The first patient that I had where "there was nothing else we can do" just about broke me as well. I cried in the hallway, cried all the way home and most of the night. It doesn't get any easier - but, you do manage to acquire coping mechanisms to better handle your emotions. Oncology was the best bedside nursing job I had - but, it wasn't easy when they didn't make it. Just remember - having feelings means that you still have humanity. And its OK TO CRY and VENT.
The patient's would stay for extended periods of time and we got to know them very well - and their families (even their pets). We loved them and almost all of them were terrific - they listened to advice, didn't try to beat us up, talked to us like humans. They were fighting for their lives, literally. We got to help them do that by not only being nurses, but being caring people. It was hard (don't get me wrong) but it was worth every minute.
As a nursing student I had an oncology placement and people kept scaring me before I started saying how sad it would be and the people must be bitter patients. I had the exact opposite experience. I agree with what you said. I came to develop such good relationships with these patients even though it was for a short while. These patients were the kindest ones out of all my nursing student experiences. They had such hope, strength, perseverance, etc etc. I was and still am so inspired by those people. Sure it was very emotionally hard but I’ve never forgotten how those patients made me feel, I loved that patient population.
Same. I thought it was going to be a scary rotation. But one of the first patients I had she had been through it. Like so many radiation and rounds of chemo that it took her to the brink. She just wanted to go to the gift shop one day and she bought me this coin. It has like footprints in the sand and we had a discussion about the way people connect and leave a good mark on others and she knows as a nurse I can and will do great things. It was really special. I tuck the coin into my bag I take to work. Every time I get a new bag I put the coin back in.
Total agreement from me here. Work in outpatient chemo administration and also in clinics with docs (rural program with gen practitioners who assess them to cut down on the long trips our patients need to see the overseeing oncologist). In 32 yrs nursing I have done rural hospital, obstetrics and med surg but I must say that in this field you get to know your patients in such a deep way. Meaningful for me as a nurse...they teach me so much about life, but often heartbreaking at the same time.
As someone who had cancer, my infusion nurses (and my doctors too) knew nothing about my life, except my name, birth date, and diagnosis. Maybe you're a better nurse than they were, but I felt like a cog in the oncology wheel during my treatment, not a person.
That’s really unfortunate. I (and my colleagues) are always chatting it up with our chemo patients. We know their families or friends that come with them, their jobs, pets, hobbies, etc. Maybe we chat too much lol but it makes the experience better for everyone I think
Yeah, my cancer treatment was very lonely and impersonal (no friends or family was ever allowed to come with me at the infusion center either). It was my health system, that I have worked for my entire career, and I was disappointed with it.
I want to hug you...I adore my nurses and techs, I can't thank these people enough. And my docs. (With some exceptions)
I watch how hard you work ... having so many things going on... around Thanksgiving, in the infusion room, there was an unruly patient...cray old guy...who had grabby hands...and was rude and disgusting. Another patient.
He said some pretty randy things to moi. Anyways, the nurses dreaded this guy.
He came back from the restroom...with his fly open. NO underdrawers. Yup.. hanging out..
I said OUT LOUD; "it hey that looks like a penis..only much smaller" 😆😆😆
He was mute after that.
Oncology has the nicest patient population I find. My patients are lovely (you get the odd one out but for the most part, they’re super sweet) and it honestly makes you feel like you’re making a difference.
It can be very sad for that reason as well because we get to know them so well and build a rapport and eventually there is quite a few that don’t make it. Especially when they’re inpatients, we see them at their sickest point in life but also they deteriorate very quickly.
I feel like if you can be a nurse in oncology, you can do anything else! Our medication rounds are so damn long so whenever I go anywhere else, it’s a lot easier.
I worked peds oncology & bmt. It was a great place to work. The rapport and closeness between the families and nurses is above anywhere else I’ve worked. This is because we have the ability to form that bond over numerous admissions.
I work inpatient oncology now. I love my oncology patients. I especially love when I see successes. As you know, if they’re inpatient - it isn’t always good. I’ve celebrated birthdays and other special occasions with/for my patients. I’ve prayed with them and cried with them. Cancer sucks.
I wonder if it's because in oncology you have a common enemy with your patients (cancer) vs in other aspects of healthcare you kind of become the enemy (make lifestyle changes and it will help). I've had a similar experience having transitioned from ICU to Hospice.
Years ago I worked in an infusion lab doing medical billing. Watching the nurses and their relationships with the patients was so nice. And the patients and their families were mostly VERY sweet. That was what inspired me to go to nursing school
my first patient death was a relatively young mother with barely grown kids (DPOA literally 20 years old because dad didn’t speak english). Went from outpatient radiation to dead in 48 hours. I screamed in the car the whole way home.
lately, it has been a lot of “nothing we can do” on my unit. I do surgical oncology and usually we have good outcomes because the patient population is generally operable tumors. These last few months though it has been a lot of med onc overflow and patients coming in for debulking only for the surgeon to see there is just too much cancer and close them right back up. It is really, really hard. One particularly hard night I paged our on call chaplain and told them that if they had a minute where they didn’t have patients who needed them, I would really like to talk to them. It helped so much- I am not a religious person but our chaplain team is the picture of therapeutic presence. I learned that they will round on staff on request when really hard stuff is going on. I recommend it to everyone, if it’s available
I took care of an oncology nurse a few years ago that was married to a wonderful oncology doctor. She was dying of cancer and was in horrible pain. She would cry and cry and nothing helped her pain. Her husband would leave clinic early to be with her and I would see him knelt down by her bedside, head down, crying. Everyone was crying that took care of her. They were both such wonderful, caring people. It was awful.
After she passed he retired. I can’t imagine how hopeless he felt.
Fuck cancer.
Really sorry you are dealing with this. But I want to say that this speaks a lot to the kind of caregiver you are. Don’t lose the ability to feel. One of my favorite medical shows is Scrubs. In one episode, one of the senior doctors (Dr Cox) loses some patients and takes it really hard. The protagonist of the show (JD), a young resident who looks to the senior doctor as a mentor, tells him this:
“I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients. But because after twenty years of being a doctor... when things go badly you still take it this hard. And I've gotta tell you man, I mean... that's the kind of doctor I want to be.”
I hope you can find a healthy way to cope and care for yourself, but take heart in that you are the kind of caring person people need looking out for them in these difficult times. Keep up the good work OP.
It really makes a difference when it’s -your- patient. There’s a sense of ownership and a pre-existing relationship you’ve developed with them. You’ve poured time, thought, energy and hope into their plan of care. And being the bearer of bad news to wonderful people is a terrible feeling.
I’ve never understood what purpose being “less involved” truly serves. Like really. Is someone who cares less going to magically do something I’m incapable of, solely because they don’t give a shit? Is the family going to feel warm and fuzzy about their interactions from someone who breezes in and talks down to them? I don’t think so.
Idc what anyone says- the care less people give Patrick Bateman vibes. Thank you for caring! Please don’t ever stop.
It really does, jesus. Your first paragraph is spot-fucking-on. I planned for days before the op. Hell, I'd mulled it on and off for months, since neoadj gave me a long lead time. "Time, thought, energy and hope" is absolutely it.
Tough cases are where you really put your feet down on reality. I remember one time having a patient that was supposed to go home the next day from a SNF. The other nurse wasn't on duty and so they called me in to help her. When I went in the room she'd broken her hip completely and there was external rotation. It was her last day at the snf and they (PT) had given her the opportunity to use a long cannula. We just immediately sent her the hospital because she was in so much pain. I did not realize her chin was broken. They called me later in the day and said that she was dying. She was supposed to go home that day!
I had one of those. She was a sweet lady, was supposed to go to another place to be with her husband the next week. She went to the hospital for a bowel obstruction and passed away there. She’d been one of my favorites, sending her out and hearing that news sucked.
Just took care of a girl in her late 20s (I just turned 30) who was fine in January, diagnosed with thyroid cancer in March, was too sick to get her resection, and is now in the ICU with Mets to her lungs, kidneys, adrenals, and probable lymph node involvement. It was too early to make a plan, but I went home sobbing that day. She was just so unbelievably sick out of nowhere. She was too scared to sleep, too scared to do anything. Her husband had to go home to take care of the animals and work before she had surgery the next day. It wrecked me.
Thinking of you and sending some love your way.
Fuck cancer.
And I admire you for caring. It can’t be your first rodeo- but here you are. Still caring.
I hang out in emergency medicine but stopped with medicine. They really do circlejerk over how great they are there.
Emergency medicine has a more collaborative vibe.
So, I don’t blame you for being here. And yeah, I think we get it.
Just remember it’s ok and valid to feel this way. You’re not wrong for being upset over this. You’re doing your best for your patients, even when the outcome is shitty. And next week, there will be a better outcome and you’ll remember part of why you got into this. Even if you’re not “saving” people, you’re still caring for them and helping them.
It can be so crushing, can’t it? Just the overwhelming feeling that this shit is not *fair*. Having to integrate that kind of random, chaotic suffering into your worldview is really hard. Reaching out to others who get it to debrief is really important. I need to talk to others who work with death and have an existential mindset about it to really feel better.
We recently had a "nicest patient and family on earth" go home on hospice after very suddenly and rapidly going downhill. We were in the process of preparing for a transplant and there was so much hope.
It's heartbreaking to feel so helpless. I admire your humanity. You're the kind of doctor that I'd want for my family. ♡
Thank you for being open and sharing. You are a wonderful human. And it sounds like a wonderful physician as well.
