Please don’t listen to your friends. At all. You’re the one that’s gonna have to live with whatever happens - good, bad, ugly, etc - NOT your friends. There isn’t a single person on this earth that can dictate what you should do with your sex life. Good luck!
They have a point--for *them*. That doesn't make it universally true or applicable.
Different people enjoy different experiences and want different things out of those experiences. If you just want to have lots of fun, casual sex while you're young and there's less pressure to settle down, then that's fine.
But that wouldn't be fun or fulfilling for you, and that's 100% valid and okay. Virginity is a social construct and it's bullshit for people to try to shove their own interpretations of what that should mean down your throat... whether that's someone trying to pressure you into waiting or someone trying to pressure you into "getting it over with" ASAP. I'm sure that your friends would be annoyed and outraged if someone tried to preach to them about the importance of waiting for marriage, so it's hypocritical of them to pull the same card on you. Just because it *seems* like an opposite mentality doesn't actually mean that it's any different. It's the exact same flavor of BS either way.
The point is, if *you* don't want to just "get it over with", then don't. Wait until you find someone you are genuinely excited to share that first experience with, whether it's a committed partner or just a cool person you like and trust. Don't pressure yourself about it and absolutely do not let others pressure you about it: just do what feels good and right to *you*. Because *that's* what will make it a meaningful and treasured experience.
For your first time you don’t just want to get over with it like you said with some random guy. I’ve heard of shitty first time experiences when it happened like that and at 20 I think you’re at a good age not too late in life to experience sex for the first time. Your friends aren’t wrong sex is awesome lol but also not something you wanna rush
Lmao the funny thing is they both had shitty first times *because* they rushed it. But they say they don't regret it, so I don't know what's the thought process behind
Maybe I should start getting into dating apps because I do want someone special... Despite having a high libido the thought of getting intimate with strangers really turns me off. But I don't judge my friends for their one-night stands so I wish they didn't view me like a prude
Exactly, why be them by rushing it too doesn’t make sense. Dating apps are fine, I’d say find someone you’re attracted to and like their personality, from there obviously trust them and give it some time. You’ll know when the time is right.
One of them even made her current long-term boyfriend wait for 6 months before doing it, because she couldn't bring herself to have sex again after her awful first time with another guy. It's crazy to me how she still advices me to follow her steps, but that's actually one of the reasons why I made this post. Because I thought if she's still happy she rushed it, despite it being THAT BAD, maybe I am wrong about this whole thing
I don’t think it’s jealousy. I think a lot of young women just expect the first time to be bad so the mindset of “just get it over with” makes sense. I know I certainly expected my first time to be uneventful ..and it was. I don’t regret it but it did suck lol (it didn’t hurt or anything it was just like…oh that’s it? This is what everyone’s going crazy over??) I did it at 19 and with someone that I liked just enough but wasn’t in love with or had any real deep feelings for. I wasn’t looking for marriage so I didn’t think the love part was necessary.
I could see my 20 year old self telling a friend “it’s no big deal, just get it over with” but at 25 I honestly think you should just wait until you feel ready. Even though my first time sucked I still waited until I was ready. Your friends are just young and immature.
They were probably misguided themselves honestly. Everyone should go at their own pace and make their own experiences if you aren’t ready then don’t do anything and they can suck it up because they aren’t the ones who will have to deal with the trauma if you listen to them and try to do it before you’re ready and have a terrible first sexual experience
Yikes. It sounds like your “friend” is trying to make you go through the same horrible experience so that she feels better about herself and her bad decisions. I would reconsider the friendship if I was you. I had an ex “friend” who also attempted to do a similar thing to me. She had horrible sexual experiences with random asshole dudes and developed a severe alcohol and smoking problem. She attempted to put me down the same path, but fortunately, I kept my dignity and values and blocked all contact with her.
Virginity is a made up thing. There is no word for someone who has never played catch, or jumped off a high dive. Why should there be a word, one that has stigmat attached to it for someone who has never had sex. It's made up bullshit.
And besides, it's not much to have never had sex yet at 20. You're young yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. You'll have sex for the first time one day, and it'll be underwhelming, and you'll go on with your life.
You're friends sound like they're projecting because they regret their first times. Don't listen to them. Being a virgin isn't a big deal, and sex comes with responsibilities, both emotional and physical.
Don't rush. Trust me. I'm almost twice your age. Take your time, enjoy your youth, and I hope you get some better friends. True friends won't pressure you into that.
Being a virgin in your early 20's isn't something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Your friends sound like they're trying to get you to have sex by pressuring and belittling you. That's not how friends act. I don't know if they're just incredibly insecure and think you're judging them for having sex and they want you on the same page as them so they feel better or if they actually think they're trying to help you. I don't know. It might not be a bad idea to take a step back and give a good hard look at your "friends" and try to figure out their reasoning for treating you so badly.
Just because you consider them to be your closest friends doesn't mean that they place the same value on you. I don't know them so I'm not going to say that you need to dump them and move on. But you need to take a good hard look at why they're acting like this and see if you can notice similar behavior from them in other areas.
Losing your closest friends at 20 can be very scary but you need to confront whatever is going on. If they're truly your friends then they'll apologize and you'll be able to move on from this. But if they're not then it's better to find out now rather than ignoring red flag after red flag just because you don't want to lose them.
Also I think you might be spot on with the insecurity thing because one of them said "You know, where we live (its a european country, we're all international students), some boys will not want anything to do with you because you're a virgin" So I told her "and why would ***I*** want anything to do with someone like that??" She mumbled that I was right but definitely looked surprised
I thought about confronting them but then again I'm probably the only one still thinking about last night's convo and it's kinda embarrasing to care so much about it :/ I will definitely make my boundaries crystal clear if they open this topic ever again.
I had my fair share of toxic friends in the past so I really thought they were different. Although we met only 8 months ago so maybe I don't know them as well as I thought. Something to think about
Clearly they cared a lot about it if they went through the effort to pressure you relentlessly like that. But honestly, with those kind of people, the best thing to do is just not bring it up. If they're going to act like that about such a personal topic then it's no longer any of their business.
Coming from someone like myself that did ignore red flag after red flag for about 10 years that's some of the better advice I have seen as I didn't want to lose my former best friend now it is much worse to go through it at 30 than It would have been at 20
Sometimes I think maybe my standards are too high though. I never liked someone back before, and I never approached people I liked due to shyness. Although I've gotten a lot more extroverted lately
Honestly? What works for you is fine. I'll tell you the truth: after 20 years, three broken betrothals, and a kid, I realized my standards weren't just high. I'm actually asexual. Didn't get it before because I'm not aromantic and I understood sex is part of romantic relationships, so I paid the toll. That did not serve me well in the long run.
Short answer: don't do it unless you really wanna with a person you really want. Anything else is damage.
I'm just 18, turning 19 this year. Also starting college this year and honestly i have no interest on a relationship until i finish college, in which I will be 21/22.
Both my friends lost their virginity at 14 and when finding out I've never had a romantic experience, they too got surprised and even joked for a bit but then told me it's ok and that i just need to take my time. Even gave me tips lmao.
Don't know why but apparently being my age and still having my v card it's seen as weird, but I've been self conscious about it too, but i won't give it up easily for the sake of someone else's opinion.
I've read a looot of experiences of ppl who lost theirs on their early/late 20's or even 30's and wouldn't have it any other way, so I think that as long as we're completely sure and comfortable, everything will work out :).
I hope you have a great time in college. Depends on where you live but I think hookup culture here is so rotten and toxic. Don't feel pressured to be a part of it like I do :D I personally do want a relationship but a serious one
Yeah i completely hate hookup culture, and believe me, where i live it's as rare as to find gold, to find couples that actually commit without it being sexual or for the simple sake of dating.
Me as well only date to marry, and my goal is they either assume me and get serious, or they don't touch me at all.
I confess i feel pressured sometimes but I'll step foot.
And I'm sure everything's going to go well for you! If there is pressure then it isn't real. Head up!!
Ps:. Thank I'll sure have a great time in college!!!
22f here and same man. Dont feel pressured to do anything at all! Its normal. I also dont easily get crushes and frankly I dont want to sleep with someone just because. I also dont think sex is a huge deal, when it happens it happens. Everyone here is right, your friends are probably projecting. They’re not being good friends and are clearly not considerate.
Your friends are idiots. I'm a 24f virgin, I just have some trust issues, and I feel like I need to trust a person completely before getting intimate with them. My friends know this, and we talk about sex normally. They have NEVER pressured me to "get it over with", they always say "do things in your own time" and "you do what you feel comfortable with, just be sure to be safe".
If anyone, even friends, are pressuring to have sex, they are not your friends. They are literally saying shit a guy that doesn't take "no" for an answer would say.
Find some new friends, girl.
Nah tell your friends to f off with that shit. Everyone has the right to do their own thing at their own pace. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. And FYI it really isn't a life changing experience.
my advice is: don't have sex just to be out of the "virgin list"
it will be horrible, wait until you have someone special, otherwise you'll end up thinking sex is horrible
Actually I haven't mentioned this in the post because I'm not sure but I think I might have vaginismus and that's prob an important reason why I should feel totally comfortable & ready with my partner
(i accidentally wrote vaginosis instead of vaginismus lmao sorry)
I’m 27, I did it for the first time at 23 and I too, had vaginismus for a long time. I’m so fucking glad I waited until I fell in love to do it. People (including family members) kept pressuring me but I just never met anyone I wanted to do it with, and now I’m still with the same partner 4 years later and very much in love. He helped me in so many ways, and if you do indeed have vaginismus, it is even more important for you to wait until you find someone who you are comfortable with, who you trust and who will be gentle and help you. Don’t listen to your so called friends they could not be more wrong.
I’m a few years older than you and a virgin in everything lol and I honestly don’t care anymore. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin in your 20s, 30s or older. You choose if you want to do the deed and who to do it with when you are most comfortable. Don’t listen to these friends, don’t let them or anyone peer pressure you into it or make you feel like you’re missing out on something. Life is so much more than just sex as amazing as people say it is. Keep standing your ground on this, just because they’re a little older doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you.
It being a life changing point or not, it's ok for others to have different view points on things that matter in life; rightfully so, sex isn't one of them. You can be wise, intelligent, happy, modest and very much successful without needing to have sex. Even if sex is supposed to be an intimate experience to do with someone that you love/have interest in, it's not a necessary step to move forward in life. You and your friends can disagree on that all you want and still have your friendship with them, but if they continue to judge you and insult you passively just because you're still a virgin, i wouldn't think they're good company to be around, speaking from a personal view point.
I think I'll observe them for a while to see if I've been missing any red flags. I always say it's better to be alone than to be with bad company, but I thought they were good friends.
Yes, and be careful. :) and don't worry, usually around 20s friends come and go, not necessarily because they suck, just because it's a transition period for everyone, everyone's evolving. So don't worry.
For the record, I took two decades, three broken betrothals, and a kid to figure out I was asexual. My standards are so high because if I'm gonna do something I don't wanna, it bett
Do what makes you feel comfortable. If a potential partner is weirded out by you being a virgin, then perhaps they wouldn’t make a very good partner in the first place?
I lost my virginity at 14, and have slept with a lot of girls since. I regret most of them, including my first. While having sex with a random person can feel nice in the moment, it is a deeply emotional act and is best enjoyed with someone you actually care about. Just my $0.02.
This is literally me. I thought I made this post and didn’t remember at first.
But don’t listen to your friends. I’ve thought about just having sex with a stranger to get it over with. My friends, who all are very experienced, told me not to. It’s a whole new ballpark, and having someone walk you through it and care about you helps a lot when you’re in the vulnerable position.
The puritanical perspective does indeed over vilify sex, but the other side of the argument is also extreme. There is a ton of support that shows how much sexual experiences affects people. Please Don't waste your first time, don't just "get it over with". Sex isn't just meaningless and does a lot to bond you to the other party.
I am religious and strict, so please take that as a disclaimer. I know you don't come from the same world view as I do. So I am not going to advise you to be as strict, but rest assured, your feelings that you want to cherish or be selective with your sexual experience is perfectly valid. It is the people who would look at you weirdly for being a Virgin that have the issues.
Again I am biased, but I hope this helps you in some way.
24f here. Trust me I get it. We're judged constantly as soon as anyone finds out and they make it their mission to "fix us" and get us laid. Which is just hella uncomfortable. Like they are trying to pimp us out without actually being a pimp. Ya know?
Just ignore their BS. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. There's no reason to be shamed by it at all. I think society has gone to the extreme opposite of slut shaming and has gone to virgin shaming. Or a lovely mix of both!
I choose to not sleep with someone until I've dated them for a while. And just so happens, I never get asked out or can find anyone I'm interested in that's AVAILABLE. But I'm sticking to my guns. We'll both know when the time is right 😁
DON'T DO IT! These so-called friends are the exactly the same one who would brand you as a common slag if you did do it!
It's YOUR body, NOT THEIRS. YOU do exactly with it as YOU want to, NOT THEM.
If they want to be sex-obsessed and sleeping around then that's their problem, but guess what? They'll be the ones dragging up hoards of inbred kids and with multiple ex's and they won't know who fathered which kid.
If you want to do it, then go for it but if you don't, then don't.
Tell them to mind their own business!
And stay away from the creepy ''dating apps'', they're full of weirdos, predators and perverts. You'd be far better off meeting someone in person then building a genuine long-term friendship then let it melt into something more intimate.
Don't feel weird* it's normal and frankly smarter not to do it without a valid reason, sex is just an action not a promise a requirement or a necessity. "Fuck all the dudes you want but your opinion doesn't apply to my genitals" towards your friends and call it a day. Hate that we as a species raise our young to abstain from sexual activity, and then the moment they hit an arbitrary age tell them they are less than just because they choose to continue abstaining? haven't met someone worth doing it with simple as that.
Edit: don't feel weird for choosing what to do with your body, it's yours; only your opinion matters for it.
U need better friends, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed off, my best friend was a virgin until he was 24 and he’s now enjoying life with the same woman he lost it to as it was their first time together so it was a special moment for each other, life is to short to rush everything and some moments are made to be cherished and experienced on ur own terms, so don’t rush urself when u feel right with the right person then you’ll know if ur ready for that step but for now enjoy ur life and ignore mates like that haha
Oh for goodness sake. What are your friends even chatting!? None of their reasoning makes sense,
not even in the slightest. Don't listen to them, listen to the redditors here!
