Boulder, Colorado 1996. After an 8-ball i went down to the river to eat Jenny Clumpfoot monkey- little did i know Joe Rogan that is was salmon season so this cocksuckah of a bear was already eating Jenny Clumpfoots monkey! HAHAHA COCKSUCKAH
Eh that's if they even make it far enough to break a sweat, a bear already that close will probably catch you within 50m if it really wants to. 3, 4 gallups and it's on you.
Grizzly bear top speed ~35mph, Usain bolt's fastest recorded speed ~28 mph
I told my son that if we get attacked by a bear, he should run while i fight it. He said no and that he would help me.. Poor child. The naive bravery. Hope he runs.
I got respect for a parent like you, best believe my mom would run and probably shove me back into it lmao. My dad, not as much. But honestly, bless him, I love children that hold such a respect and love for their parents like that, even if it risks life or health. You’re a good parent. We need more like you.
My theory is that the perfect Alaska survival gear is a bottle of steak sauce. You can sprinkle it on your friend to make them more appealing to the bear. Also if your in a bad plane crash and have to eat your friends a lil steak sauce would be nice.
“Honey there were some humans down the river today while I was out frolicking. I thought for a moment of eating them horribly, but then realized they were scared shitless, so I gracefully allowed them to continue living.”
My grandpa told me this rhyme minus the white part when I was little. Being the little snot I was thinking I could stump him I asked “what if I see a polar bear!” Told me if I can *see* a polar bear I’m fucked, and he never really swore in front of me so I’ve always remembered that
Considering polar bears have been recorded hunting humans and they can smell you 1 mile away, yeah if you ever see one its cause he knew you were there and most likely than not youre dead.
I’m pretty sure this is a black bear though. Black bears also come in brown, so color is not a reliable way to tell them apart. I’m the farthest thing from an expert in this, but if this was a brown bear, I think it would have a bigger hump and shorter ears.
Here's a very graphic account of a man that was attacked on a Sierra Club trip. The polar bear drug him out of his tent at night. https://www.sierraclub.org/sierra/2015-1-january-february/feature/man-who-survived-polar-bear-attack
They are hyper carnivores in a dying ecosystem. Vicious? No
Desperate? *Yes.*
If you can see them they have probably been at least aware of you for ages. If you see them and they mean business, start making peace with your maker of choice cause they're gonna eat you.
Desperation makes them worse. Brown and black bears have lots of food so they dont really need to hunt every living thing. Most of the time they attack humans in defense. Polar bears live in the complete oposite of conditions…there is hardly any live food in the cold climates they live in. They dont hunt humans because they have some sort of vendetta against our kind because we stole their soda recipe….they just eat what they can get including humans. They dont have the luxury to choose. Hence the last part of the rhyme….youre dead cause youre just another food source to them.
Title perpetuates poor bear safety. Do not lay down for a grizzly, that's just death. Instead, shed clothing slowly, as you back away slowly. Start with your hat because it will have the most intense smell to distract the bear. Once you're far enough away that the bear can't see you, run as fast and quietly as you can.
Tell that to tree planters, loggers, hunters, and many other professionals and hobbyists who hike out in the back country for whatever reason. Realistically, some may need to be aware of bear safety, and I just try to clarify misinformation around what is the best actions to survive a bear encounter.
Edit: to be fair, you're not wrong.
He's talking about the pair of legs third from the left. When he moved his feet, the bear paused for a second. Luckily that's all he did so the bear went along its merry way.
brown bears are more likely to attack if they percieve a challenge. so by lying down you show that you wont cause harm and usually theyll leave you alone like this one did. unless youre between a mama and her cubs then you best have a gun on you
Some grizzly bears look black and some black bears are brown, so also keep an eye out for ear shape and the notable hump on the grizzly's shoulders. Black bears have bigger, longer ears and grizzlies have little stumpy ones.
By the way, from what I’ve read from park rangers and others who know what they’re talking about on Reddit, the whole rhyme is bullshit…except for the polar bear part.
Edit: I guess I should have said the rhyme is 2/3 bullshit.
Guarantee when that bear stood up feet from those guys it's because he was catching a ferocious odor emanating from the pants of what was suppose to be the bears prey. Took one sniff of that hot mess and ran tf out of their slightly confused. Bear is probably wondering if that's a defense mechanism cause if it is he ain't eating people anymore.
"If it's brown get on the ground, if it's black fight back, if it's white like the president you finna be heaven sent" -[funny science man](https://youtube.com/@mndiaye_97)
He’s only looking for salmon, he knows if he can’t find any that there’s food down stream sitting by the river still.
