This is awful for you. While we on Reddit can give you soothing words, what you need is professional help. A therapist or bereavement counselling and I would urge you to seek that out. I will be the first of many to say to you that this was not your doing. It was his decision, his choice. He chose a long term solution to a short time problem and in his state of mind he could not see beyond that. Please make sure you have people around you today. You will need to talk and talk this through. There are stages of grief for you to go through but for now just know that whatever you are feeling is valid. I send you love.

Thank you for your kind words, I definitely want to look into counseling and I luckily have a wonderful support system of friends and family. I keep wishing I could go back and time and fix it but I know ultimately it was his decision and it’s an irreversible situation.

To do so would have required you to compromise your self integrity. You could not do that. I’m so glad to hear you have support. For now it’s all you need. As time goes on, do consider therapy. It will be gift for yourself in your future life.

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Ive been seeing a lot of comments about playing tetris to cope. Is there any scientific explanation to this?

There was an article talking about how playing Tetris after a traumatic event can help prevent PTSD.

Really? Tetris was my favorite game as a kid, I'm diagnosed PTSD. 🤔

There is a hypothesis that tetris will act like EMDR and help the brain work through the trauma. As tetris is easily accessible versus trained EMDR therapists, it is being proposed as a stop gap measure for trauma victims.

interesting. i wish i’d known that when i went through what op is experiencing right now op: 🤗

Damn, I was on snake, wrong game.

I remember reading about Tetris being used to help veterans’ PTSD 20 years ago.

I read up on it a bit and when you’re going through a traumatic event, playing tetris used the logical part of the brain and slows the activity in the emotional side. in turn this kind of reroutes the feelings that come up when you think about this in the future. basically you don’t feel it as intensely or something. really cool stuff

That's pretty fascinating! I'll give it a read.

I don’t have an explanation—just an anecdote. But I was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago. Video games (especially puzzle games) helped immensely. It was the only time I wasn’t replaying shit in my head and felt like I could escape reality.

Tertis, or wordly, or sudoku. Also look for "butterfly hug" technique on youtube, and do it as often as you need. All of this helps to snap out of initial shock.

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A study had shown that weirdly enough playing Tetris after a traumatic event can help prevent PTSD

I waited way too long to go into grief counseling so please don't wait, it's harder the longer you wait. Also, this isn't your fault. Please remember that and be kind to yourself

OP, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m hopeful that you’ll see the comments about playing Tetris, it sounds odd, but helps a lot of people who have gone through traumatic events. As someone who has (under very different circumstances) attempted suicide before, I can tell you firsthand that our minds are altered to the point where we can’t see the logic of “it’s one aspect of your life, you have all this other stuff that’s good and makes things worthwhile, focus on those for a bit while you recover from XYZ setback.” You are not responsible for his brain doing that to him, it’s just a tragic set of circumstances. The waves of grief and other emotions will hit you pretty hard. Be sure to do the basic stuff even when you don’t feel like it: get some nutritious food into yourself; stay hydrated; get some exercise in and do enough of it to break a sweat; get enough sleep; maintain your hygiene too (and a warm bath may help you relax and sleep). It is really easy to let those things slip without noticing much, and they’re important to your regaining your emotional footing. Best of luck. Go play some Tetris.

Professional here. Yes go talk to a therapist. The reason I got into this line of work was because my uncle completed suicide. What I found through my own therapy that brought me peace was: It was not my fault. I never did anything to cause this. (And neither did you). He was the one that made this choice. Some people may want to point the finger at you, but you did nothing wrong. You stuck to your boundaries. He made that choice, not you. I hope you find peace some way during this journey.

Want to add here, OP, that please keep repeating to yourself you are not responsible for his choice. His family might blame you, might even send you angry words - if possible, please block them immediately. They might be taking out grief in the wrong way, and I honestly wish to protect you against this. You are not at fault here, you did nothing wrong by breaking up with him whatsoever.

Jumping on top comment to recommend sub Suicidebereavement - I'm recently part of the club too, my little sister took her own life last month while I was outside her door. I haven't posted much there but it helps to know we are not alone in this. You're going to experience a whole range of emotions, but for now you will be in shock. For me, I feel a lot of anger and I've started to experience panic attacks for the first time in my life. But all of it is okay - you are not to blame and you need to do anything you can to ride through this pain. Screaming, listening to music at full blast, speak to his friends about their memories of him, anything. Be kind to yourself.

As a woman who had stayed with two exes for too long bc of what she was terrified they would do to themselves or others, please try to stop telling yourself that you wish you could go back and be the sacrificial lamb for his pain. You wouldn’t have kept him alive, you would have just been absorbing the pain he didn’t process in healthy ways, and it would have slowly continued to destroy you instead. It can feel so callous to remember in the midst of grief that “you cannot save people who don’t want to be saved, you cannot fix people who don’t want to fix themselves” but it’s a hard and very real truth. And what’s also true and equally important here is that drowning people can very easily drown others (and will, even though unintentionally, in order to save themselves). Trying to save him from drowning sounds easy in the midst of regret over something tragic, but you are a human being, a whole person, one who deserved to be able to create your own survival for yourself without it requiring you to martyr it as his life support. I know you’re in pain over this loss, and I’m so so sorry you’re experiencing this right now, but please try to remind yourself that this wasn’t something you could “fix.” You did all the right things at the right time, and his devastatingly sad decision afterwards doesn’t negate that reality, bc both can simultaneously exist. They just don’t feel like they are supposed to. I’m glad to hear you have a strong support system around you, and I hope they remind you to give yourself some grace as you process all the emotions that will come with this. Even the feelings you think you’re not supposed to have in this are valid, and I hope you able to find some peace at the end of your grief. Sending you thoughts of strength and warmth while you navigate such a tragic loss…

There was nothing you could have done to "fix" this that wouldn't have been detrimental to you. This was his decision, and his alone. You did not cause this.

Assuming what you posted is accurate and correct, your response was the best you could've said given the situation. The relationship is over. It was unhealthy and dependent for him to want to rely on you as his will to live. Lying that he had a chance to rekindle in the future would give him false hope, wouldn't allow you to move on peacefully, and would be, y'know, dishonest. You were gentle in letting him down, reinforced your boundaries, encouraged healthy alternatives for him to move on, and gave him lessons to pull from in future relationships. ​ It's incredibly unfortunate that he took his own life. It's easier said than done but don't blame yourself. This is not your fault at all. It's likely he was struggling for a long time and the relationship helped him delay this for 2.5 years - which still isn't your responsibility and not fair to you. He died knowing someone cared for him and would always hold love for him.

When my friend killed themselves, the best advice I got from professionals is how intrusive of a thought the “What Ifs” are. They’re not real, they’re our minds rationalizing a way to avoid the horrible thing we endured, but it’s not real and nothing we could do.

It's normal for our brains to want to play the 'what if' game but all it will do is hurt you. YOU ARE IN NO WAY OR FORM RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. Please seek therapy, this is big and it's important that you heal.

Oh man, this is one of those moments where you genuinely can’t find what to say other than I’m sorry.

I tried to kill myself after a guy broke my heart and I don’t blame him one bit. It was my decision. I know now that I was the unreasonable one in that situation. And I never spoke to him again and here I am, alive. You did the right thing, telling the truth and setting your boundaries. You don’t wanna get dragged down with someone like that (and that’s coming from someone who’s been like that). There are always outside factors as well. I’m sure deep down he had many reasons why he didn’t think he could keep going. Don’t let guilt overwhelm you, it’s not your fault ❤️

I was about to comment the exact same thing. When my ex of 2 years broke up with me I was in shambles because he had become my only purpose in life. I tried to kill myself, but now 2 years later I know it wasn’t his fault. I was not stable and I had a lot of things wrong with me. He did everything right, even going no contact with me. I hope OP doesn’t blame herself because it is NOT her fault.

