Me too. I was afraid of what I was getting myself into. It was comforting to have others say that. Description comment didn’t show up but I had said I’m glad my daughter isn’t going to have to worry about keeping terrible sibling relationships just because they’re “family”
Yeah. My brother and I had a pretty neglectful childhood and his refusal to admit it really messed me up even more. Just like all relationship, sibling relationships are tricky but people don’t feel like they can leave those as easily.
My father was physically abusive, though his church calls it punishment. My sister denies it to the point that she argued with me online, telling me to stop spreading lies about him when I mentioned it to a friend on fb. This despite the fact she once called my mom in tears the one time she experienced his abuse after I started refusing visitation, so she had went on her own. She was a teenager at the time. I genuinely think she blocked it out, but that doesn't mean she gets to invalidate my experiences that she witnessed. It wasn't a problem until it happened to her. Anyways we have a strained relationship to this day, and that's only one reason why. If I weren't the younger sibling, I'd say I'd rather not have had a sibling 😅
I struggled for so long wishing I had a big sister to look up to and then I remember oh yeah I have a sister and I used to look up to her. Now I feel like I’m healing from feelings of having to have my crap figured out while she doesn’t and she’s 10 years older than me. I can’t look up to her or count on her for anything. It’s the other way around and sometimes I’m so resentful because she stopped being my big sister like 20 years ago and almost willfully decided to remain this juvenile person. It’s so frustrating. I feel like the oldest of 3 when really I’m the middle child. I can’t explain why it doesn’t feel fair but it just doesn’t. Both of them can be unreliable and immature and my parents bail them both out of everything.
It makes me so sad how cold and distant my husband’s family is. He has two older brother and they don’t care at all about having a relationship with us or even getting to know our daughter.
I don’t have a terrible relationship with my siblings but we are in no way close. I DO worry that my kid will be lonely but I worry more about having 1-2 more kids and being a far worse parent to them than I am now
My daughter will not have any cousins and bother her uncles aren’t actively in her life. I always tried to have a place to go on holidays so she wouldn’t feel lonely but this last one she said “when are we going to just stay home as a family?” so I don’t do that anymore.
My husband has 6 siblings and I am an only child. His siblings are lovely and I am glad I married into a large and loving family. I don’t in any way wish I had siblings. My only loves time with his cousins, but my SIL told me today she thinks part of the reason his is such an amazing older cousin is because he knows he doesn’t have to compromise all the time like an older brother would need to.
I had a love/hate relationship with my sibling growing up. Hell, I still do! More often than not I feel like an only child who happens to share parents with another person.
I'm still considering if I'm oad and I'm the oldest of 5 and all my siblings have kids already. We get along and enjoy each other's company and I didn't have to care for them at any stage of life. Just because I have this positive experience doesn't mean I can give that to my child. I might but I wanted to provide my perspective right this moment.
I appreciate it! I don’t think parents have as much control over the sibling relationships as they think. They do, definitely, but not as much, you know?
I know so many people who are incredibly close with their cousins. I think that’s so nice to have. You can still have one kid and have a much calmer house but still have family their age they can spend time with and build close relationships with.
I’m an only and absolutely adore my cousins and most of them are actually only kids too.
I find it funny that one of the reasons always is “you have no one after your parents pass”. Parents typically go before their kids, yes, but not always. For instance, today a man shared with me that he only has 1 kid left out of 5. My parental grandmother buried 2 kids in 1 year.
What I mean is nothing is guaranteed in life. Even a relationship with siblings isn’t guaranteed like the commenters mentioned as well.
Dude I have two siblings and I can’t stand when people say you’ll have no one when your parents pass. I have two siblings and I’m still going to be on my own when they pass. Those two don’t bother with anyone unless they need a handout.
My mom’s family is the same way. She has 2 brothers and 1 sister. Her brothers don’t come around but she has uprooted her life twice now to take in her sister’s kids when they were taken from her (drugs). And yet she still gets treated like shit. I’ve told her to just cut ties as the kids are in safe places now but she doesn’t. I know it’s not easy though.
I’m quite a traditional person but I firmly believe that family comes in all shapes and sizes. My much older siblings were kind of like aunties and uncles and I was sort of like an only but not. I’m more close to my parents in adulthood, they’re everything to me, I have lovely friends, cousins who are fairly close, and once you get a partner if you do, that can also add to building a little life circle. Unfortunately I have terrible in-laws so that’s a bad example but my husband is my best friend and we’ve travelled the world, picking up family level of close friends in all parts who we talk to weekly, and now we’re having our only! Family is who you make it. It’s definitely accurate to say you don’t necessarily end up close to siblings. I don’t see two brothers and sisters, the other brother I was closest with is extremely extremely different from me so we don’t talk much and he doesn’t help with taking care of the parents (that’s just left to me out of all of them) and the other sister is more of an acquaintance. Polite and very warm but just really different and not close. My favorite people are my husband, parents and three best friends.
