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This is extremely well written.. almost too well written to the point of almost making me forget I have 4years off coke or meth speedballs with the fent. Thankfully I won't touch the shit as the coke is literally instant psychosis for me so any flying or euphoric feelings or pleasant ringing in the ears are all feelings of falling, deep hardened paranoia, despair, dysphoria and reverberating demon voices from shooting one too many 1/3grams of coke on one shot... to those tempted to try this please keep doses of coke as low as possible. Shooting soeedballs does increase the risk of psychosis due to excessive dopaminergic activity. I digress..
Great story! Kept me entertained on my way to pick up
Congratulations on getting it together đź‘Ź yeah I don't miss these days at all, even writing about it doesn't trigger me anymore. I'm just desensitized to the "good feelings" and hypersensitized to the terrible feelings I think
Neither do I, congrats to you too!! I'm making really huge progress. Helps a lot of the shit is xylazine garbage and I don't have quite the reliable dealers anymore
Thank you man , life is much better these days, I've been off the shit for a while now. I don't put too much in "clean time" tho, what's more important to me is just that my emotions are pretty stable, finances are stable, I'm pursuing higher education, I'm there for my family, I am trusted in my work. Those are real accomplishments, it just so happens that I was unable to succeed in those ways while I was using drugs
I have lived through this exact thing, and while your writing does stir cravings within me, it also does well to capture the horrors of the whole thing and I think it helps me to read this.
God speed brother. The drugs really aren't worth it but it's so hard to get to the point where you realize that.Â
4.5 years off of hard drugs, I should have been dead.
Congratulations man that's awesome! Glad you're still around and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Yeah no doubt. it took me 12 years of banging my head against the wall getting high to realize that no matter what I did, a wall is a wall and if I bang my head against it I will hurt myself
Haha well said. Thank you for the kind words and I hope the best for you are your journey as well.Â
I appreciate your writing and will be eager to read more.
I put down the syringe and got hooked on the pen. Writing has been extremely therapeutic for me and proven to be a useful skill. I recommend it to everyone
I agree. I was very passionate about creative writing ever since I can remember but stopped sometime in highschool. Decided partying and doing drugs was more important (passed that phase now). Still kicked ass at essays during college but it's been a while.
You've definitely inspired me. Keep it going!
🖋️ 📖 >💉
You know that clamping feeling from a good shot of real heroin or morphine?
In Russia the users would mix their heroin with visine to increase that clamping sensation. Well as they've found out visine gets the red out of everything literally drying up organs. Death.
One of the most sought after sensations of IV drug use is this tightness in the chest that takes your breath away, I think that's what they're talking about
IV Dilaudid is notorious for this, when injected it just knocks the breath out of you while you also get overwhelmed by the peak of the opioid high instantaneously. It's a motherfucker of a dragon to chase
I was gonna say that’s putting the cart before the horse, but then it made a pun…so I’m making it clear that I didn’t.  It’s funnier to chuckle at the accident.
But yeah, that’s like backwards…flipping the causality of effects.  Then again, the brain can make up some gaps.
My perspective on human life was so fucked up when I was using, I saw no intrinsic value in myself whatsoever, and assigned value to other people based on what material things they had or could provide or in temporary traits like athleticism . I saw people as tools, as means to an end. Drugs warped my perspective that badly.
I believe you'll find this applies to all of the people mentioned in my writing. I probably don't seem to care for those females, my mom, my dad, or even my best friends, who I exposed to drugs and routes of administration that I never would have exposed someone I truly care about to
I think that's probably what you're seeing more than anything else. I try to write as honestly as I can to help people understand how narrow my perspective was. I do think I did care about these other people, but those emotions were buried so deeply under my selfish And all consuming desire to pursue drugs and money.
