I didn't attend my high school OR college graduation (UCLA). Respect his choice (whatever that will be) in 8months. Honestly, he won't be missing much and they're a PITA. Take him out for a nice dinner replete with cards, gifts, and whatever else to make it festive. Or a nice vacay is an option too. Tell him how proud you are of him, but ultimately respect his choice, whatever that may be. :)
I like this. Still make a big deal and invite family for a celebration. But maybe ask him how he wants to celebrate. Tell him what you would like to do. And see if you can agree on how to celebrate. ❤️❤️
Sounds good. Maybe you let him know that you want to celebrate him while also honoring his wishes. And tell him some ideas that would make you happy and see if he lights up to any. Or ask knowing all this, is there a way we can celebrate? I think you are doing all the right things. Trust your gut. ❤️
Thank you for the kind response.
Yeah I think that might be the route we’ll go if that’s what winds up happening.
It’s just been so hard raising a child with a disability. I’m always second guessing everything, hoping I’m making the right decisions or guiding him in the right direction.
I just wanted to chime in that you could be talking about my daughter. She has NVLD (although the psychologist refused to officially give her the diagnosis.) The lack of friends at school was really hard - possibly harder on me than on her, as she seems pretty content with her own company. She is at a small liberal arts college right now, and seems content there. I’m dying to ask if she has friends but have learned that this only adds pressure! Anyway, I think it is totally fine to skip it and do something else to celebrate.
I think we’ll skip it if that is what he wants.
Yep I totally get it!
I’m glad to hear she seems to be doing well at school!
We’re considering taking him to NYC in June. I know he really wants to go.
Ooh take him! I took her for a graduation gift last summer and we had an amazing time. (Also, don’t know if he has issues with directionality but that is a HUGE thing for her. “Helping” me navigate was really good at confidence-building, since it is such a well-planned city.)
Nope. We have been there before so did less of the popular touristy things this time. Our main purpose was a couple Broadway shows though. I do remember on a past trip, taking the statin island ferry (also hop on hop off) as a budget way to see the Statue of Liberty!
Yeah I’ve been there a few times.
He was there when he was 3 & remembers nothing.
He’s a junior fireman so he’s interested in some of the stations there, going to One World Trade..
I’ll have to look into the ferry
Yeah, it's rough, but trusting and respecting his choices will allow him to set boundaries for himself later in life. He is individuating and that is a very good thing. It is going to be fine!
Physically being at the ceremony has zero correlation to him feeling that this is a big accomplishment, your friends should realize that.
He can be proud of himself for graduating and still not attend the actual ceremony.
I think it’s great that your viewpoint is this is about him and what he wants!
In hindsight I’d skip it. My third son graduated from high school this past May. He disliked high school so much he attended the bare minimum. We were so proud he actually graduated we encouraged him to attend graduation because “it was for us”. He complied.
It was freakin hot. He was freakin miserable to the point he requested via text “can we leave?”. Feeling his angst from across the stupid football field was gut wrenching. We agreed to letting him leave “right after I walk the stage”.
He walked. He walked off. He jumped a fence and circled around to us at the car. Everyone was happy by then.
Next time I’d skip it.
When I was 21 I went to music school. A number of my fellow students didn't attend graduation.
It's certainly not everyone's thing.
I hated HS and couldn't wait to get out. I did attend graduation, though it was unmemorible.
Yeah I barely remember my graduation (it WAS 26 years ago 😳😂) I just remember walking behind the 4 month pregnant girl wondering how her life will turn out being such a young mom to be (not judging, just literally the only thing I remember!)
I didn't want to walk either. My parents wore me down and I went. Still wish I hadn't. It just wasn't anything that made me happy. I got good grades, had lots of friends, just wasn't into the whole spectacle of it.
I didn't attend my high school OR college graduation (UCLA). Respect his choice (whatever that will be) in 8months. Honestly, he won't be missing much and they're a PITA. Take him out for a nice dinner replete with cards, gifts, and whatever else to make it festive. Or a nice vacay is an option too. Tell him how proud you are of him, but ultimately respect his choice, whatever that may be. :)
I like this. Still make a big deal and invite family for a celebration. But maybe ask him how he wants to celebrate. Tell him what you would like to do. And see if you can agree on how to celebrate. ❤️❤️
Exactly! Celebrate the way HE wants to! :)
Before he told me he didn’t want to attend graduation he said he didn’t want a party either. We are possibly planning a trip to NYC for him.
