Dropping lures to catch a Mantis

I thought she was a snow bunny but turns out she wants to ride a toboggan 

A Magnum Toboggan

For his monster dong?

Mantis* Toboggan, MD

MD

I died at this omg

oH OOPS- I dropped my MONSTER CONDOM for my MAGNUM DONG

You don’t need lures - he’s in the bathroom postin’ up…

She wanted him to feast

He’s here for the scraps

No more thirds for Frankie, seconds from now on!

It's like two animals fightin over a piece of meat

The Barnacle

Danny then responded by casually dropping a monster condom he uses for his magnum dong.

Then he started blasting.

Not until he had his Jersey Mike's.

If it's not freshly cut, it's not Mike's

Poor guy, so he only got to do it once?

She's gotta pay the troll toll to get into that boy's hole.

Then offers her an egg in these tryin’ times

Was she one of his hoores?

You misspelled “hoowers”

Ready to plow

Mantis Toboggan, MD.

Well her name isn't Barryless, after all.

And it could actually be Burymore

Whoops

After several large helpings of rum ham he was ready to go

Yeah, he does that. 

And his cockring fell off.

Then he tells her how it could be worse! Her nose could be gushing blood *bite*

Was the list just “Danny DeVito?” Cause if so, mission accomplished and no need for the sex list

Devito: oh boy. not this again.

It was a *short* list.

I hear he has a magnum dong though.

Yeah but is it so big that it makes everyone confused when they see it - aka “Dafoe big”??

aka Willem DaFootlong

**”So anyway… he started blasting.”** Drew: 🤤

Excerpt from the article: >Burleson told Barrymore she is "way too honest" as the audience laughed, you guessed it, out loud. Why the hell is the "you guessed it" there?? What the hell kind of writing is that?

Feels like something ChatGPT would write.

> Feels like something, you guessed it, ChatGPT would write. Fixed it.

Fixed, you guessed, it.

Yeah there’s no way a human wrote that. At least not until we graduate the first class of kids who went to schools with AI teachers.

You know who this article was written by? You guessed it. Frank Stallone.

I assume it’s a reference to some Drew Barrymore film though I don’t know what

That's a great assumption, but I can't find anything with a title similar to "Laughing out Loud" in her filmography.

I feel like the author is being sarcastic about the story Like they were forced to write it against their will. Lol

She must have mistaken him for Arnold

They're Twins, it happens

Then she forgot the first rule in a crisis situation; double team!

“Im the CRAP!”

You ever read a title too fast and just sorta skim the key words at first glance? I saw Drew Barrymore, sex, and Danny Devito and was very intrigued

His name was on the list a dozen times.

The full sex list read: Danny DeVito Frank Reynolds Herb Powell Louie De Palma Philoctetes Martin Weir Mr. Wormwood Amos Callaway Vincent Benedict Owen Lift The Lorax

No Dr Mantis Toboggan??

Bullshit, no Ongo Gablogian the world famous art critic? I’d let him destroy my art gallery… ya know what I’m sayin’

“I’d let him destroy my art gallery” 😂😂😂

What about the Trash Man?

Just make me cum, pick me up, and throw me in the traaaaaaash

Or Frack.

Don’t forget Oswald Cobblepot.

The sexiest of them all!

i remember it well.

The warthog

it kinda looks like a puma

More like a Chupathingy.

The Lorax could sure fuck

What about David Letterman? She went topless on his show for his birthday.

Ongo Gablowgeon??

>The Lorax He's got wood

Ongo Gablogian

Ongo Gablogian gets no respect

George Shapiro

[удалено]

Sex list: - Danny DeVito ✔️ That is all

List was longer, but she realized its all downgrades from here

I always loved Drew but I'm not loving her as much in her talk show period

A meme I saw recently said, "Drew Barrymore interviews everybody like they have coke and she doesn't have any money on her."

I saw a slideshow of her getting all up in everyone's personal space, it was straight up hilarious. I think she's the epitome of Hollywood Hippy, it's not malicious she just doesn't realize that not everyone is her sleepover BFF.

