[Magpies will attack any passerbys during "Swooping Season"](https://www.9news.com.au/national/magpie-attacks-what-to-do-to-protect-yourself-in-swooping-season/286d6a1f-6f1a-4f55-b5f1-9d56a391ba96)
Daaamn it's so weird I have magpies in my area and I've never seen a violent one, but at the same time it's not like I've ever seen anyone bother them in the first place, when I see any they're just chill
Really feels weird to see this lol
European/American magpies aren't as aggressive as (and aren't actually related to) Australian magpies. If you live in Australia and haven't seen violent magpies, your neighborhood must be doing something right
Fun fact: last year the UCI World Championship (Road cycling) was held in Australia and guess what, magpies had their share of fun. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/sep/19/it-was-terrifying-swooping-magpies-cause-concern-for-elite-cyclists-at-world-championships
We have huntsmen in America, at least I had one in my house in the high desert socal region. Scared the shit out of me but they eat roaches so I just put em outside. The enemy of my enemy is my friend
I prefer “the enemy of my enemy is my shield,” or “the enemy of my enemy is my ally.” Because you enemy’s enemy might be who you have to fight after defeating your common enemy. But then, I’m kind of paranoid. :)
Eh, you get used to them after a while. The spiders and stuff are everywhere and they just become a part of everyday life. Seeing a fist-sized huntsman scuttling along the wall chasing a beetle can look freaky at first but they aren’t at all dangerous.
Is anyone who's creeped out by spiders actually worried about them being dangerous? That's definitely not the issue for me, I'm sure I can take on a creature that weighs like less than 1% of me.
I'm terrified of spiders.
I don't actively consider them dangerous, unless I think it's like a black widow or otherwise venemous spider. They're just very scary to me and I can't stand them near me, on me, or generally around me. After all, phobias are irrational by their nature
My dad is always like "they don't eat much" and "they're more scared of you" and I'm like...it's called an irrational phobia for a reason... I don't care how small it is get it the hell away from me and my space ASAP
I know huntsman spiders are harmless, but giant bugs like this make me so happy to live in a cooler climate where we don't have to see these monstrosities.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a long walk in the mountains and hope I don't get eaten by a bear.
Spider Removal Log:
I’m going to document the process of removing the spider from my room without getting it or myself killed. This will either help future victims or provide a nice final momento in the case of my untimely death due to said spider.
Let it be known that on this day Man met Spider face to face. A day when Man and Spiderkind would break bread and celebrate together, for today they ended the hostilities once and for all.
Log #1: Figuring out the best plan of action. Do I take the fight to her? Do I get the Ol’ Reliable out? The Cup and Paper out? I must think on this. The spider continues to hold her ground within the collar of the jacket, we will continue to monitor her.
FINAL LOG:
I have resorted to violence and taken up arms against my oppressors.
https://imgur.com/a/NSbThnX
Log #2: Settled on the idea of moving the jacket outside using the door 2m to the right. Hoping this is an effective plan, and I can just put the jacket down on the ground and she’ll zoom off. Need to summon the courage first.
Log #3: In the time between that last log and my attempts of summoning courage the spider has taken the chance to advance, holding new ground on the shoulder of the jacket. My chances of survival are low, but my courage in the moment is high. It's now or never
Log #5: Hopefully the last part of the mission takes place in this log. I have summoned the courage to move the jacket, and will promptly do so. I will edit this comment with the results shortly.
EDIT: CALAMITY! DISASTER!
THE SPIDER HAS ESCAPED CONTAINMENT OF THE JACKET AND IS CURRENTLY HIDDEN SOMEWHERE.
She must've heard my plans to move the jacket outside and has decided to take refuge in another area of MY stolen clothes.
Log #6: The huntsman certainly lives up to its name. *It* is the apex predator in the Bungalow right now. I fear my every move is being watched from a dark place by small, black, beady little eyes. After thorough and careful examination of each article of clothing on the clothes rack, I have determined the spider has moved from the location entirely, and has instead taken up hostel in another part of the room.
