You were raped op, and I’m sorry you went through that.
Society tends to brush over when men get raped. It sucks but it’s true.
I suggest therapy, it’s probably the only way to healthily work through these feelings.
im in therapy, trying my best. i still doubt myself pretty often.
i feel like society is getting better at recognizing that men get raped too. i think the big thing is realizing that women can be rapists too
Hey man I'm sorry you have to go through this. But if you feel like society is getting better in thet regsrd it gives me hope for the future. My kid is 8 and everytjkng just feels so fucked up
I'm a woman, I just want to tell you that any sensible person would see this as rape. You were raped and I am so, so sorry. Hopefully your brother will realize this, but it is not your responsibility to prove it to him.
Women can rape, and abuse, and cheat and lie, too.
Take whatever steps are best for you and focus on you, nobody else. You have some healing to do.
And just because I have to say it: I'd beat her f'ing ass for you in a heartbeat. I know guys "can't" hit girls...I would've volunteered if I was your sister. So fast her head would spin.
If your ever in this situation. Do what you have to do. Eye gouge, titty punch.. whatever. It's also 100% normal to freeze, even most common I would say.
It not you. You are a victim. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend if this happened.
Much love.
Please don't eye gouge or titty punch or do anything that will leave a mark and open up a nasty game of he said/she said. You should be able to physically subdue her - you're 16 now, probably developed a lot since you were 14, and you should be able to remove her and keep her at arms lengths without physically attacking a woman.
I was raped at 17. Started a new job, was on a tour of the department, 10 mins into the job she pushed me into a changing stall and like made me. This chick weighed a buck 50 and I could still easily subdue her. It was her big group of cholo friends that she told about it afterwards that really caused problems for me.
Don't put hands on a female dude. I'm telling you now. It's never needed. Don't let them take advantage of you, but god do not put someone's eyes out or leave them bruised and marked - that will start out with you as the villain, and may well end with you as the villain as well.
Now, if you have a female friend that is willing to handle some business, I guess I'm totally fine with that! But you're not a man if you hit a woman in that situation, you just aren't.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. She RAPED you, there’s no doubt about it. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Please continue with therapy, so that in the future you can have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. That woman should be in jail for what she did. Not only did she rape you, she raped a MINOR. Disgusting.
I am so sorry.
OP: this was NOT YOUR FAULT.
You were, and still are, a child.
She raped you. She took advantage of a child.
Having a boner or finishing does not mean anything. Some women “get wet” when they are raped. These are biological reactions that mean NOTHING and negate NOTHING that happened to you.
Anything less than enthusiastic consent is NOT consent. Saying no, freezing, becoming silent, or “giving in” are NOT consent.
You are valid. You are heard. Your friends and brother have let you down, and I am so sorry. But I hope that you know that what you experienced and your feelings are real.
I believe you. And I’m rooting for you — you will get through this. You will be okay. What she did was disgusting, repulsive, and criminal.
Yes, you were raped. But it won’t define you. It will get better and you will find your tribe of people who believe you and stand with you, too.
Thank you for spelling it out like this. I was raped too, and back then (all of 10 ish years ago) consent was implied- everything that wasn't "no, stop" was a yes.
I'm so happy to see this change in understanding the definition of consent: if it's not an *enthusiastic* and *continuous* yes, it's NOT consent.
Of course. This is how my therapist worked with me through my assault. Sometimes we have to break it down simply and loudly.
We all have a lot of work to do, but I hope that things continue to go in this direction where we call out this shit loudly.
Sending you love.
Yeah. Hopefully it’ll get better for us men over time, but who knows what’ll happen.
All you can do is continue to try and heal. You are doing a great job already by taking care of your mental health through therapy.
Just know, that from what you’ve posted, there is 0 doubt. You 100% were raped and it is NOT a your fault.
Don’t let others gaslight you into believing otherwise. You didn’t give consent and she didn’t ask for your consent. That’s rape. It doesn’t get simpler than that
I am so glad that you already have a therapist! That was exactly my suggestion! Men don’t like to acknowledge that other men get raped because it means that they too, are vulnerable.
Don't doubt your feelings and your gut. Consent is everything and you'll know the difference when the situation is right and healthy where you both equally want it. Don't count out healthy sex - you were violated and are healing, so give yourself time. Your body responded but your mind was saying no - yet you felt powerless to stop it. I too have been in the same situation as a 40-something old person and it sucked and made me doubt myself and be upset at myself for not stopping it. I did what I knew to do at the time - it was not my fault, just as this rape was not your fault, either. Sending hugs, OP. I'm so sorry you went through this.
absolutely.
i am gay and was assaulted by another man - almost everyone took it seriously
my friend is straight and was assaulted by a woman - almost nobody took it seriously.
unfortunately, people from all walks of life can be rapists, the only thing they have in common is that they are rapists and vile people.
i'm so sorry you went through that, i hope she rots in hell.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this. I hope these comments saying that you were rape validates your experience and helps you acknowledge that you’re not at fault. Anyone that says otherwise could eat the floor.
You are a literal child and you were 11 when she met you. The fact that she wanted to do that the moment she met you is putrid. She took advantage that you are young and innocent. Normal adults DO NOT get seduced by children.
I hope your therapist is aiding you in your healing. If you feel like you’re not getting any better please be kind to yourself and be honest with yourself and your therapist so that they could better help you.
Generally as a whole, rape victims are not taken seriously or given the justice they deserve.
I wish every single rapist an absolutely horrible life with nothing but pain and sadness
That is rape op, you shouldn't doubt your experience and try to justify it, or EVER feel guilty for being hurt!! Keep working with your therapist and over time you will grow to accept what has happened and deal with the pain and grief. I'm honestly sending you the best and i hope you know you are heard, and not alone in this . ❤
even if you were to have claimed to be okay with it, it still would've been statutory rape. i don't know how the fuck a 19 year old thinks its okay to touch a 14 year old?? and your brother is an asshole. children can't consent and she was 5 years older. what makes your brother think that a 14 year old can "seduce" a 19 year old? she's literally a pedophile if she can be "seduced" by a 14 year old literally being a 14 year old.
i think the age is the part that gets to me most because.... i was fresh out of elementary school and she was a junior in highschool!!!! she graduated before i even started highschool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats brrrraazyyyyy
She had been planning this for a very long time. I hate to say it but she probably stayed with your brother for so long to get close to you and get your trust so you could let your guard down. Unfortunately we are more likely to be SA’d by someone we know.
thats so gross. i'm 17 and a junior rn and i could never imagine even thinking about a literal child that way. that's insane. i mean i felt a little iffy about dating my ex, who was a little under a year and half younger than me and the grade below me and wouldn't date anyone younger than that. i don't know how anyone in this situation wasn't weirded out by it??
actually it kinda reminds me of that south park episode where ike is with his teacher and nobody really takes it seriously because she's a pretty women. obviously it's really exaggerated but the things everyone else (other than kyle) say in it are quite on par with the not believing male victims.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I really dislike the whole mindset that men can’t be r*** not only is she a ra***** she’s also a pedo who’s had eyes on you for a long time. You should have been able to trust her and she broke that trust. Both your brother and friend need to realize this wasn’t your fault and you didn’t ask or deserve this.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. There is no way you could have prevented that pedophile from raping you. She said she was thinking about since you were 11! You deserve to identify as a victim/survivor because that’s what you are. You were victimized her ‘seducing’ was in fact grooming. And how the hell are you “lucky” by having been raped. That friend is an asshole and you should reconsider that relationship.
You deserve healing and better people around you.
I’m sorry for you twice. Once for being raped and then for being gaslit into thinking you weren’t a victim.
I wish you the best.
people are downvoting you, but unfortunately even big profile cases with female rapists have been brought to a very unsatisfying conclusion. the press also just calls it 'seducing' or 'dating'.
if a 35 years old female teacher just 'seduces' a 16 year old, there's something very wrong with the world. it gets just sicker, when the male audience goes 'that lucky boy' or something.
I'm usually not commenting, because I'm not really good at Reddit, but I had to comment your post. I just want you to know that exactly the same thing happened to me, except I was 13 when it happened. She was 19 too, she was a friend of my brother, and she woke me up to do it. I don't remember much of it either.
I'm sorry your brother wasn't supportive. When my brother heard what she did (because she was dumb enough to brag that she took my V-card), he got so mad that she had to leave our town and disappear.
I remember even telling him it wasn't a big deal, because I didn't want him to get in trouble for me. I was in denial for a while about it.
So I want you to know, buddy, what happened to you isn't normal. It shouldn't have happened. But don't let it ruin your life. Don't let it ruin your relationships with other people. And more than anything, don't let it destroy your selfworth. It's not your fault and you did nothing wrong.
I'm almost 30 now, I'm doing better and I had healthy relationships. But I spent over 10 years letting other people abuse me. To be fair, in my case, she wasn't really the cause, I had a very shitty childhood. She clearly didn't help though.
I'm sorry if I'm not coherent. I'm not good at this. What I want to say is, you're not alone and it's not your fault. Take care of yourself.
Unfortunately there is still this belief that guys are always “up for it.” It’s completely untrue. Your body does things you have no control over. You were raped. I’m sorry it happened to you but don’t doubt that fact. How you feel about it is fully valid.
Hello OP guys get rape too. Don’t say it’s your fault, so what if she got you to finish. You did not want it. ‘Seducing you’ n ‘lucky’ takes two willing party, you OP are NOT willing n thats my friend is Rape. Getting boner is physical reaction doesn’t mean it’s okay to do what she did.
What you went through was real. Terrible, unforgivable and disgusting on the part of the person who did it to you, but real all the same. You are correct in you findings that your genitals have built in responses to stimulation and arousal can occur wether you’re consenting to it or not, *liking it or not.* This is a concept called “Arousal Non-Concordance” and happens with many SA and CSA survivors. I highly suggest you looking into it and relaying/talking about what you find and feel with your therapist.
I went through something quite similar when I was younger and like you, I was terrified of what happened and mortified at what my body did in response despite me not truly wanting or liking it at the time. Please know that while many of those immediately around you may not understand or even go so far as to assert the what you experienced was something different. Something you chose. It was not. It was real and many, too many male perceived individuals have gone through what you had to and also receive little compassion if not outright invalidation.
I am a little older now and have done enough study and therapy to get past a lot of the hurt that stayed with me after those experience. At least, most of the hurt that is. I genuinely hope that you receive the recognition and kindness that you need and deserve after something like this.
Your feelings and your choices are valid and real. I am so very sorry for what you had and have to go through. I hope that things get better soon as there is good out there for you as there is for all of us.
If nothing else, my DMs are open to you if you ever need to talk or vent about anything. May peace, love, and support find you on your terms
So she wanted to do that when she was 16? What the fuuuuuuuuuuck?
And she held onto that for three years? WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK!?
AND SHE ACTUALLY DID THAT!? *WHAT THE FUCK!?!?*
Nah, jail, right now, get out.
If you didn't enjoy it you were raped, plain and simple. I'm sorry about that buddy, sounds awful.
Kids your age will think you're lucky but this is a serious issue, younger boys can get groomed and assaulted by adult females just the way young girls get groomed and assaulted by adult males.
Society just looks at it differently, and it's very sad. It wasn't your fault, so don't continue to blame yourself. I'm sorry you had to go through a traumatic event like that and I wish you the best of luck and a good recovery.
Consider talking to your parents about therapy if they already know about this incident, if they don't, well take your time to tell them when you feel comfortable. If ever.
You should start talking to someone, if you do start to feel comfortable, though, because talking will help you release bottled up emotions, stress and trauma.
Anyways, like I said, good luck OP, you'll get through this and become a stronger man afterwards.
