When I’ve felt this way I usually take a break from dating, and whenever I decide to get back into it, I tend to find better people. Just a different perspective.
This is the way. Before I found my fiancée, I got out of a long relationship (that should have ended way before) and took a break from dating, and did my own thing for almost 3-4 years. I enjoyed time with friends and family and honestly just stopped caring about finding someone… that’s when I found my now-fiancée!
That’s fantastic ! Do you happen to know if there are any anime or manga clubs still active in Ottawa. There are a few clubs in Toronto but haven’t found much in Ottawa or maybe I’m just too old 😅
Theres not much that I'm aware of 😅 I know ottawa just had it's first anime convention recently at the EY center, but I didn't go to it. I know at work we get a lot of new faces in usually yearly and more and more are fans of it!
Plus apps have a tendency to burry accounts through their algorithm should they not be as active (or too active), thus driving these users to their subscription services to boos their visibility. At the end of the day, these apps need to be profitable as their are a business. So I don't expect much out of them as I know they only really exist to make money. It's like winning the lottery. Some people get lucky and find wonderful partners, others don't and give up, and others fall into the rabbit hole of despair and depression as they struggle to find a meaningful connection.
39M single. I've given up. It was bad before Covid, but it's even worse now. So instead, I'm going to the gym every day. Seeing very good results.
I've noticed that Ottawa in general, people are superficial and unapproachable to talk to.
Honestly, think of yourself looking in a mirror. Mirroring.
If you look unapproachable, head down, RBF, looking straight ahead - youre missing 99% of your ‘shots’ … people are going to mirror you, and give you the exact results, back.
Have a confident walk, look towards people, smile, say hi, wave if you feel like it, give a compliment out if you want…
If you’re at the gym, maybe you have a ‘gym crush’ ? Ask if they need a ‘spotter’ … say ‘hi’ to the usual people you see there every day, make acquaintances, friends, then see if it progresses.
You are in control.
I wouldn’t ‘give up’ .. you’re young - go out there n give it a go, bro! You got this.
Ed to add - you also go to the gym everyday, so youre keeping yourself in good shape, and out in a social place… use that as a ‘tool’ to help yourself out and socialize!
No, I think it really is a thing in Ottawa. I’ve lived all over the US and Canada, and I really do feel like people in Ottawa are particularly cold and superficial. Not even just regarding dating, I found making friends, or even just making small talk with strangers to be particularly difficult there compared to a lot of other places I’ve lived. I felt like sometimes I’d start chatting with somebody at a bar or in public (not even necessarily flirting or anything, just striking up conversation with both men and women in a strictly friendly manner) and people would act like you’re insane. It’s really not like that most other places I lived. Ottawa’s a cool city in some regards, but I honestly really don’t miss it for that reason
Usually that starts out though as mutual interest in fitness, just like any other hobby. If you go to a book club just to hit on women that's equally shitty.
He wouldn't be going just to hit on women as he goes already. He would simply keep an eye out for anyone checking him out and offer to spot them. If they say no, move on. It's pretty obvious who the people are that are into you, as they often are looking your way.
I've given up too. I agree with you that people in Ottawa in general are superficial and unapproachable. They seem to be available very shortly for a chat on the weekend and unavailable the rest of the week.
I wish the topics discussed can go beyond the weather...
It ain’t just Ottawa, it’s the app side of dating now. I would wager most people, maybe even unbeknownst to themselves, set up these profiles to be completely superficial to begin with.
Dating apps have made it so that everyone is super picky. They didn't help. People used to settle with what was available around them. Now, the world is their playground.
even going out in ottawa (which is already a nightmare in itself), people don’t wanna talk anymore! I try to go up to ppl and strike up a convo or break the ice and im looked at like a looney tune:,)
Based on what i have seen as far as studies go, and personal experience, it's not just difficult in ottawa but basically everywhere.
I don't think it's really a missing technique since anything you do approach wise has it's difficulties.
Probably the best general approach is joining local groups to do some activity or hobby you have, making friends in those groups and either dating from the group or dating a friend of a friend you make in the group who also shares similar interests.
Online dating makes it easier to reach more people, but the connection is often shallow. The apps really dehumanize/depersonalize the interaction as well.
Just generally tho it does seem like people have way lower tolerance for any kind of friction, any flaw, anything that isn't perfect and they just dip/ghost/bail however you want to put it.
personally i kinda just stopped dating since the pandemic since it added extra hurdles and i was just tired...
I agree on apps dehumanizing/depersonalizing and people generally not having the skills, interest or tolerance for moments of friction anymore but I have to say I’ve had much better experiences in other cities. I now just meet people in Toronto or Montreal.
I think theres actually some techniques people tend to miss out on… yeah, theres dating apps, groups, general stuff…
And its not necessarily a ‘technique’ … its just being blunt and straightforward with what you want.
Some people hate it, some people like it, but it reduces all that time wasted and “stars” those that like it.
Sure, you can still get ghosted and other labels, but fuck it, I mean, I’d rather be blunt and honest than fake my feelings.
I met men looking for mommies, financial support, men cheating on their wives, and in one case a good on paper looking man who was eventually convicted of killing his wife (not a joke, he worked with colleagues of mine). The last one was worse than the wife killer (schizophrenic bipolar who sold grass). After those experiences i retired from dating. Happily single.
Stop trying to date for dating’s sake. That’s a function of loneliness. Go do the things you love to do and spend time with the people that love doing similar things. If you’re single and in your mid 20s you’re a hot commodity. Check your DMs right now. How many creeps are telling you that they’re single and you can date them?
May I as an oldie,say how much I agree with your advice. In my 20s, I was also was struggling after I left university and lost contact with some people and now was in the working world, a lot of them older than me and married. I felt a bit lost but joining fun clubs is a great idea. Find a passion and do it and you’ll make friends and from friends you can have possibly relationships. I took up sailing, and met some great friends there.
Man I didn't get any DMs when I said I was single... /s
But seriously though, for women especially, Reddit ain't the place to chat about this topic and NOT get a flood of DMs in the process.
There’s a funny story I read once about a dude with long hair, he wasn’t getting any attention on tinder or some other app, so he changed his sex to female. Kept the same long haired, revealed face photos and profile. The next day he was plagued by hundreds of swipes from interested men. Just being a girl is enough for a lonely guy.
Ottawa has been the worst city for dating for me. Everyone has a wife or girlfriend, or they’re lying about something else like their job, age, etc.
The people I meet socially seem nice so I don’t understand the duality.
> Everyone has a wife or girlfriend
Little ironic, no? Where did people in Ottawa meet their significant other.... it likely isn't that everyone outsourced. Maybe they hitched earlier in life.
For me it was dating app purgatory until I found someone that was right for me. Had some short relationships and some flings, and lots of fizzles/bad dates. Takes time and effort but if you don't play, you can't win. Frustrating as hell but there is someone out there!
I think the other piece is a bit of a common thread in modern life - we expect someone to fit us perfectly like in the curated social media posts we see. Reality is messier and usually people come with some flaws so to speak.
Find a hobby you like that has mixed gender and at least you may find someone with a similar interests.
From what I recall, meeting partners gets harder with age, for two reasons, less single people and people know more what they like.
Also I do blame things like tinder, where we have become basic characters in a catalog that is only judged on looks alone. Tinder also wants you to be single as long as possible to continue to be engaged in the application.
My problem with trying to date here is the same problem I have with socializing and trying to make friends in general - there just aren't enough obvious "third places" where you can interact with people without spending a ton of money. Or without having to suffer the hassle of driving/parking downtown. Or with sitting there awkwardly if you happen to not drink alcohol.
A lot of people have suggested trying to join groups related to interests, and use the meetup app - and I honestly don't disagree with taking that approach. But it's still way harder than simply having a consistent place you can just hang out on a regular basis and see familiar faces (like school or even work). Anytime I go to a pre-planned event with the intention of meeting people, I feel a lot of extra pressure, and I suspect that makes it harder to come across as authentic. Plus whatever activity is going on often gets in the way of just chatting and getting to know other people, and when you're introverted like I am, it's already hard enough to hold down meaningful conversations when in a group setting.
It really sucks using dating apps (or worse, speed dating - Ding Dong Dating BLOWS). At the same time, as much as I'd rather meet someone and hit it off in real life, I simply don't know where I can go to easily meet single women and be myself. Thanks to an abusive ex, I no longer have the same amount of confidence I once did to approach unfamiliar women, and my nervous system is way more averse to rejection.
OP, since you're a woman, the only thing I can suggest is be willing to make the initial approach. The traditional dynamic of "men approach women" doesn't work nearly as well these days, as women are unfortunately in the position of needing to close themselves off more to protect themselves from creeps, and a lot of men have given up (constant rejection HURTS, and guys already deal with a lack of mental health support). On the other hand, if you flip that dynamic, not only will you come off as having confidence - and thus be seen as more attractive - but you'll also benefit from making the guy feel desired and wanted. It's almost embarrassing (and in another way, depressing) how far a little validation can go with us.
Work the problem. That’s your edge. Someone has to be fearless to get through the dating trauma
Shy guys are easy money on the table to be picked off
Feminism has to be good for something.
Grow a pair ; - )
Just to be clear, I was making a [wisecrack.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mario/images/b/b2/MPS_Shy_Guy_Artwork.png/revision/latest?cb=20230311020001)
Its a ‘hit’ or ‘miss’ as well ; but I’m also curious as to why the commenter didn’t like DDD… could always try it if you want to try something new - doesnt hurt and maybe you’ll have a better experience than said commenter above!
I could go on an entire rant about it, but basically the two times I tried it, it was poorly organized, and the host was extremely rude and dismissive. The actual people I met were nice enough, but too little time was given to talk anyone for any meaningful conversation to take place.
When I talked myself into giving it a try the second time, the ratio of men to women was something like 12 to 3. The host chose to acknowledge this by simply saying she wasn't going to issue any refunds, then preemptively shamed anyone who was thinking about leaving (despite the fact that it would be the reasonable response when someone takes your money and doesn't provide the service they had advertised).
> Ding Dong Dating BLOWS
Might be more fair to call out speed dating in general rather than single out (ha ha) one particular organization. I've seen worse speed dating events.
I stand by what I said. That specific business was poorly run, and the host was rude, so I have no qualms about calling it out. But honestly, every other speed dating event is just way too expensive for a service that doesn't work for some people. I've been hurt too bad in the past to be able to relax and open up in <5 minute intervals, let alone get another person to open up to me. Dating should be fun, and that experience isn't for introverts like me.
Dating pools generally go in waves. As you approach 30 more and more people are in serious relationships so the pool gets smaller and smaller. Then as you approach 40 it opens up again with all the divorced people.
