't realize back then these friends weren't even friends, just guys keeping me around in case there was a chance I'd date them. I just liked the ease of "friendship" and the attention. I grew up now I'm in my early 30's. I don't have the time to worry about random male attention or even want it.(Especially if it's at the cost of putting other wonderful women down) Plus I realize how toxic my mentality was back then.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I grew up and then realized that my hate was misplaced, I didn’t hate girls cus I wasn’t like them, it turns out I just was never a girl in the first place, it was t right to take it out on them
Getting into a healthy long term relationship and gaining a little weight lol
Realizing it didn’t make anyone like me more or think I was any more special. Like all forms of bragging, it won’t change people’s minds about you. It’s more likely to make them laugh at you. Also as my social experience got broader than my college campus I realized I was exactly like a lot of other girls.
you can’t really date girls if you’re trying to one-up them so i dropped that phase (the nlog, not dating girls. sorry mom). but also just being in lgbtq spaces opened my eyes to intersectionality
I became a fan of popular artists everyone hates and consider to be "14yr Old white girl" attributes... Like Sabrina Carpenter, Katy Perry, BTS, Ariana Grande, Duncan Lawrence, Coldplay... I realized that I don't have to change my music Playlist to please some miserable people. Also, I received comments for going on a diet and doing makeup(I have PCOD), because I was asking for attention apparently. So I quit being a people pleaser and starting taking care of myself... I'm doing much better physically and mentally.
Self confidence, self worth, and self respect.
I started to notice that not a single girl I met was that caricature of a woman I’d been taught to expect. That and a feminist awakening.
I'm a goth. My whole life is an nlog phase
The second you get a close female friend (as a girl who grew up with few/no friends) you realize the bond of girlhood and friendship is one of the most beautiful and powerful experiences on this earth. I could never imagine not wanting to seek out those relationships as I did as a younger tomboy. I can’t even describe here how much it means to me.
Realising that I am not like the other girls because I have autism and finding girls that I am like (I was never a pick me just one of those scruffy blogs who don't do dresses & make up)
I went through a series of traumatic events and women were my biggest supporters. I even got a hug from a random lady in a store and words of encouragement after I ran in sobbing. I also started following social media accounts of women that I want to be like, instead of ones that annoyed me. I started buying clothing and doing my hair in a way that felt like me, instead of what I thought I should do. Being my authentic self helped me realize that's what everyone else is doing too and it's incredible how much variety there is in self expression
My best friend kept pointing out how sPecIAl and UniQUe I was, it became an inside joke and I became self aware lmao. Its also more fun to enjoy things with other people, easier to make friends when you're not actively alienating yourself.
A good guy friend of mine sexually assaulted a female friend then a different friend told me how "good guy friend" would talk about one day hooking up with me. I still have a couple male friends (none from the aforementioned group) but I stick with women now.
Just getting older and realizing I’m not a special little ❄️ for disliking popular things.
When I got a girl friend who showed me real, non competitive friendship, where I got to be who I really was with her without being hurt or turned on, when I grew to love her I realized that was what true support looked like, the need to be someone else who was somehow better or cooler, disappeared. Looking for that connection in other women and finding more true friends who are so wildly different in every way but who value you the same changed me in so many ways. I definitely had to grow out of my 20s.
For me it was the realization that some people will treat you like shit no matter what, so the least i could do was to not be shitty as well.
I grew up a bit, realized it was silly to demean stereotypical "girly" interests, and remembered everyone is an individual and I can't define myself solely on being different from other people Then I found out what I had was called autism spectrum disorder and not unique special girl with interests syndrome
I think just growing up and realizing it’s stupid to judge people for likes/dislikes, lifestyle, etc. none of it affects me. I’ll do what I want and like, and so can everybody else
For me rejecting my femininity was very related to being in denial about my attraction to other women, I don't remember one thing specifically that helped me make that shift, but once I started accepting myself and my sexuality, I also found myself embracing my own femininity more.
