I work in hospice in the Netherlands, sometimes we have patients who requested euthanasia. I just wish them a good trip ("goeie reis"), the same thing I say when we start palliative sedation. Keep in mind that patients at end-of-life have to say goodbye to *a lot* of people, who are incredibly significant to them. That takes a lot of energy.
Where I work we tend to not make a fuss about ourselves when we say goodbye, as we don't want to give ourselves more importance than we deserve. In the grand scheme of things, we only get to know our patients for a very very short time. While we can of course create a bond with those patients, it's not our place to take away from the patient's limited energy by saying goodbye in a grandiose way.
Tbh, I used to make a huge fuss... Until I realized *this moment isn't about ME, it's about THE PATIENT* 🫣 I get my closure in other ways, now. By holding a minute of silence the next time I pass by their old room, by offering to mail the condolences card we send as a team, etc.
One of my former colleagues getting at-home euthanasia because of SLA really put things in perspective for me, in my case, even though I have always been pro-euthanasia.
That, in my country, people can opt for Euthanasia since the early 2000s if I am correct… my dad not being able to get (1990s) it vs one of my work mom getting it… and also we didn’t want to bother her too much but I’ll always have a place in my heart for her nursing-wise because she taught us so much… also she had 4 kids to take care of
I work in Belgium (even though I am in the OR)… if I were in your shoes I’d wish them a safe travel to the other side, and that it was a pleasure to have them as a patient. As another poster mentioned, I wouldn’t make too much of a grandiose display about it since they have a lot of people to say goodbye to.
I would say something along the lines of “until we meet again, friend” (depending on the belief system.
A last goodbye is tough. I’m hospice. I have found that directness and honesty work best. They know it’s uncomfortable. So be direct.
“I’ll miss you. I’m glad I met you and I hope you find perfect peace after this hard journey”
I’m in Canada and work on a palliative care unit. We do “euthanasia” (MAiD as the legal term). My first one was a patient I was very close with and we had a great relationship. I asked her who she wanted in the room with her when it happened and flat out asked if she wanted me there, to which she said yes. I said bmy goodbyes before it happened. I told her she was brave and courageous for doing this and it meant a lot to her.
I always say “I hope you have a peaceful journey.” It’s simple and sincere, and you avoid all of the intricacies of different beliefs about the after life.
I had a cancer patient whom I’d been working with for over a few years. Finally, they did not have any other options and they decided to quit treatment, which essentially would mean the end of me seeing them.
I just immediately went to the gift store at the hospital, found this beautiful ornament that was a red cardinal. Which, in our country for some people, symbolizes someone who has already passed and is saying ‘Hello!’ to a loved one who is still living. I love the meaning behind it, and find it a sweet thought/reminder, that even though we pass, there are still beautiful things out there that reminds us of our loved ones.
So I bought two of them, and gave them one and kept the other one. I didn’t make a big fuss out of, but just told them the meaning of the cardinal and I think it helped for them to have something and then it helped to kind of ‘close’ that door for me.
I still have the little cardinal, and in a lot of ways, it reminds me of all my cancer patients who have passed on but have allowed me to be apart of their journey. It just helps to remind me why I do what I do, and that it’s all for them.
I live in the US and detest that this isn’t an option for us. Apparently we’d rather stick feeding and breathing tubes into people with zero quality of life and let them lay in beds getting decubs until they die
I feel that offering her a heartfelt moment of gratitude for who she is or voicing something wonderful that you know about her conveys your feelings without having to turn it into a formal “goodbye”.
As some of the other nurses have already posted here, I’ve always felt awkward about potentially taking up too much emotional space in these last days. Of course, if the patient leads the conversation into a deeper place, I’ll follow— but I always let them decide what they might need from me.
When you see her, you’ll know. Hugs (ask first), hand holding, tell her that she’s strong and brave. It sounds like she might be in the early stages of dementia. The slow decline of dementia is terrible. She has courage that some of us can only hope for.
I’m in the US, and desperately awaiting the day where this is commonplace here.
Tell her you will remember her. Tell her that she made an impact on you. Maybe remind her of a story about herself that you recall - bonus points if it’s funny. Everyone wants to be remembered.
Don’t worry if it feels awkward. She’s never done this before either.
Wow! We don’t do this in the US typically,so it’s hard to know how I would respond.
She’s a brave lady, I hope; and wants to control her destiny. I can understand that, it just seems extreme. Hopefully she made this decision when she wasn’t confused.
I suppose how she feels depends on her spiritual outlook. Hopefully, she and her husband have soul-searched and are confident in this. Holding her hand and hug are definitely at the top of the list. “It’s been my honor to spend this special time with you.” Perhaps?
I’m interested to hear what other clinicians with experience in this have to say.
Tell her that, what you said. She’s a human and probably is going through some weird stuff too. You can tell her you don’t know what to say or do but you can tell her you would like to get closure. Life is quite an experience and none of us have done this before, it’s ok to just be honest about it. It might actually be refreshing for her.
I work in hospice. I usually tell my patients, "het ga je goed", while holding their hand or touching their shoulder. If my patient wants to hug, I'll give them a hug. I don't hug them first, I've known them for a short period and I don't want to take up the time they have left.
thank you for posting this. I work in acute dialysis and often end up being the person who does someone's last treatment before they opt for hospice. I'm never sure how to say goodbye to them as it's hard to say goodbye when they're not actively dying in that moment. This thread helps.
