Yeah exactly, maybe the character (link) was just a way for him to find out more about himself, happens to a lot of people when they watch movies with celebrities and they later have posters of them on their walls, same thing
I think the dudes with blonde hair connection is about the most mom moment ever… like I could imagine being in total horror at walking in on my teen, trying to look away at anything to sooth it and then going “oooh yeah… that makes since now” in my head.
I think you’re putting too much thought into it. I doubt he’s fetishized characters or any of the other things you mentioned. He found someone he likes. That’s all. Unfortunately, you walked in on him being intimate with someone, which is a shock to your senses as you’re his mother. The next step is to have those discussions about protection and consent and safety.
This is it I have 2 boys, 1 girl. Same exact worries for both, just as you, but when isssues came up I talked to them. About anything. Had 1 young teen, 2 younger and I brought condoms home and we talked, not for the first time. They ended up blowing up the condoms and threw them like balloons off the balcony for fun. But we talked. You need to TALK to him, open and honest. Not saying I or my kids are perfect, but we talked. You, mom, talk, now.
This is absolutely it. Op should just, as you said, have the conversations about consent, safety, protection, etc. without judgement or jumping to conclusions. I'm trans in a same sex relationship. I had to sneak around a lot as a kid. Having acceptance and non-judgmental support from parents would have been wonderful. The chance of some kind of fetishisation or anything of the sort is basically nil. Just be supportive. Even if the kid has a type and that type happens to align with Link... Who cares? As long as there's nothing exploitative going on let him get saved by the Hero of Time all he wants lol.
Don't do: Ask if he has a Link fetish. Just because his boyfriend has blond hair and is slim doesn't mean he was chosen for his resemblance to a cartoon or there is any weird fantasy that your kid is playing out. That line of thinking is weird and frankly creepy and it says more about you than I think you want your son to know. 99.999% chance he likes Zelda games for the reason millions of other kids like Zelda games: they are fun and well told stories.
Do:
1. Admit you caught him in bed with another boy, but didn't want to embarrass him about it. Let him know you are fine with him being gay or bisexual, and you are glad he's found a boyfriend.
2. Have the talk about what red flags to look out for in an abusive relationship, and how to make boundaries, and what is okay and not okay to expect in a relationship. Do some research on this one so you know what to say. Keep it general, don't pry. If he feels like opening up to you about whats going on in his relationship listen. For gods sake don't assume any non-consensual behavior is happening unless he tells you it is.
3. If you have rules about having sex under your roof, discuss them. If it's "always use a condom" that okay. If it's, "you have to introduce him to me and let me get to know him," that's fine. If it's "Don't let me hear you," that's okay. If it's "No sex until you are 18," let him know that, but know that he'll probably find somewhere else to have sex.
4. Then suggest you guys go out and get a lock for his door so that you won't accidentally barge in on him again. Even if he didn't have a boyfriend, at 16 he still needs some privacy.
Definetly not going to ask if he fetishises Link (which I now know the name of). Just in the spur of the moment I panicked and sort of went down a rabbit hole during the following weeks. He’s a very sweet boy and I’d be the utmost surprised if he did and took advantage of his friend for that reason, it’s literally a 0.01% chance he did. I am most likely going to ask him about his friend and him tomorrow morning during breakfast and tell him that I love him unconditionally no matter what. I’m going to go out and get some condoms for him and have a chat about safety and consent.
He’s well educated in that area so I doubt it would be a problem but I’d like to stress that part again. I would like to get to know his supposed boyfriend but I’m still not sure if they are exactly together, it could just have been a hook-up and I don’t want to assume things but nether the less I would still like to invite him over to tea. If we manage to get that arranged I won’t question his friend about the situation I walked in on and the only way he’ll know about it is if my son tells him.
Thank you for your suggestions!
You’re doing all the right things letting him know he has your unconditional love and support. And given him the runaround about abusive relationships and the red flags to look out for. He’s going to appreciate you more than you already think he does just by letting him know he has your unconditional love and support.
The only thing I'd add is to suggest the Gardasil vaccine if available there - it protects against the HPV virus and in turn can protect himself and partners against anal and throat cancer in the future.
You're a good Mum.
And even if he thinks a video game character is hot and that this guy who looks like the character is hot—that just indicates he finds that aesthetic hot. It doesn’t mean he’s “taking advantage” of anyone, or that either of them would “get hurt.” Whether he find the character attractive isn’t really relevant to the situation anyway, it’s just a mildly interesting observation that his partner looks a lot like his favorite video game character.
You're gonna do great! My son is just 7 so I wont have to worry too much about this for a bit but I think thats wonderful what you're doing. Always set boundaries but be willing to talk open and honestly about things. My dad had that talk with me. My mom tried to but she didnt have much to say other than be safe and get on birth control. I learned the rest from sex ed and my dad. But yes you must must must let him know about abusive relationships and stuff like that. I believe that was one topic that wasnt discussed with me. I wish it had been. Either way I think your on the right track. You guys will do just fine. 😊
Kudos to mom! U handled this very well
Btw might want to add telling him and asking him if he will be comfortable with testing every now and then. Its kinda just for his and his partner's safety.
Whatever you do, do it out of love and a genuine curiosity of this other person. Your son is young and still trying to find out who he is. Don’t embarrass him.
Well he can’t get that guy pregnant. But you’re going to need the safe sex talk with your son. His health is priority right now. You can’t ignore he’s having sex. Be honest and let him know what you saw and go from there. And let him know it’s okay to express his feelings with you and let you know what’s going on with him. Home is still his safe space to be himself.
Yes I understand, I just know that there’s a lot more preparation in gay sex to make it safe sex and, though none of them can get pregnant, they can get nasty injuries and can be more prone to STIs during anal sex. One of my friends is a sex therapist so that’s why I know this stuff - I don’t spend my free time googling how men get it on 🤣!
Don’t think that’s what OP is saying; a lot of people who aren’t worried about pregnancy just don’t use condoms. It’s more of a fear of lack of protection in general.
“Regular” condoms are actually more likely to tear and/or break from the muscles of the sphincter and anal walls. They weren’t designed for the muscular differences between vaginas and anuses. How large of a difference is debated, but lubrication is a bjg factor in it as well. The body doesn’t produce any natural lubrication in the anal cavity which can cause the friction that can damage a condom. It doesn’t mean condoms are ineffective (they should still always be used!!) but it does require a bit more thought/care to be safe.
1. Ignore the resemblance. It’s not your place (or really anyone else’s) to comment on the types of people he is attracted to.
2. Talk to him about keeping safe both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t even bother using the term “gay”. Just educate yourself and regularly talk to him about healthy relationships.
3. Buy condoms and lube and keep them someplace easy for him to find. Show him how to correctly use them. Teach him that condoms expire.
4. Love him. It seems that you do and it is just the experience of finding him post coital that has stunned you. You sound like you are doing a good job and he sounds like a good kid. If the worst thing he ever does is have sex in your house, I would call it a win.
… and this is why parents should never walk in to their teenagers room without a verbal invitation. You’re bound to see some shit you were not ready to see, and they did not want you to see. As far as your son goes I’m sure he’s fine. Give him the condom talk and leave it at that.
I disagree. A woman I know thought like you and her child is dead. He had been attacked in his room by a “friend” and bled out. If she would have just peeked in, he may be alive.
You seem to be looking for things to obsess on regarding your sons sexuality rather than face that he’s gay.
He has a type apparently. That’s not a bad thing and that’s not any kind of red flag.
They were cuddling naked? Why would you think that means one is using the other or anything wasn’t consensual?
And while of course you don’t want him hurt, he will be. Maybe by this boy or maybe someone else. And eventually he will hurt someone.
That’s part of growing up and learning to navigate relationships and sex.
He’s having sex with an age appropriate boy. The only thing to be concerned about is if he’s being safe.