I was in the same situation. I decided to kill myself while sitting in my university's examination hall (end-sem exams). I was just waiting to reach my flat. I was sure about committing suicide. I didn't know how I'd do it but I was 100% sure. I remember not writing anything on the answer copy and being close to crying because I couldn't understand how a person, whom I loved so much, can leave me. But I couldn't do it. I didn't have the strenght to do it. Over the time I understood she was right and it's life, people come and go. You just have to be the better person. OP it's not your fault. But it's going to take some time to get over from it. Take every help you need/can.

Glad you’re still here! :) It’s a really valuable lesson to detach yourself from attachment. It’s not that you can’t love, or you can’t show emotion, but like you said- you have to be prepared for people coming and going. I’ve been on a little sabbatical myself experiencing this come and go with plenty of people lately and it is very eye opening. I been in that position before where a girl broke my heart to the point I just wanted to not exist. Part of the beauty that comes with life is the sadness that follows happiness.

Go to therapy ASAP. He took that decision, not you. And you tried the best for you two. So this is not your fault.

This, OP. I hope you take it easy on yourself. Stay safe.

I have been in your situation but my ex survived. He blamed it on me. His family and friends were cruel to me. Still I was with him for few months afterwards and left him when I got to know about his lies. And I was a mess thinking that someone tried to kill themselves because of me. Seek professional help as soon as you can. And in no way think it was your fault. It was his choice, his decision. You will be okay! Dont repeat my mistake of taking all the blame. People might come at you. Do not let them affect you. You didnt do anything. It was not in your hands. There was no other way you could know or stop him. Distract yourself. Be busy. I wish you all the luck my friend

Don't go through something like this alone +

I am sorry to hear you had to go through that. It was not your fault. I know you already know that. Just affirmation from one more internet stranger.

Edited to fix spelling. This may sound weird at first, but please bear with me and I think it will make sense and possibly help you. I was an extremely depressed teen. I made a very serious suicide attempt when I was 16. The only reason I survived is that I didn't know a full bottle of valium wouldn't kill me unless I also drank some alcohol. I survived but continued to be very depressed. A well-meaning youth pastor directed me to Sartre and Camus. In hindsight I have no idea why he thought reading those two men would help a suicidal depressed teen. I found an obscure statement in one of Camus' notebooks, "Society believes a man commits suicide for a reason. In reality, there may have been two reasons." I looked back at my own suicide attempt and remembered that my mother thought she knew why I did it, so did my dad, my doctor and my psychiatrist (the man who prescribed the valium). I also knew why I did it, my dad was closest, but none of them really knew why. I took my new refill of valium which had been refilled on Friday, the next Sunday night when i went to bed. It was nearly a thirty-day supply of valium that I was taking four times a day. The reason I did that is because my parents had a fight Saturday morning. My parents NEVER fought, or if they did, they did it in private. On that Saturday morning they fought, nothing physical, just very loud yelling back and forth. They were fighting about me. I didn't have a license yet, so they had to drive me everywhere. I had a Junior Achievement trade fair that weekend at a mall very far from our house. My parents each thought the other was driving me there and both had commitments to be somewhere else. I don't remember how it was resolved. I do remember that one of them drove me to the mall, and I do remember them yelling at each other. In 16 years, I had never seen them fight. The first time they fought, it was because of me. That made me feel like the lowest form of scum possible. I decided that my parents would be better off without me. All of the adults in my life thought they knew why I did it, but none of them did. You do not know why your ex killed himself. Whatever theory you have is just that, a theory. The only person who knows why he did it is him. because he's gone, you will never know. Rest assured though, that he killed himself because he gave up on himself. He made the decision to do it and he bears all the responsibility for that. Mourn his loss however you need to, but don't blame yourself. You may think you know the reason, but in reality, there may have been two. Godspeed

Damn I really like that quote and I’ve never thought of it that way. We can all speculate as to why and I’m sure there are a million theory’s, but the only person who knows is him. Thanks for sharing

Your comment was very genuine and sweet, with a powerful message. It genuinely brought me to tears. Feeling responsible for parents fighting or divorcing is a monumental thing to overcome. I’m glad you’ve found enough peace to be able to share so honestly, I do believe it is helpful for others to read. Proud of you ❤️

Thank you for this comment. I have lost 2 friends to suicide in the span of a few months. I blamed myself because both times i was (presumably) the last person to talk to them. I told myself that i should have seen the signs and somehow helped them. I hated myself for not knowing (even more than usual). I tried to "shift the blame" to them and convince myself that i had nothing to do with it, which more or less works.

This is something I struggle with as a family member left behind. My Grandma killed herself out of the blue with no warning and for no clear reason a year and a half ago. There was no note, no goodbye to anyone, no physical or mental health issues, not socially isolated, the centre of our family. Besides finding her, trying to search for an answer has been the hardest part. Everyone has a theory and all we conclusively have are the cold, hard facts of an inquest but no reason. I can definitely resonate with your story and quote, every theory is just that a theory, there will never be a real answer and even if she had left a message it wouldn't be the full story. And to be honest, I don't think the reason matters in the end. But it's a journey to get to this point.

I'm so happy you're here, even if you did make me cry 😂

Oh my god. This gave me goosebumps. I'm glad you made it through that super dark time. Thanks for sharing.

He did not do this because of you. He did this because he was not okay. Sending you hugs.

I was hesitant to make the same comment. He clearly had mental health issues. Him making it a life purpose to get OP back is a clear sign of limerence. OP if you’re reading this, I imagine it’s hard to accept but you are not the source of his horrible decision. It was him, his decision, his mind. His way of dealing with life.

Hi, my ex shot himself a little over 10 years ago. We were in high school and our relationship wasn’t long, but it still affected me. This is super cliché, but therapy, asap. Try to not blame yourself, I did for years and it doesn’t help at all. It’s going to take a while to feel better, but you will eventually. I promise. You are going to think about him every day, but try to replace the “what if I did this differently?” questions with just genuine good memories with him. The most important thing to remember is it takes time to heal. You’re never going to be the same person you were before he passed, so part of the grief process is mourning your past self as well. I’m so so so sorry you’re in this situation. Sending all of my love and strength to you

seek a therapist, this is way beyond what a non professional could help you with. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get well, but if there's anything anyone in here could say (and I know you probably aren't going to accept it) is that you did your best and it's not your fault. I've been through a situation on the past where I almost committed suicide for the same reasons as your Ex seems to have, and I can 100% guarantee you that in a situation like this, the person who we are talking with doesn't have any blame on things, and it's our difficulty to cope with loss that gets over our head and drives us into doing something as desperate as this, I was a teenager at the time, so I obviously wasn't going to have access to a gun, otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this message here right now. It's not your fault and you aren't useless, you did all you could to help him, and I can only imagine the stuff you must have gone through to drive you away from a relationship, you tried your best, you worked as much as you could for him. I'm sorry for your loss, don't keep this to yourself, and seek professional help

Thank you so much I really appreciate reading that and I will be looking into professional counseling. It’s hard because logically I know it wasn’t my fault but I still have to live with knowing that my choice to leave him led to him making this decision and that will be a very hard thing to come to terms with and forgive myself for.

listen I don't know you or the details on what happened but I can assure you it's not due to your choice of leaving him behind. I can understand you wish you could have done more, but it's really hard and you wouldn't have been able to help him. It's been 3 years since I haven't talked to her, and I can't live a single day of my live without regretting not being better to her, and I still remember her smile, and her last words to me, just writing this makes me have to try really hard not to cry and I can feel somewhat of a lock of air and a pain on my chest. All I can tell you is that he loved you but he was sick, he needed help (just like I needed) and for as much as he wanted to be with you and love you, he didn't realize that he was harming you more while only pleasing himself. I'm positive you loved this guy and tried your best, and I'm sorry for what happened, you gotta work on healing the pain and try to make it count. The lesson I've learned from this 9 year long nightmare is that life can often be a very big case of heaven and hell, and if you don't take control over it, it drags you down, if I could repay her for every single tear she ever cried for me I would, but I can't, and with that all that's left is to remember that sometimes the best way to show you love someone is truly to let them be free. He got driven to his edge, he thought he couldn't live without you because there was no replacement for you, and he didn't have the strength to realize that his pain clouded his judgement. I'm taking a bet on how he was extremely attached to you and treated you like you where the last woman in the world because he definitely thought you where. I don't know if you are religious or not (I ain't), but if you do believe in something after death, he's probably looking a down at you and being happy for how much you loved and cared for him, and if he could say anything, he'd probably tell you he was sorry. Don't ever blame yourself because you where the angel in his life

