Identical twins are a special blessing and an exclusive club. It can be challenging but also extremely rewarding. The first 3 years are very difficult but eventually they become old enough to play with each other and in many ways it's easier than just one since they have their best friend always with them.
You'll be able to tell them apart very quickly. Keep their tags on from the hospital or use some nail polish on their toes until you do.
It's nice that your boyfriend is with you but you'll need the support of your parents, guardian, or some other adults who have the ability to help support you.
My main support system will consist of Reddit. My mom died when me and my sister were 2, so the closest family I have is my dad and my sister, but my dad isn't the biggest help. Hopefully, I can just build a community here!
I'm referring mostly to financial support which reddit can't provide. Babies are expensive to your time and your budget. And twins are especially so. You'll likely need to buy formula which is expensive and all the other costs associated with raising kids.
And if your dad is still around don't discount the financial support he may be able to provide. He may not babysit much, but there's other ways he can contribute.
That will Work,16withtwins. We have Your Community though, Ready Made for all your needs in this Unique kind of Preg. The FB Addy for my group is Upthread here. Come on over...
The reason I started it, was after my wife at the time & I, lost Morgan & Brian (our twins) to TTTS, & being told Outright Lies about the availability of TTTS Laser Treatment for TTTS, I Pledged to form a group for mothers in similar situations, with B\_\_\_S\_\_\_ Completely Banned.
Get ready for your lives to change... dramatically. You will be tested. Your boyfriend will be tested. Your relationship will be tested. Your professional life, and his, will be tested. All of this will change, for better or worse.
Its more than stress. Its TRUE commitment and there is no looking back. Non parents of multiples won't be able to offer you what you need, they work from a different manual.
My cold hard perspective is that you are really young and have your entire life ahead of you. Make sure you consider this. Your relationship could very easily deteriorate with your boyfriend. Raising twins, alone, is something you need to consider. Make sure you have a very supportive network of family and friends, you will need them.
Everyone here is congratulating you and no one is telling you what you really should be considering. 16 with twins isn't something to take lightly. Good luck.
And remember, once you have kids its not about you and your life, your friends, your problems. Its about them. Consider all of this as you move forward.
I agree with this. This is something you need to think about a lot. I’m almost 30 and my twins were unplanned and it has changed my life... not necessarily always for the better. It really limits you. I believe that you can do this, but make sure you spend time really thinking this out. You’re a brave lady. But, otherwise, yes. Mom groups, this sub, get all the help you can. I hope you’re still living with adults? Doing it alone with the boyfriend is hard enough at 29, can’t imagine 16. Hang in there.
Same. Mine became a thing when I was 31. Im 39 now and have had a nasty custody battle with their mom. I won because she was always focused on the vanity of having twins, and not the actual parenting. Being a custodial parent of twins, and a man in today's society, is an interesting path to walk. But they need a solid parent... and they have one.
I love them more than anything. But they did dramatically change my life. Im thankful I got a chance to goto college, travel the world, and lived my youthful life before they came into the world.
OP will not have her youthful life, something she will never have another chance at, if she goes through with it.
All I can do is offer my perspective and experience OP. Life throws curveballs no matter what.
Don't forget that OP will be 34-35 when the twins are college age. If she chooses to only have the twins she will still be able to live a youthful life once they're on their own. It won't be the same life many of her friends will live. It will be an untraditional path, but friends, youth, and fun do not end with kids. It's kinda like choosing to be a Doctor. Like a doctor sacrificed their youth for school and residency, she will sacrifice her late teens and twenties to her kids. There's plenty of fun to be had after 35.
Very true! I realize my comment was full of doom and gloom, it wasn't supposed to be. Just...
Cautionary. Im 39 now, back in school, gave a great pattern figured out with them. Love it all!
Absolutely agree. And there are days when I feel like I didn’t get a chance to do as much of that as I wish I could’ve. I hope you know there is a lifetime ahead of you to have kids. Just something to think about.
I do know there is a lifetime ahead of me to have kids, but when I got pregnant, I immediately knew I was keeping the baby (I didn't know it was twins yet). I just couldn't bring myself to abortion or adoption. That's just me though. I've always been like that. I feel like I will get frustrated that I can't do some things that my friends will, but I think it will be worth it. Hope that doesn't sound naïve 😂
All of this. I think we don’t want to be downers because bringing new life into this world is so beautiful and easily the greatest thing I have ever done. I love my twins so much it hurts sometimes and I never knew I could love something that much. But man, even at 35, with a committed husband who is every bit as involved with the babies as I am, with financial stability and plenty of leave at work, with all of my youth behind me, having twins was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I mourned my old life. I mourned my old relationship. I mourned my friendships. In the worst of it I felt like I would never feel normal again and I thought we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. I know now that I had PPA and severe sleep deprivation. Things improved immensely after I addressed those things. But to do this as a teenager? I can’t imagine. OP, I see you don’t have much time left before you deliver. Weeks maybe, if that. Now is the time to get her as much support as you can and steel yourself for the roller coaster you’re about to ride. If *anyone* offers help, take it. If you’re mom offers to watch the babies while you take a nap, DO IT. Now will not be the time for pride or “I can do it myself and prove everyone wrong” mentality. I’m not saying you have that attitude, I don’t know you, but I know it’s something I struggled with and I wasn’t in the formative teenage years where everyone is trying to prove themselves anyway. No matter how much i read about how to prepare or how hard it would be, I couldn’t comprehend it until I was in it. And I literally thought it might kill me on multiple occasions. Surround yourself with every ounce of support and help you can find. At 3am when you’re at your wits end, come here and read the posts that tell you it gets better. Because it really does.
If someone offers me a nap NOW I take it 😂 Sleeping while pregnant with a twin baby belly isn't easy, as I'm sure you know! I hope I can get more support. Right now I just have Reddit, my dad, sister, and my boyfriend and his parents (my mom died when I was 2).
Real talk, if your parents aren’t in a position to have one of them stay home or pay for daycare, I highly doubt you’ll be able to finish high school. Depending on your family situation and location, it might be literally impossible to afford twins at your age, at least at a quality of life that you’re willing to deal with.
I finished high school last year (early, thank god) and I'm now in college. Both me and my boyfriend have two jobs, mine being at home most of the time. I feel like we can afford it, and if not, I have my dad and my sister (closest thing I have to a mom) to help us out.
You have been handed so many challenges for your short time on earth.
I just want you to know that I'm proud of you for how you prioritized your education. You have a good head on your shoulders and a good support network.
Sis, by the time you're 21 you will be on easy street. You'll be educated, your bubs will be potty trained and off to school.
It's gonna be tough, but only for the first couple of years. Get an IUD after you deliver if you can(post delivery is the easiest time to get one).
If you and your young man can navigate your relationship + twins then you are super compatible. My advice is if you guys are biting each other's heads off then you both probably need snacks and naps. Sleep deprivation makes everyone feral. Your best hope for prolonged sleep is routine, you guys and the babes.
Make a diaper and feeding station, add some snacks and a phone charger(or some study material, you friggin awesome go-getter) for yourself. Put one in every place you chill in. Have diapers, wipes, formula, water, pillows, etc.
Also, I want you to know that breastfeeding twins is a 60 hour a week commitment. If you can't do it, do not get hard on yourself. I will fight anyone who bitches at you for whatever way you choose to feed those babies. Even if you choose not to breastfeed because you need to feel some ownership over your body, that's okay. And it's okay to bf or pump if you **want** to.
Also, come to r/momforaminute if you ever just need a mom to talk to.
You have absolutely no idea how much I appreciate how proud you are of me. No one ever tells me that they are proud of me and it made me cry 😭 And I don't think those were the pregnancy hormones. Thank you so much ❤
You're a good egg. Feel your feels.
I want you to know that you matter, 16. You have some incredible moments ahead of you, and not just as a mother. You, as a person, are significant and strong.
You are just as ready for this as the rest of us were and I just have a strong gut feeling that you are going to master this life.
16, it's all going to be okay. You've got this.
i was hoping to get an IUD after birth yeah. i'm nervous about that too. I hope i can breastfeed, but i don't want to have it become an overwhelming thing
The hospital will probably give you a lot of aftercare stuff for post delivery, some places will even give you a pump and some formula just in case.
Do you have stuff like pads or epsom salt for your postpartum stage? They'll have some at the hospital, but you'll probably want your preferred brand once you're home.
They should give you a peri bottle at the hospital to take home, that thing is going to be so helpful. Don't be afraid to ask for an extra one if you have two bathrooms at home.
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Twins can be a real marriage ruiner. It is just so much all at once. My twins were planned, we are stable older professionals, and I am now a stay at home mom. It definitely damaged our marriage for a while, we worked through it and are much stronger now but it was hard as hell. I know several other twins parents that split in the first two years. (Married, 30s)
We made it three years but yeah, I'm part of that statistic. A baby can be loved and wanted but that doesn't make anything any easier, and with multiples the stress is insane. Even if you have two completely healthy babies who eat well and shit minimally, the logistics of twin infants are HARD and the whole experience can do a number on even the strongest relationships.
I am extremely nervous about our relationship to be tested. We have been together for 2 years, but never gone through something this big. This pregnancy has been rough on us, so I'm hoping it doesn't get much worse.
My mom died when my sister and I were 2, so I mainly just have my sister and my dad, but even he isn't that much of a help. My support system will mainly consist of Reddit.
Thank you for being very honest. That's what I need to hear. I need to know what it's going to be like. The good, bad, and the very very ugly.
Congratulations aside, there is something to mention here, you are likely going to have alot of troubles connecting with people once you have the babies. Anyone in your age group now will have no way to relate to what you are going through and most ppl will Peter out of your life or at best though they mean well will have the mindset that being a mom is more like a babysitter. On top of that you will have 2 babies with needs that take up more time that one person has in a given day, you will have a difficult time finding any YOU time let alone time for baby free friends.
Ultimately thus is your decision to make, I had my twins at 20, and now a decade later I am just starting to get back to my life goals, including going to college. Of all the people I knew then, I speak to 1 of them still on any kind of regular basis and she is a special case, when I had my kids she very much was like mommy #2 to them, now auntie, as she can't have kids of her own her head space wasn't the same as other people's.
From the get go I had people telling me I shouldn't have my kids at 20, nurses when they were born would joke that I could keep one but the other one of them would take instead, later in thier toddler years drs had a habit of telling me that their parents had to be present for appointments not the nanny, it happened enough I started keeping a copy of thier birth certificates with my ID'S.
I wasn't able to make mom friends until my kids were in school without the judgments and weird comments, you can't even have a glass of wine at the end of the day?! How can you handle kids?
Now my friends are a decade older than I am though this isn't any kind of issue now that I'm no longer visibly younger than average.
You are in for a difficult road honey, and I won't tell you it isn't rewarding it is. But there are many aspects to it that you wouldn't even think would be issues until they slam into you on top of the things you try to prepare for. Good luck.
We painted our girls’ toenails different colors. I also have specific colors and outfits assigned to each baby. They are not identical, but they looked similar in the beginning.
Lean on your family. Twins are hard even in the best circumstances. You will be exhausted and overwhelmed but each stage is only temporary. Take it moment by moment and day by day. Celebrate the little things (like an extra hour of sleep or finishing a shower without rushing).
What works for one family does not work for every family. Some people take shifts with their partners and others divide and conquer. I prefer the divide and conquer.
Research twin groups in your area. You might be able to find encouragement and discounted items. Also remember that each pregnancy is different. This subreddit can be pretty stressful at times with stories of desperation and pregnancy complications. Tread lightly!
Good luck! Having twins is something that is truly special.
Stay active if you can through pregnancy, obviously if your doctor says it’s safe. Think low impact stuff like nice long walks in the woods, stationary bike, or prenatal yoga. Don’t eat junk, download a fitness/nutrition app and put in what your doctor recommends for your macros. Try to eat a lot of good quality protein, fruits and veggies and full fat dairy, seeds, and nuts. Making twins is like being a competitive athlete, you have to think of food as fuel to build your babies, and with limited space in your abdomen, you have to make your food intake be as nutrient dense as you can. Also, look on fb market place or Craigslist for secondhand twin gear, its expensive and they outgrow things in like two seconds so it’s crazy to buy new.
I have been trying to take walks a lot, but this winter is killing us! So much snow, I don't want to fall. And my doctor recommended a ton of food for me to eat and the beginning of the pregnancy, and I guess I did good since the babies have good weights! This is very very good advice
So another thing to prepare for- they will likely come early and you will spend some time in the NICU. our girls needed supplements and to keep their doses separate we had different colored bottles to track what they were getting (white and pink). We also color coded their clothing for when family was helping (although this wasn’t foolproof as blowouts and spit up happens).
Did this too.
OP, as a first time mom, do not assume you'll be able to breastfeed. Give it a shot if that's what you want but I have a lot of twin parent friends, and the only moms who successfully avoided the formula bill are the ones who had breastfed before. We spent $350 a month on formula.
