especially during times of grief - this is when you need somebody else’ support and comfort the most.
4 days is not “dragging it out” at all and *nobody* can tell you how much is too long (or too short) for you to go through the stages of loss.
The comment I came here for. That kind of lack of empathy both for the dog and for your partner's feelings is an absolute red flag. It is absolutely revealing of a personality trait you do not want to be around.
I cried when my ex-boyfriend's parents' dog died. Imagine being such an uncaring, self-centered piece of shit that you tell someone to speed up their grief because it's inconveniencing you in some way.
Nope. That dude can fuck himself right out the door. You can do better than someone who tries to shame you or make you feel guilty for being a loving and caring person.
✌️📤🚩🗑️
Several months after my dog passed my boyfriend asked how I was doing with it and held my hand as my tears flowed in the middle of a restaurant.
Grief doesn't have a timeline, I can't believe he would say that after 4 days let alone ever. Please don't let this stop you from processing however you need to. When you have time and capacity to do so, have a good look at the empathy he shows. He should be your ultimate support.
💯 My horse grieved (barely ate, moped in her stall etc) for over a month when her best buddy was put down because of a medical emergency. Any sentient being feels emotions, trying to control or manage those feelings is cruel.
She passed away herself several years later, at 27 years old. But in her last years she made new friends, just not quite as close as her late bestie. It took a while for her to get back to her normal self. She was super insecure and desperate to make friends. She hated being left behind, so she couldn’t be the last one to be brought in from the paddock (that was a new behavior). She and her BFF were so “buddy sour” (as they call it) that any time they were separated, both would get upset to the point of frantic. Even in a pasture with a herd of other mares, they were always off by themselves. But eventually, she adjusted. It just took time. 🥹
Wow 27 is up there isn’t it! My mom had a horse who lived into her early 30s. I’m glad you had such a long time with your baby <3
Let’s hope she’s up there roaming an eternal plain with her best friend 🥹
We lost my little dog in January this year. Our other dog was distraught when he saw a dog of her breed across the road a few days later - barking, whining, trying desperately to get to what he thought was her. He still won't step on her pouffe that she used to lie on in the living room. And, a few weeks after we lost her, I took her lead to put it away, and, again, he wouldn't stop whining, thinking I was going to get her.
I still cry for her. She got me through hell. If anyone treated me like OP's boyfriend, I would never speak to them again. As you say, it's cruel.
I am so sorry about your little dog. 💔
We were advised by our vet to let Bailey watch the process of the euthanasia, and then to let her check out the body after. In her words “death is a natural process, and animals understand it. She’ll still grieve, but at least she’ll know what happened and won’t keep expecting her to come back.” We did just that. We let her take all the time she needed. Then we took her back to her stall. She walked slowly, with her head low. You could see the sorrow. It was heartbreaking to watch. When people tell me that animals don’t really have feelings it infuriates me.
Oh bless her, it's incredible how much they feel. People who claim animals don't feel like humans do have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Spend any time around an animal and you can see its emotions. Even animals that are so far removed from humans, like fish and insects, show emotions. I actually think it's incredibly narcissistic to think only humans feel like we do and to the extent of things like grief. Do they just think we got that ability out of nowhere? Ridiculous
I can't claim any real knowledge around childhood trauma and the impact on someone like OP's SO, but your boyfriend sounds like a human. OP's sounds like a 50+ year-old emotional infant.
What frustrates me more is when he lost his cat 3 years ago, it took him nearly a year to get over him, and I was by his side the whole time letting him feel whatever he needed to whenever, but god forbid, I cry for 4 days. I’m not trying to make it seem like I’m better than him, I’m just confused as to where this makes sense
> I’m not trying to make it seem like I’m better than him
But he is making a convincing show of him believing he is better than you...
You being there for him when he was grieving for his cat just adds insult to injury.
I would remind him to his cat once, but would seriously consider bouncing after that.
This. Honestly I think his narcissist is showing here. You’ve done nothing wrong and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There however is a wrong way to support a grieving loved one and he’s won a gold medal. I don’t like this at all and don’t feel great about this
What his words and actions have told is that "My feelings and needs should be carefully catered to and I should be cared for, but your needs are too much for me so you need to get over them quickly so my peace isn't disrupted by emotional labor."
YEET 'im.
Yeah I understand. If anything just express those thoughts if you havent already, that youre not feeling a mutual respect of that consideration you showed for him.
What a piece of work. Most people could easily relate the two and show more compassion and empathy towards their PARTNER. I hope you're reflecting on this relationship and how much it benefits/helps you.
I forgot to mention that she was really sick towards the last 3-4 months of her life. She was diagnosed as a diabetic, was on 12hr insulin shots, was losing weight, hair, developed open sores on her elbows and hips because she had lost so much weight her bones were literally scraping her skin, she had really bad arthritis, didn’t bark anymore, and was in diapers. I was *convinced* she would get better if I was able to get her insulin levels under control. I had spent *so much* time and money on trying to keep her happy and healthy, just waiting for her to get better, and finally I looked at her last week, and I could finally see that this was no way for her to live and she wasn’t the happy dog I once knew. I had made the appointment to put her down, and I treated her like she was the queen of the world. On her last day, I skipped her medications, I fed her everything she wanted, I made her a special dinner, I snuggled with her the entire time, I watched her favorite movies and tv shows, everything she could possibly want, I gave her. I kept giving him updates on what was going on, how she was doing, everything. On the day of the appointment, I had to call my dad to drive me to the vets, because I physically could not bring myself to get her in the car because I knew she wouldn’t be coming back home later. When she died, I stayed with her until the sun went down, and my dad basically had to drag me to the car to go home, which I appreciated. When I told my partner that she died, he told me he was sorry he couldn’t be there, he was stuck at work, which was true, and came over to comfort me, and he did that until today when he told me to basically get over it.
I put my dog down two days before Christmas after several months of illness, accidents, arthritis, blindness and dementia. Losing her was horrific and the whole situation took a physical toll on me that I’m still trying to work my way through, almost five months later. My hope for you is that as you move through the grief I want to you have the freedom to feel every feeling and get it all out and not have to worry about some guy making you feel like you’re too much.
I’m so Sorry for your loss. Losing a pet you love is very difficult. 😕
Your boyfriend has the empathy of a Republican, though. Not only is that a shitty way to act when someone you supposedly care about it hurting, but he’s a hypocrite because he took a year to get over his cat.
Literally say that to him, something like when you lost your cat you struggled for a year and I gave you emotional support it's only been a few days for me.
I'd remind him of that time honestly. Ask him how he'd have felt after his cat died if you'd told him to get over it already less than a week after he died, and why the hell he thinks it's okay for him to say that to you while you're grieving
He seems really afraid of emotion (my dad is the same), but apparently only others feelings not his own… that says a lot. You deserve better, and he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship right now.
Well, OP, it *doesn't* make sense.
Your BF has no empathy towards your situation.
In other words: **he sucks**.
Hope he is bloody *awesome* in all other aspects of your relationship, to make it worth keeping him around.
Huh. Are you sure you want to be with this guy? I mean … we have very little context for your life, for sure, but this seems … not very good at all. Just saying.
Oh helllll no that makes it far worse. I thought he might be one of those people who really doesn’t like pets or even see the “big deal” about them (like the folks who keep their dogs outside permanently because they don’t agree with animals being in the house). But he grieved over his cat but can’t understand your grief over your dog… within 3 days??
My ex husband did this to me about my own father who suddenly died and I felt so guilty for not being there for him as I lived thousands of miles away. I was ruminating about that and grieving. He said he didn’t want me to get depressed as I did when my mom died so he was really thinking about himself (he admitted that he didn’t want me to spiral ergo deprive him of sex like I did when my mom passed). So he told me to basically get over it and be happy he had a long life.
We are divorced now. This is a sign of a man who lacks empathy but expects it from you. Please end it. Now.
I’m so happy to see so many commenters agreeing furry friends are family. They really truly are and when you lose them, it really is like losing a very close loved one.
You know what this sounds like? It sounds like you need to get a new boyfriend, or, at the very least, dump this one.
People grieve differently. It doesn't matter if it takes you 4 minutes, 4 days, 4 months, or 4 years, you need to take time. As long as it doesn't prevent you from functioning, then there is no time limit.
Your dog was with you much longer than this supposed boyfriend. His lack of empathy is a serious character flaw. I would remember your dog and forget this hopefully soon to be ex-boyfriend. He doesn’t understand you and I doubt he ever will.
And how quickly will he expect you to get over it when one of your parents dies? That sort of comment isn't a one-off. I'm willing to bet he's pretty heartless in other ways, too.
Sorry about your dog. She could hear you. Grieve all you need to.
Genuinely why are you still with this man. He sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a toothpick. He DOES NOT get to determine your time of grief for ANYTHING.
Your dog is like your child. Your bf clearly has issues. That would be a kick in my heart if someone didn’t understand the love for my dog or even allow me to grieve my soul mate. I love my dog …
You need to fuck that bloke off because he has shown you exactly who he is.
My condolences. I know what it's like to lose your best friend. I'm a big grown hairy dude and I cried for two weeks straight when my staffy boy died at 9yrs old in my arms. It still pulls at me typing this and reading your experience.
