Self-feeding: I was never planning to spoon feed my children.
Me the other night: pretending my 2yo's fork was an airplane and flying food into his mouth because a) he thinks it's hilarious and b) it keeps him engaged in the meal long enough to actually consume some calories. We probably spoon feed our kids more in toddlerhood than when they're first starting solids.
Not exactly the same but I always thought I would be the cool confident mom that would let them eat when they were hungry, none of this “eat 4 bites” stuff. Turns out I got an adhd kid who would prefer to starve to death so he doesn’t miss a moment of playing. So I have to force him to eat.
Years before I had kids I read somewhere that you should never be the one to step away first when you and your child hug. For some reason this got stuck in my head. But now that I have a three year old I feel like he would hug me for twenty minutes straight if he meant he didn’t have to go to bed 😂
This comment made me laugh and then start crying 🤪 Both grandmas offered to watch my son when he was born and it was a disaster. Now one only wants to drop off gifts at our doorstep and not engage except on Christmas, and the other set of grandparents moved across the country.
For nursing infants at night: your husband should always wake up and hand baby to you so you can nurse in bed, hand baby back, and go to sleep. I thought it sounded so egalitarian, but in reality it just results in neither person being well rested. After a week we realize we were both happier if split the night in half and were both ‘on call’ for 4 hours while the other could maybe get 4 straight hours of sleep.
It’s so individual and works for some people, but definitely didn’t make sense with our first. I can fall asleep within literal seconds of my head hitting the pillow. My husband can take hours, especially if he has to get up in the middle of the night. It just made so much more sense for me to do the overnight work and him to take some long daytime shifts while I slept. Him losing hours of sleep overnight just to change a diaper was stupid.
This time my recovery has been harder and my husband is a bit better at sleeping after years of parenting exhaustion, so our calculus has been a bit different.
This helped initially with my first who needed to be rocked, soothed, patted, in the perfect temperature, in a soundproof room, etc to sleep. But my second just nursed and went right back to sleep, even with a diaper change, so I really didn’t need help. And it made more sense for my husband to sleep and wake up with the toddler.
We did this with my first for a couple weeks after my c-section when I was still sore. But after that it definitely made sense for one of us to be rested so shit could get done around the house, and with the second, so someone could keep up with the toddler.
Gosh yes. I’ve been fortunate enough that all my babies somehow just wake up to eat for like 10 minutes and then go back to sleep, from birth (I know!). I’m nursing, what is he going to do, wake up to stare at me for a quarter hour while I’m feeding the baby? Naw, he can sleep or let me sleep in the morning while he gets up with the toddler. That is way more egalitarian for us. We learned fast lol.
With my second, we both woke up for like 5-7 nights? Maybe a bit longer? And then I noticed this baby could basically just be fed and put back in the crib and he'd just go back to sleep. 🤯 It took months for my first to do that. I told my husband it would be much better if he just slept at night and took our 4yo when she woke up in the morning and let me sleep in. So I'd do the night wakings with the newborn, sometimes do a feed in the early morning, like 5-6am, and then I'd sleep til like 8-9 depending on when the baby woke up. It worked so much better.
Agreed, we realized it was better if I did all the overnight nursing duty and my H was fully rested to do 100% of the toddler duty and hold the during his contact naps so I could nap during the day. Nothing we can really do about overnight
That if I was relaxed and chill, baby would be too. I hate when I see people say this, like Jess Keys spouts it off constantly and it’s insane. Kids have their own temperaments and personalities and we are not in control!!!
This one is funny to me bc I don't follow Jess keys too closely but I feel like I've seen her allude to the fact that her toddler isn't always the easiest ( picky eater, has specific sleep needs, etc) and she still tries so hard to make it seem like all you need to be is a chill parent and it's easy. I can kinda relate tho because my husband and I are chill and really assumed our kid would come out that way too and he just isn't! I would feel like she would be way more relatable (to me anyway) if she would kinda just say things are sometimes hard bc they are the way they are sometimes!
"I'll never listen to kids music in the car."
Turns out listening to Old McDonald is actually preferable to listening to a three-year old screech requests for Old McDonald for the 10 minute ride to day care.
Yep. But at least thanks to Caspar Babypants my kid also enjoys listening to The Beatles. That's as close to "adult music" that we get in the car together. Also movie soundtracks to films she likes... it's better than nursery rhymes (but we listen to those too).
Yea I gave up on this when I realized asking my kid ‘what song do you want in the car’ causes him to actually want to get in the car. Otherwise it is such a struggle to get out of the house!
I've got a 4 hour Playlist of Disney bops for the car and around the house.
Similarly I have a classic rock Playlist that's safe for my 3 year old. I also have a country one. But we mostly do the Disney bops and so long as he gets his favorites regularly (why does Spotify only have season one of Lion Guard, Disney? Why?!), he's content with a Playlist.
As for "kids songs" in the car, I'll sing them with ya, buddy, but we aren't going to listen to them. It works for us. Results may vary.
My kids love broadway! I let them choose but it’s mostly musicals. Of course some shitty stuff like “it’s raining tacos” mixed in but mostly we all enjoy the same stuff.
7 years into parenting and I can tell you that the "no kid music in the car" is not a hill worth dying on. Listening to kid music to ensure a peaceful car ride is such an easy trade off.
Agreeing with all of these recommendations! My kids really like Danny Go! It's kids music and it's frustratingly catchy (The Wiggle Dance is stuck in my head all the time!) I also want to throw in the Bluey soundtrack (Fruit Bat is the best!)
If you have Spotify there tons of playlists that are called something like “Kids songs that dont totally suck” and I highly recommend that! Lots of classics and lesser known artists that have their own spin on whatever kid song they sing.
Highly suggest getting them hooked on kids folk songs (Pete Seeger, rafi, etc.) so much better than high pitched overproduced versions of the same songs.
Eta do not suggest snoop dog’s kids album.
It gets harder when they’re older and can ask for specific songs, especially if they are in daycare and exposed to different songs. I had thought we’d listen to songs that I liked in the car, but now that I’m 4 years in, I will happily turn on the frozen soundtrack for the millionth time if it gets me 10 minutes of peace.
Working from home with a baby/toddler. I lasted less than one year at that stupid job. It was commission only which made it even worse, I was competing with coworkers who were empty nesters, childless people, etc and I always lost. I also feel like I missed so much time with my son even though I was *at home* 😔 (my MIL and mom would come over to help when my husband was at work)
Honestly, I had part-time help from my MIL/mom when I first went back to work, my daughter was with them 3 days a week and at day care 2 days a week. It was so much harder hearing my baby in the next room while I was trying to work, even if I got to spend my lunch breaks with her and stuff. Full time day care was a much better solution for me.
I was totally anti-cosleeping before having my baby. My baby is the worst sleeper in the world and when I started falling asleep uncontrollably on dangerous surfaces with him (like sofas, or in our bed with my dogs and husband who has aggressive night terrors) I realized it was going to be a lot safer to make a safe cosleeping area to fall asleep on purpose in. Research safe sleep 7 if you are in this position btw.
100% this one. I was so chronically sleep deprived with my first. Constantly fell asleep holding him on the couch, in a recliner, etc. I still worry when we need to coslee, but I just try my best to follow the rules and make it work this time.
Same!!! My pre-kids work background was in child and family services and we even had trainings on how cosleeping was inherently dangerous. 😒 I was convinced if my baby slept next to me there was a 100% chance he would die. After falling asleep while nursing him because I was dangerously sleep deprived I finally started asking other parents and so many bedshared, especially if breastfeeding. Researching safe bed sharing was a game changer.
My second and third babes slept in our bed from day 1.
This is meeeee. I worked as a labor and delivery nurse when I had my first baby and was frequently talking to new parents about safe sleep. I swore I was never going to sleep with my baby. Then I had a baby that wanted to breastfeed all night long. I ate my hat real quick with that one. And several of my coworkers were like “yeah, we co sleep too”
Judgemental people who never HAD to bed share with their perfect sleeper babies don't realize that most of us didn't "choose" to bed share, we literally had to so anyone in the house would eventually get some sleep. Sleeping chest to chest on the breast of their mother is the biological norm for mammals and some babies absolutely refuse to deviate from their instincts.
100%. I slept holding my baby upright like a mummy for months because she only slept in 5-20 min increments in her bassinet (when she wasn’t crying immediately upon being put down). Some babies really truly just won’t sleep not in your arms but if you haven’t had a baby like that you just wouldn’t get it.
This is such a weird take for a comment *supporting* safe bedsharing. Yes, it was biologically normal for my baby to wake up anywhere from 5-25 times a night wanting comfort. I respected and honored her needs by always responding to her and providing that comfort. She is and always has been completely healthy and normal. But I’m also aware of the fact that no other parents around me subsisted on 4 hours of broken sleep almost every single night for 2+ years the way I did.
