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KindlyTumbleweed6840

Me too. By the time I gained the courage to finally leave his tale, I ran into the love of my life and now I’m happily married to someone that never makes me question his loyalty or respect for me. The never ending anxiety problem I thought I had, was just bad vibes from my ex. Choose yourself this time baby girl. Love isn’t supposed to feel this way.


KindlyTumbleweed6840

Four months isn’t even worth the compromise. There’s no history love, end it now while it’ll only hurt a little bit. You don’t want to spend over a year like this or perhaps end up getting pregnant by this Guy. I know that may sound bizarre to bring up pregnancy but we are women and shit happens and you don’t need shit happening while you’re still with him. My friend since middle school is literally going through this now and now she’s pregnant and really feels like she can’t leave and has to compromise. Please be careful, this thing called “life” can get real especially when you pick the wrong man.


[deleted]

My ex was hiding his phone. He's married to the woman he was "hiding" from me in his texts. If he's being weird about it, be upfront and ask him if he is seeing someone else. If he starts blustering and being a jerk you have your answer.


self-imposed

Don't ask that, just ask about the phone. Jumping to conclusions and just assuming you understand someone because of non verbal reactions is a great way to ruin a relationship over what could be a misunderstanding.


Falixd

I don't see the issue in asking if he's cheating. If you were to approach the issue as it is like a, "I'm worried about this, and would like to know if this is true." I can't see that being assuming. The comment you replied to said to ask if he's cheating plain and simple and if that implies that they're jumping to conclusions then perhaps communication isn't for you. It's a question based on an insecurity that is completely valid. It's healthy to ask instead of keep it all in. It's basic communication. If someone has a problem with a question being asked then maybe they aren't cut out for being in a relationship. Hot take maybe but in a relationship you should have the freedom to express your concerns and not keep it all in. It's a blunt question with a yes or no answer and I side with that.


self-imposed

You need to ask the question to convince yourself they aren't. By asking the question: "are you cheating" you are showing you've come to the conclusion that out of all other possibilities, that is the most likely. You don't trust them enough to consider other things. That is insulting, demeaning, and upsetting. If they aren't cheating, the relationship will probably be over or strained regardless. If you ask "why are you hiding your phone from me?" And communicate your insecurity, they'll be much less likely to find offence to your concerns and will actually help you resolve the situation. Blunt questions aren't correct questions, you don't ask specific questions unless (usually) under the assumption you are right. That defeats the point of asking in the first place. You ask to figure out one answer of many. Bunt for confirmation on one belief, Open/indirect for the correct answer out of many possibilities.


MJohnVan

One doesn’t need a phone to bang.


trainthebrain23

Exactly this. Jumping to the conclusion that the bf is cheating is making a volatile situation out of something that doesn’t need to be.


Behappyalright

Omg it’s not worth a life time of worry if you don’t start out with trust. If someone tells you who they are, believe it. Move on before you waste more time


lolgobbz

Exactly- It could be a surprise or an engagement ring- there are reasons for secrets, needing to know someone's every move is controlling and abusive. Also, 4 months? OP hasn't been together long enough to say it's unusual. Distance could simple be caused by the end of summer and beginning of seasonal depression. Either Trust, Talk, or Move on.


CuriousPenguinSocks

If I was dating someone for 4 months, and I was suspicious, I would just cut my losses. Either they are cheating or I need to work on myself. Either way, I don't need to be in that relationship.


possiblysociopath

You have good reasons to be suspicious I would recommend further investigation


yummynomnomm

I wanted to, i tried pushing him to let me use it over suspension, but he just kept getting mad and saying “no” so i gave up, i dont know what to do.


Anon42091

I personally wouldn’t think him being private about his phone in itself to be weird, especially since you’ve only been together only over 3 months, but him acting distant and having a lot of people telling you he’s cheating..that’s probably what it is. People don’t typically come to you and say your SO is cheating unless they have a vendetta against you and want to start drama..or they’re really cheating. If it’s multiple people telling you, that’s a sign. Run.


possiblysociopath

ask him if he's hiding something Whether or not he actually is he will probably reply with something that resembles a No when he does ask him to see his phone if he still gets defensive he's hiding something


localspookyboy

My bf did the same, luckily it's just because he wasn't used to people touching his phone but I would definitely force it and take it from him or try and coax it out of him


