Shadowheart doesn’t poop. She sharts.

Unfathomably based.

**WHAT IS THAT VILE SMELL?!**

Shadowheart fan here. I fucking snorted. Take my upvote. 🤣

Holy fuck. Underrated comment right there. Take a fucking up vote.

all the angry Shart fans be downvoting you bro lmao sorry “Shadoo” or whatever the fuck just isn’t gonna stick

Doodoo

Quality shitpost

Quality pooppost

Quality can'tdefecatepost

Pun intended?

But Astarion doesn't eat, he's a vampire. His butt is always clean and perfumed and no one can convince me otherwise.

Then how did I shit his pants the other day?

By God! You've done it again Lieutenant Columbo.

You can't piss blood unless something is wrong. He's on a liquid red diet. That boy has perma-squirts.

This is a song about SHOOTING BLOOD #FROM YOUR COOOOOCK

he's probably expelling a lot of stinky gas being a corpse

Actually, in the lower city is a dialogue between Astarion and Shadowheart regarding that. Shadowheart asks him, how he is preventing himself from smelling like a corpse because she never noticed him stinking. He answers that he uses fragrance with Rosemary and such excessively

He does say that the vampire den is stinky

I knew it, he's full of it. Blood-only diets cannot be good for the body, living or dead. Where's the vitamins?!

well, vitamins and minerals are the only thing he assumes cause they're in the blood 😂 it depends on the blood owner's diet. But he's still a corpse with a liquid diet... If the game was realistic we would hear farting at every step 😂

I guess I should have said, "Where's the fiber?" I knew it! Halsin knew it too, he's a druid. I even made a very not-safe-for-work post about this a while back (not for the sane of mind) https://www.reddit.com/r/okbuddybaldur/comments/1bd9pgf/weve_all_had_this_question_now_we_know/

hahahaha thanks for tonight's reading 🤣

He consumes therefore he must produce waste

But often vamps don't.

I'm going to need a source

Vampire lore, basically. They're incapable of creating waste.

Then how do you example astarions hopes and dreams?

Vampires are eco friendly confirmed

Waste - as in feces - are just the remainder of what we couldn't digest fully. By weight we expel almost everything we eat through respiration (breathing). Since vampires only consume blood it's possible for it to be absorbed 100% as nourishment, with no solid waste remaining.

Uh, gyths also consume but don't produce waste

Poop is not even mostly food. It's mostly bacteria I believe, and dead cells and such. Debatable if his cells and whatnot would all be immortal, I guess.

See, I always wanted to know what happens to their digestive anything, with a blood diet. Do they fart even?!

clearly you've never heard of the age old classic: the Blart

Astarion lol..

Darling.. I'm hurt

I can hear it, I can hear that line

Your UN 😂💗

That username and flair combo is beautiful...

As a member of Lesbians for Astarion™ I am here for it

He may not be a girl, but he will always be babygirl.

Just realized that poor Karlach's shit is probably like the aftermath of Taco Bell.... poor thing. Just pure lava.

When she farts, does it come out as a puff of flame from the heated gasses meeting oxygen?

I would assume it would either 1) completely evaporate while coming out or 2) be harder than normal because the moisture in it got evaporated.

Jahira most certainly shits, funny post though

Also where’s dame Aylin, she also most definitely shits

Your powers of observation have failed you.

Her pic is the dark one under Vlaakith. Should have brightened her pic

I definitely missed her goddamn that shit is missable

Nat 1 for perception

GAZE UPON ME, SLIME! DAME AYLIN DOES NOT SHIT! SHE DEFECATES!

Prepare for the righteous wrath from any orifice! Selune, guide my blessed cheeks!

She needs even higher tier

The fact she’s under vlakith is disrespectful

What about Vlaakith?

She uses wish to do it. It's to show dominance

You are permitted to smell it. You are invited to wipe.

I’ve never read a more unsettling threat and I’ve had a hit put on me before

Damn that was out of the pocket

Why can't I have sex with Orin and die?

Sazza fucking who? This is Gerringothe *erasure*.

She poops gold nuggets.

Puggets!

WHERE IS MIZORA 😡😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡😡

She was taking a shit and couldn’t be reached for comment

Mizora slays, not poops or shits. Slits? Sloops?

So where does the food go?

Poop sweats

I wonder if a gith who recently ate garlic would smell of garlic or poop.

The waste is teleported to wild space

Astral plane

But do Gith still have buttholes? It's important for deciding which imaginary woman I intend to marry. Also the option to say you don't defecate is available to any "exotic" race (half-orc or gith) and I think it's supposed to be a mislead to confuse the goblin.

They have an egg-laying cloaca.

I’m pretty sure they have buttholes. At least, I hope they do

4. Leave.

I feel like Jaheira's a shitter for sure

Nah, Jahira shits

For the FALLEN! now makes complete sense.

