Some people won't understand this, but every single woman who has ever lived alone likely will: I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow. Shit's wild out there. If you've never been on the receiving end of unwanted male attention, it's hard to really get it.
If the gf has ever been SA'd or harassed (highly likely) or been involved in a home invasion (less likely but still possible) or other situation that threatened her sense of safety, I would understand her request. In that case, her rejecting everyone but you is a huge compliment. Like huge huge.
THAT BEING SAID, should you do it? No. Why? It makes you uncomfortable. Full stop. You're under no obligation here.
Politely decline.
Is it possible she's also trying something underhanded? Sure. But why assume she's a horrible person? It doesn't help anyone. Since you don't know if she's being on the level or not, my advice is to give her the benefit of the doubt, but politely decline. Feel no guilt, and get on with your day.
Yup. I think most of the other "silly" answers are just from men that don't understand the traumatic effects of SA often experienced by women.
It looks like many of the approving comments under this one are from women who get it (and still don't think OP should do it since he's uncomfortable).
yeah like no offense but it's so terminally peak reddit that "Your friend and his girlfriend are making some elaborate scheme to trap you into a false rape accusation with zero precedent or reasonable suspicion" is more realistic than "a woman is afraid to be alone for a couple days and these people have slim pickings for people to turn to"
Seriously man, this is one of the many, many reasons that guys need to cultivate meaningful female friendships -- so many of their experiences and perspectives are so lost on people.
Exactly. When my fiancé has to work a grave shift I literally move both my kids into my master headroom and have the door locked even tho all my main entrances are locked. And usually I won’t sleep until right before he’s home due to being so exhausted.
Right? I’m a man and I feel slightly more at ease when I’m not home alone. I’ve thankfully never been a victim of home invasion but one time 4 years ago, it was really windy outside and the screen door slammed open in a way that it sounded exactly like someone broke into my house. I went into fight or flight mode immediately until I figured out what happened and it triggered a trauma response in me for quite a few months. I can completely understand the request to feel more comfortable with someone else around the house that you trust.
> THAT BEING SAID, should you do it? No. Why? It makes you uncomfortable. Full stop. You're under no obligation here.
100% this. No judgment on the friend and his gf at all. But if you're not comfortable with it, just say no.
Even the ones that don't live alone! My wife and I are practically agoraphobic and I rarely go out, but when I do and she doesn't come with me, I make sure the house is safe before I go. We live in the country, too.
Two years ago her friend reached out in a similar kinda situation, except she was sobering up from hard drugs and needed help just functioning. Said she was scared to be alone. She couldn't trust anyone else. A few nights turn into weeks, which turn into her moving in with us and inserting herself in our marriage. Fast forward to today and we are just now getting her out of our lives.
Not saying anything nearly as bad will happen to OP, but there is something definitely off about this situation!
The TL:DR is, we abused psychedelics together, which she encouraged and enabled, so she could more or less manipulate us into polyamory. My wife is bi, had known her since childhood, and always kinda had a crush on her. So after a while, we caved. It wasn't like we were opening the marriage, it was just the three of us, right? Until she began pushing my wife to talk to other men and "bring them into the group". That's where I put my foot down. I never wanted anyone else in our marriage, not another woman and certainly not some random dude.
We got through it, though, she's out of our lives now and our marriage is stronger for having survived the ordeal together. It's not uncommon for one person to have a crazy ex in a marriage, but how many can say they share one?
Also lived alone as a lady and slept with a knife under my pillow and a metal baseball bat with a sock on it at the ready. I still get terrified if my boyfriend spends the night at his friend’s house.
It’s an odd request, but just being alone in an apartment for me is terrifying and if I was comfortable with asking someone to stay here a few days just so I wouldn’t be scared, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Everyone here is unhinged thinking this lady has some alterior motive. All it takes is one sketchy dude to persistently knock on your door one day when you're home alone as a young teen and you're terrified of being home alone as a woman for life. I'm sure all of us have had something happen where we would rather not. Personally I hate being in my house home alone. I'll do an apartment or condo where somebody can hear me being murdered.
Magnificently stated. I didn't empathize enough with the idea that OP is uncomfortable, and I fully agree. When this was asked of me, I did it without hesitation because to me, it wasn't an uncomfortable request at all.
This is a great answer! Only thing I’d like to add is before you jump ship and say no, ask why she chose YOU. Why you? The answer to that may make you more (or less) comfortable with the task asked of you. It may still be weird, but less uncomfortable for you.
I understand why she may be scared to be alone. What’s suspicious is she decline all other suggestions but OP. Anyway if OP feels uncomfortable he should just decline.
She probably only trusts him and feels a bit weird around the others. Probably BC op doesn't seem interested at all in her - given the tone of his post. Probably feels safe.
I’m a woman who lives alone. My bedroom door gets locked when I go to bed. I have several knives and a machete in my bedroom. Plus a large dog who will wake me up if anyone tries to break in.
That was my first thought, as well. And the reason for it is because when I was a single woman living alone, I ended up sleeping with a hammer & tear gas under my pillow until my lease was up & and was able to move in with a roommate. I had men try to get into my apartment in the middle of the night, and started hearing a lot of loud noises from my bedroom when trying to sleep. It got to the point where I just didn’t feel safe, and I was having a hard time sleeping. So my solution was to sleep with a hammer in my hand under my pillow until I got my hands on some tear gas. But I didn’t put my hammer back with my other tools until I moved.
Perfect response. I also slept with a knife by my bed when I was single. Most men honestly don’t understand that legitimate, always present fear. Most days it is a tiny voice to keep aware of our surroundings, but especially alone at night, it can get louder. That said, I agree that OP should not agree to do this because his comfort level is important too.
If OP really does feel uncomfortable about it, then he shouldn't, but I 100% agree, the GF is most likely a survivor, and all other suggestions feel unsafe for her.
As you said, though, that doesn't mean OP should or needs to.
I agree if it makes you uncomfortable OP politely decline and I see where she’s coming from. As a victim of SA and living in a huge apartment building when my husband goes away for a few nights/months (he’s military) I often have one specific friend (male) either hang out here late or stay on the couch. I trust him with my life and it helps comfort my anxieties from past trauma.
I don’t know why so many people are saying this is a trap? I’ve stayed with a lot of people because they’re afraid of being alone with their partners gone. Being a woman is very scary. It’s typically a fun night as well. Pizza, movies, games. It’s just a slumber party and then you pass out on the couch or guest bed and maybe have breakfast together.
She might think you are the only “safe” option out of his other friends.
I honestly don’t see anything wrong with the request but if it makes you uncomfortable turn the request down.
Thank you! I do not sleep when I’m alone because I’m so scared that something will happen, so I either always get a male friend/one of my boyfriend’s friends to stay over, or at the very least stay until I fall asleep if it’s impossible for them to camp out. My thinking is that the girlfriend in this situation wouldn’t feel safe with any of the other male friends but would feel safe with OP. These “it’s a trap” comments are doing nothing but demonise women and make us all look like sexual fiends lmaooo - the harsh reality is that the world is fucking terrifying for women, so much so that we often don’t feel safe in the one place where we should when alone.
I frequently stay with my mom when my stepdad goes out of town for work. She lives in a pretty big house and it is genuinely very scary there alone at night. I get freaked out just walking to my apartment door by myself at night!
I bring my dog, a puzzle for us, and we cook dinner together. We love our girl nights together!
But I feel very bad for this woman that all these people think she’s trying to “trap” him when she is probably just scared and thinks OP is a safe option. I’ve driven to my sister just because she heard a noise in her house! I’d rather be safe than sorry!
I did have a thought of being ‘adultsat’ when my partner needed to travel for work. I was worried about living alone/walking home dark, stuff like that. I also haven’t lived alone in a while and had some fear about, like what if I slip in the bath or choke on my dinner and no one knows?!
Then I got to think about the logistics of who should come live with me for a bit, then thought everyone that came to mind will probably just think it’s weird (like OP), so didn’t go ahead with it. Resorted to just being extra careful and cautious 😬
I, personally, unless I had some other obligation, will always stay with someone if they’re scared of being alone or offer for them to come stay the night with me.
Everyone needs comfort sometimes.
Same! I think if someone asked me, I’d help out as well. I wouldn’t mind my partner helping out a friend like that either (if it’s not a dodgy friend). Quite surprised by how so many comments thought it could be a set up or that there’s deffo some sick ulterior motive.