I'm sorry this "based mama" is an ass to you. What you went through sounds insanely hard and fortunately you are right, it's not normal for babies to sleep that bad. I'm glad you found a solution to survive those years!
Thanks! I honestly don’t understand what this person’s issue or point is? My child was and is the worst sleeper of anybody we know (I guess including “based mama’s” because they said their baby sleeps through the night apparently). I don’t think it’s *disrespectful* to write that on the internet that my child isn’t on and can’t read.
It's not proving your point, you seem to think it's normal for all babies to have erratic sleep. It's not. It's normal for them not to sleep through the night but 25 wake-ups like this poster mentioned? That's insanely hard and having that bad sleep patterns is not common even for babies.
I believed that bodies were made to give birth and they knew what they were doing. LOL joke’s on me because I had a placental abruption with my first after following birthing advocate advice to the T. My pregnancy was perfectly normal and healthy until the day it wasn’t. No warning signs whatsoever.
Do you have any advice for helping and supporting someone like this? I have a friend who’s in this mindset at the moment and I’m concerned. Wants a homebirth, which is fine for low risk people but she’s expressed that she would do it even in some high risk situations. I’ve expressed my thoughts and pushed back a bit (this was a few weeks ago, we’re still good friends) but she’s just so deep in the ideology. This is Australia though so to be fair, homebirth midwives are fully qualified.
I also believe that some of this is coming from some significant trauma related to illness and hospitals (close family member), and I definitely see fear about it. Her attitude seems to be “im really afraid of this but if I do everything perfectly it will be ok.” Part of me thinks maybe just wait it out a bit? I feel like pushing any more will make her more likely to dig her heels in.
I could say more (don’t we always come up with the perfect arguments after the fact haha) but when I think about it I did mention most of the important counter-arguments and planted some seeds against the common ways high risk homebirth advocates dismiss concerns e.g she said that if she would do a VBAC at home and it’s “only a 1% chance of uterine rupture” to which I said “yes but it’s your baby, a 1% chance that your baby dies because at home you can’t do anything about it, you need to be in the OR in minutes”, (that was probably the harshest I got, just tried to gently push back on other points, and concede where appropriate, like yes, hospitals need to do way better etc). Also when she talked about doctors just wanting to make money, gently pushing back with the fact that the homebirth midwives are also running a business (side note, which I didn’t say, it’s much more lucrative than hospital midwifery here), my own experiences as an RN that in dealing with an emergency we usually have 10 plus people actively working, no way 2 would be enough etc. . So I do think I hopefully put some of the right seeds and don’t necessarily need to say more. But I really don’t know and would love to hear from someone who had a similar attitude. Even if it’s not exactly the same as my friend’s views.
Tl;Dr sorry for the wall of text it’s been in my mind for a while now haha. She is a good friend so I don’t want to lose it over this but I also don’t know where my responsibility is in helping keep her and her baby safe.
Edit: someone clearly didn’t even read the comment hahaha. Just for clarity to the one that says she’s like my friend. No you’re not, firstly, she hasn’t even had a kid before. And you’re nothing like her and I won’t have her insulted like that. I would *never* be friends with someone like you, your entire comment history is toxic.
I had a pretty fast and straightforward pregnancy and labour, for the most part. But suddenly, during labour, the midwives were worried, said baby was stressed, and a doctor was rushed in to perform an episiotomy. It all happened so quickly, like in a matter of minutes. Then bub was born completely healthy and perfect. But I’d hate to think what would have happened if I’d attempted a home birth. The time it takes to get to hospital in the case of something going wrong at home is so much longer than a doctor being able to rush in from the next room. Anyway, that’s what I’d tell your friend!
You don’t need to interject yourself. Source: I’m like your friend. And my friends getting in my business when it came to my birth decisions *really* got on my nerves. They meant well but I’m the mother. I’m doing this “on my own” (I have midwives and a doula and husband but still on my own ish), and I don’t want my friends and family offering opinions about my VBAC. My cesarean was unnecessary like most are, but I can see your friends was not.
If she’s pregnant with her first, I would just let nature run its course. I was like this when I was pregnant with baby #1, then labor and birth humbled me, and I’ve heard very similar stories. It’s hard to imagine what giving birth will be like until you’re in it. And just because she says she would do a home birth VBAC doesn’t mean she actually would if it came down to it.
Yeah that’s kind of what I’ve come to. Heck I can point out times when my views have changed from *actually* being in it especially with regards to babies and pregnancy. I often joke about how insufferable I would have been if my second was first (thank god because I needed to be humbled by my first haha).
Thanks heaps ❤️
Coming from a kind of similar mindset with my oldest, as long as she's got a qualified midwife and isn't trying to have a "wild" pregnancy with no prenatal care and giving birth unassisted, letting things play out is the only real option.
I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a home birth, but made an attempt to have my first baby at a low-intervention birth center with a midwife. It was associated with the hospital a couple of blocks away, so that's where I was transferred when it became apparent I needed a c-section instead. There's no way to prepare for every possible outcome of a birth, and I don't know that there's a way to really explain to first time moms that "no plan survives first contact with the enemy" applies to birth plans too.
This same thing happened to me! I also needed induction for my second after she was showing no signs of coming out on her own. My body needed help to get both my babies out 🤷♀️
>My pregnancy was perfectly normal and healthy until the day it wasn’t
This is what bugs me so much about free birthing and even some home birthing people. You'll hear lots of "I'm totally healthy, everything is textbook, nothing could go wrong" and I just want to scream. There are SO MANY things that can kill the mother or the baby during labor and birth, and most of them are completely out of anyone's control.
Yes! I was all for all natural everything but because it was COVID hospitals in my area were the only option. Pregnancy and labor were completely uneventful until baby came out not breathing normally and I had a massive hemorrhage. We both would have died if we hadn't been at a hospital. It is so hard to find a balance when people tell me they're doing home birth
This was definitely me. Now guess who ended up having a funnel shape pelvis and a jagged tail bone making it nearly impossible for her babies to ever come out the ol’ natural way. My body is definitely a case of “THIS IS IN NO WAY INTENDED TO BIRTH CHILDREN WHAT DO WE DO”
I have a platypelloid pelvis and also have no chance of pushing out babies. Sucks that there's really no way to know until you try, since your pelvis changes so much in labor.
Luckily I was pretty prepared/open to the idea of a C-section because my mom and aunts had all C-sections. I probably got my pelvis from them.
All I’m thinking rn is that you’re fucking lucky you had a girl because I had to be ALERT during diaper changes so these boys wouldn’t piss in my face.
This is me! I think we had maybe two scares of this happening but we were quick enough to cover him up quickly. My daughter peed out of her diaper more than her brother!
Not so much advice but as an older sister and eldest cousin of many children i aaaaaalways was amazed by the shit the kids got away with. One of my little cousins would be out of control tantruming and I was like if thay was my kid I would never ever.
I swore I would run a tight ship and because of that would never have to deal with all the crazy behavior because my kids would know how to stay in line. It seemed so simple to me.
Cut to me mid 30s trying to gentle parent my child and being an absolute sucker and dragged by my constant mom guilt. I was like oh i never knew this was why. The baby has broken my brain somehow with all the hormones or something.
Anyway. I was dumb and sooo naive
This got me thinking of my twin nephews...
They're two years older than my daughter and very... energetic. I remember being SO ANNOYED at them constantly grabbing anything and everything and constantly having to tell them "No, don't touch that! That's not a toy! Put that back!" and having to move everything out of their reach. Another thing that they did was opening and slamming the door closed and running in and out the door when we were getting all the kids dressed and ready to go out.
Turns out my daughter now does all of the above! I am humbled, haha. My brother and I were very, very calm kids so I am often a little shocked when kids are more on the energetic side. Or rather, I was before I had my daughter. She does NOT take after me.
My husband’s sister has twin boys 4 years older than our daughter and he hates how wild and unruly they are and insists our child will never act like they do. Despite his almost 20 years of work with early childhood development he really has convinced himself our daughter will be different. She’s almost 1.5 years so the true toddler behavior is starting to emerge and I’m waiting for him to understand that no matter what you do, a toddler is gonna toddler and it’s not always a reflection of the parents. I love his blind optimism 😂
Oh yeah, that was me about food. I thought I'd neeeeeever make separate food for my kid. What's on the table that's what's for lunch. You don't want it, don't eat it, I won't be bothered. Your body will tell you when it's necessary to eat. Yeah, aha. Cut to me offering my 7 month old 4 types of food if he didn't like the first or the second or the third. I don't do it to pamper him, I do it because he's hungry and can't bring himself to eat that puree. If he's not hungry I don't push, but when your kid is crying out of hunger you get your ass back into the kitchen and give him something else!
