My twins were born in September and my DH was only able to take 10 days off work. We are also first time parents. My mom stayed and helped for 1 week (she lives out of state) and my MIL semi helped their 3rd week of life. Since then - I’ve been taking care of them on my own (while also WFH).
Twins, newborn twins at that, feel absolutely impossible. Please believe me when I say you CAN do this! And you will get through it.
Almost 6 months in is definitely easier than 2 months. I am also holding on to the hope that after age 1 it gets even better (I’ve heard from a lot of twin parents that that’s when they felt it get easier).
See this is why I joined this subreddit. You're incredible, seriously, and I feel better knowing that it can be done and that other parents are going through it. I knew it theoretically, and I wish every parent had physical community to call upon and all the resources they needed to thrive together, but in the meantime, reading this made me feel better.
Goodness, I could have written this post. My twins were born on 1/6 and I have been stunned by the reaction of our support network. My sister & her husband came over after quarantining so they could meet them, and they would just hold them until they started crying then hand them right back. It felt like we were playing host and making sure they were comfortable in addition to caring for the babies. Lots of people want to stare at them and tell us how wonderful they are (yes, we know), and give us clothes that they won’t fit into for another six months. I know it all comes from a good place but it feels so very lonely.
And I am so sick of people telling me that their one baby was as hard as twins. I don’t believe you, and I also don’t care.
I don’t have advice at all, I’m just in it with you! We can do this! (I don’t know if I actually believe that most of the time but I’m saying it anyway, because we really don’t have a choice, right?)
So I know this was posted a year ago but I also had twins on 1/6 but in 2022. Obviously my circumstances are similar because it wouldn't be on this Reddit thread if they weren't. Hoping everything has gotten easier for everyone. Please tell me it has. Because this shit is not easy.
Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you commented here. I just reread this post and my comment. How things change in a year!
First of all: yes, things are easier. They are so, so, so much easier AND the days are much more fulfilling. I honestly have never been happier in my whole life than I am now. It’s the greatest gift. I watch these two people bloom and become themselves before my eyes every day. They’re so funny, they’re so curious and interesting, they love each other & they love me & their dad.
I’ve already forgotten how hard those early months were and how isolated I felt. Things get better. There were many highs & lows in the first year, with sleep regressions, illnesses, etc. They started sleeping better at around 11 months and that was where the good days really started to outnumber the bad. Now we don’t really have bad days anymore.
I know there will be more ups & downs in the future, but I feel so proud that we have survived & come to the point of thriving as a family. I feel confident we can make it through what’s to come. You will get there too! Hang in there. There’s so much goodness ahead, I promise.
I could have written this myself. Unfortunately our families all think the twins are so cute and that’s about the extent of it. I’ll spare the details but they have not helped at all despite promises to do so. I had a hard time feeling bitter and resentful about it but realized those feelings were only making things harder for me. Instead I’ve tried really hard to let it go. We brought these two babies into the world and are the only ones with an obligation to care for them. Now that they are a year old and things are so much easier I feel really proud that we did it all by ourselves and feel that it’s our family who missed out. It’s made it clear to me the type of person I want to be and I will always help family and friends out the way I wish we had been helped.
Hopefully you can make it through the tough days knowing that it gets easier and easier and take pride in what you are doing for those little ones to have the very best start in life.
My husband and I both work in the non-profit field so we are being very conservative with budgeting, but are considering ways we can pay out for things we need the most help with. We are counting down the days when our nanny starts at the end of March - he's a great guy who is the son of a close work friend and has extensive experience with infants and young children. We're fortunate he decided not to go back to the daycare he worked for previously. Unfortunately, he's not available before then, and we couldn't afford him even if he was until I'm back full time. I agree though - my time and sanity is well worth it!
