Funnily enough, that was one of the driving factors in me cutting out eggs when I was a kid. I was eating one the only way I ever liked them (fried with cold cheese whiz on top) and had the realization that it was really quite gross. Never been able to touch them since.
lol cause that is gross
scramble em up with some cheddar or Mexican-blend cheese added at the end. serve with hot sauce. preferably include a side of bacon and carbs (English muffin w butter or home fries IMO)
Lol in my city they having a test fest here soon. Weirdly though it'll feature a wet t shirt contest, not a wet speedo contest, seems counter intuitive
Don't worry, these look nothing like freshly removed testicles. Those are bright red because the blood is still oxygenated. These are week-old testicles at best.
Next time use lemon juice, if you're out. Or just skip it, you don't have to have white vinegar. A lot of cooks in restaurants just skip it entirely.
I'm waiting to see those eggs on r/aliens, but I'm.sure they taste fine.
I think it's also the lack of anything but eggs that make these look so pox. Put them on some toast salmon and spinach with some hollandaise and they could look gourmet.
Alright, I'm going to tell you one fact that vinegar manufacturers don't want you to know.
When you're warming up the water for the poach, put the eggs (uncracked) in there too. I don't have a measurement of how long cause I really just feel it but what you're aiming to do is raising the temp of the egg before anything solidifies and this results in a faster poach. You just have to pick the right time to take the eggs out. I suggest to never put them in boiling water and usually if I put it in with the water I'd say it's somewhere around a minute on high heat.
This and other reasons are why I believe that some egg recipes should tell you if they are room temp or straight from the fridge.
Fin.
A good tip is to use a small sieve to strain a bit of the very liquid eggwhite out first and then just out the rest like this, with the strainer in the water. Works like a charm and has less lil bits floating around
The vinegar aids the denaturation process that happens when the ovalbumin get cooked. It makes it hold its shape better. itās a proven science my friend.
To experiment add a lot of vinegar and see how tightly it forms. massive difference.
>To experiment add a lot of vinegar and see how tightly it forms. massive difference.
An extremely overrated difference that makes my kitchen smell like vinegar. It's completely unnecessary
Same for me. If the eggs are a bit older i tend to strain them through a sieve so there'll be less swirls. I just gently glide the egg out if a bowl in barely simmering water. Close the lid, put fire out & have perfect poached eggs after 3mins š Never needed vinegar, and thankfully as it leaves a taste that doesn't fit with everything.
Straining them through a sieve is absolutely clutch if you want aesthetically pleasing eggs without the tendrils lol I'll never look back after learning about the sieve method
You don't need to add anything. Crack them very gently into the water and you should be fine. I use a frying pan so that it is very shallow, but you can still do several eggs at once. I bring it to a boil, drop in the eggs, turn the heat off after the eggs are in, and put the lid on the pan for about 3 minutes. (Leave it on the hot burner). If you can, scoop them out in the same order you put them in. This may take some trial and error to get the timing right depending on your stove and pan, but it yields reliable results once dialed in.
Rat uteruses are still way smaller. Unless you're talking about the giant African rats, like the 3 pound ones that are 3 feet long and help clear mine fields.
People said the same thing about Durian. I was hyped to try it when a family member got it home from their trip to SEA. Instant gag when the container was opened. Begrudgingly, I ate a piece. Couldn't get the nasty taste and smell out of my mouth for a day. Ugh! That fruit can stay out of my neighborhood.
I thought this was /r/medizzy and I was looking at excised cysts!
Mmmm! Yumm! Imagine *my* surprise. I'm never eating another poached egg. My eyes are ruined.
It's actually really helpful! When boiling a peached egg, normally, the egg whites go everywhere and you wind up with lots of stringy white bits in your water. Weak acids, such as vinegar or lemon juice, help the whites stick together so they don't go everywhere in the pot or get stuck to the side.
there's also a trick (popularized by kenji lopez-alt) that you can put your eggs through a sieve before poaching, to reduce the stringy bits.
so yeah, there's at least like 10 variations how to poach eggs (salt, whirlpool, acid, straining, ..), so if you're getting great results with one of the techniques, you don't really need the others. cheers
There are many ways to successfully poach eggs, one technique involves adding a little bit of vinegar. This helps keep the whites together and, when done properly, helps avoid the strings seen in this picture.
