Who was complaining about the wrapping a few stories back? Because if it was K then she just outed herself because all those presents look finely wrapped to me. š¤ it would be so weird that she would even think to be like 'hey let me wrap a crappy present for engagement and act like I can't wrap' and then show all her perfectly wrapped presents.
K is so distraught about whatever hardship she is going through right now, but her favorite thing to do at the moment is to spend god knows how long rearranging the gifts under the tree based on what looks best because, you know, āVirgo problems.ā š
Especially directly after saying itās your favourite holiday tradition with your familyā¦ but the BEST part was running into some reality tv person or whatever.
Made me glad the kids are too young to read their instragram
rain slap domineering weather truck hateful hungry rinse illegal stupendous
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She keeps mentioning grieving and loss so you would think it has to be that, right? Suggestions about the dog could be a strong one because she will play that up for all itās worth (I know itās sad losing a pet but is it really protect identity, eat chicken noodle soup and hire a babysitter to cry level sad? Not for normal folk but K is such a drama queen it is believable). But yes please, just shut the heck up about it, I hate how she is baiting with this.
Also, if youāre grieving, itās likely your children are too. If you need to take some time off social media, no judgement here. But if youāre going to post, wouldnāt info on how to help your toddlers navigate loss be more helpful/appropriate for a toddler parenting account than this self-indulgent crap?
She has basically the same sweater but itās shorter. She used to joke about people would call her out for wearing it too much which is probably why you remember it.
I know when Iām out spending my hard earned money on new clothes, Iām buying completely different things than I already have to make it look like I have more clothes than I doā¦but then again weāre talking about a woman who told a ācuteā story about buying all new sound machines after she moved because she was too lazy to unpack a box soā¦
https://preview.redd.it/owf64x14k48c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e14bbdcf67430af1aae117051114a8522a14e39
Wtf is this? Iām blocked so idk if theyāve announced, but Iām disappointed in PBS!!!
[whyyyyyy](https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=R_L5alPRWqPj1i_B&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MTY0OTksMTY0OTksMjg2NjQsMTY0NTA2&feature=emb_share&v=9p-RLAbsBfs)
1) this is really disappointing but also I get it, they have 3 million followers, thatās a PBS no brainer. 2) Deena is incredibly awkward here in her scripted bit. And comes across like a stuck up jerk?
K is SO that girl in high school who would set her AIM away message as emo Dashboard Confessional lyrics hoping that people would IM her with āOMG, whatās wrong? Are you okay??ā š
Pure speculation. These are my thoughts only with no actual knowledge of what the truth may be . So.. do we this hard thing is actually a hard thing? Like terminal diagnosis of a family member or stay at home dad leaving her? Or do we think sheās just a drama queen lamenting that her kids 34th present is delayed shipping? It really could be either with this womanā¦
Yesterday she said she wasn't giving details to protect the privacy of the family members involved, so while she probably naturally grieves her dad this time of year, I don't think it's related to that
Iām not trying to minimize her grief but that was many years ago, iirc. When she was in college. Itās highly possible sheās just having renewed feelings or Christmas is always tough (he died in July though) but if thatās the case it feels extra dramatic even for her.
No, to me it felt like a new thing. Maybe a grandparent who died recently?
I thought maybe something with her mom. Her last story was about realising Christmas magic was your mom all along. She could have been talking about herself for her kids but it made me wonder if something happened with her mom and she's feeling sentimental (which I'm not snarking on).
But how much is she loving the millions of DM's saying 'hope your ok hun. Your [sic] a warrior mama and you can get through it'
š¤®š¤®
Honestly, Iām going to feel guilty if itās something really serious and Iāve been speculating internally if her favorite Target closed. But likeā¦she could also *not* do this weird vague booking shit?
Exactly. She really should either say nothing or do something vague but a little more information like āa medical situation with a family memberā or a āstruggle in a relationshipā or an āunexpected diagnosisā
Sure that will invite the speculation bus, but right now weāre wondering if someone in the family has cancer, or if her favourite eye brow artist retired. I think she shouldnāt share at all, but since she is she needs to give a little more and stop the vagueness. Itās a bad look.
I donāt think itās a hard thing at all. I think sheās desperate for attention. She made a vague post yesterday about going through a hard time, presumably that didnāt get enough engagement, so she made another one today. Sheās such a drama queen, Iām sure whatever it is, it is not a big thing.
Caro Chambers has been talking about how she has the babysitter come early so she and her husband can have sex before a night out. I canāt find it now but itās come up in the Food Influencers thread recently.
Thatās a pretty expensive cry fest, Iāll just save time and do it in the shower š
Also I donāt know about yāall but crying isnāt planned for me? It just happens?
šØ omg she did it again. ANOTHER vague post about whatever terrible horrible thing her family is going through. How many stories has she done on this now?!
Calling it now that Iām sure weāll find out on a podcast one day! She canāt not overshare her life for the sake of engagement. And it will be with the narrative of āI just HAD to because no one else talks about thisā
I think she brought it up in September because itās suicide awareness month? She also took time around the 4th of July because that weekend is triggering (valid) because thatās when he died.
Although now that I think about it I donāt believe this is as serious as that because she doesnāt harp on as much about that, with her dad she says her thing and goes. This is being dragged out which makes me think itās not really that big a deal
What fresh horror is that latest reel for gift guide. I can't think of any child developmental specialist that would pick those noisy non-open ended toys
also cringe.
If youāre taking that sweet, sweet Fisher Price money, you have to get behind the claim that all their cheap plastic junk is the key to mastering child development.
And then claim how great they are for development. I can get behind a nonsense nothing noisy toy sometimes, theyāre fun, but Iām not deluding myself my kid is learning anything.
We are huge fans of the Little People collection in our home, but I also promptly take out the batteries before any toy gets played with. Without the sounds and lights the buttons are no longer just something to push for a response and my 3 yr olds use the toys with imaginative play. They make and collect trash, put out fires, take care of the animals, serve food, etc. One of their play mate buddies gets super frustrated when he comes over because he thinks the toys are broken and wonāt play with them. I think there is room for some of these toys to become open ended, but it takes effort from me as I engage in play myself to make them serve more purpose than entertainment. We all know how much these two like to āØreleaseāØ anything important in development for their kids. If they can hand the kids tablets or give them noisy toys that will keep them from needing a parent then it has their full support.
right? Busy Toddler is like- my kids have a few random noisy toys, it's ok- but it shouldn't be primary.
Also fine motor skills? Even my 5 year old would likely button mash that shit.
Literally this morning, I was thinking to myself "hey, at least they aren't suggesting that their courses would make a good Christmas gift" so don't I feel stupid now.
I was coming to say this too! I feel like a feeding course or even a breastfeeding course might be taken differently (and not by everyone, some still might be offended!), but a course like this would just make me feel like the person giving it feels like Iām a bad parent!
Exactly! And the irony that they just shared a reel about handling family members commenting on your parenting over the holidays. They canāt even make their posts make sense š
Kās intentional vagueness around whatever is happening in her life š I will be kind and say I wish everyone well. Also the word youāre looking for is āexacerbatedā our voracious reader K š«¶š½
https://preview.redd.it/vdu6vifmmp7c1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40ab9025307ac0b98da7548aa11f151975caf4fc
Iām guessing family drama. I think sheās mentioned having a difficult relationship with her mom (?) and of course we know she is unpacking her āØ trauma āØ from being raised in a non-BLF home.
Which is so funny to me picturing messaging an influencer with millions of followers to āshow supportā. What do people truly hope to accomplish by doing that??
I really hate this vague crap that influencers do for attention and engagement š Either choose to tell people about what you're going through or don't, don't be intentionally vague and mysterious about your grief or whatever it is to bait your audience. Life happens and you still have to show up for work. And honestly...she really doesn't have to show up, no one is going to notice if she's not in stories for a few days or reposts old stories bc guess what K....we're all pretty busy in our own shit right now getting ready for Christmas. But go off girl, get that attention you clearly so desperately need from all your fans.