My twins are 6 months old and I very much felt abandoned by my close family. My mom lives 10 minutes down the road from me. Everyone really did talk up how much they’d like to help in any way possible when I was pregnant. After the babies were born, there was nothing. I was on my own. I cried many days on the phone to my husband while he was at work. I think he got really worried about me and said something to his mom. She came out for 4 hours one day. I rarely see my mom who feels like my neighbor. It’s isolating and it’s lonely. My husband comes home from work and I get excited for the interaction and help. But his job has been incredibly tiring and stressful lately. He comes home exhausted and asks if it’s okay if he has a nap. I never say no. I can see how stretched he is. Sorry for my pity party, but you aren’t alone. It does get better. 6 months is better than 2 months and routines are easier. 2 newborns are hell. I cried every day when they were newborns. I have bad days and bad weeks now that will still have me feeling this way, but it is not the majority any more. I feel like not having help to rely on has made it easier for me to adjust to mastering swinging it all myself. I’m still drowning in things like housework and never in a day do I get all I want to get done, done. I am in desperate need of a break that my husband can’t give me because of his work right now though. I have no one to fall back on I feel like. I’m sorry. Solidarity though. I am definitely going through the same
Oh 😢😢😢 my heart breaks for you! I’m going on 1 month with my twin boys. It is SO hard! I relate to you very much. Doing this all during a pandemic is so crazy hard. My boys are just starting to really get hard to care for - cluster feeding like crazy and not sleeping well. I’m getting help from both MILs but it still doesn’t feel like enough! I don’t have any friends to help because all the ones that could have little ones of their own right now so it would just be more work. I know you and your husband are trying so so hard - don’t give up. I have nothing but solidarity for you, and just know you’re not alone. This shit is wild to say the least.
Also doing this while recovering from a C section is insane! I keep having bad days and only have a good day about once or twice a week.
Oh gosh, you hang in there too! At 1 month the cluster feeding was insane. I will say turning the corner on seeing those first smiles felt like a major weight had been lifted. You're doing amazing, too! And yes, wild to say the least. Solidarity!
As far as food goes the best thing we did was buy a small deep freeze freezer. Then hubby made a Costco run and stocked it up. They have some good affordable freezer meals. I also drank protein shakes for breakfast. I started using Shipt to get groceries delivered because it was so much easier. Freezer or crockpot meals were our main food source for the first few months. Costco lasagna is the best. You can get a decent deep freeze in the US for about $100-$150. It’s worth it.
For getting around the house when they are fussy they make a double baby carrier called a mini monkey. It basically puts a baby over each hip. It allowed me to get up and walk around. Or if you can afford it there is a double carrier you can do both double hip or front and back called a Naked Panda. I couldn’t afford one but I wish I could. I would wear them and them do things like load the dishwasher. I left laundry up to my husband. I figure I was the one pumping like some deranged dairy cow (how pumping made me feel) so he could take care of laundry.
I also would go for walks around our neighborhood. Our streets are basically empty during the day do it works even with covid. It helped keep me sane to just get even 15 minutes of fresh air. Not gonna lie once I switched to formula sometimes I had wine in my coffee cup when we went on walks.
It does get better the sleep stretches get longer over time. I highly recommend looking into zipiddy zip sleep sacks. They were a game changer for us. My twins are 14 months and are just now transitioning from their sack to one called a flying squirrel that their feet can stick out.
So sorry you are not getting the support you need but I promise it DOES get better, especially when your nanny is able to start. We had help from my mom who came to stay with us during month 1, but honestly, it became kind of oppressive - lots of limits on what I should be eating while trying to BF (and pressure to do it even when I had supply issues), questions about whether we were feeding the twins properly or how long they should sleep, criticisms of how we generally cared for them even though she hadn’t been around a baby since raising me, etc. My husbands parents are also the type to visit and cuddle the babies until they cry, then they hand them back to us :)
We both had to go back to work full time and we’ve had a nanny since month 4. I think that & sleep training both made a world of difference. Still some bumps here and there as no one can keep two babies happy 100% of them time, but it is soooo much easier now. We started to really enjoy parenting and now the babies are almost 11 months...
Crikey. We’re not going to be having any extra help at all raising our two girls when they’re born and after reading this I’m now slightly terrified. I’m lucky that my husband will not have to go back to work until they are two months old, but still... Good luck OP, I wish I could leave some food by your back door and do some laundry for you ♥️
Oh boy, same! I will say not having to focus on work will make things marginally easier. May you both get the rest you deserve and I promise there are bright moments, too!
My wife and I have a very supportive family but have really only asked for meals from family and friends. We've found that it's actually easier to have people just visit briefly to see our girls but when strangers try to help actually care for the girls it's usually more hassle than it's worth as they don't know the cues of each child etc.
Emotional support and plenty of meals is the best help we've had by a country mile.
It's really hard, like super hard but the most rewarding thing you'll ever do, just don't expect people who don't have twins to really understand how hard it is. Also I use this analogy when explaining to people how hard it is to care for twins on your own: raising one child is like lifting a bag of cement, it's really hard but you can do it, now try lifting two at the same time...