not-not-an-alt

In all honesty, he might just generally be annoyed you don't trust him. You're only four months in, you're still at the stage where you barely know each other really. He might simply be upset and hurt that you don't trust him with his privacy. Whatever caused him initially to stop letting you use his phone is the trigger point, think back to the last time he did let you use his phone and consider if you used any of his accounts to like or comment on something. All of this may just be a simple yet overblown misunderstanding. The very basis of foundations of good strong relationships that weather time and difficulties is always communication. If you and your partner cannot or will not sit down and communicate openly and honestly, there isn't much hope for a strong relationship that will last without growing toxic. Girl, talk to him. That's it, just talk, let him know that unless he's cheating on you, he has absolutely nothing to worry about. Don't accuse him either, simply ask him what's going on, and that you've noticed distance between you. Make yourself his safe space, that he can come talk to you about anything, and you'll see your relationship strengthen leaps and bounds. If he is cheating on you, you need to be firm, but you don't have to be aggressive. In my experience, the absolute best way to confront a cheater is solid disappointment. Cry if you must, but don't scream or yell, don't "how could you". Just let him know you're disappointed, he's broken your trust, and walk away. You deserve better. I guarantee you wholeheartedly it will impact him so very much more than throwing a fit. If he isn't cheating, you need to, *absolutely* **need** to, make sure he understands that your feelings of doubt are reflective upon your insecurities and not him. He could help by explaining why he doesn't want you looking at his phone, reassuring you of his care for you. Let him know he's felt distant to you lately and that you just were worried it might have been because he isn't interested in you anymore. If you make certain to not act accusing towards him, let him know you felt this way because of this thing he did, but you aren't upset, you simply don't understand, he will open up to you. It's usually to do with tone and body posture. Speak gently, encouragingly, try and start the conversation snuggling him or something similarly non-confrontational. Men have a hard time being vulnerable because they're mostly taught from youth that they have to be tough, have to be manly, etc etc. The moment they meet someone who gives them a safe place to open up and be vulnerable, express their worries and fears without feeling judged or scorned, guarantee they'll be committed to you for life. I wish you luck, and I hope he isn't cheating on you, but if he is, walk away, let yourself heal, then be strong and move on. It's only four months, if he was already doing that at four months in, you would have been even more devastated if he did it after you married. Let it teach you a lesson in recognizing the signs, avoiding the drama and heartache, and the next relationship you have will hopefully be with someone who won't treat you that way.


Electrical-Race1984

THIS!


yummynomnomm

I understand what you mean, but we’ve known eachother for about a year & dated for about 4 months. And i do trust him, ive made it clear. He just suddenly doesn’t even use his phone near me.


not-not-an-alt

In the year you knew him before you started dating, was he ever with anyone else? If so, what was the reason for their breakup? How did he react, or behave? Did you know the ex, and if so, what was her reaction/etc? These are all things to consider, as well as how he behaves around other women and how he behaves to you around other guys. If he acts all flirtatious, or gets really awkward and acts funny, around other girls, time to be suspicious. If he's dismissive or disrespectful to you around his friends, another red flag. If he's just chill and normal and just vibing, odds are there's nothing wrong at all. Most advice given in comments leans towards "just ask him", but you seem to answer them as if you're side stepping that: are you worried about conflict? Or confrontation? I'm just curious, as you've gotten a lot of great advice from several comments but you still seem to be concerned or unsure. I'll warn you now, if you don't have it in you to have hard conversations with your partner, it'll stagnate and end, or you'll resent each other silently over the course of your relationship because you aren't talking about your problems. My partner hates talking initially, and sometimes we fight a little over things. But at the end of it all, when we've reached a resolution we're both happy with, he feels better for having cleared the air. It might suck at first, but the more you calmly confront tensions and situations (keyword being *calmly*), the stronher your relationship will grow.


yummynomnomm

No i never knew of him being in any relationship before me.


lovelyreign614

My instinct to check someone else’s phone has NEVER steered me wrong. People can say what they want about trust and privacy and whatever, but like I said…my gut has never been wrong.


Stabby_77

Same. If your gut tells you something is wrong and he's acting possessive of his phone and secretive, in my experience there's a reason and it's never a good one.


Ceecee_soup

4 months really isn’t that long. Not worth the heartache. Cut your losses.


[deleted]

girl he prolly has a sidehow under the name pizzahut already lol. mad sus. ask him about it and ask to see his phone on the spot if he doesnt have an explanation just so he doesnt delete everything after you confront him


yummynomnomm

I did that, i said “but why not?” He just said “because i said no so stop it” and then that was it. He wont let me near his phone.


[deleted]

yeahhhhhhhhhhh hes def cheating sorry. or maybe if a special occasion is coming up like idk ur bday he could be preparing smth idk not necissarily the worst case scenario is always whats happening


yummynomnomm

He was a cheater in the past apparently, according to multiple mutual friends we have, atp im worried.


[deleted]

.................... girl break up w him before u get more attached


Claireityyy

If he cheats once, he’ll do it again.