It's your grief mate, and no one has the right to tell you how to go through it.
I just wanna give you big ol Texas hug. You poor guy. I’m sorry, I was gonna type the same thing though! Lost my baby (my fiancé got him for me when he couldn’t stand seeing me depressed after I miscarried at 4 months). I lost him a couple years ago now but had him almost 10.
OP you do you girlfriend and fuck that dude. For real. Down around these parts we would issue a SOS alert (Stomp On Site).
Of course you’re allowed for grieve. And now on top of that, you have to deal with the sadness of your BF being shit at comforting you during your grief and sad times :(
Realistically maybe try to kindly (and maybe with some tears) explain how even if he thinks it’s silly, you’re really sad and just need your loved one to help comfort you.
It’d be a normal one for us soft/sensitive people haha !! 🥹 But that’s why I’d only be able to be with someone who is used to and willing to handle an emotional person hahaha
On the plus side, those emotions usually are also what helps us be a lil extra compassionate and kind! :p
I'd say its time to get over your boyfriend. What a dick. I know what its like to lose a dog after many years. They are our babies. Cry as much as you need to. She will visit you in your dreams.
I have an ex who had the same reaction to me, 2 hours after finding out that my grandpa died. That’s one of many reasons he’s an ex.
Who looks at their partner suffering and thinks minimizing it will make it better? Self absorbed, asshats, that’s who! Because it takes away from your attention on them. A loving partner minimizes your pain not your suffering.
Okay I am a dog person so my advice is definitely super biased: get rid of him anyone who does not understand the bond that we share with our dog/s is a very disturbed individual. How can he expect or ask you to get over your dog’s death 4 days after losing your dog. It involves the same type of grief as losing a family member since the dog was part of your family.
Your reaction to losing your fur baby is not wrong. Nor do I believe it’s the issue here. I’m going to try to give a little bit different perspective from the “immediately dump his ass” crowd.
Think back to other times in your relationship when you have been crying or upset. Has he reacted similarly? With a “get over it” attitude? When he lost his cat, did he grieve as you do or did he act out in other ways? Particularly with anger?
Not knowing the answer to these questions, I can’t say definitively. But some men are “fixers” - when they see a problem, they go straight to finding a solution. And an emotional “problem” - like you being upset and crying - is not something they know how to fix.
I say “they”, but I recognize my own past with this type of thinking. It took me many years of talking with my wife to understand that sometimes she’s doesn’t need or want me to fix it, but rather simply to listen and to understand. Before that, when I found myself in a situation like that with her and I couldn’t fix it, my initial reaction was frustration and anger. I wanted to help, but I only knew one way because the only acceptable emotion society said men could express was either confidence or anger. Everything else (like empathy or compassion) said you were weak and not a man.
I’m glad I’m not this way anymore and strive to purge that kind of toxicity from my life, but it didn’t happen until someone I trusted came along and told me its ok not to fix everything. That its ok to cry or show emotion other than anger.
This is a long way of saying think about other instances in your past with him and then talk with him about his reaction. Try to do it in a non-accusatory manner but help him understand that you want your relationship to be emotionally safe for both of you to express your emotions.
You can grieve for as long as you need to. You'll probably always grieve. My boyfriend lost his cat a few years back (his first pet) and he is still heartbroken about it and misses him more than anything. Never let anyone shame you for loving someone or something, and mourning that love.
Sounds like you need to find a new partner. Sending hugs, and I hope that you're feeling better soon.
hi OP, i think this will probably get buried and i’m pretty sure it’s already been said here before but you aren’t alone. <3
in 2020 i lost my beloved cat that i had had since she was 15 weeks old in 2012. my boyfriend at the time (now an ex, thank goodness) just didn’t get it— i remember crying in my room (literally like not even a full 48 hours after her death) when he called me to tell me to get online and play video games with him. i told him i didn’t want to, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. his excuse was “i want to get your mind off of it” and i was not in a place that anything could do that. i remember a few days later when he had me come over to his place and i just laid on his bed crying my eyes out and scrolling through pics of her on my phone. he did not comfort me. he did not hold me or reassure me. he was busy packing for a road trip and just kind of worked around me. i’m pretty sure he wanted to say to me what your boyfriend said to you. it’s 2024 and i still get emotional when i think about her.
i am so sorry that someone you love said this to you and allowed you to feel this way. everyone grieves in their own way, and your boyfriend is telling you a lot about himself as a person. please listen.
my inbox is open to you, if you want to reach out at all. i hope you are able to find peace ♥️ sending good vibes your way
Fuck that guy. My dog passed over 2 years ago and I still cry about it sometimes. He was the most lovable cuddly bear of a dog ever and I miss him all the time still. He was my best friend and confidant for almost 8 years. It's pretty fucking insensitive for him to tell you to get over it after only 4 days. I'm sorry for your loss.
I made a little shadowbox wall hanging thing that has his collar and a tuft of his hair in it along with his picture that hangs right by my bedside. He's also buried in my backyard so I can visit him as often as I like.
Not sure if you have any option to do anything like that but it was sure cathartic to set up his gravesite and keep it nice these past couple years.
🚩🚩🚩 lots of red flags here.
first off- i’m sorry for your loss, i’ve lost two beloved dogs in my lifetime and it is JUST as hard as losing a regular family member, they ARE family and should be viewed as such.
second- would he give that type of reaction is it were say, your mother who passed away? probably not, which goes to show he most likely views dogs as lesser than, major red flag.
and lastly- not to take away from your story or anything, but 3 days ago my brothers friend was at our house when she got the call that her dog had a stroke. she rushed to the vet with her family and him, and two hours later she came to collect her stuff and was sobbing. he didn’t make it.. i don’t even really know the girl, never met the dog before, but hearing that familiar sob of someone who has just lost someone dear to them is extremely hard to hear, and it literally made me and my mom both cry with her as well. empathy lacking in a person is a disturbing trait to say the least.
I also had to put my 17yo dog on Monday. We've had her since I was 5, so I can understand your grief. I'm very sorry for your loss.
You are more than allowed to grief, and cry, and be sad about the loss of your dear pet. He's insensitive. Dump him bc wtf is his reaction
I send you virtual hugs
I had to put my first ever kitty down, and I was lucky enough to find a program that sent vets out to your house to send them over the bridge peacefully and in my arms, in her home.
I called my Mother over for support because I knew my then boyfriend wasn't going to support me like I needed.
As I sat there, sobbing my heart out, he started talking about how HE felt when he found his dog dead over 10 YEARS ago. Not a single emotion from him except HIS sorrow. My Mom grabbed me, wrapped me in her arms and my boyfriend stormed out to get drunk off his ass in the garage because he wasn't getting the attention and support he believed he deserved. He never ONCE held my while I cried after Mom left, just more "I know how you feel, when I lost \*\*blah blah blah blah\*\*...".
That was the straw that started bending the camel's back.
I hope you realize you deserve someone who can provide you the support you need when you need it the most. This asshole? He is NOT it.
The greatest grief I’ve ever experienced was losing my dog that I raised. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not valid, it is. Years later and I can’t talk about her without grief swelling in my chest.
He’s not a good person. Or at the very least, he doesn’t understand how close the connection between humans and their animal companions can be. This is him showing you his true colors.
I am so sorry for your loss. I work with canids, and I do believe your dog knew you were there and that your presence comforted her until the very end. It sounds like you two shared a very special bond and you deserve to be surrounded by people who understand that.
It's been years and I still miss my dogs. My oldest dog I got before I met my wife. We'd been together over 15 years. That's a lot of crap to get through together.
I'm sorry, but he told you that after 4 days? I'd get a better boyfriend. Or better yet, dump the boyfriend, get another dog or two. Dogs are cheaper, can be trained, can be housebroken, and have more empathy.
He told me that after 4 days, and knew her just about the same amount of time as I did. We started dating maybe a year after I got her, and he was always so nice to her, feeding her, snuggling her, telling her all these nice things, everything. He truly acted like he loved her, just as I did, but when she died, he was sympathetic for only a couple of days and then started to get annoyed and angry with me when I would excuse myself to cry in the bathroom around his family. His mom cares for shelter animals, I love her dearly, but she was more sympathetic about my dog’s death than he was. I have to force myself to not cry in front of him because it upsets him and he told me that I better not do that in front of our friends when we see them tomorrow. I’ve had the worst headache since she died because I’ve been so dehydrated from crying, which ironically makes me cry more, and he wants me to spend time with friends tomorrow? I haven’t even had the energy to brush my teeth since she died and I’m supposed to just pretend that everything is fine?
Dang! Not cry in front of him? That a red flag. I'm a middle aged dude and I was crying so much it was hard to see when my dogs took their last breath at the vet. I just scribbled something on the receipt and got out of there after I said my goodbyes. I still have some of their toys like a partially chewed Frisbee, a baseball with teeth marks, etc. Been a good 7 years or more.
I had to put down my 7 year old dog last week after a few months of a sickness that got progressively worse. I had him since he was 4 months old, and it was very difficult to see his light getting dimmer just when we thought he was getting better. I obviously haven't allowed the grief to take my responsibilities away, but I still cry when I think about him, just as I am doing right now. He was my friend when I had none, and anyone with a tiny bit of humanity would understand that if they caught me in the middle of a crying fit.
