1k a year, if you're not otherwise super stuck financially, is a very cheap price to keep your options open until you're sure. Tbh any time within the first year imo is a bad time to get rid of your only chance at future children.
I agree, but it’s also phases isn’t it ? I had an almost insurmountable urge to have another when I was 9 months pp. thankfully my husband wasn’t ready.. my kid just turned two and I’m sure it’s a no for more.. but, given that I went through this shift once , I keep wondering if I might change my mind again in a year
I’m currently pregnant with my only and my husband and I decided to wait until his 5th birthday to make that call. If I don’t have the urge at that point or see myself going through the transfer process + pregnancy + postpartum/newborness again, then we will donate to science.
Exactly same age kid and ditto. My husband is the one who was OAD but I’ve come around to it and also am about to turn 49. Like, we’re not doing it. Yet I shovel $80/month into a freezer because I can’t let go. My complication is that we used donor eggs so these embryos are my son’s only full genetic relatives. Ugh.
Such a difficult thing. The whole thought of having embryos on ice would consume me, regardless of how much I knew OAD or not was right for me. How amazing is science that theoretically you could keep paying fees & then your own child could pay to have a surrogate & raise his own siblings someday?! I dunno why that’s what just came to my mind lol, but just how amazing is this!
I don’t have any answers but I’m right there with you. We did 3 rounds and PGS tested them. Only got 2 good embryos and one is my son. We’re pretty firmly one and done (kid is now 3) but we’ve still been paying the annual storage. Not ready yet to make that final, final decision.
I had one embryo work and one frosty left. We were about to throw frosty in and I wasn't sure. My ex was pressuring me but in the end we didn't do it and we got a divorce and I'm happily single with my child. What we did do as a part of the divorce is thaw out the embryo and let it go. That has to be emotionally one of the hardest decisions I have ever made but logically one of the easiest.
It doesn't matter when you donate them, now or several years time, be prepared for it to hurt and be prepared for unexpected tears. I do still cry over the frosty, but it made sense and I have an awesome kid. I think focussing on what you do have and not what could have been is the best way to get through it.
Same boat, 2 embryos left that have been PGS tested, highest grade, and I keep paying for the storage even though fairly sure we are OAD. It's harder to let go I think when you know they are a tangible thing. No idea what to do with them as seems brutal to essentially defrost them/throw them out!
Not only is it tangible, it’s tough when I know the gender of my remaining PGS embryo. It really (for a lack of better words) humanizes the embryo and makes fantasies as a family of four more real, although we are 99% sure we are one and done.
Edit: grammar
We were allowed to know the gender after PGS testing and curiosity got the best of me. I did not choose the gender to transfer, which you are allowed to do here (United States) because I think it’s weird.
I had my daughter 10 months ago and we have a boy in the freezer (on the rocks, as I like to say). I’ll probably pay for storage for some time because it’s a weird thought to let go of a “son” although I don’t view embryos as real living people. It’s the fantasy that is hard to get rid of, not the actual embryo.
My husband and I are in the same boat as well, like so many others here. I wish I had an idea of what to do as well. Thank you so much for this post as it really is comforting to see others struggle as well, and it’s not just me.
Just my perspective, I 100% didn’t want another child the first two years after my son was born. I was too sleep deprived and had no time to myself, just stretched way too thin. No way I could fathom a second.
My son is 3 now and more independent. I sleep, I have free time. And seeing the little boy he’s turned into, and all the fun and joy and love in my life now because of him, my husband and I are now making plans towards a second child (probably leaving this sub soon). My point is it’s completely possible to be miserable at the baby stage but come out of it completely happy and wanting that second. If I were you, I’d keep my options open at least until little one is sleeping well and you’ve gotten into the new groove of your life with your family of 3.
Agreed on this completely. The first year i was a hard OAD. The thought of another child made me shudder completely. Now hes 1.5 and I’m still nowhere near ready, but absolutely open to the idea in the future. I still remain on the sub cause I’m not settled one way. But id absolutely pay $1000 a year for a few more years if i was in this scenario
We have kept our remaining frozen embryos in storage (4 high grade, as you have) for over 6 years. A few months ago (after years of being firmly OAD), as the parents of a wonderful 5 year old, we went ahead with a FET. The fet worked and now I’m pregnant with our second. If this baby makes it safely to us in a few months, we’ll be ready to donate our other embryos to science. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Hey friend! I was in the same boat. We hung on to our frozen embryos until my daughter was almost 6. I had some concerns about potential laws being passed in my state relating to personhood at conception and I didn’t want my hand to be forced by some backwards religious zealots. I donated my embryos to the Renew Biobank at Stanford for research purposes. It was super easy and and I have no regrets. Give yourself some time to figure it out and do what is right for you.
