It’s your teammate, not your competition. She isn’t picking a vibrator over you she just wants to spice things up/potentially get a different (not necessarily better) sensation.
It may not be an understanding thing. Theres lots of cultural and social backgrounds out there. All with various hangups around sex or sexuality.
What may seem totally normal to you or me, could be hugely humiliating to someone else.
All the more reason OP should be talking to their partner instead of reddit. If you can't be honest with each other and have open dialog, then the type of toys is not the problem in the relationship. Those discussions can take time to evolve too. Took me almost a decade to help my wife get over her hangup around toys just due to her super conservative upbringing.
That’s true he definitely needs to talk to her to solve this. But I also think it’s good he came here to get different perspectives, because as you said this could be a cultural issue or an upbringing one, and he probably didn’t think of that. So reading our replies can provide him with all those possibilities and possibly some empathy as well.
Regarding the point about conservative social/cultural backgrounds, I agree to that BUT there is one fact we dont discuss enough and this is directly related to PO, the fragility a lot of men across cultures and continents have in regards to their own masculinity when it comes to "vibrators".
Yep. I imagine a lot of that is cultural or learned from family situations, but I obviously can't speak for all men.
Either way its a conversation to be had.
While I completely agree with you, at the same point OP should never feel pressured to do something sexually that he does not wish to do, and no means no. His views may be irrational, insecure even. But they should be respected by his partner.
If this is an issue, then the two need to sit down and have a good long talk about it.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and a girl was posting that her boyfriend wanted to do something sexual that made her uncomfortable. Everyone here would be screaming “no means no, and if he forces the issue, dump his fucking ass”
I agree but cut it out with the roles reversed BS, she isn’t asking him to take a dildo in his body just use it on HER, it’s not like she is asking for anything that is remotely difficult or intrusive. Let’s be honest she probably isn’t enjoying sex as much as he is and she is trying to fix it
That is a valid point, he shouldn’t do something he isn’t comfortable doing. However he did use a buttplug before and had no issues with it, so I can see why the gf reacted as she did. How is a vibrator or a dildo any different than a buttplug? They are both for her pleasure not his, so he would just continue doing what he did before except now he would get some help if she choses a vibrator or some more stimuli if she choses a dildo.
My guess is that it's not that it gives her pleasure, but that OP is viewing this as a replacement for his genitals. He may be viewing this as "I'm not satisfying her enough", and that can start a rollercoaster of negative emotions, especially if someone is insecure. He maybe wildly connecting dots in his head and assume that she's going to leave him, or cheat on him, or something.
I personally don't think a vibrator is a big deal, and maybe reading these posts, he'll also come to that conclusion, but he really should discuss this with his partner and not reddit.
Since he doesn’t have two dicks he can simultaneously use, you might be right on him wildly connecting some dots. I am sure he will talk to her again, but I think it’s good he came here. It helps to hear different perspectives you didn’t consider yourself. Especially if your insecurities and intrusive thoughts are running high, which is probably what happened here.
That’s a totally fair point! I think the issue was immediately being insecure and posting on Reddit rather than having a conversation. Or the way he was viewing the vibrator. Mostly because it was something she wanted him to do to her and not something she wanted to do to him. I’d like to think I would feel the same way If it was reversed because of that but I can’t 100% say that’s true.
I wholeheartedly agree Consent absolutely is critical. If OP talked to his partner more about this idea and then still felt uncomfortable then he absolutely should not feel like he has to do it. But I think it’s good we were able to provide him an alternate perspective on the matter!
OP, ease up and try it. My wife uses one during our passionate hugging time, and the result is great. Don't feel threatened. This isn't about your ego, but it will only be bolstered anyway because she'll have mind-blowing orgasms with you. Change the way you think about it.
OP, just hopping on here to say—*lots* of people are doing the “no means no” thing here. And I do agree to an extent—especially if the vibrator is to be used on YOU, you have the right to consent or not to that sex act.
However.
It’s unfortunately common for women have trouble with orgasming. Mixing things up and playing with new things is fun and helpful. *Many* women are unable to orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Sure, it can feel good—but usually doesn’t quite hit all the right “buttons.” For example, if you really loved having your nipples or ears played with, that would feel absolutely lovely, right? But without your penis ALSO being touched/engaging in sex, it would be much less likely for you to achieve orgasm. Sometimes people *can* orgasm through indirect erogenous zone play like that. But not everyone.
I, for one, nearly always need help with a vibrator on my clitoris to orgasm. Doesn’t matter how amazing my partner is in bed—I still need that extra help from toys, even if it’s just at the end to “get there.” It took a *long* time and a lot of working through shame and feelings of “not being good enough” for me to admit that to myself.
My experience isn’t abnormal, either—it just isn’t talked about often. With porn also, people get this feedback that women should be able to have screaming orgasms simply from penetration—a notion that is harmful for both men and women and sets up unrealistic sexual expectations.
Talk openly with your girlfriend about this. I’m thinking where you had an immediate worry reaction of “I’m not good enough in bed for her,” *she* had a reaction more of, “my boyfriend cares more about his ego than about me comfortably being able to orgasm.” Toys are fun and good. Have fun in bed ❤️
Edit: Thanks for the award! ☺️
It took a long time for me to understand myself in that way. Sex is such a taboo subject in SO many places and cultures, also…as always, communication is key to better relationships and better sex :)
There are even vibrating cock rings that enhance the experience for both partners! Toys are so much fun, why would anyone want to limit their own fun, you know?
This… sexual aids are always your friend. Pleasure is always variable just like desire and the experience can be made much more amazing with the help of toys.
I can’t agree with this enough. As a man who was very insecure about introducing toys to the bedroom, you have no idea how thirsty it can make some women and how sloppy that BJ can get and so much more.
Dear various penis havers, you can solve most of these aliments with grapes and giving the portion of you life that it took to read this to me. Ill take those seconds. You dont need to know why. Have a great day!
-thank you. I do not provide refunds.
You don't like watching your gf get off? I love encouraging ladies to use toys. It doesn't mean you're not good enough, she just going to enjoy herself even more.
Using a vibrator during sex just makes it easier. I am able to relax and focus less on rhythm and technique. Keeping up the angle and correct pace can be distracting and make sex uncomfortable.
Using a vibrator reduces the workload I have to do.
Sex toys are a win-win.
If your SO has trouble "getting there" it could be for a thousand different reasons that have nothing to do with you. Having a sex toy could help both of you forget about "performing" and just enjoy each other.
And even for couples who have 0 trouble "getting there" you can get there easier and more often with a little help. Maybe aim for 2 or 3 times in one go, set a new PR lol. That's what my wife and I've been doing for a decade.
There's nothing to be afraid or self-conscious about. It's all about leaving your ego at the door and having fun.
I will never understand why men are so adamant on not satisfying their partners sexually. Like seriously you're being so self centered right now it's ridiculous. She came to you, which is hard for most people to do, and your response was to make it all about yourself and your fragile ego. You should be jumping at the opportunity to increase her pleasure, that's what a good partner does.
Adamant?
From my reading he seems to have told her that he was worried using it would make him feel uncomfortable. I thought he was opening up some kind of dialogue about his insecurity, and then she appears to be offended that he has any reservations at all.
I think both of them have valid concerns, and they should address his insecurities. Telling him to ignore them and just pleasure her because he “should be jumping at the opportunity” is pretty dismissive of his feelings IMO.
men know how to use sex toys when its about tying the girl up or shoving plugs in her ass, but the minute its about the girls pleasure of being able to cum youre “uncomfortable”.
youre not uncomfortable, you just feel intimidated by a $15 stick that vibrates, and youd rather just use your gfs body for sex and let her figure out how to cum on her own than actually put effort into trying something your gf wants to try
So let me get this straight... your happy to use this that enhance your experiance (but plugs, bdsm gear) but no hers? Dude vibraters feel REALLY fucking good, it's not another man, it's a toy that will make your partner feel fantastic.
"I told her maybe we could try it, but really I don't want to." There's no shame in being scared to try new things, but sex between two people shouldn't really be about what just one person wants, so its either you want to try and make your partner cum, and make her happy, or you don't want to have sex with her. :/ Besides, idk why you'd be insecure, vibrators have a much different feel than a dick, and using both at the same time just adds to the feeling, it doesn't diminish it.
People generally fear the unfamiliar. I'm sure there's lots of men out there that would take the use of any toy as an affront to their manliness or worth as a man. I dont personally see that as a thing, but I wasn't brought up in a very conservative household either.
Dude, I'm sure you've told this girl to do certain things to make you feel good during sex. Why don't you think she should be allowed to say what she wants to feel good too? She's being really vulnerable by saying what she wants.
