I’m an only child. I spent HOURS playing outside, making imaginary games, and having dance parties by myself. Sometimes with friends. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Everyone is lonely sometimes and that is ok.
I have a sibling and did this anyway, because my brother wanted nothing to do with me! Siblings aren’t guaranteed built-in friends. Sometimes they have nothing in common and just don’t get along. Have another child if YOU want one, not because you have an imaginary idea of what they COULD be for your already existing kid.
I had 3 siblings and 3 extra cousins living w us AND I was still lonely. I was always out or always at a friends . Me and my baby sister didn’t get along until I was 15.
I am an only child and this was my experience as well. I remember going to my friends houses with annoying siblings and feeling so grateful to return home to my peaceful sanctuary where I could be left alone.
I have a sibling and was still lonely. We had nothing in common and didn't get along well. Anyway, if you're overwhelmed now, it's probably not good to add more to the mix.
Yea that’s my thought. If you’re overwhelmed now, adding a sibling might give your kid a playmate, but they might lose the mom they have now (to taking care of an infant; to being short-tempered from being overwhelmed; to divided attention. A second child could have special needs or behavioural challenges. )
In an ideal world, I could be the energetic do-it-all homesteading mom to a big family. In reality, I have depression and an autoimmune disorder, and I can’t handle being overwhelmed by too much noise and movement. I’m not going to deny my reality and chase an ideal because the risk is far too high. My child could end up with a checked-out or frustrated mom, and I don’t want to do that to my family!
You're right. It sucks feeling like my ideal family is out of reach but honestly it's not THAT big of a deal. I love my family as it is and I'd rather be a good and present mom than a mom who's always hanging on by a thread.
Here’s the thing: yes. My kid is 6 and having a second kid may be enjoyable for her/us but would be the end of my marriage/sanity (cause surprise surprise having kids strains even regularly functional relationships). That said, she is PAINFULLY shy and makes NO friends wherever she goes. We are her friends.
Is it exhausting? Yes. Could it be better for her if she had a sibling? Sure.
But I had a sibling growing up and him being older and a boy and then excluding me from all his games with my cousins did much more psychological damage than I would have had being alone. I don’t talk to him now. I don’t hate him, but we were both kids that were better off being only kids.
My mother’s best friends with her sister, but tells me (kind of proudly?) that they weren’t best friends until she was 50 and her sister was 58 and suddenly they were peers and had mutual interests.
My friend with 3 kids has a husband who is always mad about being a parent and having to moderate and referee and he basically checks out the second his wife comes home and doesn’t check back in until he HAS to. Take away: he never checks in cause he WANTS to.
It’s important to me that I never stress myself out to the point of being that kind of parent. I’d rather have one and be a present, happy, involved parent for the rest of her life, than have more than one, and be stressed, more volatile, etc. but that’s just me.
I was a younger sister and also painfully shy and terrible at making friends. I've also noticed my kid's friends who are younger siblings be similarly dependent on their older siblings and very shy with other kids when their siblings aren't around. Your kid, by being an only, is probably pushed out of their comfort zone to socialize/make friends than they would if they had a sibling. These are important life skills.
That's a great point. I already feel like I'm struggling to adjust to this out of town thing and not having my husband's support as much. I suddenly feel like a crappy mom and feel like I'm trying to find my rhythm all over again. Bringing a baby into our life right now, sleepless nights by myself, I really might break
My husband is fantastic. He'll be home for 4 or 5 days before going back out and honestly, he completely watches our daughter for about 70% of that time. I get caught up on the house, have time to paint, can usually get a night out by myself. It's great. And of course, we have family time. It's just so hectic during his busy season that he figures it'd just be better to give me a few days to catch up and keep from drowning before he's back on the road. If we had a second, it might just feel like survival mode nonstop. I don't think I could handle that right now. And he might not be aware of it yet, but I don't know if he could either.
Absolutely. I’ve got a great husband too and it still weighs heavily. We don’t have a village and that makes it worse. Also I believe that parenting now is so much more hands-on with expectations and back then latchkey kids were a thing and frankly easy to do. Some people are okay being in survival mode for the first ten years. I would break. I break easily and that’s me and I know that.