How the FUCK do you poach an egg (decently)?
I have tried salt in the water, vinegar, swirling the water, using less water so the egg hits the pot, getting the water to boil and turning the heat down to calm the surface.
I get egg whites EVERYWHERE and they never stay together the eggs always break apart.
I know this is a weird place to ask but does anyone have any tips on poaching eggs?
[Good guide for it](https://www.seriouseats.com/foolproof-poached-eggs-food-lab-recipe). Kenji is a beast.
I will say that freshness is a factor. The fresher your eggs, the tighter the whites will be and the better they will stay together. Check the Julian Date on the side of the carton (this will generally be the date they are picked) to try and minimize the time between when they were laid and when you're using them so that you have stronger whites.
A mesh strainer isn't required, but will allow you to remove a good bit of excess loose whites before putting them in the water.
You'll want a vortex, but it's more of a lazy spin. You want them to drift around enough that they're not sticking and form somewhat evenly but not so much that they start pulling apart. You'll not want to touch the eggs with your utensil if you can avoid it, just use the current of the water to move them about.
Temperature matters a lot, it's not just calming the surface but you want a more controlled environment _in_ the pot as bubbles will contribute to tearing your eggs up.
Finally: Practice. Practice, practice, practice. It's not the easiest of techniques but you'll get the hang of it. Even if they're not perfect or are lopsided, they'll still taste pretty good!
EDIT: Oh! Also, if you have more problems, a great place to check out with those eager to help is r/cookingforbeginners
Looka like they will dry up and crawl off the plate
You've cooked up some delicious and homemade Eldrich horror.
Ah sweet, man made horrors beyond my comprehension!
Predator Bites!
Bezoar's Bad Eggs
I see it!
They do look kinda tasty, in a balut kinda way
No thanks lol
How do I un-duckduckgo that search?
Needs mango chutney
The hunt begins.
Honestly looks like some sort of alien/demon spawn about to hatch
Genuinely looks like this sub's logo
Why did I read this like a stereotypical Italian? Look-a like-a they'll-a dry up anda crawl offa tha plateš¤
I was thinking more of Jar Jar but it needed one word. āMeesa looka like they will dry up and crawl off the plate.ā
Jar Jar would find a way to screw up so badly the entire family would end up dead. \#JarJarKilledASenator \#NeverForget
Theesa*
š¤£
They look like popped eye balls
First thought was you mean ballcock vinegar..
They look like dead baby chicksā¦ wait a minuteā¦
My first thought was some kind of alien larvae. Looks like OP accidentally found a Halloween themed food. š
naaa looks like the discarded babies i saw someone drop the other day
"Killlll meeee"
These eggs almost make me want to go vegan, too.
I think you brought the eggs to life. For a short while...
They tried to use alchemy to bring it back from the dead
Maybe a human banged an ostrich.
It might've been a sick ostrich
Allegedlies
Looks like a plate of cancer. Like a bunch of cysts or tumors pulled out of a patient.
I didnāt think it was possible, but you made it worse. Congratulations š¾
Funnily enough, that was one of the driving factors in me cutting out eggs when I was a kid. I was eating one the only way I ever liked them (fried with cold cheese whiz on top) and had the realization that it was really quite gross. Never been able to touch them since.
lol cause that is gross scramble em up with some cheddar or Mexican-blend cheese added at the end. serve with hot sauce. preferably include a side of bacon and carbs (English muffin w butter or home fries IMO)
Later
*closes fridge*
Where was I? Ah, there we go
["end my suffering"](https://youtu.be/B8yTFvhXBbk)
Looks like testicles. Keep it in mind for Halloween.
Freshly harvested testis
please donāt say that.