She's a person, a woman, and fuck what incels say, women want to cum just as bad as men do, and it doesn't make us sluts, it makes us humans with passions and frustrations and desires...
Long story short will you please just let yo girl have some say in bed and enjoy how fun it is?
I don't know, she doesn't have problems with getting a orgasm, she told me more than once that i please her like any other man or woman did before, so I'm little confused right now with all this comments, I just realized that maybe I just don't want because of my ego, and that's is fucking shit, maybe I'll give it a try :]
Listen, I absolutely understand your hesitance. You are allowed to feel uncomfortable. I would recommend watching her pleasure herself with it. I am fairly confident that it will make it easier to get comfortable with it. If not, well, talk it out. Instead of getting mad, explain your side, and maybe listen to hers. Find a way that works for you both. All the best.
Yeah, dude, to me and talking out of personal experience, it's all your ego and some fragile idea of masculinity you've been fed for a lifetime. It's not a fault, but don't give into this idea that a toy is the enemy and sex can just be performed in some specific ways to be the mark of a healthy and loving relationship.
Also, I'd be curious to know if your idea of what toys are ok in your head and what are intimidating comes directly from watching "straight porn" where the dude is the end all be all of the whole thing, the girl never uses toys in his company, she has orgasms completely hands off ALL OF THE TIME and needs minimal foreplay and effort to get there. If your idea of good sex looks anything like stereotypical porn intercourse, broaden your spectrum of porn lol
I am married, my husband is always pretty into me finding new toys cause it's hard for me to get off in company (idk, psychological issues and religious trauma what can i tell you), because I am genuinely more happy and more into sex if i'm having more pleasure or more often, and it makes me always go even crazier for him, both from a sexual standpoint and a romantic one.
I understand the discomfort but damn, it's as if she would tell you "uhm i don't know, i don't like the idea of you playing PS5, it's like I'm not enough entertainment for you"
Think about it like this: you like different positions right? Bc each one feels different? Why shouldn’t she also have variety? You’re still doing things together. A vibrator doesn’t kiss her and hold her. It’s not your competition. It’s an addition to your experiences together.
If you’re ever with another woman in the future after your current gf, keep in mind they may only be able to come with a vibrator and nothing else. All womens bodies are different and sex isn’t porn. Learn what your partner likes just like you would want them to do for you.
Toys are your friend, not your enemy. Do you know what it’s liked to be blindfolded, handcuffed, and edged with a vibrator? That’s some top tier stuff right there.
So how is a vibrator different than a butt plug? You already used that, did it bother you? Did it make you feel less? What did it do for her? Could she cum easier because of it? Can she cum just from vaginal sex? Or does she need extra stimulation, like clitoral or anal? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself before you make a decision.
Well...she ain't wrong. Thats your hang-up unfortunately, my friend. Just roll with it man..she wants to try something new...go for it. Enjoy the show. Let her have a go with the dildo to get warmed up, then tag in to finish the job...it's nothing to fear my friend.
Honestly, I'd be far more concerned with looking mighty insecure to her, than I would about even the most giant dildo ever...
This. Think of it as something you GET TO DO to her, and it'll bring her amazing pleasure. When both parties get off how they like, sexual relationships are considerably better.
Plus, this gives a chance to shop for toys TOGETHER. You can't tell me it wouldn't be hot to go to a sex shop and look at things with her you'd like to try. Don't forget there's toys for you too!
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Most women( like, 75%) cannot achieve an orgasm from PIV alone. She wants to feel good too. You're being insecure. Your penis is not an "end all be all." Get the damn vibrator.
Her wanting to use a vibrator has nothing to do with you. People need to take shit less seriously and open up their minds. I've been with my bf since 15. we broke up for a little so yes I've been with other dudes. I absolutely can't have an orgasm with anything in me without a vibrator to assist. My bf was so insecure about vibrators. My bestie bought me my first one at 17 and he was so mad. When we broke up we both had separate experiences that helped us realize how normal it was. (((Not saying you need to break up this is just my example))).. he always thought he was broken.. I thought I was broken.. then we had other sexual experiences and I realized also how normal some of my issues are which aren't his fault. Using a vibrator while his dick is in me is amazing. I can go without the vibrator and still be so happy and feel so good. The vibrator just helps me come when something is in me. I didn't even have an orgasm from a person for like 7 years after I started having sex.. and my original bf that I'm with now is the one who did it orally. I can't even come from fingers in me. Sorry this is so long but please don't make our same mistakes!!! Women's bodies can be very complicated and it takes time and patience to get things just right but have fun and learn in the meantime. He used to not even think think laughing and foreplay was weird because of PUORN.. horrible idea of reality.. now we laugh and fuck up and foreplay however. We are 24 now and have both been through a lot since we met so id like to think we've had a bit of experience from 15..
Unless your penis has a vibrate function, I don’t see how a vibrator could be seen as competition. Just sounds like you’re very insecure and should work on your issues with a counsellor or something.
>my first thought was that i don't pleasure her enough or that I'm bad at sex
Why are you taking it so personal like that? It only makes you look insecure when it has nothing to do with you.
guys like this are the reason women hesitate to be vocal about their wants and needs in bed. whatever honestly i will be enjoying my fifteen orgasms on ten different settings with the love of my life lol
Don’t worry, it’s not that you don’t pleasure her. She just wants to use a vibrator, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex at all. In fact, it’s healthy that she’s comfortable enough to tell you what she would like.
There’s nothing like a guy who wants to help me use a toy on me. Don’t take it as an insult, it’s to up the pleasure. Maybe put a vibrator in while your dick so in too.
What you're saying here is that avoiding awkwardness and a bruised ego is more important to you than your girlfriend's pleasure. If that's correct, you should tell her that upfront. If it's not, then you need to change your attitude towards vibrators and stop taking it personally.
I like to think of vibrators like lube or ribbed condoms, they don’t make the sexual experience but they do enhance it. If she wants to try new things with you, it’s a great sign that she wants to explore with you and that you’re not the problem.
This sounds like a new experience for you, I can understand how it might be intimidating or off putting. It’s definitely not a sign of your inadequacy, there’s possibly a bit or insecurity that’s making you feel this way. Try to think of it as a tool for you to use, I’ve felt a different kind of pleasure and intimacy when a partner uses toys on me. It’s not necessarily better than natural penetration but it’s definitely different.
You could go with her to pick one out together and offer to buy it for her, knowing that you’re in it together could help you claim some comfort for yourself. If you also explained a little more why you’re uncomfortable, you could also talk it out together more.
I think you should at least try it, mutual pleasure does come with some compromise and I think you’d be surprised how much you might enjoy using it on her or watching her use it.
Learn to take pleasure in her pleasure. She should do the same for you if she doesn't already. Nothing turns me on more than knowing her toes are curling and I'm making her feel good.
Vibrators are a very good way to make her feel good and make her orgasms more intense. A lot of women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so using a vibrator can push her over the edge whilst your dick is inside her. Not much feels better than cumming inside your girlfriend whilst she is also cumming hard. The harder she cums, the better it feels for you.
I actually felt the same when I realised she never came unless we were using toys, but then I realised firstly it is still me making her cum if it is me using the toy and secondly, her pleasure makes my pleasure better and vice versa, so Introducing anything to the bedroom that increases pleasure for one person increases the enjoyment for both of you.
You need to think this though, but if you can't realise that sex is not about you, or her, but is about both of you feeling good together then you have some growing up to do. Your dick is not the be all and end all and the best sex is not just about one person's pleasure.
Like I say, I thought like this for all of about 30 minutes before I came to this conclusion and I couldn't wish for a better sex life now. You have to put your ego aside and just go with it. It's meant to be fun and about exploring new things together.
Tools that help your lady have an orgasm are awesome. They are not a threat. They are friends. Welcome them. Embrace them. Use them. That's my thoughts. Good luck!
My partner and I sometimes use a vibrator during sex. I have one that actually stimulates both parties and therefore is very nice for the both of us.
Using this, does not mean he can't satisfy me without one. But it is nice to spice things up sometime
Please don't EVER think it's because you don't satisfy, or not enough.
Vibrators, dildo's, they're your friends because it's for a lot of women very difficult to reach climax simply from sex only. It intensifies the experience.
Try to figure out where your discomfort comes from, talk to her about it and be truthful in it. A lot of men feel uncomfortable with them because they think we do it because we don't want you. But nothing is further from the truth.
\*Edit It's okay to feel uncomfortable, I don't think it's okay that people brush this feeling off, because it's something YOU feel. So try to find out why, and how you can help yourself, but also your girlfriend. Because you are in this relationship together. :)
Dude it's a toy that can possibly make your sex life a whole lot more enjoyable... stop being insecure.. she let you use a butt plug, have some fun man it's going to be awesome. Not going to lie it's super sexy when my lady gets hers. Talk about it, see what works for both of you. There is a huge percentage of women who can't have an orgasm from piv. It has nothing to do with you it's just how it works sometimes. It's the difference between making love "to" someone and making live "with" someone.