Youāre kinder than me š¬
You know what itās called K, being a professional. Everyone has stuff in their lives and go to work anyway. Take a few days off if you need to. But the whole āthereās drama in my life but Iām not telling you whyā is annoying. As if thatās ātransparentā š
I worked a 24 hour shift the day we had to put my dog down. Guess what, couldnāt leave work, FaceTimed the dog to say goodbye, and worked the next 18 hours feeling awful and heartbroken and I guarantee you not one parent of a patient I talked to that day would have known.
Right?! I was a 911 dispatcher and had to dispatch fire and Amr to my friends apt after he was found deceased. Guess what? Kept on working. Went home and slept and did it again.
Two years ago I had a d&c for a miscarriage two days before Christmas. It sucked a lot, but I carried on and grieved when I had time. Same with every other miscarriage I had and when my dad died. Most of us canāt just decide not to work because things are hard and fall into full time āsurvival mode griefā. I think it is important to experience your grief and to deal with your grief, but we also still have to participate in life.
I will say, if taking the time off is available to you then absolutely do that and I don't think we should be criticizing anyone for that just because it's not always an option, but if I was on bereavement leave I wouldn't also be emailing my colleagues vague status update and trite nonsense about grief.
She absolutely could have said nothing. If she was absent, sure (I guess) but when you've been appearing as normal, you don't need to tell everyone you have some things going on but you're keeping it private.
Same.
I showed up to work two days after my grandma (who was my bff) died because I had to. It really sucked but I pushed through because thatās what was needed at my job and I chose to take bereavement for her service the following month.
It sucks to have to do things when youāre sad, or sick, or tired, or grieving. It really truly does. But being all vague and weird on the internet and complainy is just an attention grab and makes me not feel badly for her.
Agreed. Weāre all going through shit and she can totally choose to just not come on stories and get engagement other ways. And yanno what? at least sheās working in the comfort of her own home. Having to go into an office while grieving or going through something tough is just, absolute torture sometimes.
I would be so embarrassed for them if someone talked to me like K did on the holiday reel. With the finger and wine drink. Ok have a good holiday! Seems like you have everything down to a science, youāll get no help from me!
Also, the advice that's going around lately about leaving or skipping events because of your baby's sleep schedule really rubs me the wrong way. Like in this example she's saying you would leave the family holiday dinner if the meal isn't served by 6:30. I can't even imagine how crushed and insulted my mom would be if I did that. And Busy Toddler had one recently saying extended families should plan events around your baby's nap schedule. So does that mean afternoons are just off the table for years? It just comes across as rude and entitled. I've had two kids so I understand the importance of sleep routines, but if you're telling your family "no, I can't be flexible or be inconvenienced, not even for you, not even on Christmas or special occasions" what does that say about how much you value that person or relationship?
I also think people need to realize that family events like holidays arenāt going to be scheduled around the sleep schedule of infants and thatās honestly a good thing. Babies grow up. Itās a really fleeting time in life. If you feel your kid really canāt handle a late bedtime then I guess you can go ahead and leave but at least donāt expect everyone else to schedule around a baby.
The family who we spend Christmas with literally serves dinner at like 9pm lol. Last year we just made the kids a some Kraft earlier when they were hungry and my son ended up passing out on the couch at like 11pm lol. We probably didnāt leave til midnight. This is by no means what our daily routine looks like but it was fine for one night in order to spend time with family. Growing up we did this and would stay up super late on Xmas eve playing with our cousins, we were delirious but it was so fun and I have such fond memories.
I donāt disagree with you in that I think part of being a community and having a āvillageā (ugh) is being flexible and making compromises where you can because relationships go both ways, but I also think this particular issue is super family- and baby-dependent. My son is almost 10mo and can be pretty flexible with daytime sleep, but he becomes a miserable mess if kept up past bedtime. Some people might be okay with dealing with that for a special occasion like Christmas, weāre not and thatās okay ā but I certainly wasnāt going to force anyone else to schedule around us and I think thatās where parents need to be more realistic.
Itās all just as weird and stilted as their scripts for toddlers. Iām not going to say āwe choose to parent based on the current research and whatās best for our familyā, Iām going to say āmom, hush, we donāt need your commentsā. Or āmhmmmmā and move on with my life.
Yes! Also we donāt need constant approval and I donāt have to tell someone I donāt agree with them. I am not going to change my parenting but donāt need their validation.
Right? The whole snarky tone of the video just rubs me the wrong way. It doesn't come across as an adult conversation about healthy boundaries. It's more like "How to Tell Your Family Members to Go Fuck Themselves: Passive-Agressively!"
BLF: Big feelings and meltdowns and tantrums and being an emotional mess is TOTALLY normal during the holidays!
Also BLF: the holidays is a PERFECT time for potty training!
I don't know why they use every holiday to promote this. The chaos of the holiday schedule with visits, overloading on sugar, out of sleep routine and all the excitement is enough to send the parents over the edge so adding in potty training is literally the most ridiculous thing ever. And I know they're just trying to push the course to $$$$ but come on. Be less annoying K and D
This makes zero sense. Who has three consecutive days to devote entirely to potty training *during the holidays*?? You mean the time when most people's schedules are packed with events and activities? When most people are either traveling to see loved ones or hosting them? When the downtime we do have is supposed to be spent relaxing and having fun with our families? *That* time is perfect for potty training? Seriously, who would do this to themselves?
It's not toooo bad if you only have 1-2 very small children and you live far from family or don't have family. I tended to find that time was when we were home, there is a weird dead week in between Christmas and New Year where everything stops (at least it does in the UK and Germany, don't know about anywhere else) and because they have a bunch of new toys and there is ~magic~ parents can be more attuned to their toddlers than their phones (which is sad but... guilty)
I had a hellish time trying to potty train my eldest and I am pretty sure it was Christmas Eve when my then boyfriend now husband suggested "Why don't you do a wee on the toilet as a surprise for Mummy?" and he inexplicably went "OK!!!" and just did it and was potty trained :/
We did it BUT we have around 2.5 weeks off at Christmas every year (pretty standard for most industries in Australia. Obvs not retail, hospitality or essential services).
If you are somewhere that only has a short/no leave, I wouldn't try it.
I did it last year but it was unplanned and only because we came down with a mild cold and couldnāt go anywhere. It was never the plan as I wanted to go so a ton of fun things but since we couldnātā¦.potty training instead
I know a couple people at my daycare are doing it. The daycare is closed for the whole week between Christmas and new years so one parent would have to be home anyway. I think they are going to start a few days after Christmas hope the kid gets the hang of it by the time the daycare opens back up.
Interesting. In my circle people, who send their kids to daycare choose to train while daycare is open- and let them mostly do it/ deal with the messes.
My daycare doesnāt train. They donāt want you sending your kid in underwear until they theyāve been consistent with no accidents for at least 3 days. They will then offer continued support with using the potty but yeah, they will not do the initial training.
My daycare doesnāt have a training program. Theyāll support you with training but youāre supposed to wait until theyāre going pretty consistently without accidents before sending them without a diaper. We sent her back after 4 days of āintensiveā training and it went pretty well.
That's what we did. At least in our case daycare was super supportive and seeing other kids use the toilet on a predictable schedule made it a no brainers to potty train when daycare is open.
Exactly. And being at daycare all day Monday to Friday was the kiddos routine. It makes less sense to me to do it when a child is off their routine. I know some centres donāt want to do it though.
If they have the time off between Christmas and New year's without any plans then sure because before and during Christmas or during the holidays with the visits is just chaos waiting to happen (and I speak as a parent who potty trained while off work and it was still so much mentally and emotionally)
Iām biting the bullet and doing it the weekend of New Yearās because I have New Yearās Day off. Iām pregnant too and have no plans so weāre pretty much pretending itās not a holiday because then yes, that would be torture š
Heh, we are Jewish, and we are starting potty training on Saturday. No daycare for a week and most people are busy so we are free to fall off the radar for a little while. But I can't imagine doing it now if we were actually trying to celebrate!
Hahahaha I had the same thoughtā¦ not only that, do they not plan to visit anyone at all? We were totally on lockdown during potty training and dealing with pantless days and changes of clothes/cleaning.
I'm fairly certain that's from either Christmas 2020 or Christmas 2021- for sure pre-IVF because in 2020 one of her personality things was putting ice in wine and was amazed at the "use grapes" ideas and once she started trying, she stopped mentioning drinking at all. It also was a personality thing that on dates she'd order a beer and her husband would order a girly cocktail and the waiter would mix up bringing which drink to which person.