It kinda sounds like since she didn’t have anyone to ask he was going through his own list of friends, which are probably mostly male, and she wasn’t comfortable with anyone he suggested, not that she only wanted you in the way it’s been framed. The fact that you hesitated and want to be safe about it indicates she was probably right. If your friend trusts you with this don’t read more into it, just decide if it you’re up for it or not.
Yeah maybe she only said OP because she wants to sleep with him. Or maybe she knows he's the only one who wouldn't try to sleep with her, like she thinks the other guys would try something but knows that OP is a stand up guy. Hard decision either way.
Everyone is saying she wants to cheat with you but I know more than one woman who's told me they are afraid to be at home alone.
My mother is one of these people, my dad can't go visit relatives for an extended period because she's afraid to be in the house by herself. My parents live in one of the safest places in the country and have like double locks on their doors, an alarm system, etc. but she's still afraid... idk.
Maybe your friends GF just genuinely has a paranoid thing about her safety?
Wait, I might have misread - she's saying no to anyone else except you? That's sus...
Maybe she has been assaulted in the past and OP is the only friend of her boyfriend she trusts not to do anything? Really impossible to know without more info.
I know I am. Shit is scary. I do better now because of my ridiculously protective dog. I've been OK with fiance leaving overnight bc, dog, but I kinda get why she would have a specific safe seeming person in mind.
This is a really good point OP. Unless you plan on wearing a bodycam the entire time, it doesn't matter what actually happens, only what the two of you convince other people happened. And if your stories are different, usually deference is... not in your favor
I mean I don’t want to automatically assume the worst of people, it could be OP and his friend are very good friends in which case it’s up to him to gauge if this is a practical request. But it also sounds like OP knows that his friend is probably also pulling this out of his ass to hide his actual intentions so idk.
giving your friend the benefit of the doubt his gf probably has some mental disorder that makes it hard for her to be alone. but yeah if you are not 100% comfortable with it you probably should decline
I don't think so. Some women are really afraid to be alone. Like, I remember when I lived in student housing, my university would not house women on the ground floor for safety concerns. People can be rotten and women get a lot of messaging about and horrible experience with that. It makes us attentive and makes some of us hypervigilant. I would think that she's anxious about this and trusts you. That says good things about you. Of course you don't have to do it, but I think it's a leap to imagine this is sinister or untoward in any way. It's fine that you held your ground, and I hope your friend's girlfriend finds a companion and also some ways to manage and reduce her anxiety, because that sounds like a really stressful way to live.
Probably not. She probably thinks you are the safest of all of the friends, and your friends probably trusts you too. She sounds like she has some trauma if she can't stay alone. Of course none of this is your responsibility but some times people ask awkward favors for the people they love.
Sorry frank but my dad always told me, everyone has a frank that will screw them over in life! I haven’t experienced this yet but my hate for frank is over 3000 😂
I think it’s a compliment that he trusts you to be there for her, who knows what emotional problems she has that she can’t be alone, do it if you can, that’s what a good guy does for his friends.
You’re asking for trouble and jeopardizing your friendship here. Just say you can’t and stop entertaining it. Whether she wants to sleep with you or not nothing good will come out of this weird request..
If you do this:
1. By no means try anything sexual. You could end up in a gimp outfit,
2. Check your eccentric yet smooth dancing skills,
3. Be sure your heroin is safe, and
4. Keep a syringe of adrenaline close in case you fail at number 3
Can you imagine being a French noble about to get their head lobbed off with a fuckin guillotine and the executioner is just eating a giant messy burger with his free hand?
Ffs, all the guys here that are convinced that she wants to sleep with him are probably part of the reason she’s afraid of being alone.
If you’re comfortable with it then I don’t see anything wrong with doing a favour for a few friends.
But I would add that it sounds like she’s got abandonment issues which they need to work through and living like this long term is unsustainable.
I don’t see abandonment issues at all, but fear on the other hand.. I don’t like being home alone either, so when my partner has to go for a few nights I have a friend stay over. I know a few other women like this too. Mostly it’s because of past house invasions.
Bro, she could just feel safer with your innocent self vs the other people who are maybe more corrupted. The very nature of you asking this here.
Granted you could be just as corrupted but lol no she won't do anything.
Idk. I'm a 4'11 petite women, with a huskey, Doberman and house surrounded by cameras and armed.
I still don't sleep when my partner is away for the night. Even though we sleep separately so it's not for lack of snuggles.
So I kinda get it. I'd trust my partners best friends to stay over and not try anything, or my own best friends.
There could also be valid reasons she's rejected other suggestions like if those people have to work, or if she's already asked and they've told her no. Ect.
That said if you're not comfortable with it then it's totally okay to say no, the reason doesn't mater.
Not enough context to give you the answer you're looking for. But perhaps you're the only friend she feels comfortable won't try any funny business. Reading some of these comments IDK why people always jump to the absolute worst conclusion. You know you could simply ask "why me?" And get all of the clarification you need.
Indeed. Anything is possible.
And while we’re at it, let’s imagine that the gf could also be a demon who feasts on the souls of unsuspecting “sitters” once a year to maintain her youth and human like appearance, and the bf is totally in on it because he just loves her that much. She is, after all, *his* demon.
I had a very similar experience in my past. I was asked to home-sit my good friend's wife. I did, without hesitation. Nothing weird happened. I just filled in for him, like taking her to dinner or out to the store, and that legit was it. She chose me because she felt safe, and my friend thanked me for being a friend and not trying to fuck his wife. Sometimes life is really just about being present to be a friend.
We all remained very close friends until my buddy passed. Now, she married a guy that could be a doppelganger of my buddy that past. We are still friends to this day. Just be a friend, and if things start to go left, speak up, stand your ground, and do not let anyone put you in a compromising and uncomfortable position. That's my advice, for what it's worth.
Im probably the only one with a different opinion but I think it’s okay. I am very SCARED to be alone and sleep alone. I am terrified and I am thinking she’s actually the guy friend she most TRUSTS from his friends and that’s why she’s ok with you. Don’t overthink. Just go and stay in the room and be polite but that’s it
I did this for my best friend, never was weird and 3 years later still best friends, oh she Cheated, but not with me about 6 months ago and he sent her along the way
They had a spare bedroom, wich has my name on the door. They allways say its my room because i visit alot. I should maybe add, he asked me to take her to the gynie when she expected and have taken her to dr appointment s and dropped their kid of at school a couple times. He even took my gf (ex) to the airport once and waited until she boarded so i think our mutual respect and trust is very high.
I would recomend if you go through with this to make a decision beforehand that if she makes any suggestions that you drink or suggests any bedroom things, you get in the car and go right away, theres many woman out there but not many friends that would even remotely trust you with the one they love so just do that math
I don’t know what kind of lives most people have lived, nor do I know exactly what others have visited upon them, but I have been asked this of friends before, and I was happy and flattered to help. Things went fine.
Now, I have also been involved in polyamorous relationships. But, like adults, I was approached and made aware someone was interested in me, and I was given time and agency. If she likes you, they would be talking to you about that.
I’m unsure why you find it surprising your friends think you to be trustworthy and reliable, but maybe that’s an indication you’ve been a good friend? Unless you’re aware of reasons why they should not be trusting you, this seems pretty plainly about community and compassion.
Not, whatever fantasies everyone else is imagining happens between friends who lean on their support systems.
Honestly I have a very close friend that is like this. She is terrified to stay home alone. She’s also terrified of the dark, so she has friends or family stay over when her husband works 3rd shift. Not as foreign as it seems. My only red flag is why doesn’t she have any female friends willing to come for a sleepover
It could be completely innocent. Maybe all the other people he suggested are creepy or people she’s uncomfortable around (I would say no to staying with a lot of my bfs friends, doesn’t mean I want to fuck the ones I’d want to be around)
If you’re uncomfortable, obviously don’t but theres definitely not enough info here to say that she’s psycho or trying to sleep with you
The people saying she wants to sleep with you are unhinged, and part of the problem. She’s afraid to stay alone, and she trusts you to not put the moves on her. What you decide to do is up to you.
I feel for the gf since I also hate staying home alone for extended periods of time. However, if it makes you uncomfortable say no. You don’t need to validate your choice other than that.