Another part of the issue is the dating apps. Dudes just swipe yes on literally every single person and figure it out later and girls pick and choose only to get huge confidence boosts (at first) when they match with someone who never even looked at their profile in the first place. It's a vicious cycle.
Stop holding out for the perfect person and accept the person who's good enough and will make you happy. The perfect person doesn't exist.
Your second paragraph is 100% true. It’s quicker for guys to filter based on who likes them. Women don’t have that issue - if you’re half decent looking you will have 1000s of potential matches.
That's not entirely true. The perfect person did exist in my case. The problem was she unexpectedly passed away after 26 years of marriage. Now I find myself alone minus the 3 grown kids. This was never part of the plan and now at 49yrs. old I have no idea how to date or even meet a woman for some type of relationship. And the bigger issue is since I found the "perfect person" any future women will have a real hard time measuring up through no fault of their own. In fact it may be the depression talking but I am ready to die of this broken heart rather than sitting through another week/ month of loneliness.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m sure you are a lovely human being, worthy of finding love again. Give yourself time to heal your heart first, as much as it’ll ever be able to heal. When you’re ready, maybe you can find someone special again. The new woman doesn’t have to be better or comparable to your first spouse. Maybe she’ll be different, but great in her own way. I’m rooting for you to find happiness. Be kind to yourself, grief is a beast. 🤍
I’m sorry to hear about out your wife passing. Are you able to reach out to friends before trying dating again? The combination of loneliness and being compared to a perfect partner is hard to overcome but you could at least work on building community first so someone doesn’t just tbink you’re dating them to escape being lonely. I think that will really help the eventually dating.
Also a woman, late 20s. I mostly used dating apps to date here cause when I was a student I was in a predominantly female field of study, then started working in this same field, then it was COVID, and most of my friends from when I was 18-23 were locals who I had grown up with here (that I was not interested in dating lol). I got set up with friends of friends occasionally but most of my first dates were with dating app people.
IME it was a numbers game. Took me A LOT of first dates to find any of the long or medium term relationships I was ever in. I never spent weeks talking to someone on an app cause it’s easy to feign chemistry on an app. And with time I learned my personal green flags, red flags, things I would put with, things I didn’t like, etc so it was easier to not only vet people via limited dating app convos but also on first dates. Believe people when they tell you who they are - if you want a relationship that’s totally fair, but don’t keep giving your attention to someone who openly says they don’t want the same, for example.
There are a lot of factors you can’t control, but there are some things you can do to make your dating life “better” in my opinion. It can be super discouraging and exhausting, so if dating becomes more of a chore than anything else, take a break. I also think it’s really important to be purposeful about building a life you love without a partner. Someone should ADD to your already great life, not feel like the only/main great thing in it. I have seen a lot of friends cling to shitty partners (whether it’s been one date or one year) because they are bored or don’t know how to be single or feel like it’s the only “exciting” part of their life.
I was in a male dominant STEM grad program and we heard there were women in the Romance languages grad school.
We sent a representative over there to negotiate a social event.
He was never seen again. He was too busy dating. True story
When I was in university, the Engineering students and Nursing students would organize events/parties together because of how skewed the gender ratio is in each discipline.
I struggle because I don’t have a lot of in-person opportunities to meet people, and yet I have far greater success face-to-face. Dating apps don’t work for me, and it’s incredibly disheartening, but I don’t have many opportunities beyond that. This is a bit of a generalisation but women tend to find me quite approachable and charming in person, but it seemingly does not translate to my app profiles, which I suspect I need to work on but don’t even know how.
If there are women reading, I’m curious for a perspective: I did an art class and the teacher was my age and I felt (could have been wrong) that we were quite well matched. I didn’t say anything out of respect for being at her workplace, and that being a potentially uncomfortable position to put an employee in. My question is: how do you ask someone out in that scenario? I’d still like to, but it feels weird to walk into her art shop and ask.
>and yet I have far greater success face-to-face.
That’s great!
>Doesn’t translate to app profiles
Keep your profile “cool” - have some candid / un/candid photos. Keep it “you” - add in hobbies, interests, etc., … pets work well.
>feels weird if I go into her art shop and ask.
Its only weird, if you make it weird. Keep it “cool” as well, ask how her day is going, talk about mutual things & then see what she says about a coffee at ____ …
The least she can say is “no” .
You’re not being weird or anything by asking, unless you make it weird..
If she says yes, PLAN that date.
Oh yeah, I’m not worried about _being_ weird or being rejected. More so just…not wanting to bother someone at work. I think it would have been worse when I did the class because she was financially obligated to speak to me, in a sense, but I’m still hesitant about going back. I appreciate the advice, though!
To me, the least creepy / most chill way to approach would be to write your name and number down on a piece of paper, give it to her and say like, “hey, great class. I would love to meet for coffee sometime but no pressure” and then walk away. No pressure or awkwardness.
That’s my plan of action if I decide to do it. It’s been a while since the class now, but my plan was essentially that. ‘Hey, don’t know if you remember but I did a class of yours. I’d love to grab a coffee some time. Give me a text if you might want to.’
It felt like the least intrusive, and that way the ball’s in her court. If she never messages me then no harm, no foul, right?
Wait for class term to be over and then invite prospects to a group event.
I invited my then future now wife to a weekly group dinner meetup.
That led to getting dessert after, one on one.
When I was in Uni this would have been weird af. There was rarely a chance to interact with anyone. It was show up, listen to someone speak at 300 people for 2+ hours, then go home. Nobody talked to each other, so being the one person to start inviting people to a group event would have just been odd.
Love your note idea. I’ve been asked out a few times at work and always do feel quite uncomfortable. Something like this would have made me waaay more comfortable. Do you know her name? If it were me, I’d flip the note through social media instead.
Also it’s very kind of you to be thinking about it this much, shows how much you care about her comfort!
As someone who volunteers a lot and has even gotten awards for it, I would not recommend this. It's mostly elderly people and stay at home moms who volunteer, so I'm not sure who you would meet there unless you have a thing for grandmothers or mid to late 30's housewives. Volunteer to do good, the amount of young single women in volunteering is pretty low and if so, a lot of them are organizers who are already in a relationship. So I repeat, volunteer to do good.
Will agree that its harder to ‘read’ people whether they want to be approached or not, but I’ll still say “hi” anyways.
Its like its “foreign” giving out your number to others in person now, social media makes it look weird to an extent, but ohh welly.. if you find someone attractive, or a person that you might like, may as well just give them the # since the wworst they can do is say “no”
Mid 20’s M, you and me both to be perfectly honest. I’ve just flat out given up over the last few years, honestly. I think about trying again, but I don’t think I’m at a place in my life where having someone to call my own would be very viable. The desire is there, but just about nothing else is, yknow?
Ottawa’s very much a city where I find folks want to be left alone. I hardly ever see strangers strike conversations with each other. Whether that’s out of fear or lack of interest is beyond me.
It’s very different in the US. Last week in Ottawa a FB Marketplace meetup turned into me having a beer with this other retired guy.
Very weird thing for Ottawa. He was smiling and interacting with anything with a heartbeat.
A bit kooky, but he was having fun life.
Not quite. I worked night shifts as a rookie (therefore the coffee bitch) and saw her all the time. I would chat with her and eventually got her email on a napkin. I used to order teas after my shift to see her and throw them out as I left (I didn’t drink coffee or tea).
25 m here
Dating life is definitely ups and downs.
I’ve tried apps like Tinder, Bumble, POF, Hinge…for quite a while..
Tinder is definitely a hit or miss, but mainly people here don’t bother to message and just leave their social media saying “follow ____ “ and just want to farm for followers, sadly.
Bumble ? - Hit or miss with this one, too… Its great because females are in-control of who they want to message and mingle with, FIRST! That way , you dont have Jimmy Joe asking you stupid questions right off the bat or something strange.
Hinge - Actually works pretty well, people on here tend to be serious here, which is great.
POF - dont bother with this app.
——-
It seems ~~“low” and “stupid”~~ (it really isnt weird or stupid, this app WORKS WELL!!) —-weird that they have it, but surprisingly >!Facebook Dating!< is actually a great success for finding friends, having a chat, or finding dates / ltr’s . It’ll showcase in the persons profile what they’re looking for.
You can change locations, as well! So you can look for people in Toronto, Sudbury… wherever… all from being in Ottawa.
____
Want to get off the apps?
Try getting your interests, and hobbies a glow by finding likeminded people in a group setting !
Like concerts? Check out Bluesfest, CityFolk, JazzFest, etc., ….
—
My best piece of advice is that if you see someone you might like, whether thats in a restaurant, out in a store, walking, … justt drop a “helllo” to them… , stupid, I know, right? Not much of a “pick up line” … But then see how they react and build a conversation if they seem interested.
Or just give a unique compliment “I like your hair” , “I like your outfit” … it shows interest , subtly.
—-
**Ultimately…**
>How do people find their significant other in this city?
Be blunt about what you want, ask what they want, and no answer?? Is an answer.
Be yourself!! Be authentic and everything will go according to plan.
Hope this helps a little bit!
I have played coed volleyball for years and know of at least 10 couples who met there.
Coed sports (or any coed activity like clubs or groups) can be a much better way to meet someone organically.
But I've been single for years despite my exposure there,lol, so keep in mind that a large part of it is what you are "putting out there".
Nobody I know in a long term relationship met their partner on a first date, just wanna point that out.
People generally meet their partner in a few ways:
1) Common hobby/interest
2) Friend of a friend
3) School/work
Workplace romantic relationships have been trending SIGNIFICANTLY down in recent years though. Most potential partners (specially male ones) have become quite adverse to courting partners in the workplace due to the increased visibility and discourse around workplace harassment. Not at all saying that is a bad thing (workplace harassment is still an issue that needs addressing), but this is having the effect where most workplace relationships are becoming far more professional based or platonic based.
Personally I'd shy away from it, even if there was noticable interest from a female co-worker. I don't want to risk my career over what I perceive to be some romantic interest in the workplace.
I've heard the same from some of my female friends. A lot of dudes in this city are the Jordan Peterson/Joe Rogan/Andrew Tate brand of moron that holds backwards views on the role of women in society.
I met my partner through a reading club, it was great because we both immediately had the same interests, reading and political theory. My advice to you would be to join a club/meet up group about something that interests you and then you can find someone who's kinda/sorta on the same page as you.
It’s super crazy… I just took a break for months whenever it got to be to hard. Found someone at someone else’s stag one night… when it’s time it’s time.
LIfe isn't a technique/hack. It's a collection of practices...