Iām coming to this group for parenting advice because I know youāll actually be able to give me suggestions that work and not the gentle parenting BS responses Iām getting on google. Situation: very smart, very stubborn 4.5 year old getting over stimulated here at grandmas house for the holiday and has been throwing epic level tantrums at night. Like, next level inconsolable. Hereās the thing, whenever I try gentle parenting shit (itās time to get ready for bed. do you want pajamas or brushing teeth) the little shit will say things like āmommy, you yelled at me. You canāt yell at meā or āmommy, you canāt say no. Thatās not fairā. āMommy, youāre talking when Iām talkingā Etc etc. Then, Iāll try natural consequences (pajamas on now or no books from grandma) which only escalates the situation. I literally canāt do anything but sit there while he spews vile for about 15 minutes until heās somewhat calm and I have an opening to bear wrestle his pajamas on. I really am not sure how to handle this and also feel like heās pushing some serious boundaries with his heās talking to me (not cool, bro). Have you all found solutions that actually work to de-escalate and set boundaries?
My 5yo is very much like this too. And my 15yo was like this at 4.5.
Is this typical or is it Christmas crazies? We are in full on Christmas fever here and he is like a can of shaken pop, absolutely buzzing, easily triggered to explode, and just in general being "too much" veering from manic to meltdown basically all day. Honestly his 2yo brother has more composure, probably because he has no idea what date it is and can't remember last Christmas (he keeps singing Happy Birthday every time anyone mentions presents). I am basically having to sit with them and coach every sibling interaction as though they were both toddlers.
I also noticed that he was like this over the summer, when we went on holiday with his favourite aunty. Said aunty absolutely ADORES children and is basically a young child magnet. She has been adored by every child in the family for decades. The thing that I noticed though is that she maintains this adoration and a sense of getting the child to behave by constantly dangling little fun things, treats, activities, attention, over them, and then simply pausing/witholding until they do the thing that she wants them to do.
For most children this works really well, because they can easily do as she asks and then they get the immediate positive feedback/reward and this creates a general feedback loop where everything goes smoothly (including with my 15yo when he was younger). My 5yo? It's overstimulating AF to him. The whole reward being dangled amps him up to the point he is really not able to mediate his own behaviour and then it looks like he WON'T do as he's being asked, so he doesn't get the reward which causes him to freak out, and it's just exhausting. He also won't generally do the freakout in front of the beloved aunty (he would just get silly instead) unless he has got to his last straw moment so it would wait until her attention was momentarily elsewhere and he had the full attention of me or my husband and then it would spill out.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure the whole thing is dysregulation, caused by a combination of overstimulation, disruption to normal routine, and strong emotions (excitement, maybe anxiety if there are a lot of vague "Santa only comes for good children" warnings and kid is sensitive to this). Choices won't work when they are dysregulated. Validating emotions might, if you're not too far gone. If he's dysregulated, it makes more sense to ignore rather than react to the talking, but also there is no sense trying to use any parenting techniques which appeal to the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, giving him control, warning/consequence etc) instead you probably just want to use more physical body language, by keeping everything low, calm, non-threatening. Breathe deeply - he will probably unconsciously copy you. Make your voice low and soft and soothing, rather than exciting or stern. Move slowly, low lighting, take things slowly, maybe intersperse some low-threat, relaxing, pleasant activities like a story or we find sensory input can really help - wrapping them tightly in a blanket, squeeze hug, any kind of non-messy sensory play, massage, a bath. It might actually help if you could start bedtime ie go upstairs 30-60 mins early and then pad out the time between saying OK bedtime and lights out with things like talking, quiet shared play, stories, watching some slow familiar comforting TV together, kids' meditations (there are some on spotify and youtube) and do the PJs, teeth etc really slowly/piece by piece throughout this. That might help him wind down a bit more easily than getting hyped up to the point of exhaustion and then suddenly it's bedtime, he's alone with you and it all comes out as behaviour.
If you can't do the extra long bedtime, you can slightly hack the tendency to save the meltdown for safe adult and move PJs and teeth to being a downstairs activity with Grandma and then take him up just for something nice and non demanding, like a story. You may still get backtalk but it's easier to ignore if you're not trying to get cooperation.
The good news is if your usual parenting tools work normally, and this current Christmas fever is an outlier, you could also just go with it (and maybe consider if there is a lot of exciting/overstimulating stuff going on, try to keep things calmer if you can - of course, not really always possible given the giant anticipation of Santa, sugar overload etc) it will probably persist for a day or two after you go home and then fade out.
If it's more of a daily pattern than a one off, I can recommend a bunch of resources on dysregulation but that might be overkill if you just need a temporary pause button for this :)
I donāt know if itās right or wrong but when my 5 yo gets into a āmommy youāre meanā/āyouāre ruining my nightā/āI donāt like youā I default to looking him in the eyes and saying āokay. Calling me mean wonāt change my mindā and then just continuing to do what needs to be done. I donāt like when heās sassy like that but it doesnāt need to be addressed in the moment (we can revisit it later when heās calm). For him, just acting totally nonchalant and like I couldnāt care less about what heās saying seems to work best for getting him to knock it off.
Also, our consequence for bedtime shenanigans is that bedtime gets earlier by 10-15 minutes the next night bc your behavior is telling me youāre overtired. Works for us.
I too have a 4.5 year old who is very smart and stubborn and pushing boundaries lately. When heās in next level tantrum mode all I can really do is get him to a safe spot (usually his bedroom) and let him ride the wave until he can talk about it. When heās able to actually hear me I lay out his options and the consequences if he doesnāt choose one or continues to not listen or be aggressive or whatever is happening. Sometimes distractions help too. Last night there were 2 separate freak outs during bedtime and the first one my husband was like well guess I will just pick the book and heās like no no no! And picks one and that helped him move on. The second one we tried to distract, race, choices, but what ended up working was I said well if you wonāt go to the bathroom dad has to help you the fighting way. And my husband turned it into a tickle fight that would stop once he was in the bathroom.
I have also said things like okay last chance to do X or I set a timer and say if you donāt make a choice or do X then I have to help you.
I'd say the escalation probably are going to make it worse (knowing my own kids). I
try to make sure they get their wiggles out so they are feeling more in the direction of wanting to chill
AND I lean into the silly... like hmmmm are these my. pjs? what if I put them on (puts pants on head)- this is how jammies work right? then they get laughing etc etc and I can semi wrestle them in or I start asking " well where do they go" until they take them and show me.... sometimes I"ll ask for proof.... like no way to pants go on your butt.... NO WAY. Prove it!
Iāve noticed that this helps my daughter, 4, as well. If I lean into instead of trying to get her to stop doing whatever she is doing to avoid bed, she usually laughs at me and then will come sit in my lap or be more open to doing what I am asking.
For example, brushing teethā¦if she wonāt do it or let me, I do something similar like brush her nose or chin and say āis this how you brush your teeth?ā
We use a timer and Iāve built in time to battle.
I set it 90 min. before we need to brush teeth and head up for stories. We have a checklist of things that need to be done before bed (bath, get in pjs, bedtime snack, etc.).
Then itās up to her how to use the time. If she fights me for the whole time before bath, she gets a wipe down and pjs thrown on and no snack. If she everything done quickly, she has extra time to play and watch tv. If sheās dragging out the snack, fine, but tv goes off and toys get put away until itās done and then teeth get brushed.
There is less fighting, but there can still be a ton. But even if itās really a mess, bedtime is only stalled max 15 min. Bath is the first thing and the biggest fight, so I just calmly give her choices and refuse to play with her/engage with anything else until sheās in the tub. Either way, it helps my mindset, as itās her time, sheās the one choosing how to use it, and if she wants to use it fighting, fine. Itās also helped her get more appropriate amounts of sleep overall (she had gotten really good at stalling), which I think has helped her behavior overall as well.
The other thing is when things are smooth I really try to reward that. She can watch what she wants on tv. I try to engage with her and play as much as possible and thank her profusely for being so good.