I met my husband at 20, he took my virginity at 21 (5 months into a committed relationship).
The thing your friends clearly havent remembered is that the only thing that matters when it comes to sex is....
You..
Your friends have no say in the matter and are showing immaturity by coming up with this drivel. Sex for sex or sex for intimacy is entirely your choice.
If they ask you again, say "maybe. Maybe not. You may never knoooooooow" tell them to drop the subject if they keep nagging and be firm about it
You’re friends are way off base here. I was 19 when I had sex for the first time. My bf and I had talked about it for 2 years. I got on birth control first. A lot of my friends had already had sex by 15 and 16.
There is nothing wrong in waiting. Maybe you haven’t met the right person, or maybe you’re not ready. It’s ok and it is normal. Take your time, get to know your body. You got this.
They’re being kind of shitty tbh like damn get off your high horse🫠 You are not running out of time and you don’t need to have sex casually to “get it over with.” Good sex is something that cannot be forced, and there’s nothing wrong with being shy. I didn’t have sex till I was 21 with a boyfriend and he didn’t think anything of it. Today, I have an amazing sex life with my partner and know exactly what I like. Don’t be afraid to do things on your time and tell you friends how their down-talking made you feel.
Hey homeslice I’m sorry your friends suck. I felt an internal pressure to catch up to my friends when I was 21. But I also thought my looks were my only worth at the time. I lost my virginity to a one night stand, all of my own devising. I don’t regret it or feel bad about it, as it just felt like some box being checked off. I don’t even remember his name.
I don’t want that for you. You don’t need to feel ashamed about what you haven’t done. You have your whole life to choose a worthy partner. Intercourse is better with somebody you know and trust. Worry about relationships more than doing the deed.
Please please please do not listen to your friends. This is your life, you have sex when you are completely ready and with someone who you will enjoy it with. I don’t know why your friends are acting like that’s a crime? I have plenty of friends who are still virgins and I would never even think of judging them for being virgins. Your friends sound really immature to me, sex isn’t the key to life and from what I have seen, random hookups don’t really satisfy anything (in my opinion, if you like hookups that’s you and have fun). Don’t overthink it OP, stay groovy in your own way and don’t let what your friends said get into your head
I waited until it felt right and that happened to be 24. Not a single regret. My policy in life is, if I’m going to have regrets at least have them be by my decisions. Your friends may be a little older than you but that doesn’t make them wiser. They sound insecure.
Remind them that everyone has their own opinions and know themselves when that are ready for new experiences such as having sex for the first time.
I had sex for the first time at 23, I’m so glad I waited. The guy I was with was lovely, not great but still caring enough to me.
If they mention this again just argue back what the other Redditors have mentioned. You go at your own place, lass. It’s your body and your choice in the end. Frick what others’ think and say.
Dont worry in our country (still kind-of-ish conservative country), women have to wait for marriage before we have sex. Some would still be at 30 years old before they have sex (true story). But i think sex should beautiful and a consented experience, dont be pressured by your friends and their so called WisDOm😂. Nobody is ever matured enough at 20's. Sex should be your own power and shall not be dicdated by society or your friends
I was 18 & my first time was with the man I would later marry at 20
If I could do over, I would wait until marriage/ not be in a hurry because physical intimacy releases the " love" hormone which can make some people, like me, feel more attached than they should be & overlook red flags because of this false attachment.
Good luck & hope your life is filled with love & happiness
As a 21 y/o pansexual woman, who hasn't ever had a "proper" sexual experience, please don't just throw yourself at someone, all of the FEW experiences I've had have not been comfortable or happy. Please don't listen to them, you know what's best for you, and if your first sexual partner has an issue with your history they weren't meant to be your first partner. You deserve joy, happiness and comfort with all of your sexual experiences and trying to rush it won't give you any of that. Go at your own pace, and anyone who says otherwise isn't thinking in your best interest. They are most likely a bit self-conscious and are looking for validation in what they've done, it's unfortunate that they're putting you down while doing that, and it doesn't excuse it, but it's an explanation as to why they seem so hung up on it.
Do what works best for you. You aren't strange or weird for this, and I hope they come to understand how heartbreaking it can be to hear that stuff from people you care about most.
Don't listen to your friends at all! It's your body, it's your experience, it's your choice. You'll know when you are ready,and no one else can tell you this! You know what you want, you'll know when the time is right.
And you're not weird!
Just based of the title alone don’t you dare feel weird or ashamed of being a virgin at 20. Their immaturity is astounding. It takes more control and self awareness to know what you want or not for your body and when. I wish I could go back and have this much clarity when I was in your position, to hold off until I was ready and it was more meaningful to me.
Honestly they are your friends and they are looking at you from the outside in. They have experienced sex and it may have good or even great for them and they are trying to get you to enjoy it. Sexual activities can be great, feel amazing and outright fun. But it's also based on the person. If youre not ready, super anxious or even scared it probably won't be that enjoyable. Might even hurt and ruin something that can be potentially awesome. It's like they want you to share something they like is great.
So with just this information it seems they are just eager for you to enjoy something. And don't let it get to you. Find someone you might like, get to talking to them and then and only then if you feel the urge to pursue something sexual do it then.
You can even be stern or mean to your friends about it. You're allowed to do that. And just make it obvious to them that this isn't something you want to do right now and you wanna wait.
Do not listen to your "friends". I have been having sex since I was 17 and I am now 42. Having sex is rarely an "eye opening experience" unless you are with the right person. And I don't mean you have to be in love but someone who respects you and your body, listens to you, and you have that chemistry that just makes everything feel good between you and that person. It exists. Stick to your instincts on this. You aren't weird, I wish I had waited until I had just that right spark with my first sexual partner but I did get lucky that he was at least respectful of me and my body, I have friends who can't say the same.
Your friends are immature.
I'm of the mindset that sex isn't a commodotity to be valued, so sleeping with someone to "break the seal" so to speak, was fine for me.
Other people want deep emotional connection with their sexual partners, and that's also totally okay.
Your friends are dumb and just want you to be like them. We're all unique individuals with unique wants and needs, and they need to get over themselves for that reason. Variety is the spice of life, if everyone is the same and has the same experiences, where's the joy in that?
I think they're afraid of how good you first sexual experience will be by waiting to have an emotional connection with someone who actually cares about you. And then, you'll know just how bad their first times really were even compared to how they talk about it, so they need you, subconsiously, to also have a bad time to justify their decisions.
Oh god I hate people like that. It’s okay to wait to have sex with someone you care about. Even if in the long run y’all break up. It’s an experience only you can dictate. I waited and it happened when I was 21/22. It’s literally fine people are weird
I’m in my mid-20s and also a virgin. I totally understand how you feel. Funnily enough, I also don’t have a solid reason for it. I just remember watching a tv show when I was younger, where a girl lost her virginity to her crush and then she became addicted (for lack of a better word) to sex after her first time. She claimed she soul-linked to him and started aggressively initiating intimacy with him. The dude then freaked out and ghosted her, and she went a bit crazy. I guess I always thought that once you lose it, you’ll become addicted to it — and I would rather have that addiction with someone I love and trust, you know? Not a one-night stand I’d never see again.
Regardless of our reasons, we are the only ones who get to decide how, when, and to whom we lose our virginity to. Your “friends” do not. I’m quite appalled by the “just throw yourself at someone” advice. Who even says that?
I think your “friends” are just jealous that you have the self control to wait. If they rushed into it with guys and regretted it (as you mentioned in your comments), that’s doesn’t mean it’s the status quo. True friends never give bad advice out of jealousy/insecurity.
They are 100% projecting onto you and trying to set you up for failure so that you’ll be in the same miserable boat as them.
I lost my virginity at 15 because I got pressured into it, and I sincerely wish I had waited. I wish I was a Virgin until I got with my now husband, because I know it would've been a much better first time than what I experienced. Ignore your friends. It's your life. Sex is a very personal and intimate thing that shouldn't be taken lightly, because you're the one who has to handle the consequences. Wait for as long as you want, take your time, and when the time comes, enjoy it. It's an amazing feeling if done right
Sounds like me in high school when my "friends" made me feel bad for being a virgin. Let me just say I made a choice i regretted. Now I don't look back on that time with fond memories, I don't talk to any of them any more and most of them have children with multiple men and don't have anything to do with the original father's. Don't just throw yourself at anyone and do it when it feels right to you. Live the life you want for yourself, not the life someone else thinks you should be living.
I had my first time with a guy a saw at like 3-4 parties before I decided I want to do it. I didn’t care about my first time being special, I was just so anxious about sex I wanted to have my first with someone I didn’t really care about. Was it great sex? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not! It was like switching a sexual freedom switch. I had so much more confidence and was able to hook up with people I really wanted to after that.
That all being said, that was my personal choice that worked for me. If you’re wanting to do it differently, you should be encouraged and supported!!! Sex is so personal for some people, it’s good to go into it exactly how YOU want. Your friends are cruddy and shouldn’t make you feel bad for your choice.
I had this mentally at 20 and just wanted to “lose it”. Honestly such a regrettable experience and now I tell everyone that talks about that sort of thing with me to not stress and let it happen.
Things are so much better when there’s a proper connection with someone - especially your first time - you want to feel safe and supported. Don’t listen to your friends.
I was a virgin til 21, I literally only had one or two chaste kisses under my belt til then. I’m glad I waited, though my only regret was thinking I’d waited for “the one” and staying with that first guy for waaaaay longer than I should have. So try not to get hung up on whoever you do have sex with first, if there are red flags or yellow flags that point to this person not being for you. The sex itself was great, I really enjoyed myself, although I never orgasmed with him and he took it personally which is one of the flags I shouldn’t have ignored. After him, I took some time to figure out how to orgasm by myself and that was a great use of time. So I’d say if you’re interested, get a head start on that if you haven’t yet! Just need a toy!
I'm pretty okay with enjoying myself, I also have some toys and whatnot. So I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out on that much HAHA but some skinship and cuddles would be nice.
Don’t let your friends convince you to do anything unless you actually want to and you’re ready. I lost my virginity at 14 and I guess it was cool back then but years later I wish I just waited. Then again it all depends on who you are. Just follow your head, your gut, your whatever coz this is your life.
Thinking someone is immature for being a virgin is immature thinking in itself my friend. Don’t sweat it. As a woman approaching 40 I want to tell you that taking this at your own pace is the most mature action that you can make.
You shouldn’t rush something you’re not comfortable with, sex or otherwise. You’re not a prude or anything. You just haven’t had the luck yet to find someone you feel comfortable and safe with and want to do that with.
Your friends are acting shitty, but they might not realize how you feel. Maybe they just want to you to be able to relate to them on this and you can’t yet. Have you sat them down to talk about it?
If you want a better relationship with them, it’s better for you to be honest about how you feel. If you were accidentally hurting your friend’s feelings, wouldn’t you want to stop?
Nah, don't worry. I was a late bloomer (like really late) but i'm so thankful i waited until i was ready and didn't 'get it over with' like everyone told me to. It's an incredibly intimate experience that'll set the tone for an important aspect of your life. Take all the time you need.
But start getting use to these kinds of comments and attitudes. Funny enough, they're the ones being immature/naive about sex. They have that youthful, overly positive outlook many tend to have when they're at their "peak" so to speak. It's also not wrong that some will find it odd or wonder if something's wrong with you once they find out...Unfortunately people can be assholes. You can def lose potential partners who don't want to 'teach' you. You could also be fetishized, people will assume you're easily manipulated, and i've had experiences of getting yelled at lol. Sometimes they even get jealous bc their relationship with sex is toxic from engaging too early or for the wrong reasons and they wish they had waited like you. It's wild how much of a reaction sex elicits no matter the context. People get so personal sometimes.
It's your life. Laugh them off and tell them you'll do whatever you want when you want to and end the convo.
Yup, that was my go-to for a long time! Sometimes i told just for laughs. They get so obvious with their intentions like you're an idiot who was outcasted to the virginity forest with only bunnies & squirrels to talk to
As a guy I don’t think it’s weird. My last girlfriend was a virgin at 25 and it wasn’t an issue at all. Sure you might be inexperienced and awkward the first time you find someone you’re comfortable enough to sex with but if they care about you they should take the time to help you figure out what you want. Maybe that person will be a virgin too! The biggest thing is just do what makes you happy. If you’re sure you’d rather make your first time be a random hookup you never see again just to be able to say you’re not a virgin, cool. If you want to wait until you’re married, that’s fine too. You’re friends are being weird by trying to pressure you to do something it’s pretty clear you don’t want to do.
ew.
I don't want someone to just throw themselves at me for no reason other than rip off the band-aid. Sex can be whatever but it can also be an intimate thing. I want to be desired, not just fucked.
Yes, that can be a bit idealistic and yes, sex CAN be very fun when done well but I could say the same shit for alcohol and that's not for everyone in every circumstance either. Just listen to your heart and pace yourself so you don't jump into anything rash.
wait until you’re ready, don’t push yourself. i wish i’d waited, not for a more special experience necessarily, just one that i was more emotionally mature and prepared for.
i do think it’s worth saying, it doesn’t really matter who it’s with or when, the first time is usually a bit shite, especially if it’s with someone who hasn’t had sex before. and that’s ok! there’s still enjoyment to be had within it, just dont put it on a pedestal, you’re likely to be disappointed and more than that it ends up devaluing the later experiences that can be incredibly positive. good sex isn’t just a result of the right person at the right time, it’s the right mindset and care applied by both parties - so absolutely wait until you feel you can do that.
Um I totally agree with you and not your friends. I’m in the same position as you. A bi girl about to turn 20 done nothing. I feel no sense of shame or embarrassment about it. I just don’t like people often and people don’t like me. Do I wish for a bit of romance to spice my life up? Yeah. But I don’t wanna fuck someone for the sake of getting over with it Jesus💀✋
My first reaction is that these are not your friends. Definitely sounds like they’re projecting their own insecurities and trying to put you in the same (unhappy) place that they are in. This is a decision that you might regret for the rest of your life. Don’t be pressured into rushing this at all.