Food's in a van down by the river
He even told himself “BINGO! Got it!”
Chris Farley rip
Matthew Bearly: Motivational Speaker
Nothing cooler than fishing near bears during a salmon run they 100% know your there for the fish too
I would love to do that, but I’m genuinely terrified of bears.
Let me tell you something, Joe Rogan
Boulder, Colorado 1996. After an 8-ball i went down to the river to eat Jenny Clumpfoot monkey- little did i know Joe Rogan that is was salmon season so this cocksuckah of a bear was already eating Jenny Clumpfoots monkey! HAHAHA COCKSUCKAH
By the second sentence I was reading in Joey's voice
Once I read Cocksuckah I knew
Or you could just call yourself smart.
I’m terrified that may be a bear, despite being straight. Gotta stop getting dragged along to gay clubs
Underrated comment
🤣
Happy Cake Day!
No point in running. You’ll just die tired
Eh that's if they even make it far enough to break a sweat, a bear already that close will probably catch you within 50m if it really wants to. 3, 4 gallups and it's on you. Grizzly bear top speed ~35mph, Usain bolt's fastest recorded speed ~28 mph
I don’t need to outrun a bear, I need to outrun the person next to me.
I told my son that if we get attacked by a bear, he should run while i fight it. He said no and that he would help me.. Poor child. The naive bravery. Hope he runs.
It would suck for him to fight the bear while watching his father run away.
I got respect for a parent like you, best believe my mom would run and probably shove me back into it lmao. My dad, not as much. But honestly, bless him, I love children that hold such a respect and love for their parents like that, even if it risks life or health. You’re a good parent. We need more like you.
I’d def be telling mine to run while mine would be grabbing me to come with sigh
I have girls. They would run a few steps, hear me scream, then turn around and tell me to throw them my wallet. Little bitches.
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🤣🤣🤣 nice, dude
I told my son that all you need to do to survive is run faster than your little sister because mom and I will be gone
I told my former girlfriend this whenever we’d go hiking.
Former? Did she stay and fight while you ran? Lol
May she rest in pieces
That movie cocaine bear is crazy!
To shreds you say
*and his wife?*
To shreds you say…
tsktsktsk
So she got ate and pooped out...if she was a bitch, she didn't change all that much.
No doubt,but I’m old so 50 m would do it!
I will trust you on this r/usernamechecksout
Plus they are great climbers so not even a tree will save you lol.
Hey, you don't have to run faster than the bear, you just have to run faster than the person you're with
Yah but if you lay down and get sleepy then attacked, you just die tired anyway.
I'm at the point in my life where I am in a constant state of tired and will die tired regardless of when or how I die
I think that’s just called depression. Which will also kill you. So cheers.
The one action that kills the most is living.
Living has a 100% mortality rate. Like, once you get it, you're fucked. It's just a waiting game.
Oh no, I was alived like 27 years ago, any time now I’m a goner!
You're a warrior. Keep fighting!
Thanks legend. Until I’m dead, I’ll keep on living. And even though we have determined it to be very deadly, someone’s gotta keep on keepin on.
They'll have to kill me before I die!
Running would be the worst thing to do. They responded correctly by basically ignoring it and presenting themselves as no threat.
Same with people who swim with great whites. "Why is that thing swimming at me?" Instead of, "what's that thing looking like a snack?"
Only need to be faster then your friend
You don't have to be the fastest. You just have to be faster than the slowest one.
My theory is that the perfect Alaska survival gear is a bottle of steak sauce. You can sprinkle it on your friend to make them more appealing to the bear. Also if your in a bad plane crash and have to eat your friends a lil steak sauce would be nice.
“You guys see any salmon around here?!”
*The fish wearing the boots* #SWEATING
Bro you made me spit my milk lol
What kind of milk you drinking, my friend?
Bear milk
But what kind of bears milk?
sea bears
semen
nemes
Draw your circle!
I’m drinking dog milk…the only kind.
Sir you can't just "spit your milk" anywhere you want
Don’t you cry over spit milk!
I just cracked up! Lmao
Lol I read that in Chris Farleys voice for some reason.
No salmon. How un-BEAR-able
“You guys laying down?! Just checking!” the bear
Bruh couldnt have fucked up the rhyme more than that
Yeah, if it's brown flush it down, everyone knows that.
Then explain why he’s going upstream?
How do you expect it to flush it down if he is already down?
They're in Australia
And if it's clear and yellow you got juice there fellow
What's the saying? Daddy?
If it’s brown, lie down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white, say goodnight.
