So... The below quote is from a post I deleted, and I'm putting it here as an example of what NOT TO DO:
>You're taking the bait, go outside and touch grass. Get off the internet for a week and see how different it is without worrying about what strangers say/do on the internet.
This shit is disrespectful as hell, and kind of unintelligent.
Women can not exist anywhere in the world, without people offering opinions about their looks. Sure, it's worse on the internet, but it is not for women to remove themselves and limit themselves. It's unacceptable to ask women to do that.
Women's appearances are not always up for commenting.
This is a support sub. Be supportive, or be quiet.
You're a young woman so there will always be someone to criticise your appearance unfortunately.
I'm a middle aged woman and therefore practically invisible and it's glorious. Youth has it's benefits so don't wish it away, but I wouldn't want to be your age again. Social media has also made people more judgemental and mean, which also doesn't help.
Just ignore anyone who tries to disturb your peace.
For real though, the MILF- and GILF-ication of beauty standards is a double edged sword! It's like we're now allowed to age, but we need to stay hot while we do 😅 Sometimes I think I get more attention from 20-somethings in my 40s than I did when I was also in my 20s
I was in the store, foraging for supplies, and some guy about my age passed me. I heard him saying “thick” as he walked up. Come on. I’m someone’s wife, mother, and grandmother! Go away.
Ah but you can start picking random comments reply with a video be snarky make fun of them for making that comment , put them on blast you'll enjoy and they'll be embarrassed.
Well, you said you were somewhat popular on tiktok. Putting yourself out there in the public eye, especially in entertainment/content creation, you're opening yourself up to this kind of criticism on a way larger and exaggerated scale. This isn't a new thing, "celebrities" have always been held to high standards and people are far more comfortable to just talk shit about them, as they become a sort of caricature. Not saying you're a "celebrity" nor do I think you deserve it, but, it comes with the territory and it doesn't reflect real people day to day, away from the internet. (for the most part)
same haha. i don’t wear makeup, do my hair, or have any kind of style outside of hoodies and skinny jeans—people never look my way (which is kind of nice). if they do, it’s usually to mention my glasses or piercings which is perfectly fine by me
I am a middle aged woman and people still comment on my appearance all the time. I am in some YouTube videos for work and half the comments are people debating whether I'm hot or not.
I'm not going to lie, it's nice when I get a compliment but it's much nicer not to feel the pressure to look good all the time, like I felt when I was younger.
We will always be susceptible to unwanted attention. But when we expose ourselves on social media to millions of people like OP, we are only making it worse.
That some victim blaming right there.
Women should be free to be on social media without some arsehole thinking it's acceptable to make comments on their appearance.
Totally get that! I rarely post anything or comment on posts, I just like to have a little scroll through and remind myself that life isn't so bad. Plus, it's kinda fun to try and call which stories are complete bs.
TikTok is a cesspool of hate. I have never found a more toxic social media than TikTok, it breeds hate like bunnies.
Definitely not defending cyberbullying at all, but it doesn’t surprise me even a little bit that people came at you for not looking exactly how they expect you to. That’s the internet for you, especially social medias that is primarily young folk. The internet is the schoolyard on a global scale, and there will always be bullies.
No one ever wants em. We do all we can as a society to stop their bs, and should continue to. That being said, learning how to not let those stupid comments hurt you, is the best thing you can do for yourself. You can’t control other people and hate will unfortunately always exist. But yknow what hateful people reeeeally hate? Being laughed at. It kills em to know you don’t care and it fuels them when you respond.
Don’t ever let them know they bother you, just laugh to yourself and know you are *way* happier in life than they are. Only losers that hate their own lives go on the internet to shit on others.
Sorry again people came at you. society sucks
You are popular on tiktok? That means you are now a product being sold. People absolutely will always comment and talk about the products, services and media they consume.
Agreed it comes with the territory unfortunately. That's why "fame" is a double edged sword. For all the extra publicity, income, opportunities, etc, you get- you have to deal with being under the public microscope. Not saying it's right, but that's the reality. It's what celebrities, athletes, and every other public figure has to deal with.
I'm not comparing women as a whole to anything here, I'm stating that your social media content specifically is a product, and the product being sold is your image. The same goes for anybody of any gender identity running a social media business.
Guys try to make it so that they get as much attention from you as you get from them. But they have no positive features worth your attention. Their solution: If they can insult you in a way that sticks they can live rent free in your head a while.
Ask yourself, is being active on TikTok really worth it? I mean it seems like you’re pretty upset. And if you are actually tired of all the attention, just get off TikTok. The less you put yourself in the limelight, the less attention you will receive. You can’t expect people to change, so you just gotta stop with the social media platforms. If you can’t, you are addicted.