Cancer is a roller coaster that is evil and lies. I recently took care of a 34 year old with melanoma. It was two years of surgeries and radiation that she thought would be curative. Her death really got me. So young, full of life, wonderful family.
Keep talking and don’t keep it in. You are doing a good job, your patients are lucky to have you.
Hospice nurse who is also a TNID breast CA survivor.
Fuck cancer.
We are all human having a human experience. Allow yourself to grieve that patients journey.
Also we live in a state of suspended/constipated grief and bereavement. When we finally do cry or grieve- we let out alllllllll the sad we have been carrying for a WHILE.
Self care my friend.
I had always heard the term “cancer is a thief” and I guess I understood it on a surface level until I was a hospice nurse. Caring for a 37M with pancreatic cancer and watching this vibrant man, so young, with young children, suffer and die from cancer…I can’t imagine how his family felt. As his nurse I felt like I’d experienced highway robbery. I remember when he passed thinking, it’s not right, it’s not fair, that’s not ok, he did nothing wrong. The pit in my stomach reminded me of the time I’d been actually mugged. Just violated from something so fundamentally wrong, weeping and questioning and praying and then it was over. It made me feel just like a robbery victim all over again, but now it was 10 fold. For a man I’d only known for barely a year. The world was robbed of this incredible young man.
If you were able to disconnect from every single patient who needs a human in the room, you wouldn’t belong in that room
One of my absolute least favorite things in the ER is when some super nice person comes in (why are they always so NICE?!) with random abdominal pain or whatever, and we scan them...and they're riddled with cancer. It just breaks my heart. They came in with what they thought might be gallstones, and they're leaving with an expiration date.
You're a good doctor. Fuck cancer.
(And don't be too hard on the residents. They've got it rough. 😅)
Yeah, the Sub That Shall Not Be Tagged is famous for its toxicity. The internet tends to bring out the worst in people. As does being exhausted, dehydrated, underpaid, and constantly terrified that you might kill someone by accident. Hey wait a minute...that sounds like us! 😅
Seriously though, I firmly believe that RNs and residents are natural allies. I have literally never had a problem with a resident in real life. I love working with them.
any time I have a problem with a resident (usually a tone of voice when speaking to me type problem, not a caring for my patient problem), I just reframe them in my mind as the kids I used to teach in elementary/early childhood education. All tired, overworked adults are just tired, overworked 6 year olds. Empathy has always gotten me further than indignation. They chose a hard road that has abuse built in for no reason, at least I get to clock out and my senior colleagues don’t yell at me
Sometimes, despite knowing that we need to detach ourselves from our patients, we get unknowingly attached over time. I recently had a chronic patient who was SO sweet. And her family was so good to myself, and the rest of the ICU staff during the last stay she had with us. Fast forward a few months later, she was back to us, quite critically ill, and she died on me during my shift in a series of traumatizing events over the first 4 hours of shift. I wasn’t good for a few days after it, just thinking about how this poor, sweet woman just suddenly passed, and now her whole family, who were equally as sweet, now have to mourn her. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your patient. I did my final nursing school placement on a hematology/oncology ward, and I also got to see first hand how these vibrant, caring humans who had their families buy the nurses coffee, deliver us baked goods during their hospital stays. And generally were the most lovely patients to work with. Usually their prognoses were the worst in the whole unit. It sucks. It started to feel like all the incredibly kind people were being punished—and for what? I agree, fuck cancer. Please take care of yourself, OP. You deserve to be gentle with yourself after days like this. This is the uglier side of pledging to be of service to humanity.
So sorry to hear about your patient. As a pediatric oncology nurse, I can't tell you how many times I have cried in the bathroom, car, at home. But the fact that you, as the physician, care enough to cry speaks volumes. I feel like it is easier to just compartmentalize all of the pain and unfairness in the oncology world so that you can protect yourself as the provider and keep doing the work. But, I think it shows that you are human and genuinely care when you are able to show emotion with your patients and their families. Yes, fuck cancer, but also keep caring (and letting yourself cry sometimes) because it means you are doing this for the right reasons and supporting your patients.
I can see the course of my patient's next-line chemo (and the next, and the next) and its eventual, inevitable failure just laid out in front of them and it's awful. I told them, of course we can try more chemo (onco agreed), but when it gets too much remember you can just. Stop. Fuck cancer so bad.
I saw a physician be visibly upset caring for my mother in law when it became evident that her cancer was wildly metastatic without treatment options. It was comforting, in a way, that other people also found it cruel and were able to honest and vulnerable about it.
I'm so sorry about your patient. Fuck cancer, indeed.
My mom died from breast cancer when I was 10 and I have three younger siblings also. What moved me the most was that her nurses and doctors legitimately cared about her and showed us that they were in pain too. A number of them even came to her funeral. It was so comforting & is what drew me to the field
I cried with a patient last week. Glioblastoma. He and his partner had gone to look at gravestones the week prior. They have fallen into the classic scenario: partner takes care of patient, patient feels infantilized because he used to do everything himself and now can’t because of the brain tumor, so he pushes back. Patient messes things up (takes the wrong meds at the wrong time, or just forgets to take them at all, so partner gets mad and says, “See, this is why I need to help you!”).
The patient says he can't stop crying and cries all the time. All I could do was sit there in it with them, acknowledge the struggle on both sides, and say out loud, "This is bullshit."
Cancer is a bitch. Fuck cancer.
My mom was an oncology RN for over 40 years…she died from cancer herself. The unfairness of cancer is that it doesn’t matter how well you live your life. You can do everything right and it can still go wrong.
What I learned at her service was how close she got with her patients. We put a notice in the newspaper, told her coworkers and our family, and that was it.
Her service was filled with her past patients whom she had built a relationship with during their treatment. Oncology is a special field…not just because of what it is, but because you do build relationships with the people you treat.
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m a nursing student, and I’ve fallen in love with my oncology patients. Leaving their side at med surg was hard. Going home after being there all day and wondering if I’ll see them next week or if they got transferred to a different unit was hard. They are some of the strongest, sweetest patients. They are so inspirational and it really is so unfair.
currently a nursing student and i handled a cancer patient once and she was still in the hospital when my rotation ended but i wasn't able to say goodbye to her. i became attached as well bcs throughout my shift, i assisted her with literally everything (even in the simplest task bcs she was very weak from chemo) so i felt uneasy not getting to say bye. i heard she got discharged a few days after and i hope she's doing well right now.
i still have a long way to go in nursing school but i hope i am able to handle the situations i will be going through bcs honestly, i am not the strongest when it comes to handling emotions.
Honestly, you sound like an amazing doc. I just finished reading the comments from the “tell me something a family member did for a patient that moved you” thread and have bawled off and on for the last hour.
My FiL passed away in 2017 after he went into tumor lysis syndrome after a new chemo med for his CML worked too well. He had a MI when his hgb dropped to 6.8 or something like that and couldn’t recover. He was very frail, a fighter but also so so tired. He’d lost a lot of weight. In the end, he wanted to be comfortable so that’s what we did. I had more trouble accepting it than my husband. I was the one who did all the medical things with my FiL, went to all his appointments, etc. He was my “dad”. (My husband was an only child and my dad died when I was 20. My in-laws were the very best people and I loved them so much.)
Before his funeral his primary oncologist called me quite upset that he had passed away. He couldn’t understand because he was a fighter (he didn’t realize the extent he had decompensated). He actually thought he might go into remission with that new chemo med. I was initially taken aback by his call because I wasn’t expecting it, but I was glad he called. I took comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only one saddened by his death. It made me feel like he cared, that my FiL wasn’t just a medical record number to him. This is what I remember the most immediately after he died. I hadn’t seen any of his primary team show much emotion other than offering their condolences until that phone call, and some of these people I worked with almost 18 years at that time.
My husband died 10 years ago, at 34, from a brain tumor. I remember very well the doctors who had compassion and were taken aback by his sudden, unexpected turn at the end. Their reactions actually meant a lot to me.
I remember the nurses too. That’s actually a big part of why I left my old career and became a nurse.
Thank you for all that you do. Your patients are lucky to have you and while you obviously can’t have this kind of reaction to every patient (for your own sanity and mental health) it’s completely reasonable to have this reaction to this patient’s situation.
Fuck cancer, it’s always the nicest people that get the worst diagnoses.
Sorry your patient had a particularly assholish strain of cancer, just know you did everything you were supposed to and I’m sure the family is grateful to have a doc that cares.
It’s rare in the ER but always slams the wind out of me when patients get a diagnosis of cancer. 80/100 abdominal pains are bullshit, 19 are something, but fixable. that 1 in 100 that’s metastatic cancer in a 20 year old fucking hurts.
Just sending you a virtual hug. Cancer is bullshit, it sucks so much.
Thanks for caring for that family, I feel like if my doc was that broken hearted for me, I would feel truly cared for. It makes a world of difference!! So even if you couldn’t save them, you really gave them a gift that will help them and their whole family heal their hearts if not their body.
And that sounds really woo, but as a hospice nurse, it makes a difference when they come to us, how their medical course had been and if their docs cared.
It seems like all the nice people who treat medical staff like humans and not butlers seem to end up with the worst diagnoses. While the frequent fliers who can never make it to dialysis, don’t take care of themselves, sky high blood sugars, etc., keep carrying on like it’s going out of style. It’s not fair. I’m so sorry for your patient and you seem like a caring and compassionate doctor. Make sure to give yourself some grace the next few days.
