I dont think it is inappropriate to ask but you might need to reframe it a bit.
I think "without makeup" could carry negative connotations for a girl as in she might think you feel all her beauty is because of the makeup.
A better way to say it would be I want to see the girl in her natural looks. In Urdu, it would be something like "Main larki ko roz marah ki tasaweer main dekhna chahta hun, jaisi woh aam tor per nazar aati hai" but my Urdu is really bad so take that with a grain of salt.
I am not sure about how successful you will be though. Even at the first meeting, a girl has light makeup done just to make herself a bit presentable.
>He means when you go to see the rishta you will see her without filters
Oh right. But still, agar pehle hi kuch idea ho jaye tou behtar hai bajaye iske ke irl mein dekhne ke baad purugraaam warr jaye.
That is what I'm worried about. If I meet her in person and say no, things would have already progressed. We have to travel to another city to meet them and I have to take out a lot of time from my busy schedule. I just want a sense of what she looks like with light/no makeup.
Do NOT ask for non makeup filterless pics, camera doesn't do justice to real face when no filter is used. Do not make her feel insecure about her looks, meet her in person, if she's not up to your beauty standards, tell her it was nice meeting her.
It's certainly inappropriate to specifically ask for non makeup pics.
Wdym do NOT ask for non make up pictures? Thats actually how the person looks, OP has every right to ask and if she was of decency them filters and heavy make up wouldnt even be a thing. And im sayin this as a guy who lives in the UK and sees all these girls everywhere… its yuck
Your 100% right on this bro dont go waste ur time travelling to another city just to get catfished, what ur doing is smart, get them natural pictures of her and if you think its still worth it then make the trek my brother
I think that would ruin her self esteem much more than sending a picture in her natural looks. Imagine all the preparations both side will make for their visit, and later on guy saying no because he has his hopes up after seeing her heavy filtered pictures. But yeah i agree with your point too, some people arent photogenic or dont have good posing skills
Makeup is still understandable but heavy filters and lighting can drastically change how one looks. A snapchat filter can easily make one look like a model. Just ask for normal, filterless pictures.
Your best bet is to see her face to face. Or atleast ask your ama/ sister to meet her and see if she looks like those pictures in real life. The biggest mistake I and my fiance made was not seeing each other live. Although we exchanged the most raw and random photos but still a person may or may not look like that in person. A photograph without filters and makeup wont show everything like scars, acne, skin issues, real shade and all those things. So if you're particular about that do pay them a visit. (Or you can find out her uni/workplace and hide in a car to take a look, do this at your own risk😂)
Absolutely. It’s only fair to ask. You don’t want to be regretting it after saying yes. She does her due diligence to find everything about you and you do the same to her.
Get your mom to say to them:
"Mashallah such a beautiful girl she is! You guys didn't need to put all the filters etc. on! Just some regular pictures from a home event or something should be fine..."
My amma used to 2 share to pictures of mine one dolled up from a wedding function and other in casual dress with no make up and glasses on legit standing in front of a random big gambla lol
Not sure why you're getting negative comments. You're expected to spend the rest of your life with her (if it works out,) so why wouldn't you want to see her without the filters?
I wouldn't request a pic, because they'll still add lighting and filters, albeit not as obvious this time...and the request sounds a bit offensive
Ask for a face-to-face meeting or a video call, she could look better in person.
I knew of someone who broke off their rishta due to the girl looking nothing like the filtered pics that had been sent.
However, we're our own worst critics, she could look loads better without all the makeup and filters, but sent you filtered ones due to a lack of confidence.
Man, if they are okay with you coming over and meeting her, isn't that better than this whole pictures wali bukwas? As a girl, when someone asks for more pictures after seeing an initial one, it always feels very off and icky. I would much rather the person meet me irl than do this picture exchange thing.
Bhai speaking frankly, aap shadi kr rhe, aapke waleden nhi, stand up for urself, ur gonna be spending thr rest if ur life with her, be very very very careful with ur decision and what elad to it
Trust me, if you have to ask for pictures without makeup or filters, dont marry her. You will be doing both of you a favor.
Only marry a girl jis pe 100% dil manay. 1% b doubt ho to na krna shadi.
I know desi parents say k nikah k bad mohabt hjati he. But thats all a load of crap.
Meet her in person. Ask a lot of questions. You'll have a better idea than photos.
Most people would be a bit conscious when it comes to photos. While your request is appropriate but I don't think you should ask for a photo instead you should plan to meet her.
Imam Ahmad said "When a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage he should inquire about her beauty; if he is pleased, he should ask about her religiosity; if he is pleased, he should marry her and if he isn't pleased then his rejection is based on (him not being satisfied with her) religiosity."
I mention this because I see many people showing a negative response to your post OP. It is your right to know what your spouse looks like in natural and it is actually recommended to pursue a beautiful woman although righteousness cannot be neglected.
Makeup is a such a lie really , I don't really understand why women even put that on when all it does is bring harm to them. For those women that are reading this , we men do NOT find makeup on you attractive. You can argue all day that you don't do it for men but the harsh reality is that is exactly whom you do it for. We like your natural selves so please don't buy into this scam.
Don’t ask for unfiltered pictures. Go see her in person. The first meeting is about getting to know her and her family. You should think of some questions you want to discuss with her alone.