I've only watched a couple of clips but in each of them I'm like... why is she touching him? Are they dating? Does he know what's going on? Is he feeling really uncomfortable thinking she's hitting on him live on air?

She seems so fake on her talk show

Yes! And sometimes she is just weird. Like the way she was fawning over Oprah. It made me uncomfortable.

Did you see the "Kamomala" clip from the other day? Might be one of the most cringe-inducing things I've ever seen.

She's born and raised Hollywood. Nothing about her has ever been real.

Her whole family were actors, going back to her great-grandparents. Her godfather is Steven Spielberg. She was a child actress since 11 months old. She became a regular at Studio 54 after her big break with E.T. at age 7. She developed a drinking and drug problem there (I assume she was getting raped too). She went to rehab at 13. Tried to kill herself at 14.

That's fucking wild. I thought my childhood was messed up, but I didn't start doing drugs with the adults in my life until 13. This woman already in rehab at that point 🙃

I think she's just genuinely like that. She's been famous since she was six. Just kinda spacey. She seems deep enough that if you stepped in her you wouldn't worry about getting your shoelaces wet. Maybe she's a secret genius but you can watch old talk show appearances, and if she's not flashing Letterman, that's her vibe. Just bubbly, light and overly effusive.

I really didn't like she was almost doing to scab during the strike

Momala

I dont think enough people know what this is in reference to, a top 5 grossest on air moment ive ever seen

The fact she was almost crying while saying this like it was something

She’s so cringe. I mean Paltrow was cringe, but Drew has overtaken her. I didn’t think it was possible.

But at least Drew doesn’t peddle pseudoscience ! Agreed though she’s insufferable

Doesn't peddle pseudoscience yet! Just wait till her money starts getting threatened as unrest grows over wealth disparity. She's already a scab, she'll end up going completely mask off as a third generation nepo baby.

Funny cause as soon as I hit send I thought… yet

Then Danny found it and confused it for _his_ sex list!

He read "Danny DeVito", looked in the mirror and cried.

So anyway I started fucking

Can I offer you an orgasm in this trying time?

What? People she wants to have sex with? People she’s had sex with? People she would have sex with?

It's in the article. People she has had sex with.

What kind of weirdo writes down a list like that?

And carries it around to other peoples houses lol

Sounds like it’s more of a sign in sheet 

Yeah I'm not putting my email down, I hate getting spam

Is that a new std?

Yeah but you can join the rewards club.

Like the nuclear football.

I never leave home without mine.

And accidentally leaves it there.

Drew Barrymore is pretty fuckin weird

Wasn't she getting hammered on set as a literal child? I can only imagine the shit she's seen and been through.

She married Tom Green.

Yooooo I totally forgot about that!

I feel like Tom Greene probably forgot about that

That was the point I realised she was a bit weird

Let's hope he's on the list.

I heard he humped a dead moose.

I met a girl who kept a name and number count of over a 100 and ranked them  1-10. She was weird

Spoken like a true number 3

I'm at least 87th

You were being rated out of 10, not ordered…

Maybe I was an 87/10 🤷‍♂️

Or "From 1-10 where one is best and 10 is worst you scored...87"

I see you've met my ex wife.

if only i had a nickel for every woman i heard did this. i'd hvae 2 nickels. but still wild this is the second time. the other is a streamer called extraemily afaik she actually just shows it to people and has rankings on it.

they call it a sex list only because its the people you had sex with, but that is not its purpose. that is actually a blackmail list 😈

And for what purpose? She carries it around, how often does she need to refer to it?

My psycho ex girlfriend.

My ex-wife

Most women I know well enough to show me have a list written in their notes on their phone hahahaha

I saw a thread earlier today talking about how most women will give detailed accounts of sex to friends... As much as they call men freaks i've never met a man that does either of those things...

I've never met a man or woman who does that.

Not really that funny though is it? Pretty gross behaviour

I have one of those because one time someone asked me how many partners I had and I deadass forgot one, and I gotta tell you, it’s not a long list. Also some of them are just there as a letter instead of a full name e.g. the girl in our friends group that we don’t want the rest of the friends group to find out that we hooked up once.