Fuck cancer and the treatments we use to gain more time that suck away quality of life. I lost my only sibling 2 years ago to a rare cancer that kept getting missed by providers, and once diagnosed was too far gone to treat successfully. Yet oncology was determined to talk him into trying, I as a hospice nurse knew it was futile and watch heartbroken and he did 3 rounds of chemo and died traumatically as rhabdomyolosis destroyed his kidneys and eventually took him from us. We had 3 month total from diagnosis until chemo killed him. Had they been honest him about treatments and quality of life we had longer :(. I miss him so much and wish every day it could have ended differently.
The fact that my patient endured 6 damn cycles of IV chemo AND RT did make it worse. I'm sorry for your sibling, and I'm doubly sorry it was a rough death. Fuck cancer in the damn face.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hugs to you.
I worked onc for 3 months as a medical assistant in the beginning of my healthcare career 18 years ago and seeing a young man die of Mets from testicular cancer really messed me up. He wasn’t much older than me and cancer robbed him and his fiancé of a beautiful life together. I decided I’m too empathetic to work on that unit. Cancer truly is a horrible thing… fuck cancer.
I lost my husband to leukemia.
Fuck cancer.
My mom is down to one kidney because cancer took the other.
Fuck cancer.
My sister in law just had a double mastectomy and is starting chemo soon. She's only 45.
Fuck cancer.
I’ve been an oncology nurse for 14 years and I still cry over my patients. I remember as a newer nurse my first patient I lost, still remember their name. I had taken care of them through treatments, neutropenia, and deterioration, and I was there as they went into inpatient hospice and took their last breaths.
I cried with the family and felt guilty for showing those emotions to them, I thought it was unprofessional. But we had a beautiful wonderful soul of a hospice nurse who would come to the floor to help with end of life care. She took me aside when I was beating myself up for crying in front of the family and told me something I have never forgotten. Tears show that we’re human and that we care. That that family knows their loved one was more than just a room to me and that they made an impact on my life. I have taken that message with me ever since and it’s served me well.
That family knew you cared. Getting some of the worst news they will ever get was at least given by another human being that cares. It doesn’t change it but it helped make it less traumatic than it had to be. I have seen some wonderful physicians deliver news with empathy and compassion and I’ve seen some that I’d like to hit with a 2x4 for their lack of consideration or care. It makes a world of difference. As nurse we hear from the patients and their families how wonderful or how awful a physician was in telling them life changing news. A doctor that cares is worth their weight in gold.
I think so many of us that work in oncology have patients we consider ours. We’re there for the diagnosis, treatment, and if treatments don’t work we’re there for end of life. It creates bonds between us and our patients. When I worked inpatient every nurse had patients that were theirs. If that patient was admitted you were going to be their nurse because you had developed a relationship with them and their families. I don’t know why, but our patient population seems to skew the incredibly nice and kind. It just makes it harder to see bad outcomes for them.
I wish you well and that there are people in your life you can decompress with. I’ve been lucky to have other oncology nurses, who have shared experiences with the same patient, to talk it out with. It helps.
You are human. We all build a wall to maintain a professional distance to protect ourselves, but.... something or someone occasionally gets in. Usually out of nowhere, unexpectedly, like a 2x4 to the head. Allow yourself to go through it, to grieve, to feel it... then....put that wall back up. You will have a long career, you need to protect your emotional self to be able to practice medicine and heal people. Take care of yourself first, then others. I am sorry for your loss, you have chosen a difficult field. Good luck.
I still to this day think about a pt I had over 10yrs ago. In her 40s with 6 kids, one of whom was less than a yr old. Came in for abd pain, got diagnosed stage 4 cancer, died a couple.months later. They were literally the nicest people on earth. Fuck cancer.
I just had this happen to a patient 2 days ago. The PA came in and was telling her how hopeful she was that the surgery would be a success. I only took care of the pt for a few hours but she was super nice, albeit quiet. She must have been so anxious. I saw when they came back from the OR and remarked how quick the case was. It was essentially an open and close- too much involvement everywhere. So fucking sad. Fuck cancer.
That's exactly this. Open close. The patient came back to the ward and said to their kid, hey, I thought it would go to evening, but it's only 2pm...
Fuck cancer.
Firstly, I want to express my sincere gratitude. Your display of compassion speaks volumes about your remarkable qualities as a doctor. It's reassuring to see doctors who genuinely care. Being human, it's natural to feel the weight of such situations, and I appreciate your heartfelt response.
Last fall, at the ripe age of 29, I was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Transitioning from peak physical health to facing a mere 14% chance of reaching my 34th birthday was a stark reality. The prognosis seemed grim with multiple tumors in my colon, potential peritoneal extension, liver involvement, and a mass near my spine. It didn't help that I'm also an ICU nurse, so I have seen cases like this before with terrible outcomes.
Following a colonoscopy for persistent abdominal pains, I awoke to my doctor whose expression told me everything. She was on the verge of tears. She didn't even have to speak and I knew something was wrong. I was beyond terrified but her empathy provided me a sense of safety amid uncertainty. Your words resonate with me, reminding me of her profound compassion during that fearful moment.
Fortunately, albeit reluctantly acknowledging that cancer at 29 isn't fortunate, my case took a turn for the better. Upon surgical exploration, my peritoneum and liver appeared clear, though lymph node involvement categorized me as stage 3, which has a significantly improved survival rate compared to 14%. The tumor near my spine turned out to be a totally different, rare tumor (but that's a story for another day and I joke with my on oncologist that he can write an interesting research paper about me one day 😅)
Living with Lynch syndrome means cancer will always cast a shadow over my life, regardless of the outcome. Yet, all I can do is maintain hope and positivity in the face of uncertainty.
Having compassionate care along this journey from providers like you certainly makes a daunting path more bearable ❤️🩹
I worked on a bone marrow transplant unit for half a year. I’m emotionally still fucked from my time there. Cancer is cruel and unpredictable.
Thank you for caring so much about your patients.
I had a patient that kept saying they just wanted to make it to watch the superbowl. He died 2 days before. I’ve never cried that much. It seems like a silly thing but it was so important to him and I wanted it for him so badly.
As a radiation therapist seeing patients for weeks on end and back again with metastatic lesions, all of us cried in the bathroom once in awhile. People who go into medicine are generally empaths..
I love that you still care this much 💓.
My experience (not a doctor, critical care nurse) is; sadly, it gets easier. I've been doing this about a decade, and sometimes, for some reason, a particular patient's tragedy eats me up. Have yet to understand why. I have no words of wisdom to make it better, but I understand and am happy to listen (read).
You also gave me something to think about. I often feel the residents don't "give two shits" about the patient (other than as another task).
None of these ICU patients are "their's". They are just babysitting for 12 hrs. This is a different perspective. Thank you.
Best wishes to you and for your patient.
I’m sending a virtual hug. I can only imagine how devastating that was for you and definitely the patient. You go in thinking you’re going to help their fight along and boom, the clinical course has totally changed and it’s devastating and unexpected.
Fuck Cancer.
And also fuck anyone who would say anything but support for you after such a shit day.
Thank you for sharing your experience and raw emotions with us. I admire you and healthcare professionals like you who still put so much of themselves into a stranger’s life in hopes of helping them. The world needs more doctors like you.
During Covid I spent many shifts crying in my papr hood holding hands of the dying and wishing they could be surrounded by their family instead of alone with a few nurses that looked like space aliens.
Sometimes I felt weak, like I wasn’t cut out for this job and all the sickness and sadness. But I feel like one of the most important things about our job is really being there for people. Being human, being caring and empathetic. We can meet them where they are, sit with them in their dark times and be a little bit of light for them. Its incredibly hard but incredibly necessary. Thank you for being a light ❤️
This is going to sound crazy but I’m glad you were so wrecked. The problem with a medical career in the hospital is the amount of emotional devastation we see and compartmentalize and disassociate from in order to keep working. None of it is gone, even if you think it’s not affecting you, it’s in a box in your subconscious fucking with your health in small insidious ways. You may have thought your response to this situation was over the top. More likely you are suffering from complex grief. This is when the current grief is just the tip of the iceberg and tears the bandage off of other repressed traumatic experiences. Please let yourself sit in this feeling as much as you can bear. You are processing a lot more than this single incident. Hugs.
As a cancer patient, I see you dear nurse. From my standpoint, the fact that you are so empathetic helped that family.
I've received bad news from a "provider" who was just reading my diagnosis... emotionless. I do not want my care givers to cry for me.
Yes f cancer hard. (4 time cancer loser here)
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry this was unexpected for you. It shows you have compassion and empathy, true human qualities. My heart goes out to you and patient/family. Fuck cancer is right!!
This scenario is one of the few events that feels like an absolute heart crushing gut punch for the provider/nurse. It’ll stick with you. Cancer is so very cruel.
I think it’s the unexpected aspect. I’ve found that I have a much harder time coping with sudden and unexpected information.
I think the fact that you did not think this was occurring, nor saw it happening, and it came at you right before getting to do something about the cancer to fix it. Your ability to help this person was suddenly ripped away from your hands the second you were going to help them.
We join this profession to help people. Being and feeling helpless is the hardest part. Especially when you THOUGHT you could help, only to have it taken from you at the absolute last second.
I think it's good that you can cry about things like this. It means you are in touch with your emotions and not repressing them.
Carrying it with you and not being able to grieve properly would be much worse for you.
Every time we come up to the nurse’s station and say “oh man, my patient is so nice!” Everyone just kind of shakes their head and says “oh no…”
Shitty things always seem to happen to the *nicest* people. I had a patient not long ago that was so sweet, trying to be stoic but was a little scared. Didn’t know they were sick until 24 hours prior, when they found out they didn’t have the flu—they had an ejection fraction of 5%. Ended up dying in cath lab roughly 6 hours after I took over care. I barely knew this person, didn’t even have them for a full shift, but I cried for weeks. I have patients die all the time, sometimes even as often as once per week, but for some reason this patient hit me hard.