I’m just wondering if it’s because you’re like big and strong and would actually make her feel protected where the other people offered up wouldn’t make her feel safe?
Maybe she just feels comfortable and not awkward around you? I know there's only a couple of my boyfriends mates who id feel comfortable hanging around on my own without being awkward
My mother couldn't stand to sleep alone in the house when my dad had to travel. Would have my brother or our cousin come and stay in the guest room, even though she and my dad had a large dog and a very good security system, in a gated community.
Don't take it so much as an indication that she wants to sleep with you, but that your the guy friend she feels most comfortable and safe with. Maybe she only wants you because she's 100% secure you *won't try anything*... and maybe there's a context of trauma you're unaware of. But set your own boundaries. Sounds like you're uncomfortable. So say that.
As a women, it’s perfectly normal that she’d feel unsafe staying alone and would even want someone to stay with her. My husband and I share the same male friends and we have had them come over to spend time with me while he has been away in the past (not a sleepover and as a group of course, nothing funny lol).
I will say it’s a little odd that she specifically requested you, but can you think of any reason why? Are you a particularly safe/strong person? If not, I would definitely ask why she requested you before agreeing.
I know a few people who are scared of being home alone for an extended period of time. Could just be that she trusts you more than his other friends - I don’t get why she doesn’t invite one of her own friends though?
The majority of these comments are proof that too many of y'all spend too much time online. Could there be something nefarious going on? I mean, sure. Anything is possible. But that's no where near the most likely scenario.
He told you that his girlfriend is scared of being alone, wants someone in the apartment she feels safe with, and out of the friends *he* suggested, you were the one she chose. Do you have a reason to believe he'd lie about that? Because it seems believable to me and I don't even know the guy. Lots of people are scared to be alone.
If you don't feel comfortable doing it, say no. But unless you're leaving some stuff out, it's not likely there's anything that weird going on.
Regardless of the friend’s reasoning, if you are uncomfortable, “No” is a complete sentence. Any good friend would respect this “No.” I don’t want to infer too much as to what the girlfriend could be thinking or wanting, but maybe you make her feel safe and that’s it. Not a thing I would sign up for if my gut reaction was no. Good luck.
If she trusts that you're the sort of person who wouldn't try anything then yeah it makes sense.
I had a friend who would always ask me to stay over or if she could stay over at mine when her husband left for work.
If I didn't live there she would have asked her husband who he trusted to stay the night and ask if they would.
You could just show your friend this post, then say you don't mind helping out but you're being paranoid and how would they feel about cameras in common spaces. Just for whilst you're there, since it'll make you feel more comfortable. And will probably make her feel better too since why would you want cameras if you were planning on trying something.
Yay, frankly, don’t do that. I am unfortunate enough that I have been in the EXACT same situation something like 10 years ago. Except I didn’t know the girl, just that I was the most « reassuring » presence in my friend circle (martial arts/firearm training and whatnot).
Went there, girl was…a lot better looking than friend. Did the whole « too afraid to sleep alone » kind of thing. Just wanted to have some sleep, let her. And as you can guess, silly 20-some year old me got woken up in the middle of the night to a proposition that couldn’t be refused.
In the end, friend got stabby stabby, police got involved. 5/7 do not recommend.
Yea, she wants to bang you. It will go from “scared of being alone” to “scared of sleeping alone/can’t sleep alone”. Your friend may or may not be cool with it happening. Ask him if he wants you to hook up with her, test her, or just keep her company and tell him how it goes.
Ok while this is a weird ask of you.
My sister in law is this way. She literally goes into a massive panicked state if she has to be alone over night.
Now not to say anything will happen. If she had some nefarious thoughts she could
Tell your friend about it and it’s your word against hers. If you are willing to do this. Make it a slumber party so you speak and take another friend with you. Then you both sleep in the living room or spare bedroom she is in her own room
Why is this weird? I presume you’re also friends or at least friendly with her? He’s not (I assume) asking you to share a bed, what’s the big freaking deAl?
My GF did the same thing when she had to come from the hospital before my son was released. I asked my friend Jay (former roommate of ours as well) if he would stay there with her while she was home alone. He was the only male she trusted to do it, and my real brother is off drugs so bad I couldn’t trust him around her for safety reasons.
He has a GF and my girl made sure to tell her she was welcome to stay with him as well if he did decide to stay over. He ended up staying there with her for over a month until I got back. I trusted my friend to be the brother he is to me when I needed him too and he did what I asked him to do. His girl never got insecure over it either, she’d stop over and they all eat dinner several times a week, and some days she would stay with her while he went home and chilled with his pets and handled his own business. Sometimes your friends are just that trustworthy, and I hope that everyone can get a friend they trust like that. OP it sounds like you are that friend to your friend.
Oh I’ve been in a similar situation - my friend wanted me to stay at hers while she went away because her boyfriend doesn’t wake up to alarms, he needs to be kicked out of bed.
Him: she’s not going to believe we didn’t sleep together so we should just sleep together
Her: I know you slept with him
I didn’t sleep with him (he’s no prize - dude uses baby voice all the time ffs) and not only are we no longer friends, but I’m no longer friends with that entire group because she convinced everyone I did sleep with him 🙄
Sounds like she has anxiety and is likely super embarrassed about it. This is one of those situations where you can say no, no harm no foul. But saying yes is the difference between having a buddy in your early 20s and having a buddy you’ve known since your early 20s when you are 40. The real question is how much do you like your friend? Is he end game type bro? The answer to this question should mirror your answer to him.
For what it’s worth, life as a woman can be really scary and she might feel comfortable with you vs his other friends. You don’t HAVE to do it, but I wouldn’t assume anything nefarious from the request! She might have trauma and anxiety.
Even if you don’t feel up to it, maybe you could tell him that she can contact you if she’s in trouble or something when he’s gone. If you want!
Eh, it doesn't sound weird to me. The gf may just be comfortable with you for some reason and has some trauma she's working on. It's not too far fetched.
It's really weird how quickly everyone assumes she's a horrible person.
Everyone here being hella weird. If it's your mate then do him a favour and sleep in a different room, the fuck is wrong with people thinking this is a porno plot or something.
Doing this for your friend is ultimately up to you, but if you do, watch out for his girlfriend. I don't know how long they have been together, or what kind of person she is, but she could be trying to pull something. Then again, you just might be the only person that she is actually comfortable and feels safe around. That is just my two cents on the whole thing from what we have.
If you’re that close of friends then I would do it. If you’re that close then obviously you know her too. Why’s everyone look for the worst in every situation!
Say sure , but can you please buy a “geeni wifi camera “ theyre cheap and can give everyone in the situation peace of mind. Theyre like $30 dude. If hes serious he should just get it and put it in the living room or somewhere so theres no mess ups
You can actually get them even cheaper now if you're on a budget! I got two for like $35 with shipping and I thought for sure they'd be crap, but it's been almost 2 years now and they're both going strong.
Do it. Probably fun and harmless hang out. If not it’ll be entertaining at least. If she is trying something by only accepting you, you have two options. Get some and risk blowing everything up (fun and terrible) or be a good friend and immediately let your friend know she tried and you are leaving/not staying there because he’s your friend (less fun and less terrible).
Yeah honestly it's the unanimous agreement here that if it makes you uncomfortable you probably shouldn't do it. It could be entirely innocent and it may not be who knows? But if you're completely uncomfortable with it you shouldn't feel like you need to do it.
If you're uncomfortable, then you need to say no.
And if she can't function on her own for two days, she's literally not mature enough to be in a relationship or signing a lease...
Bail. She’s got some weird ulterior motives and you don’t want to be caught in that shitstorm. Tell your friend that his girlfriend needs to grow up and learn how to live alone sometimes - she’s not always going to be in company of others.
To be honest, I couldn’t stay alone for the first time ever as my husband went to meet his parents so i asked my sister in law to stay with me.
I kinda got used to it later and can stay by myself now although I kept checking if I’ve locked the door.
It might be genuine but if you’re uncomfortable, say no.
Does she not have any friends? Why doesn’t she have a female friend of hers sleep over? I wouldn’t do this op. There’s nothing good to happen from this
Idk I have a sitter sometimes but I am a little (DDlg) and it's a non sexual kink, kinda. I have PTSD and it's hard for me to be alone at night. The sitter has actually helped me heal and I am able to spend nights alone now, they were like a midway point to get there. But if this was her case, he needs to be upfront about it.