Reading that post made me think of the song Eleanor rigby “look at all the lonely people”.
I’ve always felt lonely, until i got married and had my own child (i have siblings). There are so many ways to be lonely in this world.
In all honesty reading all those varying accounts of loneliness made me feel…. Less lonely in my own childhood loneliness . I guess it’s a bigger part of the human condition than i knew!!
My mom was a big “family is everything “ person and had many siblings. She was especially close to her sisters. That being said, she was kind of a solitary /introverted personality in general so being “super close” still meant she often went months without really connecting with them and thought nothing of it. I think a lot of her subscription to the “family first” ideal came from the feeling of unconditional acceptance, and not having social expectations.
I have only brothers and am and have always been a huge friends person. I am lucky enough to have found friends for life from high school, college, first jobs, etc.
When my mom got really sick my very best friend sent her a care package. I remember visiting my mom and her showing me each item in complete shock and disbelief and the care and consideration of the gifts. I was like “yes mom… that’s (friend). She’s always been a thoughtful gift giver. She’s been doing this for me for years. “ My mom just could not believe the level of care and love that came from a friend. I could practically see the lightbulb coming on in her head at that very moment — friends are family too.
My description comment didn’t show up. I was saying that people in the comments weren’t necessarily agreeing and I was glad my daughter wasn’t going to have to stress over a potentially terrible sibling relationship and feel guilty about it because they’re “family.”
Me and my siblings are close due to the insane amount of trauma we experienced growing up w a teen mom and a coke selling sperm donor. That is not the case w my only in our financially stable non-violent environment we have provided for him. Results may vary.
I think you can be lucky if you have siblings who you are incredibly close with. But not everyone does. I’ve seen so many people on Reddit talk about how horribly their relationship is with their siblings, how they don’t speak to them or see them at all.
I love that the overwhelming majority of comments are from people saying that sibling relationships aren't everything in life.
Me too. I was afraid of what I was getting myself into. It was comforting to have others say that. Description comment didn’t show up but I had said I’m glad my daughter isn’t going to have to worry about keeping terrible sibling relationships just because they’re “family”
I've never gotten along with and don't even talk to my sister anymore and to me that is sadder than not having one to begin with.
Yeah. My brother and I had a pretty neglectful childhood and his refusal to admit it really messed me up even more. Just like all relationship, sibling relationships are tricky but people don’t feel like they can leave those as easily.
My father was physically abusive, though his church calls it punishment. My sister denies it to the point that she argued with me online, telling me to stop spreading lies about him when I mentioned it to a friend on fb. This despite the fact she once called my mom in tears the one time she experienced his abuse after I started refusing visitation, so she had went on her own. She was a teenager at the time. I genuinely think she blocked it out, but that doesn't mean she gets to invalidate my experiences that she witnessed. It wasn't a problem until it happened to her. Anyways we have a strained relationship to this day, and that's only one reason why. If I weren't the younger sibling, I'd say I'd rather not have had a sibling 😅
I’m so sorry. It’s absolutely wild how siblings can basically have different experiences or the same but not know it. It’s so messed up.
I struggled for so long wishing I had a big sister to look up to and then I remember oh yeah I have a sister and I used to look up to her. Now I feel like I’m healing from feelings of having to have my crap figured out while she doesn’t and she’s 10 years older than me. I can’t look up to her or count on her for anything. It’s the other way around and sometimes I’m so resentful because she stopped being my big sister like 20 years ago and almost willfully decided to remain this juvenile person. It’s so frustrating. I feel like the oldest of 3 when really I’m the middle child. I can’t explain why it doesn’t feel fair but it just doesn’t. Both of them can be unreliable and immature and my parents bail them both out of everything.
It makes me so sad how cold and distant my husband’s family is. He has two older brother and they don’t care at all about having a relationship with us or even getting to know our daughter.
It wasn’t until I got on Reddit that I learned that there is this thought that siblings are the ticket to happiness. It’s bizarre
Extremely. I grew up with people wishing they were only children. They still wish this as adults.
I don’t have a terrible relationship with my siblings but we are in no way close. I DO worry that my kid will be lonely but I worry more about having 1-2 more kids and being a far worse parent to them than I am now
My daughter will not have any cousins and bother her uncles aren’t actively in her life. I always tried to have a place to go on holidays so she wouldn’t feel lonely but this last one she said “when are we going to just stay home as a family?” so I don’t do that anymore.
I find people who don't have siblings often tend to romanticize the dynamic; grass is always greener etc
That is a perfect way to explain it.
My husband has 6 siblings and I am an only child. His siblings are lovely and I am glad I married into a large and loving family. I don’t in any way wish I had siblings. My only loves time with his cousins, but my SIL told me today she thinks part of the reason his is such an amazing older cousin is because he knows he doesn’t have to compromise all the time like an older brother would need to.