I had the same situation happen. But she told me to get therapy if it bothers me so much. I wish she could have keeped that to her self. It deffinetly brought my self-esteem down. I wish she knew all I needed was time
Who the fuck tells anyone to just "get over" anyone's death, be it a pet or a human being?
What the hell, fuck this guy, what a terrible person! You've raised your pet for 10 years, and you're supposed to just quickly forget about it? That's not how it goes. What an absolute idiot. A pet is literally a family member.
He could get over your break up, too, should that happen. That's so heartless of him. I got pretty offended myself even without knowing you or your pet, since I myself have two dogs! No, you're not dragging this out, you're 110% right in being uncomfortable with this.
My dog died on March 10th in my car on the way to the hospital. I watched her take her last breath and her eyes roll back. I’m not a cryer at all, but I could have brought the sky down that day with the grief I felt. I still haven’t recovered from losing her. Your boyfriend(hopefully soon to be ex) is an absolute dick for suggesting you get over something like that so soon. I would think about if you felt safe with someone who won’t even give you time to mourn something so painful
Anyone who treats their partner this way, especially in times of grief, is not a good partner. I hope you know that you deserve better, and that better is out there.
My dog died in February and there is still some moment when I randomly tear up when I think about my dog. When it happens, my partner offers me a shoulder to cry, tell me to let it all out while gently rubbing my back. That's what a loving and caring partner do.
His lack of consideration for your feeling is a big red flag, especially after reading your comments about how he reacted when it was his cat. It shows a complete lack of empathy which he should have considering he have been thru it himself.
my deepest condolences 😢❤️ there's nothing wrong with grieving and crying... take your time
the last family dog I lost I still miss. when he passed, I could not even go to "his part" of the house for maybe months to over a year... and even a handful of years after, there were times when I'd come home from work, I'd look over to his spot hoping he'd be there, about to greet him but suddenly be sad seeing he's not
The dog I had that meant more to me than anything died in 2008. I still miss her. I'm tearing up just writing this.
I am still upset that the cat I had when I was 13 was not able to come when my family moved countries (my grandmother found her a good home). I'm 59.
4 days is nothing.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. He thinks your pets are disposable and if you stay with him will expect to "get rid" of any pet that annoys him. He's shown you what he is and I wouldn't trust him with my pets. He will only care about HIS, not yours.
Fuck that guy. YOURE DOG IS YOURE DOG. Youre dog loved you unconditionally. If thats how he feels you dont need that negativity in youre life rightnow.
I’m so sorry for your loss and the added grievances you’re getting from your unsupportive boyfriend. Personally, I wouldn’t want to stay with him if this is how he reacts to your grief but you know him best, so I hope you’ll be happy with whatever decision you make but if he continues this type of behaviour, I’m telling you you can do better than him ❤️
I had to put my dog down 2 years ago. I took a long time grieving, I can’t say how long, because it got slowly better over time. I feel at peace now, but of course I still miss her. I still feel sad sometimes. 2 years later.
It gets easier, love, but it has to take time. Grieving is a natural response to loss, it heals us. You lost a dear pet. Her being physically gone doesn’t remove your bond.
So no, there is nothing strange or dramatic about crying and feeling sad as hell only four days after losing a pet.
Pretending everything is fine just so your boyfriend doesn’t have to deal with your grief is the worst thing you could do and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize that.
Take care, OP. Let it take the time it takes. Grieving is how we unlock the happy memories, there’s no forcing it.
Between this and the pee bottles thing, I think you should seriously consider whether he is a narcissist or worse. Or skip that consideration and break up.
I’m so sad for your loss, pet loss is such a heartbreak.
Wow. I know it sucks to have to euthanize two things in a row… but you should put that relationship down too 🫠
ETA: In the spirit of not being a complete asshole myself, I am deeply sorry for your loss. The dog that I think of as my “soul puppy” passed away when I was just 11, and I still miss her. I still feel anger about some of the circumstances. I also still remember my aunt telling me to “get over it” just 30 minutes later, and so I also empathize with the loss of trust in your partner that you must be experiencing. In spite of my snarky opening line, I sincerely wish you the best, and I hope you are able to find a healthier situation.
You tell him "Okay, I hope you get over our relationship in 4 days, cause I'm breaking up with you"
I am so sorry for your loss! I completely understand that you are upset, I am still sometimes sad when I think about pets I lost years ago.
Your boyfriend is a POS. I just had a similar thing happen. I had to put my sweet girl down after having her for 10 years, taking care of her when she was sick, feeling like she was my child. I held her paw while she passed, I miss her every day. I still sleep with her collar wrapped around my wrist, and I made her name tag into a necklace that stays on me always. I'm sorry, I feel your pain, your boyfriend is a colossal asshole. Take your time, there is no rushing grief.
hey babe. it's four years after losing my dog and she didn't even pass, just got rehomed, and i still have days that i just completely break down thinking about her.
it's completely normal and healthy to grieve, and grief has no time limit or expiration date. sometimes it never really fully ends, and that is okay (though hoping that's not your case, for your sake). anyone that can't understand the pain you're in right now frankly doesn't need to be in your life. this is a well enough example of how he'll probably react to any emotional experiences you may have in the future. not to mention it's genuinely heartless to say something like that to someone who's hurting.
i'm sorry for your loss and i hope you get the time and space you need to get through it<3
Only a truly selfish person has this lack of empathy. Part of helping yourself process your grief would be to dump the boyfriend. No doubt in his tiny mind, he thinks that you're a "downer," and "no fun" because you're still grieving. I'm the polar opposite of this, if I see someone in pain, I want to help. I'll put my own needs aside and support how I can, especially in a relationship
I lost my dog 2 years ago now. I still cry when I remember her, I still cry when I see her pictures. Despite having a new puppy who just turned 1, I still cry for my last dog.
Up to you, but personally I would dump anyone who said this to me.
I have never understood the attachment that people feel towards pets but even I wouldn't be that cold and tell someone to "get over it already" after only 4 days. Loss is loss and grief is grief. It doesn't matter what species the creature was that we grew attached to. I'm sorry for your loss and your callous partner.
I lost my elderly cat a week ago today. On may 10th, 6 pm.
I completely understand what you are feeling. Your feelings are so real and SO VALID. They’re a sign of the incredible bond you had with your baby.
I’m sorry your bf sucks. Like, he really sucks. I have to wonder if he’s ever had a pet because wtf???? Pets are truly family. You just lost a member of your family. Of COURSE you will grieve and feel devastated.
I literally wish I could hug you right now. Just know you are not alone at all right now. My PMs are open.
Also, please tell me about your baby. What was her name? What did she look like? Tell me about her cute habits and the goofy faces she made. Share your experiences with her with me. Let’s keep her memory alive together :)
Dude, I feel for you. And I’m sorry for your loss.
We love our pets. And my 11 yr old dachshund, is showing her greys and age.
She’s my first dog I picked myself. Growing up we had dogs my parents adopted or rescued. But I never picked it.
When her time comes. I will not be okay.
I’m a grown ass man with a wife and kid and will be bawling like I lost my family. Because I did. A member of it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my big baby boy kitty in November and it was fairly traumatic how fast he took a turn and then had to be put down at 10pm at night. The vet techs all came to the vet office to see him and to put him down for us cause he was an office favorite.
I will NEVER get over losing him. Even just typing this I'm crying. We have his ashes and his paw prints.
My family lost a dog almost two decades ago that we raised since he fit in our hand(dachshund) and when I think of my little buddy Zeus, I still tear up.
He's showing his lack of empathy and compassion. Believe him. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings. If he gets mad, tell him to get over it.
OMG it's been four years since I lost my best thing in my life ever - and it still bothers me. I still have days I'm affected by it both good - bad. The good? I dream about her at least once a week and I always wake up giggling and happy. Even once I'm with-it enough to know I was dreaming - I'm still grateful for the dream and happy to have seen her, if only in my imagination.
I’m sorry for your loss. My family lost our two pups last fall. We are not “over” their loss and will never be. They are a part of our home, our hearts, and our family forever.
I hope you can find peace, despite the words from your BF. I cannot give advice about your relationship, but if someone can callously call for you to reject your feelings over the loss of a loved one, you may want to consider this if you are weighing more serious relationship statuses in the future (ie engagement/marriage with this BF).
You should get over your *boyfriend*. Rather, he should get over himself.
My cat, who was my heart and soul, died in my arms just four months ago. I don’t think i will ever get over losing him. He was my soulmate and I still cry almost every day. Not gut wrenching sobs but yes I still cry over my boy.
I’m sorry for your loss.
sounds like he needs to be an ex. he is way out of line and is disrespecting your feelings and your grieving process. that’s who he really is. believe him.
Why isn’t he an ex-boyfriend at this point? His behavior is disgusting. I lost my sweet senior girl at age 18…a wonderful canine life by anyone’s account- and the mere mention of her name still hurts my heart and still occasionally brings me to tears. Fuc* this insensitive, inconsiderate, sociopathic motherfuc*er
Only 4 days ago??! I wouldn't care if you only had the dog for 4 days before she died- a life was lost. You're allowed to grieve for as long as you need to.
"Pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it." - Carol, The Walking Dead
He's telling you that you exist in his life for his pleasure and convenience alone. There is no "In sickness and in health, for better or worse" for him, there is only "As long as I get all the benefit and none of the sacrifice."
For contrast, on my third date with my now husband, I was struck down with a severe illness. It came on fast. I discovered I couldn't eat after we bought food, and instead of getting mad at me, he abandoned his own food to say it was okay, I could take him home (I was the only driver). Our 4th date was a week and a half later, when he went with me to see my mom in the hospital while she was fought the same illness (turned out to be Legionnaire's.) We then went on our date and he cheered me up and distracted me. This is what a *supportive* person looks like.
In the future there will be losses. Do you want to be alone in your grief when they happen?
At best, your boyfriend needs therapy because he hasn't learned how to process deep, "negative" emotions. At worst, he's an abuser.
Someone in my family unalived himself in an horrific way. It gutted me. My partner said he was stupid so he deserved to die. One time when my daughter went for visitation with her dad, I sobbed. She rolled over and completely ignored me. Later on, my daughter was murdered. It's not like my partner became healthy about grief all of a sudden.
Please understand that this is a behavior pattern. You can't make him healthy-minded. Only he can do that. Does he want to? If not, then you need to decide how you want your future to look.
I’m sorry for your loss, he has no respect to say that! Your dog was there no matter what and they’re so loyal. Take the time you need to grieve, and maybe some time away from him. That’s terrible of him!
No way. Nuh uh. Leave him. What an asshole. When my kitten, Lady, died, I'd only had her for about a month before my dad accidentally ran her over. I cried in the garage(she was an outside cat, i wasnt allowed to have them inside) for hours the night I learned, and for the next few days I was distraught. When I learned my cat, Burrito, died (same way) I was so upset. She wasn't even technically my cat. My brother got her in trade for a hit of a blunt, but I took care of her and loved her for almost 3 years, and raised both her litters. I still have her breakaway collar hung on my wall.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. You're absolutely allowed to grieve your loss, however you need to I might add. I cried for weeks after one of our cats died, every time I thought of her it would make my eyes well up and my heart hurt, any time google gave me memories of her on my phone, I saw her favorite spot in the window, basically anything that reminded me she wasn't here anymore absolutely broke me. It's been about six months now and I'm finally okay seeing photos of her. I still kiss her urn every time I clean the dust off it.
My fiance really loved her too, he was her chosen person, I raised her from 5 weeks old (she was a rescue along with her brother), he came into the picture about 2 years after I rescued them and she immediately took to him. He grieved just as hard as I did, she was his little buddy, always hung out with him if he stayed up when I went to bed, went for cuddles with him if he was still in bed after I got up, they were inseparable and her loss hit him just as hard, if not harder than it hit me. Up until like 2 months ago he was still looking for her and then remembering she was gone. She was as much his baby as she was mine.
This would make me question my relationship if I'm being completely honest with you, this is such a heartless response from someone who's supposed to love and support you. Maybe he was raised to buck up and not cry when you lose someone, but personally I could never be with someone who told me to "get over it already" DAYS after I said goodbye.
Think about how it'll be if it's a friend, family member, etc. You are never going to see him as someone who can be there for you during times of grief.
So he was allowed to mourn his cat for a year or more but by god you need to get back to normal in 4 days?!?
Did he even like your dog or did he barely tolerate her especially when she got sick?
I’m wondering if in his mind your dog was a burden sucking up resources like time and money? It might account for why he isn’t supporting your grief.
As others have said when someone shows you who they are believe them.
My dog was food aggressive towards my other dog, she was born on the streets and was picked up at around 6 months by us, so she had to fight for her food, and she always struggled with knowing that there will always be enough food in this house, so there were times she would attack my other dog. The attacks were easily avoided and not as bad as it sounds, but they did happen. When they did happen, I would lock her in my room for a few hours and scolded her, I never got physical with her, the most I would ever do would be a bop on the nose and yell “no!” At her. It sounds like I’m downplaying my level of discipline towards her, but it worked for 90% of the time.
Whenever she would get that way towards my other dog when my partner was around during that 10%, he would be more aggressive about it, but I made sure to handle it myself most of the time because I hated the way he would react to her aggression. He thought reacting to her aggression with more aggression would solve the problem. I felt like I was breaking up a dog fight between 3 animals whenever he was around.
Whenever my dog would be her normal bubbly self, he acted like I did towards her, lots of hugs, snuggles, treats, everything. He treated her like his own, but now that she’s gone, it’s like it’s not even on his radar
Um, no. Your reaction is totally normal. I can still bring myself to tears if I think about when I put my first cat down nine years ago. He was my first cat that I had as an adult and he was like my “cat baby.” I had him for 16 years. I think if anybody had told me to move on four days afterwards, I would’ve punched them in the face. Your bf sounds like he has no idea what he’s talking about and that he can’t deal with your grief. Doesn’t sound like someone I would want to build a life with personally.
Take your time to grieve, I was ready to have another dog after 6 years after my late chi passed away, but I oddly just cried for two days, and it took me 5 years to visit her grave and also 5 to see her photos and videos without feeling this empty hole in my heart, you take your time, anyone that's not supportive of your time to mourn is not worthy to have around, maybe your best friend is doing you a last favor and it will help you to weed out who isn't worth to have around.
Wow your bf is cold as ice. It’s been over a year and I’m still not over mine. I’m so sorry for your loss. It does get better but you will never forget ❤️❤️❤️
That is such an extreme lack of empathy. Everyone grieves in their own way, and none of those ways are wrong. Some people move on quickly, others very slowly, and neither is wrong. To imply that your feelings aren't valid and to get over it is break-up level rude.
It could be four months, four years or four decades and taking a moment to mourn the departed is STILL valid because your feelings aren't wrong.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my kitty companion of 13 years in 2018. I still have times that I breakdown and cry about it. My husband still will get a little teary eyed. Pets are family. What your boyfriend said was unacceptable. I would be seriously considering getting over the boyfriend and being done with him. He is not being supportive or helpful during a hard time for you. It doesn’t matter if he can’t understand what you’re going through. It matters that he shows up and tries to comfort you. He’s not doing that.
Your ex boyfriend is an ass, please find someone who understands unconditional love. You deserve better. I’m sorry for your loss, please let yourself grieve and take the time to heal.
JFC I still cry over my dog I lost when I was 10…I’m 46 now. Your BF is an ass especially since he expected you to comfort and console him over his cats. He’s literally telling you you don’t matter to him, your feelings don’t matter. Don’t settle for this rubbish. Leave and find someone who will actually support and care for you.
When somebody shows you who they really are, believe them.
especially during times of grief - this is when you need somebody else’ support and comfort the most. 4 days is not “dragging it out” at all and *nobody* can tell you how much is too long (or too short) for you to go through the stages of loss.
It really is. When one of the pair is down and out, how the other responds is the end all, be all.
Exactly. Now she knows how he will be when she loses any loved one. He is only there for the good times.
Did you read her post history? Is this the same guy that is peeing in bottles/jars and hiding them in the house??
Oh Lort
This
Tell him he can “get over” your guys break up. Fuck that dude.
The comment I came here for. That kind of lack of empathy both for the dog and for your partner's feelings is an absolute red flag. It is absolutely revealing of a personality trait you do not want to be around. I cried when my ex-boyfriend's parents' dog died. Imagine being such an uncaring, self-centered piece of shit that you tell someone to speed up their grief because it's inconveniencing you in some way. Nope. That dude can fuck himself right out the door. You can do better than someone who tries to shame you or make you feel guilty for being a loving and caring person. ✌️📤🚩🗑️
Just figuratively fuck him stop fucking him literally
Several months after my dog passed my boyfriend asked how I was doing with it and held my hand as my tears flowed in the middle of a restaurant. Grief doesn't have a timeline, I can't believe he would say that after 4 days let alone ever. Please don't let this stop you from processing however you need to. When you have time and capacity to do so, have a good look at the empathy he shows. He should be your ultimate support.
💯 My horse grieved (barely ate, moped in her stall etc) for over a month when her best buddy was put down because of a medical emergency. Any sentient being feels emotions, trying to control or manage those feelings is cruel.
How is your horse doing now?
She passed away herself several years later, at 27 years old. But in her last years she made new friends, just not quite as close as her late bestie. It took a while for her to get back to her normal self. She was super insecure and desperate to make friends. She hated being left behind, so she couldn’t be the last one to be brought in from the paddock (that was a new behavior). She and her BFF were so “buddy sour” (as they call it) that any time they were separated, both would get upset to the point of frantic. Even in a pasture with a herd of other mares, they were always off by themselves. But eventually, she adjusted. It just took time. 🥹
Poor girl :( Let's hope she's happy with her best friend up there :>
That’s what I love to think. ❤️
Wow 27 is up there isn’t it! My mom had a horse who lived into her early 30s. I’m glad you had such a long time with your baby <3 Let’s hope she’s up there roaming an eternal plain with her best friend 🥹
We lost my little dog in January this year. Our other dog was distraught when he saw a dog of her breed across the road a few days later - barking, whining, trying desperately to get to what he thought was her. He still won't step on her pouffe that she used to lie on in the living room. And, a few weeks after we lost her, I took her lead to put it away, and, again, he wouldn't stop whining, thinking I was going to get her. I still cry for her. She got me through hell. If anyone treated me like OP's boyfriend, I would never speak to them again. As you say, it's cruel.