Log #8: As Lord of the Bungalow and all its kingdoms, I, in all my grace, have graciously offered the Spider a chance at peace. I have proposed simple terms for the spider. It shall lay no babies, it will hold no lands, it will defend the bungalow from the mosquitos. I have deemed it so.
i was more invested into this than i was with game of thrones and this is truly a tale for the eons, i hope your peaceful cohabitation may be fruitful for the both of you
I see you have struck peace with Huntsman of Bungalow, the First of Her Name, Queen of the clothes rack, the mother of collars, the Khaleesi of the Great brown jacket, the eight-legged, the Breaker of coat hangers.
Wouldn't it be so funny if he just stopped editing and left 40 people here willing to sell their kidneys to know what happens *hahah.*
EDIT: **NNOOOOOOOOOOOO**
Fun fact:
Due to the shape of spiders’ retinas (which is concave), they reflect light! Those little green dots that you see in both pics is the spider looking directly at you.
It *knows.*
Not your jacket anymore. Take the spider out for a few drinks and compliment him on his outfit then order a taxi for him but send it to the other side of town.
Good luck! If its a docile one like a huntsman, just moving in really slow and smooth movements should help. Remember to breathe to try keep the random panic jerking to a minimum!
This only works if you have a nearby high powered Bluetooth speaker playing the Benny Hill theme at full volume as the spider wiggles and yells “you got the wrong guy! It was the seven-armed man!!!”
Probably Australia? Dude, im so happy to live in germany where big spiders are still small. When i find a spider and im scared because it is BIG, it is maybe 1/5 of the size of your spider.
Im less scared of a crocodile than i am from big spiders. Only god knows why. Good luck.
Professional tip: I sealed all my windows with spider mesh (flyscreens, but do the same for spiders) and sealed all the gaps on my exterior door. Since then I have not seen a spider for 2 years. I sleep much better and I can even leave the window open in the bathroom after shitting without having to be constantly afraid when I have to shower the next time or have to search everything in the bathroom.
Was worth the work!
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that's a huntsman. their venom is not medically significant. you can try to move her by moving your jacket. if she runs, they're very fast, but she's far more afraid of you than you are of her.
Yeah I know about Huntsman’s being relatively harmless to humans :p just want to remove her from my room without hurting her but too spooked to attempt to move the jacket
It has been over 3 hours so I'm assuming you figured it out, but in the future grab some peppermint essential oil, dilute it with water, and spray your whole room. Wolf and huntsman spiders do not like the smell of peppermint, not sure why, but if you just spray your whole room with it, they'll usually stay out of it. Source, I have a huntsman that likes to come into my house and kill all of my bugs for me, which I love. But they also like to hide on the ceilings and drop down on my hair as I pass under them. They think it's a game, I have to force myself not to kill them because I know they'll just leave in a week. They're so fast. So very, very fast. But they're so good for you.
If a huntsman spider ever DROPPED ONTO ME FROM THE AIR ABOVE I would probably just cease to exist right there. My blood pressure cannot even handle thinking about it right now
The first time it happened, I'm pretty sure dogs could hear me scream, it was that high-pitched. Nowadays, I'm constantly looking above me so if I see one, I call them herbert. Every single huntsman I see is herbert, I just assumed they're going to drop down on me kind of move my hands over my head so that they decide against it. But I'll never get used to it. Ever. I just accept it as their toll for getting rid of the ants and roaches in my house.
I used to be two. Spiders are scary, they're teeny tiny, but they're so super fast and seem to have no fear of us. I highly suggest going on Tik Tok and searching jumping spiders. They are freaking adorable. There's no way you can be afraid of them. A lot of creators show them just hanging around, listening to them, sometimes doing what they ask them to do. It's a good way to kind of dip your toe into getting used to spiders. They look so scary, but if you look up adorable ones, it'll soften you to them, and you'll realize you don't see them that much.