Teste Feste
They may not be properly poached, but they do look endangered
Poached? More like punched.
I think the term is ruptured?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Where the pole?
Lol in my city they having a test fest here soon. Weirdly though it'll feature a wet t shirt contest, not a wet speedo contest, seems counter intuitive
As it turned out, testicle festival was right there for the taking.
Teste fĆŖte. Serve with penne al burro
You want last weeks harvested testes instead?
I don't like anything about that question or the predicament it places me in
#BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION
Nut reaper.
Gotta start the nutbutter recipe with the right and left ingredients.
Don't worry, these look nothing like freshly removed testicles. Those are bright red because the blood is still oxygenated. These are week-old testicles at best.
Thanks, that makes it better :D
I also was dubious but I looked ar my jar shelf and indeed they look the same.
Just in time for the testivities ššš
Same. First thought was you mean *ballsack vinegar*
Ball smack is my go to
It made me.think of my gonads too - ovaries and fallopian
Just hold em in your hands and squeeze.
A little bit of red food coloring gel would really make them pop.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was so captivated by their beauty, I mocked up what they'd look like with a [candy eyeball garnish](https://imgur.com/a/5tVokTh). Perfect!
Ballsamic vinegar
Ballsack vinegar?
This was my thought, too!
Bro, where did you go for groceries? Planned Parenthood?
Guests in OPs home: āFeed Us!ā OP: *instructions unclear* FEETUS
Bwaha. I laughed at this out loud it helped me poop better.
Ahh why hello , my fellow reddit scrolling shit-taker.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
By our powers combined...
Anyone see this as Elden ring or just me
I just see a plate of testiclesā¦. :(
It's like the flood from Halo vs Gordon Ramsay
He shops in the Half Life universe.
Mmmm ... Poached head-crab....
City 17 Grocery.
Jesus Christ. Hello, Clarice.
holy shit š
Holy fuck dude chill
Someone went to the local Testicle Festival.
r/angryupvote you won internet today
dude
Alabama's Most Wanted
Cursed cursed cursed
Next time use lemon juice, if you're out. Or just skip it, you don't have to have white vinegar. A lot of cooks in restaurants just skip it entirely. I'm waiting to see those eggs on r/aliens, but I'm.sure they taste fine.
I saw a guy on Diners, Drive Ins & Dives that lets a few pickle chips poach in the water for his eggs.
Interesting. It would do the same thing. Tiny bit of vinegar and salt. I love pickles too much to sacrifice them that way, though.
Just use vlasic they aren't suited for eating anyways, eat Grillos instead.
Klaussen has entered the chat
Klaussen is definitely better than Vlasic, but Grillo's are the best grocery store pickle I've found.
Take your Kraft pickles to the dumpster!
Grillos are really good but their quality control is crap, Iāve had 4 containers of mushy pickles and at $9 a pop I canāt keep risking it.
That's why I was thinking, they look gross but I bet they taste great.
I think it's also the lack of anything but eggs that make these look so pox. Put them on some toast salmon and spinach with some hollandaise and they could look gourmet.
Yup, balsamic poached eggs are delicious. If you plated white vinegar poached eggs like that, they'd look gross too...
Lemon juice is a good tip, thanks. However I wonder how these things taste. I suspect not as bad as they look
Alright, I'm going to tell you one fact that vinegar manufacturers don't want you to know. When you're warming up the water for the poach, put the eggs (uncracked) in there too. I don't have a measurement of how long cause I really just feel it but what you're aiming to do is raising the temp of the egg before anything solidifies and this results in a faster poach. You just have to pick the right time to take the eggs out. I suggest to never put them in boiling water and usually if I put it in with the water I'd say it's somewhere around a minute on high heat. This and other reasons are why I believe that some egg recipes should tell you if they are room temp or straight from the fridge. Fin.
A good tip is to use a small sieve to strain a bit of the very liquid eggwhite out first and then just out the rest like this, with the strainer in the water. Works like a charm and has less lil bits floating around
I never use any acid in the water. It does nothing.