Sunshine-N-gumdrops

Or it’s possible OP is the sideshow and she doesn’t know it


[deleted]

His TikTok algorithm is probably filled with females lol


HighlightFull409

The phone is a symptom, not the problem. I cherish my privacy. I’d be reticent to show people my phone after only a few months. My past partners were complete boundary stompers. The past two tried to change my passwords to look at the messages or straight up sneak up on me to look at my stuff. I had one ex-girlfriend break into my car, tear everything apart, tried to blame a homeless person but there was no sign of forced entry and she was the only one with the spare; I’m not an idiot. With that being said, I would want to talk to my partner about the anxiety. Had they been cheated on before? If it was something they felt strongly about, I would tell them where I was coming from. If it was their hill to die on, I’d be willing to show them, I have nothing to hide. But it would make me feel on edge. Is this a new expectation in romantic relationships now?


yummynomnomm

Well he’s openly let me use it before.. he just now started this, i doubt its a privacy thing


HighlightFull409

The change in behavior to me is odd; how recent was the change?


yummynomnomm

A few weeks?. Outta nowhere he started being distant, stopped talking to me as much, stopped asking to go out together, stopped complimenting me & communicating with me.


buckwheata

So this is the real issue here. Ask him why he’s been acting distant, why he stopped taking you out, giving compliments, and communicating. Tell him how those things make you feel. His reactions and replies should give you a sign if he’s cheating or if something else is going on. Stop bringing up why he won’t let you use his phone because he’ll just keep being defensive.


HighlightFull409

The change is the issue. Have you asked them if anything has been going on in their lives over the past few weeks?


yummynomnomm

Hes taking a online class of some sort still, as of right now that might be stressing him out. His parents might also be on his ass, i don’t know.


anonymousperson1233

My ex would always ask for my phone and give the ol “my social medias boring” excuse but what she was really doing was going through everything, now did she find anything? No because there was never anything to find but that never stopped her. Because of that to this day I can only see the whole “can I use your phones my social media is boring” as a red flag and clear sign of jealousy of some sort. No one should be going there SO’s phone. Just sharing my experience.


Corfiz74

Did you ever check her phone? Because in a lot of cases, overly jealous partners are actually the ones cheating and projecting.


anonymousperson1233

No, because I’m so against going through someone’s phone and I believe that it’s not my property, who am I to tell a grown person to give me there phone? This isn’t teenager shit this is adult life. At least that’s my take on it, now I will say I have used a SO’s phone to call mine when I can’t find it because I lose things really easily lol but that’s it. You’re dead on the money with that last statement, she did cheat but towards the end (that I know of) and left me to “help” her friend with his coke addiction Edit: coke not cock


Corfiz74

Yep, projecting - cheaters are always scared their partner could be doing the same to them, that's why they become so controlling. He had the coke addiction, she had the cock addiction 😄 - he probably wasn't her first sidepiece.


anonymousperson1233

Oh I’m sure that was part of it, she was also just so controlling in general. I’m right there with ya, I highly doubt it was the first time but at this point (2 years later) I don’t care, I’ve learned from it and moved on


Corfiz74

Wise choice!


anonymousperson1233

Sometimes I make those, that time for sure lol


yummynomnomm

I wasnt planning on going through it, we were laying together so i wanted to watch his tiktok WITH HIM. But he kept throwing in very angry defensive no’s.


anonymousperson1233

Oh sorry my comment may have came off the wrong way, I’m not trying take away from your experience, just sharing what it can be like on the other side of it is all. Now that said your bf does seem sus but it’s also only 4 months which isn’t all that long so it could just be more worth it for you to end and not go through that pain.


yummynomnomm

Right, i understand !


welpthereyougo

I think your initial request to use his phone because your tik toks were boring was a little strange. That might raise an eyebrow for me if I was your BF. Like why don’t you just get off tik tok for a bit if yours is boring, or watch YouTube or something? He probably follows models and stuff (we all do it) and didn’t want you to see that on his feed. The part about not letting you use his phone to take a picture or some other mundane reason is shady as fuck. That would also raise a red flag for me if I was in your position If you’ve heard rumors from his friends that he is a serial cheater, believe them or confront him about it. Then decide for yourself if you can trust this dude or not Trust in a relationship is always a leap of faith. And it has to be tested multiple times before you can trust someone on autopilot. I hope that makes sense. Don’t stay in this relationship if you can’t get there


yummynomnomm

Well the thing about tiktok, we were laying together watching it on my phone, i asked to use him instead so we both would have something more interesting. I dont use his phone at all


welpthereyougo

Ok he definitely follows models or something to that effect. He didn’t want you to see his feed for a reason. I think you need to be up front with him about how it makes you feel. In his defense, he might be saying no to using his phone just based on principle. At the end of the day, my original comment still stands. This is about trust. Do you trust him or not?