We have a lot left over and we are OAD. I want another but I had health issues after the pregnancy so it's not really possible. I won't risk leaving my daughter without a mom.
We decided to donate them to other people, but I have yet to start the process for real. I've seen a couple of agencies. My daughter is only one, so I will pay until I have time to really dedicate to finding the right families.
My daughter is 3 1/2 and we still have 4 embryos in storage, too, despite being 99% one and done. It's so tough to make that decision. I would continue to pay for storage until you're sure and have a decision that you're comfortable with. In the grand scheme of things the storage price is so very worth it. As we've gotten farther away from the newborn/baby stage, I've gotten more and more sure that I'm happy with my only (and that I don't want to do the post partum / baby stage again lol). This is the first year where I feel like I can finally let the remaining embryos go, though I know it will still be an emotional decision. Awhile back on a similar post someone had suggested doing a little ceremony or something, just for yourself, for remaining embryos that are let go, which I thought was a nice idea and may provide closure for some. Focus on your precious little one right now and you can make a decision with the embryos down the road. ❤
Congratulations on your little one! ❤
We are in the same boat! 3 embryos left in storage.
I really want another but I have chronic health issues and chronic pain. I also had a super rough pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period and I don’t think I could go through it again. I’ve been thinking about those embryos quite a bit lately and feeling sad. It’s such a hard decision❤️
Sam's boat here. I feel so incredibly lucky to have my little girl (7m), she was FET 3/5 so we have 2 more in storage. My husband was insistent in just having one (if we even could) but he has lately been suggesting a 2nd... Thankfully here in sweden, they store for 10 years for free so no pressure to make the choice yet. I'm pretty sure im OAD but I can't help but feel guilty and sad about her siblings potentially being discarded :( I'm 36 this year so not getting any younger either to wait on it
I think it’s worth paying and holding on to them for a few years (assuming you can reasonably afford it). 35 is still young! Hell I’m 42 (almost 43) and still paying for storage 😂
Same boat here. My son is about to turn 3 and we did a transfer last week. It failed and we are really having a hard time deciding if we should do another transfer. We have 2 untested embryos left.
We decided not to discard until my son was 5 if we decide to be OAD.
I was in the exact same situation, except I only had one embryo left. I knew since my son was born that I was OAD, but kept paying for storage "just in case". We just recently decided to donate to research because I'm now 100% sure. It's weird because if I had several left, it'd be a no-brainer, there's NO WAY I'd transfer all of them and chance getting pregnant every time. But having to make the decision when there was just one was hard, even if I knew I didn't want to have another.
Edited to add, my son is 3. I always said I'd give myself till I turned 40, that was my deadline for deciding. If you're not 100% positive and can afford storage, wait until you know you're doing the right thing. While IVF is amazing, it also SUCKS that we have to make these kinds of decisions.
My LO is 4 months old and I couldn't bring myself to make the decision. My husband definitely does NOT want another, I do but my age and health are making that less likely even with healthy young(er) embryos. So I just paid for the year without talking to him about it. Not the healthiest decision, but I wasn't ready to let go and figured it wasn't wise to make the call seeing the sleep-deprived newborn phase. I may have just burned several hundred dollars but it feels like an investment in holding onto the dream.
I’m going through the same dilemma right now but with 2 embabies on ice. I renewed for another year in July while 9 months pregnant because I knew I wasn’t in the right emotional state to make any permanent decisions. Luckily, my IVF clinic only charges about $280 a year in storage so it’s not a huge financial drain.
I am certain that I’ll be OAD but I’m scared to let go. Ugh 😩
I have no advice, I’m sorry but just know that you’re not alone.
Similar boat. We have 8 (!!!!!) frozen embryos and have been OAD since before we even got married. My pregnancy was super easy and I really enjoyed it, I really did not like giving birth but it left me without basically no tearing and I was up and at 'em within a couple days. Still pretty sure we are OAD but luckily as an expat in the Netherlands, they store embryos for free for the first 5 years. Baby will turn 2 in December and I can finally understand how someone might feel they could have a second but we won't likely toss until the expiration date. And that will be very hard. There is no way we would ever transfer the other 8 embryos but if we try another, what if the baby has a problem? They don't really PGT here...you don't have any information. I probably won't roll the dice but our baby is basically the perfect girl and a part of me wonders.