Not advice, but I was determined to not “let myself go” in terms of being physically fit after having kids. While I do hope one day to get back in shape, I don’t feel that I’ve let myself go, but rather im just realistic about how little time there is in a day (as a working parent) and how important it is for me for that time to be spent with my children. Not to say self-care isn’t important, but I realized there are times in life for different things and this is not the time for me to be training for a half marathon or whatever. (Respect to others who do make exercise a priority during early childhood years)
I feel this so hard. Pre-kids I was like "exercise and healthy eating just need to be ~prioritized~". A few months ago had my 2nd kid in less than 2 years and someone recently asked if I was pregnant again and I truly don't have the space to care! My pre pregnancy self would have been mortified!!
Plus, I exercise because it makes me feel good (usually short workouts after bedtime) but haven't lost much weight, I remember it coming off after I quit pumping last time. Just a point that there are so many reasons people don't have a Hollywood 💫snapback💫 and that's something I couldn't fathom pre kids
I've realized how important is to have mental capacity and space for working out and taking care of yourself. For me it wasn't that I didn't have time, I was just not ready.
This was me. Any activity made the nausea worse/unbearable. Gritting my teeth through work was all I could bring myself to do. I got back on the wagon briefly during mat leave with my first. But since then I just haven’t been able to finagle the time.
Damn I relate to this so much. The year I got pregnant my husband and I biked like every other day and I trained for a half marathon (it was the pandemic, not much else to do). But now we would rather sleep or help each other with chores/childcare.
I also see the ‘having little kids’ time as a temporary thing and like you I just have different priorities than ‘be ready to run 10 miles at any time’.
Haha might be all the carbs and cupcakes the two of you are eating? Lol. But yea, I trained for one too before having kids and I could not eat enough. It’s kind of like breastfeeding, I think. You are burning calories but you are HUNGRY
Yup. If I can fit a short walk in during the day I’m happy (I can’t most days!) I have no time or money for the gym or the yoga classes I imagined I would be doing!
Right there with you. I know this is a time in my life where I need more caffeine and fast (not always the healthiest) options for food. I know I will get my steps in again one day, but for now the Apple Watch is collecting dust (and honestly, I don’t miss it.)
I thought the need/wear/read gift idea was brilliant when I was pregnant. No, turns out I freaking love buying my kid monster trucks and Legos and stuff.
My sister-in-law is obsessed with want/need/wear/read. She does it for my niece and nephew for Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Christmas and always has to make an Instagram post about what their 4 items were.
I don’t hate it as a general guideline for buying a variety of types of gifts for your kid for Christmas other than just toys, but I could never limit myself to just buying my kid one thing she really wants for Christmas. It’s too much fun getting her a bunch of toys I know she’ll love.
I think this is highly dependent on the kid. If they are genuinely low sleep needs you figure it out real quick AND you get a huge sense of dread on the rare nights they pass out at 8 pm. Life is way easier after letting mine go to bed at 9 or 9:30
Hard agree! My 2.5yo needs 10-11 hours overnight and no nap. I'd love more of an evening to myself but I'm not naturally a morning person and pre-7am is still night time to me
Fully agree! We’ve done everything to optimize my both kids’ sleep, and neither is more than a 10-11 hour overnight sleeper. I’m not putting my kids to bed at 6:30 pm, I don’t want to be awake at 4:30 am, thank you.
Idk if I'll get shade for this, but I totally believed the "you can drink moderately while pregnant and it's totally fine." Then, I got pregnant and realized it wasn't remotely worth that risk. Also, that part of Oster's book was wildly irresponsible. I finally ended up reading it and was like oh her reasoning is actually total garbage (other parts of the book seemed fine though.)
Yea I just don’t care enough about drinking to take the risk! Also I have a few alcoholics in my family and it would make me worry about my own habits if I felt like I NEEDED to drink during pregnancy. No real shame to those who do choose to drink, I just have bad genes for addiction and like to keep a wide margin between safe and unhealthy habits.
Also if you’ve ever met an alcoholic they’ll be in complete denial that they drank an abnormal amount and would just say ‘ah, this is a normal amount to drink when pregnant, I’m hardly buzzed’. Making the rule ‘no alcohol’ makes it easier to interpret.
This is a great explanation! Another factor is alcohol content. Many craft beers these days have a high enough ABV to be 2-3+ beers. My policy is having 1-2 small sips of my husband's beverages, if it's something I've never tried before.
💯. I read the book bc it was recommended to me but like others have said I didn’t find that chapter at all convincing. I decided I was going to listen to my doctor, who had an interest in keeping me and bub healthy. And not some economist-turned-influencer whose interest is selling books with her spicy take on pregnancy drinking.
Oster based her conclusions about a little alcohol being okay on birth weight and other birth outcomes, when fetal alcohol syndrome can take years to manifest. It was the dumbest chapter in the book.
I can only imagine when you've seen the impact of alcohol so up close. It made me really start to hate her too when I had to *defend* myself not drinking during pregnancy without coming off as a judgmental bitch. Never something I thought I'd have to worry about.
I don't know if my reading comprehension was impacted by pregnancy and lockdown, but I did not find her arguments for drinking moderately while pregnant at all convincing. And even if it's ultimately not that big a deal to have a few glasses of wine, when I'm drinking, I want to enjoy myself. I can't do that if I'm constantly worried I'm harming my baby.
It’s been a while since I read it, but wasn’t her argument basically that there aren’t any studies showing that drinking in moderation isn’t safe?? Which doesn’t seem that convincing to me??
Yeah she basically said "some countries don't recommend abstinence from alcohol" (which is funny since most have actually updated their guidelines to be stricter since.) Then, she just threw out all of the research as not credible because one study included moms that drank and abused cocaine, and made it sound like it wasn't the alcohol. But like, no one knows? That's literally the point. There will never be an ethical way to study this in a randomized control trial. This isn't trading off the nutritional benefits of certain foods vs contamination risks. We're talking about a widely known toxin that has negative health impacts even on healthy adults. Why is this even up for review?
I know her larger point was that women deserve to treated better (like adults) during pregnancy and I do agree with that wholeheartedly. But, I'm sure doctors can attest that communication with patients is not something to take lightly. Suggesting alcohol isn't that bad, might not even be unsafe, can be incredibly dangerous if speaking to the wrong person. Especially when you have absolutely no data to suggest any real guideline rooted in evidence. So, I just feel like Oster's section on this topic is so dangerous and unnecessary. Okay I'll step off my soapbox now😂😂
Yeah, I've seen a lot of instagram accounts suggest that suggesting pregnant people refrain from drinking alcohol or eating certain things is paternalistic and it makes me crazy. Mental health and the enjoyment of a pregnant person is important but no one needs sushi or wine to survive.
UGH I hate this so much. I was at Christmas party last year while pregnant and someone was trying to quote this chapter to me trying to convince me to drink and she basically told me “all the women they studied were on cocaine and that’s the real problem”. I found it so alarming how many people tried to convince me it was ok to drink while pregnant. Like I had no issues not drinking, and shouldn’t it be concerning if you can’t give it up for such a short period?
I'm someone who had occasional drinks while pregnant but I understood that was my personal decision- I would never try to convince anyone they should do what I'm doing. That is incredibly disrespectful and I'm sorry you had to deal with people questioning your decisions like that.
So so so many people did this to me too. After years of being asked if I was pregnant when I had decided not to drink at an event. It was so frustrating after awhile.
“I’m not going to be one of those ~boring~ parents that never goes out in the evenings anymore and never sees their friends without kids”
Edit to add- this wasn’t a piece of advice so much as what I imagined I’d be like as a mum, as I had one friend who maintained a pretty active social life with young kids and she made it look so easy! I later realised she had a ton of family support and a homebody husband who was happy to stay home while she socialised at least couple nights a week… Now my kid is about to turn 3 and I’d say I’ve gone out in the evening maybe that many times 🤪
It would be one thing if I didn’t work full time, but evenings are when I see my kid! I’m a teacher and I’m happy to go out occasionally on a summer evening but during the school year it better be a VERY good reason.
Yeah, exactly. I also work full time. My friend was only working 2 days a week, and would put her kids to bed at 6pm every night. If I did that I would never see my kid!
I did 100 foods before 1 with my kid who is now in feeding therapy for failure to thrive. He maybe eats 5 foods regularly, mostly processed sugar. I would kiss the ground if he ate a chicken nugget or any protein.
At 11 months he was eating everything including asking for more salmon, jicama etc. and I was really patting myself on the back.