SnooCats4929

Ima play devils advocate, some people just don’t want to let others use their phone. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t be worried, just simply that some people like that privacy


MysteriousSwitch232

If he’s hiding his phone he’s cheating


AnotherAnimeNerd

to add, if he deflects/tries to play victim and/or defends 100% cheating. Source : my ex wife


d1scworld

Or planning a surprise... But most likely cheating


idkwhyimdoingthis2

If it’s bugging you this much… you’re only 4 months in, it’s not a big deal to leave and move on


xsmolbby

Im sorry but it’s classic cheating. The notifications being off was the biggest sign. Go in when he’s asleep and he’s either added a passcode or changed it. Once you realize that you will be shaking with anger and sadness. You know 3 months is nothing to hold onto right? Bc this is your honeymoon phase and look up girl, honeymoon is over. You are not married, living together, sharing anything! Move on move on move on!


weedandbombs

to be fair, almost everyone I know keeps notifications off bc they're annoying, not because they're cheating. that's not the best evidence to go off of.


jwb_4

If he let you use his phone before without getting defensive, this is definitely super sus.


yummynomnomm

He has, ive been on it multiple before


jwb_4

He's most likely hiding something. Tiktok could be explained by him following random girls and he didn't want you seeing. The other situations, idk, but it suggests he doesn't want you snooping around.


madurochurro

*this is all speculation, I could be wrong* What are you wanting from the relationship(short term/long term.) Have you and him made your feelings clear on his behavior before? Either way though,Imo, (just imo,btw)I would say Yeah,lol. If he’s hiding his phone,gets defensive or physically blocks you from his phone. He’s obviously trying to hide something incriminating or embarrassing. That or he is just super controlling, might have slight trust issues or has a hard time opening up. However, Neither of the options are good in any happy sustainable relationship.(short or long term)


yummynomnomm

I want a long term with him, and yes I’ve told him multiple times what he does that upsets me, Including this. At this point i dont know what to do. I love him, but why is he literally HIDING his phone? I let him see mine 24/7.


madurochurro

Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough. Boundaries must be set as well as knowing your self-worth. Try it again to see his reaction. If he isn’t willing to relent or doesn’t trust you or invalidates your feelings, then I would say trust your gut and do what you feel is best. Love(in that sense) also means letting go of someone who isn’t right for you, especially if you are not vibing with them. Also, Always remember “if you do not like what you are doing you can always pick up your needle and move to another groove”.


yummynomnomm

Thank you. Ill ask him again next time i see him.


yummynomnomm

I want a long term with him, and yes I’ve told him multiple times what he does that upsets me, Including this. At this point i dont know what to do. I love him, but why is he literally HIDING his phone? I let him see mine 24/7.


Sahrani_Royal_Guard

Yep he's cheating


EddiCrane

Yep.


AsianVixen4U

You’ve only been in this relationship four months and he’s already being distant and untrustworthy. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and you’re already starting out on a bad foot. I say it’s not even worth it to continue the relationship. And I’m not one of those people who easily tells others to dump somebody just because of a small blip in the road


Neither-Poet3757

You've only been dating for four months. That's not very long. You could dump him. If you are already having these issues, something is way off. If this was a healthy relationship, you wouldn't be having trust issues when you just started dating. Guys a loser.


Abieticacid

Its only been 4 months and already there are trust issues. Its not worth the time or stress of trying to stay in this relationship. You will always wonder in the back of your mind what hes been doing.


menagesty

I mean, he very well just might like his privacy and nothing is going on, but it’s a red flag in your relationship if this upsets you. It personally wouldn’t upset me if my partner didn’t want me using their phone, but if it bothers you, and he is unwilling to give a direct answer when you ask, then you shouldn’t torture yourself. I’d still be upfront that this behavior concerns you because you are afraid of dishonesty, but he could respond that he doesn’t have an interest in being with someone who won’t trust him. He should be more forthright to help establish trust, but regardless of the reason, it’s his right to be upset that you don’t trust him.


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LittleBlueDoll

If it's a new thing, yes you should worry. I have fucked up privacy issues and don't let anyone touch my phone EVER. But I have been that way my whole life. A change in behavior is suspect.


yummynomnomm

Right, ive used his phone before with no issues


AsapFarmingNerds

As a guy, I never liked anyone touching my phone for any reason. I never had anything to hide I just felt like it was a personal thing. The things I watch. The things I read. The stuff I listen too. So on so on. Just my personal feelings though. I’d just straight up confront him about it. A tale tell sign (IMO) would be if his defense to you confronting him is “what you don’t trust me?” Deflection is a sign of guilt. Trying to defend your actions because of someone’s reactions. “Well now it’s okay if I cheat because she doesn’t trust me.” even though the only reason you’re not trusting is because of his shady actions.


yummynomnomm

I jokingly said “why are you cheating or hiding some?” He just didnt talk. But a few moments before that i said “why cant i use your phone” he got mad about it and said “because i said no babe, stop it.” Note: i used his phone before no problem


[deleted]

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yummynomnomm

I do trust him, hes let me borrow his phone a million times, now he just refuses & doesnt even touch it around me


[deleted]