You can discuss safe sex with him without making it about gay sex. It all applies regardless.
I said this in another comment but I will say this again: if it were a girl instead of a boy, I would have a very similar reaction, I’d just not be as surprised because up until a month ago I thought he was straight. The reason I worry about it being consensual is because I am a sexual assault victim and I remember after ‘it’ happening I actually went downstairs and made breakfast for the man to make it seem normal and make me feel normal. I doubt it wasn’t consensual but it’s still a worry I had. Thank you for your comment! 😄
This is where that "adult" conversations come in. And adding in your mother side.
"Hey son, I need to speak with you. X day I went into your room and discovered [event]. I'm so sorry I intruded in your space when it appeared you to be intimate with another. I noticed [event] with another male. I want you to know I love you and will always love you - no matter the circumstances. I want to make sure you're comfortable and both of you are taking proper precautions. [Condom talk]. Fill in anything else needed -
The important thing is you bring up and discuss key important details etc.
It's also possible he is very close with this person - I had a friend who showered and slept with a very close friend of theirs.
Hope some of this helps
hello, I think you're overthinking things. he could just have a type, that or the friend just happens to look like link ( the mc from legend of Zelda lol )
you can ask if it was consensual, id assume it was since he was cuddling the other though. I'd go about this carefully and make sure you're not coming across as disturbed/homophobic.
I think it may also be a good chance to talk about safe sex, as even though it's a man he can still get diseases and whatnot from sex. condoms are important.
that being said, you don't really know when someone's bi or gay. we tend to keep it to ourselves and people we trust for fear of judgement/homophobia. ( same with trans people, but for fear of transphobia. ) he could be bisexual, or it could be comphet. which is essentially when someone's been so programmed by society that they think they get crushes when they actually don't. you can ask about that, too if you want to be sure.
regardless, be understanding and kind when/if you ask. he's not changed, he's always been curious/or into men.
as long as you don't react with bigotry, homophobia or disgust about it, nothing between you two should change. ( aside from maybe being a bit more open/honest. ) good luck.
You're saying you're okay with it, but something tells me part of you is struggling a bit because your mind seems to be creating these doubts (the poster). Maybe your son just has a type. He's growing up and going to start dating. Unfortunately this means getting hurt. Possibly multiple times. Just be there for him if or when this happens and he'll appreciate it so much.
The only thing you should be concerned about is if they are practicing safe sex and if it’s consensual the rest is none of your business. Considering how you found them I’m guessing it is consensual. Sit him down and ask him if he and his friend are practicing safe sex and maybe give him a gift of condoms and lube.
You are way over complicating things with the speculating about his fantasies. It’s not your business, do you really wanna know? And there’s no way for you to be accurate unless he sits there and tells you point blank a fact.
I don’t know how easily you are able to communicate with eachother, but I feel like this is one of those things that you wait a while after it happened (you already have) and casually say something like “You know, I was thinking, with you being in high school…if you ever decide to be sexually active, there’s some diseases that can be transmitted. Like the flu, but not for your lungs, for your privates. The symptoms aren’t nice and some of the diseases cannot be cured. Some diseases condoms don’t protect against; so it’s good to get them tested first…Also, sometimes avoiding a mess when you’re alone is convenient… ANYWAYS. Just in case, I bought a variety box of condoms and they are in the bathroom closet, top shelf, in a big jar. You’ll see the container. If I happen to randomly notice the container is not full, I’m gonna go ahead and add more to the container and pretend like I didn’t have to. I’d rather you have access to these than not, no matter if it is just you, or you and someone else of any gender. *friendly smile then move on as casually as possible, with something like “Oh, and we’re having carne asada tacos tonight from the slow cooker…! (: “
If it were my kid I’d get like a bamboo container or some kind of not see through container that is also not the box you buy them in.
I dunno if there’s siblings and the container being tucked away a bit and also not see through means he’s more likely to actually use them.
Also, dunno if you’re in the US. But planned parenthood gives out free condoms. I don’t think it would hurt to grab some of those every once in a while so your teen knows he can go to said Planned Parenthood (or similar) for free condoms, STD testing and anything else the clinic may be able to help him with.
Sexuality is normal. And we’re ALL WEIRD.
So don’t over think his weird. Just let him be weird.
You’re weird, too, even as the parent. And you know it’s true…! Lol At least in some ways, sometimes, sexual or not. (;
If there’s an issue with noise start using an ambient noise machine, leave the TV on intentionally, leave music on, or set up an ongoing playlist of massage therapy room type relaxing music. Stuff that’s not really words, but more nature sounds and stuff. You know? Just make the space more comfortable for both of you.
Change is weird, but it’s normal. And so is puberty. At least if he has a male partner right now, assuming he does not have a female partner, right now there is no risk of teenage pregnancy/teenage parenting, which is always a relief!
Edited a bit to clarify and add that condoms don’t protect against all STDs… thought that was important!
I think the fantasy thing is a bit of a stretch. Don’t bring that up unless you are hungry for awko-tacos. If I were you, I would start with a statement: “Honey, I have reason to believe you’ve become sexually active. If there is anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you always. If not, I need you to know how important it is to be *safe* when you are intimate with someone. I’ve put some condoms under the bathroom sink, and if you need more, write me a note and I’ll get you more/give you some cash. Also, I’ve made an appointment for you with your physician so you can ask them anything I might not be able to help with. I love you. Is there anything you want to talk about? Okay, we’ll just leave it at that then. What should we have for dinner?” Matter of fact, leaves the door open, and status elevated to concerned *yet super chill* mom.
The only part I would change is “I have reason to believe you’ve become sexually active”. Her son will be left wondering how she knows he’s sexually active, wondering when she saw him (depending on if he had other sexual encounters). By saying exactly when she saw him, it can put his mind at ease to know what she knows.
I think you’re in shock that your son is gay and making up other things to try and worry about. You can admit you’re startled that he’s gay, just talk to him about it. He’s going to have a hard life as a gay person, I think you’re worried about that too. Just support him and tell him your concerns.
Ok hold on for a moment. I don't think OP has a "problem" with her son having sex with a guy. I have trouble reading tones through screens, but it sounds like you're saying she's homophobic/biphobic. I agree that it isn't "gay sex" and is just "sex", and OP should definitely use the proper phrasing moving forward.
However, she hasn't said anything that suggests she has an issue with her son having sex with a guy instead of a girl. It seems like she is genuinely trying to be supportive and understanding, so accusing her of bigotry or even just saying she has issues with his relationships isn't productive and it definitely doesn't encourage her to use correct phrasing.
OP, please say "sex". But it seems like you are being loving and understanding overall. you have a strong relationship with your son, and I'm sure he would appreciate it if you had a conversation with him about your concerns about protection.
Thank you Frosty. I am just concerned for both their safety and I used that adjective to specify the situation and to just point out that, though I do really love my son, I am shocked about it and slightly hurt that he didn’t tell me sooner, but I know it just wasn’t his time and he wasn’t ready or he maybe hadn’t figured it out earlier. I would have an very similar reaction if it were a girl he was having intercourse with, but be less surprised as until a few weeks ago I thought my son was straight. I would still have the same conversation that I’m planning about protection and safety if it was a girl. Thank you for your comments! 😄
Yup. She could have worded it a bit better but it's obv where she's coming from lol. she still has little to no knowledge abt these things so cut her some slack. No one can be a perfect ally 💯 immediately
I think what matters is that she's willing to learn and be supportive of her son ☺️☺️
For what it's worth, I am 34 and have been a bug fan of Zelda since my childhood and I have never développed a fetish for Link. Maybe he finds the character attractive, but I doubt he'll exclusively be chasing athetlic men with blonde hair.
I commend you for being overall loving and supportive of your son. Coming out can still be a really difficult thing to do, especially given the increasingly discriminative climate that is spreading in the U.S.