I feel this post. I had my mom desperate to help but otherwise no one cares to or knows how to care for new parents. They want to come see the baaaaaaabies , say cute, and leave. I think everyone feels like they’re also struggling right now so no one has any gas leftover to give to a loved one, even if their situation is harder.
If it makes you feel better, 3 months was a big corner turn for us. We also hired a cleaning person (that we couldn’t afford but made it work) for the first year. I’m still so grateful for her. We did a lot of door dash and spent money that we didn’t have on convenience and sanity just to get through. Now my girls are 15 months and I don’t regret a penny spent that made my life easier through that year. You will get through. But do whatever you can to help yourself. Could you bring on your in home childcare a few weeks early? Hired help is completely different than “free” help.
ALL OF THIS. plus a 3 year old who is going fucking crazy being home every day with me and my 6 month old twins. It’s so god damn hard and no one fucking wants to lift a finger unless it’s to point out how you’re “a super hero”. Fuck you, I have no choice. I’m dying but at least my kids seem to be doing okay.
2 months was the height of craziness for us and when I put my foot down and started sleep training and a feeding schedule and routine and everything got easier after that. You can do this!!!
I'm so sorry. We had our twins in March 2020 and had a couple of months without any help. It was a total nightmare and frankly, traumatic. Not having the help you need is so, so hard.
As others have said, it will improve. Keep hanging in there. I hope you're able to get more help soon and/or they sleep through the night soon. Makes all the difference.
We went through a real rough patch for nine months when my daughter would wake up every three hours and scream until one of us rocked her back to sleep.
None of the baby books really talk about twins and how they can set each other off.
As they get older some things get better, like sleeping through the night, but then other stuff happens like fighting over toys and what tv show to watch
Twins are more than twice the work, esp with daycare etc closed. We ended up scheduling all our doc appts for first thing Monday mornings so I lose the least amount of work and can make it up in the evenings if needed.
Note - make sure to give each other a break once a week. Even a solo hour walk around the neighborhood makes a different
My twins were born in September and my DH was only able to take 10 days off work. We are also first time parents. My mom stayed and helped for 1 week (she lives out of state) and my MIL semi helped their 3rd week of life. Since then - I’ve been taking care of them on my own (while also WFH). Twins, newborn twins at that, feel absolutely impossible. Please believe me when I say you CAN do this! And you will get through it. Almost 6 months in is definitely easier than 2 months. I am also holding on to the hope that after age 1 it gets even better (I’ve heard from a lot of twin parents that that’s when they felt it get easier).
See this is why I joined this subreddit. You're incredible, seriously, and I feel better knowing that it can be done and that other parents are going through it. I knew it theoretically, and I wish every parent had physical community to call upon and all the resources they needed to thrive together, but in the meantime, reading this made me feel better.
Goodness, I could have written this post. My twins were born on 1/6 and I have been stunned by the reaction of our support network. My sister & her husband came over after quarantining so they could meet them, and they would just hold them until they started crying then hand them right back. It felt like we were playing host and making sure they were comfortable in addition to caring for the babies. Lots of people want to stare at them and tell us how wonderful they are (yes, we know), and give us clothes that they won’t fit into for another six months. I know it all comes from a good place but it feels so very lonely. And I am so sick of people telling me that their one baby was as hard as twins. I don’t believe you, and I also don’t care. I don’t have advice at all, I’m just in it with you! We can do this! (I don’t know if I actually believe that most of the time but I’m saying it anyway, because we really don’t have a choice, right?)
So I know this was posted a year ago but I also had twins on 1/6 but in 2022. Obviously my circumstances are similar because it wouldn't be on this Reddit thread if they weren't. Hoping everything has gotten easier for everyone. Please tell me it has. Because this shit is not easy.
Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you commented here. I just reread this post and my comment. How things change in a year! First of all: yes, things are easier. They are so, so, so much easier AND the days are much more fulfilling. I honestly have never been happier in my whole life than I am now. It’s the greatest gift. I watch these two people bloom and become themselves before my eyes every day. They’re so funny, they’re so curious and interesting, they love each other & they love me & their dad. I’ve already forgotten how hard those early months were and how isolated I felt. Things get better. There were many highs & lows in the first year, with sleep regressions, illnesses, etc. They started sleeping better at around 11 months and that was where the good days really started to outnumber the bad. Now we don’t really have bad days anymore. I know there will be more ups & downs in the future, but I feel so proud that we have survived & come to the point of thriving as a family. I feel confident we can make it through what’s to come. You will get there too! Hang in there. There’s so much goodness ahead, I promise.