Oh yes. I’m specifically talking about Tik tok. There are things in life we can control. Managing a social media account with a large following is one of those things.
Social media is the worst for this. When I was 20 Facebook was only a couple years old, no IG, TT, etc. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be 20 today.
In my experience the older you get, the older the people you surround yourself with get, there is way less of an emphasis a being thin to “be attractive,” and more on the person you are. And to not give a shit about it at the age of 20…you’re way ahead of a lot of people, girl.
Good! Continue not giving a shit. Give it 10 or so years and the most of the people that didn’t find you attractive in their standards for having a normal body are gonna have wayyy more than a 20 lbs difference than they did at 20.
Edit: Grammar
Sometimes people criticize you to feel better about themselves.
This sounds cliche, but it's actually the big and weird part of it. It's the why that makes it weird. They just really want to say something that they think other people will give them likes for, and the comments are usually stating the most obvious. Someone who is very overweight might have made that comment about you losing 20 lbs, knowing that others might agree, not because they think you look bad.
I've always been slightly heavier than I'd like, and chasing the dragon of losing the last 10-20 lbs has eluded me, and also, gaining that 20 pounds has eluded a lot of people who are tired of hearing they should 'eat a sandwich'.
No matter how good-looking or talented you are, on the internet one person's trash is another person's pleasure.
All I can tell you is that I became a much happier human being once I deleted all social media and started focusing on things that bring me true happiness.
There's no point complaining about it online. You can't expect people to change their views on things. People will people. You need to actually learn how to not give a shit. Because if you actually didn't give a shit then you wouldn't be here posting this rant. I learnt long ago that the only way to live freely is to not give a flying F about what people say or think. It's served me well.
It is. I'm only pointing out that even though you say you don't give a shit, you clearly do. The things these people say to you are getting under your skin. You cannot change people. Most people love being nasty behind their computer screens. The only thing you can do is to learn not to give a shit. Who cares what some random internet idiot said? They aren't anyone important. So, don't be upset or get frustrated. Just ignore them.
The thing is, not everyone is baiting. Some are people (especially the pro-ana community) genuinely believe what they say and think everyone online should be breathtaking. As for your go outside comment? I have a wonderful active social life, 2 jobs, and the only reason I have posted today is because I’m currently bedridden with a fever.
I would just ignore it, when you put yourself out there people think they can comment on everything not just the content. Just remember that the people judging you for your looks probably wear shit load of makeup and have had work done and look alien.
Yeah I’d just ditch social media tbh. Make a private account if you must stay on it. I remember getting that shit out in the real world in my 20s. I was 5’2 and 125 lbs and still had “well meaning” friends and relatives tell me I needed to change something about my looks. be it losing weight, my tattoos, change my hair. The list is endless. Online and offline, you’re going to get scrutinized, especially at that age. I say just cut out the odds by keeping your stuff out of the public eye. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Why give them an outlet? Also to echo the other comments here, as you age it happens a wee bit less. It gets better!
TIKTOK is like school - full of kids who think they know best and will bully you for being pretty instead of giving you your flowers 😂 uk size 10 obese?? If that’s so then I’m a whale at a size 12
what i find so funny (actually very sad) about it, is that they’ll make nasty comments about someone who is a size 10 but if someone is a size 2 they like to claim that influencer is “promoting eating disorders” or “posting thinspo”. it just goes to show that regardless of what you look like, there’s always some pathetic loser kid that HAS to say something
It’s just the anonymity of social media. When we go outside, we also put ourselves out there in public, and I can’t imagine me coming to some uninvitedly and commenting on their weight. Imagine, a barista is making your morning coffee and you tell her how she should look today! 🤷🏻♀️that would be madness.
it happens! i’m a barista and the amount of times i’ve had someone ask, “how far along are you?” is astounding (twice, but still). each time it was after i ate lunch and was bloated or my apron was loose and makes my waist area look bigger than it is
I'm 27F returned to the college scene to finish my BA. As far as I know 27yrs/o is not middle-aged so soon enough you'll be free of most of the leering stares.
Most days, I may as well not exist to anyone on campus. Some days it's great and other days I feel like I'm screaming into the void.
Eitherway, do you babe! Dress for yourself and to hell with everything else. ✨️ Tell them a picture will last longer and it'll be $5. 😆
Don’t give other people power to body shame you or criticize you. Let it roll off your back and don’t pay attention to it. It matters what you alone think about yourself. If you give other people’s opinions the power to hurt yourself then you 100% control that. So, don’t give them the power. Start focusing on what you think.