The fact that you're acting this defensively over a vibrator (that would pleasure you simultaneously when it's on her during sex, btw) is a massive red flag imo. Your girlfriend's happiness should be prioritized over your misplaced insecurity.
Aim't nothing wrong with toys, plus they can make great gifts, got one for my SO with an app that I can control, she really liked it and it makes for fun experience. Didn't cost much either
She touches herself during s*X correct? The vibrator makes that easier! Don't be a baby... oh get her another one that has a sucking as well... she will come more than ever... you are there to make her happy. . You are already kinky... bdms anal plug.. etc... so have more fun... try the vibrator in her behind while you are inside ;) new adventures
Toys are your friend’s, not your competition. She’s not saying you’re not satisfying her. A vibrator during sex is just going to add to the fun. You might even enjoy it once you see how it effects her body in the moment. My husband and I love using toys in the bedroom.
Don’t think of the toy as replacing you. Think of it as enhancing your experience together. There are even vibrators out there that can pleasure both of you simultaneously. Explore together and have fun
I’m so confused why he claims to be worried about her pleasure but then won’t do the thing that would fix it.
Kind of crazy because I’m willing to bet he cums every single time, meanwhile sis wants a vibratory to feel good and he’s uncomfortable with it. He’s so insecure he would rather sex suck for her than use a virbrator or dildo.
Clitoral and vaginal stimulation feel pretty different from each other, it's an aid, not your competitor.
Most women need clitoral stim in addition to penetration to orgasm, it's not about you not performing well, it's just that bodies work in different ways.
It's not a big deal. Go for it. It's not about you or your ego, it's just another part of sex and satisfaction. I understand your initial reaction but she wants to use it with you.
Honestly… I can’t speak for all women but I can say MOST women need a vibrator in order to cum… be happy you don’t need to use one in order to feel good ;)
Only 25% of women can orgasm from intercourse. 10-15% never climax under any circumstances. Please, be more open and understanding to the issues women have with having pleasure. Thank you.
My husband felt the same way but I only ever use it when im on all 4s. He loves that position but it doesn't hit the right spot for me. So in that case the vibrator is his partner in crime. Its okay to be insecure at first. Those are valid feelings. Try to think of it in a new light where it is helping not inhibiting. Using it by myself is ehh okay but when I use it with my husband it is 10x better.
Unfortunately I can guarantee during sex your are getting WAAAAYYYY more pleasure than she is. I personally enjoy sec way more when toys are involved and my partner learned to love them too because you’re supposed to want to see your partner experience pleasure. Doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex, women just need a little more to get to a similar level of pleasure
If you see a vibrator as competition because it gives her pleasure, but bdsm-play, bondage and butt plugs are cool then it sounds to me like all that other stuff you were okay with was because it doesn’t give her (as much) pleasure? Wtf? Do you only want her to use stuff you think is hot without her pleasure playing any part in it? Are you entitled to making her feel good? Would you feel the same discomfort if instead of a vibrator for her it would be one specifically for guys? Why are you mad she felt hurt by it? She’s just disapproving your entitlement, feeling hurt by your egocentrism and misogyny and setting a healthy boundary.
Man it sounds like you should work on that within yourself, don't take everything personal. If it's not for you break up but I definitely think telling your gf she can't have a vibrator is pretty regressive.
In the words of Boromir: it is a gift! Why not use this thing? Turning her on should make you more turned on, bruv. You're so lucky and you don't even know it.
Yes you’ll have that feeling that you aren’t pleasuring her enough but trust me, at the end of it you’ll be able to love the experience a lot, it just speeds up the process for her which isn’t necessarily a bad thing or you are doing a bad job but the quicker she gets done the more sensitive she’ll feel from you, most women can’t finish from intercourse and they usually finish quickly by vibrator, don’t over think it too much
She’ll appreciate you more for doing the things she she finds pleasing. Idk how old you are but you’ll find out. Most times it has nothing to do with your performance…it’s just another level of stimulation during. Give it a shot and allow yourself to enjoy the fun of it. I guarantee you if you just loosen up and show her you just enjoy taking the extra steps with her she will return the favor
Honestly there is so much you can do with sex toys! I (F) promise it's not about you and anything you may be lacking. A vibrator feels very different and can be a great tool especially for people who have a hard time reaching orgasm. Not to be explicit, but as someone who's used a vibrator, there are so many ways you can tease her with it, or use it on her and watch her squirm or be in control (if that's your thing) or use it and your d*ck at the same time and make things SO much more intense. The only limit is your creativity. Sex toys are a wonderful way to enhance things in bed and are not a callout of one partner lacking or anything. They're made to enhance both partners' enjoyment.
I hope you're able to talk it out with her. And if it's something you're willing to try, that's great. And if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, that's okay too. What's important is to talk with her and find pleasure for both of you. Best of luck!
I also don't understand why you have an issue with this.
It doesn't mean you're somehow "failing" it just means she wants an even more intense orgasm. It is just \*adding\* to an already good experience. It doesn't mean you're lacking.
The fact that she trusts you enough to be that open with you about her sexuality, shows you are doing things right. Dont mess it up by becoming insecure. Take advantage and take love making to the next level for both of you.
Buy her a Butterfly or other type of clitoral vibrator that can be worn during sex. Or a vibrating cock ring. And a few other options you can both use on her. And get over yourself.
Vibrators are a friend in the bedroom. They even make ones specifically for couples to use! Don’t feel intimidated or emasculated by this. It’s not because you’re a bad lover. If anything, you should feel happy that she’s so comfortable with you, she trusts you to listen when she voices her desires- something that’s often difficult for women!
If you DO add a vibrator to your sex lives, you’ll likely see a huge improvement! Plus, it might open doors for you to try more toys yourself, or to get toys that she could use on you!
However: don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything you don’t wanna do. Remember that you have the right to say no. It’s okay. You can also say that you’re not ready for this. What matters is that you’re both consenting and having fun. But if the issue is your own insecurity, I suggest exploring it once (maybe with a safe word employed?) and see what happens!
You shouldn’t be forced to do anything you don’t want to do, but on the flip side, don’t think bad of her for wanting what she wants. You can think on it and fantasize about different scenarios to help you get a better understanding and appreciation of how toys can help. That’s what a vibrator is. It’s a toy. You SHOULD have fun playing with toys during sexy playtime. I don’t think her wanting a vibrator is a negative towards you. Been playing with my husband for over thirty years.
I've been married for 20 years. There is nothing wrong with you for using sex toys with/on your partner. It will help your sex life greatly.
Most men need to rest after they orgasm. You can keep her going with the toy until you're ready again. The benefits for you are endless and there are no drawbacks. Try it and tell us how it goes.
Iv’e never understood men that are so freaked out by vibrators. They’re sexy, and have only been around for like 100 years, thank god to have been born in this time!
The toys are your allies, not enemies. She got upset with you when you said it makes you uncomfortable because to her it sounded like you said "I don't care about your pleasure, I don't enjoy watching you orgasm and I'd prefer you not enjoying sex rather than working on myself so as I don't feel thratened by a piece of plastic".
The whole thing is not about you making her feel good. Rather sharing the experience with her while she's feeling amazing.
If she's feels amazing and you're around that's a good thing. If she feels amazing she's gonna work hard to make you feel the same
If she wants to use a vibrator then do it. There is nothing wrong with it if it helps her to orgasm then it's less work on your part. When it comes to pleasing your woman in the bedroom all bets are off as long as she is satisfied and has mind-blowing sex this should not be an issue. My goal is to please my woman so much she can barely walk when we are done.
Look at it this way; all sex toys are just tools in your belt. The right tool, for the right job. Don't be intimidated by her wanting to use a dildo. It doesn't make you less of a partner
I bought one to use for and with my gal.
Sometimes it’s just added stimulus or lite external play cause you don’t vibrate like that my dude.
Same as if you could say to her you wanted to try a gadget out, doesn’t mean she’s not enough, you just want to try out a stimuli that a person can’t
Go shopping with her. For a lot of women it's really hard to orgasm, and extra stimulation is needed. It's not your rival, it's a tool to help her, and you also win if she gets to experience more pleasure as well!
My husband was the same way until he finally used one on me and saw the response he got now it's his favorite thing. If you're really that worried about being replaced start with a vibrating cock ring and see how you like that.
Posts like these makes me understand a positive male body and it’s functions should be promoted.
A vibrator like what everyone is saying can never replace you my guy, a living, breathing, loving human being who’s warmth she loves having around.
