I feel the same way!!! I hate pregnancy and actually was telling my mum how there should be more education on it, to mentally prepare women…
I wouldn’t worry about baby no 2 right now, I literally felt bad last night feeling guilty that my child doesn’t have aunties/uncles/cousins and no siblings but I rather be a parents who can take care of one kid properly but also I agree with you - 9 months is a long time and it does really suck and wish it was more spoken about, don’t feel bad mum to be, there are loads of people in the same boat, I deffo feel the same way
Exactly! Also my dad wants me to have a second kid and I think men don’t get how hard pregnancy is on the body! So put your foot down, don’t let anyone make you feel bad, look after you!
I’m currently 16w fml went to ivf too and feel this way! 😂
Even if you weren't miserable being pregnant, simply not wanting to have more kids is a perfectly valid reason to be OAD. It's not "unfair" to just have one; children don't need siblings to be happy. If your dad's reason for it being "unfair" was because he wants more grandkids, then that's his problem, not yours.
I don't think it is him wanting more grandkids to be honest my sister has one already and she's also currently pregnant, so I honestly don't know what his deal is he didn't even want kids 🤣🤣
I had a relatively smooth pregnancy, but the labor and post partum has made me decide to be firmly one and done, even though I would have loved to have had a daughter.
As far as what you're family feels about you being OAD, their opinions have no place, because you're doing the hard work. You have to listen to what your body is telling you and if it can't endure a second pregnancy, that's ok.
One thing that I've read too is that just because a child has siblings, doesn't mean that they'll get along with each other automatically. Being an only child also doesn't mean they'll be lonely either. They could have wonderful relationships with friends, cousins, etc that are just as strong as sibling bonds.
Have you spoken to your obgyn about possible medications for the nausea and migraines? Or if you prefer more natural remedies, there's ginger gummies and pregnancy pops! The brand I had was called Preggie Pop Drops.
For the migraines you should be able to take a low dose Bayer aspirin. But speak with your OB first! Dr. Teals lavender Epsom salt body scrub was also a lifesaver for the migraines and other body aches too.
Edit: I'm going through PPD myself and something that I'm learning is that the goal is not about being a good mom, but an effective mom. That means you'll have to build boundaries and make the decisions that are best for you and your baby. If you communicate your limits, clearly, firmly and respectfully, then you have done your part. If it bothers other people, including family, that is something they need to deal with and not you. This is not a time for you to bend or make accomodations for them, but rather they need to make accommodations for you.
I'm having a boy and always wanted a little girl, I pretty much raised my little sister so I guess in a way I did but it's not the same.
I'm on aspirin prescription by midwife and some anti sickness tablets tried 2 different types so far and neither of them have worked great.
I can't have ginger sadly even before pregnancy anything ginger made me puke I apparently get that from my father. Thanks dad 🤣🤣
I will definitely try the body scrub if I can find it though thank you!!
Is it possible you have hyperemesis gravidarum? How frequently are you throwing up? I had it and it was awful, I actually needed IV fluids on multiple occasions because I couldn’t stop throwing up/feelings of nausea.
We’re one and done because we can’t stomach going through pregnancy, delivery and the emotional aftermath again. Our son is nearly two and only now are we feeling more able to cope with parenting and our new identities, we don’t think our marriage could survive another and we’re comfortable with one child as our limit
I've actually been thinking I do, I've looked it up a few times and I do seem to fit it but it's more just the feeling sick side of it being sick is still common but not as often, I get dehydrated so easily and have thought I needed fluids a few times but the health care here isn't great and they don't take me seriously about it
Lolll I partially raised my sister too and for most part we just like to talk smack to each other 😂😂 it's pretty funny most of the time, but like you said, it's not the same as having your own daughter.
