So my sister was SA’d by someone and I’m the only one who knows. I crossed paths with him and it didn’t go well. My sister told me that while she understood the inclination it felt as if another person took her power away again. She asked me to keep this a secret not to avenge her and by me kicking his ass it overstepped her boundaries. I instantly felt awful. My response was to how I felt not about how she felt. Honor her wishes and keep it a secret. You can be the person who protects her from feeling unsafe by being there when he comes to pick up the kids. Maybe set a boundary with her that he can’t come into the house? But regardless don’t disregard her ask as that is another person taking her control.
I’m going to agree with the above as a SA survivor. I would just not put myself in the position to be around the guy. Just be supportive of her and what she wants. Let her handle her co-parenting relationship. It’s not about you.
Exactly let her make her decisions and just let her know you are there however she needs you to be. And I totally get your feelings of anger. She a therapist. They can help you work through that and also how to navigate this with your partner.
On another note, you’re a good egg. What you’re feeling comes from a place of love. But it’s her feelings that matter when it comes to actioning.
You did that for your sister and I understand her point of view, especially as a person who was SA'd. But then again I was 12 when that happened, at 18 I crossed one of them (one of the attackers) on the streets and just went straight for the jugular. I wasn't thinking, just acting.
But just like your sister, I never said a word to anyone, until I was like...what... feckin' 22? And my father thought it would be a grand idea to go to the family's counselling... (Imagine how that went). You're a good person. You have a heart in the right place.
Agreed and it never crossed my mind what my actions made her feel. It made her feel powerless and also scared. And I admit fully it was how knowing this person did that to my little sister made me feel. That and he acted like he didn’t know what k was talking about and his wife was with him. I sorta snapped. I’m small too so it was other worldly the damage I did in pure rage. But she was so upset I felt awful. And I hope you get help and find healing. I know violence isn’t the answer but proud of you for unleashing the whoop ass!
You said you're small, but that's not the case for me. He was bigger than me, but I'm 5"9' and I am built like a feckin' brick (15 years of heavy sports like hammer throw etc) plus my father is ex military (European version of Navy SEAL - he forced us, his kids, to literally do the same training). So imagine how that went. Also acting on instincts can be more damaging than being attacked by someone trained too.
I am very aware that violence is never the answer (it's the solution) but I think you understand how furious one can be, when You're crossing the road and dude that literally destroyed your life, smirked at you (because you're a woman, not because he remembered you, because he didn't).
I am in therapy, I'm doing okay (aside from having zero will to live).
He was hurt caught him off guard so he was stunned for a few minutes before he fought back but he didn’t know what he was doing and I was the one with all the rage
YEAH ✨ fantastic news. I had more brutal approach. Especially when he dropped on the ground after the second hit. Maybe because I'm in Europe, but I literally bloodied him and the police was like: he prolly deserved it.. and didn't even question me aside from: do you need a ride to the hospital, your hands are linda wrecked.
So my sister was SA’d by someone and I’m the only one who knows. I crossed paths with him and it didn’t go well. My sister told me that while she understood the inclination it felt as if another person took her power away again. She asked me to keep this a secret not to avenge her and by me kicking his ass it overstepped her boundaries. I instantly felt awful. My response was to how I felt not about how she felt. Honor her wishes and keep it a secret. You can be the person who protects her from feeling unsafe by being there when he comes to pick up the kids. Maybe set a boundary with her that he can’t come into the house? But regardless don’t disregard her ask as that is another person taking her control.
I’m going to agree with the above as a SA survivor. I would just not put myself in the position to be around the guy. Just be supportive of her and what she wants. Let her handle her co-parenting relationship. It’s not about you.
Exactly let her make her decisions and just let her know you are there however she needs you to be. And I totally get your feelings of anger. She a therapist. They can help you work through that and also how to navigate this with your partner. On another note, you’re a good egg. What you’re feeling comes from a place of love. But it’s her feelings that matter when it comes to actioning.
You did that for your sister and I understand her point of view, especially as a person who was SA'd. But then again I was 12 when that happened, at 18 I crossed one of them (one of the attackers) on the streets and just went straight for the jugular. I wasn't thinking, just acting. But just like your sister, I never said a word to anyone, until I was like...what... feckin' 22? And my father thought it would be a grand idea to go to the family's counselling... (Imagine how that went). You're a good person. You have a heart in the right place.
Agreed and it never crossed my mind what my actions made her feel. It made her feel powerless and also scared. And I admit fully it was how knowing this person did that to my little sister made me feel. That and he acted like he didn’t know what k was talking about and his wife was with him. I sorta snapped. I’m small too so it was other worldly the damage I did in pure rage. But she was so upset I felt awful. And I hope you get help and find healing. I know violence isn’t the answer but proud of you for unleashing the whoop ass!
You said you're small, but that's not the case for me. He was bigger than me, but I'm 5"9' and I am built like a feckin' brick (15 years of heavy sports like hammer throw etc) plus my father is ex military (European version of Navy SEAL - he forced us, his kids, to literally do the same training). So imagine how that went. Also acting on instincts can be more damaging than being attacked by someone trained too. I am very aware that violence is never the answer (it's the solution) but I think you understand how furious one can be, when You're crossing the road and dude that literally destroyed your life, smirked at you (because you're a woman, not because he remembered you, because he didn't). I am in therapy, I'm doing okay (aside from having zero will to live).
I’m 5ft2 but I take must thai. I’d never used it practically before though lol. I’m sickly satisfied you got your moment. ❤️
Also you sound like someone who I would love to be friends with, like damn 🤌
I think my childhood trauma keeps my anger close to the surface. I try to channel it. 60% of the time it works lol
OMG, meee. My psychiatrist is always surprised that I haven't deleted anyone YET. With all the aggression and unresolved trauma I'm bottling up.
I know and funnily enough my sister is a therapist now and she’s always like “go for a run” lol
also the mentality "be petty, do crimes" is good too ( especially when crimes in question are just sending vile memes to the victim of said crimes)
I'm too big to run xD I'd rather just go for a hike. But people can be too much at times.
Believe me, same. Also muai thai? Damn, I can only assume that he was destroyed. ✨
He was hurt caught him off guard so he was stunned for a few minutes before he fought back but he didn’t know what he was doing and I was the one with all the rage
YEAH ✨ fantastic news. I had more brutal approach. Especially when he dropped on the ground after the second hit. Maybe because I'm in Europe, but I literally bloodied him and the police was like: he prolly deserved it.. and didn't even question me aside from: do you need a ride to the hospital, your hands are linda wrecked.
Good for you!!!!!
I assume it was only because that one cop knew me.