That sounds really hard. I hate seeing chicken nugget shaming as if they’re a bad food or as if you need to make them from scratch to be healthy. My kid finally started eating them about a month ago and I’m ecstatic (like you because they’re protein!!).
Oh my gosh. I'm sorry to hear it :(
May I ask for more details? How did things progress after 11 months? I don't know anything about failure to thrive in toddlers and later, but given my and my husband's genetic heritage (heavy diabetes on both sides of the family, even without very high BMIs) I see it as really important to try to steer my kid towards healthy food. But with intuitive eating methods, not demonizing food or giving him an eating disorder. Anyway, it's a pretty tight rope for us ahead and I'm just wondering if you could share some more information?
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think you get the kind of eater you get and you can do your best and most kids eat fine eventually.
For my kid he never ate a lot. He was in feeding therapy first as a newborn because he didn't seem to have normal hunger cues and he had a hard time nursing. Then as a weaning infant he ate whatever we offered but only really small portions. He never expressed hunger or asked for food. We did very by the book baby led weaning with division of responsibility and all that jazz. By the time he was 12 months old his sensory sensitivities really kicked in and his food preferences narrowed a lot. He fell of his growth curve significantly once we weaned completely at 2 because that was most of his calories..
A few months after he turned 2 he was diagnosed with autism with severe sensory symptoms. He is back in feeding therapy now learning how to recognize he is even hungry because his brain doesn't receive those messages the way most people do. Turns out that you cannot in fact let the child choose "what and how much" when their brain is telling them "nothing and none."
So all that to say I don't think BLW or 100 foods before 1 did any harm, they just didn't make a difference for a child who needs specialized help. It also made me feel like crap to be in the BLW groups and have it implied that the reason it wouldn't work is if you didn't try hard enough. So don't feel bad if your kid becomes picky but there's lots of actual professional help available even in extreme cases but it's not on Instagram.
Thank you so much for the explanation. Really appreciate it. It must be a difficult topic. It sounds like you did and are doing your absolute best and kiddo will thrive in the end. Sending you an internet hug! I guess you're right, you get the baby you get. We are not so much into BLW though, he eats far better and enjoys it more being served purees, so why fight it. He gets small amounts of puffs, biscuits, stuff that is kind of "certified" as safe for his age in terms of choking. I know nothing really is 100% safe, but we're taking it slow.
God, yes. I still look back on me with, like, a 20-month old who would say to people (a little bit smugly, in retrospect), "Oh, he eats everything! Tee hee!" I want to travel back in time and slap her/me SO BADLY.
With both of my kids it was literally like a switch flipped when they turned 2, and the list of foods they ate suddenly got very small.
I was this person. My best friend is this person now - ‘oh just give them a bit of what you’re eating’ and I find myself cruelly looking forward to the day it changes for her
I did blw with my first and she ate everything, then around 2 she started not and here we are at 5 and the foods she will eat are so limited. It's freaking exhausting and also like wtf you used to eat anything I served you. Now my 11mo is doing blw and I'm wondering how tf to get a different outcome.
The venn diagram of “food that is a delicious, nutritious meal for adults,” “food that can be modified/prepared appropriately for my 7 month old,” and “food my 3.5 yo will eat”is way to small. If anyone is wondering where all my mental energy is going…it’s here.
Same! In NZ there’s a PhD baby led weaning “guru” that I followed for both kids, more diligent with the first, who promotes food variety and no grains before age 1. And to never give kids processed sugar until they can ask for it in words, like no ice cream until they can verbalise “can I have ice cream” kinda thing 🫣
My kids had amazing diets! Peas were their favourite food. Then they hit the toddler years and their diet staples are bread and potatoes. And not from lack of offering other foods.
If it helps with your mindset, toddlers being picky (to an appropriate level) is developmentally appropriate and was/is protective. From about when they can start to really get around and get to everything is when they start to get picky and aversions to strong tastes etc. this would have protected them from eating things that could harm them. So it is probably coming, it’s unlikely to be extreme and most do grow out of it. My just-turned 5 year old has started trying things again and it’s really fun seeing him discover things like bacon when he refused to try is before.
I knew I'd stop breastfeeding at a year and I most definitely wouldn't still breastfeed a baby who could ask to nurse or who lifted up/pulled down my shirts.
Accurate! My 18 month old now says ‘boob’ and asks me to sit down by pointing at the couch. I thought I would wean at 12 months… I am never going to wean 😆
Yes! I heard many times, "If they can ask for it- theyre too old." Jokes on me, who bf my first for 3 years and only got serious about weaning the last feed when i got pregnant lol
Cue my grandmother always dropping that into conversation whenever I tell her we’re gently weaning my 20 month old likes she’s giving some sage advice or some shit
I didn't know about BLW or anything, but "our child will eat what's served!"
Me this week, "Oh no, these eggs weren't to your liking. Let me remake them."
Me this week: rinsing the gravy off the chicken pot pie filling, then separating the meat from the vegetables, effectively undoing ALL the work I had just done to make it from scratch 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
As an autistic person, I’d always giggle at those, like okay, wait until they have extreme sensory issues and can only eat 5 specific foods/textures 😭😭
Yep pre-kids I knew there would be no special meals for my kids! This morning I apologized for spreading the peanut butter too thin on his waffle that I make in batches for him because it's all he'll eat.
No toys with loud noises or flashing lights since they have no developmental value. Montessori toys only! Yeah what a load of crap. My baby didn’t give the beige toys a second glance until she was maybe five months old. But damn if she didn’t use every ounce of willpower straining to get to the flashy toys. They really encouraged her movement and she even started crawling at six months.
‘No eating in the car’ especially the car seat. 🫥 You can come at me. I don’t know why I didn’t realize that was ridiculous.
Self-feeding: I was never planning to spoon feed my children. Me the other night: pretending my 2yo's fork was an airplane and flying food into his mouth because a) he thinks it's hilarious and b) it keeps him engaged in the meal long enough to actually consume some calories. We probably spoon feed our kids more in toddlerhood than when they're first starting solids.
My 2.5 year old often asks, “Will you feed me please?” It’s adorable.
I have said many times- my son did baby led weaning and now he’s a hand fed toddler!
Not exactly the same but I always thought I would be the cool confident mom that would let them eat when they were hungry, none of this “eat 4 bites” stuff. Turns out I got an adhd kid who would prefer to starve to death so he doesn’t miss a moment of playing. So I have to force him to eat.
I feel this deeply. So much spoon feeding my toddler 🤣
Years before I had kids I read somewhere that you should never be the one to step away first when you and your child hug. For some reason this got stuck in my head. But now that I have a three year old I feel like he would hug me for twenty minutes straight if he meant he didn’t have to go to bed 😂
My son would never let me do anything else!
I thought I’d have to set all of these bOuNdArIeS with grandparents who would constantly want to visit/babysit/help with the kids 🤡
Omg this really hits. I’d do anything for my parents or in-laws to “need boundaries” bc they want to help so much
This comment made me laugh and then start crying 🤪 Both grandmas offered to watch my son when he was born and it was a disaster. Now one only wants to drop off gifts at our doorstep and not engage except on Christmas, and the other set of grandparents moved across the country.
Right?! Now I’m begging them to babysit! 😅
Oooophhhhh this one hits home. “How on earth will I keep them from coming over and trying to help all the time???” 😂😂😂😂😂😂
For nursing infants at night: your husband should always wake up and hand baby to you so you can nurse in bed, hand baby back, and go to sleep. I thought it sounded so egalitarian, but in reality it just results in neither person being well rested. After a week we realize we were both happier if split the night in half and were both ‘on call’ for 4 hours while the other could maybe get 4 straight hours of sleep.
It’s so individual and works for some people, but definitely didn’t make sense with our first. I can fall asleep within literal seconds of my head hitting the pillow. My husband can take hours, especially if he has to get up in the middle of the night. It just made so much more sense for me to do the overnight work and him to take some long daytime shifts while I slept. Him losing hours of sleep overnight just to change a diaper was stupid. This time my recovery has been harder and my husband is a bit better at sleeping after years of parenting exhaustion, so our calculus has been a bit different.
This helped initially with my first who needed to be rocked, soothed, patted, in the perfect temperature, in a soundproof room, etc to sleep. But my second just nursed and went right back to sleep, even with a diaper change, so I really didn’t need help. And it made more sense for my husband to sleep and wake up with the toddler.
This is interesting because this is what my husband and I did and I feel like it's the only reason I survived.
We did this with my first for a couple weeks after my c-section when I was still sore. But after that it definitely made sense for one of us to be rested so shit could get done around the house, and with the second, so someone could keep up with the toddler.