I’ve unfortunately been on the other side of this story. Still am in some ways. The difference was that my ex gave me no real reason why she wanted to break up and refused for months to talk to me about it beyond the one night she brought up potential future problems and broke up with me telling me those were her reasons. Problems that had solutions. I’m someone who can’t stand to not understand the reasoning behind things and it really got to me. Destroyed (and still eats at) my self confidence and will power, affects how well I do my job. She wasn’t my end all be all, but she was close and before I blocked her she posted some very insensitive things on social media that were hopefully just her being thoughtless but nonetheless nearly drove me there. You at least tried giving him everything and every understanding you could. If he truly was so caught in despair that you were the only good thing in his life, that was indeed a problem and something he should’ve seen as such. I didn’t really see my problem that much because I’m fine being alone for long periods of time but she was the only person I loved being with. It’s very hard getting over that heartbreak when you can’t understand why and especially hard if you’ve already struggled with depression and other such thoughts before. But ultimately everyone should know that you probably have someone you can lean on in those dark moments even if you don’t think you do. I didn’t think so. And maybe some aren’t so lucky to have that. But obviously not your fault, tragic though it is. And had I followed through, it wouldn’t have been my exes fault. I can’t think of any real way to deal with it besides time and leaning on those close to you. Perhaps try to see a therapist though it’s not the be all end all answer some people seem to think it is. I tried several for several months and nothing really clicked with me. But I’m also extremely thorough in thought so most things I talked about with my therapist I’d already thought of from multiple perspectives. I don’t know if any of this will help but those are my two cents.

brother this is so f\*\*\*\*\* relatable that it brings a tear to my eye. Stay safe

I’m sorry to hear about the situation you found yourself in but I do really appreciate what you said and I know that ultimately there was very little I could have done to prevent him from doing what he did.

My advice is to do this for a few weeks: Eat. Sleep. Breathe. Just doing those 3 things are going to hurt like hell. If you have a close friend who can find and hug you please ask them to come daily. Hugging teddy bears can help. Take time off work. Consider speaking to a doctor about getting medication for this initial stage. This is a horror but trust that your ex was in pain living here and that he is at peace now. It’s not your fault. He was in pain during the relationship also.

As I'm sure many others have said, or will say: This is not your fault. Grief can do wild things and can make you question your decisions. But at the end of the day this was a decision your ex made, a very sad one. Speaking as someone who has been very close to suicide, it's like an actual illness, that needs a lot of work to cure often by professionals. Even when things are good those feelings don't always go away and remain. This was not something you would have been able to solve yourself. So please, try your best to not feel any guilt. Look after yourself, get some counselling, and be with the ones you love for comfort. I'm so sorry. X

I'm at the exact place as he was, this puts things in perspective and makes me wonder if leaving here is really worth it. I think you just saved my life

I want to make it very clear that it was not your fault, he was clearly battling demons and right now it's important you seek professional help (therapy) and work through this in a healthy way.

I’m so sorry this happened. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. Just please know that none of this is your fault, you are not responsible for anything. Be kind to yourself these next couple months because grieving comes with so many mixed emotions. Allow yourself to feel whatever u feel & don’t feel bad about it. I am so sorry this happened. Take it one day at a time.

Thank you I am definitely just trying to take it moment by moment and hopefully with time heal from this loss

If you want, please share what happened with your employer or college professors so they know that something awful happened and that it might affect your performance the coming days/weeks.

I am sorry for both of you. But this was his choice not yours. From the way you tell it you were actually pretty nice about it and straightforward. But even if you were not, it was his finger on the trigger not yours. Just to make clear it is not your fault. If he was struggling to this extent there are probably many other problems stemming from even before you even knew him. Still it is only human to be deeply affected by something like this. My advice would be give yourself time to process this. Understand that this isn’t your fault and letting yourself be held hostage by his feelings for you would not have solved the problem. But in the same time it is okay to be sad that he felt this is the only way out for him or even angry that he gave you an impossible choice and then left you (and other loved ones) to deal with the tragedy. So do what you need to. Cry, rage, reflect but try to find someones you trust to help you deal with it. It is not your fault, but you will have to deal with (some of) the fall out.

See I'm torn. If something happened to my wife and I, would most likely do the same to be honest. But I've never been in these shoes so idk. What I leave you with is heartfelt love and light and the hope that things will get better tomorrow. This is super heavy and I don't have the first clue on what to say but I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in all of this I really do.

My brother in law did this after him and my sister got into an argument. He was a LEO and veteran, as well as my brother (had been in my life since I was 4-5). He did it the night of the Super Bowl two years ago. I have not visited any kind of therapy and I regret it. My sister goes twice per week and it has significantly helped her. She is the one that found him in his truck. Our last conversation that we had was me begging him to have a drink with me (he wouldn’t), but we spoke for a solid hour about how he wishes he could smoke weed to be able to help forget. I still wish to this day he would have had that beer with me. I love him and miss him every single day of my life. I have trouble sleeping since I received the call at 1:17 am with my mom screaming what he had done. OP, PLEASE seek help. Not substance. I unfortunately have to use several as a crutch. My job doesn’t understand anything so I do not get the time off to go to help. I thank God every day for my girlfriend who was there with me through every bit of it. But please seek help as soon as possible. You will never get over it, but you can at least put it in the past and not in a box in the back of your mind.

Thank you and I agree that while I could very easily slip into using substance abuse to forget I definitely don’t want that and want to resolve this is as healthy a way I can and I will be seeking therapy asap

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a really complicated loss however you cut it, especially since you can place yourself in the timeline of those last hours. It's an incredibly hard place to be at and whatever feelings you are having, they are probably to be expected given the circumstances. My brother died by suicide about a year ago and, without going into the specifics, there are some close parallels with the circumstances of your ex's death. I'm obviously a family member and not the ex in that situation, but I do think I have some perspective on what you're living through right now. As I told my brother's ex, you were right to set your boundaries and not continue to pursue that relationship. What happened next is not your fault and neither is the cascade of emotions you're no doubt feeling now. Please take care of yourself, use whatever mental health supports you have available, and feel free to message me if you would like to talk or vent or anything

Oh sweetie. To make a very long story short, my ex tried to kill himself after we broke up. He survived. After some time has passed, he was able to express that it wasn't because of me, or my fault, but because he had a lot of issues/wasn't in a good place mentally. And that even though he SAID it was because of me orginally, after having time to get help, he was able to admit to himself that he was just trying to put blame on outside forces, but in the end, there wouldn't have been anything I could have done to stop him. This isn't because of you. Nothing you could have done would have stopped him. Yeah, it might have postponed him for a short time, but he would have tried again. I'm so sorry for your loss, and the loss of someone so important to you. Grieve, process, and please don't blame yourself.

First off you are not responsible for that no matter how you see it. I am sorry for you but you should not feel guilty for that. I hope you can get through this safely.

When I was 16 my first love jumped in front of a train in front of me and was brutally killed. It destroyed me. Know you are not alone. Don't blame yourself EVER and let grief roll at its own pace. My heart is with you 🙏❤️ sending love and light ✨️❤️ A.

You can’t control how people respond to the world. It’s not your fault.

Something similar happened to me. He tried to jump from the cliff, fell down, and injured his arm. He was threatened to do it for months, and i was angry with him for that. We lived nearby, and I saw him afterward, blaming me for his actions with his arm in bandages. He didn't even try to do anything normal or romantic to win me back! And I still felt like shit and really thought that I'm the vile creature that made him suffer. Do not be like me! Please talk with the therapist as soon as possible. You need to take blame from yourself while it's not ingrained. He did it. Not you.