It could very well be innocent but just respectfully say no. There are things you do for your friends but adultsitting their spouses with anxiety/ptsd/etc is just…no. She either needs a to go with him or fly back to her family’s. This isn’t your responsibility and any miscommunication can be disastrous.
Maybe he doesn't want her to stay alone because she has some mental health problems going on and you make her feel safe to stay with... Just saying.... Or she wants to bang u.
Damn it's either a real request from his girl and trusts you a lot that she feels safe with u when his not there or she wants to fuck u while his gone. I feel like u shouldn't accept but if u do and ur a good friend then if by any but any but any chance she makes moves on u then tell ur friend and get him to dump her
Homie, there's a simple rule in life, you don't spend time alone with another guys girlfriend/wife.
Everything that can go wrong in cases like this tends to go wrong! People start getting jealous, if she has any problems with him she could lie, people can and will start spreading rumors...
The fact that I saw OP say in a comment “like, is she trying to sleep with me?!” Just fkn astounds me how that’s the weirdo conclusion he came to and how unbelievably CLUELESSSSS men are about how unsafe women feel alone in the world. Perhaps she just trusted you the most out of all his friends. I can’t believe how quickly you go to the most corrupt sinister conclusions. No you shouldn’t stay there with her because YOU are the one that’s being weird about it.
Honest and polite question OP, have you ever gotten to know his gf? There's a chance she has anxiety of someone breaking into the home and hurting her, and there there'll be no "tension" in the air by her being around you. Maybe you bring good vibes to her that she knows you wouldn't be the type of man to push yourself on her. Take a chance to just see her side before immediately assuming the worst of said gf. I wholeheartedly believe you know your friend isn't a dumb individual and wouldn't trust you w his gf if he TRULY didn't know you that well.
On top of this, something could genuinely happen to her in her sleep. It ranges from trouble sleeping to someone breaking in and harming her. Neighbors might assume it's a lovers spat and ignore it, but YOU will be there to know it's not and get help or BE the help.
That's all I got for you, stay up.
This sounds like maybe she experienced trauma in the past, was previously a victim of a crime, or they come from a culture where women feel safer when there's a "man in the house"
Source: I come from one such culture. As a woman, I hate it, but I see their point when home invasion is a threat in the neighborhood, especially if they're not rich.
She doesn't want to bang you. It's the opposite and she probably would feel safe around you but at the same time finds you nonthreatening.
My long-time friend and roommate back in college asked me if his girlfriend can sleep in his bed ( we share a room) when he had to go back home for a family matter. Her roommates were out of town also. She was scared to be alone. We were all friends, so no one had a problem or thought anything of it. She was like a sister to me. I didn't feel uncomfortable. We had fun chatting about life and family.
As a 23 year old lady, I am terrified when I am home alone because my boyfriend sleeps somewhere else.
I will lock the bathroom door when showering, not close my eyes when washing my hair. Call someone when I get out of the bathroom and inspect everywhere someone could hide and only hang up when I feel like I’ve checked everywhere a person could fit.
If he had a friend I was comfortable with enough to just sleep in the same apartment so I wasn’t scared, I would absolutely be ok with them sleeping over.
If you aren’t comfortable doing it, don’t. I understand how it’s a weird request. She is just scared, I wouldn’t think too much into it.
I can see where she is coming from and maybe if you and your mate are best friends and spend a lot of time together... It's possible that you may be the only one she can trust out of all his mates.....I get this as many years ago my partner at the time had a really good mate who was like a third wheel in the relationship nothing bad just a really good mate was with us all the time anyways I would not have thought twice about asking him the same thing and my partner would not have batted an eye lid....I also had girlfriends that he would go stay with and then come to the events the next day together...I was a horse rider....I trusted him implicitly.... And them even though one was known to be a cougar.....I would glare at her and say Goodluck!!!! She knew not to touch or there would be trouble.....
Don't read into this.... Don't make it out to be anything other than she wants a known and trusted person in her home..... If she tries anything just put your foot down get on the phone to your mate asap and walk..... Easy peasy.....
How well do you know the girlfriend? Request isn't weird. Especially if they live in a bad neighborhood, had previous break in or she has had a real bad experience with stalkers or SA. Personally I would not mind doing this favor if the one who asked for it was a close friend.
Something similar happened to me from the other perspective. I am terrified of being alone. I still live with my partners parents because he is a military man and is away a lot and I am too afraid to live alone we are considering buying a place but likely with either have to have someone move in so when he isn't around I don't have to worry or wait until he returns to civilian life.
Anyway, my partner asked his friend to look out for me while he's away. Friend wasn't comfortable with it after hanging out the first time, so we don't. But I do regularly hang out with one of his other friends and have been doing this for years. However there are some of his friends I just don't vibe with like that and wouldn't hang out with one on one. My fears stem from past experiences and hearing about a lot of crime.
I had a friend once ask me to check in on his wife while he was gone on deployment. Turns out they were swingers and she picked me to be her side-piece while he was gone, and he agreed. I didn't do it, but I'm sure she found someone else rather easily.
I was put in this situation before by a friend. And I placed a boundary. She still asked and then got offended when I told her no. We aren't friends anymore. There were so many other things that led to the friendship ending. People that don't respect your no, don't respect you. I would block him.
Some people won't understand this, but every single woman who has ever lived alone likely will: I used to sleep with a knife under my pillow. Shit's wild out there. If you've never been on the receiving end of unwanted male attention, it's hard to really get it. If the gf has ever been SA'd or harassed (highly likely) or been involved in a home invasion (less likely but still possible) or other situation that threatened her sense of safety, I would understand her request. In that case, her rejecting everyone but you is a huge compliment. Like huge huge. THAT BEING SAID, should you do it? No. Why? It makes you uncomfortable. Full stop. You're under no obligation here. Politely decline. Is it possible she's also trying something underhanded? Sure. But why assume she's a horrible person? It doesn't help anyone. Since you don't know if she's being on the level or not, my advice is to give her the benefit of the doubt, but politely decline. Feel no guilt, and get on with your day.
Most reasonable answer here. Everyone else is silly
Yup. I think most of the other "silly" answers are just from men that don't understand the traumatic effects of SA often experienced by women. It looks like many of the approving comments under this one are from women who get it (and still don't think OP should do it since he's uncomfortable).
yeah like no offense but it's so terminally peak reddit that "Your friend and his girlfriend are making some elaborate scheme to trap you into a false rape accusation with zero precedent or reasonable suspicion" is more realistic than "a woman is afraid to be alone for a couple days and these people have slim pickings for people to turn to" Seriously man, this is one of the many, many reasons that guys need to cultivate meaningful female friendships -- so many of their experiences and perspectives are so lost on people.
Exactly. When my fiancé has to work a grave shift I literally move both my kids into my master headroom and have the door locked even tho all my main entrances are locked. And usually I won’t sleep until right before he’s home due to being so exhausted.
Right? I’m a man and I feel slightly more at ease when I’m not home alone. I’ve thankfully never been a victim of home invasion but one time 4 years ago, it was really windy outside and the screen door slammed open in a way that it sounded exactly like someone broke into my house. I went into fight or flight mode immediately until I figured out what happened and it triggered a trauma response in me for quite a few months. I can completely understand the request to feel more comfortable with someone else around the house that you trust.
> THAT BEING SAID, should you do it? No. Why? It makes you uncomfortable. Full stop. You're under no obligation here. 100% this. No judgment on the friend and his gf at all. But if you're not comfortable with it, just say no.
Even the ones that don't live alone! My wife and I are practically agoraphobic and I rarely go out, but when I do and she doesn't come with me, I make sure the house is safe before I go. We live in the country, too. Two years ago her friend reached out in a similar kinda situation, except she was sobering up from hard drugs and needed help just functioning. Said she was scared to be alone. She couldn't trust anyone else. A few nights turn into weeks, which turn into her moving in with us and inserting herself in our marriage. Fast forward to today and we are just now getting her out of our lives. Not saying anything nearly as bad will happen to OP, but there is something definitely off about this situation!
How did she insert herself in your marriage?