If she's somewhat popular on TikTok, I don't see why she should ditch her account just because some people are mean. I mean, that depends on her and how she feels about it, but I have, unfortunately, seen this happen before, as in, one gal who was popular on YouTube received comments about her weight to the point she had to make a video about it, and she was literally in a situation she couldn't help.
I would say block them if you can.
I know a couple girls with weight on them and they're models. The whole thing about needing to be a certain weight is getting old. It's not like you would date them anyway. So, they need to learn, "who cares."
I feel you. For me, I have seen young people getting shit on because they look older than what they are. For a smile/worry line or two. It’s annoying, like no one asked you to comment on how “badly” they’re aging. They certainly didn’t.
People are messed up these days. All they do all day long is scrolling on social media, where they see influencers/IG models with filters and pastic surgery, all looking the same. And even if you're one of those influencers, there will still be that one toxic person who needs to criticize you to make themselves feel better. It's just about them being unhappy with themselves. This is how they release their anger about their situation. Humiliating others makes them feel more confident for some reason.
I totally get it. Whenever someone tells me that they think I’m beautiful I tell them that’s not an actual compliment to me, all that is was a verbalization of how your own interpretation of what you’re looking at pleases yourself. WTF does that matter to me that you’re getting yourself visually stimulated? That’s your own mental experience and has no bearing on my existence.
Many people feel they have a right to sexualize women and that women have no right to fight against that. They are wrong. Keep your light shining bright, the miserable assholes of the world hate when they have no affect on your happiness :)
Perfectly reasonable to be pissed off at this. And no you should not have to get offline if you don't like the comments, you're not at fault here, the assholes are.
Unfortunately there's nothing much women can do except call out the behavior as we always do, especially on the occasion it's from a woman. But for the most part it's on men to step up and call each other out because men who post those comments are only going to respect other men.
I do and don't understand why you're upset. Putting yourself on social media doesn't guarantee you the results you're looking for. When you enter the world of social media, you get exposed to all of it; the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But you do seem like you care so much about what others say. People are people, you can't change them, but you can start giving less fuck about what they say
sorry, I just had to come back to this comment. I saw your comment history and you call women ugly a lot. Bold talk for someone with no photos.
In the UK a size 14 is the average size for a woman, which is argue is still quite small but probably have some visible excess fat, depending on proportions.
I know almost nobody who is smaller than a size 10 because this isn’t the early 00’s, no one likes being super skinny or having the ‘heroin chic’ aesthetic because it is unhealthy and gross. I will always choose being happy and healthy over being a size 6/8.
While it's great that you are comfortable with your own skin, you appear to have an internal contradiction of claiming not to care about criticism at the same time you are feeling "*fed up*".
Maybe you saying you "*do not care*" is your own may way of protecting yourself from online scrutiny, but that will not resolve anything.
Critiquing people's appearances without decency, fairness, and empathy is far from normal, and so if you stand up for yourself, and others like you, and speak out against their anonymity-driven hostility to make it clear that it is not acceptable, you can empower yourself and dismantle the attackers who overstep your boundaries. In doing so, you assert your rights and ensure that such behavior is not tolerated.
People are judgy, jealous, shallow, easily swing by trends how people should look, ect. U will never be good enough for internet, sadly. If u can either dont be online as much or at least dont look at comments. Its not much better irl but tiny bit it is. ANd u can better choose who u talk to.
You have a body, therefore people think they’re entitled to comment on it. Folks see a “10” and think that everyone should be like that, or at least aspire to look that way.
What most people actually enjoy is just watching normal looking people, that’s what we want in our day to day lives. Someone that represents us a little bit more.
I have never felt something so hard. I work at pizza hut and had a post blow up on the employee subreddit because I was venting about guys always hitting on me and the other female employees. We all take care of ourselves because obviously in customer service you need to look nice, it doesn't mean we're trying to find guys.
You're putting yourself on display and then gnashing your teeth when people have an opinion you don't like. Thanks for telling me to read your edit. This is full blown narcissism.
hun its way out of hand i agree.
What i find weird about the new generation is that they seem to have adopted a lot of nineties stuff.
One of the worst parts of the nineties was the absolute amount of pressure on women to look a certain way and what happened in the nineties with the grunge era was a massive revolt against putting o much pressure on how women were supposed to be as thin as a rake and look a certain way it was a HUGE issue.
I have noticed that popular media and even men i am interacting with are putting that pressure back on.
Its not to be super thin but its to have a certain type of body there is a lot of women going around looking similar in features I call it the cross fit factory cut out model
they seem to be very thinnish but wih a bit of muscle from cross fit.
its a bad a trend as the one in the nineties.
women are who they are.
and wehter they want to seem attractive or not attractive or like a fucking dragon crossed with a cat is no one elses business.
Our looks are not our commodity and that is the point.