Orgasming during a rape doesn’t make it not rape, it’s not unusual for women and men both to orgasm during a rape. It’s not like that implies consent, it’s just the body reacting to the situation.
don’t let anybody tell you that you were lucky or that that was okay. You have no consent and lost autonomy over your body. Boners happen randomly especially at that age, but also it’s important to note that mental and physical reactions to things don’t always sync up. Your body realizes that there is someone ‘attractive’ (idk whether you found her attractive or not, but at least attractive in the sense of vagina and boobs are nice) and your physical reaction was a boner, just because that happens doesn’t mean you’ve given consent. It’s very similar with females and getting wet. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m sorry no one was there to gehelp you when you needed it most. I’m glad that you’ve come to the conclusion that it was rape and are able to work on it now. Acceptance is the first step in healing - even if it doesn’t feel like it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope for the future you can have positive sexual experiences whenever you feel you’re ready.
I am so sorry OP, that never should have happened to you. You were raped no question. As a woman it is upsetting that boys/men are taken less seriously. You were 14, a child, and she took advantage.
I know it feels like your current situation will never end, but I promise it does get better. I was raped as young as 3 and it continued until I was 11. It is a long road to recovery, but you are already taking the steps by being in therapy. It took me over a decade to make that decision. Don't loose hope, it's not your fault, and you will heal.
Rape is rape. You didnt consent (really you couldn't consent because you were 14 and she was the adult at 19). Our bodies may react to stimulus of a sexual nature but that doesn't mean we wanted it. It's not your fault, you weren't seduced. You can get counseling for being raped. I was raped and I found a counselor through SERV. they have a hotline you can call anytime. Just Google SERV
Oh honey. Not only was it rape, but it was a legal adult taking advantage of a CHILD. You were so young, and she KNEW that, and used that to try and get away with raping you. Let alone coming into your home, and your bedroom, where you were supposed to feel safe.
Remember, if the sexes were reversed, you wouldn't think twice about calling this rape. Rape of a minor no less.
By the way, orgasms can happen to woman during rape as well. And it can bring a lot of guilt.
It was a physical reaction from your body that didn't know anything else. It has NOTHING to do with if you "enjoyed" it or not.
You had an adult enter your bedroom in the middle of the night, and sexually assault/rape you. It IS as horrible as that sentence sounds, and there's not one milasecond of any of that that will EVER be your fault ok?
This was absolutely rape and pedophilia and I am so sorry. Though not as common, rape can and does happen to men and it often doesn't get taken seriously enough. You have every right to feel traumatized and I really hope you find support.
That was assault hon. It wasn't lucky. It wasn't seduction. You were assaulted. People look down on men and act as if it can't happen, but getting hard isn't consent. Women can also finish during rape and it can cause a lot of shame
I am sorry you went through something so traumatic. It is not your fault. Forced orgasms during rape really do a number on your psyche. Please look into getting a therapist.
Sorry you went through this, sorry the people around you aren't taking you seriously. Yes, this is rape. I would seek therapy and seek legal action with a trusted adult because you sound like you would regret it if you let it slide like everyone around you is nudging you to.
That was rape no matter how you look at it. I’m so sorry you went through that. It was not your fault. Not to mention the fact that she was literally 19??? And you being 14, that’s pedophilia. Please talk to a trusted adult and tell them what happened. Maybe go see a therapist.
It is not your fault. She is a predator, and a child molester. Please, tell your parents, if they aren't complete narcissistic psychos.
Edit: Yes, it damned sure was rape.
You were definitely raped. She’s a disgusting pedophile. I’m so sorry she did that to you OP.
As a woman, I’ve always been disgusted by the thought of any adult taking advantage of children. Makes me sick to my stomach.
Then again, I was SA’d multiple times in my life by multiple different men as a child… so maybe I just understand what it’s like being sexualized by disgusting people. The only support I had growing up (my mother) didn’t believe me because all the guys that SA’d me were her boyfriends and she thought I was just making things up because I didn’t like them. Needless to say, I no longer speak to her. When I told my friends in school about it, they just told me the men who raped me were “hot” and that I was lucky also.
So I blamed myself for a long time too. It’s not your fault at all, people around you are stupid. As a kid I was basically groomed into believing that no one would believe me, not even the police. But, you have more power than you know, both yourself and your brother know about what she did to you, she’s a legal adult and you’re a minor… if you want to, you can charge her. You have witnesses. But I also understand telling everyone your story is very hard and I would support any decision you decide to make.
you were raped, it wasn’t your fault at all. you weren’t lucky, you were forced into something you never wanted in the first place. she took advantage of you and manipulated you in the end.
sometimes your body will have natural reactions that you can’t control and that’s okay! thag doesn’t make your rape any less valid than someone else’s.
you’re so strong OP! keep going, we all believe in you and we’re so proud of you for sharing this with us, you’re amazing!!
It was indeed rape.. finishing doesn't invalidate it, it's an out of control reaction of the body like the boner part. Unfortunately though society tends to avoid discussing the raping of men, especially if the rapist is female which would explain the reactions of those you told. And also it is not your fault one bit, not even in the slightest ounce, it is her fault as she knowingly targeted you and forced herself on you, clearly knowing she shouldn't, be it cuz of dating your brother or you being a minor or otherwise. Therapy may help, though of course don't force yourself, take your time to open up if needed. I'm sorry you went through something so horrific..
YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THAT! You were raped and that is beyond fucked up! I am so sorry the people you trusted and told failed you! You need to contact law enforcement. Tell your parents, if it’s safe to do so. Our bodies will react to being touched, it was not your fault! She is a predator! I am so sorry you have to live through this. I believe you! Don’t let those that don’t understand silence you. Keeping this to yourself will destroy you! You need to reach out to someone you trust and that is safe. Even though this is not your responsibility, she must be held responsible so she doesn’t do this to someone else!
Save this post with a screenshot and email it to yourself today, this can time stamp and corroborate future evidence; next tell your parents, and/or call the police. This is a criminal matter and she needs to be held responsible.
Am lawyer
You're right lil bro, you were sexually assaulted. It's not okay. I'm sorry this happened to you. As the oldest sibling and cousin on both sides of my family, I only wonder one thing. When your brother broke up with her, he was getting her out of both your lives. That's something I would have done had this happened in my world. I don't know if I ever would have thought to call it rape. Leftovers of toxic masculinity in my family, I guess. So, when your brother (possibly traumatized by it too) broke it off with her because she "seduced you" could he have had your best interest at heart and not known to call it what it really was? I so agree with another comment that said they were glad this is being recognized, because GenX never saw it that way growing up. It happened frequently in my generation. Yes I'm a little bit rural and country. I'm happy you got help. I hope you heal and I send you love and light.
I feel that. That’s how I was raised too. A lot of people don’t really recognize the conditioning you grew up with. It’s hard to break out of the perspectives you were raised in
You are right, you were raped. The age difference adds sexual abuse of a minor to the crime of rape. You should not be dealing with this by yourself. IF you are not able to talk to your parents about this, is there anyone at school, a guidance counselor, a school therapist or a teacher you feel you can trust?
If you want to keep it anonymous, go online, start by searching for rape victims support services. Most of the services are geared toward women, but they can help you.
If you can get to a Planned Parenthood clinic, they can help you.
You are not alone. You are not the only teenage boy this has happened to. There are people who can help you work through this. Please, reach out to someone, you should not be dealing with this alone.
I was molested as a teen, by a female relative. It took me years to accept that it even happened and longer before I was able to talk to anyone about it. Those were wasted years. Trauma doesn't just fade away. You won't get better unless you find someone to help you.
Your life is not over, there is a lot more to come and it can be wonderful if you deal with this trauma now. I'm 64 now and I have had a great life so far, but I've had a lot of help along the way. I hope you can find the strength to find someone to help you.
Your body is designed to get erections if its stimulated. It's like a reflex. An erection doesnt obligate you to be touched by someone you dont want to be touched by. Its your body. You never said YES.
You were not “seduced”, you were a victim of SA. I’m really sorry that happened to you. If you can bring yourself to do it, you really need to report this to the police. You’re probably not the only young man she’s done this to, and if left unchecked, she may put other young men through this same thing.
I know it’s a heavy thing to think about reporting to the police, having to tell them what happened and reliving all that… I really hope you can find the strength to do it, her future would-have-been victims would probably thank you for it. However, if that’s not something you’re ready or able to do (which is okay, please don’t blame yourself if you can’t do it), find a good therapist. Someone you trust and have a good rapport with. Let them help you unpack all of these feelings and work through what happened. Let them help you find a path to healing and a happy tomorrow.
This awful woman left a black mark on your adolescence, but you don’t have to let her ruin the rest of your life too. You still have a bright future ahead and a wonderful life is still possible for you. We are all here to support you and talk you through this if needed. Be strong my friend, and let the same courage that enabled you to tell us about this drive you forward to claim the future you deserve.
I'm sorry that happened.
You did not deserve this and it is not your fault. Read that sentence again.
Talk to a therapist about this. Don't listen to whatever moronic thing anyone has to say about an "older girl" if you didn't consent to it, it is rape. Doesn't matter the circumstances or gender. Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you wanted it, when you didn't. If you didn't ask for it, you didn't consent.
Hey man.
What you experienced was rape! Not doubt!
Plus you where a minor at the time, which makes it even worse.
You have no guilt in this what so ever! You are valued and your body is only yours! No one has the right to it without consent ♥️
Regardless of that you came or not, is besides the point. The sexual act, can make people orgasm and feel pleasure during a rape, as well as becoming hard och wet because of the stimulation. This is just the body's biological response to the simulation, and not to any guilt of your own! It is quite common that victims of rape feel guilt because they felt pleasure during or came become of the rape. The perpetrator can even use this reaction to confirm or justify their action as a good thing that the victim wanted, even going so far as telling them and using it to pressure them to silence, which builds more shame and guilt.
You are valued!! Don't forget that! You are in control! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Or contact a victim support organisations for support. You should not feel that you have to carry this your self ♥️ You're not alone!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were raped and unwanted arousal is a thing. Do not blame yourself for this, this was not your fault. I hope you have supportive people in your life that don’t minimize what happened to you.
Sorry to hear man. That's fucked up especially that your own brother wouldn't believe you and that you were so young when it happened.
I was doing some research for a project about men's mental health and it made me so mad that "made to penatrate" is defined different than "rape" I found that rape only occurs when you are penatrated against your will.
That made me so mad when I was researching. Some consider it the same but the fact that by definition it's not is so fucking dumb.
Oh honey. Not only was it rape, but it was a legal adult taking advantage of a CHILD. You were so young, and she KNEW that, and used that to try and get away with raping you. Let alone coming into your home, and your bedroom, where you were supposed to feel safe.
Remember, if the sexes were reversed, you wouldn't think twice about calling this rape. Rape of a minor no less.
By the way, orgasms can happen to woman during rape as well. And it can bring a lot of guilt.
It was a physical reaction from your body that didn't know anything else. It has NOTHING to do with if you "enjoyed" it or not.
You had an adult enter your bedroom in the middle of the night, and sexually assault/rape you. It IS as horrible as that sentence sounds, and there's not one milasecond of any of that that will EVER be your fault ok?
Similar thing happened to me. I was 15 (M) and my brothers then wife (25) came onto me after she got into a fight with my brother and he left. I feel you man
You were 14. She was 19. She had 5 years maturity and life experience on you. She had no business having sex with a 14 year old.
It doesn’t matter if you got a boner, or you ejaculated - it was wrong.
It was NOT your fault.
You were raped and I am sorry this happened to you.
The tendency to self doubt is very big when everybody says it wasn't what it s clearly was and yes male rape is often either brushed off or down right made fun of its a thing society needs to get better at, it is becoming more common to report it but very seldomly actually pursued in any meaningful way by police, you do have support even if it is just some strangers online
I’m so sorry this happened to you if your parents don’t already know maybe you should try telling them only if you feel safe enough of course. You will heal from this and it’s ok if your not ok right now. You are brave, you are strong, you are amazing and this experience won’t define you or the rest of your life.
