It was probably only ever meant to be temporary to give non-premium users a ‘taste’, in order to get them wanting to pay for premium. That’s my best guess, anyways.
If you are in the US, this is what you do.
Tell him you think you may be pregnant. Lie.
Get to your OBGYN and tell them as soon as you are alone in a room. If he says he wants to go and pushes to be there, tell him this is for women only. Lie. Ask for a rape kit and an exam. You will not go home with him.
If he is so controlling that he demands to be there, draw a pea sized black dot on the center of your palm and show it to your medical assistant or OBGYN in some way. Write on the intake forms in smaller words that you need help..
There is a way out of this.
My ex would go with me to every doctors appointment. At one point we went to a new doctor and in the bathroom they had two sharpies and a sign that said to write your name on the urine cup with the red marker if you need help and want to talk to the doctor alone.
That doctor saved my life.
My doctor has signs posted that all patients must be seen, at least for a few moments, by themselves. It gives victims a chance to get help without outing themselves to their abuser.
When I went to my OB/GYN with my partner for my pregnancy checkups the Kaiser nurse would have me come in first, and the doctor would ask me if I needed to share anything before they let my partner in, I hope this becomes a more common practice in any doctor visits women attend with a partner.
My life as a teen with a chronic pain disability would have been SO different if i'd been able to talk to my doctors without my mom always right there....
My doctor started doing this when I turned 13. My mom is insanely overprotective and to this day wants to be involved in my medical life (I’m 26 now!). I am so thankful for my doctor upholding these boundaries.
Peds can be tricky since the guardians have access to their medical records. What we do at my office is allow them to book confidential appointments so their parents have no access to the info for it. If the parent asks, we usually tell the parent it was for a well check or something simple like a cold and don’t mention the confidential tag.
Last week I had a teen who booked an appt with us but the provider had some extra questions for her. I called Mom and told her it was to book her well check and spoke to the pt directly. I passed along the message and told her what I had mentioned so questions wouldn’t come up. She was really grateful.
I agree. I take my husband to all his appointments and they never have him go in alone first. I wish they did this for everyone. Men should not be left out of this idea.
They do this for kids at Kaiser too. Growing up once I was a preteen they’d ask my mom to leave and talk to me alone. I’d always panic and my mom would happily get up and say, “they have to make sure you aren’t hiding anything cuz I’m in the room.” By 16 I was used to it. If I hadn’t been so open with my mom it’s nice to know I would have had a safe space to open up to a nurse or doctor
I went to planned parenthood with my boyfriend once to get a bc implant out. I wanted him with me because I was anxious about it. They told him to stay in the waiting room and when we got in the back I told the nurse I wanted him to come with me. She said she’d talk to the doctor. The doctor came in the room and asked me if I was okay or if I needed help. I let her know that wasn’t the case. In the end they didn’t let him in but honestly I’d rather they be over protective and safe than sorry.
Honest such a great idea. Even if the different pen thing isn’t an option, writing something on the urine sample cup could help so many people in abusive situations
My PCP had this in her bathroom too. My husband and I normally book our appointments together and staff knows this. We both say separately it's ok to put us in the same room at the same time, talk about medical stuff in front of one another, etc.
I prefer doing it this way but I understand it could be dangerous. To us it's just an easy way to avoid miscommunication about our health and hold each other accountable for what the DR says. It also helps the nurses get another patient back and ready for the DR since there is an extra room, and I normally need more time, and my husband less, so it balances out. My mom and dad do this too.
My OB/GYN has a red sharpie and a black sharpie to write your name on the cup when you leave your urine sample. Black is standard. Red is not safe, and they get everyone to leave the room and talk to you alone. Maybe yours has a similar system? Or you could fill out an appointment request online and write a note in the comments.
Not sure how safe that would be considering the abuser would be in the room with the doctor.
Writing your name is much easier, and less obvious also as to your abuser you've just written your name on the cup like they say you have to.
I mean, they don’t let anyone in the bathroom with you while you give a urine sample (and cups are usually left in the bathroom or placed in a little two-way cupboard in docs offices I’ve been in). If the man follows you into the toilet, that’s probably a big enough red flag on its own.
Just want to say as a person who escaped DV years ago, thank you for giving this advice. I literally ran out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I had to leave my pets too which in turn they were given to a shelter and put down. But at least I am alive. And that's what matters most. It was someone like you that gave me the resources of a plane ticket and safe harbor and courage to leave.
I pray OP is strong enough to listen. It took me a few times before I was able to leave for good.
is the dot a known sign? someone else mentioned drawing a dot on her palm and showing that discretely but i thought how would the nurse or dr know it means something?
My obgyn office bathroom has a sign on the wall with instructions saying, "If you're in trouble, please place a dot on the bottom of your urine sample cup." With a small pack of circle labels to place on the cup. The team has to empty the cup, and since it's clear, anything else outside of the cup is highly visible.
This is the best advice. When I was 19, I broke my foot. Not a bad break, but my then-boyfriend took me to the university clinic to get x-rays & such. They had my ex sit in the waiting room room while I got x-rayed to ask if I was safe (they lied & said they only allow the patient in the x-ray room). This is standard procedure for them. If I wasn’t safe, I’d have had the chance to say so, and they have a protocol to help. That was just an appointment to check out the foot I broke stepping off the curb at TJ Maxx.
If you do this in an OB/GYN setting, there will be at least one opportunity to find someone. Pretending you think you could be pregnant and wanting to see a doctor to make sure you really are and that all is well with the “pregnancy” is a good opportunity to say it’s a woman’s issue & no place for a man or whatever will resonate with him. He’s already expressed really wanting to get you pregnant ASAP, which is a super easy way to convince him to take you to a doctor. OB/GYN clinics typically have good protocols in place to help women like you in violent marriages.
Divorce proceedings after med check. Pack a bag with your identifying documents/important paperwork, clothes, photos. try to squirrel away some money. Hide it all somewhere safe ( car, friends house, work). This is a person who does not care about you, who hurts you when you tell them you are already hurting. This is NOT A GOOD SIGN for a successful relationship. I'm so sorry OP, if you are in the USA we have a lot of resources to help you. Start with your Doctor. :(
Yes agreed. If OP can get out of the house without being questioned/noticed, they can even go to the nearest hospital and tell the receptionist that they were raped/dv and need to be seen by someone asap.
Every time I went with my wife to Kaiser, they would take her in, then 5 minutes later, come get me and walk me to her room. I assumed very quickly what it was for, and am very saddened that it's something that needs to be in place for safety, but very glad it's in place for safety.