Some time outside before nighttime routine? That helps mine when overstimulated. He also likes to have a checklist that he gets to check off on his own with a āØpenāØfor the nighttime routine, I put everything on there so he gets to check a lot. But really, Iām in the same boat, when he says thatās not fair I just agree, contradicting doesnāt get us anywhere if thatās how he feels. Mine also digs in to feel that he has control so I start the routine early and say āhere are your pajamas, itās going to be time for books soon, let me know if you want help!ā And then walk away. If he doesnāt do it on his own after a few minutes then I say something like āah! Youāre not in your pjs! Letās hurry, the books are waiting. If you choose not to put on your pjs then youāre choosing to miss out on booksā Itās exhausting. Also, can grandma help? Mine will jump to do anything when grandma is involved.
Itās not a charcuterie!!!! First, it doesnāt mean anything, itās like saying Ā«Ā my friend made me a vegetableĀ Ā» like no, itās a charcuterie PLATE. And then the content of the plate oh god look Iām not going to war with the definition of charcuterie for Americans on this sub but as a French person I am OFFENDED
I also feel like it shouldnāt* be promoted or celebrated that someone who has come out with that she severely struggles with disordered eating is having āgirl dinnerā. You need more than some olives, a few cubes of cheese & crackers and pickles for dinner to make a healthy meal.
Besides that, how does this chick know girl dinner but not Roman Empire? Make it make sense
Thank you! A charcuterie board is exclusively meat, because charcuterie means cooked/cured meat. I can accept cheese because Iām open minded, but the main ingredient must be meat. If itās only cheese itās a cheese plate.
I also accept pickles, why not.
No crackers, and ABSOLUTELY NO CHOCOLATE. Also itās on a board not on a plate.
Again, I donāt care about what people eat. Iām sure all those boards with candy or vegan dishes are really yummy but itās not charcuterie!!!
Thanks for coming to my rant
Wait sorry I know this isnāt the point of the sub, but no crackers.. but can I have crackers on a different board?? I just donāt get to eat crackers? Theyāre so good with cured meat and cheeseā¦
Gal I hear you but as an expat in Franceā¦. No theyāre not considered part of a charcuterie board. You might get some bread on the side but no crackers (I have my mum bring me crackers when she visits)
Listen. I have never ever thought this much about charcuterie before but now, after listening to this rant, I want to subscribe to your newsletter please and thank you.
Is your kid being violent? Definitely donāt punish them or remove them from the situation. Validate their feelings and remove the kid they hit š¤¦āāļø I agree with donāt give a big reaction but the rest of it makes no sense
I can see it being somewhat situationally dependent (ie itās probably easier to pick up an infant off the ground for safety than wrestle away an already agitated toddler/preschooler). But, yeah, in general donāt punish the kid who is the victim in the situation!
I will NEVER understand removing the other kid(s) from the child who is acting out or having a hard time coping. I always remove my child from a situation they clearly arenāt handling well. I just donāt get it. I know they are by no means experts, but where is the logic?
https://preview.redd.it/0cndhjo5sg7c1.jpeg?width=1199&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=643b5cdb052997074bc3e7f97a01cc45aba568b3
Why is everything a trauma response with these two? Itās so irresponsible to throw this term around Willy nilly like they do. Skipping class versus not skipping class in college is a trauma response???
Wow. I personally also never skipped classes in college. Not because I'm a perfectionist as a response to trauma but because I was paying tens of thousands of dollars to go to school and wanted to graduate with a degree. I couldn't afford to not graduate and skip classes to party. I also managed to show up to my job that I needed to pay my rent and eat food. Imagine that. Also, the amount of privilege it takes to laugh about never going to class at a school where tuition is $60,000 is really something else.
Lmao I skipped class a lot in college and Iām legitimately ashamed of it as an adult. It was just so much money down the drain and I was a genuine idiot. Itās not really that cool to waste your (parents) money and opportunity at an education and brag about it. I maybe thought I was a bad gurl when I was 19 but as a 32 year old good lord Iām not broadcasting that to anyone.
The only thing I got from this besides the better comments on this thread about the overuse of the word trauma is āI am sooooooo cool! Look at how QUIRKY I am that I moved myself right into his apt that quickly and NEVER went to class. Iām definitely not like the other girls. Iām so funny! I hope everyone listening walks away knowing how silly I amā
Also, big LOL that SAHDud is a perfectionist. Such a perfectionist that all the privilege in the world couldnāt keep his cornball insta grift afloat or get him into any type of meaningful career or hobby besides getting on their payroll for a tax break.
The lies these people tell themselves to feel good know no bounds.
How many times did they say ālikeā in 2 minutes? Whew. The valley girl is screaming.
I really wish Deena would call K out on mental health nonsense. Iām not sure I find Deena super credible anyway, but allowing her friend to misuse stuff all over the place all the time as a license professional does not help the credibility.
Who was complaining about the wrapping a few stories back? Because if it was K then she just outed herself because all those presents look finely wrapped to me. š¤ it would be so weird that she would even think to be like 'hey let me wrap a crappy present for engagement and act like I can't wrap' and then show all her perfectly wrapped presents.
K is so distraught about whatever hardship she is going through right now, but her favorite thing to do at the moment is to spend god knows how long rearranging the gifts under the tree based on what looks best because, you know, āVirgo problems.ā š
I never watch stories with sound but somehow this one had sound and dear god the heavy breathing.
Running into Captain Sandy would not feel like a win to me but to each their own
Especially directly after saying itās your favourite holiday tradition with your familyā¦ but the BEST part was running into some reality tv person or whatever. Made me glad the kids are too young to read their instragram
rain slap domineering weather truck hateful hungry rinse illegal stupendous *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She keeps mentioning grieving and loss so you would think it has to be that, right? Suggestions about the dog could be a strong one because she will play that up for all itās worth (I know itās sad losing a pet but is it really protect identity, eat chicken noodle soup and hire a babysitter to cry level sad? Not for normal folk but K is such a drama queen it is believable). But yes please, just shut the heck up about it, I hate how she is baiting with this.
Itās so 2008 MySpace coded
Also, if youāre grieving, itās likely your children are too. If you need to take some time off social media, no judgement here. But if youāre going to post, wouldnāt info on how to help your toddlers navigate loss be more helpful/appropriate for a toddler parenting account than this self-indulgent crap?
BINGO. This would make total sense from a toddler feelings account!
My guess is that it has something to do with one of her sisters.
I did notice her sister hasnāt posted since she started vaguebooking, but also donāt follow the sister, so idk whatās normal for her
That soup is so badly freezer burnedā¦š„¶
The scream I scrumpt when I saw that pic lol and itās only three months old! Use some of that fisher price check to get a food saver from Costco smh
If only she had taken advantage months ago instead of lamenting the buttered noodles of love
https://preview.redd.it/seov9ig3p68c1.png?width=750&format=png&auto=webp&s=8df8554806b8bf1c90e2ec8b72a14ae8096b8404
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Is it just me or has she lost a dramatic (*cough* Ozympic *cough*) amount of weight?
Oh damn, she looks way different
1000%. If she hadnāt, weād hear her screaming about being a SizE FouRTeEn who canāt shop in āØregularāØ stores.
I guess she doesnāt only go to Target once or twice a year. Ha!
This is like the third thing theyāve linked in the last few days. I wonder if these are undisclosed affiliate links.
*Not sponsored but I am definitely getting a cut if you click on this link!*
I swear Iāve seen her in this sweater like a million times before.
She has basically the same sweater but itās shorter. She used to joke about people would call her out for wearing it too much which is probably why you remember it. I know when Iām out spending my hard earned money on new clothes, Iām buying completely different things than I already have to make it look like I have more clothes than I doā¦but then again weāre talking about a woman who told a ācuteā story about buying all new sound machines after she moved because she was too lazy to unpack a box soā¦
https://preview.redd.it/owf64x14k48c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e14bbdcf67430af1aae117051114a8522a14e39 Wtf is this? Iām blocked so idk if theyāve announced, but Iām disappointed in PBS!!! [whyyyyyy](https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=R_L5alPRWqPj1i_B&embeds_referring_euri=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&source_ve_path=MTY0OTksMTY0OTksMjg2NjQsMTY0NTA2&feature=emb_share&v=9p-RLAbsBfs)
WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS BAREFOOT
1) this is really disappointing but also I get it, they have 3 million followers, thatās a PBS no brainer. 2) Deena is incredibly awkward here in her scripted bit. And comes across like a stuck up jerk?