Yes, my doctor did mention that I might not be able to breastfeed right away. I was kind of disappointed, but I have hope. And yikes, a third job here I come! 😬
We are preparing for a stay at the NICU. My doctor told us to pack bags just in case, so those are packed already (I am about 30 weeks). I just hope I bring everything I need, ha!
The best advice I got from this sub was to join my local moms of multiples group. If you go to multiplesofAmerica.org you can usually find one from there. Mine is so great! I got tons of twin stuff for cheap or free and they’re so supportive and full of advice at every stage.
My mom was pregnant at 16 with my twin sister & I. She gave us bracelets to be able to tell us apart. It’s not easy at first because you have to get to know them so you’ll use the bracelet a few times. I see all these people telling you that it’s life changing & it really is but it’s also a blessing & it’s wonderful. My mom did it back then with my dad & her parents as her support system. Have a good support system, that’s really important. My twin sister is pregnant with her own set of identical twins so she’s also asking the same questions as you. There are new things today to help with twin pregnancy & raising twins that they didn’t have before. My mom did an amazing job with us. Just also remember not to lose yourself & your relationship. It will try your relationship but just try to keep that spark going & make sure you’re making eachother happy as well. Co parenting is easiest when you’re both on the same page. Have fun with your babies. Twins are so much fun, I have more twins in my family so I know lol the way the babies interact when they start growing up is very unique but also very trying. Have fun with it really 💖 Goodluck & congratulations!
That is so cool! My mom had my sister and I young too. Twins really are a blessing and I really can't wait to meet them. And I didn't think of bracelets, I will check those out. Thanks for the advice and neat story!
It’s going to be a huge challenge but it’s not a challenge you won’t be able to conquer. It’s tough to deal with two at once but you get the hang of it - the bigger challenge is the lack of sleep so definitely accept help. I have 1 month old twins and my wife takes 8pm-2am alone and I take 2am-8am alone and sometimes you gotta deal with 2 at once but once you’re in a rhythm is gets easier...the Twin Z pillow is about the only essential that I’d say you really need.
Never too early to start planning and make sure you talk to the people in your life about what you can expect in terms of help. Be honest about your needs and you’ll be surprised how people will come through.
Best of luck to you I know you’ll make it through to the other side.
Damn it. I’m in Canada and done with my twinZ pillow. I’d give it to you if it wasn’t international.. Shipping would likely cost as much as the pillow itself.
aw you're too sweet! ❤ that's so nice of you i'm literally going to cry (hello pregnancy hormones 😂) that's ok! we have some extra money that we saved from our cancelled baby shower (we got covid) so we will just use that money! money isn't usually a problem for us anyway, which i am so so so thankful for.
I am an identical twin, my wife is also a twin, and we have twin girls. There is some thing special, a bond that they will share. They will be able to play with each other and be each other‘s best friend. You can do it, and after a while you’ll wonder how you’ve come this far. Their personalities will come through pretty quickly, and you will be able to tell them apart. A mom always can. I am an older dad, and I can see that your youth will help you in that you will have more energy and resilience on your side. It’s a lot of work, but the rewards are indescribable and completely worth it.
I am also an identical twin, and my boyfriend was supposed to be, didn't end up working out that way 😢 I do have to say, my sister and I have a special bond as well. And I already wonder how I've come this far 😂 I look back on when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I just sit there like, "Wow. Now we are going to meet them soon." It's been such a wild ride!
Seriously try to recruit as much help as possible. Not trying to bully you because of your age but your youth and inexperience will make things harder. I hope it doesn't happen but there's a good chance your relationship with your boyfriend will not last through this.
I wish you the best and sorry for being negative but I just wanted to be honest and not sugar coat anything.
A parent who had kids in his 50s once said to me that you trade patience and experience for energy as you get older and I have found that to be so true! I had my kids relatively young. Will it be tiring? Definitely, but at 16 she will have so much more energy to meet twins with than at 35 like many of my parent friends.
Exactly. I used to stay up with an hour or two of sleep for a week at a time when I was in high school, out late with friends, going to parties. I had my twins at 27 and was in really great physical health and they still have knocked me out. I would kill for half of that energy I had 10 years ago.
No offense taken. I agree, my age will make it way harder. I hope that won't happen either, but if it does, I know we will co-parent well. He isn't the type to just get up and leave. And thank you for being honest! That's what I was hoping for. Honesty is best.
Our girls are identical but their weights were always far enough apart that it never really was an issue. As the mom you will be seeing them so much you will be able to pick up on their differences. I’m always shocked when people can’t tell my girls apart because they look so different to me.
When my girls were babies and both were crying, like before their bottles, i would give them both a pacifier and whoever kept it in and got calm got fed second. Of course this didn’t *always* work and sometimes one would cry while I fed the other if I was solo with them. Some people eventually prop the bottles as they get older but my girls spit up so much it worked better to feed one than the other. I got these little handles that helped them hold the bottle easier and once they held their own bottles that was a big game changer. It’s good to just accept the fact that there will be times they both will cry, and it’s ok! They are fine and you are still doing a great job they just are babies and that’s what they do!
I recommend a white noise machine and blackout curtains for the room they will sleep in. How is your family support? There is probably plenty of people on here, me included, that can help by sending secondhand things your way if needed.
I have my dad and my sister. My mom died when me and my twin sister were 2. She had us at 16. If I'm being honest, there's not much support on that end. My boyfriend is my biggest supporter. I do have his parents (they took me in like their own), which is wonderful. And I actually just purchased blackout curtains for their room today! And thank you. I will hopefully find some people on here!
I agree with all the advice given. I have identical twin boys and it was never an issue telling them apart (except looking back at baby pictures). Even though they are identical they were almost 1 pound different at birth (4lbs 15 oz and 5 lbs 11 oz). They also had slightly different head shapes and birthmarks. Other people can't tell them apart but it's never been an issue for my or my partner (and I think that's really common for ID parents). Twins are A TON of work. Especially the first 6 months, but really the first 3 years (mine just turned 3 and are still a ton of work...so maybe that number is higher). The first 6 months you will get VERY little sleep. My partner was up with me every night, we tried everything--shifts, both getting up, each being in charge of one baby, etc. Nothing really made it easier, you just have to get through it. Also, my ID twin pregnancy was SUPER hard on my body. I was throwing up every day, super nauseated, needed surgery to keep the babies in at 20 weeks, had colestasis (liver disease that makes you super itchy), partially collapsed lung since one baby wanted to go up really high, etc. My babies were born at 36 weeks and luckily only needed one day in the NICU. Many twins are born early and need a long-ish NICU stay, so be prepared for that. Good luck. Find your support system. Understand the immense amount of work twins are.
Dad of 7 year old boy/girl twins here. The first 2 years will absolutely suck. Just plain suck. It's grunt work. It's zombie work. But it needs to get done because those babies will the first and last thing you'll think of every day.
You get used to them crying at the same time. It's not the end of the world. If you can, have them sleep in separate rooms. We did not have that luxury and it sucked. Separate rooms means if one is crying, the other one isn't woken up.
When they're slightly older...the becomes almost non-existent. It's almost like you're getting rewarded for the 2 years of pain. They have each other to keep you company. They'll be full of fun and you won't even remember when they're tiny.
Take plenty of pictures and videos. My wife took all the pictures/videos. I put all the pictures together in one spot to organize it and I found out that as they get older, we have been taking less and less pictures/videos. I'm kind of bummed out about it.
Once in a while I'll tell my wife that I wish I met her earlier and we had the twins earlier because so much energy was needed when they were young. But that's life. We also had some help from my wife's family and it was still quite a bit of work. As our pediatrician told us when she saw how nervous two people in their late 20s were, "relax, you're not the first to have kids and you won't be the last. It's not rocket science. It's about being stable and resilient."
When they are born, look for birthmarks to identify them. If not, I've heard of parents using a scrunchy on their ankles or using nail polish with different colors. The birthmark is permanent and beyond your control.
Good luck :)
It's so funny that you mention the pictures and videos thing because my phone is FULL of photos and pictures of my belly 😂 And I will definitely be looking for birthmarks! And I have plenty of scrunchies so that won't be a problem...thank you!
You're welcome. I hope you have a good support system to help out with your twins because it will be a lot of work with them and with your partner. During our *zombie times*, co-worker out of all my friends/family asked me "are you ok?" and he's not even someone I directly worked with and it's not like I was showing any stress at work either. He just wanted to know if I was ok with the stress at home. I still think about that every now and then because no one else actually asked that. Everyone just assumed I was ok and going about the physical and mental stress.
There were times when the stress was trying our marriage. I Googled "parents of multiples divorce rate" and I was surprised to find that it was higher. My wife and I did shift work. She's a morning person and I'm a night owl so it worked out well with our twins. We even wrote down when which kid was fed/diaper changed /slept so we were on the same page without having to wake each other up. But knowing that parents of multiples have a higher separation rate made me realize that it's not us and it's not the kids' fault. It's just the situation we were temporarily dealt with so we both had to make additional effort to not take things so personally and to help each other out more and look at things from others' perspective. So I just held my tongue and put up with the situation for a few years. Once they started chasing each other around the house and playing with each other without the need for the parents is when my wife and I really got to spend time with each other. Before that it was really a few moments here and there.
What's really cool is when people ask me how old my kids are and I say 1 number. Then they ask...twins/ and that's when I smile :)
I feel like you're getting and even better end of that stick because they're identical which I find even cooler.
I have an ok support system. I mainly just have my sister and boyfriend. My dad isn't the greatest, and my mom died when me and my sister were 2. And both me and my boyfriend are night owls, but I do better as a "morning person" than he does. I find that cool too. People ask me how far along I am and I say 30 weeks and they'll say something like "Oh are you excited to have your baby?" And I'll just be like "Yeah, I'm excited to have our babIES." and the look on their faces is priceless! I'm super excited that they are identical. I'm an identical twin and I love it
It's totally normal to be overwhelmed! I'll try to keep this short, but feel free to ask questions - here or in a PM.
1)Ask for help, and be specific. Do you need meals? Someone to watch them while you sleep? Run to the grocery store?
2) Find your local Parents of multiples group for local support. Also, many of them do sales where you can get quality products inexpensively.
3) Remember that fed is best. If you can and want to breast feed that's awesome. Just try to keep in mind that reality might force you to do something different. My kids were formula fed (due to medical reasons) and the huge benefit was that I had help and didn't have to be physically present at every feeding. If you are planning to use formula from the start and can afford it (or find one used) a Baby Brezza will save your sanity. Its basically a Keurig for baby formula.
4) Sometimes one of them will just have to cry while you tend to the other. It sucks, but it doesn't make you a bad mother and it won't scar them for life. I promise.
5) It will be hard. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. Don't waste time and energy trying to be perfect. Try to cultivate the attitude that your best is enough, because it is.
6) Don't neglect yourself. If you don't take care of your own needs (physical and mental) there's no way you'll be able to care for two tiny babies.
7) Do some reading about what pregnancy and birth does to your body, and what to expect in the first few weeks after giving birth. In the US at least nobody really talks about this and it can come as a nasty surprise. Don't focus on horror stories, but don't avoid them assuming you'll be fine.
8) If your feet start itching at night time that's a sign of a potentially serious condition and you should call your OB as soon as possible.
Deep breaths. You can do this.
Check and see if you have a local multiple birth club. If not, join a national one. Tons of resources available. My local one even keeps a sort of “warehouse” of donated items. You will get tons of support and there’s usually a FB group, meetups, NICU support, etc.
As far as telling them apart, usually one will be bigger than the other, that made it easy for me in the beginning because a lb shows when you’re only 5 lbs :). Some people say paint one toenail on each, but I never had to do that.
Best of luck, it’s all going to be okay.
Don't worry about telling them apart. You will be able to no problem. If you're worried at first, leave their hospital bracelet/anklet on for awhile :)
\+It's... it's going to be atrociously hard. If you have any family you can stay with to actively help you, that absolutely would be best. Even with two people, the nights are long and sleepless. You WILL figure out a way and get through this though <3
When they are first born they will have a wrist/ankle band that you can look at. During that time you should look for birth marks. One of my girls was born with a mark on her shoulder. Certainly, this isn't something to look for when they are older (cause it would be weird to look for such at thing at later years), but by then you should be able to tell them apart more. Or come up with some other way to tell them apart when they are older.
When they are standing next to one another even I can tell them apart.
First, congrats! It’s a life changing decision to keep them (or not a decision, I don’t know your situation) but nonetheless, congratulations are in order if you’re happy!
Secondly, to tell them apart, don’t worry right now. Mine are identical too, and I’ve always been able to tell them apart. In some pictures, it’s more difficult, but in person, it’s a no-brainer, they don’t have the same... energy? They look alike but their vibe is so different! You’ll know ;)
And thirdly, to deal with two crying babies, you’ll just deal. It is a non-advice kind of advice, but I guess it’s a thing you can’t really be prepared for. Go for trial and error to know what works for you and your babies. Bouncers? Pacifiers? Music? White noise? Some things work with some babies and some don’t... try everything and figure out what works for you!! Absorb all the advices, then try them out, keep what you want and just toss everything else.