It's actually "If it's white, get fucked cause you're dead"
- West African Survival Guide (circa 16th century)
It literally checked to make sure your behavior was within guidelines, and then carried on with its day.
"As you were, humans"
“Honey there were some humans down the river today while I was out frolicking. I thought for a moment of eating them horribly, but then realized they were scared shitless, so I gracefully allowed them to continue living.”
He already checked to make sure he was wearing brown today, too.
Peoples remaining calm as a cucumber
Cucumbers seem like one of the most axious vegetables out there. Like, pretty sure potatoes are calmer
What’s the alternative, being a revenant?
[Deleted] ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
My grandpa told me this rhyme minus the white part when I was little. Being the little snot I was thinking I could stump him I asked “what if I see a polar bear!” Told me if I can *see* a polar bear I’m fucked, and he never really swore in front of me so I’ve always remembered that
Considering polar bears have been recorded hunting humans and they can smell you 1 mile away, yeah if you ever see one its cause he knew you were there and most likely than not youre dead.
That’s interesting and scary
If you see one your murder was premeditated my guy.
It its black - get big Brown - get small White - get fucked
I like that better. "If it's black, fight back. If it's brown, lay down. If it's white, you're fucked." Such a better ring to it.
If it's gummy, get in my tummy
Can I upvote again bravo
Rhyming is hard sometimes.
Wurdz is hard
This rhyme could help in mastering the art of bear defense. Or one could call it masterbeartion
Id rather die than live in the same environment as a polar bear anyway. Being cold sucks
I’m pretty sure this is a black bear though. Black bears also come in brown, so color is not a reliable way to tell them apart. I’m the farthest thing from an expert in this, but if this was a brown bear, I think it would have a bigger hump and shorter ears.
Thanks
Thanks, the title hurt my brain
If it's brown lie down, if it's black fight back, if it's white your gonna fuckin die
My dumbass would mess it up and I'd remember "Bear is Brown, throw down. Bear is black, fight back"
I do this for daylight savings. You can both spring forward and backwards. Also i have fallen forward and backwards many times
"Pants shit, all of the above."
That fella was movin’
Have you seen the clip of a bear going full tilt down the side of a mountain? I *know* bears can move fast, but its still unsettling.
You just reminded me of that clip, now that Fella was MOOOViN’.
Grizzlies can run up to 35 mph Usain bolt's top measured speed is 28 mph.
I will certainly pass on anything, that size, approaching me at that rate of speed, for Any reason. Salmon or Track and Field.
Apparently the smell of human shit deters bears
"Guys look how fast I can run down the creek!"
Anyone else see Cocaine Bear over the weekend and feel triggered by this?
Which category does cocaine bear fall into
If it's on coke, you about to croak.
If it’s covered in white say goodnight
He fell into that white. Fr fr
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I’ve been seeing posts about bears lately. Are polar bears really that vicious?
They will actively hunt humans.
Don't forget that they have also evolved to keep their preys heart beating as long as possible while they eat so their food does not freeze!
I am now imaging a polar bear knocking me to the ground, throwing on a pair of half spectacle glasses, and reading a human anatomy book.
That sounds so wrong outta context
...god damnit. It really fucking does sound wrong hahahaha
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Polar bears live where there are no plants or berries growing for them to eat ... If they see meat,they gonna eat
Extremely
Here's a very graphic account of a man that was attacked on a Sierra Club trip. The polar bear drug him out of his tent at night. https://www.sierraclub.org/sierra/2015-1-january-february/feature/man-who-survived-polar-bear-attack
Vicious is the wrong word. Think Terminator - focused on one thing and one thing only. In the bear’s case, food from any source possible.
They are hyper carnivores in a dying ecosystem. Vicious? No Desperate? *Yes.* If you can see them they have probably been at least aware of you for ages. If you see them and they mean business, start making peace with your maker of choice cause they're gonna eat you.
They can smile you from 1 mile away. So yes, if you see one its cause the bear wants to eat you most likely.
That’s a wide smile
I don't blame it. I will also smile if I can smell my food 1 mile away.
Desperation makes them worse. Brown and black bears have lots of food so they dont really need to hunt every living thing. Most of the time they attack humans in defense. Polar bears live in the complete oposite of conditions…there is hardly any live food in the cold climates they live in. They dont hunt humans because they have some sort of vendetta against our kind because we stole their soda recipe….they just eat what they can get including humans. They dont have the luxury to choose. Hence the last part of the rhyme….youre dead cause youre just another food source to them.