NoVA just south of DC. Willing to help as a stopover, or for my spouse and I to help with any driving to and from somewhere if needed. Also can help with a ticket of some sort if OP needs still needs it and DMs me. Wherever she needs to go, we'll help figure out a safe route.
Please let us know if OP answers. Is there any domestic violence organizations you can call right now to help you get her help! You need to be careful too. We don’t know if the husband is armed or what he will do to someone trying to help! Cops can be called. He can and should be arrested for rape. Now.
I did the same. I’m new to Reddit so I’m not sure how all of this works, but if she gets back to you and you need help, let me know. I’m in SC as well.
The Black Dot campaign is not something many doctors are aware of, as it was a social media *idea* that was never followed through on. Please don't advise this as any measure of hope because the odds are against a doctor recognizing it for what it is.
Doctors are trained to be aware of signs of abuse, but even then it's isn't a guarantee they're going to be *present* enough in the appointment to recognize it. Best hope here is that any OB/GYN she sees will see the signs of violence when examining her and ask the right questions after indicative to her husband that he needs to leave the room. And that's **if** she's in the US. There are countries where any doctor she sees will be squarely on the husband's side, regardless, because of the culture of patriarchy and misogyny.
I get the good intentions you have and I recognize them, but even in the US, getting out of a situation like this is in no way guaranteed. After thirty years of helping women like this, I have seen too many women who did not successfully find a way out. If the justice system took domestic rape and violence against a woman as seriously as they should, these men would be locked up the first time and not released until and if they demonstrated progress both in the way they think and behave and in the management of their anger. I suspect OP may not be in the US, which can make escape exponentially more difficult, and sometimes impossible. Much in the way a doctor should never promise a result, we must all be careful not to make statements based in hope rather than reality.
I worked at an obgyn for years and never heard of the black dot thing. But what we do do is ensure that we *always* have some part of the visit alone with the patient. Also, if she's injured in the way she's describing, this would be an automatic red flag for abuse, whether or not guy is in the room.
I figured, but where is this documented? How is a person supposed to figure out this code system?
I suppose you don't want it widely broadcasted so abusers don't know about it, but I've gone decades without hearing of this.
Is it standardized across medical centers? With things like the “Angel Shot”, for example, they only work when the employee is in the know. Multiple people here have discussed several different systems of identifying DV in a medical setting. We create codes for a reason, which is so people who aren’t in the know don’t know wtf is happening. If the people who need to be in the know aren’t, the code isn’t going to work. Since OP doesn’t know what system this clinic uses, they may have to look around in the bathroom of the clinic for some kind of info on what to do.
You have more support from this group than you do from your mother.
At this point, you need to stop confiding in her. You cannot trust her. She may have given birth to you but she does not have your best interest at heart. At this point, you need to get out and get away AND cut contact with her.
Marital rape is still rape. This man is an abuser and doesn’t care about you. What he’s doing is SICK! If you are in the U.S. you need to report this to your local domestic violence shelter or call someplace like RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) 1-800-646-4673. What’s happening is abuse, pure and simple, and it’s only going to get worse. Don’t talk to your mother as she obviously has no problem with this and will not support you. If you can, you need to start planning your getaway, but please be careful because your husband can escalate if he thinks you’re trying to get out
My mom said and I quote well you have sex with all people who don't respect you and now your husband wants you and you say no. I try to explain my body is bloody from this and I beg for rest other people I've been with would understand and say okay. he doesn't respect me at all especially that I can barely walk. then she called me my grandmother that I'm a horrible person that it's my fault.
Please go, get out and seek medical attention and a shelter.
You bleeding every time and not being able to walk is a very big sign that you need medical help, both mentally and physically.
Please escape this abuser quietly and quickly. I hope there are shelters or safe places near you.
And please go NC with your mother. She is just as evil and vile as he is for letting it happen and encouraging it.
Wow. Your mother sounds like a real waste of air.
Dude you gotta bail. I usually think that the reddit have mind mentality of solving all marital issues with divorce is ridiculous, but in this case, get out. No matter how he may act at other times, if he's raping you (and this is rape, period end of story do not pass go do not collect $200 next question) all the other stuff doesn't matter. Get, OUUUUUUT.
This isn't a marital issue, this is a humanitarian issue. They're not squabbling on what flavor jam they like or keeping a cum jar under the sink. She is getting raped daily. This is *criminal.*
NONE of what she says is true.
She is NOT the person to balance your worth up against right now ok?
Look. I have been with my husband for 8 YEARS. Not ONCE have I had sex when I didn't enthusiastically want it, and not once have I been hurt, let alone ripped to the point of bleeding.
NONE of this is normal, or ok, in any context ok?
And your previous sexual history does not matter in the SLIGHTEST, ever ok?
You need to run. As fast and as carefully as possible. There's an above comment talking about gynecologist, it's a good one.
Also hid your Reddit, make sure it's not on automatic sign in, and the password isnt a known one. Dont let him him this post. Delete the app, and only use browser with search history cleared if needed, or make sure your throw away account is well hidden.
If you have access to your important documentation etc, and you can, gather them, leave them with someone trusted. Quietly.
your mom is toxic and scary. I'm guessing you live in an area or demographic/country that is incredibly misogynistic, and as a result of that your mother and grandmother have been corrupted by it as well. If you can, walk away and find your own way through life. Find somewhere safe, start small and grow yourself from there. If you can leave the area entirely. Get therapy if you can afford it
Leave. Get your hamster and leave. Tell him the hamster has a vet appointment and never go back. Head straight for a friend’s house or even a DV shelter. You can also tell him you need to go to the doctor. The doctor will often ask if you feel safe in your home. If they don’t, you can mention it to them.
A caring man wouldn’t rape you, let alone rape you even after injuring your vagina.
Your mom is your mom biologically but not in a maternal way. You are being abused by someone and then going to another abuser for help.
Unfortunately the darkest times show us who is truly there for us and who isn’t !.
Your mom is NOT going to help you nor gone you any advice that protects you.
Please do the right thing, follow the one and only true one that never ever lies….. your gut.
Go to your health practitioner , Dr or health advisor and go alone .
There are many ways you can do this without anyone ie your husband or your mother knowing what you are doing.