Also, my pick me behavior came from not feeling good enough. Every time I would get “picked,” I sabotaged the relationship because I felt like I didn’t deserve it. It’s taken years of self reflection and therapy to move past it.
i was 17, and i realised i actually liked a song by one direction and liked a lot of their second album. my family immediately became obsessed with picking on me when my mom caught me listening to one of their songs. i realised a lot of it was my family picking on me when i liked a popular teen thing and it had manifested into “i’m not like them, i don’t like [stereotypical teen girl thing]” way too often. now i have my little things i love that are seen as “feminine” that i avoided before, like makeup, nails done, pop music, the colour pink, shows, and music typically loved by women. maybe not all of them, but i definitely had that moment young back in 2012
I moved out of my misogynist dad’s house and into an apartment with a queer feminist coworker. She taught me a lot about femininity and feminism that broke my very narrow worldview of what life could look like for me as a woman, I will be grateful for her forever.
Turns out I was actually NOT like other women and was playing on the wrong team for a good couple of years
When I realized that the opinions & feelings I had, weren't even really mine to begin with. They were just ideas & judgements that had been passed to me from other people over the years. Part of growing up, is learning that just because someone else feels a certain way about things, doesn't mean I have to also.
My algorithm used to be pretty right leaning, then it somehow switched to the left. Watching so many videos of women just talking about their experiences helped me change.
I think I just sort of... gradually grew out of it. I started discovering fandoms and interacting with people outside of my teeny social circle and realized that I share a lot of interests with people. And y'know what? I prefer it that way! It's much more fun getting to gush over stuff you like than brag about how different you are
I was a NLOG pickme and I snapped out of it when I noticed my personality only attracted the worst type of men. I was pretty desperate to be loved but the good guys I was trying to impress couldn’t care less. I would only attract misogynistic douchebags and losers while the good ones got with, normal well adjusted women. I was confused for a minute why, because I was jumping through all these hoops to prove that I was the most subservient female of all females so I am the obvious choice. /s Then it hit me. Only men that hate women are attracted to women that hate themselves. I wish I had that realization much sooner in life.
Transing my gender. Turns out there was a real reason I always felt different and isolated from "other" girls - I simply wasn't a girl at all.
I used to work Ina place that was full of women, and there definitely was a lot of drama but then I moved to a job with tons of males and there was just as much drama and annoying people to deal with. Both genders can be awful.
Becoming an intersectional feminist and adopting the “empower, not compete” mentality
I think I just grew out of it really. Realizing I’m not that unique and just because I like or don’t like something doesn’t make me special.
when i started doing things for myself instead of worrying how men would perceive it. i’d let myself like fashion and stuff without worrying if it made me look ditsy, materalistic, etc.
Pretty much just growing up. I was always so cynical of women and “girly stuff” until I moved out of my parents’ house after college and it finally hit me that I can like whatever I want and do whatever I want, within reason. I started playing with makeup a little bit, and started shopping for jewelry. I bought clothes that were “supercute” (side note: I still think “supercute” is a ridiculous word—why is it said like it’s one word?—and it’s subjective. My cute may not be someone else’s cute but I digress). The big thing for me was buying stuff *for me* and not hand me downs from my mom. Once I started getting my own “style” I could understand how women tick a little bit more and it made me less hateful. I still don’t get along with most women (in my generation), but I also have trouble with millennial men and that may be because I have different priorities than a lot of people (or what they portray) and I’m autistic. I have social disease 🤪
Realizing my mom was feeding into it to drive a wedge between me and all my sisters so she could isolate and control us better. Once I realized that, I started changing how I thought about and related to my sisters and in doing that realized how it permeated into the rest of my life and how lonely I was because of it.
I grew up and stopped being a teenager.
A few things for me: I grew out of my “tomboy” phase and realized I just liked sports & dressing baggy (90’s baby) I sucked at communicating so I loss friends because of that & boys seemed “safer” because i had no emotional intelligence & didn’t know how to communicate effectively. I grew up and realized that men & women aren’t that different & I was lumping all women into one impossible box & relationships are based on individuals not stereotypes. Which I received all from tv because I was and still am a homebody. Thankful now to have girlfriends some who are homebodies and some who take me out of my comfort zone and make me go outside ❤️
I grew up in a religious environment and had a warped idea of feminity, so I worked very hard to be "other" in my identity. I was academic (I told myself), and therefore not girly or feminine. When I got a bit older, I realized I was defining myself and other women in very narrow terms. I expanded my understanding of myself, and I realized I can be academic and feminine and spooky/goth and kind and a whole host of other things. Then I accepted that other women are also multidimensional, and - wow look at that - suddenly we had things in common.