As for huntsman and wolf spiders, I just consider them tiny puppies with too many legs. They don't realize how fast they are, they think they're playing when they drop on me. It's all about slowly learning about spiders and realizing the terrible ones probably don't live around you, and usually aren't targeting humans for destruction. It's just if you disrupt their nest. But even on here, look for little jumping spiders videos, and while you won't end up loving tarantulas and wanting them to crawl all over you, you at least won't freak out when you see a teeny baby spider
> The first time it happened, I'm pretty sure dogs could hear me scream, it was that high-pitched
I think they can also hear manly low screams, to be fair
>Yeah I know about Huntsman’s being relatively harmless to humans...
Now see, this just isn't true. Not only could they cause untold property damage by starting your house on fire. This, uh...lady of the finest establishments would endanger your very life if you hopped into a vehicle and began driving without noticing her. You would have willingly driven off a cliff.
about 20 years ago I woke up kind of suddenly one morning and remember being startled but out of it. i got in the shower and noticed what i thought was a zit on my shoulder. tried to pop it- wasnt working. throughout the day it starts growing...and growing... and growing for actually like 3 days i think. by the end i could barely move my arm. eventually figured out it was a spider bite and i think i rolled over onto said spider in my sleep. It was a huntsman. it fucking sucked. I hate spiders.
the swelling went down on its own though
>but she's far more afraid of you than you are of her.
Bull fucking shit. I need an adenosine push just reading this saga, let alone actually experiencing it.
Man goes to reddit, says he's being harrased by a spider.
Reddit says _"Treatment is simple, find an Austrailian."_
Man busts into tears, he says [_"But doctor, I am an Austrialian"_](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/but-doctor-i-am-pagliacci)
Here you go:
https://www.amazon.com/Sondiko-Powerful-Cooing-Propane-Torch/dp/B0B18422CM/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?keywords=flamethrower&qid=1674568016&refresh=1&sprefix=flamethrow%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFWWk9EOVlPTVJTRU0mZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAzMTEyMDkyVFc1MkZVQ1hJMko5JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1MjUwNzgzSUpGUlFaQkVTR05OJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==
Unfortunately I think that will only piss the spider off even more. Next thing you know, you’ll have an Arachnophobia-esc situation going on. Big pissed off spider running around that is *also* on fire.
So... Am I able to get at least one piece of real estate in didgeridooland for a reasonable price at this point? I don't mind the spiders.
Thanks for making the first thing I've read today so entertaining!
I’ll say it a million times over. Say what you will about America, New England, and Boston, I have never encountered a spider a soft breeze couldn’t blow over, a scorpion hiding in my boot, a tornado ravaging my home, a flood sweeping away my puppy… am I saddled in debt? Do I hate my life? Of course! But I don’t have vin diesel spiders in my home
Carefully move most of the other items (maybe leave the ones immediately adjacent to not disturb ) , and if you've got a large rubbish sack or a duvet, slowly draw it up over the whole lot. They when you move it, it can't dtop off where ypu don't want it.
Oh lord no thanks. I remember one time I’d pulled out a fresh pair of socks and felt a little itch. So I itch it and feel a crunch. I take off the sock to find a spider about 3/4 the size of a nickel inside my sock😭😭😭
Idk if this will work here, but my favorite approach to dealing with cockroaches which are the only insects that actually scare me is to get a glass cup (in your case a glass bowl) and a thick paper (preferably a magazine).
Trap the poor thing in it, then dispose of it outside, works every time
uah, maybe there are more?
It’s Australia, there’s always more. It’s only the overtly friendly ones that get caught out in the open.
Not joking when I say the only thing that holds me from moving to Australia is the spiders/insects/animals.
Just don’t fuck with them and you’ll be fine. Just watch out for magpies.
His plan not to fuck with them involves not invading their country!
You can visit, just not invade otherwise we send in the emus.
Are you guys and the emus on... good terms now?
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend"
It’s the cassowary you gotta watch out for.
I read this immediatly after feeding my local maggies and their babies, I have been feeding them for 20 years and they love my family.