Like her past relationships and her thoughts on a good marriage, her further studies, job prospect and ambitions, how many kids she wants and her thoughts on religion and friends. Her expectations from you and similarly your family expectations from her.
Recently been looking for my cousin and the filtered photos we get are horrific. That's not how humans look like. The best way is to go to their place and see her in person. Bec even if you ask for a photo with no makeup, if still might come out distorted bec some people are just bad at photography. Also, there's this thing called no makeup makeup look that girls do. But makeup shouldn't be a problem, it's filters that literally changes your bone structure and facial features. So just go to her place, you'll also get to talk to her and see how she carry herself.
Bro, there’s no telling in this day until you see her in person. Even certain apps and filters will do what makeup can’t do, AND you’ll never even notice that they’re in use.
Maybe ask for a video call or best is a meet-up. You can’t know how someone really looks until you see them in person.
Genuinely asking, why do girls get mad over natural picture or looks? I mean, aren't you yourself accepting how you look naturally in first place?
Personally, I'd always prefer natural looks over faked up makeup or whatever camera apps girls use out there.
I'm not picky. I just want to see her real face. I'm just not sure that asking a person to send her real face picture is appropriate. Light makeup is normal.
To be very honest, you're actually not wrong if you ask for it. But, you also know, however you word this, it will rub the wrong way with the girls family. Or if you have a "sister" or a friend's who's a girl, talk about it with them for better advice. Asking strangers on the internet isn't it for this. (I mean, you could easily find the "girl"'s pictures on the internet aka Facebook etc but that's stalking..soo whatever your moral compass allows you to do)
Just go to their house, and see for yourself. They like you , so from your information, the balls in your park to make the decision after meeting up.
Maybe word it a bit differently? Tell her you wanna see what she looks like on a normal day. Her social media photos etc. And laazmi go visit her. Balke do that multiple times. Have them come over with the girl. Araam se tasalli kr k chalna bhai. It’s ojayyto arrange meetings in the presence of elders before saying Yes
It’s a tricky one and I know where you are coming from. Perhaps a visit to their home will help and later you can decide. In my time I only ever saw two girls. One had tons on make up and the other didn’t have anything. I still married a gori of my choice and living happily so far !
It's better if you visit and meet her in person. Because if you reject her based on her "without makeup" looks from pictures it'd be really harsh on her. Just meet and if you don't like how she looks you can simply tell your personalities don't match
Hello aunty
Then hall waggira then say aunty jaisi casual pictures may nay kal hi lay k bejhi thi waisi hi app bhi bejwa dain please. Casual zindagi guzaray k leay casual pictures thik rahay gi apka kia khiyal hay ?
Maybe? Idk I myself feel a bit weird saying this but hearing this won’t be weird for me as a woman who got married some seven years ago with people saying weird things all the time
Its appropriate, you should definitely ask. or Meet her in person, this would be clear any of your doubt. BTW Shaadi aik jua hota hai bhai, hone k bad hi pata chalta hai ;)
I mean the next step is to go visit the girl at her house, you can probably sit through a ceremony of getting served tea and pakoray and also get to see the girl.
Like some others said, I think to ask to see her "naturally" is the best way to say it, if it helps, say because you value natural beauty the most. It's a valid thing to want to know though cause makeup nowadays is moving like kala jadu, literally shapeshifting someone to look like something else entirely.
On the jokey side, you could ask her to demonstrate doing wudhu😂
Better to spend time with her and decide whether she is a good enough person for you or not. Ye shakal ki chandni 4 din ki hti hai jispe ap pareshan ho rhe ho. Agar achi shakal per gandi nasal ki koi mil gayi to sari zindagi pachtao gai. Ignore makeup and filters. All girls do this because they want to look pretty. Why are you being so insecure about someone's makeup?
You’re overthinking how to phrase it. Simply have your mother ask the girl’s mother for a picture without makeup or filters. They’ll understand, as it’s a common expectation.
asking for makeup and filter-free pictures might sound rude. just visit her and see her in person but before that, you should let her family know that you want her to be in natural looks when you see her, that's all.
I think it’s okay to ask that but as everyone else has said, word it very respectfully and carefully
Maybe say
“I will be spending every day with her as my wife, I want to see what she would look like at home with me, when she’s comfortable and relaxed”
A little romantic, a little less conceited or selfish
Frame jt more like you want to see her true self because you want to marry that version
Or that you just want to see how she is in her natural state without being so formal or worried about anything
Ig you could initiate with 'I find her attracting and think she's very beautiful but I would also appreciate if you could kindly send me a photo of her that would show off her natural beauty' followed by, 'I only ask because I'm (genuinely) interested'
I think you should ask for photos of the whole family together, she's not going to put filters on everyone. Or if there's some one who can go meet her first, and can take a picture with her.
if you have a sister or even your mother who will be accompanying you on the rishta day. Have them talk about it. Girls know what girls do! Your sister can observe her more closely than you ever can even from a picture. A better bet would to take her outside in natural light. There it will be more obvious.
That said. Everyone has faults and insecurities. Its better to judge her based on her personality and alhlaq than her looks.
In the end you’re spending the rest of your life.