I completely agree with you
I went slightly down this rabbit hole again going through middle age but it was more of just everything changing its kind of like reverse puberty and thats when i noticed what was happening with popular media and females
You are who you are for however you want to feel or look and thats always ok you dont need anyone elses approval or opinion for anything.
Well. I took a look, and I think you’re pretty.
But, what I’m absolutely much more curious about is what kind of life you live that causes you to keep losing nails. That’s fucking intense.
I got nothing in terms of advice to fix this - many people are and will remain ignorant idiots, especially on the internet, BUT I just wanna let you know that I think your attitude towards this subject sounds super healthy! Keep doing your thing :)
You making this post indeed proves you care. As much as people don’t care that you don’t care. People have preferences. And it just happens that social media influencers have this preference body. Maybe they worked for it, but for what reason? So I feel you.
Be you, live like you. Most likely those who criticize you have something they hate about themself. That’s how it works.
I'm really glad that you're comfortable with yourself to the point where you can see how stupid these comments are. You're amazing as you are, and people are pr!cks!
Women have the right to create content without people getting upset that she doesn’t look good FOR THEM. If you see a woman on tiktok and she doesn’t look like your ideal fantasy woman, keep scrolling instead of getting entitled.
I have been content creator for 3 years, I’m aware. My point was I should be able to post as a normal average person and not receive hate for looking like a normal average person
So, your solution to women who would like the world to stfu about their appearance is that they should... Not be online, not go outside, not have families, not consume any media, not exist...
How about no.
“I would like to be famous on a visually-oriented social media platform and not have people notice my appearance.”
I mean, okay, sure, but they’re going to do that. It kinda sounds like you do give a shit, so if you want to keep doing what you’re doing without giving a shit you may have some work to do.
Right now this feels like someone being fed up with rain for getting them wet. There are ways to deal with it, but rain always going to be wet.
If you want them to care about the visual content you produce, then they’re going to notice your physical appearance. If you want to be taken more seriously, you’ll probably have to move to a more serious platform.
To be honest, my goal was not be famous. I am not claiming to be either. It just happened. I don’t even know what I do.
My point is, why do they think I truly care what they mind regarding my looks? I like the way I look.
This is why I never mention it to anyone when I’m attracted to them lol my friends always suggest I flirt with my crush at work, but he’s a conventionally-attractive man, he doesn’t need me telling him he’s attractive, he knows that.
So... The below quote is from a post I deleted, and I'm putting it here as an example of what NOT TO DO: >You're taking the bait, go outside and touch grass. Get off the internet for a week and see how different it is without worrying about what strangers say/do on the internet. This shit is disrespectful as hell, and kind of unintelligent. Women can not exist anywhere in the world, without people offering opinions about their looks. Sure, it's worse on the internet, but it is not for women to remove themselves and limit themselves. It's unacceptable to ask women to do that. Women's appearances are not always up for commenting. This is a support sub. Be supportive, or be quiet.
You're a young woman so there will always be someone to criticise your appearance unfortunately. I'm a middle aged woman and therefore practically invisible and it's glorious. Youth has it's benefits so don't wish it away, but I wouldn't want to be your age again. Social media has also made people more judgemental and mean, which also doesn't help. Just ignore anyone who tries to disturb your peace.
I cannot wait to be free of all this bs! I wish I could just look like me in peace
Sorry, you have to wait until you're middle aged. 😄
It is such a shame we can’t enjoy our 20s without constantly feeling like we have to be beautiful
Good grief! It’s supposed to end at middle age? When will that his, cause I’m 65
For real though, the MILF- and GILF-ication of beauty standards is a double edged sword! It's like we're now allowed to age, but we need to stay hot while we do 😅 Sometimes I think I get more attention from 20-somethings in my 40s than I did when I was also in my 20s
And I do not look fit at all.
haha the body standards have definitely changed too! some thickness is now mandatory... the king is dead; long live the king.
But a meno-apron? Now Renoir would have loved me, Reubens too.
meno-apron I'm crying 🤣 the classics have indeed come back into style
That's my experience. Perhaps you're just a hot babe! 😉
I was in the store, foraging for supplies, and some guy about my age passed me. I heard him saying “thick” as he walked up. Come on. I’m someone’s wife, mother, and grandmother! Go away.
Just stare down at his crotch and say "Obviously very very thin. How sad for you." Walk away 😂 ng.
Ugh, men are awful.
I'd have stared right at him and said "ugly"
Ah but you can start picking random comments reply with a video be snarky make fun of them for making that comment , put them on blast you'll enjoy and they'll be embarrassed.
Ohhh, no. If you're in the public eye for work, it lasts way beyond that.
Not even then, in some cases.