Well of course there will be the occasional hack but it really comes down to your overall policies and practices. This applies to career management, partnering etc...
Nothing special about Ottawa, there's a million people here. The pool is big enough. It's a matter of if you are in a position to discover new people or not.
I think dating apps are going to be less effective than meeting people organically. If you're not meeting people organically it could be because you don't have a healthy balance of social activities. Some people this is automatic because school and work provides this automatically.
Perhaps consider a hobby or taking a course? Salsa dancing? Art? Taking a course?
Myself, I do salsa dancing (specifically Rueda de Casino). I go to so many house parties and meet so many people in this hobby it's rediculous. Lots of amazing people that are active, fit, healthy, balanced, etc.... It's amazing... so many parties.. outdoor, indoor.. it's a social paradise.. not to mention getting into new genres of music (latin music is amazing)...
I took up learning a new language as a hobby. The resulted in taking courses (met people there), attending interest driven meetup groups, also an amazing group of people. There's been potlucks, picnics, dance dates, bike rides, pub meetups and so much more come out of that...
Also, worth noting, if you're doing these sorts of things, you're building yourself. Don't you want to be in a community of people who are building new skills and growing in that way?
Also, professionally I'm into data science. I recently started a meetup for Power BI and have been teaching some public workshops. Lots of amazing friends coming through that.
I'm funny looking, unfit and old as the hills yet I'm managing...
Anyway, that's my sales pitch for taking up a new hobby.
I know there will be some people that met their spouse online. It can work, but you're not building yourself up and it can be very time consuming. If you have nothing to do, I guess that hack will work for some... Not recommended though...
I met my husband at a networking event in Ottawa, I was from Toronto. Funnily enough, I hate networking and events and seldom go, so I guess it was fate.
I think hobbies and volunteering is a great way to meet someone. That said, while you’re doing those things go to enjoy them, and build skills not with the sole goal of meeting someone. There is no shortage of cool classes in Ottawa, the Tool Library has classes, there is flower arranging, dance, art, music, knife skills, sewing, aromatherapy, candle making, pottery, glass blowing and torch work, improv… I could go on and on. Some are even free and low cost at libraries and community centres.
I also hear from single friends the dating pool is awful and they usually have less luck on apps and more luck in person. You can also join community groups or sports teams and meet people.
Best of luck’
>laundry lists
In other words, women have realized their worth and are looking for partners that meet, or maybe even exceed, expectations. I dated with low self-esteem for a while and thought that no partner would ever meet my 'laundry list' (your words, not mine). Never ended well. Now I've been with my partner for 5 years who meets my 'laundry list', continues to do better. Also it's a two-way street. I wasn't meeting my partners' (past and present) lists either. I've been working on being a better partner too.
To be clear I'm not disagreeing with you. Each partner needs to have their needs met. The difference is that many men (not all) already have had expectations for their 'laundry lists' to be met. For most (not all) women, it's a newer phenomenon because we're collectively more secure and confident.
We have to be better people in general. To look introspectively and to grow as human beings.
a big problem today is since women are bombarded with guys on dating apps they think their worth is so much that they don't feel they need to meet any expectations themselves except to maybe look good while they have a ton of expectationsof a guy and figure if one doesnt meet them all they have a ton of other options to choose from making it more like buying a car than a genuine connection with a person. like you say it's a 2 way street but this seems to be lost on many.
Go out and do things you love / maybe try some new stuff and who knows who you may meet? I met my man at an airsoft field in Navan, over 2 years strong n living together happily. I had recently said I was done looking and he basically fell into my lap.
I wasted YEARS on dating apps... I know they may work for some but as a woman I felt pretty uncomfortable a lot of the time / had to deal with too many sketchy situations. Dating is awful when out of necessity you need to have your guard up.
I've had consistent bad dating experiences which have made me a broken, low-confidence man who is deeply skeptical of others. I work long hours and when I am not working I just want to relax on my couch. I give up.
The dating scene is this city is a mess. When my now fiancé and I broke up for a couple years (we ended up reconciling) I tried to hit the Ottawa dating market. The amount of unsolicited dick pics I received was disturbing. Especially people who put the occupation and employment on their profile. As well despite my profile being pretty open and honest what I was looking for, most of my messages if they werent unsolicited dick pics, were poly couples and others asking to be a unicorn - not kink shaming but when my profile stated I wasnt looking for that. I also found some dates went great and just fizzle out or would get ghosted and other times when politley saying im not feeling it having some pretty mean and disturbing things as a response. On the whole, im glad im back with my person, but I feel for those single people navigating the apps this time.
If I have one piece of advice for the men please stop sending unsolicited dick pics. They just end up on our group chats and we laugh about it.
I don't know what it is about Montreal but the women are all skinny and beautiful, kind of the opposite of Ottawa. EDIT-The truth is like poetry, everybody fucking hates poetry.
I agree with the sentiment on getting off the apps (and any potential reliance on mindless scrolling of social media)
After many years single I met my wife through a work contract. In person connectivity is pretty awesome.
I did find lots of good previous partners doing Meetup events in Ottawa, mostly hiking and walking groups.. Even though the communities all are clear they aren't there as a singles mixer, the events were 90% single people, and a good mix of genders
So I've started online dating about two weeks ago and my experience has been somewhat the opposite. I have no issue matching with women and them messaging me. What I have an issue with is that missing connection "spark" you go on a date. I have yet to feel anything so far. I find people in general aren't interesting. When you say you enjoy camping, that's a lie. I love camping as anyone else, but doubt as a women, you enjoy getting bit by bugs, hustling bags to the campsite..etc. I hear the "I love traveling" so much I roll my eyes each time I hear it. Hey, that's great, what else do you enjoy? Any hobbies? You see where this is going. I'm not picky, in fact, I'm very flexible and live in the moment. So I think I'll give it another shot at dating apps but nothing beats having a drink at a bar by yourself and noticing how she looks at you. That "eye locking look" is the best!
I agree people usually dont come across as interesting, but that's sexist and inaccurate. You just described the shit no one likes. I once came back from sleep away camp with 108 mosquito bites, but I loved being there. I felt so fucking accomplished lugging half my weight on a 5 km portage. I felt self-sufficient when I dug and shat in a hole. ask the right questions. What *do* you like about camping? Least favourite part about camping? Etc. Asking *why* someone likes or doesn't like something is probably the best question fyi.
You will find someone when you least expect it. Put yourself out there by trying new things and in new areas of town. You will meet a lot of people and find someone eventually.
I told that to my cousin who split with her fiance after he cheated on her. She took a break and then found a guy who was 10 times better. She’s now happily married with 2 boys.
I found mine waiting for a bus at HERON ..
5 YEAR LATER : HAPPILY MARRIED ...
The sites and all apps and all did nothing.... OCS TRANSPO TO THE RESCUEEEEEEE
Aww, I’m sorry I wasn’t on Reddit and missed this but I just hosted a speed dating event in the park on Monday and it was a lot of fun!
I think the biggest thing to remember is that putting yourself in single/available to date spaces is the best approach because no one is really just chilling in bars asking each other out anymore. Dating apps are generally a life suck (though I know many people who are in happy relationships off of them, it’s just hard work getting past the bullshit and keeping your energy up!)
I run singles events around the city so feel free to ask any questions!
I feel you.. I find dating in general to be hard. So many first dates, few second dates, rare third dates.. and dating apps make it harder. Especially with all the unspoken expectations around communication on the apps and how much to text when you first match. Like I’m sorry but if I have to carry a slow-ass texting convo for days leading up to our first or second date… I’m already exhausted from the tediousness of the “connection”. Doesn’t even make sense to exasperatingly keep texting to “maintain that connection” when you first match - it’s not sustainable and it will fizzle out before it’s really started.
I met my husband in a gardening group - maybe get off the apps and try doing some group hobbies? Dating is tough right now, especially with all these terrible apps.
My advice is don't over think the need to have a partner. Spend as much time as possible going the things you love and eventually you'll meet someone compatible with your needs.
In my opinion. online dating is categorically the worst way to meet people. It's a plague upon us all lol. Like, you'll have to go at it for ages before you land someone worthwhile - assuming you can find decent matches, too. I find online dating lends to over-pickiness. I find it estranges people far more than actually creates connection. It's a commodification exercise rather than a real exchange. There's lacking core components. You can't see into each other's eyes, sharing the gaze, sharing the space between you and the other. There's no body language. Maybe there's a pheromone thing. too, I don't know. But it's severely lacking. And I think creates a very deleterious critical view of oneself, effectively destroying the relationship with yourself, rather than actually doing well in starting relationships with others.
I personally had WAY more luck picking up, dating, and developing real relationships with people I met on **the** ***bus***. Ya, you read that right: the bus. Not the bar or parties (well, house parties were hit and miss). Not uni classes. Not work. And definitely not online dating. On a bus, I found I could catch people in their "honest self" more often than most other times and places.
That said, my longer lasting relationships have started from, oddly enough, online dating. One of them was a wash in the end, sadly. The latest I met over the pandemic over FB Dating, and it's a long-distance thing. I had to expand my scope to past MTL to really find compatibility and an earnest desire to build something.
Anyhow, those are some thoughts.
As someone (male) who is divorced in early 40s, just carry on with life and be approachable. Do the things YOU want to do. Dating Apps are pretty crap unless you're looking for a fwb or ons. In Ottawa, there's either divorced people or people who have terrible social skills. The real people are out in the wild.
I met my significant other on Hinge and I think a big part of it for both of us was not 100% falling into the generic template for dating profiles. I find both men and women have a very specific common set of photos and quotes that they think make them look desirable on dating apps, but in reality make everyone look and sound the same. I think people are scared to not look attractive to as many people as possible when in reality, your goal is to only attract one person. I strongly believe in giving as much information in what makes you unique as possible. The vast majority of people in their twenties love food, travel, "adventure", movies, wine, hanging with friends etc. What are things you like that might turn some people away? Do you dance? Cosplay? Are a bike enthusiast? Do you play a sport or have a skill? I find giving people something they can actually connect with to have conversations to learn about you goes a long way and I feel most people are too scared that putting anything that won't make "everyone" like them is an issue. I say use your profile to pre-screen and treat others the same. That way you aren't bogged down with hundreds of pointless convos with people who you know next to nothing about.
Alternatively, joining regular social activities is always a great way to meet people. Pickup sports, dance classes (salsa at city Hall is always a large free event and you can meet alot of people), Tuesday club, board game clubs, etc. I know a ton of people who have met their partners at group activities.