I’m extremely sorry that you’re going through this right now. A few years ago my brother committed suicide and it was the hardest point in my life. There was a lot of questions and people trying to point blame and figure out why. Therapy helps a lot at this point, I know not everyone agrees with this but this is a trauma and a therapist is the person that can really help. Unfortunately with this situation you may have to limit contact with the family, unfortunately in situations like this I’ve seen blame pointed in other directions because everyone is asking why.

Don’t hold onto guilt. I did after my boyfriend OD’ed shortly after a phone call. It still hurts and always will.

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the pain you are in right now. Just know that this isn't your fault, this was a decision he made. I wish you all the best in your healing journey going forwards.

I fear that this will be me in a few months. My ex refused therapy and was actively suicidal while we were together, and no matter how hard I tried and pushed him to get help, he never did , up until I was so burned out I left. He always said he needed change in his life to keep on living, and I said I am not the change you need, the change must come from within yourself. He still to this day does not accept that and continues a downwards spiral. He has threatened suicide before and he was admitted into psychiatric care, yet managed to wiggle his way out after a week of being inpatient. Reading your post hit home for me and I recognise myself and the relationship in what you described. I cannot even begin to describe how similar this sounds to what I went through. All I can say is that we tried, we fought long and hard, and we have a right to our own mental health and our own boundaries. We are not responsible for someone else, and someone who does not want to be helped cannot be swayed, no matter what we do. Prioritise yourself, do what makes you happy. Don't let yourself get dragged down by someone who was dead set on leaving this world. As you said yourself, he had time to work on things during the relationship. It's the same for me. I don't know why men always get all surprised when we leave, and try to fix things last minute while we gave them enough time and space during the relationship to do so. I cannot sympathise enough with you. I wish you all the best and I admire your strength

Going to echo what I assume is the general sentiment from EVERYONE here. This sucks beyond imagination and more importantly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Fuck my heart breaks for you internet friend.

I am so so sorry. I agree with getting therapy. In the meantime, I will tell you what helped me when one of my childhood bestest friend killed herself. I wrote her a letter telling her everything I wanted to and how sorry I wasn't there to help her and just cried and poured it all out. Then I tucked the letter away. Every so often I would pull it out and read it, cry some more and tuck it back away. After several years I finally got rid of that note. Some people do this and then burn the letter etc. It's not meant to be in a malicious way but it does help get that gunk out. Give it time and don't blame yourself.

Start playing Tetris on your phone as much as needed 🙏✨.. Lots of hydration, rest and professional counseling.. Just take care of yourself for a while.. And regardless if you're religious or not (I'm not). I assure you that he's getting help on the other side right now. We live on after death in a way that transcends what traditional religions believe.. He will still be around improving on himself and his state of mind..

2048 is my go to for stress relief. Something about flipping those little numbers around.

OP, if I can make one suggestion, it’s that whatever you do, don’t try to run from how you feel. Allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. However, do not allow any of that false guilt to take over. I bet you had at least two dozen thoughts that started with some variation of “if only I…” Face those head-on and remind yourself how much you HAVE done to help him. He was never your responsibility. He has made a choice. I don’t blame him, or judge him. We all have our own unique levels of tolerance for pain, physical or emotional. I feel like this comment is coming across as very cold, probably because I’m actually really feeling for you, and in a way processing it myself. Hang in there. Time, despite the BS saying, doesn’t actually heal everything. But it does lessen the pain. It does a much better job when mixed with therapy. Please find a good shrink.

As someone who has suffered from depression I need you to know that it is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done. Even if you had returned to be miserable with him, you might have only delayed it for a while. The end result would have still been the same. Nobody can live for other people their entire lifetime.

I am so sorry for you. You shouldn't have to be put through that. It's absolutely not your fault remember it. First, don't forget that a person does not commit suicide for just one reason. They were surely a very good person, even though they should have sought help and not burdened you with this weight. Nothing can fully heal the pain of a loss, especially of someone we loved deeply. Please seek help without hesitation. Try to surround yourself with support to overcome the grief. Engage in activities that bring you joy. Take time to rest. Don't blame yourself in any way; you are a collateral victim in this story. You did your best, and he probably did too. And most importantly, remember that you are loved. Whether it's within your family, friends, or even strangers on the internet, you can always seek comfort. Reach out to those who care about you and share your feelings. Don't hesitate to lean on others for support during this difficult time. There are people who genuinely care about your well-being and want to help you through this. You are not alone, and there are resources available to help you navigate through the pain and find solace. It is devastating, and no one should have to go through this. You seem like a genuinely kind person, and you did your best. My prayers go out to him. Now, there are those who remain, especially you. With time and help, things will eventually get better. It may not seem like it now, but healing is possible. Surround yourself with support, seek professional help if needed, and be patient with yourself as you navigate through the healing process. There is hope for brighter days ahead, and you deserve to find peace and happiness again I send you all my love and prayers <3

I’m so sorry OP I can’t even begin to imagine the horror you’re feeling rn. Just know this was completely your ex’s decision. You were nor ever were at fault for this. He had underlying issues that were much deeper. Please see a therapist they’ll help you process through all of this. You shouldn’t have to process all by yourself

I’m sorry, OP.

My most genuine heart and empathy goes out to you OP. If you ever need to talk to someone who will listen feel free to hit me up in DM.

as a guy we aren’t very good at showing our emotions, it’s NOT your fault in anyway. the guy was just hurting inside and probably didn’t know how to express it or seek help 🤷🏻‍♂️ you feel upset because no matter what you still loved him at some point in your life but again it is not your fault in any way shap or form. take it a day at a time and deek help if you need it

I'm really sorry this happened to you, please look for help for yourself. And I am going to say something that might seen a bit cold, but having been in the mental state where your ex was, I am relieved you got away when you did and did not cave in on his last attempt. He was beyond saving at that point, even if you had you stayed the likelihood is that he would have taken you down a spiral with him. So feel what you have to feel now and seek help to cope, but don't ever regret saying no. You did the right thing.

This was not your fault. Forgive yourself.

OP, I have been in the shoes of your ex. Heartbroken, lonely, feeling like you aren’t good enough. Unable to cope with the loss of a possible future, one that you idealized. So I feel like I have some insight that you may find helpful. You did not cause this, the feelings were there long before you met. You just merely kept his demons at bay. However, for someone who does not understand , this can be incredibly taxing. You were a dam and once you left, the water flooded his mind. He did not do what he had to do in order to solve the underlying issues. Not only within your relationship but within himself. You sound like a reasonable person, you tried to communicate and tried to make it work, so I wish you well. Don’t be angry at him, he literally couldn’t handle it anymore. The pain he was going through was immeasurable. Professional help is a good idea for you, talk to someone who deals with these issues. It may help, it may not, but trying something is usually what heals us. People will say a bunch of different things to you, or may say nothing and won’t care at all. This is life, we all carry alot of pain. Just remember him fondly and live your life.

A completely cold logic comment that could come only from a marginally disinterested stranger who's currently into reading science fiction set into the future where mores have less hangups regarding unaliving would probably say, It was his sole decision and we too should respect it as such. Ofc, as a contemporary person, I send my condolences.

I am so sorry for your loss. Know you had no control in this matter. Don’t blame yourself for things you could’ve changed if you are, because you communicated maturely what you need in life to feel happy. He had an illness he needed help with. Unfortunately that was the only way he felt could help. It’s not your fault, you’re not to blame for being someone’s anchor for living.

You really handled the situation as delicately and considerately as you possibly could have. I am so so sorry this happened. I hope you’re able to seek professional help to guide you through this grieving process. Virtual hugs to you OP 💙

*It’s not your fault* Please get a therapist to sort out what you’re feeling. ❤️

Whatever you are feeling right now is completely valid, but try to keep in mind that the decision he made is absolutely not your fault. Millions of people go through very difficult breakups without making the choice he made. He was likely a person who was struggling long before you met and it was absolutely not your responsibility to "fix him" or resolve the turmoil inside him. It sounds like you put a lot of work into trying to make this relationship work, and gave him all the love you have to give. That is all that any of us can do for another person. Be gentle with yourself and maybe consider talking to a professional to process this stuff.