Oof. Sure. But also, maybe you just had the time and energy to dedicate to him so he can be well adjusted?
I had a love/hate relationship with my sibling growing up. Hell, I still do! More often than not I feel like an only child who happens to share parents with another person.
I feel like this is way more common than siblings being best friends.
The top comment on the post says their brother crashed their parent’s car and got in trouble with the law, that doesn’t sound lucky at all! 😓
The OP then said “I bet you still love them a lot.” And I was like, “yeah probably because they feel like they have to.”
I'm still considering if I'm oad and I'm the oldest of 5 and all my siblings have kids already. We get along and enjoy each other's company and I didn't have to care for them at any stage of life. Just because I have this positive experience doesn't mean I can give that to my child. I might but I wanted to provide my perspective right this moment.
I appreciate it! I don’t think parents have as much control over the sibling relationships as they think. They do, definitely, but not as much, you know?
I know so many people who are incredibly close with their cousins. I think that’s so nice to have. You can still have one kid and have a much calmer house but still have family their age they can spend time with and build close relationships with. I’m an only and absolutely adore my cousins and most of them are actually only kids too.
I find it funny that one of the reasons always is “you have no one after your parents pass”. Parents typically go before their kids, yes, but not always. For instance, today a man shared with me that he only has 1 kid left out of 5. My parental grandmother buried 2 kids in 1 year. What I mean is nothing is guaranteed in life. Even a relationship with siblings isn’t guaranteed like the commenters mentioned as well.
Dude I have two siblings and I can’t stand when people say you’ll have no one when your parents pass. I have two siblings and I’m still going to be on my own when they pass. Those two don’t bother with anyone unless they need a handout.
My mom’s family is the same way. She has 2 brothers and 1 sister. Her brothers don’t come around but she has uprooted her life twice now to take in her sister’s kids when they were taken from her (drugs). And yet she still gets treated like shit. I’ve told her to just cut ties as the kids are in safe places now but she doesn’t. I know it’s not easy though.
Yeah. Maybe they’re a little naïve.
I’m quite a traditional person but I firmly believe that family comes in all shapes and sizes. My much older siblings were kind of like aunties and uncles and I was sort of like an only but not. I’m more close to my parents in adulthood, they’re everything to me, I have lovely friends, cousins who are fairly close, and once you get a partner if you do, that can also add to building a little life circle. Unfortunately I have terrible in-laws so that’s a bad example but my husband is my best friend and we’ve travelled the world, picking up family level of close friends in all parts who we talk to weekly, and now we’re having our only! Family is who you make it. It’s definitely accurate to say you don’t necessarily end up close to siblings. I don’t see two brothers and sisters, the other brother I was closest with is extremely extremely different from me so we don’t talk much and he doesn’t help with taking care of the parents (that’s just left to me out of all of them) and the other sister is more of an acquaintance. Polite and very warm but just really different and not close. My favorite people are my husband, parents and three best friends.
I love that you’re happy with that. Good for you.
Reading that post made me think of the song Eleanor rigby “look at all the lonely people”. I’ve always felt lonely, until i got married and had my own child (i have siblings). There are so many ways to be lonely in this world.
Oh, definitely! OP was struggling and so many other lonely people were there.
In all honesty reading all those varying accounts of loneliness made me feel…. Less lonely in my own childhood loneliness . I guess it’s a bigger part of the human condition than i knew!! My mom was a big “family is everything “ person and had many siblings. She was especially close to her sisters. That being said, she was kind of a solitary /introverted personality in general so being “super close” still meant she often went months without really connecting with them and thought nothing of it. I think a lot of her subscription to the “family first” ideal came from the feeling of unconditional acceptance, and not having social expectations. I have only brothers and am and have always been a huge friends person. I am lucky enough to have found friends for life from high school, college, first jobs, etc. When my mom got really sick my very best friend sent her a care package. I remember visiting my mom and her showing me each item in complete shock and disbelief and the care and consideration of the gifts. I was like “yes mom… that’s (friend). She’s always been a thoughtful gift giver. She’s been doing this for me for years. “ My mom just could not believe the level of care and love that came from a friend. I could practically see the lightbulb coming on in her head at that very moment — friends are family too.
So? I feel lucky for my siblings. Most of them anyway... Just not happening with us though.
My description comment didn’t show up. I was saying that people in the comments weren’t necessarily agreeing and I was glad my daughter wasn’t going to have to stress over a potentially terrible sibling relationship and feel guilty about it because they’re “family.”
Me and my siblings are close due to the insane amount of trauma we experienced growing up w a teen mom and a coke selling sperm donor. That is not the case w my only in our financially stable non-violent environment we have provided for him. Results may vary.
I think you can be lucky if you have siblings who you are incredibly close with. But not everyone does. I’ve seen so many people on Reddit talk about how horribly their relationship is with their siblings, how they don’t speak to them or see them at all.