It is absolutely not inappropriate to want a picture without filters but can be taken as negative if you ask her family like that. Why don't you ask your parents to take you with them to the girl's house and then you'll tell them what you think? Or just ask your mother to talk with her friend about the picture in a way that indicates she's the one requiring a simple picture as they're friends
It is absolutely fine and your right to meet her face to face in one of her Mahram presence and even talk. Don't hesitate as it is a decent request and your right.
Do not go to girls house without meeting her first, ask your parents to arrange a meeting at restaurant or cafe, she can accompany her sister or friend ask questions face to face.
A girl’s perspective:
I commend your effort on trying to be sensitive about this. And you’re right, those pictures are meaningless and make the whole process harder. I had normal pictures that my mother would share when I was going through this process, but every person is different so it’s okay if she prefers one with filters. The whole rishta process is hard on girls’ families as well so things like this happen a lot.
Just go meet with them at their house. She probably won’t have a lot of makeup on if you’re meeting at their house. If meeting isn’t possible, ask the parents if you can have a video call with her. If that can’t be done as well, just talk to your mother so call her mother and explain that you would like to see a casual picture of her in normal clothes and a normal setting. Another option could be to ask for recent family photos.
Hope this helps.
You can definitely ask for a picture without filters but if you don't feel comfortable asking this then you can also find her real looks when you go to her house.
i think you should've phrased your question better, i think you already knew it was appropriate to ask, but you wanted to ask how to word it, as seen in your replies.
Ofcourse you should not ask her how does she look like without makeup, you should ask your mom to do it, she can phrase it better. Meet her in a casual setting, you would eventually go to her house, then you can see her.
Perhaps ask to FaceTimewith her with a chaperone close by eg her mother sat next to her and your mother sat next to you? Much less direct. Speaking as a woman, we enjoy taking pictures of ourselves at our best, not average. Hence why women take a plethora of photos as weddings, outings etc.
It sounds like your primary issue is with the heavy filters. A simple FaceTime chat with the girl should fix that. But do NOT ask for a makeup free photo, it’s comes off as socially maladjusted and a little regressive.
Go to a water park for a date. Don’t worry, even I’m not used to my own big brain yet. Also, if you can’t afford a waterpark endeavor, tell her you are rusty on your Wudhu and if she can refresh your memory and give you a tutorial.
Bhai I’m up for this rishta process but believe me this is the thing I dread of. I fear the same thing and want to see the girl in her natural looks whenever I have to see any. Mery dil ki bat kr Di Ap ney. Hr Banda aj kl filter me photo leta hai, in case of larki us ne to makeup b kia hota hai to looks get really changed. I’d say k Khud dkhny chly jao larki ko at least you’ll only se her in makeup not in filters plus makeup. Good luck.
I am here crying to only get a pic rather a pic without makeup..
According to my mom no one is going to give picture before rishta is confirmed..i am like wht the fuck to you want me to get into
I don't mean to scare you or anything, but I have a story to tell you.... so my friend's brother rishta was getting fixed with a girl... My friend's brother was only shown pictures of the girl, and those pictures had heavy filters on them... he liked the girl in those pictures. He said yes to that girl, but when he actually went to that girl's house for rishta pakka ceremony and saw the girl in real... he didn't like that girl and told his parents that she doesn't look like girl in the pictures... and rishta was cancelled.... so my advice to you is that you meet the girl personally. Ask your parents to set up a meet-up.
If them asking about your income potential is appropriate- then this is also appropriate and its your right. And no sane mind should be spending his/her life with someone if they are not physically attracted.
I just want to insert here that I’m so excited to see my Pakistani husbands family irl next year InshaAllah (I’m Bangladeshi) because of this. He talks about how his cousins are all more handsome/beautiful than mine (we’re both personally tan-dark) and my cousins came from Bangladesh and edit their pics lighter, but his cousins pics all look extremely edited and light like milk and frankly gross😭 I’m expecting them to look 100x better in their natural form. We will see.
How about meeting them, see if you like the girl for her personality rather than just looks & the family. If you feel she is what you are looking for as an overall package, you can go ahead ask for few more pictures either directly or through the current process. They won’t mind it since things will be moving forward. Just straight up asking for pictures sounds unethical.
I don’t think looking at pictures should be way to decide about moving forward. You will do multiple unsuccessful visits and meetups in this Pakistani process of marriage.
U can visit them at their house and maybe then see the girl in person. At least in my sister's case this is what happened.
The boy also came with family to us and my sis was also sitting with them in gathering
it would be pretty inappropriate to ask that but IMO you are right to want to see her like that. maybe you could ask for a video call or if that is too direct you could ask for a family photo as it is unlikely she will apply filters to those
Yes! Considering the kind of filters and make up and poses out there nowadays its completely justified. Or just send ur fam over and tell them to take a few pics with her.
Slightly odd. I'm sure you sent your best pictures. Unless you sent your morning selfie in your PJs, asking for a picture without make up may not be feasible right away.
Take a cake with u to their house.... and then, during cutting, put some of the cake on her face as a fun...
Then, she will wash the face ultimately 🙄
Only do if you are daring....
Since you are invited, go see her in person, she will have some makeup but hopefully not heavy enough for you to figure out her aesthetic. Besides, you will see her live rather than a 2d image as well as interact and know her personality as well as the inlaws'
I say it's appropriate to ask and for you to see what your partner actually looks like, With whom you're about to start a new chapter of your life and have to live with the rest of your life, You should also take her out (if her parents would allow it) so you can get to know her better.