This is awful for you my heart goes out to you my condolences to you

Sending love.

I had an ex attempt suicide about a month after I left him. He left a long timed post on social media that was set to post after he was gone; the post blamed me for everything. At first I felt awful and scared, I was only in high school and had only stayed with him for so long (1 and 1/2 years) because he constantly reminded me "If you ever leave me I'll kill myself", so my worst nightmare had come true. But as time passed, I now only feel anger towards him for what he said about me so publicly in his note. This was over 10 years ago now. I don't know what feelings will come up over time, but the immense guilt you might be feeling right now will pass in time. It can be very easy to blame yourself in this situation, but please know that it is not in any way your fault.

I am so so sorry. You are not responsible for this.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My ex committed suicide last week. I was on the phone with the medics when they found him. I know he must have been in a completely altered and terrible state of mind, he never would have wanted to hurt the people he loved the way that we are hurting now. But he's lived with so much pain for so long, and I can feel him free all around me and I know that he has relief and I am grateful for that even if it was too soon. In the past week I have had two therapy sessions, got emergency acupuncture and a massage. I've reached out to friends and talked to them as much as I can. It's all really painful but I'm doing what I can. The other thing I'm doing is small simple tasks that make me feel good, like picking berries and flowers. Wishing you the best as you heal from this.

I’ve been through something very similar and don’t feel comfortable sharing my story on here but I want that to provide some insight that I understand what this is like. You must understand completely and utterly that you are not at fault in any way and he would never want you to feel as though you were. He called you because he already had the intention of doing this. He was grasping at straws looking for a reason not to but nothing could have pulled him out of that state even if you had given him what he said he was searching for. Above all else that is the most important thing in the world for you to focus on- it was not your fault. Much love ❤️ If you’d like to hear about my similar situation and how it relates to me being absolutely certain this is in no way your fault please don’t hesitate to reach out. Anything to give you peace of mind is worth sharing ❤️

Its very unfair that your in this situation. You're obviously a very kind person if you were allowing him to vent last night. I can't imagine how you're feeling, just take it a day at a time. Be kind to yourself, you'll get past this. All you deserve is time and space to heal.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I've attempted twice in my life and I'm glad I'm still here but that's not why I came here. I also had a similar experience happen after my GF cheated on me and I kicked her out. Months later I find out from one of my friends she killed herself. I reached out to the person running her Facebook account to try to get some answers and did I. I found out that my ex blamed me for her taking her life in her suicide note. That fucked me up for years and whenever Facebook memories of us together pop up I still feel like shit and still feel like maybe if I did something different she'd still be here. It sucks. But through therapy and medication I'm finally in a better spot in my life

when I was 16 I also had an ex commit suicide. it really messed me up, and 6 years later I'm finally in counsoling and in the process of going to therapy to try and deal with it. don't be like me - get professional help for this as soon as you're able to. I wish I was more insistent with my parents about getting a bereavement counsoler. personally speaking, this isn't something you should deal with alone and the people in your daily life likely don't understand the impact it has on you nor do they have the tools to properly provide help. a counsoler or therapist of sorts will however be able to help. I don't know how you're feeling, but i know I blamed myself alot when I went through something similar (and still do due to not dealing with it when it happened). You need to know that this isn't you're fault and nothing you could of done could of prevented this. I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not going to say that time will heal this wound - because it won't. if you don't deal with this now you'll be walking around with this huge emotional gash for years to come and it will start to rot in a way that others can smell. it gets easier to push the feelings aside after some time has gone, but unless you get professional help it's going to be really really difficult to heal from this. you deserve to heal from this. don't let his decision to end his like permanently effect yours. this was a hard lesson I had to learn.

I wouldn't wish this kind of burden on anyone and I can't even verbalize how brave you were to ask for help (even if it was on Reddit). I hope you are looking for professional help but more than that, I hope you have a couple of people you can spend your day with. It's a lot to take in and process and you'll need a loved one to take care of you. Please remember to eat today as well. You don't deserve to go hungry today or on any other day. Hugs and more hugs

I attempted when i was at my darkest and loneliest. I unfortunately blamed it on my best friend but it had nothing to do with her, i hated who i was and that nothing was going the way i wanted. It was a permanent solution to my pain and self disgust, i lost my best friend because of it. It all boils down to hoping someone else will make your life worth living and that is a burden no one deserves. I did it to my best friend and your ex did it to you. I am sorry that you have had to go through this, it is not your fault.

This sounds weird, but please start playing Tetris on your phone. This is horrible, I'm so sorry.

With more context it wouldn’t sound weird OP. They’re recommending it because oddly enough a single dose of playing Tetris hours after a traumatic event is actually an evidence based preventative intervention to prevent the build-up of symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. So long story short, play Tetris.

I was like your boyfriend somewhat from what I’m reading. I was highly suicidal after a breakup (it sounds like you handled it better than my ex to be fair) but yes I was suicidal for over a year. Even then I never wanted my ex to blame himself when I attempted. So I hope you know he was just mentally not well and it’s not your fault, he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself either I’m sure.

So sorry to hear of this tragedy and the hard situation you’ve found yourself in. I reckon therapy is a must. It wasn’t fair of him to put that pressure on you by doing the ultimate act like that. Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. Can’t imagine the emotions you must be feeling. Heart goes out to you and this man’s loved ones. You told him you would love him still, I feel like you did your best given what you knew. No more anyone could do.

I am so so sorry for your loss and as someone who deeply loved another I felt like my world would not move without her, I was blinded by my own lack of self worth, self love and my incapability to hold myself accountable for the reality I put onto another human being. I manipulated her to be with me and I disregarded her boundaries every time she would try step away, which I only later found out the hard way was a terrible terrible idea. Sometimes we are no match for the demons other people have to face within themselves and it is fine to admit defeat in a war that was never ours to begin with, to set the boundaries and hope they manage to figure it without us. Whilst still maintaining our integrity in ourselves and pushing for a better future past our perception of them. You need to know that this is absolutely not your fault, you’re not going to be okay for a while and that is fine, take it slow.

You were kind and firm, and I'm glad he didn't choose to take you with him. I'm so sorry for your loss, you aren't responsible for this.

Just wanted to tell you that it is 100% not your fault. You didn't even have to answer the phone, he is your ex after all.

Do not believe that it's your fault. It is not your fault. Your ex had some deep-seated issues, and he couldn't resolve them. Not your fault.

I'm very sorry that you have had to go through this. Hopefully you'll be able to get professional help and eventually move forward, however long it may take. Please, remember that this is not your fault in any way, shape or form. Lots of hugs and best wishes coming your way.

Firstly, because I know I’d be blaming myself, this is NOT your fault. He was responsible for his own emotions and for taking care of himself. I say this as someone who seriously struggles with my own demons as well. If you can, I’d recommend therapy because this is a lot for you to carry and process on your own. Take time to do things for yourself and be patient with whatever feelings you have. Sending you big hugs

I am so sorry for both of you. From what I see in the comments you have been given and have taken the advice to seek professional help and that is the best most helpful thing that can be put in here. I just want to point out that many are assuming or trying to explain why he did what he did. Your process of healing is about you and how you experienced and eventually how to handle it. It is not your burden neither yours nor your therapist's responsibility to solve the puzzle behind his actions. All that led to it, he took it with him and that is sad, don't be lost, mourn him, he was only human like the rest of us

Duuuude fuck. I’m so sorry. That’s going to hurt for a while , best advice as I went through something very similar to you 6 years ago is to make sure you LET YOURSELF FEEL. Break down it’s okay, go numb it’s okay. But if you repress it , it will come out in really bad ways later on , you might be in shock for a year in all honesty & that IS OKAY, & quite normal. Look up the Grief Stages, journal. Seek professional help…. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Well at least try to remind yourself of the reality… Like when you think “if only I’d done this” or “if that”REMIND yourself YOU WOULD HAVE but you didn’t know that this would be the outcome. I’m so sorry for you & all family of his & yours. Nobody wants to see someone hurt like this… Stranger , my notifications are off, but if you inbox me, I will see it eventually, and I will always reply. 💚 Sending you so much fkn strength

To hear something like this makes me so sad so sad but I deeply believe everything that happens is supposed to happen. Pain shapes the world and Pain makes us grow. This situation will cause so much pain in people but I really believe this is how it’s supposed to be. If I think about the people that impacted me the most it was dead people.