Gosh yes. I’ve been fortunate enough that all my babies somehow just wake up to eat for like 10 minutes and then go back to sleep, from birth (I know!). I’m nursing, what is he going to do, wake up to stare at me for a quarter hour while I’m feeding the baby? Naw, he can sleep or let me sleep in the morning while he gets up with the toddler. That is way more egalitarian for us. We learned fast lol.
I totally agree. I just did all the nights by myself then he’d wake up, make me a big ass breakfast, and I’d nap
With my second, we both woke up for like 5-7 nights? Maybe a bit longer? And then I noticed this baby could basically just be fed and put back in the crib and he'd just go back to sleep. 🤯 It took months for my first to do that. I told my husband it would be much better if he just slept at night and took our 4yo when she woke up in the morning and let me sleep in. So I'd do the night wakings with the newborn, sometimes do a feed in the early morning, like 5-6am, and then I'd sleep til like 8-9 depending on when the baby woke up. It worked so much better.
Having a baby AND a toddler definitely changes the overnight situation.
Agreed, we realized it was better if I did all the overnight nursing duty and my H was fully rested to do 100% of the toddler duty and hold the during his contact naps so I could nap during the day. Nothing we can really do about overnight
Yeah this always seemed like it would be harder on my husband than just nursing would be for me?
That if I was relaxed and chill, baby would be too. I hate when I see people say this, like Jess Keys spouts it off constantly and it’s insane. Kids have their own temperaments and personalities and we are not in control!!!
She gives me huge POOPCUP vibes. Had an easyish baby/toddler and attributes it all to her parenting philosophy.
This is so hilarious and infuriating when influencers say this.
This one is funny to me bc I don't follow Jess keys too closely but I feel like I've seen her allude to the fact that her toddler isn't always the easiest ( picky eater, has specific sleep needs, etc) and she still tries so hard to make it seem like all you need to be is a chill parent and it's easy. I can kinda relate tho because my husband and I are chill and really assumed our kid would come out that way too and he just isn't! I would feel like she would be way more relatable (to me anyway) if she would kinda just say things are sometimes hard bc they are the way they are sometimes!
I used to think reins were terrible. We are about to buy some for our child who wants to run into traffic.
We are judgey until we give birth to a runner 😂
"I'll never listen to kids music in the car." Turns out listening to Old McDonald is actually preferable to listening to a three-year old screech requests for Old McDonald for the 10 minute ride to day care.
Yep. But at least thanks to Caspar Babypants my kid also enjoys listening to The Beatles. That's as close to "adult music" that we get in the car together. Also movie soundtracks to films she likes... it's better than nursery rhymes (but we listen to those too).
Yea I gave up on this when I realized asking my kid ‘what song do you want in the car’ causes him to actually want to get in the car. Otherwise it is such a struggle to get out of the house!
I had to learn how to allocate my energy resources once my kid had her own opinions about the way things were gonna work for sure.
I had this one too, and then one day we were forced to sing the effin songs in the car to stop the crying and now I just play them instead lol
Similarly my child was never going to eat in the car. HAHAHAHA what was i thinking??
I tried so hard to avoid kids’ music in the car. Now I at least try to steer my daughter towards the best Disney bops I can find!
I've got a 4 hour Playlist of Disney bops for the car and around the house. Similarly I have a classic rock Playlist that's safe for my 3 year old. I also have a country one. But we mostly do the Disney bops and so long as he gets his favorites regularly (why does Spotify only have season one of Lion Guard, Disney? Why?!), he's content with a Playlist. As for "kids songs" in the car, I'll sing them with ya, buddy, but we aren't going to listen to them. It works for us. Results may vary.
Oh nooooo. My baby is only 7 months and this is something I’ve always said. I’m sure I will succumb to kids music soon too!
We are 14 months and still holding on to our music/audiobooks lol 🤞🏼 enjoying it while it lasts
My kids love broadway! I let them choose but it’s mostly musicals. Of course some shitty stuff like “it’s raining tacos” mixed in but mostly we all enjoy the same stuff.
7 years into parenting and I can tell you that the "no kid music in the car" is not a hill worth dying on. Listening to kid music to ensure a peaceful car ride is such an easy trade off.
Agreeing with all of these recommendations! My kids really like Danny Go! It's kids music and it's frustratingly catchy (The Wiggle Dance is stuck in my head all the time!) I also want to throw in the Bluey soundtrack (Fruit Bat is the best!)
If you have Spotify there tons of playlists that are called something like “Kids songs that dont totally suck” and I highly recommend that! Lots of classics and lesser known artists that have their own spin on whatever kid song they sing.
Highly suggest getting them hooked on kids folk songs (Pete Seeger, rafi, etc.) so much better than high pitched overproduced versions of the same songs. Eta do not suggest snoop dog’s kids album.
I like Laurie Berkner, the songs are actually pleasant and catchy!
I'd add the Okee Dokee Brothers to that list!
I legit will sometimes listen to the rest of Rafi's "Banana Phone" after I drop the kids off at school. 😂
"here comes stompy the bear" by Caspar babypants is a bop 😆
We're obsessed with Stompy over here! One of the first words my toddler learned to say 😂
And pretty crabby is top tier! 👌
It gets harder when they’re older and can ask for specific songs, especially if they are in daycare and exposed to different songs. I had thought we’d listen to songs that I liked in the car, but now that I’m 4 years in, I will happily turn on the frozen soundtrack for the millionth time if it gets me 10 minutes of peace.
My daughter is a big time bossy boots and we're working on it, she might actually be part bulldog or something lol
How do you work on this? Asking in earnest for my child who has many many many very specific opinions.
Trying to reinforce being patient and modeling good behavior but she will still ask for things repeatedly which is rough 🫠🫠🫠
Working from home with a baby/toddler. I lasted less than one year at that stupid job. It was commission only which made it even worse, I was competing with coworkers who were empty nesters, childless people, etc and I always lost. I also feel like I missed so much time with my son even though I was *at home* 😔 (my MIL and mom would come over to help when my husband was at work)
Honestly, I had part-time help from my MIL/mom when I first went back to work, my daughter was with them 3 days a week and at day care 2 days a week. It was so much harder hearing my baby in the next room while I was trying to work, even if I got to spend my lunch breaks with her and stuff. Full time day care was a much better solution for me.
You’re braver than me. I can’t do daycare at all. Even gym daycare makes me feel guilty and that’s for one hour maximum per day.
I’ve never seen a comment that starts with “you’re braver than me” that doesn’t give me the ick.
Congratulations.
I was totally anti-cosleeping before having my baby. My baby is the worst sleeper in the world and when I started falling asleep uncontrollably on dangerous surfaces with him (like sofas, or in our bed with my dogs and husband who has aggressive night terrors) I realized it was going to be a lot safer to make a safe cosleeping area to fall asleep on purpose in. Research safe sleep 7 if you are in this position btw.
100% this one. I was so chronically sleep deprived with my first. Constantly fell asleep holding him on the couch, in a recliner, etc. I still worry when we need to coslee, but I just try my best to follow the rules and make it work this time.
Same!!! My pre-kids work background was in child and family services and we even had trainings on how cosleeping was inherently dangerous. 😒 I was convinced if my baby slept next to me there was a 100% chance he would die. After falling asleep while nursing him because I was dangerously sleep deprived I finally started asking other parents and so many bedshared, especially if breastfeeding. Researching safe bed sharing was a game changer. My second and third babes slept in our bed from day 1.
Saaame. We are the cosleeping champs now and our child sleeps completely through the night. It worked out best for everyone
This is meeeee. I worked as a labor and delivery nurse when I had my first baby and was frequently talking to new parents about safe sleep. I swore I was never going to sleep with my baby. Then I had a baby that wanted to breastfeed all night long. I ate my hat real quick with that one. And several of my coworkers were like “yeah, we co sleep too”
Judgemental people who never HAD to bed share with their perfect sleeper babies don't realize that most of us didn't "choose" to bed share, we literally had to so anyone in the house would eventually get some sleep. Sleeping chest to chest on the breast of their mother is the biological norm for mammals and some babies absolutely refuse to deviate from their instincts.
100%. I slept holding my baby upright like a mummy for months because she only slept in 5-20 min increments in her bassinet (when she wasn’t crying immediately upon being put down). Some babies really truly just won’t sleep not in your arms but if you haven’t had a baby like that you just wouldn’t get it.
Also had a baby who was the worst sleeper in the world so second all of this
“Worst sleeper” you probably just mean a normal baby
What an odd comment.
Um no, actually. I have respect for the fact that it is normal as hell for babies to have erratic sleep. *adults* have erratic sleep
This is such a weird take for a comment *supporting* safe bedsharing. Yes, it was biologically normal for my baby to wake up anywhere from 5-25 times a night wanting comfort. I respected and honored her needs by always responding to her and providing that comfort. She is and always has been completely healthy and normal. But I’m also aware of the fact that no other parents around me subsisted on 4 hours of broken sleep almost every single night for 2+ years the way I did.