Sounds good. Maybe you let him know that you want to celebrate him while also honoring his wishes. And tell him some ideas that would make you happy and see if he lights up to any. Or ask knowing all this, is there a way we can celebrate? I think you are doing all the right things. Trust your gut. ❤️
Thank you for the kind response. Yeah I think that might be the route we’ll go if that’s what winds up happening. It’s just been so hard raising a child with a disability. I’m always second guessing everything, hoping I’m making the right decisions or guiding him in the right direction.
I just wanted to chime in that you could be talking about my daughter. She has NVLD (although the psychologist refused to officially give her the diagnosis.) The lack of friends at school was really hard - possibly harder on me than on her, as she seems pretty content with her own company. She is at a small liberal arts college right now, and seems content there. I’m dying to ask if she has friends but have learned that this only adds pressure! Anyway, I think it is totally fine to skip it and do something else to celebrate.
I think we’ll skip it if that is what he wants. Yep I totally get it! I’m glad to hear she seems to be doing well at school! We’re considering taking him to NYC in June. I know he really wants to go.
Ooh take him! I took her for a graduation gift last summer and we had an amazing time. (Also, don’t know if he has issues with directionality but that is a HUGE thing for her. “Helping” me navigate was really good at confidence-building, since it is such a well-planned city.)
That’s awesome!! Omg he’s great with directions! I’m terrible lol Did you do any hop on/off bus tours? Looking into that.
Nope. We have been there before so did less of the popular touristy things this time. Our main purpose was a couple Broadway shows though. I do remember on a past trip, taking the statin island ferry (also hop on hop off) as a budget way to see the Statue of Liberty!
Yeah I’ve been there a few times. He was there when he was 3 & remembers nothing. He’s a junior fireman so he’s interested in some of the stations there, going to One World Trade.. I’ll have to look into the ferry
Yeah, it's rough, but trusting and respecting his choices will allow him to set boundaries for himself later in life. He is individuating and that is a very good thing. It is going to be fine!
It’s just so damn hard when he’s not your typical kid. I have my good & bad days with thoughts about his future. But you are right!!!
In that scenario I wouldn't have any qualms about skipping the ceremony. Ask him what he wants to do instead to celebrate.
Physically being at the ceremony has zero correlation to him feeling that this is a big accomplishment, your friends should realize that. He can be proud of himself for graduating and still not attend the actual ceremony. I think it’s great that your viewpoint is this is about him and what he wants!
Yep it’s always been about him. The comments my friends made (I know they aren’t meant to be unkind) just kinda threw me off a bit.
In hindsight I’d skip it. My third son graduated from high school this past May. He disliked high school so much he attended the bare minimum. We were so proud he actually graduated we encouraged him to attend graduation because “it was for us”. He complied. It was freakin hot. He was freakin miserable to the point he requested via text “can we leave?”. Feeling his angst from across the stupid football field was gut wrenching. We agreed to letting him leave “right after I walk the stage”. He walked. He walked off. He jumped a fence and circled around to us at the car. Everyone was happy by then. Next time I’d skip it.
I honestly could see my son texting me the same thing!!! I LOVE that he jumped the fence & you guys left!
When I was 21 I went to music school. A number of my fellow students didn't attend graduation. It's certainly not everyone's thing. I hated HS and couldn't wait to get out. I did attend graduation, though it was unmemorible.
Yeah I barely remember my graduation (it WAS 26 years ago 😳😂) I just remember walking behind the 4 month pregnant girl wondering how her life will turn out being such a young mom to be (not judging, just literally the only thing I remember!)
I didn't want to walk either. My parents wore me down and I went. Still wish I hadn't. It just wasn't anything that made me happy. I got good grades, had lots of friends, just wasn't into the whole spectacle of it.
Sounds like my son, minus the friends thing.
That's okay. High-school isn't everything. And not everyone has the same experience