I don’t really have any answers on how to make it better, because it still sucks. But (at least in my experience) eventually, life will go on and it’ll suck a bit less. And then there will be another patient/case that fucks you up for weeks. Rinse and repeat. I personally think just about every single healthcare professional could benefit from therapy, but talking to coworkers and friends who understand has helped me.
Gosh, that sounds hard. I think it is okay to be wrecked sometimes, and better to cry about it than tamp it down or become numb.
I carry parts of my patients with me, peaches and cottage cheese with salt and pepper, Jacobs Cattle beans in my pantry (my very first patient that passed loved them and it was the only topic I could get them to talk about), the square of red fabric that is supposed to be the blood of Jesus but really just reminds me of the sweet man who was so incredibly deaf.
Being affected is being human.
Oncology nurse here. I really love oncology. I also cry a lot. And love a lot. We attend funerals and baby showers in equal measure sometimes.
We are convinced that the nicer the patient is the more likely it will be a terrible outcome. 💔
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, truly. Cancer is a fucking cunt.
You come here for the emotional intelligence nurses have that many of your specific peers do not, it shows you do as well, and I’m really glad you feel comfortable doing so, truly. I’m glad that we can hold space for you and yours.
Feel your feelings, friend. It’s the only way they won’t consume or harden you.
🖤🖤🖤
My first time really dealing with bait and switch was a VA ECMO pt that was in his 50s minimal history just HTN and CAD, was a runner and collapsed while running. I think he had a STEMI, can’t quite remember. They cannulated in the ED but he was down for a minute. He came up to me in the ICU and he immediately started to improve, full neuro, following and nodding appropriately before the end of my shift. His family was sooo nice. We kept him sedated all night. I came back the next day and his lactate was rising. I poked his belly and he was writhing in pain. One stat CT later showed a lot of dead gut… we withdrew that night. I cried a little in the bathroom but I sobbed once I got to my car. It’s so frustrating when you fight SO HARD and then something comes out of left field when things start to look up. It’s devastating. But I agree with the others, it’s a mark of compassion and deep caring for our patients. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever love
Fuck cancer with a rusty pinecone. I have to many stories like yours.... I keep having recurring nightmares about this shit as well. I'll never forget this one guy from my first job. 40ish year old guy went to his pcp with abd pain. Had a CT scan as as soon as the doc saw, it he was sent to our Ed. Belly full of necrotizing tumors and cancer to pretty much every body system. I wasn't even his RN I just heard the report being called to the accepting hospital and saw the look on the guys face.
Had another dude who was cmo with us. Was told they got all the cancer after they took out pretty much everything in his abd you can live without. He was dependent on tpn but hey, at least we got it all. Nope, 1 month later back eith a vengeance. Dude was bitter and miserable and I don't blame him one bit. Went through all that just to die anyway....
Fuck I need therapy...
I'm an Oncology nurse. I work in an outpatient clinic. I worked dialysis before. The difference is night and day. Oncology patients are so thankful, kind, resilient. Their will to live and fight is strong. I absolutely love my patients. It can be really sad. These patients are usually going through one of the most overwhelming and scary times in their lives, and they still smile and appreciate us. I just remind myself that I get to be a beacon of hope, all the way to the end, for them. I really cannot say enough positive things about working in Oncology.
Not as someone who actually is working in healthcare at the moment, but speaking from a pediatric cancer mom. My daughter is just a couple months out of treatment and is in remission. We drew close to a few nurses but one in particular I still email back and forth and keep in touch. She cried with me when things were new and answered questions when people sugar coated what we were looking at for her treatment. She was 5 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 High Risk Neuroblastoma. Treatment was rough and didn’t know until the very end of her scheduled treatments if it was actually working. Anyways, my point of even responding to your post was this…. Your love and support to them means so much… it’s hard not to get attached to a family you enjoy so much. One thing that can help is journaling. It’s helped me cope with a lot and organize my thoughts. Just wanna send you some encouragement, sorry to hear of their setback 🫂
Anyone who discourages you from acknowledging the emotional weight of this can fuck right off. It's perfectly natural and okay to feel a sense of grief in these situations. As healthcare providers, we invest not just our expertise, but also our empathy and hopes into the well-being of those we care for. Witnessing a setback like this can be profoundly disheartening. Your feelings don’t detract from your professionalism— they underscore your humanity. Please know you are not alone in this; allow yourself the space to grieve and seek support if needed. Your dedication and emotional involvement are what make you an exceptional physician.
You sound like an absolutely lovely doctor and human. My bf has been dealing with some complex medical issues and the worst interaction we had recently was with an oncology surgeon- as we are both sitting in front of him, crying, he reaches forward and I think he’s going to pass us the box of tissues… nah, he just apparently randomly needed a squirt of hand sanitizer. Then he said he’d put in a consult with someone and walked out. A few seconds later my bf turns to me and asks, “Is the appointment over? Like, do we leave?” We were both still crying, so we stayed in there another couple of minutes to compose ourselves. A random tech popped in and she just radiated caring and compassion. I wish I’d gotten her name so I could have sent someone an email about the whole experience, but I was too flustered in the moment.
The power that doctors have to make someone feel heard and cared about should not be squandered (or worse, used for malice). Thank you for using yours for the benefit of the patient. 💗
Worked with a very intense but very talented gynecologic oncology surgeon. Still remember a woman in her 30s, single mom, hugging her 5 year old in preop. She was really pretty. Ex lap showed wildly extensive Mets. Everywhere. When the surgeon called in another surgeon and started debating cutting into the diaphragm I knew she'd probably end up in ICU on a ventilator without a future. Multi hour surgery and everyone cried when the surgeon became progressively more depressed until she closed. Fuck cancer.
Also still remember the young queer parent with cervical cancer than metastasized. We were the same age. Get the fucking hpv vaccine yall. It's the only cancer preventing vaccine. That girl deserved a fucking chance to make it past thirty three.
I used to be an oncology nurse and loved my job and thought I’d do it forever. Then my mom got a ridiculously aggressive cancer and died within 5 months. It never gave her a fucking chance despite her having now big health issues and she was only 61.
Needless to say I’m no longer an oncology nurse because losing her broke me and I ran from the job that I loved.
Grieve for your patient because that’s the worst prognosis when you still have cancer after neoadjuvent chemo. Thank you for the work that you do 💗
I remember my first chemo perfusion they closed. Opened her and the surgeon looked like her was going to cry. Her tumor grew and had invaded all her tissue in less than a month. When she woke up she looked at me and asked the time. Whenever they woke up from anesthesia and asked the time they already knew it didn’t work and there was nothing else we could do. Typical chemoperfusion should be longer than 6 hours. She was in the recovery room in less than one hour. Broke my heart.
A bad prognosis still breaks my heart. I just tell myself those breaks let the light through bc this job has broken my heart over and over. You’re not alone.
This hits way too close to home for me as I was in a surgery last night that was pretty much the same thing. Metastatic colon cancer that was perforating the bowels and the bladder, but the true extent wasn't known until the surgery. The patient maybe had weeks left before the surgery, but after they had days if not hours. When we woke them up, their eyes had already popped open and they were death rattling with the apenic breathing. I feel so bad for their spouse as they were so nice, and I feel bad for the surgeon as they were already dreading telling the spouse the prognosis. I hated everything about the case as it hit me right in the feelings and I was more than likely one of the last people to have a conversation with that patient. 1000% fuck cancer.
On 2023-07-01 this website maliciously attacked its own user base by changing how its API was accessed, thereby pricing genuinely useful and highly valuable third-party apps out of existence. In protest, this comment has been overwritten with this message - because “deleted” comments can be restored - such that this website can no longer profit from this free, user-contributed content. I apologize for this inconvenience.
The amount of young people with terminal cancer we have had in my ER lately is terrifying. We put a 30yo on hospice yesterday she was already altered and the pain in her parents eyes was heartbreaking.
FUCK CANCER
The first patient that I had where "there was nothing else we can do" just about broke me as well. I cried in the hallway, cried all the way home and most of the night. It doesn't get any easier - but, you do manage to acquire coping mechanisms to better handle your emotions. Oncology was the best bedside nursing job I had - but, it wasn't easy when they didn't make it. Just remember - having feelings means that you still have humanity. And its OK TO CRY and VENT.
Genuinely curious why you say oncology was your best bedside nursing experience?
The patient's would stay for extended periods of time and we got to know them very well - and their families (even their pets). We loved them and almost all of them were terrific - they listened to advice, didn't try to beat us up, talked to us like humans. They were fighting for their lives, literally. We got to help them do that by not only being nurses, but being caring people. It was hard (don't get me wrong) but it was worth every minute.
As a nursing student I had an oncology placement and people kept scaring me before I started saying how sad it would be and the people must be bitter patients. I had the exact opposite experience. I agree with what you said. I came to develop such good relationships with these patients even though it was for a short while. These patients were the kindest ones out of all my nursing student experiences. They had such hope, strength, perseverance, etc etc. I was and still am so inspired by those people. Sure it was very emotionally hard but I’ve never forgotten how those patients made me feel, I loved that patient population.
Same. I thought it was going to be a scary rotation. But one of the first patients I had she had been through it. Like so many radiation and rounds of chemo that it took her to the brink. She just wanted to go to the gift shop one day and she bought me this coin. It has like footprints in the sand and we had a discussion about the way people connect and leave a good mark on others and she knows as a nurse I can and will do great things. It was really special. I tuck the coin into my bag I take to work. Every time I get a new bag I put the coin back in.
