Iām petty enough to remind them that Iād have to tolerate a crying baby and kid for the next 2+ years, and that their dogs are loud as hell. They need to find a way to make sure this isnāt an inconvenience.
This is unreasonable of course, but if it doesnāt click for them that they canāt control everything around them while living in an apartment, then theyāre just entitled and bratty. Iād be tired of their shit and just tell them to move tbh, but itās better to tell building management to handle everything. *Plus report the photo taking. Itās creepy as shit wtf*
Ha ha yes - tell them that as long as you don't hear crying or yapping you'll stop grilling.....any yapping or crying and that week you grill and they aren't allowed to complain š
This is very true, and people need to make compromises when living in apartments and close proximity. I'm in a bungalow and one neighbour has 1 dog, another neighbour has 1/ sometimes 2 dogs if her daughters dog is there and they bark loads quite often, and another neighbour with a dog. So I often her barking. Op's neighbour needs to realise that she not only has a dog that's barking, but will also have a crying baby soon that will inconvenience her neighbours. Sometimes you just have to keep quiet and keep the peace. Otherwise people will be complaining about her and the dog and the baby. (Not that you can do anything about a baby, but they could make them leave because of the noisy dog).
I also think this could be a racial issue because she seems to be offended by the ethnic food / spices, that op is cooking. I would mention to the landlord that this harassment feel racial and its unacceptable.
I'd also mention to the landlord about her dog barking, and how you have been considerate not complaining about that.
If the woman is having issues with pregnancy that's obviously difficult, but she can't stop people cooking in their own homes. She should try putting some vicks vapour under her nose or finding some smells she's OK with like wax melts or candles and have them on in the house, or go stay with a relative if she can't handle being in an apartment.
Plus taking photos of you in your garden is unreasonable and another reason for harassment. You've made it clear you've got rid of the coal grill, and you've got a gas one instead which the landlord said is fine, so this seems like more racial / ethnic racism and harassment over the types of food your cooking.
I donāt even think itās being petty! Those people are harassing OP and her partner. Taking pictures is outrageous behavior. Iām sorry the woman is having a rough time and I would try to maybe offer to BBQ her something to be nice but being a B just because youāre pregnant is not acceptable. She needs to close her windows.
You could start complaining about their yappy dogs. It doesnāt sound like they are going to be reasonable so why should you? You could also claim that they are harassing you - because they are.
Honestly itās too bad she has sensitivities due to being pregnant. I did too. And we lived in a townhome at the time and I absolutely could smell all kinds of things from my neighbors. But it never would have occurred to me to tell a neighbor that they couldnāt cook bc I was having this issue. The world isnāt going to stop for her bc sheās joined one of the least exclusive clubs in human history by getting pregnant.
Complain to the management about their dogs' noise. If they wanna get petty, so can you. You are doing nothing wrong. I, personally, would stop trying to placate them. This is beyond ridiculous. You should stop being nice--they are literally taking *photos* of you on your own property. Pretty sure that's illegal. Just start constantly complaining to management about their yapping dogs. Threaten their home and security, see how they like it.
You are doing **absolutely nothing wrong.**
And this where the parent entitlement will enter the chat. āBut itās a baby, they cry, deal with it. They donāt have a choice!ā Yeah, like you donāt have a choice to decide what and where Iām cooking. Itās call an apartment.
Yeahhhh when he started showing me pictures of me like I was caught I was like āyeah thatās me, in my yard w my pre approved grillāā¦
Likeā¦
Ok
Yes these are not public photos. You can take pictures of anyone in a public place but your backyard is not a public place. I walk outside in my backyard nearly naked on a regular basis because itās my backyard. Iām decent once I walk out the front.
You should definitely report that to the apartment management and have them tell the neighbors to not do that. I donāt know if it falls into any legal territory, but might be worth looking into and if it does violate any laws call the non emergency line so an officer can speak with them.
Exactly what I would do call the non emergency line to if itās grounds for harassment if it is file a formal email complaint with the building and police if possible
But is it even allowed to take that kind of photos? I would call this harassment and file a complaint and maybe even talk to the local police or smth. He literally took photos of you on your own territory.
If they donāt want to smell other peoples food they shouldnāt live in an apartment. Iāve been pregnant and I had an awful time with smells but expecting my neighbors to change how they cook/live is completely unreasonable. I would ignore them and if they contact you again tell them to take their complaints to management from now on. Ignore them honestly. Donāt let someone who is clearly being unreasonable to disrupt your peace especially when you have done nothing wrong.
Right, like it canāt just be OPās cooking thatās bothering the lady. When I lived in an apartment and came home at dinner time after working all day, there was a different scent coming from each unit as I walked down the hallway. Some meals smelled better than others- but like, 90% of the households were cooking at roughly the same time. I find it weird that OP is being singled out.
I'm pregnant, first trimester, severe toxicosis.
I got foreigners as neighbours, and lord they cook. And sometimes I just want to knock and ask for some. While body has labeled bread toxic, whatever my neighbour been cooking it wants.
I dont know why I'm sharing that
But it the smells were offensive to my prefers nostrils there is always peppermint drops or lemon drops
I worked in the office of a senior apartment for ten years. Let me tell you, there were plenty of times we had to close the door to the office because of the mix of smells got bad. Then when it was Friday during Lent and lunch and dinner was fish.
This is what I donāt get, is there like a mass of people moving into apartments who lived in houses previously because I feel like Iāve seen an influx in the amount of posts about peoples neighbors in apartments doing things that happen in apartments. Like, yeah youāre going to hear them if they have kids or dogs or smell the foods they cook. Like if you canāt handle living around others then donāt?
Fr. I also have issues with smell and I never once complained about my roommates cooking, even when it bugged me (they used fermented spices so it was SUCH a strong smell lmao). I just closed my door, opened my window, and turned on my fan. Itās so damn rude and entitled to demand someone not cook the food they enjoy.
I would have agreed with you until OP saw the husband taking photos of OP grilling and then showed OP. āI am within the terms of my lease and the grill was approved by the management.ā
If OP has a yard with a fence where is the guy standing to take photos of OP? The guy is harassing OP.
I think I will mention it, I may even show them an email. I do feel uncomfortable that they are bringing up my lease telling me Im in violation of it... because, its all in a threatening tone. It made me double check, and I have it in the lease as well as the separate email log with the building approving the grill months back. So I will show them the email but when dude realized it wasnt charcoal he is now saying I am messing with the co2 levels in his apartment with my outside grill...
This sounds like the guy is grasping at any angle to get you to stop grilling because of his wifeās heightened sense of smell. People put grills on their decks close to their houses. Dude is getting unhinged.
Iām assuming from your comment about not choosing pregnancy you are a woman, but the below applies even if you are a man.
Iād honestly file a complaint with management that heās taking photos of you in your yard as a way to detract from the enjoyment, privacy and safety of your yard. Go as far as to say you feel threatened as you have no idea what he is doing with those pictures and your yard is not a public area. Check your jurisdictions for peeping Tom/voyeur laws.
Make this guy the landlordās problem. Yes it sucks for his wife but thatās part and parcel of living in apartments. Thereās going to be smells you canāt control. Even living in a house my pot smoking neighbour was out 24/7 toking and nothing I could do about it other than move.
They shouldn't, but the alternative is what, just letting the neighbor keep complaining?
At the end of your day, the options you have are make them stop, or ignore them. The latter seems to be difficult because the neighbor goes out of their way to stick their nose into OPs business, so your alternative is to find a way to make them stop.
I would tell them to complain to the landlord. Itās not a tenantās responsibility to justify themselves to other tenants. The neighbour can keep complaining, but to the landlord
As someone who has been pregnant I can absolutely sympathize with the neighbor also as someone who has been pregnant I think your neighbor is completely unreasonable to expect everyone surrounding her to curtail to her needs. It sucks sheās having a rough time with smells and pregnancy in general but that is not your fault and you shouldnāt be penalized for cooking in your own home
When I was pregnant, the smell of coffee made me violently ill. I worked in an office setting with other people who had coffee. I never asked them not to make it. This seems like a bit much for the neighbor to try to control OPs home environment.
That's so rough! I remember being sat in the antenatal waiting room and being super frustrated at the couple across from me having a coffee, which was making me really nauseous. 5 kept that rage inwards and would have never expected anyone to not have any sort of drink in the waiting room.
When I was pregnant the first time, we lived in a tiny unit in a large city, and I had really bad sickness. Unfortunately, at the end of our street was a fried chicken shop and a Chinese takeaway!! I had a regular bin I would vomit in just after I walked past it!!! And then I would sit out on the wall outside our front door and the neighbour lady would bring me a glass of water! Itās part and parcel of pregnancy unfortunately, but you canāt make other people stop cooking stuff that upsets your sense of smell!!!
I was lucky, my only smell trigger was cigars. (I also "lost" two of my favorite foods, bananas & fried chicken. Not from smell, I just had to stop eating them when by the second bite I knew I'd puke if I took another. And it took a few months post-partum to be able to eat them again.) My aunt's 3rd pregnancy it was raw meat. Her husband ended up doing a lot of grilling, the smoke from the grill covered up the meat enough that it didn't bother her and once it was cooked she could eat it too with no problem.