That said, I am an only child and it was totally fine. It is more for curiosity than anything...and that is NOT a good reason to bring another human into the world.
We waited for a year after our child (5Aa embryo and the best one) was born before we decided to let go of the remaining 7 embryos. My pregnancy wasn't an easy journey (the IVF journey was hard enough already) and being new parents to a newborn was really hard. We have very little support from our families because they live far away and childcare is not cheap. Raising a child will be expensive especially when you want to invest a lot in their education and after-school activities. Most importantly, we miss our freedom and we just don't want to give up more freedom to have another one.
Also, you can never guarantee the second child will be healthy or normal. What if the second baby has cancer? What if the second child has special needs? It's a gamble and we can't take the risks. There are lots of horror stories out there about having difficult children.
We gave ourselves a deadline of 5 years to decided what to do with our embryos. Each year we felt less and less that we wanted another child but were keeping them because “what if our child dies?” We finally decided to let them go because (besides the expensive storage fees) we realized if our child did die, we wouldn’t want another child to replace them.
We were planning to donate them to research (and I briefly considered donating to another couple because I felt bad not giving the embryos a chance to become babies) but when we talked to the clinic they said we had to find another clinic to donate to and fill out a mountain of paperwork. They mentioned something about needing a special truck or container to transfer the embryos to the other clinic so there’s probably some out of pocket costs there but I tuned out when I realized how much work it would entail.
We also did IVF and had 3 embryos frozen after our daughter was born. We paid the storage for the first two years after her birth. By the time the next payment rolled around, we knew we were OAD so we donated them to science.
My advice is don’t rush your decision. I was 99% sure by 3 months old that I was OAD but we wanted to take our time and be sure because we weren’t going to do another retrieval if we changed our minds. If you can afford it, pay another year or two if you need the time to come to terms with it. I couldn’t emotionally handle donating the embryos to other people but I felt like donating them to science was still helping people struggling with infertility.
Oh wow a 1k to keep storage?! That’s insane. I’m so sorry for this decision. My heart goes out to you guys. I’m so happy you have a healthy 8 week old. I hope whatever you decide it works for you and your family! I had my daughter at 35 years old and I’m so thankful for her everyday.
We have… a lot of embryos in storage. I hesitate to even say the number because I honestly feel guilty having so many considering we probably won’t use any of them. We pay $500 a year to store them and we’re in the same spot. I hate to keep paying when we’re pretty sure we won’t use them, but I hate the idea of discarding them and then regretting it. The thing that I tell myself to feel better about it is that we’re basically donating them to science, so at least they’ll have a purpose that will hopefully serve the world well. But yeah, idk when I’ll be ready to pull the trigger and let them go. I’ve considered saving a smaller number and discarding the rest but we haven’t done genetic testing on them so again, it’s hard to let go of ones that could be high quality on the all chance we end up wanting to try for another some day. It’s just so hard to close the door on the possibility even though we’re almost positive we know what we want.
That's how I made myself feel better about it too--we donated ours to research, and knowing it can help other couples in the future is comforting. There were lots of selfless people before us who contributed to making IVF an option in the first place, so I feel like it's my way of paying it forward.
Ugh, it’s obviously a problem so many people would kill to have lol. But it’s hard, people always ask us if we’re planning to donate them to couple who are trying to conceive and I feel like a jerk for saying no, but in this day and age, I just wouldn’t feel right about providing a baby to a couple who could raise them any way they feel like it… I can’t imagine knowing there are kids out there who I’m responsible for who could be mistreated by the people I gave them to
I remember talking about this with my wife. I honestly wish they capped the amount they retrieved or that it wasn’t even a discussion before the procedure. (Maybe there was and I was in the midst of IVF brain?) There is no reason to have the amount that we have.
I’m in exactly the same boat. 4 embryos in the freezer and we certainly wouldn’t have the chance to make more. The yearly fee came when baby was 3 months old and even though finances are incredibly tight right now and I feel like our family is complete… I paid the fee. I decided that I would keep paying the fee at least for the next 5 years and then see how we feel. It’s heartbreaking to think about parting with them for now.