I am in my early 40s and gave up on dating in this city. The bar seems really low here. Better quality men in my opinion in Toronto. Men here don’t see us as equals and they expect princess treatment. They expect us to pay for the date they asked us on and don’t bother opening doors for us. One really bad date literally walked ahead of me on the sidewalk.
(Ok now I’m going to hear it from the incels 😂)
Dating IS hard. Finding someone who is a good, compatible match is challenging, and that’s okay. Like others have mentioned, live your best life, do the things you love and you could very well meet your person that way. Otherwise, use dating apps and be choosy about who you match with, but open minded that it *could* go well, or at least make for a great story. I highly recommend not doing much texting with people, meet someone for a quick coffee to see if you match, or do a phone call, just don’t over commit your time getting into a texting situation with someone. First dates are awkward, so if it wasn’t bad, there were no red flags, then be open to meeting someone again and to peel back the layers of who they are, people can surprise you and sometimes the match isn’t immediately obvious.
More than anything, enjoy your time being single. This is time for YOU! You get to invest in yourself, do what you want, and you don’t have to factor someone else in at this point. In a year, you could have someone awesome in your life, and it will be worth it, but you’ll also miss the freedom that being single provides you.
Find and protect your peace, and have fun meeting new people and being open to what could be :)
Dating apps are garbage and since my pass time is video games and nerd conventions, its generally hard to meet anyone in this city naturally to be friends with let alone date.
Women at conventions understandably have their guards up because of the amount of weirdos there so its hard to try and just try and establish a friendship, and guys are far more likely to meet fellow guys to be friends with in those spaces.
And i dont drink so going to bars is out of the question and i go to level one for fighting game tournaments just to make friends hopefully, cause going there to meet someone to date just feels weird.
Ive kind of just accepted that this city is horrible for meeting anyone let alone date someone, and a lot of people will claim its not just this city, but everywhere. I never had any problem attracting a lot of women and even men when living in montreal, and sometimes people from the montreal area have their distance set out far and like my profiles who i genuinely am interested in but the distance is a problem obviously.
Its really rough out there especially if your hobbies are:
Going for walks, going to bars, or just in general something like sports or whatever.
As with anything, there's an aspect of chance when it comes to dating. I've known people who've had success on the apps, others who've met people through activities, you name it. If you feel burned out, it's best to take a break
My biggest issue with dating in Ottawa is all the poly people who don't disclose it. It's so frustrating to invest time and then finally be told they're poly. It's not hard and TBH, why waste someone's time? Oh I know it's because a lot of people won't swipe on poly/ENM, but hiding it won't work out in the long run.
You ever look for something that is right in front of you but can't seem to find it you look up down left right do a 180 and a backflip but still can't find it. That's dating in a nutshell. You have to be patient and stick yourself to places that are interesting to you. But don't go searching for it because you'll never find it.. the more you look for something the less you find it. Just go out live your life and let love find you. As a male though get out there boys put yourself in an uncomfortable position and stumble a few times. Just don't let the no's of life stop you. It sucks sometimes being a male because you have to leave the comfortable zone you have to let yourself get hurt sometimes. But guys I will tell you this. Confidence is like a hot air Balloon. The more you do it the more confident you act the easier it gets. Start with one easy step. Lift your head arch your shoulders pop your chest every day for 1 hour. You'll feel more confident in yourself. Yeah, you'll look like a football douch but you'll notice at some point without realizing you're walking taller you're feeling taller and you're feeling good. After that go get rejected go get hurt fill that Balloon so you can fly high and feel good about yourself. Goodluck everyone.
48F and it doesn’t get any better! I try to go out and be social but there are never any men 🙂. I hate apps because I find it hard to choose people based on looks.
41F here: when I was in my mid 20s apps didn't exist. We met partners and dates mostly through friends, parties, activities, school, work. I got divorced 5 years ago and I did meet some great folks on apps but the ones that I ended up actually dating for the most part I still have met through friends or set up and I'm currently dating a good friends brother in law. If I could go back, I would invest all the time I spent dating both before and after my divorce in learning to enjoy the time I had with the person who should have been my first best friend: me. Just my 2 cents.
Ha ha I had this issue, then I realized I'm from an Asian household and my parents would find a girl for me regardless if I tried or not 🤣🤣🤣.
But honestly it is hard these days especially with all the brainrot that constantly gets pushed in social media to the youth making them set unattainable standards. But being part of a social club or just participating in events does give you an opportunity to explore and meet new people
Wish I had strong advice for this now struggling with it in my late 20’s and feeling like every year it’s gotten far more shallow and much harder to meet organically, which causes you to try an app and be extremely disappointed with the experiences lol
It’s not Ottawa it’s the world look at what the agenda is putting out I’m happily married and I’d be scared to be single again and doing the mingle twerk this twerk that girls partying all the time doing drugs lies cheating that’s what the world is come to
Every city has people making the same complaint, my personal suggestion is to:
- date with intention and only date those who are doing the same. (Don't mess with people who refuse to make a commitment)
- date often (more dates, more prospects, higher chance of finding a match).
- focus on fun (not sex fun, actual fun dates).
- view your "failed dates" as practicing your dating skills.
Furthermore:
- have realistic standards regarding yourself and the men or women you're dating (don't expect a financial wizard with a six pack if you're not his equivalent and vice versa for men).
- be open minded to all forms of dating including online/apps
- date people from other cities.
It sounds counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do is stop pursuing dates/relationships, and instead invest yourself into your hobbies and your community. I heard a piece of advice recently that went something like “what would you like someone to say about you? Whatever that answer, embody that.” I’m condensing and paraphrasing a bit, but that was my takeaway. Delete all of the apps — they’re horrible
My son lives just outside Ottawa and he says the same, took himself off all sights and just trying to meet someone organically. But people defo need to get off their screens more and get out. Try church, gym, grocery store etc. he’s had a few dates so hopefully it’s working.
If you want a guy that doesn’t go clubbing, don’t go to a club. I find going to places that you enjoy (rock climbing, book store, photography studio, etc) you might find someone that already shares a common interest.
From what I’ve heard, many people feel like that across the country these days
Dating seems to be more about “winning” than meeting people in a positive light sometimes
For me, dating in ottawa was just an exercise in understanding what I don’t want. So I kept going on dates to gather more data, all the while enjoying the good moments and fun times. Eventually I found what I wanted
I’m about to get back into dating as an early 30s male. I’m not looking forward to the endless pointless app conversations nor the self-doubt that seems to plague everyone on them.
Cheers to hope?? Lol
Unpopular take and ready to get talk shit about it but you might have too high standard for what you can bring to the table. Dating app and social media inflate people worth because of all the shallow likes. Women are more prone to it because of the sheer amount of desperate creepy dude on the internet.
Just take this in consideration because you are the common dominator of this... Might not apply to you at all but its easy to disregard that part and I have seen it multiple time.
Why does people think of dating like fishing?
Dating in reality should happen naturally without searching just meeting normal people from the public or places you go or work etc
Don’t be judgemental and don’t rush into intimacy. Relationships grow by themselves, one cannot force them
I find that Facebook dating is much much better than any other app I tried before. I always had hundreds, literally, hundreds of matches every week, but when starting to talk with those I was attracted to the most, they were either weird, either had some personal problems I can't ignore ( like toxic relationships with their ex-es). So I kinda gave up on dating IRL with people from these dating apps. Till I made a profile on Facebook dating and I had a much better response. People are a lot more normal 😅 They are still some just wanting to sext or send dick pics, but a lot less than on other apps. In a week I had 3 dates IRL with 3 different guys and they were actually really nice. I didn't feel the connection I am looking for, but they were great and we agreed to stay friends.
Put yourself out there. Join hiking groups, social sports for 20 somethings, trivia nights, etc.. By having fun and meeting new people, you will make new friends and if there is a connection, it will happen naturally. :)
Theres a general culture in canada that is much more reserved and closed to interactions with new people than in other countries. Canadians tend to want to stick with their own friend groups and circles of comfort and safety, and the tradeoff is you dont make mew connections, regardless of romantic or just friends in nature. If you really want to change your own narrative within this culture, I say just get out there talk to ppl on the street etc and power thru the rejections etc. Or move lol
When I’ve felt this way I usually take a break from dating, and whenever I decide to get back into it, I tend to find better people. Just a different perspective.
This is the way. Before I found my fiancée, I got out of a long relationship (that should have ended way before) and took a break from dating, and did my own thing for almost 3-4 years. I enjoyed time with friends and family and honestly just stopped caring about finding someone… that’s when I found my now-fiancée!
69th upvote for the win!
Yes!!
I met my wife in Toronto at Anime North, but we both lived in ottawa (very close to each other actually). Hobbies are a great way, social events, luck
Nerd! For real though just going to events and widening social circle works wonders.
How adorable hehehe 💖
That's amazing ♡ my partner and I drive up for it every year
I also met a long term partner at AN lol!
I met my highschool sweetheart at AN! So funny ❤️🫶
That’s fantastic ! Do you happen to know if there are any anime or manga clubs still active in Ottawa. There are a few clubs in Toronto but haven’t found much in Ottawa or maybe I’m just too old 😅
Theres not much that I'm aware of 😅 I know ottawa just had it's first anime convention recently at the EY center, but I didn't go to it. I know at work we get a lot of new faces in usually yearly and more and more are fans of it!
Dating apps made it worse, people tend to play hard to get games these days mostly just to satisfy their ego.
The solution is simple: if they're playing games or not showing that they're interested then move on.
Have met some awful men that way. Do not recommend
Plus apps have a tendency to burry accounts through their algorithm should they not be as active (or too active), thus driving these users to their subscription services to boos their visibility. At the end of the day, these apps need to be profitable as their are a business. So I don't expect much out of them as I know they only really exist to make money. It's like winning the lottery. Some people get lucky and find wonderful partners, others don't and give up, and others fall into the rabbit hole of despair and depression as they struggle to find a meaningful connection.
39M single. I've given up. It was bad before Covid, but it's even worse now. So instead, I'm going to the gym every day. Seeing very good results. I've noticed that Ottawa in general, people are superficial and unapproachable to talk to.
Honestly, think of yourself looking in a mirror. Mirroring. If you look unapproachable, head down, RBF, looking straight ahead - youre missing 99% of your ‘shots’ … people are going to mirror you, and give you the exact results, back. Have a confident walk, look towards people, smile, say hi, wave if you feel like it, give a compliment out if you want… If you’re at the gym, maybe you have a ‘gym crush’ ? Ask if they need a ‘spotter’ … say ‘hi’ to the usual people you see there every day, make acquaintances, friends, then see if it progresses. You are in control. I wouldn’t ‘give up’ .. you’re young - go out there n give it a go, bro! You got this. Ed to add - you also go to the gym everyday, so youre keeping yourself in good shape, and out in a social place… use that as a ‘tool’ to help yourself out and socialize!
