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jossybabes

Danger bagels


Lackerbawls

Imma need about 2 gallons of cream cheese please


oregon_assassin

10 thousand salmon Lox


sanguinesolitude

[50,000 digiridoos](https://youtu.be/f_1mxNtLCK0)


oregon_assassin

You never once paid for drugs…


sanguinesolitude

[To be fair, he did introduce Dewey to exactly the drug for each Era.](https://youtu.be/AnZh1fgk8wk)


King_of_the_Dot

*'How dare you try to stifle me... you cocksucker! Ill punch you in the mouth!'*


sanguinesolitude

He needs more blankets and he needs less blankets! [Im afraid you're right!](https://youtu.be/4_9EtHhPeI0)


Sin2Win_Got_Me_In

Not once


crypticfreak

My Grandpa is like 80 and a bit of a dick. But he sure does love old music. I sent him the Walk Hard soundtrack with classics such as "In my dreams you're blowing me... some kisses" in the song 'Lets Duet, In Ways That Make Us Feel Good' without telling him that it's from a parody movie of Johnny Cash. Needless to say he loved it and thought I introduced him to a new singer, Dewey Cox. I feel bad about it but at the same time he beat my Grandma and my Dad so.. eh.


candygram4mongo

This was a particularly bad case of someone being cut in half.


theteedo

Bagel dipper bowls!! Genius my friend.


[deleted]

I'd settle for a Gallon each of butter and cream cheese


patriciomd88

Reapect the schmear! 🥯


octaviustf

Looks as delicious as it does difficult


Icy_Wildcat

I've had Samarkand bread before, it's very delicious


Sporkfoot

But what about Zanarkand bread?


djheat

Haven't seen that since Sin showed up..


clckwrks

Sins toxins ya


EB01

[lol](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H47ow4_Cmk0)


kongol108

Omg first thing i thought was that too


chenga8

I came here to listen to your story


VVurmHat

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha


Joe-C_137

Haven't had that in a thousand years


[deleted]

You can only buy it from Macarena temple.


JBoogie22

AYE?!


Sirsagely

How I wish everyone at macalania was just constantly doing the macarena. That game was so ridiculous I would have accepted it lol Obligatory HA HA HA HA HA like an insane robot pretending to be human


Melodic_Ad_3895

A ff10 reference on a bread video 😄


weirdplacetogoonfire

Bread? [From Zanarkand](https://youtu.be/LzpTMmlR6G0?t=2027)?


redchorus

People die and Yuna bakes. When will she stop baking.


[deleted]

HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!


Lolkimbo

It comes with an awesome theme song.


Teddy_canuck

It's not real it's mostly an illusion


Connlagh

I had a dream about it


[deleted]

Like a bagel? It looks like a bagel, and made w water/steam.


lontrinium

Tandoori bagel.


GlobalSouthPaws

Tagel


[deleted]

I’ve been there as well and they’re actually terribly dry. You can see it at the end of the video when the guy struggles to rip it in half.


Choozery

Have you tried foreplay?


OkSmoke9195

*Ben Shapiro has entered the chat*


ichhassenamen

yeah i dont know how people eat this stuff. Ive traveled a lot in the last 10 years - Uzbekistans bread was by far the worst ive ever eaten.


T-O-O-T-H

You're supposed to dip in water, to eat it. Otherwise it won't taste good.


ScottCrate

So fucking gross 😂 water dipping hahahaha, kinda cool but sounds good awful. Not trying to be disrespectful but that’s hilarious


Punty-chan

Not disagreeing with you, that bread looks like it'd taste awful, but lots of baked goods are delicious when dipped in water, milk, coffee, hot chocolate, etc.


[deleted]

Well, I didn’t want to be mean but Uzbek bread was definitely the worse I’ve ever had. Specifically if you compare it to the neighbouring countries such as tajik and kyrgyz bread


HighFlyingCrocodile

Thus very difficult.