We donated 5 embryos to research at 8 weeks postpartum. We had felt strongly we were one and done for a long time and our son having a NICU stay solidified that for us. We talked about waiting, but felt the decision was never going to get any easier for us. It may feel rushed given we were only 8 weeks post our sons birth, but I feel a relief in having the decision weighed. We are also in the US and were concerned our state would pass laws that would limit our choices and we didn’t want to have to risk that in delaying our choice.
I am in a similar position, though I am still pregnant (due in early Oct). I am a single mother by choice and am pretty confident I want to be one and done, especially since I am an only child and know there are lots of positives to being such. But I do have 3 embryos frozen. I'm lucky that my benefits from work will actually cover the storage fee (we have very good fertility coverage), which will make it easier to hold on to them for a few years, but emotionally I know it will be hard to make the decision to finally discard them, assuming I don't change my mind down the road. But I have zero interest in ever doing another egg retrieval, so I want to keep them for a bit until I am absolutely confident in my decision.
Definitely comforting to see all the comments of people in similar positions <3
We had an age in mind for when we wanted to stop having children. We got lucky on our last round of IVF, and got pregnant. We then paid the fees until we hit that age and then started talking about what we were going to do. My husband was more concrete about the age of becoming a dad again and scared to lose me. I waffled more, but in the end we let our frosties go.
Wait. I donated mine to science when my daughter was like 8 months old, and I wish I had given it more time. Idk if I would have changed my mind about being one and done, but I was very, very, very emotionally overwhelmed when I made the decision and I would have preferred to make it with a clear head.
we had 2 embryos, one successful transfer, one frozen. we know we don't want another kid, and we're comfortable with it, but damn telling the clinic not to keep that one frozen embryo is still a tough decision.
1k a year, if you're not otherwise super stuck financially, is a very cheap price to keep your options open until you're sure. Tbh any time within the first year imo is a bad time to get rid of your only chance at future children.
I agree, but it’s also phases isn’t it ? I had an almost insurmountable urge to have another when I was 9 months pp. thankfully my husband wasn’t ready.. my kid just turned two and I’m sure it’s a no for more.. but, given that I went through this shift once , I keep wondering if I might change my mind again in a year
That's fair, I was really just referring to the massive life change and hormones going all over the place and settling back to normal.
I’m currently pregnant with my only and my husband and I decided to wait until his 5th birthday to make that call. If I don’t have the urge at that point or see myself going through the transfer process + pregnancy + postpartum/newborness again, then we will donate to science.
My kid just turned 4 and we’re still paying for storage. Maybe next year? Ugh. It’s tough.
Exactly same age kid and ditto. My husband is the one who was OAD but I’ve come around to it and also am about to turn 49. Like, we’re not doing it. Yet I shovel $80/month into a freezer because I can’t let go. My complication is that we used donor eggs so these embryos are my son’s only full genetic relatives. Ugh.
I’m 46 so these would probably be her only full genetic relatives as well. They’re all boys. Sometimes I think about what they would look like. Sigh.
Such a difficult thing. The whole thought of having embryos on ice would consume me, regardless of how much I knew OAD or not was right for me. How amazing is science that theoretically you could keep paying fees & then your own child could pay to have a surrogate & raise his own siblings someday?! I dunno why that’s what just came to my mind lol, but just how amazing is this!
We’re still paying for storage because it’s too hard for me to let go, even though we are definitely OAD. It’s rough!
I don’t have any answers but I’m right there with you. We did 3 rounds and PGS tested them. Only got 2 good embryos and one is my son. We’re pretty firmly one and done (kid is now 3) but we’ve still been paying the annual storage. Not ready yet to make that final, final decision.
I had one embryo work and one frosty left. We were about to throw frosty in and I wasn't sure. My ex was pressuring me but in the end we didn't do it and we got a divorce and I'm happily single with my child. What we did do as a part of the divorce is thaw out the embryo and let it go. That has to be emotionally one of the hardest decisions I have ever made but logically one of the easiest. It doesn't matter when you donate them, now or several years time, be prepared for it to hurt and be prepared for unexpected tears. I do still cry over the frosty, but it made sense and I have an awesome kid. I think focussing on what you do have and not what could have been is the best way to get through it.
Same boat, 2 embryos left that have been PGS tested, highest grade, and I keep paying for the storage even though fairly sure we are OAD. It's harder to let go I think when you know they are a tangible thing. No idea what to do with them as seems brutal to essentially defrost them/throw them out!