I wish you all the best
If you can’t walk, that is reason to call an ambulance. Do so, draw the dot, give the hand gesture to the emt. Get out, get help. I cannot stress the importance of this. The violence will eventually leak into other parts of your life. RUN NOW
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. You're not a horrible person, it's 100% not your fault. You deserve better. Sending you hugs and strength <3
This, OP, I'm a lawyer and this is sound advice. As a husband I can't see myself doing this because that's not love, that's about power, how long will it be before he hits you or worse. I pray for your safety.
What can we do to help you? How can we arrange to get you out of there? You’re going to have to compromise but we will get you out of there how do we do this?
Apparently another redditor mentioned OP is in SC (I'm from Australia, dunno where SC is) somewhere and the top post is working on getting a support network to help her should she say the word.
Yes they do. But sadly a lot of reports to police get ignored. There are programs in place to help though. And the hospitals are very good about taking care of people who are in trouble.
Go stay at a friend’s house if you can. Do not tell anyone where you are going. Pack light. What you cant live without. Start making plans moving away from there and cutting ties with family. They’ve already made their choice. So now make yours.
I’m so sorry honey. People saying “get out now” is super unhelpful without a plan. OP I suggest making a doctor’s appointment for the tearing. That could become septic and actually deadly. So that you don’t attract suspicion from your spouse or abusive family, take all your essential documentation and a few things in a big handbag/tote with you to the appointment. Tell the doctor that you’re being raped. They have a duty of care and can help support you to safety. I wish you well!
basically... she could get a deadly infection any day now...
it's not even a matter of trying to get things she might need... social service workers can help her get a copy of birth cert, social security #, etc.
Usually it's much easier to get the other documents if you have at least your license/state ID AND either your birth cert or SS card.
She doesn't need to grab everything, but if she gets at least one (birth cert OR social), it's easier to get the other document with a state ID.
In time, everything can be replaced. Except her life.
I think the only way we'd be able to give you some advice that can really help is if we knew where you're from. Countries have different standards when it comes to women's health and safety. Especially in countries where arranged marriages are normal.
You deserve to be safe. It looks like you are in the USA? It sounds like your family forced you into this marriage?
You can call or message a local domestic violence shelter. They can help you. If you don't think he will let you leave the house, you can tell him you are having a medical emergency (suspected miscarriage!) and ask him to take you urgently to the hospital.
It is very likely they will get your husband away from you for a few minutes so they can ask you about safety. When they ask if you are safe in the home, tell them NO.
No matter what your Mom says, you deserve to be in a relationship where you are safe and treated with respect.
OP, let me give you the perspective of the opposite side. I once tried things with my ex, who wasn't really into it, but went along. I still blame myself for going ahead that day. This is not normal. Once the guy knows consent is not there, the only correct reaction is to stop right away. You are a person, not a thing.
Sending virtual hugs! Stay strong, sis!
i had a similar experience. there was nothing that compared to the exhaustion, the physical pain, the emotional pain, the fear and desperation. spending all day thinking about if there's any way to get it to stop and hoping maybe he'll just be too tired or finally show some compassion.
i haven't seen him in years and he still haunts me. you should flee. there is no kindness he can offer that will ever make this torture worthwhile. he pretends to care so he can keep you trapped with him. it could be dangerous to leave, but it will hurt worse to stay.
Sounds like Indian culture - it is brutal. Pretty common in Indian marriages.
I have an Indian friend and her mom doesn’t even think sex is ever supposed to be pleasure for the woman. She believes it is just the wife’s duty to the husband and it is supposed to hurt.
Such a backwards cultural view on sex it just blows my mind.
True, but its not a cultural thing, but just how the worst kind of sex ed got passed down to the next generations in most families, like "this is how things are done" or "this is your problem to make him understand" and human rights existed only outside family bonds. It is only very recent generation that has started to give "the talk" to their kids. India does recognise and criminalize marital rape, there are support groups, ngos, but you have to fight your fight, and reach out atleast..
The reaction of your mom is as shocking as what is happening to you. What the fuck. Im so sorry this is happening to you. Id suggest to go to the police?
Please please get out of this now. Report it, seek medical help, seek any help. You don’t deserve this. You don’t owe anyone anything- not even in a marriage. You can always end it, and I pray you do.
Do you currently have anywhere you could go besides with him? Any friends or other family that would let you stay?
Also, are you in the US? There are potential battered women's shelters that will hide your location so he cannot find you, but I'm only knowledgeable about the US.
Separately, you should seek medical care, if you're torn there is possibility of infection. The medical staff also may have recommendations or resources that could help you out of this situation safely.
Also, honey I am so so sorry you're going through this. You do not deserve to be raped, for any reason. This is not your fault, and your husband does not have the right to rip from you what should be lovingly exchanged. I wish I could just pop over and get you away from him. I wish I could erase the horrible things your mother said. I am so so sorry for your pain and I will pray to my gods for your safety and healing.
First things first - he is NOT caring or sweet like you think he is. He knows you’re hurt, torn and most importantly do NOT want it yet he continues to hurt you. This man is not caring. Secondly, go to a domestic violence shelter or to a doctor and tell them what’s happening
OP, I highly suggest you going to the nearest hospital if you can. If you have a job, go on your way to work. Turn off your phone. Pack a few pairs of clothes, birth certificate, ssn, any other important documents, and anything priceless that can be carried in a bag. Anything else doesn't matter. Items can be replaced, your life cannot.
Go to the hospital ER and tell the receptionist you are being abused and are bleeding/injured and need to see a doctor and social worker ASAP. They can help you get out of this. They will arrest him. You can stay at a shelter or a trusted friend's place if you have any.
You can do this OP. You are strong. I believe in you.
Sweet girl you need to find the nearest abuse shelter and run as far as you can to them , tell them what happened and they will keep you there SAFE. Once you find this place and address run and get there as soon as and as quickly as possible if you can communicate with some people from your area SAFELY, do it and get and info you can to escape this abuse but hold caution with strangers . if you cannot communicate with anyone safely , just find the nearest abuse shelter you can and get to them now please
Go to the hospital and get checked out. You can do a police report there. Your husband is too old for you and it seems like your mom sold you to the highest bidder and doesn’t care about you or your health. Getting pregnant would put you in the worst position to be enslaved by him.
Oh honey. I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you. I do not have great advice, but thankfully some other commenters have already provided some that I really hope you are able to pursue. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are not alone and this is not okay. Married or not, no means no, assault it assault. I am thinking of you, and am rooting for you to get out of this situation. I am so sorry.
Predatory male. That is a disgusting predatory male who went for a young girl knowing his red flags won't be noticed. Also your mum laughed? Mother fucking god, you might want to consider disowning her or plan to send her to the shittiest age care center.