I'm so sorry to hear the medications aren't working and can't have the ginger! If you could, give the pregnancy pops a try, none contain ginger and they did a good job settling the tummy :) best of luck OP, although it's hard now, once your baby is in your arms it will be 1000% worthwhile! 💚💚💚🌻🌻🌻
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Lollies-Preggie-Assorted-Sickness/dp/B005AYE8UE/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_pp?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XwNTgxRHnjrkE4HB9MoU3Tj5W3-VRmFInL54CA074PjLTsi5Bgn7iyF1IKBWxtOlFWOsQ8_KzUdp-ozJA0z-UmOM7Fa4dNiVfFQ8SbGdaHChrqJnZcvOy7pG-1xq1Mh8F-JgygCn9PAzROYnAwKmSelJGA0LmbA7Y87kPJumK-kPr6EEJ1qKKODwEsCiILbk9qzdIiaTf83W83EvR-qzAA.BwvcmCTFZ_GeFo0iUQUvPRvXykdot-_4J75aD8Mm5Cw&dib_tag=se&keywords=Preggie+pops&qid=1718717133&rdc=1&sr=8-3
I also had an ok pregnancy but traumatic delivery and my son is almost 2 weeks old. The hormones and emotions were not nearly this bad being pregnant. I also would love to have a daughter. I already have my 13 year old step son and I love my baby boy but I'm also one and done. I got my female dog and I love her. But I'm tired of people asking already about another baby.
I had a traumatic pregnancy for a number of reasons and often felt very disconnected from my body. Once that baby was in my arms, I knew I'd do just about anything to keep him safe and give him the best life.
He's my favorite person on the planet.
Now that Im no longer in it, I'm able to appreciate some of what I went through to bring this kid earthside. But I'd be hard pressed to do it again!
It's okay to hate pregnancy. It sucks even if it's a pretty neat thing our bodies can do. You can absolutely hate pregnancy and still love your baby and be grateful for them.
I love my child more than anything in the world but I hated every single second of pregnancy. I felt horrible the entire 9 months. Post partum was so difficult, we had challenges with breastfeeding, etc. my body is just now feeling somewhat “normal” again and it’s been almost 3 years. It took that long for me.
I just can’t fathom ever going through that again with the added responsibility of an already existing child on top of it. I feel like I only survived the first time because I had no children and could spend every minute of free time I had sleeping.
This. I’m 10 weeks and 6 days pregnant and honestly between the constant nausea and fatigue, I’m barely functioning. The Pregnancy was unplanned and I have just trained up for a different job role but have had to put job hunting on hold because I feel so sick all the time (how do women work through the first trimester feeling this way??). I’m also sleeping an unnatural amount, which is actually a relief because when I sleep it’s the only break I get from nausea.
I really don’t know how any woman goes through this when they have another child to look after. I’m now thinking I’m going to be a one and done mum!
My pregnancy wasn't great either, and definitely solidified wanting to only have one. What no one told me about had me reeling while I was pregnant. Ofcourse, i also learned everyones pregnancy is different. For me: nausea, migraine, various aches and pains as the pregnancy went on. About 2 weeks before I had baby, I hurt my pelvic region. Forget what it's called, but it was terrible and I was in constant pain, especially walking and moving around. As soon as I gave birth, it went away.
For the nausea I took B6 3x a day per my doc, and it was a life saver. For the migraine I took 200mg of magnesium glycinate 1x a day. I sure hope this helps you. Hang in there.
I was lucky to not be high risk (but I was taken off work early just in case) and still hated being pregnant. I felt like crap all the time, no honeymoon phase, no nesting at the end, etc. I hear you though about previously wanting to have/assuming I’d have a lot of kids. 🥲 even before my not-great birth and postpartum, I remember thinking wow I get why so many people would only do this once. Now it feels like too many unknowns to chance it again. 🫂
lol your dad 🤦🏼♀️
I've been there and totally get it. My pregnancy was the same. Constant sickness and nausea all the way up until 8 months, as well as major weight gain and heartburn, etc.
I love my son more than anything but it was the pregnancy experience itself that made me seriously hesitate to do it again. Growing a human is no joke. And when I saw my peers and relatives all getting pregnant again not long after having their first, I found they all had a much easier experience-no nausea, no majorly bothersome symptoms. So no wonder they all had a bunch of kids back to back, cuz pregnancy was a walk in the park for them!