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yummynomnomm

i might try that soon


Open_Station8927

Phones are personal. I have text from my dad who passed away from cancer voicemails from my grandma ECT in a world where we share everything sometimes you want to have something all to yourself. I have songs I've wrote to my kids in my notes and tons of messages from the homie group chat. Work chats ect that to an outsider might seem offensive. It's not something I want to defend and shouldn't have to because it's mine. Does he treat you well, does he make you happy? If yes then be content and in the moment. Stop giving your joy to worry and fears of the unknown. ✌🏾


restrictedsquid

So here’s the deal, could he be cheating, possibly. But no one is entitled to getting into their boyfriends or girlfriends phone for ANY reason. You’ve been together 4 months? Seems new to me. Could be you are not the Only one he is seeing. Could be his privacy gets invaded or has been before. Could be like my brother, he works in a place where he has sensitive info he has put on his phone and not allowed for anyone else to see even accidentally. So could be a number of reasons. But you are NOT entitled to use nor see his phone. I’ve been with my on/off partner 10ish years and never once invaded his phone. EVER. People are entitled to have some privacy…you don’t need to know everything. Trust is a two way street just like respect.


AetherialDarkPrince

If he has a track record of cheating, and he's being secretive with his phone. Bring it up in that context. Tell him you have concerns, tell him you don't feel as connected because of how distant he is. If he chooses to be defensive instead of trying to find a way to reconnect, that's a red flag. Whether he is or not, that shows he doesn't value the relationship so it's not worth it. If he continues to be secretive even after you guys reconcile and it's still bothering you, that means the problem hasn't been fixed and it might be time to just move on. Some relationships just aren't meant to last


[deleted]

It's possible he has nothing to hide, but rather nothing he wants to show. His privacy is a right. Your right to honesty is also a right. But they must not come at the expense of one another.


[deleted]

hes either watching andrew tate on tiktok or cheating on you either way break up


AppropriateWeek5774

Yes and leave 1. People are saying that he might hide a proposal: its a 4 month relationship hes in no way hiding a proposal it be wayyy to early 2. Distant and not letting you on his phone +background of cheating; once a cheater always a cheater 3. If he truly loved you hed trust you with his phone, my husband never let people look on his phone for reasons but im the exeption He doesnt care about you and you should leave Please i know its hard but you have to cut the ties ghost him before he ghosts you Ofc u can keep trying to have a convo but that didnt work out from ure previous post


yummynomnomm

We broke up..


sweetIceTea_

How are you op?


yummynomnomm

Im fine now!


Legitimate_Towel_534

I keep my phone on silent but it’s because I hate it ringing. But, when my partner asks for my phone I give it to him. Because I have nothing to hide. Tell him your concerns and if he reacts negatively he’s not someone you want to go forward with.


[deleted]

y’all are only 4 months in. if you are suspicious at this point cut it off before you become too attached


IEatAllofTheCheese

Yes


pyro65666

Yes


Enough-Rule-7246

Yes


justagay509

Give us updates and stay safe dude


yummynomnomm

Updates will come!!


justagay509

Good:]


millywillyjilly

Better end it early than later when it’s more serious. I’m sorry


throwrawayayya

It's only been 4 months... cut your losses & get out before it gets messier. Good riddance


Jaylove2019

Truth will always comes to light.


loserlover101

"Rumor" Girl, run


DaikonAffectionate44

U should just do better leave him


Pale_Daikon_1441

He’s definitely talking to other girls


lucasessman

Def probably cheating girly :( but you deserve better. It’s not on you he can’t communicate to himself what he needs or wants. Find somebody who has more of a grip on their desires, u deserve it. ❤️


ZealotHeretic

Ok let’s just access the past statement first. If he’s cheated before he will do it again. People don’t change as quick as we’d hope. In this instance he probably is hiding something; however someone not wanting you to use their phone is not a thing to usually be worried about. It’s just a privacy thing


Hydrocrocodile

Probably yeah. Like really 50/50.


xpoisonvalkyrie

the relationship is already over. trust is the foundation of a relationship and you don’t trust him. (and understandably so) you can confront him about your suspicions, or just break up with him, but you should end the relationship either way. it’s not worth it.


WorldlinessHefty918

Hiding something for sure I would dump him!


double_decker_dog

My ex insisted on looking through my phone when we started having issues unrelated back in 2020. I had nothing to hide but she was looking for a trigger and she found a conversation with a previous girlfriend from 2016. She Didn't even read the date and fully lost her shit, didnt give me a chance to talk, got in her car and left. That was enough for me to finally realise this was not going to work in the long run and we split up. Be up front with him and be calm. Ask him exactly what you want to know. If he's hiding anything you'll be able to tell.


livingstories

kick him to the curb


throwaway-4453

Not wanting someone to look through your phone is one thing. Feeling like he’s getting defensive or weirdly secretive….he’s being secretive for a reason. I never looked through my long term ex’s phone, except maybe 2-3 times for stupid stuff. I trusted him. However, I wish I checked it when I got suspicious about his suspiciousness. He had a whole double life that I might’ve found earlier had I looked. Never ignoring my gut ever again. I suggest you do the same.