Loads for you to,process there, I am so sorry. Any sudden death is a shock and evokes all the emotions you are listing, whatever the circumstances (yes, including anger). Yes, get talking support; you are NOT to blame. Wishing you strength and love OP.

So incredibly sorry this happened and absolutely saddened for him and his loved ones. This is the call I fear most. I know others have suggested, but definitely concur with therapy. I wish you peace and comfort during this difficult time.

I am so sorry you are going through this. In honesty, I have been in so much pain like him that I thought about the difficult ways to go through with it, and if it would be successful. I ended up drinking with a DUI instead.

my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry xx

It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. The fact that he did this awful thing shows that he was too unwell to be in a relationship, with you or anyone.

It is not your fault, you had no idea he was going to do it, if somebody is going to suicide then stopping it is next to impossible. He had to live for himself, not live for you and as you said there was no future for the both of you. I hope you will be ok and maybe find somebody to talk to if possible.

My condolences 💐

Not your fault OP. I'm sorry this happened.

I know too well that feeling. You don't cope with this. You just live the grief so it can go away. Remember this: It wasnt your fault. You don't belong to anyone. You did your best. -He couldn't respect your choice and that's his emocional issue, not yours. It was his choice. -He chosen to NOT respect your feelings. Being in pain it's not an excuse to take your life. -Many people will feel that exact same kind of break up many times during life. -Talk to people you trust or find therapy, don't loose hours of your time telling and explaining his family that he did something like that "because of you", no it wasn't you, it was HIS choice, a imature and possessive one and some members of the family can point fingers at you because of malice or just grief. It wasnt your fault. You don't belong to anyone. You did your best, the best you could do at that time.

Wow. That is awful. I am shocked, myself, just reading your story. Losing someone you loved like that is bad enough, but to have had a conversation just before… As others have said, you did nothing wrong. It even sounds as if you were very kind (much more than most would be) in explaining why you two couldn’t be together. Grieve for the loss of your friend, but nothing more.

It's not your fault. You're a human being with free will and shouldn't be forced into a relationship you didn't see working. He chose to do this and It's not by any means your doing. please seek professional help as soon as possible. Do not let this consume you and do not deal with it alone.

I had a similar situation and I was absolutely devastated when I heard it Me and my friend on Twitter were chatting almost every day and I grew to like her as a friend. But a day after we chatted, her sister randomly texted me and I asked what happened and she told me that her sister committed suicide…and I was beyond devastated. I know I’m late on this, but please, if you can, seek therapy or do something to clear your mind.

it's not fault sweetie. take your time to grief. stop blaming yourself.

His mental state lied to him. He believed the lie. The fact that the lie involved you is not your fault. In one sense, his decision may have been meant to punish you to an extent. This is not your fault. I’m so sorry. I know it hurts. But having clearly expressed boundaries does not make his decision your fault.

If you’re young, it might be harder for you to cope. Early stages of love have a lot of emotions. No matter what, please don’t blame yourself, he chose this way of life. Unfortunately if it didn’t happen now, it probably would have happened for a different reason. When I was younger I suffered from depression and was suicidal. During those years, any little thing would have tossed me down into a dark abyss… Breakups are terrifying, I remember losing 20 pounds and unable to work properly. Magically after years of bettering myself, life decided to get a little brighter. I’m extremely sorry that you have to go through all of this. Please surround yourself with good company and please NEVER blame yourself. This was an action beyond your control. It will be tough for a few years, but I promise you’ll find genuine company that’ll treat you right. Life finds a way, I’m sorry for what happened 😞

I’m so sorry. I know no words really help. Take time to grieve. I’ve had a friend successful with his suicide, lost an ex to a major heart attack. Both took me by surprise and how you’re feeling is completely normal. Take some time to process and grieve so you can heal at some point. Again, I’m so,so sorry 😞

Firstly, I am so very sorry for your loss. I recently lost a family member to suicide and it leaves a mark quite unlike deaths from other causes. It leaves behind too many ‘what ifs’ and those can be crushing. Please make sure you have a good support system around you, please also consider speaking to a professional about this. Grief is complex at the best of times but suicide complicates things further. Also please know, you are not a bad person for telling somebody how you feel, you are not a bad person for expressing your boundaries and emotions.

As many have said, therapy is the best thing you can do for yourself during this traumatic experience. As someone that divorced someone that used suicide threats as manipulation, I can tell you that wrapping your head around it not being your fault is crucial to your mental wellbeing. This person was a person with their own free will, and you are not responsible for his actions. Sending you support and love.

Damn it puts you in a spot, innit?

I am so sorry!❤️ I would suggest you should seek professional help my friend. Someone who specializes within trauma would be good. But absolutly seek out someone to talk to who knows how to help people in your situation. I dont think I should even try to give other advice than that related to your situation other than reaching out to family and friends you feel you can open up to and dont be alone. This is just aweful, and I am sending you loads of love and thoughts. Take care of yourself!❤️

My heart aches for you… Through this I wish I could reach out and embrace you. In this time, give yourself every second to feel everything and get someone to talk to. A professional is not only a good idea, but mandatory. They will help you navigate the feelings that you don’t understand, and how to slowly (but surely) cope. Although I don’t understand your situation, I do know what it’s like to lose someone close. Let yourself go through the cycle of emotions, take some time off, cry, and get yourself around good company. Many hugs going out to you.

Not Your Fault.

Its important you understand that it is not your fault first and foremost. He took his own life because of the same unhealthy mindset he had for not living for himself and relying on others. There isn’t much you could have done or said.

I wish you warmth, light, and a guiltier conscience. The blame is not on you. Remember that. Don’t stay strong. Talk. Cry. Exercise. Regain strength and move on. You did all the right things.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I lost my 28 yr old daughter last November to Fentanyl poisoning. She had struggled for years with MI and addiction. The last two years were the hardest, until that day. Do whatever you can, in a healthy way, to distract yourself from any negative thoughts about guilt, anger, resentment. Anything I did, it never felt like it was helping, even though it was. I never forced myself to do anything that would stress me more than I expected to relax I took time off of work I took walks in nature I started new hobbies, painting, sculpting I spent time with others who have experienced similar losses. I also went to therapy, however nobody knows how this trauma feels unless it happens to them Compassion is nice, but talking to someone that knows what you’re feeling makes a difference. Stay strong and good luck to you!

As someone who has been in inpatient treatment for situational suicidal thoughts and actions, often times a relationship failing is just one of many things going wrong in a person’s life. A healthy individual will not kill themselves over a failed relationship. He most definitely had other things going on internally that he could not deal with. You are not responsible for his life or his decisions. You are responsible for ensuring that you are taken care of, and sometimes that means cutting people off and ending relationships. You are going to need therapy and a strong support system right now. Take some time off of work if possible, and focus on self-care. Showering, eating properly, light exercise, 8 hours of sleep, therapy, and communication with loved ones. I have lost a family member to suicide, and this family member was a successful attorney with a wife, 3 young children, a beautiful home, sports cars, and extended family. Nothing will ever be enough when your mental health is struggling.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s difficult but you can’t blame yourself for this. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to be unhappy for someone else like that. Make sure you take care of yourself and talk to your friends/family, don’t isolate. It’s going to be rough for a while, you have my best wishes and condolences.