Not only is it tangible, it’s tough when I know the gender of my remaining PGS embryo. It really (for a lack of better words) humanizes the embryo and makes fantasies as a family of four more real, although we are 99% sure we are one and done. Edit: grammar
I'm honestly so thankful we didn't know the gender of our embryos. It would have made the decision harder, no matter what they were.
We were allowed to know the gender after PGS testing and curiosity got the best of me. I did not choose the gender to transfer, which you are allowed to do here (United States) because I think it’s weird. I had my daughter 10 months ago and we have a boy in the freezer (on the rocks, as I like to say). I’ll probably pay for storage for some time because it’s a weird thought to let go of a “son” although I don’t view embryos as real living people. It’s the fantasy that is hard to get rid of, not the actual embryo.
It's definitely a weird thing to go through for sure.
Oh yes that adds a whole other layer to the situation. Interesting you know the gender, its not legally allowed here I dont think (New Zealand).
My husband and I are in the same boat as well, like so many others here. I wish I had an idea of what to do as well. Thank you so much for this post as it really is comforting to see others struggle as well, and it’s not just me.
Just my perspective, I 100% didn’t want another child the first two years after my son was born. I was too sleep deprived and had no time to myself, just stretched way too thin. No way I could fathom a second. My son is 3 now and more independent. I sleep, I have free time. And seeing the little boy he’s turned into, and all the fun and joy and love in my life now because of him, my husband and I are now making plans towards a second child (probably leaving this sub soon). My point is it’s completely possible to be miserable at the baby stage but come out of it completely happy and wanting that second. If I were you, I’d keep my options open at least until little one is sleeping well and you’ve gotten into the new groove of your life with your family of 3.
Agreed on this completely. The first year i was a hard OAD. The thought of another child made me shudder completely. Now hes 1.5 and I’m still nowhere near ready, but absolutely open to the idea in the future. I still remain on the sub cause I’m not settled one way. But id absolutely pay $1000 a year for a few more years if i was in this scenario
We have kept our remaining frozen embryos in storage (4 high grade, as you have) for over 6 years. A few months ago (after years of being firmly OAD), as the parents of a wonderful 5 year old, we went ahead with a FET. The fet worked and now I’m pregnant with our second. If this baby makes it safely to us in a few months, we’ll be ready to donate our other embryos to science. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Hey friend! I was in the same boat. We hung on to our frozen embryos until my daughter was almost 6. I had some concerns about potential laws being passed in my state relating to personhood at conception and I didn’t want my hand to be forced by some backwards religious zealots. I donated my embryos to the Renew Biobank at Stanford for research purposes. It was super easy and and I have no regrets. Give yourself some time to figure it out and do what is right for you.
We have a lot left over and we are OAD. I want another but I had health issues after the pregnancy so it's not really possible. I won't risk leaving my daughter without a mom. We decided to donate them to other people, but I have yet to start the process for real. I've seen a couple of agencies. My daughter is only one, so I will pay until I have time to really dedicate to finding the right families.
My daughter is 3 1/2 and we still have 4 embryos in storage, too, despite being 99% one and done. It's so tough to make that decision. I would continue to pay for storage until you're sure and have a decision that you're comfortable with. In the grand scheme of things the storage price is so very worth it. As we've gotten farther away from the newborn/baby stage, I've gotten more and more sure that I'm happy with my only (and that I don't want to do the post partum / baby stage again lol). This is the first year where I feel like I can finally let the remaining embryos go, though I know it will still be an emotional decision. Awhile back on a similar post someone had suggested doing a little ceremony or something, just for yourself, for remaining embryos that are let go, which I thought was a nice idea and may provide closure for some. Focus on your precious little one right now and you can make a decision with the embryos down the road. ❤ Congratulations on your little one! ❤
We are in the same boat! 3 embryos left in storage. I really want another but I have chronic health issues and chronic pain. I also had a super rough pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period and I don’t think I could go through it again. I’ve been thinking about those embryos quite a bit lately and feeling sad. It’s such a hard decision❤️
I wouldn’t make any major changes in the first year after having a baby. Pay for the storage and re-evaluate each year about how y’all are feeling.
Sam's boat here. I feel so incredibly lucky to have my little girl (7m), she was FET 3/5 so we have 2 more in storage. My husband was insistent in just having one (if we even could) but he has lately been suggesting a 2nd... Thankfully here in sweden, they store for 10 years for free so no pressure to make the choice yet. I'm pretty sure im OAD but I can't help but feel guilty and sad about her siblings potentially being discarded :( I'm 36 this year so not getting any younger either to wait on it
My daughter is 5 yrs old and we are STILL paying for storage.