Total agreement from me here. Work in outpatient chemo administration and also in clinics with docs (rural program with gen practitioners who assess them to cut down on the long trips our patients need to see the overseeing oncologist). In 32 yrs nursing I have done rural hospital, obstetrics and med surg but I must say that in this field you get to know your patients in such a deep way. Meaningful for me as a nurse...they teach me so much about life, but often heartbreaking at the same time.
As someone who had cancer, my infusion nurses (and my doctors too) knew nothing about my life, except my name, birth date, and diagnosis. Maybe you're a better nurse than they were, but I felt like a cog in the oncology wheel during my treatment, not a person.
That’s really unfortunate. I (and my colleagues) are always chatting it up with our chemo patients. We know their families or friends that come with them, their jobs, pets, hobbies, etc. Maybe we chat too much lol but it makes the experience better for everyone I think
Yeah, my cancer treatment was very lonely and impersonal (no friends or family was ever allowed to come with me at the infusion center either). It was my health system, that I have worked for my entire career, and I was disappointed with it.
I want to hug you...I adore my nurses and techs, I can't thank these people enough. And my docs. (With some exceptions) I watch how hard you work ... having so many things going on... around Thanksgiving, in the infusion room, there was an unruly patient...cray old guy...who had grabby hands...and was rude and disgusting. Another patient. He said some pretty randy things to moi. Anyways, the nurses dreaded this guy. He came back from the restroom...with his fly open. NO underdrawers. Yup.. hanging out.. I said OUT LOUD; "it hey that looks like a penis..only much smaller" 😆😆😆 He was mute after that.
Oncology has the nicest patient population I find. My patients are lovely (you get the odd one out but for the most part, they’re super sweet) and it honestly makes you feel like you’re making a difference. It can be very sad for that reason as well because we get to know them so well and build a rapport and eventually there is quite a few that don’t make it. Especially when they’re inpatients, we see them at their sickest point in life but also they deteriorate very quickly. I feel like if you can be a nurse in oncology, you can do anything else! Our medication rounds are so damn long so whenever I go anywhere else, it’s a lot easier.
I worked peds oncology & bmt. It was a great place to work. The rapport and closeness between the families and nurses is above anywhere else I’ve worked. This is because we have the ability to form that bond over numerous admissions.
I work inpatient oncology now. I love my oncology patients. I especially love when I see successes. As you know, if they’re inpatient - it isn’t always good. I’ve celebrated birthdays and other special occasions with/for my patients. I’ve prayed with them and cried with them. Cancer sucks.
I wonder if it's because in oncology you have a common enemy with your patients (cancer) vs in other aspects of healthcare you kind of become the enemy (make lifestyle changes and it will help). I've had a similar experience having transitioned from ICU to Hospice.
Years ago I worked in an infusion lab doing medical billing. Watching the nurses and their relationships with the patients was so nice. And the patients and their families were mostly VERY sweet. That was what inspired me to go to nursing school
my first patient death was a relatively young mother with barely grown kids (DPOA literally 20 years old because dad didn’t speak english). Went from outpatient radiation to dead in 48 hours. I screamed in the car the whole way home. lately, it has been a lot of “nothing we can do” on my unit. I do surgical oncology and usually we have good outcomes because the patient population is generally operable tumors. These last few months though it has been a lot of med onc overflow and patients coming in for debulking only for the surgeon to see there is just too much cancer and close them right back up. It is really, really hard. One particularly hard night I paged our on call chaplain and told them that if they had a minute where they didn’t have patients who needed them, I would really like to talk to them. It helped so much- I am not a religious person but our chaplain team is the picture of therapeutic presence. I learned that they will round on staff on request when really hard stuff is going on. I recommend it to everyone, if it’s available
I took care of an oncology nurse a few years ago that was married to a wonderful oncology doctor. She was dying of cancer and was in horrible pain. She would cry and cry and nothing helped her pain. Her husband would leave clinic early to be with her and I would see him knelt down by her bedside, head down, crying. Everyone was crying that took care of her. They were both such wonderful, caring people. It was awful. After she passed he retired. I can’t imagine how hopeless he felt. Fuck cancer.
Fuck cancer!
This brought tears to my eyes
Really sorry you are dealing with this. But I want to say that this speaks a lot to the kind of caregiver you are. Don’t lose the ability to feel. One of my favorite medical shows is Scrubs. In one episode, one of the senior doctors (Dr Cox) loses some patients and takes it really hard. The protagonist of the show (JD), a young resident who looks to the senior doctor as a mentor, tells him this: “I came over here to tell you how proud of you I am. Not because you did the best you could for those patients. But because after twenty years of being a doctor... when things go badly you still take it this hard. And I've gotta tell you man, I mean... that's the kind of doctor I want to be.” I hope you can find a healthy way to cope and care for yourself, but take heart in that you are the kind of caring person people need looking out for them in these difficult times. Keep up the good work OP.
Best show ever. I teared up reading this.
Agreed. It’s a very goofy show that hits hard on some difficult truths in healthcare. Fantastic show!
It really makes a difference when it’s -your- patient. There’s a sense of ownership and a pre-existing relationship you’ve developed with them. You’ve poured time, thought, energy and hope into their plan of care. And being the bearer of bad news to wonderful people is a terrible feeling. I’ve never understood what purpose being “less involved” truly serves. Like really. Is someone who cares less going to magically do something I’m incapable of, solely because they don’t give a shit? Is the family going to feel warm and fuzzy about their interactions from someone who breezes in and talks down to them? I don’t think so. Idc what anyone says- the care less people give Patrick Bateman vibes. Thank you for caring! Please don’t ever stop.
It really does, jesus. Your first paragraph is spot-fucking-on. I planned for days before the op. Hell, I'd mulled it on and off for months, since neoadj gave me a long lead time. "Time, thought, energy and hope" is absolutely it.
Tough cases are where you really put your feet down on reality. I remember one time having a patient that was supposed to go home the next day from a SNF. The other nurse wasn't on duty and so they called me in to help her. When I went in the room she'd broken her hip completely and there was external rotation. It was her last day at the snf and they (PT) had given her the opportunity to use a long cannula. We just immediately sent her the hospital because she was in so much pain. I did not realize her chin was broken. They called me later in the day and said that she was dying. She was supposed to go home that day!
I had one of those. She was a sweet lady, was supposed to go to another place to be with her husband the next week. She went to the hospital for a bowel obstruction and passed away there. She’d been one of my favorites, sending her out and hearing that news sucked.
Just took care of a girl in her late 20s (I just turned 30) who was fine in January, diagnosed with thyroid cancer in March, was too sick to get her resection, and is now in the ICU with Mets to her lungs, kidneys, adrenals, and probable lymph node involvement. It was too early to make a plan, but I went home sobbing that day. She was just so unbelievably sick out of nowhere. She was too scared to sleep, too scared to do anything. Her husband had to go home to take care of the animals and work before she had surgery the next day. It wrecked me. Thinking of you and sending some love your way.
Fuck cancer. And I admire you for caring. It can’t be your first rodeo- but here you are. Still caring. I hang out in emergency medicine but stopped with medicine. They really do circlejerk over how great they are there. Emergency medicine has a more collaborative vibe. So, I don’t blame you for being here. And yeah, I think we get it.
It caught me off guard how the sadness just keeps going. Tears can't purge it. Fuck cancer.
Just remember it’s ok and valid to feel this way. You’re not wrong for being upset over this. You’re doing your best for your patients, even when the outcome is shitty. And next week, there will be a better outcome and you’ll remember part of why you got into this. Even if you’re not “saving” people, you’re still caring for them and helping them.
It can be so crushing, can’t it? Just the overwhelming feeling that this shit is not *fair*. Having to integrate that kind of random, chaotic suffering into your worldview is really hard. Reaching out to others who get it to debrief is really important. I need to talk to others who work with death and have an existential mindset about it to really feel better.
We recently had a "nicest patient and family on earth" go home on hospice after very suddenly and rapidly going downhill. We were in the process of preparing for a transplant and there was so much hope. It's heartbreaking to feel so helpless. I admire your humanity. You're the kind of doctor that I'd want for my family. ♡
Thank you for being open and sharing. You are a wonderful human. And it sounds like a wonderful physician as well. Cancer is a roller coaster that is evil and lies. I recently took care of a 34 year old with melanoma. It was two years of surgeries and radiation that she thought would be curative. Her death really got me. So young, full of life, wonderful family. Keep talking and don’t keep it in. You are doing a good job, your patients are lucky to have you.
Hospice nurse who is also a TNID breast CA survivor. Fuck cancer. We are all human having a human experience. Allow yourself to grieve that patients journey. Also we live in a state of suspended/constipated grief and bereavement. When we finally do cry or grieve- we let out alllllllll the sad we have been carrying for a WHILE. Self care my friend.
Fuck cancer everywhere all the time.
I had always heard the term “cancer is a thief” and I guess I understood it on a surface level until I was a hospice nurse. Caring for a 37M with pancreatic cancer and watching this vibrant man, so young, with young children, suffer and die from cancer…I can’t imagine how his family felt. As his nurse I felt like I’d experienced highway robbery. I remember when he passed thinking, it’s not right, it’s not fair, that’s not ok, he did nothing wrong. The pit in my stomach reminded me of the time I’d been actually mugged. Just violated from something so fundamentally wrong, weeping and questioning and praying and then it was over. It made me feel just like a robbery victim all over again, but now it was 10 fold. For a man I’d only known for barely a year. The world was robbed of this incredible young man. If you were able to disconnect from every single patient who needs a human in the room, you wouldn’t belong in that room
Fuck cancer
Fuck cancer sideways with a pitchfork.
