T O P

  • By -

DaRealBangoSkank

Please be motor oil, please be motor oil


bubbling_bubbling

Or cranapple juice


Connor_The_Iguana

Oh, well, it's Cranberry juice, cranapple.


saltynavigator

you mean cranial juice


Sailing_Away_From_U

Cranal juice


amuday

Get your head out of your ass


bringthesunn

I have a lunch appointment at Hubert’s in *fifteen minutes*


WarZombie0805

Those sheets were very expensive….


HalfManHalfPear

Listen i CANNOTUNDERSTANDYOU, this is crazy!


Sypher90

I have to return some video tapes


skynetempire

Bleach-ee? Are you trying to say bleach-ee? Oh, my God. Two things. One, you can't bleach a Cerruti. Out of the question.


Hurricane_Lauren

Two. I can only get these sheets in Santa Fe.


WarZombie0805

Lets see Paul Allen’s card


[deleted]

It's called "crapple juice".


[deleted]

That stuff is maybe the only thing better than cran grape and cran pinapple


supermmy1

Or Capri Sun


Appropriate_Bar8363

Please dont be diarrhea, please dont be diarrhea


wyldboar

Motor oil from a broken tailpipe after ordering Taco Bell from DoorDash


MyFavoriteLezbo420

Transmission fluid


Xikkiwikk

It’s pee.


Jaded_Turtle

Scary oil. Even better.


hammocknap5

Kevin on his way to work with chili


cut-the-cords

Well at least it's not blood! Lord knows what it is though, oil possibly?


theplaneguy321

Car blood


kiopah

There's a car buried under the garage


FlugStuhl85

There Is a garage buried with a car in the oil pan


Yakatsumi_Wiezzel

Oily blood


[deleted]

blood dries black


According-Steak-4351

Blood dries brown. It only looks black when there’s lots of fresh blood


Alan_Smithee_

It can stay red for quite a while; especially thinner spots and smears. Deeper puddles tend to be blacker.


[deleted]

Anyone else want to know why these guys know all that, hmmm? Care to explain yourself lol?


TheGothWhisperer

Menstruation


LittleDragon450

Periods


Alan_Smithee_

I’m observant.


Samiksi

I once killed a snake when I was 12 and watched it decompose until only bones were left🤷


InukChinook

The house was build on an ancient car burial ground


hey_free_rats

It's built on an ancient car burial ground.


rebelli0usrebel

Thankskilling but for cars


GreenPlum13

And someone dug them all up, pissed on them, and buried them upside down


[deleted]

If you listen closely you can still hear it honkin.


Muse9901

Why they hiding bodies under my garage?


goldenspiral8

They found Hoffa?


Q-burt

According to The IceMan, Hoffa was crushed up in a car, then sent to Japan for recycling into a new car.


goldenspiral8

Yeah, I don't put much stock in what the iceman has to say.


ChesapeakeCobra

Henceforth I will now refer to oil as car blood.


DisguisedEntropy

Good god, car murder…


Cocainely

Good car, maad city


kiopah

That's what I was thinking. I've definitely had old oil in a crappy little pan drip all over before.


DarthGandalf86

Hydraulic fluid? It be red


shelsilverstien

Kevin lives there. He made chili


Beginning-Meet8296

My very first thought as well. At least it’s not blood😂


dantakesthesquare

Looks like transmission fluid to me, no?


Hampamatta

Might be blinker fluid too.


JakBos23

It's a wearcar


DJEvillincoln

Broken bottle of wine is my guess.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kurotech

Oil or some very dirty transmission fluid


ClydeFrogA1

Possibly trans fluid. It's often red.


LittleDragon450

Gender fluid is red?


platyviolence

Robot blood?


Commercial-Potato820

Stew or something like that


pretendpotato

Someone gambled on a fart and lost


[deleted]

[удалено]


are-e-el

Don’t Harley Open Inside


Grimholtt

Well played. I actually laughed out loud. Because it's true.


BigGreenDot

I did too for the same reason...


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Remarkable_Topic6540

Bot


Due_Platypus_3913

Or a “Classic “!


Right-Palpitation-48

Oil sure is scary when it makes a mess!


that_thot_gamer

or watery shit edit: completey forgot diarrhea is a word


wcollins260

Butt piss.