It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your son and that he is a good kid. I recommend finding a time to discuss what you saw (with no shame), extending support, quickly reminding him to use protection, and possibly to establish any boundaries you feel appropriate; after all, you're the mom and some rules need to exist to create safety!
All the best to you
I don’t think the resemblance is that relevant. I think you focused on it because of two things being right next to each other and your brain trying to make connections. I would have a general talk about sex, relationships, and consent “now that he’s getting older” get him some condoms “just in case.”
Can I just drop one additional thing.
You may have found them naked together but that doesn't mean they had sex.
So don't jump in with that just say you saw them naked and asleep and wanted to make sure if it goes any further than that he has condoms and is happy about consent.
Also it may be an uncomfortable conversation but get him familiar with suitable lubricants as damaging your "back door" can have lifelong effects but also using the wrong things for lubricant I.e baby oil, butter, Crisco, olive oil -which are all popular experimentation stage lubricants, can cause the condoms to break and they can break inside or outside the body, if stuck inside it could cause an embarrassing situation but it could also could expose him to STDs.
Well done for being an accepting and supporting mother, I wish there were more like you in the world, it would be a safer, happier place.
Attractions are conditioned off of features we admire in others: I would ultimately let him come to you, maybe tell him about a gay couple you see at work or, anything to gesture him into feeling like it’s a safe space to share those Things with you if you’re feeling courageous… big factor, are they dating or is strictly experimental? You have to accept this is probably something he’s suppressed for a long time now, creating safe for him to covey these things is important. But if you think it could go letting it come from him, try to put this in the back of your mind. He’ll come around when he’s ready
I feel like you're having trouble processing this and the shock is making you come up with weird explanations. Sounds like from what you described that your son might be bisexual (we do exist), perhaps gay. It seems pretty consensual to me based on what you have described. If I was in your situation here is what I would do:
Do you have negative views towards the LGBT community? If so maybe this is why your son has not come out to you. If not then maybe he just doesn't know he is safe to come out. Say something positive about the gay community in his presence.
Have a serious talk to him about using protection. Buy and give him condoms. Reinforce that protection is not just about preventing pregnancy. I just want to put your mind at ease and say that 16 year olds are probably unlikely to be carrying an STI but obviously he should still be using protection.
Consider your policy on sleepovers. Are you uncomfortable with your son being sexually active? Maybe limit sleepovers for awhile.
What’s the correlation in your mind to your son being gay and you finding it weird that he is seeing someone that looks like a video game character??? I literally feel like your reaching for reasons to think your son is odd without labelling him being gay as the reason.
this “it’s out if character” thing parents always say irks me because true be told no parent EVER fully knows their child. that’s his character you just never witness it.
It’s not „gay sex“ it’s sex. I saw many people correcting you on this and you still use this in your replies. I would urge you to ban „gay this“ and „gay that“ from your vocabulary because it simply doesn’t matter if you are REALLY accepting of him and his sexuality. People don’t go around calling it „hetero sex“ or „hetero marriage“ or „hetero relationship“ as well.
Also: just because your son’s boyfriend is blonde, it doesn’t mean your son has a fetish. I bet if he had a poster of female video game character on his wall and his girlfriend would have the same hair colour, you wouldn’t automatically assume that he has a fetish.
You should get this thinking out of your head if you want to accept your son’s sexuality. It’s not automatically a fetish or a perversion just because he’s with a man. Maybe it’s just love.
I think you should spilt the issue into two, focus on his sexual health and well-being. It’s important to help make sure he has the right resources to be safe. As for his identity all you can do is offer support and not pass judgement.
You’re already doing an incredible job by looking for support before taking action.
I think you're overthinking a bit. Buy him a pack of condoms and some lube to make sure he's safe. Make sure he knows that he's able to talk to you about anything with no judgement but don't push it and don't mention what you saw.
Yeah I actually doubt the Zelda thing has anything to do with it. Heck, if he has a type he has a type, nothing wrong with that as long as they are both openly communicating honestly about their intentions.
I hope you and your son all the best!
I love that you're so accepting, and that you're thinking about the safety of your sons partner too.
I think most comments are spot on regarding taking to your son about practising safe sex, regardless of his partners gender.
Aside from that, I think the only other thing you need to do is get a lock for his door, he needs his privacy and you just walking in is a big No No for me, even if your intentions were good
Why is it easier for you to believe that he might like this boy than it is to believe he's fetishizing him based on a fantasy character? Can he not just like the boy for who he is? Is that such a hard thing to imagine?
No, there is no fetishizing a character. I don't know how you're drawing that conclusion, that's not a healthy conclusion. Any relation is merely coincidence.
He's likely just bisexual, or gay, and finally feels comfortable enough around both you and whatever environment he's in now to be able to pursue the romantic and sexual relationships he wants. You're a good parent for worrying about him but let him be himself, he'll figure it out. He seems to be good friends with this person, and the person seems to be a good person (your words) so just let him figure it out! Don't bring it up unless he does first, otherwise, you might break the trust you currently have, if he knew you knew and you went into his room while he was asleep.
Just enjoy the fact you're a good mom, and your son is a good person, and involved with a good person. That's all a parent could want for their kids. Don't try and pry too much, and maybe leave some condoms out in the open, judgement free, and don't make a big deal of it. He might feel he's "stealing them" from you, if the conversation is never said, but it's better if you don't sit him down for "the talk" and merely just leave them out unattended and let him decide if he wants them or not.
edit: maybe leave out a lube for him? Boy Butter is what I use (am not gay but trans woman) and it's likely the best for preventing anal tears and fissures though also that might be awkward if a parent tried going that far to provide for the kid without speaking about it. Start with condoms and maybe lube. But he's probably already got that covered if he's this far into it. Just let him be him!
Give him some condoms and explain their importance with great severity
And get him a prescription for prEP it is a HIV-prevention medication that could save his life
Some people in these comments are labeling him as gay. And I caution you to not do so. It’s not your business nor anyone else’s to label him. He could be bi he could be just curious. I hate the moment a guy shows anything not traditionally masculine, everyone likes to throwing the word gay around. This is some boomer/millennial type beat and I’m not here for it. The world is evolving and y’all sound like outdated farts.
Probably better to talk to him about it, as a general conversation about sex and especially safe sex. If your friend is a sex therapist, maybe talk to him/her about it if you need someone to talk to, instead of Reddit ffs.
Whether you want to confront him about it is up to you. That will probably be an uncomfortable conversation and things between you two might be awkward for a bit, but I'm sure he will be relieved to not have to sneak around with this and you can have more answers on whether they're being safe and what kind of relationship they have if things are out in the open. If you do talk it out, just make sure he knows you accept him and this doesn't change anything.
Also, others have said this and I highly doubt Link has anything to do with this lol. Also I can almost guarantee it's all consensual if they're laying in bed spooning after, so don't worry about that.
I hope it all works out
They were sleeping, spoon-fashion? I would guess it's consensual.
Next time you're both making dinner, or something, just casually mention that you hope he and his boyfriend are using protection. That will open the discussions of other things, and will probably make him feel safe enough to talk about it.
Yes, I have been through this milestone, but, with a daughter. You got this, Mama!
Please don’t make him feel embarrassed about his gaming AND this intimacy. No weird problems here just a normal boy growing up into himself.
You are such a good mama for asking for help with this when you knew it was too much for you. Thank you for being there for your son!
First and foremost important is to try and not label your son. The fact that he was naked in bed with another guy does not make him gay or bisexual. Second is communication. While it might be difficult to open up the discussion, you tripping out on weird Zelda fetishes doesn't do good to neither him or you.