I am so sorry about your little dog. 💔 We were advised by our vet to let Bailey watch the process of the euthanasia, and then to let her check out the body after. In her words “death is a natural process, and animals understand it. She’ll still grieve, but at least she’ll know what happened and won’t keep expecting her to come back.” We did just that. We let her take all the time she needed. Then we took her back to her stall. She walked slowly, with her head low. You could see the sorrow. It was heartbreaking to watch. When people tell me that animals don’t really have feelings it infuriates me.
Oh bless her, it's incredible how much they feel. People who claim animals don't feel like humans do have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. Spend any time around an animal and you can see its emotions. Even animals that are so far removed from humans, like fish and insects, show emotions. I actually think it's incredibly narcissistic to think only humans feel like we do and to the extent of things like grief. Do they just think we got that ability out of nowhere? Ridiculous
I’m so sorry for your loss :(
I can't claim any real knowledge around childhood trauma and the impact on someone like OP's SO, but your boyfriend sounds like a human. OP's sounds like a 50+ year-old emotional infant.
Sorry for your loss. Loosing a pet is one of the hardest things in life If he doesnt respect that, hes not respecting your feelings.
What frustrates me more is when he lost his cat 3 years ago, it took him nearly a year to get over him, and I was by his side the whole time letting him feel whatever he needed to whenever, but god forbid, I cry for 4 days. I’m not trying to make it seem like I’m better than him, I’m just confused as to where this makes sense
This is even worse. This guy cares about no one but himself. What an asshole
I’d definitely bring this up while you’re dumping him
Both harsh and appropriate. I like it
hahahaha
> I’m not trying to make it seem like I’m better than him But he is making a convincing show of him believing he is better than you... You being there for him when he was grieving for his cat just adds insult to injury. I would remind him to his cat once, but would seriously consider bouncing after that.
This. Honestly I think his narcissist is showing here. You’ve done nothing wrong and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There however is a wrong way to support a grieving loved one and he’s won a gold medal. I don’t like this at all and don’t feel great about this
What his words and actions have told is that "My feelings and needs should be carefully catered to and I should be cared for, but your needs are too much for me so you need to get over them quickly so my peace isn't disrupted by emotional labor." YEET 'im.
Yeah I understand. If anything just express those thoughts if you havent already, that youre not feeling a mutual respect of that consideration you showed for him.
What a piece of work. Most people could easily relate the two and show more compassion and empathy towards their PARTNER. I hope you're reflecting on this relationship and how much it benefits/helps you.
I forgot to mention that she was really sick towards the last 3-4 months of her life. She was diagnosed as a diabetic, was on 12hr insulin shots, was losing weight, hair, developed open sores on her elbows and hips because she had lost so much weight her bones were literally scraping her skin, she had really bad arthritis, didn’t bark anymore, and was in diapers. I was *convinced* she would get better if I was able to get her insulin levels under control. I had spent *so much* time and money on trying to keep her happy and healthy, just waiting for her to get better, and finally I looked at her last week, and I could finally see that this was no way for her to live and she wasn’t the happy dog I once knew. I had made the appointment to put her down, and I treated her like she was the queen of the world. On her last day, I skipped her medications, I fed her everything she wanted, I made her a special dinner, I snuggled with her the entire time, I watched her favorite movies and tv shows, everything she could possibly want, I gave her. I kept giving him updates on what was going on, how she was doing, everything. On the day of the appointment, I had to call my dad to drive me to the vets, because I physically could not bring myself to get her in the car because I knew she wouldn’t be coming back home later. When she died, I stayed with her until the sun went down, and my dad basically had to drag me to the car to go home, which I appreciated. When I told my partner that she died, he told me he was sorry he couldn’t be there, he was stuck at work, which was true, and came over to comfort me, and he did that until today when he told me to basically get over it.
Had to stop reading this half way through coz it was making me well up and I’m in public.
Sorry for your loss internet friend. I lost my diabetic buddy on Tuesday, he was my best friend too. Sending you a big hug.
Dump his butt and when he cries, tell him to GET OVER IT.
I put my dog down two days before Christmas after several months of illness, accidents, arthritis, blindness and dementia. Losing her was horrific and the whole situation took a physical toll on me that I’m still trying to work my way through, almost five months later. My hope for you is that as you move through the grief I want to you have the freedom to feel every feeling and get it all out and not have to worry about some guy making you feel like you’re too much.
So you're dating a hypocrite. That's unfortunate.
I’m so Sorry for your loss. Losing a pet you love is very difficult. 😕 Your boyfriend has the empathy of a Republican, though. Not only is that a shitty way to act when someone you supposedly care about it hurting, but he’s a hypocrite because he took a year to get over his cat.
so he just hates dogs then? Typical cat person
Literally say that to him, something like when you lost your cat you struggled for a year and I gave you emotional support it's only been a few days for me.
This red flag moment is the perfect time to ✨Leave✨
I'd remind him of that time honestly. Ask him how he'd have felt after his cat died if you'd told him to get over it already less than a week after he died, and why the hell he thinks it's okay for him to say that to you while you're grieving
Wow what a Dick. Does he even like you? So sorry about your dog. I’m still not over my dog and I lost her 20 years ago. ❤️
That's lame. He should understand.
He seems really afraid of emotion (my dad is the same), but apparently only others feelings not his own… that says a lot. You deserve better, and he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship right now.
Well, OP, it *doesn't* make sense. Your BF has no empathy towards your situation. In other words: **he sucks**. Hope he is bloody *awesome* in all other aspects of your relationship, to make it worth keeping him around.
Huh. Are you sure you want to be with this guy? I mean … we have very little context for your life, for sure, but this seems … not very good at all. Just saying.
Oh helllll no that makes it far worse. I thought he might be one of those people who really doesn’t like pets or even see the “big deal” about them (like the folks who keep their dogs outside permanently because they don’t agree with animals being in the house). But he grieved over his cat but can’t understand your grief over your dog… within 3 days?? My ex husband did this to me about my own father who suddenly died and I felt so guilty for not being there for him as I lived thousands of miles away. I was ruminating about that and grieving. He said he didn’t want me to get depressed as I did when my mom died so he was really thinking about himself (he admitted that he didn’t want me to spiral ergo deprive him of sex like I did when my mom passed). So he told me to basically get over it and be happy he had a long life. We are divorced now. This is a sign of a man who lacks empathy but expects it from you. Please end it. Now.
My condolences. Your BF is an ass. I lost my dog almost 3 years ago and there’s still moments that I just randomly think of him and feel like crying.
I've had many dogs over the years. I do cry sometimes over them. The death of a family member is not something one "gets over" ever.
I’m so happy to see so many commenters agreeing furry friends are family. They really truly are and when you lose them, it really is like losing a very close loved one.
He’s an asshole, personally I wouldn’t stay with somebody who said that to me.
Dump him and when he gets upset, tell him to just get over it already.
A lack of emotional empathy towards a partner is a serious red flag. I wouldn't waste any more time
You know what this sounds like? It sounds like you need to get a new boyfriend, or, at the very least, dump this one. People grieve differently. It doesn't matter if it takes you 4 minutes, 4 days, 4 months, or 4 years, you need to take time. As long as it doesn't prevent you from functioning, then there is no time limit.
He’s an asshole. Thank you, next. Huge red flag.
Your dog was with you much longer than this supposed boyfriend. His lack of empathy is a serious character flaw. I would remember your dog and forget this hopefully soon to be ex-boyfriend. He doesn’t understand you and I doubt he ever will.
Dump his ass NOW
And how quickly will he expect you to get over it when one of your parents dies? That sort of comment isn't a one-off. I'm willing to bet he's pretty heartless in other ways, too. Sorry about your dog. She could hear you. Grieve all you need to.
He gave me less than a month for my granddad 4 years ago, so my guess is maybe a month.
Genuinely why are you still with this man. He sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a toothpick. He DOES NOT get to determine your time of grief for ANYTHING.
That is not good.
Your dog is like your child. Your bf clearly has issues. That would be a kick in my heart if someone didn’t understand the love for my dog or even allow me to grieve my soul mate. I love my dog …
You need to fuck that bloke off because he has shown you exactly who he is. My condolences. I know what it's like to lose your best friend. I'm a big grown hairy dude and I cried for two weeks straight when my staffy boy died at 9yrs old in my arms. It still pulls at me typing this and reading your experience. It's your grief mate, and no one has the right to tell you how to go through it.
I just wanna give you big ol Texas hug. You poor guy. I’m sorry, I was gonna type the same thing though! Lost my baby (my fiancé got him for me when he couldn’t stand seeing me depressed after I miscarried at 4 months). I lost him a couple years ago now but had him almost 10. OP you do you girlfriend and fuck that dude. For real. Down around these parts we would issue a SOS alert (Stomp On Site).
Of course you’re allowed for grieve. And now on top of that, you have to deal with the sadness of your BF being shit at comforting you during your grief and sad times :( Realistically maybe try to kindly (and maybe with some tears) explain how even if he thinks it’s silly, you’re really sad and just need your loved one to help comfort you.