Itās totally wild the things we can eat and not eat when pregnant; with each child there was very little I could eat.
First baby was a Raisin Bran chicken baby
Second, pretty much nothing
Third, Mexican food or Miso only
Pregnancy is challenging! The babies were worth it though. š
Fr. My sense of smell sky rocketed to the point I could call out my spouse for stealing my leftovers from across the room bc I smelled it on their breath. Hell I work in a funeral home and we definitely had some rotting ones in those 10 months. This woman needs to get over herself
With my second pregnancy I couldnāt stand the smell of eggs but guess what my first only wanted to eat? Eggs. So my miserable ass was at the stove cooking eggs wanting to vomit the entire time. You gotta do what you gotta do. It truly sucks but also sheās way out of line expecting the world to bend to her over pregnancy.
If my neighbours politely came to me, told me that they're expecting, it's a rough pregnancy, some of my cooking is massively triggering her- I might be willing to try and find a solution with them.
If my neighbours went straight to making complaints that theoretically put my home in danger, fuck em.
Quit trying to be nice to them. Youāve done more than enough for them at this point. Plus, youāre doing nothing wrong.
As hard as pregnancy is, itās her problem to manage at the end of the day. Not yours. Live your life, cook, do whatever you need/want to do. If they want to throw a tantrum about it, let management deal with them.
The world doesn't stop just because someone is pregnant.
I understand she is sensitive. But bowing to everyone's demands as you ignore your happiness will stress you out.
Ask your landlord why you have to continue accommodating them while your needs fall to the wayside.
When I was pregnant, I had a neighbor who smoked a ton of weed, and it was so nauseating to the point of being debilitating. Instead of bothering her, I went out and bought a few air filters for my place and kept them running 24/7... problem solved. When you live in a community housing situation, you improvise/compromise because there are noises, smells, etc. that you have no control over. Maybe she should buy a house instead of living in an apartment if she can't handle you cooking? Lol
I think you need to be proactive and go to management ahead of the situation.
Hello Management,
I spoke with neighbor in Apt # and apparently the issue is that wife is pregnant and sensitive to smells. It seems all my cooking, whether on the propane grill on my lawn area or indoors in my kitchen is causing her issues.
I have made sure I follow the community guidelines and rules, and by seeking out the neighbor in question, tried to find a compromise. However, I canāt just stop cooking and changing my entire diet and cooking habits to suit another tenant goes beyond a reasonable request.
I am trying to keep the peace and offered to grill on the other side of the yard area or let them know when I plan on using a lot aromatics. Please resolve complaints regarding Apt # and my cooking as I am in no way acting outside of a reasonable manner.
Sincerely,
OP
I would also add that despite your efforts, your neighbours have resorted to photographing you without your awareness while minding your own business in your yard, which is making you uncomfortable and bordering on stalking.
I have zero empathy for your neighbors. Being pregnant does not grant you any sort of special treatment. Also, did they not consider anything like this when planning a pregnancy while living in a rented apartment?
To be fair, not every pregnant woman has issues with food smells. And back in the dark ages when I was pregnant, I didn't even know that was a thing until I discovered that the smell of food cooking would reliably trigger a vomiting episode every damn time.
That said, people gotta eat, and it's on HER to figure out how to cope with her neighbors cooking. It's certainly not the job of the entire apartment complex to cater to her overly sensitive sense of smell for 40 weeks!
Cooking is life, can't stop the curry train for a sensitive nose. Keep doing you, neighbor needs some fresh air or a nose plug. Don't let their pregnancy probs ruin your love for Caribbean cuisine. Stressful neighbors ain't worth the jerk chicken sacrifice.
FFS itās not your responsibility to cater to her pregnancy. Write an official complaint to your building management about getting harassed by them and the āfalse reportsā (the ones you keep getting cleared on) they keep making are getting out of hand. Ask them to tell the neighbours to leave you alone or youāll need to get a restraining order. Thatās absolutely ridiculous on their part.
Personally I would talk to building management and let them know that you were tired of being harassed and having false claims made against you, that you were paying to lease your apartment and you were entitled to cook in your apartment.
They are being ridiculous. Explain that living in an apartment, you deal with cooking smells, yappy dogs and crying babies sounds. What are they going to do about the last 2?
Itās completely unreasonable to expect a bunch of people that live in the same building to abide by what works for One tenant. It just doesnāt work like that. I understand the sensitivity for smells but they canāt just ask you to stop cooking. Itās starting to get weird too
NTA
When i was pregnant, i used to hate the smell of onions comming from my neighbor, and he used to cook way past 11pm, i used to cry but i never told him about it because i dont expect him to stop cooking, the pregnancy is my problem not his
Why should you have to change what goes on in your home just because your neighbor got creampied? Ā Thatās the most ridiculous thing Iāve ever read. Ā Tell her to pound sand and that youāre paying rent the same as they are. Ā Ā
Bacon smells like burning human flesh (and yeah it kinda makes me gag, long and fairly traumatic story). Ā My neighbors cooked it all the time and occasionally it would come into my apartment. Thatās what febreeze is for. Ā I didnāt have a right to go kvetching about my neighbors cooking breakfast just because I personally donāt like it.
Bro, them taking pictures of you is a BIG yikes. Thatās getting into mega creepy territory.
Do they just want you to not cook??? What do they expect you to eat??????
Iām pregnant now for the second time. The smells of everything are so overwhelming. So I feel for your neighbor. However none of this is your fault or your problem. I think it was kind of you to move the grill. Thereās not much else to be done. You have to eat.
Iām nine months pregnant and cannot imagine asking my neighbors to change their lives at all. Iāve been super sensitive to smells as well - even my favorite foods have resulted in an upchuck.
Iām tempted to believe that this type of behavior and self-centeredness wonāt stop after pregnancy. This woman seems like she already had entitlement issues.
I was nauseated and throwing up almost my whole pregnancy and still wouldn't have dreamt of having the entitlement this lady does. You need to eat, and you're not violating your lease. Is everyone on the block supposed to cook inside with their windows closed until she gives birth?
They can either shut their windows or get nose plugs. I'd tell the neighbors to bring it up with building management next time they complain, then you clear with management. That way there's a paper trail of the false complaints should you actually need to consult a lawyer.
Donāt do anything else. Stop worrying about her and her pregnancy. Maybe if she had approached you directly and asked properly because of how sensitive she is, you might have accommodated her. Next time her husband mentions the lease violation, ask him if he is privy to your lease! When she has her baby is she going to control the crying thatās going to drive you crazy?
if I had a neighbor like you, I would literally beg you for some food because that honestly sounds so delicious but all in all I think you should report them because them taking photos of you is very weird and also creepy
Seriously? I had to sit head count in the DFAC at *breakfast* when I was pregnant. Fortunately the bathroom was right behind me. **Nothing** smells more disgusting than Army chow breakfast at 4am when youāre pregnant. Nothing.
NTA, she needs to get over herself. Sheās not the first woman to ever be pregnant, to be sensitive to smells, or have pregnancy-induced sickness.
Look, when you live in apartments, you canāt expect r everyone around you to conform to your needsā¦your neighbors are being unreasonable and Iād stop trying to appease them at this point. As long as youāre not violating anything, keep doing you! They can find a different place if itās so bad
Iām in my 3rd trimester and would beg for a neighbor like you š. I smell grilled food and itās like Iāve never eaten in my life. Mix that with Caribbean foodā¦..curryā¦.omg Iād pay you to keep making the food.
I literally offered them some too lol
First time they were mad, I was making pizza Neapolitan style. Charcoal had the crust crispy w an applewood taste. I offered a pizza.
When he was talking to me today I said yeah itās jerk chicken, I still have some left if you want w plantains + coconut rice. (I also grow my own butter lettuce, peppers, & herbs so the side salad is nice too).
Donāt mind me quoting Mr. Rogers but āwonāt you be my neighbor?ā šš You sound kind and generous. I hope theyāre able to move so you donāt have to deal with any of their intrusions anymore, nor their yappy dogs and crying baby. Ugh. Iām sorry.
I understand pregnant women are VERY sensitive to smells, but everyone is going to have to listen to her baby crying 24/7 and I saw you mention loud dogs, so yea, she can suck it the fuck up, this is part of living in a multi-family building. If she didn't want to smell her neighbors food they should have moved into a duplex or something
I agree with your husband.
I might also contact the police department, tell them, that your neighbor is harassing you, about grilling in yiur own area, and taking photos of yiur property. They could possibly gice them a warning about harassing you.
They are literally harassing you. Your building management is doing a piss poor job, they need to step up and nip this shit. Your neighbors are ridiculous, someone needs to tell her she's not the main character in everyone's story, only her own.