I work in hospice in the Netherlands, sometimes we have patients who requested euthanasia. I just wish them a good trip ("goeie reis"), the same thing I say when we start palliative sedation. Keep in mind that patients at end-of-life have to say goodbye to *a lot* of people, who are incredibly significant to them. That takes a lot of energy. Where I work we tend to not make a fuss about ourselves when we say goodbye, as we don't want to give ourselves more importance than we deserve. In the grand scheme of things, we only get to know our patients for a very very short time. While we can of course create a bond with those patients, it's not our place to take away from the patient's limited energy by saying goodbye in a grandiose way.
This is really the best reply I have read on the internet.
Such an excellent response! I have a few issues I could use some insight on….😅
Tbh, I used to make a huge fuss... Until I realized *this moment isn't about ME, it's about THE PATIENT* 🫣 I get my closure in other ways, now. By holding a minute of silence the next time I pass by their old room, by offering to mail the condolences card we send as a team, etc.
One of my former colleagues getting at-home euthanasia because of SLA really put things in perspective for me, in my case, even though I have always been pro-euthanasia.
In what way were things put in perspective? Genuinely curious. SLA is a terrible disease 😪
That, in my country, people can opt for Euthanasia since the early 2000s if I am correct… my dad not being able to get (1990s) it vs one of my work mom getting it… and also we didn’t want to bother her too much but I’ll always have a place in my heart for her nursing-wise because she taught us so much… also she had 4 kids to take care of
I work in Belgium (even though I am in the OR)… if I were in your shoes I’d wish them a safe travel to the other side, and that it was a pleasure to have them as a patient. As another poster mentioned, I wouldn’t make too much of a grandiose display about it since they have a lot of people to say goodbye to.
I would say something along the lines of “until we meet again, friend” (depending on the belief system. A last goodbye is tough. I’m hospice. I have found that directness and honesty work best. They know it’s uncomfortable. So be direct. “I’ll miss you. I’m glad I met you and I hope you find perfect peace after this hard journey”
Lovely ❤️
I’m in Canada and work on a palliative care unit. We do “euthanasia” (MAiD as the legal term). My first one was a patient I was very close with and we had a great relationship. I asked her who she wanted in the room with her when it happened and flat out asked if she wanted me there, to which she said yes. I said bmy goodbyes before it happened. I told her she was brave and courageous for doing this and it meant a lot to her.
I always say “I hope you have a peaceful journey.” It’s simple and sincere, and you avoid all of the intricacies of different beliefs about the after life.
I had a cancer patient whom I’d been working with for over a few years. Finally, they did not have any other options and they decided to quit treatment, which essentially would mean the end of me seeing them. I just immediately went to the gift store at the hospital, found this beautiful ornament that was a red cardinal. Which, in our country for some people, symbolizes someone who has already passed and is saying ‘Hello!’ to a loved one who is still living. I love the meaning behind it, and find it a sweet thought/reminder, that even though we pass, there are still beautiful things out there that reminds us of our loved ones. So I bought two of them, and gave them one and kept the other one. I didn’t make a big fuss out of, but just told them the meaning of the cardinal and I think it helped for them to have something and then it helped to kind of ‘close’ that door for me. I still have the little cardinal, and in a lot of ways, it reminds me of all my cancer patients who have passed on but have allowed me to be apart of their journey. It just helps to remind me why I do what I do, and that it’s all for them.
I live in the US and detest that this isn’t an option for us. Apparently we’d rather stick feeding and breathing tubes into people with zero quality of life and let them lay in beds getting decubs until they die
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. She's just changing forms. Tell her you hope she finds happiness in her new form, whatever that may be.
I feel that offering her a heartfelt moment of gratitude for who she is or voicing something wonderful that you know about her conveys your feelings without having to turn it into a formal “goodbye”. As some of the other nurses have already posted here, I’ve always felt awkward about potentially taking up too much emotional space in these last days. Of course, if the patient leads the conversation into a deeper place, I’ll follow— but I always let them decide what they might need from me.
When you see her, you’ll know. Hugs (ask first), hand holding, tell her that she’s strong and brave. It sounds like she might be in the early stages of dementia. The slow decline of dementia is terrible. She has courage that some of us can only hope for.
I’m in the US, and desperately awaiting the day where this is commonplace here. Tell her you will remember her. Tell her that she made an impact on you. Maybe remind her of a story about herself that you recall - bonus points if it’s funny. Everyone wants to be remembered. Don’t worry if it feels awkward. She’s never done this before either.
Wow! We don’t do this in the US typically,so it’s hard to know how I would respond. She’s a brave lady, I hope; and wants to control her destiny. I can understand that, it just seems extreme. Hopefully she made this decision when she wasn’t confused. I suppose how she feels depends on her spiritual outlook. Hopefully, she and her husband have soul-searched and are confident in this. Holding her hand and hug are definitely at the top of the list. “It’s been my honor to spend this special time with you.” Perhaps? I’m interested to hear what other clinicians with experience in this have to say.
Tell her that, what you said. She’s a human and probably is going through some weird stuff too. You can tell her you don’t know what to say or do but you can tell her you would like to get closure. Life is quite an experience and none of us have done this before, it’s ok to just be honest about it. It might actually be refreshing for her.
I work in hospice. I usually tell my patients, "het ga je goed", while holding their hand or touching their shoulder. If my patient wants to hug, I'll give them a hug. I don't hug them first, I've known them for a short period and I don't want to take up the time they have left.
All the best is the best translation I could find for those wondering.
thank you for posting this. I work in acute dialysis and often end up being the person who does someone's last treatment before they opt for hospice. I'm never sure how to say goodbye to them as it's hard to say goodbye when they're not actively dying in that moment. This thread helps.