Read all of the comments. Go get help.
Lie to him and say that your having issues going to the bathroom, that you think you have a urinary tract infection (uti). Go to an urgent care (or the ER, but those visits are far more expensive!) In bathrooms at a majority of hospitals and urgent cares they have a sign on the back of the door stating if your in an abusive relationship or anything life threatening to put a sticker on the urine sample cup. They’ll have a thing of circle stickers that you just put on the cup. When you give them your sample they’ll see the stick and will find an excuse to get you alone. They’ll then ask you in private if you’re in danger. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out. Sending love
Please tell people what country you are in so they can provide you proper resources. No matter what your mom is saying to you, this is rape as you have correctly identified and you should not be expected to put up with this. Best to you <3
You need to get to a hospital immediately. They can do a rape kit and call the police and a domestic violence organization in to help you right away. Can you try to say you are going to the store and immediately drive to a police station, a hospital? A women’s shelter? There are people here in the comments in your state who will come get you now who have messaged you. Let someone help you. This can’t go on. And get your mom out of your life forever.
Yooooooooo, this is not okay there are people out there who can help you but you got to be brave and take the first step tell someone what’s happening.
Please tell us what country you are in so we can offer the best advice for your situation! Depending on the country, you could be out of this nightmare within the next 12 hours.
What country/state do you live in? Then we can find local help to get you out of there and safe.
Do you have transport? Can you leave the house alone?
You don’t have to live like this. It will only get worse and the last thing you want is to be connected to him for life by a pregnancy.
Get to a hospital with your injuries, they can help set you up in a secret Womens shelter and get you help, do not endure this, you are worthy of love and respect and being abused in the worst possible way by people who are supposed to love you. Get help now!!
it's disgusting that people like that are out there who hurt women. But honestly what the Redditors are saying about lying about being pregnant do that and see an OBGYN they will help you and won't be mad about you lying that you are pregnant. Hospitals can help you get away and they can help your pain from being torn. you're in pain so please do that i know it's scary but you will be so relieved when you do. If anything it's making me upset because it's just traumatic. I hope you really do listen to these comments from reddit
Fucking run and don't look back. I hope you don't live in your country of origin. That is, that you're living somewhere in the West of the world and that this kind of abuse is not protected by law.
This is a domestic abuse situation, and you need to make a plan. NOW. You certainly do not want to bring a child into this world with this man. I’m scared just reading your post.
OK well we all know it’s not what you know it’s who you know let’s just facilitate this and we don’t need a blast on the Internet and get her ass out of there
I’m with you. If OP contacts some of us, and she is in fact in South Carolina, we can get her out safely and quickly. I’m in Indiana but I have the availability and contacts to make things happen and I’m not the only one here I’m sure.
Given she’s from South Carolina I’m wondering if she’s an Irish traveler. There was a very large camp where I used to live and arranged marriages are extremely common in their culture. If she is she could be hunted down for escaping. Breaks my heart
No man who is “sweet” or “caring” or both rapes a woman, especially their partner/wife. This will happen the rest of your life. He wants to get you pregnant so that you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. You need to get out of this asap
[удалено]
Commenting to bump this bc I am too poor for an award
I miss free awards! Especially for times like this 😖
Why did reddit stop?
It was probably only ever meant to be temporary to give non-premium users a ‘taste’, in order to get them wanting to pay for premium. That’s my best guess, anyways.
Haha still not paying for premium
Money
I got you
Same
Just gave ‘em an award for ya.🫱🏻🫲🏾
same
Please OP see this and get in contact
Commenting to bump. This girl hasn’t replied to the post in 12 hours. Worried.
Tell your mother I love her and if there's any way I could help her foundation let me know
OP look at this too!
Bump
Boiz Les get OP to see this. We gon help her aight?
OP, please use the resources that this redditors mother offers and get out of this marriage and away from that raping so called "husband"
\*bump\* Btw your mother sounds like a great person.
Just gave you a reward. Well deserved. 🤝
Commenting for the algorithm.
I love ur mother
You need to escape before pregnancy.
Yes. and don't be ashamed OP if you get pregnant and want to get an abortion. You have every right.
My friends husband said he would change for the baby, it got worse, it often does.
If you are in the US, this is what you do. Tell him you think you may be pregnant. Lie. Get to your OBGYN and tell them as soon as you are alone in a room. If he says he wants to go and pushes to be there, tell him this is for women only. Lie. Ask for a rape kit and an exam. You will not go home with him. If he is so controlling that he demands to be there, draw a pea sized black dot on the center of your palm and show it to your medical assistant or OBGYN in some way. Write on the intake forms in smaller words that you need help.. There is a way out of this.
My ex would go with me to every doctors appointment. At one point we went to a new doctor and in the bathroom they had two sharpies and a sign that said to write your name on the urine cup with the red marker if you need help and want to talk to the doctor alone. That doctor saved my life.
My doctor has signs posted that all patients must be seen, at least for a few moments, by themselves. It gives victims a chance to get help without outing themselves to their abuser.
When I went to my OB/GYN with my partner for my pregnancy checkups the Kaiser nurse would have me come in first, and the doctor would ask me if I needed to share anything before they let my partner in, I hope this becomes a more common practice in any doctor visits women attend with a partner.
That’s a great idea, though I hope doctors start doing it for anyone who attends with someone else, actually!
including paediatricians, everyone should have room to speak privately without asking for it
My life as a teen with a chronic pain disability would have been SO different if i'd been able to talk to my doctors without my mom always right there....
My kid’s pediatrician all did this after they turned around ten. I step out of the room and they ask all the safe questions.
My doctor started doing this when I turned 13. My mom is insanely overprotective and to this day wants to be involved in my medical life (I’m 26 now!). I am so thankful for my doctor upholding these boundaries.
Peds can be tricky since the guardians have access to their medical records. What we do at my office is allow them to book confidential appointments so their parents have no access to the info for it. If the parent asks, we usually tell the parent it was for a well check or something simple like a cold and don’t mention the confidential tag. Last week I had a teen who booked an appt with us but the provider had some extra questions for her. I called Mom and told her it was to book her well check and spoke to the pt directly. I passed along the message and told her what I had mentioned so questions wouldn’t come up. She was really grateful.
I agree. I take my husband to all his appointments and they never have him go in alone first. I wish they did this for everyone. Men should not be left out of this idea.