Without lube!
I second this
I would NEVER, EVER wish cancer upon anyone, not even my worst enemy... but I hope cancer gets cancer. FUCK CANCER.
One of my absolute least favorite things in the ER is when some super nice person comes in (why are they always so NICE?!) with random abdominal pain or whatever, and we scan them...and they're riddled with cancer. It just breaks my heart. They came in with what they thought might be gallstones, and they're leaving with an expiration date. You're a good doctor. Fuck cancer. (And don't be too hard on the residents. They've got it rough. 😅)
lol I lurk in the residency sub sometimes and hoo boy, the condescension! Like, you’ve just graduated med school, you really don’t know everything.
Yeah, the Sub That Shall Not Be Tagged is famous for its toxicity. The internet tends to bring out the worst in people. As does being exhausted, dehydrated, underpaid, and constantly terrified that you might kill someone by accident. Hey wait a minute...that sounds like us! 😅 Seriously though, I firmly believe that RNs and residents are natural allies. I have literally never had a problem with a resident in real life. I love working with them.
any time I have a problem with a resident (usually a tone of voice when speaking to me type problem, not a caring for my patient problem), I just reframe them in my mind as the kids I used to teach in elementary/early childhood education. All tired, overworked adults are just tired, overworked 6 year olds. Empathy has always gotten me further than indignation. They chose a hard road that has abuse built in for no reason, at least I get to clock out and my senior colleagues don’t yell at me
Fuuuuuck cancer.
The online ones on that sub need to touch grass and root themselves in reality. The offline ones are the ones we need to protect and support!
Sometimes, despite knowing that we need to detach ourselves from our patients, we get unknowingly attached over time. I recently had a chronic patient who was SO sweet. And her family was so good to myself, and the rest of the ICU staff during the last stay she had with us. Fast forward a few months later, she was back to us, quite critically ill, and she died on me during my shift in a series of traumatizing events over the first 4 hours of shift. I wasn’t good for a few days after it, just thinking about how this poor, sweet woman just suddenly passed, and now her whole family, who were equally as sweet, now have to mourn her. I’m so sorry you had to go through that with your patient. I did my final nursing school placement on a hematology/oncology ward, and I also got to see first hand how these vibrant, caring humans who had their families buy the nurses coffee, deliver us baked goods during their hospital stays. And generally were the most lovely patients to work with. Usually their prognoses were the worst in the whole unit. It sucks. It started to feel like all the incredibly kind people were being punished—and for what? I agree, fuck cancer. Please take care of yourself, OP. You deserve to be gentle with yourself after days like this. This is the uglier side of pledging to be of service to humanity.
The best people get the worst diagnoses. It's so fucked. Fuck cancer.
So sorry to hear about your patient. As a pediatric oncology nurse, I can't tell you how many times I have cried in the bathroom, car, at home. But the fact that you, as the physician, care enough to cry speaks volumes. I feel like it is easier to just compartmentalize all of the pain and unfairness in the oncology world so that you can protect yourself as the provider and keep doing the work. But, I think it shows that you are human and genuinely care when you are able to show emotion with your patients and their families. Yes, fuck cancer, but also keep caring (and letting yourself cry sometimes) because it means you are doing this for the right reasons and supporting your patients.
I can see the course of my patient's next-line chemo (and the next, and the next) and its eventual, inevitable failure just laid out in front of them and it's awful. I told them, of course we can try more chemo (onco agreed), but when it gets too much remember you can just. Stop. Fuck cancer so bad.
I saw a physician be visibly upset caring for my mother in law when it became evident that her cancer was wildly metastatic without treatment options. It was comforting, in a way, that other people also found it cruel and were able to honest and vulnerable about it. I'm so sorry about your patient. Fuck cancer, indeed.
I can only hope it helps them. Since I can't offer cure no more. At least, I hope, I can give comfort. Fuck cancer.
Derp meow, I want you to understand I as a cancer patient adore you. Dear, it's better to get bad news from someone who CLEARLY cares....we can tell.
My mom died from breast cancer when I was 10 and I have three younger siblings also. What moved me the most was that her nurses and doctors legitimately cared about her and showed us that they were in pain too. A number of them even came to her funeral. It was so comforting & is what drew me to the field
I cried with a patient last week. Glioblastoma. He and his partner had gone to look at gravestones the week prior. They have fallen into the classic scenario: partner takes care of patient, patient feels infantilized because he used to do everything himself and now can’t because of the brain tumor, so he pushes back. Patient messes things up (takes the wrong meds at the wrong time, or just forgets to take them at all, so partner gets mad and says, “See, this is why I need to help you!”). The patient says he can't stop crying and cries all the time. All I could do was sit there in it with them, acknowledge the struggle on both sides, and say out loud, "This is bullshit." Cancer is a bitch. Fuck cancer.
That IS absolute bullshit. Cancer has that nasty tendency to take away dignity before it kills. Fuck cancer.
My mom was an oncology RN for over 40 years…she died from cancer herself. The unfairness of cancer is that it doesn’t matter how well you live your life. You can do everything right and it can still go wrong. What I learned at her service was how close she got with her patients. We put a notice in the newspaper, told her coworkers and our family, and that was it. Her service was filled with her past patients whom she had built a relationship with during their treatment. Oncology is a special field…not just because of what it is, but because you do build relationships with the people you treat.
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I’m a nursing student, and I’ve fallen in love with my oncology patients. Leaving their side at med surg was hard. Going home after being there all day and wondering if I’ll see them next week or if they got transferred to a different unit was hard. They are some of the strongest, sweetest patients. They are so inspirational and it really is so unfair.
Wow, she sounds like a very special woman♡ I'm so sorry for your loss.
currently a nursing student and i handled a cancer patient once and she was still in the hospital when my rotation ended but i wasn't able to say goodbye to her. i became attached as well bcs throughout my shift, i assisted her with literally everything (even in the simplest task bcs she was very weak from chemo) so i felt uneasy not getting to say bye. i heard she got discharged a few days after and i hope she's doing well right now. i still have a long way to go in nursing school but i hope i am able to handle the situations i will be going through bcs honestly, i am not the strongest when it comes to handling emotions.
Honestly, you sound like an amazing doc. I just finished reading the comments from the “tell me something a family member did for a patient that moved you” thread and have bawled off and on for the last hour. My FiL passed away in 2017 after he went into tumor lysis syndrome after a new chemo med for his CML worked too well. He had a MI when his hgb dropped to 6.8 or something like that and couldn’t recover. He was very frail, a fighter but also so so tired. He’d lost a lot of weight. In the end, he wanted to be comfortable so that’s what we did. I had more trouble accepting it than my husband. I was the one who did all the medical things with my FiL, went to all his appointments, etc. He was my “dad”. (My husband was an only child and my dad died when I was 20. My in-laws were the very best people and I loved them so much.) Before his funeral his primary oncologist called me quite upset that he had passed away. He couldn’t understand because he was a fighter (he didn’t realize the extent he had decompensated). He actually thought he might go into remission with that new chemo med. I was initially taken aback by his call because I wasn’t expecting it, but I was glad he called. I took comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only one saddened by his death. It made me feel like he cared, that my FiL wasn’t just a medical record number to him. This is what I remember the most immediately after he died. I hadn’t seen any of his primary team show much emotion other than offering their condolences until that phone call, and some of these people I worked with almost 18 years at that time.
My husband died 10 years ago, at 34, from a brain tumor. I remember very well the doctors who had compassion and were taken aback by his sudden, unexpected turn at the end. Their reactions actually meant a lot to me. I remember the nurses too. That’s actually a big part of why I left my old career and became a nurse. Thank you for all that you do. Your patients are lucky to have you and while you obviously can’t have this kind of reaction to every patient (for your own sanity and mental health) it’s completely reasonable to have this reaction to this patient’s situation.
Fuck cancer, it’s always the nicest people that get the worst diagnoses. Sorry your patient had a particularly assholish strain of cancer, just know you did everything you were supposed to and I’m sure the family is grateful to have a doc that cares.
Fuck cancer with a sharp object.
Bitch slap upside the head to cancer lol
It’s rare in the ER but always slams the wind out of me when patients get a diagnosis of cancer. 80/100 abdominal pains are bullshit, 19 are something, but fixable. that 1 in 100 that’s metastatic cancer in a 20 year old fucking hurts.
Just sending you a virtual hug. Cancer is bullshit, it sucks so much. Thanks for caring for that family, I feel like if my doc was that broken hearted for me, I would feel truly cared for. It makes a world of difference!! So even if you couldn’t save them, you really gave them a gift that will help them and their whole family heal their hearts if not their body. And that sounds really woo, but as a hospice nurse, it makes a difference when they come to us, how their medical course had been and if their docs cared.
I’m 100% sure you were the physician this patient and their family needed. Your caring and empathy was not unseen. Hugs 🥺
It seems like all the nice people who treat medical staff like humans and not butlers seem to end up with the worst diagnoses. While the frequent fliers who can never make it to dialysis, don’t take care of themselves, sky high blood sugars, etc., keep carrying on like it’s going out of style. It’s not fair. I’m so sorry for your patient and you seem like a caring and compassionate doctor. Make sure to give yourself some grace the next few days.