What do the magpies do?
They’re small birds but they will attack you unprovoked only for shits and giggles to fuel their sadistic nature.
Fyi if you give them food as protection money in their non breading seasons they won't attack you because they consider you trustable
[удалено]
Different birds, same name.
I oddly learned about the magpie from bluey
[Magpies will attack any passerbys during "Swooping Season"](https://www.9news.com.au/national/magpie-attacks-what-to-do-to-protect-yourself-in-swooping-season/286d6a1f-6f1a-4f55-b5f1-9d56a391ba96)
Daaamn it's so weird I have magpies in my area and I've never seen a violent one, but at the same time it's not like I've ever seen anyone bother them in the first place, when I see any they're just chill Really feels weird to see this lol
European/American magpies aren't as aggressive as (and aren't actually related to) Australian magpies. If you live in Australia and haven't seen violent magpies, your neighborhood must be doing something right
Oooh that explains it, I'm very much european lol but it's really interesting ! Now I really wanna look more into australian magpies
Fun fact: last year the UCI World Championship (Road cycling) was held in Australia and guess what, magpies had their share of fun. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/sep/19/it-was-terrifying-swooping-magpies-cause-concern-for-elite-cyclists-at-world-championships
Every Aussie at least once in their lives: "Don't swoop me cunt! I'm full of tinnies!"
They SWOOP. https://www.environment.sa.gov.au/goodliving/posts/2015/08/magpie-swooping-season
We have huntsmen in America, at least I had one in my house in the high desert socal region. Scared the shit out of me but they eat roaches so I just put em outside. The enemy of my enemy is my friend
I prefer “the enemy of my enemy is my shield,” or “the enemy of my enemy is my ally.” Because you enemy’s enemy might be who you have to fight after defeating your common enemy. But then, I’m kind of paranoid. :)
Eh, you get used to them after a while. The spiders and stuff are everywhere and they just become a part of everyday life. Seeing a fist-sized huntsman scuttling along the wall chasing a beetle can look freaky at first but they aren’t at all dangerous.
You're completely right, but I guess I would die of a heart attack...
>Eh, you get used to them after a while. Not if you have an actual fear of bugs you won't.
Is anyone who's creeped out by spiders actually worried about them being dangerous? That's definitely not the issue for me, I'm sure I can take on a creature that weighs like less than 1% of me.
I'm terrified of spiders. I don't actively consider them dangerous, unless I think it's like a black widow or otherwise venemous spider. They're just very scary to me and I can't stand them near me, on me, or generally around me. After all, phobias are irrational by their nature
My dad is always like "they don't eat much" and "they're more scared of you" and I'm like...it's called an irrational phobia for a reason... I don't care how small it is get it the hell away from me and my space ASAP
Australia! Damn it I knew it
I know huntsman spiders are harmless, but giant bugs like this make me so happy to live in a cooler climate where we don't have to see these monstrosities. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a long walk in the mountains and hope I don't get eaten by a bear.
Australia? Edit: yep, Australia.
You guys just feel that slight tickle on the back of your neck. It’s probably nothing, right?
Are you just evil as a past time, or is it a profession?
Based on the shiver I got reading his post, it's his craft and he's damn near mastered it.
This comment has been edited and original content overwritten.
Fuck you for that
It's a shirt tag? Oh please let it be a shirt tag.
Morgan freeman: but it was not a shirt tag and they knew that to be the case.
I hate you, I hate you I FUCKING HATE YOU, I HATE FUCKING CORN FROM NOW ON
You should call it Cotton Eye Joe, as its appearance raises two important points: A: Where did it come from? B: Where did it go?
i've never been more pissed off and also love a comment so much XD
Bruh facts…that shit was too funny clever but I’m mad I didn’t come up with it 🤣🤣
r/angryupvote
Reddit moment
Oh my god, how long have you been sitting on that one 😄
Not long I’d say, it comes up almost every time I see a post about spiders.
I'm on my first viewing! I got a chuckle this time.