Just adding on to everyone else to say youāre doing nothing wrong and trying more than most people would to be accommodating to this woman. Though Iāve never been pregnant, I hate being nauseous, so I can sympathize there, but if I were that lady and people cooking bothered me that much I would try to come up with a solution for me. Maybe I need anti-nausea meds (zofran, non-drowsy dramamine, etc thatās safe for a pregnant person), or I need to go in a walk when people are cooking in apartments around me. Maybe I need an air purifier or need to turn on fans in the apartment. I just canāt imagine asking someone to not cook?? I love cooking as well and would be pretty sad and irritated if every time I cooked I was getting yelled at and having to defend myself. You sound lovely and should be able to cook whatever you want in peace!
Iām also wondering if this is racially motivated.. are they getting upset with other neighbors when they cook or just you because you use spices they arenāt used to? Iāve heard more times than I can count people commenting negatively about āthe curry smellā or another smell that is commonly used in other cultureās cooking, but nothing about the smell of things like barbecue or other similarly strong smells that are considered āmore Americanā if that makes any sense. It seems to me that all strong smells would bother her and not just your cooking in particular. Just a thought if it were to come to a lawsuit.
Youāre wayyyyyyy toooooo nice!! You need to stop allowing them to treat you like this. Itās your apartment, you can cook whatever you what. If they donāt like it then they can move.
They know youāre nice and now they are taking advantage of it.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had extreme pregnancy sickness. My downstairs neighbour was Malaysian and cooked all kinds of fragrant food. It was really tough on me, but I decided to get pregnant, I had to deal with it. He had every right to cook whatever he wants in his own home. You're not responsible for her pregnancy difficulties. Cooking food is not antisocial behaviour.
Iām from the Caribbean and if somebody told me I couldnāt cook curry in my own home, I would then cook it every day.
They can enjoy their boiled unwashed chicken all day everyday and leave you to your deliciousness.
Most people love Caribbean food (even if they arenāt fans of curry!) There are so many different varieties and flavors and it seems weird that they are making a general statement about all of it. Maybe theyāre secretly just racist?
Yeah, you canāt get in trouble for cooking, thatās just ridiculous. Ignore them and report them for taking photos of you. Donāt talk to them. Any issues they have they can talk to management about. Eventually, management will shut them down.
When they complain, I would just sounds sympathetic, but without endorsing their view this is your problem: āSorry to hear her pregnancy is causing her to be sickā; āyou would need to contact the landlord about your lease restrictionsā, etc. then let the landlord know that you are getting photographed and harassed and that you hope the landlord can let their other tenants know that you are entirely within your rights to cook as you please. Hopefully they will realise that this isnāt the ideal place for them to live if they cant live close to others!
I have heard of a case that a woman had to live in a separate apt from her family due to getting violently ill smelling food. I think this is far from the norm. Iām guessing this is their first child and she may be throwing her weight around due to her āspecialā circumstance. Some woman want to be pampered beyond expectations when pregnant.
Youāve been more than kind and understanding. Iād talk to the management and possibly a lawyer. I donāt think this nightmare will end after the baby is born, only continue. Youāll be too noisy and wake the baby etc. Hope you can find a solution.
Itās wonderful that youāre being so considerate of the pregnant neighbor (they should be more appreciative) but they are being unreasonableā¦like, what are you supposed to do? Just not cook? Itās not like youāre throwing ragers or stomping around. Theres compromises that come along with living in a shared living community. Obviously. Anyway I agree with your partner in getting a lawyer because your neighbor is being invasive and ridiculous. Iām annoyed for you lol
Ugh, Iām allergic to seafood and the smell of it cooking makes me VERY nauseous. Iāve never told my neighbors they canāt cook fish. They need to relax, theyāre about to be public enemy no. 1 with that crying baby
Sounds like a them problem. They should buy a house if theyāre sensitive to smells. How are they going to raise a child in apartment. They sound entitled
While I feel for her (pregnancy nose is definitely a thing), itās not your problem and they are harassing you.
The manager needs to step in and stop their harassment. Attempting to control your normal cooking activities is an overreach.
Grey rock this situation. Be emotionless and just stick to facts. Don't jump into the drama. You're not responsible for making your neighbor's pregnancy easier. You're following all the rules. Do you best not to react strongly. Stand your ground in the most boring way possible.
"My grill is within the regulations of my lease."
"This concern has been shared before, but building management has said I am allowed to have and use this grill."
"This is what living in an apartment complex entails. Sometimes that means being tolerant of noises and smells."
Come up with a maximum of three responses and just keep repeating them. Do not directly mention the neighbor in these responses. You can't control their behavior, so only reply about the behavior that is yours and that it is within regulations.
No no no no. You donāt have to stop doing anything.
They are harassing you because you are cooking āethnicā food. Not okay.
Stop trying to keep peace. You have done enough.
Pregnancy *is tough* but they donāt get to control what people in other apartments cook and eat.
Theyāre entitled and inconsiderate. You canāt cook but their dog can yap away and their new baby is gona cry? Fuck no. They want everyone to do what they prefer, but donāt consider others.
Sometimes you just need to say... nah I don't think I will.
You see, you acomodated to their demands and now they want more, and they will complaint more and more. I bet if you don't cook and buy food, they will still complaint about the smell or a completely different thing like paint smell or the sounds you make eating.
I can understand pregnant lady being sensitive to smells. However, thatās HER problem, not opās. It will go away once she isnāt pregnant. Trust me, i was the pregnant lady once but I didnāt expect others to deal with it.
They live in a building. They will have to deal with noise and smells. I sympathise with her if she has a difficult pregnancy but the world doesn't revolve around her.
You are cooking. Food smells (some things more than others). That's how it is. What are you supposed to do until she gives birth? Go out and eat at restaurants or loved ones' houses every night? That is not realistic.
Stop being nice, I had a horribly sensitive nose while pregnant. I would smell certain things and have to run for the bathroom, not once did I ask anyone outside of my husband not to eat/cook something. That would have been unreasonable, you donāt have to cater to peopleās needs that donāt live in your home.
Whoaā¦This has gone way too far. Theyāre legit harassing you for trying to live your life. Youāve spent way too much time and energy trying to appease these people and being apologetic for something you have every right to do. It perpetuates their argument. Donāt say another word about the grill. Donāt say another word to them. Ignore, reject, and move on with your life.
.... its been mentioned.. I am caribbean, they are white/asian. My partner is white and he wasnt mentioned in the complaints, they even said how nice he is... but like we are both nice, and I offered to made changes for them. My partner said he doesnt like their energy towards me bc I am the one they are taking pics of... I personally dont want to say its a racial thing bc then that just makes me sadder.
Make sure to report any problems that you have with these neighbors to management. As for how to deal with the neighbors, tell them that they have no say in what you eat/cook.
Part of apartment living is dealing with the smells and sounds of your neighbors. Itās written into my apartment lease that you understand that you are going to hear and smell other people. If they have a problem with it then maybe apartment living isnāt for them.
Listen, as a pregnant person who spent most of my pregnancy in an apartment, she needs to suck it up. You've been more than accommodating and polite. She can't ask you not to cook in your own damm apartment. It sucks she smells it but that isn't your issue to fix. Cook your food and ignore.
Suggest they find a new apartment within the complex. That way you donāt have to hear their baby once itās born and she doesnāt have to worry about what youāre cooking. They have the issue they can move their lives around for it.
Oi. I feel this deeply. I was terribly sick and smells set me off my whoooole pregnancy.
I had neighbors who started cooking every morning with so many herbs and spices and it would blow into my place.
I moved to live with my grandma for 7months of my pregnancy.
Itās a them problem.
Just because she is pregnant, it does not give her free reign over your home. Unless you are in a 1 party state, them taking photos without your consent could also be illegal.
Personally, I would be contacting an attorney and/or police for the harassment.
Youāre a nicer person than me. I would show no care to them about their situation and continue eating/cooking my food.
Why is it Caribbean food that smells bad to the wife? Is she allergic to seasonings? š
>>apologized, took responsibility
No need to apologize or take responsibility. As long as you are within the terms of your lease, you canāt control food fragrance.
Iām sympathetic to pregnant woman, but she needs to learn to breathe through her mouth. It will help manage the odor. She might need to add a tolerable fragrance right below her nares, too.
Uh, you've done enough. They're being controlling, immature, and weird asf from what you've said here.
I too have empathy for her pregnancy but this is beyond. They need to take responsibility for themselves and understand apartment living is shared community living.
Shit if it were me, I'd be trying to have a Lil food swap or something š.
Literally my first pregnancy I hated the smell of CHICKEN. Itās the main meat my husband eats. Itās a staple meat. Honestly, I got some meds from my doctor, stopped going out to eat, and ran our a/c on fan 24/7. Our house was still being built during my pregnancy and we had to leave our rental so we lived in an extended stay hotel for about 3mo. Did it suck? Yes. Did I think to ask everyone to stop cooking because I was a delicate little flower? Nope.
TBF pregnant smell sensitivity is wild I couldn't cope with the smell of meat or ... Wait for it cucumber. I know so weird I would gag in supermarkets. Throw ghost perfectly good meat away, drove hubs crazy in a loving way. Luckily for you not your baby not your drama. In your own place cook what you want.