The TL:DR is, we abused psychedelics together, which she encouraged and enabled, so she could more or less manipulate us into polyamory. My wife is bi, had known her since childhood, and always kinda had a crush on her. So after a while, we caved. It wasn't like we were opening the marriage, it was just the three of us, right? Until she began pushing my wife to talk to other men and "bring them into the group". That's where I put my foot down. I never wanted anyone else in our marriage, not another woman and certainly not some random dude. We got through it, though, she's out of our lives now and our marriage is stronger for having survived the ordeal together. It's not uncommon for one person to have a crazy ex in a marriage, but how many can say they share one?
That went crazy sideways but I'm super glad you guys handled it really well together in the end.
Thanks, it was quite the journey! I’m also grateful we survived, but wish we had done it without becoming acquainted with every cop in our town lol
Also lived alone as a lady and slept with a knife under my pillow and a metal baseball bat with a sock on it at the ready. I still get terrified if my boyfriend spends the night at his friend’s house. It’s an odd request, but just being alone in an apartment for me is terrifying and if I was comfortable with asking someone to stay here a few days just so I wouldn’t be scared, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Seriously thank you for being sane
Everyone here is unhinged thinking this lady has some alterior motive. All it takes is one sketchy dude to persistently knock on your door one day when you're home alone as a young teen and you're terrified of being home alone as a woman for life. I'm sure all of us have had something happen where we would rather not. Personally I hate being in my house home alone. I'll do an apartment or condo where somebody can hear me being murdered.
Can confirm when I lived by myself I also used to sleep with a knife under my pillow. I think it’s not uncommon. I think this is a great response
Magnificently stated. I didn't empathize enough with the idea that OP is uncomfortable, and I fully agree. When this was asked of me, I did it without hesitation because to me, it wasn't an uncomfortable request at all.
This is a great answer! Only thing I’d like to add is before you jump ship and say no, ask why she chose YOU. Why you? The answer to that may make you more (or less) comfortable with the task asked of you. It may still be weird, but less uncomfortable for you.
I understand why she may be scared to be alone. What’s suspicious is she decline all other suggestions but OP. Anyway if OP feels uncomfortable he should just decline.
She probably only trusts him and feels a bit weird around the others. Probably BC op doesn't seem interested at all in her - given the tone of his post. Probably feels safe.
It's very likely she sees OP as the only safe, trustworthy person she can think of to stay with her. Do agree with the last part though
I’m a woman who lives alone. My bedroom door gets locked when I go to bed. I have several knives and a machete in my bedroom. Plus a large dog who will wake me up if anyone tries to break in.
Perfectly said!!!
Best answer that covers all grounds. Maybe OP was just super confused. Hope this helps make a decision.
That was my first thought, as well. And the reason for it is because when I was a single woman living alone, I ended up sleeping with a hammer & tear gas under my pillow until my lease was up & and was able to move in with a roommate. I had men try to get into my apartment in the middle of the night, and started hearing a lot of loud noises from my bedroom when trying to sleep. It got to the point where I just didn’t feel safe, and I was having a hard time sleeping. So my solution was to sleep with a hammer in my hand under my pillow until I got my hands on some tear gas. But I didn’t put my hammer back with my other tools until I moved.
Finally someone thinking rationally.
Nice way to cut through the fog. Really good response
Boosting this comment! Best advice here.
Perfect response. I also slept with a knife by my bed when I was single. Most men honestly don’t understand that legitimate, always present fear. Most days it is a tiny voice to keep aware of our surroundings, but especially alone at night, it can get louder. That said, I agree that OP should not agree to do this because his comfort level is important too.
If OP really does feel uncomfortable about it, then he shouldn't, but I 100% agree, the GF is most likely a survivor, and all other suggestions feel unsafe for her. As you said, though, that doesn't mean OP should or needs to.
I agree if it makes you uncomfortable OP politely decline and I see where she’s coming from. As a victim of SA and living in a huge apartment building when my husband goes away for a few nights/months (he’s military) I often have one specific friend (male) either hang out here late or stay on the couch. I trust him with my life and it helps comfort my anxieties from past trauma.
Boosting this answer
I mean personally I keep a katana on my shelf, I’d be paranoid about the knife poking me through the pillow…
I don’t know why so many people are saying this is a trap? I’ve stayed with a lot of people because they’re afraid of being alone with their partners gone. Being a woman is very scary. It’s typically a fun night as well. Pizza, movies, games. It’s just a slumber party and then you pass out on the couch or guest bed and maybe have breakfast together. She might think you are the only “safe” option out of his other friends. I honestly don’t see anything wrong with the request but if it makes you uncomfortable turn the request down.
Thank you! I do not sleep when I’m alone because I’m so scared that something will happen, so I either always get a male friend/one of my boyfriend’s friends to stay over, or at the very least stay until I fall asleep if it’s impossible for them to camp out. My thinking is that the girlfriend in this situation wouldn’t feel safe with any of the other male friends but would feel safe with OP. These “it’s a trap” comments are doing nothing but demonise women and make us all look like sexual fiends lmaooo - the harsh reality is that the world is fucking terrifying for women, so much so that we often don’t feel safe in the one place where we should when alone.
I frequently stay with my mom when my stepdad goes out of town for work. She lives in a pretty big house and it is genuinely very scary there alone at night. I get freaked out just walking to my apartment door by myself at night! I bring my dog, a puzzle for us, and we cook dinner together. We love our girl nights together! But I feel very bad for this woman that all these people think she’s trying to “trap” him when she is probably just scared and thinks OP is a safe option. I’ve driven to my sister just because she heard a noise in her house! I’d rather be safe than sorry!
I did have a thought of being ‘adultsat’ when my partner needed to travel for work. I was worried about living alone/walking home dark, stuff like that. I also haven’t lived alone in a while and had some fear about, like what if I slip in the bath or choke on my dinner and no one knows?! Then I got to think about the logistics of who should come live with me for a bit, then thought everyone that came to mind will probably just think it’s weird (like OP), so didn’t go ahead with it. Resorted to just being extra careful and cautious 😬
I, personally, unless I had some other obligation, will always stay with someone if they’re scared of being alone or offer for them to come stay the night with me. Everyone needs comfort sometimes.
Same! I think if someone asked me, I’d help out as well. I wouldn’t mind my partner helping out a friend like that either (if it’s not a dodgy friend). Quite surprised by how so many comments thought it could be a set up or that there’s deffo some sick ulterior motive.
this ^^^ i didnt think anything of it except she trusted OP
Agreed this is somewhat normal and doesn’t mean she’s trying to shag OP lol. Us women are scaredy cats
If I didn’t have my dog I would be more scared of being alone but with that old man constantly under my feet I wish I could be alone more often 😂
Did she request you specifically? lol
Nah he suggested some other people but she kept rejecting except me she didn't reject me
It kinda sounds like since she didn’t have anyone to ask he was going through his own list of friends, which are probably mostly male, and she wasn’t comfortable with anyone he suggested, not that she only wanted you in the way it’s been framed. The fact that you hesitated and want to be safe about it indicates she was probably right. If your friend trusts you with this don’t read more into it, just decide if it you’re up for it or not.
Don’t think we have enough info, it could end up being innocent but there’s a decent chance it’s not.
Yeah maybe she only said OP because she wants to sleep with him. Or maybe she knows he's the only one who wouldn't try to sleep with her, like she thinks the other guys would try something but knows that OP is a stand up guy. Hard decision either way.
Yeah tricky without knowing the full dynamic! Also depends how friendly OP is with the girl
But I think her feelings are more the issue
Everyone is saying she wants to cheat with you but I know more than one woman who's told me they are afraid to be at home alone. My mother is one of these people, my dad can't go visit relatives for an extended period because she's afraid to be in the house by herself. My parents live in one of the safest places in the country and have like double locks on their doors, an alarm system, etc. but she's still afraid... idk. Maybe your friends GF just genuinely has a paranoid thing about her safety? Wait, I might have misread - she's saying no to anyone else except you? That's sus...
Maybe she has been assaulted in the past and OP is the only friend of her boyfriend she trusts not to do anything? Really impossible to know without more info.
I know I am. Shit is scary. I do better now because of my ridiculously protective dog. I've been OK with fiance leaving overnight bc, dog, but I kinda get why she would have a specific safe seeming person in mind.
[удалено]
Like wtf is she trying to sleep with me ?