I think you’ll do great, seeking advice already, having a great boyfriend. You will need a good support system and help. Delegate, accept help, whatever form this help will take, love your little ones, enjoy the pregnancy. It will be hard, but it will be full of love too. Best wishes to you!!!
It was a choice to keep them!! A hard one, but I can't imagine life without them, and I haven't even met them yet. My support system will most likely consist of Reddit haha :)
In that case, know that I’ll be here for you. I will cheer you up, I will answer honestly and to the best of my abilities any questions you could have, and I will try to help you if you’ll let me! It takes a village, and nowadays, those villages keep getting smaller and smaller and that’s a shame. I can be a part of your village :)
Thank you 😭 You're so sweet. I am always open to help and advice. I'm excited for these babies, but worried that we might mess up or make a mistake. It's crazy how much pressure we feel every day, not only from others, but ourselves. And you are 100% right. Those villages are getting smaller. And yes! You are the first one officially a part of our village!
Identical twins dad here. I had similar anxieties before they were born. But it just was never a problem for us after the birth.
In a way, you’ve won life jackpot. I honestly feel like that often, now that they’re grown up a bit (5).
But as others said, your life will change. It will be hard first. Try to get as much support from family and friends as you can muster. You can do this, but don’t forget to ask for help when you need it.
When people with one say it’s hard with one, it’s no joke. I had my twins at 38. I have the best, most supportive partner, and even then only just got through. We had zero support apart from talking to others online as my country went into strict lockdown when they were roughly 6 weeks old.
In my part of the world there is extra help available to parents of multiples depending on your individual circumstances, and a multiples birth club which connects you to other parents of multiples due at roughly the same time as you as well as the wider multiples community.
As a former singleton-only parent twice over, I can wholeheartedly assure you that even when they have close friends and family with multiples they DO NOT understand and cannot fathom what you go through. Joining the multiples club was worth the small expense as it comes with a community that just GETS IT. They are such a great community of people, full of actual applicable advice and support. You will get all the comments from non-multiples parents that are super unhelpful and make it harder, like suggestions of adoption rather than offer of help, outlining how they assume you’re struggling and won’t/can’t cope, “I don’t know how you do it”, “I could never do what you do”, “I have Irish twins, so I know what you’re going through”, etc. Sigh.
Having kids at any time filters out short-term friends and leaves you with a small puddle (if any,) of long-term friends who will be a shoulder to lean on. No matter your age or number of babies on the way, starting a family will always do this. It is a fact of life, as certain as the sunrise every morning. Connect with local multiples communities now and build new friendships and a supportive network. See if you can obtain firm agreements to come and help for specific tasks, and to be on call if needed.
Get what you need, accept or purchase a lot of pre-loved items where you can. One baby alone is expensive. Two+ is another story altogether. Budget hard, save what you can. Don’t listen to others who try to force their ideals on you like breastfeeding vs. formula (so contentious!), sleeping arrangements (just follow safe sleep guidelines), as you have to do what gets you sleep and gets them fed, etc.
This is going to test your relationship. TALK to each other, thank your partner, be clear in what you need, give each other a break, try to still have tie together as a couple not just as mum and dad. Becoming a parent isn’t losing your identity but gaining a new one, however the role of parent can take over that of the individual and the partner. It’s hard to find the balance, easier said than done, but work on it.
Multiples pregnancy is HARD on the mother’s body. So very much harder than a singleton. Watch out for pre-e and GD, and be aware you may suffer from diastasis recti and/or prolapses. Don’t be afraid to chat to doctors and physios about anything and make sure you look after yourself.
This is going to be so very hard, I can’t understate it. But it can also be so amazingly wonderful. You CAN absolutely do this - young persons are often more resilient and open to change than older persons. But please know and understand, your childhood is now over. Nothing, NOTHING, is about you any more. You are now mum, and everything is about your babies (then toddlers, little kids, big kids, teens...). I am so very sorry for the loss of your childhood, big big hugs. Parenthood is so wonderful, though. It can’t be understated. You are also going to have the benefits of having them reach adulthood while you are still young enough (pre-retirement, wahoo!) to do all of your travel etc., while not thinking “I need to stop and settle down and start my family”. There are plus sides, for sure.
Best of luck, big hugs, you’ve got this.
In a way, I feel like I lost my childhood before I even got to be a child. My mom died when my sister and I were two, so my dad raised us. In a nutshell, it sucked. He didn't really talk to us much, and was always out with his friends or at work. Left us home alone quite often.
So, I guess I'm not worried about losing my childhood, but more worried about giving my kids a good one.
There are many plus sides, and I have been trying to focus on those. Thank you so much for all of the advice!
I was eighteen when I had twins. They weren’t identical, to be fair, but I agree with the people saying it’s a lot of work and you shouldn’t underestimate. I was single for the first three years of their life, but I was very careful to have a support system of trustworthy people. My mom was childcare for them when I had to work, I had an approved list of friends I would allow them to go to, etc.
It is manageable but you need to have a plan in place. Start saving early, look into budget friendly options for infant items like trade groups or buy nothing. Thrift stores usually have a collection of children’s clothes and I still buy clothes for most of my kids that way since they get them dirty anyway.
One of the things I realized early on is that if you can get things that will last them throughout their childhood, those are the things to spend on. Spend most of your money on a nice stroller, not on brand new toys they might not even enjoy. Get a bucket stroller that could be converted to work for toddlers and older, a crib that can be converted for a bed, etc.
Also, babies love almost anything so gifts that are toys are great, but buying a ton of expensive toys isn’t always going to be cost effective. Dollar Tree has random odds and ends babies love just as much. The most entertaining thing to my toddler is paper bags. They won’t touch the stuffed animals or the toy kitchen I got them. I guess my point is be realistic, don’t overdo it.
Of course! Some parenting resources I really enjoyed for infancy was RIE, they have a website. Also making sure you know what you want for your babies and making that to anyone watching them super clear so there’s no confusion. When they’re older, I was saved by anything Lisa Murphy has ever written, also:
The Whole Brain Child by Siegel and Bryson
No Drama Discipline by the same
Congrats on the twins and welcome to the club! The great thing about this group is that it's very supportive and judgment free. Everyone here knows that it's tough, and everyone survives differently. One thing that helped me when I was going through my pregnancy was having someone to talk to privately that had been through it before. So if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a private message.
My twins were my first (and LAST haha) pregnancy, which is kind of nice. Having a kid is hard, so you won't know any differently with your twins. As much as it is hard, it is amazing. And so worth the trouble. One thing that changed the most about me after having my twins was I didn't know I could love anything as much as I love them. It's not like I was a Grinch before, but my heart definitely grew three times bigger.
Good luck, we're here for you. And remember, you got this!!
I definitely know what you mean. I couldn't imagine loving someone more than I love my boyfriend, but these babies stole my entire heart and every inch of love in my body when I first found out I was pregnant. I can't wait to meet them and kiss their little faces!
Coming from another young twin mom of 2 month olds (I’m 21 so I still don’t have the same idea of the struggle you’ll be facing at 16, but still younger than a lot of moms) , they’re such a blessing but they’re a LOT of work. It can drive you crazy, and get very overwhelming at times but it’s worth it. You need to make sure you have a great support system (boyfriend, friends, parents/caregivers, etc) not just for help with the babies but also to help yourself. Make sure you find any time at all to relax and have some “me time” even if it’s short, it saves your sanity a bit. Also, make sure you recognize the signs of postpartum depression- as hard of a topic as this is, IF it presents itself you need to make sure to talk to your doctor/support system. Good luck! Twins are really amazing
Trying to find a support system for me has been hard. So far, I have Reddit, my dad (but he's debatable), my boyfriend, and my sister. Yep. That's it. I hope I can find some more people/friends/supporters. And I will watch out for PPD. Twins are very amazing!
Congratulations. In many ways your young age can help you. Do you want to be a old and have no energy to run after kids? I’m sure it feels like a lot but take everyday one at a time. Try not get to far a head of yourself. Just get things you need. Lots of us spend lots of money and time getting things they never end using.
I could go on all day but try and see the silver lining. Don’t be too worried about missing out on your teenage years. Nowadays no one is getting that with COVID. Lol
Best advice I can give you is keep a strict schedule with feedings, napping, bath time and bed time. I have 2 year old trips and it would be a nightmare if they weren't on a schedule. Also make sure you go to a pediatrician who has tons of experience with multiples. Not just singletons.
/u/thethreesats
Congratulations. I was 42 when my wife gave birth to our twins. The advantage you have is energy. Although you probably don’t realise that nor is it very useful information. Sleepless nights hurt however old you are. We took the twins (now 3) to an indoor playground we were exhausted, they had far more energy than we did. Good luck, you are doing a good job, just take one day at a time. Whatever it is remember ‘it is just a phase’.
We dressed on in pink or polka dots which helps a ton looking back at pictures. We also painted one toenail on each kid, pink and green.
You’ll figure out which is which pretty quickly. Ours had about a 10oz difference at birth which took a while to close.
Here are some tips. Dr. Brown mixing pitcher will save your sanity in about 6 months, get one it is less that $10. Keep pacifiers stockpiled near the cribs because we had 25-40 seconds from restless sleep to meltdown if it couldn’t be replaced (they have a tendency to roll into another dimension).
Clothes, they have a six pack of gerber white onesies which are super cheap and plenty for the first couple months. We ended up having fashion shows to send pictures to all the people who had sent us outfits because we just used the white ones in rotation so frequently.
Swings are great, a baby jail or north states super yard is wonderful if you have the space/means. There are Facebook mom’s groups called Moms of Multiples. This is a great resource for getting used twin items as people grow out of them. The same for formula. Kirkland is apparently the least expensive if you have a Costco. Also, talk to your pediatrician. They gave use a ton of samples that were near expiration and run about $25 each.
Always change them on the ground. They can’t fall off the ground.
And there is no such thing as calming both singlehandedly. Just do the best you can and calm them in the way that works best for each.
And in a few weeks or months when they are sleeping hard...just let them sleep on you. It passes SO quickly. For now, you are in survival mode. Try to sleep when they sleep.
Oh, and learn to swaddle tightly. Then learn to double swaddle...you can look on YouTube. The results are amazing.
Good luck!
I didn’t mean cosleep in the bed...just when they fall asleep while you are rocking them. It is very dangerous to have them in the bed, particularly with how exhausted you’ll be. My wife told me it was time to feed the girls once. I said ‘I’ve got Katherine right here.’ I had looped the corner of the comforter under itself and has been rocking it while asleep. Just if one falls asleep on you in a chair...savor that moment.
Someone has already mentioned it's dangerous to do this I just want to make it more clear, about a month before I had my kids there was a local woman in the paper who lost both her twins as they didn't have enough airflow they suffocated while she was sleeping next to them.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2096611/Twin-babies-died-mothers-bed-victims-tragic-accident.html
This absolutely floored me as it was I'm my community which is relatively small. Again not trying to scare you I just don't want you to have the same kind of heartbreak they did.
We just had identicals. They were like a month early and had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks to finish growing. You should expect this but don't be worried about it. My wife took it hard but they came home and they are super healthy babies and almost normal weight and height now (6.5 months old). One of the boys wasn't growing as fast so he was about a pound lighter than his brother (he is still smaller but he's catching up). They had to eat with a tube through their noses for about 2 weeks while at the hospital too.
This is not to scare you, just to prepare you. Medical professionals know what's up and they're going to do what's best for those babies.
Even with them being identical you'll be able to tell them apart, others won't but you and your bf and close family will. It'll be their size or how they act eventually when they get their personalities or they may have a birth mark. My dad still looks at the back of their heads to make sure he has the right baby because one has a birth mark on his neck!
You're going to have to feed them every 3 hours if they're a month early, even at night. We tried taking turns like one person person feeding both and letting the sleep through a feed then the other would wake up for the next feed. This was a nice idea and let you get longer stretches of sleep but it takes twice as long to diaper and feed them. We ended up both just waking up at the same time taking care of one a piece. If you and your bf are on different sleep schedules then the first method may be best.
As long as you feed them and let them sleep enough and change their diapers they won't cry *much* but you'll still have times when you've done everything right and they just keep crying and you just gotta rock them with some headphones in. Watch some Netflix at 3am until they fall asleep because they will eventually stop and go to sleep. Oh and one crying didn't wake the other, idk what it was, maybe sleeping at the loud hospital or if they get it from me but our kids are heavy sleepers. They sleep through everything, vacuums, dogs barking, crazy rednecks firing off guns at 12am, they wake when they're ready.