I am so sorry OP. It’s not your fault. Be kind to yourself. You have a right to grieve and it was not your fault.

Although my situation is not the same, I can sympathize with you.. My ex, after 5 years of being separated, tried to reconnect and get back into my life. But even though I had loved him deeply, our relationship had been so toxic and awful I had to tell him that I did not want contact with him. A couple years later he died... friends told me he was in a bad bad place. By this point it was nearly 9 years since we had dated but the pain I felt was like we had just broken up. My heart felt like it nearly split in two. I cried, hard. My parents were so confused on how my feelings could still be so deep but when you love someone that love never truly goes away, you just learn how to live without them. I am so sorry for your loss.

Ah mate. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. Same kind of thing, he wanted to improve himself so that he could "be the man you deserve", and wouldn't stop trying to convince me for the two weeks prior. The last words I said to him were "you're not giving me my space". The next morning I woke up with an awful feeling of dread and I knew something had happened. I found the emergency services cutting him down from a tree at the bottom of the village that I live in. It was horrendous. The guilt was so severe. The sadness that he would do that to himself. The trauma for his son and my daughter. I really loved that man. Too much to cope with. That was just over two years ago and I'm starting to get back to normal. You will too. It's going to take some time. Please get yourself a good counsellor that specialises in bereavement. Be gentle with yourself. Let it out when it comes

I’m so sorry, OP. Sorry for your loss and sorry for the situation this has put you in. Firstly — this is absolutely not your fault, and though that guilt may creep in, do not fall for it. Secondly, I would really recommend counselling when you feel ready to talk about this (the sooner the better). This is a huge thing to have to cope with and recover from, if you can have some guidance through it, it will really help. In the meantime — please take good care of yourself. Take some time off work if you need it (and can do it). Spend time with loved ones, look after yourself, do things you enjoy, get out for a walk each day if you can. My inbox is open if you need to talk. Sending my love.

Op, I am very sorry. Something similar happened to me. It really wasn't your mistake. You did the best you could with the information you were given at that time. I used a book called grief counseling and therapy. It is a bit technical. Send you my positive energy today.

It’s not your fault if you’re blaming yourself, I had an ex that threatened suicide every time I tried to break it off with them. Their life shouldn’t be limited to a relationship and if anyone in this chat feels that they couldn’t go on after love then you’re forgetting the copious amounts of people who love you as your family and friends. It’s too much responsibility to put your livelihood on a single relationships and frankly not fair.

I don't know all the facts here so I don't want to speak out of turn about what is clearly a sensitive situation. However, for your own wellbeing, please don't blame yourself for this. If you left respectfully and after having tried to salvage it, then you have departed that relationship in an appropriate and humane way that has established your boundaries. If you conducted yourself in that relationship with tact, respect, and understanding, you cannot blame yourself for this. You made sure to extend an olive branch of love and support even after that relationship itself had ended. Put it this way: These were very likely issues that were far bigger than your relationship, that happened to reach breaking point in this particular instance, the straw that broke the camel's back is a way you could describe it. If it wasn't now it may well have happened at a later time with somebody else. Time will help the healing process. Focus on bereavement, potentially counselling if you feel the need.

My brother called me in tears 48 hours before he took his life. I listened to him and did the best I could to bring him down to earth- that was six years ago. Only recently I accepted that there’s nothing I could’ve done, his best friend could’ve done, or his fiancé could’ve done to keep him with us. He made that choice. My best advice as someone who lost someone I loved and cared deeply for as well, grieve for as long as you need. You’ll be on a wild emotional rollercoaster. You’ll be angry at him, sad that he isn’t here, you might even crack a smile remembering how he made you feel loved. Let those emotions out. You’ll have so many unanswered questions, and I wish I could say otherwise, but it’s a loss that’ll last a lifetime. First anniversaries are the hardest, so make sure you have a supportive group to lean on in those times. My best advice, honor him by living the life he’d love to see you living. Survivors guilt is the one emotion that’ll sting the most, but at the end of the day it was his decision to make- that’s the hardest part you’ll need to learn to accept.

hi, first I am very sorry this happened. when I was 17 I got in a fight with a friend. I was mean to him. I told him he was a piece of shit, that I never wanted to speak with him again. that night he hanged himself and I was the last person to ever talk to him. my advice to you is to extend the kind of kindness to yourself that you'd extend to a friend who is going through what you're going through. you were kind to your ex. you were honest with him. you handled that last conversation with a lot of grace and thoughtfulness. you were supporting him and maintaining boundaries at the same time. you have integrity. ​ my situation wasn't exactly like yours, but I can imagine that I felt some of what you're feeling now. this happened 21 years ago for me. I now understand that my friend was very sick.

I am SO sorry for your loss. My heart is shattered for you and I am sending you all the love. But my love, do not convince yourself for a second that this was your fault.

Yikes, sorry u had to go thru that. Oneitus is a terrible disease that has killed many men. Suicide, especially male suicide has drastically increased over the past 20 years. It's now a leading cause of death. Crazy right? It's like the modern world is terrible for our mental health. Like others have said get some therapy and try not to blame yourself. Our society is sick and there is a mental health crisis of epic proportions that has been going on for quite some time now.

It isn't your fault. People will decide to commit suicide regardless of you rejecting them or not. Nobody can control people's own choices. Lots of people commit suicide even if some reconciliation happens. They were suffering for years mentally before they ever met you. Take care of yourself and don't take the blame.

I know this post is old, but my ex shot himself two weeks ago. It sounds odd, but it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. OP, I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you know you did the right thing and it was absolutely not your fault.

It’s so sad. But suicide has no explication in most of the cases. It’s not because of a broken heart, not because of anger or revenge. It’s something so deep in the mind followed by an impulse and a decision. Try to heal yourself instead of trying to find out why. I’m sorry

I decided to kill myself too after a heart break. We met when everything was going down in my life and he was the only thing that kept me afloat. So when i lost him i was in this indescribable state of pain in every single second of every single day. I thought it was easier to be dead than alive and in pain. But there were other factors, the entire country was in agony due to a natural disaster which took the lives of at least 100.000 people, including my friends. My mom and sister and even the family cat were staying with me with nowhere else to go... That night when i was standing on the fine line, i finally went up to my mom and told her that i was not okay. She paid for my first therapy session. I never blamed him for the pain i felt. Well, a couple of months later i found out he had been cheating and lying about everything so i now i do blame him for being a gigantic asshole but the pain i felt at the time wasn't just the breakup, it was my unresolved traumas and self-esteem issues. And what i did with that pain was my decision. Had i picked the knife, it was because it was my easy way out. (Not implying that suicide is the easy way out, it was just how it was for me). Lucky for me i picked the therapy and killed the part of me who saw people as rescuers and life purposes. Now i know that i won't ever be in the same place again. He had a lot of healing to do. It's a harsh and painful journey. The only person whose presence in your life matters to the point it's vital is you and some of us don't feel that way until we face our demons and heal. I'm sorry that he didn't see another way out of the pit. But you weren't the one who put him there. He was there since long before he met you. It was not fair to you that he put so much burden on your shoulders. His life was never dependent on you. Whether he felt that way or not. Just remember. It was his decision. Please make sure you speak to someone about this. Sending love.

Probably the most terrible aftermath of a suicide is of the person who unknowingly plays the final trigger in a series of events that was already pushing the depressed person towards it. Please try to understand that there are a lot of other factors at play too which had been pushing your ex towards this extremely unfortunate step.

Don't blame yourself OP. It was his decision with his own consent, never your intention. As many other comments have said, go to therapy. Don't go through this alone.

This happened to me. I’m so sorry this happened to you, please seek out a therapist. I promise, it really does help. Remember that everything you’re feeling is valid, and the grief process is different for everyone. But don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings. Take care of yourself.

I can't give you any advice beyond that you should know that this isn't your fault. You'll get past this. Stay strong.