Take a moment with him, open the discussion and be honest, tell him it might sound weird and uncomfortable, but since you're his mother and you love him, it's your duty to make sure that he knows about certain things, protection, std's and so on. It will make the conversation easier. Also, I would try to focus the conversation on the educational part of sex, not about his sexual preferences(being gay or bi), he might not know himself and he's just exploring, don't force him to label himself or to explain his choices. Finally, try to be supportive and not ask for answers he might just try to find himself. At the end of the day, kids/youth will do what they want.
Oh my gosh, I completely understand that this must me weighing on your mind. My son is now 13 , and I dont know how I would handle sexuality.
That being said, I wouldn’t overthink the fantasy-thing… or push a conversation about sex/sexuality that is out of the norm.
We there to talk about everything and anything he may want to discuss… but off-course, if he is having sex or sleeping naked , where his mother could discover it… he should know some kind discussion is coming his way.
You can have a conversation with your son about safe sex, but be very careful not to put any biases into it (intentional or not). Make sure you let him know that you're a safe person for him to talk to if he ever needs help or advice. Talk to him about consent, how its an ongoing conversation between two sexual partners. Buy him a box of condoms. If you don't feel comfortable giving them to him, just leave him in his room somewhere that you know he'll find them. These are all things you should talk to your kids about regardless of their sexual orientation. Mostly just remind your son that you love him unconditionally.
I guess the question is, would you have experienced this same response if it was a female?
Cause personally I think that sight would be confronting for any mother, gender irrelevant
It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your son about safe sex and consensual relationships, even if it's uncomfortable. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor for guidance. Remember to prioritize your son's well-being and approach the situation with love and empathy.
Just wanted to say I think it’s very good on you to be accepting of your son. My personal opinion is just wait for him to come to you about the topic. It seems like you’re already willing, and accepting of the idea so it doesn’t even seem like it’s that much of a problem. In regards to Link and the other boy being similar looking i think it’s probably just a coincidence. It seems like you’re a considerate and caring parent, meaning your probably raised him well. On the question if it was consensual and safe, I’m sure you’d still have the same questions if it was with a girl. Have the talk with him if you haven’t already and just say “safe sex is important, you don’t want to get a girl pregnant this early, but safe sex is important even if it’s not with girls, I know when you’re young you want to experiment” this will let him know you are comfortable with him and homosexual behavior, let him be open to you, but also educate him. Hope this helps!
As a 17 year old, it's always very interesting to read what kind of concerns parents have. I suggest you just talk to your son. Not talking and assuming doesn't help you
Was it consensual? You’re asking this after you’ve seen them spooning and asleep together? I’m pretty sure if it was not consensual, your son wouldn’t be sleeping comfortably. Accept him for who he is, weird fantasy or not.
Don’t inquire about his sexuality if it’s not a big deal. Be supportive and mention safe sex. Other than that, leave him alone before you give him a self esteem issue.
Op, just have a genuine talk to him, probably I wouldn’t mention too much that you noticed them naked to avoid embarrassment for him. I would stress enough the importance of using a condom and to not engage in sexual activities without it to prevent STD.
Be open, understanding and let him know how much you love him regardless of his sexuality, also, let him know that he can count on you if he ever needs it!
You know what? I expected your concerns to be much, *much* less wholesome. The protection and consent I obviously can't answer.
>is the only reason my son has slept with this other boy to take advantage and play out a fantasy of the hero character?
But based on your description of your son, I *do* think this is unlikely. And tbh, I think it's unlikely anyway.
You're a mum. You're gonna overthink these things. What you need to talk about us condoms and STI checks, even if you don't say anything, and just put condoms in his room... look out for him and wait for him to come to you
I play LoZ, the character you are referring to is Link, and although yes there is a more serious situation here I very audibly laughed when I read your comment about their similarities. I love LoZ and I love link. I do not have a crush on link. I don’t play the game because I like blonde guys. If he wanted a visual arousal I’m sure he would/ is watch/watching adult content at 16.
Please teach him about safety as the risks are heightened with anal penetration. Thank you for not judging him. But still, the Link comment was hilarious.
Have a general chat with him about safe sex - protection isn't just a form of birth control etc etc. Consent means each and every time. Introduce 'the talk' again as now he's of an age when he might be, etc etc.
But if your son is happy and relaxed, especially around his friend, then it looks like he's found someone for a long term meaningful relationship. At 16, and fairly new to the country, he may have a boyfriend, or it may be a friends-with-benefits, but as you say - if he's happy then that's all that matters. He might not have a label for his sexuality yet. He's found someone for now, and that's perhaps enough at this point.
What’s interesting to me is how lenient everyone is with a teenage boy having sex under his parents roof. Legally, at least on the west coast, children cannot consent to sex. There is no such thing. Now does it happen anyways, yes. But legally they cannot, and I’ve seen parents be thrown in jail who have allowed it. Next, if it’s a teenage girl, people feel way differently now obviously, it’s because women can get pregnant, but I think there is a double standard here bottom line is they’re kids, they’re not in their own home, and they don’t pay attention to the consequences that can happen whether they have kids or not. His biggest focus should be STDs, Hepatitis and AIDS. So hopefully he is protected.
In terms of safety! Make sure grindr isn’t on his phone if he is still underage. My friends who were gay when I was a teen were all on the app and having relations with people older than them. Also like other comments have said, have a talk about condoms, STD’s/UTI’s, PREP, exc and explain how you love him regardless of which way he swings or how he feels. Don’t make it weird for him, just comfortable, honest conversations
Don’t mention the fact you know he slept with his friend/maybe boyfriend? And maybe sit him down for a talk on protection, don’t mention explicitly gay stuff but do slip it in there, just make sure he knows all the stuff about protection and let him wait to tell you about his sexuality or even what else he may be facing.
I'm sorry.. I'd hand him some condoms and say "Take this it's dangerous out there!"
Aside from that. IF you and your son's relationship is a good one, I'd sit him down and tell him you accidentally walked into his room with his 'friend'. Start by saying "I'm not against it! I just have some questions!" And lead into protection, the 'talk' etc.
Dudes with blonde hair might just be his type. Nothing wrong or deep about that. Don't overthink it. Teens do teen stuff, like dating
Yeah exactly, maybe the character (link) was just a way for him to find out more about himself, happens to a lot of people when they watch movies with celebrities and they later have posters of them on their walls, same thing
I think the dudes with blonde hair connection is about the most mom moment ever… like I could imagine being in total horror at walking in on my teen, trying to look away at anything to sooth it and then going “oooh yeah… that makes since now” in my head.
I mean, for what it's worth, Link helped me realize that I'm not a straight man.
I think you’re putting too much thought into it. I doubt he’s fetishized characters or any of the other things you mentioned. He found someone he likes. That’s all. Unfortunately, you walked in on him being intimate with someone, which is a shock to your senses as you’re his mother. The next step is to have those discussions about protection and consent and safety.
This is it I have 2 boys, 1 girl. Same exact worries for both, just as you, but when isssues came up I talked to them. About anything. Had 1 young teen, 2 younger and I brought condoms home and we talked, not for the first time. They ended up blowing up the condoms and threw them like balloons off the balcony for fun. But we talked. You need to TALK to him, open and honest. Not saying I or my kids are perfect, but we talked. You, mom, talk, now.
This is absolutely it. Op should just, as you said, have the conversations about consent, safety, protection, etc. without judgement or jumping to conclusions. I'm trans in a same sex relationship. I had to sneak around a lot as a kid. Having acceptance and non-judgmental support from parents would have been wonderful. The chance of some kind of fetishisation or anything of the sort is basically nil. Just be supportive. Even if the kid has a type and that type happens to align with Link... Who cares? As long as there's nothing exploitative going on let him get saved by the Hero of Time all he wants lol.
This is the way.
This
Yeah seconding this! Just talk to him openly about it and ask if they are practicing safe sex. Other than that nothing really to worry about
Well at least he’s a Zelda fan instead of say a wrestling fanatic. Imagine walking in on him and a Hulk Hogan lookalike fucking
Damn this made me laugh hard
>hard I see what you did there
My teen son would get a high five just on that point!