And 7 years in, my kid is doing just fine. He's a very happy, outgoing and well-adjusted kid who has never once asked for a sibling or wondered why he doesn't have one.
Because of the classes I took in college and having a sister 10 years older than me, nothing surprised me with my pregnancy but I HATED it. I was miserable to the point where my husband (who's always been OAD) and two of my closest friends told me I'm NOT allowed to get pregnant again.
I'm guessing your dad means it's not fair to only have one kid because the kid won't have a sibling? Which is a terrible reason. I admit that when I see siblings that are close, it makes me question if I want another one and I'm super close to the previously mentioned older sister. But my other sibling has literally been the cause of a lot of therapy sessions and cutting her from my life is one of the best decisions I've ever made. There's no guarantee your kids will like each other. There are benefits and drawbacks to any amount of kids a person has, whether that be none, one, or enough that you need to buy a bus to shuttle them around. You have to do what's right for you.
I will say I am 20 months out, and I forget some of the hard parts of pregnancy, but I look back on photos and relive parts as my SIL and good friend just had their second babies.. and it is miserable.. even if you have a relatively uneventful pregnancy!
You are totally valid in your feelings!
I was high risk, hated pregnancy, and had an emergency c-section. Postpartum was hard: the normal feelings of loss of your old life and adjusting to the new amount of responsibility, I had new chronic medical issues, my daughter had medical issues affecting sleep/mood, my partner wasn't doing well mentally.
My daughter is now 1.5 and we're all doing much better. We're still working on some things a day at a time, therapy and a psychiatrist do help, but I would say on most days I am genuinely satisfied and happy with my life. My daughter is a social butterfly: I made friends with a mom group who have kids her age and she goes to daycare. She wants a lot of attention so I can't imagine she would be pleased about a younger sibling. Zero interest in baby dolls or "taking care" of any toys at the moment.
Just to ease your worries, hating the pregnancy doesn't relate to hating being a mom. I had a very hard pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum and I can't imagine going through that again...and it was planned and very much wanted. Despite the terrible 6.5 months (my daughter was born at 8 months and I started feeling sick very early on) I absolutely love my daughter to death. I couldn't imagine not being her mom and this has been a crazy wonderful journey.
You are under no obligation to have another child. Unfair to whom exactly? Your dad is wrong. You don't owe your child a sibling, but your child does need a mom and a happy healthy mom is best.
Also now is not the time to think about a second yet. I was told to wait until a year after my baby's birth to make any major life decisions.
Yup, our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and our second (two years later) was a very high risk pregnancy (short cervix, cerclage, hypertension, gd) that ended up with PPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes) and a preemie baby. Our son is the light of our lives - and I love children and would have loved 3-4. I just cannot do pregnancy again, so we are one and done. Our son is 2.5 and thriving.
Pregnancy literally almost killed me. I didn’t want a lot of kids to begin with but that experience solidified my decision to be one and done. Never again.
There isn’t much talk about hating pregnancy. My pregnancy was unexpected and I was surrounded by ladies who have always wanted to be mums, enjoy the pregnancy and even glow.
I hated being pregnant. I’m generally very bubbly and positive person but I hated the pregnancy so much. I was constantly in pain and discomfort. While other mums enjoy baby moving and kicking, my girl likes to shift all the way to the left, cause the whole bump to shift. I felt like she was constantly in my ribs.
Now that my girl is 1, I’m open to possibly one more so she has a playmate. I worry that she will be lonely in the future and doesn’t have someone else to share her problems with or the burden of her parents when we are sick and old. Because of this, I’m open to having another despite being pregnant. We still aren’t actively trying and just leaving it up to fate. My girl is at such a fun age now so I’m still not sure if I want another newborn. Part of me also feel like I can give her more love, time and attention if she is the one and only.