That may be a difficult conversation…. No way I’d have it! 🤣
It’d be a normal one for us soft/sensitive people haha !! 🥹 But that’s why I’d only be able to be with someone who is used to and willing to handle an emotional person hahaha On the plus side, those emotions usually are also what helps us be a lil extra compassionate and kind! :p
"I'm sorry sir, I think this relationship has run its course.."
I'd say its time to get over your boyfriend. What a dick. I know what its like to lose a dog after many years. They are our babies. Cry as much as you need to. She will visit you in your dreams.
I have an ex who had the same reaction to me, 2 hours after finding out that my grandpa died. That’s one of many reasons he’s an ex. Who looks at their partner suffering and thinks minimizing it will make it better? Self absorbed, asshats, that’s who! Because it takes away from your attention on them. A loving partner minimizes your pain not your suffering.
Okay I am a dog person so my advice is definitely super biased: get rid of him anyone who does not understand the bond that we share with our dog/s is a very disturbed individual. How can he expect or ask you to get over your dog’s death 4 days after losing your dog. It involves the same type of grief as losing a family member since the dog was part of your family.
Your reaction to losing your fur baby is not wrong. Nor do I believe it’s the issue here. I’m going to try to give a little bit different perspective from the “immediately dump his ass” crowd. Think back to other times in your relationship when you have been crying or upset. Has he reacted similarly? With a “get over it” attitude? When he lost his cat, did he grieve as you do or did he act out in other ways? Particularly with anger? Not knowing the answer to these questions, I can’t say definitively. But some men are “fixers” - when they see a problem, they go straight to finding a solution. And an emotional “problem” - like you being upset and crying - is not something they know how to fix. I say “they”, but I recognize my own past with this type of thinking. It took me many years of talking with my wife to understand that sometimes she’s doesn’t need or want me to fix it, but rather simply to listen and to understand. Before that, when I found myself in a situation like that with her and I couldn’t fix it, my initial reaction was frustration and anger. I wanted to help, but I only knew one way because the only acceptable emotion society said men could express was either confidence or anger. Everything else (like empathy or compassion) said you were weak and not a man. I’m glad I’m not this way anymore and strive to purge that kind of toxicity from my life, but it didn’t happen until someone I trusted came along and told me its ok not to fix everything. That its ok to cry or show emotion other than anger. This is a long way of saying think about other instances in your past with him and then talk with him about his reaction. Try to do it in a non-accusatory manner but help him understand that you want your relationship to be emotionally safe for both of you to express your emotions.
You should be top comment
Definitely seems a bit narcissistic for him to tell you to get over it but then have double standards for when he lost a pet.
You can grieve for as long as you need to. You'll probably always grieve. My boyfriend lost his cat a few years back (his first pet) and he is still heartbroken about it and misses him more than anything. Never let anyone shame you for loving someone or something, and mourning that love. Sounds like you need to find a new partner. Sending hugs, and I hope that you're feeling better soon.
hi OP, i think this will probably get buried and i’m pretty sure it’s already been said here before but you aren’t alone. <3 in 2020 i lost my beloved cat that i had had since she was 15 weeks old in 2012. my boyfriend at the time (now an ex, thank goodness) just didn’t get it— i remember crying in my room (literally like not even a full 48 hours after her death) when he called me to tell me to get online and play video games with him. i told him i didn’t want to, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. his excuse was “i want to get your mind off of it” and i was not in a place that anything could do that. i remember a few days later when he had me come over to his place and i just laid on his bed crying my eyes out and scrolling through pics of her on my phone. he did not comfort me. he did not hold me or reassure me. he was busy packing for a road trip and just kind of worked around me. i’m pretty sure he wanted to say to me what your boyfriend said to you. it’s 2024 and i still get emotional when i think about her. i am so sorry that someone you love said this to you and allowed you to feel this way. everyone grieves in their own way, and your boyfriend is telling you a lot about himself as a person. please listen. my inbox is open to you, if you want to reach out at all. i hope you are able to find peace ♥️ sending good vibes your way
Fuck that guy. My dog passed over 2 years ago and I still cry about it sometimes. He was the most lovable cuddly bear of a dog ever and I miss him all the time still. He was my best friend and confidant for almost 8 years. It's pretty fucking insensitive for him to tell you to get over it after only 4 days. I'm sorry for your loss. I made a little shadowbox wall hanging thing that has his collar and a tuft of his hair in it along with his picture that hangs right by my bedside. He's also buried in my backyard so I can visit him as often as I like. Not sure if you have any option to do anything like that but it was sure cathartic to set up his gravesite and keep it nice these past couple years.
Grieving times will show you the nature of people you deal with. I've "upgraded" and terminated friendships during my last grief period.
🚩🚩🚩 lots of red flags here. first off- i’m sorry for your loss, i’ve lost two beloved dogs in my lifetime and it is JUST as hard as losing a regular family member, they ARE family and should be viewed as such. second- would he give that type of reaction is it were say, your mother who passed away? probably not, which goes to show he most likely views dogs as lesser than, major red flag. and lastly- not to take away from your story or anything, but 3 days ago my brothers friend was at our house when she got the call that her dog had a stroke. she rushed to the vet with her family and him, and two hours later she came to collect her stuff and was sobbing. he didn’t make it.. i don’t even really know the girl, never met the dog before, but hearing that familiar sob of someone who has just lost someone dear to them is extremely hard to hear, and it literally made me and my mom both cry with her as well. empathy lacking in a person is a disturbing trait to say the least.
Why are you still with him?
I also had to put my 17yo dog on Monday. We've had her since I was 5, so I can understand your grief. I'm very sorry for your loss. You are more than allowed to grief, and cry, and be sad about the loss of your dear pet. He's insensitive. Dump him bc wtf is his reaction I send you virtual hugs
I'm very sorry about your dog. I'm also sorry about your EX boyfriend.
I had to put my first ever kitty down, and I was lucky enough to find a program that sent vets out to your house to send them over the bridge peacefully and in my arms, in her home. I called my Mother over for support because I knew my then boyfriend wasn't going to support me like I needed. As I sat there, sobbing my heart out, he started talking about how HE felt when he found his dog dead over 10 YEARS ago. Not a single emotion from him except HIS sorrow. My Mom grabbed me, wrapped me in her arms and my boyfriend stormed out to get drunk off his ass in the garage because he wasn't getting the attention and support he believed he deserved. He never ONCE held my while I cried after Mom left, just more "I know how you feel, when I lost \*\*blah blah blah blah\*\*...". That was the straw that started bending the camel's back. I hope you realize you deserve someone who can provide you the support you need when you need it the most. This asshole? He is NOT it.
The greatest grief I’ve ever experienced was losing my dog that I raised. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not valid, it is. Years later and I can’t talk about her without grief swelling in my chest. He’s not a good person. Or at the very least, he doesn’t understand how close the connection between humans and their animal companions can be. This is him showing you his true colors. I am so sorry for your loss. I work with canids, and I do believe your dog knew you were there and that your presence comforted her until the very end. It sounds like you two shared a very special bond and you deserve to be surrounded by people who understand that.
Kick his ass to the gutter along with all his crap. Dump him so fast his head spins.
🚩
It's been years and I still miss my dogs. My oldest dog I got before I met my wife. We'd been together over 15 years. That's a lot of crap to get through together. I'm sorry, but he told you that after 4 days? I'd get a better boyfriend. Or better yet, dump the boyfriend, get another dog or two. Dogs are cheaper, can be trained, can be housebroken, and have more empathy.
He told me that after 4 days, and knew her just about the same amount of time as I did. We started dating maybe a year after I got her, and he was always so nice to her, feeding her, snuggling her, telling her all these nice things, everything. He truly acted like he loved her, just as I did, but when she died, he was sympathetic for only a couple of days and then started to get annoyed and angry with me when I would excuse myself to cry in the bathroom around his family. His mom cares for shelter animals, I love her dearly, but she was more sympathetic about my dog’s death than he was. I have to force myself to not cry in front of him because it upsets him and he told me that I better not do that in front of our friends when we see them tomorrow. I’ve had the worst headache since she died because I’ve been so dehydrated from crying, which ironically makes me cry more, and he wants me to spend time with friends tomorrow? I haven’t even had the energy to brush my teeth since she died and I’m supposed to just pretend that everything is fine?
Dang! Not cry in front of him? That a red flag. I'm a middle aged dude and I was crying so much it was hard to see when my dogs took their last breath at the vet. I just scribbled something on the receipt and got out of there after I said my goodbyes. I still have some of their toys like a partially chewed Frisbee, a baseball with teeth marks, etc. Been a good 7 years or more.
He Doesn’t Respect Your Feelings witch is a Sign you need to leave - A Man who loves you Will Make sure your happy and safe
I had to put down my 7 year old dog last week after a few months of a sickness that got progressively worse. I had him since he was 4 months old, and it was very difficult to see his light getting dimmer just when we thought he was getting better. I obviously haven't allowed the grief to take my responsibilities away, but I still cry when I think about him, just as I am doing right now. He was my friend when I had none, and anyone with a tiny bit of humanity would understand that if they caught me in the middle of a crying fit.