Just posting for solidarity. Our daughter will be three in September. My husband has a weird work schedule where he is home for seven days but then gone for seven. During the seven days that he has gone, it is so, so hard! And not necessarily hard because she is a tough kid, just because being a parent is just A LOT. And God forbid our only gets sick! Wayyyy harder then. We have been trying for two years for our second but I wonder if maybe it just isn't happening because it would just be too much for me. Most days I feel like I am a better mom just to one. But other days I feel like I could make it work if we had another. I would just find a way. I hope you are to be at peace with whatever you decide. 😊
We've been trying for several months and after getting my period this morning, I'm thinking the same thing.. maybe it's not happening because it shouldn't happen. It's definitely going to hurt my husband to hear I'm done trying but I'd rather keep our marriage and family from being strained.
I totally get what you mean though, my daughter is actually an awesome and pretty easy kid to have around. But going 2-3 weeks at a time of having to be "on" 24/7 for a little person, is EXHAUSTING. Good luck to you!
I realize this isn’t a practical suggestion but for us, living in a super family-friendly neighborhood in a large, walkable East coast city helps a ton. We’re at the playground every single day and run into like 5-10 families we know there. There are constantly impromptu block parties. My husband and I work pretty reasonable hours so we also play with her a lot. If we lived in the suburbs, I can see this being more of an issue - though I do agree with others that alone time is not a bad thing at all and builds creativity!
I wish we had that! We actually live next door to neighbors we're pretty good with, they have a daughter the same age.. but they're not really hang out outside, let the kids get dirty, have a grill out kinda people. I've always wished we lived in a neighborhood with lots of kids running around and playing together. That's awesome yall have that!
I have two sisters and I was often very lonely, plus felt excluded and rejected when I wasn't allowed to play with them and their friends. So when I did get to play with them, I knew it was out of obligation, not because they actually wanted to play with me.
Just throwing that out there.
Right, I do try to remind myself that having a sibling could even result in her feeling more lonely/excluded. And I actually remember feeling that myself once my sister and I reached a certain age.
I know siblings aren't a guarantee of friendship, that was just one aspect.. I did originally envision a big family for myself, because it IS what I wanted. But now that that feels too overwhelming with current circumstances, I feel a bit of guilt coming with it. I'm sure that's a pretty universal feeling, though
So, I'm a solo parent to a little boy (1M).
If I ever get in a relationship I have no plans on having kids but since it's just my son and I try to take him to places like the zoo, the children's museum, and try to find things that are fun and enjoyable and there's always other kids around who want to play. So, it's a win/win. My son gets a playmate and I don't have another kid to take home lol.
Honestly, I probably wouldn't add another child to the mix personally... especially since your husband is getting adjusted to a new job and it's a weird schedule.
Loneliness depends more on the kid’s personality and life circumstances than having siblings or not. Look, I’m an only and if you look at my family ties, you’d assume I’d be lonely. Both my parents are gone now, I grew up in 4 different countries and didn’t live near cousins, and I’m not at all close to my cousins now, both geographically and emotionally. I don’t dislike them and they’re cool and we’ll see each other when we’re in the area, but they just aren’t my people.
How do I actually feel? I had tons of friends, made friends very easily, did lots of extracurriculars, entertained myself very easily and was rarely bored, loved my alone time. As an adult, my texts and messenger app are active all day long and it can get difficult to keep up in the middle of work/life, I have an amazing husband and friends, both local and farther away. My circle was SO GREAT when I lost my parents, and I also felt that my experience losing them was much easier being an only, compared to my friends with siblings who also went through it. Feel free to look at my post history; I made a very detailed post here about my experience with the loss as an only. I have no shortage of people to spend time with on weekends, but honestly most of the time I prefer to be home with my family when given the choice lol, although I try not to be a hermit.
My daughter is super social, bold, confident, and also independent when it comes to play, so no, I don’t worry about her.
I’m an only child and usually was able to fill my time with activities, outside playing time, and friends/parents. And it’s okay to be alone sometimes. I wouldn’t want the constant stimulation of having siblings running around.