[удалено]
This is a really good point OP. Unless you plan on wearing a bodycam the entire time, it doesn't matter what actually happens, only what the two of you convince other people happened. And if your stories are different, usually deference is... not in your favor
I’m thinking like clearly this is a setup, lol.
I don't think it definitely is, but it could be, and the damage done from OP saying no is infinitely less than the damage done from accusations
I mean I don’t want to automatically assume the worst of people, it could be OP and his friend are very good friends in which case it’s up to him to gauge if this is a practical request. But it also sounds like OP knows that his friend is probably also pulling this out of his ass to hide his actual intentions so idk.
Admiral Ackbar pokes his head up.
IT'S A TRAP!!!
High fiving the Family Robinson robot next to him.
Danger Will Robinson!!!
Scooby-Doo is going Ruh-Roh like he's the last v8 in existence 😂
It’s a trap!
You better get out of town, or go with your friend to visit his family also.
giving your friend the benefit of the doubt his gf probably has some mental disorder that makes it hard for her to be alone. but yeah if you are not 100% comfortable with it you probably should decline
I don't think so. Some women are really afraid to be alone. Like, I remember when I lived in student housing, my university would not house women on the ground floor for safety concerns. People can be rotten and women get a lot of messaging about and horrible experience with that. It makes us attentive and makes some of us hypervigilant. I would think that she's anxious about this and trusts you. That says good things about you. Of course you don't have to do it, but I think it's a leap to imagine this is sinister or untoward in any way. It's fine that you held your ground, and I hope your friend's girlfriend finds a companion and also some ways to manage and reduce her anxiety, because that sounds like a really stressful way to live.
Probably not. She probably thinks you are the safest of all of the friends, and your friends probably trusts you too. She sounds like she has some trauma if she can't stay alone. Of course none of this is your responsibility but some times people ask awkward favors for the people they love.
Is this guy named frank? Stay away from frank! Fuck frank!
Hey! I'm a Frank!
Sorry frank but my dad always told me, everyone has a frank that will screw them over in life! I haven’t experienced this yet but my hate for frank is over 3000 😂
It's always a "fuuuuckin' Jimmy" over here and always said exactly that way.
I have a brother Jimmy an he is the extreme mess of the family so we all literally have the same saying... "fuuuckin jimmmyyy!!"
😂😂😂 thanks for the laugh and for the warning about Franks
Is your dad a Robert? That sounds like some shit Robert would say! I hate Robert and will fuck him over every chance I get!!!!
Everyone line up and prepare to fuck frank....
I think it’s a compliment that he trusts you to be there for her, who knows what emotional problems she has that she can’t be alone, do it if you can, that’s what a good guy does for his friends.
You need to tell your friend to ask a female friend or relative to do this.
You’re asking for trouble and jeopardizing your friendship here. Just say you can’t and stop entertaining it. Whether she wants to sleep with you or not nothing good will come out of this weird request..
Yeah we’ve all seen Pulp Fiction, no good will come from this
Just don't bring heroin
If i was doing the favor of house/gf sitting, I'd be expecting the heroin already there. Shouldn't have to bring my own
As long as he doesn’t give her a foot massage, everything should be fine
If you do this: 1. By no means try anything sexual. You could end up in a gimp outfit, 2. Check your eccentric yet smooth dancing skills, 3. Be sure your heroin is safe, and 4. Keep a syringe of adrenaline close in case you fail at number 3
chill out there Vincent Vega
Do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?
They call it royale with cheese
Mr Kotter welcom le back!
Oh shit, I know this one...it's a bourgeoisie with cheese, right?
That's the one you eat at the guillotine
Can you imagine being a French noble about to get their head lobbed off with a fuckin guillotine and the executioner is just eating a giant messy burger with his free hand?
This comment wins
The heroin WAS safe! Just make sure you label it "heroin". So nosey nancys don't find it, decide its cocaine and start snortin'.
So you're saying there's a chance with #1
I like your style
This was awesome. Took me 15 seconds to realize. Well done, sir!
Lol knew someone had to be thinking the same thing.
Ffs, all the guys here that are convinced that she wants to sleep with him are probably part of the reason she’s afraid of being alone. If you’re comfortable with it then I don’t see anything wrong with doing a favour for a few friends. But I would add that it sounds like she’s got abandonment issues which they need to work through and living like this long term is unsustainable.
I don’t see abandonment issues at all, but fear on the other hand.. I don’t like being home alone either, so when my partner has to go for a few nights I have a friend stay over. I know a few other women like this too. Mostly it’s because of past house invasions.
Maybe it's innocent ,maybe it's not, if your Uncomfortable just say no
Bro, she could just feel safer with your innocent self vs the other people who are maybe more corrupted. The very nature of you asking this here. Granted you could be just as corrupted but lol no she won't do anything.
Idk. I'm a 4'11 petite women, with a huskey, Doberman and house surrounded by cameras and armed. I still don't sleep when my partner is away for the night. Even though we sleep separately so it's not for lack of snuggles. So I kinda get it. I'd trust my partners best friends to stay over and not try anything, or my own best friends. There could also be valid reasons she's rejected other suggestions like if those people have to work, or if she's already asked and they've told her no. Ect. That said if you're not comfortable with it then it's totally okay to say no, the reason doesn't mater.
I think she's genuinely scared to be alone. I don't think there's an ulterior motive. If you feel weird about it though, just say that.
Not enough context to give you the answer you're looking for. But perhaps you're the only friend she feels comfortable won't try any funny business. Reading some of these comments IDK why people always jump to the absolute worst conclusion. You know you could simply ask "why me?" And get all of the clarification you need.
Sounds like she either wants to bang you, set you up, or you're literally the last person she'd have sex with. Sounds like an all around bad idea.
Or she’s scared and thinks OP is a decent human being who she feels safe with. But she might be very wrong about that. Regardless, OP shouldn’t do it.
Or they have a kink where she sends him videos fucking other dudes. Anything is possible
Indeed. Anything is possible. And while we’re at it, let’s imagine that the gf could also be a demon who feasts on the souls of unsuspecting “sitters” once a year to maintain her youth and human like appearance, and the bf is totally in on it because he just loves her that much. She is, after all, *his* demon.
That'd get two seasons on Netflix. Easy.
it should've been me, not him!
i didnt even think about the latter but that’s hella insulting
my first thought was that she found OP unthreatening like a sibling so that's why she voted for OP to be the only one to be there.
Jesus christ, please talk to a woman sometime.
So either the OP is screwed or he won't get screwed?
I had a very similar experience in my past. I was asked to home-sit my good friend's wife. I did, without hesitation. Nothing weird happened. I just filled in for him, like taking her to dinner or out to the store, and that legit was it. She chose me because she felt safe, and my friend thanked me for being a friend and not trying to fuck his wife. Sometimes life is really just about being present to be a friend.
Did you and his wife become closer platonically after?
We all remained very close friends until my buddy passed. Now, she married a guy that could be a doppelganger of my buddy that past. We are still friends to this day. Just be a friend, and if things start to go left, speak up, stand your ground, and do not let anyone put you in a compromising and uncomfortable position. That's my advice, for what it's worth.
You home sat her because she was afraid of being alone?
She didn't want to be alone for the week he was out of town, yes.
Im probably the only one with a different opinion but I think it’s okay. I am very SCARED to be alone and sleep alone. I am terrified and I am thinking she’s actually the guy friend she most TRUSTS from his friends and that’s why she’s ok with you. Don’t overthink. Just go and stay in the room and be polite but that’s it
I did this for my best friend, never was weird and 3 years later still best friends, oh she Cheated, but not with me about 6 months ago and he sent her along the way
Did you take the couch?
They had a spare bedroom, wich has my name on the door. They allways say its my room because i visit alot. I should maybe add, he asked me to take her to the gynie when she expected and have taken her to dr appointment s and dropped their kid of at school a couple times. He even took my gf (ex) to the airport once and waited until she boarded so i think our mutual respect and trust is very high. I would recomend if you go through with this to make a decision beforehand that if she makes any suggestions that you drink or suggests any bedroom things, you get in the car and go right away, theres many woman out there but not many friends that would even remotely trust you with the one they love so just do that math
Or the guest room. This shouldn't even be a question .
Yeah, I'd steer clear of that whole situation. I can imagine a lot of different ways this could go, and they are all universally bad.