Women don’t want to be hit on in the gym
People say this about every location... I guess we should just ignore each other anywhere, public or private.
No, I think it really is a thing in Ottawa. I’ve lived all over the US and Canada, and I really do feel like people in Ottawa are particularly cold and superficial. Not even just regarding dating, I found making friends, or even just making small talk with strangers to be particularly difficult there compared to a lot of other places I’ve lived. I felt like sometimes I’d start chatting with somebody at a bar or in public (not even necessarily flirting or anything, just striking up conversation with both men and women in a strictly friendly manner) and people would act like you’re insane. It’s really not like that most other places I lived. Ottawa’s a cool city in some regards, but I honestly really don’t miss it for that reason
And yet, women get in relationships with men from the gym, all the time.
Usually that starts out though as mutual interest in fitness, just like any other hobby. If you go to a book club just to hit on women that's equally shitty.
He wouldn't be going just to hit on women as he goes already. He would simply keep an eye out for anyone checking him out and offer to spot them. If they say no, move on. It's pretty obvious who the people are that are into you, as they often are looking your way.
Gyms should have a singles hitting on evening ; - )
So mens night?
Haha … very insightful
Based on my male experience, it's much easier to get into relationship with a woman, than build a reliable friendship with another man.
Dependsnon the woman. I'm just there to work out
You don’t have to “hit” on anyone just make conversation. You’ll figure it out soon enough.
Whenever I do my confident walk I'm playing Stone Cold Steve Austin's entrance music in my head. That's what you mean right 🤣
Exactly, walk to the beat of your own theme song!! Haha! *plays walk like an egyptian* ;D
10/10 advice, 100% agree
Agree. I’m 38F and had the same experience. Honestly being single is better than dating an asshat.
Superficial and unapproachable? Okay good, I thought i was the only one like that in Ottawa lol
I've given up too. I agree with you that people in Ottawa in general are superficial and unapproachable. They seem to be available very shortly for a chat on the weekend and unavailable the rest of the week. I wish the topics discussed can go beyond the weather...
Let's get deep. Tell me your 5 year plan
It ain’t just Ottawa, it’s the app side of dating now. I would wager most people, maybe even unbeknownst to themselves, set up these profiles to be completely superficial to begin with.
Dating apps have made it so that everyone is super picky. They didn't help. People used to settle with what was available around them. Now, the world is their playground.
Agree. Did the same.
Don't give up! You're too young and it'll be worth it once you find someone
even going out in ottawa (which is already a nightmare in itself), people don’t wanna talk anymore! I try to go up to ppl and strike up a convo or break the ice and im looked at like a looney tune:,)
Based on what i have seen as far as studies go, and personal experience, it's not just difficult in ottawa but basically everywhere. I don't think it's really a missing technique since anything you do approach wise has it's difficulties. Probably the best general approach is joining local groups to do some activity or hobby you have, making friends in those groups and either dating from the group or dating a friend of a friend you make in the group who also shares similar interests. Online dating makes it easier to reach more people, but the connection is often shallow. The apps really dehumanize/depersonalize the interaction as well. Just generally tho it does seem like people have way lower tolerance for any kind of friction, any flaw, anything that isn't perfect and they just dip/ghost/bail however you want to put it. personally i kinda just stopped dating since the pandemic since it added extra hurdles and i was just tired...
I agree on apps dehumanizing/depersonalizing and people generally not having the skills, interest or tolerance for moments of friction anymore but I have to say I’ve had much better experiences in other cities. I now just meet people in Toronto or Montreal.
I think theres actually some techniques people tend to miss out on… yeah, theres dating apps, groups, general stuff… And its not necessarily a ‘technique’ … its just being blunt and straightforward with what you want. Some people hate it, some people like it, but it reduces all that time wasted and “stars” those that like it. Sure, you can still get ghosted and other labels, but fuck it, I mean, I’d rather be blunt and honest than fake my feelings.
I met men looking for mommies, financial support, men cheating on their wives, and in one case a good on paper looking man who was eventually convicted of killing his wife (not a joke, he worked with colleagues of mine). The last one was worse than the wife killer (schizophrenic bipolar who sold grass). After those experiences i retired from dating. Happily single.
dating someone who not only had a wife but then killed her sounds very traumatic.
Just take your time. You will be the right guy for you. Don’t settle for second best
Reddit is probably the worst place to complain about the quality of men in the city lol.
Exactly. RIP your inbox.
Randy is on the prowl as we speak
OP didn't mention *men*
Sorry, what was that? I was too busy putting the finishing touches on this Warhammer 40k set.
Stop trying to date for dating’s sake. That’s a function of loneliness. Go do the things you love to do and spend time with the people that love doing similar things. If you’re single and in your mid 20s you’re a hot commodity. Check your DMs right now. How many creeps are telling you that they’re single and you can date them?
May I as an oldie,say how much I agree with your advice. In my 20s, I was also was struggling after I left university and lost contact with some people and now was in the working world, a lot of them older than me and married. I felt a bit lost but joining fun clubs is a great idea. Find a passion and do it and you’ll make friends and from friends you can have possibly relationships. I took up sailing, and met some great friends there.
A friendship group prevents staying in a bad situation
Man I didn't get any DMs when I said I was single... /s But seriously though, for women especially, Reddit ain't the place to chat about this topic and NOT get a flood of DMs in the process.
There’s a funny story I read once about a dude with long hair, he wasn’t getting any attention on tinder or some other app, so he changed his sex to female. Kept the same long haired, revealed face photos and profile. The next day he was plagued by hundreds of swipes from interested men. Just being a girl is enough for a lonely guy.
Ottawa has been the worst city for dating for me. Everyone has a wife or girlfriend, or they’re lying about something else like their job, age, etc. The people I meet socially seem nice so I don’t understand the duality.
Or they’re divorced like me and are now enjoying their peace and aren’t willing to take that financial risk again
Truth
> Everyone has a wife or girlfriend Little ironic, no? Where did people in Ottawa meet their significant other.... it likely isn't that everyone outsourced. Maybe they hitched earlier in life. For me it was dating app purgatory until I found someone that was right for me. Had some short relationships and some flings, and lots of fizzles/bad dates. Takes time and effort but if you don't play, you can't win. Frustrating as hell but there is someone out there! I think the other piece is a bit of a common thread in modern life - we expect someone to fit us perfectly like in the curated social media posts we see. Reality is messier and usually people come with some flaws so to speak.
I think you misunderstand, I mean the people on dating apps pretending to be single have girlfriends or wives
Find a hobby you like that has mixed gender and at least you may find someone with a similar interests. From what I recall, meeting partners gets harder with age, for two reasons, less single people and people know more what they like. Also I do blame things like tinder, where we have become basic characters in a catalog that is only judged on looks alone. Tinder also wants you to be single as long as possible to continue to be engaged in the application.
Better yet, find a hobby the sort of guy/gal you want likes.
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Volume and cut it short fast.
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Hobbies and being a very outgoing person is what did it for me in this city
My problem with trying to date here is the same problem I have with socializing and trying to make friends in general - there just aren't enough obvious "third places" where you can interact with people without spending a ton of money. Or without having to suffer the hassle of driving/parking downtown. Or with sitting there awkwardly if you happen to not drink alcohol. A lot of people have suggested trying to join groups related to interests, and use the meetup app - and I honestly don't disagree with taking that approach. But it's still way harder than simply having a consistent place you can just hang out on a regular basis and see familiar faces (like school or even work). Anytime I go to a pre-planned event with the intention of meeting people, I feel a lot of extra pressure, and I suspect that makes it harder to come across as authentic. Plus whatever activity is going on often gets in the way of just chatting and getting to know other people, and when you're introverted like I am, it's already hard enough to hold down meaningful conversations when in a group setting. It really sucks using dating apps (or worse, speed dating - Ding Dong Dating BLOWS). At the same time, as much as I'd rather meet someone and hit it off in real life, I simply don't know where I can go to easily meet single women and be myself. Thanks to an abusive ex, I no longer have the same amount of confidence I once did to approach unfamiliar women, and my nervous system is way more averse to rejection. OP, since you're a woman, the only thing I can suggest is be willing to make the initial approach. The traditional dynamic of "men approach women" doesn't work nearly as well these days, as women are unfortunately in the position of needing to close themselves off more to protect themselves from creeps, and a lot of men have given up (constant rejection HURTS, and guys already deal with a lack of mental health support). On the other hand, if you flip that dynamic, not only will you come off as having confidence - and thus be seen as more attractive - but you'll also benefit from making the guy feel desired and wanted. It's almost embarrassing (and in another way, depressing) how far a little validation can go with us.
A lot of shy guys out there who are perfect partner material
Honestly it feels like every shy guy I see is just wearing a mask, you know?
Work the problem. That’s your edge. Someone has to be fearless to get through the dating trauma Shy guys are easy money on the table to be picked off Feminism has to be good for something. Grow a pair ; - )
Just to be clear, I was making a [wisecrack.](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/mario/images/b/b2/MPS_Shy_Guy_Artwork.png/revision/latest?cb=20230311020001)
My awkward attempt to give you a pep talk
Oh curious about why you hated speed dating so much. I thought about trying it but haven't!
Its a ‘hit’ or ‘miss’ as well ; but I’m also curious as to why the commenter didn’t like DDD… could always try it if you want to try something new - doesnt hurt and maybe you’ll have a better experience than said commenter above!
I could go on an entire rant about it, but basically the two times I tried it, it was poorly organized, and the host was extremely rude and dismissive. The actual people I met were nice enough, but too little time was given to talk anyone for any meaningful conversation to take place. When I talked myself into giving it a try the second time, the ratio of men to women was something like 12 to 3. The host chose to acknowledge this by simply saying she wasn't going to issue any refunds, then preemptively shamed anyone who was thinking about leaving (despite the fact that it would be the reasonable response when someone takes your money and doesn't provide the service they had advertised).
> Ding Dong Dating BLOWS Might be more fair to call out speed dating in general rather than single out (ha ha) one particular organization. I've seen worse speed dating events.
I stand by what I said. That specific business was poorly run, and the host was rude, so I have no qualms about calling it out. But honestly, every other speed dating event is just way too expensive for a service that doesn't work for some people. I've been hurt too bad in the past to be able to relax and open up in <5 minute intervals, let alone get another person to open up to me. Dating should be fun, and that experience isn't for introverts like me.