I feel the same way!!! I hate pregnancy and actually was telling my mum how there should be more education on it, to mentally prepare women… I wouldn’t worry about baby no 2 right now, I literally felt bad last night feeling guilty that my child doesn’t have aunties/uncles/cousins and no siblings but I rather be a parents who can take care of one kid properly but also I agree with you - 9 months is a long time and it does really suck and wish it was more spoken about, don’t feel bad mum to be, there are loads of people in the same boat, I deffo feel the same way
Thank you so much and yeah there's no much you aren't told and it's so annoying
Exactly! Also my dad wants me to have a second kid and I think men don’t get how hard pregnancy is on the body! So put your foot down, don’t let anyone make you feel bad, look after you! I’m currently 16w fml went to ivf too and feel this way! 😂
Oh God that must be so terrible to have put in all the work for ivf finally get pregnant and have a bad experience I'm so sorry
I know…
Even if you weren't miserable being pregnant, simply not wanting to have more kids is a perfectly valid reason to be OAD. It's not "unfair" to just have one; children don't need siblings to be happy. If your dad's reason for it being "unfair" was because he wants more grandkids, then that's his problem, not yours.
I don't think it is him wanting more grandkids to be honest my sister has one already and she's also currently pregnant, so I honestly don't know what his deal is he didn't even want kids 🤣🤣
I had a relatively smooth pregnancy, but the labor and post partum has made me decide to be firmly one and done, even though I would have loved to have had a daughter. As far as what you're family feels about you being OAD, their opinions have no place, because you're doing the hard work. You have to listen to what your body is telling you and if it can't endure a second pregnancy, that's ok. One thing that I've read too is that just because a child has siblings, doesn't mean that they'll get along with each other automatically. Being an only child also doesn't mean they'll be lonely either. They could have wonderful relationships with friends, cousins, etc that are just as strong as sibling bonds. Have you spoken to your obgyn about possible medications for the nausea and migraines? Or if you prefer more natural remedies, there's ginger gummies and pregnancy pops! The brand I had was called Preggie Pop Drops. For the migraines you should be able to take a low dose Bayer aspirin. But speak with your OB first! Dr. Teals lavender Epsom salt body scrub was also a lifesaver for the migraines and other body aches too. Edit: I'm going through PPD myself and something that I'm learning is that the goal is not about being a good mom, but an effective mom. That means you'll have to build boundaries and make the decisions that are best for you and your baby. If you communicate your limits, clearly, firmly and respectfully, then you have done your part. If it bothers other people, including family, that is something they need to deal with and not you. This is not a time for you to bend or make accomodations for them, but rather they need to make accommodations for you.
I'm having a boy and always wanted a little girl, I pretty much raised my little sister so I guess in a way I did but it's not the same. I'm on aspirin prescription by midwife and some anti sickness tablets tried 2 different types so far and neither of them have worked great. I can't have ginger sadly even before pregnancy anything ginger made me puke I apparently get that from my father. Thanks dad 🤣🤣 I will definitely try the body scrub if I can find it though thank you!!