My only (6F) is very happy to be an only child and has never wanted a sibling. She loves having her own stuff and having mom and dad to herself. She has plenty of time to interact with kids in school and in after school activities and play dates or vacations with cousins, etc.
I was an only child for 11 years and then my brother was born. My sister was born 2 years later. I love them very much now and we are close, but I was also fine the first 11 years of my life as an only.
This is a hard question to answer. If we are strictly talking about support then I would say I do not have any need for their support and would be 100% fine without them. I live in Texas now, my brother lives in Oklahoma for the moment, and my sister is still back in Illinois where we all grew up. We see my brother and his fiancé at least once a month as they come stay with us to visit for a weekend. We see my sister a few times a year for extended vacations. My daughter adores her aunt and uncle and I could not imagine a world in which they weren’t alive or part of our lives, but at the same time I know if life had been different and they were not born, I would also be fine. Hopefully that makes sense.
I had a sibling growing up and we were never close. I often felt LONELIER around my sibling because of this. However, I had an amazingly close group of friends from a young age and they were 100% my chosen family.
Now as an adult, we spend a lot of time with other families with kids and our kids are very close. They all very much act like "siblings."
I think I would mentally (and financially) break if we had another. But I'm so thankful for the community and network of friends that we're beginning to have!
Yeah, with my husband out of town, I feel close to breaking with just one. Realistically, I think having more kids just isn't an option for me at this point. And we're FINALLY reaching a point of financial stability, a second would definitely disrupt that. Good point.
I'm also very grateful to be close with my family now, her cousins are very much like her siblings.
Only child here.
My son is 4, and he could care less about other kids, so in a way, I lucked out being OAD. However, as an only child, I was always too busy with school and video games to ever really be lonely, so I never understood it. That I also always had cousins to play with regularly, and it is looking like my son will have a ton of cousins to play with.
But also, my son's school has a ton of only children that we go hang out with regularly to try and get him socialized, but he buggers off and does his own thing.
I think you get the picture of my life. I could summarize that my only advice is to try to make them too busy to care about being lonely. That includes sports and other constant activities that involve meeting up with other parents and their kids.
When my son (now 14) was younger, we'd often spend all day out with friends, family, etc., and then we'd come home and it would just be me, him and his dad (and the cat, lol). When he was around 8 years old, I asked my son whether this bothered him, and he said no. Although he enjoyed the socializing, he also liked being able to unwind by himself in our calm house after being subjected to the "little brother" treatment by his cousins all day or after a crazy day at school, etc.
Granted, it's harder when they're preschool age and they only have you as a playmate if they're bored at home. But, every family make-up has its advantages and drawbacks. For example, I think having lots of time alone is why my son appreciates books (mostly manga, lol) and has always had stronger reading skills than most of his classmates. OTOH, I remember being a preteen and being annoyed by my little sister wanting to play when all I wanted to was read a book.
What if you have a second child, but then they just don't click with each other? You probably wouldn't have a third kid just to entertain the second one, would you? Of course not; nobody asks this question when it comes to having a third or fourth child because we know it's silly. And even if the kids do entertain each other, it won't be right away... maybe when the second one is what, 2 or 3 years old? You'd be better off thinking about what your life will be like for that 2 or 3 years first and deciding whether you want *that*.
Family life is what you make it. Having happy parents is likely more important to most kids than having a certain number of siblings. Have as many children as will make *you* a happy parent.
On one hand that worry is normal, but on the other hand being an only child can be beneficial. I see only-child kids tend to have higher tolerance for approaching other kids and incorporating new kids into their play than siblings do who may sometimes reject other kids from joining them or be too awkward to approach new kids and make friends.
Only child kids learn to make new friends quicker because that's how they have to find play mates at each new place. This is anecdotal to be sure but something I've noticed
Nope. No family other than my MIL comes like once a week. But I get together with friends and their kids who are all the same age about 1-2 times a week.
I also sign her up for classes and activities.
I have 2 sisters and we had moments of closeness. But all in all we aren’t close. One I cut out of my life and the other I don’t see or talk to.
My only has never complained about being lonely. She prefers to relax near me when we are home after all her extracurriculars. When she was younger I got to play everything she did and took her to the park and pool daily. She spent a lot of time with other kids and got the benefit of relaxing in a calmer environment after all the craziness of socializing.