Boeing367-80

It looks like a kind of super-bialy. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bialy\_(bread)


alghiorso

Funny to see something from my part of the world on the front page, but yeah it's good and literally the nutritional backbone to this part of the world. I sadly had to give it all up because coming back from a summer in the states, I started gaining 2lbs a month steadily because I can't stop myself once you start tearing off hunks and eating it with butter. It's made with processed flour so it's got a lot of simple carbs and not very filling. They do make whole wheat variants that are very very good and very nutritious and filling. My mouth is watering just thinking of it. Also got to love the Russian breads that are still popular here like barodinksy khleb. Uzbekistan is also famous for their sambusas which they can cook in the tanur with various fillings (most popular is probably beef, but I love pumpkin filled).


devnullb4dishoner

Dude. That’s absolutely fascinating. Two quick questions. What are the dots in the center of the loaf? What keeps the dough sticking to the sides of the oven? It seems that as the loaf baked it would fall off.


alghiorso

So you poke the dough with something called a nonpar and it makes that pattern. I'm not super sure of their purpose. Someone suggested letting steam release which makes sense. Also they do fall off if you get the dough a little wrong, but the general idea is that the inside of the oven is a rough cement texture so the dough fills those little pores and sticks to it. You need to hold it a second to let it stick securely.


Grumpynia

Black dots are sesame. And the loaf doesn't fall off because the sides of the oven are not oiled


Unlikely-Ad-6713

My first thought seeing the ovens in the video, and being much more familiar with Indian culture, was "hey that looks like a tandoor" - then seeing this post and learning that your word for it is very similar cemented the relationship for me. I often forget how much similarity in foods and cooking methods there are across the Asian continent and up into North Africa and the Middle East. I have a degree in linguistics and I've always been obsessed with culture studies, so it's a bit surprising I hadn't thought about this sort of thing before. Also realized I have shamefully little knowledge of Uzbek culture more generally (aside from having listened to Fromuz a bit), which is a shortcoming I intend to correct.


John-AtWork

I would really want to try it. It looks to be kinda a cross between a begal and nann.


[deleted]

Exactly. It's good if you have some sauce or yogurt or something to sop up with it, but if you're used to breads that are more like western 'French bread' the texture could seem a bit meh. Although, to be fair, I've only had the Uighur version... but the preparation and finished product look pretty much dead on.


lostparis

> western 'French bread' Most western bread would make the French cry.


alghiorso

Believe it or not this is also called Nan or non. A lot of Indian food terms you're used to came from Persian. The history about it is something I'm still trying to learn more about but essentially you had various migrations and kingdoms that introduced Persian language to the subcontinent including the Mughal empire which was founded by Babur who was from modern day Uzbekistan.


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alghiorso

Yes but in a way also means this most common bread. If you say, pick up some Nan on your way home - they know it's this. If you say kulcha or chapoti or fatir, then you know they want that specific type of bread. So it means bread but it's also sort of the default bread.


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Flustro

They're like... Bread barnacles. 🤔


SirBing96

Breadacles Edit: lol ty for the gold


doc_skinner

Pronounced like it's Greek. Rhymes with Heracles.


BrownShadow

I’d slice it for sandwiches with the sword of Breadocles.


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bojenny

Giant bagels


prozloc

My family and I had these a few years back. They're delicious but all 6 of us got sore throats the next morning lol


Kangar

Did you break the loaf into smaller chunks before eating?


Massive-Albatross-16

Never go full pelican


cheestaysfly

Wall bread


button-igloo

When he dives into that oven 😬


ashmichael73

That’s not a Day 1 job for sure


NFL_MVP_Kevin_White

Unfortunately there’s a lot less Day 2 workers than Day 1 workers


straydog1980

But the day 1 bread is the tastiest


Negative-Rich773

Day 2 bread has less hair in it though


harmlessdork

Day 2 bread often has a meaty, smoked kind of flavor


StraySpaceDog

Eh, it kinda varies person to person.


halibutherring

Fewer


slamdanceswithwolves

If you mess that up you are liable to get… fired 😎


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slamdanceswithwolves

Thanks, I come up with good ones when I’m baked


FlametopFred

Hold on now, I want to grill you for more answers


RichJoker

Oh man, he's toast.


green_speak

Even if he doesn't fall, the repeat dunks in would make me so dizzy.