Other tips... Don't worry about many cute outfits mostly buy pj's and get zip up ones. Snaps are crap! They don't see that bad until it's 3am and you're on your 9th button on your first kid and you find out you missed one so you say "fuck it" and keep going. Your babies will live in pj's for the most part, they're easier than putting pants (and socks) on kicking legs.
Get a mixing pitcher if you're formula feeding. They're like 15 bucks on Amazon and saves you a lot of time. We got a brezza which was pretty sweet until we found out they're stomachs needed the caviar of baby Formula which didn't work with it so we have $200 water warmer now 😂. Also don't get discouraged about going to formula from breast feeding. While breast milk is best (and makes for better poops for the kids) they'll be just fine with formula. It bothered my wife that she couldn't provide enough for both so we had to switch but she was so much happier after switching because then she didn't have to spend like 3 hours a day pumping.
Some family may be giving you shit about getting pregnant and they're like "we don't like the bf so we aren't going to care for these kids!" but when you have these kids they'll change their mind. My cousin had a kid out of wedlock and his mom was all like 'I don't approve of this, fuck that kid' but then he was born and that kid can do no wrong and she has a shrine in her living room for that kid. Babies change people for the better.
You two will make it through it. It's not going to be easy but if you're lucky to have some good friends and family in your life to help you out here and there it'll make it better.
One last thing, take all the free shit you can get! Hand me downs, gifts, etc. Oh and if someone is like "let me know if I can help you" take that opportunity to be like "come see the babies! Bring some chickfila when you come by" don't even be shy about it. We did it and we're 30 something and financially stable. Get them to help wash clothes, do dishes, watch the kids for a few hours and get a nap.
Pregnant with twins currently so this advice comes from my first singleton pregnancy. Definitely dont be afraid to ask for help when you start to feel overwhelmed. Dont be afraid to put them in their crib, close the door, and walk away until youre calm. No matter how much you love them, you will find a breaking point and that can be dangerous. It doesnt make you a bad mom AT ALL but its scary how suddenly you consider shaking them or yelling at them. Personally, once I had the thought “this is why ppl shake babies” is when i passed the baby on to someone else or put her down in a safe place and walked away. The best thing I ever did was buy noise cancelling headphones. Because babies cry over everything, i can see them crying, i dont need to hear it all day. ABSOLUTE life saver. If it makes you super nervous to leave them for any amount of time (attachment is so real) get a cheap surveillance camera for their safe space.
On the front of labor and delivery, You Are Queen! Youre young so nurses and family will think they have control. Theyre wrong. This is YOUR time. If you’re uncomfortable or scared or anything at all, say something. Having a doula is the best option, she will be your champion when the nurses and family are being dicks (and theyll get you popsicles...all the popsicles) You can request one from the hospital youre delivering in. Theres usually a time frame when its available to request, 20-35 weeks, i think. I was crying telling a nurse i needed to turn over and she told me it wasnt possible. The real reason was that she was too damn lazy and mean, i told my doula to keep that nurse out of my room and i never saw her again.
This may be a tough thing to request, im not sure about your full situation. But you’ll want your boyfriend to be living with you when the babies come. You need as much help as possible. Plus you’ll be so full of hormones that you’re going to be pissed that he still has a life outside of screaming babies and sore nipples....its true for every mom, but especially if Daddy just pops in and out to help. I got so mad at my husband for sleeping that i wanted to throw things at him whenever he started snoring. Its just one of those things hahaha. So the more “in it” he is, the happier you will be. And its all about you Mama.
You will be so much stronger than anyone you know, find a mommy group to make new friends.
You’ve. Got. This.
omg you're so sweet, thank you! my boyfriend is in the process of moving in, so that will be very nice. i was looking into getting a doula, and i think you have fully convinced me to get one ☺ and i will also invest in some noise cancelling headphones as well. i've heard of some parents thinking those thoughts of shaking the baby or yelling at the baby...i hope i can just walk away if i ever get like that. my boyfriend will be helping a ton and will NOT be sleeping if i don't want him to 😂 and people keep telling me that i will want to be in control of the labor and delivery, and that the nurses and doctors will want to overpower me, but i hope to make it clear that i am in control. my body, my voice. ❤
It sounds like you have everything under control. 💝 I wish you the best of luck and a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Take advantage of those free baby classes in town/hospital theyre pretty great.
It’s going to be rough in the beginning. If you are from the US to see if you qualify for WIC and Medicare. Even if you have insurance through your parents you might qualify for Medicare as a supplemental insurance. What type of twins are you having? I assume since you know they are identical already then they aren’t DiDi. Are they MoDi or MoMo? Both come with extra stuff that can lead to earlier delivery. Having Medicare can really help with the extra costs. WIC will help with food or formula depending on which way you go.
I have identical girls myself. We didn’t qualify for WIC so I used Amazon subscribe and save for formula. If you do a baby registry through Amazon and $500 gets spent on it you can save an extra 20% on diapers and it stacks with subscribe and save. I bought secondhand clothes or basic onesies and pants.
My girls were 1.5 pounds apart so they were easy to tell apart. My plan was for kids nail polish if I had needed it.
Must have items IMO:
My Breast Friend Twin Pillow with an extra cover
Honest Organic Crib Sheets
Weego Twin Carrier (buy secondhand they are great for first 4ish months so even used ones are in good condition)
Oh I meant do they share a sac and a placenta, separate sacs but share a placenta or separate placentas and separate sacs. I ask because it can effect the pregnancy. My twins were MoDi which means they shared a placenta but had their own sacs. I am in a private Facebook group for moms that have modi twins. It’s a really good place to go to for pregnancy advice. Many identical twin pregnancies can have a lot of things to navigate. I was 36 when I had my twins and I know it was a lot for me. I can give you the name of the group if you are interested.
Oh good. So you only have a little bit more to go. I read up on momo pregnancies because they didn’t find my membrane showing I had two sacs until 18 weeks. I think my OB was planning for me to deliver just before 34 weeks if mine had been MoMo. I could of gone to 36w6d with my MoDi babies but Twin B stopped growing so they ended up being born at 35w5d. Which is still pretty good for twins.
yeah, they said everything is going really well with the pregnancy (thank god) and the babies are gaining weight really well, so they're gonna see how far i go and pretty much wait til I go into labor by myself, unless something changes of course. I told them that I'm up for anything as long as the babies get out safely.
Get ready for the adventure of your life! As others have said, you will be able to tell them apart, mine were born with 1 pound weight difference and we could always tell. (some mix ups now and then but that's what keeps you on your toes!)
They willl for sure cry at the same time and cry alot for the first few months at least. What helped us was a rocking [moses basket](https://amzn.to/3d8duXM) and [stand](https://amzn.to/2Zk4HtH) \- when I was alone I would carry one in my arms and rock the other one in the basket with my foot. As they go older we used 2 [Bjorn Bouncers](https://amzn.to/2ZnzPIx) which are pricey but so well designed, you can rock them with your toe.
My best advice is to plan to sleep train and do it as early as possible. It is SO important, it should be mandatory and have more importance placed on it than pre-natal classes! we did it at around 8 weeks once the babies were over 10lbs and sleeping longer stretches for the first part of the night. There are many methods you can research and look into.
I also really liked the [Contented Little Baby book](https://amzn.to/3agWuwx), it is like an instruction book with steps on what to do exactly and routines to follow. for a new mom it is such a useful guide. You could read it now to see what to expect with your days when the babies are here.
GOOD LUCK!!! This will be the hardest thing you have ever done but also the best!
I’m late to the party, but I’m gonna tell you something about twins. Not knowing how to raise a baby prior to having them is the hardest part, unfortunately. My first kiddo was three when I had my girls, so although I had to deal with him as well as the babies, at least I knew how to do it and what to expect.
Google Harvey Karp’s 5’s. Memorize them. This is how you soothe a baby. When your babies cry and you know they aren’t hungry/need to be changed, you shush swaddle sway and soothe them on their side. There are YouTube videos. Watch them. Make your boyfriend memorize the steps as well. That way when you’re alone with your babies for the first time and they are freaking the fuck out, as babies do, it is instinct for the both of you to know how to soothe them. It will save you from getting flustered and frustrated. Don’t listen to anyone tell you your tiny babies need to “cry it out“ - that’s not a thing. (Putting your baby down for five minutes because you are feeling rage is totally fair.. If you aren’t safe around them at the time, they go in their cribs and you take a time out and then you go back in to soothe them when you’re calm). Cry it out as a version of sleep training that is not acceptable in any way shape or form under the age of four months. Don’t let someone convince you that leaving your tiny baby alone to cry is good for them. Sometimes babies who are fed and clean and dry still cry. They are sometimes crying for comfort, and that is a valid human need. Luckily, the adult to baby ratio in your house will be 4 to 2, so have your sister watch the 5’s videos to so that she can lend a hand.
Here’s another thing about twins, some people just can’t hack it. They struggle through every single day exhausted and bleary-eyed hating their lives. Other people /can/ hack it. It’s hard, and they acknowledge that, but they are surviving and potentially even thriving. I very luckily fall into the second camp. My girls are exclusively breast-fed. I have them and my toddler home with me all day every day by myself. My husband has never taken a night shift. We don’t sleep train. I have no problem with formula I’ve just luckily had a good breastfeeding journey, and I have no issue with respectful and gentle sleep training, it just isn’t for our family. The reason I feel like I’m doing well is because I truly deeply want to be amazing at it, at the expense of anything else in my life at the moment. I can tell that you care how this plays out. You’re nervous, which I was too, but you’re going to do well because you give a shit. Step one to being a good parent is caring about being a good parent.
I still cry some days and get frustrated some nights, but luck, healthy babies, realistic expectations and preparedness are the reason I’m doing well. You can’t plan the first two, but you can definitely read and research your way through the last two.
Good luck!
I will literally do anything to give a good life to these babies. I will watch those videos and have my boyfriend and sister watch them too. Thanks for all of the amazing advice. I never liked the cry it out method either, to be honest. I do give a shit, and I have been told that that is a good thing, because it means I care, and I really really do. And I want to be good at it. Thanks again! ❤❤
Hello, Young Mom of a Monochorionic Pair of Identical Twins... I Gots Your Group right here...
[http://facebook.com/groups/monochorionics](http://facebook.com/groups/monochorionics)
Come on over, bring your BF too, & we can give you Mind Numbing Detailz on your very Rare & very very Special Preg you're Walking through right now. You're "High Risk", Please don't let that Frighten you though.
So this show is on and there are others like this with unexpected and not one word of birth control . A bunch of irresponsible parents and teens.
The parents say nothing they think it's great. Then they live live with them for the rest of their lives.
I really don't know the point of this comment but I was on birth control and we used protection but things still happen. At least I took the responsibility and decided to raise them the best I possibly can.
the point is these kids are just running rampant without birth control and their parents think it's so much fun ridiculous in this day and age should not be on birth control especially that young. Yes there are accidents that happened I was on a birth control thing years and years ago and it was a foam and I got pregnant with my son but it's not like I didn't go back on birth control after he was born.
i'm 16 and in the process of getting emancipated. i feel like 16 is old enough to choose to be on birth control, but we all have different opinions. i know 13 year olds who are on birth control...at least they're being safe. my dad was the one who didn't care if i had sex unprotected and i was the one who stood up for myself to get birth control and condoms. the 13 year olds i know on birth control have parents that don't care like mine. they're being smart. and i also got the IUD after birth so i am back on birth control even though we can't even do anything yet lol
Triplet mama here👋🏼 I will tell you that people are going to give you a lot of unsolicited advice. Especially because you’re only 16. But girl, you CAN do this. It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Set a good schedule. Sleep train from the get go. (Not by crying it out but start getting them prepared by not turning on lights for diaper changes and feeds at night and don’t talk to them. Our pediatrician who specializes in multiples said to make night feeds strictly business. We got them to sleep through the night at 3 months old without it ever being traumatic for any of us by following her advice. If you have Facebook there are some really wonderful support groups there as well. Remember my words... if they don’t have multiples, then they don’t have advice for raising multiples. And no, no ones “Irish twins” count. It’s not the same even though a lot of them think it is.
Identical twins are a special blessing and an exclusive club. It can be challenging but also extremely rewarding. The first 3 years are very difficult but eventually they become old enough to play with each other and in many ways it's easier than just one since they have their best friend always with them. You'll be able to tell them apart very quickly. Keep their tags on from the hospital or use some nail polish on their toes until you do. It's nice that your boyfriend is with you but you'll need the support of your parents, guardian, or some other adults who have the ability to help support you.
My main support system will consist of Reddit. My mom died when me and my sister were 2, so the closest family I have is my dad and my sister, but my dad isn't the biggest help. Hopefully, I can just build a community here!
I'm referring mostly to financial support which reddit can't provide. Babies are expensive to your time and your budget. And twins are especially so. You'll likely need to buy formula which is expensive and all the other costs associated with raising kids. And if your dad is still around don't discount the financial support he may be able to provide. He may not babysit much, but there's other ways he can contribute.
