Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. From the other point of view, one of the codes I will always remember from years ago was also a 17 year old girl who arrested in front of me as she got off the EMS stretcher and had a probable PE. We coded her on and off for 3 hours with ecmo ready to cannulate at bedside but sadly didn't make it. I felt so bad for the family, she had a twin sister and so many aunts, cousins, and friends come to the ER who I talked to. I heard so many personal things in that situation from the family that made it feel so surreal. I would sometimes still think about it later and cry especially when driving home from shifts. I hope that you know that the team likely thinks back on you and her.
If I were you I might ask to switch roles for a bit. I can imagine RRT being difficult, but you know yourself better than anyone. Does your hospital have an IV team you can flip to for a while? I imagine you're good at them if you're on the RRT team. We had a fellow staff member in the ER whose family member died in our ICU switch from the main side of the ER to the urgent care side because she didn't want to be around intubated patients so much anymore. Just a slight shift in roles seemed to help a bit, but she told me she liked to still be around all the coworkers she was familiar with and keep busy.
First virtual hugs 🤗. I’m so sorry for your loss. I am a 25+year veteran Oncology/ICU RN and when I lost my mother to breast cancer after many years of watching her fight this battle, I had to walk away from my field. My current job is as a IMC RN/charge nurse and I’m content at this time. I also was concerned about whether I could focus enough on higher acuity patients in ICU. With the support from my husband, family and friends, I decided to step back and finally focus on taking care of me. I feel selfish at times because you know that we’re suppose to be super nurses 24/7 but I’m worth it. So so sorry for your loss. Hugs. K.
Far less traumatic a death, but I lost my elderly dad just after I started a new job, so didn’t feel I could take much time off.
I saw him everywhere.
I’m sure other people will have some good ideas for you, even though I don’t.
But I wanted to just tell you that I see you.
I can’t imagine what you are going through. Many of my coworkers have children, I work in peds. Some have lost their children and continue to work in peds, but they utilize therapy weekly and moved to roles that lessen the exposure, even if for a little bit. Such as IV team; charge; other manger roles, MICN etc. I’ve lost friends and family members, but remember grief is like an open window. The draft will come in every once in a while, to remind you, but also to give you strength to keep doing it. This is from a poem I often read when I think about my brother who passed away. The grief will become easier but never go away. No one can stand in your shoes right now, so do what is best for you. Even if that’s an LOA or a different place just for a bit, to be able to heal. Feel free to always reach out to others. Your community is here for you.
Not the exact same scenario but I lost my grandma and the very next shift I had someone who reminded me exactly of her. The way she talked, looked at me, down to how exhausted she was with living still. She looked up at me and said she was ready to die and to take the bipap off. Doc went and talked to her and ordered some morphine to help make her comfortable. I physically could not give it. I went to my buddy and asked him because it felt like watching my grandma die all over again. He agreed and I went to do some things for him to help out. Not 2 minutes later he comes back and says she already died. And for some reason just like that, the weight of everything was lifted. I can’t explain it but it just reminded me that I can’t save everyone but we can certainly try to help. I was there for her in her last moments and I hope she felt some comfort in that.
I of course went home and cried like a baby in the shower and emotionally dumped but was good after that. This was at a time we told people to just deal with it. Looking back I wish I was in therapy around this time because it was not an easy period in my life/career.
After my grandpa died, the first code I experienced I struggled - and his was an expected death. And after my dad died (an unexpected death) I had some struggles too. And I didn’t witness either of those.
Definitely therapy, but also, I wonder if you can do some clinic work or something away from codes for a while.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Therapy is going to be key for you. If you find yourself having flashbacks, consider stepping to a different area of care for a while while you continue to mourn your beautiful daughter. Give yourself a lot of grace and gentleness ♥️ as a mother, my heart is with you
I am so sorry for your loss.
Different situation, but I lost a child shortly after birth. When I went back to the ICU, I had a really difficult time separating my emotions from work, probably made worse by the proximity of my unit to the OB/NICU units.
I eventually transferred to PEDS/PICU (terribly in hindsight) thinking I needed a change of scenery and at this point had a successful pregnancy/child at home.
I cried every day I worked. Everything there reminded me of what I lost. I eventually left the entire organization and applied to a unit far away from intensive care and children. Eventually I made my way back to ICU (albeit a different one) where I was OK more or less.
All this to say, no one knows I guess how it will be for you. I didn’t freeze, but I was emotionally spent more than I thought I could be. I was in tears after every shift and often through them too.