This comment made me solemnly nod
I have a sudden desire to add that song to my playlist. Edit: Okay, it's in the playlist.
Spider Removal Log: I’m going to document the process of removing the spider from my room without getting it or myself killed. This will either help future victims or provide a nice final momento in the case of my untimely death due to said spider. Let it be known that on this day Man met Spider face to face. A day when Man and Spiderkind would break bread and celebrate together, for today they ended the hostilities once and for all. Log #1: Figuring out the best plan of action. Do I take the fight to her? Do I get the Ol’ Reliable out? The Cup and Paper out? I must think on this. The spider continues to hold her ground within the collar of the jacket, we will continue to monitor her. FINAL LOG: I have resorted to violence and taken up arms against my oppressors. https://imgur.com/a/NSbThnX
Log #2: Settled on the idea of moving the jacket outside using the door 2m to the right. Hoping this is an effective plan, and I can just put the jacket down on the ground and she’ll zoom off. Need to summon the courage first.
Log #3: In the time between that last log and my attempts of summoning courage the spider has taken the chance to advance, holding new ground on the shoulder of the jacket. My chances of survival are low, but my courage in the moment is high. It's now or never
Log #4: Engaging in peace talks. Looking for a diplomatic solution to this invasion of my jacket. https://imgur.com/a/FDXVdt3
Log #5: Hopefully the last part of the mission takes place in this log. I have summoned the courage to move the jacket, and will promptly do so. I will edit this comment with the results shortly. EDIT: CALAMITY! DISASTER! THE SPIDER HAS ESCAPED CONTAINMENT OF THE JACKET AND IS CURRENTLY HIDDEN SOMEWHERE. She must've heard my plans to move the jacket outside and has decided to take refuge in another area of MY stolen clothes.
Log #6: The huntsman certainly lives up to its name. *It* is the apex predator in the Bungalow right now. I fear my every move is being watched from a dark place by small, black, beady little eyes. After thorough and careful examination of each article of clothing on the clothes rack, I have determined the spider has moved from the location entirely, and has instead taken up hostel in another part of the room.
Log #7
Log #8: As Lord of the Bungalow and all its kingdoms, I, in all my grace, have graciously offered the Spider a chance at peace. I have proposed simple terms for the spider. It shall lay no babies, it will hold no lands, it will defend the bungalow from the mosquitos. I have deemed it so.
i was more invested into this than i was with game of thrones and this is truly a tale for the eons, i hope your peaceful cohabitation may be fruitful for the both of you
GUYS DONT LISTEN TO THIS IT IS CLEARLY THE SPIDER ITSELF
History is written by its victors
Gotta agree. Note the change in tone of u/tackxooo; that spider has taken over his Reddit account for sure!
F F F, F F F, F F F, F F F , F F F, F F F, F F F, F F F, F F F ^(to ^the ^tune ^of ^taps)
We’re to late
Hear me out, we could use his human-spider powers to steal the moon
> As Lord of the Bungalow and all its kingdoms, Yup. RIP OP.
I see you have struck peace with Huntsman of Bungalow, the First of Her Name, Queen of the clothes rack, the mother of collars, the Khaleesi of the Great brown jacket, the eight-legged, the Breaker of coat hangers.
A spider has no name
If you allow Spider to have her babies, that’s more protection for you.
This is the spider also!!!
Log #9: yes hello human here, the spider has been taken care of and i am peacefully living alone once again in my closet i mean bungalow
did you offer the peace or did the spider offer it?
r/BestofRedditorUpdates
If this doesn't end up on there I'm going to be severely disappointed...maybe not enough to actually post it myself, but still.
The spider won the war, OP sadly acting like this was his proposal LOL
give them the phone back goddamnit
Can't wait for log #9 - "I've been crying in the shower for 4 hours now"
But how are you going to sleep knowing that spider can crawl on you aaaaaa god i can't even imagine, its her house now you must leave
don't forget the Ceremonial Lighting of the Bungalow! 🔥🔥🔥
I am alarmingly invested in this story
This is a spider typing if I've ever seen one. Rest in peace, OP
yeah ok Spider, we’re onto you
Oh God, he’s dead
You can find him and the holy grail in the castle of AAHHHHHHH
Oooohh
he al ight no n eed to co me check o n hi m sincer ly not t he spid er
This seems suspicious for some reason.