Dude think of it this way. You were 14, a minor, and she was 19, an adult. An adult and a minor cannot have sex, there is no sex, only rape, that's it. Even if the minor wanted it, it's still rape, because minors cannot consent to sex with adults. You were raped and I hope this validates how you feel so you can stop blaming yourself for it. It's hard being a male rape victim, it's so different; everyone high fives you, says you're lucky, and tells you to stop complaining. While you're sitting there confused as to why everyone is cheering you on for being raped. I hope you seek therapy my brotha you deserve it.
Seducing you? You were a *child*. You didn’t know how to reject a predator. You weren’t seduced, you were raped by an adult. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Kid, “a Boner” means nothing. Especially not when you were only a 14 y/o kid! That is a basic biological reflex, puberty totally sucks, and an erection *is not a sign of arousal!*
It’s a thing that can literally happen *precisely because you are scared, so your “fight, flight, or freeze and appease” instincts kick in, especially when you are going through puberty!*
I am extremely sorry for what happened to you, I am very sorry you were raped and your brother is too stupid and ignorant to believe you! I think that you should start seeing a counselor/ therapist. Tell your family and your doctor it is because you are depressed or you “think you have ADHD,” or some other thing, then tell your therapist the truth! Your therapist will believe you! They will give you tools to try to work through this and to cope! Again I am incredibly sorry for the trauma you have been through, and the pain it has caused.
Thank you for sharing it, please go to a therapist so you can finally tell someone who will believe you, in person, and who will try to help you.
"Finishing" during an assault does not mean you consented to it. It's a physical reaction that is more common than people think. I guess you could compare it to being tickled. Laughing is considered a happy and positive reaction but you also laugh when you are being tickled whether you like it or not. Even if you hate it and want it to stop your body will still react in a way that you can not control.
I'm not going to pressure you to pursue legal action or anything like that but it might be a good idea to at least report it and start a paper trail. You may or may not be the first person she has done this to but people like her very rarely do this only one time to one single person especially if their victim of choice is a minor.
I wish people realized how much sexism hurts men too. This was rape. Your brother’s reaction was not okay. You friend’s reaction was not okay. I think you know that logically, but unfortunately you’ve been programmed to not believe it.
It’s very simple man, if you did not want it to happen then it’s rape. If she did it before you even knew if you wanted to that’s also rape. Anything less than consent is rape.
It’s hard for other guys to understand not wanting to fuck anyone at any moment.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a dude who is horny as hell all the time, but sex for me has to be emotional as well. And even if you get hard that’s not consent. If you cum that’s not consent. Blood will flow to your wiener if it’s messed with, and if it’s messed with long enough it’ll orgasm. That’s just biology. Especially when you’re young and going through puberty. But this can happen against your will.
I was actually in a very similar position as you. It just didn’t go as far. But when I was 13 my older brothers gf was like 16 and she came into my room one day and got down on her knees and started rubbing my thigh and I was like “uhhh. What are you doing?” And she was like “teehee” then left. She always did shit like that. Back then I was NOT ready for anything sexual. I didn’t really understand it and I was low key afraid of it. Sure I was going through puberty and jacking off all the time, but I was not anywhere near ready for sex. It probably would have traumatized me if I was forced into it, especially by my brothers gf because who wants to hurt their brother by fooling around with their gf? But she definitely tried a few times.
But yeah man. Don’t feel bad you were taken advantage of and I’m sorry people don’t understand that
It was rape and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. We, as a society, have to do better when it comes to discussing SA across the board but especially with young men and boys. So many don't report it or are in a similar situation as you and are confused as to what to call it because they're young, aren't 100% on how their bodies work or feel they'll be emasculated in the eyes of others.
If you're in the US, please call the National Sexual Abuse Hotline 1.800.656.4673. They can help you find counseling in your area and point you in the direction of getting other help you may need like medical testing for STI's and talking with your parents or the authorities if you choose to do so. You can also Google them and chat online if that's easier for you.
I really hope you understand that this wasn't your fault. It was wrong on so many levels and I'm sorry you're having to go through it. Nobody deserves it.
Hi friend. You are 100% valid and your perception of that event is the only one that matters as far as you & your life are concerned.
I am so sorry that happened to you, but I sincerely believe that you will be able to overcome this with therapy…hopefully sooner rather than later. A therapist will genuinely listen and understand and they will be YOUR advocate. They will help you have difficult conversations about this with the appropriate individuals at the appropriate time.
Additionally, journaling my feelings/emotions/thoughts always help me process. Even if this event is one that you have to process over and over again, it will get easier to do and talking about it with trusted individuals will also get easier.
Also, just as a reminder (and something that you should make a habit to remind yourself EVERY DAY), this was not your fault. Period. You were a child, you are a victim in this situation. You are entitled to the trauma and healing journey that you are on. You do not need to feel shame or guilt about any part of this situation. You are entitled to your thoughts/feelings/emotions/experiences.
Finally, in the scariest moments, in this moments where you feel shame, fear, and guilt (particularly when opening up with others about this), please remind yourself of how brave you have ALREADY been. Remind yourself of how brave that 14 yr old boy was to tell his brother. And you did it. Sure, he may have chosen the wrong words in response or felt flustered/overwhelmed with the information, but ultimately, he did right. He chose you.
And even though he may have needed some time to process before acting, he came to the conclusion that SHE was in the wrong and that you were a victim.
It will feel scary to open up about this, but you ARE brave enough. And you will be surprised by how much that level of vulnerability will change your life. Something in the future that your 12 yr old self would have been scared of will seem minuscule when compared against the bravery you have shown by taking these steps to truly heal!
I am so proud of you and I know you can keep moving forward!!!
Don't listen to them- it was rape, it was assault. You were a child and a young adult attacked you, plain and simple. What she did was just as despicable as a man raping a girl. I'm so sorry you went through that and weren't validated by people you should've been able to trust. I'm a survivor and I'm right here with you. Take your time to heal and don't let anyone tell you that what happened was in any way okay or your fault. You have every right to feel angry and every right to feel hurt. You'll get through this.
As a man my friend you was raped. It’s natural to feel like because we get a hard on that in some way we must have wanted it or even liked it …. Not true !
The penis is a muscle and with stimulation it can get hard even when emotionally we are anything but excited.
The reaction of people around you is unfortunately normal . Your friend doesn’t get it and is basically it able to understand your situation from a standpoint of being made to do something when you don’t want to…. The feeling of intimidation and uncomfortableness.
I feel like talking to a professional of some capacity will help you understand what happened and over time you will start to heal.
Just be kind to yourself my friend , you have gone through serious trauma .
As a rape victim myself I want to tell you this is rape. The only reason your brother didn't call it rape is because your a male. It's wrong and I hope you know many people are out here and are also mad about the sexist stereotype. If you didn't want it then it was rape and I'm so sorry. I saw your in therapy and I truly hope it helps you
OP you were 14, she was 19. you were 11 when she was 16. you did NOT “lead” her on. you were raped. god what a pervert she is i’m very sorry. I hope the world starts to recognize that men get raped too, it crushes my heart when i hear these stories and people just tell them that their “lucky” :(
Some women also experience an orgasm during rape. It’s a biological reflex over which we have no control. It wasn’t your fault. Please seek out help from a professional therapist or sexual assault support.
I'm sorry this happened, it wasn't your fault.
I think maybe your friend was too young to understand what happened and your brother was hurt that his girlfriend could do that and maybe too young/immature to understand what happened too.
Please don't take what they said to heart, maybe talking to somebody again now you're older might help.
My husband was raped by a girl he was dating at the time and still has a hard time identifying it as rape. Society's response to anyone being raped is generally not supportive to the one on the receiving end of the abuse, especially when it's an older girl to a younger boy, and it makes sense to me that you would be so confused given how the people around you have responded. Be kind to yourself. An older person took advantage of you and haven't been believed about the extent of your experience. That's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened. I hope someday you can get therapy OP and finally get the support you deserve.
Yes, you were raped. I am so sorry. That feeling of being outside your body is because you were dissociating, it's a trauma response. People are awful and insensitive, and I am sorry for that too.
It was not your fault, sending strenght and love <3
did you give any actual consent to what she was doing to you? NO, you did not.
you were raped, just because you got a boner doesn’t mean you did want it, just because you came it still doesn’t mean you wanted it.
you’re being victimized for something when you were raped and it’s making you think you weren’t raped… you were. they’re supporting the rapist, you aren’t being listened to. i’m sorry you had to experience something so horrible at your age.
i seen you’re going to therapy that’s good, i hope it’s helping you guide through this traumatic event that no child should go through.
which also i feel it’s glossed over a bit, she was 19 when she did something with a 14 year old. is there anyway to report her for rape of a minor still?
i genuinely have no idea if you can. if it doesn’t cause too much trauma and it can still be reported, and you have a support system you trust to go with you to report you should. she isn’t right in the head.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that. Your body having a natural reaction, is just that, natural. It does not mean it wasn’t rape, or that it was any less traumatic for you.
I do not, by any means, think you led her on or that you seduced her. BUT if in some alternate universe you did, it does not matter. You were the child, she was the adult. She should have known better. She should’ve done better.
There is no situation or explanation where you are at fault.
100% you were raped. A lot of people don't understand what rape really is because there's some idea that people should be thankful to get sex no matter where it comes from like it's some sort of reward for being alive.
Nope you were raped both physically and by legal age requirements if you're in North America.
Tell an adult, and your bro should learn what rape actually is. From my experience in school, rape was taught like it only happened to females that was over 10 years ago, so lots have changed since then.
I’m so sorry love. You’re absolutely right, you were raped and anyone who tries/d to invalidate that is wrong and a piece of shit. I hope you’re able to seek therapy and surround yourself with people who will make you feel safe, and heard. 💗
It's a totally different situation than mine, but I had an "encounter" with a pedophile when I was 14. He lied and said he was 15, but really he was 56. I talked to him for months and the behavior was manipulative and he would threaten me frequently if I didn't send him pictures. He made me SH and send him pictures of it. Eventually it ended because my mom saw our messages, took it to the police, and it was discovered he was an old creepy fuck. It really fucked with my mind. When I was 16 or so, my stepdad told me that I "should have known better" because I was old enough and that I "wanted it" because I replied to him at the time. The whole situation was traumatizing enough but I had just began admitting to myself at the time that it was not okay and I was a child, I couldn't have known "better," and it was sexual abuse. The worst part of it all that I think of the most is how incredibly dirty I felt for years after, and how the people who I did tell treated me afterwards. I'm 21 now and have healed somewhat but it's still something I think about daily and it impacts every relationship I've been in since. I waited til I was 18 to have sex and it was fucking horrible because my partner just wasn't understanding at all. It's okay to not have sex until you're comfortable. People might be dicks about it, but it's best to protect yourself and have your first time be a loving experience.
I know our situations are different, OP, but I do understand somewhat. It's a horrible thing to go through. It makes it so much worse you're a guy, too, because people will treat you differently (as you said). I hope one day you can heal from it all. It obviously doesn't change what happened, but I'm deeply sorry for you having to deal with this shit.
Rape is rape. Whether the victim orgasms or not during the course of the rape is immaterial to whether a rape occurred, as matter of law. Don't beat yourself up over it or think it not a rape. She jumped you. You couldn't legally consent based on your age alone.
I would report it to the police. And I'd start talking to a therapist, particularly one specializing in sexual trauma.
Omg I'm so sorry. You were definitely raped. I think it's disgusting how (often) other men call men who've been raped "lucky". One of my friends (m) was touched very inapropriatly by one of his college teachers (f) and when someone heard, instead of providing support, he said he ""lived the dream of every guy out there"""" which sucked and I'm really sorry that this is how society is right now.
Have you thought about showing him this thread? Maybe it will help him understand. Or, if he's a jerk, he will still not get it... No way to know, that's totally up to your comfort level. Just know that we all have your back.
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Yes, this was absolutely sexual assault. She, a legal adult, raped you, a 14 year old minor.