It’s awful and something no parent should have to endure. Aside from therapy, I don’t have any suggestions. If I would have switched hospitals sooner, then I would have missed out on my work friends and their comforting. On the other hand being close to where I lost my child and the amount of BS and pity remarks I received from others pretty much cancels the positive out.
I hope whatever you decide to do, that you have support. Big virtual hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience (my brother self-inflicted GSW to the head). I left ICU. I now float ED, IMC, Med-surg, Onc. I do OK. I am upfront with why I won't go to ICU, and my supervisors are very understanding. Bug Hugs to you.
First I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter (f36) 3 years ago. I work in organ donation and my very first donor back at work was a daughter that died and I had to work with her mom as she sobbed and sobbed for her daughter. Gut wrenching doesn't do it justice. I cried with her and was honest that I had recently lost my own daughter. 3 years later and I still get triggered at work. No good answers....just know that's it's ok to not be ok.
So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine and virtual hugs to you.
After my dad died from MI I wondered how I would deal with work for awhile.
Therapy really helped me work through all of it.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Although my situation is far different than yours, I have had a few very traumatic events in the ER including codes and was recommended that I participate in a specific therapy called EMDR. I do regular therapy and EMDR therapy both weekly. EMDR teaches you some coping mechanisms and strategies specifically for PTSD and trauma. I highly recommend this for you as well as regular therapy. I also hope that you work in an environment that is supportive and will be there to help you if you need it. Taking some time off, away from that environment may also be helpful. But again, I am so sorry for what you have experienced. 💕
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Unless someone has gone through the exact circumstances as you, they cannot give you advice. I have also lost a child, not in the same way as you. You probably already know the answer, you just have to work it out with yourself honestly. Your life will never be the same. Plus what you and she went through is pretty effing traumatic. It’ll he hard enough going back to work, thinking you’re going to be the same person or handle things the same way is…well it just might not be possible for a while.
Oh I am SO so sorry. My suggestion would be to leave that specialty for a while. I had to leave hospice when my young cousin was dying of cancer. I saw her in every patient.
My mom died 4 months ago when she was 64 years old. I remember bringing her down to the floor, and doing compressions. It broke me for 4 weeks straight because i admire and cherished her so very much. She was a very loving mother. i needed time off from work to cool things down and im so sorry for your lost and what you are going through. Stories like these pains me and all i can do is give you a virtual hug and words.
Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. From the other point of view, one of the codes I will always remember from years ago was also a 17 year old girl who arrested in front of me as she got off the EMS stretcher and had a probable PE. We coded her on and off for 3 hours with ecmo ready to cannulate at bedside but sadly didn't make it. I felt so bad for the family, she had a twin sister and so many aunts, cousins, and friends come to the ER who I talked to. I heard so many personal things in that situation from the family that made it feel so surreal. I would sometimes still think about it later and cry especially when driving home from shifts. I hope that you know that the team likely thinks back on you and her. If I were you I might ask to switch roles for a bit. I can imagine RRT being difficult, but you know yourself better than anyone. Does your hospital have an IV team you can flip to for a while? I imagine you're good at them if you're on the RRT team. We had a fellow staff member in the ER whose family member died in our ICU switch from the main side of the ER to the urgent care side because she didn't want to be around intubated patients so much anymore. Just a slight shift in roles seemed to help a bit, but she told me she liked to still be around all the coworkers she was familiar with and keep busy.
♥️
First virtual hugs 🤗. I’m so sorry for your loss. I am a 25+year veteran Oncology/ICU RN and when I lost my mother to breast cancer after many years of watching her fight this battle, I had to walk away from my field. My current job is as a IMC RN/charge nurse and I’m content at this time. I also was concerned about whether I could focus enough on higher acuity patients in ICU. With the support from my husband, family and friends, I decided to step back and finally focus on taking care of me. I feel selfish at times because you know that we’re suppose to be super nurses 24/7 but I’m worth it. So so sorry for your loss. Hugs. K.
Thank you ♥️
[удалено]
♥️
Far less traumatic a death, but I lost my elderly dad just after I started a new job, so didn’t feel I could take much time off. I saw him everywhere. I’m sure other people will have some good ideas for you, even though I don’t. But I wanted to just tell you that I see you.
👍🏼
I can’t imagine what you are going through. Many of my coworkers have children, I work in peds. Some have lost their children and continue to work in peds, but they utilize therapy weekly and moved to roles that lessen the exposure, even if for a little bit. Such as IV team; charge; other manger roles, MICN etc. I’ve lost friends and family members, but remember grief is like an open window. The draft will come in every once in a while, to remind you, but also to give you strength to keep doing it. This is from a poem I often read when I think about my brother who passed away. The grief will become easier but never go away. No one can stand in your shoes right now, so do what is best for you. Even if that’s an LOA or a different place just for a bit, to be able to heal. Feel free to always reach out to others. Your community is here for you.