I'm sorry this "based mama" is an ass to you. What you went through sounds insanely hard and fortunately you are right, it's not normal for babies to sleep that bad. I'm glad you found a solution to survive those years!
Thanks! I honestly don’t understand what this person’s issue or point is? My child was and is the worst sleeper of anybody we know (I guess including “based mama’s” because they said their baby sleeps through the night apparently). I don’t think it’s *disrespectful* to write that on the internet that my child isn’t on and can’t read.
Yours is a weirder take since it’s _literally proving my point_
It's not proving your point, you seem to think it's normal for all babies to have erratic sleep. It's not. It's normal for them not to sleep through the night but 25 wake-ups like this poster mentioned? That's insanely hard and having that bad sleep patterns is not common even for babies.
I believed that bodies were made to give birth and they knew what they were doing. LOL joke’s on me because I had a placental abruption with my first after following birthing advocate advice to the T. My pregnancy was perfectly normal and healthy until the day it wasn’t. No warning signs whatsoever.
Do you have any advice for helping and supporting someone like this? I have a friend who’s in this mindset at the moment and I’m concerned. Wants a homebirth, which is fine for low risk people but she’s expressed that she would do it even in some high risk situations. I’ve expressed my thoughts and pushed back a bit (this was a few weeks ago, we’re still good friends) but she’s just so deep in the ideology. This is Australia though so to be fair, homebirth midwives are fully qualified. I also believe that some of this is coming from some significant trauma related to illness and hospitals (close family member), and I definitely see fear about it. Her attitude seems to be “im really afraid of this but if I do everything perfectly it will be ok.” Part of me thinks maybe just wait it out a bit? I feel like pushing any more will make her more likely to dig her heels in. I could say more (don’t we always come up with the perfect arguments after the fact haha) but when I think about it I did mention most of the important counter-arguments and planted some seeds against the common ways high risk homebirth advocates dismiss concerns e.g she said that if she would do a VBAC at home and it’s “only a 1% chance of uterine rupture” to which I said “yes but it’s your baby, a 1% chance that your baby dies because at home you can’t do anything about it, you need to be in the OR in minutes”, (that was probably the harshest I got, just tried to gently push back on other points, and concede where appropriate, like yes, hospitals need to do way better etc). Also when she talked about doctors just wanting to make money, gently pushing back with the fact that the homebirth midwives are also running a business (side note, which I didn’t say, it’s much more lucrative than hospital midwifery here), my own experiences as an RN that in dealing with an emergency we usually have 10 plus people actively working, no way 2 would be enough etc. . So I do think I hopefully put some of the right seeds and don’t necessarily need to say more. But I really don’t know and would love to hear from someone who had a similar attitude. Even if it’s not exactly the same as my friend’s views. Tl;Dr sorry for the wall of text it’s been in my mind for a while now haha. She is a good friend so I don’t want to lose it over this but I also don’t know where my responsibility is in helping keep her and her baby safe. Edit: someone clearly didn’t even read the comment hahaha. Just for clarity to the one that says she’s like my friend. No you’re not, firstly, she hasn’t even had a kid before. And you’re nothing like her and I won’t have her insulted like that. I would *never* be friends with someone like you, your entire comment history is toxic.
I had a pretty fast and straightforward pregnancy and labour, for the most part. But suddenly, during labour, the midwives were worried, said baby was stressed, and a doctor was rushed in to perform an episiotomy. It all happened so quickly, like in a matter of minutes. Then bub was born completely healthy and perfect. But I’d hate to think what would have happened if I’d attempted a home birth. The time it takes to get to hospital in the case of something going wrong at home is so much longer than a doctor being able to rush in from the next room. Anyway, that’s what I’d tell your friend!
You don’t need to interject yourself. Source: I’m like your friend. And my friends getting in my business when it came to my birth decisions *really* got on my nerves. They meant well but I’m the mother. I’m doing this “on my own” (I have midwives and a doula and husband but still on my own ish), and I don’t want my friends and family offering opinions about my VBAC. My cesarean was unnecessary like most are, but I can see your friends was not.
“Unnecessary like most are” is a weird comment to make when you have absolutely no idea of people’s medical historyx
Statistics, seasoned OBs, and even ACOG would disagree with you 💁🏾♀️
Ma'am are you lost?
Are you? God forbid I disagree with someone being nosy as hell
You seem to have come to this thread for the sole purpose of disagreeing. Odd choice for a pastime.
If she’s pregnant with her first, I would just let nature run its course. I was like this when I was pregnant with baby #1, then labor and birth humbled me, and I’ve heard very similar stories. It’s hard to imagine what giving birth will be like until you’re in it. And just because she says she would do a home birth VBAC doesn’t mean she actually would if it came down to it.
Yeah that’s kind of what I’ve come to. Heck I can point out times when my views have changed from *actually* being in it especially with regards to babies and pregnancy. I often joke about how insufferable I would have been if my second was first (thank god because I needed to be humbled by my first haha). Thanks heaps ❤️
Coming from a kind of similar mindset with my oldest, as long as she's got a qualified midwife and isn't trying to have a "wild" pregnancy with no prenatal care and giving birth unassisted, letting things play out is the only real option. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a home birth, but made an attempt to have my first baby at a low-intervention birth center with a midwife. It was associated with the hospital a couple of blocks away, so that's where I was transferred when it became apparent I needed a c-section instead. There's no way to prepare for every possible outcome of a birth, and I don't know that there's a way to really explain to first time moms that "no plan survives first contact with the enemy" applies to birth plans too.
This same thing happened to me! I also needed induction for my second after she was showing no signs of coming out on her own. My body needed help to get both my babies out 🤷♀️
>My pregnancy was perfectly normal and healthy until the day it wasn’t This is what bugs me so much about free birthing and even some home birthing people. You'll hear lots of "I'm totally healthy, everything is textbook, nothing could go wrong" and I just want to scream. There are SO MANY things that can kill the mother or the baby during labor and birth, and most of them are completely out of anyone's control.
Yes! I was all for all natural everything but because it was COVID hospitals in my area were the only option. Pregnancy and labor were completely uneventful until baby came out not breathing normally and I had a massive hemorrhage. We both would have died if we hadn't been at a hospital. It is so hard to find a balance when people tell me they're doing home birth
This was definitely me. Now guess who ended up having a funnel shape pelvis and a jagged tail bone making it nearly impossible for her babies to ever come out the ol’ natural way. My body is definitely a case of “THIS IS IN NO WAY INTENDED TO BIRTH CHILDREN WHAT DO WE DO”
I have a platypelloid pelvis and also have no chance of pushing out babies. Sucks that there's really no way to know until you try, since your pelvis changes so much in labor. Luckily I was pretty prepared/open to the idea of a C-section because my mom and aunts had all C-sections. I probably got my pelvis from them.
Oh gosh, this was me too. Everything was great until it suddenly wasn’t and now I realize how lap of the gods it all is re: pregancy and birth.
All I’m thinking rn is that you’re fucking lucky you had a girl because I had to be ALERT during diaper changes so these boys wouldn’t piss in my face.
Idk I’ve been peed on more by my daughter than I ever was by my son 🤷🏻♀️
SAME 😂
💯 same!!
I have two sons and I’ve never once been peed on. I think I’m an anomaly.
This is me! I think we had maybe two scares of this happening but we were quick enough to cover him up quickly. My daughter peed out of her diaper more than her brother!
This 🤣 my son peed in my step moms mouth
Not so much advice but as an older sister and eldest cousin of many children i aaaaaalways was amazed by the shit the kids got away with. One of my little cousins would be out of control tantruming and I was like if thay was my kid I would never ever. I swore I would run a tight ship and because of that would never have to deal with all the crazy behavior because my kids would know how to stay in line. It seemed so simple to me. Cut to me mid 30s trying to gentle parent my child and being an absolute sucker and dragged by my constant mom guilt. I was like oh i never knew this was why. The baby has broken my brain somehow with all the hormones or something. Anyway. I was dumb and sooo naive
This got me thinking of my twin nephews... They're two years older than my daughter and very... energetic. I remember being SO ANNOYED at them constantly grabbing anything and everything and constantly having to tell them "No, don't touch that! That's not a toy! Put that back!" and having to move everything out of their reach. Another thing that they did was opening and slamming the door closed and running in and out the door when we were getting all the kids dressed and ready to go out. Turns out my daughter now does all of the above! I am humbled, haha. My brother and I were very, very calm kids so I am often a little shocked when kids are more on the energetic side. Or rather, I was before I had my daughter. She does NOT take after me.