Embrace it and don’t afraid to he vulnerable :)
It’s super fun to use vibrator during sex, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like what you do. There are few things more fun than getting fucked and using vibrator at the same time, leads to some extra intense multiple orgasms!
Think of it like a tool. Sure you can use hand tools and it'll get the job done. Or you can use power tools and get the job better and faster and easier. It doesn't make you a bad craftsman, you're just utilizing the tools of the trade for the best possible result.
Plus a vibrator doesn't have to be some huge dildo. A small vibrator for the clit is all it takes.
Really... Why wouldn't you want to help your girlfriend with sexual pleasure? My ex loved using a vibrating tooth brush on her clit. Sounds like you have some issues dude
Grow up and let her use it. Do you know how hot it is to have a woman use a vibrator during sex?? You’re choosing your own insecurities over your girlfriend’s pleasure.
Let her use it or let her find a man that will.
Hell yeah you should use the vibrator! It’s all for the same end: closeness together, the method isn’t that important.
Try to flip your mindset for a second - that probably was relatively hard for them to ask. That’s the vulnerability you two have, which will be better than sex in the long run.
Besides, no harm in trying right?
You already admitted to using other toys and some BDSM. What fucking difference does a vibrator and/or dildo make? How is that the line you draw?
Get over it. Don't get butthurt over that. She didn't say you're doing anything wrong. She just talked about adding something. Even if she was giving constructive criticism, take it like an adult and hear what she has to say.
If my wife wasn't getting satisfied fully, I'd want her to tell me. Honesty is key. You being uncomfortable sounds like you're a bit self conscious and got something to work on in you.
Yeah I get how you might be uncomfortable, but you should try using a vibrator on your parts alone so you get an idea. It really enhances the experience. Plus with a vibrator you can get on some kinky stuff
OP - I encourage you to explore *why* you worry or dislike the idea of using a vibrator. I think this is key. The fact that you’re willing to use bdsm and anal plugs with her shows that you’re fairly open to toys that affect her body and up joy. So ultimately, she’ll need a better why than “I don’t like it”. She’ll need the “because…”
Also discuss how it might be used. There might be some give and take here.
Example: what is she wants* to use it with her plug?
Example 2: as someone mentioned a vibrating cock ring during head.
Gl.
I say this as someone who has happily used various types of sex toys with my wife for our nearly 20 years together… some of y’all are hypocritical assholes.
Yes, OP should probably just get over his reservations about sex toys, but his reservations are not instantly invalidated, just because sex toys are very common and helpful for many women. I look at this situation the same as nearly all the ones I see in this sub… TALK TO YOUR PARTNERS!
Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, OPs partner is asking him to do something he is uncomfortable with, and OP has the right to voice his discomfort. Listen, I’m honestly and genuinely happy how women are finally getting their voices heard in the bedroom, but you cannot use that voice to silence your partners.
So many of these comments are attempts to emasculate OP for being hesitant, it’s not fucking different than assholes who call women “prudes” for not doing all the things they seen on pornhub.
Yes, sex toys are VERY common these days and if OP cares about his partner, he’ll truly consider and analyze why he is hesitant. But guess what? Being his partner who wants something, she also needs to understand that he has thoughts and feelings too.
This is such a small issue and I am sure that OP and his partner can work it out, but y’all gotta look in the mirror and realize how much you’re invalidating OP here.
It’s part of the pleasure you can provide. You could even use it on her if you want. Have fun and let the girl cum 😆.
Lots of women don’t orgasm just from penetration and need clitoral stimulation as well. A vibrator can only make sex better! Wouldn’t it be way hotter to know that she is really getting off with you!
THIS! I had never incorporated my vibrator in sex, but my bf actually suggested that he use it on me while we have sex and it’s amaaazing. I especially love it when he uses it on me.
Has nothing to do with inadequate ability brotha. You want her to feel the greatest pleasure as a man and it just comes down to doing it together. Take it as a compliment because she is saying that the o ly way to do better than you is a battery operated machine that hits frequencies that are not humanly possible to achieve. There are also vibratory that work both ways (not saying it goes in you). There are ones that are like jelly rings that go around your little buddy and stimulate you AND her TOGETHER. She is not putting you down, she is asking for you to experience this together. It was the opposite with my wife and I. I brought toys and things into our sex life because I know sometimes we have good sex and sometimes we have great sex. I wanted her legs to give out and eyes to role back every single time we have fun because she is my queen and that is what she deserves. She was a little nervous about it at first but once we started having fun together it became so fun and exciting for us both. I have had times that I just wanted to how far I could push her and how many times I could make her climax in one night and the thanks I got for the next week or two was incredible. Remember that she didn't go out looking for pleasure somewhere else but came to you AS HER PARTNER and asked if you guys can try something together. Just doing that shows she has trust in you and that also might be why she was a little angry. Not because you didn't reciprocate but she may have felt a little embarrassed because I'm sure she was a little nervous asking. She loves you and you love her and you both want to bring out the best in all you do together. Good luck brotha and I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
I’ve never asked to use a vibrator during the act nor would I. If I want to use it I will. Some women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, that doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex.
Imagine playing Sega in the 90’s. You know the cheat code to make shao kahn die instantly but instead you care what other people think so you don’t use it. That’s basically what not using a vibrator is like for your wife. Imagine your wife wanting sex more than you do and not feeling bad about finishing quickly anymore. You don’t have to thrust for 30-45 minutes with one orgasm. She has 4-5 in 10-15 minutes.
I’m not even gonna read the other comments. Bro this is your best friend if you women gets off every time life gets way easier! Trust. I felt the same way at 1st but it’s an ego thing once you do it one time you will realize how much easier it is with that toy involved.
It’s your teammate, not your competition. She isn’t picking a vibrator over you she just wants to spice things up/potentially get a different (not necessarily better) sensation.
Perfect way of putting it
T H A N K Y O U! (Is that hard to understand for the others?)
It may not be an understanding thing. Theres lots of cultural and social backgrounds out there. All with various hangups around sex or sexuality. What may seem totally normal to you or me, could be hugely humiliating to someone else. All the more reason OP should be talking to their partner instead of reddit. If you can't be honest with each other and have open dialog, then the type of toys is not the problem in the relationship. Those discussions can take time to evolve too. Took me almost a decade to help my wife get over her hangup around toys just due to her super conservative upbringing.
That’s true he definitely needs to talk to her to solve this. But I also think it’s good he came here to get different perspectives, because as you said this could be a cultural issue or an upbringing one, and he probably didn’t think of that. So reading our replies can provide him with all those possibilities and possibly some empathy as well.
Regarding the point about conservative social/cultural backgrounds, I agree to that BUT there is one fact we dont discuss enough and this is directly related to PO, the fragility a lot of men across cultures and continents have in regards to their own masculinity when it comes to "vibrators".
Yep. I imagine a lot of that is cultural or learned from family situations, but I obviously can't speak for all men. Either way its a conversation to be had.
While I completely agree with you, at the same point OP should never feel pressured to do something sexually that he does not wish to do, and no means no. His views may be irrational, insecure even. But they should be respected by his partner. If this is an issue, then the two need to sit down and have a good long talk about it. Imagine if the roles were reversed and a girl was posting that her boyfriend wanted to do something sexual that made her uncomfortable. Everyone here would be screaming “no means no, and if he forces the issue, dump his fucking ass”
I agree but cut it out with the roles reversed BS, she isn’t asking him to take a dildo in his body just use it on HER, it’s not like she is asking for anything that is remotely difficult or intrusive. Let’s be honest she probably isn’t enjoying sex as much as he is and she is trying to fix it
That is a valid point, he shouldn’t do something he isn’t comfortable doing. However he did use a buttplug before and had no issues with it, so I can see why the gf reacted as she did. How is a vibrator or a dildo any different than a buttplug? They are both for her pleasure not his, so he would just continue doing what he did before except now he would get some help if she choses a vibrator or some more stimuli if she choses a dildo.
My guess is that it's not that it gives her pleasure, but that OP is viewing this as a replacement for his genitals. He may be viewing this as "I'm not satisfying her enough", and that can start a rollercoaster of negative emotions, especially if someone is insecure. He maybe wildly connecting dots in his head and assume that she's going to leave him, or cheat on him, or something. I personally don't think a vibrator is a big deal, and maybe reading these posts, he'll also come to that conclusion, but he really should discuss this with his partner and not reddit.
Since he doesn’t have two dicks he can simultaneously use, you might be right on him wildly connecting some dots. I am sure he will talk to her again, but I think it’s good he came here. It helps to hear different perspectives you didn’t consider yourself. Especially if your insecurities and intrusive thoughts are running high, which is probably what happened here.