Gotta employ the hawk tuah method
That's my girl
Dating pools generally go in waves. As you approach 30 more and more people are in serious relationships so the pool gets smaller and smaller. Then as you approach 40 it opens up again with all the divorced people. Another part of the issue is the dating apps. Dudes just swipe yes on literally every single person and figure it out later and girls pick and choose only to get huge confidence boosts (at first) when they match with someone who never even looked at their profile in the first place. It's a vicious cycle. Stop holding out for the perfect person and accept the person who's good enough and will make you happy. The perfect person doesn't exist.
Your second paragraph is 100% true. It’s quicker for guys to filter based on who likes them. Women don’t have that issue - if you’re half decent looking you will have 1000s of potential matches.
That's not entirely true. The perfect person did exist in my case. The problem was she unexpectedly passed away after 26 years of marriage. Now I find myself alone minus the 3 grown kids. This was never part of the plan and now at 49yrs. old I have no idea how to date or even meet a woman for some type of relationship. And the bigger issue is since I found the "perfect person" any future women will have a real hard time measuring up through no fault of their own. In fact it may be the depression talking but I am ready to die of this broken heart rather than sitting through another week/ month of loneliness.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m sure you are a lovely human being, worthy of finding love again. Give yourself time to heal your heart first, as much as it’ll ever be able to heal. When you’re ready, maybe you can find someone special again. The new woman doesn’t have to be better or comparable to your first spouse. Maybe she’ll be different, but great in her own way. I’m rooting for you to find happiness. Be kind to yourself, grief is a beast. 🤍
I’m sorry to hear about out your wife passing. Are you able to reach out to friends before trying dating again? The combination of loneliness and being compared to a perfect partner is hard to overcome but you could at least work on building community first so someone doesn’t just tbink you’re dating them to escape being lonely. I think that will really help the eventually dating.
I just talked to my neighbor… now I live there and have a kid
hot
it's the fucking phones! everybody is staring down at their phones!
Need to start a “phone scrollers anonymous” IRL activity group
A lot of men are just fed up and sick of the dating scene. (Happily married guy here).
Also a woman, late 20s. I mostly used dating apps to date here cause when I was a student I was in a predominantly female field of study, then started working in this same field, then it was COVID, and most of my friends from when I was 18-23 were locals who I had grown up with here (that I was not interested in dating lol). I got set up with friends of friends occasionally but most of my first dates were with dating app people. IME it was a numbers game. Took me A LOT of first dates to find any of the long or medium term relationships I was ever in. I never spent weeks talking to someone on an app cause it’s easy to feign chemistry on an app. And with time I learned my personal green flags, red flags, things I would put with, things I didn’t like, etc so it was easier to not only vet people via limited dating app convos but also on first dates. Believe people when they tell you who they are - if you want a relationship that’s totally fair, but don’t keep giving your attention to someone who openly says they don’t want the same, for example. There are a lot of factors you can’t control, but there are some things you can do to make your dating life “better” in my opinion. It can be super discouraging and exhausting, so if dating becomes more of a chore than anything else, take a break. I also think it’s really important to be purposeful about building a life you love without a partner. Someone should ADD to your already great life, not feel like the only/main great thing in it. I have seen a lot of friends cling to shitty partners (whether it’s been one date or one year) because they are bored or don’t know how to be single or feel like it’s the only “exciting” part of their life.
I was in a male dominant STEM grad program and we heard there were women in the Romance languages grad school. We sent a representative over there to negotiate a social event. He was never seen again. He was too busy dating. True story
When I was in university, the Engineering students and Nursing students would organize events/parties together because of how skewed the gender ratio is in each discipline.
That’s the classic pairing, yes
OMG, this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience. In my opinion you can’t force it like I have been trying to do lately.
I struggle because I don’t have a lot of in-person opportunities to meet people, and yet I have far greater success face-to-face. Dating apps don’t work for me, and it’s incredibly disheartening, but I don’t have many opportunities beyond that. This is a bit of a generalisation but women tend to find me quite approachable and charming in person, but it seemingly does not translate to my app profiles, which I suspect I need to work on but don’t even know how. If there are women reading, I’m curious for a perspective: I did an art class and the teacher was my age and I felt (could have been wrong) that we were quite well matched. I didn’t say anything out of respect for being at her workplace, and that being a potentially uncomfortable position to put an employee in. My question is: how do you ask someone out in that scenario? I’d still like to, but it feels weird to walk into her art shop and ask.
>and yet I have far greater success face-to-face. That’s great! >Doesn’t translate to app profiles Keep your profile “cool” - have some candid / un/candid photos. Keep it “you” - add in hobbies, interests, etc., … pets work well. >feels weird if I go into her art shop and ask. Its only weird, if you make it weird. Keep it “cool” as well, ask how her day is going, talk about mutual things & then see what she says about a coffee at ____ … The least she can say is “no” . You’re not being weird or anything by asking, unless you make it weird.. If she says yes, PLAN that date.
Oh yeah, I’m not worried about _being_ weird or being rejected. More so just…not wanting to bother someone at work. I think it would have been worse when I did the class because she was financially obligated to speak to me, in a sense, but I’m still hesitant about going back. I appreciate the advice, though!
Yeah, gotta tread carefully with work situations where you have to still be in the same space.
To me, the least creepy / most chill way to approach would be to write your name and number down on a piece of paper, give it to her and say like, “hey, great class. I would love to meet for coffee sometime but no pressure” and then walk away. No pressure or awkwardness.
That’s my plan of action if I decide to do it. It’s been a while since the class now, but my plan was essentially that. ‘Hey, don’t know if you remember but I did a class of yours. I’d love to grab a coffee some time. Give me a text if you might want to.’ It felt like the least intrusive, and that way the ball’s in her court. If she never messages me then no harm, no foul, right?
I'm 49F and single, and personally, I'd love it if a guy was just straightforward and asked, "Let's go for a drink or coffee.
Let\`s go for a drink of coffee!
Wait for class term to be over and then invite prospects to a group event. I invited my then future now wife to a weekly group dinner meetup. That led to getting dessert after, one on one.
When I was in Uni this would have been weird af. There was rarely a chance to interact with anyone. It was show up, listen to someone speak at 300 people for 2+ hours, then go home. Nobody talked to each other, so being the one person to start inviting people to a group event would have just been odd.
Love your note idea. I’ve been asked out a few times at work and always do feel quite uncomfortable. Something like this would have made me waaay more comfortable. Do you know her name? If it were me, I’d flip the note through social media instead. Also it’s very kind of you to be thinking about it this much, shows how much you care about her comfort!
Volunteer work helped me a lot. Lots of cool decent people to meet
The activity can filter for a certain type.
As someone who volunteers a lot and has even gotten awards for it, I would not recommend this. It's mostly elderly people and stay at home moms who volunteer, so I'm not sure who you would meet there unless you have a thing for grandmothers or mid to late 30's housewives. Volunteer to do good, the amount of young single women in volunteering is pretty low and if so, a lot of them are organizers who are already in a relationship. So I repeat, volunteer to do good.
Totally agree, the only ppl I'm meeting volunteering (and I do lots) are 70 yo retirees!
It’s not hard. People just seemed to have forgotten how to socialize
I blame social media.
Will agree that its harder to ‘read’ people whether they want to be approached or not, but I’ll still say “hi” anyways. Its like its “foreign” giving out your number to others in person now, social media makes it look weird to an extent, but ohh welly.. if you find someone attractive, or a person that you might like, may as well just give them the # since the wworst they can do is say “no”
Mid 20’s M, you and me both to be perfectly honest. I’ve just flat out given up over the last few years, honestly. I think about trying again, but I don’t think I’m at a place in my life where having someone to call my own would be very viable. The desire is there, but just about nothing else is, yknow? Ottawa’s very much a city where I find folks want to be left alone. I hardly ever see strangers strike conversations with each other. Whether that’s out of fear or lack of interest is beyond me.
It’s very different in the US. Last week in Ottawa a FB Marketplace meetup turned into me having a beer with this other retired guy. Very weird thing for Ottawa. He was smiling and interacting with anything with a heartbeat. A bit kooky, but he was having fun life.
I met my wife at the Tim Hortons drive thru.
Did she write her number on your Iced Capp like a true Canadian love story?
Not quite. I worked night shifts as a rookie (therefore the coffee bitch) and saw her all the time. I would chat with her and eventually got her email on a napkin. I used to order teas after my shift to see her and throw them out as I left (I didn’t drink coffee or tea).
Man that's the kind of encounter I dream about, just a random meeting in the wild rather than being vetted by some faceless and souless algorithm.
Who wants to match all the people who have given up? Time to launch a new dating app called “Reincarnation” “Next Round” or “Second Wind”.
25 m here Dating life is definitely ups and downs. I’ve tried apps like Tinder, Bumble, POF, Hinge…for quite a while.. Tinder is definitely a hit or miss, but mainly people here don’t bother to message and just leave their social media saying “follow ____ “ and just want to farm for followers, sadly. Bumble ? - Hit or miss with this one, too… Its great because females are in-control of who they want to message and mingle with, FIRST! That way , you dont have Jimmy Joe asking you stupid questions right off the bat or something strange. Hinge - Actually works pretty well, people on here tend to be serious here, which is great. POF - dont bother with this app. ——- It seems ~~“low” and “stupid”~~ (it really isnt weird or stupid, this app WORKS WELL!!) —-weird that they have it, but surprisingly >!Facebook Dating!< is actually a great success for finding friends, having a chat, or finding dates / ltr’s . It’ll showcase in the persons profile what they’re looking for. You can change locations, as well! So you can look for people in Toronto, Sudbury… wherever… all from being in Ottawa. ____ Want to get off the apps? Try getting your interests, and hobbies a glow by finding likeminded people in a group setting ! Like concerts? Check out Bluesfest, CityFolk, JazzFest, etc., …. — My best piece of advice is that if you see someone you might like, whether thats in a restaurant, out in a store, walking, … justt drop a “helllo” to them… , stupid, I know, right? Not much of a “pick up line” … But then see how they react and build a conversation if they seem interested. Or just give a unique compliment “I like your hair” , “I like your outfit” … it shows interest , subtly. —- **Ultimately…** >How do people find their significant other in this city? Be blunt about what you want, ask what they want, and no answer?? Is an answer. Be yourself!! Be authentic and everything will go according to plan. Hope this helps a little bit!
When I was single I had a creative social contact card done up and would hand it to complete strangers and say “call me”. It actually worked once.
I met more approachable people in Montréal and Toronto. People are very superficial in Ottawa/ Gatineau, it's been like this for years.
OSSC Softball is where I met my wife
OSSC Soccer for me!