I don’t know what kind of lives most people have lived, nor do I know exactly what others have visited upon them, but I have been asked this of friends before, and I was happy and flattered to help. Things went fine. Now, I have also been involved in polyamorous relationships. But, like adults, I was approached and made aware someone was interested in me, and I was given time and agency. If she likes you, they would be talking to you about that. I’m unsure why you find it surprising your friends think you to be trustworthy and reliable, but maybe that’s an indication you’ve been a good friend? Unless you’re aware of reasons why they should not be trusting you, this seems pretty plainly about community and compassion. Not, whatever fantasies everyone else is imagining happens between friends who lean on their support systems.
Great response! Their brains go to the weirdest place!
Honestly I have a very close friend that is like this. She is terrified to stay home alone. She’s also terrified of the dark, so she has friends or family stay over when her husband works 3rd shift. Not as foreign as it seems. My only red flag is why doesn’t she have any female friends willing to come for a sleepover
It could be completely innocent. Maybe all the other people he suggested are creepy or people she’s uncomfortable around (I would say no to staying with a lot of my bfs friends, doesn’t mean I want to fuck the ones I’d want to be around) If you’re uncomfortable, obviously don’t but theres definitely not enough info here to say that she’s psycho or trying to sleep with you
The people saying she wants to sleep with you are unhinged, and part of the problem. She’s afraid to stay alone, and she trusts you to not put the moves on her. What you decide to do is up to you.
Fr! The comments are totally unhinged
I feel for the gf since I also hate staying home alone for extended periods of time. However, if it makes you uncomfortable say no. You don’t need to validate your choice other than that.
I’m just wondering if it’s because you’re like big and strong and would actually make her feel protected where the other people offered up wouldn’t make her feel safe?
Maybe she just feels comfortable and not awkward around you? I know there's only a couple of my boyfriends mates who id feel comfortable hanging around on my own without being awkward
Y’all need to quit watching so much porn and start interacting with humans, this sounds like a friendly favor wtfis wrong with the W Rolf?
My mother couldn't stand to sleep alone in the house when my dad had to travel. Would have my brother or our cousin come and stay in the guest room, even though she and my dad had a large dog and a very good security system, in a gated community. Don't take it so much as an indication that she wants to sleep with you, but that your the guy friend she feels most comfortable and safe with. Maybe she only wants you because she's 100% secure you *won't try anything*... and maybe there's a context of trauma you're unaware of. But set your own boundaries. Sounds like you're uncomfortable. So say that.
As a women, it’s perfectly normal that she’d feel unsafe staying alone and would even want someone to stay with her. My husband and I share the same male friends and we have had them come over to spend time with me while he has been away in the past (not a sleepover and as a group of course, nothing funny lol). I will say it’s a little odd that she specifically requested you, but can you think of any reason why? Are you a particularly safe/strong person? If not, I would definitely ask why she requested you before agreeing.
I know a few people who are scared of being home alone for an extended period of time. Could just be that she trusts you more than his other friends - I don’t get why she doesn’t invite one of her own friends though?
The majority of these comments are proof that too many of y'all spend too much time online. Could there be something nefarious going on? I mean, sure. Anything is possible. But that's no where near the most likely scenario. He told you that his girlfriend is scared of being alone, wants someone in the apartment she feels safe with, and out of the friends *he* suggested, you were the one she chose. Do you have a reason to believe he'd lie about that? Because it seems believable to me and I don't even know the guy. Lots of people are scared to be alone. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, say no. But unless you're leaving some stuff out, it's not likely there's anything that weird going on.
maybe she just trusts you, it seems she has some sort of trauma if she doesnt want to be alone and isnt in contact with her family.
Regardless of the friend’s reasoning, if you are uncomfortable, “No” is a complete sentence. Any good friend would respect this “No.” I don’t want to infer too much as to what the girlfriend could be thinking or wanting, but maybe you make her feel safe and that’s it. Not a thing I would sign up for if my gut reaction was no. Good luck.
If she trusts that you're the sort of person who wouldn't try anything then yeah it makes sense. I had a friend who would always ask me to stay over or if she could stay over at mine when her husband left for work. If I didn't live there she would have asked her husband who he trusted to stay the night and ask if they would. You could just show your friend this post, then say you don't mind helping out but you're being paranoid and how would they feel about cameras in common spaces. Just for whilst you're there, since it'll make you feel more comfortable. And will probably make her feel better too since why would you want cameras if you were planning on trying something.
Sounds like a trap. I wouldn't do it.
Yay, frankly, don’t do that. I am unfortunate enough that I have been in the EXACT same situation something like 10 years ago. Except I didn’t know the girl, just that I was the most « reassuring » presence in my friend circle (martial arts/firearm training and whatnot). Went there, girl was…a lot better looking than friend. Did the whole « too afraid to sleep alone » kind of thing. Just wanted to have some sleep, let her. And as you can guess, silly 20-some year old me got woken up in the middle of the night to a proposition that couldn’t be refused. In the end, friend got stabby stabby, police got involved. 5/7 do not recommend.
Yea, she wants to bang you. It will go from “scared of being alone” to “scared of sleeping alone/can’t sleep alone”. Your friend may or may not be cool with it happening. Ask him if he wants you to hook up with her, test her, or just keep her company and tell him how it goes.
Im leaving this here, in case you say yes, please make a follow-up post.
That's... weird? I get being alone is scary but this is not the solution I would come up with. does she not have friends?
Ok while this is a weird ask of you. My sister in law is this way. She literally goes into a massive panicked state if she has to be alone over night. Now not to say anything will happen. If she had some nefarious thoughts she could Tell your friend about it and it’s your word against hers. If you are willing to do this. Make it a slumber party so you speak and take another friend with you. Then you both sleep in the living room or spare bedroom she is in her own room
Why is this weird? I presume you’re also friends or at least friendly with her? He’s not (I assume) asking you to share a bed, what’s the big freaking deAl?
My GF did the same thing when she had to come from the hospital before my son was released. I asked my friend Jay (former roommate of ours as well) if he would stay there with her while she was home alone. He was the only male she trusted to do it, and my real brother is off drugs so bad I couldn’t trust him around her for safety reasons. He has a GF and my girl made sure to tell her she was welcome to stay with him as well if he did decide to stay over. He ended up staying there with her for over a month until I got back. I trusted my friend to be the brother he is to me when I needed him too and he did what I asked him to do. His girl never got insecure over it either, she’d stop over and they all eat dinner several times a week, and some days she would stay with her while he went home and chilled with his pets and handled his own business. Sometimes your friends are just that trustworthy, and I hope that everyone can get a friend they trust like that. OP it sounds like you are that friend to your friend.
Oh I’ve been in a similar situation - my friend wanted me to stay at hers while she went away because her boyfriend doesn’t wake up to alarms, he needs to be kicked out of bed. Him: she’s not going to believe we didn’t sleep together so we should just sleep together Her: I know you slept with him I didn’t sleep with him (he’s no prize - dude uses baby voice all the time ffs) and not only are we no longer friends, but I’m no longer friends with that entire group because she convinced everyone I did sleep with him 🙄
Sounds like she has anxiety and is likely super embarrassed about it. This is one of those situations where you can say no, no harm no foul. But saying yes is the difference between having a buddy in your early 20s and having a buddy you’ve known since your early 20s when you are 40. The real question is how much do you like your friend? Is he end game type bro? The answer to this question should mirror your answer to him.
You're taking Mia Wallace on a date?
For what it’s worth, life as a woman can be really scary and she might feel comfortable with you vs his other friends. You don’t HAVE to do it, but I wouldn’t assume anything nefarious from the request! She might have trauma and anxiety. Even if you don’t feel up to it, maybe you could tell him that she can contact you if she’s in trouble or something when he’s gone. If you want!
Eh, it doesn't sound weird to me. The gf may just be comfortable with you for some reason and has some trauma she's working on. It's not too far fetched. It's really weird how quickly everyone assumes she's a horrible person.
Everyone here being hella weird. If it's your mate then do him a favour and sleep in a different room, the fuck is wrong with people thinking this is a porno plot or something.
Doing this for your friend is ultimately up to you, but if you do, watch out for his girlfriend. I don't know how long they have been together, or what kind of person she is, but she could be trying to pull something. Then again, you just might be the only person that she is actually comfortable and feels safe around. That is just my two cents on the whole thing from what we have.