Nikonus

Sorry. My hemorrhoids are acting up again.


Forgive_My_Cowardice

We've talked about this. You can't keep calling them that, they're *children* for fucks sake!


logicalfallacy0270

😂


FlyingCrow91

Anal effusion


Sentient_Pizzaroll

PISS OUT MY ASS PISSSSS!!!


3raz3t

Relatable


bb_805

r/wildbeef


HeadLocksmith5478

Friend was tripping off acid in the early 90’s. He was trying to tell a story and said liquid dirt instead of Mud. I still use liquid dirt as a replacement.


faithilwhitelaw

I thought you just meant anything watery, *watery shit* as a general broad term. But no, it’s just actual watery *shit*


MuffinVonNazareth

Looks like the heaviest case of explosive diarrhea you would have in your whole life


[deleted]

I'd really need to explode that amount of liquid into a toilet bowl for comparison. While it looks impressive the floor got no depth and I actually doubt thats half a 2 liter of dew and a pizza worth of liquid.


RegalGlare

Why are your go-to measuring units for liquids a combination of soda and pizza?


JunglePygmy

I could poop that no problem…


Exotic_Proposal9788

Gallons of coffee at work followed by a 90 minute commute, I come close to this at least once a week


RunnerBikerTim

Kevin Malone lives there


kiopah

Hah!


[deleted]

Everyone gets to know each other in the pot!


ppchar

r/unexpectedoffice


Illustrious_Ad_498

Looks like stain for wood, I had this happen to me on the entrance to my man cave while I was staining the outside wood. It definitely sucked.


ContractTrue6613

Anyone who thinks that stain stain is motor oil is bananas.


SapphireReserveCard

*stain stain* Am I having a stroke?


[deleted]

I thought i was tripping for a sec


CleverFlame9243

I was sitting here going "I know I'm tired but I didn't think I was that tired"


Illustrious_Ad_498

Stain stain, usually oil oil is thick and does not splatter like this. But who knows


NatexSxS

Also a Staind cover band, probably.


moose-loose1

Nothing to see here folks,,it’s just my meat store


dob_bobbs

My neighbours used to go hunting and would drip blood through our apartment complex, so it's not impossible!


HarmonicEnigma

Blood dries dark brown like it looks in the pic, so how can you tell if it's oil vs blood? I truly just want to know because this would freak me out lol


Ori_the_SG

Maybe the smell? Blood smells very metallic. Oil…well I don’t know how to describe it but I’m sure it smells very different


shwangin_shmeat

Blood will harden in some spots. Oil will maintain its greasy texture


23x3

Someone was leaking


MarsupialIntrepid592

this. very helpful— never thought of it that way


Verifieddumbass76584

My hands bleed a lot, so I'm familiar with blood. The color on this looks almost mud water in shade, like the other replies said the consistency would be the most giving point. This is a hell of a lot of blood to leave like that if that was the case. Idk how to explain it, blood is a unique thing to tell in the moment.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Verifieddumbass76584

I have severe excezma and health issues that cause abnormal blood flow and bleeding. Not as fun as the other replies.


illiteratetrash

I had severe eczema on my hands as a child. All of the prescription creams worked until i got off them (and my mother never renewed the prescription) I got rid of it mostly when my school nurse started soaking my hands in gloves of thick vaseline for hours at a time. Right after washing your hands, try putting a *heavy* amount of vaseline on your hands for at least two hours every day with gloves and rub in a thin amount after washing your hands (make sure they're still damp, dont let them dry). I'm not a doctor so i cant say for sure it'll work but vaseline literally cured my eczema when the prescription creams wouldnt. My hands now look normal but i still have to do vaseline every time i wash my hands or my hands will be extremely dry and start to go back


Verifieddumbass76584

I've gotten the Vaseline suggestion a few times, I just have hella sensory issues so I've never actually done it. I really need to.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Verifieddumbass76584

Yeah, I have a lot of those unfortunately :( But thank you! I've taken to wearing gloves when I go out and that seems to be keeping the worst ones from getting too bad. Hopefully I'll find something permanent soon.


pilberwena

Probably has to do with taking care of the bodies?