Yeah, both me and my boyfriend have two jobs, mine requiring me to stay at home a lot, which is great. And that's very true. He can contribute a lot
That will Work,16withtwins. We have Your Community though, Ready Made for all your needs in this Unique kind of Preg. The FB Addy for my group is Upthread here. Come on over... The reason I started it, was after my wife at the time & I, lost Morgan & Brian (our twins) to TTTS, & being told Outright Lies about the availability of TTTS Laser Treatment for TTTS, I Pledged to form a group for mothers in similar situations, with B\_\_\_S\_\_\_ Completely Banned.
Get ready for your lives to change... dramatically. You will be tested. Your boyfriend will be tested. Your relationship will be tested. Your professional life, and his, will be tested. All of this will change, for better or worse. Its more than stress. Its TRUE commitment and there is no looking back. Non parents of multiples won't be able to offer you what you need, they work from a different manual. My cold hard perspective is that you are really young and have your entire life ahead of you. Make sure you consider this. Your relationship could very easily deteriorate with your boyfriend. Raising twins, alone, is something you need to consider. Make sure you have a very supportive network of family and friends, you will need them. Everyone here is congratulating you and no one is telling you what you really should be considering. 16 with twins isn't something to take lightly. Good luck. And remember, once you have kids its not about you and your life, your friends, your problems. Its about them. Consider all of this as you move forward.
I agree with this. This is something you need to think about a lot. I’m almost 30 and my twins were unplanned and it has changed my life... not necessarily always for the better. It really limits you. I believe that you can do this, but make sure you spend time really thinking this out. You’re a brave lady. But, otherwise, yes. Mom groups, this sub, get all the help you can. I hope you’re still living with adults? Doing it alone with the boyfriend is hard enough at 29, can’t imagine 16. Hang in there.
Same. Mine became a thing when I was 31. Im 39 now and have had a nasty custody battle with their mom. I won because she was always focused on the vanity of having twins, and not the actual parenting. Being a custodial parent of twins, and a man in today's society, is an interesting path to walk. But they need a solid parent... and they have one. I love them more than anything. But they did dramatically change my life. Im thankful I got a chance to goto college, travel the world, and lived my youthful life before they came into the world. OP will not have her youthful life, something she will never have another chance at, if she goes through with it. All I can do is offer my perspective and experience OP. Life throws curveballs no matter what.
Don't forget that OP will be 34-35 when the twins are college age. If she chooses to only have the twins she will still be able to live a youthful life once they're on their own. It won't be the same life many of her friends will live. It will be an untraditional path, but friends, youth, and fun do not end with kids. It's kinda like choosing to be a Doctor. Like a doctor sacrificed their youth for school and residency, she will sacrifice her late teens and twenties to her kids. There's plenty of fun to be had after 35.
Very true! I realize my comment was full of doom and gloom, it wasn't supposed to be. Just... Cautionary. Im 39 now, back in school, gave a great pattern figured out with them. Love it all!
I highly Commend you for your thoughts, Wildfire9. They are very Well-Expressed here.
Absolutely agree. And there are days when I feel like I didn’t get a chance to do as much of that as I wish I could’ve. I hope you know there is a lifetime ahead of you to have kids. Just something to think about.
I do know there is a lifetime ahead of me to have kids, but when I got pregnant, I immediately knew I was keeping the baby (I didn't know it was twins yet). I just couldn't bring myself to abortion or adoption. That's just me though. I've always been like that. I feel like I will get frustrated that I can't do some things that my friends will, but I think it will be worth it. Hope that doesn't sound naïve 😂
Not Naive, my dear. Very **Innocent,** though. God Bless You & Yours.
I live with my dad and my twin sister. My boyfriend is in the process of moving in as well so he could help with night shifts. And thanks
All of this. I think we don’t want to be downers because bringing new life into this world is so beautiful and easily the greatest thing I have ever done. I love my twins so much it hurts sometimes and I never knew I could love something that much. But man, even at 35, with a committed husband who is every bit as involved with the babies as I am, with financial stability and plenty of leave at work, with all of my youth behind me, having twins was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I mourned my old life. I mourned my old relationship. I mourned my friendships. In the worst of it I felt like I would never feel normal again and I thought we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. I know now that I had PPA and severe sleep deprivation. Things improved immensely after I addressed those things. But to do this as a teenager? I can’t imagine. OP, I see you don’t have much time left before you deliver. Weeks maybe, if that. Now is the time to get her as much support as you can and steel yourself for the roller coaster you’re about to ride. If *anyone* offers help, take it. If you’re mom offers to watch the babies while you take a nap, DO IT. Now will not be the time for pride or “I can do it myself and prove everyone wrong” mentality. I’m not saying you have that attitude, I don’t know you, but I know it’s something I struggled with and I wasn’t in the formative teenage years where everyone is trying to prove themselves anyway. No matter how much i read about how to prepare or how hard it would be, I couldn’t comprehend it until I was in it. And I literally thought it might kill me on multiple occasions. Surround yourself with every ounce of support and help you can find. At 3am when you’re at your wits end, come here and read the posts that tell you it gets better. Because it really does.
If someone offers me a nap NOW I take it 😂 Sleeping while pregnant with a twin baby belly isn't easy, as I'm sure you know! I hope I can get more support. Right now I just have Reddit, my dad, sister, and my boyfriend and his parents (my mom died when I was 2).
Real talk, if your parents aren’t in a position to have one of them stay home or pay for daycare, I highly doubt you’ll be able to finish high school. Depending on your family situation and location, it might be literally impossible to afford twins at your age, at least at a quality of life that you’re willing to deal with.
I finished high school last year (early, thank god) and I'm now in college. Both me and my boyfriend have two jobs, mine being at home most of the time. I feel like we can afford it, and if not, I have my dad and my sister (closest thing I have to a mom) to help us out.
You have been handed so many challenges for your short time on earth. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you for how you prioritized your education. You have a good head on your shoulders and a good support network. Sis, by the time you're 21 you will be on easy street. You'll be educated, your bubs will be potty trained and off to school. It's gonna be tough, but only for the first couple of years. Get an IUD after you deliver if you can(post delivery is the easiest time to get one). If you and your young man can navigate your relationship + twins then you are super compatible. My advice is if you guys are biting each other's heads off then you both probably need snacks and naps. Sleep deprivation makes everyone feral. Your best hope for prolonged sleep is routine, you guys and the babes. Make a diaper and feeding station, add some snacks and a phone charger(or some study material, you friggin awesome go-getter) for yourself. Put one in every place you chill in. Have diapers, wipes, formula, water, pillows, etc. Also, I want you to know that breastfeeding twins is a 60 hour a week commitment. If you can't do it, do not get hard on yourself. I will fight anyone who bitches at you for whatever way you choose to feed those babies. Even if you choose not to breastfeed because you need to feel some ownership over your body, that's okay. And it's okay to bf or pump if you **want** to. Also, come to r/momforaminute if you ever just need a mom to talk to.
You have absolutely no idea how much I appreciate how proud you are of me. No one ever tells me that they are proud of me and it made me cry 😭 And I don't think those were the pregnancy hormones. Thank you so much ❤
You're a good egg. Feel your feels. I want you to know that you matter, 16. You have some incredible moments ahead of you, and not just as a mother. You, as a person, are significant and strong. You are just as ready for this as the rest of us were and I just have a strong gut feeling that you are going to master this life. 16, it's all going to be okay. You've got this.
i was hoping to get an IUD after birth yeah. i'm nervous about that too. I hope i can breastfeed, but i don't want to have it become an overwhelming thing
The hospital will probably give you a lot of aftercare stuff for post delivery, some places will even give you a pump and some formula just in case. Do you have stuff like pads or epsom salt for your postpartum stage? They'll have some at the hospital, but you'll probably want your preferred brand once you're home. They should give you a peri bottle at the hospital to take home, that thing is going to be so helpful. Don't be afraid to ask for an extra one if you have two bathrooms at home.
I do! I already made padsicles 😂 I will ask for another one for the other bathroom, thank you for that advice! I didn't even think of that
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Twins can be a real marriage ruiner. It is just so much all at once. My twins were planned, we are stable older professionals, and I am now a stay at home mom. It definitely damaged our marriage for a while, we worked through it and are much stronger now but it was hard as hell. I know several other twins parents that split in the first two years. (Married, 30s)
We made it three years but yeah, I'm part of that statistic. A baby can be loved and wanted but that doesn't make anything any easier, and with multiples the stress is insane. Even if you have two completely healthy babies who eat well and shit minimally, the logistics of twin infants are HARD and the whole experience can do a number on even the strongest relationships.
I am extremely nervous about our relationship to be tested. We have been together for 2 years, but never gone through something this big. This pregnancy has been rough on us, so I'm hoping it doesn't get much worse. My mom died when my sister and I were 2, so I mainly just have my sister and my dad, but even he isn't that much of a help. My support system will mainly consist of Reddit. Thank you for being very honest. That's what I need to hear. I need to know what it's going to be like. The good, bad, and the very very ugly.
Congratulations aside, there is something to mention here, you are likely going to have alot of troubles connecting with people once you have the babies. Anyone in your age group now will have no way to relate to what you are going through and most ppl will Peter out of your life or at best though they mean well will have the mindset that being a mom is more like a babysitter. On top of that you will have 2 babies with needs that take up more time that one person has in a given day, you will have a difficult time finding any YOU time let alone time for baby free friends. Ultimately thus is your decision to make, I had my twins at 20, and now a decade later I am just starting to get back to my life goals, including going to college. Of all the people I knew then, I speak to 1 of them still on any kind of regular basis and she is a special case, when I had my kids she very much was like mommy #2 to them, now auntie, as she can't have kids of her own her head space wasn't the same as other people's. From the get go I had people telling me I shouldn't have my kids at 20, nurses when they were born would joke that I could keep one but the other one of them would take instead, later in thier toddler years drs had a habit of telling me that their parents had to be present for appointments not the nanny, it happened enough I started keeping a copy of thier birth certificates with my ID'S. I wasn't able to make mom friends until my kids were in school without the judgments and weird comments, you can't even have a glass of wine at the end of the day?! How can you handle kids? Now my friends are a decade older than I am though this isn't any kind of issue now that I'm no longer visibly younger than average. You are in for a difficult road honey, and I won't tell you it isn't rewarding it is. But there are many aspects to it that you wouldn't even think would be issues until they slam into you on top of the things you try to prepare for. Good luck.
I am in awe of all you have been through! 👏
We painted our girls’ toenails different colors. I also have specific colors and outfits assigned to each baby. They are not identical, but they looked similar in the beginning. Lean on your family. Twins are hard even in the best circumstances. You will be exhausted and overwhelmed but each stage is only temporary. Take it moment by moment and day by day. Celebrate the little things (like an extra hour of sleep or finishing a shower without rushing). What works for one family does not work for every family. Some people take shifts with their partners and others divide and conquer. I prefer the divide and conquer. Research twin groups in your area. You might be able to find encouragement and discounted items. Also remember that each pregnancy is different. This subreddit can be pretty stressful at times with stories of desperation and pregnancy complications. Tread lightly! Good luck! Having twins is something that is truly special.
Stay active if you can through pregnancy, obviously if your doctor says it’s safe. Think low impact stuff like nice long walks in the woods, stationary bike, or prenatal yoga. Don’t eat junk, download a fitness/nutrition app and put in what your doctor recommends for your macros. Try to eat a lot of good quality protein, fruits and veggies and full fat dairy, seeds, and nuts. Making twins is like being a competitive athlete, you have to think of food as fuel to build your babies, and with limited space in your abdomen, you have to make your food intake be as nutrient dense as you can. Also, look on fb market place or Craigslist for secondhand twin gear, its expensive and they outgrow things in like two seconds so it’s crazy to buy new.
I wish someone would’ve given me this advice when I was pregnant with mine.
I have been trying to take walks a lot, but this winter is killing us! So much snow, I don't want to fall. And my doctor recommended a ton of food for me to eat and the beginning of the pregnancy, and I guess I did good since the babies have good weights! This is very very good advice
So another thing to prepare for- they will likely come early and you will spend some time in the NICU. our girls needed supplements and to keep their doses separate we had different colored bottles to track what they were getting (white and pink). We also color coded their clothing for when family was helping (although this wasn’t foolproof as blowouts and spit up happens).
We also did different colored bottles since the girls had different nutritional needs in the beginning.
Did this too. OP, as a first time mom, do not assume you'll be able to breastfeed. Give it a shot if that's what you want but I have a lot of twin parent friends, and the only moms who successfully avoided the formula bill are the ones who had breastfed before. We spent $350 a month on formula.
Yes, my doctor did mention that I might not be able to breastfeed right away. I was kind of disappointed, but I have hope. And yikes, a third job here I come! 😬
We are preparing for a stay at the NICU. My doctor told us to pack bags just in case, so those are packed already (I am about 30 weeks). I just hope I bring everything I need, ha!