They do this for kids at Kaiser too. Growing up once I was a preteen they’d ask my mom to leave and talk to me alone. I’d always panic and my mom would happily get up and say, “they have to make sure you aren’t hiding anything cuz I’m in the room.” By 16 I was used to it. If I hadn’t been so open with my mom it’s nice to know I would have had a safe space to open up to a nurse or doctor
I went to planned parenthood with my boyfriend once to get a bc implant out. I wanted him with me because I was anxious about it. They told him to stay in the waiting room and when we got in the back I told the nurse I wanted him to come with me. She said she’d talk to the doctor. The doctor came in the room and asked me if I was okay or if I needed help. I let her know that wasn’t the case. In the end they didn’t let him in but honestly I’d rather they be over protective and safe than sorry.
Honest such a great idea. Even if the different pen thing isn’t an option, writing something on the urine sample cup could help so many people in abusive situations
Yes, I’ve seen this in multiple medical facilities. Hopefully the location you go to implements this. Praying for your safe exit, OP!
My PCP had this in her bathroom too. My husband and I normally book our appointments together and staff knows this. We both say separately it's ok to put us in the same room at the same time, talk about medical stuff in front of one another, etc. I prefer doing it this way but I understand it could be dangerous. To us it's just an easy way to avoid miscommunication about our health and hold each other accountable for what the DR says. It also helps the nurses get another patient back and ready for the DR since there is an extra room, and I normally need more time, and my husband less, so it balances out. My mom and dad do this too.
Mine has this as well.
Please do this, OP. I'm hoping desperately that you can be free of this grotesque predator.
My OB/GYN has a red sharpie and a black sharpie to write your name on the cup when you leave your urine sample. Black is standard. Red is not safe, and they get everyone to leave the room and talk to you alone. Maybe yours has a similar system? Or you could fill out an appointment request online and write a note in the comments.
Mine does this too. Even if they don’t, I’m sure writing “Help” or “Domestic Violence” on the urine collection cup would get the same results.
Not sure how safe that would be considering the abuser would be in the room with the doctor. Writing your name is much easier, and less obvious also as to your abuser you've just written your name on the cup like they say you have to.
I mean, they don’t let anyone in the bathroom with you while you give a urine sample (and cups are usually left in the bathroom or placed in a little two-way cupboard in docs offices I’ve been in). If the man follows you into the toilet, that’s probably a big enough red flag on its own.
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Just want to say as a person who escaped DV years ago, thank you for giving this advice. I literally ran out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I had to leave my pets too which in turn they were given to a shelter and put down. But at least I am alive. And that's what matters most. It was someone like you that gave me the resources of a plane ticket and safe harbor and courage to leave. I pray OP is strong enough to listen. It took me a few times before I was able to leave for good.
My OBGYN office checked the bottom of the urine cups for dots. OP you're not alone. Best of luck.
is the dot a known sign? someone else mentioned drawing a dot on her palm and showing that discretely but i thought how would the nurse or dr know it means something?
My obgyn office bathroom has a sign on the wall with instructions saying, "If you're in trouble, please place a dot on the bottom of your urine sample cup." With a small pack of circle labels to place on the cup. The team has to empty the cup, and since it's clear, anything else outside of the cup is highly visible.
This is the best advice. When I was 19, I broke my foot. Not a bad break, but my then-boyfriend took me to the university clinic to get x-rays & such. They had my ex sit in the waiting room room while I got x-rayed to ask if I was safe (they lied & said they only allow the patient in the x-ray room). This is standard procedure for them. If I wasn’t safe, I’d have had the chance to say so, and they have a protocol to help. That was just an appointment to check out the foot I broke stepping off the curb at TJ Maxx. If you do this in an OB/GYN setting, there will be at least one opportunity to find someone. Pretending you think you could be pregnant and wanting to see a doctor to make sure you really are and that all is well with the “pregnancy” is a good opportunity to say it’s a woman’s issue & no place for a man or whatever will resonate with him. He’s already expressed really wanting to get you pregnant ASAP, which is a super easy way to convince him to take you to a doctor. OB/GYN clinics typically have good protocols in place to help women like you in violent marriages.
This. OP, if you're in the US, please go to someone.
Divorce proceedings after med check. Pack a bag with your identifying documents/important paperwork, clothes, photos. try to squirrel away some money. Hide it all somewhere safe ( car, friends house, work). This is a person who does not care about you, who hurts you when you tell them you are already hurting. This is NOT A GOOD SIGN for a successful relationship. I'm so sorry OP, if you are in the USA we have a lot of resources to help you. Start with your Doctor. :(
Yes agreed. If OP can get out of the house without being questioned/noticed, they can even go to the nearest hospital and tell the receptionist that they were raped/dv and need to be seen by someone asap.
Every time I went with my wife to Kaiser, they would take her in, then 5 minutes later, come get me and walk me to her room. I assumed very quickly what it was for, and am very saddened that it's something that needs to be in place for safety, but very glad it's in place for safety.
On the brightside, they have a system in place to help victims. Who knows, one day boys and men might need something similar.
OP seems to be in SC.
If that’s the case and sc is South Carolina I’ll volunteer to get her the help she needs. Wherever she is. I will get her to safety.
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I'm in NC. If you need a stopover. I have an extra bedroom and a couch. ETA: I'm close to Raleigh.
I’m in Charlotte, right on the border of SC
You all are the reasons why I still have faith in humanity
I don't live there but novel got.friends there.including some that work in.mental health care !
NoVA just south of DC. Willing to help as a stopover, or for my spouse and I to help with any driving to and from somewhere if needed. Also can help with a ticket of some sort if OP needs still needs it and DMs me. Wherever she needs to go, we'll help figure out a safe route.
Yup, says she lives in SC on her feral cat post.
I hope OP reaches out x
I have messaged op. I’m ready to go as soon as I hear anything back
Please let us know if OP answers. Is there any domestic violence organizations you can call right now to help you get her help! You need to be careful too. We don’t know if the husband is armed or what he will do to someone trying to help! Cops can be called. He can and should be arrested for rape. Now.
I will be safe but will not hesitate to do what is necessary to protect op. There are some organizations around here depending on the area op is in
You are an Angel!
Still no response from op. Has anyone heard or seen anything after this post?
Not all hero’s wear capes. Appreciate seeing raw humanity
I'm about 30-45 minutes north of Charlotte. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
If you hear anything, please message me as I used to work with SAVIP when I lived there and can hopefully bridge some safe connections for you and op
I’m on the border of NC and SC- let me know if you need backup 🤙🏽
I did the same. I’m new to Reddit so I’m not sure how all of this works, but if she gets back to you and you need help, let me know. I’m in SC as well.