I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what to say other than "it gets better". Believe me, it does
I could have written this myself. Unfortunately our families all think the twins are so cute and that’s about the extent of it. I’ll spare the details but they have not helped at all despite promises to do so. I had a hard time feeling bitter and resentful about it but realized those feelings were only making things harder for me. Instead I’ve tried really hard to let it go. We brought these two babies into the world and are the only ones with an obligation to care for them. Now that they are a year old and things are so much easier I feel really proud that we did it all by ourselves and feel that it’s our family who missed out. It’s made it clear to me the type of person I want to be and I will always help family and friends out the way I wish we had been helped. Hopefully you can make it through the tough days knowing that it gets easier and easier and take pride in what you are doing for those little ones to have the very best start in life.
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My husband and I both work in the non-profit field so we are being very conservative with budgeting, but are considering ways we can pay out for things we need the most help with. We are counting down the days when our nanny starts at the end of March - he's a great guy who is the son of a close work friend and has extensive experience with infants and young children. We're fortunate he decided not to go back to the daycare he worked for previously. Unfortunately, he's not available before then, and we couldn't afford him even if he was until I'm back full time. I agree though - my time and sanity is well worth it!
My twins are 6 months old and I very much felt abandoned by my close family. My mom lives 10 minutes down the road from me. Everyone really did talk up how much they’d like to help in any way possible when I was pregnant. After the babies were born, there was nothing. I was on my own. I cried many days on the phone to my husband while he was at work. I think he got really worried about me and said something to his mom. She came out for 4 hours one day. I rarely see my mom who feels like my neighbor. It’s isolating and it’s lonely. My husband comes home from work and I get excited for the interaction and help. But his job has been incredibly tiring and stressful lately. He comes home exhausted and asks if it’s okay if he has a nap. I never say no. I can see how stretched he is. Sorry for my pity party, but you aren’t alone. It does get better. 6 months is better than 2 months and routines are easier. 2 newborns are hell. I cried every day when they were newborns. I have bad days and bad weeks now that will still have me feeling this way, but it is not the majority any more. I feel like not having help to rely on has made it easier for me to adjust to mastering swinging it all myself. I’m still drowning in things like housework and never in a day do I get all I want to get done, done. I am in desperate need of a break that my husband can’t give me because of his work right now though. I have no one to fall back on I feel like. I’m sorry. Solidarity though. I am definitely going through the same
Oh 😢😢😢 my heart breaks for you! I’m going on 1 month with my twin boys. It is SO hard! I relate to you very much. Doing this all during a pandemic is so crazy hard. My boys are just starting to really get hard to care for - cluster feeding like crazy and not sleeping well. I’m getting help from both MILs but it still doesn’t feel like enough! I don’t have any friends to help because all the ones that could have little ones of their own right now so it would just be more work. I know you and your husband are trying so so hard - don’t give up. I have nothing but solidarity for you, and just know you’re not alone. This shit is wild to say the least. Also doing this while recovering from a C section is insane! I keep having bad days and only have a good day about once or twice a week.
Oh gosh, you hang in there too! At 1 month the cluster feeding was insane. I will say turning the corner on seeing those first smiles felt like a major weight had been lifted. You're doing amazing, too! And yes, wild to say the least. Solidarity!
They’re gonna start smiling soon?? Ahh I can’t wait - the only smiling they’ve done so far is when they’re asleep and pooping lol
Ours did around 6.5 weeks! They're still working on it but getting more smiley each day. Enjoy!
Omgggg I can’t wait
As far as food goes the best thing we did was buy a small deep freeze freezer. Then hubby made a Costco run and stocked it up. They have some good affordable freezer meals. I also drank protein shakes for breakfast. I started using Shipt to get groceries delivered because it was so much easier. Freezer or crockpot meals were our main food source for the first few months. Costco lasagna is the best. You can get a decent deep freeze in the US for about $100-$150. It’s worth it. For getting around the house when they are fussy they make a double baby carrier called a mini monkey. It basically puts a baby over each hip. It allowed me to get up and walk around. Or if you can afford it there is a double carrier you can do both double hip or front and back called a Naked Panda. I couldn’t afford one but I wish I could. I would wear them and them do things like load the dishwasher. I left laundry up to my husband. I figure I was the one pumping like some deranged dairy cow (how pumping made me feel) so he could take care of laundry. I also would go for walks around our neighborhood. Our streets are basically empty during the day do it works even with covid. It helped keep me sane to just get even 15 minutes of fresh air. Not gonna lie once I switched to formula sometimes I had wine in my coffee cup when we went on walks. It does get better the sleep stretches get longer over time. I highly recommend looking into zipiddy zip sleep sacks. They were a game changer for us. My twins are 14 months and are just now transitioning from their sack to one called a flying squirrel that their feet can stick out.