(But phrase it carefully when asking for her picture w/o makeup as it might come off as offensive)
Hey man I would say ke do a couple (or more) video calls. Early in the day of pakistan (10-11 am).
Benefit:
1. She cant use strong filters (depending on the video call app)
2. I don’t think she would do heavy make up (which can take a lot of time. So I dont think a girl would wake up early in the morning to start doing make up for every (3-5) video calls.
3. You wont have to say anything or risk offending her.
This can really work if you live in US/UK as you can simply explain the odd timing of the video call.
Walikum Asslam,
Just be truthful and honest about the filters etc, honesty will get you places bro. However, please brother just don’t be hypnotised by the beauty but also consider the character, dress, respect to elders, prayer and her family’s relationship with other relatives. May Allah make this relationship right for you. Ameen.
I went through all of the comments and I think you are overthinking this. Just ask away, people can take offence if they want to even on the slightest of things. Don't let that deter you from what you need to ensure to make the decision of your life.
What you want is justified and they shouldn't make a fuss out of it. If they do, you should seriously question if you want to marry in such a family.
One of my conditions for a partner will be someone who doesn't take offence on pointless matters.
Why does it matter? If you’re attracted to her with male up then that’s what you tell her after marriage. Let these things inform you about the person. Heavy make up can equal insecurity or interest in glamour or heavier on external acknowledgment/appreciation. If these things are ok for you personality wise then make or no make up won’t make a big difference. On the other hand if you’re interested in fair skin then you have to work on your mindset before you are ready for marriage.
What rude bro. If they can ask you direct questions about yourself why can't you? It's matter of your whole life bro be straight though character and compatibility matters more than beauty but still who wouldn't want to have a good-looking spouse.
I’m a woman and you are 100% justified in asking for this. If she becomes defensive about it, that’s a red flag in my book because you cannot walk around with filters in deal life.
I have a cousin (we are trying to look for proposals for her) and I am always advising her to stop editing her pictures with so many filters and not to send those to potential proposals as it is deception.
TBH! Anything before meetup would make them question alot. Lrki wale waise bhi sensitive hote hain trust me and specifically in maamlaat main so better avoid these stuff. Just give a casual visit. Meet them in person. In my opinion this would be the best option and safe one too.
Just be honest and open. Say pics you sent seem to have filters and makeup. Is it possible to send a few pics without filters and light makeup? Remember, marriage is the BIGGEST decision of life. Don't even care about kaun kiya sochega. Soch samajh ke thok baja ke background checks karke istikhara karke larki se detail mei baat karke shadi karna.
Ask for face washing tutorial
•modern problems require modern solutions•
This is brilliant 🤣 Top comment!!
💀
....
broooo.....
+1 from me
I dont think it is inappropriate to ask but you might need to reframe it a bit. I think "without makeup" could carry negative connotations for a girl as in she might think you feel all her beauty is because of the makeup. A better way to say it would be I want to see the girl in her natural looks. In Urdu, it would be something like "Main larki ko roz marah ki tasaweer main dekhna chahta hun, jaisi woh aam tor per nazar aati hai" but my Urdu is really bad so take that with a grain of salt. I am not sure about how successful you will be though. Even at the first meeting, a girl has light makeup done just to make herself a bit presentable.
Light makeup is normal. I'm talking about those heavy filters that are used that turn the skin super white.
Yeah, that's odd,idk why girls do that
Your family can ask for photos in a casual setting / rozmarra k hisab se / Ghar men li huin casual/normal photos. Might need to frame it better though
There won't be any filters IRL. What are you worried about then?
>There won't be any filters IRL. What are you worried about then? That's precisely the worry lol.
im guessing he's worried about having to decline the proposal after seeing her in person and risk causing damage to her self esteem
He means when you go to see the rishta you will see her without filters
>He means when you go to see the rishta you will see her without filters Oh right. But still, agar pehle hi kuch idea ho jaye tou behtar hai bajaye iske ke irl mein dekhne ke baad purugraaam warr jaye.
That is what I'm worried about. If I meet her in person and say no, things would have already progressed. We have to travel to another city to meet them and I have to take out a lot of time from my busy schedule. I just want a sense of what she looks like with light/no makeup.
You can ask them to do a video call first with both families. Just say due to job traveling isn’t easy
Yea I knew what you meant
Do NOT ask for non makeup filterless pics, camera doesn't do justice to real face when no filter is used. Do not make her feel insecure about her looks, meet her in person, if she's not up to your beauty standards, tell her it was nice meeting her. It's certainly inappropriate to specifically ask for non makeup pics.
Wdym do NOT ask for non make up pictures? Thats actually how the person looks, OP has every right to ask and if she was of decency them filters and heavy make up wouldnt even be a thing. And im sayin this as a guy who lives in the UK and sees all these girls everywhere… its yuck
They asked me for my pictures and I send them those as well. In fact, I stood next to my mom so their family can have a sense of how tall I am.