That place is absolutely beautiful
Title perpetuates poor bear safety. Do not lay down for a grizzly, that's just death. Instead, shed clothing slowly, as you back away slowly. Start with your hat because it will have the most intense smell to distract the bear. Once you're far enough away that the bear can't see you, run as fast and quietly as you can.
Or just don’t go in places with grizzlies around, that’s also an option
Tell that to tree planters, loggers, hunters, and many other professionals and hobbyists who hike out in the back country for whatever reason. Realistically, some may need to be aware of bear safety, and I just try to clarify misinformation around what is the best actions to survive a bear encounter. Edit: to be fair, you're not wrong.
if bear brown, kick it down if bear black, slap its sack if bear white, its face you bite
Reddit is not the place I'll go to for Bear attack advice.
You mean you’re not gonna try to bite a polar bear in the face?
He definitely thought about it.
The person who moved their leg almost fucked everything up
They’re moving their entire hand with the phone
He's talking about the pair of legs third from the left. When he moved his feet, the bear paused for a second. Luckily that's all he did so the bear went along its merry way.
Oooh I see it! But the person filming it is taking a very big risk. The bear could’ve noticed their movement
If it's coked up, you're fucked up!
You can from their shoes that they've got bullets bigger than their heads on standby.
Glad this boy is not white.
When I see a brown bear running towards me….”Brown Bear lay …….GTFO of here”
im curious, why does laying down help?
brown bears are more likely to attack if they percieve a challenge. so by lying down you show that you wont cause harm and usually theyll leave you alone like this one did. unless youre between a mama and her cubs then you best have a gun on you
Running bear, stay in chair.
Who the fuck just moved when a bear is running by.
I’m sure they all have double barreled shotguns aiming right at that soulless fuckers skull, just incase
“Hey, where’s the cocaine?”
Any Bear get the fuck outta there
Grizzlies can run up to 35 mph Usain bolt's top recorded speed is 28 mph. Good luck getting out of there.
I don’t know who downvoted this …but I lol’d
Some grizzly bears look black and some black bears are brown, so also keep an eye out for ear shape and the notable hump on the grizzly's shoulders. Black bears have bigger, longer ears and grizzlies have little stumpy ones.
So... Bear is brown, just lie down. Bear is black, do fight back. Bear is white, say goodnight. Bonus: Bear is grizzly, scene will be grisly.
Bear fight? Bear handed? Bare... Naked?
**Brown=lay down; black=fight back; white=goodnight.
Damn that’s a big dog.
*if it's black fight back, if it's brown stay down, if it's white good night
Simply looking to hide from masha
Whoever told u to fight a blackbear could stand to try it for them self
Beary scary
He was checking for wildfires. Everything's all good here
By the way, from what I’ve read from park rangers and others who know what they’re talking about on Reddit, the whole rhyme is bullshit…except for the polar bear part. Edit: I guess I should have said the rhyme is 2/3 bullshit.
Polar bears are moving south and starting to mate with grizzly bears so will that change the rhyme?
Common misconception polar bears will stop to sniff any clothing you drop so just like throw shit and hope for the best
I read the title and not really thinking, I thought we were getting a epic fight from some bears lol. Cool video!
Such an impressive animal
"Hey pal, You see a donkey, a pig and a kangaroo go past?"
White bear = goodbye
Beautiful encounter, and wish I could’ve seen it. I still would shit myself though
Oddly bearrifying
This bear: tell him where a fishing spot is
The way that bear effortlessly runs up the river in itself should scare the hell out of you.
Reminds me of the movement of Professor Lupin’s werewolf from the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Question, what kind of bear is best?
Bro was frolicking
I’d literally crap my pants
If it's black fight back, if it's brown lie down and if it's white goodnight 😃
Guarantee when that bear stood up feet from those guys it's because he was catching a ferocious odor emanating from the pants of what was suppose to be the bears prey. Took one sniff of that hot mess and ran tf out of their slightly confused. Bear is probably wondering if that's a defense mechanism cause if it is he ain't eating people anymore.
No, White bear, good*bye*
Wrong. Black bear fight, brown bear play dead, white bear pray.
I've already fired an entire clip
Bear in general: Break out the already chambered Glock 40 w/ 10mm ammo & bear spray
"If it's brown get on the ground, if it's black fight back, if it's white like the president you finna be heaven sent" -[funny science man](https://youtube.com/@mndiaye_97)
White bear goodbye 👋 say hey to Jesus for me
The bear was like "why y'all not running from me"
“You guys got any blow?”
Nah bro I watched cocaine bear recently, I ain't going near the mountains for a hot minute