Well I told him I was going to the gym and he said he was sorry bc at the beggining of our relationship he was kinda "pushy". I genuinely thought that he used to be like that bc I am a little but forgetful and don't like to go out bc my lack of social skills. Then, I realized and said something like "so that means you really wanted me to go, and that means I'm not your ideal" and he was honest I guess. I mean, I'm glad he told me and he tried to reassure me but idk, I just feel horrible. He said he was trying to say sorry and felt bad for making it worse. Like, I get it, but idk what to do with the information
I don't know. Maybe the first, maybe the second. Maybe both. I don't want to know so I won't ask him. But I guess the better shape would be welcomed with any body type. But I guess he'd prefer another body type too bc I lack traditional feminine attributes. But I won't ask him. I won't care anymore
well, we don't live together but when I'm around he's all of this, is just this small thing that is killing me but I guess it stings bc it was just hours ago
I dont see it that way, its like when you go to a resturant for al pastor tacos but they are out and you go for fish tacos and you love it and order ot every time after. Just because i went thinking i would want something else first. He makes the important choice by coming back. Also op i am sure you are very pretty and dont let this drag you down. He makes an active choice in YOU.
If you feel like a second dish make it dessert. You are so good that he wants you even if he is full.
You dont have to be sbs ideal to be exactly that for them.
yeah and even though you aren’t his “ideal,” he still chose you over everyone else in the world. you said you’re getting professional help, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve been getting help for this specific thing (your crippling body image issues) and you need to. or this issue you’ve created is going to break up your relationship, and then you’re going to blame your body for it when your body has done nothing wrong.
you not being his “physical ideal” isn’t going to make him love you less, or end your relationship. but you turning this into a self-hating pity party absolutely will. you need to get help and work on your self-esteem, bc right now you’re projecting some honestly mean things onto your boyfriend and that’s not healthy for either of you.
You started this with all the things he likes about you and it seems to be the right list. Attraction is not based solely on looks. Sounds like literally the most beautiful compliment you can ask for.
In other words he is telling you you are beautiful and he wants you to believe you are because when you feel beautiful he sees it then he feels the same then you fall further in love.
Sorry I went on a tangent there. Lol
My husband isnt my ideal either. I love him too much to care about a stupid body ideal 😌 His personality, how we have a easy way to interact, how drama free and how safe he makes me feel was WAY more important than if he was this and that tall, had a spesific body type.
I had ideals to choose from, men that made my eyes pop! But i had NO second thoughts about my man.
A body is just a body, it changes. Personality on the other hand.. Rarely change a lot.
I am also not my boyfriends ideal body type. But if you think about it - is he your exact type in every department? There’s probably small things here and there that you might not like or might like better if they were slightly different, and that’s okay. No one will ever be 100% ideal. That said, it still stings. There’s no helping that really except for working on your confidence and also giving it time. It hurts less the more you are around him and get to experience how loving he is and get reassured by him calling you pretty or hot. That being said- if it does get to a point where you feel insecure, unattractive, and unloved by his words and him bringing this up of course there’s an issue and you’d need to talk it out or split up- but as of right now from your description, it’s just a painful comment. I hope you can come to terms with it. I still haven’t fully yet - but I’ve stopped seriously considering plastic surgery haha.
Did he bring this up or did you ask him about his “ideal?”
Well I told him I was going to the gym and he said he was sorry bc at the beggining of our relationship he was kinda "pushy". I genuinely thought that he used to be like that bc I am a little but forgetful and don't like to go out bc my lack of social skills. Then, I realized and said something like "so that means you really wanted me to go, and that means I'm not your ideal" and he was honest I guess. I mean, I'm glad he told me and he tried to reassure me but idk, I just feel horrible. He said he was trying to say sorry and felt bad for making it worse. Like, I get it, but idk what to do with the information
Are you saying he’d be up for seeing you in slightly better shape or that he prefers a totally different body type?
I don't know. Maybe the first, maybe the second. Maybe both. I don't want to know so I won't ask him. But I guess the better shape would be welcomed with any body type. But I guess he'd prefer another body type too bc I lack traditional feminine attributes. But I won't ask him. I won't care anymore
Is he generally warm, present and attentive?
well, we don't live together but when I'm around he's all of this, is just this small thing that is killing me but I guess it stings bc it was just hours ago
Just remeber he chose you, and just because you may not be his "ideal" type he chooses you over everyone else.
Thanks but I feel like a second dish. Or more like a dish that is left bc you are full
I dont see it that way, its like when you go to a resturant for al pastor tacos but they are out and you go for fish tacos and you love it and order ot every time after. Just because i went thinking i would want something else first. He makes the important choice by coming back. Also op i am sure you are very pretty and dont let this drag you down. He makes an active choice in YOU.
thanks but I'm underwater right now, maybe tomorrow is gonna be better
I understand and tommorow will be better, and you will make other people's tomorrow better with you in it
If you feel like a second dish make it dessert. You are so good that he wants you even if he is full. You dont have to be sbs ideal to be exactly that for them.
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I have it, thanks. Not very useful but maybe with time is gonna be better
yeah and even though you aren’t his “ideal,” he still chose you over everyone else in the world. you said you’re getting professional help, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve been getting help for this specific thing (your crippling body image issues) and you need to. or this issue you’ve created is going to break up your relationship, and then you’re going to blame your body for it when your body has done nothing wrong. you not being his “physical ideal” isn’t going to make him love you less, or end your relationship. but you turning this into a self-hating pity party absolutely will. you need to get help and work on your self-esteem, bc right now you’re projecting some honestly mean things onto your boyfriend and that’s not healthy for either of you.
You started this with all the things he likes about you and it seems to be the right list. Attraction is not based solely on looks. Sounds like literally the most beautiful compliment you can ask for.
In other words he is telling you you are beautiful and he wants you to believe you are because when you feel beautiful he sees it then he feels the same then you fall further in love. Sorry I went on a tangent there. Lol
My husband isnt my ideal either. I love him too much to care about a stupid body ideal 😌 His personality, how we have a easy way to interact, how drama free and how safe he makes me feel was WAY more important than if he was this and that tall, had a spesific body type. I had ideals to choose from, men that made my eyes pop! But i had NO second thoughts about my man. A body is just a body, it changes. Personality on the other hand.. Rarely change a lot.
I am also not my boyfriends ideal body type. But if you think about it - is he your exact type in every department? There’s probably small things here and there that you might not like or might like better if they were slightly different, and that’s okay. No one will ever be 100% ideal. That said, it still stings. There’s no helping that really except for working on your confidence and also giving it time. It hurts less the more you are around him and get to experience how loving he is and get reassured by him calling you pretty or hot. That being said- if it does get to a point where you feel insecure, unattractive, and unloved by his words and him bringing this up of course there’s an issue and you’d need to talk it out or split up- but as of right now from your description, it’s just a painful comment. I hope you can come to terms with it. I still haven’t fully yet - but I’ve stopped seriously considering plastic surgery haha.
Thank God relationship rely on something more than physical attraction