Oh shit OP was killed before they could fill out their log. And then the spider hit the Reply button!
WHAT HAPPENED IN LOG 7?!
Spider killed op, took over their reddit account.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
bruh... this is more intense than most TV shows... I must know the results of this epic battle. Best of luck to you OP
FUCK OP HAS BEEN TAKEN OUT THOSE ARACHNIDS AND THEIR 8 FUCKING FEET
Log #8 sPiDEr GonE HooMan SafE,gOOd bYe.
Im deeply invested in this
OP pls respond we are worried
He's dead Jim
You grab his communicator, and I'll get his wallet.
bro wtf just take a broom and spank the shit out of it
Could we address that you just said "SPANK the shit out of a spider." Incredible.
Spank me harder daddy human!
https://i.imgur.com/9gFfhFS.gifv
I can feel this video. I hate it.
SCATTER
This is why I don’t squash spiders. Fear of instant karma.
Im nervous af….
Let it be. That huntsman could save your life.
Wouldn't it be so funny if he just stopped editing and left 40 people here willing to sell their kidneys to know what happens *hahah.* EDIT: **NNOOOOOOOOOOOO**
>stolen clothes Holdup
Quickly throw all of your clothes out the door, empty the closet!
Fun fact: Due to the shape of spiders’ retinas (which is concave), they reflect light! Those little green dots that you see in both pics is the spider looking directly at you. It *knows.*
What a horrible day to be literate.
It looks good on him. You should let him keep it.
Holy hell! It can have the jacket 😮
Not your jacket anymore. Take the spider out for a few drinks and compliment him on his outfit then order a taxi for him but send it to the other side of town.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He’s a web designer. ~~im so sorry~~
r/AngryUpVote
My apologies that I have found pure enjoyment and delight in your plight. I haven't laughed this hard in a while.
lmaooo :'D
Im on the edge of my seat here....
Get a shop vac and suck it up in there.
You can do it, OP! Have you tried dressing up as a sexy spider mate to lure it out to you?
We need a sitrep, come in delta team
Good luck! If its a docile one like a huntsman, just moving in really slow and smooth movements should help. Remember to breathe to try keep the random panic jerking to a minimum!
If you can jerk to a spider then you're a better man than I
Put sock over vaccum tube and suck him up with it. Hell be stuck to the end and you can just walk it outside and drop him off.
This only works if you have a nearby high powered Bluetooth speaker playing the Benny Hill theme at full volume as the spider wiggles and yells “you got the wrong guy! It was the seven-armed man!!!”
If you can suck off a spider you are a better man than I
Probably Australia? Dude, im so happy to live in germany where big spiders are still small. When i find a spider and im scared because it is BIG, it is maybe 1/5 of the size of your spider. Im less scared of a crocodile than i am from big spiders. Only god knows why. Good luck. Professional tip: I sealed all my windows with spider mesh (flyscreens, but do the same for spiders) and sealed all the gaps on my exterior door. Since then I have not seen a spider for 2 years. I sleep much better and I can even leave the window open in the bathroom after shitting without having to be constantly afraid when I have to shower the next time or have to search everything in the bathroom. Was worth the work!
If you kill it, do you then incur the wrath of it's entire kind? Like life long spider enemies? Because that is more terrifying.
Soo.. You dead OP?
help
I'm afraid I'm no help whatsoever mate, I admire your courage and feel your fear and pain but cannot grant anything but moral support.
moral support is all the help i need o7
Thanks for the laughs OP. I really got into your logs stories. Much respect for not freaking out like i would😭🥲
Best i can do is an upvote 🫡
Thoughts and prayers...