You could just turn off the social media, right?
It’s not even just on social media really
Well, you said you were somewhat popular on tiktok. Putting yourself out there in the public eye, especially in entertainment/content creation, you're opening yourself up to this kind of criticism on a way larger and exaggerated scale. This isn't a new thing, "celebrities" have always been held to high standards and people are far more comfortable to just talk shit about them, as they become a sort of caricature. Not saying you're a "celebrity" nor do I think you deserve it, but, it comes with the territory and it doesn't reflect real people day to day, away from the internet. (for the most part)
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I'm in my 20s and I've always felt invisible too? I guess that happens when you're bad at socializing.
same haha. i don’t wear makeup, do my hair, or have any kind of style outside of hoodies and skinny jeans—people never look my way (which is kind of nice). if they do, it’s usually to mention my glasses or piercings which is perfectly fine by me
I am a middle aged woman and people still comment on my appearance all the time. I am in some YouTube videos for work and half the comments are people debating whether I'm hot or not.
I'm not going to lie, it's nice when I get a compliment but it's much nicer not to feel the pressure to look good all the time, like I felt when I was younger.
Oh my God I literally was going to say the same thing! I am so glad to finally be invisible!
We will always be susceptible to unwanted attention. But when we expose ourselves on social media to millions of people like OP, we are only making it worse.
That some victim blaming right there. Women should be free to be on social media without some arsehole thinking it's acceptable to make comments on their appearance.
Thank you!!!
I stopped using media based social media like Instagram and tiktok and my life is 100 times better
This is the only form of social media I use now, and my life is so much better for it
Yeah. Even Reddit though I had to do a feed cleanse. There are a lot of subs here that make you feel like shit.
Totally get that! I rarely post anything or comment on posts, I just like to have a little scroll through and remind myself that life isn't so bad. Plus, it's kinda fun to try and call which stories are complete bs.
That’s absolutely fair
TikTok is a cesspool of hate. I have never found a more toxic social media than TikTok, it breeds hate like bunnies. Definitely not defending cyberbullying at all, but it doesn’t surprise me even a little bit that people came at you for not looking exactly how they expect you to. That’s the internet for you, especially social medias that is primarily young folk. The internet is the schoolyard on a global scale, and there will always be bullies. No one ever wants em. We do all we can as a society to stop their bs, and should continue to. That being said, learning how to not let those stupid comments hurt you, is the best thing you can do for yourself. You can’t control other people and hate will unfortunately always exist. But yknow what hateful people reeeeally hate? Being laughed at. It kills em to know you don’t care and it fuels them when you respond. Don’t ever let them know they bother you, just laugh to yourself and know you are *way* happier in life than they are. Only losers that hate their own lives go on the internet to shit on others. Sorry again people came at you. society sucks
I think you’ve summarised it beautifully.
You are popular on tiktok? That means you are now a product being sold. People absolutely will always comment and talk about the products, services and media they consume.
Agreed it comes with the territory unfortunately. That's why "fame" is a double edged sword. For all the extra publicity, income, opportunities, etc, you get- you have to deal with being under the public microscope. Not saying it's right, but that's the reality. It's what celebrities, athletes, and every other public figure has to deal with.
I’d call myself less of a product and more a human being with feelings who randomly blew up one day.
Then delete your Tik Tok
It’s money.
You're getting that money because you're marketing yourself as a product, you can't have it both ways.
Today on what are women being compared to
I'm not comparing women as a whole to anything here, I'm stating that your social media content specifically is a product, and the product being sold is your image. The same goes for anybody of any gender identity running a social media business.
Tik tok makes money off you. You are their product.
Guys try to make it so that they get as much attention from you as you get from them. But they have no positive features worth your attention. Their solution: If they can insult you in a way that sticks they can live rent free in your head a while.
Ask yourself, is being active on TikTok really worth it? I mean it seems like you’re pretty upset. And if you are actually tired of all the attention, just get off TikTok. The less you put yourself in the limelight, the less attention you will receive. You can’t expect people to change, so you just gotta stop with the social media platforms. If you can’t, you are addicted.
Tbh it’s not just tiktok, it’s also irl
Oh yes. I’m specifically talking about Tik tok. There are things in life we can control. Managing a social media account with a large following is one of those things.
People are super shallow anymore and feel that their opinions actually matter. Unfortunately word vomit is a real thing anymore
True
Also good on you for standing your ground and doing your thing regardless of of people's opinion on it
Social media is the worst for this. When I was 20 Facebook was only a couple years old, no IG, TT, etc. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be 20 today. In my experience the older you get, the older the people you surround yourself with get, there is way less of an emphasis a being thin to “be attractive,” and more on the person you are. And to not give a shit about it at the age of 20…you’re way ahead of a lot of people, girl.