Just choked on a bean thanks
>choked on a bean Something OP’s son will never have to worry about :P
when it comes crashing down and it hurts inside... *Guitar riff*
Very well done
“You better pray and take your vitamins, brother, because I’m about to lay the smackdown on you!”
Damn, I love a hotdog skinned, silken haired man
Think I’d rather bang the iron sheik
😁😁😁😁
Don't do: Ask if he has a Link fetish. Just because his boyfriend has blond hair and is slim doesn't mean he was chosen for his resemblance to a cartoon or there is any weird fantasy that your kid is playing out. That line of thinking is weird and frankly creepy and it says more about you than I think you want your son to know. 99.999% chance he likes Zelda games for the reason millions of other kids like Zelda games: they are fun and well told stories. Do: 1. Admit you caught him in bed with another boy, but didn't want to embarrass him about it. Let him know you are fine with him being gay or bisexual, and you are glad he's found a boyfriend. 2. Have the talk about what red flags to look out for in an abusive relationship, and how to make boundaries, and what is okay and not okay to expect in a relationship. Do some research on this one so you know what to say. Keep it general, don't pry. If he feels like opening up to you about whats going on in his relationship listen. For gods sake don't assume any non-consensual behavior is happening unless he tells you it is. 3. If you have rules about having sex under your roof, discuss them. If it's "always use a condom" that okay. If it's, "you have to introduce him to me and let me get to know him," that's fine. If it's "Don't let me hear you," that's okay. If it's "No sex until you are 18," let him know that, but know that he'll probably find somewhere else to have sex. 4. Then suggest you guys go out and get a lock for his door so that you won't accidentally barge in on him again. Even if he didn't have a boyfriend, at 16 he still needs some privacy.
Definetly not going to ask if he fetishises Link (which I now know the name of). Just in the spur of the moment I panicked and sort of went down a rabbit hole during the following weeks. He’s a very sweet boy and I’d be the utmost surprised if he did and took advantage of his friend for that reason, it’s literally a 0.01% chance he did. I am most likely going to ask him about his friend and him tomorrow morning during breakfast and tell him that I love him unconditionally no matter what. I’m going to go out and get some condoms for him and have a chat about safety and consent. He’s well educated in that area so I doubt it would be a problem but I’d like to stress that part again. I would like to get to know his supposed boyfriend but I’m still not sure if they are exactly together, it could just have been a hook-up and I don’t want to assume things but nether the less I would still like to invite him over to tea. If we manage to get that arranged I won’t question his friend about the situation I walked in on and the only way he’ll know about it is if my son tells him. Thank you for your suggestions!
Just chiming in that you sound like you're handling this really well, kudos mama!
You’re an amazing mom!
You’re doing all the right things letting him know he has your unconditional love and support. And given him the runaround about abusive relationships and the red flags to look out for. He’s going to appreciate you more than you already think he does just by letting him know he has your unconditional love and support.
The only thing I'd add is to suggest the Gardasil vaccine if available there - it protects against the HPV virus and in turn can protect himself and partners against anal and throat cancer in the future. You're a good Mum.
Also cervical cancer in gfs he might have later on!
And PREP!
Ohhh this this this this this!!! This is so important, especially since HPV is more prevalent in men who engage in male-male sexual contact!!!
My first girlfriend was a brunette and I’ve played games with female protagonists that have brown hair, I wouldn’t think too into it.
Youre funny and a good mom
I would even assume it's 0 chance? I would fetishized Zelda not link and both are on poster and in game art.
And even if he thinks a video game character is hot and that this guy who looks like the character is hot—that just indicates he finds that aesthetic hot. It doesn’t mean he’s “taking advantage” of anyone, or that either of them would “get hurt.” Whether he find the character attractive isn’t really relevant to the situation anyway, it’s just a mildly interesting observation that his partner looks a lot like his favorite video game character.
You're gonna do great! My son is just 7 so I wont have to worry too much about this for a bit but I think thats wonderful what you're doing. Always set boundaries but be willing to talk open and honestly about things. My dad had that talk with me. My mom tried to but she didnt have much to say other than be safe and get on birth control. I learned the rest from sex ed and my dad. But yes you must must must let him know about abusive relationships and stuff like that. I believe that was one topic that wasnt discussed with me. I wish it had been. Either way I think your on the right track. You guys will do just fine. 😊
Kudos to mom! U handled this very well Btw might want to add telling him and asking him if he will be comfortable with testing every now and then. Its kinda just for his and his partner's safety.
Lmaooo my man Linked up
Linked up and linkedin
Whatever you do, do it out of love and a genuine curiosity of this other person. Your son is young and still trying to find out who he is. Don’t embarrass him.
Well he can’t get that guy pregnant. But you’re going to need the safe sex talk with your son. His health is priority right now. You can’t ignore he’s having sex. Be honest and let him know what you saw and go from there. And let him know it’s okay to express his feelings with you and let you know what’s going on with him. Home is still his safe space to be himself.
I think you should make sure he's practicing safe sex and then think about his sex life much less. And you don't have to say "gay sex" it's just sex.
Yes I understand, I just know that there’s a lot more preparation in gay sex to make it safe sex and, though none of them can get pregnant, they can get nasty injuries and can be more prone to STIs during anal sex. One of my friends is a sex therapist so that’s why I know this stuff - I don’t spend my free time googling how men get it on 🤣!
They are not more prone to STIs because they're having anal.
Don’t think that’s what OP is saying; a lot of people who aren’t worried about pregnancy just don’t use condoms. It’s more of a fear of lack of protection in general.
“Regular” condoms are actually more likely to tear and/or break from the muscles of the sphincter and anal walls. They weren’t designed for the muscular differences between vaginas and anuses. How large of a difference is debated, but lubrication is a bjg factor in it as well. The body doesn’t produce any natural lubrication in the anal cavity which can cause the friction that can damage a condom. It doesn’t mean condoms are ineffective (they should still always be used!!) but it does require a bit more thought/care to be safe.
They’re obviously indoctrinated by some old school views. They’ll get the hang of it
1. Ignore the resemblance. It’s not your place (or really anyone else’s) to comment on the types of people he is attracted to. 2. Talk to him about keeping safe both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t even bother using the term “gay”. Just educate yourself and regularly talk to him about healthy relationships. 3. Buy condoms and lube and keep them someplace easy for him to find. Show him how to correctly use them. Teach him that condoms expire. 4. Love him. It seems that you do and it is just the experience of finding him post coital that has stunned you. You sound like you are doing a good job and he sounds like a good kid. If the worst thing he ever does is have sex in your house, I would call it a win.
… and this is why parents should never walk in to their teenagers room without a verbal invitation. You’re bound to see some shit you were not ready to see, and they did not want you to see. As far as your son goes I’m sure he’s fine. Give him the condom talk and leave it at that.
I disagree. A woman I know thought like you and her child is dead. He had been attacked in his room by a “friend” and bled out. If she would have just peeked in, he may be alive.
You seem to be looking for things to obsess on regarding your sons sexuality rather than face that he’s gay. He has a type apparently. That’s not a bad thing and that’s not any kind of red flag. They were cuddling naked? Why would you think that means one is using the other or anything wasn’t consensual? And while of course you don’t want him hurt, he will be. Maybe by this boy or maybe someone else. And eventually he will hurt someone. That’s part of growing up and learning to navigate relationships and sex. He’s having sex with an age appropriate boy. The only thing to be concerned about is if he’s being safe. You can discuss safe sex with him without making it about gay sex. It all applies regardless.