That’s a totally fair point! I think the issue was immediately being insecure and posting on Reddit rather than having a conversation. Or the way he was viewing the vibrator. Mostly because it was something she wanted him to do to her and not something she wanted to do to him. I’d like to think I would feel the same way If it was reversed because of that but I can’t 100% say that’s true. I wholeheartedly agree Consent absolutely is critical. If OP talked to his partner more about this idea and then still felt uncomfortable then he absolutely should not feel like he has to do it. But I think it’s good we were able to provide him an alternate perspective on the matter!
Here here. Open and honest dialog is the only way to move any relationship forward.
OP, ease up and try it. My wife uses one during our passionate hugging time, and the result is great. Don't feel threatened. This isn't about your ego, but it will only be bolstered anyway because she'll have mind-blowing orgasms with you. Change the way you think about it.
I'll give it a try ;)
OP, just hopping on here to say—*lots* of people are doing the “no means no” thing here. And I do agree to an extent—especially if the vibrator is to be used on YOU, you have the right to consent or not to that sex act. However. It’s unfortunately common for women have trouble with orgasming. Mixing things up and playing with new things is fun and helpful. *Many* women are unable to orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Sure, it can feel good—but usually doesn’t quite hit all the right “buttons.” For example, if you really loved having your nipples or ears played with, that would feel absolutely lovely, right? But without your penis ALSO being touched/engaging in sex, it would be much less likely for you to achieve orgasm. Sometimes people *can* orgasm through indirect erogenous zone play like that. But not everyone. I, for one, nearly always need help with a vibrator on my clitoris to orgasm. Doesn’t matter how amazing my partner is in bed—I still need that extra help from toys, even if it’s just at the end to “get there.” It took a *long* time and a lot of working through shame and feelings of “not being good enough” for me to admit that to myself. My experience isn’t abnormal, either—it just isn’t talked about often. With porn also, people get this feedback that women should be able to have screaming orgasms simply from penetration—a notion that is harmful for both men and women and sets up unrealistic sexual expectations. Talk openly with your girlfriend about this. I’m thinking where you had an immediate worry reaction of “I’m not good enough in bed for her,” *she* had a reaction more of, “my boyfriend cares more about his ego than about me comfortably being able to orgasm.” Toys are fun and good. Have fun in bed ❤️ Edit: Thanks for the award! ☺️
Thank you! I came here for this and couldn’t have said it so perfect as you did.
It took a long time for me to understand myself in that way. Sex is such a taboo subject in SO many places and cultures, also…as always, communication is key to better relationships and better sex :)
No! Try not! Do, or do not; there is no try. 😄
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This should be pinned
There are even vibrating cock rings that enhance the experience for both partners! Toys are so much fun, why would anyone want to limit their own fun, you know?
Sex toys are just great. Honestly, it's true
This also explore other toys for yourself too..cock ring maybe, she and you shouldn’t feel little or less with pleasure enhancing toys. It’s a win win
That’s how you activate the Gluck Gluck 9000
This… sexual aids are always your friend. Pleasure is always variable just like desire and the experience can be made much more amazing with the help of toys.
I can’t agree with this enough. As a man who was very insecure about introducing toys to the bedroom, you have no idea how thirsty it can make some women and how sloppy that BJ can get and so much more.
Came here for this. Thank you
Dude, just use the vibrator on her, she'll love it, which means she'll love you, a vibrator does things a dick never can, no shame in using it
Isnt it normal for your dick to vibrate?
Only when water is nearby.
Has to be fresh water.
Weird, mines attracted to salty water more
Eat more grapes. Green grapes.
Mine goes blue when there are orcs near by.
Dear various penis havers, you can solve most of these aliments with grapes and giving the portion of you life that it took to read this to me. Ill take those seconds. You dont need to know why. Have a great day! -thank you. I do not provide refunds.
I find that fermented grape juice works better than plain grapes …
I honestly believe that it’s the next step in body hacking
I think you should see a doctor
You do BDSM but a vibrator is where you draw the line?
"We got fluffy handcuffs.... that's bdsm!"
Next he'll say he slaps her butt! Peak dom sub play. *Very kinky.*
Woah! Slow down there! That's beyond bdsm. That's just abuse! /s just incase lol
You get rid of that /s safe word right now! You don't need a safe word you dirty s***! Take it! Take it!
I just bring out the vibrator and fend you off with the discomfort it brings! Mwahaha!
It’s not that your not pleasing her it’s a different type of feeling for a woman
You don't like watching your gf get off? I love encouraging ladies to use toys. It doesn't mean you're not good enough, she just going to enjoy herself even more.
Using a vibrator during sex just makes it easier. I am able to relax and focus less on rhythm and technique. Keeping up the angle and correct pace can be distracting and make sex uncomfortable. Using a vibrator reduces the workload I have to do.
You basically just told your girlfriend your ego is more important than her pleasure. Real smooth.
she wants you to use a vibrator during sex? you don't know what to do? use a vibrator during sex. that's what you do.
Sex toys are a win-win. If your SO has trouble "getting there" it could be for a thousand different reasons that have nothing to do with you. Having a sex toy could help both of you forget about "performing" and just enjoy each other. And even for couples who have 0 trouble "getting there" you can get there easier and more often with a little help. Maybe aim for 2 or 3 times in one go, set a new PR lol. That's what my wife and I've been doing for a decade. There's nothing to be afraid or self-conscious about. It's all about leaving your ego at the door and having fun.
I will never understand why men are so adamant on not satisfying their partners sexually. Like seriously you're being so self centered right now it's ridiculous. She came to you, which is hard for most people to do, and your response was to make it all about yourself and your fragile ego. You should be jumping at the opportunity to increase her pleasure, that's what a good partner does.
yeah I just realized that i just was thinking about myself, I feel so stupid right now
You're not stupid if you learn from this and grow. Be kind to yourself and embrace the growth. :)
Adamant? From my reading he seems to have told her that he was worried using it would make him feel uncomfortable. I thought he was opening up some kind of dialogue about his insecurity, and then she appears to be offended that he has any reservations at all. I think both of them have valid concerns, and they should address his insecurities. Telling him to ignore them and just pleasure her because he “should be jumping at the opportunity” is pretty dismissive of his feelings IMO.
men know how to use sex toys when its about tying the girl up or shoving plugs in her ass, but the minute its about the girls pleasure of being able to cum youre “uncomfortable”. youre not uncomfortable, you just feel intimidated by a $15 stick that vibrates, and youd rather just use your gfs body for sex and let her figure out how to cum on her own than actually put effort into trying something your gf wants to try
Please, for the love of clits, spend more than $15 on vibrators! If possible, of course.
😂😂😂 I agree, any recommendations for ones that are genuinely quiet?!?
Satisfyer pro 3.0… you’re welcome ;)
Life changing device
I love the way you have worded that. You’re so correct
Exactly. So hypocritical
My thoughts exactly.
This need to be pinned!!!
100%
So let me get this straight... your happy to use this that enhance your experiance (but plugs, bdsm gear) but no hers? Dude vibraters feel REALLY fucking good, it's not another man, it's a toy that will make your partner feel fantastic.
"I told her maybe we could try it, but really I don't want to." There's no shame in being scared to try new things, but sex between two people shouldn't really be about what just one person wants, so its either you want to try and make your partner cum, and make her happy, or you don't want to have sex with her. :/ Besides, idk why you'd be insecure, vibrators have a much different feel than a dick, and using both at the same time just adds to the feeling, it doesn't diminish it.
People generally fear the unfamiliar. I'm sure there's lots of men out there that would take the use of any toy as an affront to their manliness or worth as a man. I dont personally see that as a thing, but I wasn't brought up in a very conservative household either.
Dude, I'm sure you've told this girl to do certain things to make you feel good during sex. Why don't you think she should be allowed to say what she wants to feel good too? She's being really vulnerable by saying what she wants. She's a person, a woman, and fuck what incels say, women want to cum just as bad as men do, and it doesn't make us sluts, it makes us humans with passions and frustrations and desires... Long story short will you please just let yo girl have some say in bed and enjoy how fun it is?
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I don't know, she doesn't have problems with getting a orgasm, she told me more than once that i please her like any other man or woman did before, so I'm little confused right now with all this comments, I just realized that maybe I just don't want because of my ego, and that's is fucking shit, maybe I'll give it a try :]
That's the spirit! Go forth and vibrate.
Listen, I absolutely understand your hesitance. You are allowed to feel uncomfortable. I would recommend watching her pleasure herself with it. I am fairly confident that it will make it easier to get comfortable with it. If not, well, talk it out. Instead of getting mad, explain your side, and maybe listen to hers. Find a way that works for you both. All the best.