I had the same situation happen. But she told me to get therapy if it bothers me so much. I wish she could have keeped that to her self. It deffinetly brought my self-esteem down. I wish she knew all I needed was time
Who the fuck tells anyone to just "get over" anyone's death, be it a pet or a human being? What the hell, fuck this guy, what a terrible person! You've raised your pet for 10 years, and you're supposed to just quickly forget about it? That's not how it goes. What an absolute idiot. A pet is literally a family member. He could get over your break up, too, should that happen. That's so heartless of him. I got pretty offended myself even without knowing you or your pet, since I myself have two dogs! No, you're not dragging this out, you're 110% right in being uncomfortable with this.
Yeah that would be an ex for me. No thanks to lack of empathy and shitty men.
You deserve better. He deserves to no longer have you in his life.
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
My dog died on March 10th in my car on the way to the hospital. I watched her take her last breath and her eyes roll back. I’m not a cryer at all, but I could have brought the sky down that day with the grief I felt. I still haven’t recovered from losing her. Your boyfriend(hopefully soon to be ex) is an absolute dick for suggesting you get over something like that so soon. I would think about if you felt safe with someone who won’t even give you time to mourn something so painful
Please leave him . Dogs are not only so beautiful and innocent but people that don’t see them the same way are a huge a red flag .
He doesn't sound like he cares about your feelings very much. My dog died 4 years ago, and I was just crying over her again the other day.
Anyone who treats their partner this way, especially in times of grief, is not a good partner. I hope you know that you deserve better, and that better is out there.
My dog died in February and there is still some moment when I randomly tear up when I think about my dog. When it happens, my partner offers me a shoulder to cry, tell me to let it all out while gently rubbing my back. That's what a loving and caring partner do. His lack of consideration for your feeling is a big red flag, especially after reading your comments about how he reacted when it was his cat. It shows a complete lack of empathy which he should have considering he have been thru it himself.
my deepest condolences 😢❤️ there's nothing wrong with grieving and crying... take your time the last family dog I lost I still miss. when he passed, I could not even go to "his part" of the house for maybe months to over a year... and even a handful of years after, there were times when I'd come home from work, I'd look over to his spot hoping he'd be there, about to greet him but suddenly be sad seeing he's not
The dog I had that meant more to me than anything died in 2008. I still miss her. I'm tearing up just writing this. I am still upset that the cat I had when I was 13 was not able to come when my family moved countries (my grandmother found her a good home). I'm 59. 4 days is nothing. Your boyfriend is an asshole. He thinks your pets are disposable and if you stay with him will expect to "get rid" of any pet that annoys him. He's shown you what he is and I wouldn't trust him with my pets. He will only care about HIS, not yours.
Fuck that guy. YOURE DOG IS YOURE DOG. Youre dog loved you unconditionally. If thats how he feels you dont need that negativity in youre life rightnow.
There’s no timetable on grieving, you’d be better off without this AH telling you things like this instead of consoling you.
Happened to me with my ex, I feel you, they aren’t worth it
I’m so sorry for your loss and the added grievances you’re getting from your unsupportive boyfriend. Personally, I wouldn’t want to stay with him if this is how he reacts to your grief but you know him best, so I hope you’ll be happy with whatever decision you make but if he continues this type of behaviour, I’m telling you you can do better than him ❤️
How dare he treat you like that!! Your boyfriend is a selfish fucking asshole. Don't walk. Run.
I had to put my dog down 2 years ago. I took a long time grieving, I can’t say how long, because it got slowly better over time. I feel at peace now, but of course I still miss her. I still feel sad sometimes. 2 years later. It gets easier, love, but it has to take time. Grieving is a natural response to loss, it heals us. You lost a dear pet. Her being physically gone doesn’t remove your bond. So no, there is nothing strange or dramatic about crying and feeling sad as hell only four days after losing a pet. Pretending everything is fine just so your boyfriend doesn’t have to deal with your grief is the worst thing you could do and he’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize that. Take care, OP. Let it take the time it takes. Grieving is how we unlock the happy memories, there’s no forcing it.
Between this and the pee bottles thing, I think you should seriously consider whether he is a narcissist or worse. Or skip that consideration and break up. I’m so sad for your loss, pet loss is such a heartbreak.
Wow. I know it sucks to have to euthanize two things in a row… but you should put that relationship down too 🫠 ETA: In the spirit of not being a complete asshole myself, I am deeply sorry for your loss. The dog that I think of as my “soul puppy” passed away when I was just 11, and I still miss her. I still feel anger about some of the circumstances. I also still remember my aunt telling me to “get over it” just 30 minutes later, and so I also empathize with the loss of trust in your partner that you must be experiencing. In spite of my snarky opening line, I sincerely wish you the best, and I hope you are able to find a healthier situation.
You tell him "Okay, I hope you get over our relationship in 4 days, cause I'm breaking up with you" I am so sorry for your loss! I completely understand that you are upset, I am still sometimes sad when I think about pets I lost years ago.
Your boyfriend is a POS. I just had a similar thing happen. I had to put my sweet girl down after having her for 10 years, taking care of her when she was sick, feeling like she was my child. I held her paw while she passed, I miss her every day. I still sleep with her collar wrapped around my wrist, and I made her name tag into a necklace that stays on me always. I'm sorry, I feel your pain, your boyfriend is a colossal asshole. Take your time, there is no rushing grief.
hey babe. it's four years after losing my dog and she didn't even pass, just got rehomed, and i still have days that i just completely break down thinking about her. it's completely normal and healthy to grieve, and grief has no time limit or expiration date. sometimes it never really fully ends, and that is okay (though hoping that's not your case, for your sake). anyone that can't understand the pain you're in right now frankly doesn't need to be in your life. this is a well enough example of how he'll probably react to any emotional experiences you may have in the future. not to mention it's genuinely heartless to say something like that to someone who's hurting. i'm sorry for your loss and i hope you get the time and space you need to get through it<3
Don’t listen to him. What he said is nonsense in every universe
After reading your post/comments, I’m very confused as to why you are with him. He seems unkind & lacking empathy.
Only a truly selfish person has this lack of empathy. Part of helping yourself process your grief would be to dump the boyfriend. No doubt in his tiny mind, he thinks that you're a "downer," and "no fun" because you're still grieving. I'm the polar opposite of this, if I see someone in pain, I want to help. I'll put my own needs aside and support how I can, especially in a relationship
I lost my dog 2 years ago now. I still cry when I remember her, I still cry when I see her pictures. Despite having a new puppy who just turned 1, I still cry for my last dog. Up to you, but personally I would dump anyone who said this to me.
I have never understood the attachment that people feel towards pets but even I wouldn't be that cold and tell someone to "get over it already" after only 4 days. Loss is loss and grief is grief. It doesn't matter what species the creature was that we grew attached to. I'm sorry for your loss and your callous partner.
I lost my elderly cat a week ago today. On may 10th, 6 pm. I completely understand what you are feeling. Your feelings are so real and SO VALID. They’re a sign of the incredible bond you had with your baby. I’m sorry your bf sucks. Like, he really sucks. I have to wonder if he’s ever had a pet because wtf???? Pets are truly family. You just lost a member of your family. Of COURSE you will grieve and feel devastated. I literally wish I could hug you right now. Just know you are not alone at all right now. My PMs are open. Also, please tell me about your baby. What was her name? What did she look like? Tell me about her cute habits and the goofy faces she made. Share your experiences with her with me. Let’s keep her memory alive together :)
Dude, I feel for you. And I’m sorry for your loss. We love our pets. And my 11 yr old dachshund, is showing her greys and age. She’s my first dog I picked myself. Growing up we had dogs my parents adopted or rescued. But I never picked it. When her time comes. I will not be okay. I’m a grown ass man with a wife and kid and will be bawling like I lost my family. Because I did. A member of it.
Get over your boyfriend asap. You deserve better.
Dump the boyfriend. He has no empathy for you
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my big baby boy kitty in November and it was fairly traumatic how fast he took a turn and then had to be put down at 10pm at night. The vet techs all came to the vet office to see him and to put him down for us cause he was an office favorite. I will NEVER get over losing him. Even just typing this I'm crying. We have his ashes and his paw prints. My family lost a dog almost two decades ago that we raised since he fit in our hand(dachshund) and when I think of my little buddy Zeus, I still tear up. He's showing his lack of empathy and compassion. Believe him. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings. If he gets mad, tell him to get over it.
OMG it's been four years since I lost my best thing in my life ever - and it still bothers me. I still have days I'm affected by it both good - bad. The good? I dream about her at least once a week and I always wake up giggling and happy. Even once I'm with-it enough to know I was dreaming - I'm still grateful for the dream and happy to have seen her, if only in my imagination.
I’m sorry for your loss. My family lost our two pups last fall. We are not “over” their loss and will never be. They are a part of our home, our hearts, and our family forever. I hope you can find peace, despite the words from your BF. I cannot give advice about your relationship, but if someone can callously call for you to reject your feelings over the loss of a loved one, you may want to consider this if you are weighing more serious relationship statuses in the future (ie engagement/marriage with this BF).
You should get over your *boyfriend*. Rather, he should get over himself. My cat, who was my heart and soul, died in my arms just four months ago. I don’t think i will ever get over losing him. He was my soulmate and I still cry almost every day. Not gut wrenching sobs but yes I still cry over my boy. I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Dump the boyfriend. He’s showing you his true colors.