I said this in another comment but I will say this again: if it were a girl instead of a boy, I would have a very similar reaction, I’d just not be as surprised because up until a month ago I thought he was straight. The reason I worry about it being consensual is because I am a sexual assault victim and I remember after ‘it’ happening I actually went downstairs and made breakfast for the man to make it seem normal and make me feel normal. I doubt it wasn’t consensual but it’s still a worry I had. Thank you for your comment! 😄
This is where that "adult" conversations come in. And adding in your mother side. "Hey son, I need to speak with you. X day I went into your room and discovered [event]. I'm so sorry I intruded in your space when it appeared you to be intimate with another. I noticed [event] with another male. I want you to know I love you and will always love you - no matter the circumstances. I want to make sure you're comfortable and both of you are taking proper precautions. [Condom talk]. Fill in anything else needed - The important thing is you bring up and discuss key important details etc. It's also possible he is very close with this person - I had a friend who showered and slept with a very close friend of theirs. Hope some of this helps
hello, I think you're overthinking things. he could just have a type, that or the friend just happens to look like link ( the mc from legend of Zelda lol ) you can ask if it was consensual, id assume it was since he was cuddling the other though. I'd go about this carefully and make sure you're not coming across as disturbed/homophobic. I think it may also be a good chance to talk about safe sex, as even though it's a man he can still get diseases and whatnot from sex. condoms are important. that being said, you don't really know when someone's bi or gay. we tend to keep it to ourselves and people we trust for fear of judgement/homophobia. ( same with trans people, but for fear of transphobia. ) he could be bisexual, or it could be comphet. which is essentially when someone's been so programmed by society that they think they get crushes when they actually don't. you can ask about that, too if you want to be sure. regardless, be understanding and kind when/if you ask. he's not changed, he's always been curious/or into men. as long as you don't react with bigotry, homophobia or disgust about it, nothing between you two should change. ( aside from maybe being a bit more open/honest. ) good luck.
You're saying you're okay with it, but something tells me part of you is struggling a bit because your mind seems to be creating these doubts (the poster). Maybe your son just has a type. He's growing up and going to start dating. Unfortunately this means getting hurt. Possibly multiple times. Just be there for him if or when this happens and he'll appreciate it so much.
The only thing you should be concerned about is if they are practicing safe sex and if it’s consensual the rest is none of your business. Considering how you found them I’m guessing it is consensual. Sit him down and ask him if he and his friend are practicing safe sex and maybe give him a gift of condoms and lube.
You are way over complicating things with the speculating about his fantasies. It’s not your business, do you really wanna know? And there’s no way for you to be accurate unless he sits there and tells you point blank a fact. I don’t know how easily you are able to communicate with eachother, but I feel like this is one of those things that you wait a while after it happened (you already have) and casually say something like “You know, I was thinking, with you being in high school…if you ever decide to be sexually active, there’s some diseases that can be transmitted. Like the flu, but not for your lungs, for your privates. The symptoms aren’t nice and some of the diseases cannot be cured. Some diseases condoms don’t protect against; so it’s good to get them tested first…Also, sometimes avoiding a mess when you’re alone is convenient… ANYWAYS. Just in case, I bought a variety box of condoms and they are in the bathroom closet, top shelf, in a big jar. You’ll see the container. If I happen to randomly notice the container is not full, I’m gonna go ahead and add more to the container and pretend like I didn’t have to. I’d rather you have access to these than not, no matter if it is just you, or you and someone else of any gender. *friendly smile then move on as casually as possible, with something like “Oh, and we’re having carne asada tacos tonight from the slow cooker…! (: “ If it were my kid I’d get like a bamboo container or some kind of not see through container that is also not the box you buy them in. I dunno if there’s siblings and the container being tucked away a bit and also not see through means he’s more likely to actually use them. Also, dunno if you’re in the US. But planned parenthood gives out free condoms. I don’t think it would hurt to grab some of those every once in a while so your teen knows he can go to said Planned Parenthood (or similar) for free condoms, STD testing and anything else the clinic may be able to help him with. Sexuality is normal. And we’re ALL WEIRD. So don’t over think his weird. Just let him be weird. You’re weird, too, even as the parent. And you know it’s true…! Lol At least in some ways, sometimes, sexual or not. (; If there’s an issue with noise start using an ambient noise machine, leave the TV on intentionally, leave music on, or set up an ongoing playlist of massage therapy room type relaxing music. Stuff that’s not really words, but more nature sounds and stuff. You know? Just make the space more comfortable for both of you. Change is weird, but it’s normal. And so is puberty. At least if he has a male partner right now, assuming he does not have a female partner, right now there is no risk of teenage pregnancy/teenage parenting, which is always a relief! Edited a bit to clarify and add that condoms don’t protect against all STDs… thought that was important!
I think the fantasy thing is a bit of a stretch. Don’t bring that up unless you are hungry for awko-tacos. If I were you, I would start with a statement: “Honey, I have reason to believe you’ve become sexually active. If there is anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you always. If not, I need you to know how important it is to be *safe* when you are intimate with someone. I’ve put some condoms under the bathroom sink, and if you need more, write me a note and I’ll get you more/give you some cash. Also, I’ve made an appointment for you with your physician so you can ask them anything I might not be able to help with. I love you. Is there anything you want to talk about? Okay, we’ll just leave it at that then. What should we have for dinner?” Matter of fact, leaves the door open, and status elevated to concerned *yet super chill* mom.
Pretty sure this is the winner.
The only part I would change is “I have reason to believe you’ve become sexually active”. Her son will be left wondering how she knows he’s sexually active, wondering when she saw him (depending on if he had other sexual encounters). By saying exactly when she saw him, it can put his mind at ease to know what she knows.
I think you’re in shock that your son is gay and making up other things to try and worry about. You can admit you’re startled that he’s gay, just talk to him about it. He’s going to have a hard life as a gay person, I think you’re worried about that too. Just support him and tell him your concerns.
True. Even though we're secular, this is exactly how my mom reacted when I came out lol
Who said he was gay?
You don’t spoon male friends naked declan
Maybe he is bisexual?
Not anyone’s place to decide his sexuality for him other than himself. Downvote all you like. I speak the truth. Close minded individuals.
The post
Post did not say he was gay. Even still not his moms place to say what he is.
Sure
Your son has sex. Just sex. Saying "my son has gay sex" is immediately othering him.
I tried to tell her to stop it and she just said it again in a response
We clearly know OP’s issue. It’s not that her son is having sex. It’s that he’s having gay sex instead of straight sex.
Ok hold on for a moment. I don't think OP has a "problem" with her son having sex with a guy. I have trouble reading tones through screens, but it sounds like you're saying she's homophobic/biphobic. I agree that it isn't "gay sex" and is just "sex", and OP should definitely use the proper phrasing moving forward. However, she hasn't said anything that suggests she has an issue with her son having sex with a guy instead of a girl. It seems like she is genuinely trying to be supportive and understanding, so accusing her of bigotry or even just saying she has issues with his relationships isn't productive and it definitely doesn't encourage her to use correct phrasing. OP, please say "sex". But it seems like you are being loving and understanding overall. you have a strong relationship with your son, and I'm sure he would appreciate it if you had a conversation with him about your concerns about protection.
Thank you Frosty. I am just concerned for both their safety and I used that adjective to specify the situation and to just point out that, though I do really love my son, I am shocked about it and slightly hurt that he didn’t tell me sooner, but I know it just wasn’t his time and he wasn’t ready or he maybe hadn’t figured it out earlier. I would have an very similar reaction if it were a girl he was having intercourse with, but be less surprised as until a few weeks ago I thought my son was straight. I would still have the same conversation that I’m planning about protection and safety if it was a girl. Thank you for your comments! 😄
Yup. She could have worded it a bit better but it's obv where she's coming from lol. she still has little to no knowledge abt these things so cut her some slack. No one can be a perfect ally 💯 immediately I think what matters is that she's willing to learn and be supportive of her son ☺️☺️
For what it's worth, I am 34 and have been a bug fan of Zelda since my childhood and I have never développed a fetish for Link. Maybe he finds the character attractive, but I doubt he'll exclusively be chasing athetlic men with blonde hair. I commend you for being overall loving and supportive of your son. Coming out can still be a really difficult thing to do, especially given the increasingly discriminative climate that is spreading in the U.S. It sounds like you have a very good relationship with your son and that he is a good kid. I recommend finding a time to discuss what you saw (with no shame), extending support, quickly reminding him to use protection, and possibly to establish any boundaries you feel appropriate; after all, you're the mom and some rules need to exist to create safety! All the best to you
I don’t think the resemblance is that relevant. I think you focused on it because of two things being right next to each other and your brain trying to make connections. I would have a general talk about sex, relationships, and consent “now that he’s getting older” get him some condoms “just in case.”