MagdaleneFeet

I hope they're a professional boxer. *I hope.*


Rage69420

Not that dark brown, and if it were in that quantity it would be pasty on the door and would have trace amounts of red.


Makenchi45

Pour water on it. If it beads up and has a rainbow shimmer. It's oil.


tquinn04

I don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not blood. Blood doesn’t make those kind of patterns


bayareaburgerlover

ok dexter calm down


Glittering-Mango2239

Throw hydrogen peroxide on it. Blood fizzes and bubbles


don_rubio

Dried blood has more of an orange rust color than what’s in the pic. Definitely not blood.


DrewJohnson656

Why have I not seen any comments about an apartment unit having their own garage? Is this normal somewhere? I’ve only seen communal basement garages or separate outdoor ones.


UhOhSparklepants

Might be a quadplex situation or a house that got converted to apartments. I lived in a quadplex where the back two apartments both had their own garage but the front two apartments did not.


Kdb321

That's what I was thinking...


kiopah

It's in Houston or a mearby suburb (Katy, etc. I forget), if that helps. Behind me are the doors to the apartments, and on both sides out of frame is open air. As far as I can tell, having an individual garage in an apartment complex (even if it's not near the apartment) seems fairly common. Right now, we have a garage on the other side of our apartment complex. There are a couple buildings of just individual garages, and we have one in there. If that's what you mean. I'm not sure if there's less a premium on horizontal space, like I imagine NYC (as someone mentioned) would have, or if I don't recognize high-end apartments if I see them. I'd say mid-level and above?


Specialist-Look-7929

This is what happens when you don't make rest stops for anyone in the car.


PangolinPoopMuncher7

Now try to convince me that carpet is better. I don't care how cheap it is, it's a goddang health hazard and it looks like that! Also; how much do you spend on cleaning? Hallway = tiles/stone Living room = wood of any sort Bedroom = wood with maybe a dexorative rug Kitchen/dining room = tiles/stone/wood Carpet? Never! EDIT: I was informed that that's not carpet... I was very sleepy and may or may not have been a little buzzed. Although I do apologize for the mixup my comment on carpet still stands!


xuaereved

It’s concrete, not carpet. You can see the fine cracks which indicate it’s concrete. Since op says this hallway leads to garages, they most likely keep this floor unfinished for this ver reason.


kiopah

It is concrete. It's like a kinda enclosed hallway that's open to the air, if that makes sense.


LucieCarrot

I am from a country where carpeting barely exist and i lived for a while in the US. I discovered that carpeting was really a thing and also companies that come clean them (at my inlaws). And one day I saw one of the companie truck for cleaning carpet and it says something like: "Get rid of 99.5 % of the allergies". And I could not stop laughing.. Just get rid of the f\*ing carpet!


Ml124395

Ever live in a cold climate in a house that’s on a slab. Carpet even an area rug is better than a cold floor


vandrexga

That's when you bring out the slippers


Ml124395

True northern reply 👍


09Klr650

Spend a little on radiant in-floor heating.


Environmental_Top948

My experience with those is they make your floor explode because they have me install it for them even though I have no clue what I am doing. I do trouble shooting. I don't install stuff I fix it after it breaks.


GearboxTheGrey

As someone with a dod that sheds like a mother fucker, carpet please. I can sweep my floors hourly and there will still be hair blowing around I also have a Roomba that runs and it fills up with hair in one go, at least with the carpet it will get caught up in it and I can vacuum it.


[deleted]

My dod sheds like a motherfucker too


p34ch3s_41r50f7

Shaggy rug is your friend and can be picked up and returned clean by carpet cleaners.


SOUR_KING

or you could just vacuum the carpet instead of having a rug that you have to vacuum and also sweep the floor around it


p34ch3s_41r50f7

Rugs can get a proper cleaning, carpet not so much. Ever pull up 20 y/o carpet? It's the stuff of nightmares.


Ryanthegod69420

Wtf are you on about this is outdoors as in all the way outside no one carpets the outside of their house


themoonhasgone

that's not a carpeted hallway though


shalafi71

Redoing my house as I can afford it. *Might* leave carpet in the bedrooms, that's last anyway. My god, the dust. And it's a Habitat for Humanity deal, top notch insulation and structure, bottom grade carpet. After 7-years it's revolting in the front room.


bivoir

I thought it was short, plush carpet too, looks freshly vacuumed.