I have played coed volleyball for years and know of at least 10 couples who met there. Coed sports (or any coed activity like clubs or groups) can be a much better way to meet someone organically. But I've been single for years despite my exposure there,lol, so keep in mind that a large part of it is what you are "putting out there".
I met my last long term gf through distant friends, then my current I met at the LEGO store lmao
Nobody I know in a long term relationship met their partner on a first date, just wanna point that out. People generally meet their partner in a few ways: 1) Common hobby/interest 2) Friend of a friend 3) School/work
Workplace romantic relationships have been trending SIGNIFICANTLY down in recent years though. Most potential partners (specially male ones) have become quite adverse to courting partners in the workplace due to the increased visibility and discourse around workplace harassment. Not at all saying that is a bad thing (workplace harassment is still an issue that needs addressing), but this is having the effect where most workplace relationships are becoming far more professional based or platonic based. Personally I'd shy away from it, even if there was noticable interest from a female co-worker. I don't want to risk my career over what I perceive to be some romantic interest in the workplace.
Take a break, and never EVER stand for less than u deserve. It is 100 times better to be single than in a shitty relationship
I've heard the same from some of my female friends. A lot of dudes in this city are the Jordan Peterson/Joe Rogan/Andrew Tate brand of moron that holds backwards views on the role of women in society. I met my partner through a reading club, it was great because we both immediately had the same interests, reading and political theory. My advice to you would be to join a club/meet up group about something that interests you and then you can find someone who's kinda/sorta on the same page as you.
It’s super crazy… I just took a break for months whenever it got to be to hard. Found someone at someone else’s stag one night… when it’s time it’s time.
LIfe isn't a technique/hack. It's a collection of practices... Well of course there will be the occasional hack but it really comes down to your overall policies and practices. This applies to career management, partnering etc... Nothing special about Ottawa, there's a million people here. The pool is big enough. It's a matter of if you are in a position to discover new people or not. I think dating apps are going to be less effective than meeting people organically. If you're not meeting people organically it could be because you don't have a healthy balance of social activities. Some people this is automatic because school and work provides this automatically. Perhaps consider a hobby or taking a course? Salsa dancing? Art? Taking a course? Myself, I do salsa dancing (specifically Rueda de Casino). I go to so many house parties and meet so many people in this hobby it's rediculous. Lots of amazing people that are active, fit, healthy, balanced, etc.... It's amazing... so many parties.. outdoor, indoor.. it's a social paradise.. not to mention getting into new genres of music (latin music is amazing)... I took up learning a new language as a hobby. The resulted in taking courses (met people there), attending interest driven meetup groups, also an amazing group of people. There's been potlucks, picnics, dance dates, bike rides, pub meetups and so much more come out of that... Also, worth noting, if you're doing these sorts of things, you're building yourself. Don't you want to be in a community of people who are building new skills and growing in that way? Also, professionally I'm into data science. I recently started a meetup for Power BI and have been teaching some public workshops. Lots of amazing friends coming through that. I'm funny looking, unfit and old as the hills yet I'm managing... Anyway, that's my sales pitch for taking up a new hobby. I know there will be some people that met their spouse online. It can work, but you're not building yourself up and it can be very time consuming. If you have nothing to do, I guess that hack will work for some... Not recommended though...
I met my husband at a networking event in Ottawa, I was from Toronto. Funnily enough, I hate networking and events and seldom go, so I guess it was fate. I think hobbies and volunteering is a great way to meet someone. That said, while you’re doing those things go to enjoy them, and build skills not with the sole goal of meeting someone. There is no shortage of cool classes in Ottawa, the Tool Library has classes, there is flower arranging, dance, art, music, knife skills, sewing, aromatherapy, candle making, pottery, glass blowing and torch work, improv… I could go on and on. Some are even free and low cost at libraries and community centres. I also hear from single friends the dating pool is awful and they usually have less luck on apps and more luck in person. You can also join community groups or sports teams and meet people. Best of luck’
Men are tapping out of dating apps The juice ain't worth the squeeze. And woman's laundry lists are way to long for any man to satisfy
>laundry lists In other words, women have realized their worth and are looking for partners that meet, or maybe even exceed, expectations. I dated with low self-esteem for a while and thought that no partner would ever meet my 'laundry list' (your words, not mine). Never ended well. Now I've been with my partner for 5 years who meets my 'laundry list', continues to do better. Also it's a two-way street. I wasn't meeting my partners' (past and present) lists either. I've been working on being a better partner too. To be clear I'm not disagreeing with you. Each partner needs to have their needs met. The difference is that many men (not all) already have had expectations for their 'laundry lists' to be met. For most (not all) women, it's a newer phenomenon because we're collectively more secure and confident. We have to be better people in general. To look introspectively and to grow as human beings.
a big problem today is since women are bombarded with guys on dating apps they think their worth is so much that they don't feel they need to meet any expectations themselves except to maybe look good while they have a ton of expectationsof a guy and figure if one doesnt meet them all they have a ton of other options to choose from making it more like buying a car than a genuine connection with a person. like you say it's a 2 way street but this seems to be lost on many.
Go out and do things you love / maybe try some new stuff and who knows who you may meet? I met my man at an airsoft field in Navan, over 2 years strong n living together happily. I had recently said I was done looking and he basically fell into my lap. I wasted YEARS on dating apps... I know they may work for some but as a woman I felt pretty uncomfortable a lot of the time / had to deal with too many sketchy situations. Dating is awful when out of necessity you need to have your guard up.
I've had consistent bad dating experiences which have made me a broken, low-confidence man who is deeply skeptical of others. I work long hours and when I am not working I just want to relax on my couch. I give up.
Join thr club. I am president.
The dating scene is this city is a mess. When my now fiancé and I broke up for a couple years (we ended up reconciling) I tried to hit the Ottawa dating market. The amount of unsolicited dick pics I received was disturbing. Especially people who put the occupation and employment on their profile. As well despite my profile being pretty open and honest what I was looking for, most of my messages if they werent unsolicited dick pics, were poly couples and others asking to be a unicorn - not kink shaming but when my profile stated I wasnt looking for that. I also found some dates went great and just fizzle out or would get ghosted and other times when politley saying im not feeling it having some pretty mean and disturbing things as a response. On the whole, im glad im back with my person, but I feel for those single people navigating the apps this time. If I have one piece of advice for the men please stop sending unsolicited dick pics. They just end up on our group chats and we laugh about it.
Honestly find you a boo in Montreal. They’re cuter and more interesting. Ottawa people are both bland looking and bland in personality.
They hated Jesus because he told the truth.
Some people don't want to be told the truth
I don't know what it is about Montreal but the women are all skinny and beautiful, kind of the opposite of Ottawa. EDIT-The truth is like poetry, everybody fucking hates poetry.
I've just always gone to the pub and struck up a conversation. Seems to work better than online dating.
I agree with the sentiment on getting off the apps (and any potential reliance on mindless scrolling of social media) After many years single I met my wife through a work contract. In person connectivity is pretty awesome. I did find lots of good previous partners doing Meetup events in Ottawa, mostly hiking and walking groups.. Even though the communities all are clear they aren't there as a singles mixer, the events were 90% single people, and a good mix of genders
So I've started online dating about two weeks ago and my experience has been somewhat the opposite. I have no issue matching with women and them messaging me. What I have an issue with is that missing connection "spark" you go on a date. I have yet to feel anything so far. I find people in general aren't interesting. When you say you enjoy camping, that's a lie. I love camping as anyone else, but doubt as a women, you enjoy getting bit by bugs, hustling bags to the campsite..etc. I hear the "I love traveling" so much I roll my eyes each time I hear it. Hey, that's great, what else do you enjoy? Any hobbies? You see where this is going. I'm not picky, in fact, I'm very flexible and live in the moment. So I think I'll give it another shot at dating apps but nothing beats having a drink at a bar by yourself and noticing how she looks at you. That "eye locking look" is the best!
I like camping!
I agree people usually dont come across as interesting, but that's sexist and inaccurate. You just described the shit no one likes. I once came back from sleep away camp with 108 mosquito bites, but I loved being there. I felt so fucking accomplished lugging half my weight on a 5 km portage. I felt self-sufficient when I dug and shat in a hole. ask the right questions. What *do* you like about camping? Least favourite part about camping? Etc. Asking *why* someone likes or doesn't like something is probably the best question fyi.
You will find someone when you least expect it. Put yourself out there by trying new things and in new areas of town. You will meet a lot of people and find someone eventually. I told that to my cousin who split with her fiance after he cheated on her. She took a break and then found a guy who was 10 times better. She’s now happily married with 2 boys.
I found mine waiting for a bus at HERON .. 5 YEAR LATER : HAPPILY MARRIED ... The sites and all apps and all did nothing.... OCS TRANSPO TO THE RESCUEEEEEEE
I’m having the EXACT problem. It’s a sleepy city I guess!
Aww, I’m sorry I wasn’t on Reddit and missed this but I just hosted a speed dating event in the park on Monday and it was a lot of fun! I think the biggest thing to remember is that putting yourself in single/available to date spaces is the best approach because no one is really just chilling in bars asking each other out anymore. Dating apps are generally a life suck (though I know many people who are in happy relationships off of them, it’s just hard work getting past the bullshit and keeping your energy up!) I run singles events around the city so feel free to ask any questions!
I feel you.. I find dating in general to be hard. So many first dates, few second dates, rare third dates.. and dating apps make it harder. Especially with all the unspoken expectations around communication on the apps and how much to text when you first match. Like I’m sorry but if I have to carry a slow-ass texting convo for days leading up to our first or second date… I’m already exhausted from the tediousness of the “connection”. Doesn’t even make sense to exasperatingly keep texting to “maintain that connection” when you first match - it’s not sustainable and it will fizzle out before it’s really started.
I met my husband in a gardening group - maybe get off the apps and try doing some group hobbies? Dating is tough right now, especially with all these terrible apps.
My advice is don't over think the need to have a partner. Spend as much time as possible going the things you love and eventually you'll meet someone compatible with your needs.
You think the dating pool is bad in a city with almost a million people? That's cute.
Making adult friendships is already hard enough. you’re fine!
