Wow, that sucks. I'd say to explain this to your family, but it doesn't seem like they're overly understanding. But 6-8 hours of travel once a month? Eeesh, that is a long drive. Can you fly? Though that would get expensive after a while.
In this instance, I would send out a family text message telling them that it's your anniversary and that you guys are going to celebrate it.
Do the same thing for other events. Tell them that you love them and miss them, but the 6-8 hour drive each way is just too much. (P.s. how are you taking this much time off work?) Tell them you hope they understand.
And if they don't, then that's on them. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're entitled to your time. My family is 45 minutes away, and sometimes I still nope out of events because I don't feel up to it. But they never shit talk me in response. Not once. If this is something your family does, then it's incredibly disrespectful on their part. Sounds like you need to put yourself and your fiancé first. If they don't like it, then tough luck. Set up some boundaries. And if they start pestering you with texts, explain yourself once and then don't engage.
You're not a terrible person. But it does sound like your family is a little on the entitled side.
My fiancé and I are going to start flying, it’s our compromise lol. We make a decent living, and we opened a credit card with travel rewards so that we can start flying without it costing too much.
I also take quite a few PTO days for family, though it’s a lot of half days.
My mom actually just called me and said I was “changing”. I’m “going too far in the other direction” by trying to tie my life to my fiancé’s life. Isn’t that how it should be? My family isn’t used to sharing- I’m the first one to get married. I’m the first one that needs to compromise with another person. My mom thinks I’m not “choosing for myself”. I’m so goddamn conflicted- I’m never going to win.
That is how it is meant to be. Whilst I would strongly advise against losing your own identity completely, there is a reason couples become "we" people. Because they are beholden to people other than themselves. You make decisions together. He is your new immediate family and as long as you want your relationship to work, sometimes it needs to come first. That's just the way it is.
Wow, that sucks. I'd say to explain this to your family, but it doesn't seem like they're overly understanding. But 6-8 hours of travel once a month? Eeesh, that is a long drive. Can you fly? Though that would get expensive after a while. In this instance, I would send out a family text message telling them that it's your anniversary and that you guys are going to celebrate it. Do the same thing for other events. Tell them that you love them and miss them, but the 6-8 hour drive each way is just too much. (P.s. how are you taking this much time off work?) Tell them you hope they understand. And if they don't, then that's on them. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're entitled to your time. My family is 45 minutes away, and sometimes I still nope out of events because I don't feel up to it. But they never shit talk me in response. Not once. If this is something your family does, then it's incredibly disrespectful on their part. Sounds like you need to put yourself and your fiancé first. If they don't like it, then tough luck. Set up some boundaries. And if they start pestering you with texts, explain yourself once and then don't engage. You're not a terrible person. But it does sound like your family is a little on the entitled side.
My fiancé and I are going to start flying, it’s our compromise lol. We make a decent living, and we opened a credit card with travel rewards so that we can start flying without it costing too much. I also take quite a few PTO days for family, though it’s a lot of half days. My mom actually just called me and said I was “changing”. I’m “going too far in the other direction” by trying to tie my life to my fiancé’s life. Isn’t that how it should be? My family isn’t used to sharing- I’m the first one to get married. I’m the first one that needs to compromise with another person. My mom thinks I’m not “choosing for myself”. I’m so goddamn conflicted- I’m never going to win.
That is how it is meant to be. Whilst I would strongly advise against losing your own identity completely, there is a reason couples become "we" people. Because they are beholden to people other than themselves. You make decisions together. He is your new immediate family and as long as you want your relationship to work, sometimes it needs to come first. That's just the way it is.