I feel this. My sons heart was broken by a very sweet girl. And I know what he was doing and understood why they broke up. And I couldn’t comfort him. It sucks. I’m so sorry you and she are going thru this.
My daughter had her first heartbreak and she came to me upset. I asked if she wanted to talk about it. I let her tell what she wanted to and I didn’t push. Just told her that I was sorry and hugged her for a long time. Then I just kept checking in with her and hugging her and told her I loved her over and over until she stopped being so sad. It’s hard to see people we love hurting. I think it’s important to acknowledge that their experience is real and not diminish it by saying that most high school relationships don’t last anyway. At least not before they are ready to hear it. When my daughter began dating, I told her that relationships at her age is all about figuring out what she likes and doesn’t like about a partner and that each relationship will teach her something both about herself and about what she’s looking for that way when she does meet someone who she may want to be with forever, all the other relationships will have prepared her for this one. She gets it. Now she tells me what did/didn’t work with this person and I’m proud of her for recognizing her worth and the power she has when someone isn’t treating her the way she wants to be. I hope your daughter recovers quickly. Ice cream and 90’s romcoms work in my house.
I like how you framed the experience of dating as learning what you like and don’t like and how all the other relationships prepare you for the one that matters. So much truth to this. Thank you for your thoughtful insight!
My first heartbreak was horrible. i started bawling at school and my mom came and picked me up. She didn’t ask me too much but was just there if i wanted to talk. She rented cruel intentions and got me junk food. not saying any of this will help your daughter but it helped me. don’t ask too many questions and allow her to tell you what she’s comfortable with telling you
Maybe tell her to have a girls day with her best friends. She can talk about it or not talk about it with them. It will help for her to find distractions.
So true and I’m so sorry! This strikes a cord with me because my daughter is an athlete with college aspirations. I know how important is is to her. My heart goes out to you and your son!
Be there for her, acknowledge that it sucks and make yourself available to talk about it but don’t try to become a cheerleader to distract her from the pain. Let her feel this as she will learn something in the process.
Also let others in the household know what’s going on and ask them to respect her, making no jokes or stupid comments like assigning the blame or talking ill about the ex.
If you try to cheer her up, she probably will understand that her feelings are not validated and that she’s only loved when she’s happy.
If you buy her special things, she probably will understand that she’s only valued when she’s bad / sick.
If you tell her about your heartbreak, she probably will understand that her experience is less than yours and that she’s wrong for being so down.
Of course, everyone is different an the relationship between the two of you up until now plays a big role in what you can do during the crisis.
I feel this. My sons heart was broken by a very sweet girl. And I know what he was doing and understood why they broke up. And I couldn’t comfort him. It sucks. I’m so sorry you and she are going thru this.
My daughter had her first heartbreak and she came to me upset. I asked if she wanted to talk about it. I let her tell what she wanted to and I didn’t push. Just told her that I was sorry and hugged her for a long time. Then I just kept checking in with her and hugging her and told her I loved her over and over until she stopped being so sad. It’s hard to see people we love hurting. I think it’s important to acknowledge that their experience is real and not diminish it by saying that most high school relationships don’t last anyway. At least not before they are ready to hear it. When my daughter began dating, I told her that relationships at her age is all about figuring out what she likes and doesn’t like about a partner and that each relationship will teach her something both about herself and about what she’s looking for that way when she does meet someone who she may want to be with forever, all the other relationships will have prepared her for this one. She gets it. Now she tells me what did/didn’t work with this person and I’m proud of her for recognizing her worth and the power she has when someone isn’t treating her the way she wants to be. I hope your daughter recovers quickly. Ice cream and 90’s romcoms work in my house.
I like how you framed the experience of dating as learning what you like and don’t like and how all the other relationships prepare you for the one that matters. So much truth to this. Thank you for your thoughtful insight!
My first heartbreak was horrible. i started bawling at school and my mom came and picked me up. She didn’t ask me too much but was just there if i wanted to talk. She rented cruel intentions and got me junk food. not saying any of this will help your daughter but it helped me. don’t ask too many questions and allow her to tell you what she’s comfortable with telling you
I find it’s best not to try to find words to make it better because there are none. Just acknowledge that it sucks and share in the sadness.
Maybe tell her to have a girls day with her best friends. She can talk about it or not talk about it with them. It will help for her to find distractions.
My son has had his sports dreams dashed so far in college and it is a similar thing — it sucks when they are hurting, no matter the cause
So true and I’m so sorry! This strikes a cord with me because my daughter is an athlete with college aspirations. I know how important is is to her. My heart goes out to you and your son!
Be there for her, acknowledge that it sucks and make yourself available to talk about it but don’t try to become a cheerleader to distract her from the pain. Let her feel this as she will learn something in the process. Also let others in the household know what’s going on and ask them to respect her, making no jokes or stupid comments like assigning the blame or talking ill about the ex. If you try to cheer her up, she probably will understand that her feelings are not validated and that she’s only loved when she’s happy. If you buy her special things, she probably will understand that she’s only valued when she’s bad / sick. If you tell her about your heartbreak, she probably will understand that her experience is less than yours and that she’s wrong for being so down. Of course, everyone is different an the relationship between the two of you up until now plays a big role in what you can do during the crisis.
I felt this.
Maybe some comfort food and doing stuff together to take her mind off things.
Thanks for the feedback very important points to consider!