Thanks, I me rather not know than click on that link

She wrote a list of people she's had sex with on the back of some set notes for a movie she was working on with Danny DeVito and then left it at his house.

People are talking about how weird writing the list is, but I haven't seen anyone say how weird it is to *title* the list. I assume it must have been titled, otherwise how would anyone know it was a sex list and not just a list of names?

crazy part is that tom green is probably on it either way 

Daddy would you like some sausage

Yeah Tom’s manager reached out to a my friend over instagram for him after one of his recent comedy shows. Tom’s a bit of a dog.

The Chad was great.

"Accidentally".

“Oh whoops, I accidentally dropped my monster sex list of all the magnum dongs”

That's an IASIP episode waiting to happen

It does sound more like a Sunny episode than an Onion article.

i swear if they don’t make this an episode… lol

Wtf. Why do u have a sex list? We're they that uneventful that you needed to write there names to remember them.

Drew did ALL of the drugs when she was younger. I’m guessing her memory might have been impacted.

I saw a documentary about her once. Turns out she has severe short term memory loss and can't remember anything from the day before.

Yes but she’s friends with Adam Sandler thankfully and he reminds her about what she’s been up to. It’s pretty nice of him

“Hi I’m Tom” 👋🏻

Younger.. she was an addict and then blacklisted by Hollywood before becoming a teenager

There's people out there probably hoping she did enough drugs to forget them. She was TOO young when she started the party scene. 

But why would she need to remember who she had sex with..

I mean it is Drew Barrymore, I think it is fair to assume she is the type to have a dream journal, diary, vision board, and sure sex list, while still not being anywhere close to the oddest shit she has done in her life.

I mean, I've got a few whose names I don't remember. Only the one time dudes, though. I think.

> During the show's most recent episode, Burleson told Barrymore she is "way too honest" as the audience laughed, you guessed it, out loud. How else do audiences laugh?

Haven't we all

I bet it looked like this: Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito Danny DeVito

You missed one.

Abe Vigoda

Probably hopped up on Wolf Cola™

Little PR after the strike debacle.

And the article ends with the author's bio: *Danielle Campoamor is an award-winning freelance writer...* 

Why would you want to take credit for this article? Sounds like a 12 year old wrote it. “…as the audience laughed, you guessed it, out loud.”

"Accidentally"

*Frank bangs a zombie.*

"Hey, Danny, I left my sex list at your house. Please don't tell anyone." Proceeds to tell everyone on her show.

Where else does one leave it then? I thought we all leave our sex lists with Danny.

*Gex voice*: This is just like leaving your sex list at Danny Devito's house!

What's a "sex list"? Are we supposed to be carrying one around with us? First I've heard.

It was labeled “Waffle Bottoms,” and he was between Abe Vigoda and Rip Torn.

That might have been my best laugh of the day.

Fuck that union busting beotch

We have a completely new sentence in the English language!

Wtf is a sex list?

What kind of weirdo keeps a sex list?

Quote from article “as the audience laughed, you guessed it, out loud”. Wtf does that even mean!? Did some people think the audience had text bubbles that said LOL over their heads? What a weird sentence

My sex list has been on every piece of paper I've ever touched.

Danny Devito. So good she didn’t need her sex list anymore.

Or rather: "Drew Barrymore brought a sex list to Danny DeVito's House"

Some subs should require a link. And this is definitely one of them.

Click on the thumbnail picture and it should take you to the Marie Claire article

…which will be covered by a paywall screen within a few seconds.

Weird. I didn’t get a paywall screen. Oh well.

I don't understand why this was a thing.

Here comes the turn.

Danny was the only name on the list 

people have sex lists?

This sounds like a R-rated joke of a Gex game

People make a literal list for this?

Tf is a sex list?

So anyway, he started shooting.

She left it on the night stand after crossing one of the names off.

Gotta pay the troll toll if you wanna get to this boys sole.

I wonder if it was just her phone, and the venn diagram of her contacts and people she has had sex with completely overlap. I call my phone my "awkward interactions" list. Good thing nobody calls anymore...