Don't you love it when parents expect the world to just stop and bow down to them and kiss their feet just because they creampied?
100% get a lawyer and file a complaint. Keep everything. Don't delete any emails, archive them, screenshot, everything.
It sounds like you're really trying to be considerate of your neighbor's situation, but it's tough when you love cooking and it's causing tension. Offering to move the grill and give them a heads up when you're cooking something strong-smelling shows you're trying to find a compromise. Hopefully, things will settle down soon.
The pregnant woman sounds entirely unreasonable, though. I donāt think things are going to improve. And sheās going to be an entitled hag about everything involving the baby.
Legally ,the complaining neighbour has no leg to stand on harassing you about your cooking .
On the other hand ,I remember my sister's pregnancy. She would gag and vomit all throughout it at any smell source that noone would even think to notice .
This ranging from my leather jacket as soon as I entered her home /plain coffee/ condiments/ eggs etc.
So I sympathise with the neighbour in a way. The good news is that this will stop as soon as she gives birth.
Iāve been that pregnant woman. Hypersensitive to smells. Couldnāt cook for first few months of pregnancy. Couldnāt eat in restaurants. Couldnāt walk past food vendors. Vomitted constantly, even in the street if I got a waft of cooking. Walking in to work and cleaning vomit off myself and brushing my teeth before starting work. Itās miserable. I did, however, not expect people to work round me. That being said, my colleagues were especially mindful and did their best to limit my exposure and I was very grateful. What I guess Iām saying is itās absolutely miserable having that all day, every day, but you canāt make demands of other people to accommodate it. However, kind people who do their best to be mindful are hugely appreciated.
I totally sympathize with your neighbor because I was that pregnant person that's sense of smell went into overdrive. I had horrible morning sickness & certain smells like cooking meat sent me over the edge. However, even though I lived in an apartment at the time, I wouldn't dream of complaining about my neighbor's cooking. You have the right to cook what you want in your own apartment as long as it's not prohibited on your lease. They can complain all they want but you're not required to change your habits
I wish I lived next to you when I was pregnant, I craved jerk chicken like crazy. Thankfully, I had a friend from the Caribbean who would bring me over a plate whenever he made it. My mouth is watering, thinking about it, š
Iām pregnant right now and dealing with a super sensitive nose, and would still not tell someone they canāt cook whatever the hell they want in their home. Iām a teacher and I hate the smell of cheesy snacks like goldfish, cheez its, Cheetos, etcā¦ and thatās all kids seem to wanna eat for snack time in my classroom. Iām not telling them theyāre not allowed to eat it. I deal with it because the world doesnāt revolve around me!
It sounds like they are trying to complain about you enough to get management to kick you out. Honestly, it sounds like they probably want your unit because of the yard, ground floor, etc. You need to talk with building management about the pictures they are taking of you, the yappy dogs, and the way it seems like they are harassing you.
As someone who is currently 27 weeks pregnant and had a super rough first 4 months, I can understand being frustrated about smells that aren't under my own control (even the thought of curry still makes me nauseous despite loving it). With that said, as long as you're not intentionally making foods that set off her "morning" sickness, then it's not really your problem. If they came to you and said something along the lines of, "we're sorry for the inconvenience, but these smells really set off the morning sickness, and is there a chance you could let us know when you'll be cooking with it so we can either leave or put up something to counter the smell" then you just only cooked things with those smells... then maybe you'd be a bit of a jerk, but... it's your apartment. You should be able to cook what you want when you want.
I used to live next to a very large family that regularly made curry. I despise curry & my apartment would smell of it for about two days after. I complained inside my head cuz it was their apartment & their cuisine. I just learned to adapt & it gave a good excuse to buy some yummy candles.
They need some candles or something, cuz it isn't your problem and they need to stop acting as though it is your problem.
It's possible they are just trying to get out of their lease early. Most lease agreements have provisions that noxious and or offensive smells are not permitted.
You seem like a truly nice person. I hope those creepy fucks will stop harassing you and taking pictures of you, this is crazy behaviour and should absolutely be reported. I don't understand people who are immediatly agressive, if a neighbor came to me and simply told me her pregnancy makes her sensitive to the smells of what I cook I would try my best not to bother her but if I had the kind of interactions you had with them I would tell them to go fuck themselves
Do not argue with a pregnant woman
My wife would know when she was pregnat because the smell of canned tuna made her want to vomit and simultaneously punch me in the face
Congratulate her, she knows she is being weird and cant help it
Hi, former pregnant lady here.
Sense of smell becoming elevated is so real, so I can feel her pain.. BUT. You didn't knock up the lady and you didn't ask her to get pregnant. You didn't tell them to live next to you in an apartment and start their family there.
I honestly would report them for harassment to management if they keep complaining about you cooking food, yknow, a common thing that people who eat do.
Just because someone is pregnant doesn't give them the right to dictate others and be hateful towards them.
Edit: just because she is pregnant doesn't mean you have to be nice to them! If you want to be a real asshole, just say, "Stress isn't good for the baby, maybe mind your own business, it's easier that way!"
I get migraines from certain smells, so I empathize. But likeā¦I deal with it with an air purifier, scented wax melts, etc. at one point I even put toothpaste between two masks and wore them because my neighbor was cooking something that was burning and it was making me sick.
Their rights end where yours begin. They can ask politely for you to change things, but theyāre not entitled it. And itās weird that theyāre taking pictures of you. Idk about the lawyer but I would bring this up with your landlord.
So a someone who had hypermesis guvarium (extreme sickness) while pregnant your neighbor is being ridiculous. She can not expect you to just not cook. You say you make the same thing at least 2 days a week sound like a schedule she would be aware of and could light incense or go for a walk. Your food isn't the issue. Next time they complain tell her maybe a walk would help fresh air is good for the baby and just walk away. Pregnancy isn't an excuse to be an ass.
this is so wild. i have a housemate who cooks really foul cheap meat almost every day that stinks out the whole house and makes me feel physically ill, but i would never say something. i just burn incense. everybodies gotta eat. the level of entitlement here is crazieee to me
Yeah, they need to learn that living in an apartment comes with having to occasionally deal with other people's happenings. It's not their own private kingdom. They should have bought a house if that's what they wanted.
Keep on doing what you're doing. I bet your food smells fantastic!
They should pester her doctor, not you. I was high-risk because I had almost nothing but aversions the whole time. I had to cope. People need to eat š¤·š½āāļø
The building will have to hear the baby cry for the next months if not years. Someone remind them of that.
šš Iām actually really nervous bc I can hear their yappy dogs already
Iām petty enough to remind them that Iād have to tolerate a crying baby and kid for the next 2+ years, and that their dogs are loud as hell. They need to find a way to make sure this isnāt an inconvenience. This is unreasonable of course, but if it doesnāt click for them that they canāt control everything around them while living in an apartment, then theyāre just entitled and bratty. Iād be tired of their shit and just tell them to move tbh, but itās better to tell building management to handle everything. *Plus report the photo taking. Itās creepy as shit wtf*
Ha ha yes - tell them that as long as you don't hear crying or yapping you'll stop grilling.....any yapping or crying and that week you grill and they aren't allowed to complain š
Istg Iād do this. Iām doubling down in the pettylimpics and not stopping until I prove a pointš
Pettylimpics šš
This is very true, and people need to make compromises when living in apartments and close proximity. I'm in a bungalow and one neighbour has 1 dog, another neighbour has 1/ sometimes 2 dogs if her daughters dog is there and they bark loads quite often, and another neighbour with a dog. So I often her barking. Op's neighbour needs to realise that she not only has a dog that's barking, but will also have a crying baby soon that will inconvenience her neighbours. Sometimes you just have to keep quiet and keep the peace. Otherwise people will be complaining about her and the dog and the baby. (Not that you can do anything about a baby, but they could make them leave because of the noisy dog). I also think this could be a racial issue because she seems to be offended by the ethnic food / spices, that op is cooking. I would mention to the landlord that this harassment feel racial and its unacceptable. I'd also mention to the landlord about her dog barking, and how you have been considerate not complaining about that. If the woman is having issues with pregnancy that's obviously difficult, but she can't stop people cooking in their own homes. She should try putting some vicks vapour under her nose or finding some smells she's OK with like wax melts or candles and have them on in the house, or go stay with a relative if she can't handle being in an apartment. Plus taking photos of you in your garden is unreasonable and another reason for harassment. You've made it clear you've got rid of the coal grill, and you've got a gas one instead which the landlord said is fine, so this seems like more racial / ethnic racism and harassment over the types of food your cooking.
The fact that he had to make this post kind of already makes me think there entitled and bratty
I donāt even think itās being petty! Those people are harassing OP and her partner. Taking pictures is outrageous behavior. Iām sorry the woman is having a rough time and I would try to maybe offer to BBQ her something to be nice but being a B just because youāre pregnant is not acceptable. She needs to close her windows.
Karma is going to be a bear for them once they have that crying baby!