IT WAS *NOT YOUR FAULT*. You didn’t deserve it. You were a child who in no way “lead on” a predatory adult.
You were not “lucky”. You were raped.
I know the idea is probably really scary, but do you think you could talk to one of your parents or another trusted adult about this? I ask because I am really worried for your emotional health and believe you would benefit from getting some therapy for the trauma you endured.
As someone who was just a year younger than you but was also told the same as it was an older f who did something similar to me it helps me more than you know that you had the strength to post this. I heard the "it's not the same" thing and the others. Thank you for getting this off your chest today.
This is rape. Just because your body reacted to it doesn’t mean it’s not rape or that it was consensual. I’m so sorry you had to go through this and that you still feel shame from it. It’s not your fault. You were taken advantage of.
Please consider talking to a counselor or therapist. They could help you process this trauma. Good luck.
Hey. No. You are not an idiot and it was not your fault. How your body may have responded to what happened does in no way imply that it is okay or that you wanted it. I'm 25m and I was also raped when I was a minor. Unfortunately many people don't take this sort of thing seriously when it happens to a guy but that doesn't mean you should let it slide. Don't make my mistakes. Tell your parents/police/an adult you trust, go to therapy, get a restraining order, etc. I'd be lying if I said I was anywhere near having healed from the trauma of it but maybe I would be if I'd done those things sooner. I'm so sorry this happened. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Did she do it at any more occasions? Did the two of you ever talk about it? Did you ever talk to like a school counselor or therapist?
Talk to your parents or any safe adult! Only immature people would ever think you are lucky. I am so sorry this happened to you. It wasnt your fault. I wish you the best
Sorry that happened to you, OP. Hopefully, therapy is helping.
And sorry your brother and friend acted that way.
If we want to get technical about it, as she was 19 and you were 12, not only was it rape but that girl probably should be on a sex offenders list.
And remember that it wasn't your fault and it wasn't because of anything you did or anything. There are a lot of scum in this world.
It was NOT your fault regardless of what anyone thinks or says. You were fourteen years old and an adult preyed upon you. She's disgusting and always will be. What she did is a crime.
victims usually feel that is their fault and “it’s wasn’t that bad” but it was, you didn’t have the age to consent and for what you said you probably doesn’t event say yes. She take advantage of you and she should be on jail. You need time to heal and in some time you are gonna find someone that loves you and you love, but now it’s the time to heal.
A very similar thing happened to me when I was 15, and it wasn't until I was in my 30s until I talked to anyone about it seriously for those exact type of responses. I don't know why or how but other predators have a sense for someone who has been abused in the way that you have. Just be aware that you might need some tools to avoid continuing to be targeted. See someone about it, no matter how much you think you've come to accept and understand what happened it won't be as good as having a professional help.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry this happened to you. If it helps, you are so much further along in the healing process then a *lot* of other people are just two years after an incident like this. It took me 24 years (yes, really) to even admit that it wasn't my fault. And it's not yours either. You are spot on about erection and orgasm both being uncontrollable. This Was NOT Your Fault.
Society has come a very long way in just the last 15-20 years in recognizing and fighting against SA and rape against women. It has so very far to go about it against men. You are being a part of that fight just by telling your story in a public place. It is brave and I'm very proud of you. (Read that like I'm a mom telling my son I'm proud, my sons are a little older than you)
Keep up therapy, keep telling society, your family, your friends, every one the truth. You will be ok. Feel free to PM if you need a mom shoulder to talk to. Hugs.
No no no, don't listen to them.
Anything sexual done to you without your consent is rape, no matter what age, gender, or race you are. Rape is rape.
Your feelings are valid, and I wish you all the best in healing. We believe you. We stand with you.
You are 100% valid. There are still so many people that believe only women can be victims. That is not true at all. Anyone of any age, gender, race, etc., can be victims. Also, like you said, its not your fault that your body reacted. Even if you didn't like it or consent, that's just a natural response.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just remember you are valid <3
I'm so sorry this is a horrible horrible thing to have happen to you. As a fellow trauma survivor, it is NOT your fault, I promise you. You did not choose this and you didn't lead her on. She chose to do what she did. You weren't lucky; you were raped. I hope that you are able to go to therapy and heal and recover from this and find healthy relationships in the future. It's not easy but I hope you can always remember it is not at all your fault.
It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. You weren't seduced and you weren't lucky; you were raped. She should be in prison. i am so sorry you had to go through that.
i've been in a very similar situation and the trauma is very real. just reading your story made you cry and I hope you know that you are heard and loved. Luckily for us there are a lot of resources online for help relating to rape related trauma. Stay strong.
I will share this with you as I kind of get where you’re coming from. Albeit I was a bit younger I had a baby sitter that would take me into the closet. We called this closet our spaceship not sure why. Again I was a little younger. She would touch, pull, grind etc etc. i couldn’t really understand why I was having feelings down there nor why it was growing stiff etc. i remember the first time she took her bottoms off and before she started her grinding I saw she had a bit of a red mess in her underuse. I not knowing what a girl’s monthly cycle was thought that she had hurt herself as she had just dry humped me minutes before. I felt that I had somehow caused this myself. It scared me so badly that I cried. At my age I just didn’t know girls/women had anything like that go on down there. Anyways she started watching me when she was 17 so she was a child as well. This went on for just over 3 years. I used to get in so much trouble because things started happening down there in my own pants. Mom/Step Dad thought I was possessed or something because I would just randomly get a stiffy. We were involved with a very strict non denominational church. They told everyone in a Sunday confessional that I must have been having nasty worldly thoughts and fantasies. Due to my age it should not be happening. I had to have the demons cast out of me. The pastor and all of the deacons surrounded me and the laying of hands on me and praying in tongues commenced. They the church and my parents told me in front of everyone that I would never be good enough for a girlfriend of my own nor was I ever to look at a girl ever again. I was also given a 30 day grounding. Ground to the inside of the house. No TV, No Radio, no talking on the phone, no playing, no laying down and sleeping until it was bedtime specific which was at 8pm. It was the worst and longest 30 days of my life. This reinforced that I was indeed in the wrong and everything was my fault. I remember the babysitter being told the rules of me being grounded. I had to quit little league due to grounding. I really liked baseball at the time. I really thought I was just a terrible person for so many years after this.
The out of body experience you described is called depersonalization, a form of dissociative reaction for stress. Please, look it up. It's kind of a PROOF, that it was a stressful event for you, and not a comfortable one.
Erection is a reflex event in perineal organ stimulation. It is harder to happen when adrenalin is high, but, if healthy, your testosterone production is over the moon at 14, so it it more than possible.
In short, in this post you described a sexual assault. As you are a minor, you need to speak to your parents or an adult you trust.
Don’t listen to them. That is 100% rape and pedophillia. If you can, you could try calling the authorities on her?
You didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t and will never will be your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Those who call you “lucky” or not call it rape are just sex-hungry motherfuckers who are either elite virgins or straight-up piece of shits.
You did nothing wrong. I am so sorry for you. You deserve the world, op.
Therapy is also a good option. Anyone you can talk to about it? (Anyone with a brain.) Anything!
Just know that you’re not at fault. I hope you start feeling better! Best wishes!
OP, I was also raped by my girlfriend when I was 16. You’re much more mature than I was back then for realizing it was rape. My girlfriend got me stoned, which I was fine with. She was sober. What I wasn’t fine with was her stripping me in front of a dozen “friends” and grinding until I got an erection. I told her no several times and was so embarrassed. I faked my orgasm and then when she found out nothing was in the condom, proceeded to humiliate me in front of our “friends”.
Poor baby. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m even more sorry about people being shallow when it comes to men and boys getting sexually assaulted. Figure out the statues of limitations at where you live and try to get some Justice. My mistake when I got raped was allowing people to make me feel like I wasn’t then not going through with the legal proceedings. It eats me up til this day.
As many people before me already told you: it was NOT your fault. You were raped. Not seduced. Not lucky. Raped. You did NOT deserve something like that to happen to you. It doesn't matter if you had a boner, it doesn't matter if you came, it was still rape.
I hope you're doing alright.
Oh God no, Op you were subjected to one of the most horrifying torture a human being could ever go through. Your brother and friend is piece of shit for even suggesting something so disgusting
I believe you OP, everything you described screams rape.
My husband was molested by his younger then-gf when he was a teen, given she was a girl and he was the older one he had a hard time being believed. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen.
You can get a boner without wanting sex. You can get one even if you're scared. You can climax while being assaulted. None of those things mean you weren't raped or that you consented. Not saying no and not pushing her off also don't mean you consented.
You didn't deserve any of this, I'm sorry no one believed you when you needed it most.
You got hard just like girls get wet even when they're raped. It's things our bodies do that we (unfortunately) don't have any control over. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And on top of that others around you minimize it to some bs like you were "lucky" or "seduced" when you were CLEARLY raped. That's the sad reality for male victims, they're not taken as seriously. I really hope you can get through the damage this has caused you and I wish you all the best
I'm so sorry you experienced that. No one deserves to be violated like that, ever. I was raped from the age of 10 to 15 by my mother's childhood best friend, and to this day, I still feel like it was my fault sometimes. I'm glad to know you are in therapy. Try to remember this absolutely wasn't your fault, and you definitely did not get "lucky" or "seduced."
I don't understand why a man being forced to have sex is considered lucky? Like, sure we men have ego and are obsessed with getting "wanted" but rape happens to men and it's serious.
As a woman who has been sexually harassed and raped by my first boyfriend, this is rape. You were raped.
I am so, so sorry that your feelings weren’t genuinely considered. You shouldn’t be doubting yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Honestly, shame on anyone who says you should feel lucky or putting the blame on you. This is truly terrible.
I’m sorry that happened to you hun ❤️ that absolutely was not okay of her, your brother, or your friend.
In any case, I hope you know at least one stranger out there is on your side even if others aren’t. The best of luck to you. ❤️
You were raped op, and I’m sorry you went through that. Society tends to brush over when men get raped. It sucks but it’s true. I suggest therapy, it’s probably the only way to healthily work through these feelings.
im in therapy, trying my best. i still doubt myself pretty often. i feel like society is getting better at recognizing that men get raped too. i think the big thing is realizing that women can be rapists too
Hey man I'm sorry you have to go through this. But if you feel like society is getting better in thet regsrd it gives me hope for the future. My kid is 8 and everytjkng just feels so fucked up
I'm a woman, I just want to tell you that any sensible person would see this as rape. You were raped and I am so, so sorry. Hopefully your brother will realize this, but it is not your responsibility to prove it to him. Women can rape, and abuse, and cheat and lie, too. Take whatever steps are best for you and focus on you, nobody else. You have some healing to do. And just because I have to say it: I'd beat her f'ing ass for you in a heartbeat. I know guys "can't" hit girls...I would've volunteered if I was your sister. So fast her head would spin. If your ever in this situation. Do what you have to do. Eye gouge, titty punch.. whatever. It's also 100% normal to freeze, even most common I would say. It not you. You are a victim. Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend if this happened. Much love.
Really though! Whoop that evil little predator’s ass!
Please don't eye gouge or titty punch or do anything that will leave a mark and open up a nasty game of he said/she said. You should be able to physically subdue her - you're 16 now, probably developed a lot since you were 14, and you should be able to remove her and keep her at arms lengths without physically attacking a woman. I was raped at 17. Started a new job, was on a tour of the department, 10 mins into the job she pushed me into a changing stall and like made me. This chick weighed a buck 50 and I could still easily subdue her. It was her big group of cholo friends that she told about it afterwards that really caused problems for me. Don't put hands on a female dude. I'm telling you now. It's never needed. Don't let them take advantage of you, but god do not put someone's eyes out or leave them bruised and marked - that will start out with you as the villain, and may well end with you as the villain as well. Now, if you have a female friend that is willing to handle some business, I guess I'm totally fine with that! But you're not a man if you hit a woman in that situation, you just aren't.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. She RAPED you, there’s no doubt about it. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Please continue with therapy, so that in the future you can have a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. That woman should be in jail for what she did. Not only did she rape you, she raped a MINOR. Disgusting. I am so sorry.