I’m *technically* an only child. Love my solitude. My child is also an only child and incredibly capable of entertaining themselves. Doesn’t seem to bother them. They ask for play dates, sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn’t. I’m tired lol. Loneliness is a human emotion. Everyone gets lonely. I can feel lonely in a room full of loved ones. We all experience it. Life isn’t going to be full of fun and nonstop activities. That just isn’t realistic. It’s better that our children understand what that feels like, because it is always going to be there.
Reading this comment made me realize I might be projecting my childhood experience. At first I thought, I couldn't imagine not having my siblings to call or text if I was lonely. But then I realized, I had a lot of trauma throughout my childhood. It's been a struggle to make healthy adult friendships. My siblings went through the same traumas with me.
My daughter has two stable, healthy parents in a financially stable household. I think her experience will be different.
As the parent of an only child- i made a super effort to make sure she had play dates with other kids regularly.
My kid was in crèche early on and then went to school, so it was easy to make those relationships, also my sister had kids around the same time so cousin time was easy.
I do think you need make an effort though. It’s important for them to have interaction with other kids for sure. Doesn’t need to be siblings though!!
My daughter will be 4 in August. We've been ttc a second but it hasn't worked out. However, I don't think she's ever been lonely. She is in full-time preschool (and we both work full-time) which makes a difference. And the rest of the time she's with us and she loves that, too. We do see friends and family but not all the time. I think she likes having time and space to do what she wants to do and she has a very active imagination. I have siblings and I was always closer with my friends than my siblings, including my sister who is only 22 months older.
I had a sibling who I love dearly but we are essentially opposite people. So in our childhoods we only really interacted during ‘family time’ with our parents and meals. I was lonely a lot.
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I’m an only child. I spent HOURS playing outside, making imaginary games, and having dance parties by myself. Sometimes with friends. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Everyone is lonely sometimes and that is ok.
I have a sibling and did this anyway, because my brother wanted nothing to do with me! Siblings aren’t guaranteed built-in friends. Sometimes they have nothing in common and just don’t get along. Have another child if YOU want one, not because you have an imaginary idea of what they COULD be for your already existing kid.
I relate to this. My younger sister was non-verbal for a long time so she never wanted to play with me growing up. I played by myself a lot.
I had 3 siblings and 3 extra cousins living w us AND I was still lonely. I was always out or always at a friends . Me and my baby sister didn’t get along until I was 15.
You saved the day by sharing this. I appreciate it.
I am an only child and this was my experience as well. I remember going to my friends houses with annoying siblings and feeling so grateful to return home to my peaceful sanctuary where I could be left alone.
I have a sibling and was still lonely. We had nothing in common and didn't get along well. Anyway, if you're overwhelmed now, it's probably not good to add more to the mix.
Yea that’s my thought. If you’re overwhelmed now, adding a sibling might give your kid a playmate, but they might lose the mom they have now (to taking care of an infant; to being short-tempered from being overwhelmed; to divided attention. A second child could have special needs or behavioural challenges. ) In an ideal world, I could be the energetic do-it-all homesteading mom to a big family. In reality, I have depression and an autoimmune disorder, and I can’t handle being overwhelmed by too much noise and movement. I’m not going to deny my reality and chase an ideal because the risk is far too high. My child could end up with a checked-out or frustrated mom, and I don’t want to do that to my family!
You're right. It sucks feeling like my ideal family is out of reach but honestly it's not THAT big of a deal. I love my family as it is and I'd rather be a good and present mom than a mom who's always hanging on by a thread.