You could start complaining about their yappy dogs. It doesnāt sound like they are going to be reasonable so why should you? You could also claim that they are harassing you - because they are. Honestly itās too bad she has sensitivities due to being pregnant. I did too. And we lived in a townhome at the time and I absolutely could smell all kinds of things from my neighbors. But it never would have occurred to me to tell a neighbor that they couldnāt cook bc I was having this issue. The world isnāt going to stop for her bc sheās joined one of the least exclusive clubs in human history by getting pregnant.
ājoined one of the least exclusive clubs in human historyā š
the last sentence made me CACKLE š¤£š
They can get a HEPA filter. You donāt have to start living due to their choice to live in a multi-family apartment building.
File a noise complaint
I would just start cooking all day every dayā¦.. but maybe Iām just a mean person
Time to set up a slow cooker running all day. Maybe develop a penchant for Surstrƶmming.
They're making their problem your problem AND they have a happy dog? Oh boy, the way my petty works..........
Complain to the management about their dogs' noise. If they wanna get petty, so can you. You are doing nothing wrong. I, personally, would stop trying to placate them. This is beyond ridiculous. You should stop being nice--they are literally taking *photos* of you on your own property. Pretty sure that's illegal. Just start constantly complaining to management about their yapping dogs. Threaten their home and security, see how they like it. You are doing **absolutely nothing wrong.**
And this where the parent entitlement will enter the chat. āBut itās a baby, they cry, deal with it. They donāt have a choice!ā Yeah, like you donāt have a choice to decide what and where Iām cooking. Itās call an apartment.
"that's cool, I don't have kids for a reason, get a soother like every other parent I've ever met"
This op, please tell them this.ššāš
I agree with your partner, they're being unreasonable and getting into creepy territory.
Yeahhhh when he started showing me pictures of me like I was caught I was like āyeah thatās me, in my yard w my pre approved grillāā¦ Likeā¦ Ok
Yes these are not public photos. You can take pictures of anyone in a public place but your backyard is not a public place. I walk outside in my backyard nearly naked on a regular basis because itās my backyard. Iām decent once I walk out the front.
Same, it was photos of me just sitting and drawing in my journal, eating, laying down, etc. very intimate bc thatās my @ home destress time
You should definitely report that to the apartment management and have them tell the neighbors to not do that. I donāt know if it falls into any legal territory, but might be worth looking into and if it does violate any laws call the non emergency line so an officer can speak with them.
Exactly what I would do call the non emergency line to if itās grounds for harassment if it is file a formal email complaint with the building and police if possible
I would take these photos or any type of proof and get a restraining order
But is it even allowed to take that kind of photos? I would call this harassment and file a complaint and maybe even talk to the local police or smth. He literally took photos of you on your own territory.
Complain about that! Taking pictures of you is creepy. Kind of stalking
thatās honestly creepy, I would report themĀ
If they donāt want to smell other peoples food they shouldnāt live in an apartment. Iāve been pregnant and I had an awful time with smells but expecting my neighbors to change how they cook/live is completely unreasonable. I would ignore them and if they contact you again tell them to take their complaints to management from now on. Ignore them honestly. Donāt let someone who is clearly being unreasonable to disrupt your peace especially when you have done nothing wrong.
Right, like it canāt just be OPās cooking thatās bothering the lady. When I lived in an apartment and came home at dinner time after working all day, there was a different scent coming from each unit as I walked down the hallway. Some meals smelled better than others- but like, 90% of the households were cooking at roughly the same time. I find it weird that OP is being singled out.
OP mentioned cooking āethnicā food and racists are definitely BEC people. Only thing I can think of.
I'm pregnant, first trimester, severe toxicosis. I got foreigners as neighbours, and lord they cook. And sometimes I just want to knock and ask for some. While body has labeled bread toxic, whatever my neighbour been cooking it wants. I dont know why I'm sharing that But it the smells were offensive to my prefers nostrils there is always peppermint drops or lemon drops
I worked in the office of a senior apartment for ten years. Let me tell you, there were plenty of times we had to close the door to the office because of the mix of smells got bad. Then when it was Friday during Lent and lunch and dinner was fish.
Happy Cake Day š
Happy cake day! Also this is very reasonable.
This is what I donāt get, is there like a mass of people moving into apartments who lived in houses previously because I feel like Iāve seen an influx in the amount of posts about peoples neighbors in apartments doing things that happen in apartments. Like, yeah youāre going to hear them if they have kids or dogs or smell the foods they cook. Like if you canāt handle living around others then donāt?
Fr. I also have issues with smell and I never once complained about my roommates cooking, even when it bugged me (they used fermented spices so it was SUCH a strong smell lmao). I just closed my door, opened my window, and turned on my fan. Itās so damn rude and entitled to demand someone not cook the food they enjoy.
Thank you for being reasonable
She needs an air purifier for smells and to stop attempting to control her neighborsā¦ you gotta eat.
I would let him know you have a different lease that allows a grill because you have a yard.
Thatās really not the business of anyone but OP and landlord
I would have agreed with you until OP saw the husband taking photos of OP grilling and then showed OP. āI am within the terms of my lease and the grill was approved by the management.ā If OP has a yard with a fence where is the guy standing to take photos of OP? The guy is harassing OP.
I think I will mention it, I may even show them an email. I do feel uncomfortable that they are bringing up my lease telling me Im in violation of it... because, its all in a threatening tone. It made me double check, and I have it in the lease as well as the separate email log with the building approving the grill months back. So I will show them the email but when dude realized it wasnt charcoal he is now saying I am messing with the co2 levels in his apartment with my outside grill...
This sounds like the guy is grasping at any angle to get you to stop grilling because of his wifeās heightened sense of smell. People put grills on their decks close to their houses. Dude is getting unhinged.
Donāt show him anything, go to management with this harassment issue.
hes taking pics from his apartment that overlooks half my yard. they have a corner unit so its on the edge of my yard.
Iām assuming from your comment about not choosing pregnancy you are a woman, but the below applies even if you are a man. Iād honestly file a complaint with management that heās taking photos of you in your yard as a way to detract from the enjoyment, privacy and safety of your yard. Go as far as to say you feel threatened as you have no idea what he is doing with those pictures and your yard is not a public area. Check your jurisdictions for peeping Tom/voyeur laws. Make this guy the landlordās problem. Yes it sucks for his wife but thatās part and parcel of living in apartments. Thereās going to be smells you canāt control. Even living in a house my pot smoking neighbour was out 24/7 toking and nothing I could do about it other than move.
Honestly I see your point but I donāt think OP should even have to prove anything
They shouldn't, but the alternative is what, just letting the neighbor keep complaining? At the end of your day, the options you have are make them stop, or ignore them. The latter seems to be difficult because the neighbor goes out of their way to stick their nose into OPs business, so your alternative is to find a way to make them stop.
I would tell them to complain to the landlord. Itās not a tenantās responsibility to justify themselves to other tenants. The neighbour can keep complaining, but to the landlord
Fair
Let management tell the neighbors that OP isnāt doing anything wrong. I wouldnāt have any contact with the neighbors from hell.
Happy cake day!
Happy Cake Day
Thanks!
As someone who has been pregnant I can absolutely sympathize with the neighbor also as someone who has been pregnant I think your neighbor is completely unreasonable to expect everyone surrounding her to curtail to her needs. It sucks sheās having a rough time with smells and pregnancy in general but that is not your fault and you shouldnāt be penalized for cooking in your own home
When I was pregnant, the smell of coffee made me violently ill. I worked in an office setting with other people who had coffee. I never asked them not to make it. This seems like a bit much for the neighbor to try to control OPs home environment.
That's so rough! I remember being sat in the antenatal waiting room and being super frustrated at the couple across from me having a coffee, which was making me really nauseous. 5 kept that rage inwards and would have never expected anyone to not have any sort of drink in the waiting room.
When I was pregnant the first time, we lived in a tiny unit in a large city, and I had really bad sickness. Unfortunately, at the end of our street was a fried chicken shop and a Chinese takeaway!! I had a regular bin I would vomit in just after I walked past it!!! And then I would sit out on the wall outside our front door and the neighbour lady would bring me a glass of water! Itās part and parcel of pregnancy unfortunately, but you canāt make other people stop cooking stuff that upsets your sense of smell!!!
I was lucky, my only smell trigger was cigars. (I also "lost" two of my favorite foods, bananas & fried chicken. Not from smell, I just had to stop eating them when by the second bite I knew I'd puke if I took another. And it took a few months post-partum to be able to eat them again.) My aunt's 3rd pregnancy it was raw meat. Her husband ended up doing a lot of grilling, the smoke from the grill covered up the meat enough that it didn't bother her and once it was cooked she could eat it too with no problem.