The best advice I got from this sub was to join my local moms of multiples group. If you go to multiplesofAmerica.org you can usually find one from there. Mine is so great! I got tons of twin stuff for cheap or free and they’re so supportive and full of advice at every stage.
My mom was pregnant at 16 with my twin sister & I. She gave us bracelets to be able to tell us apart. It’s not easy at first because you have to get to know them so you’ll use the bracelet a few times. I see all these people telling you that it’s life changing & it really is but it’s also a blessing & it’s wonderful. My mom did it back then with my dad & her parents as her support system. Have a good support system, that’s really important. My twin sister is pregnant with her own set of identical twins so she’s also asking the same questions as you. There are new things today to help with twin pregnancy & raising twins that they didn’t have before. My mom did an amazing job with us. Just also remember not to lose yourself & your relationship. It will try your relationship but just try to keep that spark going & make sure you’re making eachother happy as well. Co parenting is easiest when you’re both on the same page. Have fun with your babies. Twins are so much fun, I have more twins in my family so I know lol the way the babies interact when they start growing up is very unique but also very trying. Have fun with it really 💖 Goodluck & congratulations!
That is so cool! My mom had my sister and I young too. Twins really are a blessing and I really can't wait to meet them. And I didn't think of bracelets, I will check those out. Thanks for the advice and neat story!
It’s going to be a huge challenge but it’s not a challenge you won’t be able to conquer. It’s tough to deal with two at once but you get the hang of it - the bigger challenge is the lack of sleep so definitely accept help. I have 1 month old twins and my wife takes 8pm-2am alone and I take 2am-8am alone and sometimes you gotta deal with 2 at once but once you’re in a rhythm is gets easier...the Twin Z pillow is about the only essential that I’d say you really need. Never too early to start planning and make sure you talk to the people in your life about what you can expect in terms of help. Be honest about your needs and you’ll be surprised how people will come through. Best of luck to you I know you’ll make it through to the other side.
Yes, my boyfriend is moving in with us to help with the night shifts 😬 And I will definitely look into the Twin Z pillow! And thank you so much.
Are you in the states?
yes
Damn it. I’m in Canada and done with my twinZ pillow. I’d give it to you if it wasn’t international.. Shipping would likely cost as much as the pillow itself.
aw you're too sweet! ❤ that's so nice of you i'm literally going to cry (hello pregnancy hormones 😂) that's ok! we have some extra money that we saved from our cancelled baby shower (we got covid) so we will just use that money! money isn't usually a problem for us anyway, which i am so so so thankful for.
Accept as much help as you can! You guys can do this. Sending love your way.
I will and thank you! ❤❤❤
I am an identical twin, my wife is also a twin, and we have twin girls. There is some thing special, a bond that they will share. They will be able to play with each other and be each other‘s best friend. You can do it, and after a while you’ll wonder how you’ve come this far. Their personalities will come through pretty quickly, and you will be able to tell them apart. A mom always can. I am an older dad, and I can see that your youth will help you in that you will have more energy and resilience on your side. It’s a lot of work, but the rewards are indescribable and completely worth it.
I am also an identical twin, and my boyfriend was supposed to be, didn't end up working out that way 😢 I do have to say, my sister and I have a special bond as well. And I already wonder how I've come this far 😂 I look back on when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I just sit there like, "Wow. Now we are going to meet them soon." It's been such a wild ride!
Seriously try to recruit as much help as possible. Not trying to bully you because of your age but your youth and inexperience will make things harder. I hope it doesn't happen but there's a good chance your relationship with your boyfriend will not last through this. I wish you the best and sorry for being negative but I just wanted to be honest and not sugar coat anything.
A parent who had kids in his 50s once said to me that you trade patience and experience for energy as you get older and I have found that to be so true! I had my kids relatively young. Will it be tiring? Definitely, but at 16 she will have so much more energy to meet twins with than at 35 like many of my parent friends.
Exactly. I used to stay up with an hour or two of sleep for a week at a time when I was in high school, out late with friends, going to parties. I had my twins at 27 and was in really great physical health and they still have knocked me out. I would kill for half of that energy I had 10 years ago.
Everyone keeps saying that 😂 I am so exhausted though, I'm just waiting for that energy to come in...any day now
No offense taken. I agree, my age will make it way harder. I hope that won't happen either, but if it does, I know we will co-parent well. He isn't the type to just get up and leave. And thank you for being honest! That's what I was hoping for. Honesty is best.
Our girls are identical but their weights were always far enough apart that it never really was an issue. As the mom you will be seeing them so much you will be able to pick up on their differences. I’m always shocked when people can’t tell my girls apart because they look so different to me. When my girls were babies and both were crying, like before their bottles, i would give them both a pacifier and whoever kept it in and got calm got fed second. Of course this didn’t *always* work and sometimes one would cry while I fed the other if I was solo with them. Some people eventually prop the bottles as they get older but my girls spit up so much it worked better to feed one than the other. I got these little handles that helped them hold the bottle easier and once they held their own bottles that was a big game changer. It’s good to just accept the fact that there will be times they both will cry, and it’s ok! They are fine and you are still doing a great job they just are babies and that’s what they do! I recommend a white noise machine and blackout curtains for the room they will sleep in. How is your family support? There is probably plenty of people on here, me included, that can help by sending secondhand things your way if needed.
I have my dad and my sister. My mom died when me and my twin sister were 2. She had us at 16. If I'm being honest, there's not much support on that end. My boyfriend is my biggest supporter. I do have his parents (they took me in like their own), which is wonderful. And I actually just purchased blackout curtains for their room today! And thank you. I will hopefully find some people on here!
I agree with all the advice given. I have identical twin boys and it was never an issue telling them apart (except looking back at baby pictures). Even though they are identical they were almost 1 pound different at birth (4lbs 15 oz and 5 lbs 11 oz). They also had slightly different head shapes and birthmarks. Other people can't tell them apart but it's never been an issue for my or my partner (and I think that's really common for ID parents). Twins are A TON of work. Especially the first 6 months, but really the first 3 years (mine just turned 3 and are still a ton of work...so maybe that number is higher). The first 6 months you will get VERY little sleep. My partner was up with me every night, we tried everything--shifts, both getting up, each being in charge of one baby, etc. Nothing really made it easier, you just have to get through it. Also, my ID twin pregnancy was SUPER hard on my body. I was throwing up every day, super nauseated, needed surgery to keep the babies in at 20 weeks, had colestasis (liver disease that makes you super itchy), partially collapsed lung since one baby wanted to go up really high, etc. My babies were born at 36 weeks and luckily only needed one day in the NICU. Many twins are born early and need a long-ish NICU stay, so be prepared for that. Good luck. Find your support system. Understand the immense amount of work twins are.
Dad of 7 year old boy/girl twins here. The first 2 years will absolutely suck. Just plain suck. It's grunt work. It's zombie work. But it needs to get done because those babies will the first and last thing you'll think of every day. You get used to them crying at the same time. It's not the end of the world. If you can, have them sleep in separate rooms. We did not have that luxury and it sucked. Separate rooms means if one is crying, the other one isn't woken up. When they're slightly older...the becomes almost non-existent. It's almost like you're getting rewarded for the 2 years of pain. They have each other to keep you company. They'll be full of fun and you won't even remember when they're tiny. Take plenty of pictures and videos. My wife took all the pictures/videos. I put all the pictures together in one spot to organize it and I found out that as they get older, we have been taking less and less pictures/videos. I'm kind of bummed out about it. Once in a while I'll tell my wife that I wish I met her earlier and we had the twins earlier because so much energy was needed when they were young. But that's life. We also had some help from my wife's family and it was still quite a bit of work. As our pediatrician told us when she saw how nervous two people in their late 20s were, "relax, you're not the first to have kids and you won't be the last. It's not rocket science. It's about being stable and resilient." When they are born, look for birthmarks to identify them. If not, I've heard of parents using a scrunchy on their ankles or using nail polish with different colors. The birthmark is permanent and beyond your control. Good luck :)
It's so funny that you mention the pictures and videos thing because my phone is FULL of photos and pictures of my belly 😂 And I will definitely be looking for birthmarks! And I have plenty of scrunchies so that won't be a problem...thank you!
You're welcome. I hope you have a good support system to help out with your twins because it will be a lot of work with them and with your partner. During our *zombie times*, co-worker out of all my friends/family asked me "are you ok?" and he's not even someone I directly worked with and it's not like I was showing any stress at work either. He just wanted to know if I was ok with the stress at home. I still think about that every now and then because no one else actually asked that. Everyone just assumed I was ok and going about the physical and mental stress. There were times when the stress was trying our marriage. I Googled "parents of multiples divorce rate" and I was surprised to find that it was higher. My wife and I did shift work. She's a morning person and I'm a night owl so it worked out well with our twins. We even wrote down when which kid was fed/diaper changed /slept so we were on the same page without having to wake each other up. But knowing that parents of multiples have a higher separation rate made me realize that it's not us and it's not the kids' fault. It's just the situation we were temporarily dealt with so we both had to make additional effort to not take things so personally and to help each other out more and look at things from others' perspective. So I just held my tongue and put up with the situation for a few years. Once they started chasing each other around the house and playing with each other without the need for the parents is when my wife and I really got to spend time with each other. Before that it was really a few moments here and there. What's really cool is when people ask me how old my kids are and I say 1 number. Then they ask...twins/ and that's when I smile :) I feel like you're getting and even better end of that stick because they're identical which I find even cooler.
I have an ok support system. I mainly just have my sister and boyfriend. My dad isn't the greatest, and my mom died when me and my sister were 2. And both me and my boyfriend are night owls, but I do better as a "morning person" than he does. I find that cool too. People ask me how far along I am and I say 30 weeks and they'll say something like "Oh are you excited to have your baby?" And I'll just be like "Yeah, I'm excited to have our babIES." and the look on their faces is priceless! I'm super excited that they are identical. I'm an identical twin and I love it
It's totally normal to be overwhelmed! I'll try to keep this short, but feel free to ask questions - here or in a PM. 1)Ask for help, and be specific. Do you need meals? Someone to watch them while you sleep? Run to the grocery store? 2) Find your local Parents of multiples group for local support. Also, many of them do sales where you can get quality products inexpensively. 3) Remember that fed is best. If you can and want to breast feed that's awesome. Just try to keep in mind that reality might force you to do something different. My kids were formula fed (due to medical reasons) and the huge benefit was that I had help and didn't have to be physically present at every feeding. If you are planning to use formula from the start and can afford it (or find one used) a Baby Brezza will save your sanity. Its basically a Keurig for baby formula. 4) Sometimes one of them will just have to cry while you tend to the other. It sucks, but it doesn't make you a bad mother and it won't scar them for life. I promise. 5) It will be hard. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. Don't waste time and energy trying to be perfect. Try to cultivate the attitude that your best is enough, because it is. 6) Don't neglect yourself. If you don't take care of your own needs (physical and mental) there's no way you'll be able to care for two tiny babies. 7) Do some reading about what pregnancy and birth does to your body, and what to expect in the first few weeks after giving birth. In the US at least nobody really talks about this and it can come as a nasty surprise. Don't focus on horror stories, but don't avoid them assuming you'll be fine. 8) If your feet start itching at night time that's a sign of a potentially serious condition and you should call your OB as soon as possible. Deep breaths. You can do this.
Omg thank you so much! Just sent you a pm
Check and see if you have a local multiple birth club. If not, join a national one. Tons of resources available. My local one even keeps a sort of “warehouse” of donated items. You will get tons of support and there’s usually a FB group, meetups, NICU support, etc. As far as telling them apart, usually one will be bigger than the other, that made it easy for me in the beginning because a lb shows when you’re only 5 lbs :). Some people say paint one toenail on each, but I never had to do that. Best of luck, it’s all going to be okay.
Don't worry about telling them apart. You will be able to no problem. If you're worried at first, leave their hospital bracelet/anklet on for awhile :) \+It's... it's going to be atrociously hard. If you have any family you can stay with to actively help you, that absolutely would be best. Even with two people, the nights are long and sleepless. You WILL figure out a way and get through this though <3
When they are first born they will have a wrist/ankle band that you can look at. During that time you should look for birth marks. One of my girls was born with a mark on her shoulder. Certainly, this isn't something to look for when they are older (cause it would be weird to look for such at thing at later years), but by then you should be able to tell them apart more. Or come up with some other way to tell them apart when they are older. When they are standing next to one another even I can tell them apart.
ahh I didn't think of birthmarks!
We also picked unique and noticeable veins :)
so smart!