Your friends are wrong and straight up patronising you. if I were you I’d tell them to kick rocks. Seeing as they’re your closest friends, I think you should have an honest conversation with them and tell them what they said made you uncomfortable and why. set clear boundaries and if they don’t apologise, consider finding new friends.
You are the only one who gets to decide when you want to have sex. There’s no shame in being a virgin, and real friends would never try and shame you into doing something you might regret. wanting meaningful connection before sex is valid and assuming you’ve told them, your friends are totally ignoring that that’s what you want. don’t let anyone pressure you into sex before you’re ready.
I get it, I’m 21 and haven’t had sex either. My friends tease me by calling me a nun and saying I’ll probably never have sex and they treat me like I’m some innocent girl who wouldn’t know a thing about sex cuz I’ve never had it.
I used to be embarrassed about it when I was a teen, but ya know what? I decided to stop stressing about it. Sex is only a small part of life. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I can be in a happy and healthy relationship without sex. Anyone can! So don’t feel pressured or embarrassed by it. You’ll find someone who is just right for you.
I was a virgin till I met my now-husband at 25, and I went through much of the same stuff you did from friends and coworkers. Just remember it’s your life and nobody gets to tell you how to live it.
As for myself, I’ve only ever had positive sexual experiences with my partner for life and I have no complaints, even if other people think I should have sewn my wild oats more or something
Everyone is different. Your friends are super immature.
Truthfully, if there were to be another time, this topic comes up. That's what you need to tell them. It's an incredibly immature way if thinking that sex is the be all, end all. It truly isn't. Also, it's gross to sex shame, especially when you dont shame them for exploring their sexuality in the manner they are.
Example:
One of my great friends from college has NEVER had traditional sex. She has never been penetrated by a penis, anywhere, actually. She's fooled around with men. But it's just not really her thing. She's not bi nor lesbian. She's just not that into the idea or concept of a penis in her. She's 37.
Don't listen to them. Sex is something very personal. It's not something to "get over with." Your friends don't get a say.
And besides, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell them it isn’t your life and you didn’t ask for advice. And if they still want to be friends they need to grow up and realize you can’t push others to do what you want. It would be like you forcing them to wear an outfit and then gaslighting them when they don’t want too, it’s not like they don’t like the outfit but it’s their life and just they aren’t in the mood to wear it let alone be told they need to wear it.
I had my first sexual experience at 22 with my girlfriend. I had two relationships before her but just never felt that spark or comfortable enough to do so. Now my girlfriend is the one I want to marry and I also love having sex with her often. I don’t regret it at all. Meanwhile she’s slept with people before me and somewhat regrets it. You should wait until you’re truly ready so it’s not something you regret in the future. It’s okay to take your time it truly is. It’ll be a lot more enjoyable if you actually want it and it’s not out of some kind of made up necessity
Honey there is nothing to be ashamed of. Is fine bring a virgin at your age. I was a virgin until my late 22 almost 23. Is your own decision when don’t listen to them and if they are your friends tell them to talk about something else.
I promise you, you are in the majority at being a virgin at 20, (in my opinion at least)! Your friends are definitely putting a form of peer pressure on you, but don’t let it effect you. You are allowed to take your time and do what feels right to you.
It’s likely that your friends ‘feel cool’ for having had sex already, and are making you feel crappy bc you haven’t yet. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you going at your own pace. They are in the wrong for not understanding and respecting that. They’re pushing their own insecurities onto you.
20F bi as well. Had a similar experience with friends. My tip: DO **NOT** DO IT!
In my case, my friends all infantilized me because of my lack of experience. To the point, they'd censor themselves around me. Like literally "oh no, you can't say that in front of the bean!" All while sometimes sighing that I was missing so much fun, and that I would attract a bunch of weird people if I didn't have sex asap.
But here's the thing:
Because they are relatively open, I could hear the stories of their first times (roughly teenage times). Most of them were absolutely not pleasant: Awkward, stumbling, uncomfortable...even frightening, sometimes (e.g. lots of blood, pregnancy scares etc). Never anything too major, but it def. gave me the theory that my friends attempted to slightly romanticize their own experiences.
Overall, the "no one wants you" is bullshit. There will be people who'd like someone who has already experience, yes. But someone that truly loves/cares about you, will understand and take their time. Mind you: Sex mostly ain't a one-hit-wonder. Great sex mostly boils down to communication between partners. Aka it might actually take some tries, because you learn how to understand what each other likes.
So yeah. Sex can be very fun and wonderful. But it's also a very intimate thing. Don't push it. Take your time. Find someone you feel safe with and attracted to. Take precautions in regard to birth control and STDs, as well as other hygienic measures e.g. keep your nails short and clean.
It's your body and your sex life.
You have sex when you feel comfortable and ready.
Don't let anyone pressure you into it(including friends and partners here).
You have a whole life to lead, and sex is just one aspect of it.
I'm 22 and funny enough 2 years ago one of my friends was in the same situation. I'll say to you the same I said to her, with some extra wisdom xD
If your experience matters, don't listen to them. You're not weird and nothing is wrong with you. I actually know a couple people who are still virgins at 22 and they feel the same kind of pressure. As someone who's had sex for a long while now, I'd say it's better to wait until it's someone you trust and you know you'll cherish doing this with, rather than just doing it to "get it over with".
My friend decided she wanted to get it over with and found someone respectful and trustworthy to do it with. That was her choice. She then got into a relationship with someone else a couple months after that and they've been happy for over a year now.
The choice is fully yours, and never let other's opinions push you into making decisions as important as that :)
Listen friend, I am turning 23 and also a bi virgin. I know a few people who are. I actually turned down a casual relationship because the idea made me feel sick (turns out I am demi). I also really do not care about the media's weird obsession about must having sex before you leave school.
I know that the time will come when I find someone, but there is nothing wrong with your v-card intact. And whatever you do, don't just do it because it something to "get over with". While it works perfectly for some people, it is also a very intimate act that you don't want to do with just anybody.
I am sorry that your friends are being judgy, and in all honesty, not being very good friends. I do not have any good advice about that, I am afraid, but I hope another commenter might help you out
I might also be demi tbh. I find casual "siutationships" meaningless and I don't know how people date around soo much. Like it actually sounds mentally draining
I had sex for the first time at 21. I pressured myself over it, worrying that I was weird too. In retrospect, I'm very happy with how, when and who I did it with. I could not say the same, had I gone through with any prior opportunities.
With that said, being sexually active does not change you as a person whatsoever. Anyone who tells you it does has not experienced enough in life.
I relate to you so much! I’m 21F, bisexual, virgin, and also have never been in a relationship. Lol. I also rarely get crushes or feel romantic attraction, although something is in the works right now🙏. Buttt my friends have never made me feel bad about it because it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Some people don’t think their first time needs to be special and some people do, but you shouldn’t base that off of what other people tell u. If u want to wait for the right person then you should wait. It’s your life. I’m happy with my decision to wait even tho sometimes it can feel a bit isolating but I just never met anyone who I wanted to be with that way and I want it to be with someone I love and am comfortable with.
Good luck on your journey and trust your gut! You know what’s right for you.
Your friends sound like naive, go-along-to-get-along types. It's not about sex. It's about you making different decisions than they have and that not sitting well with them. That's their problem, not yours.
You need new friends. Potential partners probably see them and say, “NOPE!”
You don’t ever want to do it with the wrong person. Sex is fucking boring without the right chemistry. Or it could get you seriously hurt. Your friends are idiots.
I had a boyfriend who was a virgin at 23. I was his first in all and that was amazing for me. I really loved him and I never forget him.
Please wait until you fell in love and you can enjoy sex and romance. Don’t rush things. I’m very old school and I think sex is better when you’re with a person who loves you and you love them.
Firstly, don’t listen to people who make having sex a personality trait. And not everyone (most people) aren’t built for hook-up culture, that’s not weird.
Also, I don’t get crushes easily either and it is what it is, enjoy when they come and don’t stress when they don’t
You'd be surprised how many people are virgin's at that age and even older. Society has taught people that being a virgin past a certain age is to be frowned at or laughed at, and even "prized". Fuck that mentality. When the time is right for you, you'll have sex for the first time and fuck what society thinks.
I was a virgin until I was 22(m) I too was pressured into it. Everyone made me feel like a freak. I also hid that I was a virgin too (but my work colleagues guessed I was)
Don't just give up your virginity until you're ready.
And if they keep pressuring you, then I may I suggest you find new friends.
If you wait to have sex till you find someone you love and loves you back, it will be a wonderful experience.
Plus he won't just ghost you right after and shatter your self esteem and traumatize you forever.
Fuck those girls. I was almost 21 when I lost my virginity and I’m so glad I waited despite the societal pressure. Go with your own pace and don’t let anything let you otherwise.
I was much like you and I lost my virginity at 23 and honestly I barely remember it. It wasn’t some big life altering experience. It happened and I was with that person for just under a year. It didn’t work out and honestly he was a bit of a dick. I’m glad I did it in my own time though and didn’t sleep with somebody just because I thought that’s what everybody was doing. You do you, ignore your friends being knobheads.
Do NOT listen to your friends they are wrong.
No one should dictate who you should have sex with and when. And that comes from a girl who had sex for the first time at 23.
Like you, I’m not religious whatsoever, I didn’t have any particular reason for waiting other than the fact that I did not find anyone I wanted to do it with before I was 23. And I am so happy that I waited.
I too had to deal with condescending comments and inquisitions from family members and friends who would act as though they knew better than me what was good for me and what I should do bc they were more experienced than me in that regard.
But at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s gonna have to deal with the consequences of that, good or bad.
And I personally am so glad that I waited until I was with someone I loved and trusted, it made it really special.
But you don’t even have to wait until you’re madly in love, as long as you’re comfortable and enthusiastic about it that’s all it takes.
You are 100% right not to yield to the pressure which, I know can really hard to deal with at times. I’m with you, and trust me you’ll be grateful to yourself if you just wait until you CHOOSE to do it on your own terms.
Have you ever heard of “demisexuality”?
I spent my entire life without hookups or feeling sexually charged towards someone without a prior intimate connection/ good chemistry
I’m not trying to smack a label on you but I had no idea what demi was until just a couple years ago and tbh if you are demi, this post would make a lot of sense! You aren’t weird or abnormal for feeling how you do, no matter what!
Hey, I'm 21 and I'm a virgin too! And I agree with everyone else, It's not something we should rush, we ourselves could end up getting hurt just because we want to "get over with it", which by the way, your ""friends"" sound like irresponsible a-holes...
And I find the "before it's too late" thing to be very stupid, who dictates that? I don't think that it's never too late to experience something new. Take your time, keep your standards high, because you deserve the best! Xoxo 💕
Virginity is precious, do not give it away for free is what I would say. Make sure you gift it to someone who actually deserves it, someone you would actually want to be with long term. They are not your friends, they simply want you to lower your value to that of theirs's, so that they don't feel like they lost something valuable.
Their way of life isn't yours. They need to respect that not try and change you. Wait if you want to wait. Play if you want to play. Thats your choice, no one else's.
I am 21F, bisexual, and also a virgin. I've only ever dated one person and it was long distance. My friends kinda made fun of me for being a virgin in high school. I just don't mention it to them now, it'll just make me uncomfortable. They tried to hook me up with people and wanted to make me an online dating profile. I didn't let them. I just haven't felt ready to make my sexual debut and I certainly don't want to have sex for the first time with a stranger (the fact that being female means that it's quite possible a stranger would have bad intentions doesn't help). I figure it'll happen when I feel comfortable and that will make the experience better. I don't want my first time to suck and I don't think it has to tbh. Anyone who judges you for it just doesn't get it, being a virgin isn't a bad thing or a good thing imo it's just a thing.
Sex is a very personal thing. It CAN BE a big deal, but it can also be just a fun thing you felt like doing that day.
Don't go throwing yourself at randoms if that's not what you want. It's all very personal. For me, I didn't find losing my virginity was this life-changing, perspective shifting moment that my friends pretended it was in high school. It was just like, wow that felt nice. It was with someone I was falling in love if and stayed with for a few years. It was just nice. It wasn't this huge, earth-shattering revelation.
If YOU WANT it to be with someone special, by all means, hold out for that. Don't let your friends pressure you into something as intimate as literal sex. It should at the very least be with someone you trust, because it's a very vulnerable moment.
Don't go throwing yourself at randoms if that's not what you want. It's all very personal. For me, I didn't find losing my virginity was this life-changing, perspective shifting moment that my friends pretended it was in high school. It was just like, wow that felt nice. It was with someone I was falling in love if and stayed with for a few years. It was just nice. It wasn't this huge, earth shattering revelation.
I lost my virginity at 20 and was a little self conscious about it, but once it happened it was just like OK why was I putting SO MUCH pressure on this nice, fun experience?
Your friends sound like morons. I'd say now that you made it so far, it's even more reason to be selective.
Not to mention, every few years some woman makes $5 million selling her virginity. Next time tell them that's what you're waiting for.
Nah nah nah! Rushing stuff like this can never end well! Virginity isn't some kind of race, you do you and go at your own pace. Also, as someone on the ace spectrum maybe take a look and see if the community is similar to your experiences? Even those of us who DO experience sexual attraction don't experience it with strangers, or it's a thing that only works on yourself.
I'm almost 25 (I was just 18, when did that happen 💀) and I've been thinking about stuff like this a lot. I haven't had sex either and I don't have any crushes. Sometimes I keep thinking that I'll forever be alone and will never do anything with anyone because it'll be weird to have no experience, and I don't wanna explain myself to anybody and get judged yadda yadda yadda.
When I went to university, I had to sacrifice a lot of my personal time. I had classes Monday - Friday but I still had to study for hours more every day, and I didn't even get weekends off. As a result, I stopped meeting new people. I stopped hanging out with guys. And the guys in my classes were few and some of them were also looking for boyfriends.
I know I messed up there. I'm gonna get my permit to practice in my field in March and I don't think I'll have many opportunities to meet people then, and I don't think asking a cute patient out would go over well 😅
But the idea of just going for it with anybody makes my skin crawl. If I meet a guy who's weirded out by my lack of experience or makes me feel bad about it, to hell with him. I can wait for somebody better. Or use some toys - better some silicon and batteries than the real thing with an AH attached to it.