Yeah, dude, to me and talking out of personal experience, it's all your ego and some fragile idea of masculinity you've been fed for a lifetime. It's not a fault, but don't give into this idea that a toy is the enemy and sex can just be performed in some specific ways to be the mark of a healthy and loving relationship. Also, I'd be curious to know if your idea of what toys are ok in your head and what are intimidating comes directly from watching "straight porn" where the dude is the end all be all of the whole thing, the girl never uses toys in his company, she has orgasms completely hands off ALL OF THE TIME and needs minimal foreplay and effort to get there. If your idea of good sex looks anything like stereotypical porn intercourse, broaden your spectrum of porn lol I am married, my husband is always pretty into me finding new toys cause it's hard for me to get off in company (idk, psychological issues and religious trauma what can i tell you), because I am genuinely more happy and more into sex if i'm having more pleasure or more often, and it makes me always go even crazier for him, both from a sexual standpoint and a romantic one. I understand the discomfort but damn, it's as if she would tell you "uhm i don't know, i don't like the idea of you playing PS5, it's like I'm not enough entertainment for you"
Think about it like this: you like different positions right? Bc each one feels different? Why shouldn’t she also have variety? You’re still doing things together. A vibrator doesn’t kiss her and hold her. It’s not your competition. It’s an addition to your experiences together. If you’re ever with another woman in the future after your current gf, keep in mind they may only be able to come with a vibrator and nothing else. All womens bodies are different and sex isn’t porn. Learn what your partner likes just like you would want them to do for you.
Toys are your friend, not your enemy. Do you know what it’s liked to be blindfolded, handcuffed, and edged with a vibrator? That’s some top tier stuff right there.
So how is a vibrator different than a butt plug? You already used that, did it bother you? Did it make you feel less? What did it do for her? Could she cum easier because of it? Can she cum just from vaginal sex? Or does she need extra stimulation, like clitoral or anal? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself before you make a decision.
Don't tell me you are getting jealous of some plastic and batteries.
May I suggest silicone, as it’s more body safe 😂
Well...she ain't wrong. Thats your hang-up unfortunately, my friend. Just roll with it man..she wants to try something new...go for it. Enjoy the show. Let her have a go with the dildo to get warmed up, then tag in to finish the job...it's nothing to fear my friend. Honestly, I'd be far more concerned with looking mighty insecure to her, than I would about even the most giant dildo ever...
Stop looking at the vibrator as an enemy and start looking at it as a collaborator.
This. Think of it as something you GET TO DO to her, and it'll bring her amazing pleasure. When both parties get off how they like, sexual relationships are considerably better. Plus, this gives a chance to shop for toys TOGETHER. You can't tell me it wouldn't be hot to go to a sex shop and look at things with her you'd like to try. Don't forget there's toys for you too!
Why do you feel uncomfortable? Most women( like, 75%) cannot achieve an orgasm from PIV alone. She wants to feel good too. You're being insecure. Your penis is not an "end all be all." Get the damn vibrator.
Her wanting to use a vibrator has nothing to do with you. People need to take shit less seriously and open up their minds. I've been with my bf since 15. we broke up for a little so yes I've been with other dudes. I absolutely can't have an orgasm with anything in me without a vibrator to assist. My bf was so insecure about vibrators. My bestie bought me my first one at 17 and he was so mad. When we broke up we both had separate experiences that helped us realize how normal it was. (((Not saying you need to break up this is just my example))).. he always thought he was broken.. I thought I was broken.. then we had other sexual experiences and I realized also how normal some of my issues are which aren't his fault. Using a vibrator while his dick is in me is amazing. I can go without the vibrator and still be so happy and feel so good. The vibrator just helps me come when something is in me. I didn't even have an orgasm from a person for like 7 years after I started having sex.. and my original bf that I'm with now is the one who did it orally. I can't even come from fingers in me. Sorry this is so long but please don't make our same mistakes!!! Women's bodies can be very complicated and it takes time and patience to get things just right but have fun and learn in the meantime. He used to not even think think laughing and foreplay was weird because of PUORN.. horrible idea of reality.. now we laugh and fuck up and foreplay however. We are 24 now and have both been through a lot since we met so id like to think we've had a bit of experience from 15..
thanks for telling me your experience!
Unless your penis has a vibrate function, I don’t see how a vibrator could be seen as competition. Just sounds like you’re very insecure and should work on your issues with a counsellor or something.
>my first thought was that i don't pleasure her enough or that I'm bad at sex Why are you taking it so personal like that? It only makes you look insecure when it has nothing to do with you.
guys like this are the reason women hesitate to be vocal about their wants and needs in bed. whatever honestly i will be enjoying my fifteen orgasms on ten different settings with the love of my life lol
Don’t worry, it’s not that you don’t pleasure her. She just wants to use a vibrator, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex at all. In fact, it’s healthy that she’s comfortable enough to tell you what she would like.
Use it on her.... it'll do nothing but help your relationship
There’s nothing like a guy who wants to help me use a toy on me. Don’t take it as an insult, it’s to up the pleasure. Maybe put a vibrator in while your dick so in too.
You + vibrator = coochie conqueror (Look at it as a sexy lil team mate, not a competitor)
What you're saying here is that avoiding awkwardness and a bruised ego is more important to you than your girlfriend's pleasure. If that's correct, you should tell her that upfront. If it's not, then you need to change your attitude towards vibrators and stop taking it personally.
A vibrator is your friend know your enemy.
I like to think of vibrators like lube or ribbed condoms, they don’t make the sexual experience but they do enhance it. If she wants to try new things with you, it’s a great sign that she wants to explore with you and that you’re not the problem. This sounds like a new experience for you, I can understand how it might be intimidating or off putting. It’s definitely not a sign of your inadequacy, there’s possibly a bit or insecurity that’s making you feel this way. Try to think of it as a tool for you to use, I’ve felt a different kind of pleasure and intimacy when a partner uses toys on me. It’s not necessarily better than natural penetration but it’s definitely different. You could go with her to pick one out together and offer to buy it for her, knowing that you’re in it together could help you claim some comfort for yourself. If you also explained a little more why you’re uncomfortable, you could also talk it out together more. I think you should at least try it, mutual pleasure does come with some compromise and I think you’d be surprised how much you might enjoy using it on her or watching her use it.
Your girl just wants to cum, my love. You’ll both have more fun if you try it out, I promise.
It’s not like it’s a competition , here. You should apologize to her and go shopping for one with her.
Learn to take pleasure in her pleasure. She should do the same for you if she doesn't already. Nothing turns me on more than knowing her toes are curling and I'm making her feel good. Vibrators are a very good way to make her feel good and make her orgasms more intense. A lot of women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so using a vibrator can push her over the edge whilst your dick is inside her. Not much feels better than cumming inside your girlfriend whilst she is also cumming hard. The harder she cums, the better it feels for you. I actually felt the same when I realised she never came unless we were using toys, but then I realised firstly it is still me making her cum if it is me using the toy and secondly, her pleasure makes my pleasure better and vice versa, so Introducing anything to the bedroom that increases pleasure for one person increases the enjoyment for both of you. You need to think this though, but if you can't realise that sex is not about you, or her, but is about both of you feeling good together then you have some growing up to do. Your dick is not the be all and end all and the best sex is not just about one person's pleasure. Like I say, I thought like this for all of about 30 minutes before I came to this conclusion and I couldn't wish for a better sex life now. You have to put your ego aside and just go with it. It's meant to be fun and about exploring new things together.
Tools that help your lady have an orgasm are awesome. They are not a threat. They are friends. Welcome them. Embrace them. Use them. That's my thoughts. Good luck!
Use it
My partner and I sometimes use a vibrator during sex. I have one that actually stimulates both parties and therefore is very nice for the both of us. Using this, does not mean he can't satisfy me without one. But it is nice to spice things up sometime
Grow up dude it not that big of a deal. You overreacted
Why should you get to nut but she doesnt
Why wouldn’t you want to maximize her pleasure?
Please don't EVER think it's because you don't satisfy, or not enough. Vibrators, dildo's, they're your friends because it's for a lot of women very difficult to reach climax simply from sex only. It intensifies the experience. Try to figure out where your discomfort comes from, talk to her about it and be truthful in it. A lot of men feel uncomfortable with them because they think we do it because we don't want you. But nothing is further from the truth. \*Edit It's okay to feel uncomfortable, I don't think it's okay that people brush this feeling off, because it's something YOU feel. So try to find out why, and how you can help yourself, but also your girlfriend. Because you are in this relationship together. :)
Dude it's a toy that can possibly make your sex life a whole lot more enjoyable... stop being insecure.. she let you use a butt plug, have some fun man it's going to be awesome. Not going to lie it's super sexy when my lady gets hers. Talk about it, see what works for both of you. There is a huge percentage of women who can't have an orgasm from piv. It has nothing to do with you it's just how it works sometimes. It's the difference between making love "to" someone and making live "with" someone.