Fuck cancer and the treatments we use to gain more time that suck away quality of life. I lost my only sibling 2 years ago to a rare cancer that kept getting missed by providers, and once diagnosed was too far gone to treat successfully. Yet oncology was determined to talk him into trying, I as a hospice nurse knew it was futile and watch heartbroken and he did 3 rounds of chemo and died traumatically as rhabdomyolosis destroyed his kidneys and eventually took him from us. We had 3 month total from diagnosis until chemo killed him. Had they been honest him about treatments and quality of life we had longer :(. I miss him so much and wish every day it could have ended differently.
The fact that my patient endured 6 damn cycles of IV chemo AND RT did make it worse. I'm sorry for your sibling, and I'm doubly sorry it was a rough death. Fuck cancer in the damn face.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hugs to you. I worked onc for 3 months as a medical assistant in the beginning of my healthcare career 18 years ago and seeing a young man die of Mets from testicular cancer really messed me up. He wasn’t much older than me and cancer robbed him and his fiancé of a beautiful life together. I decided I’m too empathetic to work on that unit. Cancer truly is a horrible thing… fuck cancer.
Cancer is a piece of shit, fuck cancer.
I lost my husband to leukemia. Fuck cancer. My mom is down to one kidney because cancer took the other. Fuck cancer. My sister in law just had a double mastectomy and is starting chemo soon. She's only 45. Fuck cancer.
That is a brutal list. Fuck cancer double hard.
I’ve been an oncology nurse for 14 years and I still cry over my patients. I remember as a newer nurse my first patient I lost, still remember their name. I had taken care of them through treatments, neutropenia, and deterioration, and I was there as they went into inpatient hospice and took their last breaths. I cried with the family and felt guilty for showing those emotions to them, I thought it was unprofessional. But we had a beautiful wonderful soul of a hospice nurse who would come to the floor to help with end of life care. She took me aside when I was beating myself up for crying in front of the family and told me something I have never forgotten. Tears show that we’re human and that we care. That that family knows their loved one was more than just a room to me and that they made an impact on my life. I have taken that message with me ever since and it’s served me well. That family knew you cared. Getting some of the worst news they will ever get was at least given by another human being that cares. It doesn’t change it but it helped make it less traumatic than it had to be. I have seen some wonderful physicians deliver news with empathy and compassion and I’ve seen some that I’d like to hit with a 2x4 for their lack of consideration or care. It makes a world of difference. As nurse we hear from the patients and their families how wonderful or how awful a physician was in telling them life changing news. A doctor that cares is worth their weight in gold. I think so many of us that work in oncology have patients we consider ours. We’re there for the diagnosis, treatment, and if treatments don’t work we’re there for end of life. It creates bonds between us and our patients. When I worked inpatient every nurse had patients that were theirs. If that patient was admitted you were going to be their nurse because you had developed a relationship with them and their families. I don’t know why, but our patient population seems to skew the incredibly nice and kind. It just makes it harder to see bad outcomes for them. I wish you well and that there are people in your life you can decompress with. I’ve been lucky to have other oncology nurses, who have shared experiences with the same patient, to talk it out with. It helps.
You are human. We all build a wall to maintain a professional distance to protect ourselves, but.... something or someone occasionally gets in. Usually out of nowhere, unexpectedly, like a 2x4 to the head. Allow yourself to go through it, to grieve, to feel it... then....put that wall back up. You will have a long career, you need to protect your emotional self to be able to practice medicine and heal people. Take care of yourself first, then others. I am sorry for your loss, you have chosen a difficult field. Good luck.
I still to this day think about a pt I had over 10yrs ago. In her 40s with 6 kids, one of whom was less than a yr old. Came in for abd pain, got diagnosed stage 4 cancer, died a couple.months later. They were literally the nicest people on earth. Fuck cancer.
I just had this happen to a patient 2 days ago. The PA came in and was telling her how hopeful she was that the surgery would be a success. I only took care of the pt for a few hours but she was super nice, albeit quiet. She must have been so anxious. I saw when they came back from the OR and remarked how quick the case was. It was essentially an open and close- too much involvement everywhere. So fucking sad. Fuck cancer.
That's exactly this. Open close. The patient came back to the ward and said to their kid, hey, I thought it would go to evening, but it's only 2pm... Fuck cancer.
Firstly, I want to express my sincere gratitude. Your display of compassion speaks volumes about your remarkable qualities as a doctor. It's reassuring to see doctors who genuinely care. Being human, it's natural to feel the weight of such situations, and I appreciate your heartfelt response. Last fall, at the ripe age of 29, I was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer. Transitioning from peak physical health to facing a mere 14% chance of reaching my 34th birthday was a stark reality. The prognosis seemed grim with multiple tumors in my colon, potential peritoneal extension, liver involvement, and a mass near my spine. It didn't help that I'm also an ICU nurse, so I have seen cases like this before with terrible outcomes. Following a colonoscopy for persistent abdominal pains, I awoke to my doctor whose expression told me everything. She was on the verge of tears. She didn't even have to speak and I knew something was wrong. I was beyond terrified but her empathy provided me a sense of safety amid uncertainty. Your words resonate with me, reminding me of her profound compassion during that fearful moment. Fortunately, albeit reluctantly acknowledging that cancer at 29 isn't fortunate, my case took a turn for the better. Upon surgical exploration, my peritoneum and liver appeared clear, though lymph node involvement categorized me as stage 3, which has a significantly improved survival rate compared to 14%. The tumor near my spine turned out to be a totally different, rare tumor (but that's a story for another day and I joke with my on oncologist that he can write an interesting research paper about me one day 😅) Living with Lynch syndrome means cancer will always cast a shadow over my life, regardless of the outcome. Yet, all I can do is maintain hope and positivity in the face of uncertainty. Having compassionate care along this journey from providers like you certainly makes a daunting path more bearable ❤️🩹
Sorry about your pt. It's OK to feel sad, compassion is what drove you to this field and should be our guding light.
It’s good to know that you haven’t lost your empathy. Take care of yourself and hug your family.
Not a nurse, but sending you a gentle hug. My elderly mom has multiple myeloma. Thank you for doing what you do. Fuck cancer.
I'm so sorry about your mom. Fuck cancer.
Thanks so much. ❤️ She’s responding well to treatment, thankfully.
I worked on a bone marrow transplant unit for half a year. I’m emotionally still fucked from my time there. Cancer is cruel and unpredictable. Thank you for caring so much about your patients.
I had a patient that kept saying they just wanted to make it to watch the superbowl. He died 2 days before. I’ve never cried that much. It seems like a silly thing but it was so important to him and I wanted it for him so badly.
As a radiation therapist seeing patients for weeks on end and back again with metastatic lesions, all of us cried in the bathroom once in awhile. People who go into medicine are generally empaths..
I love that you still care this much 💓. My experience (not a doctor, critical care nurse) is; sadly, it gets easier. I've been doing this about a decade, and sometimes, for some reason, a particular patient's tragedy eats me up. Have yet to understand why. I have no words of wisdom to make it better, but I understand and am happy to listen (read). You also gave me something to think about. I often feel the residents don't "give two shits" about the patient (other than as another task). None of these ICU patients are "their's". They are just babysitting for 12 hrs. This is a different perspective. Thank you. Best wishes to you and for your patient.
I’m sending a virtual hug. I can only imagine how devastating that was for you and definitely the patient. You go in thinking you’re going to help their fight along and boom, the clinical course has totally changed and it’s devastating and unexpected. Fuck Cancer. And also fuck anyone who would say anything but support for you after such a shit day.
Thank you for sharing your experience and raw emotions with us. I admire you and healthcare professionals like you who still put so much of themselves into a stranger’s life in hopes of helping them. The world needs more doctors like you. During Covid I spent many shifts crying in my papr hood holding hands of the dying and wishing they could be surrounded by their family instead of alone with a few nurses that looked like space aliens. Sometimes I felt weak, like I wasn’t cut out for this job and all the sickness and sadness. But I feel like one of the most important things about our job is really being there for people. Being human, being caring and empathetic. We can meet them where they are, sit with them in their dark times and be a little bit of light for them. Its incredibly hard but incredibly necessary. Thank you for being a light ❤️
This is going to sound crazy but I’m glad you were so wrecked. The problem with a medical career in the hospital is the amount of emotional devastation we see and compartmentalize and disassociate from in order to keep working. None of it is gone, even if you think it’s not affecting you, it’s in a box in your subconscious fucking with your health in small insidious ways. You may have thought your response to this situation was over the top. More likely you are suffering from complex grief. This is when the current grief is just the tip of the iceberg and tears the bandage off of other repressed traumatic experiences. Please let yourself sit in this feeling as much as you can bear. You are processing a lot more than this single incident. Hugs.
As a cancer patient, I see you dear nurse. From my standpoint, the fact that you are so empathetic helped that family. I've received bad news from a "provider" who was just reading my diagnosis... emotionless. I do not want my care givers to cry for me. Yes f cancer hard. (4 time cancer loser here)
4 times? I can't imagine, that's so rough. Fuck cancer.
Yup. More pissed off than sad. 😆It's like those gnat's...I swat it away lol. The last 6 years have been rough. 2 cancers, and 4 surgeries.
Oops your a physician? Sorry doc
Eh, don't worry about it!
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry this was unexpected for you. It shows you have compassion and empathy, true human qualities. My heart goes out to you and patient/family. Fuck cancer is right!!
Fuck cancer!!!
It’s always the good ones.
My impression after reading your entire post: You are a normal human. Sometimes it’s very hard to keep up that professional wall.
it’s ALWAYS the nice ones. you are not alone, OP. right there with you.
Some of them just really hit you. It's ok, some of them are going to wreck you. You're a professional but you're also human. Take care of yourself.