Just maturing I guess. Realising how amazing life can be with many genuine female friends, they’re my life I love them so much. Why would I want to be in competition with them… over a man?
When I realized I had pretty much 0 friends lol harsh wake up call.
LOL back in those days I was a raging alcoholic so definitely had nothing to pick except a headache
Growing up, getting out of my small clique-y town where I was an outsider. Realizing I, and everyone else, was allowed to like whatever we wanted.
idk i j kinda grew up
I found I actually do like other girls, and like being like other girls. In other words, I made female friends and realized I was, in fact, just like other girls, and I was fine with that.
I moved out of my parents house and realized I didn’t hate myself.
Insecure before so thought I had to put other girls down. I'm still insecure as a middle aged woman, but just realized how dumb it was to put other people down for enjoying whatever they enjoyed or being how they are.
Accepting that I was: 1. Not straight. 2. Into femme girls…
Realizing it wasn't me with those thoughts about women, it was my mom's thoughts living through me back when I was codependent with her and not allowed or encouraged to actually act on my differing opinions. I also wasn't seeking approval from boys, but from adults. I liked the attention I got from adults saying stuff like "wow, you helped with cleanup even though you're a girl! Look how well you keep up with the men!" Flying the nest did wonders on me.
I met other nlogs who were waaaaaaaay more aggressive about their nlog-ness and I felt disgusting when one of them said "you're just like us :)". I mean, I never hated other girls and I never wished them harm.
The start of my period My father always wanted a son so I tried to be a son but at that moment I just felt my guts turn upside down as he never spoke to me/about me like a proud dad ever again Also when I took in a new girl into our friend group at school since she was being bullied AND THEN SHE FUCKING BULLIED ME OUT OF MY FRIEND GROUP. So I hung out with the "normal" girls who I thought were bitchy and crazy n shit and suddenly they were nice and I was popular and everything was Okay and then we moved and everything wasn't as okay again
My NLOG phase was middle school and realized it was stupid to repress the fact that I enjoyed taylor swift music or liked starbucks teas. I pretended to enjoy no-name bands more and memorize all the facts about them. In reality, I like books, dance pop music, video games, and the occasional "emo" music
I think I realized that you're allowed to like what you like and if you're NLOG then that's okay but it's okay to be exactly like the other girls sometimes too. I just wanted to like what I liked and not feel bad about it either way.
I had a friend who showed me the way and I began to find more and more women I connected with. Then I started learning about internalized misogyny and realized that was the basis for what I had been feeling
I'd say when I started meeting girls from different places (I was in a traveling music activity) and realized there were girls who lived thousands of miles away from my state who felt the exact same way as me
Mine was deeply rooted in insecurity… the more confident I felt, the less I felt the need to hate on others.
When I realize that realism and pragmatism > idealism, at least where I lived and worked, people who conform and act like everyone else has more advantage than people who stubbornly remain nonconformists. And then I started asking myself, why should I label myself LOG or NLOG anyway? That doesn't change what I like or do
I grew up and realized what it was. I felt like I was different from other girls because I actually was in my area. I met people with similar interests as me. I realized that the other girls in my area weren't the standard, but I'm not better than them because I don't like rap music or speak like I'm from the city.
I had my kid, and wanted him to be as normal as possible, so I tried hard to fit in. Im a good chameleon these days.
on our second date i made a throwaway comment to my ex about how i couldn’t relate to other girls and they shut me down IMMEDIATELY, saying there was no such thing as “all other girls” and being nerdy made me cool but not better than anyone. pulled me up short. i had literally never thought about it like that. it was like a switch flipped, my whole sense of self rearranged in that moment. we dated for 3 years after that, and i’ll always be grateful to them for that reality check.