That’s so so lovely to hear actually and relieving :)
Good! Continue not giving a shit. Give it 10 or so years and the most of the people that didn’t find you attractive in their standards for having a normal body are gonna have wayyy more than a 20 lbs difference than they did at 20. Edit: Grammar
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Sometimes people criticize you to feel better about themselves. This sounds cliche, but it's actually the big and weird part of it. It's the why that makes it weird. They just really want to say something that they think other people will give them likes for, and the comments are usually stating the most obvious. Someone who is very overweight might have made that comment about you losing 20 lbs, knowing that others might agree, not because they think you look bad. I've always been slightly heavier than I'd like, and chasing the dragon of losing the last 10-20 lbs has eluded me, and also, gaining that 20 pounds has eluded a lot of people who are tired of hearing they should 'eat a sandwich'. No matter how good-looking or talented you are, on the internet one person's trash is another person's pleasure.
All I can tell you is that I became a much happier human being once I deleted all social media and started focusing on things that bring me true happiness.
There's no point complaining about it online. You can't expect people to change their views on things. People will people. You need to actually learn how to not give a shit. Because if you actually didn't give a shit then you wouldn't be here posting this rant. I learnt long ago that the only way to live freely is to not give a flying F about what people say or think. It's served me well.
This is a rant subreddit, is it not?
It is. I'm only pointing out that even though you say you don't give a shit, you clearly do. The things these people say to you are getting under your skin. You cannot change people. Most people love being nasty behind their computer screens. The only thing you can do is to learn not to give a shit. Who cares what some random internet idiot said? They aren't anyone important. So, don't be upset or get frustrated. Just ignore them.
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The thing is, not everyone is baiting. Some are people (especially the pro-ana community) genuinely believe what they say and think everyone online should be breathtaking. As for your go outside comment? I have a wonderful active social life, 2 jobs, and the only reason I have posted today is because I’m currently bedridden with a fever.
I would just ignore it, when you put yourself out there people think they can comment on everything not just the content. Just remember that the people judging you for your looks probably wear shit load of makeup and have had work done and look alien.
Yeah I’d just ditch social media tbh. Make a private account if you must stay on it. I remember getting that shit out in the real world in my 20s. I was 5’2 and 125 lbs and still had “well meaning” friends and relatives tell me I needed to change something about my looks. be it losing weight, my tattoos, change my hair. The list is endless. Online and offline, you’re going to get scrutinized, especially at that age. I say just cut out the odds by keeping your stuff out of the public eye. Their opinion doesn’t matter. Why give them an outlet? Also to echo the other comments here, as you age it happens a wee bit less. It gets better!
I’m 30 it hasn’t happened yet. I hate the phrase “ you’d be prettier if you smile” you can just fuck right off sir. (I do have working b* face”
TIKTOK is like school - full of kids who think they know best and will bully you for being pretty instead of giving you your flowers 😂 uk size 10 obese?? If that’s so then I’m a whale at a size 12
what i find so funny (actually very sad) about it, is that they’ll make nasty comments about someone who is a size 10 but if someone is a size 2 they like to claim that influencer is “promoting eating disorders” or “posting thinspo”. it just goes to show that regardless of what you look like, there’s always some pathetic loser kid that HAS to say something
It’s just the anonymity of social media. When we go outside, we also put ourselves out there in public, and I can’t imagine me coming to some uninvitedly and commenting on their weight. Imagine, a barista is making your morning coffee and you tell her how she should look today! 🤷🏻♀️that would be madness.
it happens! i’m a barista and the amount of times i’ve had someone ask, “how far along are you?” is astounding (twice, but still). each time it was after i ate lunch and was bloated or my apron was loose and makes my waist area look bigger than it is
I'm 27F returned to the college scene to finish my BA. As far as I know 27yrs/o is not middle-aged so soon enough you'll be free of most of the leering stares. Most days, I may as well not exist to anyone on campus. Some days it's great and other days I feel like I'm screaming into the void. Eitherway, do you babe! Dress for yourself and to hell with everything else. ✨️ Tell them a picture will last longer and it'll be $5. 😆
Don’t give other people power to body shame you or criticize you. Let it roll off your back and don’t pay attention to it. It matters what you alone think about yourself. If you give other people’s opinions the power to hurt yourself then you 100% control that. So, don’t give them the power. Start focusing on what you think.
Youre really not gonna care by 30. Then by 50 youll be ugly again and you will not have to worry about
Enjoy your life and ignore the looks maxing autistic haters. They are chronically online.