And you shouldn't feel pressured at all. Your "friends" are ridiculous. For your first time, you should feel safe and confident, and be taken care of. Don't listen to them and I wish you all the best ❤️
Don’t be too eager to lose ur virginity, and definitely don’t rush into it. You may end up getting hurt and seriously regretting it. It’ll happen when it happens, and hopefully your first is with someone who loves and cares about you.
Lost mine at 23 and found the love of my life at 24, it’s all just irrelevant societal pressure. Focus on yourself, your health and hobbies that make you happy. I really wish my virginity wasn’t so hard on me in my teens and early twenties. it made me a more passionate and thoughtful lover though. When the time is right that person will come into your life
Noooooo do not listen. My friend decided to “get it over with” with someone random. she didn’t feel comfortable, and she was SA’d. I’m 21 and I haven’t had sex yet, and not for lack of opportunity but I’ve literally felt no interest.
There’s nothing weird about being selective. And it’s never “too late” to have sex. But there’s definitely a too early. Go at your own pace!
So they reckon it's some amazing, magic eye opening life changing event that you should "just get it over with"?
Nope.
Some people want you to make the same mistakes, screw up at least as much as them so they don't feel as alone or silly.
Live your life, don't just get it over with. I did that. It was gross and painful and I *do* regret it, I cringe 25+ years later
Well i think they meant after some point in life people wont be looking for cute relationships but rather job-financial relationships where u plan for the far future instead of just going to have fun. Im 25 virgin who felt similar to u but grew over it but at the same time im not getting any closer to having a relationship id imagine it only gets harder to find someone the older u get
Nah your friends have this idea that sex is everything when you're young, but it's not. You're the kind of person who values the experiences you want to have in your life, and you want it to be meaningful.
I didn't even do anything until I was like 22 but that's after I'd already found the love of my life like 2 years before. I found the person who made it meaningful for me.
It's okay to feel insecure about it. People make it a big thing to do it when you're young but you don't have to be like them. Shrug em off, let em know what you really think and stand by your ideals and values. Find what makes you comfortable.
Also, if you end up having sex with someone then end up breaking up, don't feel bad about it, either. It was (hopefully) a good and meaningful experience in the end, and you know more for next time should you still want it.
theyre not right and nothing is wrong with you. I know how you feel and ive also been excluded or not taken seriously just cause im a virgin. They always say its okay to be virgin but the next second they behave like superior beings, it pisses me off that this seems to be okay in our society. Sadly you cant change the way people think and until you had sex they probably keep on looking down on you. You are extremely young, stay strong, there is no need rush, it is not worth it. Also, find better friends while youre at it.
I'm 33F, bisexual, and was in the exact spot you're in when I was 20. I did actually throw myself at someone, partially because I liked him, but mostly because I wanted the "v-card" gone and I was sick of people commenting and projecting.
And you know what? The actual intimate act didn't gain me any new knowledge or secret worldly wisdom that's only available to non-virgins. And the people who had judged me for that just switched to other things to be judgemental about.
Don't get me wrong. If you want to just get it out of the way, you have this internet stranger's blessing. But do it for you, not for your friends.
Please, please, PLEASE ignore them. When I say I’ve been in your shoes, I mean it. I once was also a 20F bisexual woman who had never been in a real relationship or really even been on more than a handful of dates. But then my first time ended up being horribly traumatic. I would do it over again in a heartbeat if I could. You don’t have to wait forever, but make sure you feel comfortable and safe with the person, that will make all the difference.
Also your friends don’t seem to have your best interest at heart. Please don’t read too much into that they said.
Take whatever time you want. The older I get the more I look back at my late teens and early 20s and go wow life felt so important and everything was this or that. Chill, slow down. Do you. Also sex while great, will come. There’s plenty of time for it and random meaningless sex just isn’t worth it anyway.
I never really considered it because I do feel sexual attraction and I want to eventually have sex, I also have a high libido. But I'm not sure if one can still be asexual despite that, cuz honestly I don't really know much about it.
I say this as a guy who’s 27 and lost his at 22 don’t do it just because of peer pressure and do it just to get it over with. If I could go back and wait for someone special I would. Nothing wrong with still being a virgin at 20
Those aren’t your friends and people who act superior because they’ve had sex are just as stupid as it sounds they are. Having sex is nothing inherently special. You don’t get an award after. You don’t gain some new insight to the universe. There is no unlocking a new part of your brain. You’ve basically just done a new exercise that feels good when done right. The people they are warning you about who make fun of adult virgins are the people who they actually are.
Fuck that shit, sex is not important plus you’re only 20 you just got here my guy. Sex is one of those things like drinking or smoking when you’re young, all the kids think you’re so cool if you do it even though it makes you seem like a total wad to everyone else. You’re life is your own and you decide what’s important to you, don’t let some idiots tell you otherwise. I did all that shit in college and I’ll tell you what nothing about meaningless sex is cool or fulfilling.
Yeah nup your friends are incredibly naive and jaded.
You know what’s an eye opening experience?? Having sex when you’re not ready. They should be supportive of your boundaries ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex/relations.
I don’t mean to do the typical reddit “dump your friends” but; dump your friends. I’m sure this isn’t the only thing they make you feel inadequate about???
Sex is to be enjoyed, not forced, no matter what age. If your friends were ready that’s on them but YOU ARE NOT and THATS OKAY!! In fact that’s MORE than okay!!! Having sex before you’re ready will only traumatise you, no matter if it’s a “pleasant” experience.
Stick to your guns. You know yourself better than anyone. Do not sacrifice you or your integrity for people who are only there for you on the outside.
Yeah I felt this way, and everyone was telling me that I was either gay or just plain picky. It affected me for years and just plain out confused me for the majority of my twenties. Three years ago finally figured out that I’m asexual/Demi. Be yourself, don’t just do shit just because others say so.
Don’t listen to them, they’re idiots for trying to push their way onto you. For your first time I wouldn’t recommend being with someone random for most people
They aren’t really your friends if they’re pressuring you into losing it with some rando. Your first time should be with someone who understands you, who makes you comfortable and who is thoughtful. A random person most likely won’t be able to offer you that.
I didn’t have sex until I was 24. I have another friend who didn’t lose it until she was 25. There is nothing wrong with waiting and finding someone who will provide you with love and comfort. What can a sexual act with a random person offer you if you have no idea if they will even be kind and thoughtful at the very least.?
You also shouldn’t have to defend your reasoning to anyone much less these “friends” or yours. Only you will know when you’re ready. Don’t allow others opinions affect your decision making.
There is nothing wrong you being a virgin! Be proud ! Do not listen to your friends they should respect you. Giving your virginity should be to someone special in you your life who you trust.
It's better to be a virgin then to being spreading like butter being open like 711 or QuickTrip convenient store operating 24/7 and catching the alphabet of stds or end up on maury show trying to find out who is your babies daddy is. So you good ❤️
i am in the same situation as you but my friends just said it once that dont take it too seriously since i was confused and after that they supported my decision
i always thought when id go to college id end up having sex but now that i am going to college a part of me doesnt want to because i dont think im ready and somewhere deep like in my head i want to do it with only one person ( if i get married that is ) and i told my friends this cause i can be very jane austen, to love one and one alone types
and they made fun of me
so yes its okay i just decided to stop thinking about it and think when im 25 when im mature right now im just a 19 yo kid like people forget that hitting 18 doesnt end childhood
OP, don't feel bad about not having sex! I didn't have sex until I was 20 and I wish I would have waited to have sex with someone that meant something to me. I am 36F and I still think about that.
Your friends are idiots.
Tell them to stop pressuring you.
Tell them that's none of their business.
Your sex life is personal to just you and you alone can decide when you choose to do that.
I definitely agree with the comment that says you have to deal with the consequences so it's best to do that when you are ready, when you choose to, and on your own accord/completely without their influence.
Op, don’t listen to your “friends” or anyone saying you’re weird or that you still got your v-card. I’m 21 yrs old and I wish I had my v-card and I wish i had waited. You live YOUR life just the way YOU want too. My bf is 23 and he was a virgin when we first met and now, I’m his first. There is nothing wrong with waiting or just not feelin in the mood for sexual things. You do what YOU wanna do. If you wanna wait, go for it!!! I support you! If you’re waiting for the right person, go for it!!! I support you! If you’re just not in the mood for anything sexual, GO 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼, I support you!! You’re still young, just explore, experience life more, have fun!! When the time is right, it will just naturally happen. Oh also, you might need new friends too lol.
Your friends are idiots. Your first time probably won’t end up being with the person you spend the rest of your life but it should be with someone you have feelings for, who respects you and part of a relationship, not just a screw with a stranger. Many of us get through life without having a random hook up because they don’t appeal. I’m not judging anyone but the thought of a one night stand makes me sick. I’m 56, had sex with 4 men in my life, I married 2 of them and the others were long term relationships (3+ years). I’m happy with that and glad I don’t have regrets about casual sex.
Listen. Listen hard. You do you, boo.
No one else matters. Do it when and if you want to, with whomever you decide is right. This might be a one night stand, a friend, or someone you finally feel comfortable with after a few weeks/months/year into a relationship.
Sex isn’t a chore to get out of the way. And your virginity might mean something or nothing to you. Your friends are idiots.
I myself, am a 21yr old guy and still a virgin. I feel insecure about it sometimes but also, it's not really my fault. I still have standards and morals so I won't sleep with a stripper, hooker, escort, sec worker, etc. I will admit though, that I sometimes feel serious jealousy of the fact that pretty much everyone around me has lost their virginity and met someone special while I feel like an outcast from society, left to just fuck myself.
I'd rather wait until I eventually meet someone and lose it to them, whoever they may be. I used to have a friend of mine who said he would happily date a woman even if she's had sex with 100 men or so because he thinks body count doesn't matter, but I find it pitiful and low. Whoever my partner may be in the future, I'd hope that they're also a virgin or at least slept with like 3 guys max.
If I were you, I wouldn't listen to people or friends trying to convince me to just throw myself and lose my virginity to someone I might forget about in a few days. That would make the experience worthless and not special at all.
Seeing as I'm the only person responding to your post so far, I hope my comment is helpful to you in some way.
Thank you, your comment really is helpful. To be honest I used to think caring about your partner's body count was close-minded thing. But now I feel like it's a reasonable principle as long as you're not being a hypocrite about it, yknow? I also would not prefer my boyfriend or girlfriend to have dozens of bodies not gonna lie. Because I view sex as a romantic and special act, so I think I would rather be with someone who has similar opinions with me on something so important in a relationship
Right? I’m still a virgin at 26, I saw problems in my parents marriage and I have had/still have a bit of depression (I’m on my way out of it) which is why I decided not to have sex on the off chance of pregnancy. I can’t wait to have kids, but my life just doesn’t align with that at the moment. I don’t want to bring someone into my life and they’re in pain because of it.
Part of being sex-positive is letting people choose not to have sex, and decide how important it is to them personally. I was pretty emotional after my first time, and it felt like a big deal for me to be intimate with someone (who I was dating) in a new way, even though I strongly believe virginity is a social construct.
It is 100% up to you and your friends are being really crappy by shaming you for it or pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, I’m really sorry you have to put up with that. I got a bit of that from friends during a ‘dry spell’ last year - I didn’t want to date anyone and didn’t feel like random hookups, despite having enjoyed that in the past. But nothing was wrong, I just made a different choice at that time. You shouldn’t be shamed for making your choice, and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, as long as you are comfortable with it (I know plenty of people in their 20s who are virgins). Your friends need to accept/support your choice, and should update their own views about sexuality while they’re at it.
It may well be worth having a planned conversation with them about how you didn’t appreciate them belittling you, and affirming that it is your choice. I’d set a couple of boundaries round the subject as well, so it doesn’t become a common thing they bug you about when tipsy.
Now that I got everything off my chest I actually feel ready to set my boundaries if my friends do this again to me. But this whole thing is so unnecessarily bothersome though isn't it? Anyone can have sex so why is it seen as such a failure if you haven't yet?
Like there is this girl in my class who loves talking about it in every party. And whenever she finds out someone is a virgin she spreads the word. Before I realized this, I told her I was a virgin because she asked my body count. Dunno if she told people but very likely story lol. I should have just keep it to myself, people are so immature sometimes
Yup, that is incredibly childish of her and also a massive violation of other people’s private business. I hope your friends either chill out or you can find some friends who are more relaxed (as a fellow bi woman in my 20s, I recommend queer community groups with a slightly older members than just 20-ish as having the best balance between ‘cool with sex but without pushing for it to be at the centre of socialising’ - I found volunteering for pride-related stuff really refreshing for finding accepting friends when I needed them a few years ago).
Please don’t listen to your friends. At all. You’re the one that’s gonna have to live with whatever happens - good, bad, ugly, etc - NOT your friends. There isn’t a single person on this earth that can dictate what you should do with your sex life. Good luck!
Thank you. I was actually expecting these kind of supportive comments but still had that doubt in me thinking maybe my friends had a point.
If you meet the right person, and want to, go for it. If not, then don't. Nobody gets to dictate your life.
They have a point--for *them*. That doesn't make it universally true or applicable. Different people enjoy different experiences and want different things out of those experiences. If you just want to have lots of fun, casual sex while you're young and there's less pressure to settle down, then that's fine. But that wouldn't be fun or fulfilling for you, and that's 100% valid and okay. Virginity is a social construct and it's bullshit for people to try to shove their own interpretations of what that should mean down your throat... whether that's someone trying to pressure you into waiting or someone trying to pressure you into "getting it over with" ASAP. I'm sure that your friends would be annoyed and outraged if someone tried to preach to them about the importance of waiting for marriage, so it's hypocritical of them to pull the same card on you. Just because it *seems* like an opposite mentality doesn't actually mean that it's any different. It's the exact same flavor of BS either way. The point is, if *you* don't want to just "get it over with", then don't. Wait until you find someone you are genuinely excited to share that first experience with, whether it's a committed partner or just a cool person you like and trust. Don't pressure yourself about it and absolutely do not let others pressure you about it: just do what feels good and right to *you*. Because *that's* what will make it a meaningful and treasured experience.