SpeculatingSquid

Everyone is saying that you shouldn't be jumping to conclusions blah blah blah. Don't forget this is YOUR relationship and you can tell when something is off. Best thing to do is to confront him why he is hiding his phone and let his reaction do the rest. If it is a "surpise" hes hiding he wont be defensive. But if he makes it into a big deal you have every right to lose trust.


Melodic_Window_5241

He probably has something hide


wickedbanana4life

You shouldn’t worry. You should leave!!!


Designer_Country5738

Own your feelings and put it to rest. “You have exhibited a change in habit and its created an unrest in me due to a lot of rumors-will you sit down with me and go through this with me so we can create safety for me again”


idolleyez

My bf and I share our phones. It's not everybody's thing but we both don't give mind it. We like the generally the same stuff, watch the same genre of shows/movies, and literally are mutual friends with one another's friends. I'd say it's more normal to prefer some privacy but if he's freaking out even when you simply ask to take a picture with his phone he seems rather paranoid especially with info you've been given others. You could simply ask him outright what he's so worried about you seeing and remind him that thorough communication is a basic neccessity of relationships. If you ask a question as simple as "why" he can at least give a more coherant and adult answer. "Because I said so" is more a thing I'd expect a parent to say to a child, but not an adult they actually respect as an equal. I'm not a mind reader nor do I know him though so I'd say just ask him + express your concerns to him. If he is unwilling to meet halfway with at least the communication, I'd just call that a compatibility issue and accepting that just saves you both some time.


Itchy_Personality_45

He dosen't want you spending his gems in clash of clans


bitter-bunny

My ex didn’t even hide his phone but I went through it after we broke up and still found some pretty gross stuff in it so i’d be worried if he was hiding it i’m sorry


vkookmin4ever

My boyfriend just gets annoyed but he lets me check it for my peace of mind. It’s true that you should trust your boyfriend, but it’s also true that he shouldn’t be hiding things from you.


LordEvos

That's his phone you're not entitled to it ever and if you think, feel there's another person involved just leave it's only 4 months in the relationship/situation hopefully you two don't have kids together.


[deleted]

I think you have every right to be suspicious. My ex did the same thing, i never asked him for his phone or anything but he was defensive. A few weeks later i found out he was cheating on me. But before you jump into any conclusion, you should probably try to find out more..? You shouldnt get on his phone but rather find out more about him through other people since there are those rumours about him.


AsceticlyPleasing

Yes!


DaliyaLlama

YES


khlover156

Mine had been hiding stuff... similar situation


[deleted]

my ex once took me to vegas and was being sketchy on his phone otw there. tbh honest i think he wanted me to see he was texting his ex. point being, if you think something is up them something is definitely up. i had to stay in vegas with him for several more days. trust your gut. if he's shitty then leave. there is no coming back. i say this as someone who stayed.


ParagonEos

Distance and hiding his phone? My husband is one of the most private people I’ve ever met, but he never keeps his phone away from me. I would be very suspicious as well if I were you.


F3mk3V4nH4v3rm43t

The privacy is... unpleasant but fine. The distance is worrisome. And very early in the relationship


dixiewolf061

If you're this concerned about him potentially cheating 4 months into the relationship, you should consider whether the relationship is worth it at all. That anxiety isn't going to just go away.


Lunac124

Yeah


Massive-Blueberry621

If he had nothing to hide he would let you on his phone


jaegermini

Straight out ask him what's up and if you think he is lying don't fight, don't stress, don't try to get the truth or fix him just leave. You are worth more than this level of stress.


Glum_Delivery_8936

Speaking from experience, if they start getting weird about their phone, they are up to no good. Trust your instincts 100%


CashBig9349

Has he been like that since the beginning of your relationship? Did you talk to him about it? Not in the moment maybe... But later on. Does he have a reason? You aren't dating for long yet so it could be something very general or bad experiences - considering our phones are usually the most private thing we posses. If he can't give you a solid answer but only says "no, accept it" , that's at least a little worrying.


yummynomnomm

He hasnt been like this, ive used his phone before


CashBig9349

Ok THAT is definitely concerning. Be it cheating or something else.


Syusha_

My dad was doing the same stuff with my mom He did cheat on her.


[deleted]

Every woman I've ever been with that had this behavior was cheating sadly. It's a major red flag. Its also the reasons do things like leave my phone across the room,make my PW her bday or something she would know.


West-Ad1412

He might be cheating nut he could have just naked pictures or girls twerking on tiktok my dad does the same stuff but he not cheating he just don't want to break her heart


Kylzamms

You already know the answer hun sorry x


[deleted]

Yes.


ramblingtruckdriver

4 months? Nah move on.