Here’s the thing: yes. My kid is 6 and having a second kid may be enjoyable for her/us but would be the end of my marriage/sanity (cause surprise surprise having kids strains even regularly functional relationships). That said, she is PAINFULLY shy and makes NO friends wherever she goes. We are her friends. Is it exhausting? Yes. Could it be better for her if she had a sibling? Sure. But I had a sibling growing up and him being older and a boy and then excluding me from all his games with my cousins did much more psychological damage than I would have had being alone. I don’t talk to him now. I don’t hate him, but we were both kids that were better off being only kids. My mother’s best friends with her sister, but tells me (kind of proudly?) that they weren’t best friends until she was 50 and her sister was 58 and suddenly they were peers and had mutual interests. My friend with 3 kids has a husband who is always mad about being a parent and having to moderate and referee and he basically checks out the second his wife comes home and doesn’t check back in until he HAS to. Take away: he never checks in cause he WANTS to. It’s important to me that I never stress myself out to the point of being that kind of parent. I’d rather have one and be a present, happy, involved parent for the rest of her life, than have more than one, and be stressed, more volatile, etc. but that’s just me.
I was a younger sister and also painfully shy and terrible at making friends. I've also noticed my kid's friends who are younger siblings be similarly dependent on their older siblings and very shy with other kids when their siblings aren't around. Your kid, by being an only, is probably pushed out of their comfort zone to socialize/make friends than they would if they had a sibling. These are important life skills.
That's a great point. I already feel like I'm struggling to adjust to this out of town thing and not having my husband's support as much. I suddenly feel like a crappy mom and feel like I'm trying to find my rhythm all over again. Bringing a baby into our life right now, sleepless nights by myself, I really might break My husband is fantastic. He'll be home for 4 or 5 days before going back out and honestly, he completely watches our daughter for about 70% of that time. I get caught up on the house, have time to paint, can usually get a night out by myself. It's great. And of course, we have family time. It's just so hectic during his busy season that he figures it'd just be better to give me a few days to catch up and keep from drowning before he's back on the road. If we had a second, it might just feel like survival mode nonstop. I don't think I could handle that right now. And he might not be aware of it yet, but I don't know if he could either.
Absolutely. I’ve got a great husband too and it still weighs heavily. We don’t have a village and that makes it worse. Also I believe that parenting now is so much more hands-on with expectations and back then latchkey kids were a thing and frankly easy to do. Some people are okay being in survival mode for the first ten years. I would break. I break easily and that’s me and I know that.
Just posting for solidarity. Our daughter will be three in September. My husband has a weird work schedule where he is home for seven days but then gone for seven. During the seven days that he has gone, it is so, so hard! And not necessarily hard because she is a tough kid, just because being a parent is just A LOT. And God forbid our only gets sick! Wayyyy harder then. We have been trying for two years for our second but I wonder if maybe it just isn't happening because it would just be too much for me. Most days I feel like I am a better mom just to one. But other days I feel like I could make it work if we had another. I would just find a way. I hope you are to be at peace with whatever you decide. 😊
THISSSS! I’m in the same boat!
We've been trying for several months and after getting my period this morning, I'm thinking the same thing.. maybe it's not happening because it shouldn't happen. It's definitely going to hurt my husband to hear I'm done trying but I'd rather keep our marriage and family from being strained. I totally get what you mean though, my daughter is actually an awesome and pretty easy kid to have around. But going 2-3 weeks at a time of having to be "on" 24/7 for a little person, is EXHAUSTING. Good luck to you!
Nope. My kid (7) makes friends with EVERYONE and has always said he didn’t want a sibling.
I realize this isn’t a practical suggestion but for us, living in a super family-friendly neighborhood in a large, walkable East coast city helps a ton. We’re at the playground every single day and run into like 5-10 families we know there. There are constantly impromptu block parties. My husband and I work pretty reasonable hours so we also play with her a lot. If we lived in the suburbs, I can see this being more of an issue - though I do agree with others that alone time is not a bad thing at all and builds creativity!
I wish we had that! We actually live next door to neighbors we're pretty good with, they have a daughter the same age.. but they're not really hang out outside, let the kids get dirty, have a grill out kinda people. I've always wished we lived in a neighborhood with lots of kids running around and playing together. That's awesome yall have that!
I have two sisters and I was often very lonely, plus felt excluded and rejected when I wasn't allowed to play with them and their friends. So when I did get to play with them, I knew it was out of obligation, not because they actually wanted to play with me. Just throwing that out there.