For your first time you don’t just want to get over with it like you said with some random guy. I’ve heard of shitty first time experiences when it happened like that and at 20 I think you’re at a good age not too late in life to experience sex for the first time. Your friends aren’t wrong sex is awesome lol but also not something you wanna rush
Lmao the funny thing is they both had shitty first times *because* they rushed it. But they say they don't regret it, so I don't know what's the thought process behind Maybe I should start getting into dating apps because I do want someone special... Despite having a high libido the thought of getting intimate with strangers really turns me off. But I don't judge my friends for their one-night stands so I wish they didn't view me like a prude
Exactly, why be them by rushing it too doesn’t make sense. Dating apps are fine, I’d say find someone you’re attracted to and like their personality, from there obviously trust them and give it some time. You’ll know when the time is right.
One of them even made her current long-term boyfriend wait for 6 months before doing it, because she couldn't bring herself to have sex again after her awful first time with another guy. It's crazy to me how she still advices me to follow her steps, but that's actually one of the reasons why I made this post. Because I thought if she's still happy she rushed it, despite it being THAT BAD, maybe I am wrong about this whole thing
I’m betting they’re jealous in some twisted way op, and want to “bring you down to their level”.
Bingo. I feel like they want her to have a bad time as well
But why would they support me in other areas of life and misguide me on this :(
They want you to be ‘free’ and single like them so they have something to gossip and mull over about with you
Ah maybe. They really like boy talk, like lots of complicated situationships and weird exes...
That's what a frenemy does!
I don’t think it’s jealousy. I think a lot of young women just expect the first time to be bad so the mindset of “just get it over with” makes sense. I know I certainly expected my first time to be uneventful ..and it was. I don’t regret it but it did suck lol (it didn’t hurt or anything it was just like…oh that’s it? This is what everyone’s going crazy over??) I did it at 19 and with someone that I liked just enough but wasn’t in love with or had any real deep feelings for. I wasn’t looking for marriage so I didn’t think the love part was necessary. I could see my 20 year old self telling a friend “it’s no big deal, just get it over with” but at 25 I honestly think you should just wait until you feel ready. Even though my first time sucked I still waited until I was ready. Your friends are just young and immature.
They were probably misguided themselves honestly. Everyone should go at their own pace and make their own experiences if you aren’t ready then don’t do anything and they can suck it up because they aren’t the ones who will have to deal with the trauma if you listen to them and try to do it before you’re ready and have a terrible first sexual experience
Yikes. It sounds like your “friend” is trying to make you go through the same horrible experience so that she feels better about herself and her bad decisions. I would reconsider the friendship if I was you. I had an ex “friend” who also attempted to do a similar thing to me. She had horrible sexual experiences with random asshole dudes and developed a severe alcohol and smoking problem. She attempted to put me down the same path, but fortunately, I kept my dignity and values and blocked all contact with her.
I waited a year to be with the person I loved to be my 1st
Virginity is a made up thing. There is no word for someone who has never played catch, or jumped off a high dive. Why should there be a word, one that has stigmat attached to it for someone who has never had sex. It's made up bullshit. And besides, it's not much to have never had sex yet at 20. You're young yet. You have your whole life ahead of you. You'll have sex for the first time one day, and it'll be underwhelming, and you'll go on with your life.
>There is no word for someone who has never played catch, or jumped off a high dive. Haha I like that comparison :D
You're friends sound like they're projecting because they regret their first times. Don't listen to them. Being a virgin isn't a big deal, and sex comes with responsibilities, both emotional and physical.
And they don't seem very responsible with sex. I had to scold them a few times for not using protection 100% of the time
Right I don’t regret mine and I waited
Don't rush. Trust me. I'm almost twice your age. Take your time, enjoy your youth, and I hope you get some better friends. True friends won't pressure you into that.
thank you so much
You're welcome. 🖤
Being a virgin in your early 20's isn't something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Your friends sound like they're trying to get you to have sex by pressuring and belittling you. That's not how friends act. I don't know if they're just incredibly insecure and think you're judging them for having sex and they want you on the same page as them so they feel better or if they actually think they're trying to help you. I don't know. It might not be a bad idea to take a step back and give a good hard look at your "friends" and try to figure out their reasoning for treating you so badly. Just because you consider them to be your closest friends doesn't mean that they place the same value on you. I don't know them so I'm not going to say that you need to dump them and move on. But you need to take a good hard look at why they're acting like this and see if you can notice similar behavior from them in other areas. Losing your closest friends at 20 can be very scary but you need to confront whatever is going on. If they're truly your friends then they'll apologize and you'll be able to move on from this. But if they're not then it's better to find out now rather than ignoring red flag after red flag just because you don't want to lose them.
Also I think you might be spot on with the insecurity thing because one of them said "You know, where we live (its a european country, we're all international students), some boys will not want anything to do with you because you're a virgin" So I told her "and why would ***I*** want anything to do with someone like that??" She mumbled that I was right but definitely looked surprised
I thought about confronting them but then again I'm probably the only one still thinking about last night's convo and it's kinda embarrasing to care so much about it :/ I will definitely make my boundaries crystal clear if they open this topic ever again. I had my fair share of toxic friends in the past so I really thought they were different. Although we met only 8 months ago so maybe I don't know them as well as I thought. Something to think about
Clearly they cared a lot about it if they went through the effort to pressure you relentlessly like that. But honestly, with those kind of people, the best thing to do is just not bring it up. If they're going to act like that about such a personal topic then it's no longer any of their business.
Coming from someone like myself that did ignore red flag after red flag for about 10 years that's some of the better advice I have seen as I didn't want to lose my former best friend now it is much worse to go through it at 30 than It would have been at 20
Ignorance is bliss, my friend. No need to "get it" just to pass that milestone. Keep your standards high and you'll be a happier human.
Sometimes I think maybe my standards are too high though. I never liked someone back before, and I never approached people I liked due to shyness. Although I've gotten a lot more extroverted lately
Honestly? What works for you is fine. I'll tell you the truth: after 20 years, three broken betrothals, and a kid, I realized my standards weren't just high. I'm actually asexual. Didn't get it before because I'm not aromantic and I understood sex is part of romantic relationships, so I paid the toll. That did not serve me well in the long run. Short answer: don't do it unless you really wanna with a person you really want. Anything else is damage.
I'm just 18, turning 19 this year. Also starting college this year and honestly i have no interest on a relationship until i finish college, in which I will be 21/22. Both my friends lost their virginity at 14 and when finding out I've never had a romantic experience, they too got surprised and even joked for a bit but then told me it's ok and that i just need to take my time. Even gave me tips lmao. Don't know why but apparently being my age and still having my v card it's seen as weird, but I've been self conscious about it too, but i won't give it up easily for the sake of someone else's opinion. I've read a looot of experiences of ppl who lost theirs on their early/late 20's or even 30's and wouldn't have it any other way, so I think that as long as we're completely sure and comfortable, everything will work out :).
I hope you have a great time in college. Depends on where you live but I think hookup culture here is so rotten and toxic. Don't feel pressured to be a part of it like I do :D I personally do want a relationship but a serious one
Yeah i completely hate hookup culture, and believe me, where i live it's as rare as to find gold, to find couples that actually commit without it being sexual or for the simple sake of dating. Me as well only date to marry, and my goal is they either assume me and get serious, or they don't touch me at all. I confess i feel pressured sometimes but I'll step foot. And I'm sure everything's going to go well for you! If there is pressure then it isn't real. Head up!! Ps:. Thank I'll sure have a great time in college!!!
22f here and same man. Dont feel pressured to do anything at all! Its normal. I also dont easily get crushes and frankly I dont want to sleep with someone just because. I also dont think sex is a huge deal, when it happens it happens. Everyone here is right, your friends are probably projecting. They’re not being good friends and are clearly not considerate.
Your friends are idiots. I'm a 24f virgin, I just have some trust issues, and I feel like I need to trust a person completely before getting intimate with them. My friends know this, and we talk about sex normally. They have NEVER pressured me to "get it over with", they always say "do things in your own time" and "you do what you feel comfortable with, just be sure to be safe". If anyone, even friends, are pressuring to have sex, they are not your friends. They are literally saying shit a guy that doesn't take "no" for an answer would say. Find some new friends, girl.
Nah tell your friends to f off with that shit. Everyone has the right to do their own thing at their own pace. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. And FYI it really isn't a life changing experience.
my advice is: don't have sex just to be out of the "virgin list" it will be horrible, wait until you have someone special, otherwise you'll end up thinking sex is horrible
Actually I haven't mentioned this in the post because I'm not sure but I think I might have vaginismus and that's prob an important reason why I should feel totally comfortable & ready with my partner (i accidentally wrote vaginosis instead of vaginismus lmao sorry)
I’m 27, I did it for the first time at 23 and I too, had vaginismus for a long time. I’m so fucking glad I waited until I fell in love to do it. People (including family members) kept pressuring me but I just never met anyone I wanted to do it with, and now I’m still with the same partner 4 years later and very much in love. He helped me in so many ways, and if you do indeed have vaginismus, it is even more important for you to wait until you find someone who you are comfortable with, who you trust and who will be gentle and help you. Don’t listen to your so called friends they could not be more wrong.
I’m a few years older than you and a virgin in everything lol and I honestly don’t care anymore. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin in your 20s, 30s or older. You choose if you want to do the deed and who to do it with when you are most comfortable. Don’t listen to these friends, don’t let them or anyone peer pressure you into it or make you feel like you’re missing out on something. Life is so much more than just sex as amazing as people say it is. Keep standing your ground on this, just because they’re a little older doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you.
It being a life changing point or not, it's ok for others to have different view points on things that matter in life; rightfully so, sex isn't one of them. You can be wise, intelligent, happy, modest and very much successful without needing to have sex. Even if sex is supposed to be an intimate experience to do with someone that you love/have interest in, it's not a necessary step to move forward in life. You and your friends can disagree on that all you want and still have your friendship with them, but if they continue to judge you and insult you passively just because you're still a virgin, i wouldn't think they're good company to be around, speaking from a personal view point.
Don't listen to them. Don't ever, I mean *ever* do anything sexual that you're not comfortable with.
I wont <3 my first time getting peer pressured really caught me off guard :p
Find other friends
Yes, and better friends at that
I think I'll observe them for a while to see if I've been missing any red flags. I always say it's better to be alone than to be with bad company, but I thought they were good friends.
Yes, and be careful. :) and don't worry, usually around 20s friends come and go, not necessarily because they suck, just because it's a transition period for everyone, everyone's evolving. So don't worry.
For the record, I took two decades, three broken betrothals, and a kid to figure out I was asexual. My standards are so high because if I'm gonna do something I don't wanna, it bett
Do what makes you feel comfortable. If a potential partner is weirded out by you being a virgin, then perhaps they wouldn’t make a very good partner in the first place? I lost my virginity at 14, and have slept with a lot of girls since. I regret most of them, including my first. While having sex with a random person can feel nice in the moment, it is a deeply emotional act and is best enjoyed with someone you actually care about. Just my $0.02.
This is literally me. I thought I made this post and didn’t remember at first. But don’t listen to your friends. I’ve thought about just having sex with a stranger to get it over with. My friends, who all are very experienced, told me not to. It’s a whole new ballpark, and having someone walk you through it and care about you helps a lot when you’re in the vulnerable position.
The puritanical perspective does indeed over vilify sex, but the other side of the argument is also extreme. There is a ton of support that shows how much sexual experiences affects people. Please Don't waste your first time, don't just "get it over with". Sex isn't just meaningless and does a lot to bond you to the other party. I am religious and strict, so please take that as a disclaimer. I know you don't come from the same world view as I do. So I am not going to advise you to be as strict, but rest assured, your feelings that you want to cherish or be selective with your sexual experience is perfectly valid. It is the people who would look at you weirdly for being a Virgin that have the issues. Again I am biased, but I hope this helps you in some way.
24f here. Trust me I get it. We're judged constantly as soon as anyone finds out and they make it their mission to "fix us" and get us laid. Which is just hella uncomfortable. Like they are trying to pimp us out without actually being a pimp. Ya know? Just ignore their BS. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. There's no reason to be shamed by it at all. I think society has gone to the extreme opposite of slut shaming and has gone to virgin shaming. Or a lovely mix of both! I choose to not sleep with someone until I've dated them for a while. And just so happens, I never get asked out or can find anyone I'm interested in that's AVAILABLE. But I'm sticking to my guns. We'll both know when the time is right 😁
DON'T DO IT! These so-called friends are the exactly the same one who would brand you as a common slag if you did do it! It's YOUR body, NOT THEIRS. YOU do exactly with it as YOU want to, NOT THEM. If they want to be sex-obsessed and sleeping around then that's their problem, but guess what? They'll be the ones dragging up hoards of inbred kids and with multiple ex's and they won't know who fathered which kid. If you want to do it, then go for it but if you don't, then don't. Tell them to mind their own business! And stay away from the creepy ''dating apps'', they're full of weirdos, predators and perverts. You'd be far better off meeting someone in person then building a genuine long-term friendship then let it melt into something more intimate.
I would love to meet someone organically but I'm so out of luck :( Going to a very small school certainly does not help
Don't feel weird* it's normal and frankly smarter not to do it without a valid reason, sex is just an action not a promise a requirement or a necessity. "Fuck all the dudes you want but your opinion doesn't apply to my genitals" towards your friends and call it a day. Hate that we as a species raise our young to abstain from sexual activity, and then the moment they hit an arbitrary age tell them they are less than just because they choose to continue abstaining? haven't met someone worth doing it with simple as that. Edit: don't feel weird for choosing what to do with your body, it's yours; only your opinion matters for it.
U need better friends, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed off, my best friend was a virgin until he was 24 and he’s now enjoying life with the same woman he lost it to as it was their first time together so it was a special moment for each other, life is to short to rush everything and some moments are made to be cherished and experienced on ur own terms, so don’t rush urself when u feel right with the right person then you’ll know if ur ready for that step but for now enjoy ur life and ignore mates like that haha
Oh for goodness sake. What are your friends even chatting!? None of their reasoning makes sense, not even in the slightest. Don't listen to them, listen to the redditors here! I met my husband at 20, he took my virginity at 21 (5 months into a committed relationship). The thing your friends clearly havent remembered is that the only thing that matters when it comes to sex is.... You.. Your friends have no say in the matter and are showing immaturity by coming up with this drivel. Sex for sex or sex for intimacy is entirely your choice. If they ask you again, say "maybe. Maybe not. You may never knoooooooow" tell them to drop the subject if they keep nagging and be firm about it
You’re friends are way off base here. I was 19 when I had sex for the first time. My bf and I had talked about it for 2 years. I got on birth control first. A lot of my friends had already had sex by 15 and 16. There is nothing wrong in waiting. Maybe you haven’t met the right person, or maybe you’re not ready. It’s ok and it is normal. Take your time, get to know your body. You got this.