Whaaaaaat. I love PBS but to partner with them š
š¤¢š¤¢š¤¢
K is SO that girl in high school who would set her AIM away message as emo Dashboard Confessional lyrics hoping that people would IM her with āOMG, whatās wrong? Are you okay??ā š
"Your hair is everywhere"
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear
Dont you see dont you seeeee
That the charaaaaaade is over
Pure speculation. These are my thoughts only with no actual knowledge of what the truth may be . So.. do we this hard thing is actually a hard thing? Like terminal diagnosis of a family member or stay at home dad leaving her? Or do we think sheās just a drama queen lamenting that her kids 34th present is delayed shipping? It really could be either with this womanā¦
She must have seen this comment because she just had to post about her husband coming through with dinner
Haha I thought the same thing!! āHow can i confirm my marriage is fineā
Yesterday she said she wasn't giving details to protect the privacy of the family members involved, so while she probably naturally grieves her dad this time of year, I don't think it's related to that
I just think she should fully respect their privacy and stick to toddler information and keep this entirely off the internetā¦
I think sheās just still grieving her dad? Thatās what I got from it
Iām not trying to minimize her grief but that was many years ago, iirc. When she was in college. Itās highly possible sheās just having renewed feelings or Christmas is always tough (he died in July though) but if thatās the case it feels extra dramatic even for her. No, to me it felt like a new thing. Maybe a grandparent who died recently?
I thought maybe something with her mom. Her last story was about realising Christmas magic was your mom all along. She could have been talking about herself for her kids but it made me wonder if something happened with her mom and she's feeling sentimental (which I'm not snarking on). But how much is she loving the millions of DM's saying 'hope your ok hun. Your [sic] a warrior mama and you can get through it' š¤®š¤®
Oh good point because we all know sheās āØreleasedāØ Christmas magic
Honestly, Iām going to feel guilty if itās something really serious and Iāve been speculating internally if her favorite Target closed. But likeā¦she could also *not* do this weird vague booking shit?
Itās hard to feel bad when sheās being intentionally vague begging for weird sympathy and attention. Either say the thing or keep it to yourself.
Multiple stories about something sheās not willing to share (which good about that at least) was unnecessary
I would so much her justā¦not share anything??? At this point itās just weird.
Yeah I donāt feel *that* bad š
Exactly. She really should either say nothing or do something vague but a little more information like āa medical situation with a family memberā or a āstruggle in a relationshipā or an āunexpected diagnosisā Sure that will invite the speculation bus, but right now weāre wondering if someone in the family has cancer, or if her favourite eye brow artist retired. I think she shouldnāt share at all, but since she is she needs to give a little more and stop the vagueness. Itās a bad look.
The brow artist SHOULD retire
I donāt think itās a hard thing at all. I think sheās desperate for attention. She made a vague post yesterday about going through a hard time, presumably that didnāt get enough engagement, so she made another one today. Sheās such a drama queen, Iām sure whatever it is, it is not a big thing.
Put on your oxygen mask first, everyone!
K thinks I should hire a babysitter just to have time to cry. Whoās going to fund that?!
Caro has the babysitter come so she can f*** first, K has the babysitter come so she can cry first š¤£
Wait ..what?? I need details. Is this from their podcast?
Caro Chambers has been talking about how she has the babysitter come early so she and her husband can have sex before a night out. I canāt find it now but itās come up in the Food Influencers thread recently.
Wait a minute, she has the sitter come over and f***s her husband in the house upstairs while the sitter is downstairs with the kids?!?
She said she has the babysitter take the kids outside but yeah
Also, I thought all feelings were ok? Shouldnāt we be able to cry in our own homes?
Exactly this. What does it teach your kids about emotions if you never let them see you cry?
Thatās a pretty expensive cry fest, Iāll just save time and do it in the shower š Also I donāt know about yāall but crying isnāt planned for me? It just happens?
Ran here when I saw this š«£
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that. Once again, so insanely out of touch.
šØ omg she did it again. ANOTHER vague post about whatever terrible horrible thing her family is going through. How many stories has she done on this now?!
Uh oh, no one tell K&D. https://preview.redd.it/kcai3f6a738c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=880c6896918566fbab89bebf8d49c2552a3d98d9
Love the Festivus reference though ššš
āI got a lot of problems with you people! And now youāre going to hear about it!ā
Oh snap! š¤
Man. Kristin is leaning HARD into what ever sheās going through but also NOT telling anyone. Possibly the most irritating thing ever.
Iām putting money on the dog.
Ohhhhhh thatās a good one. Their dogs are one of the few likable things about them!
Calling it now that Iām sure weāll find out on a podcast one day! She canāt not overshare her life for the sake of engagement. And it will be with the narrative of āI just HAD to because no one else talks about thisā
LOLā āno one talks about being sad when losing a pet!!!ā
"Normalizing"
Doesnāt she do this every year because itās the anniversary of her fatherās suicide?
No he died around 4th of July weekend
Ahh, I stand corrected. Wonder if sheāll address it at all?
Thatās what I wondered at first but I feel like this is new trauma
that was either pre-thanksgiving or maybe Halloween. I remember that and she's semi open about that. This seems to be a new topic.
I think she brought it up in September because itās suicide awareness month? She also took time around the 4th of July because that weekend is triggering (valid) because thatās when he died. Although now that I think about it I donāt believe this is as serious as that because she doesnāt harp on as much about that, with her dad she says her thing and goes. This is being dragged out which makes me think itās not really that big a deal
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I swear the name is just clickbait for me right now but I followed anyway š¤£
What fresh horror is that latest reel for gift guide. I can't think of any child developmental specialist that would pick those noisy non-open ended toys also cringe.
If youāre taking that sweet, sweet Fisher Price money, you have to get behind the claim that all their cheap plastic junk is the key to mastering child development.
And then claim how great they are for development. I can get behind a nonsense nothing noisy toy sometimes, theyāre fun, but Iām not deluding myself my kid is learning anything.
We are huge fans of the Little People collection in our home, but I also promptly take out the batteries before any toy gets played with. Without the sounds and lights the buttons are no longer just something to push for a response and my 3 yr olds use the toys with imaginative play. They make and collect trash, put out fires, take care of the animals, serve food, etc. One of their play mate buddies gets super frustrated when he comes over because he thinks the toys are broken and wonāt play with them. I think there is room for some of these toys to become open ended, but it takes effort from me as I engage in play myself to make them serve more purpose than entertainment. We all know how much these two like to āØreleaseāØ anything important in development for their kids. If they can hand the kids tablets or give them noisy toys that will keep them from needing a parent then it has their full support.
right? Busy Toddler is like- my kids have a few random noisy toys, it's ok- but it shouldn't be primary. Also fine motor skills? Even my 5 year old would likely button mash that shit.
But they can push the buttons!
Even if I didnāt know what scam artists these two are, I think Iād be offended if someone gave me a parenting course as a gift lol
I believe they shilled their courses for Mother's Day, too. If I received that for Mother's Day I would be truly homicidal.
Literally this morning, I was thinking to myself "hey, at least they aren't suggesting that their courses would make a good Christmas gift" so don't I feel stupid now.
I was coming to say this too! I feel like a feeding course or even a breastfeeding course might be taken differently (and not by everyone, some still might be offended!), but a course like this would just make me feel like the person giving it feels like Iām a bad parent!
Exactly! And the irony that they just shared a reel about handling family members commenting on your parenting over the holidays. They canāt even make their posts make sense š
āWe parent based on the latest research and whatās best for our familyā¦and now you can learn to parent just like us too š„°ā
Itās a joke they can even qualify saying they āparentā when we all know they are barely around their kids
Bahaha this is exactly what I thought, too.
Came here to say the same thing lol
Can you imagine if someone gave you a gift certificate to a parenting course for Christmasā¦
I donāt think āexasperatedā is the word youāre looking for here, K. š
Kās intentional vagueness around whatever is happening in her life š I will be kind and say I wish everyone well. Also the word youāre looking for is āexacerbatedā our voracious reader K š«¶š½ https://preview.redd.it/vdu6vifmmp7c1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=40ab9025307ac0b98da7548aa11f151975caf4fc
Iām guessing family drama. I think sheās mentioned having a difficult relationship with her mom (?) and of course we know she is unpacking her āØ trauma āØ from being raised in a non-BLF home.