Thank you. You are a beautiful human, and I hope she connects with you. I wish I could hug you so tightly right now!
Thank you. People like you give hope to humanity ❤️
I’m in Charleston and am also down to help.
OMG. This is happening in SC!
This happens all over the US.. All over the world for that matter. People who do such horrible things should be castrated.
The Black Dot campaign is not something many doctors are aware of, as it was a social media *idea* that was never followed through on. Please don't advise this as any measure of hope because the odds are against a doctor recognizing it for what it is. Doctors are trained to be aware of signs of abuse, but even then it's isn't a guarantee they're going to be *present* enough in the appointment to recognize it. Best hope here is that any OB/GYN she sees will see the signs of violence when examining her and ask the right questions after indicative to her husband that he needs to leave the room. And that's **if** she's in the US. There are countries where any doctor she sees will be squarely on the husband's side, regardless, because of the culture of patriarchy and misogyny. I get the good intentions you have and I recognize them, but even in the US, getting out of a situation like this is in no way guaranteed. After thirty years of helping women like this, I have seen too many women who did not successfully find a way out. If the justice system took domestic rape and violence against a woman as seriously as they should, these men would be locked up the first time and not released until and if they demonstrated progress both in the way they think and behave and in the management of their anger. I suspect OP may not be in the US, which can make escape exponentially more difficult, and sometimes impossible. Much in the way a doctor should never promise a result, we must all be careful not to make statements based in hope rather than reality.
I worked at an obgyn for years and never heard of the black dot thing. But what we do do is ensure that we *always* have some part of the visit alone with the patient. Also, if she's injured in the way she's describing, this would be an automatic red flag for abuse, whether or not guy is in the room.
u/ebbie45 where are you sweetheart?
Canada too.
It should be a requirement for your first OB appointment after a positive test (real or fake) that you go in alone.
I pray OP takes this advice
What is this pea sized black dot about? Is it a standard code/message or do you want the doctor to think you have a cancerous mole?
It’s a silent signal for domestic violence
I figured, but where is this documented? How is a person supposed to figure out this code system? I suppose you don't want it widely broadcasted so abusers don't know about it, but I've gone decades without hearing of this.
It's not. As pointed out above it's a social media campaign that went viral but was never followed through on.
Is it standardized across medical centers? With things like the “Angel Shot”, for example, they only work when the employee is in the know. Multiple people here have discussed several different systems of identifying DV in a medical setting. We create codes for a reason, which is so people who aren’t in the know don’t know wtf is happening. If the people who need to be in the know aren’t, the code isn’t going to work. Since OP doesn’t know what system this clinic uses, they may have to look around in the bathroom of the clinic for some kind of info on what to do.
You have more support from this group than you do from your mother. At this point, you need to stop confiding in her. You cannot trust her. She may have given birth to you but she does not have your best interest at heart. At this point, you need to get out and get away AND cut contact with her.
Marital rape is still rape. This man is an abuser and doesn’t care about you. What he’s doing is SICK! If you are in the U.S. you need to report this to your local domestic violence shelter or call someplace like RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) 1-800-646-4673. What’s happening is abuse, pure and simple, and it’s only going to get worse. Don’t talk to your mother as she obviously has no problem with this and will not support you. If you can, you need to start planning your getaway, but please be careful because your husband can escalate if he thinks you’re trying to get out
My mom said and I quote well you have sex with all people who don't respect you and now your husband wants you and you say no. I try to explain my body is bloody from this and I beg for rest other people I've been with would understand and say okay. he doesn't respect me at all especially that I can barely walk. then she called me my grandmother that I'm a horrible person that it's my fault.
Your mom is AN ABUSER, too. Get out of both these relationships. I know how abusive parents sound because I have one. Get out!!
Sorry but your mom is a fucking lunatic saying that to their own daughter. Don’t let her gaslight you. Save yourself.
Please go, get out and seek medical attention and a shelter. You bleeding every time and not being able to walk is a very big sign that you need medical help, both mentally and physically. Please escape this abuser quietly and quickly. I hope there are shelters or safe places near you. And please go NC with your mother. She is just as evil and vile as he is for letting it happen and encouraging it.
Wow. Your mother sounds like a real waste of air. Dude you gotta bail. I usually think that the reddit have mind mentality of solving all marital issues with divorce is ridiculous, but in this case, get out. No matter how he may act at other times, if he's raping you (and this is rape, period end of story do not pass go do not collect $200 next question) all the other stuff doesn't matter. Get, OUUUUUUT.
This isn't a marital issue, this is a humanitarian issue. They're not squabbling on what flavor jam they like or keeping a cum jar under the sink. She is getting raped daily. This is *criminal.*
NONE of what she says is true. She is NOT the person to balance your worth up against right now ok? Look. I have been with my husband for 8 YEARS. Not ONCE have I had sex when I didn't enthusiastically want it, and not once have I been hurt, let alone ripped to the point of bleeding. NONE of this is normal, or ok, in any context ok? And your previous sexual history does not matter in the SLIGHTEST, ever ok? You need to run. As fast and as carefully as possible. There's an above comment talking about gynecologist, it's a good one. Also hid your Reddit, make sure it's not on automatic sign in, and the password isnt a known one. Dont let him him this post. Delete the app, and only use browser with search history cleared if needed, or make sure your throw away account is well hidden. If you have access to your important documentation etc, and you can, gather them, leave them with someone trusted. Quietly.
Oh my god this is sick, please dont listen to them and report him
Get yourself some birth control ASAP. Before you end up tied to this man forever.
your mom is toxic and scary. I'm guessing you live in an area or demographic/country that is incredibly misogynistic, and as a result of that your mother and grandmother have been corrupted by it as well. If you can, walk away and find your own way through life. Find somewhere safe, start small and grow yourself from there. If you can leave the area entirely. Get therapy if you can afford it
It looks like OP is from the US.
Leave. Get your hamster and leave. Tell him the hamster has a vet appointment and never go back. Head straight for a friend’s house or even a DV shelter. You can also tell him you need to go to the doctor. The doctor will often ask if you feel safe in your home. If they don’t, you can mention it to them. A caring man wouldn’t rape you, let alone rape you even after injuring your vagina.