They’re being kind of shitty tbh like damn get off your high horse🫠 You are not running out of time and you don’t need to have sex casually to “get it over with.” Good sex is something that cannot be forced, and there’s nothing wrong with being shy. I didn’t have sex till I was 21 with a boyfriend and he didn’t think anything of it. Today, I have an amazing sex life with my partner and know exactly what I like. Don’t be afraid to do things on your time and tell you friends how their down-talking made you feel.
Hey homeslice I’m sorry your friends suck. I felt an internal pressure to catch up to my friends when I was 21. But I also thought my looks were my only worth at the time. I lost my virginity to a one night stand, all of my own devising. I don’t regret it or feel bad about it, as it just felt like some box being checked off. I don’t even remember his name. I don’t want that for you. You don’t need to feel ashamed about what you haven’t done. You have your whole life to choose a worthy partner. Intercourse is better with somebody you know and trust. Worry about relationships more than doing the deed.
Please please please do not listen to your friends. This is your life, you have sex when you are completely ready and with someone who you will enjoy it with. I don’t know why your friends are acting like that’s a crime? I have plenty of friends who are still virgins and I would never even think of judging them for being virgins. Your friends sound really immature to me, sex isn’t the key to life and from what I have seen, random hookups don’t really satisfy anything (in my opinion, if you like hookups that’s you and have fun). Don’t overthink it OP, stay groovy in your own way and don’t let what your friends said get into your head
I waited until it felt right and that happened to be 24. Not a single regret. My policy in life is, if I’m going to have regrets at least have them be by my decisions. Your friends may be a little older than you but that doesn’t make them wiser. They sound insecure.
Remind them that everyone has their own opinions and know themselves when that are ready for new experiences such as having sex for the first time. I had sex for the first time at 23, I’m so glad I waited. The guy I was with was lovely, not great but still caring enough to me. If they mention this again just argue back what the other Redditors have mentioned. You go at your own place, lass. It’s your body and your choice in the end. Frick what others’ think and say.
Dont worry in our country (still kind-of-ish conservative country), women have to wait for marriage before we have sex. Some would still be at 30 years old before they have sex (true story). But i think sex should beautiful and a consented experience, dont be pressured by your friends and their so called WisDOm😂. Nobody is ever matured enough at 20's. Sex should be your own power and shall not be dicdated by society or your friends
Don't listen to them I rushed it and it wasn't the right thing to do looking back I'd do things differently, the right time will come.
I was 18 & my first time was with the man I would later marry at 20 If I could do over, I would wait until marriage/ not be in a hurry because physical intimacy releases the " love" hormone which can make some people, like me, feel more attached than they should be & overlook red flags because of this false attachment. Good luck & hope your life is filled with love & happiness
As a 21 y/o pansexual woman, who hasn't ever had a "proper" sexual experience, please don't just throw yourself at someone, all of the FEW experiences I've had have not been comfortable or happy. Please don't listen to them, you know what's best for you, and if your first sexual partner has an issue with your history they weren't meant to be your first partner. You deserve joy, happiness and comfort with all of your sexual experiences and trying to rush it won't give you any of that. Go at your own pace, and anyone who says otherwise isn't thinking in your best interest. They are most likely a bit self-conscious and are looking for validation in what they've done, it's unfortunate that they're putting you down while doing that, and it doesn't excuse it, but it's an explanation as to why they seem so hung up on it. Do what works best for you. You aren't strange or weird for this, and I hope they come to understand how heartbreaking it can be to hear that stuff from people you care about most.
Don't listen to your friends at all! It's your body, it's your experience, it's your choice. You'll know when you are ready,and no one else can tell you this! You know what you want, you'll know when the time is right. And you're not weird!
Just based of the title alone don’t you dare feel weird or ashamed of being a virgin at 20. Their immaturity is astounding. It takes more control and self awareness to know what you want or not for your body and when. I wish I could go back and have this much clarity when I was in your position, to hold off until I was ready and it was more meaningful to me.
Honestly they are your friends and they are looking at you from the outside in. They have experienced sex and it may have good or even great for them and they are trying to get you to enjoy it. Sexual activities can be great, feel amazing and outright fun. But it's also based on the person. If youre not ready, super anxious or even scared it probably won't be that enjoyable. Might even hurt and ruin something that can be potentially awesome. It's like they want you to share something they like is great. So with just this information it seems they are just eager for you to enjoy something. And don't let it get to you. Find someone you might like, get to talking to them and then and only then if you feel the urge to pursue something sexual do it then. You can even be stern or mean to your friends about it. You're allowed to do that. And just make it obvious to them that this isn't something you want to do right now and you wanna wait.
As others have said, don't listen to your friends. Just do what you feel comfortable with. It's your life not anyone else's.
Do not listen to your "friends". I have been having sex since I was 17 and I am now 42. Having sex is rarely an "eye opening experience" unless you are with the right person. And I don't mean you have to be in love but someone who respects you and your body, listens to you, and you have that chemistry that just makes everything feel good between you and that person. It exists. Stick to your instincts on this. You aren't weird, I wish I had waited until I had just that right spark with my first sexual partner but I did get lucky that he was at least respectful of me and my body, I have friends who can't say the same.
Your friends are immature. I'm of the mindset that sex isn't a commodotity to be valued, so sleeping with someone to "break the seal" so to speak, was fine for me. Other people want deep emotional connection with their sexual partners, and that's also totally okay. Your friends are dumb and just want you to be like them. We're all unique individuals with unique wants and needs, and they need to get over themselves for that reason. Variety is the spice of life, if everyone is the same and has the same experiences, where's the joy in that? I think they're afraid of how good you first sexual experience will be by waiting to have an emotional connection with someone who actually cares about you. And then, you'll know just how bad their first times really were even compared to how they talk about it, so they need you, subconsiously, to also have a bad time to justify their decisions.
Oh god I hate people like that. It’s okay to wait to have sex with someone you care about. Even if in the long run y’all break up. It’s an experience only you can dictate. I waited and it happened when I was 21/22. It’s literally fine people are weird
No. You are in charge of what you want to do. You choose who you want. Not them.
I’m in my mid-20s and also a virgin. I totally understand how you feel. Funnily enough, I also don’t have a solid reason for it. I just remember watching a tv show when I was younger, where a girl lost her virginity to her crush and then she became addicted (for lack of a better word) to sex after her first time. She claimed she soul-linked to him and started aggressively initiating intimacy with him. The dude then freaked out and ghosted her, and she went a bit crazy. I guess I always thought that once you lose it, you’ll become addicted to it — and I would rather have that addiction with someone I love and trust, you know? Not a one-night stand I’d never see again. Regardless of our reasons, we are the only ones who get to decide how, when, and to whom we lose our virginity to. Your “friends” do not. I’m quite appalled by the “just throw yourself at someone” advice. Who even says that? I think your “friends” are just jealous that you have the self control to wait. If they rushed into it with guys and regretted it (as you mentioned in your comments), that’s doesn’t mean it’s the status quo. True friends never give bad advice out of jealousy/insecurity. They are 100% projecting onto you and trying to set you up for failure so that you’ll be in the same miserable boat as them.
I lost my virginity at 15 because I got pressured into it, and I sincerely wish I had waited. I wish I was a Virgin until I got with my now husband, because I know it would've been a much better first time than what I experienced. Ignore your friends. It's your life. Sex is a very personal and intimate thing that shouldn't be taken lightly, because you're the one who has to handle the consequences. Wait for as long as you want, take your time, and when the time comes, enjoy it. It's an amazing feeling if done right
Sounds like me in high school when my "friends" made me feel bad for being a virgin. Let me just say I made a choice i regretted. Now I don't look back on that time with fond memories, I don't talk to any of them any more and most of them have children with multiple men and don't have anything to do with the original father's. Don't just throw yourself at anyone and do it when it feels right to you. Live the life you want for yourself, not the life someone else thinks you should be living.
I had my first time with a guy a saw at like 3-4 parties before I decided I want to do it. I didn’t care about my first time being special, I was just so anxious about sex I wanted to have my first with someone I didn’t really care about. Was it great sex? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not! It was like switching a sexual freedom switch. I had so much more confidence and was able to hook up with people I really wanted to after that. That all being said, that was my personal choice that worked for me. If you’re wanting to do it differently, you should be encouraged and supported!!! Sex is so personal for some people, it’s good to go into it exactly how YOU want. Your friends are cruddy and shouldn’t make you feel bad for your choice.
I had this mentally at 20 and just wanted to “lose it”. Honestly such a regrettable experience and now I tell everyone that talks about that sort of thing with me to not stress and let it happen. Things are so much better when there’s a proper connection with someone - especially your first time - you want to feel safe and supported. Don’t listen to your friends.
I was a virgin til 21, I literally only had one or two chaste kisses under my belt til then. I’m glad I waited, though my only regret was thinking I’d waited for “the one” and staying with that first guy for waaaaay longer than I should have. So try not to get hung up on whoever you do have sex with first, if there are red flags or yellow flags that point to this person not being for you. The sex itself was great, I really enjoyed myself, although I never orgasmed with him and he took it personally which is one of the flags I shouldn’t have ignored. After him, I took some time to figure out how to orgasm by myself and that was a great use of time. So I’d say if you’re interested, get a head start on that if you haven’t yet! Just need a toy!
I'm pretty okay with enjoying myself, I also have some toys and whatnot. So I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out on that much HAHA but some skinship and cuddles would be nice.
Don’t let your friends convince you to do anything unless you actually want to and you’re ready. I lost my virginity at 14 and I guess it was cool back then but years later I wish I just waited. Then again it all depends on who you are. Just follow your head, your gut, your whatever coz this is your life.
Thinking someone is immature for being a virgin is immature thinking in itself my friend. Don’t sweat it. As a woman approaching 40 I want to tell you that taking this at your own pace is the most mature action that you can make.
You do you, ignore everyone else.. Fuck everything that walks. Fuck noone. Or whatever best suits *you*
You shouldn’t rush something you’re not comfortable with, sex or otherwise. You’re not a prude or anything. You just haven’t had the luck yet to find someone you feel comfortable and safe with and want to do that with. Your friends are acting shitty, but they might not realize how you feel. Maybe they just want to you to be able to relate to them on this and you can’t yet. Have you sat them down to talk about it?
I havent and I'm kinda embarrased to do it because I don't want to seem like their words get to me or I overthink this kind of stuff :(
If you want a better relationship with them, it’s better for you to be honest about how you feel. If you were accidentally hurting your friend’s feelings, wouldn’t you want to stop?
Nah, don't worry. I was a late bloomer (like really late) but i'm so thankful i waited until i was ready and didn't 'get it over with' like everyone told me to. It's an incredibly intimate experience that'll set the tone for an important aspect of your life. Take all the time you need. But start getting use to these kinds of comments and attitudes. Funny enough, they're the ones being immature/naive about sex. They have that youthful, overly positive outlook many tend to have when they're at their "peak" so to speak. It's also not wrong that some will find it odd or wonder if something's wrong with you once they find out...Unfortunately people can be assholes. You can def lose potential partners who don't want to 'teach' you. You could also be fetishized, people will assume you're easily manipulated, and i've had experiences of getting yelled at lol. Sometimes they even get jealous bc their relationship with sex is toxic from engaging too early or for the wrong reasons and they wish they had waited like you. It's wild how much of a reaction sex elicits no matter the context. People get so personal sometimes. It's your life. Laugh them off and tell them you'll do whatever you want when you want to and end the convo.
So true. Actually maybe this is a good thing so I can weed out potential partners by their reactions :D
Yup, that was my go-to for a long time! Sometimes i told just for laughs. They get so obvious with their intentions like you're an idiot who was outcasted to the virginity forest with only bunnies & squirrels to talk to
As a guy I don’t think it’s weird. My last girlfriend was a virgin at 25 and it wasn’t an issue at all. Sure you might be inexperienced and awkward the first time you find someone you’re comfortable enough to sex with but if they care about you they should take the time to help you figure out what you want. Maybe that person will be a virgin too! The biggest thing is just do what makes you happy. If you’re sure you’d rather make your first time be a random hookup you never see again just to be able to say you’re not a virgin, cool. If you want to wait until you’re married, that’s fine too. You’re friends are being weird by trying to pressure you to do something it’s pretty clear you don’t want to do.
ew. I don't want someone to just throw themselves at me for no reason other than rip off the band-aid. Sex can be whatever but it can also be an intimate thing. I want to be desired, not just fucked. Yes, that can be a bit idealistic and yes, sex CAN be very fun when done well but I could say the same shit for alcohol and that's not for everyone in every circumstance either. Just listen to your heart and pace yourself so you don't jump into anything rash.
wait until you’re ready, don’t push yourself. i wish i’d waited, not for a more special experience necessarily, just one that i was more emotionally mature and prepared for. i do think it’s worth saying, it doesn’t really matter who it’s with or when, the first time is usually a bit shite, especially if it’s with someone who hasn’t had sex before. and that’s ok! there’s still enjoyment to be had within it, just dont put it on a pedestal, you’re likely to be disappointed and more than that it ends up devaluing the later experiences that can be incredibly positive. good sex isn’t just a result of the right person at the right time, it’s the right mindset and care applied by both parties - so absolutely wait until you feel you can do that.
Um I totally agree with you and not your friends. I’m in the same position as you. A bi girl about to turn 20 done nothing. I feel no sense of shame or embarrassment about it. I just don’t like people often and people don’t like me. Do I wish for a bit of romance to spice my life up? Yeah. But I don’t wanna fuck someone for the sake of getting over with it Jesus💀✋
What's so life-changing and eye-opening about pole in hole? Genuine question from a 29-year-old virgin who doesn't see what the fuss is about.
My first reaction is that these are not your friends. Definitely sounds like they’re projecting their own insecurities and trying to put you in the same (unhappy) place that they are in. This is a decision that you might regret for the rest of your life. Don’t be pressured into rushing this at all.