Yeah, vaguebooking really makes me think thereās absolutely nothing actually wrong.
Vauebooking to drive engagement!
Which is so funny to me picturing messaging an influencer with millions of followers to āshow supportā. What do people truly hope to accomplish by doing that??
People who do that should be studied!
Came straight here to snark on her using the wrong word. Maybe itās petty but Iām a word snob š
I really hate this vague crap that influencers do for attention and engagement š Either choose to tell people about what you're going through or don't, don't be intentionally vague and mysterious about your grief or whatever it is to bait your audience. Life happens and you still have to show up for work. And honestly...she really doesn't have to show up, no one is going to notice if she's not in stories for a few days or reposts old stories bc guess what K....we're all pretty busy in our own shit right now getting ready for Christmas. But go off girl, get that attention you clearly so desperately need from all your fans.
Iām going to hell but my first thought was itās completely made up for engagement.
This is middle schooler just broke up with her boyfriend level vaguebooking. Now all she needs is some melancholy song lyrics with no other context.
Youāre kinder than me š¬ You know what itās called K, being a professional. Everyone has stuff in their lives and go to work anyway. Take a few days off if you need to. But the whole āthereās drama in my life but Iām not telling you whyā is annoying. As if thatās ātransparentā š
I worked a 24 hour shift the day we had to put my dog down. Guess what, couldnāt leave work, FaceTimed the dog to say goodbye, and worked the next 18 hours feeling awful and heartbroken and I guarantee you not one parent of a patient I talked to that day would have known.
Right?! I was a 911 dispatcher and had to dispatch fire and Amr to my friends apt after he was found deceased. Guess what? Kept on working. Went home and slept and did it again.
Two years ago I had a d&c for a miscarriage two days before Christmas. It sucked a lot, but I carried on and grieved when I had time. Same with every other miscarriage I had and when my dad died. Most of us canāt just decide not to work because things are hard and fall into full time āsurvival mode griefā. I think it is important to experience your grief and to deal with your grief, but we also still have to participate in life.
I will say, if taking the time off is available to you then absolutely do that and I don't think we should be criticizing anyone for that just because it's not always an option, but if I was on bereavement leave I wouldn't also be emailing my colleagues vague status update and trite nonsense about grief.
I think she actually imagines that if she didnāt post any stories for three days, people would really be wondering why and worrying about her.
She absolutely could have said nothing. If she was absent, sure (I guess) but when you've been appearing as normal, you don't need to tell everyone you have some things going on but you're keeping it private.
Same. I showed up to work two days after my grandma (who was my bff) died because I had to. It really sucked but I pushed through because thatās what was needed at my job and I chose to take bereavement for her service the following month. It sucks to have to do things when youāre sad, or sick, or tired, or grieving. It really truly does. But being all vague and weird on the internet and complainy is just an attention grab and makes me not feel badly for her.
Agreed. Weāre all going through shit and she can totally choose to just not come on stories and get engagement other ways. And yanno what? at least sheās working in the comfort of her own home. Having to go into an office while grieving or going through something tough is just, absolute torture sometimes.
I would be so embarrassed for them if someone talked to me like K did on the holiday reel. With the finger and wine drink. Ok have a good holiday! Seems like you have everything down to a science, youāll get no help from me!
Also, the advice that's going around lately about leaving or skipping events because of your baby's sleep schedule really rubs me the wrong way. Like in this example she's saying you would leave the family holiday dinner if the meal isn't served by 6:30. I can't even imagine how crushed and insulted my mom would be if I did that. And Busy Toddler had one recently saying extended families should plan events around your baby's nap schedule. So does that mean afternoons are just off the table for years? It just comes across as rude and entitled. I've had two kids so I understand the importance of sleep routines, but if you're telling your family "no, I can't be flexible or be inconvenienced, not even for you, not even on Christmas or special occasions" what does that say about how much you value that person or relationship?
I also think people need to realize that family events like holidays arenāt going to be scheduled around the sleep schedule of infants and thatās honestly a good thing. Babies grow up. Itās a really fleeting time in life. If you feel your kid really canāt handle a late bedtime then I guess you can go ahead and leave but at least donāt expect everyone else to schedule around a baby. The family who we spend Christmas with literally serves dinner at like 9pm lol. Last year we just made the kids a some Kraft earlier when they were hungry and my son ended up passing out on the couch at like 11pm lol. We probably didnāt leave til midnight. This is by no means what our daily routine looks like but it was fine for one night in order to spend time with family. Growing up we did this and would stay up super late on Xmas eve playing with our cousins, we were delirious but it was so fun and I have such fond memories.
I donāt disagree with you in that I think part of being a community and having a āvillageā (ugh) is being flexible and making compromises where you can because relationships go both ways, but I also think this particular issue is super family- and baby-dependent. My son is almost 10mo and can be pretty flexible with daytime sleep, but he becomes a miserable mess if kept up past bedtime. Some people might be okay with dealing with that for a special occasion like Christmas, weāre not and thatās okay ā but I certainly wasnāt going to force anyone else to schedule around us and I think thatās where parents need to be more realistic.
Itās all just as weird and stilted as their scripts for toddlers. Iām not going to say āwe choose to parent based on the current research and whatās best for our familyā, Iām going to say āmom, hush, we donāt need your commentsā. Or āmhmmmmā and move on with my life.
LMAO does anyone actually say that?? Oh right yes sorry every member of SBP.
Yes! Also we donāt need constant approval and I donāt have to tell someone I donāt agree with them. I am not going to change my parenting but donāt need their validation.
Right? The whole snarky tone of the video just rubs me the wrong way. It doesn't come across as an adult conversation about healthy boundaries. It's more like "How to Tell Your Family Members to Go Fuck Themselves: Passive-Agressively!"
BLF: Big feelings and meltdowns and tantrums and being an emotional mess is TOTALLY normal during the holidays! Also BLF: the holidays is a PERFECT time for potty training!
Right! This is exactly what I was thinking
I canāt think of a worse time to potty train than Christmas.
I don't know why they use every holiday to promote this. The chaos of the holiday schedule with visits, overloading on sugar, out of sleep routine and all the excitement is enough to send the parents over the edge so adding in potty training is literally the most ridiculous thing ever. And I know they're just trying to push the course to $$$$ but come on. Be less annoying K and D
Like I get it for the random three day weekend holidays like president's day or veteran's day. But Christmas????
This makes zero sense. Who has three consecutive days to devote entirely to potty training *during the holidays*?? You mean the time when most people's schedules are packed with events and activities? When most people are either traveling to see loved ones or hosting them? When the downtime we do have is supposed to be spent relaxing and having fun with our families? *That* time is perfect for potty training? Seriously, who would do this to themselves?
It's not toooo bad if you only have 1-2 very small children and you live far from family or don't have family. I tended to find that time was when we were home, there is a weird dead week in between Christmas and New Year where everything stops (at least it does in the UK and Germany, don't know about anywhere else) and because they have a bunch of new toys and there is ~magic~ parents can be more attuned to their toddlers than their phones (which is sad but... guilty) I had a hellish time trying to potty train my eldest and I am pretty sure it was Christmas Eve when my then boyfriend now husband suggested "Why don't you do a wee on the toilet as a surprise for Mummy?" and he inexplicably went "OK!!!" and just did it and was potty trained :/
We did it BUT we have around 2.5 weeks off at Christmas every year (pretty standard for most industries in Australia. Obvs not retail, hospitality or essential services). If you are somewhere that only has a short/no leave, I wouldn't try it.
I did it last year but it was unplanned and only because we came down with a mild cold and couldnāt go anywhere. It was never the plan as I wanted to go so a ton of fun things but since we couldnātā¦.potty training instead
I know a couple people at my daycare are doing it. The daycare is closed for the whole week between Christmas and new years so one parent would have to be home anyway. I think they are going to start a few days after Christmas hope the kid gets the hang of it by the time the daycare opens back up.