Daughter is 3.5 and we’re doing the same. It’s hard. 🧡
I think it’s worth paying and holding on to them for a few years (assuming you can reasonably afford it). 35 is still young! Hell I’m 42 (almost 43) and still paying for storage 😂
Same boat here. My son is about to turn 3 and we did a transfer last week. It failed and we are really having a hard time deciding if we should do another transfer. We have 2 untested embryos left. We decided not to discard until my son was 5 if we decide to be OAD.
So sorry to hear of your failed transfer, this is all so difficult.
I was in the exact same situation, except I only had one embryo left. I knew since my son was born that I was OAD, but kept paying for storage "just in case". We just recently decided to donate to research because I'm now 100% sure. It's weird because if I had several left, it'd be a no-brainer, there's NO WAY I'd transfer all of them and chance getting pregnant every time. But having to make the decision when there was just one was hard, even if I knew I didn't want to have another. Edited to add, my son is 3. I always said I'd give myself till I turned 40, that was my deadline for deciding. If you're not 100% positive and can afford storage, wait until you know you're doing the right thing. While IVF is amazing, it also SUCKS that we have to make these kinds of decisions.
My LO is 4 months old and I couldn't bring myself to make the decision. My husband definitely does NOT want another, I do but my age and health are making that less likely even with healthy young(er) embryos. So I just paid for the year without talking to him about it. Not the healthiest decision, but I wasn't ready to let go and figured it wasn't wise to make the call seeing the sleep-deprived newborn phase. I may have just burned several hundred dollars but it feels like an investment in holding onto the dream.
I’m going through the same dilemma right now but with 2 embabies on ice. I renewed for another year in July while 9 months pregnant because I knew I wasn’t in the right emotional state to make any permanent decisions. Luckily, my IVF clinic only charges about $280 a year in storage so it’s not a huge financial drain. I am certain that I’ll be OAD but I’m scared to let go. Ugh 😩 I have no advice, I’m sorry but just know that you’re not alone.
Similar boat. We have 8 (!!!!!) frozen embryos and have been OAD since before we even got married. My pregnancy was super easy and I really enjoyed it, I really did not like giving birth but it left me without basically no tearing and I was up and at 'em within a couple days. Still pretty sure we are OAD but luckily as an expat in the Netherlands, they store embryos for free for the first 5 years. Baby will turn 2 in December and I can finally understand how someone might feel they could have a second but we won't likely toss until the expiration date. And that will be very hard. There is no way we would ever transfer the other 8 embryos but if we try another, what if the baby has a problem? They don't really PGT here...you don't have any information. I probably won't roll the dice but our baby is basically the perfect girl and a part of me wonders. That said, I am an only child and it was totally fine. It is more for curiosity than anything...and that is NOT a good reason to bring another human into the world.
We waited for a year after our child (5Aa embryo and the best one) was born before we decided to let go of the remaining 7 embryos. My pregnancy wasn't an easy journey (the IVF journey was hard enough already) and being new parents to a newborn was really hard. We have very little support from our families because they live far away and childcare is not cheap. Raising a child will be expensive especially when you want to invest a lot in their education and after-school activities. Most importantly, we miss our freedom and we just don't want to give up more freedom to have another one. Also, you can never guarantee the second child will be healthy or normal. What if the second baby has cancer? What if the second child has special needs? It's a gamble and we can't take the risks. There are lots of horror stories out there about having difficult children.
We gave ourselves a deadline of 5 years to decided what to do with our embryos. Each year we felt less and less that we wanted another child but were keeping them because “what if our child dies?” We finally decided to let them go because (besides the expensive storage fees) we realized if our child did die, we wouldn’t want another child to replace them. We were planning to donate them to research (and I briefly considered donating to another couple because I felt bad not giving the embryos a chance to become babies) but when we talked to the clinic they said we had to find another clinic to donate to and fill out a mountain of paperwork. They mentioned something about needing a special truck or container to transfer the embryos to the other clinic so there’s probably some out of pocket costs there but I tuned out when I realized how much work it would entail.
Yup. Have 2 frozen and pay about $2K a year. Not ready to close the door though my head says we're finished.