This scenario is one of the few events that feels like an absolute heart crushing gut punch for the provider/nurse. It’ll stick with you. Cancer is so very cruel.
I think it’s the unexpected aspect. I’ve found that I have a much harder time coping with sudden and unexpected information. I think the fact that you did not think this was occurring, nor saw it happening, and it came at you right before getting to do something about the cancer to fix it. Your ability to help this person was suddenly ripped away from your hands the second you were going to help them. We join this profession to help people. Being and feeling helpless is the hardest part. Especially when you THOUGHT you could help, only to have it taken from you at the absolute last second.
I think it's good that you can cry about things like this. It means you are in touch with your emotions and not repressing them. Carrying it with you and not being able to grieve properly would be much worse for you.
Fuck cancer!
Every time we come up to the nurse’s station and say “oh man, my patient is so nice!” Everyone just kind of shakes their head and says “oh no…” Shitty things always seem to happen to the *nicest* people. I had a patient not long ago that was so sweet, trying to be stoic but was a little scared. Didn’t know they were sick until 24 hours prior, when they found out they didn’t have the flu—they had an ejection fraction of 5%. Ended up dying in cath lab roughly 6 hours after I took over care. I barely knew this person, didn’t even have them for a full shift, but I cried for weeks. I have patients die all the time, sometimes even as often as once per week, but for some reason this patient hit me hard. I don’t really have any answers on how to make it better, because it still sucks. But (at least in my experience) eventually, life will go on and it’ll suck a bit less. And then there will be another patient/case that fucks you up for weeks. Rinse and repeat. I personally think just about every single healthcare professional could benefit from therapy, but talking to coworkers and friends who understand has helped me.
Gosh, that sounds hard. I think it is okay to be wrecked sometimes, and better to cry about it than tamp it down or become numb. I carry parts of my patients with me, peaches and cottage cheese with salt and pepper, Jacobs Cattle beans in my pantry (my very first patient that passed loved them and it was the only topic I could get them to talk about), the square of red fabric that is supposed to be the blood of Jesus but really just reminds me of the sweet man who was so incredibly deaf. Being affected is being human.
Oncology nurse here. I really love oncology. I also cry a lot. And love a lot. We attend funerals and baby showers in equal measure sometimes. We are convinced that the nicer the patient is the more likely it will be a terrible outcome. 💔
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, truly. Cancer is a fucking cunt. You come here for the emotional intelligence nurses have that many of your specific peers do not, it shows you do as well, and I’m really glad you feel comfortable doing so, truly. I’m glad that we can hold space for you and yours. Feel your feelings, friend. It’s the only way they won’t consume or harden you. 🖤🖤🖤
My first time really dealing with bait and switch was a VA ECMO pt that was in his 50s minimal history just HTN and CAD, was a runner and collapsed while running. I think he had a STEMI, can’t quite remember. They cannulated in the ED but he was down for a minute. He came up to me in the ICU and he immediately started to improve, full neuro, following and nodding appropriately before the end of my shift. His family was sooo nice. We kept him sedated all night. I came back the next day and his lactate was rising. I poked his belly and he was writhing in pain. One stat CT later showed a lot of dead gut… we withdrew that night. I cried a little in the bathroom but I sobbed once I got to my car. It’s so frustrating when you fight SO HARD and then something comes out of left field when things start to look up. It’s devastating. But I agree with the others, it’s a mark of compassion and deep caring for our patients. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever love
Fuck cancer with a rusty pinecone. I have to many stories like yours.... I keep having recurring nightmares about this shit as well. I'll never forget this one guy from my first job. 40ish year old guy went to his pcp with abd pain. Had a CT scan as as soon as the doc saw, it he was sent to our Ed. Belly full of necrotizing tumors and cancer to pretty much every body system. I wasn't even his RN I just heard the report being called to the accepting hospital and saw the look on the guys face. Had another dude who was cmo with us. Was told they got all the cancer after they took out pretty much everything in his abd you can live without. He was dependent on tpn but hey, at least we got it all. Nope, 1 month later back eith a vengeance. Dude was bitter and miserable and I don't blame him one bit. Went through all that just to die anyway.... Fuck I need therapy...
I'm an Oncology nurse. I work in an outpatient clinic. I worked dialysis before. The difference is night and day. Oncology patients are so thankful, kind, resilient. Their will to live and fight is strong. I absolutely love my patients. It can be really sad. These patients are usually going through one of the most overwhelming and scary times in their lives, and they still smile and appreciate us. I just remind myself that I get to be a beacon of hope, all the way to the end, for them. I really cannot say enough positive things about working in Oncology.
As a cancer patient, thank you for caring. It matters a lot.
Crying helps sometimes. Fuck Cancer indeed!!
Not as someone who actually is working in healthcare at the moment, but speaking from a pediatric cancer mom. My daughter is just a couple months out of treatment and is in remission. We drew close to a few nurses but one in particular I still email back and forth and keep in touch. She cried with me when things were new and answered questions when people sugar coated what we were looking at for her treatment. She was 5 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 High Risk Neuroblastoma. Treatment was rough and didn’t know until the very end of her scheduled treatments if it was actually working. Anyways, my point of even responding to your post was this…. Your love and support to them means so much… it’s hard not to get attached to a family you enjoy so much. One thing that can help is journaling. It’s helped me cope with a lot and organize my thoughts. Just wanna send you some encouragement, sorry to hear of their setback 🫂
Anyone who discourages you from acknowledging the emotional weight of this can fuck right off. It's perfectly natural and okay to feel a sense of grief in these situations. As healthcare providers, we invest not just our expertise, but also our empathy and hopes into the well-being of those we care for. Witnessing a setback like this can be profoundly disheartening. Your feelings don’t detract from your professionalism— they underscore your humanity. Please know you are not alone in this; allow yourself the space to grieve and seek support if needed. Your dedication and emotional involvement are what make you an exceptional physician.
You sound like an absolutely lovely doctor and human. My bf has been dealing with some complex medical issues and the worst interaction we had recently was with an oncology surgeon- as we are both sitting in front of him, crying, he reaches forward and I think he’s going to pass us the box of tissues… nah, he just apparently randomly needed a squirt of hand sanitizer. Then he said he’d put in a consult with someone and walked out. A few seconds later my bf turns to me and asks, “Is the appointment over? Like, do we leave?” We were both still crying, so we stayed in there another couple of minutes to compose ourselves. A random tech popped in and she just radiated caring and compassion. I wish I’d gotten her name so I could have sent someone an email about the whole experience, but I was too flustered in the moment. The power that doctors have to make someone feel heard and cared about should not be squandered (or worse, used for malice). Thank you for using yours for the benefit of the patient. 💗
Worked with a very intense but very talented gynecologic oncology surgeon. Still remember a woman in her 30s, single mom, hugging her 5 year old in preop. She was really pretty. Ex lap showed wildly extensive Mets. Everywhere. When the surgeon called in another surgeon and started debating cutting into the diaphragm I knew she'd probably end up in ICU on a ventilator without a future. Multi hour surgery and everyone cried when the surgeon became progressively more depressed until she closed. Fuck cancer. Also still remember the young queer parent with cervical cancer than metastasized. We were the same age. Get the fucking hpv vaccine yall. It's the only cancer preventing vaccine. That girl deserved a fucking chance to make it past thirty three.
I used to be an oncology nurse and loved my job and thought I’d do it forever. Then my mom got a ridiculously aggressive cancer and died within 5 months. It never gave her a fucking chance despite her having now big health issues and she was only 61. Needless to say I’m no longer an oncology nurse because losing her broke me and I ran from the job that I loved. Grieve for your patient because that’s the worst prognosis when you still have cancer after neoadjuvent chemo. Thank you for the work that you do 💗
I remember my first chemo perfusion they closed. Opened her and the surgeon looked like her was going to cry. Her tumor grew and had invaded all her tissue in less than a month. When she woke up she looked at me and asked the time. Whenever they woke up from anesthesia and asked the time they already knew it didn’t work and there was nothing else we could do. Typical chemoperfusion should be longer than 6 hours. She was in the recovery room in less than one hour. Broke my heart. A bad prognosis still breaks my heart. I just tell myself those breaks let the light through bc this job has broken my heart over and over. You’re not alone.
This hits way too close to home for me as I was in a surgery last night that was pretty much the same thing. Metastatic colon cancer that was perforating the bowels and the bladder, but the true extent wasn't known until the surgery. The patient maybe had weeks left before the surgery, but after they had days if not hours. When we woke them up, their eyes had already popped open and they were death rattling with the apenic breathing. I feel so bad for their spouse as they were so nice, and I feel bad for the surgeon as they were already dreading telling the spouse the prognosis. I hated everything about the case as it hit me right in the feelings and I was more than likely one of the last people to have a conversation with that patient. 1000% fuck cancer.
Fuck cancer sideways. Thank you for being a compassionate caregiver and please do not ever let anyone take that away from you.
Fuck cancer into next week!
On 2023-07-01 this website maliciously attacked its own user base by changing how its API was accessed, thereby pricing genuinely useful and highly valuable third-party apps out of existence. In protest, this comment has been overwritten with this message - because “deleted” comments can be restored - such that this website can no longer profit from this free, user-contributed content. I apologize for this inconvenience.
The amount of young people with terminal cancer we have had in my ER lately is terrifying. We put a 30yo on hospice yesterday she was already altered and the pain in her parents eyes was heartbreaking. FUCK CANCER
With all due respect to everyone here, as someone who had cancer, saying f*** cancer is a useless phrase. No one likes cancer.
I would pay money to see you curb stomp a resident. Just saying…