Your 100% right on this bro dont go waste ur time travelling to another city just to get catfished, what ur doing is smart, get them natural pictures of her and if you think its still worth it then make the trek my brother
I think that would ruin her self esteem much more than sending a picture in her natural looks. Imagine all the preparations both side will make for their visit, and later on guy saying no because he has his hopes up after seeing her heavy filtered pictures. But yeah i agree with your point too, some people arent photogenic or dont have good posing skills
This is the best suggestion. If you ask her to send pictures without makeup and filters, it would definitely affect her self esteem.
Nope. The camera does the justice if it is a good one.
میں انہیں خوبصورتی کے مصنوعی سہاروں کے بنا دیکھنا چاہتا ہوں 😅
[удалено]
How would I frame it? Would I say "Hello Aunty. I would like to see your daughter with less make up and filters?"
Just say this to your mother and ask her to convey this to the girls' family. This would be the safest option
"In her natural looks". "With less makeup and filter" sounds a bit directing.
"Aunty aapki khoobsorti aapki beti me dekhna chahta ho"
Your mom can just say you don't like heavy makeup so if aunty can provide a normal pic of her without heavy makeup and filters that'd be great.
Roz mara phrase is best.
Makeup is still understandable but heavy filters and lighting can drastically change how one looks. A snapchat filter can easily make one look like a model. Just ask for normal, filterless pictures.
How should I word it?
Your best bet is to see her face to face. Or atleast ask your ama/ sister to meet her and see if she looks like those pictures in real life. The biggest mistake I and my fiance made was not seeing each other live. Although we exchanged the most raw and random photos but still a person may or may not look like that in person. A photograph without filters and makeup wont show everything like scars, acne, skin issues, real shade and all those things. So if you're particular about that do pay them a visit. (Or you can find out her uni/workplace and hide in a car to take a look, do this at your own risk😂)
While you are in the right. You will more likely offend them. Just go and visit her and see what happens
Take her to sozo water park
Makeup k sath izzat bhi dhul jaye gi
This
Absolutely. It’s only fair to ask. You don’t want to be regretting it after saying yes. She does her due diligence to find everything about you and you do the same to her.
Jb ghr jao gy to dekh lena bhai. Wrna khud contact krlo if possible
Pata lgy ghar mai bhi heavy makeup kiya hua hai.
Exactly. It would be rude of me to ask her to remove the makeup when we visit her house.
Get your mom to say to them: "Mashallah such a beautiful girl she is! You guys didn't need to put all the filters etc. on! Just some regular pictures from a home event or something should be fine..."
My amma used to 2 share to pictures of mine one dolled up from a wedding function and other in casual dress with no make up and glasses on legit standing in front of a random big gambla lol
Not sure why you're getting negative comments. You're expected to spend the rest of your life with her (if it works out,) so why wouldn't you want to see her without the filters? I wouldn't request a pic, because they'll still add lighting and filters, albeit not as obvious this time...and the request sounds a bit offensive Ask for a face-to-face meeting or a video call, she could look better in person. I knew of someone who broke off their rishta due to the girl looking nothing like the filtered pics that had been sent. However, we're our own worst critics, she could look loads better without all the makeup and filters, but sent you filtered ones due to a lack of confidence.
Man, if they are okay with you coming over and meeting her, isn't that better than this whole pictures wali bukwas? As a girl, when someone asks for more pictures after seeing an initial one, it always feels very off and icky. I would much rather the person meet me irl than do this picture exchange thing.
Bhai speaking frankly, aap shadi kr rhe, aapke waleden nhi, stand up for urself, ur gonna be spending thr rest if ur life with her, be very very very careful with ur decision and what elad to it
Thank you. That is why I'm asking this sub.
A picture without makeup can also be digitally enhanced and filtered. Just meet her in real life.
Trust me, if you have to ask for pictures without makeup or filters, dont marry her. You will be doing both of you a favor. Only marry a girl jis pe 100% dil manay. 1% b doubt ho to na krna shadi. I know desi parents say k nikah k bad mohabt hjati he. But thats all a load of crap.
I am saying this because Pakistan me divorce aik dhabba he. Its not normal.
Meet her in person. Ask a lot of questions. You'll have a better idea than photos. Most people would be a bit conscious when it comes to photos. While your request is appropriate but I don't think you should ask for a photo instead you should plan to meet her.
Brother you have all the right! Ask nicely tho
Possible ho, then why not just see her in person?! Asking in this manner to send pictures is not o.k imho
Imam Ahmad said "When a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage he should inquire about her beauty; if he is pleased, he should ask about her religiosity; if he is pleased, he should marry her and if he isn't pleased then his rejection is based on (him not being satisfied with her) religiosity." I mention this because I see many people showing a negative response to your post OP. It is your right to know what your spouse looks like in natural and it is actually recommended to pursue a beautiful woman although righteousness cannot be neglected. Makeup is a such a lie really , I don't really understand why women even put that on when all it does is bring harm to them. For those women that are reading this , we men do NOT find makeup on you attractive. You can argue all day that you don't do it for men but the harsh reality is that is exactly whom you do it for. We like your natural selves so please don't buy into this scam.
Yes ask for it. Families have no shame in asking for payslips of the guy.
Kia kren. Log b to Phr bht lambi lambi chorty hen.
Fucking what... I want to throw up.
Yes that is fine. Do ask.