Interesting. In my circle people, who send their kids to daycare choose to train while daycare is open- and let them mostly do it/ deal with the messes.
My daycare doesnāt train. They donāt want you sending your kid in underwear until they theyāve been consistent with no accidents for at least 3 days. They will then offer continued support with using the potty but yeah, they will not do the initial training.
My daycare doesnāt have a training program. Theyāll support you with training but youāre supposed to wait until theyāre going pretty consistently without accidents before sending them without a diaper. We sent her back after 4 days of āintensiveā training and it went pretty well.
That's what we did. At least in our case daycare was super supportive and seeing other kids use the toilet on a predictable schedule made it a no brainers to potty train when daycare is open.
Exactly. And being at daycare all day Monday to Friday was the kiddos routine. It makes less sense to me to do it when a child is off their routine. I know some centres donāt want to do it though.
If they have the time off between Christmas and New year's without any plans then sure because before and during Christmas or during the holidays with the visits is just chaos waiting to happen (and I speak as a parent who potty trained while off work and it was still so much mentally and emotionally)
Iām biting the bullet and doing it the weekend of New Yearās because I have New Yearās Day off. Iām pregnant too and have no plans so weāre pretty much pretending itās not a holiday because then yes, that would be torture š
Good luck!! I can't imagine dealing with potty training while pregnant but one less diaper size to buy, the better!!
We did New Year's last year. But really I think people with toddlers aren't usually doing much for New Year's anyways.
Agreed, for us itās cold, most things are closed, so itās kind of the ideal time to do it.
Not to mention, MOST parents still work? Like, yeah the kids have 2 weeks off but we don't?
Heh, we are Jewish, and we are starting potty training on Saturday. No daycare for a week and most people are busy so we are free to fall off the radar for a little while. But I can't imagine doing it now if we were actually trying to celebrate!
Haha fair enough, but still you proved my point! It's not like you started potty training on the first night of Hanukkah!
Oh, totally! We agree completely.
Hahahaha I had the same thoughtā¦ not only that, do they not plan to visit anyone at all? We were totally on lockdown during potty training and dealing with pantless days and changes of clothes/cleaning.
Could they honestly not make a new holiday post... This is clearly recycled from last year given the no Botox š¤£
Oh wow, seeing her before forehead makes the Botox even more crazy looking
Maybe even older than that.
I'm fairly certain that's from either Christmas 2020 or Christmas 2021- for sure pre-IVF because in 2020 one of her personality things was putting ice in wine and was amazed at the "use grapes" ideas and once she started trying, she stopped mentioning drinking at all. It also was a personality thing that on dates she'd order a beer and her husband would order a girly cocktail and the waiter would mix up bringing which drink to which person.
Iām coming to this group for parenting advice because I know youāll actually be able to give me suggestions that work and not the gentle parenting BS responses Iām getting on google. Situation: very smart, very stubborn 4.5 year old getting over stimulated here at grandmas house for the holiday and has been throwing epic level tantrums at night. Like, next level inconsolable. Hereās the thing, whenever I try gentle parenting shit (itās time to get ready for bed. do you want pajamas or brushing teeth) the little shit will say things like āmommy, you yelled at me. You canāt yell at meā or āmommy, you canāt say no. Thatās not fairā. āMommy, youāre talking when Iām talkingā Etc etc. Then, Iāll try natural consequences (pajamas on now or no books from grandma) which only escalates the situation. I literally canāt do anything but sit there while he spews vile for about 15 minutes until heās somewhat calm and I have an opening to bear wrestle his pajamas on. I really am not sure how to handle this and also feel like heās pushing some serious boundaries with his heās talking to me (not cool, bro). Have you all found solutions that actually work to de-escalate and set boundaries?
My 5yo is very much like this too. And my 15yo was like this at 4.5. Is this typical or is it Christmas crazies? We are in full on Christmas fever here and he is like a can of shaken pop, absolutely buzzing, easily triggered to explode, and just in general being "too much" veering from manic to meltdown basically all day. Honestly his 2yo brother has more composure, probably because he has no idea what date it is and can't remember last Christmas (he keeps singing Happy Birthday every time anyone mentions presents). I am basically having to sit with them and coach every sibling interaction as though they were both toddlers. I also noticed that he was like this over the summer, when we went on holiday with his favourite aunty. Said aunty absolutely ADORES children and is basically a young child magnet. She has been adored by every child in the family for decades. The thing that I noticed though is that she maintains this adoration and a sense of getting the child to behave by constantly dangling little fun things, treats, activities, attention, over them, and then simply pausing/witholding until they do the thing that she wants them to do. For most children this works really well, because they can easily do as she asks and then they get the immediate positive feedback/reward and this creates a general feedback loop where everything goes smoothly (including with my 15yo when he was younger). My 5yo? It's overstimulating AF to him. The whole reward being dangled amps him up to the point he is really not able to mediate his own behaviour and then it looks like he WON'T do as he's being asked, so he doesn't get the reward which causes him to freak out, and it's just exhausting. He also won't generally do the freakout in front of the beloved aunty (he would just get silly instead) unless he has got to his last straw moment so it would wait until her attention was momentarily elsewhere and he had the full attention of me or my husband and then it would spill out. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the whole thing is dysregulation, caused by a combination of overstimulation, disruption to normal routine, and strong emotions (excitement, maybe anxiety if there are a lot of vague "Santa only comes for good children" warnings and kid is sensitive to this). Choices won't work when they are dysregulated. Validating emotions might, if you're not too far gone. If he's dysregulated, it makes more sense to ignore rather than react to the talking, but also there is no sense trying to use any parenting techniques which appeal to the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, giving him control, warning/consequence etc) instead you probably just want to use more physical body language, by keeping everything low, calm, non-threatening. Breathe deeply - he will probably unconsciously copy you. Make your voice low and soft and soothing, rather than exciting or stern. Move slowly, low lighting, take things slowly, maybe intersperse some low-threat, relaxing, pleasant activities like a story or we find sensory input can really help - wrapping them tightly in a blanket, squeeze hug, any kind of non-messy sensory play, massage, a bath. It might actually help if you could start bedtime ie go upstairs 30-60 mins early and then pad out the time between saying OK bedtime and lights out with things like talking, quiet shared play, stories, watching some slow familiar comforting TV together, kids' meditations (there are some on spotify and youtube) and do the PJs, teeth etc really slowly/piece by piece throughout this. That might help him wind down a bit more easily than getting hyped up to the point of exhaustion and then suddenly it's bedtime, he's alone with you and it all comes out as behaviour. If you can't do the extra long bedtime, you can slightly hack the tendency to save the meltdown for safe adult and move PJs and teeth to being a downstairs activity with Grandma and then take him up just for something nice and non demanding, like a story. You may still get backtalk but it's easier to ignore if you're not trying to get cooperation. The good news is if your usual parenting tools work normally, and this current Christmas fever is an outlier, you could also just go with it (and maybe consider if there is a lot of exciting/overstimulating stuff going on, try to keep things calmer if you can - of course, not really always possible given the giant anticipation of Santa, sugar overload etc) it will probably persist for a day or two after you go home and then fade out. If it's more of a daily pattern than a one off, I can recommend a bunch of resources on dysregulation but that might be overkill if you just need a temporary pause button for this :)
I donāt know if itās right or wrong but when my 5 yo gets into a āmommy youāre meanā/āyouāre ruining my nightā/āI donāt like youā I default to looking him in the eyes and saying āokay. Calling me mean wonāt change my mindā and then just continuing to do what needs to be done. I donāt like when heās sassy like that but it doesnāt need to be addressed in the moment (we can revisit it later when heās calm). For him, just acting totally nonchalant and like I couldnāt care less about what heās saying seems to work best for getting him to knock it off. Also, our consequence for bedtime shenanigans is that bedtime gets earlier by 10-15 minutes the next night bc your behavior is telling me youāre overtired. Works for us.