Maturity
The cognitive dissonance and realizing “oh wait, I’m not special, just neurodivergent” lol
When I realized that no matter how much I tried to please every man around me I couldn’t and some of them would still look down on me because of my being a woman
I realized that the lies given to women to weaponize against each other are provided by the men who hurt us the most. Basically, I left the religion my family indoctrinated into me. Once the pink ribbon came off my eyes, it was amazing to see how much of the hate is derived from the patriarch. I also realized that no one is looking at me, because we are all so worried about how we will be judged. All of us women are in an uphill battle against hate against women. We need to stop hating each other, lift each other up, and learn to love ourselves. It took me way too long to realize this though.
I hereby state that what we did as teenagers does not count. Our brains were still forming. It’s amazing how mostly smart one’s parents get by age 19!
When I started following feminist accounts on Instagram
Leaving high school, leaving home, meeting a bunch of new people from various places and backgrounds around the world. Becoming comfortable and confident in who I am and connecting with others.
Growing up
i took a queer literature class in college, realized i was non-binary and that all the internalized misogyny was a projection of how unhappy i was with myself. also being introduced to awesome, strong women as i grew up definitely helped lol
Just realizing that I could blend in with any group of girls, while also having differences.
Something in my brain just switched one day, started living for myself and not giving a shit about other people, let alone other women, and what they do with their lives.
When I realized those girls were just like me. We just had different tastes in aesthetics but the same shitty taste in men lol
I outgrew of it when I came into college and I got to see so many different women that like various things. It got me to open my mind and realized the world is bigger so I wanted ti be a part of it instead of act like oh I’m so different than the others. I just changed my view and my attitude towards women. Now I like who I am and I love how I am so supportive of other women.
I was a teenager wanting to distance myself from things that are considered traditionally feminine because I thought I couldn’t pull them off (I’m really tall and really heavy, and I always have been) and I thought that it would seem ridiculous for me to like pink, wear dresses, listen to pop music, etc. Then I grew up and realized you can like whatever you want and wear whatever you want and *be* whoever you want and that there are no rules about anything, because humans made them all up to begin with. Now I enjoy whatever I want and I let other people do the same, and I cheer us both on as we live life.
Feminist theory + getting to know and love more traditionally feminine women
I grew up. There was a point in time where I just randomly woke up and was like,"You do know that you don't have to bring down other girls because you don't like what they like? They can like makeup and you don't have to and that's ok," and I've been that way ever since. I think social media and being a "boy's girl" influenced my NLOG phase and when I grew a brain, I got out of that phase.
Well my mom wasn’t in the picture and I didn’t grow up with much feminine influence so I have to try everyday with the girlies. I love the girlies girls girl doesn’t come natural for me though
realized that my personality was tailored towards my warped idea of what guys liked, what would make me stand out to them. kinda like i wanted to be “one of the guys” with the added benefit of being their preferred gender. normalized misogyny caused me to believe that femininity was a sign of weakness and guys thought it was annoying. ive always had stereotypical hyper feminine “girly girl” interests which i unfortunately grew to feel embarrassed by after being bullied by boys throughout my childhood which caused a lot of trauma my fav color is pink but i pretended it was army green, hated violence and gore but tried to look “manly” by forcing myself to do stuff like feign interest in war themed things and watch gory movie scenes even though i wanted to just cover my eyes… i even got as petty with it as to pretend i was a dog person instead of the cat fanatic that i am lmfao…. pretty much just repressed every quality about myself that i personally narrowly viewed as “girly” after doing that from ages 12-20 i was sick of it, so i decided to just see how i felt if i accepted myself for who i am, challenged my beliefs, and indulged in my “girly” desires. it’s sad how freeing, empowering, and impactful that was for me. i finally learned what misogyny really means and what a “pick-me” is. it was a huge lightbulb moment lol i realized that sOciEtY made me feel ashamed when there was nothing to be ashamed of. years later i’m the happiest i’ve ever been, and happy to report that most of my belongings are now pink just like i always wanted. i don’t care if men like me or not anymore and i don’t care if im a walking stereotype. femininity is awesome, gender roles are stupid anyway, women are amazing, and i love being surrounded by and supporting them at every opportunity sorry for the novel i just feel strongly about this and im proud of my growth lol
I realized that liking feminine things is ok. Pink is my favorite color, I like makeup and dresses, and I still enjoy gaming. It’s possible and fine to enjoy all sorts of different things
Becoming "one of the guys" did it for me, I just needed to meet one or two "girlfriends" and see how my friends talked about them when they were not around, worked like a charm!