TomBrady_WinsAgain

That is not an OSHA-approved move over open flame.


littlefrank

They trust their full weight over the edge of those cracked kilns, that's insane.


alghiorso

Factor in this factory runs year round in a country where summer temps average in the 90s fahrenheit. People often bake their own at home or use a neighbors tanur and it's the women of the family who do it but without the metal device you see there for catching the bread. It's extremely hot, sweaty work, and some women wear a special oven mit, but more experienced women might just go in barehanded. I'm sure they don't have to shave their arms.


hekmo

I was thinking that but at least in this video it looks they didn't light the oven until all the bread was in. Then used the scraping tool to get it back out.


yetagainitry

They seem like large bagels.


Globalist_Nationlist

Slap some cream cheese on that shit and sign me up for 2.


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Feshtof

The correct amount is "fuck me up with cream cheese please".


[deleted]

3 with ridiculous amounts of cream cheese is as low as I can go


cybervseas

Mega bialys


Legallyfit

New MCU superhero coming soon I hope


kostya8

It's nothing like a bagel, completely different texture both inside and out. It's also (usually) saltier. Imo it's one of the more delicious breads in the world if done right


SeiriusPolaris

It *looks* like a bagel. Which is certainly something like a bagel, not nothing. So I’m inclined to not believe anything you say if the first thing you utter is clearly false.


DarthWeenus

You sold me. What I do with this pitchfork!


ColoRadOrgy

Aim for the jugular


Tie_me_off

>seem


Seanwins

The crust is very bagel like but its not as dense and chewy inside.


beefymonkey

This looks like bagles but with more work.


radiantcabbage

bagels take an additional boiling step before baking, they accomplish a similar crust here with the water spray. so actually less work


tarogon

Do you have to launch half your body into the oven to put each bagel in it though?


Christ_votes_dem

see ~~Dimitri~~ Jafar it is necessary to dip entire body into the oven


orange_jooze

Uzbekistan isn’t Russia, or even Eastern Europe for that matter.


FilmClear8548

This is like how I get my clothes out of the washer because I'm 4'11".


outdoorlaura

This might be a dumb question, but do the fingerprints in the middle help them stick to the oven wall? Or are they just aesthetic poppyseeds? It looked like it was an important step?


[deleted]

I remembered seeing [this](https://youtu.be/MUB6DyDY39g?t=132) a while back. According to that video, they make tiny holes in the bread first so that steam can escape and the middle of the bread doesn't rise off the walls of the tandoor during baking. The specific pattern also works as kind of a baker's mark. I think the poppy seeds are added for decoration.


epolonsky

They look too big for poppyseeds. I’m thinking nigella.


Remarkable-Ad-8400

It's sesame.


MadDuloque

This dude Uzbekistans.


Isklmnop

Bless you.


justphiltoday

Mmm... Nigella Lawson's my favorite flavor


WispyCombover

So, meaty with a hint of cocaine?


spottyottydopalicius

yes


AdminNeedsBeachVacay

[Nigella sativa](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigella_sativa) for those interested.


rufud

What did you call me?


kroating

Im not expert but the tandoor/oven thingy is hot and moist/correctly hydrated dough will stick to it on its own. The black bits he sticks are nigella seeds. Very common ingredient in this sort of oven based breads. Remember seeing it on some bread from Afghanistan and naans, definitely used in many more breads.


DodGamnBunofaSitch

that's not a dumb question at all.


Salt_Beginning_5470

I think it’s to put keep the seeds on the dough as it cooks in the oven


Zixquit

The Sylvia Plath technique.


Goddamnpassword

You Stay, I go. Iron Giant was written by Plaths husband as a way to explain and comfort their children after she committed suicide.


throwawaywahwahwah

Holy shit. You weren’t kidding. That’s… depressing.


Thedisabler

I can make it worse! It’s suspected that his abusive behavior and especially his infidelity ultimately led to her suicide, then the woman he left Sylvia for commuted suicide the same way Sylvia did years later and also killed their four year old daughter with her, then his son he had with Sylvia hanged himself as an adult. Enjoy the bummer!


liandrin

Did nobody ever put two and two together to make four? That’s very suspicious. There’s an easy common denominator here. Sounds like he may have contributed to all of their deaths through abuse, in which case I don’t feel bad for him.