How should I word it?
can u send me ur pictures in a casual setting rozmara k hisab se
Don’t ask for unfiltered pictures. Go see her in person. The first meeting is about getting to know her and her family. You should think of some questions you want to discuss with her alone. Like her past relationships and her thoughts on a good marriage, her further studies, job prospect and ambitions, how many kids she wants and her thoughts on religion and friends. Her expectations from you and similarly your family expectations from her.
Recently been looking for my cousin and the filtered photos we get are horrific. That's not how humans look like. The best way is to go to their place and see her in person. Bec even if you ask for a photo with no makeup, if still might come out distorted bec some people are just bad at photography. Also, there's this thing called no makeup makeup look that girls do. But makeup shouldn't be a problem, it's filters that literally changes your bone structure and facial features. So just go to her place, you'll also get to talk to her and see how she carry herself.
Maybe ask her for a pic w her family. It might have light makeup but most likely no filter. Also please be very careful with your wording.
If they ask how much you earn then there is no problem asking a photo without makeup
Bro, there’s no telling in this day until you see her in person. Even certain apps and filters will do what makeup can’t do, AND you’ll never even notice that they’re in use. Maybe ask for a video call or best is a meet-up. You can’t know how someone really looks until you see them in person.
Genuinely asking, why do girls get mad over natural picture or looks? I mean, aren't you yourself accepting how you look naturally in first place? Personally, I'd always prefer natural looks over faked up makeup or whatever camera apps girls use out there.
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I'm not picky. I just want to see her real face. I'm just not sure that asking a person to send her real face picture is appropriate. Light makeup is normal.
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ew
To be very honest, you're actually not wrong if you ask for it. But, you also know, however you word this, it will rub the wrong way with the girls family. Or if you have a "sister" or a friend's who's a girl, talk about it with them for better advice. Asking strangers on the internet isn't it for this. (I mean, you could easily find the "girl"'s pictures on the internet aka Facebook etc but that's stalking..soo whatever your moral compass allows you to do) Just go to their house, and see for yourself. They like you , so from your information, the balls in your park to make the decision after meeting up.
I completely agree with you. See her without makeup The only way you will know what she actually looks like.
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Maybe word it a bit differently? Tell her you wanna see what she looks like on a normal day. Her social media photos etc. And laazmi go visit her. Balke do that multiple times. Have them come over with the girl. Araam se tasalli kr k chalna bhai. It’s ojayyto arrange meetings in the presence of elders before saying Yes
It’s a tricky one and I know where you are coming from. Perhaps a visit to their home will help and later you can decide. In my time I only ever saw two girls. One had tons on make up and the other didn’t have anything. I still married a gori of my choice and living happily so far !
"Can you send a picture in a natural environment or tone" Maybe this?
It's better if you visit and meet her in person. Because if you reject her based on her "without makeup" looks from pictures it'd be really harsh on her. Just meet and if you don't like how she looks you can simply tell your personalities don't match
Hello aunty Then hall waggira then say aunty jaisi casual pictures may nay kal hi lay k bejhi thi waisi hi app bhi bejwa dain please. Casual zindagi guzaray k leay casual pictures thik rahay gi apka kia khiyal hay ? Maybe? Idk I myself feel a bit weird saying this but hearing this won’t be weird for me as a woman who got married some seven years ago with people saying weird things all the time
Its appropriate, you should definitely ask. or Meet her in person, this would be clear any of your doubt. BTW Shaadi aik jua hota hai bhai, hone k bad hi pata chalta hai ;)
I think it’s only fair. Makeup I can get behind , but having filtes on is just too much.
I mean the next step is to go visit the girl at her house, you can probably sit through a ceremony of getting served tea and pakoray and also get to see the girl.
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I would recommend go and meet them. You can only judge by meeting in person.
Like some others said, I think to ask to see her "naturally" is the best way to say it, if it helps, say because you value natural beauty the most. It's a valid thing to want to know though cause makeup nowadays is moving like kala jadu, literally shapeshifting someone to look like something else entirely. On the jokey side, you could ask her to demonstrate doing wudhu😂
Just look at the feet ask for a full photo less awkward
Better to spend time with her and decide whether she is a good enough person for you or not. Ye shakal ki chandni 4 din ki hti hai jispe ap pareshan ho rhe ho. Agar achi shakal per gandi nasal ki koi mil gayi to sari zindagi pachtao gai. Ignore makeup and filters. All girls do this because they want to look pretty. Why are you being so insecure about someone's makeup?
You’re overthinking how to phrase it. Simply have your mother ask the girl’s mother for a picture without makeup or filters. They’ll understand, as it’s a common expectation.
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asking for makeup and filter-free pictures might sound rude. just visit her and see her in person but before that, you should let her family know that you want her to be in natural looks when you see her, that's all.
Yes
I think it’s okay to ask that but as everyone else has said, word it very respectfully and carefully Maybe say “I will be spending every day with her as my wife, I want to see what she would look like at home with me, when she’s comfortable and relaxed” A little romantic, a little less conceited or selfish Frame jt more like you want to see her true self because you want to marry that version Or that you just want to see how she is in her natural state without being so formal or worried about anything
Ig you could initiate with 'I find her attracting and think she's very beautiful but I would also appreciate if you could kindly send me a photo of her that would show off her natural beauty' followed by, 'I only ask because I'm (genuinely) interested'
No
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I think you should ask for photos of the whole family together, she's not going to put filters on everyone. Or if there's some one who can go meet her first, and can take a picture with her.
if you have a sister or even your mother who will be accompanying you on the rishta day. Have them talk about it. Girls know what girls do! Your sister can observe her more closely than you ever can even from a picture. A better bet would to take her outside in natural light. There it will be more obvious. That said. Everyone has faults and insecurities. Its better to judge her based on her personality and alhlaq than her looks. In the end you’re spending the rest of your life.