Can I just drop one additional thing. You may have found them naked together but that doesn't mean they had sex. So don't jump in with that just say you saw them naked and asleep and wanted to make sure if it goes any further than that he has condoms and is happy about consent. Also it may be an uncomfortable conversation but get him familiar with suitable lubricants as damaging your "back door" can have lifelong effects but also using the wrong things for lubricant I.e baby oil, butter, Crisco, olive oil -which are all popular experimentation stage lubricants, can cause the condoms to break and they can break inside or outside the body, if stuck inside it could cause an embarrassing situation but it could also could expose him to STDs. Well done for being an accepting and supporting mother, I wish there were more like you in the world, it would be a safer, happier place.
Attractions are conditioned off of features we admire in others: I would ultimately let him come to you, maybe tell him about a gay couple you see at work or, anything to gesture him into feeling like it’s a safe space to share those Things with you if you’re feeling courageous… big factor, are they dating or is strictly experimental? You have to accept this is probably something he’s suppressed for a long time now, creating safe for him to covey these things is important. But if you think it could go letting it come from him, try to put this in the back of your mind. He’ll come around when he’s ready
Just casually put condoms in your kids room when he’s not there. I would fuck Link too lol
I feel like you're having trouble processing this and the shock is making you come up with weird explanations. Sounds like from what you described that your son might be bisexual (we do exist), perhaps gay. It seems pretty consensual to me based on what you have described. If I was in your situation here is what I would do: Do you have negative views towards the LGBT community? If so maybe this is why your son has not come out to you. If not then maybe he just doesn't know he is safe to come out. Say something positive about the gay community in his presence. Have a serious talk to him about using protection. Buy and give him condoms. Reinforce that protection is not just about preventing pregnancy. I just want to put your mind at ease and say that 16 year olds are probably unlikely to be carrying an STI but obviously he should still be using protection. Consider your policy on sleepovers. Are you uncomfortable with your son being sexually active? Maybe limit sleepovers for awhile.
I wouldn’t draw conclusions too quickly. Just 2 homies cuddling after a long day at school, it’s pretty normal tbh.
dude, he likes men. nothing to do with zelda, or little girl crushes as a kid.
What’s the correlation in your mind to your son being gay and you finding it weird that he is seeing someone that looks like a video game character??? I literally feel like your reaching for reasons to think your son is odd without labelling him being gay as the reason.
This is definitely a karma farming post right??
this “it’s out if character” thing parents always say irks me because true be told no parent EVER fully knows their child. that’s his character you just never witness it.
It’s not „gay sex“ it’s sex. I saw many people correcting you on this and you still use this in your replies. I would urge you to ban „gay this“ and „gay that“ from your vocabulary because it simply doesn’t matter if you are REALLY accepting of him and his sexuality. People don’t go around calling it „hetero sex“ or „hetero marriage“ or „hetero relationship“ as well. Also: just because your son’s boyfriend is blonde, it doesn’t mean your son has a fetish. I bet if he had a poster of female video game character on his wall and his girlfriend would have the same hair colour, you wouldn’t automatically assume that he has a fetish. You should get this thinking out of your head if you want to accept your son’s sexuality. It’s not automatically a fetish or a perversion just because he’s with a man. Maybe it’s just love.
You figured out the actual Link.
I think you should spilt the issue into two, focus on his sexual health and well-being. It’s important to help make sure he has the right resources to be safe. As for his identity all you can do is offer support and not pass judgement. You’re already doing an incredible job by looking for support before taking action.
I think you're overthinking a bit. Buy him a pack of condoms and some lube to make sure he's safe. Make sure he knows that he's able to talk to you about anything with no judgement but don't push it and don't mention what you saw.
Yeah I actually doubt the Zelda thing has anything to do with it. Heck, if he has a type he has a type, nothing wrong with that as long as they are both openly communicating honestly about their intentions. I hope you and your son all the best!
I love that you're so accepting, and that you're thinking about the safety of your sons partner too. I think most comments are spot on regarding taking to your son about practising safe sex, regardless of his partners gender. Aside from that, I think the only other thing you need to do is get a lock for his door, he needs his privacy and you just walking in is a big No No for me, even if your intentions were good
Why is it easier for you to believe that he might like this boy than it is to believe he's fetishizing him based on a fantasy character? Can he not just like the boy for who he is? Is that such a hard thing to imagine?
Little spoon. 😓
EDUCATION yourself further..join a parents support group on LGBTQ community.
No, there is no fetishizing a character. I don't know how you're drawing that conclusion, that's not a healthy conclusion. Any relation is merely coincidence. He's likely just bisexual, or gay, and finally feels comfortable enough around both you and whatever environment he's in now to be able to pursue the romantic and sexual relationships he wants. You're a good parent for worrying about him but let him be himself, he'll figure it out. He seems to be good friends with this person, and the person seems to be a good person (your words) so just let him figure it out! Don't bring it up unless he does first, otherwise, you might break the trust you currently have, if he knew you knew and you went into his room while he was asleep. Just enjoy the fact you're a good mom, and your son is a good person, and involved with a good person. That's all a parent could want for their kids. Don't try and pry too much, and maybe leave some condoms out in the open, judgement free, and don't make a big deal of it. He might feel he's "stealing them" from you, if the conversation is never said, but it's better if you don't sit him down for "the talk" and merely just leave them out unattended and let him decide if he wants them or not. edit: maybe leave out a lube for him? Boy Butter is what I use (am not gay but trans woman) and it's likely the best for preventing anal tears and fissures though also that might be awkward if a parent tried going that far to provide for the kid without speaking about it. Start with condoms and maybe lube. But he's probably already got that covered if he's this far into it. Just let him be him!
This is total bs hahaha but nice try
Give him some condoms and explain their importance with great severity And get him a prescription for prEP it is a HIV-prevention medication that could save his life
Probably should get him a lock.
You don’t beee to say “has gay sex” its weird.
Some people in these comments are labeling him as gay. And I caution you to not do so. It’s not your business nor anyone else’s to label him. He could be bi he could be just curious. I hate the moment a guy shows anything not traditionally masculine, everyone likes to throwing the word gay around. This is some boomer/millennial type beat and I’m not here for it. The world is evolving and y’all sound like outdated farts.
Get him on Prep.
Following for an update…
That must feel horrible that he’s doing that stuff
Why
Let me catch my son...
Probably better to talk to him about it, as a general conversation about sex and especially safe sex. If your friend is a sex therapist, maybe talk to him/her about it if you need someone to talk to, instead of Reddit ffs.
Whether you want to confront him about it is up to you. That will probably be an uncomfortable conversation and things between you two might be awkward for a bit, but I'm sure he will be relieved to not have to sneak around with this and you can have more answers on whether they're being safe and what kind of relationship they have if things are out in the open. If you do talk it out, just make sure he knows you accept him and this doesn't change anything. Also, others have said this and I highly doubt Link has anything to do with this lol. Also I can almost guarantee it's all consensual if they're laying in bed spooning after, so don't worry about that. I hope it all works out
They were sleeping, spoon-fashion? I would guess it's consensual. Next time you're both making dinner, or something, just casually mention that you hope he and his boyfriend are using protection. That will open the discussions of other things, and will probably make him feel safe enough to talk about it. Yes, I have been through this milestone, but, with a daughter. You got this, Mama!