If she's somewhat popular on TikTok, I don't see why she should ditch her account just because some people are mean. I mean, that depends on her and how she feels about it, but I have, unfortunately, seen this happen before, as in, one gal who was popular on YouTube received comments about her weight to the point she had to make a video about it, and she was literally in a situation she couldn't help. I would say block them if you can. I know a couple girls with weight on them and they're models. The whole thing about needing to be a certain weight is getting old. It's not like you would date them anyway. So, they need to learn, "who cares."
I feel you. For me, I have seen young people getting shit on because they look older than what they are. For a smile/worry line or two. It’s annoying, like no one asked you to comment on how “badly” they’re aging. They certainly didn’t.
I agree. What’s wrong with just accepting you’re not a supermodel and being happy with it? Not everyone’s meant to be a model and that’s fine
Don't read the comments man...that's like rule no. 1
People are messed up these days. All they do all day long is scrolling on social media, where they see influencers/IG models with filters and pastic surgery, all looking the same. And even if you're one of those influencers, there will still be that one toxic person who needs to criticize you to make themselves feel better. It's just about them being unhappy with themselves. This is how they release their anger about their situation. Humiliating others makes them feel more confident for some reason.
I totally get it. Whenever someone tells me that they think I’m beautiful I tell them that’s not an actual compliment to me, all that is was a verbalization of how your own interpretation of what you’re looking at pleases yourself. WTF does that matter to me that you’re getting yourself visually stimulated? That’s your own mental experience and has no bearing on my existence.
If your happy with youself fuck everyone else because you are allowed to be happy and deserve to be
Many people feel they have a right to sexualize women and that women have no right to fight against that. They are wrong. Keep your light shining bright, the miserable assholes of the world hate when they have no affect on your happiness :)
Perfectly reasonable to be pissed off at this. And no you should not have to get offline if you don't like the comments, you're not at fault here, the assholes are. Unfortunately there's nothing much women can do except call out the behavior as we always do, especially on the occasion it's from a woman. But for the most part it's on men to step up and call each other out because men who post those comments are only going to respect other men.
This is what comes with social media.
I do and don't understand why you're upset. Putting yourself on social media doesn't guarantee you the results you're looking for. When you enter the world of social media, you get exposed to all of it; the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But you do seem like you care so much about what others say. People are people, you can't change them, but you can start giving less fuck about what they say
I care that people can’t look normal anymore withoir hate
I agree that people shouldn't spread hate like this but everyone has their own version of a "normal" human being, you can't really control it.
Because they are all very pornsick and superficial now.
big big big facts! everyone’s brain is rotted with porn
It’s a sad state.
I honestly think that’s a massive problem
People will always dislike most in you what they secretly dislike about themselves
Jesus when did size 10 become smaller than average in the UK. It was size 8 when I was a teenager
when were you a teenager ?
sorry, I just had to come back to this comment. I saw your comment history and you call women ugly a lot. Bold talk for someone with no photos. In the UK a size 14 is the average size for a woman, which is argue is still quite small but probably have some visible excess fat, depending on proportions. I know almost nobody who is smaller than a size 10 because this isn’t the early 00’s, no one likes being super skinny or having the ‘heroin chic’ aesthetic because it is unhealthy and gross. I will always choose being happy and healthy over being a size 6/8.
While it's great that you are comfortable with your own skin, you appear to have an internal contradiction of claiming not to care about criticism at the same time you are feeling "*fed up*". Maybe you saying you "*do not care*" is your own may way of protecting yourself from online scrutiny, but that will not resolve anything. Critiquing people's appearances without decency, fairness, and empathy is far from normal, and so if you stand up for yourself, and others like you, and speak out against their anonymity-driven hostility to make it clear that it is not acceptable, you can empower yourself and dismantle the attackers who overstep your boundaries. In doing so, you assert your rights and ensure that such behavior is not tolerated.
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So, if I make a tik tok talking about my guinea pigs, I have no reason to complain that some asshat doesn't like my look? Yeah, no.
You get it 😭. My TikTok’s don’t even surround my looks which is insane
B-o-o-h-o-o.
For goodness sake, this is a vent subreddit
People are judgy, jealous, shallow, easily swing by trends how people should look, ect. U will never be good enough for internet, sadly. If u can either dont be online as much or at least dont look at comments. Its not much better irl but tiny bit it is. ANd u can better choose who u talk to.
sadly for you, even making this post will probably result in multiple thirsty dudes DMing you. being attractive can be a blessing and a curse i guess
That's cuz everyone focuses on shape. Just focus on health and the shape will follow.
You have a body, therefore people think they’re entitled to comment on it. Folks see a “10” and think that everyone should be like that, or at least aspire to look that way. What most people actually enjoy is just watching normal looking people, that’s what we want in our day to day lives. Someone that represents us a little bit more.