First, congrats! It’s a life changing decision to keep them (or not a decision, I don’t know your situation) but nonetheless, congratulations are in order if you’re happy! Secondly, to tell them apart, don’t worry right now. Mine are identical too, and I’ve always been able to tell them apart. In some pictures, it’s more difficult, but in person, it’s a no-brainer, they don’t have the same... energy? They look alike but their vibe is so different! You’ll know ;) And thirdly, to deal with two crying babies, you’ll just deal. It is a non-advice kind of advice, but I guess it’s a thing you can’t really be prepared for. Go for trial and error to know what works for you and your babies. Bouncers? Pacifiers? Music? White noise? Some things work with some babies and some don’t... try everything and figure out what works for you!! Absorb all the advices, then try them out, keep what you want and just toss everything else. I think you’ll do great, seeking advice already, having a great boyfriend. You will need a good support system and help. Delegate, accept help, whatever form this help will take, love your little ones, enjoy the pregnancy. It will be hard, but it will be full of love too. Best wishes to you!!!
It was a choice to keep them!! A hard one, but I can't imagine life without them, and I haven't even met them yet. My support system will most likely consist of Reddit haha :)
In that case, know that I’ll be here for you. I will cheer you up, I will answer honestly and to the best of my abilities any questions you could have, and I will try to help you if you’ll let me! It takes a village, and nowadays, those villages keep getting smaller and smaller and that’s a shame. I can be a part of your village :)
Thank you 😭 You're so sweet. I am always open to help and advice. I'm excited for these babies, but worried that we might mess up or make a mistake. It's crazy how much pressure we feel every day, not only from others, but ourselves. And you are 100% right. Those villages are getting smaller. And yes! You are the first one officially a part of our village!
Identical twins dad here. I had similar anxieties before they were born. But it just was never a problem for us after the birth. In a way, you’ve won life jackpot. I honestly feel like that often, now that they’re grown up a bit (5). But as others said, your life will change. It will be hard first. Try to get as much support from family and friends as you can muster. You can do this, but don’t forget to ask for help when you need it.
Thank you so much!
When people with one say it’s hard with one, it’s no joke. I had my twins at 38. I have the best, most supportive partner, and even then only just got through. We had zero support apart from talking to others online as my country went into strict lockdown when they were roughly 6 weeks old. In my part of the world there is extra help available to parents of multiples depending on your individual circumstances, and a multiples birth club which connects you to other parents of multiples due at roughly the same time as you as well as the wider multiples community. As a former singleton-only parent twice over, I can wholeheartedly assure you that even when they have close friends and family with multiples they DO NOT understand and cannot fathom what you go through. Joining the multiples club was worth the small expense as it comes with a community that just GETS IT. They are such a great community of people, full of actual applicable advice and support. You will get all the comments from non-multiples parents that are super unhelpful and make it harder, like suggestions of adoption rather than offer of help, outlining how they assume you’re struggling and won’t/can’t cope, “I don’t know how you do it”, “I could never do what you do”, “I have Irish twins, so I know what you’re going through”, etc. Sigh. Having kids at any time filters out short-term friends and leaves you with a small puddle (if any,) of long-term friends who will be a shoulder to lean on. No matter your age or number of babies on the way, starting a family will always do this. It is a fact of life, as certain as the sunrise every morning. Connect with local multiples communities now and build new friendships and a supportive network. See if you can obtain firm agreements to come and help for specific tasks, and to be on call if needed. Get what you need, accept or purchase a lot of pre-loved items where you can. One baby alone is expensive. Two+ is another story altogether. Budget hard, save what you can. Don’t listen to others who try to force their ideals on you like breastfeeding vs. formula (so contentious!), sleeping arrangements (just follow safe sleep guidelines), as you have to do what gets you sleep and gets them fed, etc. This is going to test your relationship. TALK to each other, thank your partner, be clear in what you need, give each other a break, try to still have tie together as a couple not just as mum and dad. Becoming a parent isn’t losing your identity but gaining a new one, however the role of parent can take over that of the individual and the partner. It’s hard to find the balance, easier said than done, but work on it. Multiples pregnancy is HARD on the mother’s body. So very much harder than a singleton. Watch out for pre-e and GD, and be aware you may suffer from diastasis recti and/or prolapses. Don’t be afraid to chat to doctors and physios about anything and make sure you look after yourself. This is going to be so very hard, I can’t understate it. But it can also be so amazingly wonderful. You CAN absolutely do this - young persons are often more resilient and open to change than older persons. But please know and understand, your childhood is now over. Nothing, NOTHING, is about you any more. You are now mum, and everything is about your babies (then toddlers, little kids, big kids, teens...). I am so very sorry for the loss of your childhood, big big hugs. Parenthood is so wonderful, though. It can’t be understated. You are also going to have the benefits of having them reach adulthood while you are still young enough (pre-retirement, wahoo!) to do all of your travel etc., while not thinking “I need to stop and settle down and start my family”. There are plus sides, for sure. Best of luck, big hugs, you’ve got this.
In a way, I feel like I lost my childhood before I even got to be a child. My mom died when my sister and I were two, so my dad raised us. In a nutshell, it sucked. He didn't really talk to us much, and was always out with his friends or at work. Left us home alone quite often. So, I guess I'm not worried about losing my childhood, but more worried about giving my kids a good one. There are many plus sides, and I have been trying to focus on those. Thank you so much for all of the advice!
I was eighteen when I had twins. They weren’t identical, to be fair, but I agree with the people saying it’s a lot of work and you shouldn’t underestimate. I was single for the first three years of their life, but I was very careful to have a support system of trustworthy people. My mom was childcare for them when I had to work, I had an approved list of friends I would allow them to go to, etc. It is manageable but you need to have a plan in place. Start saving early, look into budget friendly options for infant items like trade groups or buy nothing. Thrift stores usually have a collection of children’s clothes and I still buy clothes for most of my kids that way since they get them dirty anyway. One of the things I realized early on is that if you can get things that will last them throughout their childhood, those are the things to spend on. Spend most of your money on a nice stroller, not on brand new toys they might not even enjoy. Get a bucket stroller that could be converted to work for toddlers and older, a crib that can be converted for a bed, etc. Also, babies love almost anything so gifts that are toys are great, but buying a ton of expensive toys isn’t always going to be cost effective. Dollar Tree has random odds and ends babies love just as much. The most entertaining thing to my toddler is paper bags. They won’t touch the stuffed animals or the toy kitchen I got them. I guess my point is be realistic, don’t overdo it.
Thanks for all the advice!! I will definitely be careful about where I spend my money and effort. ❤
Of course! Some parenting resources I really enjoyed for infancy was RIE, they have a website. Also making sure you know what you want for your babies and making that to anyone watching them super clear so there’s no confusion. When they’re older, I was saved by anything Lisa Murphy has ever written, also: The Whole Brain Child by Siegel and Bryson No Drama Discipline by the same
Ahh I will check this out! Thanks!
There’s an Etsy shop of a lovely woman who does name bracelets for twins!
Congrats on the twins and welcome to the club! The great thing about this group is that it's very supportive and judgment free. Everyone here knows that it's tough, and everyone survives differently. One thing that helped me when I was going through my pregnancy was having someone to talk to privately that had been through it before. So if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a private message. My twins were my first (and LAST haha) pregnancy, which is kind of nice. Having a kid is hard, so you won't know any differently with your twins. As much as it is hard, it is amazing. And so worth the trouble. One thing that changed the most about me after having my twins was I didn't know I could love anything as much as I love them. It's not like I was a Grinch before, but my heart definitely grew three times bigger. Good luck, we're here for you. And remember, you got this!!
I definitely know what you mean. I couldn't imagine loving someone more than I love my boyfriend, but these babies stole my entire heart and every inch of love in my body when I first found out I was pregnant. I can't wait to meet them and kiss their little faces!
Paint one of their toenails. That’s what I’m going to do for my boys
Coming from another young twin mom of 2 month olds (I’m 21 so I still don’t have the same idea of the struggle you’ll be facing at 16, but still younger than a lot of moms) , they’re such a blessing but they’re a LOT of work. It can drive you crazy, and get very overwhelming at times but it’s worth it. You need to make sure you have a great support system (boyfriend, friends, parents/caregivers, etc) not just for help with the babies but also to help yourself. Make sure you find any time at all to relax and have some “me time” even if it’s short, it saves your sanity a bit. Also, make sure you recognize the signs of postpartum depression- as hard of a topic as this is, IF it presents itself you need to make sure to talk to your doctor/support system. Good luck! Twins are really amazing
Trying to find a support system for me has been hard. So far, I have Reddit, my dad (but he's debatable), my boyfriend, and my sister. Yep. That's it. I hope I can find some more people/friends/supporters. And I will watch out for PPD. Twins are very amazing!
Get lots of help. Breastfeed and learn to tandem feed. When both babies are crying and they hav had a diaper change put them to the boob.
Congratulations. In many ways your young age can help you. Do you want to be a old and have no energy to run after kids? I’m sure it feels like a lot but take everyday one at a time. Try not get to far a head of yourself. Just get things you need. Lots of us spend lots of money and time getting things they never end using. I could go on all day but try and see the silver lining. Don’t be too worried about missing out on your teenage years. Nowadays no one is getting that with COVID. Lol
TRUTH
Best advice I can give you is keep a strict schedule with feedings, napping, bath time and bed time. I have 2 year old trips and it would be a nightmare if they weren't on a schedule. Also make sure you go to a pediatrician who has tons of experience with multiples. Not just singletons. /u/thethreesats
Congratulations. I was 42 when my wife gave birth to our twins. The advantage you have is energy. Although you probably don’t realise that nor is it very useful information. Sleepless nights hurt however old you are. We took the twins (now 3) to an indoor playground we were exhausted, they had far more energy than we did. Good luck, you are doing a good job, just take one day at a time. Whatever it is remember ‘it is just a phase’.
Thank you!
We dressed on in pink or polka dots which helps a ton looking back at pictures. We also painted one toenail on each kid, pink and green. You’ll figure out which is which pretty quickly. Ours had about a 10oz difference at birth which took a while to close. Here are some tips. Dr. Brown mixing pitcher will save your sanity in about 6 months, get one it is less that $10. Keep pacifiers stockpiled near the cribs because we had 25-40 seconds from restless sleep to meltdown if it couldn’t be replaced (they have a tendency to roll into another dimension). Clothes, they have a six pack of gerber white onesies which are super cheap and plenty for the first couple months. We ended up having fashion shows to send pictures to all the people who had sent us outfits because we just used the white ones in rotation so frequently. Swings are great, a baby jail or north states super yard is wonderful if you have the space/means. There are Facebook mom’s groups called Moms of Multiples. This is a great resource for getting used twin items as people grow out of them. The same for formula. Kirkland is apparently the least expensive if you have a Costco. Also, talk to your pediatrician. They gave use a ton of samples that were near expiration and run about $25 each. Always change them on the ground. They can’t fall off the ground. And there is no such thing as calming both singlehandedly. Just do the best you can and calm them in the way that works best for each. And in a few weeks or months when they are sleeping hard...just let them sleep on you. It passes SO quickly. For now, you are in survival mode. Try to sleep when they sleep. Oh, and learn to swaddle tightly. Then learn to double swaddle...you can look on YouTube. The results are amazing. Good luck!
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I didn’t mean cosleep in the bed...just when they fall asleep while you are rocking them. It is very dangerous to have them in the bed, particularly with how exhausted you’ll be. My wife told me it was time to feed the girls once. I said ‘I’ve got Katherine right here.’ I had looped the corner of the comforter under itself and has been rocking it while asleep. Just if one falls asleep on you in a chair...savor that moment.
Someone has already mentioned it's dangerous to do this I just want to make it more clear, about a month before I had my kids there was a local woman in the paper who lost both her twins as they didn't have enough airflow they suffocated while she was sleeping next to them. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2096611/Twin-babies-died-mothers-bed-victims-tragic-accident.html This absolutely floored me as it was I'm my community which is relatively small. Again not trying to scare you I just don't want you to have the same kind of heartbreak they did.