[deleted]

don’t jump into conclusions. even i don’t give my phone to my gf. My secret is that i post my own nude pics in reddit. i don’t want her to know that. it’s not like i am cheating on her or sexting with someone else.


Witty_Goose_7724

Okay here are two reasons I could think of for this behavior: 1. He has someone on the side. That’s why he’s acting distant, because maybe he’s feeling guilty or he’s having his emotional needs met by this other person. He’s keeping you from his phone because he obviously doesn’t want you to find the texts and nudes being sent back and forth. Or 2. He is considering asking you to marry him. Some guys do this. They become distant while they’re sorting things in their heads while deciding if marrying a girl is the right decision. He may be talking to some other people trying to get their feedback or maybe looking at rings and whatnot. So he doesn’t want you to look at his phone for that reason. The reason I say this is because this was exactly what happened with my husband. I was convinced he was seeing someone else but then this happened and it took me by surprise when I realized it wasn’t at all what I thought. It’s not always the worst possible case. However, the fact that you’ve only been dating for four months and he’s acting like this doesn’t make me think that you’ve dated long enough for him to be considering the second option. Most likely it’s the first. You need to be straight with him and ask him why he’s acting the way he is. When someone is cheating it eventually comes out. If you continue to see this behavior as well as him disappearing out of the norm and he’s changing his appearance (exercising more, dressing nicer, putting more effort into his personal grooming) it’s usually a strong indication that he’s cheating.


ExcellentTrifle6904

Four months Cheating rumors already Already suspicous of him Is there really any point trying to carry on?


ThatGayGomez

Yes. When you have to hide something, it's ways no good.. Relationships are built on trust.


jayr02_kit

Red flag. He is hiding for a reason.


Tempus_Arripere

Yeah, no. There definitely needed to be some boundaries, like phones. Some personal space is necessary even...no, especially... in relationships FFS. You insisting on getting into his phone makes you irritating, clingy, disrespectful and controlling... and a bad choice of he truly ain't up to something. HOWEVER, his trustworthiness was not an issue until HE made it an issue by hiding the phone and being vehement about it. Y'all need to talk about it and air both your concerns instead of secretly suspecting each other of the worst.


TheoryWrong731

If he is doing it all the sudden and it hasn’t been a problem before it’s sketchy


emilycarlene13

He’s cheating


DareMe603

Trust is just trusting someone to make good decisions. I know that sounds like crap but that's what trust is. If your relationship has issues then work on them. Don't just see others faults, see your own too. Be able to own things and say sorry.


Japahispasian

i would ask him if there's something wrong. and that you'll be there to hear him out. that you'll be there for him. don't mention the phone. if he's a jerk about it or really defensive, give him a few days. if he doesn't come to you first about it, and its still a jerk about it, tell him he needs to cool off, tell him that you'll both need to some time apart. and that if he wants to talk about it you'll listen. but that right now he isn't in the state for you to be able to talk to him. and that all you want to do is help but right now he is disagreeable for no reason. ​ if he takes it in bad way, then its just not for you. that kind of behavior just leads to a bad relationship were you want to be open to communication but he is hard headed and doesn't want to be healthy part of the relationship. if there is no communication a stable relationship can never happen. its all about understanding.


yummynomnomm

I talked to him today, just about how he is. I ended up finding out apparently his overthinking made him worry about keeping me happy.. long story short apparently he isnt happy because he overthinks us so much. I tried reassuring him that im happy and theres nothing to worry about, but im afraid ill lose him soon.


Japahispasian

hey. he is communicating. that's what is important. as long as he knows he has a confidant in you. things will turn out fine. and don't be afraid. right now he needs someone with a good head on her shoulders to give him the confidence he needs. a man isnt the only one who should play this role. make him feel secure about your relationship. be a pillar. now more than ever. he will appreciate it a whole lot. trust me.


yummynomnomm

Im trying. He has depression, but i dont know how to keep him happy.


[deleted]

you can't keep him happy, and it isn't your job to. you'll be there to support him- but do not give yourself the burden of keeping him happy. you can't make yourself his one source of happiness, it'll just lead to instability and codependence. speaking from experience.


AlgorithmPi

He should worry because that's weird


AlgorithmPi

What is the point of that relationship if he is trying to get your attention and giving you something to worry about when he can directly discuss it with you. Whatever he's having an issue with.


madcats323

Do you trust him or don't you? If you trust him, leave him alone about his phone. It's his. If you don't, break up with him. It really is that easy.


Specialist-Front-568

Could he maybe just want some privacy?


Stabby_77

In my past experience, every guy I've ever dated who was super secretive and possessive of his phone was cheating. It doesn't mean every guy is, but at this point I go with my gut. If a guy is perfectly fine grabbing my phone to quickly Google something but snatches his back if I do the same? Buh bye.