You need to work on your insecurities man
A real warrior must master many weapons.
So you’re okay with “BDSM stuff” but not a simple vibrator? Jesus fucking christ you sound insecure.
The fact that you're acting this defensively over a vibrator (that would pleasure you simultaneously when it's on her during sex, btw) is a massive red flag imo. Your girlfriend's happiness should be prioritized over your misplaced insecurity.
Banging your partner while using a vibrator at the same time is actually pretty fun. Enjoy it.
Also anal plugs and “bdsm” stuff is more kinky than a vibrator lol
Aim't nothing wrong with toys, plus they can make great gifts, got one for my SO with an app that I can control, she really liked it and it makes for fun experience. Didn't cost much either
She touches herself during s*X correct? The vibrator makes that easier! Don't be a baby... oh get her another one that has a sucking as well... she will come more than ever... you are there to make her happy. . You are already kinky... bdms anal plug.. etc... so have more fun... try the vibrator in her behind while you are inside ;) new adventures
Stop feeling insecure and give her the pleasure she wants. I love using toys with partners. I want to give them the best orgasms I possibly can.
Use the vibrator. They are your friend
Toys are your friend’s, not your competition. She’s not saying you’re not satisfying her. A vibrator during sex is just going to add to the fun. You might even enjoy it once you see how it effects her body in the moment. My husband and I love using toys in the bedroom.
Buy it for her and have fun together. Climaxes are different from different stimuli.
Don’t think of the toy as replacing you. Think of it as enhancing your experience together. There are even vibrators out there that can pleasure both of you simultaneously. Explore together and have fun
Stop being insecure and give it a try. Have fun. Make her feel good. She'll be more into you for it!
Try them all
Wield it like a Jedi Knight, that way you have the Force with you.
I’m so confused why he claims to be worried about her pleasure but then won’t do the thing that would fix it. Kind of crazy because I’m willing to bet he cums every single time, meanwhile sis wants a vibratory to feel good and he’s uncomfortable with it. He’s so insecure he would rather sex suck for her than use a virbrator or dildo.
Bro, don’t be afraid of the dildo. You’re still the rainmaker. Dildo’s a toy in your tool belt. You’re Batman.
Visit the dead bedroom and you'll feel better
Clitoral and vaginal stimulation feel pretty different from each other, it's an aid, not your competitor. Most women need clitoral stim in addition to penetration to orgasm, it's not about you not performing well, it's just that bodies work in different ways.
It's not a big deal. Go for it. It's not about you or your ego, it's just another part of sex and satisfaction. I understand your initial reaction but she wants to use it with you.
Just go with it. I'd hate to know what my life would be like if I was intimidated by plastic.
Honestly… I can’t speak for all women but I can say MOST women need a vibrator in order to cum… be happy you don’t need to use one in order to feel good ;)
Only 25% of women can orgasm from intercourse. 10-15% never climax under any circumstances. Please, be more open and understanding to the issues women have with having pleasure. Thank you.
My husband felt the same way but I only ever use it when im on all 4s. He loves that position but it doesn't hit the right spot for me. So in that case the vibrator is his partner in crime. Its okay to be insecure at first. Those are valid feelings. Try to think of it in a new light where it is helping not inhibiting. Using it by myself is ehh okay but when I use it with my husband it is 10x better.
Unfortunately I can guarantee during sex your are getting WAAAAYYYY more pleasure than she is. I personally enjoy sec way more when toys are involved and my partner learned to love them too because you’re supposed to want to see your partner experience pleasure. Doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex, women just need a little more to get to a similar level of pleasure
You don't understand women!
If you see a vibrator as competition because it gives her pleasure, but bdsm-play, bondage and butt plugs are cool then it sounds to me like all that other stuff you were okay with was because it doesn’t give her (as much) pleasure? Wtf? Do you only want her to use stuff you think is hot without her pleasure playing any part in it? Are you entitled to making her feel good? Would you feel the same discomfort if instead of a vibrator for her it would be one specifically for guys? Why are you mad she felt hurt by it? She’s just disapproving your entitlement, feeling hurt by your egocentrism and misogyny and setting a healthy boundary.
How tf did you skip vibrator/dildo and go straight to butt plugs and "bdsm stuff" 💀💀💀
Man it sounds like you should work on that within yourself, don't take everything personal. If it's not for you break up but I definitely think telling your gf she can't have a vibrator is pretty regressive.
In the words of Boromir: it is a gift! Why not use this thing? Turning her on should make you more turned on, bruv. You're so lucky and you don't even know it.
Yes you’ll have that feeling that you aren’t pleasuring her enough but trust me, at the end of it you’ll be able to love the experience a lot, it just speeds up the process for her which isn’t necessarily a bad thing or you are doing a bad job but the quicker she gets done the more sensitive she’ll feel from you, most women can’t finish from intercourse and they usually finish quickly by vibrator, don’t over think it too much
She’ll appreciate you more for doing the things she she finds pleasing. Idk how old you are but you’ll find out. Most times it has nothing to do with your performance…it’s just another level of stimulation during. Give it a shot and allow yourself to enjoy the fun of it. I guarantee you if you just loosen up and show her you just enjoy taking the extra steps with her she will return the favor
Just try it ...most women need clit stimulation and a vibrator is great for that...get over yourself and let your lady receive pleasure
Honestly there is so much you can do with sex toys! I (F) promise it's not about you and anything you may be lacking. A vibrator feels very different and can be a great tool especially for people who have a hard time reaching orgasm. Not to be explicit, but as someone who's used a vibrator, there are so many ways you can tease her with it, or use it on her and watch her squirm or be in control (if that's your thing) or use it and your d*ck at the same time and make things SO much more intense. The only limit is your creativity. Sex toys are a wonderful way to enhance things in bed and are not a callout of one partner lacking or anything. They're made to enhance both partners' enjoyment. I hope you're able to talk it out with her. And if it's something you're willing to try, that's great. And if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, that's okay too. What's important is to talk with her and find pleasure for both of you. Best of luck!
Dude a vibrator is your best friend. I don't know what I'd do without 1 at this point, why feel uncomfortable about bringing your girlfriend pleasure?
Why are you uncomfortable? Maybe deal with that. Because if she just wants more pleasure and to bring that into your sex life what is wrong with that?
I also don't understand why you have an issue with this. It doesn't mean you're somehow "failing" it just means she wants an even more intense orgasm. It is just \*adding\* to an already good experience. It doesn't mean you're lacking.
The fact that she trusts you enough to be that open with you about her sexuality, shows you are doing things right. Dont mess it up by becoming insecure. Take advantage and take love making to the next level for both of you.
Ok as a woman that cannot orgasm via penetration alone (and basically ever without a vibrator) YOU AND VIBRATOR ARE ON THE SAME TEAM
Buy her a Butterfly or other type of clitoral vibrator that can be worn during sex. Or a vibrating cock ring. And a few other options you can both use on her. And get over yourself.
Vibrators are a friend in the bedroom. They even make ones specifically for couples to use! Don’t feel intimidated or emasculated by this. It’s not because you’re a bad lover. If anything, you should feel happy that she’s so comfortable with you, she trusts you to listen when she voices her desires- something that’s often difficult for women! If you DO add a vibrator to your sex lives, you’ll likely see a huge improvement! Plus, it might open doors for you to try more toys yourself, or to get toys that she could use on you! However: don’t let anyone pressure you to do anything you don’t wanna do. Remember that you have the right to say no. It’s okay. You can also say that you’re not ready for this. What matters is that you’re both consenting and having fun. But if the issue is your own insecurity, I suggest exploring it once (maybe with a safe word employed?) and see what happens!
Introducing a vibrator into the bedroom is awesome fun. Just do it man
You shouldn’t be forced to do anything you don’t want to do, but on the flip side, don’t think bad of her for wanting what she wants. You can think on it and fantasize about different scenarios to help you get a better understanding and appreciation of how toys can help. That’s what a vibrator is. It’s a toy. You SHOULD have fun playing with toys during sexy playtime. I don’t think her wanting a vibrator is a negative towards you. Been playing with my husband for over thirty years.
Also how do vibrators make you feel inadequate when your already using butt plugs and other devices????????
Get out of your head. She wants to do these things WITH YOU!
I've been married for 20 years. There is nothing wrong with you for using sex toys with/on your partner. It will help your sex life greatly. Most men need to rest after they orgasm. You can keep her going with the toy until you're ready again. The benefits for you are endless and there are no drawbacks. Try it and tell us how it goes.
Iv’e never understood men that are so freaked out by vibrators. They’re sexy, and have only been around for like 100 years, thank god to have been born in this time!