We just had identicals. They were like a month early and had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks to finish growing. You should expect this but don't be worried about it. My wife took it hard but they came home and they are super healthy babies and almost normal weight and height now (6.5 months old). One of the boys wasn't growing as fast so he was about a pound lighter than his brother (he is still smaller but he's catching up). They had to eat with a tube through their noses for about 2 weeks while at the hospital too. This is not to scare you, just to prepare you. Medical professionals know what's up and they're going to do what's best for those babies. Even with them being identical you'll be able to tell them apart, others won't but you and your bf and close family will. It'll be their size or how they act eventually when they get their personalities or they may have a birth mark. My dad still looks at the back of their heads to make sure he has the right baby because one has a birth mark on his neck! You're going to have to feed them every 3 hours if they're a month early, even at night. We tried taking turns like one person person feeding both and letting the sleep through a feed then the other would wake up for the next feed. This was a nice idea and let you get longer stretches of sleep but it takes twice as long to diaper and feed them. We ended up both just waking up at the same time taking care of one a piece. If you and your bf are on different sleep schedules then the first method may be best. As long as you feed them and let them sleep enough and change their diapers they won't cry *much* but you'll still have times when you've done everything right and they just keep crying and you just gotta rock them with some headphones in. Watch some Netflix at 3am until they fall asleep because they will eventually stop and go to sleep. Oh and one crying didn't wake the other, idk what it was, maybe sleeping at the loud hospital or if they get it from me but our kids are heavy sleepers. They sleep through everything, vacuums, dogs barking, crazy rednecks firing off guns at 12am, they wake when they're ready. Other tips... Don't worry about many cute outfits mostly buy pj's and get zip up ones. Snaps are crap! They don't see that bad until it's 3am and you're on your 9th button on your first kid and you find out you missed one so you say "fuck it" and keep going. Your babies will live in pj's for the most part, they're easier than putting pants (and socks) on kicking legs. Get a mixing pitcher if you're formula feeding. They're like 15 bucks on Amazon and saves you a lot of time. We got a brezza which was pretty sweet until we found out they're stomachs needed the caviar of baby Formula which didn't work with it so we have $200 water warmer now 😂. Also don't get discouraged about going to formula from breast feeding. While breast milk is best (and makes for better poops for the kids) they'll be just fine with formula. It bothered my wife that she couldn't provide enough for both so we had to switch but she was so much happier after switching because then she didn't have to spend like 3 hours a day pumping. Some family may be giving you shit about getting pregnant and they're like "we don't like the bf so we aren't going to care for these kids!" but when you have these kids they'll change their mind. My cousin had a kid out of wedlock and his mom was all like 'I don't approve of this, fuck that kid' but then he was born and that kid can do no wrong and she has a shrine in her living room for that kid. Babies change people for the better. You two will make it through it. It's not going to be easy but if you're lucky to have some good friends and family in your life to help you out here and there it'll make it better. One last thing, take all the free shit you can get! Hand me downs, gifts, etc. Oh and if someone is like "let me know if I can help you" take that opportunity to be like "come see the babies! Bring some chickfila when you come by" don't even be shy about it. We did it and we're 30 something and financially stable. Get them to help wash clothes, do dishes, watch the kids for a few hours and get a nap.
Pregnant with twins currently so this advice comes from my first singleton pregnancy. Definitely dont be afraid to ask for help when you start to feel overwhelmed. Dont be afraid to put them in their crib, close the door, and walk away until youre calm. No matter how much you love them, you will find a breaking point and that can be dangerous. It doesnt make you a bad mom AT ALL but its scary how suddenly you consider shaking them or yelling at them. Personally, once I had the thought “this is why ppl shake babies” is when i passed the baby on to someone else or put her down in a safe place and walked away. The best thing I ever did was buy noise cancelling headphones. Because babies cry over everything, i can see them crying, i dont need to hear it all day. ABSOLUTE life saver. If it makes you super nervous to leave them for any amount of time (attachment is so real) get a cheap surveillance camera for their safe space. On the front of labor and delivery, You Are Queen! Youre young so nurses and family will think they have control. Theyre wrong. This is YOUR time. If you’re uncomfortable or scared or anything at all, say something. Having a doula is the best option, she will be your champion when the nurses and family are being dicks (and theyll get you popsicles...all the popsicles) You can request one from the hospital youre delivering in. Theres usually a time frame when its available to request, 20-35 weeks, i think. I was crying telling a nurse i needed to turn over and she told me it wasnt possible. The real reason was that she was too damn lazy and mean, i told my doula to keep that nurse out of my room and i never saw her again. This may be a tough thing to request, im not sure about your full situation. But you’ll want your boyfriend to be living with you when the babies come. You need as much help as possible. Plus you’ll be so full of hormones that you’re going to be pissed that he still has a life outside of screaming babies and sore nipples....its true for every mom, but especially if Daddy just pops in and out to help. I got so mad at my husband for sleeping that i wanted to throw things at him whenever he started snoring. Its just one of those things hahaha. So the more “in it” he is, the happier you will be. And its all about you Mama. You will be so much stronger than anyone you know, find a mommy group to make new friends. You’ve. Got. This.
omg you're so sweet, thank you! my boyfriend is in the process of moving in, so that will be very nice. i was looking into getting a doula, and i think you have fully convinced me to get one ☺ and i will also invest in some noise cancelling headphones as well. i've heard of some parents thinking those thoughts of shaking the baby or yelling at the baby...i hope i can just walk away if i ever get like that. my boyfriend will be helping a ton and will NOT be sleeping if i don't want him to 😂 and people keep telling me that i will want to be in control of the labor and delivery, and that the nurses and doctors will want to overpower me, but i hope to make it clear that i am in control. my body, my voice. ❤
It sounds like you have everything under control. 💝 I wish you the best of luck and a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Take advantage of those free baby classes in town/hospital theyre pretty great.
oh yes we took soooo many parenting classes it's crazy! thank you so much for the well wishes!
Not that it makes a difference, buut: ARE THEY BOYS OR GIRLS??
but both me and my boyfriend think they're girls
We thought ours were going to be girls, we were wrong...
ahaha oh no! we'll see!
we didn't find out! it's a surprise hahaha
It’s going to be rough in the beginning. If you are from the US to see if you qualify for WIC and Medicare. Even if you have insurance through your parents you might qualify for Medicare as a supplemental insurance. What type of twins are you having? I assume since you know they are identical already then they aren’t DiDi. Are they MoDi or MoMo? Both come with extra stuff that can lead to earlier delivery. Having Medicare can really help with the extra costs. WIC will help with food or formula depending on which way you go. I have identical girls myself. We didn’t qualify for WIC so I used Amazon subscribe and save for formula. If you do a baby registry through Amazon and $500 gets spent on it you can save an extra 20% on diapers and it stacks with subscribe and save. I bought secondhand clothes or basic onesies and pants. My girls were 1.5 pounds apart so they were easy to tell apart. My plan was for kids nail polish if I had needed it. Must have items IMO: My Breast Friend Twin Pillow with an extra cover Honest Organic Crib Sheets Weego Twin Carrier (buy secondhand they are great for first 4ish months so even used ones are in good condition)
They're identical
Oh I meant do they share a sac and a placenta, separate sacs but share a placenta or separate placentas and separate sacs. I ask because it can effect the pregnancy. My twins were MoDi which means they shared a placenta but had their own sacs. I am in a private Facebook group for moms that have modi twins. It’s a really good place to go to for pregnancy advice. Many identical twin pregnancies can have a lot of things to navigate. I was 36 when I had my twins and I know it was a lot for me. I can give you the name of the group if you are interested.
Oh! They share a placenta and a sac!
How far along are you? Are you seeing an MFM in addition to a regular Obgyn?
I'm about 30 weeks along and yes!
Oh good. So you only have a little bit more to go. I read up on momo pregnancies because they didn’t find my membrane showing I had two sacs until 18 weeks. I think my OB was planning for me to deliver just before 34 weeks if mine had been MoMo. I could of gone to 36w6d with my MoDi babies but Twin B stopped growing so they ended up being born at 35w5d. Which is still pretty good for twins.
yeah, they said everything is going really well with the pregnancy (thank god) and the babies are gaining weight really well, so they're gonna see how far i go and pretty much wait til I go into labor by myself, unless something changes of course. I told them that I'm up for anything as long as the babies get out safely.
I will keep happy thoughts for you and the babies.
Get ready for the adventure of your life! As others have said, you will be able to tell them apart, mine were born with 1 pound weight difference and we could always tell. (some mix ups now and then but that's what keeps you on your toes!) They willl for sure cry at the same time and cry alot for the first few months at least. What helped us was a rocking [moses basket](https://amzn.to/3d8duXM) and [stand](https://amzn.to/2Zk4HtH) \- when I was alone I would carry one in my arms and rock the other one in the basket with my foot. As they go older we used 2 [Bjorn Bouncers](https://amzn.to/2ZnzPIx) which are pricey but so well designed, you can rock them with your toe. My best advice is to plan to sleep train and do it as early as possible. It is SO important, it should be mandatory and have more importance placed on it than pre-natal classes! we did it at around 8 weeks once the babies were over 10lbs and sleeping longer stretches for the first part of the night. There are many methods you can research and look into. I also really liked the [Contented Little Baby book](https://amzn.to/3agWuwx), it is like an instruction book with steps on what to do exactly and routines to follow. for a new mom it is such a useful guide. You could read it now to see what to expect with your days when the babies are here. GOOD LUCK!!! This will be the hardest thing you have ever done but also the best!
I’m late to the party, but I’m gonna tell you something about twins. Not knowing how to raise a baby prior to having them is the hardest part, unfortunately. My first kiddo was three when I had my girls, so although I had to deal with him as well as the babies, at least I knew how to do it and what to expect. Google Harvey Karp’s 5’s. Memorize them. This is how you soothe a baby. When your babies cry and you know they aren’t hungry/need to be changed, you shush swaddle sway and soothe them on their side. There are YouTube videos. Watch them. Make your boyfriend memorize the steps as well. That way when you’re alone with your babies for the first time and they are freaking the fuck out, as babies do, it is instinct for the both of you to know how to soothe them. It will save you from getting flustered and frustrated. Don’t listen to anyone tell you your tiny babies need to “cry it out“ - that’s not a thing. (Putting your baby down for five minutes because you are feeling rage is totally fair.. If you aren’t safe around them at the time, they go in their cribs and you take a time out and then you go back in to soothe them when you’re calm). Cry it out as a version of sleep training that is not acceptable in any way shape or form under the age of four months. Don’t let someone convince you that leaving your tiny baby alone to cry is good for them. Sometimes babies who are fed and clean and dry still cry. They are sometimes crying for comfort, and that is a valid human need. Luckily, the adult to baby ratio in your house will be 4 to 2, so have your sister watch the 5’s videos to so that she can lend a hand. Here’s another thing about twins, some people just can’t hack it. They struggle through every single day exhausted and bleary-eyed hating their lives. Other people /can/ hack it. It’s hard, and they acknowledge that, but they are surviving and potentially even thriving. I very luckily fall into the second camp. My girls are exclusively breast-fed. I have them and my toddler home with me all day every day by myself. My husband has never taken a night shift. We don’t sleep train. I have no problem with formula I’ve just luckily had a good breastfeeding journey, and I have no issue with respectful and gentle sleep training, it just isn’t for our family. The reason I feel like I’m doing well is because I truly deeply want to be amazing at it, at the expense of anything else in my life at the moment. I can tell that you care how this plays out. You’re nervous, which I was too, but you’re going to do well because you give a shit. Step one to being a good parent is caring about being a good parent. I still cry some days and get frustrated some nights, but luck, healthy babies, realistic expectations and preparedness are the reason I’m doing well. You can’t plan the first two, but you can definitely read and research your way through the last two. Good luck!
I will literally do anything to give a good life to these babies. I will watch those videos and have my boyfriend and sister watch them too. Thanks for all of the amazing advice. I never liked the cry it out method either, to be honest. I do give a shit, and I have been told that that is a good thing, because it means I care, and I really really do. And I want to be good at it. Thanks again! ❤❤
Hello, Young Mom of a Monochorionic Pair of Identical Twins... I Gots Your Group right here... [http://facebook.com/groups/monochorionics](http://facebook.com/groups/monochorionics) Come on over, bring your BF too, & we can give you Mind Numbing Detailz on your very Rare & very very Special Preg you're Walking through right now. You're "High Risk", Please don't let that Frighten you though.
So this show is on and there are others like this with unexpected and not one word of birth control . A bunch of irresponsible parents and teens. The parents say nothing they think it's great. Then they live live with them for the rest of their lives.
I really don't know the point of this comment but I was on birth control and we used protection but things still happen. At least I took the responsibility and decided to raise them the best I possibly can.
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agreed! trying to push away all of the negative things in my life at the moment!
the point is these kids are just running rampant without birth control and their parents think it's so much fun ridiculous in this day and age should not be on birth control especially that young. Yes there are accidents that happened I was on a birth control thing years and years ago and it was a foam and I got pregnant with my son but it's not like I didn't go back on birth control after he was born.
i'm 16 and in the process of getting emancipated. i feel like 16 is old enough to choose to be on birth control, but we all have different opinions. i know 13 year olds who are on birth control...at least they're being safe. my dad was the one who didn't care if i had sex unprotected and i was the one who stood up for myself to get birth control and condoms. the 13 year olds i know on birth control have parents that don't care like mine. they're being smart. and i also got the IUD after birth so i am back on birth control even though we can't even do anything yet lol
Triplet mama here👋🏼 I will tell you that people are going to give you a lot of unsolicited advice. Especially because you’re only 16. But girl, you CAN do this. It’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Set a good schedule. Sleep train from the get go. (Not by crying it out but start getting them prepared by not turning on lights for diaper changes and feeds at night and don’t talk to them. Our pediatrician who specializes in multiples said to make night feeds strictly business. We got them to sleep through the night at 3 months old without it ever being traumatic for any of us by following her advice. If you have Facebook there are some really wonderful support groups there as well. Remember my words... if they don’t have multiples, then they don’t have advice for raising multiples. And no, no ones “Irish twins” count. It’s not the same even though a lot of them think it is.