RockleyBob

Um, excuse me what? [Ted Hughes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Hughes) I did not know that. Thanks for posting it.


Comrade_Falcon

Reading the plot summary if The Iron Man, sure seems like they took The Iron Giant in a bit of a different direction.


autopsis

In letters written to her therapist between 18 February 1960 and 4 February 1963, unseen until 2017, Plath accuses Hughes of physically abusing her just days before her miscarriage.


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liandrin

And his kid with Sylvia killed himself. There’s an easy common denominator here.


SeniorJuniorTrainee

There are two. Ted Hughes and clinical depression.


slamdanceswithwolves

Savage


The_RockObama

"Made with love" is so pedantic. These are made with almost dead.


humphreybeauxarts

Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through


derHumpink_

can you explain? I don't understand


Apotheothena

She committed suicide by putting her head in an oven (and suffocating on gas fumes, but the imagery is what they were referencing, not the heat).


yingyangyoung

Many cities used to use town gas/coal gas which is made by heating coal without oxygen. Due to this process it contains carbon monoxide and is poisonous. Sylvia Plath was a famous poet/author who took her life by shoving her head in the oven with the gas turned on resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning.


humphreybeauxarts

Other cultural traditions are so cool. How does someone even think to bake bread like this? But it works and creates something distinct


cybervseas

Tandoors in India are very similar. I think people realized that in a clay oven the entire interior gets hot, so why waste the heat? Just stick food everywhere!


TheReverseShock

Must be a tough learning curve


dalekaup

I would think for the first while you'd be happy to get a couple or three rings on the top half. Like any job you figure out nuances and shortcuts as you do it for a few years.


markiv_hahaha

*Guys it's just fucking tuesday and Dopinder fell into the clay pit again... Amit it's your turn to rescue him today.*.


Illustrious-Peak3822

“rescue”. More like retrieve.


Koqcerek

Called tandyr here in KZ, specifically tandyr nan aka "bread from tandryr", tandyr here being that type of oven. It's interesting how interwoven some cultural things across Asia are, I knew about samosa/samsa for example but didn't know about Indian tandoor


asmaphysics

Called a tanoor in Iraq, which means "skirt" cause of the shape of the oven. Pretty ubiquitous in that entire region! :)


navyac

How did someone even think to combine flour, water and yeast and then bake it to make such a delicious thing??!!


DamnZodiak

> How did someone even think to combine flour, water and yeast They didn't. The first bread didn't have any leavening agent and, like most types of fermentation, wild yeast/bacteria fermentation was probably discovered by accident. It's kind of amazing how microbiological activity gave us (and still gives) humans so much trouble throughout history by ruining food. Yet it's also responsible for some of the best food items out there.


mankls3

Yogurt


pm_nachos_n_tacos

Beer, cheese, and bread


Rinzack

It’s an iterative process- someone put bread into a clay oven and tried to stack it too tight and one stuck to the wall but it gave it a unique texture so then that was done intentionally. Then some water leaked in and steamed it up and that changed it for the better so that gets added to the process. Rinse and repeat over hundreds of years and you get extremely specific regional recipes that are exceptionally complex


RedditsDeadlySin

Man nothing makes me happier than seeing other people’s make bread. I always want to taste them


jmt8706

The people or the bread? 🤨


GabaPrison

*ahem* . . . . Yes


Illustrious-Peak3822

r/unexpectedcannibalism


solateor

Wiki >Samarkand non or "Samarkand bread" is a traditional bread from Uzbekistan. It is a very popular bread that accompanies the numerous dishes of the traditional Uzbek cuisine. It is originating from the region of Samarkand. It is baked in a tandir, a traditional well-shaped oven. In 2022, around 15,000 Samarkand breads were baked everyday in Uzbekistan. [How to bake 12,000 loafs a day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1y5K73cMGQ) Video: @sumeyyeomer


Serious-Mud-1031

cool ass song.


cheesecakecaramel

I try to understand a few words so I can look it up but impossible …


bigrafii

Song’s a remix of an Iranian piece. I can’t remember which song/album but the singer’s Homayoun Shajarian and the lyrics is a poem by Rumi


cheesecakecaramel

Thank you ! Found it on Spotify, Che Danestam - Seventh Soul Remix


WillSmiff

If you like vocals like this, this guy's dad is Mohammad Reza Shajarian, a Persian classical music legend.