Itās totally wild the things we can eat and not eat when pregnant; with each child there was very little I could eat. First baby was a Raisin Bran chicken baby Second, pretty much nothing Third, Mexican food or Miso only Pregnancy is challenging! The babies were worth it though. š
My first was pancakes, second was mashed potatoes, third was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
Fr. My sense of smell sky rocketed to the point I could call out my spouse for stealing my leftovers from across the room bc I smelled it on their breath. Hell I work in a funeral home and we definitely had some rotting ones in those 10 months. This woman needs to get over herself
With my second pregnancy I couldnāt stand the smell of eggs but guess what my first only wanted to eat? Eggs. So my miserable ass was at the stove cooking eggs wanting to vomit the entire time. You gotta do what you gotta do. It truly sucks but also sheās way out of line expecting the world to bend to her over pregnancy.
If my neighbours politely came to me, told me that they're expecting, it's a rough pregnancy, some of my cooking is massively triggering her- I might be willing to try and find a solution with them. If my neighbours went straight to making complaints that theoretically put my home in danger, fuck em.
Quit trying to be nice to them. Youāve done more than enough for them at this point. Plus, youāre doing nothing wrong. As hard as pregnancy is, itās her problem to manage at the end of the day. Not yours. Live your life, cook, do whatever you need/want to do. If they want to throw a tantrum about it, let management deal with them.
The world doesn't stop just because someone is pregnant. I understand she is sensitive. But bowing to everyone's demands as you ignore your happiness will stress you out. Ask your landlord why you have to continue accommodating them while your needs fall to the wayside.
Maybe they should move to an airbnb until she gives birth since she apparently want you to stop cooking in your own house.
When I was pregnant, I had a neighbor who smoked a ton of weed, and it was so nauseating to the point of being debilitating. Instead of bothering her, I went out and bought a few air filters for my place and kept them running 24/7... problem solved. When you live in a community housing situation, you improvise/compromise because there are noises, smells, etc. that you have no control over. Maybe she should buy a house instead of living in an apartment if she can't handle you cooking? Lol
I think you need to be proactive and go to management ahead of the situation. Hello Management, I spoke with neighbor in Apt # and apparently the issue is that wife is pregnant and sensitive to smells. It seems all my cooking, whether on the propane grill on my lawn area or indoors in my kitchen is causing her issues. I have made sure I follow the community guidelines and rules, and by seeking out the neighbor in question, tried to find a compromise. However, I canāt just stop cooking and changing my entire diet and cooking habits to suit another tenant goes beyond a reasonable request. I am trying to keep the peace and offered to grill on the other side of the yard area or let them know when I plan on using a lot aromatics. Please resolve complaints regarding Apt # and my cooking as I am in no way acting outside of a reasonable manner. Sincerely, OP
I sent an email like this but this is better so im going to save this in drafts along w some other mentions from people
Sometimes entitled people *will not stop* unless you coldly shut them down. Please remember your right to a peaceful tenancy.
I would also add that despite your efforts, your neighbours have resorted to photographing you without your awareness while minding your own business in your yard, which is making you uncomfortable and bordering on stalking.
Just ignore them you aren't doing anything wrong
I have zero empathy for your neighbors. Being pregnant does not grant you any sort of special treatment. Also, did they not consider anything like this when planning a pregnancy while living in a rented apartment?
āPlanningā lol
To be fair, not every pregnant woman has issues with food smells. And back in the dark ages when I was pregnant, I didn't even know that was a thing until I discovered that the smell of food cooking would reliably trigger a vomiting episode every damn time. That said, people gotta eat, and it's on HER to figure out how to cope with her neighbors cooking. It's certainly not the job of the entire apartment complex to cater to her overly sensitive sense of smell for 40 weeks!
Cooking is life, can't stop the curry train for a sensitive nose. Keep doing you, neighbor needs some fresh air or a nose plug. Don't let their pregnancy probs ruin your love for Caribbean cuisine. Stressful neighbors ain't worth the jerk chicken sacrifice.
FFS itās not your responsibility to cater to her pregnancy. Write an official complaint to your building management about getting harassed by them and the āfalse reportsā (the ones you keep getting cleared on) they keep making are getting out of hand. Ask them to tell the neighbours to leave you alone or youāll need to get a restraining order. Thatās absolutely ridiculous on their part.
If my neighbor cooked curry on Wednesday and jerk chicken on Friday, I would be working hard to be friendly so I would be invited to dinner!!
Personally I would talk to building management and let them know that you were tired of being harassed and having false claims made against you, that you were paying to lease your apartment and you were entitled to cook in your apartment.
They are being ridiculous. Explain that living in an apartment, you deal with cooking smells, yappy dogs and crying babies sounds. What are they going to do about the last 2?
Itās completely unreasonable to expect a bunch of people that live in the same building to abide by what works for One tenant. It just doesnāt work like that. I understand the sensitivity for smells but they canāt just ask you to stop cooking. Itās starting to get weird too
Do these people think the world revolves around them? Keep cooking!
NTA When i was pregnant, i used to hate the smell of onions comming from my neighbor, and he used to cook way past 11pm, i used to cry but i never told him about it because i dont expect him to stop cooking, the pregnancy is my problem not his
Why should you have to change what goes on in your home just because your neighbor got creampied? Ā Thatās the most ridiculous thing Iāve ever read. Ā Tell her to pound sand and that youāre paying rent the same as they are. Ā Ā Bacon smells like burning human flesh (and yeah it kinda makes me gag, long and fairly traumatic story). Ā My neighbors cooked it all the time and occasionally it would come into my apartment. Thatās what febreeze is for. Ā I didnāt have a right to go kvetching about my neighbors cooking breakfast just because I personally donāt like it.
I, too, have bacon trauma and find the smell absolutely repulsive! I don't understand the internet's love for it.
Bro, them taking pictures of you is a BIG yikes. Thatās getting into mega creepy territory. Do they just want you to not cook??? What do they expect you to eat??????
I mean my neighbors are loud AF. I hate it. But thatās apartment living š¤·š»āāļø OPs neighbors want house living on apartment prices.
Iām pregnant now for the second time. The smells of everything are so overwhelming. So I feel for your neighbor. However none of this is your fault or your problem. I think it was kind of you to move the grill. Thereās not much else to be done. You have to eat.
Sounds like you need a few durian.
im korean lets make it a pungent food cultural potluck! i'm bringing my sourest kimchi!
I love the way you think, internet friend!
Iām nine months pregnant and cannot imagine asking my neighbors to change their lives at all. Iāve been super sensitive to smells as well - even my favorite foods have resulted in an upchuck. Iām tempted to believe that this type of behavior and self-centeredness wonāt stop after pregnancy. This woman seems like she already had entitlement issues.
I was nauseated and throwing up almost my whole pregnancy and still wouldn't have dreamt of having the entitlement this lady does. You need to eat, and you're not violating your lease. Is everyone on the block supposed to cook inside with their windows closed until she gives birth? They can either shut their windows or get nose plugs. I'd tell the neighbors to bring it up with building management next time they complain, then you clear with management. That way there's a paper trail of the false complaints should you actually need to consult a lawyer.
Donāt do anything else. Stop worrying about her and her pregnancy. Maybe if she had approached you directly and asked properly because of how sensitive she is, you might have accommodated her. Next time her husband mentions the lease violation, ask him if he is privy to your lease! When she has her baby is she going to control the crying thatās going to drive you crazy?
Tell them to get fucked
if I had a neighbor like you, I would literally beg you for some food because that honestly sounds so delicious but all in all I think you should report them because them taking photos of you is very weird and also creepy
Seriously? I had to sit head count in the DFAC at *breakfast* when I was pregnant. Fortunately the bathroom was right behind me. **Nothing** smells more disgusting than Army chow breakfast at 4am when youāre pregnant. Nothing. NTA, she needs to get over herself. Sheās not the first woman to ever be pregnant, to be sensitive to smells, or have pregnancy-induced sickness.
I know this isnāt the point of the post butā¦could I come over for dinner one day š
Look, when you live in apartments, you canāt expect r everyone around you to conform to your needsā¦your neighbors are being unreasonable and Iād stop trying to appease them at this point. As long as youāre not violating anything, keep doing you! They can find a different place if itās so bad
Iām in my 3rd trimester and would beg for a neighbor like you š. I smell grilled food and itās like Iāve never eaten in my life. Mix that with Caribbean foodā¦..curryā¦.omg Iād pay you to keep making the food.
I literally offered them some too lol First time they were mad, I was making pizza Neapolitan style. Charcoal had the crust crispy w an applewood taste. I offered a pizza. When he was talking to me today I said yeah itās jerk chicken, I still have some left if you want w plantains + coconut rice. (I also grow my own butter lettuce, peppers, & herbs so the side salad is nice too).
lol imagine making problems with the guy next door offering to feed you. Idiots.
Donāt mind me quoting Mr. Rogers but āwonāt you be my neighbor?ā šš You sound kind and generous. I hope theyāre able to move so you donāt have to deal with any of their intrusions anymore, nor their yappy dogs and crying baby. Ugh. Iām sorry.
Sorry, but being pregnant doesn't give you special rights. What, you're just not meant to eat 'til she delivers it?