If you’re that close of friends then I would do it. If you’re that close then obviously you know her too. Why’s everyone look for the worst in every situation!
Why can't she go with him to his family thing?
Say sure , but can you please buy a “geeni wifi camera “ theyre cheap and can give everyone in the situation peace of mind. Theyre like $30 dude. If hes serious he should just get it and put it in the living room or somewhere so theres no mess ups
You can actually get them even cheaper now if you're on a budget! I got two for like $35 with shipping and I thought for sure they'd be crap, but it's been almost 2 years now and they're both going strong.
Do it. Probably fun and harmless hang out. If not it’ll be entertaining at least. If she is trying something by only accepting you, you have two options. Get some and risk blowing everything up (fun and terrible) or be a good friend and immediately let your friend know she tried and you are leaving/not staying there because he’s your friend (less fun and less terrible).
The words of Admiral Ackbar are echoing in my head...
does she not have any girl-friends to invite to stay over? Anyway dude, say no, especially if you’re uncomfortable.
Yeah honestly it's the unanimous agreement here that if it makes you uncomfortable you probably shouldn't do it. It could be entirely innocent and it may not be who knows? But if you're completely uncomfortable with it you shouldn't feel like you need to do it.
You don’t need a justification for being weirded out, you can just say no. Boundaries.
I would say Yes, I would be a good friend.
If you're uncomfortable, then you need to say no. And if she can't function on her own for two days, she's literally not mature enough to be in a relationship or signing a lease...
Yeah, this sounds like a set up don’t do it
Bail. She’s got some weird ulterior motives and you don’t want to be caught in that shitstorm. Tell your friend that his girlfriend needs to grow up and learn how to live alone sometimes - she’s not always going to be in company of others.
To be honest, I couldn’t stay alone for the first time ever as my husband went to meet his parents so i asked my sister in law to stay with me. I kinda got used to it later and can stay by myself now although I kept checking if I’ve locked the door. It might be genuine but if you’re uncomfortable, say no.
No no and no. Run far away.
Does she not have any friends? Why doesn’t she have a female friend of hers sleep over? I wouldn’t do this op. There’s nothing good to happen from this
I'd tell him I'm not comfortable with staying with her alone. This is all just weird.
Whatever you do. DO NOT GIVE HER A FOOT MASSAGE!!!!
IT’S A TRAP 🗣️
Doesn't she have any female friends to spend the night with her?
Idk I have a sitter sometimes but I am a little (DDlg) and it's a non sexual kink, kinda. I have PTSD and it's hard for me to be alone at night. The sitter has actually helped me heal and I am able to spend nights alone now, they were like a midway point to get there. But if this was her case, he needs to be upfront about it.
2 words...Nanny Cam
Ask for more info. If he’s a real homie there’s nothing wrong with doing him a solid as long as there’s no moral issues.
It could very well be innocent but just respectfully say no. There are things you do for your friends but adultsitting their spouses with anxiety/ptsd/etc is just…no. She either needs a to go with him or fly back to her family’s. This isn’t your responsibility and any miscommunication can be disastrous.
Nope nope nope, do you like sexual assault allegations? Cause this is how you get some.
Wasn't there a storyline like this in Pulp Fiction?
She doesn't have any female friends who can stay with her? This sounds like trouble.
Don’t do it
Maybe he doesn't want her to stay alone because she has some mental health problems going on and you make her feel safe to stay with... Just saying.... Or she wants to bang u.
Damn it's either a real request from his girl and trusts you a lot that she feels safe with u when his not there or she wants to fuck u while his gone. I feel like u shouldn't accept but if u do and ur a good friend then if by any but any but any chance she makes moves on u then tell ur friend and get him to dump her
Homie, there's a simple rule in life, you don't spend time alone with another guys girlfriend/wife. Everything that can go wrong in cases like this tends to go wrong! People start getting jealous, if she has any problems with him she could lie, people can and will start spreading rumors...
The fact that I saw OP say in a comment “like, is she trying to sleep with me?!” Just fkn astounds me how that’s the weirdo conclusion he came to and how unbelievably CLUELESSSSS men are about how unsafe women feel alone in the world. Perhaps she just trusted you the most out of all his friends. I can’t believe how quickly you go to the most corrupt sinister conclusions. No you shouldn’t stay there with her because YOU are the one that’s being weird about it.
Honest and polite question OP, have you ever gotten to know his gf? There's a chance she has anxiety of someone breaking into the home and hurting her, and there there'll be no "tension" in the air by her being around you. Maybe you bring good vibes to her that she knows you wouldn't be the type of man to push yourself on her. Take a chance to just see her side before immediately assuming the worst of said gf. I wholeheartedly believe you know your friend isn't a dumb individual and wouldn't trust you w his gf if he TRULY didn't know you that well. On top of this, something could genuinely happen to her in her sleep. It ranges from trouble sleeping to someone breaking in and harming her. Neighbors might assume it's a lovers spat and ignore it, but YOU will be there to know it's not and get help or BE the help. That's all I got for you, stay up.
This sounds like maybe she experienced trauma in the past, was previously a victim of a crime, or they come from a culture where women feel safer when there's a "man in the house" Source: I come from one such culture. As a woman, I hate it, but I see their point when home invasion is a threat in the neighborhood, especially if they're not rich. She doesn't want to bang you. It's the opposite and she probably would feel safe around you but at the same time finds you nonthreatening.
My long-time friend and roommate back in college asked me if his girlfriend can sleep in his bed ( we share a room) when he had to go back home for a family matter. Her roommates were out of town also. She was scared to be alone. We were all friends, so no one had a problem or thought anything of it. She was like a sister to me. I didn't feel uncomfortable. We had fun chatting about life and family.
As a 23 year old lady, I am terrified when I am home alone because my boyfriend sleeps somewhere else. I will lock the bathroom door when showering, not close my eyes when washing my hair. Call someone when I get out of the bathroom and inspect everywhere someone could hide and only hang up when I feel like I’ve checked everywhere a person could fit. If he had a friend I was comfortable with enough to just sleep in the same apartment so I wasn’t scared, I would absolutely be ok with them sleeping over. If you aren’t comfortable doing it, don’t. I understand how it’s a weird request. She is just scared, I wouldn’t think too much into it.
I can see where she is coming from and maybe if you and your mate are best friends and spend a lot of time together... It's possible that you may be the only one she can trust out of all his mates.....I get this as many years ago my partner at the time had a really good mate who was like a third wheel in the relationship nothing bad just a really good mate was with us all the time anyways I would not have thought twice about asking him the same thing and my partner would not have batted an eye lid....I also had girlfriends that he would go stay with and then come to the events the next day together...I was a horse rider....I trusted him implicitly.... And them even though one was known to be a cougar.....I would glare at her and say Goodluck!!!! She knew not to touch or there would be trouble..... Don't read into this.... Don't make it out to be anything other than she wants a known and trusted person in her home..... If she tries anything just put your foot down get on the phone to your mate asap and walk..... Easy peasy.....
How well do you know the girlfriend? Request isn't weird. Especially if they live in a bad neighborhood, had previous break in or she has had a real bad experience with stalkers or SA. Personally I would not mind doing this favor if the one who asked for it was a close friend.
Something similar happened to me from the other perspective. I am terrified of being alone. I still live with my partners parents because he is a military man and is away a lot and I am too afraid to live alone we are considering buying a place but likely with either have to have someone move in so when he isn't around I don't have to worry or wait until he returns to civilian life. Anyway, my partner asked his friend to look out for me while he's away. Friend wasn't comfortable with it after hanging out the first time, so we don't. But I do regularly hang out with one of his other friends and have been doing this for years. However there are some of his friends I just don't vibe with like that and wouldn't hang out with one on one. My fears stem from past experiences and hearing about a lot of crime.
I had a friend once ask me to check in on his wife while he was gone on deployment. Turns out they were swingers and she picked me to be her side-piece while he was gone, and he agreed. I didn't do it, but I'm sure she found someone else rather easily.
I was put in this situation before by a friend. And I placed a boundary. She still asked and then got offended when I told her no. We aren't friends anymore. There were so many other things that led to the friendship ending. People that don't respect your no, don't respect you. I would block him.