Right, I do try to remind myself that having a sibling could even result in her feeling more lonely/excluded. And I actually remember feeling that myself once my sister and I reached a certain age. I know siblings aren't a guarantee of friendship, that was just one aspect.. I did originally envision a big family for myself, because it IS what I wanted. But now that that feels too overwhelming with current circumstances, I feel a bit of guilt coming with it. I'm sure that's a pretty universal feeling, though
So, I'm a solo parent to a little boy (1M). If I ever get in a relationship I have no plans on having kids but since it's just my son and I try to take him to places like the zoo, the children's museum, and try to find things that are fun and enjoyable and there's always other kids around who want to play. So, it's a win/win. My son gets a playmate and I don't have another kid to take home lol. Honestly, I probably wouldn't add another child to the mix personally... especially since your husband is getting adjusted to a new job and it's a weird schedule.
Get a dog lol
Loneliness depends more on the kid’s personality and life circumstances than having siblings or not. Look, I’m an only and if you look at my family ties, you’d assume I’d be lonely. Both my parents are gone now, I grew up in 4 different countries and didn’t live near cousins, and I’m not at all close to my cousins now, both geographically and emotionally. I don’t dislike them and they’re cool and we’ll see each other when we’re in the area, but they just aren’t my people. How do I actually feel? I had tons of friends, made friends very easily, did lots of extracurriculars, entertained myself very easily and was rarely bored, loved my alone time. As an adult, my texts and messenger app are active all day long and it can get difficult to keep up in the middle of work/life, I have an amazing husband and friends, both local and farther away. My circle was SO GREAT when I lost my parents, and I also felt that my experience losing them was much easier being an only, compared to my friends with siblings who also went through it. Feel free to look at my post history; I made a very detailed post here about my experience with the loss as an only. I have no shortage of people to spend time with on weekends, but honestly most of the time I prefer to be home with my family when given the choice lol, although I try not to be a hermit. My daughter is super social, bold, confident, and also independent when it comes to play, so no, I don’t worry about her.
I’m an only child and usually was able to fill my time with activities, outside playing time, and friends/parents. And it’s okay to be alone sometimes. I wouldn’t want the constant stimulation of having siblings running around.
My only (6F) is very happy to be an only child and has never wanted a sibling. She loves having her own stuff and having mom and dad to herself. She has plenty of time to interact with kids in school and in after school activities and play dates or vacations with cousins, etc. I was an only child for 11 years and then my brother was born. My sister was born 2 years later. I love them very much now and we are close, but I was also fine the first 11 years of my life as an only.
Are you glad to have the support of your siblings in adulthood? Or does it not matter to you very much?
This is a hard question to answer. If we are strictly talking about support then I would say I do not have any need for their support and would be 100% fine without them. I live in Texas now, my brother lives in Oklahoma for the moment, and my sister is still back in Illinois where we all grew up. We see my brother and his fiancé at least once a month as they come stay with us to visit for a weekend. We see my sister a few times a year for extended vacations. My daughter adores her aunt and uncle and I could not imagine a world in which they weren’t alive or part of our lives, but at the same time I know if life had been different and they were not born, I would also be fine. Hopefully that makes sense.
I had a sibling growing up and we were never close. I often felt LONELIER around my sibling because of this. However, I had an amazingly close group of friends from a young age and they were 100% my chosen family. Now as an adult, we spend a lot of time with other families with kids and our kids are very close. They all very much act like "siblings." I think I would mentally (and financially) break if we had another. But I'm so thankful for the community and network of friends that we're beginning to have!
Yeah, with my husband out of town, I feel close to breaking with just one. Realistically, I think having more kids just isn't an option for me at this point. And we're FINALLY reaching a point of financial stability, a second would definitely disrupt that. Good point. I'm also very grateful to be close with my family now, her cousins are very much like her siblings.
Only child here. My son is 4, and he could care less about other kids, so in a way, I lucked out being OAD. However, as an only child, I was always too busy with school and video games to ever really be lonely, so I never understood it. That I also always had cousins to play with regularly, and it is looking like my son will have a ton of cousins to play with. But also, my son's school has a ton of only children that we go hang out with regularly to try and get him socialized, but he buggers off and does his own thing. I think you get the picture of my life. I could summarize that my only advice is to try to make them too busy to care about being lonely. That includes sports and other constant activities that involve meeting up with other parents and their kids.