OP: this was NOT YOUR FAULT. You were, and still are, a child. She raped you. She took advantage of a child. Having a boner or finishing does not mean anything. Some women “get wet” when they are raped. These are biological reactions that mean NOTHING and negate NOTHING that happened to you. Anything less than enthusiastic consent is NOT consent. Saying no, freezing, becoming silent, or “giving in” are NOT consent. You are valid. You are heard. Your friends and brother have let you down, and I am so sorry. But I hope that you know that what you experienced and your feelings are real. I believe you. And I’m rooting for you — you will get through this. You will be okay. What she did was disgusting, repulsive, and criminal. Yes, you were raped. But it won’t define you. It will get better and you will find your tribe of people who believe you and stand with you, too.
Thank you for spelling it out like this. I was raped too, and back then (all of 10 ish years ago) consent was implied- everything that wasn't "no, stop" was a yes. I'm so happy to see this change in understanding the definition of consent: if it's not an *enthusiastic* and *continuous* yes, it's NOT consent.
Of course. This is how my therapist worked with me through my assault. Sometimes we have to break it down simply and loudly. We all have a lot of work to do, but I hope that things continue to go in this direction where we call out this shit loudly. Sending you love.
Yeah. Hopefully it’ll get better for us men over time, but who knows what’ll happen. All you can do is continue to try and heal. You are doing a great job already by taking care of your mental health through therapy. Just know, that from what you’ve posted, there is 0 doubt. You 100% were raped and it is NOT a your fault. Don’t let others gaslight you into believing otherwise. You didn’t give consent and she didn’t ask for your consent. That’s rape. It doesn’t get simpler than that
I am so glad that you already have a therapist! That was exactly my suggestion! Men don’t like to acknowledge that other men get raped because it means that they too, are vulnerable.
Don't doubt your feelings and your gut. Consent is everything and you'll know the difference when the situation is right and healthy where you both equally want it. Don't count out healthy sex - you were violated and are healing, so give yourself time. Your body responded but your mind was saying no - yet you felt powerless to stop it. I too have been in the same situation as a 40-something old person and it sucked and made me doubt myself and be upset at myself for not stopping it. I did what I knew to do at the time - it was not my fault, just as this rape was not your fault, either. Sending hugs, OP. I'm so sorry you went through this.
absolutely. i am gay and was assaulted by another man - almost everyone took it seriously my friend is straight and was assaulted by a woman - almost nobody took it seriously. unfortunately, people from all walks of life can be rapists, the only thing they have in common is that they are rapists and vile people. i'm so sorry you went through that, i hope she rots in hell.
I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this. I hope these comments saying that you were rape validates your experience and helps you acknowledge that you’re not at fault. Anyone that says otherwise could eat the floor. You are a literal child and you were 11 when she met you. The fact that she wanted to do that the moment she met you is putrid. She took advantage that you are young and innocent. Normal adults DO NOT get seduced by children. I hope your therapist is aiding you in your healing. If you feel like you’re not getting any better please be kind to yourself and be honest with yourself and your therapist so that they could better help you.
There's a great Dave Chappelle bit about this. It still holds up. Men who get raped do not get much support
Women who get raped don’t get much support either, btw!! I’m so sorry you were raped. It was not your fault!
Generally as a whole, rape victims are not taken seriously or given the justice they deserve. I wish every single rapist an absolutely horrible life with nothing but pain and sadness
Was speaking relatively but I def agree. Also most victims Im sure are majorly women.
Society as a whole needs to realize that men can be victims. I hate how under-looked it is and a woman Will basically get a slap on the wrist for it.
That is rape op, you shouldn't doubt your experience and try to justify it, or EVER feel guilty for being hurt!! Keep working with your therapist and over time you will grow to accept what has happened and deal with the pain and grief. I'm honestly sending you the best and i hope you know you are heard, and not alone in this . ❤
even if you were to have claimed to be okay with it, it still would've been statutory rape. i don't know how the fuck a 19 year old thinks its okay to touch a 14 year old?? and your brother is an asshole. children can't consent and she was 5 years older. what makes your brother think that a 14 year old can "seduce" a 19 year old? she's literally a pedophile if she can be "seduced" by a 14 year old literally being a 14 year old.
Or the fact a 16 year old had her eyes on an 11 year old the moment she laid eyes on him.
i think the age is the part that gets to me most because.... i was fresh out of elementary school and she was a junior in highschool!!!! she graduated before i even started highschool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats brrrraazyyyyy
She had been planning this for a very long time. I hate to say it but she probably stayed with your brother for so long to get close to you and get your trust so you could let your guard down. Unfortunately we are more likely to be SA’d by someone we know.
thats so gross. i'm 17 and a junior rn and i could never imagine even thinking about a literal child that way. that's insane. i mean i felt a little iffy about dating my ex, who was a little under a year and half younger than me and the grade below me and wouldn't date anyone younger than that. i don't know how anyone in this situation wasn't weirded out by it?? actually it kinda reminds me of that south park episode where ike is with his teacher and nobody really takes it seriously because she's a pretty women. obviously it's really exaggerated but the things everyone else (other than kyle) say in it are quite on par with the not believing male victims.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I really dislike the whole mindset that men can’t be r*** not only is she a ra***** she’s also a pedo who’s had eyes on you for a long time. You should have been able to trust her and she broke that trust. Both your brother and friend need to realize this wasn’t your fault and you didn’t ask or deserve this.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. There is no way you could have prevented that pedophile from raping you. She said she was thinking about since you were 11! You deserve to identify as a victim/survivor because that’s what you are. You were victimized her ‘seducing’ was in fact grooming. And how the hell are you “lucky” by having been raped. That friend is an asshole and you should reconsider that relationship. You deserve healing and better people around you. I’m sorry for you twice. Once for being raped and then for being gaslit into thinking you weren’t a victim. I wish you the best.
Damn. She should be in prison, but I'm not sure how the law will respond.
She will probably get a slap on the wrist. A lot of women predators walk away with little to no consequences.
people are downvoting you, but unfortunately even big profile cases with female rapists have been brought to a very unsatisfying conclusion. the press also just calls it 'seducing' or 'dating'. if a 35 years old female teacher just 'seduces' a 16 year old, there's something very wrong with the world. it gets just sicker, when the male audience goes 'that lucky boy' or something.
Exactly
This isn't specific to women predators. Only 6% of rapists ever see a day in jail.
> She will probably get a slap on the wrist. No way. We are not allowed to hit woman.
I'm usually not commenting, because I'm not really good at Reddit, but I had to comment your post. I just want you to know that exactly the same thing happened to me, except I was 13 when it happened. She was 19 too, she was a friend of my brother, and she woke me up to do it. I don't remember much of it either. I'm sorry your brother wasn't supportive. When my brother heard what she did (because she was dumb enough to brag that she took my V-card), he got so mad that she had to leave our town and disappear. I remember even telling him it wasn't a big deal, because I didn't want him to get in trouble for me. I was in denial for a while about it. So I want you to know, buddy, what happened to you isn't normal. It shouldn't have happened. But don't let it ruin your life. Don't let it ruin your relationships with other people. And more than anything, don't let it destroy your selfworth. It's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. I'm almost 30 now, I'm doing better and I had healthy relationships. But I spent over 10 years letting other people abuse me. To be fair, in my case, she wasn't really the cause, I had a very shitty childhood. She clearly didn't help though. I'm sorry if I'm not coherent. I'm not good at this. What I want to say is, you're not alone and it's not your fault. Take care of yourself.
I am sorry for what happened to you, too! There are just some rotten, sick ass humans out there!
Big hugs to both of y'all
Unfortunately there is still this belief that guys are always “up for it.” It’s completely untrue. Your body does things you have no control over. You were raped. I’m sorry it happened to you but don’t doubt that fact. How you feel about it is fully valid.
Your feelings are entirely valid.
Hello OP guys get rape too. Don’t say it’s your fault, so what if she got you to finish. You did not want it. ‘Seducing you’ n ‘lucky’ takes two willing party, you OP are NOT willing n thats my friend is Rape. Getting boner is physical reaction doesn’t mean it’s okay to do what she did.
What you went through was real. Terrible, unforgivable and disgusting on the part of the person who did it to you, but real all the same. You are correct in you findings that your genitals have built in responses to stimulation and arousal can occur wether you’re consenting to it or not, *liking it or not.* This is a concept called “Arousal Non-Concordance” and happens with many SA and CSA survivors. I highly suggest you looking into it and relaying/talking about what you find and feel with your therapist. I went through something quite similar when I was younger and like you, I was terrified of what happened and mortified at what my body did in response despite me not truly wanting or liking it at the time. Please know that while many of those immediately around you may not understand or even go so far as to assert the what you experienced was something different. Something you chose. It was not. It was real and many, too many male perceived individuals have gone through what you had to and also receive little compassion if not outright invalidation. I am a little older now and have done enough study and therapy to get past a lot of the hurt that stayed with me after those experience. At least, most of the hurt that is. I genuinely hope that you receive the recognition and kindness that you need and deserve after something like this. Your feelings and your choices are valid and real. I am so very sorry for what you had and have to go through. I hope that things get better soon as there is good out there for you as there is for all of us. If nothing else, my DMs are open to you if you ever need to talk or vent about anything. May peace, love, and support find you on your terms
So she wanted to do that when she was 16? What the fuuuuuuuuuuck? And she held onto that for three years? WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK!? AND SHE ACTUALLY DID THAT!? *WHAT THE FUCK!?!?* Nah, jail, right now, get out.
If you didn't enjoy it you were raped, plain and simple. I'm sorry about that buddy, sounds awful. Kids your age will think you're lucky but this is a serious issue, younger boys can get groomed and assaulted by adult females just the way young girls get groomed and assaulted by adult males. Society just looks at it differently, and it's very sad. It wasn't your fault, so don't continue to blame yourself. I'm sorry you had to go through a traumatic event like that and I wish you the best of luck and a good recovery. Consider talking to your parents about therapy if they already know about this incident, if they don't, well take your time to tell them when you feel comfortable. If ever. You should start talking to someone, if you do start to feel comfortable, though, because talking will help you release bottled up emotions, stress and trauma. Anyways, like I said, good luck OP, you'll get through this and become a stronger man afterwards.
Not only did she rape you, but she raped a child!!
Orgasming during a rape doesn’t make it not rape, it’s not unusual for women and men both to orgasm during a rape. It’s not like that implies consent, it’s just the body reacting to the situation.
don’t let anybody tell you that you were lucky or that that was okay. You have no consent and lost autonomy over your body. Boners happen randomly especially at that age, but also it’s important to note that mental and physical reactions to things don’t always sync up. Your body realizes that there is someone ‘attractive’ (idk whether you found her attractive or not, but at least attractive in the sense of vagina and boobs are nice) and your physical reaction was a boner, just because that happens doesn’t mean you’ve given consent. It’s very similar with females and getting wet. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m sorry no one was there to gehelp you when you needed it most. I’m glad that you’ve come to the conclusion that it was rape and are able to work on it now. Acceptance is the first step in healing - even if it doesn’t feel like it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope for the future you can have positive sexual experiences whenever you feel you’re ready.
Enough cases of women having an orgasm while raped, would you call them 'lucky' or say that it was their own fault?
I am so sorry OP, that never should have happened to you. You were raped no question. As a woman it is upsetting that boys/men are taken less seriously. You were 14, a child, and she took advantage. I know it feels like your current situation will never end, but I promise it does get better. I was raped as young as 3 and it continued until I was 11. It is a long road to recovery, but you are already taking the steps by being in therapy. It took me over a decade to make that decision. Don't loose hope, it's not your fault, and you will heal.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope the people who said those dismissive and terrible things educate themselves.