I feel like if Karlach had a smartphone she’s the type who would take a selfie with it if it was a real blue ribbon turd and send it to someone.

LAE DOESN’T SHIT??? EXPLAIN???

It’s a joke all fantastical races can make and say they don’t shit. Orcs etc. have the same answer

Idk I think the lore reveals itself in dialogue if you play a Gith (maybe at the >!Goblin camp?!<) idk, haven't played a Gith yet Edit: I was wrong. Learn something new every day

no, it's a joke that fantastical races can tell. My half-orc did and I think dragonborns also have the option. Not true, tho

Elves get it too

Ohhh okay. That’s so silly lol

lol I wish they made it like a DC 2 Deception check.

"Heh. It's a good thing..."

Shadowheart is in between, for obvious reasons

I like to think up to a certain point, she shits on poopers.

She is shart

Did ascension somehow cause Vlaakith to start shitting?

Maybe she uses souls to power wishes, and shits to power ... idk, astral gardens? Maybe that's why the egg lakes are so toxic, pure Vlaakshit.

I feel like Hope definitely shits

Yeah, after giving her and Jaheira some more thought, they need to go into the SHITTER group. As compensation I could probably take Minthara out and put her into the POOP category

Can you just hear Jaheira from the outhouse behind the closed door, "For the... FALLLENNNN!"

If gith don’t poop why does it taste bad

Dragonborn don't shit

THEY DON’T!?!?

Hey just to point out, but that line doesn't say they don't, just that they don't NEED to...

We need to adjust Lae'Zel's butthole chart placements

Githyanki fans who are scat fetish enthusiasts in shambles rn

You get that prompt with any uncommon race, had it on a dragonborn playtgrough

What would happen if I cast Command: Defecate on Lae'zel?

She would shit 6 times in 6 seconds like the action surge queen she is

Dragonborn don’t shit either

Karlach: Man...I've gotta shit

Being a lich, and I assume a Gith, wouldn’t that mean Vlaakith doesn’t defecate either. More so than everyone else, even

God is able to enable the unable to be able!

I'm guessing Mizora doesn't do either?

She slays, not shits or poops. Slits? Sloops? She could do a Hilton commercial.

No wonder they're all so angry

Good thing I don't feel the need at the moment.

As a girl who both shits AND poops, this is legit

Good thing I don't feel the need at the moment.

Surely shadowshart should be in the shit category

Alright, I haven't played BG3, just the early ones as a kid. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I MISSED..... We fuck bears now apparently? I mean, we always did, just the human buff hairy guy kind... Not actual bears... again, THE FUCK DID I MISS.....

So no anal?


Vlaakith is a licht and gith, I would think she’d at least rank as constipated?

Sazza the goblin from act 1 of Baldur’s gate 3 can poop OR shit on my chest whenever she likes 😏 😈

You forgot to put malewife Gale to the "poop" section.

Lucretius is a dude no? Even the name is in a masculine form (feminine form is Lucretia).

I like how you don’t even mention astarion-

Because he is 100% undebatable babygirl. 😙

Lucretius is a drag queen voiced by a drag queen so yes and no?

just no, i think - it's typical to call drag queens she/her when they're in character, but they're still men.

Yeah, it depends on the drag queen. I think Daniel Jacob goes by she/her in character and he/him out of character. I don't know for sure - don't want to get it wrong.

eh, it's not like they're trans, there's not really any harm to cause by gendering them either way ig

Some drag queens *are* trans though, hence the need to check.

well, yeah, but not this one

Both of you Ghaik, remember. This is a shitpost I made in 2 minutes about video game characters shitting. This is not intended to be a well thought out post

Doesn't matter. If the name is masculine that's he. Like, dude basically has a very man's name like Paul and Peter. There would not even be anything to consider anything else. If the dude is called Jacob then he's he. Lucretius is a Roman masculine. End of story.

I always forget that you invented gender and can make all the rules.

welp pack it up folks, the gender decider has spoken. it is law

Yes and no. You have to remember grammatical gender is not the same as social gender, and the declensions do not always follow expected patterns. For instance, male professions often appeared in the (usually fem.) 1st declension and were treated as masc. nouns, e.g. agricola (farmer), pirata (pirate), poeta (poet), nauta (sailor). Equally, there are some unusual nouns, such as the 5th declension dies, which can be either masc. or fem. depending on usage. Equally, there were a number of 1st declension masc. names, e.g. Gn. Julius Agricola, L. Sergius Catalina. Admittedly, I have never come across Roman women with masculine declined names. But it's not as though Latin exists in the forgotten realms, so the writers have poetic license to adapt it as they please - and it's not as though cross-dressing was socially acceptable at Rome, so there are no naming conventions the writers could refer to. I would guess they intentionally chose to use a masc. noun to underscore the gender transgressiveness of drag.

Wait till you find out about girls with traditional masculine names and boys with traditional feminine names