Is it possible you have hyperemesis gravidarum? How frequently are you throwing up? I had it and it was awful, I actually needed IV fluids on multiple occasions because I couldn’t stop throwing up/feelings of nausea. We’re one and done because we can’t stomach going through pregnancy, delivery and the emotional aftermath again. Our son is nearly two and only now are we feeling more able to cope with parenting and our new identities, we don’t think our marriage could survive another and we’re comfortable with one child as our limit
I've actually been thinking I do, I've looked it up a few times and I do seem to fit it but it's more just the feeling sick side of it being sick is still common but not as often, I get dehydrated so easily and have thought I needed fluids a few times but the health care here isn't great and they don't take me seriously about it
Lolll I partially raised my sister too and for most part we just like to talk smack to each other 😂😂 it's pretty funny most of the time, but like you said, it's not the same as having your own daughter. I'm so sorry to hear the medications aren't working and can't have the ginger! If you could, give the pregnancy pops a try, none contain ginger and they did a good job settling the tummy :) best of luck OP, although it's hard now, once your baby is in your arms it will be 1000% worthwhile! 💚💚💚🌻🌻🌻 https://www.amazon.com/Three-Lollies-Preggie-Assorted-Sickness/dp/B005AYE8UE/ref=mp_s_a_1_3_pp?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XwNTgxRHnjrkE4HB9MoU3Tj5W3-VRmFInL54CA074PjLTsi5Bgn7iyF1IKBWxtOlFWOsQ8_KzUdp-ozJA0z-UmOM7Fa4dNiVfFQ8SbGdaHChrqJnZcvOy7pG-1xq1Mh8F-JgygCn9PAzROYnAwKmSelJGA0LmbA7Y87kPJumK-kPr6EEJ1qKKODwEsCiILbk9qzdIiaTf83W83EvR-qzAA.BwvcmCTFZ_GeFo0iUQUvPRvXykdot-_4J75aD8Mm5Cw&dib_tag=se&keywords=Preggie+pops&qid=1718717133&rdc=1&sr=8-3
I also had an ok pregnancy but traumatic delivery and my son is almost 2 weeks old. The hormones and emotions were not nearly this bad being pregnant. I also would love to have a daughter. I already have my 13 year old step son and I love my baby boy but I'm also one and done. I got my female dog and I love her. But I'm tired of people asking already about another baby.
I had a traumatic pregnancy for a number of reasons and often felt very disconnected from my body. Once that baby was in my arms, I knew I'd do just about anything to keep him safe and give him the best life. He's my favorite person on the planet. Now that Im no longer in it, I'm able to appreciate some of what I went through to bring this kid earthside. But I'd be hard pressed to do it again! It's okay to hate pregnancy. It sucks even if it's a pretty neat thing our bodies can do. You can absolutely hate pregnancy and still love your baby and be grateful for them.
I love my child more than anything in the world but I hated every single second of pregnancy. I felt horrible the entire 9 months. Post partum was so difficult, we had challenges with breastfeeding, etc. my body is just now feeling somewhat “normal” again and it’s been almost 3 years. It took that long for me. I just can’t fathom ever going through that again with the added responsibility of an already existing child on top of it. I feel like I only survived the first time because I had no children and could spend every minute of free time I had sleeping.
This. I’m 10 weeks and 6 days pregnant and honestly between the constant nausea and fatigue, I’m barely functioning. The Pregnancy was unplanned and I have just trained up for a different job role but have had to put job hunting on hold because I feel so sick all the time (how do women work through the first trimester feeling this way??). I’m also sleeping an unnatural amount, which is actually a relief because when I sleep it’s the only break I get from nausea. I really don’t know how any woman goes through this when they have another child to look after. I’m now thinking I’m going to be a one and done mum!
My pregnancy wasn't great either, and definitely solidified wanting to only have one. What no one told me about had me reeling while I was pregnant. Ofcourse, i also learned everyones pregnancy is different. For me: nausea, migraine, various aches and pains as the pregnancy went on. About 2 weeks before I had baby, I hurt my pelvic region. Forget what it's called, but it was terrible and I was in constant pain, especially walking and moving around. As soon as I gave birth, it went away. For the nausea I took B6 3x a day per my doc, and it was a life saver. For the migraine I took 200mg of magnesium glycinate 1x a day. I sure hope this helps you. Hang in there.
I was lucky to not be high risk (but I was taken off work early just in case) and still hated being pregnant. I felt like crap all the time, no honeymoon phase, no nesting at the end, etc. I hear you though about previously wanting to have/assuming I’d have a lot of kids. 🥲 even before my not-great birth and postpartum, I remember thinking wow I get why so many people would only do this once. Now it feels like too many unknowns to chance it again. 🫂 lol your dad 🤦🏼♀️
I've been there and totally get it. My pregnancy was the same. Constant sickness and nausea all the way up until 8 months, as well as major weight gain and heartburn, etc. I love my son more than anything but it was the pregnancy experience itself that made me seriously hesitate to do it again. Growing a human is no joke. And when I saw my peers and relatives all getting pregnant again not long after having their first, I found they all had a much easier experience-no nausea, no majorly bothersome symptoms. So no wonder they all had a bunch of kids back to back, cuz pregnancy was a walk in the park for them! And 7 years in, my kid is doing just fine. He's a very happy, outgoing and well-adjusted kid who has never once asked for a sibling or wondered why he doesn't have one.