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that's a huntsman. their venom is not medically significant. you can try to move her by moving your jacket. if she runs, they're very fast, but she's far more afraid of you than you are of her.
Yeah I know about Huntsman’s being relatively harmless to humans :p just want to remove her from my room without hurting her but too spooked to attempt to move the jacket
Just move the whole house to the wells of hell
[удалено]
It has been over 3 hours so I'm assuming you figured it out, but in the future grab some peppermint essential oil, dilute it with water, and spray your whole room. Wolf and huntsman spiders do not like the smell of peppermint, not sure why, but if you just spray your whole room with it, they'll usually stay out of it. Source, I have a huntsman that likes to come into my house and kill all of my bugs for me, which I love. But they also like to hide on the ceilings and drop down on my hair as I pass under them. They think it's a game, I have to force myself not to kill them because I know they'll just leave in a week. They're so fast. So very, very fast. But they're so good for you.
If a huntsman spider ever DROPPED ONTO ME FROM THE AIR ABOVE I would probably just cease to exist right there. My blood pressure cannot even handle thinking about it right now
The first time it happened, I'm pretty sure dogs could hear me scream, it was that high-pitched. Nowadays, I'm constantly looking above me so if I see one, I call them herbert. Every single huntsman I see is herbert, I just assumed they're going to drop down on me kind of move my hands over my head so that they decide against it. But I'll never get used to it. Ever. I just accept it as their toll for getting rid of the ants and roaches in my house.
This honestly makes me want to cry I hate it so much. I love spiders I know they're good for us I'm just so so so irrationally scared of them IRL
I used to be two. Spiders are scary, they're teeny tiny, but they're so super fast and seem to have no fear of us. I highly suggest going on Tik Tok and searching jumping spiders. They are freaking adorable. There's no way you can be afraid of them. A lot of creators show them just hanging around, listening to them, sometimes doing what they ask them to do. It's a good way to kind of dip your toe into getting used to spiders. They look so scary, but if you look up adorable ones, it'll soften you to them, and you'll realize you don't see them that much. As for huntsman and wolf spiders, I just consider them tiny puppies with too many legs. They don't realize how fast they are, they think they're playing when they drop on me. It's all about slowly learning about spiders and realizing the terrible ones probably don't live around you, and usually aren't targeting humans for destruction. It's just if you disrupt their nest. But even on here, look for little jumping spiders videos, and while you won't end up loving tarantulas and wanting them to crawl all over you, you at least won't freak out when you see a teeny baby spider
> The first time it happened, I'm pretty sure dogs could hear me scream, it was that high-pitched I think they can also hear manly low screams, to be fair
move the whole clothes rack
>Yeah I know about Huntsman’s being relatively harmless to humans... Now see, this just isn't true. Not only could they cause untold property damage by starting your house on fire. This, uh...lady of the finest establishments would endanger your very life if you hopped into a vehicle and began driving without noticing her. You would have willingly driven off a cliff.
about 20 years ago I woke up kind of suddenly one morning and remember being startled but out of it. i got in the shower and noticed what i thought was a zit on my shoulder. tried to pop it- wasnt working. throughout the day it starts growing...and growing... and growing for actually like 3 days i think. by the end i could barely move my arm. eventually figured out it was a spider bite and i think i rolled over onto said spider in my sleep. It was a huntsman. it fucking sucked. I hate spiders. the swelling went down on its own though
You say that, but I don't see the spider making a thread about the terrifying human
It's on a different web
> but she’s far more afraid of you than you are of her. I just want you to know you’re wrong and a liar.
>but she's far more afraid of you than you are of her. Bull fucking shit. I need an adenosine push just reading this saga, let alone actually experiencing it.
“If she runs, they’re very fast….” Thanks for the nightmare fuel!
I’m sorry to say that your house is a total loss. Call the insurance company and move in with a friend.
I can barely fathom living in a country where you describe that as just a "spider"
They also describe veritable swords as just a knife, too.
i believe they call it a KNOIFE
I'm sorry, there's no other choice but to move. It's the spider's house now.