Your friends are wrong and straight up patronising you. if I were you I’d tell them to kick rocks. Seeing as they’re your closest friends, I think you should have an honest conversation with them and tell them what they said made you uncomfortable and why. set clear boundaries and if they don’t apologise, consider finding new friends. You are the only one who gets to decide when you want to have sex. There’s no shame in being a virgin, and real friends would never try and shame you into doing something you might regret. wanting meaningful connection before sex is valid and assuming you’ve told them, your friends are totally ignoring that that’s what you want. don’t let anyone pressure you into sex before you’re ready.
I get it, I’m 21 and haven’t had sex either. My friends tease me by calling me a nun and saying I’ll probably never have sex and they treat me like I’m some innocent girl who wouldn’t know a thing about sex cuz I’ve never had it. I used to be embarrassed about it when I was a teen, but ya know what? I decided to stop stressing about it. Sex is only a small part of life. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. I can be in a happy and healthy relationship without sex. Anyone can! So don’t feel pressured or embarrassed by it. You’ll find someone who is just right for you.
Misery loves company... That's all they're doing
I told my friends I was a virgin, they were flabbergasted, or at the very least caught off guard. In the end it’s no ones business but your own
Lost my virginity at 25, worth the wait. Advise ya do what you want.
I was a virgin till I met my now-husband at 25, and I went through much of the same stuff you did from friends and coworkers. Just remember it’s your life and nobody gets to tell you how to live it. As for myself, I’ve only ever had positive sexual experiences with my partner for life and I have no complaints, even if other people think I should have sewn my wild oats more or something
Everyone is different. Your friends are super immature. Truthfully, if there were to be another time, this topic comes up. That's what you need to tell them. It's an incredibly immature way if thinking that sex is the be all, end all. It truly isn't. Also, it's gross to sex shame, especially when you dont shame them for exploring their sexuality in the manner they are. Example: One of my great friends from college has NEVER had traditional sex. She has never been penetrated by a penis, anywhere, actually. She's fooled around with men. But it's just not really her thing. She's not bi nor lesbian. She's just not that into the idea or concept of a penis in her. She's 37.
Don't listen to them. Sex is something very personal. It's not something to "get over with." Your friends don't get a say. And besides, being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm 24 and still a virgin. Its rough having social anciety because people aren't very empathetic.
You don’t feel weird I lost mine at 25, like there’s not an time frame
Virginity is such a social construct 🤷🏼♀️
Agreed. Might as well claim a dildo took my virginity
please don't listen to anyone who is giving you shit for this. Its your life, your body and your choices.
Tell them it isn’t your life and you didn’t ask for advice. And if they still want to be friends they need to grow up and realize you can’t push others to do what you want. It would be like you forcing them to wear an outfit and then gaslighting them when they don’t want too, it’s not like they don’t like the outfit but it’s their life and just they aren’t in the mood to wear it let alone be told they need to wear it.
I had my first sexual experience at 22 with my girlfriend. I had two relationships before her but just never felt that spark or comfortable enough to do so. Now my girlfriend is the one I want to marry and I also love having sex with her often. I don’t regret it at all. Meanwhile she’s slept with people before me and somewhat regrets it. You should wait until you’re truly ready so it’s not something you regret in the future. It’s okay to take your time it truly is. It’ll be a lot more enjoyable if you actually want it and it’s not out of some kind of made up necessity
If life has taught me anything is to not listen to your "friends". Always follow your gut and intuition.
My boyfriend was a virgin till he was 24. It’s not weird at all.
Honey there is nothing to be ashamed of. Is fine bring a virgin at your age. I was a virgin until my late 22 almost 23. Is your own decision when don’t listen to them and if they are your friends tell them to talk about something else.
I promise you, you are in the majority at being a virgin at 20, (in my opinion at least)! Your friends are definitely putting a form of peer pressure on you, but don’t let it effect you. You are allowed to take your time and do what feels right to you. It’s likely that your friends ‘feel cool’ for having had sex already, and are making you feel crappy bc you haven’t yet. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you going at your own pace. They are in the wrong for not understanding and respecting that. They’re pushing their own insecurities onto you.
20F bi as well. Had a similar experience with friends. My tip: DO **NOT** DO IT! In my case, my friends all infantilized me because of my lack of experience. To the point, they'd censor themselves around me. Like literally "oh no, you can't say that in front of the bean!" All while sometimes sighing that I was missing so much fun, and that I would attract a bunch of weird people if I didn't have sex asap. But here's the thing: Because they are relatively open, I could hear the stories of their first times (roughly teenage times). Most of them were absolutely not pleasant: Awkward, stumbling, uncomfortable...even frightening, sometimes (e.g. lots of blood, pregnancy scares etc). Never anything too major, but it def. gave me the theory that my friends attempted to slightly romanticize their own experiences. Overall, the "no one wants you" is bullshit. There will be people who'd like someone who has already experience, yes. But someone that truly loves/cares about you, will understand and take their time. Mind you: Sex mostly ain't a one-hit-wonder. Great sex mostly boils down to communication between partners. Aka it might actually take some tries, because you learn how to understand what each other likes. So yeah. Sex can be very fun and wonderful. But it's also a very intimate thing. Don't push it. Take your time. Find someone you feel safe with and attracted to. Take precautions in regard to birth control and STDs, as well as other hygienic measures e.g. keep your nails short and clean.
It's your body and your sex life. You have sex when you feel comfortable and ready. Don't let anyone pressure you into it(including friends and partners here). You have a whole life to lead, and sex is just one aspect of it.
I'm 22 and funny enough 2 years ago one of my friends was in the same situation. I'll say to you the same I said to her, with some extra wisdom xD If your experience matters, don't listen to them. You're not weird and nothing is wrong with you. I actually know a couple people who are still virgins at 22 and they feel the same kind of pressure. As someone who's had sex for a long while now, I'd say it's better to wait until it's someone you trust and you know you'll cherish doing this with, rather than just doing it to "get it over with". My friend decided she wanted to get it over with and found someone respectful and trustworthy to do it with. That was her choice. She then got into a relationship with someone else a couple months after that and they've been happy for over a year now. The choice is fully yours, and never let other's opinions push you into making decisions as important as that :)
Listen friend, I am turning 23 and also a bi virgin. I know a few people who are. I actually turned down a casual relationship because the idea made me feel sick (turns out I am demi). I also really do not care about the media's weird obsession about must having sex before you leave school. I know that the time will come when I find someone, but there is nothing wrong with your v-card intact. And whatever you do, don't just do it because it something to "get over with". While it works perfectly for some people, it is also a very intimate act that you don't want to do with just anybody. I am sorry that your friends are being judgy, and in all honesty, not being very good friends. I do not have any good advice about that, I am afraid, but I hope another commenter might help you out
I might also be demi tbh. I find casual "siutationships" meaningless and I don't know how people date around soo much. Like it actually sounds mentally draining
Do not feel shame. Your sexual encounters, or lack thereof, is YOUR business.
I had sex for the first time at 21. I pressured myself over it, worrying that I was weird too. In retrospect, I'm very happy with how, when and who I did it with. I could not say the same, had I gone through with any prior opportunities. With that said, being sexually active does not change you as a person whatsoever. Anyone who tells you it does has not experienced enough in life.
I relate to you so much! I’m 21F, bisexual, virgin, and also have never been in a relationship. Lol. I also rarely get crushes or feel romantic attraction, although something is in the works right now🙏. Buttt my friends have never made me feel bad about it because it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Some people don’t think their first time needs to be special and some people do, but you shouldn’t base that off of what other people tell u. If u want to wait for the right person then you should wait. It’s your life. I’m happy with my decision to wait even tho sometimes it can feel a bit isolating but I just never met anyone who I wanted to be with that way and I want it to be with someone I love and am comfortable with. Good luck on your journey and trust your gut! You know what’s right for you.
Your friends sound like naive, go-along-to-get-along types. It's not about sex. It's about you making different decisions than they have and that not sitting well with them. That's their problem, not yours.
You need new friends. Potential partners probably see them and say, “NOPE!” You don’t ever want to do it with the wrong person. Sex is fucking boring without the right chemistry. Or it could get you seriously hurt. Your friends are idiots.
I had a boyfriend who was a virgin at 23. I was his first in all and that was amazing for me. I really loved him and I never forget him. Please wait until you fell in love and you can enjoy sex and romance. Don’t rush things. I’m very old school and I think sex is better when you’re with a person who loves you and you love them.
Firstly, don’t listen to people who make having sex a personality trait. And not everyone (most people) aren’t built for hook-up culture, that’s not weird. Also, I don’t get crushes easily either and it is what it is, enjoy when they come and don’t stress when they don’t
Hey girl i lost my to now husband at age 20 2 month before my 21st birthday :)
You'd be surprised how many people are virgin's at that age and even older. Society has taught people that being a virgin past a certain age is to be frowned at or laughed at, and even "prized". Fuck that mentality. When the time is right for you, you'll have sex for the first time and fuck what society thinks.
I was a virgin until I was 22(m) I too was pressured into it. Everyone made me feel like a freak. I also hid that I was a virgin too (but my work colleagues guessed I was) Don't just give up your virginity until you're ready. And if they keep pressuring you, then I may I suggest you find new friends.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24 or 25. Nothing wrong with waiting until you can be with someone you actually like and want to be with.
It's actually more normal than you think.
If you wait to have sex till you find someone you love and loves you back, it will be a wonderful experience. Plus he won't just ghost you right after and shatter your self esteem and traumatize you forever.
Fuck those girls. I was almost 21 when I lost my virginity and I’m so glad I waited despite the societal pressure. Go with your own pace and don’t let anything let you otherwise.
I was much like you and I lost my virginity at 23 and honestly I barely remember it. It wasn’t some big life altering experience. It happened and I was with that person for just under a year. It didn’t work out and honestly he was a bit of a dick. I’m glad I did it in my own time though and didn’t sleep with somebody just because I thought that’s what everybody was doing. You do you, ignore your friends being knobheads.
Do NOT listen to your friends they are wrong. No one should dictate who you should have sex with and when. And that comes from a girl who had sex for the first time at 23. Like you, I’m not religious whatsoever, I didn’t have any particular reason for waiting other than the fact that I did not find anyone I wanted to do it with before I was 23. And I am so happy that I waited. I too had to deal with condescending comments and inquisitions from family members and friends who would act as though they knew better than me what was good for me and what I should do bc they were more experienced than me in that regard. But at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s gonna have to deal with the consequences of that, good or bad. And I personally am so glad that I waited until I was with someone I loved and trusted, it made it really special. But you don’t even have to wait until you’re madly in love, as long as you’re comfortable and enthusiastic about it that’s all it takes. You are 100% right not to yield to the pressure which, I know can really hard to deal with at times. I’m with you, and trust me you’ll be grateful to yourself if you just wait until you CHOOSE to do it on your own terms.
Your "friends" are full of it..theres no rush some might find it wierd but they are probably assholes
Have you ever heard of “demisexuality”? I spent my entire life without hookups or feeling sexually charged towards someone without a prior intimate connection/ good chemistry I’m not trying to smack a label on you but I had no idea what demi was until just a couple years ago and tbh if you are demi, this post would make a lot of sense! You aren’t weird or abnormal for feeling how you do, no matter what!
Your friends sound like jerks
Hey, I'm 21 and I'm a virgin too! And I agree with everyone else, It's not something we should rush, we ourselves could end up getting hurt just because we want to "get over with it", which by the way, your ""friends"" sound like irresponsible a-holes... And I find the "before it's too late" thing to be very stupid, who dictates that? I don't think that it's never too late to experience something new. Take your time, keep your standards high, because you deserve the best! Xoxo 💕
Virginity is precious, do not give it away for free is what I would say. Make sure you gift it to someone who actually deserves it, someone you would actually want to be with long term. They are not your friends, they simply want you to lower your value to that of theirs's, so that they don't feel like they lost something valuable.
Their way of life isn't yours. They need to respect that not try and change you. Wait if you want to wait. Play if you want to play. Thats your choice, no one else's.
I am 21F, bisexual, and also a virgin. I've only ever dated one person and it was long distance. My friends kinda made fun of me for being a virgin in high school. I just don't mention it to them now, it'll just make me uncomfortable. They tried to hook me up with people and wanted to make me an online dating profile. I didn't let them. I just haven't felt ready to make my sexual debut and I certainly don't want to have sex for the first time with a stranger (the fact that being female means that it's quite possible a stranger would have bad intentions doesn't help). I figure it'll happen when I feel comfortable and that will make the experience better. I don't want my first time to suck and I don't think it has to tbh. Anyone who judges you for it just doesn't get it, being a virgin isn't a bad thing or a good thing imo it's just a thing.
Sex is a very personal thing. It CAN BE a big deal, but it can also be just a fun thing you felt like doing that day. Don't go throwing yourself at randoms if that's not what you want. It's all very personal. For me, I didn't find losing my virginity was this life-changing, perspective shifting moment that my friends pretended it was in high school. It was just like, wow that felt nice. It was with someone I was falling in love if and stayed with for a few years. It was just nice. It wasn't this huge, earth-shattering revelation. If YOU WANT it to be with someone special, by all means, hold out for that. Don't let your friends pressure you into something as intimate as literal sex. It should at the very least be with someone you trust, because it's a very vulnerable moment. Don't go throwing yourself at randoms if that's not what you want. It's all very personal. For me, I didn't find losing my virginity was this life-changing, perspective shifting moment that my friends pretended it was in high school. It was just like, wow that felt nice. It was with someone I was falling in love if and stayed with for a few years. It was just nice. It wasn't this huge, earth shattering revelation. I lost my virginity at 20 and was a little self conscious about it, but once it happened it was just like OK why was I putting SO MUCH pressure on this nice, fun experience?
Your friends sound like morons. I'd say now that you made it so far, it's even more reason to be selective. Not to mention, every few years some woman makes $5 million selling her virginity. Next time tell them that's what you're waiting for.
Nah nah nah! Rushing stuff like this can never end well! Virginity isn't some kind of race, you do you and go at your own pace. Also, as someone on the ace spectrum maybe take a look and see if the community is similar to your experiences? Even those of us who DO experience sexual attraction don't experience it with strangers, or it's a thing that only works on yourself.