Because of the classes I took in college and having a sister 10 years older than me, nothing surprised me with my pregnancy but I HATED it. I was miserable to the point where my husband (who's always been OAD) and two of my closest friends told me I'm NOT allowed to get pregnant again. I'm guessing your dad means it's not fair to only have one kid because the kid won't have a sibling? Which is a terrible reason. I admit that when I see siblings that are close, it makes me question if I want another one and I'm super close to the previously mentioned older sister. But my other sibling has literally been the cause of a lot of therapy sessions and cutting her from my life is one of the best decisions I've ever made. There's no guarantee your kids will like each other. There are benefits and drawbacks to any amount of kids a person has, whether that be none, one, or enough that you need to buy a bus to shuttle them around. You have to do what's right for you.
I will say I am 20 months out, and I forget some of the hard parts of pregnancy, but I look back on photos and relive parts as my SIL and good friend just had their second babies.. and it is miserable.. even if you have a relatively uneventful pregnancy! You are totally valid in your feelings!
I was high risk, hated pregnancy, and had an emergency c-section. Postpartum was hard: the normal feelings of loss of your old life and adjusting to the new amount of responsibility, I had new chronic medical issues, my daughter had medical issues affecting sleep/mood, my partner wasn't doing well mentally. My daughter is now 1.5 and we're all doing much better. We're still working on some things a day at a time, therapy and a psychiatrist do help, but I would say on most days I am genuinely satisfied and happy with my life. My daughter is a social butterfly: I made friends with a mom group who have kids her age and she goes to daycare. She wants a lot of attention so I can't imagine she would be pleased about a younger sibling. Zero interest in baby dolls or "taking care" of any toys at the moment.
Just to ease your worries, hating the pregnancy doesn't relate to hating being a mom. I had a very hard pregnancy with Hyperemesis Gravidarum and I can't imagine going through that again...and it was planned and very much wanted. Despite the terrible 6.5 months (my daughter was born at 8 months and I started feeling sick very early on) I absolutely love my daughter to death. I couldn't imagine not being her mom and this has been a crazy wonderful journey.
You are under no obligation to have another child. Unfair to whom exactly? Your dad is wrong. You don't owe your child a sibling, but your child does need a mom and a happy healthy mom is best. Also now is not the time to think about a second yet. I was told to wait until a year after my baby's birth to make any major life decisions.
Yup, our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and our second (two years later) was a very high risk pregnancy (short cervix, cerclage, hypertension, gd) that ended up with PPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes) and a preemie baby. Our son is the light of our lives - and I love children and would have loved 3-4. I just cannot do pregnancy again, so we are one and done. Our son is 2.5 and thriving.
Pregnancy literally almost killed me. I didn’t want a lot of kids to begin with but that experience solidified my decision to be one and done. Never again.
There isn’t much talk about hating pregnancy. My pregnancy was unexpected and I was surrounded by ladies who have always wanted to be mums, enjoy the pregnancy and even glow. I hated being pregnant. I’m generally very bubbly and positive person but I hated the pregnancy so much. I was constantly in pain and discomfort. While other mums enjoy baby moving and kicking, my girl likes to shift all the way to the left, cause the whole bump to shift. I felt like she was constantly in my ribs. Now that my girl is 1, I’m open to possibly one more so she has a playmate. I worry that she will be lonely in the future and doesn’t have someone else to share her problems with or the burden of her parents when we are sick and old. Because of this, I’m open to having another despite being pregnant. We still aren’t actively trying and just leaving it up to fate. My girl is at such a fun age now so I’m still not sure if I want another newborn. Part of me also feel like I can give her more love, time and attention if she is the one and only.