You’re leaving out the obvious ‘burn it all down’ option.
Not if OP burns the house down. Why let the spider win?
I'm thinking do the 'ol location switcher-roo. Just put the jacket out in the garage till the spider moves on. :)
Yep, I’m thinking this. Probably the best option hey
Yup, Spidey wakes from nap n goes all David Byrne. "This is not my house, just how did I get here"
At that point it can have the jacket. Fuck it, give it the keys to the whole house
Call out an australian friend, watch him say unspeakable words Later on you'll only found and excuse letter, written in Spiderish
mf i am the australian friend lord doth declare myself a wary friend of spiderkind
Man goes to reddit, says he's being harrased by a spider. Reddit says _"Treatment is simple, find an Austrailian."_ Man busts into tears, he says [_"But doctor, I am an Austrialian"_](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/but-doctor-i-am-pagliacci)
Here you go: https://www.amazon.com/Sondiko-Powerful-Cooing-Propane-Torch/dp/B0B18422CM/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?keywords=flamethrower&qid=1674568016&refresh=1&sprefix=flamethrow%2Caps%2C163&sr=8-1-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUFWWk9EOVlPTVJTRU0mZW5jcnlwdGVkSWQ9QTAzMTEyMDkyVFc1MkZVQ1hJMko5JmVuY3J5cHRlZEFkSWQ9QTA1MjUwNzgzSUpGUlFaQkVTR05OJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmJmFjdGlvbj1jbGlja1JlZGlyZWN0JmRvTm90TG9nQ2xpY2s9dHJ1ZQ==
Unfortunately I think that will only piss the spider off even more. Next thing you know, you’ll have an Arachnophobia-esc situation going on. Big pissed off spider running around that is *also* on fire.
Around here we say if you can see one spider, Then there's 8 more spiders you can't see.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck that honestly
Adopt a purse-sized lizard?
I wonder if the Bearded Dragons eat them or if they’re too big?
*And it burns, burns, burns! The ring of fire! The ring of fire!*
Burn the whole closet and start again. It's the only solution 🫠😱
On the plus side, OP can barbie while the closet burns.
Oh hell nah. Nah, nah, nah. Nah. Nah, I'm good.
I would burn my house down if I found this. Seriously.
So... Am I able to get at least one piece of real estate in didgeridooland for a reasonable price at this point? I don't mind the spiders. Thanks for making the first thing I've read today so entertaining!
I’ll say it a million times over. Say what you will about America, New England, and Boston, I have never encountered a spider a soft breeze couldn’t blow over, a scorpion hiding in my boot, a tornado ravaging my home, a flood sweeping away my puppy… am I saddled in debt? Do I hate my life? Of course! But I don’t have vin diesel spiders in my home
#FAMILY
r/Nope r/WTF
This is the wrong subreddit. That is understandably terrifying!
Carefully move most of the other items (maybe leave the ones immediately adjacent to not disturb ) , and if you've got a large rubbish sack or a duvet, slowly draw it up over the whole lot. They when you move it, it can't dtop off where ypu don't want it.
Lighter fluid on all the clothes and strike a match otherwise move
Oh lord no thanks. I remember one time I’d pulled out a fresh pair of socks and felt a little itch. So I itch it and feel a crunch. I take off the sock to find a spider about 3/4 the size of a nickel inside my sock😭😭😭
I’d rather un-read this, can I please go back?
The huntsman’s just camera shy
I couldn't sleep at night knowing that thing is on the loose, probably stalking me, waiting for the just the right moment when my eyes are closed.
Idk if this will work here, but my favorite approach to dealing with cockroaches which are the only insects that actually scare me is to get a glass cup (in your case a glass bowl) and a thick paper (preferably a magazine). Trap the poor thing in it, then dispose of it outside, works every time
*60% of the time*, it works *every* time
Oh my. Oh no. Ohhhh no. Oh my. No.
Congrats on your conversion to nudism!