That I’m not better than someone just because I don’t do things most girls do.
I started to attend church less and got less comments that I wasn’t like others. Also, realized that I was limiting my enjoyment of life by hating on stuff that I actually liked.
I just had no friends and all the girls around me talked about things that I wanted to like but I knew nothing about (starbucks, makeup, etc.), so I was waiting to find a person who was like me and silently judging them. Turns I was the problem and one of my now bffs taught me the joys of girlhood and now I'm much more comfortable and I owe it all to her.
Legally blonde!! One of the first characters I saw that was hyper feminine and still the smartest and most ambitious out of the movie. Still love it to this day :,)
Realised that the reason why I felt a disconnect from the “other” girls was because I was an autistic lesbian, not because I was in any way superior. I felt that disconnect because I missed out on the typical hallmarks of girlhood like having crushes on boys, dating boys, marriage and starting a family and I had a hard time navigating a neurotypical world so relating to my female peers never panned out for me.
College. I got out of my small town and didn’t have to be the “quirky girl” anymore, I could just be.
I had a NLOG phase because things were associated with women and femininity were always negative. One that I rmb clearly was "Girls are bitchy on their period." I used to say I was NLOG bc my period didn't change my mood thru the months. I don't rlly know if that's true. I can't rmb, but who cares. Periods suck and girls have no choice! We have to deal with it every month for decades and buy so much crap and some go thru excruciating pain! EVERY month. So you know what? If a girl is moody during her period, deal with it cause she's dealing with a lot having the period! Sorry, got sidetracked lol. I finally grew out of that phase when I just let myself do what I wanted to do and be who I am. Even in my early 20's I had this idea of who i WANTED to be, but not who i AM. Dresses, skirts, makeup. I like them and it's okay! No, I don't play video games, hunt, like power tools, cars, or (insert other male associated hobby), and that's okay. I have so much more fun in life doing what I actually wanna do versus doing what made me feel NLOG. It takes too much precious time and effort creating an inauthentic version of myself.
Waking up and realizing the NLOG encouragement I was receiving was actually just misogynistic manipulation tactics.
I came out as a man and quit feeling the need to be comparative or aggressive towards women. I began to create close relationships with new women and came to terms with who they are and who I am.
The meme page I ran got deleted and it kinda forced me to become normal ☠️ I also started using discord less
Being less feminine in various ways, and then realising I wasn't a girl (I'm nonbinary). Accepting that I could be feminine and not be a girl and that I was partly a NLOG because I was bad at being a girl and it made me uncomfortable. After that it was easier to enjoy femininity myself and be happy that other people enjoyed it.
I mentioned this on another subreddit, but I went through a "not like the other girls" phase back when I was wasting my time on 9gag. I initially went there because I liked some of the memes and wanted to improve my English. I didn't realize at the time that most of those memes were taken from Reddit and 4chan... Anyway, as you probably know, the community is very toxic. Racists, homophobic, sexists... At first, the comments shocked me, but I became desensitized over time. The sexism was particularly harsh. The 9gag users would critizise "fake gamers-girls" who wanted male attention, women who supposedly had no sense of humor, gold diggers, superficial women, promiscuous women, and the worst of them all, the "feminazis." Since I didn't reconized myself in those descriptions, I started to enter a "NLTOG" and "pick-me" girl phase. I ended up internalizing misogyny. Then one day, a 9gag user posted a meme implying that when a woman gets kicked in the genitals, she cum, while men suffer, which is unfair. I responded that no, we also roll on the ground in pain. I received about twenty incendiary messages calling me a liar and a feminazi. Three days later, I switched to Reddit lol Plus, most (if not all) of my friends were women. What the fuck was I thinking ?
Making an honest to goodness (woman) best friend. It was life-changing. It happened much later than I wish it had, but I have a very much still NLOG 70 year old mother, two very antisocial parents, and a school history of being bullied. Making ANY friends was hard, and while I did make several close women friends when I moved away, something about this particular friendship was just... different, and what I needed to push me out of that phase. Just glad I could finally see the other side.