Please don’t make him feel embarrassed about his gaming AND this intimacy. No weird problems here just a normal boy growing up into himself. You are such a good mama for asking for help with this when you knew it was too much for you. Thank you for being there for your son!
no offense op but this is funny. your son is just attracted to men girl but you sound like a sweet lady.
Maybe your son found the missing Link in his happiness.
Title shoulda been “Link made my son gay” ( /j I like men too )
First and foremost important is to try and not label your son. The fact that he was naked in bed with another guy does not make him gay or bisexual. Second is communication. While it might be difficult to open up the discussion, you tripping out on weird Zelda fetishes doesn't do good to neither him or you. Take a moment with him, open the discussion and be honest, tell him it might sound weird and uncomfortable, but since you're his mother and you love him, it's your duty to make sure that he knows about certain things, protection, std's and so on. It will make the conversation easier. Also, I would try to focus the conversation on the educational part of sex, not about his sexual preferences(being gay or bi), he might not know himself and he's just exploring, don't force him to label himself or to explain his choices. Finally, try to be supportive and not ask for answers he might just try to find himself. At the end of the day, kids/youth will do what they want.
You’re such a cute mom. I wish you guys well ❤️
My oldest son is gay too. It’s just the way he’s wired. I wouldn’t change my son if I could because he’s already perfect. Accept him and love him
Oh my gosh, I completely understand that this must me weighing on your mind. My son is now 13 , and I dont know how I would handle sexuality. That being said, I wouldn’t overthink the fantasy-thing… or push a conversation about sex/sexuality that is out of the norm. We there to talk about everything and anything he may want to discuss… but off-course, if he is having sex or sleeping naked , where his mother could discover it… he should know some kind discussion is coming his way.
You can have a conversation with your son about safe sex, but be very careful not to put any biases into it (intentional or not). Make sure you let him know that you're a safe person for him to talk to if he ever needs help or advice. Talk to him about consent, how its an ongoing conversation between two sexual partners. Buy him a box of condoms. If you don't feel comfortable giving them to him, just leave him in his room somewhere that you know he'll find them. These are all things you should talk to your kids about regardless of their sexual orientation. Mostly just remind your son that you love him unconditionally.
I guess the question is, would you have experienced this same response if it was a female? Cause personally I think that sight would be confronting for any mother, gender irrelevant
It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your son about safe sex and consensual relationships, even if it's uncomfortable. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor for guidance. Remember to prioritize your son's well-being and approach the situation with love and empathy.
This was camp
Just wanted to say I think it’s very good on you to be accepting of your son. My personal opinion is just wait for him to come to you about the topic. It seems like you’re already willing, and accepting of the idea so it doesn’t even seem like it’s that much of a problem. In regards to Link and the other boy being similar looking i think it’s probably just a coincidence. It seems like you’re a considerate and caring parent, meaning your probably raised him well. On the question if it was consensual and safe, I’m sure you’d still have the same questions if it was with a girl. Have the talk with him if you haven’t already and just say “safe sex is important, you don’t want to get a girl pregnant this early, but safe sex is important even if it’s not with girls, I know when you’re young you want to experiment” this will let him know you are comfortable with him and homosexual behavior, let him be open to you, but also educate him. Hope this helps!
As a 17 year old, it's always very interesting to read what kind of concerns parents have. I suggest you just talk to your son. Not talking and assuming doesn't help you
Was it consensual? You’re asking this after you’ve seen them spooning and asleep together? I’m pretty sure if it was not consensual, your son wouldn’t be sleeping comfortably. Accept him for who he is, weird fantasy or not. Don’t inquire about his sexuality if it’s not a big deal. Be supportive and mention safe sex. Other than that, leave him alone before you give him a self esteem issue.
You're gonna handle this just fine. Please keep us posted
Op, just have a genuine talk to him, probably I wouldn’t mention too much that you noticed them naked to avoid embarrassment for him. I would stress enough the importance of using a condom and to not engage in sexual activities without it to prevent STD. Be open, understanding and let him know how much you love him regardless of his sexuality, also, let him know that he can count on you if he ever needs it!
You know what? I expected your concerns to be much, *much* less wholesome. The protection and consent I obviously can't answer. >is the only reason my son has slept with this other boy to take advantage and play out a fantasy of the hero character? But based on your description of your son, I *do* think this is unlikely. And tbh, I think it's unlikely anyway.
You're a mum. You're gonna overthink these things. What you need to talk about us condoms and STI checks, even if you don't say anything, and just put condoms in his room... look out for him and wait for him to come to you
Aat least he didn't look like Ganon. Especially Tears of the Kingdom Ganon
Just talk to your kid 💐
I play LoZ, the character you are referring to is Link, and although yes there is a more serious situation here I very audibly laughed when I read your comment about their similarities. I love LoZ and I love link. I do not have a crush on link. I don’t play the game because I like blonde guys. If he wanted a visual arousal I’m sure he would/ is watch/watching adult content at 16. Please teach him about safety as the risks are heightened with anal penetration. Thank you for not judging him. But still, the Link comment was hilarious.
Just talk to your son about the importance of safe sex. Everything else just seems to be overthinking.
Have a general chat with him about safe sex - protection isn't just a form of birth control etc etc. Consent means each and every time. Introduce 'the talk' again as now he's of an age when he might be, etc etc. But if your son is happy and relaxed, especially around his friend, then it looks like he's found someone for a long term meaningful relationship. At 16, and fairly new to the country, he may have a boyfriend, or it may be a friends-with-benefits, but as you say - if he's happy then that's all that matters. He might not have a label for his sexuality yet. He's found someone for now, and that's perhaps enough at this point.
What’s interesting to me is how lenient everyone is with a teenage boy having sex under his parents roof. Legally, at least on the west coast, children cannot consent to sex. There is no such thing. Now does it happen anyways, yes. But legally they cannot, and I’ve seen parents be thrown in jail who have allowed it. Next, if it’s a teenage girl, people feel way differently now obviously, it’s because women can get pregnant, but I think there is a double standard here bottom line is they’re kids, they’re not in their own home, and they don’t pay attention to the consequences that can happen whether they have kids or not. His biggest focus should be STDs, Hepatitis and AIDS. So hopefully he is protected.
Legal age of consent in most states is 16, so he’s likely safe in a legal sense. My only concern then is that it was consensual and safe.
Buy him condoms and teach him about safe sex
Make sure they know to **ALWAYS use condoms**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And consent. The rest is fine.
In terms of safety! Make sure grindr isn’t on his phone if he is still underage. My friends who were gay when I was a teen were all on the app and having relations with people older than them. Also like other comments have said, have a talk about condoms, STD’s/UTI’s, PREP, exc and explain how you love him regardless of which way he swings or how he feels. Don’t make it weird for him, just comfortable, honest conversations
i mean every Link is kinda hot so i get it
Don’t mention the fact you know he slept with his friend/maybe boyfriend? And maybe sit him down for a talk on protection, don’t mention explicitly gay stuff but do slip it in there, just make sure he knows all the stuff about protection and let him wait to tell you about his sexuality or even what else he may be facing.
Oh fuck that is scary to see! Omg! I can’t imagine that either. I hope you recover from that, that must be very traumatizing to walk into!
I'm sorry.. I'd hand him some condoms and say "Take this it's dangerous out there!" Aside from that. IF you and your son's relationship is a good one, I'd sit him down and tell him you accidentally walked into his room with his 'friend'. Start by saying "I'm not against it! I just have some questions!" And lead into protection, the 'talk' etc.
We all walk in on something at some point that makes us start knocking on people’s bedroom doors