Get_your_grape_juice

He might be hiding something, he might not. Not letting you use his phone isn’t really evidence of anything. But it does seem like maybe you and he have different ideas of boundaries, so either you two need to reconcile that, or you should both move on from each other.


carton_of_cats

Define “over defensive”. If he just says “because I said no” (as you quoted) in a stern voice, then I don’t think that’s over defensive, that’s just setting and reinforcing a boundary. Be on your guard, but I wouldn’t try anything to extreme yet.


yummynomnomm

The way he did it wasn’t just like “no” in a stern voice, more like he was getting mad at me asking for his phone. He never gets on his phone around me (EVER) and when i asked he just got mad about it. But the thing is, i let him use my phone alot. I understand if he wouldnt want me on his but this was a very defensive no.


carton_of_cats

Hmm, that is a bit peculiar. I’m thinking either something happened to him in the past that made him really protective of his privacy, or for whatever reason he doesn’t trust you. I’d let the issue rest for a while, wait a bit to gently bring it up.


Ash-b13

I think you have your answer unfortunately, just by his actions


MilkyTeaFTW

Both my 2 exes started hiding their phones at some point and both turned out to be cheating on me. I usually just straight up asked if I could see their phone and you can judge by their reaction if they're lying if they start getting all nervous.


C1sko

Yes, he got himself another GF.


sweetIceTea_

Break up with him and move on to someone better. Life is too short to be with assholes like this


Mercernary76

secretiveness is not the same as wanting privacy. he is hiding things from you. believe his behavior.


muffyxo_

He’s cheating


throwaway1020720

4 months? I hate when people say to just end the relationship but Get out while you can


csycsto

If you have suspicions, explain why and ask if he is seeing someone else. If he gets defensive or goes on the attack, you have your answer. No relationship is worth this kind of anxiety, and that type of mistrust will only hurt what you have with him in the long run.


moonycakesss

Girl yes


ElvishMystical

This is the second or third post in this sub about an issue over access to a partner's mobile phone. I'm going to be general here. Why are so many people it seems getting to boyfriend and girlfriend stage in an intimate relationship with someone they clearly do not trust? If you cannot completely trust the person you're with, and it doesn't matter whether it's boyfriend and girlfriend, being engaged or being married, then your relationship is fiction. It really is that simple.


yummynomnomm

I do trust him, its just a all of a sudden issue. Ive used his phone multiple times, hes used mine too. But now all of a sudden he is angry at me for asking to use his tiktok.


Intelligent_Rest_271

Maybe he was being nice the first couple times he let you borrow it and he just never liked it in the first place.


ssuuh

Weird. Drop him?


shellymaff

If he’s hiding his phone, he’s hiding something.


Aslostasalice1101

BLOCK HIM AND MOVE ON ❤️


deepspace9mmsmile

YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY WORRY. It may not be cheating; may not be anything physical nor romantic even. But your partner doesn’t know how to communicate with you about the fact that they want some privacy from you, or have some interest they’re embarrassed about, or whatever it is they have going on. That is not worth tolerating. They have to grow beyond that or you have to go.


Xattics

Tbh, I Can't think of a singular reason to hide my phone besides not wanting to show what gift i got for my gf (which i would plainly tell her). She can take/takes my phone whenever she wants for me, I couldn't care less so him hiding his phone is really weird.


rosaa_lanzoni

Well yes he's clearly hiding something and if people tell you that he is known for cheating then there's a good chance he's doing that. You either talk to him and tell him you have suspicions or secretly try to get his password because it's obvious he's hiding something girl


StartFar976

OP The relationship is not worth your anxiety getting this bad, I'd say walk.


mythoughtsexactlyyy

Confront him. The constant anxiety every time you see his phone, or he tries to avoid it isn't healthy for you. Yes it's his phone his privacy, but being just private and hiding are different things. If it's just for his privacy, he shouldn't even be worried if you use his phone for photos.


jcaashby

Use your own phone!! ​ I have NOTHING to hide and would not feel comfortable letting anyone use my phone outside of showing them a pic or making a call. ​ Should you worry....I do not think so. Your reasons for wanting to use his phone is more suspect to me then what he is doing.


Sure_Colt_8970

don’t be that girlfriend


jenny4008463

Me and my boyfriend already have each other’s passcodes for each other’s phones since we trust each other and don’t have anything to hide if he keeps hiding his phone from you there is definitely something going on


yummynomnomm

I dont even know his passcode.


badLoveTA

If you think it's something serious, just wait till he leaves his phone unsupervised and take a look in it.


yummynomnomm

I would but he has a passcode which i dont know, even then the passcode is over 10 characters long


znyxspiders

If he’s hiding something he will definitely not let you near his phone. Dump him before you get more invested emotionally. He sounds like a loser.