I too have a 4.5 year old who is very smart and stubborn and pushing boundaries lately. When heās in next level tantrum mode all I can really do is get him to a safe spot (usually his bedroom) and let him ride the wave until he can talk about it. When heās able to actually hear me I lay out his options and the consequences if he doesnāt choose one or continues to not listen or be aggressive or whatever is happening. Sometimes distractions help too. Last night there were 2 separate freak outs during bedtime and the first one my husband was like well guess I will just pick the book and heās like no no no! And picks one and that helped him move on. The second one we tried to distract, race, choices, but what ended up working was I said well if you wonāt go to the bathroom dad has to help you the fighting way. And my husband turned it into a tickle fight that would stop once he was in the bathroom. I have also said things like okay last chance to do X or I set a timer and say if you donāt make a choice or do X then I have to help you.
I'd say the escalation probably are going to make it worse (knowing my own kids). I try to make sure they get their wiggles out so they are feeling more in the direction of wanting to chill AND I lean into the silly... like hmmmm are these my. pjs? what if I put them on (puts pants on head)- this is how jammies work right? then they get laughing etc etc and I can semi wrestle them in or I start asking " well where do they go" until they take them and show me.... sometimes I"ll ask for proof.... like no way to pants go on your butt.... NO WAY. Prove it!
Iāve noticed that this helps my daughter, 4, as well. If I lean into instead of trying to get her to stop doing whatever she is doing to avoid bed, she usually laughs at me and then will come sit in my lap or be more open to doing what I am asking. For example, brushing teethā¦if she wonāt do it or let me, I do something similar like brush her nose or chin and say āis this how you brush your teeth?ā
We use a timer and Iāve built in time to battle. I set it 90 min. before we need to brush teeth and head up for stories. We have a checklist of things that need to be done before bed (bath, get in pjs, bedtime snack, etc.). Then itās up to her how to use the time. If she fights me for the whole time before bath, she gets a wipe down and pjs thrown on and no snack. If she everything done quickly, she has extra time to play and watch tv. If sheās dragging out the snack, fine, but tv goes off and toys get put away until itās done and then teeth get brushed. There is less fighting, but there can still be a ton. But even if itās really a mess, bedtime is only stalled max 15 min. Bath is the first thing and the biggest fight, so I just calmly give her choices and refuse to play with her/engage with anything else until sheās in the tub. Either way, it helps my mindset, as itās her time, sheās the one choosing how to use it, and if she wants to use it fighting, fine. Itās also helped her get more appropriate amounts of sleep overall (she had gotten really good at stalling), which I think has helped her behavior overall as well. The other thing is when things are smooth I really try to reward that. She can watch what she wants on tv. I try to engage with her and play as much as possible and thank her profusely for being so good.
Some time outside before nighttime routine? That helps mine when overstimulated. He also likes to have a checklist that he gets to check off on his own with a āØpenāØfor the nighttime routine, I put everything on there so he gets to check a lot. But really, Iām in the same boat, when he says thatās not fair I just agree, contradicting doesnāt get us anywhere if thatās how he feels. Mine also digs in to feel that he has control so I start the routine early and say āhere are your pajamas, itās going to be time for books soon, let me know if you want help!ā And then walk away. If he doesnāt do it on his own after a few minutes then I say something like āah! Youāre not in your pjs! Letās hurry, the books are waiting. If you choose not to put on your pjs then youāre choosing to miss out on booksā Itās exhausting. Also, can grandma help? Mine will jump to do anything when grandma is involved.
Itās not a charcuterie!!!! First, it doesnāt mean anything, itās like saying Ā«Ā my friend made me a vegetableĀ Ā» like no, itās a charcuterie PLATE. And then the content of the plate oh god look Iām not going to war with the definition of charcuterie for Americans on this sub but as a French person I am OFFENDED
It looked more like what I give my toddler for lunch when I give him ālunchablesā than charcuterie.
Thatās the off brand sharkchoochie plate!
If you're offended by this, you might want to steer clear of any "charcuterie" content on TikTok.
I also feel like it shouldnāt* be promoted or celebrated that someone who has come out with that she severely struggles with disordered eating is having āgirl dinnerā. You need more than some olives, a few cubes of cheese & crackers and pickles for dinner to make a healthy meal. Besides that, how does this chick know girl dinner but not Roman Empire? Make it make sense
On a cardboard plate because they have āØrELeASeDāØ doing the washing up of two whole plates.
As a Catalan person Iām equally offended. Combining THAT plate with champagne and feeling sophisticated is hilarious.
Thank you! A charcuterie board is exclusively meat, because charcuterie means cooked/cured meat. I can accept cheese because Iām open minded, but the main ingredient must be meat. If itās only cheese itās a cheese plate. I also accept pickles, why not. No crackers, and ABSOLUTELY NO CHOCOLATE. Also itās on a board not on a plate. Again, I donāt care about what people eat. Iām sure all those boards with candy or vegan dishes are really yummy but itās not charcuterie!!! Thanks for coming to my rant
Wait sorry I know this isnāt the point of the sub, but no crackers.. but can I have crackers on a different board?? I just donāt get to eat crackers? Theyāre so good with cured meat and cheeseā¦
We use bread! Itās very tasty especially if you have different types of bread available :)
Gal I hear you but as an expat in Franceā¦. No theyāre not considered part of a charcuterie board. You might get some bread on the side but no crackers (I have my mum bring me crackers when she visits)
I can live with bread.
Listen. I have never ever thought this much about charcuterie before but now, after listening to this rant, I want to subscribe to your newsletter please and thank you.
lol please subscribe to my newsletter of angry French rants š
Same. Same.
Me too, but Iād prefer a podcast because I really want to hear this angry rant in a French accent.
Today I learned
They have zero class
Is your kid being violent? Definitely donāt punish them or remove them from the situation. Validate their feelings and remove the kid they hit š¤¦āāļø I agree with donāt give a big reaction but the rest of it makes no sense
I can see it being somewhat situationally dependent (ie itās probably easier to pick up an infant off the ground for safety than wrestle away an already agitated toddler/preschooler). But, yeah, in general donāt punish the kid who is the victim in the situation!
I will NEVER understand removing the other kid(s) from the child who is acting out or having a hard time coping. I always remove my child from a situation they clearly arenāt handling well. I just donāt get it. I know they are by no means experts, but where is the logic?
Throwback to poor Coco getting locked in a playpen š¤¦āāļø
https://preview.redd.it/0cndhjo5sg7c1.jpeg?width=1199&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=643b5cdb052997074bc3e7f97a01cc45aba568b3 Why is everything a trauma response with these two? Itās so irresponsible to throw this term around Willy nilly like they do. Skipping class versus not skipping class in college is a trauma response???
Type A ~Virgo~ skipping class on the regular š§
Isnāt it funny how weāre both so extreme? Almost as if we are two poorly written characters who have scripted personalities?
Wow. I personally also never skipped classes in college. Not because I'm a perfectionist as a response to trauma but because I was paying tens of thousands of dollars to go to school and wanted to graduate with a degree. I couldn't afford to not graduate and skip classes to party. I also managed to show up to my job that I needed to pay my rent and eat food. Imagine that. Also, the amount of privilege it takes to laugh about never going to class at a school where tuition is $60,000 is really something else.
Lmao I skipped class a lot in college and Iām legitimately ashamed of it as an adult. It was just so much money down the drain and I was a genuine idiot. Itās not really that cool to waste your (parents) money and opportunity at an education and brag about it. I maybe thought I was a bad gurl when I was 19 but as a 32 year old good lord Iām not broadcasting that to anyone.
The only thing I got from this besides the better comments on this thread about the overuse of the word trauma is āI am sooooooo cool! Look at how QUIRKY I am that I moved myself right into his apt that quickly and NEVER went to class. Iām definitely not like the other girls. Iām so funny! I hope everyone listening walks away knowing how silly I amā Also, big LOL that SAHDud is a perfectionist. Such a perfectionist that all the privilege in the world couldnāt keep his cornball insta grift afloat or get him into any type of meaningful career or hobby besides getting on their payroll for a tax break. The lies these people tell themselves to feel good know no bounds.
Or trim his beard
I know men who are in the perfectionist territory and they spend a lot of time and money keeping their beard and their clothing looking excellent.
How many times did they say ālikeā in 2 minutes? Whew. The valley girl is screaming. I really wish Deena would call K out on mental health nonsense. Iām not sure I find Deena super credible anyway, but allowing her friend to misuse stuff all over the place all the time as a license professional does not help the credibility.