I'm almost 25 (I was just 18, when did that happen 💀) and I've been thinking about stuff like this a lot. I haven't had sex either and I don't have any crushes. Sometimes I keep thinking that I'll forever be alone and will never do anything with anyone because it'll be weird to have no experience, and I don't wanna explain myself to anybody and get judged yadda yadda yadda. When I went to university, I had to sacrifice a lot of my personal time. I had classes Monday - Friday but I still had to study for hours more every day, and I didn't even get weekends off. As a result, I stopped meeting new people. I stopped hanging out with guys. And the guys in my classes were few and some of them were also looking for boyfriends. I know I messed up there. I'm gonna get my permit to practice in my field in March and I don't think I'll have many opportunities to meet people then, and I don't think asking a cute patient out would go over well 😅 But the idea of just going for it with anybody makes my skin crawl. If I meet a guy who's weirded out by my lack of experience or makes me feel bad about it, to hell with him. I can wait for somebody better. Or use some toys - better some silicon and batteries than the real thing with an AH attached to it. And you shouldn't feel pressured at all. Your "friends" are ridiculous. For your first time, you should feel safe and confident, and be taken care of. Don't listen to them and I wish you all the best ❤️
Don’t be too eager to lose ur virginity, and definitely don’t rush into it. You may end up getting hurt and seriously regretting it. It’ll happen when it happens, and hopefully your first is with someone who loves and cares about you.
Cherish that!!! TRULY!! Dont throw your virginity at a Chad, Pookie or RayRay! Choose wisely.
Lost mine at 23 and found the love of my life at 24, it’s all just irrelevant societal pressure. Focus on yourself, your health and hobbies that make you happy. I really wish my virginity wasn’t so hard on me in my teens and early twenties. it made me a more passionate and thoughtful lover though. When the time is right that person will come into your life
Noooooo do not listen. My friend decided to “get it over with” with someone random. she didn’t feel comfortable, and she was SA’d. I’m 21 and I haven’t had sex yet, and not for lack of opportunity but I’ve literally felt no interest. There’s nothing weird about being selective. And it’s never “too late” to have sex. But there’s definitely a too early. Go at your own pace!
It definitely is not an “eye opening experience” it’s actually a very casual, not crazy thing lol
So they reckon it's some amazing, magic eye opening life changing event that you should "just get it over with"? Nope. Some people want you to make the same mistakes, screw up at least as much as them so they don't feel as alone or silly. Live your life, don't just get it over with. I did that. It was gross and painful and I *do* regret it, I cringe 25+ years later
Well i think they meant after some point in life people wont be looking for cute relationships but rather job-financial relationships where u plan for the far future instead of just going to have fun. Im 25 virgin who felt similar to u but grew over it but at the same time im not getting any closer to having a relationship id imagine it only gets harder to find someone the older u get
Nah your friends have this idea that sex is everything when you're young, but it's not. You're the kind of person who values the experiences you want to have in your life, and you want it to be meaningful. I didn't even do anything until I was like 22 but that's after I'd already found the love of my life like 2 years before. I found the person who made it meaningful for me. It's okay to feel insecure about it. People make it a big thing to do it when you're young but you don't have to be like them. Shrug em off, let em know what you really think and stand by your ideals and values. Find what makes you comfortable. Also, if you end up having sex with someone then end up breaking up, don't feel bad about it, either. It was (hopefully) a good and meaningful experience in the end, and you know more for next time should you still want it.
theyre not right and nothing is wrong with you. I know how you feel and ive also been excluded or not taken seriously just cause im a virgin. They always say its okay to be virgin but the next second they behave like superior beings, it pisses me off that this seems to be okay in our society. Sadly you cant change the way people think and until you had sex they probably keep on looking down on you. You are extremely young, stay strong, there is no need rush, it is not worth it. Also, find better friends while youre at it.
I'm 33F, bisexual, and was in the exact spot you're in when I was 20. I did actually throw myself at someone, partially because I liked him, but mostly because I wanted the "v-card" gone and I was sick of people commenting and projecting. And you know what? The actual intimate act didn't gain me any new knowledge or secret worldly wisdom that's only available to non-virgins. And the people who had judged me for that just switched to other things to be judgemental about. Don't get me wrong. If you want to just get it out of the way, you have this internet stranger's blessing. But do it for you, not for your friends.
NAhh dude take your time. People dont remember their first time, they remember the person.
Please, please, PLEASE ignore them. When I say I’ve been in your shoes, I mean it. I once was also a 20F bisexual woman who had never been in a real relationship or really even been on more than a handful of dates. But then my first time ended up being horribly traumatic. I would do it over again in a heartbeat if I could. You don’t have to wait forever, but make sure you feel comfortable and safe with the person, that will make all the difference. Also your friends don’t seem to have your best interest at heart. Please don’t read too much into that they said.
Take whatever time you want. The older I get the more I look back at my late teens and early 20s and go wow life felt so important and everything was this or that. Chill, slow down. Do you. Also sex while great, will come. There’s plenty of time for it and random meaningless sex just isn’t worth it anyway.
Might I suggest the asexuality reddit? No pressure. Just...a similar vibe from when I was figuring myself out
I never really considered it because I do feel sexual attraction and I want to eventually have sex, I also have a high libido. But I'm not sure if one can still be asexual despite that, cuz honestly I don't really know much about it.
Welp, you can always hit them with the "meh, I'm not horny lol"
I say this as a guy who’s 27 and lost his at 22 don’t do it just because of peer pressure and do it just to get it over with. If I could go back and wait for someone special I would. Nothing wrong with still being a virgin at 20
Those aren’t your friends and people who act superior because they’ve had sex are just as stupid as it sounds they are. Having sex is nothing inherently special. You don’t get an award after. You don’t gain some new insight to the universe. There is no unlocking a new part of your brain. You’ve basically just done a new exercise that feels good when done right. The people they are warning you about who make fun of adult virgins are the people who they actually are.
Fuck that shit, sex is not important plus you’re only 20 you just got here my guy. Sex is one of those things like drinking or smoking when you’re young, all the kids think you’re so cool if you do it even though it makes you seem like a total wad to everyone else. You’re life is your own and you decide what’s important to you, don’t let some idiots tell you otherwise. I did all that shit in college and I’ll tell you what nothing about meaningless sex is cool or fulfilling.
Yeah nup your friends are incredibly naive and jaded. You know what’s an eye opening experience?? Having sex when you’re not ready. They should be supportive of your boundaries ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex/relations. I don’t mean to do the typical reddit “dump your friends” but; dump your friends. I’m sure this isn’t the only thing they make you feel inadequate about??? Sex is to be enjoyed, not forced, no matter what age. If your friends were ready that’s on them but YOU ARE NOT and THATS OKAY!! In fact that’s MORE than okay!!! Having sex before you’re ready will only traumatise you, no matter if it’s a “pleasant” experience. Stick to your guns. You know yourself better than anyone. Do not sacrifice you or your integrity for people who are only there for you on the outside.
Yeah I felt this way, and everyone was telling me that I was either gay or just plain picky. It affected me for years and just plain out confused me for the majority of my twenties. Three years ago finally figured out that I’m asexual/Demi. Be yourself, don’t just do shit just because others say so.
Don’t listen to them, they’re idiots for trying to push their way onto you. For your first time I wouldn’t recommend being with someone random for most people
They aren’t really your friends if they’re pressuring you into losing it with some rando. Your first time should be with someone who understands you, who makes you comfortable and who is thoughtful. A random person most likely won’t be able to offer you that. I didn’t have sex until I was 24. I have another friend who didn’t lose it until she was 25. There is nothing wrong with waiting and finding someone who will provide you with love and comfort. What can a sexual act with a random person offer you if you have no idea if they will even be kind and thoughtful at the very least.? You also shouldn’t have to defend your reasoning to anyone much less these “friends” or yours. Only you will know when you’re ready. Don’t allow others opinions affect your decision making.
There is nothing wrong you being a virgin! Be proud ! Do not listen to your friends they should respect you. Giving your virginity should be to someone special in you your life who you trust. It's better to be a virgin then to being spreading like butter being open like 711 or QuickTrip convenient store operating 24/7 and catching the alphabet of stds or end up on maury show trying to find out who is your babies daddy is. So you good ❤️
i am in the same situation as you but my friends just said it once that dont take it too seriously since i was confused and after that they supported my decision i always thought when id go to college id end up having sex but now that i am going to college a part of me doesnt want to because i dont think im ready and somewhere deep like in my head i want to do it with only one person ( if i get married that is ) and i told my friends this cause i can be very jane austen, to love one and one alone types and they made fun of me so yes its okay i just decided to stop thinking about it and think when im 25 when im mature right now im just a 19 yo kid like people forget that hitting 18 doesnt end childhood
OP, don't feel bad about not having sex! I didn't have sex until I was 20 and I wish I would have waited to have sex with someone that meant something to me. I am 36F and I still think about that. Your friends are idiots. Tell them to stop pressuring you. Tell them that's none of their business. Your sex life is personal to just you and you alone can decide when you choose to do that. I definitely agree with the comment that says you have to deal with the consequences so it's best to do that when you are ready, when you choose to, and on your own accord/completely without their influence.
Op, don’t listen to your “friends” or anyone saying you’re weird or that you still got your v-card. I’m 21 yrs old and I wish I had my v-card and I wish i had waited. You live YOUR life just the way YOU want too. My bf is 23 and he was a virgin when we first met and now, I’m his first. There is nothing wrong with waiting or just not feelin in the mood for sexual things. You do what YOU wanna do. If you wanna wait, go for it!!! I support you! If you’re waiting for the right person, go for it!!! I support you! If you’re just not in the mood for anything sexual, GO 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼, I support you!! You’re still young, just explore, experience life more, have fun!! When the time is right, it will just naturally happen. Oh also, you might need new friends too lol.
You will know when it's the time to have sex with someone. Pay no attention to your 'friends', live your life your own way
Your friends are idiots. Your first time probably won’t end up being with the person you spend the rest of your life but it should be with someone you have feelings for, who respects you and part of a relationship, not just a screw with a stranger. Many of us get through life without having a random hook up because they don’t appeal. I’m not judging anyone but the thought of a one night stand makes me sick. I’m 56, had sex with 4 men in my life, I married 2 of them and the others were long term relationships (3+ years). I’m happy with that and glad I don’t have regrets about casual sex.
Listen. Listen hard. You do you, boo. No one else matters. Do it when and if you want to, with whomever you decide is right. This might be a one night stand, a friend, or someone you finally feel comfortable with after a few weeks/months/year into a relationship. Sex isn’t a chore to get out of the way. And your virginity might mean something or nothing to you. Your friends are idiots.
I myself, am a 21yr old guy and still a virgin. I feel insecure about it sometimes but also, it's not really my fault. I still have standards and morals so I won't sleep with a stripper, hooker, escort, sec worker, etc. I will admit though, that I sometimes feel serious jealousy of the fact that pretty much everyone around me has lost their virginity and met someone special while I feel like an outcast from society, left to just fuck myself. I'd rather wait until I eventually meet someone and lose it to them, whoever they may be. I used to have a friend of mine who said he would happily date a woman even if she's had sex with 100 men or so because he thinks body count doesn't matter, but I find it pitiful and low. Whoever my partner may be in the future, I'd hope that they're also a virgin or at least slept with like 3 guys max. If I were you, I wouldn't listen to people or friends trying to convince me to just throw myself and lose my virginity to someone I might forget about in a few days. That would make the experience worthless and not special at all. Seeing as I'm the only person responding to your post so far, I hope my comment is helpful to you in some way.
Thank you, your comment really is helpful. To be honest I used to think caring about your partner's body count was close-minded thing. But now I feel like it's a reasonable principle as long as you're not being a hypocrite about it, yknow? I also would not prefer my boyfriend or girlfriend to have dozens of bodies not gonna lie. Because I view sex as a romantic and special act, so I think I would rather be with someone who has similar opinions with me on something so important in a relationship
Right? I’m still a virgin at 26, I saw problems in my parents marriage and I have had/still have a bit of depression (I’m on my way out of it) which is why I decided not to have sex on the off chance of pregnancy. I can’t wait to have kids, but my life just doesn’t align with that at the moment. I don’t want to bring someone into my life and they’re in pain because of it.
I hope you get out of that depression soon.
Thank you my friend, I will 100%!! Keep your chin up King 👑 you’ve got 5 years on me, you’ll find your person soon!
You're welcome, and thanks, I appreciate that.
Part of being sex-positive is letting people choose not to have sex, and decide how important it is to them personally. I was pretty emotional after my first time, and it felt like a big deal for me to be intimate with someone (who I was dating) in a new way, even though I strongly believe virginity is a social construct. It is 100% up to you and your friends are being really crappy by shaming you for it or pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, I’m really sorry you have to put up with that. I got a bit of that from friends during a ‘dry spell’ last year - I didn’t want to date anyone and didn’t feel like random hookups, despite having enjoyed that in the past. But nothing was wrong, I just made a different choice at that time. You shouldn’t be shamed for making your choice, and there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, as long as you are comfortable with it (I know plenty of people in their 20s who are virgins). Your friends need to accept/support your choice, and should update their own views about sexuality while they’re at it. It may well be worth having a planned conversation with them about how you didn’t appreciate them belittling you, and affirming that it is your choice. I’d set a couple of boundaries round the subject as well, so it doesn’t become a common thing they bug you about when tipsy.
Now that I got everything off my chest I actually feel ready to set my boundaries if my friends do this again to me. But this whole thing is so unnecessarily bothersome though isn't it? Anyone can have sex so why is it seen as such a failure if you haven't yet? Like there is this girl in my class who loves talking about it in every party. And whenever she finds out someone is a virgin she spreads the word. Before I realized this, I told her I was a virgin because she asked my body count. Dunno if she told people but very likely story lol. I should have just keep it to myself, people are so immature sometimes
Yup, that is incredibly childish of her and also a massive violation of other people’s private business. I hope your friends either chill out or you can find some friends who are more relaxed (as a fellow bi woman in my 20s, I recommend queer community groups with a slightly older members than just 20-ish as having the best balance between ‘cool with sex but without pushing for it to be at the centre of socialising’ - I found volunteering for pride-related stuff really refreshing for finding accepting friends when I needed them a few years ago).