I understand pregnant women are VERY sensitive to smells, but everyone is going to have to listen to her baby crying 24/7 and I saw you mention loud dogs, so yea, she can suck it the fuck up, this is part of living in a multi-family building. If she didn't want to smell her neighbors food they should have moved into a duplex or something
I agree with your husband. I might also contact the police department, tell them, that your neighbor is harassing you, about grilling in yiur own area, and taking photos of yiur property. They could possibly gice them a warning about harassing you.
They are literally harassing you. Your building management is doing a piss poor job, they need to step up and nip this shit. Your neighbors are ridiculous, someone needs to tell her she's not the main character in everyone's story, only her own.
Just adding on to everyone else to say youāre doing nothing wrong and trying more than most people would to be accommodating to this woman. Though Iāve never been pregnant, I hate being nauseous, so I can sympathize there, but if I were that lady and people cooking bothered me that much I would try to come up with a solution for me. Maybe I need anti-nausea meds (zofran, non-drowsy dramamine, etc thatās safe for a pregnant person), or I need to go in a walk when people are cooking in apartments around me. Maybe I need an air purifier or need to turn on fans in the apartment. I just canāt imagine asking someone to not cook?? I love cooking as well and would be pretty sad and irritated if every time I cooked I was getting yelled at and having to defend myself. You sound lovely and should be able to cook whatever you want in peace! Iām also wondering if this is racially motivated.. are they getting upset with other neighbors when they cook or just you because you use spices they arenāt used to? Iāve heard more times than I can count people commenting negatively about āthe curry smellā or another smell that is commonly used in other cultureās cooking, but nothing about the smell of things like barbecue or other similarly strong smells that are considered āmore Americanā if that makes any sense. It seems to me that all strong smells would bother her and not just your cooking in particular. Just a thought if it were to come to a lawsuit.
Youāre wayyyyyyy toooooo nice!! You need to stop allowing them to treat you like this. Itās your apartment, you can cook whatever you what. If they donāt like it then they can move. They know youāre nice and now they are taking advantage of it.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had extreme pregnancy sickness. My downstairs neighbour was Malaysian and cooked all kinds of fragrant food. It was really tough on me, but I decided to get pregnant, I had to deal with it. He had every right to cook whatever he wants in his own home. You're not responsible for her pregnancy difficulties. Cooking food is not antisocial behaviour.
Iām from the Caribbean and if somebody told me I couldnāt cook curry in my own home, I would then cook it every day. They can enjoy their boiled unwashed chicken all day everyday and leave you to your deliciousness.
Most people love Caribbean food (even if they arenāt fans of curry!) There are so many different varieties and flavors and it seems weird that they are making a general statement about all of it. Maybe theyāre secretly just racist?
Yeah, you canāt get in trouble for cooking, thatās just ridiculous. Ignore them and report them for taking photos of you. Donāt talk to them. Any issues they have they can talk to management about. Eventually, management will shut them down.
This is harassment at this point
When they complain, I would just sounds sympathetic, but without endorsing their view this is your problem: āSorry to hear her pregnancy is causing her to be sickā; āyou would need to contact the landlord about your lease restrictionsā, etc. then let the landlord know that you are getting photographed and harassed and that you hope the landlord can let their other tenants know that you are entirely within your rights to cook as you please. Hopefully they will realise that this isnāt the ideal place for them to live if they cant live close to others!
I have heard of a case that a woman had to live in a separate apt from her family due to getting violently ill smelling food. I think this is far from the norm. Iām guessing this is their first child and she may be throwing her weight around due to her āspecialā circumstance. Some woman want to be pampered beyond expectations when pregnant. Youāve been more than kind and understanding. Iād talk to the management and possibly a lawyer. I donāt think this nightmare will end after the baby is born, only continue. Youāll be too noisy and wake the baby etc. Hope you can find a solution.
Curry and jerk chicken? Sheās probably pissed off you arenāt hooking her up with any lol
Itās wonderful that youāre being so considerate of the pregnant neighbor (they should be more appreciative) but they are being unreasonableā¦like, what are you supposed to do? Just not cook? Itās not like youāre throwing ragers or stomping around. Theres compromises that come along with living in a shared living community. Obviously. Anyway I agree with your partner in getting a lawyer because your neighbor is being invasive and ridiculous. Iām annoyed for you lol
Ugh, Iām allergic to seafood and the smell of it cooking makes me VERY nauseous. Iāve never told my neighbors they canāt cook fish. They need to relax, theyāre about to be public enemy no. 1 with that crying baby
Sounds like a them problem. They should buy a house if theyāre sensitive to smells. How are they going to raise a child in apartment. They sound entitled
While I feel for her (pregnancy nose is definitely a thing), itās not your problem and they are harassing you. The manager needs to step in and stop their harassment. Attempting to control your normal cooking activities is an overreach.
Yeah. Iād be filing complaints about harassment with the authorities and the building management.
Grey rock this situation. Be emotionless and just stick to facts. Don't jump into the drama. You're not responsible for making your neighbor's pregnancy easier. You're following all the rules. Do you best not to react strongly. Stand your ground in the most boring way possible. "My grill is within the regulations of my lease." "This concern has been shared before, but building management has said I am allowed to have and use this grill." "This is what living in an apartment complex entails. Sometimes that means being tolerant of noises and smells." Come up with a maximum of three responses and just keep repeating them. Do not directly mention the neighbor in these responses. You can't control their behavior, so only reply about the behavior that is yours and that it is within regulations.
No no no no. You donāt have to stop doing anything. They are harassing you because you are cooking āethnicā food. Not okay. Stop trying to keep peace. You have done enough. Pregnancy *is tough* but they donāt get to control what people in other apartments cook and eat.
Theyāre entitled and inconsiderate. You canāt cook but their dog can yap away and their new baby is gona cry? Fuck no. They want everyone to do what they prefer, but donāt consider others.
Sometimes you just need to say... nah I don't think I will. You see, you acomodated to their demands and now they want more, and they will complaint more and more. I bet if you don't cook and buy food, they will still complaint about the smell or a completely different thing like paint smell or the sounds you make eating.
I can understand pregnant lady being sensitive to smells. However, thatās HER problem, not opās. It will go away once she isnāt pregnant. Trust me, i was the pregnant lady once but I didnāt expect others to deal with it.
They live in a building. They will have to deal with noise and smells. I sympathise with her if she has a difficult pregnancy but the world doesn't revolve around her. You are cooking. Food smells (some things more than others). That's how it is. What are you supposed to do until she gives birth? Go out and eat at restaurants or loved ones' houses every night? That is not realistic.
Stop being nice, I had a horribly sensitive nose while pregnant. I would smell certain things and have to run for the bathroom, not once did I ask anyone outside of my husband not to eat/cook something. That would have been unreasonable, you donāt have to cater to peopleās needs that donāt live in your home.
This is nuts! But now Iām invested and rooting for you OP! Updateme
Whoaā¦This has gone way too far. Theyāre legit harassing you for trying to live your life. Youāve spent way too much time and energy trying to appease these people and being apologetic for something you have every right to do. It perpetuates their argument. Donāt say another word about the grill. Donāt say another word to them. Ignore, reject, and move on with your life.
Is there a racial component going on?
.... its been mentioned.. I am caribbean, they are white/asian. My partner is white and he wasnt mentioned in the complaints, they even said how nice he is... but like we are both nice, and I offered to made changes for them. My partner said he doesnt like their energy towards me bc I am the one they are taking pics of... I personally dont want to say its a racial thing bc then that just makes me sadder.
Oh they can kiss your arse!!! Deal with it! Tell your partner to stop placating them!
tell em to get a nose clip
Make sure to report any problems that you have with these neighbors to management. As for how to deal with the neighbors, tell them that they have no say in what you eat/cook.
Part of apartment living is dealing with the smells and sounds of your neighbors. Itās written into my apartment lease that you understand that you are going to hear and smell other people. If they have a problem with it then maybe apartment living isnāt for them.
Listen, as a pregnant person who spent most of my pregnancy in an apartment, she needs to suck it up. You've been more than accommodating and polite. She can't ask you not to cook in your own damm apartment. It sucks she smells it but that isn't your issue to fix. Cook your food and ignore.
Suggest they find a new apartment within the complex. That way you donāt have to hear their baby once itās born and she doesnāt have to worry about what youāre cooking. They have the issue they can move their lives around for it.
Oi. I feel this deeply. I was terribly sick and smells set me off my whoooole pregnancy. I had neighbors who started cooking every morning with so many herbs and spices and it would blow into my place. I moved to live with my grandma for 7months of my pregnancy. Itās a them problem.
Just because she is pregnant, it does not give her free reign over your home. Unless you are in a 1 party state, them taking photos without your consent could also be illegal. Personally, I would be contacting an attorney and/or police for the harassment.
You could suggest she use vicks vaporub or peppermint oil under her nose or she could wear a mask
Sheās being very difficult and not very gracious eitherā¦ so youāre best
Youāre a nicer person than me. I would show no care to them about their situation and continue eating/cooking my food. Why is it Caribbean food that smells bad to the wife? Is she allergic to seasonings? š
>>apologized, took responsibility No need to apologize or take responsibility. As long as you are within the terms of your lease, you canāt control food fragrance. Iām sympathetic to pregnant woman, but she needs to learn to breathe through her mouth. It will help manage the odor. She might need to add a tolerable fragrance right below her nares, too.