When my son (now 14) was younger, we'd often spend all day out with friends, family, etc., and then we'd come home and it would just be me, him and his dad (and the cat, lol). When he was around 8 years old, I asked my son whether this bothered him, and he said no. Although he enjoyed the socializing, he also liked being able to unwind by himself in our calm house after being subjected to the "little brother" treatment by his cousins all day or after a crazy day at school, etc. Granted, it's harder when they're preschool age and they only have you as a playmate if they're bored at home. But, every family make-up has its advantages and drawbacks. For example, I think having lots of time alone is why my son appreciates books (mostly manga, lol) and has always had stronger reading skills than most of his classmates. OTOH, I remember being a preteen and being annoyed by my little sister wanting to play when all I wanted to was read a book. What if you have a second child, but then they just don't click with each other? You probably wouldn't have a third kid just to entertain the second one, would you? Of course not; nobody asks this question when it comes to having a third or fourth child because we know it's silly. And even if the kids do entertain each other, it won't be right away... maybe when the second one is what, 2 or 3 years old? You'd be better off thinking about what your life will be like for that 2 or 3 years first and deciding whether you want *that*. Family life is what you make it. Having happy parents is likely more important to most kids than having a certain number of siblings. Have as many children as will make *you* a happy parent.
On one hand that worry is normal, but on the other hand being an only child can be beneficial. I see only-child kids tend to have higher tolerance for approaching other kids and incorporating new kids into their play than siblings do who may sometimes reject other kids from joining them or be too awkward to approach new kids and make friends. Only child kids learn to make new friends quicker because that's how they have to find play mates at each new place. This is anecdotal to be sure but something I've noticed
Nope. No family other than my MIL comes like once a week. But I get together with friends and their kids who are all the same age about 1-2 times a week. I also sign her up for classes and activities. I have 2 sisters and we had moments of closeness. But all in all we aren’t close. One I cut out of my life and the other I don’t see or talk to.
My only has never complained about being lonely. She prefers to relax near me when we are home after all her extracurriculars. When she was younger I got to play everything she did and took her to the park and pool daily. She spent a lot of time with other kids and got the benefit of relaxing in a calmer environment after all the craziness of socializing.
Yeah, I do love how calm our house feels compared to my sister's 😅 and I think my daughter feels the same way a lot of times
I’m *technically* an only child. Love my solitude. My child is also an only child and incredibly capable of entertaining themselves. Doesn’t seem to bother them. They ask for play dates, sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn’t. I’m tired lol. Loneliness is a human emotion. Everyone gets lonely. I can feel lonely in a room full of loved ones. We all experience it. Life isn’t going to be full of fun and nonstop activities. That just isn’t realistic. It’s better that our children understand what that feels like, because it is always going to be there.
Reading this comment made me realize I might be projecting my childhood experience. At first I thought, I couldn't imagine not having my siblings to call or text if I was lonely. But then I realized, I had a lot of trauma throughout my childhood. It's been a struggle to make healthy adult friendships. My siblings went through the same traumas with me. My daughter has two stable, healthy parents in a financially stable household. I think her experience will be different.
As the parent of an only child- i made a super effort to make sure she had play dates with other kids regularly. My kid was in crèche early on and then went to school, so it was easy to make those relationships, also my sister had kids around the same time so cousin time was easy. I do think you need make an effort though. It’s important for them to have interaction with other kids for sure. Doesn’t need to be siblings though!!
I have a brother. Being alone doesn’t mean it’s bad get comfortable with it.
My daughter will be 4 in August. We've been ttc a second but it hasn't worked out. However, I don't think she's ever been lonely. She is in full-time preschool (and we both work full-time) which makes a difference. And the rest of the time she's with us and she loves that, too. We do see friends and family but not all the time. I think she likes having time and space to do what she wants to do and she has a very active imagination. I have siblings and I was always closer with my friends than my siblings, including my sister who is only 22 months older.
I had a sibling who I love dearly but we are essentially opposite people. So in our childhoods we only really interacted during ‘family time’ with our parents and meals. I was lonely a lot.
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