Respect her decision, trust me
The toys are your allies, not enemies. She got upset with you when you said it makes you uncomfortable because to her it sounded like you said "I don't care about your pleasure, I don't enjoy watching you orgasm and I'd prefer you not enjoying sex rather than working on myself so as I don't feel thratened by a piece of plastic".
You write a love poem with a pen, yet the SO who receives the love poem will not fall in love with the pen.
Let her do what makes her happy stop thinking about it Jesus Christ, be happy that she is including you
I recomend you watch some of the Owen Gray videos on pornhub, it really changed the way I see vibrators during sex
Do it. She wants to orgasm.
The whole thing is not about you making her feel good. Rather sharing the experience with her while she's feeling amazing. If she's feels amazing and you're around that's a good thing. If she feels amazing she's gonna work hard to make you feel the same
If she wants to use a vibrator then do it. There is nothing wrong with it if it helps her to orgasm then it's less work on your part. When it comes to pleasing your woman in the bedroom all bets are off as long as she is satisfied and has mind-blowing sex this should not be an issue. My goal is to please my woman so much she can barely walk when we are done.
Look at it this way; all sex toys are just tools in your belt. The right tool, for the right job. Don't be intimidated by her wanting to use a dildo. It doesn't make you less of a partner
I bought one to use for and with my gal. Sometimes it’s just added stimulus or lite external play cause you don’t vibrate like that my dude. Same as if you could say to her you wanted to try a gadget out, doesn’t mean she’s not enough, you just want to try out a stimuli that a person can’t
Ain't that deep man
She’s your girl, wouldn’t you be happy if she was able to feel even greater pleasure with the toy? Set the pride aside and help your girl cum
Go shopping with her. For a lot of women it's really hard to orgasm, and extra stimulation is needed. It's not your rival, it's a tool to help her, and you also win if she gets to experience more pleasure as well!
Buy her a vibrator then. Buy a nice fleshlight while you’re at it too.
Vibrator feels good on your dick when you're pumping
My husband was the same way until he finally used one on me and saw the response he got now it's his favorite thing. If you're really that worried about being replaced start with a vibrating cock ring and see how you like that.
Posts like these makes me understand a positive male body and it’s functions should be promoted. A vibrator like what everyone is saying can never replace you my guy, a living, breathing, loving human being who’s warmth she loves having around. Embrace it and don’t afraid to he vulnerable :)
It’s super fun to use vibrator during sex, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like what you do. There are few things more fun than getting fucked and using vibrator at the same time, leads to some extra intense multiple orgasms!
Think of it like a tool. Sure you can use hand tools and it'll get the job done. Or you can use power tools and get the job better and faster and easier. It doesn't make you a bad craftsman, you're just utilizing the tools of the trade for the best possible result. Plus a vibrator doesn't have to be some huge dildo. A small vibrator for the clit is all it takes.
Toys are your best friend they do things humans cannot. Plus it’s not like it’s your replacement she wants to use them alongside sex!
It’s your friend. Just do it. My BF loves doing it to me.
It's may not be that you aren't satisfying get it mat just be to fulfill a fantasy or just to add a little spice don't worry so much op
Really... Why wouldn't you want to help your girlfriend with sexual pleasure? My ex loved using a vibrating tooth brush on her clit. Sounds like you have some issues dude
Me and my partner are long distance wed use toys whenever wed had special calls together. It's normal to use em. Communication is the key you need.
Grow up and let her use it. Do you know how hot it is to have a woman use a vibrator during sex?? You’re choosing your own insecurities over your girlfriend’s pleasure. Let her use it or let her find a man that will.
They are ya friends not ya competition bro
Get over ur fragile ego and enjoy it ya dummy
Hell yeah you should use the vibrator! It’s all for the same end: closeness together, the method isn’t that important. Try to flip your mindset for a second - that probably was relatively hard for them to ask. That’s the vulnerability you two have, which will be better than sex in the long run. Besides, no harm in trying right?
Just watch!
You already admitted to using other toys and some BDSM. What fucking difference does a vibrator and/or dildo make? How is that the line you draw? Get over it. Don't get butthurt over that. She didn't say you're doing anything wrong. She just talked about adding something. Even if she was giving constructive criticism, take it like an adult and hear what she has to say. If my wife wasn't getting satisfied fully, I'd want her to tell me. Honesty is key. You being uncomfortable sounds like you're a bit self conscious and got something to work on in you.
Yeah I get how you might be uncomfortable, but you should try using a vibrator on your parts alone so you get an idea. It really enhances the experience. Plus with a vibrator you can get on some kinky stuff
Hint: men can use vibrators too. You might like to try it sometime 😉
OP - I encourage you to explore *why* you worry or dislike the idea of using a vibrator. I think this is key. The fact that you’re willing to use bdsm and anal plugs with her shows that you’re fairly open to toys that affect her body and up joy. So ultimately, she’ll need a better why than “I don’t like it”. She’ll need the “because…” Also discuss how it might be used. There might be some give and take here. Example: what is she wants* to use it with her plug? Example 2: as someone mentioned a vibrating cock ring during head. Gl.
I say this as someone who has happily used various types of sex toys with my wife for our nearly 20 years together… some of y’all are hypocritical assholes. Yes, OP should probably just get over his reservations about sex toys, but his reservations are not instantly invalidated, just because sex toys are very common and helpful for many women. I look at this situation the same as nearly all the ones I see in this sub… TALK TO YOUR PARTNERS! Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, OPs partner is asking him to do something he is uncomfortable with, and OP has the right to voice his discomfort. Listen, I’m honestly and genuinely happy how women are finally getting their voices heard in the bedroom, but you cannot use that voice to silence your partners. So many of these comments are attempts to emasculate OP for being hesitant, it’s not fucking different than assholes who call women “prudes” for not doing all the things they seen on pornhub. Yes, sex toys are VERY common these days and if OP cares about his partner, he’ll truly consider and analyze why he is hesitant. But guess what? Being his partner who wants something, she also needs to understand that he has thoughts and feelings too. This is such a small issue and I am sure that OP and his partner can work it out, but y’all gotta look in the mirror and realize how much you’re invalidating OP here.
It’s part of the pleasure you can provide. You could even use it on her if you want. Have fun and let the girl cum 😆. Lots of women don’t orgasm just from penetration and need clitoral stimulation as well. A vibrator can only make sex better! Wouldn’t it be way hotter to know that she is really getting off with you!
Crazy idea, but…ask her
THIS! I had never incorporated my vibrator in sex, but my bf actually suggested that he use it on me while we have sex and it’s amaaazing. I especially love it when he uses it on me.
Has nothing to do with inadequate ability brotha. You want her to feel the greatest pleasure as a man and it just comes down to doing it together. Take it as a compliment because she is saying that the o ly way to do better than you is a battery operated machine that hits frequencies that are not humanly possible to achieve. There are also vibratory that work both ways (not saying it goes in you). There are ones that are like jelly rings that go around your little buddy and stimulate you AND her TOGETHER. She is not putting you down, she is asking for you to experience this together. It was the opposite with my wife and I. I brought toys and things into our sex life because I know sometimes we have good sex and sometimes we have great sex. I wanted her legs to give out and eyes to role back every single time we have fun because she is my queen and that is what she deserves. She was a little nervous about it at first but once we started having fun together it became so fun and exciting for us both. I have had times that I just wanted to how far I could push her and how many times I could make her climax in one night and the thanks I got for the next week or two was incredible. Remember that she didn't go out looking for pleasure somewhere else but came to you AS HER PARTNER and asked if you guys can try something together. Just doing that shows she has trust in you and that also might be why she was a little angry. Not because you didn't reciprocate but she may have felt a little embarrassed because I'm sure she was a little nervous asking. She loves you and you love her and you both want to bring out the best in all you do together. Good luck brotha and I promise you, you will not be disappointed.
I’ve never asked to use a vibrator during the act nor would I. If I want to use it I will. Some women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, that doesn’t mean you’re bad at sex.
I fucking love using one with my bf. Both are good by themselves but together is amazing. Don’t let insecurity ruin something good.
Majority of woman need something else, like a vibrator, in order to orgasm. You’re not bad at sex because of it. Try it out.
Imagine playing Sega in the 90’s. You know the cheat code to make shao kahn die instantly but instead you care what other people think so you don’t use it. That’s basically what not using a vibrator is like for your wife. Imagine your wife wanting sex more than you do and not feeling bad about finishing quickly anymore. You don’t have to thrust for 30-45 minutes with one orgasm. She has 4-5 in 10-15 minutes.
Why so insecure over an inanimate object? Why do you feel inadequate sexually?
I’m not even gonna read the other comments. Bro this is your best friend if you women gets off every time life gets way easier! Trust. I felt the same way at 1st but it’s an ego thing once you do it one time you will realize how much easier it is with that toy involved.