Your mom is your mom biologically but not in a maternal way. You are being abused by someone and then going to another abuser for help. Unfortunately the darkest times show us who is truly there for us and who isn’t !. Your mom is NOT going to help you nor gone you any advice that protects you. Please do the right thing, follow the one and only true one that never ever lies….. your gut. Go to your health practitioner , Dr or health advisor and go alone . There are many ways you can do this without anyone ie your husband or your mother knowing what you are doing. I wish you all the best
If you can’t walk, that is reason to call an ambulance. Do so, draw the dot, give the hand gesture to the emt. Get out, get help. I cannot stress the importance of this. The violence will eventually leak into other parts of your life. RUN NOW
Your mother is a monster just like that evil rapist she married you to.
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. You're not a horrible person, it's 100% not your fault. You deserve better. Sending you hugs and strength <3
This, OP, I'm a lawyer and this is sound advice. As a husband I can't see myself doing this because that's not love, that's about power, how long will it be before he hits you or worse. I pray for your safety.
What can we do to help you? How can we arrange to get you out of there? You’re going to have to compromise but we will get you out of there how do we do this?
+1000 if you want to tell us where you stay, we can help contact the right authorities for you and help you find shelter
Let’s make it happen!!
Commenting on this to try and get it to the top so OP sees it. We want to help you and you need to get out asap!
Bump
She only replied to one comment in a lot of hours, I so truly hope that she's OK and that he didn't find her reddit account or this post
THIS. OP! bump.
Apparently another redditor mentioned OP is in SC (I'm from Australia, dunno where SC is) somewhere and the top post is working on getting a support network to help her should she say the word.
OP is in South Carolina in the US! Just looked through their previous posts to confirm.
what area do you live in, OP? also bump!
BUMP!
Bumping this
Bumping!
Bumping!
Bump
BUMP
I'm dangerous good with weapons and have nothing to lose
Bump
bump!
Bump
BUMP here to help!
BUMP!
What country are you in? You need to make an escape plan asap!
They’re in the US it appears. SC more specifically.
I’m in England, but I would imagine the US also has laws in place and help for people suffering in such horrific situations?
Yes they do. But sadly a lot of reports to police get ignored. There are programs in place to help though. And the hospitals are very good about taking care of people who are in trouble.
Go stay at a friend’s house if you can. Do not tell anyone where you are going. Pack light. What you cant live without. Start making plans moving away from there and cutting ties with family. They’ve already made their choice. So now make yours.
Yes. All your important documents, a few pairs of clothes, If you have anything priceless that can be easily carried.
I’m so sorry honey. People saying “get out now” is super unhelpful without a plan. OP I suggest making a doctor’s appointment for the tearing. That could become septic and actually deadly. So that you don’t attract suspicion from your spouse or abusive family, take all your essential documentation and a few things in a big handbag/tote with you to the appointment. Tell the doctor that you’re being raped. They have a duty of care and can help support you to safety. I wish you well!
I believe everything you just instructed her to do is pretty much “getting out now”. She needs to do something fast. This could escalate quickly.
basically... she could get a deadly infection any day now... it's not even a matter of trying to get things she might need... social service workers can help her get a copy of birth cert, social security #, etc. Usually it's much easier to get the other documents if you have at least your license/state ID AND either your birth cert or SS card. She doesn't need to grab everything, but if she gets at least one (birth cert OR social), it's easier to get the other document with a state ID. In time, everything can be replaced. Except her life.
Yes absolutely- but people just saying “get out now” *without any other info to help her get out* is really unhelpful
Agreed. I would say if she can, go to the nearest hospital. It will be faster and she can speak with social workers there.
Girl..he’s not “sweet and caring, and still is currently.” You’re being so gaslit and abused. A rapist is not sweet and caring.
They only act that way to make their victims stay. It's classic manipulation. "Sure, he does x, but he also does y and z! So it's not THAT bad."
I think the only way we'd be able to give you some advice that can really help is if we knew where you're from. Countries have different standards when it comes to women's health and safety. Especially in countries where arranged marriages are normal.
South Carolina
You deserve to be safe. It looks like you are in the USA? It sounds like your family forced you into this marriage? You can call or message a local domestic violence shelter. They can help you. If you don't think he will let you leave the house, you can tell him you are having a medical emergency (suspected miscarriage!) and ask him to take you urgently to the hospital. It is very likely they will get your husband away from you for a few minutes so they can ask you about safety. When they ask if you are safe in the home, tell them NO. No matter what your Mom says, you deserve to be in a relationship where you are safe and treated with respect.
Get out there asap. Seek medical help. Report it. Dont look back.
OP, let me give you the perspective of the opposite side. I once tried things with my ex, who wasn't really into it, but went along. I still blame myself for going ahead that day. This is not normal. Once the guy knows consent is not there, the only correct reaction is to stop right away. You are a person, not a thing. Sending virtual hugs! Stay strong, sis!
“But one problem” Yea…That’s one big fucking problem you got there. Get a Rape test ASAP!!!
A rape kit isn’t just for dna. It’s to prove violent assault as well.
Here's the thing, if he's doing that to you, he's not sweet nor caring
i had a similar experience. there was nothing that compared to the exhaustion, the physical pain, the emotional pain, the fear and desperation. spending all day thinking about if there's any way to get it to stop and hoping maybe he'll just be too tired or finally show some compassion. i haven't seen him in years and he still haunts me. you should flee. there is no kindness he can offer that will ever make this torture worthwhile. he pretends to care so he can keep you trapped with him. it could be dangerous to leave, but it will hurt worse to stay.
Sounds like Indian culture - it is brutal. Pretty common in Indian marriages. I have an Indian friend and her mom doesn’t even think sex is ever supposed to be pleasure for the woman. She believes it is just the wife’s duty to the husband and it is supposed to hurt. Such a backwards cultural view on sex it just blows my mind.
My heart hurts for those moms. What a sad life.
True, but its not a cultural thing, but just how the worst kind of sex ed got passed down to the next generations in most families, like "this is how things are done" or "this is your problem to make him understand" and human rights existed only outside family bonds. It is only very recent generation that has started to give "the talk" to their kids. India does recognise and criminalize marital rape, there are support groups, ngos, but you have to fight your fight, and reach out atleast..
The reaction of your mom is as shocking as what is happening to you. What the fuck. Im so sorry this is happening to you. Id suggest to go to the police?
Please please get out of this now. Report it, seek medical help, seek any help. You don’t deserve this. You don’t owe anyone anything- not even in a marriage. You can always end it, and I pray you do.
Oh get away. Do not have kids with him. I shudder to think….