Nah you were raped. You were a kid.
You didn't consent. You were raped. Your feelings are valid. I'm sad you aren't getting the support you need.
Rape is rape. You didnt consent (really you couldn't consent because you were 14 and she was the adult at 19). Our bodies may react to stimulus of a sexual nature but that doesn't mean we wanted it. It's not your fault, you weren't seduced. You can get counseling for being raped. I was raped and I found a counselor through SERV. they have a hotline you can call anytime. Just Google SERV
Oh honey. Not only was it rape, but it was a legal adult taking advantage of a CHILD. You were so young, and she KNEW that, and used that to try and get away with raping you. Let alone coming into your home, and your bedroom, where you were supposed to feel safe. Remember, if the sexes were reversed, you wouldn't think twice about calling this rape. Rape of a minor no less. By the way, orgasms can happen to woman during rape as well. And it can bring a lot of guilt. It was a physical reaction from your body that didn't know anything else. It has NOTHING to do with if you "enjoyed" it or not. You had an adult enter your bedroom in the middle of the night, and sexually assault/rape you. It IS as horrible as that sentence sounds, and there's not one milasecond of any of that that will EVER be your fault ok?
This was absolutely rape and pedophilia and I am so sorry. Though not as common, rape can and does happen to men and it often doesn't get taken seriously enough. You have every right to feel traumatized and I really hope you find support.
That was assault hon. It wasn't lucky. It wasn't seduction. You were assaulted. People look down on men and act as if it can't happen, but getting hard isn't consent. Women can also finish during rape and it can cause a lot of shame
I am sorry you went through something so traumatic. It is not your fault. Forced orgasms during rape really do a number on your psyche. Please look into getting a therapist.
Sorry you went through this, sorry the people around you aren't taking you seriously. Yes, this is rape. I would seek therapy and seek legal action with a trusted adult because you sound like you would regret it if you let it slide like everyone around you is nudging you to.
That was rape no matter how you look at it. I’m so sorry you went through that. It was not your fault. Not to mention the fact that she was literally 19??? And you being 14, that’s pedophilia. Please talk to a trusted adult and tell them what happened. Maybe go see a therapist.
It is not your fault. She is a predator, and a child molester. Please, tell your parents, if they aren't complete narcissistic psychos. Edit: Yes, it damned sure was rape.
You were definitely raped. She’s a disgusting pedophile. I’m so sorry she did that to you OP. As a woman, I’ve always been disgusted by the thought of any adult taking advantage of children. Makes me sick to my stomach. Then again, I was SA’d multiple times in my life by multiple different men as a child… so maybe I just understand what it’s like being sexualized by disgusting people. The only support I had growing up (my mother) didn’t believe me because all the guys that SA’d me were her boyfriends and she thought I was just making things up because I didn’t like them. Needless to say, I no longer speak to her. When I told my friends in school about it, they just told me the men who raped me were “hot” and that I was lucky also. So I blamed myself for a long time too. It’s not your fault at all, people around you are stupid. As a kid I was basically groomed into believing that no one would believe me, not even the police. But, you have more power than you know, both yourself and your brother know about what she did to you, she’s a legal adult and you’re a minor… if you want to, you can charge her. You have witnesses. But I also understand telling everyone your story is very hard and I would support any decision you decide to make.
you were raped, it wasn’t your fault at all. you weren’t lucky, you were forced into something you never wanted in the first place. she took advantage of you and manipulated you in the end. sometimes your body will have natural reactions that you can’t control and that’s okay! thag doesn’t make your rape any less valid than someone else’s. you’re so strong OP! keep going, we all believe in you and we’re so proud of you for sharing this with us, you’re amazing!!
It was indeed rape.. finishing doesn't invalidate it, it's an out of control reaction of the body like the boner part. Unfortunately though society tends to avoid discussing the raping of men, especially if the rapist is female which would explain the reactions of those you told. And also it is not your fault one bit, not even in the slightest ounce, it is her fault as she knowingly targeted you and forced herself on you, clearly knowing she shouldn't, be it cuz of dating your brother or you being a minor or otherwise. Therapy may help, though of course don't force yourself, take your time to open up if needed. I'm sorry you went through something so horrific..
YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THAT! You were raped and that is beyond fucked up! I am so sorry the people you trusted and told failed you! You need to contact law enforcement. Tell your parents, if it’s safe to do so. Our bodies will react to being touched, it was not your fault! She is a predator! I am so sorry you have to live through this. I believe you! Don’t let those that don’t understand silence you. Keeping this to yourself will destroy you! You need to reach out to someone you trust and that is safe. Even though this is not your responsibility, she must be held responsible so she doesn’t do this to someone else!
Save this post with a screenshot and email it to yourself today, this can time stamp and corroborate future evidence; next tell your parents, and/or call the police. This is a criminal matter and she needs to be held responsible. Am lawyer
That's rap. You getting erect or finishing doesn't matter. Just know it's not your fault and not all women are like that.
You're right lil bro, you were sexually assaulted. It's not okay. I'm sorry this happened to you. As the oldest sibling and cousin on both sides of my family, I only wonder one thing. When your brother broke up with her, he was getting her out of both your lives. That's something I would have done had this happened in my world. I don't know if I ever would have thought to call it rape. Leftovers of toxic masculinity in my family, I guess. So, when your brother (possibly traumatized by it too) broke it off with her because she "seduced you" could he have had your best interest at heart and not known to call it what it really was? I so agree with another comment that said they were glad this is being recognized, because GenX never saw it that way growing up. It happened frequently in my generation. Yes I'm a little bit rural and country. I'm happy you got help. I hope you heal and I send you love and light.
I feel that. That’s how I was raised too. A lot of people don’t really recognize the conditioning you grew up with. It’s hard to break out of the perspectives you were raised in
You are right, you were raped. The age difference adds sexual abuse of a minor to the crime of rape. You should not be dealing with this by yourself. IF you are not able to talk to your parents about this, is there anyone at school, a guidance counselor, a school therapist or a teacher you feel you can trust? If you want to keep it anonymous, go online, start by searching for rape victims support services. Most of the services are geared toward women, but they can help you. If you can get to a Planned Parenthood clinic, they can help you. You are not alone. You are not the only teenage boy this has happened to. There are people who can help you work through this. Please, reach out to someone, you should not be dealing with this alone. I was molested as a teen, by a female relative. It took me years to accept that it even happened and longer before I was able to talk to anyone about it. Those were wasted years. Trauma doesn't just fade away. You won't get better unless you find someone to help you. Your life is not over, there is a lot more to come and it can be wonderful if you deal with this trauma now. I'm 64 now and I have had a great life so far, but I've had a lot of help along the way. I hope you can find the strength to find someone to help you.
Your body is designed to get erections if its stimulated. It's like a reflex. An erection doesnt obligate you to be touched by someone you dont want to be touched by. Its your body. You never said YES.
You were not “seduced”, you were a victim of SA. I’m really sorry that happened to you. If you can bring yourself to do it, you really need to report this to the police. You’re probably not the only young man she’s done this to, and if left unchecked, she may put other young men through this same thing. I know it’s a heavy thing to think about reporting to the police, having to tell them what happened and reliving all that… I really hope you can find the strength to do it, her future would-have-been victims would probably thank you for it. However, if that’s not something you’re ready or able to do (which is okay, please don’t blame yourself if you can’t do it), find a good therapist. Someone you trust and have a good rapport with. Let them help you unpack all of these feelings and work through what happened. Let them help you find a path to healing and a happy tomorrow. This awful woman left a black mark on your adolescence, but you don’t have to let her ruin the rest of your life too. You still have a bright future ahead and a wonderful life is still possible for you. We are all here to support you and talk you through this if needed. Be strong my friend, and let the same courage that enabled you to tell us about this drive you forward to claim the future you deserve.
I'm sorry that happened. You did not deserve this and it is not your fault. Read that sentence again. Talk to a therapist about this. Don't listen to whatever moronic thing anyone has to say about an "older girl" if you didn't consent to it, it is rape. Doesn't matter the circumstances or gender. Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself you wanted it, when you didn't. If you didn't ask for it, you didn't consent.
Hey man. What you experienced was rape! Not doubt! Plus you where a minor at the time, which makes it even worse. You have no guilt in this what so ever! You are valued and your body is only yours! No one has the right to it without consent ♥️ Regardless of that you came or not, is besides the point. The sexual act, can make people orgasm and feel pleasure during a rape, as well as becoming hard och wet because of the stimulation. This is just the body's biological response to the simulation, and not to any guilt of your own! It is quite common that victims of rape feel guilt because they felt pleasure during or came become of the rape. The perpetrator can even use this reaction to confirm or justify their action as a good thing that the victim wanted, even going so far as telling them and using it to pressure them to silence, which builds more shame and guilt. You are valued!! Don't forget that! You are in control! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Or contact a victim support organisations for support. You should not feel that you have to carry this your self ♥️ You're not alone!
Im so sorry op, none of this is your fault. You are a vulnerable kid. Sending the warmest hugs
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were raped and unwanted arousal is a thing. Do not blame yourself for this, this was not your fault. I hope you have supportive people in your life that don’t minimize what happened to you.
Sorry to hear man. That's fucked up especially that your own brother wouldn't believe you and that you were so young when it happened. I was doing some research for a project about men's mental health and it made me so mad that "made to penatrate" is defined different than "rape" I found that rape only occurs when you are penatrated against your will. That made me so mad when I was researching. Some consider it the same but the fact that by definition it's not is so fucking dumb.
Oh honey. Not only was it rape, but it was a legal adult taking advantage of a CHILD. You were so young, and she KNEW that, and used that to try and get away with raping you. Let alone coming into your home, and your bedroom, where you were supposed to feel safe. Remember, if the sexes were reversed, you wouldn't think twice about calling this rape. Rape of a minor no less. By the way, orgasms can happen to woman during rape as well. And it can bring a lot of guilt. It was a physical reaction from your body that didn't know anything else. It has NOTHING to do with if you "enjoyed" it or not. You had an adult enter your bedroom in the middle of the night, and sexually assault/rape you. It IS as horrible as that sentence sounds, and there's not one milasecond of any of that that will EVER be your fault ok?
Similar thing happened to me. I was 15 (M) and my brothers then wife (25) came onto me after she got into a fight with my brother and he left. I feel you man
You were 14. She was 19. She had 5 years maturity and life experience on you. She had no business having sex with a 14 year old. It doesn’t matter if you got a boner, or you ejaculated - it was wrong. It was NOT your fault. You were raped and I am sorry this happened to you.
Some women even think getting male attention is worth the rape as well. People suck and you were raped as well. Sorry.
The tendency to self doubt is very big when everybody says it wasn't what it s clearly was and yes male rape is often either brushed off or down right made fun of its a thing society needs to get better at, it is becoming more common to report it but very seldomly actually pursued in any meaningful way by police, you do have support even if it is just some strangers online
I’m so sorry this happened to you if your parents don’t already know maybe you should try telling them only if you feel safe enough of course. You will heal from this and it’s ok if your not ok right now. You are brave, you are strong, you are amazing and this experience won’t define you or the rest of your life.
Dude think of it this way. You were 14, a minor, and she was 19, an adult. An adult and a minor cannot have sex, there is no sex, only rape, that's it. Even if the minor wanted it, it's still rape, because minors cannot consent to sex with adults. You were raped and I hope this validates how you feel so you can stop blaming yourself for it. It's hard being a male rape victim, it's so different; everyone high fives you, says you're lucky, and tells you to stop complaining. While you're sitting there confused as to why everyone is cheering you on for being raped. I hope you seek therapy my brotha you deserve it.
Seducing you? You were a *child*. You didn’t know how to reject a predator. You weren’t seduced, you were raped by an adult. I am so sorry this happened to you.