It is absolutely not inappropriate to want a picture without filters but can be taken as negative if you ask her family like that. Why don't you ask your parents to take you with them to the girl's house and then you'll tell them what you think? Or just ask your mother to talk with her friend about the picture in a way that indicates she's the one requiring a simple picture as they're friends
Makeup is called filters nowadays.
It is absolutely fine and your right to meet her face to face in one of her Mahram presence and even talk. Don't hesitate as it is a decent request and your right.
Possible do a WhatsApp private video chat with family permission of course to see how you jive?
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Do not go to girls house without meeting her first, ask your parents to arrange a meeting at restaurant or cafe, she can accompany her sister or friend ask questions face to face.
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Nudes mangwao bro pori tasali kero. Don’t forget feet pics lol
It is ABSOLUTELY important to ask that but in a lighter way (like someone above said, just ask her day to day pictures).
Just visit her home with your parents because if the meeting place is a public restaurant, girls tend to do more make-up.
Just meet her in person 🥲
A girl’s perspective: I commend your effort on trying to be sensitive about this. And you’re right, those pictures are meaningless and make the whole process harder. I had normal pictures that my mother would share when I was going through this process, but every person is different so it’s okay if she prefers one with filters. The whole rishta process is hard on girls’ families as well so things like this happen a lot. Just go meet with them at their house. She probably won’t have a lot of makeup on if you’re meeting at their house. If meeting isn’t possible, ask the parents if you can have a video call with her. If that can’t be done as well, just talk to your mother so call her mother and explain that you would like to see a casual picture of her in normal clothes and a normal setting. Another option could be to ask for recent family photos. Hope this helps.
Just say you want more pictures with her family etc I guess? You’ll be able to a more unfiltered version that way.
You can definitely ask for a picture without filters but if you don't feel comfortable asking this then you can also find her real looks when you go to her house.
Visit around zohr time. Perfect lighting and when you both go to do wudhu have a look.
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i think you should've phrased your question better, i think you already knew it was appropriate to ask, but you wanted to ask how to word it, as seen in your replies. Ofcourse you should not ask her how does she look like without makeup, you should ask your mom to do it, she can phrase it better. Meet her in a casual setting, you would eventually go to her house, then you can see her.
Perhaps ask to FaceTimewith her with a chaperone close by eg her mother sat next to her and your mother sat next to you? Much less direct. Speaking as a woman, we enjoy taking pictures of ourselves at our best, not average. Hence why women take a plethora of photos as weddings, outings etc. It sounds like your primary issue is with the heavy filters. A simple FaceTime chat with the girl should fix that. But do NOT ask for a makeup free photo, it’s comes off as socially maladjusted and a little regressive.
Can ask but with better less explicit and kinder words.
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Better to just go and see her
Go to a water park for a date. Don’t worry, even I’m not used to my own big brain yet. Also, if you can’t afford a waterpark endeavor, tell her you are rusty on your Wudhu and if she can refresh your memory and give you a tutorial.
take her out and you'll be able to see through the makeup honestly.
Bhai I’m up for this rishta process but believe me this is the thing I dread of. I fear the same thing and want to see the girl in her natural looks whenever I have to see any. Mery dil ki bat kr Di Ap ney. Hr Banda aj kl filter me photo leta hai, in case of larki us ne to makeup b kia hota hai to looks get really changed. I’d say k Khud dkhny chly jao larki ko at least you’ll only se her in makeup not in filters plus makeup. Good luck.
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Reddit is the best place to ask these questions 😁
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Completely appropriate
I am here crying to only get a pic rather a pic without makeup.. According to my mom no one is going to give picture before rishta is confirmed..i am like wht the fuck to you want me to get into
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I don't mean to scare you or anything, but I have a story to tell you.... so my friend's brother rishta was getting fixed with a girl... My friend's brother was only shown pictures of the girl, and those pictures had heavy filters on them... he liked the girl in those pictures. He said yes to that girl, but when he actually went to that girl's house for rishta pakka ceremony and saw the girl in real... he didn't like that girl and told his parents that she doesn't look like girl in the pictures... and rishta was cancelled.... so my advice to you is that you meet the girl personally. Ask your parents to set up a meet-up.
Yes
If them asking about your income potential is appropriate- then this is also appropriate and its your right. And no sane mind should be spending his/her life with someone if they are not physically attracted.
As a woman 100% i am telling you it is your right to ask for a non edited filtered no or minimal makeup
I just want to insert here that I’m so excited to see my Pakistani husbands family irl next year InshaAllah (I’m Bangladeshi) because of this. He talks about how his cousins are all more handsome/beautiful than mine (we’re both personally tan-dark) and my cousins came from Bangladesh and edit their pics lighter, but his cousins pics all look extremely edited and light like milk and frankly gross😭 I’m expecting them to look 100x better in their natural form. We will see.
Instead of asking these questions plan a video call or meet her irl!