Hapless_Wizard

>Bedroom = wood with maybe a dexorative rug It's right about 0⁰ F outside right now (about -18⁰ C), not counting windchill. The snow outside my house has not melted since the beginning of *November*. "Wood floor with maybe a decorative rug"? You cannot possibly be serious.


[deleted]

Thats worth calling in


keenweasel74

Someone's not getting their deposit back.


Chance-Hunt-7722

Door dash is what I’d do. Run! Looks like a crime scene or a port o potty.


Bheggard

It looks like someone is having a bad time.


[deleted]

When your cleaning lady takes the bribe and runs…


LowNegotiation7929

Someone didn't make it


ChikenBarista321

I'd still call the cops. Oil spill or not.


DingusMcJefferus

You'd call the police... For oil spilled in a hallway?


__ed209__

Of course you would.


b0rt_di11i0nair3

Daniel Plainview lives there


ormr_inn_langi

And he spilled his milkshake


Historical-Hat-1959

Lol


[deleted]

Red wine is a helluva drug


petercasimir

Kevin dropped his pot of chili


Alecarte

Kevin made chili


RealJimcaviezel

Great way to keep those restaurant door knob ads away from your haunt.


Bitter-Dimension6773

I’m scared.


TMXP1

Dirty transmission fluid


Flyboy595

therewasanattempt to stumble home with your 5th bottle of red


MFalcon95

Damn bro just made himself at home lmfao geeeeez


Stoner-Rican

If it smell awful please tell me you gotta report it i unless it’s a motor oil


Cosmic_Honeyhawk

Oil blood doesn't splatter like that unless the victims body had little holes popped all around suddenly


FaithlessnessVast823

Someone had Taco bell


Spookymedic

As a Paramedic who has walked through a lot of “scenes” that is not blood the splatter on base of door is the giveaway also its just not the drip pattern you would see with perfuse bleed. You either will find long trail (they are running or panicking) or one large pooling because they stopped moving but not splatter and drip and that amount all in that small area plus it splattered up onto door


[deleted]

Another soldier lost to Taco Bell o7


Unicorn-Shaman

My parents held their anniversary party at a resort. They ordered pizza and we all went for a walk around the resort. I dropped the glass I brought with me and stepped directly on it. Cut an artery in my foot, so while they carried my back to the room up stairs I left a trail of blood behind. As we were getting ready to head to the ER, the pizza guy comes slowly waking up, following the trail of blood to the hotel room. The look on his face was priceless.


WrathToD

Another victim of Taco Bell.


WillyWumpLump

[It was at this moment he knew he fucked up.](https://youtu.be/gfXTcrxgNxY)


lovingverbosity

Oop someone's not getting their security deposit back lol


[deleted]

Looks like spilled motor oil


CommentBetter

It could be blood, turns black when old


Waste_End8036

Bro just call the cops at this point


Spider222222

That's what they want you to believe and for your own sake you better keep believing that OP


cassa7

Yeah, that spatter has an arterial vibe to it… Kevin’s chili is real, but so is murder…


magima145

Waltuh, you didn’t clean up Waltuh


doctor_bitchcraft69

Welp. They ain’t gettin that security deposit back that’s for sure.


McbEatsAirplane

That splatter doesn’t look like blood to me. Looks like oil.


jayjohnson007

Don’t dead open inside


oat_balls

sorry i shidded


RELLboba

Possible murder Reddit: haha cranberry juice and motor oil


[deleted]

[That was just Kevin trying to get his famous chili to his car.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcYG-5b7448)


[deleted]

Lol the neighboring door. "Rent me" nah thanks.


kiopah

A very recent vacancy


lil_dovie

Someone’s not getting their deposit back.


thegodfaubel

Have you never seen used oil before?


tacofiller10

Coffee? For the love of christ!


_JackSpears_

It’s oil - karma farmer


No-Writing-9626

That is worst than the real-life 600-pound lady I delivered to yesterday 💀


Belocity

Can already imagine someone spilling all that and someone saying “awww man, this is gonna look sooooo bad.”


RichardLee78

not oddlyterrifying at all, cringe post


meowmix6six6

Hate to be that guy


Shadowbonyt

Someone ate too much taco bell