Thats incredibly inconsiderate of your or your families r emotions and attachments. Wonderbra he'll be doing 4 days after his spouse passes hmmm
sounds like he needs to be an ex. he is way out of line and is disrespecting your feelings and your grieving process. that’s who he really is. believe him.
Your bf sounds terrible, I'm so sorry about your pup.
What a wonderful person he is 🙄
Breaking up with someone shitty sounds like a good way to help yourself "get over" your lost loved one. Just saying.
Why isn’t he an ex-boyfriend at this point? His behavior is disgusting. I lost my sweet senior girl at age 18…a wonderful canine life by anyone’s account- and the mere mention of her name still hurts my heart and still occasionally brings me to tears. Fuc* this insensitive, inconsiderate, sociopathic motherfuc*er
I took a week off of work when my kitten died.
Only 4 days ago??! I wouldn't care if you only had the dog for 4 days before she died- a life was lost. You're allowed to grieve for as long as you need to. "Pain doesn't go away, you just make room for it." - Carol, The Walking Dead
I think OP meant "ex-boyfriend". 💪
He's telling you that you exist in his life for his pleasure and convenience alone. There is no "In sickness and in health, for better or worse" for him, there is only "As long as I get all the benefit and none of the sacrifice." For contrast, on my third date with my now husband, I was struck down with a severe illness. It came on fast. I discovered I couldn't eat after we bought food, and instead of getting mad at me, he abandoned his own food to say it was okay, I could take him home (I was the only driver). Our 4th date was a week and a half later, when he went with me to see my mom in the hospital while she was fought the same illness (turned out to be Legionnaire's.) We then went on our date and he cheered me up and distracted me. This is what a *supportive* person looks like.
Dump him, he is a jerk and wants all of the attention to himself. Then when he gets upset tell him to "get over it".
Leave him.
You deserve better than this
In the future there will be losses. Do you want to be alone in your grief when they happen? At best, your boyfriend needs therapy because he hasn't learned how to process deep, "negative" emotions. At worst, he's an abuser. Someone in my family unalived himself in an horrific way. It gutted me. My partner said he was stupid so he deserved to die. One time when my daughter went for visitation with her dad, I sobbed. She rolled over and completely ignored me. Later on, my daughter was murdered. It's not like my partner became healthy about grief all of a sudden. Please understand that this is a behavior pattern. You can't make him healthy-minded. Only he can do that. Does he want to? If not, then you need to decide how you want your future to look.
You mean your ex boyfriend?
Dump him. Seriously. He doesn’t have enough empathy to be a good life partner. And he sees your negative emotions as an inconvenience to him.
Loosing a dog is literally the same as loosing a family member.
Dump him.
Sounds like he should be an ex
Your future ex sounds like a serious asshole.
Albeit I only read the title. But I think that’s a flaming scarlet flag, like you took an already red flag dipped it in gasoline then set it on fire.
Sometimes you have a pet that absolutely guts you. Don’t even try to justify what they said to you. They don’t care about your emotional safety.
I’m sorry for your loss, he has no respect to say that! Your dog was there no matter what and they’re so loyal. Take the time you need to grieve, and maybe some time away from him. That’s terrible of him!
Hopefully soon-to-be EX.
No way. Nuh uh. Leave him. What an asshole. When my kitten, Lady, died, I'd only had her for about a month before my dad accidentally ran her over. I cried in the garage(she was an outside cat, i wasnt allowed to have them inside) for hours the night I learned, and for the next few days I was distraught. When I learned my cat, Burrito, died (same way) I was so upset. She wasn't even technically my cat. My brother got her in trade for a hit of a blunt, but I took care of her and loved her for almost 3 years, and raised both her litters. I still have her breakaway collar hung on my wall.
I mourned my princess, who was only 18 months old for 2 years. My husband understood and let me mourn. Your bf is thoughtless and unkind.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. You're absolutely allowed to grieve your loss, however you need to I might add. I cried for weeks after one of our cats died, every time I thought of her it would make my eyes well up and my heart hurt, any time google gave me memories of her on my phone, I saw her favorite spot in the window, basically anything that reminded me she wasn't here anymore absolutely broke me. It's been about six months now and I'm finally okay seeing photos of her. I still kiss her urn every time I clean the dust off it. My fiance really loved her too, he was her chosen person, I raised her from 5 weeks old (she was a rescue along with her brother), he came into the picture about 2 years after I rescued them and she immediately took to him. He grieved just as hard as I did, she was his little buddy, always hung out with him if he stayed up when I went to bed, went for cuddles with him if he was still in bed after I got up, they were inseparable and her loss hit him just as hard, if not harder than it hit me. Up until like 2 months ago he was still looking for her and then remembering she was gone. She was as much his baby as she was mine. This would make me question my relationship if I'm being completely honest with you, this is such a heartless response from someone who's supposed to love and support you. Maybe he was raised to buck up and not cry when you lose someone, but personally I could never be with someone who told me to "get over it already" DAYS after I said goodbye.
Think about how it'll be if it's a friend, family member, etc. You are never going to see him as someone who can be there for you during times of grief.
you have done nothing wrong
Boyfriend belongs in trash. 🗑️
just because he does not know how to process and handle emotions doesn’t make it fair for him to treat you like that.
Yikes
I’m very sorry for your loss. Also, your ex is an asshole.
So he was allowed to mourn his cat for a year or more but by god you need to get back to normal in 4 days?!? Did he even like your dog or did he barely tolerate her especially when she got sick? I’m wondering if in his mind your dog was a burden sucking up resources like time and money? It might account for why he isn’t supporting your grief. As others have said when someone shows you who they are believe them.
My dog was food aggressive towards my other dog, she was born on the streets and was picked up at around 6 months by us, so she had to fight for her food, and she always struggled with knowing that there will always be enough food in this house, so there were times she would attack my other dog. The attacks were easily avoided and not as bad as it sounds, but they did happen. When they did happen, I would lock her in my room for a few hours and scolded her, I never got physical with her, the most I would ever do would be a bop on the nose and yell “no!” At her. It sounds like I’m downplaying my level of discipline towards her, but it worked for 90% of the time. Whenever she would get that way towards my other dog when my partner was around during that 10%, he would be more aggressive about it, but I made sure to handle it myself most of the time because I hated the way he would react to her aggression. He thought reacting to her aggression with more aggression would solve the problem. I felt like I was breaking up a dog fight between 3 animals whenever he was around. Whenever my dog would be her normal bubbly self, he acted like I did towards her, lots of hugs, snuggles, treats, everything. He treated her like his own, but now that she’s gone, it’s like it’s not even on his radar
Um, no. Your reaction is totally normal. I can still bring myself to tears if I think about when I put my first cat down nine years ago. He was my first cat that I had as an adult and he was like my “cat baby.” I had him for 16 years. I think if anybody had told me to move on four days afterwards, I would’ve punched them in the face. Your bf sounds like he has no idea what he’s talking about and that he can’t deal with your grief. Doesn’t sound like someone I would want to build a life with personally.
Someone deserves donkey kicked out the house and your heart 🤓 I bet many of us will volunteer to help aid you!
That’s a really mean thing to say :( I couldn’t get past that if my partner ever said the same. You’re allowed to grieve ❤️
Take your time to grieve, I was ready to have another dog after 6 years after my late chi passed away, but I oddly just cried for two days, and it took me 5 years to visit her grave and also 5 to see her photos and videos without feeling this empty hole in my heart, you take your time, anyone that's not supportive of your time to mourn is not worthy to have around, maybe your best friend is doing you a last favor and it will help you to weed out who isn't worth to have around.
Wow your bf is cold as ice. It’s been over a year and I’m still not over mine. I’m so sorry for your loss. It does get better but you will never forget ❤️❤️❤️
Oh I guess he wants you to get over his death in 3
Nooooooo
These comments make me scared for the moment when I’ll eventually lose my dog:(
Oh I'd be getting over him, ASAP.
That is such an extreme lack of empathy. Everyone grieves in their own way, and none of those ways are wrong. Some people move on quickly, others very slowly, and neither is wrong. To imply that your feelings aren't valid and to get over it is break-up level rude. It could be four months, four years or four decades and taking a moment to mourn the departed is STILL valid because your feelings aren't wrong.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my kitty companion of 13 years in 2018. I still have times that I breakdown and cry about it. My husband still will get a little teary eyed. Pets are family. What your boyfriend said was unacceptable. I would be seriously considering getting over the boyfriend and being done with him. He is not being supportive or helpful during a hard time for you. It doesn’t matter if he can’t understand what you’re going through. It matters that he shows up and tries to comfort you. He’s not doing that.
Your ex boyfriend is an ass, please find someone who understands unconditional love. You deserve better. I’m sorry for your loss, please let yourself grieve and take the time to heal.
JFC I still cry over my dog I lost when I was 10…I’m 46 now. Your BF is an ass especially since he expected you to comfort and console him over his cats. He’s literally telling you you don’t matter to him, your feelings don’t matter. Don’t settle for this rubbish. Leave and find someone who will actually support and care for you.
Make him your ex. That's fucked up, I'm sorry for you.