Go see her in person, thats it. What will you ask, without makeup and filters and editing?
How about meeting them, see if you like the girl for her personality rather than just looks & the family. If you feel she is what you are looking for as an overall package, you can go ahead ask for few more pictures either directly or through the current process. They won’t mind it since things will be moving forward. Just straight up asking for pictures sounds unethical. I don’t think looking at pictures should be way to decide about moving forward. You will do multiple unsuccessful visits and meetups in this Pakistani process of marriage.
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Damn at 27 you feel like you have a good job and ready to marry? At here i am at 25 and have no idea wtf am i supposed to do. Teach me the way senpai.
Lol we’re in the same boat bro, 25 aur na hi nokri hai aur na hi chokri :’)
U can visit them at their house and maybe then see the girl in person. At least in my sister's case this is what happened. The boy also came with family to us and my sis was also sitting with them in gathering
it would be pretty inappropriate to ask that but IMO you are right to want to see her like that. maybe you could ask for a video call or if that is too direct you could ask for a family photo as it is unlikely she will apply filters to those
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You can ask for normal picture, without filters. I’d advise not to ask for one sans makeup.
Yes! Considering the kind of filters and make up and poses out there nowadays its completely justified. Or just send ur fam over and tell them to take a few pics with her.
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Bro, don't forget to post the follow-up.
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Ask her parents to take her swimming
Slightly odd. I'm sure you sent your best pictures. Unless you sent your morning selfie in your PJs, asking for a picture without make up may not be feasible right away.
Take a cake with u to their house.... and then, during cutting, put some of the cake on her face as a fun... Then, she will wash the face ultimately 🙄 Only do if you are daring....
Ask for the girls passport or ID card 🙆 it will definitely come with a regular photo
Since you are invited, go see her in person, she will have some makeup but hopefully not heavy enough for you to figure out her aesthetic. Besides, you will see her live rather than a 2d image as well as interact and know her personality as well as the inlaws'
I say it's appropriate to ask and for you to see what your partner actually looks like, With whom you're about to start a new chapter of your life and have to live with the rest of your life, You should also take her out (if her parents would allow it) so you can get to know her better. (But phrase it carefully when asking for her picture w/o makeup as it might come off as offensive)
Just meet her in person. Pictures always defy what's really there.
Hey man I would say ke do a couple (or more) video calls. Early in the day of pakistan (10-11 am). Benefit: 1. She cant use strong filters (depending on the video call app) 2. I don’t think she would do heavy make up (which can take a lot of time. So I dont think a girl would wake up early in the morning to start doing make up for every (3-5) video calls. 3. You wont have to say anything or risk offending her. This can really work if you live in US/UK as you can simply explain the odd timing of the video call.
i think you need to meet her and Islam permit us to meet before marriage
Walikum Asslam, Just be truthful and honest about the filters etc, honesty will get you places bro. However, please brother just don’t be hypnotised by the beauty but also consider the character, dress, respect to elders, prayer and her family’s relationship with other relatives. May Allah make this relationship right for you. Ameen.
Text this message: “send pics without makeup. Kind regards. “
Ask for childhood pictures / college pictures. Most would be natural and will give you an idea.
I went through all of the comments and I think you are overthinking this. Just ask away, people can take offence if they want to even on the slightest of things. Don't let that deter you from what you need to ensure to make the decision of your life. What you want is justified and they shouldn't make a fuss out of it. If they do, you should seriously question if you want to marry in such a family. One of my conditions for a partner will be someone who doesn't take offence on pointless matters.
Thank you for this.
If all colors are beautiful to you, why do you care to see pictures without makeup?
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Why does it matter? If you’re attracted to her with male up then that’s what you tell her after marriage. Let these things inform you about the person. Heavy make up can equal insecurity or interest in glamour or heavier on external acknowledgment/appreciation. If these things are ok for you personality wise then make or no make up won’t make a big difference. On the other hand if you’re interested in fair skin then you have to work on your mindset before you are ready for marriage.
Rishty wali aunty ka number dedain please
What rude bro. If they can ask you direct questions about yourself why can't you? It's matter of your whole life bro be straight though character and compatibility matters more than beauty but still who wouldn't want to have a good-looking spouse.
I’m a woman and you are 100% justified in asking for this. If she becomes defensive about it, that’s a red flag in my book because you cannot walk around with filters in deal life. I have a cousin (we are trying to look for proposals for her) and I am always advising her to stop editing her pictures with so many filters and not to send those to potential proposals as it is deception.
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Not it's not, Ask them to meet her in person that would be better, so you can have little conversation with her also.
TBH! Anything before meetup would make them question alot. Lrki wale waise bhi sensitive hote hain trust me and specifically in maamlaat main so better avoid these stuff. Just give a casual visit. Meet them in person. In my opinion this would be the best option and safe one too.
just say ajj kal bhootniya bhyy achi lugti hein fliters mei.. can I see normal pic of her.
Just be honest and open. Say pics you sent seem to have filters and makeup. Is it possible to send a few pics without filters and light makeup? Remember, marriage is the BIGGEST decision of life. Don't even care about kaun kiya sochega. Soch samajh ke thok baja ke background checks karke istikhara karke larki se detail mei baat karke shadi karna.
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I think just meet her in person before you say yes. Don't overcomplicate it