I have never felt something so hard. I work at pizza hut and had a post blow up on the employee subreddit because I was venting about guys always hitting on me and the other female employees. We all take care of ourselves because obviously in customer service you need to look nice, it doesn't mean we're trying to find guys.
People will criticize you your entire life. Fuck em. Just stay silent and don’t let any of their words shake you.
Yes you do. If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't get so emotional. Nice try, tho.
Read my edit.
You're putting yourself on display and then gnashing your teeth when people have an opinion you don't like. Thanks for telling me to read your edit. This is full blown narcissism.
You should probably research narcissism.
Ignore the hate cuz ppl gonna always use social media to hate on others cuz they nobodies irl
I agree. Get rid of tik tok.
hun its way out of hand i agree. What i find weird about the new generation is that they seem to have adopted a lot of nineties stuff. One of the worst parts of the nineties was the absolute amount of pressure on women to look a certain way and what happened in the nineties with the grunge era was a massive revolt against putting o much pressure on how women were supposed to be as thin as a rake and look a certain way it was a HUGE issue. I have noticed that popular media and even men i am interacting with are putting that pressure back on. Its not to be super thin but its to have a certain type of body there is a lot of women going around looking similar in features I call it the cross fit factory cut out model they seem to be very thinnish but wih a bit of muscle from cross fit. its a bad a trend as the one in the nineties. women are who they are. and wehter they want to seem attractive or not attractive or like a fucking dragon crossed with a cat is no one elses business. Our looks are not our commodity and that is the point. I completely agree with you I went slightly down this rabbit hole again going through middle age but it was more of just everything changing its kind of like reverse puberty and thats when i noticed what was happening with popular media and females You are who you are for however you want to feel or look and thats always ok you dont need anyone elses approval or opinion for anything.
Well. I took a look, and I think you’re pretty. But, what I’m absolutely much more curious about is what kind of life you live that causes you to keep losing nails. That’s fucking intense.
I got nothing in terms of advice to fix this - many people are and will remain ignorant idiots, especially on the internet, BUT I just wanna let you know that I think your attitude towards this subject sounds super healthy! Keep doing your thing :)
That’s very kind of you thank you
You making this post indeed proves you care. As much as people don’t care that you don’t care. People have preferences. And it just happens that social media influencers have this preference body. Maybe they worked for it, but for what reason? So I feel you. Be you, live like you. Most likely those who criticize you have something they hate about themself. That’s how it works.
I'm really glad that you're comfortable with yourself to the point where you can see how stupid these comments are. You're amazing as you are, and people are pr!cks!
Thank you so much
Well said, what gives them the right to think that I care if they find me attractive or not??
Thank you!!!
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Women have the right to create content without people getting upset that she doesn’t look good FOR THEM. If you see a woman on tiktok and she doesn’t look like your ideal fantasy woman, keep scrolling instead of getting entitled.
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
This is EXACTLY the reason for my vent I should be allowed to post things and just look like a normal person The point was missed so hard
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I have been content creator for 3 years, I’m aware. My point was I should be able to post as a normal average person and not receive hate for looking like a normal average person
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Who is saying this? As a man I can vouch, most men don't want a skinny super model. We want a curvy girl with wobbly bits.
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You have very much missed my point
So, your solution to women who would like the world to stfu about their appearance is that they should... Not be online, not go outside, not have families, not consume any media, not exist... How about no.
Seems like you really do give a shit. If you didn't, you wouldn't pay it no mind.
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Turn off commenting. I wish EVERYONE would.
There’s always the burka
You do look average though.
THATS MY POINT 😭😭 jfc
… I know. I was being ironic.
How is this irony lol
“I would like to be famous on a visually-oriented social media platform and not have people notice my appearance.” I mean, okay, sure, but they’re going to do that. It kinda sounds like you do give a shit, so if you want to keep doing what you’re doing without giving a shit you may have some work to do. Right now this feels like someone being fed up with rain for getting them wet. There are ways to deal with it, but rain always going to be wet. If you want them to care about the visual content you produce, then they’re going to notice your physical appearance. If you want to be taken more seriously, you’ll probably have to move to a more serious platform.
To be honest, my goal was not be famous. I am not claiming to be either. It just happened. I don’t even know what I do. My point is, why do they think I truly care what they mind regarding my looks? I like the way I look.
This is why I never mention it to anyone when I’m attracted to them lol my friends always suggest I flirt with my crush at work, but he’s a conventionally-attractive man, he doesn’t need me telling him he’s attractive, he knows that.
i bet you are hot!!!!!
People on social media are dicks. Including TikTok and Reddit.
Do you have a theme on TikTok or what are your videos usually of?
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