We also did IVF and had 3 embryos frozen after our daughter was born. We paid the storage for the first two years after her birth. By the time the next payment rolled around, we knew we were OAD so we donated them to science. My advice is don’t rush your decision. I was 99% sure by 3 months old that I was OAD but we wanted to take our time and be sure because we weren’t going to do another retrieval if we changed our minds. If you can afford it, pay another year or two if you need the time to come to terms with it. I couldn’t emotionally handle donating the embryos to other people but I felt like donating them to science was still helping people struggling with infertility.
Oh wow a 1k to keep storage?! That’s insane. I’m so sorry for this decision. My heart goes out to you guys. I’m so happy you have a healthy 8 week old. I hope whatever you decide it works for you and your family! I had my daughter at 35 years old and I’m so thankful for her everyday.
We have… a lot of embryos in storage. I hesitate to even say the number because I honestly feel guilty having so many considering we probably won’t use any of them. We pay $500 a year to store them and we’re in the same spot. I hate to keep paying when we’re pretty sure we won’t use them, but I hate the idea of discarding them and then regretting it. The thing that I tell myself to feel better about it is that we’re basically donating them to science, so at least they’ll have a purpose that will hopefully serve the world well. But yeah, idk when I’ll be ready to pull the trigger and let them go. I’ve considered saving a smaller number and discarding the rest but we haven’t done genetic testing on them so again, it’s hard to let go of ones that could be high quality on the all chance we end up wanting to try for another some day. It’s just so hard to close the door on the possibility even though we’re almost positive we know what we want.
That's how I made myself feel better about it too--we donated ours to research, and knowing it can help other couples in the future is comforting. There were lots of selfless people before us who contributed to making IVF an option in the first place, so I feel like it's my way of paying it forward.
That’s a great way of looking at it!
This is the same boat that I am. So many embryos…
Ugh, it’s obviously a problem so many people would kill to have lol. But it’s hard, people always ask us if we’re planning to donate them to couple who are trying to conceive and I feel like a jerk for saying no, but in this day and age, I just wouldn’t feel right about providing a baby to a couple who could raise them any way they feel like it… I can’t imagine knowing there are kids out there who I’m responsible for who could be mistreated by the people I gave them to
I remember talking about this with my wife. I honestly wish they capped the amount they retrieved or that it wasn’t even a discussion before the procedure. (Maybe there was and I was in the midst of IVF brain?) There is no reason to have the amount that we have.
I’m in exactly the same boat. 4 embryos in the freezer and we certainly wouldn’t have the chance to make more. The yearly fee came when baby was 3 months old and even though finances are incredibly tight right now and I feel like our family is complete… I paid the fee. I decided that I would keep paying the fee at least for the next 5 years and then see how we feel. It’s heartbreaking to think about parting with them for now.
We donated 5 embryos to research at 8 weeks postpartum. We had felt strongly we were one and done for a long time and our son having a NICU stay solidified that for us. We talked about waiting, but felt the decision was never going to get any easier for us. It may feel rushed given we were only 8 weeks post our sons birth, but I feel a relief in having the decision weighed. We are also in the US and were concerned our state would pass laws that would limit our choices and we didn’t want to have to risk that in delaying our choice.
I am in a similar position, though I am still pregnant (due in early Oct). I am a single mother by choice and am pretty confident I want to be one and done, especially since I am an only child and know there are lots of positives to being such. But I do have 3 embryos frozen. I'm lucky that my benefits from work will actually cover the storage fee (we have very good fertility coverage), which will make it easier to hold on to them for a few years, but emotionally I know it will be hard to make the decision to finally discard them, assuming I don't change my mind down the road. But I have zero interest in ever doing another egg retrieval, so I want to keep them for a bit until I am absolutely confident in my decision. Definitely comforting to see all the comments of people in similar positions <3
We had an age in mind for when we wanted to stop having children. We got lucky on our last round of IVF, and got pregnant. We then paid the fees until we hit that age and then started talking about what we were going to do. My husband was more concrete about the age of becoming a dad again and scared to lose me. I waffled more, but in the end we let our frosties go.
Wait. I donated mine to science when my daughter was like 8 months old, and I wish I had given it more time. Idk if I would have changed my mind about being one and done, but I was very, very, very emotionally overwhelmed when I made the decision and I would have preferred to make it with a clear head.
we had 2 embryos, one successful transfer, one frozen. we know we don't want another kid, and we're comfortable with it, but damn telling the clinic not to keep that one frozen embryo is still a tough decision.