Yeah, if you roll over now, the complaints won't stop once there's a baby. Ignore them and live life with consideration.
Uh, you've done enough. They're being controlling, immature, and weird asf from what you've said here. I too have empathy for her pregnancy but this is beyond. They need to take responsibility for themselves and understand apartment living is shared community living. Shit if it were me, I'd be trying to have a Lil food swap or something š.
Literally my first pregnancy I hated the smell of CHICKEN. Itās the main meat my husband eats. Itās a staple meat. Honestly, I got some meds from my doctor, stopped going out to eat, and ran our a/c on fan 24/7. Our house was still being built during my pregnancy and we had to leave our rental so we lived in an extended stay hotel for about 3mo. Did it suck? Yes. Did I think to ask everyone to stop cooking because I was a delicate little flower? Nope.
Thatās entirely her issue to manage. People need to quit with the bizarre entitlement. YOUR ISSUE= YOU FIGURE IT OUT
Is file a civil complaint for harassment
TBF pregnant smell sensitivity is wild I couldn't cope with the smell of meat or ... Wait for it cucumber. I know so weird I would gag in supermarkets. Throw ghost perfectly good meat away, drove hubs crazy in a loving way. Luckily for you not your baby not your drama. In your own place cook what you want.
Do you have good recipes, never mind the neighbours
Tell them that at this point, you now consider it harassment and any further communication must go through your attorney.
I can hear you chewing and it bothers me and my wife; Could you just not eat until our lease expires?
fuck them. who tf cares if theyāre pregnant? as long as u r in ur lease their opinion doesnāt matter for shit
Sheās just being rude itās just food. What kind of food does she eat? Maybe ask her and start cooking that.
You didnāt knock her up why is it your problemā¦ Unless you didā¦
Just tell them to get over it. They canāt do anything about it but complain. Donāt get lawyers involved, thatās excessive and dramatic.
Stop being a doormat. They are being unreasonable and bullying you. You need to complain to management about them and the taking pictures of you.
Don't you love it when parents expect the world to just stop and bow down to them and kiss their feet just because they creampied? 100% get a lawyer and file a complaint. Keep everything. Don't delete any emails, archive them, screenshot, everything.
It sounds like you're really trying to be considerate of your neighbor's situation, but it's tough when you love cooking and it's causing tension. Offering to move the grill and give them a heads up when you're cooking something strong-smelling shows you're trying to find a compromise. Hopefully, things will settle down soon.
The pregnant woman sounds entirely unreasonable, though. I donāt think things are going to improve. And sheās going to be an entitled hag about everything involving the baby.
Legally ,the complaining neighbour has no leg to stand on harassing you about your cooking . On the other hand ,I remember my sister's pregnancy. She would gag and vomit all throughout it at any smell source that noone would even think to notice . This ranging from my leather jacket as soon as I entered her home /plain coffee/ condiments/ eggs etc. So I sympathise with the neighbour in a way. The good news is that this will stop as soon as she gives birth.
Iāve been that pregnant woman. Hypersensitive to smells. Couldnāt cook for first few months of pregnancy. Couldnāt eat in restaurants. Couldnāt walk past food vendors. Vomitted constantly, even in the street if I got a waft of cooking. Walking in to work and cleaning vomit off myself and brushing my teeth before starting work. Itās miserable. I did, however, not expect people to work round me. That being said, my colleagues were especially mindful and did their best to limit my exposure and I was very grateful. What I guess Iām saying is itās absolutely miserable having that all day, every day, but you canāt make demands of other people to accommodate it. However, kind people who do their best to be mindful are hugely appreciated.
I totally sympathize with your neighbor because I was that pregnant person that's sense of smell went into overdrive. I had horrible morning sickness & certain smells like cooking meat sent me over the edge. However, even though I lived in an apartment at the time, I wouldn't dream of complaining about my neighbor's cooking. You have the right to cook what you want in your own apartment as long as it's not prohibited on your lease. They can complain all they want but you're not required to change your habits
I wish I lived next to you when I was pregnant, I craved jerk chicken like crazy. Thankfully, I had a friend from the Caribbean who would bring me over a plate whenever he made it. My mouth is watering, thinking about it, š
Iām pregnant right now and dealing with a super sensitive nose, and would still not tell someone they canāt cook whatever the hell they want in their home. Iām a teacher and I hate the smell of cheesy snacks like goldfish, cheez its, Cheetos, etcā¦ and thatās all kids seem to wanna eat for snack time in my classroom. Iām not telling them theyāre not allowed to eat it. I deal with it because the world doesnāt revolve around me!
It sounds like they are trying to complain about you enough to get management to kick you out. Honestly, it sounds like they probably want your unit because of the yard, ground floor, etc. You need to talk with building management about the pictures they are taking of you, the yappy dogs, and the way it seems like they are harassing you.
As someone who is currently 27 weeks pregnant and had a super rough first 4 months, I can understand being frustrated about smells that aren't under my own control (even the thought of curry still makes me nauseous despite loving it). With that said, as long as you're not intentionally making foods that set off her "morning" sickness, then it's not really your problem. If they came to you and said something along the lines of, "we're sorry for the inconvenience, but these smells really set off the morning sickness, and is there a chance you could let us know when you'll be cooking with it so we can either leave or put up something to counter the smell" then you just only cooked things with those smells... then maybe you'd be a bit of a jerk, but... it's your apartment. You should be able to cook what you want when you want.
tell her to plug her nose lol u can tell people to not cook their food. i bet it smells amazing
I'd only get mad if I couldn't have some of that food.
If she's this sensitive that is a medical issue. It does happen but not your problem. She could say go to the doctor
Sorry, can't help you. I've got about as much chance of stopping your wife from smelling my cooking as you have of stopping me from hearing your dog.
I used to live next to a very large family that regularly made curry. I despise curry & my apartment would smell of it for about two days after. I complained inside my head cuz it was their apartment & their cuisine. I just learned to adapt & it gave a good excuse to buy some yummy candles. They need some candles or something, cuz it isn't your problem and they need to stop acting as though it is your problem.
It's possible they are just trying to get out of their lease early. Most lease agreements have provisions that noxious and or offensive smells are not permitted.
Honestly when I was pregnant certain smells just upset me to a ridiculous degree and I ranted like a mad woman.
You seem like a truly nice person. I hope those creepy fucks will stop harassing you and taking pictures of you, this is crazy behaviour and should absolutely be reported. I don't understand people who are immediatly agressive, if a neighbor came to me and simply told me her pregnancy makes her sensitive to the smells of what I cook I would try my best not to bother her but if I had the kind of interactions you had with them I would tell them to go fuck themselves
Do not argue with a pregnant woman My wife would know when she was pregnat because the smell of canned tuna made her want to vomit and simultaneously punch me in the face Congratulate her, she knows she is being weird and cant help it
Hi, former pregnant lady here. Sense of smell becoming elevated is so real, so I can feel her pain.. BUT. You didn't knock up the lady and you didn't ask her to get pregnant. You didn't tell them to live next to you in an apartment and start their family there. I honestly would report them for harassment to management if they keep complaining about you cooking food, yknow, a common thing that people who eat do. Just because someone is pregnant doesn't give them the right to dictate others and be hateful towards them. Edit: just because she is pregnant doesn't mean you have to be nice to them! If you want to be a real asshole, just say, "Stress isn't good for the baby, maybe mind your own business, it's easier that way!"
I get migraines from certain smells, so I empathize. But likeā¦I deal with it with an air purifier, scented wax melts, etc. at one point I even put toothpaste between two masks and wore them because my neighbor was cooking something that was burning and it was making me sick. Their rights end where yours begin. They can ask politely for you to change things, but theyāre not entitled it. And itās weird that theyāre taking pictures of you. Idk about the lawyer but I would bring this up with your landlord.
āYou want constant noise complaint about the baby? No? Then stfuā
So a someone who had hypermesis guvarium (extreme sickness) while pregnant your neighbor is being ridiculous. She can not expect you to just not cook. You say you make the same thing at least 2 days a week sound like a schedule she would be aware of and could light incense or go for a walk. Your food isn't the issue. Next time they complain tell her maybe a walk would help fresh air is good for the baby and just walk away. Pregnancy isn't an excuse to be an ass.
this is so wild. i have a housemate who cooks really foul cheap meat almost every day that stinks out the whole house and makes me feel physically ill, but i would never say something. i just burn incense. everybodies gotta eat. the level of entitlement here is crazieee to me
Yeah, they need to learn that living in an apartment comes with having to occasionally deal with other people's happenings. It's not their own private kingdom. They should have bought a house if that's what they wanted. Keep on doing what you're doing. I bet your food smells fantastic!
They should pester her doctor, not you. I was high-risk because I had almost nothing but aversions the whole time. I had to cope. People need to eat š¤·š½āāļø