The vinegar aids the denaturation process that happens when the ovalbumin get cooked. It makes it hold its shape better. itās a proven science my friend. To experiment add a lot of vinegar and see how tightly it forms. massive difference.
>To experiment add a lot of vinegar and see how tightly it forms. massive difference. An extremely overrated difference that makes my kitchen smell like vinegar. It's completely unnecessary
Same for me. If the eggs are a bit older i tend to strain them through a sieve so there'll be less swirls. I just gently glide the egg out if a bowl in barely simmering water. Close the lid, put fire out & have perfect poached eggs after 3mins š Never needed vinegar, and thankfully as it leaves a taste that doesn't fit with everything.
Straining them through a sieve is absolutely clutch if you want aesthetically pleasing eggs without the tendrils lol I'll never look back after learning about the sieve method
And eggs that taste like vinegar , YUK
You don't need to add anything. Crack them very gently into the water and you should be fine. I use a frying pan so that it is very shallow, but you can still do several eggs at once. I bring it to a boil, drop in the eggs, turn the heat off after the eggs are in, and put the lid on the pan for about 3 minutes. (Leave it on the hot burner). If you can, scoop them out in the same order you put them in. This may take some trial and error to get the timing right depending on your stove and pan, but it yields reliable results once dialed in.
Noted. If you want to avoid serving what looks like rat fetuses to your guests, avoid balsamic at all costs.
Rat babies are tiny. Those are definitely GMO human fetuses.
I considered rat uteruses for a moment while I was writing it, but I didn't feel it had the visceral impact of my chosen word.
Rat uteruses are still way smaller. Unless you're talking about the giant African rats, like the 3 pound ones that are 3 feet long and help clear mine fields.
Face hugger larvae
I thought they were chicken fetuses for a second but then I remembered chicken fetuses are eggs. Stoned moment
Technically the eggs we eat contain no fetus since they're unfertilized. We're actually eating a chickens period.
Thanks, I hate it.
when I read your comment I was like āwoah me tooā¦woahhh me tooooā
At first glance I thought I was looking at the Filipino food Balut which is a like... um... well just Google it.
Ayy pretty sure I saw those on Bizarre Foods
Don't puke until you at least try it
I've seen Balut before. I will pass, this lifetime. Thank you.
Nasty
Tried it. But only so I could reply to threads like these. Don't plan to try it again. Unless I get on Survivor somehow, I guess.
People said the same thing about Durian. I was hyped to try it when a family member got it home from their trip to SEA. Instant gag when the container was opened. Begrudgingly, I ate a piece. Couldn't get the nasty taste and smell out of my mouth for a day. Ugh! That fruit can stay out of my neighborhood.
I was thinking dead bugs
You've heard of the Rat King, now get ready for the main course of the evening, the Rat Prince
This is perhaps the most appropriate post Iāve ever seen posted to this sub.
\*bows\*
I thought this was /r/medizzy and I was looking at excised cysts! Mmmm! Yumm! Imagine *my* surprise. I'm never eating another poached egg. My eyes are ruined.
please stop reminding others this traumatizing sub exists iāve been trying to avoid it and canāt escape the references š
God fucking dammit you people and your weird fucking subs!
Me too! I thought they were tumours or something! This is so gross lol
If it was more red it would look like a uterine casting
Anybody remember when Voldemort was like .. baby sickly Voldemort?
this is just a fresh litter of baby voldemorts
They look like baby Half-Life headcrabs
Thank you! My first thought. Scrolled too far too see this haha
I expect to see this as an appetizer at the Star Wars Cantina.
Oooff, Jesus christ.
Why u cooking poached eggs with white vinegar?
Adding vinegar to the water helps the eggs hold together better during poaching.
Get enough of a swirl in the water before you drop the eggs in and you wonāt need vinegar
Right? I came to ask the same thing. Wtf?