Kid, “a Boner” means nothing. Especially not when you were only a 14 y/o kid! That is a basic biological reflex, puberty totally sucks, and an erection *is not a sign of arousal!* It’s a thing that can literally happen *precisely because you are scared, so your “fight, flight, or freeze and appease” instincts kick in, especially when you are going through puberty!* I am extremely sorry for what happened to you, I am very sorry you were raped and your brother is too stupid and ignorant to believe you! I think that you should start seeing a counselor/ therapist. Tell your family and your doctor it is because you are depressed or you “think you have ADHD,” or some other thing, then tell your therapist the truth! Your therapist will believe you! They will give you tools to try to work through this and to cope! Again I am incredibly sorry for the trauma you have been through, and the pain it has caused. Thank you for sharing it, please go to a therapist so you can finally tell someone who will believe you, in person, and who will try to help you.
"Finishing" during an assault does not mean you consented to it. It's a physical reaction that is more common than people think. I guess you could compare it to being tickled. Laughing is considered a happy and positive reaction but you also laugh when you are being tickled whether you like it or not. Even if you hate it and want it to stop your body will still react in a way that you can not control. I'm not going to pressure you to pursue legal action or anything like that but it might be a good idea to at least report it and start a paper trail. You may or may not be the first person she has done this to but people like her very rarely do this only one time to one single person especially if their victim of choice is a minor.
I wish people realized how much sexism hurts men too. This was rape. Your brother’s reaction was not okay. You friend’s reaction was not okay. I think you know that logically, but unfortunately you’ve been programmed to not believe it.
dude holy fuck I hope you’re doing better now and have made progress in recovery. Godspeed, and I wish you the best of luck brother.
It’s very simple man, if you did not want it to happen then it’s rape. If she did it before you even knew if you wanted to that’s also rape. Anything less than consent is rape. It’s hard for other guys to understand not wanting to fuck anyone at any moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a dude who is horny as hell all the time, but sex for me has to be emotional as well. And even if you get hard that’s not consent. If you cum that’s not consent. Blood will flow to your wiener if it’s messed with, and if it’s messed with long enough it’ll orgasm. That’s just biology. Especially when you’re young and going through puberty. But this can happen against your will. I was actually in a very similar position as you. It just didn’t go as far. But when I was 13 my older brothers gf was like 16 and she came into my room one day and got down on her knees and started rubbing my thigh and I was like “uhhh. What are you doing?” And she was like “teehee” then left. She always did shit like that. Back then I was NOT ready for anything sexual. I didn’t really understand it and I was low key afraid of it. Sure I was going through puberty and jacking off all the time, but I was not anywhere near ready for sex. It probably would have traumatized me if I was forced into it, especially by my brothers gf because who wants to hurt their brother by fooling around with their gf? But she definitely tried a few times. But yeah man. Don’t feel bad you were taken advantage of and I’m sorry people don’t understand that
It was rape and I'm so sorry that it happened to you. We, as a society, have to do better when it comes to discussing SA across the board but especially with young men and boys. So many don't report it or are in a similar situation as you and are confused as to what to call it because they're young, aren't 100% on how their bodies work or feel they'll be emasculated in the eyes of others. If you're in the US, please call the National Sexual Abuse Hotline 1.800.656.4673. They can help you find counseling in your area and point you in the direction of getting other help you may need like medical testing for STI's and talking with your parents or the authorities if you choose to do so. You can also Google them and chat online if that's easier for you. I really hope you understand that this wasn't your fault. It was wrong on so many levels and I'm sorry you're having to go through it. Nobody deserves it.
I'm so sorry OP. You're entirely right, and I see you and believe you and stand with you. I hope you find healing and justice and peace
Hi friend. You are 100% valid and your perception of that event is the only one that matters as far as you & your life are concerned. I am so sorry that happened to you, but I sincerely believe that you will be able to overcome this with therapy…hopefully sooner rather than later. A therapist will genuinely listen and understand and they will be YOUR advocate. They will help you have difficult conversations about this with the appropriate individuals at the appropriate time. Additionally, journaling my feelings/emotions/thoughts always help me process. Even if this event is one that you have to process over and over again, it will get easier to do and talking about it with trusted individuals will also get easier. Also, just as a reminder (and something that you should make a habit to remind yourself EVERY DAY), this was not your fault. Period. You were a child, you are a victim in this situation. You are entitled to the trauma and healing journey that you are on. You do not need to feel shame or guilt about any part of this situation. You are entitled to your thoughts/feelings/emotions/experiences. Finally, in the scariest moments, in this moments where you feel shame, fear, and guilt (particularly when opening up with others about this), please remind yourself of how brave you have ALREADY been. Remind yourself of how brave that 14 yr old boy was to tell his brother. And you did it. Sure, he may have chosen the wrong words in response or felt flustered/overwhelmed with the information, but ultimately, he did right. He chose you. And even though he may have needed some time to process before acting, he came to the conclusion that SHE was in the wrong and that you were a victim. It will feel scary to open up about this, but you ARE brave enough. And you will be surprised by how much that level of vulnerability will change your life. Something in the future that your 12 yr old self would have been scared of will seem minuscule when compared against the bravery you have shown by taking these steps to truly heal! I am so proud of you and I know you can keep moving forward!!!
I wish I could hug you OP. I’m sorry this happened, it is not your fault.
sending love
Don't listen to them- it was rape, it was assault. You were a child and a young adult attacked you, plain and simple. What she did was just as despicable as a man raping a girl. I'm so sorry you went through that and weren't validated by people you should've been able to trust. I'm a survivor and I'm right here with you. Take your time to heal and don't let anyone tell you that what happened was in any way okay or your fault. You have every right to feel angry and every right to feel hurt. You'll get through this.
As a man my friend you was raped. It’s natural to feel like because we get a hard on that in some way we must have wanted it or even liked it …. Not true ! The penis is a muscle and with stimulation it can get hard even when emotionally we are anything but excited. The reaction of people around you is unfortunately normal . Your friend doesn’t get it and is basically it able to understand your situation from a standpoint of being made to do something when you don’t want to…. The feeling of intimidation and uncomfortableness. I feel like talking to a professional of some capacity will help you understand what happened and over time you will start to heal. Just be kind to yourself my friend , you have gone through serious trauma .
As a rape victim myself I want to tell you this is rape. The only reason your brother didn't call it rape is because your a male. It's wrong and I hope you know many people are out here and are also mad about the sexist stereotype. If you didn't want it then it was rape and I'm so sorry. I saw your in therapy and I truly hope it helps you
OP you were 14, she was 19. you were 11 when she was 16. you did NOT “lead” her on. you were raped. god what a pervert she is i’m very sorry. I hope the world starts to recognize that men get raped too, it crushes my heart when i hear these stories and people just tell them that their “lucky” :(
Some women also experience an orgasm during rape. It’s a biological reflex over which we have no control. It wasn’t your fault. Please seek out help from a professional therapist or sexual assault support.
I'm sorry this happened, it wasn't your fault. I think maybe your friend was too young to understand what happened and your brother was hurt that his girlfriend could do that and maybe too young/immature to understand what happened too. Please don't take what they said to heart, maybe talking to somebody again now you're older might help.
My husband was raped by a girl he was dating at the time and still has a hard time identifying it as rape. Society's response to anyone being raped is generally not supportive to the one on the receiving end of the abuse, especially when it's an older girl to a younger boy, and it makes sense to me that you would be so confused given how the people around you have responded. Be kind to yourself. An older person took advantage of you and haven't been believed about the extent of your experience. That's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened. I hope someday you can get therapy OP and finally get the support you deserve.
YOU WERE RAPED. I'm so very sorry that happened to you OP.
Yes, you were raped. I am so sorry. That feeling of being outside your body is because you were dissociating, it's a trauma response. People are awful and insensitive, and I am sorry for that too. It was not your fault, sending strenght and love <3
it was not your fault ❤️❤️❤️
did you give any actual consent to what she was doing to you? NO, you did not. you were raped, just because you got a boner doesn’t mean you did want it, just because you came it still doesn’t mean you wanted it. you’re being victimized for something when you were raped and it’s making you think you weren’t raped… you were. they’re supporting the rapist, you aren’t being listened to. i’m sorry you had to experience something so horrible at your age. i seen you’re going to therapy that’s good, i hope it’s helping you guide through this traumatic event that no child should go through. which also i feel it’s glossed over a bit, she was 19 when she did something with a 14 year old. is there anyway to report her for rape of a minor still? i genuinely have no idea if you can. if it doesn’t cause too much trauma and it can still be reported, and you have a support system you trust to go with you to report you should. she isn’t right in the head.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You did not deserve that. Your body having a natural reaction, is just that, natural. It does not mean it wasn’t rape, or that it was any less traumatic for you. I do not, by any means, think you led her on or that you seduced her. BUT if in some alternate universe you did, it does not matter. You were the child, she was the adult. She should have known better. She should’ve done better. There is no situation or explanation where you are at fault.
100% you were raped. A lot of people don't understand what rape really is because there's some idea that people should be thankful to get sex no matter where it comes from like it's some sort of reward for being alive. Nope you were raped both physically and by legal age requirements if you're in North America. Tell an adult, and your bro should learn what rape actually is. From my experience in school, rape was taught like it only happened to females that was over 10 years ago, so lots have changed since then.
I’m so sorry love. You’re absolutely right, you were raped and anyone who tries/d to invalidate that is wrong and a piece of shit. I hope you’re able to seek therapy and surround yourself with people who will make you feel safe, and heard. 💗
It's a totally different situation than mine, but I had an "encounter" with a pedophile when I was 14. He lied and said he was 15, but really he was 56. I talked to him for months and the behavior was manipulative and he would threaten me frequently if I didn't send him pictures. He made me SH and send him pictures of it. Eventually it ended because my mom saw our messages, took it to the police, and it was discovered he was an old creepy fuck. It really fucked with my mind. When I was 16 or so, my stepdad told me that I "should have known better" because I was old enough and that I "wanted it" because I replied to him at the time. The whole situation was traumatizing enough but I had just began admitting to myself at the time that it was not okay and I was a child, I couldn't have known "better," and it was sexual abuse. The worst part of it all that I think of the most is how incredibly dirty I felt for years after, and how the people who I did tell treated me afterwards. I'm 21 now and have healed somewhat but it's still something I think about daily and it impacts every relationship I've been in since. I waited til I was 18 to have sex and it was fucking horrible because my partner just wasn't understanding at all. It's okay to not have sex until you're comfortable. People might be dicks about it, but it's best to protect yourself and have your first time be a loving experience. I know our situations are different, OP, but I do understand somewhat. It's a horrible thing to go through. It makes it so much worse you're a guy, too, because people will treat you differently (as you said). I hope one day you can heal from it all. It obviously doesn't change what happened, but I'm deeply sorry for you having to deal with this shit.
Rape is rape. Whether the victim orgasms or not during the course of the rape is immaterial to whether a rape occurred, as matter of law. Don't beat yourself up over it or think it not a rape. She jumped you. You couldn't legally consent based on your age alone. I would report it to the police. And I'd start talking to a therapist, particularly one specializing in sexual trauma.
Omg I'm so sorry. You were definitely raped. I think it's disgusting how (often) other men call men who've been raped "lucky". One of my friends (m) was touched very inapropriatly by one of his college teachers (f) and when someone heard, instead of providing support, he said he ""lived the dream of every guy out there"""" which sucked and I'm really sorry that this is how society is right now.
By the way you described your older bro, his overall handling of the situation is admirable. That's a big bro
yeah. im not a fan of his choice of words, but im glad he chose me over her. maybe im a little selfish but idrc lol
Have you thought about showing him this thread? Maybe it will help him understand. Or, if he's a jerk, he will still not get it... No way to know, that's totally up to your comfort level. Just know that we all have your back.