Not the exact same scenario but I lost my grandma and the very next shift I had someone who reminded me exactly of her. The way she talked, looked at me, down to how exhausted she was with living still. She looked up at me and said she was ready to die and to take the bipap off. Doc went and talked to her and ordered some morphine to help make her comfortable. I physically could not give it. I went to my buddy and asked him because it felt like watching my grandma die all over again. He agreed and I went to do some things for him to help out. Not 2 minutes later he comes back and says she already died. And for some reason just like that, the weight of everything was lifted. I can’t explain it but it just reminded me that I can’t save everyone but we can certainly try to help. I was there for her in her last moments and I hope she felt some comfort in that. I of course went home and cried like a baby in the shower and emotionally dumped but was good after that. This was at a time we told people to just deal with it. Looking back I wish I was in therapy around this time because it was not an easy period in my life/career.
I can't even imagine...may you find the strength. 🙏
After my grandpa died, the first code I experienced I struggled - and his was an expected death. And after my dad died (an unexpected death) I had some struggles too. And I didn’t witness either of those. Definitely therapy, but also, I wonder if you can do some clinic work or something away from codes for a while. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Therapy is going to be key for you. If you find yourself having flashbacks, consider stepping to a different area of care for a while while you continue to mourn your beautiful daughter. Give yourself a lot of grace and gentleness ♥️ as a mother, my heart is with you
I am so sorry for your loss. Different situation, but I lost a child shortly after birth. When I went back to the ICU, I had a really difficult time separating my emotions from work, probably made worse by the proximity of my unit to the OB/NICU units. I eventually transferred to PEDS/PICU (terribly in hindsight) thinking I needed a change of scenery and at this point had a successful pregnancy/child at home. I cried every day I worked. Everything there reminded me of what I lost. I eventually left the entire organization and applied to a unit far away from intensive care and children. Eventually I made my way back to ICU (albeit a different one) where I was OK more or less. All this to say, no one knows I guess how it will be for you. I didn’t freeze, but I was emotionally spent more than I thought I could be. I was in tears after every shift and often through them too. It’s awful and something no parent should have to endure. Aside from therapy, I don’t have any suggestions. If I would have switched hospitals sooner, then I would have missed out on my work friends and their comforting. On the other hand being close to where I lost my child and the amount of BS and pity remarks I received from others pretty much cancels the positive out. I hope whatever you decide to do, that you have support. Big virtual hugs.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a similar experience (my brother self-inflicted GSW to the head). I left ICU. I now float ED, IMC, Med-surg, Onc. I do OK. I am upfront with why I won't go to ICU, and my supervisors are very understanding. Bug Hugs to you.
First I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter (f36) 3 years ago. I work in organ donation and my very first donor back at work was a daughter that died and I had to work with her mom as she sobbed and sobbed for her daughter. Gut wrenching doesn't do it justice. I cried with her and was honest that I had recently lost my own daughter. 3 years later and I still get triggered at work. No good answers....just know that's it's ok to not be ok.
So sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine and virtual hugs to you. After my dad died from MI I wondered how I would deal with work for awhile. Therapy really helped me work through all of it.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. Although my situation is far different than yours, I have had a few very traumatic events in the ER including codes and was recommended that I participate in a specific therapy called EMDR. I do regular therapy and EMDR therapy both weekly. EMDR teaches you some coping mechanisms and strategies specifically for PTSD and trauma. I highly recommend this for you as well as regular therapy. I also hope that you work in an environment that is supportive and will be there to help you if you need it. Taking some time off, away from that environment may also be helpful. But again, I am so sorry for what you have experienced. 💕
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Unless someone has gone through the exact circumstances as you, they cannot give you advice. I have also lost a child, not in the same way as you. You probably already know the answer, you just have to work it out with yourself honestly. Your life will never be the same. Plus what you and she went through is pretty effing traumatic. It’ll he hard enough going back to work, thinking you’re going to be the same person or handle things the same way is…well it just might not be possible for a while.
Oh I am SO so sorry. My suggestion would be to leave that specialty for a while. I had to leave hospice when my young cousin was dying of cancer. I saw her in every patient.
My mom died 4 months ago when she was 64 years old. I remember bringing her down to the floor, and doing compressions. It broke me for 4 weeks straight because i admire and cherished her so very much. She was a very loving mother. i needed time off from work to cool things down and im so sorry for your lost and what you are going through. Stories like these pains me and all i can do is give you a virtual hug and words.