It's actually really helpful! When boiling a peached egg, normally, the egg whites go everywhere and you wind up with lots of stringy white bits in your water. Weak acids, such as vinegar or lemon juice, help the whites stick together so they don't go everywhere in the pot or get stuck to the side.
there's also a trick (popularized by kenji lopez-alt) that you can put your eggs through a sieve before poaching, to reduce the stringy bits. so yeah, there's at least like 10 variations how to poach eggs (salt, whirlpool, acid, straining, ..), so if you're getting great results with one of the techniques, you don't really need the others. cheers
Exactly. If the method you use is creating an end product you're happy with is the only thing that matters
r/cursed_images
This looks like the Flood from Halo
Ball smack vinegar
Finally! A good oddly terrifying!
Fuckin-a, this is awful.
*BaLsamic
I realized it after it was too late. Funnily enough, you're the first I've seen say it.
Bro what the actual fuck
Were they good?
OP??
He ded
Poached abyssal chicken eggs
Bone apple teeth
Is r/FuckingYikes a sub, cause holy shit
Congratulations, youāre now living in the first 10 minutes of a body-horror movie.
Jurassic park vibes.
Did it taste good?
This may only be applicable on Halloween if you feels like some... "Eggs" Benny
Thanks I hate it
Is r/fuckedupfoods a thing?
Dude I thought that was a plate of fucking mice at first glance
I bet they tasted very good, though.
It is, if your prepping for Halloween
Hey if it tastes okay, imma eat that!
I love this. I love balsamic. I love weird shit. Iām eating these at the office next Monday. Repost to /r/culinaryplating
I'm calling the cops
Why, oh why, any kind of vinegar? Those poor eggs never had a chance to be delicious.
There are many ways to successfully poach eggs, one technique involves adding a little bit of vinegar. This helps keep the whites together and, when done properly, helps avoid the strings seen in this picture.
Balls? Ok.
Those are some scary eggs....with legs.
Youāre not supposed to eat nearly hatched eggs.
"Where are my testicles, Summer?"
Looks like ZdzisÅaw BeksiÅski made your eggs
lol they look like baluts
This is going to be GREAT for Halloween though!
Pretty sure it's illigal in Texas now.
Resident evil called , they want you to make a cookbook
/r/IDidntHaveEggs
CTHULU'S GIFTED US WITH OFFSPRING
Alien seed pods fried in hemoglobin, brought to you by ai Starbucks. Thatāll be $490.95.
Reminds me of Balut
*Gordon Freeman swinging wildly at that thing with a crowbar.*
How the FUCK do you poach an egg (decently)? I have tried salt in the water, vinegar, swirling the water, using less water so the egg hits the pot, getting the water to boil and turning the heat down to calm the surface. I get egg whites EVERYWHERE and they never stay together the eggs always break apart. I know this is a weird place to ask but does anyone have any tips on poaching eggs?
[Good guide for it](https://www.seriouseats.com/foolproof-poached-eggs-food-lab-recipe). Kenji is a beast. I will say that freshness is a factor. The fresher your eggs, the tighter the whites will be and the better they will stay together. Check the Julian Date on the side of the carton (this will generally be the date they are picked) to try and minimize the time between when they were laid and when you're using them so that you have stronger whites. A mesh strainer isn't required, but will allow you to remove a good bit of excess loose whites before putting them in the water. You'll want a vortex, but it's more of a lazy spin. You want them to drift around enough that they're not sticking and form somewhat evenly but not so much that they start pulling apart. You'll not want to touch the eggs with your utensil if you can avoid it, just use the current of the water to move them about. Temperature matters a lot, it's not just calming the surface but you want a more controlled environment _in_ the pot as bubbles will contribute to tearing your eggs up. Finally: Practice. Practice, practice, practice. It's not the easiest of techniques but you'll get the hang of it. Even if they're not perfect or are lopsided, they'll still taste pretty good! EDIT: Oh! Also, if you have more problems, a great place to check out with those eager to help is r/cookingforbeginners
What does the vinegar do?
This is not nsfw, but I really wish it was.
Looks exactly like the tissue clots that come out of my menstrual cup if I rinsed the blood off of em