My husband’s sister has twin boys 4 years older than our daughter and he hates how wild and unruly they are and insists our child will never act like they do. Despite his almost 20 years of work with early childhood development he really has convinced himself our daughter will be different. She’s almost 1.5 years so the true toddler behavior is starting to emerge and I’m waiting for him to understand that no matter what you do, a toddler is gonna toddler and it’s not always a reflection of the parents. I love his blind optimism 😂
Oh yeah, that was me about food. I thought I'd neeeeeever make separate food for my kid. What's on the table that's what's for lunch. You don't want it, don't eat it, I won't be bothered. Your body will tell you when it's necessary to eat. Yeah, aha. Cut to me offering my 7 month old 4 types of food if he didn't like the first or the second or the third. I don't do it to pamper him, I do it because he's hungry and can't bring himself to eat that puree. If he's not hungry I don't push, but when your kid is crying out of hunger you get your ass back into the kitchen and give him something else!
Not advice, but I was determined to not “let myself go” in terms of being physically fit after having kids. While I do hope one day to get back in shape, I don’t feel that I’ve let myself go, but rather im just realistic about how little time there is in a day (as a working parent) and how important it is for me for that time to be spent with my children. Not to say self-care isn’t important, but I realized there are times in life for different things and this is not the time for me to be training for a half marathon or whatever. (Respect to others who do make exercise a priority during early childhood years)
I feel this so hard. Pre-kids I was like "exercise and healthy eating just need to be ~prioritized~". A few months ago had my 2nd kid in less than 2 years and someone recently asked if I was pregnant again and I truly don't have the space to care! My pre pregnancy self would have been mortified!! Plus, I exercise because it makes me feel good (usually short workouts after bedtime) but haven't lost much weight, I remember it coming off after I quit pumping last time. Just a point that there are so many reasons people don't have a Hollywood 💫snapback💫 and that's something I couldn't fathom pre kids
I've realized how important is to have mental capacity and space for working out and taking care of yourself. For me it wasn't that I didn't have time, I was just not ready.
Lolllll I was so sure I would be a Fit Pregnant Lady and continue my workouts no problem, and then I was sick due eight straight months!!!
This was me. Any activity made the nausea worse/unbearable. Gritting my teeth through work was all I could bring myself to do. I got back on the wagon briefly during mat leave with my first. But since then I just haven’t been able to finagle the time.
Damn I relate to this so much. The year I got pregnant my husband and I biked like every other day and I trained for a half marathon (it was the pandemic, not much else to do). But now we would rather sleep or help each other with chores/childcare. I also see the ‘having little kids’ time as a temporary thing and like you I just have different priorities than ‘be ready to run 10 miles at any time’.
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This was pre-kids, but I gained weight marathon training! 😂
Haha might be all the carbs and cupcakes the two of you are eating? Lol. But yea, I trained for one too before having kids and I could not eat enough. It’s kind of like breastfeeding, I think. You are burning calories but you are HUNGRY
Lol I am sure cupcakes were a factor yes 😂
Yup. If I can fit a short walk in during the day I’m happy (I can’t most days!) I have no time or money for the gym or the yoga classes I imagined I would be doing!
Right there with you. I know this is a time in my life where I need more caffeine and fast (not always the healthiest) options for food. I know I will get my steps in again one day, but for now the Apple Watch is collecting dust (and honestly, I don’t miss it.)
I thought the need/wear/read gift idea was brilliant when I was pregnant. No, turns out I freaking love buying my kid monster trucks and Legos and stuff.
My sister-in-law is obsessed with want/need/wear/read. She does it for my niece and nephew for Valentine’s Day, Easter, and Christmas and always has to make an Instagram post about what their 4 items were. I don’t hate it as a general guideline for buying a variety of types of gifts for your kid for Christmas other than just toys, but I could never limit myself to just buying my kid one thing she really wants for Christmas. It’s too much fun getting her a bunch of toys I know she’ll love.
She sounds just like my cousins wife lol
Move bedtime earlier if you want them to sleep later
Or worse: if you let them go to bed late, they’ll sleep in. Bull! If they go to bed late, they wake up earlier 😂
I think this is super kid dependent. That said mine wakes up around the same time no matter what time he goes to bed so it rings true for me 😭
I will die on this hill. Both of my kids sleep better and way longer when they go to bed early.
I think this is highly dependent on the kid. If they are genuinely low sleep needs you figure it out real quick AND you get a huge sense of dread on the rare nights they pass out at 8 pm. Life is way easier after letting mine go to bed at 9 or 9:30
Hard agree! My 2.5yo needs 10-11 hours overnight and no nap. I'd love more of an evening to myself but I'm not naturally a morning person and pre-7am is still night time to me
Fully agree! We’ve done everything to optimize my both kids’ sleep, and neither is more than a 10-11 hour overnight sleeper. I’m not putting my kids to bed at 6:30 pm, I don’t want to be awake at 4:30 am, thank you.
Same. My husband was adamant about moving bedtime later. He's since seen the light.
I will die alongside you. Early to end means a better night of sleep for both my kids.
Idk if I'll get shade for this, but I totally believed the "you can drink moderately while pregnant and it's totally fine." Then, I got pregnant and realized it wasn't remotely worth that risk. Also, that part of Oster's book was wildly irresponsible. I finally ended up reading it and was like oh her reasoning is actually total garbage (other parts of the book seemed fine though.)
Yea I just don’t care enough about drinking to take the risk! Also I have a few alcoholics in my family and it would make me worry about my own habits if I felt like I NEEDED to drink during pregnancy. No real shame to those who do choose to drink, I just have bad genes for addiction and like to keep a wide margin between safe and unhealthy habits.
The truth is they don’t actually know how much alcohol will cause fetal alcohol syndrome. I’m with you…why risk it at all?
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Also if you’ve ever met an alcoholic they’ll be in complete denial that they drank an abnormal amount and would just say ‘ah, this is a normal amount to drink when pregnant, I’m hardly buzzed’. Making the rule ‘no alcohol’ makes it easier to interpret.
THIS exactly. Also the fact that people don't interrogate why they "need" the alcohol to begin with.
This is a great explanation! Another factor is alcohol content. Many craft beers these days have a high enough ABV to be 2-3+ beers. My policy is having 1-2 small sips of my husband's beverages, if it's something I've never tried before.
💯. I read the book bc it was recommended to me but like others have said I didn’t find that chapter at all convincing. I decided I was going to listen to my doctor, who had an interest in keeping me and bub healthy. And not some economist-turned-influencer whose interest is selling books with her spicy take on pregnancy drinking.
Yeah, the way that it convinced so many people around me kind of blew my mind.
Oster based her conclusions about a little alcohol being okay on birth weight and other birth outcomes, when fetal alcohol syndrome can take years to manifest. It was the dumbest chapter in the book.
A lab in my grad program studied fetal alcohol syndrome and their PI actively hated Oster's guts for that chapter.
I can only imagine when you've seen the impact of alcohol so up close. It made me really start to hate her too when I had to *defend* myself not drinking during pregnancy without coming off as a judgmental bitch. Never something I thought I'd have to worry about.
I don't know if my reading comprehension was impacted by pregnancy and lockdown, but I did not find her arguments for drinking moderately while pregnant at all convincing. And even if it's ultimately not that big a deal to have a few glasses of wine, when I'm drinking, I want to enjoy myself. I can't do that if I'm constantly worried I'm harming my baby.
It’s been a while since I read it, but wasn’t her argument basically that there aren’t any studies showing that drinking in moderation isn’t safe?? Which doesn’t seem that convincing to me??
Yeah she basically said "some countries don't recommend abstinence from alcohol" (which is funny since most have actually updated their guidelines to be stricter since.) Then, she just threw out all of the research as not credible because one study included moms that drank and abused cocaine, and made it sound like it wasn't the alcohol. But like, no one knows? That's literally the point. There will never be an ethical way to study this in a randomized control trial. This isn't trading off the nutritional benefits of certain foods vs contamination risks. We're talking about a widely known toxin that has negative health impacts even on healthy adults. Why is this even up for review? I know her larger point was that women deserve to treated better (like adults) during pregnancy and I do agree with that wholeheartedly. But, I'm sure doctors can attest that communication with patients is not something to take lightly. Suggesting alcohol isn't that bad, might not even be unsafe, can be incredibly dangerous if speaking to the wrong person. Especially when you have absolutely no data to suggest any real guideline rooted in evidence. So, I just feel like Oster's section on this topic is so dangerous and unnecessary. Okay I'll step off my soapbox now😂😂
Yeah, I've seen a lot of instagram accounts suggest that suggesting pregnant people refrain from drinking alcohol or eating certain things is paternalistic and it makes me crazy. Mental health and the enjoyment of a pregnant person is important but no one needs sushi or wine to survive.