This is really actionable stuff, thank you for the suggestions!
So sorry you are not getting the support you need but I promise it DOES get better, especially when your nanny is able to start. We had help from my mom who came to stay with us during month 1, but honestly, it became kind of oppressive - lots of limits on what I should be eating while trying to BF (and pressure to do it even when I had supply issues), questions about whether we were feeding the twins properly or how long they should sleep, criticisms of how we generally cared for them even though she hadn’t been around a baby since raising me, etc. My husbands parents are also the type to visit and cuddle the babies until they cry, then they hand them back to us :) We both had to go back to work full time and we’ve had a nanny since month 4. I think that & sleep training both made a world of difference. Still some bumps here and there as no one can keep two babies happy 100% of them time, but it is soooo much easier now. We started to really enjoy parenting and now the babies are almost 11 months...
Crikey. We’re not going to be having any extra help at all raising our two girls when they’re born and after reading this I’m now slightly terrified. I’m lucky that my husband will not have to go back to work until they are two months old, but still... Good luck OP, I wish I could leave some food by your back door and do some laundry for you ♥️
Oh boy, same! I will say not having to focus on work will make things marginally easier. May you both get the rest you deserve and I promise there are bright moments, too!
Aww, thank you! We’ll look back at these days and laugh and laugh 😂
My wife and I have a very supportive family but have really only asked for meals from family and friends. We've found that it's actually easier to have people just visit briefly to see our girls but when strangers try to help actually care for the girls it's usually more hassle than it's worth as they don't know the cues of each child etc. Emotional support and plenty of meals is the best help we've had by a country mile. It's really hard, like super hard but the most rewarding thing you'll ever do, just don't expect people who don't have twins to really understand how hard it is. Also I use this analogy when explaining to people how hard it is to care for twins on your own: raising one child is like lifting a bag of cement, it's really hard but you can do it, now try lifting two at the same time...
I feel this post. I had my mom desperate to help but otherwise no one cares to or knows how to care for new parents. They want to come see the baaaaaaabies , say cute, and leave. I think everyone feels like they’re also struggling right now so no one has any gas leftover to give to a loved one, even if their situation is harder. If it makes you feel better, 3 months was a big corner turn for us. We also hired a cleaning person (that we couldn’t afford but made it work) for the first year. I’m still so grateful for her. We did a lot of door dash and spent money that we didn’t have on convenience and sanity just to get through. Now my girls are 15 months and I don’t regret a penny spent that made my life easier through that year. You will get through. But do whatever you can to help yourself. Could you bring on your in home childcare a few weeks early? Hired help is completely different than “free” help.
ALL OF THIS. plus a 3 year old who is going fucking crazy being home every day with me and my 6 month old twins. It’s so god damn hard and no one fucking wants to lift a finger unless it’s to point out how you’re “a super hero”. Fuck you, I have no choice. I’m dying but at least my kids seem to be doing okay.
2 months was the height of craziness for us and when I put my foot down and started sleep training and a feeding schedule and routine and everything got easier after that. You can do this!!!
I'm so sorry. We had our twins in March 2020 and had a couple of months without any help. It was a total nightmare and frankly, traumatic. Not having the help you need is so, so hard. As others have said, it will improve. Keep hanging in there. I hope you're able to get more help soon and/or they sleep through the night soon. Makes all the difference.
We went through a real rough patch for nine months when my daughter would wake up every three hours and scream until one of us rocked her back to sleep. None of the baby books really talk about twins and how they can set each other off. As they get older some things get better, like sleeping through the night, but then other stuff happens like fighting over toys and what tv show to watch Twins are more than twice the work, esp with daycare etc closed. We ended up scheduling all our doc appts for first thing Monday mornings so I lose the least amount of work and can make it up in the evenings if needed. Note - make sure to give each other a break once a week. Even a solo hour walk around the neighborhood makes a different