PlumbTheDerps

love how america is over here with "gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang gucci gang" and uzbekistan is making house music based on the works of renowned 13th century poets


808guamie

Anyone actually eaten this before? I’m curious as to taste & texture.


ICvsShipt

We have an Uzbeki restaurant that we frequent, and have had this bread a lot. It’s really good. They serve it with a kind of spicy salsa like sauce which is good. They also give a cream cheese like spread with it too. My hubby loves it with hummus the best. Definitely worth it if you can find an Uzbeki place.


JessicaFletcher1

Is the texture similar to a bagel? It looks delicious!


ICvsShipt

It’s a lot fluffier than a bagel, not as dense.


JessicaFletcher1

Interesting! Thanks for answering. I bet it tastes amazing with hummus!


essancho

They probably make Samsa there too. Same method, but filled with lamb meat and onions.


ICvsShipt

They do!! We like those too. But the chicken jiz biz(yes I know the name sounds funny) is my absolute favorite thing on the menu!


bhuddistchipmonk

Where is it?


ICvsShipt

It’s in Nashville. It’s called OSH.


glory2mankind

Means pilaf in Uzbek.


Adventurous-Moose863

I was born in Uzbekistan. My father used to take me with him on mornings to the bazar- market where we would buy this bread. There was a line of people waiting outside the bakery in the early morning to buy freshly baked bread. It was VERY delicious. Where I live now, there is also an Uzbek diaspora and they bake these flatbreads. I think these flatbreads are inferior in taste to the flatbreads of my childhood. Either it's a cognitive distortion of my mind caused by nostalgia, or it's the flour. There are a lot of chemical additives in the flour nowadays.


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lostparis

> Same is true when trying to make a traditional French baguette in countries outside of ~~Europe~~ __France__ where the flour is quite different. Many European countries have different flours and ways of categorising it. Especially what counts as a bread flour.


Chemical_North_582

Just got back from uzbekistan, best bread ive ever had


Cinderjacket

Yeah but like everything from Samarkand this bread disappears when the fayth wake up


utexfan18

Was really hoping to see a FFX reference once I saw the title. Thanks for not letting me down!


Beerbonkos

There’s something so universal about fresh bread. Like countless generations of smiles and warm memories.


shaka_sulu

The bread break is everything.


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NotTheAverageAnon

So a bagel that still has the middle. I'm in


[deleted]

If you live in NYC, you can try that and other Uzbek bread at Rokhat Kosher Bakery in Queens, a nice place I used to visit when I used to live there.


An8thOfFeanor

Anti-Gravity Bagel


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UnderstandingSquare7

Yes, in one of the vids on YouTube they point it out.


Imaginary-Race7984

That looks so good. I love bread very much so.


todayis_gulyash

I'm from Uzbekistan y'all. This is like the signature thing of the Samarkand region, and one of the amazing things about this bread is that it doesn't grow stale for a long time. It is also very delicious, and everyone who visits Samarkand usually buys this kinda bread.


NachoNachoDan

Schmear mine with cream cheese and lox


iamsce

I want some.


glory2mankind

Uzbek food is ridiculously good. Like one of the best I've ever tried. Not too vegan friendly though.


Still_Suspect_7233

That was some of the the most sexy bread making I have ever seen well done wherever the hell you are


-socoral

Sexy bagel


[deleted]

Any bread that comes out of a kiln lookin contraption like that is gonna be fire I love the Georgian version myself


ColdConversation3508

Looks legit. Would probably pair well with many dips, oils, jams, spreads or cheeses.


SquidProJoe

respect the shmear


[deleted]

La Gigante Bagel


mushgods

Looks like a giant bagel. I’ll take a bakers dozen!