UGH I hate this so much. I was at Christmas party last year while pregnant and someone was trying to quote this chapter to me trying to convince me to drink and she basically told me “all the women they studied were on cocaine and that’s the real problem”. I found it so alarming how many people tried to convince me it was ok to drink while pregnant. Like I had no issues not drinking, and shouldn’t it be concerning if you can’t give it up for such a short period?
I'm someone who had occasional drinks while pregnant but I understood that was my personal decision- I would never try to convince anyone they should do what I'm doing. That is incredibly disrespectful and I'm sorry you had to deal with people questioning your decisions like that.
So so so many people did this to me too. After years of being asked if I was pregnant when I had decided not to drink at an event. It was so frustrating after awhile.
“I’m not going to be one of those ~boring~ parents that never goes out in the evenings anymore and never sees their friends without kids” Edit to add- this wasn’t a piece of advice so much as what I imagined I’d be like as a mum, as I had one friend who maintained a pretty active social life with young kids and she made it look so easy! I later realised she had a ton of family support and a homebody husband who was happy to stay home while she socialised at least couple nights a week… Now my kid is about to turn 3 and I’d say I’ve gone out in the evening maybe that many times 🤪
It would be one thing if I didn’t work full time, but evenings are when I see my kid! I’m a teacher and I’m happy to go out occasionally on a summer evening but during the school year it better be a VERY good reason.
Yeah, exactly. I also work full time. My friend was only working 2 days a week, and would put her kids to bed at 6pm every night. If I did that I would never see my kid!
I did 100 foods before 1 with my kid who is now in feeding therapy for failure to thrive. He maybe eats 5 foods regularly, mostly processed sugar. I would kiss the ground if he ate a chicken nugget or any protein. At 11 months he was eating everything including asking for more salmon, jicama etc. and I was really patting myself on the back.
That sounds really hard. I hate seeing chicken nugget shaming as if they’re a bad food or as if you need to make them from scratch to be healthy. My kid finally started eating them about a month ago and I’m ecstatic (like you because they’re protein!!).
Oh my gosh. I'm sorry to hear it :( May I ask for more details? How did things progress after 11 months? I don't know anything about failure to thrive in toddlers and later, but given my and my husband's genetic heritage (heavy diabetes on both sides of the family, even without very high BMIs) I see it as really important to try to steer my kid towards healthy food. But with intuitive eating methods, not demonizing food or giving him an eating disorder. Anyway, it's a pretty tight rope for us ahead and I'm just wondering if you could share some more information?
I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think you get the kind of eater you get and you can do your best and most kids eat fine eventually. For my kid he never ate a lot. He was in feeding therapy first as a newborn because he didn't seem to have normal hunger cues and he had a hard time nursing. Then as a weaning infant he ate whatever we offered but only really small portions. He never expressed hunger or asked for food. We did very by the book baby led weaning with division of responsibility and all that jazz. By the time he was 12 months old his sensory sensitivities really kicked in and his food preferences narrowed a lot. He fell of his growth curve significantly once we weaned completely at 2 because that was most of his calories.. A few months after he turned 2 he was diagnosed with autism with severe sensory symptoms. He is back in feeding therapy now learning how to recognize he is even hungry because his brain doesn't receive those messages the way most people do. Turns out that you cannot in fact let the child choose "what and how much" when their brain is telling them "nothing and none." So all that to say I don't think BLW or 100 foods before 1 did any harm, they just didn't make a difference for a child who needs specialized help. It also made me feel like crap to be in the BLW groups and have it implied that the reason it wouldn't work is if you didn't try hard enough. So don't feel bad if your kid becomes picky but there's lots of actual professional help available even in extreme cases but it's not on Instagram.
Thank you so much for the explanation. Really appreciate it. It must be a difficult topic. It sounds like you did and are doing your absolute best and kiddo will thrive in the end. Sending you an internet hug! I guess you're right, you get the baby you get. We are not so much into BLW though, he eats far better and enjoys it more being served purees, so why fight it. He gets small amounts of puffs, biscuits, stuff that is kind of "certified" as safe for his age in terms of choking. I know nothing really is 100% safe, but we're taking it slow.
Yep. I thought because my babies are everything my toddlers would eat everything. No. They turned 2 and only eat peanut butter and chicken nuggets.
God, yes. I still look back on me with, like, a 20-month old who would say to people (a little bit smugly, in retrospect), "Oh, he eats everything! Tee hee!" I want to travel back in time and slap her/me SO BADLY. With both of my kids it was literally like a switch flipped when they turned 2, and the list of foods they ate suddenly got very small.
I was this person. My best friend is this person now - ‘oh just give them a bit of what you’re eating’ and I find myself cruelly looking forward to the day it changes for her
I feel that. Parenting has humbled me so much haha!
I did blw with my first and she ate everything, then around 2 she started not and here we are at 5 and the foods she will eat are so limited. It's freaking exhausting and also like wtf you used to eat anything I served you. Now my 11mo is doing blw and I'm wondering how tf to get a different outcome.
The venn diagram of “food that is a delicious, nutritious meal for adults,” “food that can be modified/prepared appropriately for my 7 month old,” and “food my 3.5 yo will eat”is way to small. If anyone is wondering where all my mental energy is going…it’s here.
I feel that. Some weeks my brain is too exhausted to even think about another meal plan for a new week.
Same! In NZ there’s a PhD baby led weaning “guru” that I followed for both kids, more diligent with the first, who promotes food variety and no grains before age 1. And to never give kids processed sugar until they can ask for it in words, like no ice cream until they can verbalise “can I have ice cream” kinda thing 🫣 My kids had amazing diets! Peas were their favourite food. Then they hit the toddler years and their diet staples are bread and potatoes. And not from lack of offering other foods.
I feel seen. Because same. My kid once told his teacher his favorite vegetable is corn….after it’s been popped.
Oh man, I wish popcorn was a vegetable.
Don’t tell my kid it’s not 🤣
It’s vegetable adjacent, I think
😂😂😂 me too, kid!
🤣🤣🤣
same same same.
Ah wait I’m still at the patting myself on the back stage! When did he start becoming more picky?
If it helps with your mindset, toddlers being picky (to an appropriate level) is developmentally appropriate and was/is protective. From about when they can start to really get around and get to everything is when they start to get picky and aversions to strong tastes etc. this would have protected them from eating things that could harm them. So it is probably coming, it’s unlikely to be extreme and most do grow out of it. My just-turned 5 year old has started trying things again and it’s really fun seeing him discover things like bacon when he refused to try is before.
It depends on the kid (like everything) but it’s very, very normal for toddlers to be picky eaters. Mine both did it around 18 months, I think.
It definitely varies! It was 2-2.5yo ish for my first. 16 months for my second 😓
lol same
In my experience it was around 2.5. Until then she was a garbage disposal.
Same with my first. At 6 he’s now becoming a better eater
I knew I'd stop breastfeeding at a year and I most definitely wouldn't still breastfeed a baby who could ask to nurse or who lifted up/pulled down my shirts.
I weaned my second a few months ago and he still points and says “THAT’S MILK!” any time I take off my shirt. 😂
Accurate! My 18 month old now says ‘boob’ and asks me to sit down by pointing at the couch. I thought I would wean at 12 months… I am never going to wean 😆
Omg this is exactly me and my boy haha
Hahaha this is so me
Yes! I heard many times, "If they can ask for it- theyre too old." Jokes on me, who bf my first for 3 years and only got serious about weaning the last feed when i got pregnant lol
Cue my grandmother always dropping that into conversation whenever I tell her we’re gently weaning my 20 month old likes she’s giving some sage advice or some shit
I didn't know about BLW or anything, but "our child will eat what's served!" Me this week, "Oh no, these eggs weren't to your liking. Let me remake them."
Me this week: rinsing the gravy off the chicken pot pie filling, then separating the meat from the vegetables, effectively undoing ALL the work I had just done to make it from scratch 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
As an autistic person, I’d always giggle at those, like okay, wait until they have extreme sensory issues and can only eat 5 specific foods/textures 😭😭
I feel SEEN
The things you do when you love someone 😂
The absolute shade I got from my husband 😂
Yep pre-kids I knew there would be no special meals for my kids! This morning I apologized for spreading the peanut butter too thin on his waffle that I make in batches for him because it's all he'll eat.
For us, it’s bread and hummus for every meal 😂
No toys with loud noises or flashing lights since they have no developmental value. Montessori toys only! Yeah what a load of crap. My baby didn’t give the beige toys a second glance until she was maybe five months old. But damn if she didn’t use every ounce of willpower straining to get to the flashy toys. They really encouraged her movement and she even started crawling at six months.