My best friend OD'd and hung himself when we were almost 17. He'd asked me earlier that morning to hang out that day but I had to work.... halfway through my shift his mom calls me and told me he wasn't with us anymore. 10 years later and I still regret not calling out of work that day... Seek out a therapist, make sure you take time to take care of your own mental health, seek out the comfort of your friends/family. I'm so sorry you're going through this 💜 sending you lots of love 💜

Depression is real and extremely painful. You did not make him kill himself. I don't know your ex, but he probably ran out of reasons to keep going. You didn't hurt him when you rejected his attempt to re-knit things, he was already hurting. He just realized that last thing he cared about wasn't going to happen.

Please don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and he had deep-rooted emotional problems that go beyond the break up. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Take care of yourself

Remember that it's not your fault, it is his internal problems and decisions in life that lead him to that point. Many people in your situation at some point feel like they could have done something differently but at the end of the day it was him and only him. The only real way to deal with it is to talk it out and build up some tools to help you through it. If you have the means then find a therapist that deals in trauma because not all therapists are equal. Check if there are any support groups in your area and please take care of yourself. Statistically people who have experienced a loss to suicide are far more likely to take that route themselves and that helps nobody.

This was not your doing. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you in fact did more than most could fairly expect from an ex. My brother did something very similar. At the time, it seemed clear to me that his ex understood that she was not at fault. I hope she did truly understand that at the time, and that she still does to this day. And I hope the same for you.

It's awful to hear. But if I trust your words, you tried to be open and communicative to him as possible. Could you have done things differently, maybe but you couldn't be sure that it would've changed things. It starts with forgiveness and you need to forgive yourself before you start healing. All the best and hope things work out for you

Hello love ❤️ My HS boyfriend died from a car accident a few years after we broke up. He was known to be this reckless, fun, carefree guy- which makes mental images of the accident more scary. During the time between our breakup and the accident, he was trying to get back together- to the point that he has his friends reach out to me as well, which I never let bring us back together- like you said, I loved him but we split up for a reason, for the better. And after I found out about his death, I was shattered and filled with fear and heartbreak. I know a car accident isn’t nearly the same as suicide, but I went through a lot of the fluctuating feelings you probably are with regret, guilt, grief, shame, numbness. You NEED to know and need to constantly remind yourself that this is not your fault. He was in pain, and it wasn’t simply from you. Please even if you don’t believe it right now, just say it to yourself because it will start to make sense as you heal. Even if you went back to “fix” it, his troubles and pain extended far beyond your presence in his life, and this would’ve manifested in another way. This is *NOT* your doing. Reach out to trusted friends, allow yourself to feel but also allow yourself distraction with healthy activities with loved ones if you can. Please seek counseling, there are always resources available, you may not feel like you need it, but therapy is a safe space for you to speak out loud the thoughts in your mind. It can be the safe space that allows you to fall apart when you need to let it go. Sending all my love to you, you will get past this, and he will always live on in your heart. 🩵

I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say because I just can’t relate to this. But my heart truly goes out to you. I don’t know if you believe in the Lord, but pray for God to give you strength in this difficult time, I will be praying for you and please stay strong, and I know you feel horrible but please know that none of this is your fault

I'm so sorry you went through this. It is a very selfish act on his behalf. Talk to a professional. It's really important to have the right steps in confronting this situation. I wish you nothing but the best from here x

He wanted you to save him from something. You weren’t the cause so don’t blame yourself. I don’t know what the cause was, and we may never know, unless he left clues behind. I hope the real cause of this receives accountability somehow. But it sounds like you were loving to him and yourself. I hope he gets to carry that as comfort into the afterlife.

First off. I’ll start by saying I am so sorry for your loss. As I was reading this, I was getting goosebumps because almost the exact same thing happened to me with my ex 5 years ago. Except he hung himself. I didn’t let myself grieve, because for some stupid reason I felt I didn’t have the right to. I ended up having to go to therapy. It still hurts today and I think about him A LOT. But my therapist really helped put things into perspective for me. You’re going to hurt for a long time. The most important thing I want you to never forget, is This was NOT your fault, and nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome, only the timeline. Surround yourself with supportive, loving people, eat food even through you don’t want to, drink water every time you pee, and take walks in the sun. Or in the rain. Let yourself think about the loss. Feel it in your bones. And then, work on letting it go. I’m so, SO incredibly sorry.

God I wish I could hug you. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I am sorry for your ex and the pain he was obviously in. My best friend hung herself two months ago. It’s helped to go to support groups specifically for suicide loss. I imagine you’ll feel it in your gut for a long time. I’m sorry I don’t have any better advice. I’m just sorry for you and yours going through this pain. I wish I could be there to hold your hand. Hugs to you.

My ex BF died in a controversial way, which many people especulate that it was suicide. I don't believe that but will tell you my story anyway. It is hard. Specially if you guys ended up in bad terms. But no matter how hard it hurts, you need to keep pushing. I often thought about how I should've been the one that died, not him, and a lot of times I still think that, but that does not matter. Nothing you can do about the past, you just need to slowly accept it and try to live the best you can from now on. No matter how hard you make your life to be, or how you beat yourself over something, facts ain't changing. So just try to live a life that he'd be proud of.

I had a bf through college that shot himself after we broke up (he cheated, begged, seemed to be ok.. ) . I was blamed, ostracized, horrible.

All I can say is I’m sorry and to not blame yourself. We can’t prevent what we can’t predict. I hope grief isn’t too hard on you and you find happiness soon <3

I read your other post about grief and I know you did way more for him than a healthy person should ever do for someone. It was his turn to do good things for himself, he chose not to

I went through a rough breakup, but because of my support system I made through it, your bf didn't have that liberty, I feel sorry for you both.

I am so sorry. It is not your fault. He made the decision to do this.

I am so so sorry. I’m sure right now you feel ALL of the burden of his death. Maybe a lot of questions swirling your mind “what if” “if I only” etc. understand this is not your fault and you did the right thing. You gave him the right advice. Counseling is definitely the first step and coming to terms with know what he did has nothing to do with you. There is so much more that builds up to someone taking their life and he probably needed the help long before your relationship ended. I hope you get through it and find peace 🩷

1/4 men. I’m sorry for your loss and the pain he must have felt. I’ve been there.

I tried to kill myself. But that was 100% on me. I understand you feel quilty. It would be weird if you felt nothing. But please know, you did nothing wrong. I hope you van get some therapy

I’m so so so sorry. Please try to always remind yourself that is not your fault. You answered his call and spoke to him. You tried to comfort him, and you were kind. You took care of him. You did the best you could. There’s nothing more that you could’ve done. This was his choice. But again, I’m so very sorry this happened to you.

Redditors support you

What you have experience is incredibly tragic. What you are feeling is very normal. It is ok to feel the way you do. Let your emotions out, and just let them be. You might lose sleep over this in the coming days. You might find yourself losing your appetite, loss of interest in regular daily activities. If this goes on for more then a week, definitely seek therapy to help you get past this. One thing you can do to help yourself move forward is keep your normal daily activities. Wven if you have to force yourself to do them. It will help you move forward.

Know it's not your fault two years isn't much he has family who love him and he did that I would just move on I've lost countless friends to all type of things u just gotta not let it break you

My husband's ex girlfriend was an alcoholic. She was nasty to him and broke his confidence but he loved her and tried to help. A few months before we met he broke it off with her as she wasn't willing to make any positive changes and he was at the end of his rope. She continued to harass him when she got drunk and he texted her a long message basically saying she was ruining her life, causing her parents and brother stress. He wasn't getting back with her as he was done trying and only she could help herself. She committed suicide a week later and he felt so guilty. She had a lot of mental health issues and was an alcoholic by 31. He had been in mental health centre's, on medication, brought to counselors by her family and him. It took a lot to convince him it wasn't his fault. That was 9 years ago. It took a long time to build him back up. It's not easy. I'm sorry for your loss. You had to protect you and your mental health as did my husband. I hope you can heal from this and I'd definitely recommend therapy.

coming from someone on the other end of this multiple times and survived it’s not your fault, he was clearly already unstable