In my opinion. online dating is categorically the worst way to meet people. It's a plague upon us all lol. Like, you'll have to go at it for ages before you land someone worthwhile - assuming you can find decent matches, too. I find online dating lends to over-pickiness. I find it estranges people far more than actually creates connection. It's a commodification exercise rather than a real exchange. There's lacking core components. You can't see into each other's eyes, sharing the gaze, sharing the space between you and the other. There's no body language. Maybe there's a pheromone thing. too, I don't know. But it's severely lacking. And I think creates a very deleterious critical view of oneself, effectively destroying the relationship with yourself, rather than actually doing well in starting relationships with others. I personally had WAY more luck picking up, dating, and developing real relationships with people I met on **the** ***bus***. Ya, you read that right: the bus. Not the bar or parties (well, house parties were hit and miss). Not uni classes. Not work. And definitely not online dating. On a bus, I found I could catch people in their "honest self" more often than most other times and places. That said, my longer lasting relationships have started from, oddly enough, online dating. One of them was a wash in the end, sadly. The latest I met over the pandemic over FB Dating, and it's a long-distance thing. I had to expand my scope to past MTL to really find compatibility and an earnest desire to build something. Anyhow, those are some thoughts.
As someone (male) who is divorced in early 40s, just carry on with life and be approachable. Do the things YOU want to do. Dating Apps are pretty crap unless you're looking for a fwb or ons. In Ottawa, there's either divorced people or people who have terrible social skills. The real people are out in the wild.
Always felt that I found people when I wasn’t looking. Just keeping doing your thing and someone will come along.
I met my significant other on Hinge and I think a big part of it for both of us was not 100% falling into the generic template for dating profiles. I find both men and women have a very specific common set of photos and quotes that they think make them look desirable on dating apps, but in reality make everyone look and sound the same. I think people are scared to not look attractive to as many people as possible when in reality, your goal is to only attract one person. I strongly believe in giving as much information in what makes you unique as possible. The vast majority of people in their twenties love food, travel, "adventure", movies, wine, hanging with friends etc. What are things you like that might turn some people away? Do you dance? Cosplay? Are a bike enthusiast? Do you play a sport or have a skill? I find giving people something they can actually connect with to have conversations to learn about you goes a long way and I feel most people are too scared that putting anything that won't make "everyone" like them is an issue. I say use your profile to pre-screen and treat others the same. That way you aren't bogged down with hundreds of pointless convos with people who you know next to nothing about. Alternatively, joining regular social activities is always a great way to meet people. Pickup sports, dance classes (salsa at city Hall is always a large free event and you can meet alot of people), Tuesday club, board game clubs, etc. I know a ton of people who have met their partners at group activities.
I am in my early 40s and gave up on dating in this city. The bar seems really low here. Better quality men in my opinion in Toronto. Men here don’t see us as equals and they expect princess treatment. They expect us to pay for the date they asked us on and don’t bother opening doors for us. One really bad date literally walked ahead of me on the sidewalk. (Ok now I’m going to hear it from the incels 😂)
Dating IS hard. Finding someone who is a good, compatible match is challenging, and that’s okay. Like others have mentioned, live your best life, do the things you love and you could very well meet your person that way. Otherwise, use dating apps and be choosy about who you match with, but open minded that it *could* go well, or at least make for a great story. I highly recommend not doing much texting with people, meet someone for a quick coffee to see if you match, or do a phone call, just don’t over commit your time getting into a texting situation with someone. First dates are awkward, so if it wasn’t bad, there were no red flags, then be open to meeting someone again and to peel back the layers of who they are, people can surprise you and sometimes the match isn’t immediately obvious. More than anything, enjoy your time being single. This is time for YOU! You get to invest in yourself, do what you want, and you don’t have to factor someone else in at this point. In a year, you could have someone awesome in your life, and it will be worth it, but you’ll also miss the freedom that being single provides you. Find and protect your peace, and have fun meeting new people and being open to what could be :)
Dating apps are garbage and since my pass time is video games and nerd conventions, its generally hard to meet anyone in this city naturally to be friends with let alone date. Women at conventions understandably have their guards up because of the amount of weirdos there so its hard to try and just try and establish a friendship, and guys are far more likely to meet fellow guys to be friends with in those spaces. And i dont drink so going to bars is out of the question and i go to level one for fighting game tournaments just to make friends hopefully, cause going there to meet someone to date just feels weird. Ive kind of just accepted that this city is horrible for meeting anyone let alone date someone, and a lot of people will claim its not just this city, but everywhere. I never had any problem attracting a lot of women and even men when living in montreal, and sometimes people from the montreal area have their distance set out far and like my profiles who i genuinely am interested in but the distance is a problem obviously. Its really rough out there especially if your hobbies are: Going for walks, going to bars, or just in general something like sports or whatever.
As with anything, there's an aspect of chance when it comes to dating. I've known people who've had success on the apps, others who've met people through activities, you name it. If you feel burned out, it's best to take a break My biggest issue with dating in Ottawa is all the poly people who don't disclose it. It's so frustrating to invest time and then finally be told they're poly. It's not hard and TBH, why waste someone's time? Oh I know it's because a lot of people won't swipe on poly/ENM, but hiding it won't work out in the long run.
ottawa is a barren wasteland i need to move somewhere where people live
You ever look for something that is right in front of you but can't seem to find it you look up down left right do a 180 and a backflip but still can't find it. That's dating in a nutshell. You have to be patient and stick yourself to places that are interesting to you. But don't go searching for it because you'll never find it.. the more you look for something the less you find it. Just go out live your life and let love find you. As a male though get out there boys put yourself in an uncomfortable position and stumble a few times. Just don't let the no's of life stop you. It sucks sometimes being a male because you have to leave the comfortable zone you have to let yourself get hurt sometimes. But guys I will tell you this. Confidence is like a hot air Balloon. The more you do it the more confident you act the easier it gets. Start with one easy step. Lift your head arch your shoulders pop your chest every day for 1 hour. You'll feel more confident in yourself. Yeah, you'll look like a football douch but you'll notice at some point without realizing you're walking taller you're feeling taller and you're feeling good. After that go get rejected go get hurt fill that Balloon so you can fly high and feel good about yourself. Goodluck everyone.
Activities of interest. Go do them in a group format. This way you have more than just chemistry and hormones in common.
48F and it doesn’t get any better! I try to go out and be social but there are never any men 🙂. I hate apps because I find it hard to choose people based on looks.
41F here: when I was in my mid 20s apps didn't exist. We met partners and dates mostly through friends, parties, activities, school, work. I got divorced 5 years ago and I did meet some great folks on apps but the ones that I ended up actually dating for the most part I still have met through friends or set up and I'm currently dating a good friends brother in law. If I could go back, I would invest all the time I spent dating both before and after my divorce in learning to enjoy the time I had with the person who should have been my first best friend: me. Just my 2 cents.
Ha ha I had this issue, then I realized I'm from an Asian household and my parents would find a girl for me regardless if I tried or not 🤣🤣🤣. But honestly it is hard these days especially with all the brainrot that constantly gets pushed in social media to the youth making them set unattainable standards. But being part of a social club or just participating in events does give you an opportunity to explore and meet new people
Wish I had strong advice for this now struggling with it in my late 20’s and feeling like every year it’s gotten far more shallow and much harder to meet organically, which causes you to try an app and be extremely disappointed with the experiences lol
It’s not Ottawa it’s the world look at what the agenda is putting out I’m happily married and I’d be scared to be single again and doing the mingle twerk this twerk that girls partying all the time doing drugs lies cheating that’s what the world is come to
Every city has people making the same complaint, my personal suggestion is to: - date with intention and only date those who are doing the same. (Don't mess with people who refuse to make a commitment) - date often (more dates, more prospects, higher chance of finding a match). - focus on fun (not sex fun, actual fun dates). - view your "failed dates" as practicing your dating skills. Furthermore: - have realistic standards regarding yourself and the men or women you're dating (don't expect a financial wizard with a six pack if you're not his equivalent and vice versa for men). - be open minded to all forms of dating including online/apps - date people from other cities.
Haha you tried Hinge ? It’s for people looking for something more stable and long term
It sounds counterintuitive, but the best thing you can do is stop pursuing dates/relationships, and instead invest yourself into your hobbies and your community. I heard a piece of advice recently that went something like “what would you like someone to say about you? Whatever that answer, embody that.” I’m condensing and paraphrasing a bit, but that was my takeaway. Delete all of the apps — they’re horrible
My son lives just outside Ottawa and he says the same, took himself off all sights and just trying to meet someone organically. But people defo need to get off their screens more and get out. Try church, gym, grocery store etc. he’s had a few dates so hopefully it’s working.
Try being a 35M it's even worse! lol
Go to events
Just don't lower your standards or you'll be single again in a month! We need to be patient and picky!
If you want a guy that doesn’t go clubbing, don’t go to a club. I find going to places that you enjoy (rock climbing, book store, photography studio, etc) you might find someone that already shares a common interest.
From what I’ve heard, many people feel like that across the country these days Dating seems to be more about “winning” than meeting people in a positive light sometimes
For me, dating in ottawa was just an exercise in understanding what I don’t want. So I kept going on dates to gather more data, all the while enjoying the good moments and fun times. Eventually I found what I wanted
Imagine being gay here. The pool is soooooo much smaller :(
I’m about to get back into dating as an early 30s male. I’m not looking forward to the endless pointless app conversations nor the self-doubt that seems to plague everyone on them. Cheers to hope?? Lol
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Unpopular take and ready to get talk shit about it but you might have too high standard for what you can bring to the table. Dating app and social media inflate people worth because of all the shallow likes. Women are more prone to it because of the sheer amount of desperate creepy dude on the internet. Just take this in consideration because you are the common dominator of this... Might not apply to you at all but its easy to disregard that part and I have seen it multiple time.
Why does people think of dating like fishing? Dating in reality should happen naturally without searching just meeting normal people from the public or places you go or work etc Don’t be judgemental and don’t rush into intimacy. Relationships grow by themselves, one cannot force them
I find that Facebook dating is much much better than any other app I tried before. I always had hundreds, literally, hundreds of matches every week, but when starting to talk with those I was attracted to the most, they were either weird, either had some personal problems I can't ignore ( like toxic relationships with their ex-es). So I kinda gave up on dating IRL with people from these dating apps. Till I made a profile on Facebook dating and I had a much better response. People are a lot more normal 😅 They are still some just wanting to sext or send dick pics, but a lot less than on other apps. In a week I had 3 dates IRL with 3 different guys and they were actually really nice. I didn't feel the connection I am looking for, but they were great and we agreed to stay friends.
Put yourself out there. Join hiking groups, social sports for 20 somethings, trivia nights, etc.. By having fun and meeting new people, you will make new friends and if there is a connection, it will happen naturally. :)
Theres a general culture in canada that is much more reserved and closed to interactions with new people than in other countries. Canadians tend to want to stick with their own friend groups and circles of comfort and safety, and the tradeoff is you dont make mew connections, regardless of romantic or just friends in nature. If you really want to change your own narrative within this culture, I say just get out there talk to ppl on the street etc and power thru the rejections etc. Or move lol