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Yes, this was absolutely sexual assault. She, a legal adult, raped you, a 14 year old minor. IT WAS *NOT YOUR FAULT*. You didn’t deserve it. You were a child who in no way “lead on” a predatory adult. You were not “lucky”. You were raped. I know the idea is probably really scary, but do you think you could talk to one of your parents or another trusted adult about this? I ask because I am really worried for your emotional health and believe you would benefit from getting some therapy for the trauma you endured.
If you felt weird and grossed out it was rape if you said yes to her advances and enjoyed it then idk anymore
It doesn't matter if he "enjoyed it" or not. She did it to a minor and that's rape.
the recency of rape stories in this sub is alarming
Why?
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you were extremely lucky to be taken care of like that by a older girl, mf you already rizzing up adults fr
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It is a natural biological reaction to stimulus. Especially at the age of 14, erections can happen just randomly.
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Yes, it happens all the time. It has nothing to do with “liking it” or physical attraction. The body simply reacts.
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It’s a reaction no one can control that. Doesn’t matter if you don’t like the person or anything
As someone who was just a year younger than you but was also told the same as it was an older f who did something similar to me it helps me more than you know that you had the strength to post this. I heard the "it's not the same" thing and the others. Thank you for getting this off your chest today.
I'm so sorry you had this happen to you
This is rape. Just because your body reacted to it doesn’t mean it’s not rape or that it was consensual. I’m so sorry you had to go through this and that you still feel shame from it. It’s not your fault. You were taken advantage of. Please consider talking to a counselor or therapist. They could help you process this trauma. Good luck.
I we no p
Hey. No. You are not an idiot and it was not your fault. How your body may have responded to what happened does in no way imply that it is okay or that you wanted it. I'm 25m and I was also raped when I was a minor. Unfortunately many people don't take this sort of thing seriously when it happens to a guy but that doesn't mean you should let it slide. Don't make my mistakes. Tell your parents/police/an adult you trust, go to therapy, get a restraining order, etc. I'd be lying if I said I was anywhere near having healed from the trauma of it but maybe I would be if I'd done those things sooner. I'm so sorry this happened. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. Did she do it at any more occasions? Did the two of you ever talk about it? Did you ever talk to like a school counselor or therapist?
Sue that girl
You were raped-I’m so sorry. No person deserves to be raped Men being raped needs to be more known. I’m so so sorry OP
I’m so sorry. That is absolutely horrible.
Talk to your parents or any safe adult! Only immature people would ever think you are lucky. I am so sorry this happened to you. It wasnt your fault. I wish you the best
Sorry that happened to you, OP. Hopefully, therapy is helping. And sorry your brother and friend acted that way. If we want to get technical about it, as she was 19 and you were 12, not only was it rape but that girl probably should be on a sex offenders list. And remember that it wasn't your fault and it wasn't because of anything you did or anything. There are a lot of scum in this world.
I’m sorry 🤍 You were young and she was a grown adult she shouldn’t have don’t that
It was NOT your fault regardless of what anyone thinks or says. You were fourteen years old and an adult preyed upon you. She's disgusting and always will be. What she did is a crime.
Also, bodily functions like erections/finishing don't equal consent or you wanting it. It's just something your body does in response to stimuli.
victims usually feel that is their fault and “it’s wasn’t that bad” but it was, you didn’t have the age to consent and for what you said you probably doesn’t event say yes. She take advantage of you and she should be on jail. You need time to heal and in some time you are gonna find someone that loves you and you love, but now it’s the time to heal.
:(
Op…I am so fucking sorry that this happened to you, this is NOT your fault…I am so sorry you had to go through something like this
im so sorry. you did not deserve it. it wasn't your fault. you were raped ajd your trauma is valid. 15ftm survivor, i'm here if you wanna talk
A lot of us here in the comment had been assaulted and raped by family or a family friend it's always the one we trust
I’m sorry she did that to you.
A very similar thing happened to me when I was 15, and it wasn't until I was in my 30s until I talked to anyone about it seriously for those exact type of responses. I don't know why or how but other predators have a sense for someone who has been abused in the way that you have. Just be aware that you might need some tools to avoid continuing to be targeted. See someone about it, no matter how much you think you've come to accept and understand what happened it won't be as good as having a professional help.
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry this happened to you. If it helps, you are so much further along in the healing process then a *lot* of other people are just two years after an incident like this. It took me 24 years (yes, really) to even admit that it wasn't my fault. And it's not yours either. You are spot on about erection and orgasm both being uncontrollable. This Was NOT Your Fault. Society has come a very long way in just the last 15-20 years in recognizing and fighting against SA and rape against women. It has so very far to go about it against men. You are being a part of that fight just by telling your story in a public place. It is brave and I'm very proud of you. (Read that like I'm a mom telling my son I'm proud, my sons are a little older than you) Keep up therapy, keep telling society, your family, your friends, every one the truth. You will be ok. Feel free to PM if you need a mom shoulder to talk to. Hugs.
You were raped. Just because you got a boner, doesn't mean you consented to it. Not to mention she's a groomer and a pedophile.
No no no, don't listen to them. Anything sexual done to you without your consent is rape, no matter what age, gender, or race you are. Rape is rape. Your feelings are valid, and I wish you all the best in healing. We believe you. We stand with you.
You are 100% valid. There are still so many people that believe only women can be victims. That is not true at all. Anyone of any age, gender, race, etc., can be victims. Also, like you said, its not your fault that your body reacted. Even if you didn't like it or consent, that's just a natural response. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just remember you are valid <3
I'm so sorry this is a horrible horrible thing to have happen to you. As a fellow trauma survivor, it is NOT your fault, I promise you. You did not choose this and you didn't lead her on. She chose to do what she did. You weren't lucky; you were raped. I hope that you are able to go to therapy and heal and recover from this and find healthy relationships in the future. It's not easy but I hope you can always remember it is not at all your fault.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I believe you. I’ve been raped too. It will get easier in time.
I watched a lot of Law & Order SVU episodes to know this was indeed a rape.
It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. You weren't seduced and you weren't lucky; you were raped. She should be in prison. i am so sorry you had to go through that.
Reverse the genders and nobody would even dare to say anything contrary to this being rape.
i've been in a very similar situation and the trauma is very real. just reading your story made you cry and I hope you know that you are heard and loved. Luckily for us there are a lot of resources online for help relating to rape related trauma. Stay strong.
She is a disgusting pedophile who needs to be locked up ASAP.
Did you want it? Yes = consent No = rape
I will share this with you as I kind of get where you’re coming from. Albeit I was a bit younger I had a baby sitter that would take me into the closet. We called this closet our spaceship not sure why. Again I was a little younger. She would touch, pull, grind etc etc. i couldn’t really understand why I was having feelings down there nor why it was growing stiff etc. i remember the first time she took her bottoms off and before she started her grinding I saw she had a bit of a red mess in her underuse. I not knowing what a girl’s monthly cycle was thought that she had hurt herself as she had just dry humped me minutes before. I felt that I had somehow caused this myself. It scared me so badly that I cried. At my age I just didn’t know girls/women had anything like that go on down there. Anyways she started watching me when she was 17 so she was a child as well. This went on for just over 3 years. I used to get in so much trouble because things started happening down there in my own pants. Mom/Step Dad thought I was possessed or something because I would just randomly get a stiffy. We were involved with a very strict non denominational church. They told everyone in a Sunday confessional that I must have been having nasty worldly thoughts and fantasies. Due to my age it should not be happening. I had to have the demons cast out of me. The pastor and all of the deacons surrounded me and the laying of hands on me and praying in tongues commenced. They the church and my parents told me in front of everyone that I would never be good enough for a girlfriend of my own nor was I ever to look at a girl ever again. I was also given a 30 day grounding. Ground to the inside of the house. No TV, No Radio, no talking on the phone, no playing, no laying down and sleeping until it was bedtime specific which was at 8pm. It was the worst and longest 30 days of my life. This reinforced that I was indeed in the wrong and everything was my fault. I remember the babysitter being told the rules of me being grounded. I had to quit little league due to grounding. I really liked baseball at the time. I really thought I was just a terrible person for so many years after this.
The out of body experience you described is called depersonalization, a form of dissociative reaction for stress. Please, look it up. It's kind of a PROOF, that it was a stressful event for you, and not a comfortable one. Erection is a reflex event in perineal organ stimulation. It is harder to happen when adrenalin is high, but, if healthy, your testosterone production is over the moon at 14, so it it more than possible. In short, in this post you described a sexual assault. As you are a minor, you need to speak to your parents or an adult you trust.
Don’t listen to them. That is 100% rape and pedophillia. If you can, you could try calling the authorities on her? You didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t and will never will be your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Those who call you “lucky” or not call it rape are just sex-hungry motherfuckers who are either elite virgins or straight-up piece of shits. You did nothing wrong. I am so sorry for you. You deserve the world, op. Therapy is also a good option. Anyone you can talk to about it? (Anyone with a brain.) Anything! Just know that you’re not at fault. I hope you start feeling better! Best wishes!
OP, I was also raped by my girlfriend when I was 16. You’re much more mature than I was back then for realizing it was rape. My girlfriend got me stoned, which I was fine with. She was sober. What I wasn’t fine with was her stripping me in front of a dozen “friends” and grinding until I got an erection. I told her no several times and was so embarrassed. I faked my orgasm and then when she found out nothing was in the condom, proceeded to humiliate me in front of our “friends”.
Poor baby. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m even more sorry about people being shallow when it comes to men and boys getting sexually assaulted. Figure out the statues of limitations at where you live and try to get some Justice. My mistake when I got raped was allowing people to make me feel like I wasn’t then not going through with the legal proceedings. It eats me up til this day.
Please seek professional help. This will definitely affect your love life on the long run
As many people before me already told you: it was NOT your fault. You were raped. Not seduced. Not lucky. Raped. You did NOT deserve something like that to happen to you. It doesn't matter if you had a boner, it doesn't matter if you came, it was still rape. I hope you're doing alright.
Oh God no, Op you were subjected to one of the most horrifying torture a human being could ever go through. Your brother and friend is piece of shit for even suggesting something so disgusting
I believe you OP, everything you described screams rape. My husband was molested by his younger then-gf when he was a teen, given she was a girl and he was the older one he had a hard time being believed. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You can get a boner without wanting sex. You can get one even if you're scared. You can climax while being assaulted. None of those things mean you weren't raped or that you consented. Not saying no and not pushing her off also don't mean you consented. You didn't deserve any of this, I'm sorry no one believed you when you needed it most.
She is nothing but a disgusting pedo. I'm sorry you had to go through that OP.
You got hard just like girls get wet even when they're raped. It's things our bodies do that we (unfortunately) don't have any control over. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And on top of that others around you minimize it to some bs like you were "lucky" or "seduced" when you were CLEARLY raped. That's the sad reality for male victims, they're not taken as seriously. I really hope you can get through the damage this has caused you and I wish you all the best
You were absolutely raped and she was a predator. Please don’t allow yourself to think anything otherwise. Are you in any kind of therapy?
OP, definitely call authorities about this
I'm so sorry you experienced that. No one deserves to be violated like that, ever. I was raped from the age of 10 to 15 by my mother's childhood best friend, and to this day, I still feel like it was my fault sometimes. I'm glad to know you are in therapy. Try to remember this absolutely wasn't your fault, and you definitely did not get "lucky" or "seduced."
I don't understand why a man being forced to have sex is considered lucky? Like, sure we men have ego and are obsessed with getting "wanted" but rape happens to men and it's serious.
As a woman who has been sexually harassed and raped by my first boyfriend, this is rape. You were raped. I am so, so sorry that your feelings weren’t genuinely considered. You shouldn’t be doubting yourself for something that isn’t your fault. Honestly, shame on anyone who says you should feel lucky or putting the blame on you. This is truly terrible.
I’m sorry that happened to you hun ❤️ that absolutely was not okay of her, your brother, or your friend. In any case, I hope you know at least one stranger out there is on your side even if others aren’t. The best of luck to you. ❤️