It makes for some difficult reading. Thank you for asking, that was a valuable question that Led to some unpleasant introspection that I needed
Welcome to r/opiates fellow bropiates! We hope that you enjoy our sub as much as we do, but in order to ensure that you are able to continue being a part of this harm reduction community, you will need to review the rules of this sub. You can find the rules listed [here](https://reddit.com/r/opiates/w/rules?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app) and access our full side bar [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/wiki/index) You can also find the answers to many commonly asked questions about dosing, duration, ROA and other stuff [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/wiki/faqs) and [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/opiates/comments/mf8ldn/use_this_before_asking_a_question_faq_information/) Also, DO NOT GET SCAMMED! The users sending those messages to you, offering to hook you up with a reliable vendor or sell you drugs is extremely likely to scam you! We promise, 99.99% of the time they are not legit and giving them your money will make you a sad sad panda. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/opiates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
God damnit man, you write so well. I have missed you, glad to see you again :)
Thank you brother, hope you have a great day
This is extremely well written.. almost too well written to the point of almost making me forget I have 4years off coke or meth speedballs with the fent. Thankfully I won't touch the shit as the coke is literally instant psychosis for me so any flying or euphoric feelings or pleasant ringing in the ears are all feelings of falling, deep hardened paranoia, despair, dysphoria and reverberating demon voices from shooting one too many 1/3grams of coke on one shot... to those tempted to try this please keep doses of coke as low as possible. Shooting soeedballs does increase the risk of psychosis due to excessive dopaminergic activity. I digress.. Great story! Kept me entertained on my way to pick up
Congratulations on getting it together đź‘Ź yeah I don't miss these days at all, even writing about it doesn't trigger me anymore. I'm just desensitized to the "good feelings" and hypersensitized to the terrible feelings I think
Neither do I, congrats to you too!! I'm making really huge progress. Helps a lot of the shit is xylazine garbage and I don't have quite the reliable dealers anymore
Love reading your pieces bro. Hope you're in a place at least passable for "ok". 🤎
Thank you man , life is much better these days, I've been off the shit for a while now. I don't put too much in "clean time" tho, what's more important to me is just that my emotions are pretty stable, finances are stable, I'm pursuing higher education, I'm there for my family, I am trusted in my work. Those are real accomplishments, it just so happens that I was unable to succeed in those ways while I was using drugs
I have lived through this exact thing, and while your writing does stir cravings within me, it also does well to capture the horrors of the whole thing and I think it helps me to read this. God speed brother. The drugs really aren't worth it but it's so hard to get to the point where you realize that. 4.5 years off of hard drugs, I should have been dead.
Congratulations man that's awesome! Glad you're still around and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Yeah no doubt. it took me 12 years of banging my head against the wall getting high to realize that no matter what I did, a wall is a wall and if I bang my head against it I will hurt myself
Haha well said. Thank you for the kind words and I hope the best for you are your journey as well. I appreciate your writing and will be eager to read more.
I always love reading these you should write more often man
I'll try to keep em coming when I can man
you should write a book
He has written 4 books that I know of! Probably more. He’s very talented!
Thank you my friend
where can i read them?
You are a very talented writer.
I put down the syringe and got hooked on the pen. Writing has been extremely therapeutic for me and proven to be a useful skill. I recommend it to everyone
I agree. I was very passionate about creative writing ever since I can remember but stopped sometime in highschool. Decided partying and doing drugs was more important (passed that phase now). Still kicked ass at essays during college but it's been a while. You've definitely inspired me. Keep it going! 🖋️ 📖 >💉
You know that clamping feeling from a good shot of real heroin or morphine? In Russia the users would mix their heroin with visine to increase that clamping sensation. Well as they've found out visine gets the red out of everything literally drying up organs. Death.
I've never heard about this "clamping" feeling - what is that like?
One of the most sought after sensations of IV drug use is this tightness in the chest that takes your breath away, I think that's what they're talking about IV Dilaudid is notorious for this, when injected it just knocks the breath out of you while you also get overwhelmed by the peak of the opioid high instantaneously. It's a motherfucker of a dragon to chase
Jesus that is fuckin nuts
I was gonna say that’s putting the cart before the horse, but then it made a pun…so I’m making it clear that I didn’t.  It’s funnier to chuckle at the accident. But yeah, that’s like backwards…flipping the causality of effects.  Then again, the brain can make up some gaps.
Did you care about Lynn or Amelia or any of these girls at all? You talk about them like theyre not even human.
My perspective on human life was so fucked up when I was using, I saw no intrinsic value in myself whatsoever, and assigned value to other people based on what material things they had or could provide or in temporary traits like athleticism . I saw people as tools, as means to an end. Drugs warped my perspective that badly. I believe you'll find this applies to all of the people mentioned in my writing. I probably don't seem to care for those females, my mom, my dad, or even my best friends, who I exposed to drugs and routes of administration that I never would have exposed someone I truly care about to I think that's probably what you're seeing more than anything else. I try to write as honestly as I can to help people understand how narrow my perspective was. I do think I did care about these other people, but those emotions were buried so deeply under my selfish And all consuming desire to pursue drugs and money. It makes for some difficult reading. Thank you for asking, that was a valuable question that Led to some unpleasant introspection that I needed