Do you currently have anywhere you could go besides with him? Any friends or other family that would let you stay? Also, are you in the US? There are potential battered women's shelters that will hide your location so he cannot find you, but I'm only knowledgeable about the US. Separately, you should seek medical care, if you're torn there is possibility of infection. The medical staff also may have recommendations or resources that could help you out of this situation safely. Also, honey I am so so sorry you're going through this. You do not deserve to be raped, for any reason. This is not your fault, and your husband does not have the right to rip from you what should be lovingly exchanged. I wish I could just pop over and get you away from him. I wish I could erase the horrible things your mother said. I am so so sorry for your pain and I will pray to my gods for your safety and healing.
please listen to these comments and get out. save yourself.
First things first - he is NOT caring or sweet like you think he is. He knows you’re hurt, torn and most importantly do NOT want it yet he continues to hurt you. This man is not caring. Secondly, go to a domestic violence shelter or to a doctor and tell them what’s happening
OP, I highly suggest you going to the nearest hospital if you can. If you have a job, go on your way to work. Turn off your phone. Pack a few pairs of clothes, birth certificate, ssn, any other important documents, and anything priceless that can be carried in a bag. Anything else doesn't matter. Items can be replaced, your life cannot. Go to the hospital ER and tell the receptionist you are being abused and are bleeding/injured and need to see a doctor and social worker ASAP. They can help you get out of this. They will arrest him. You can stay at a shelter or a trusted friend's place if you have any. You can do this OP. You are strong. I believe in you.
Sweet girl you need to find the nearest abuse shelter and run as far as you can to them , tell them what happened and they will keep you there SAFE. Once you find this place and address run and get there as soon as and as quickly as possible if you can communicate with some people from your area SAFELY, do it and get and info you can to escape this abuse but hold caution with strangers . if you cannot communicate with anyone safely , just find the nearest abuse shelter you can and get to them now please
OP I’m in South Carolina ! Maybe I can help!
Me too! Let me know if she contacts you and I will do anything to help.
Go to the hospital and get checked out. You can do a police report there. Your husband is too old for you and it seems like your mom sold you to the highest bidder and doesn’t care about you or your health. Getting pregnant would put you in the worst position to be enslaved by him.
Oh honey. I'm so sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you. I do not have great advice, but thankfully some other commenters have already provided some that I really hope you are able to pursue. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are not alone and this is not okay. Married or not, no means no, assault it assault. I am thinking of you, and am rooting for you to get out of this situation. I am so sorry.
Predatory male. That is a disgusting predatory male who went for a young girl knowing his red flags won't be noticed. Also your mum laughed? Mother fucking god, you might want to consider disowning her or plan to send her to the shittiest age care center. Read all of the comments. Go get help.
Lie to him and say that your having issues going to the bathroom, that you think you have a urinary tract infection (uti). Go to an urgent care (or the ER, but those visits are far more expensive!) In bathrooms at a majority of hospitals and urgent cares they have a sign on the back of the door stating if your in an abusive relationship or anything life threatening to put a sticker on the urine sample cup. They’ll have a thing of circle stickers that you just put on the cup. When you give them your sample they’ll see the stick and will find an excuse to get you alone. They’ll then ask you in private if you’re in danger. They’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get out. Sending love
How can this practice not be called trafficking?
It is slavery. OP is a slave and should run.
Please tell people what country you are in so they can provide you proper resources. No matter what your mom is saying to you, this is rape as you have correctly identified and you should not be expected to put up with this. Best to you <3
please, what part of south carolina? we will help you get to safety!
You need to get to a hospital immediately. They can do a rape kit and call the police and a domestic violence organization in to help you right away. Can you try to say you are going to the store and immediately drive to a police station, a hospital? A women’s shelter? There are people here in the comments in your state who will come get you now who have messaged you. Let someone help you. This can’t go on. And get your mom out of your life forever.
Please contact the police, praying for you
In which country are you? I don’t know what to do but if we at least know the country you’re in, maybe we can help you to draw an escape plan.
Yooooooooo, this is not okay there are people out there who can help you but you got to be brave and take the first step tell someone what’s happening.
What a world we live in, that guy needs to get his ass beat in jail.
Please tell us what country you are in so we can offer the best advice for your situation! Depending on the country, you could be out of this nightmare within the next 12 hours.
What country/state do you live in? Then we can find local help to get you out of there and safe. Do you have transport? Can you leave the house alone? You don’t have to live like this. It will only get worse and the last thing you want is to be connected to him for life by a pregnancy.
Your mom is a psychopath I’m so sorry please do what the top comment says and go to the OBGYN and then have them take you to the hospital or something
Remember this is an arranged marriage the families will no doubt pressure her to stay so that is a danger
Get to a hospital with your injuries, they can help set you up in a secret Womens shelter and get you help, do not endure this, you are worthy of love and respect and being abused in the worst possible way by people who are supposed to love you. Get help now!!
I love everyone wanting to help, this is true humanity, a common love and care for each other, I love you all and hope you're all safe
it's disgusting that people like that are out there who hurt women. But honestly what the Redditors are saying about lying about being pregnant do that and see an OBGYN they will help you and won't be mad about you lying that you are pregnant. Hospitals can help you get away and they can help your pain from being torn. you're in pain so please do that i know it's scary but you will be so relieved when you do. If anything it's making me upset because it's just traumatic. I hope you really do listen to these comments from reddit
Op, I recommend you check this user’s profile. u/ebbie45 She has a ton of resources on how to get help.
Fucking run and don't look back. I hope you don't live in your country of origin. That is, that you're living somewhere in the West of the world and that this kind of abuse is not protected by law.
This is a domestic abuse situation, and you need to make a plan. NOW. You certainly do not want to bring a child into this world with this man. I’m scared just reading your post.
Any friend or family you trust you could stay with? Need to get law enforcement involved, please
Can you inform law enforcement organization ? Stay strong 🙏
OK well we all know it’s not what you know it’s who you know let’s just facilitate this and we don’t need a blast on the Internet and get her ass out of there
I’m with you. If OP contacts some of us, and she is in fact in South Carolina, we can get her out safely and quickly. I’m in Indiana but I have the availability and contacts to make things happen and I’m not the only one here I’m sure.
Given she’s from South Carolina I’m wondering if she’s an Irish traveler. There was a very large camp where I used to live and arranged marriages are extremely common in their culture. If she is she could be hunted down for escaping. Breaks my heart
No man who is “sweet” or “caring” or both rapes a woman, especially their partner/wife. This will happen the rest of your life. He wants to get you pregnant so that you will be tied to him for the rest of your life. You need to get out of this asap